September 12, 2024 • 41 mins
Jordan Klepper unpacks the debate aftermath including Trump's insistence that he won, Taylor Swift’s Kamala Harris endorsement, and the origin of the “immigrants eat our cats and dogs” conspiracy. After JD Vance doubles down on Trump’s claim, Ronny Chieng visits Springfield to investigate the pet-eating allegations. Plus, Michael Kosta goes to Philadelphia to get the lowdown from Pennsylvania drivers on the bizarre inner workings of the Philadelphia Parking Authority and the cost of a parking ticket. And John Heilemann, chief political columnist at Puck and host of the “Impolitic” podcast, unpacks what he witnessed at the Trump-Harris debate in Philadelphia. John offers cheesesteaks from Philly institutions and shares his perspective from the media spin room, why he thinks Kamala Harris won the evening, and whether the debate swayed undecided voters.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
It's America's only sorts for news. This is the daily
Joke with your host Jordan Clupps. What the daily Trump?
(00:35):
Jordan Clap.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
But we got so much to talk about. Kamala Harris
wins her first debate, Donald Trump shits the debate bed,
and JD Van.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Shits the letter box.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
So let's get right into it with our continuing coverage
of Indecision twenty twenty four. Last night, Kamala Harris and
Donald Trump took to the debate stay to make their
cases to Taylor Allison Swift and whoever else happened to
(01:07):
be watching. It was not a good night for Trump
in terms of personal tragedies for him. I'd put it
somewhere between losing the twenty twenty election and the day
Fox Knews started letting female anchors wear paints somewhere in there.
And there was one moment that was probably the best
example of just how badly Trump did at the debate
(01:31):
in Springfield.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
They're eating the dogs, the people that came in.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
They're eating the cats, they're eating they're eating the pets
of the people that live there.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Sir, The question was state your name now.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
You were one of the many people last night wondering
why Trump was shouting.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
They're eating the dogs. Explain.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
It started with a random Facebook post where someone accused
a Haitian immigrant of stealing and eating their neighbor's daughter's
friend's cat. And if there's one thing we know about
Facebook posts, it's that they're always rigorously fact checked. But
as with any unfounded rumor on Facebook, obviously this got
picked up by the right wing establishment and spread across
(02:22):
the Internet. Even jd Vance promoted it while simultaneously acknowledging
it was completely unfounded. You might say he jumped in
the misinformation pool but kept his shirt on, which brings
us to last night. If there's one thing we know
about a racist conspiracy theory, it's that Donald Trump's brain
(02:44):
will swallow it whole, like a hungry immigrant at pat Co's.
And that's how a random Facebook post turned into Donald
Trump's campaign slogan.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
They're eating cats and dogs.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
So it seemed like Trump had a rough performance, but
you know what, that's just my opinion. You can also
tell that Donald Trump was the loser because he did
all the things losers do when they lose Number one,
complaining about the refs.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
I thought they were very unfair, the moderators, everybody did.
I thought it was terrible. From the standpoint of ABC,
it was three to one. It was a rigged deal,
as I assumed it would be, because when you looked
at the fact that they were correcting everything and not
correcting with her.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Yeah, man, they were correcting you because of the things
you were saying.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
That's barely fact checking.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
The moderators were reacting like normal human beings react when
you hear the craziest shit you've ever heard. If you
were at a cocktail party and your friend said trans
immigrants are eating dogs in Ohio, you would say, what
the you talking about, Stu, No, they aren't. You wouldn't
be like, Okay, thank you for that, Let's move on
(04:03):
to foreign policy. You know what, it wasn't just blaming
the refs. Another way you know Trump lost is that
he was accusing his opponent of cheating.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
They had a rig show with somebody that maybe even
had the answers. I mean, I'll be honest. I watched
her talk and I said, you know, she seems awfully
familiar with the questions.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Okay, you think she was cheating because she seemed familiar
with the questions. It's a presidential debate. They always ask
the same questions. It's like being suspicious that someone knows
all the words to take me out to the ballgame.
(04:47):
How will you fix the economy? What's your stance on abortion?
Do you promise not to overthrow the government? Standard boilerplate
debate questions. Meanwhile, Trump seemed awfully familiar with the questions
that nobody asked, like who's eating all the cats in Springfield, Ohio?
But maybe the best way you know Trump lost the
(05:10):
debate is that he repeatedly insisted he won.
Speaker 5 (05:14):
I think it was the best debate I've ever personally.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
That we're getting polls that showed ninety two to six,
eighty eight to eleven.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Every single poll last night had me winning like ninety
to ten. We had c span at one point was
a eighty to twenty, and we looked at one pole it.
Speaker 6 (05:33):
Was ninety two to seven. We had a ninety two
percent rating. In one pole we had an eighty six
percent rating, and another we had seventy seven percent, ninety percent,
sixty percent, seventy two percent, seventy one percent and eighty
nine percent.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Wow, those certainly were numbers. Is this what Trump did
during his debate prep memorize all the numbers between.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Seventy ninety eight.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
In fact, every moment since the debate ended last night,
Trump has.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Been spinning and spinning and spinning.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
I mean, just listen to his response after Taylor Swift
announced she is endorsing Kamala Harris.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Well, I actually like missus. I actually like Missus Mahomes
much better. If you walk in't home the trup She's
a big Trump fan. I was not a Taylor Swift fan.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Really, really, Donald, you prefer Brittany Mahomes. What's your top
five Brittany Mahomes songs?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
This is really his angle? Well, I don't.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend's coworker's wife better.
This has just been a day of pathetic, desperate spinning.
I mean, imagine if Donald Trump spent all that energy
on doing things correctly instead of pretending he did things correctly.
(07:02):
I mean, if he had worked harder preparing for the debate,
maybe he wouldn't have had to pretend he won the debate.
If he had worked harder to win in twenty twenty,
maybe he wouldn't have to pretend the election was rigged,
And if he had worked harder on January sixth, maybe
he could have overthrown the government and wouldn't have to
be debating in the first place. It's called work ethic,
(07:28):
Donald Come on. Of course, Donald Trump wasn't the only
one spinning his performance last night, as aforementioned Vice President J.
D Vance was asked about why Donald Trump ranted about
illegal immigrants eating pets, and his response was illuminating.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Why pushed something that's not true?
Speaker 7 (07:48):
Well, first of all, city officials have not said it's
not true.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
They said they don't have all the evidence. We've heard
no evidence.
Speaker 7 (07:54):
We've heard from a number of constituents on the ground, Caitlin,
who both first hand and second hand reports this stuff
is happening. So they very clearly meaning the people on
the ground dealing with this think that it is happening.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
And I think that it's important.
Speaker 7 (08:07):
For journalists to actually get on the ground and uncover
this stuff for themselves.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Okay, I'm sorry, this is not my main takeaway from
the story. But someone's cat went missing, so they called
their senator. I mean, were they like Hm, Should I
go right to the President of the United States or should.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I start with my senator?
Speaker 4 (08:29):
You gotta update those emergency numbers on your fridge, Berry,
come on, But.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Perhaps perhaps jd Vance has a point. If a story.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Bubbles up from the right wing sewer, it is our obligation, nay,
our duty in the mainstream media to investigate it, no
matter the cost. And that is exactly we have done
here at the Daily Show. I sent Ronnie Chang undercover
to Springfield to find out if illegal migrants are really
gobbling up.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Our small town cats.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Let's go live Tom now, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, how's the
investigation going?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Well, Jordan?
Speaker 8 (09:15):
I mean, Ohio in a cat costume, trying to get
migrants to eat me. So it's not great. Also, it's
not working, Okay. I even tender toize myself with a
jerk rub and went around saying, now, meow, I'm so tasty.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Nothing.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Okay, Yeah, Well, obviously you're not going to fool anyone
with a half assed meal like that.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
You need to commit to the role. Ronnie.
Speaker 8 (09:37):
Hey, hey, don't tell me how to commit.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
All right.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
How many Marvel movies are you in?
Speaker 8 (09:41):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Trust me?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Trust me. Okay, I've tried everything.
Speaker 8 (09:45):
I share in a box, I batter around some yard,
I play with a dead mouse.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I found nothing. Have you been licking your butthole?
Speaker 8 (09:52):
I can't reach my butthole.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Truck to reach my butthole? I can't.
Speaker 8 (09:58):
It's impossible, which I already knew for reasons I don't
want to discuss.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Okay, well, then what are we gonna do about these allegations?
Speaker 8 (10:07):
I don't know, Jordan, how about we ignore them. Good
journalism doesn't mean we have to take every insane, racist
conspiracy theory at face value. Okay, let's just ship on
it and move on like I did in a box earlier.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Wow, well you know what. You know what, Roddie, Maybe
you're right. I appreciate you taking journalistic principles.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
So seriously, you're.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Really following in the footsteps of Edward R. Meauro Roddy,
did you hear what I said? I said, Edward R.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Edward wish you were dead?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
All right?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Anyway? Oh wait, oh wait, wait, someone's coming.
Speaker 8 (10:47):
Someone's going oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, they're getting
gay off of con They're coming for me.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
They're coming from right there. Hellody, Yes, yes, I'm here.
Oh oh thank god. Okay, what happened? Were you were?
Speaker 9 (11:02):
You?
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Were you kidnapped by a hungry immigrants?
Speaker 8 (11:04):
No, no, no, I think I was adopted by a
childless cat lady.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Oh all right, okay, hang tight, running, Hang tight, we're
sending someone to bring you back.
Speaker 8 (11:17):
Oh, actually, you know what, I'll hold off. She's in
the kitchen cooking me some organic chicken right now. I
want to see how this plays out.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
How awesome I love these things.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Okay, I have fun running running, chang everyone cool, we'll
come back. We'll find out how the city of Philadelphia
is taking.
Speaker 10 (11:35):
Your money, so they'll go away. Welcome back to the Daily.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
So last night's debate took place in Philadelphia, a critical
city and the upcoming election.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
But if you're a resident who plans.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
To vote there, you might want to be careful where
you park your car on the way to the voting booth.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Michael Costa has more city parking.
Speaker 11 (12:12):
It's a hell for those who choose to live in
urban areas. But in Philadelphia, the eating shit in public
capital of America. If you're not keeping up with parking rules,
they'll move your car for you.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Isn't that great?
Speaker 11 (12:24):
It's called courtesy towing and Philadelphians love it.
Speaker 12 (12:28):
My car was moved from a legal parking spot to
a illegal parking spot. That's what they call it, courtesy toe.
I have a parking permit for the street parking, and
there wasn't a temporary no parking sign put up within
(12:48):
a couple of days and I was out of town.
So it was then towed to an illegal parking spot
by the city, and then it was towed down to
the PPA impound lot, which is where we are, and
then moved to the auction lot because it was about
to be auctioned off.
Speaker 11 (13:02):
So you parked in a legal spot with a legal permit, correct,
and eventually your car was in the impound lot.
Speaker 12 (13:10):
Correct?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Did you park shitty?
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Just be honest, heari, Curio, Curio, forget that.
Speaker 12 (13:16):
I am a very legal parker.
Speaker 9 (13:17):
Be very careful, or you park your car, you're going
to get ticketed.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Let me just side with big government for a sec.
Speaker 11 (13:28):
I hear a lot of people bitching about the tow
truck man. I've been towed once or twice.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
But I know I parked it legally.
Speaker 9 (13:34):
There's courtesy towing, which is up for weather for events
and typically they're supposed to put up no parking signs.
It happened less than twelve hours after I had parked there.
When I got back to my car, it wasn't there.
I'd called the PPA a couple times, not helpful. Finally
just called the police. So then was able to tell
me based on your license plate, it's at fifteenth in Washington.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
This is called a courtesy tow. Well that's nice. That's nice.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
No, I mean it would be if they parked my
car legally.
Speaker 9 (14:01):
So we're walking up to fifteenth in Washington. There's my
car and it's parked in the media like in the
turn lane, which weird.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Yeah, see the four tickets on it. Oh, there's four
tickets on tickets on it. They courtesy towed.
Speaker 11 (14:13):
Your car to a different location, to an illegal spot,
and then you start to acquire tickets from that illegal spot.
The one common factor in these stories the PPA or
Philadelphia Parking Authority. But why was this beloved governmental agency
courtesy towing its residents in the first place.
Speaker 12 (14:32):
It's very profitable, and everybody knows that I waited about
an hour and a half to get in and then
had to pay nine hundred and sixty four dollars.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
What.
Speaker 12 (14:39):
Yeah, they have a toe fee, the ticket fees, and
then the impound lot daily storage fee and it's a
money making machine.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
All right?
Speaker 11 (14:49):
How bad I could a couple extra fines be, especially
since the PPA helps fund cash trap.
Speaker 10 (14:54):
Schools in Philly.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Well, it turns out.
Speaker 11 (14:56):
They haven't been honoring their agreement with the city with
holding closes to seventy eight million dollars. Because of alleged
financial mismanagement.
Speaker 13 (15:04):
The money is not going to the schools.
Speaker 11 (15:07):
One group holding the parking Authority accountable is to Pay
Up PPA Coalition. I met with organizer Rachelle Nicole Solomon
in one of Philadelphia's historic green spaces.
Speaker 13 (15:17):
The mission of pay Up PPA is to have the
Philadelphia Parking Authority be accountable, be transparent, and to have
a specific amount of rear car funding every year to
the school District of Philadelphia.
Speaker 11 (15:32):
So in Philadelphia, the parking authorities leftover revenue goes to
the education.
Speaker 13 (15:37):
Success forty five million a year estimate to the School
District of Philadelphia from the Orange Street parking, But the
money is not going to the schools, which means one
of two things, and maybe both One they were lying
or two that the leadership, both the director and the
(15:58):
board are grossly incompetent.
Speaker 11 (16:02):
And your opinion is getting ticketed towed by the PPA
a rite of passage for Philadelphia residents.
Speaker 13 (16:08):
I don't know about a rite a passage, but probably
everybody can can check that off their list. I mean,
I've been told my husband been towed. We all get tickets.
I mean it's part of life.
Speaker 11 (16:21):
There goes one right there, that's one of our guys
right now getting a ticket as we speak.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Good luck trying to fight that.
Speaker 11 (16:27):
Anyway, back to the interview, what can Philadelphians do to
combat some of the corruption of the PPA other than
throw batteries or riot on Broad Street.
Speaker 13 (16:37):
I think there's some rum in between those two things, right,
I think they need to ask questions, show up at
the Parking Authority Board meeting ye, and say pay up. PPA.
Speaker 11 (16:47):
It was time for the PPA to pay up. So
I did what any good citizen would. I went into
the PPA unsolicited with a camera and microphone.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
How you doing?
Speaker 11 (16:57):
You probably know who I am, but I'm Michael Constan
with the Daily and I just wanted to talk to
somebody on camera about the ppa's courtesy toe policy.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
So We're gonna have to ask you to step back over,
okay and we can.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Have this interview.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Okay.
Speaker 11 (17:10):
So I'm being asked to leave, yep, okay, but do
you mind if I use your toilet?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I got a bus about to leave the station.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Okay, thank you. Well, I just want to talk to you, but.
Speaker 11 (17:23):
I got courtesy toad out of there. So there you
have at Philadelphians. The PPA is screwing you and your
public school's over.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
The good news is I'm a New Yorker.
Speaker 11 (17:32):
I don't have to give a shit about any of this.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Son of a bitch. What's up is this.
Speaker 11 (17:44):
One hundred and seventy five bucks, this city and the PPA.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Thank you, Michael.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
When we come back, John Holliman, we'll be enjoining me
on the show.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
We'll go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
My guest tonight as a best seller at All thirteenth
political Columnists as partner at Talk an host the Politics Podcast.
Please welcome John Heilman. I knew there would be some
(18:49):
Wu Tang apparel when.
Speaker 14 (18:50):
You walked out after you sung the praises of Wu
Tang your Chicago convention show. You saw that, Yeah, of
course I did. You talked about how that era nineteen
ninty one nineteeny five four best year's American history. I agree,
you agree, right, I agreed. I'm a little disappointed they
promised me DESI.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Tonight they did, because.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
That's why I'm here.
Speaker 14 (19:05):
I mean, I love you, but like you know, I
was like, I wanted to get the best sub John hosts.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
First of all, I don't consider myself a sub John host.
I am the host of the goddamn Daily Show. You
will respect that, and you should understand that all of
the best groups have a lot of members O dB, Jizzo, Rizza,
Master Killer, Inspected, dec.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
These are groups lands if you will.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I can't believe you.
Speaker 14 (19:30):
I can't believe some of the ones you're leaving out
there are like math. Who's gonna come over here and
beat the shit out of you for that? But here's
here's how you know that I actually knew it was you, Okay,
after all that discussion that we had on my podcast
last week about the.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Food of Chicago.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Yes, I was slumming it and I did your podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
He did and he was great. He was great.
Speaker 14 (19:48):
You gotta listen to it. In Politic with John Hommet
here's the thing. So you didn't come to Philly. No
I didn't you know what they make in Philly? What
do they make?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Chees steaks, chees sticks? Famously, there's two of them, two
famous cheese steak makers.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yes, I've been to one of them, which one Geno's.
I think, Well we got.
Speaker 14 (20:07):
Now these were purchased after them. They're to up and
twenty four hours. These were purchased at the middle, like
about three am.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
It's Pats and Ginos.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Pats and Gino's right next to each other. Gino's Steaks.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Right, wait, you're bringing me old meat.
Speaker 14 (20:21):
Well no, no, these were transported from Philadelphia as if
they were severed limbs. Okay, like on on ice very well,
like just it's really hygienic.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Don't worry, it's gonna be great. But yeah, old shee whiz.
There's nothing better. There's nothing better. And this is Pat's
Kingdom Steaks.
Speaker 14 (20:37):
Now, these places have been operating in Philadelphia for like
eighty years. They're a block away from each other, and
people will fight you in Philly over which one.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Of these is better. Yeah, they're indistinguishable.
Speaker 14 (20:47):
If you take if you take a if you take
one of these piece of steak and covered in cheese.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Whiz. This is just supposed to do and onions. You
can't tell the difference.
Speaker 14 (20:54):
So we you don't have to eat it now because
I know how it's eating on the air is not cool.
But I wanted to make sure that you had yea
and offering.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
What do you think these people want to see?
Speaker 4 (21:03):
John, This is the smartest, the smartest audience on television.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Brook, eat it. Let's do it. Don't hear We're gonna
do it. I tell you what We're gonna do it.
This is all gonna live on the web now.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Because this interview has already gone seventeen minutes into. Okay,
so I'm starting with my genos. Okay, I'm gonna try this.
And as I'm trying this, I want you to encapsulate
as if we are eating in Philadelphia, your experience last
night at the debate in Philadelphia.
Speaker 14 (21:38):
First things, First, she kicked his ass. Now I heard
I heard John last night talking about how you know
this amount of opinion. People will claim various things. Here's
the fundamental truth about campaigns. Both sides have either directly
under their under their auspices or in super packs they
(22:01):
have they do these things called dial groups. They get
undecided voters in battleground states to watch the debate in
real time, and they said, you've seen these things.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
What they relate cranked the dial? Do they approve, they disapprove.
Speaker 14 (22:11):
And that's how they That's all they're looking at is
what the dials are showing them. Later they will look
at polling, but on that.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
Night, internally, they're getting that essentially in real time, based
on the answers they're happening.
Speaker 14 (22:22):
And at the end of the night they know two things.
Did their candidate perform well with the dial groups? And
the dial groups are meant to be representative of groups
they're trying to reach and bring over onto their side,
And they will know what worked, what are the things
that work best by the end, at the end of
the night, if you know someone at a high level
of the campaign or either campaign or both campaigns says,
(22:43):
I might you will know by the end of the
night what the dial, what the group said.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
What the dial said basically is what they'll say to you.
Speaker 14 (22:49):
Yeah, And I would say, this is a rare moment
where the Harris campaign and the Trump campaign were in agree,
but the dial said that she kicked his ass.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
Really and then Trump campaign was aware of that because
I don't know if you saw Donald Trump had numbers.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I think one of them, ninety one of them was
seventy four. I think there was a pie squared in there. Yeah, yeah,
he had numbers.
Speaker 14 (23:06):
I thought that was the funniest part when he came
into the spin room, because like Trump is full of
shit most of the time, and he makes up all
kinds of things, but that was one of those things
that was the most made up thing on earth. And
of course, like the story about how elbred in America
wanted Roby Way to go away, which we'll come back to,
it was easily verifiable because of course all the networks
were going to put up their numbers. You know, CNM
was broadcast their numbers a half an hour later and
(23:28):
showing that, in fact, all their instapoles. But you so
showed that Harris had won. And I'll tell you the
other thing is that what she did best on were
all of the abortion related questions, all of this stuff
about women's reproductor rights.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Those were the things that stretch.
Speaker 14 (23:41):
She had about two and a half minute answer when
she really started to come on strong in the debate,
and she got very it was very emotional, very direct,
very powerful. They those the dial groups loved that. That
was off the charts, even in the I mean in
the Druid. These are all undecided voters, so they're essentially
different groups that the campaigns are monitoring, but they're all
there are no Trump fans in these groups, and there's
no Harris fans. These are you know, sensibly people who
(24:02):
haven't made up their mind.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
They're they're undecided. There psychotic, insane people. Oh well, I
can't wrap my head around. But these these on the side.
I mean, there was there was some poll that around
thirty percent of people wanted to know more from Kamala Harris.
What did people actually learn about Kamala Harris.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Well, I'll tell you what. I think. There's two ways
to look at that.
Speaker 14 (24:19):
You know, when you think about this from the Harris
kind of strategic standpoint, one thing was that was the
New York Times Cena poll. It basically said there was
a lot of people who still don't feel like they
know very much about her, and they wanted to know more.
That was one thing that you could have tried to
aim to do, so tell your story more, to try
to explain some of your changes on positions, all that
sort of stuff, Right, But if you look back to
the history of presidential debates, the way that they are
(24:41):
often remembered as who won them and who lost them
is on one metric in one metric alum, which is
like who commands the stage, who who commanded the sphere
of battle? And for a candidate who's run who's in
their first general election presidential debate? Bill Clinton and others
would say, Americans are watching to see whether they could
imagine this person as the commander in chief as president
(25:01):
of the United States. Can they go toe to toe
with an adversary in the moment? Do they command the debate?
Are they is the image of command left in people?
So it's a plausibility test. And I just think there's
no one with eyes in their head who didn't think
that Kamala Harris was the one who commanded the stage
last night. And that's why between the dial groups and
just the plain obvious thing that Trump as maniacal, irrational, mentally, psychologically, emotionally,
(25:29):
spiritually failing as he is at this moment.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
She was you know, was she perfect?
Speaker 5 (25:37):
No?
Speaker 14 (25:37):
But she was strong, right, And I think that she
came across as strong, and she decided to play that
prosecutor role, and she played it really well. She was
incredibly as you said, well, incredibly well prepared, and she
kept coming back to her themes that.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
She wanted to hit.
Speaker 14 (25:50):
Yeah, and I just I mean, I can't as a
debate quad debate, which is not how are people going
to vote? Eight weeks from now is one of the
election days. These people are still undecided. Mostly We're not
waking up today going okay, I've decided.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Well she looked, she looked, she looked presidentially yes. And
as you.
Speaker 14 (26:05):
Said in in off camera, I think to these fine
people out here, you know, you're dealing with a lunatic.
You're you're dealing with a with a pathologically lying insurrection,
fomenting democracy, degrading, defiling, asshole and and so allegedly so
(26:30):
you're so it's a it's a tough like you imagine
how like what that?
Speaker 3 (26:33):
You know?
Speaker 14 (26:34):
Well, I'm a challenge involved in doing that and holding
your composure. And I'll say, you know, because no one
did this better than John did on the night of
the first debate.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
I get it. You like John's doing he did.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Look, you are He's like, you're comedy hero.
Speaker 14 (26:50):
Like, well, okay, yes, but he put up those pictures
of Biden slack John. It was a four box and
he's like, when they did the debate prep, did nobody
show them the pictures because these don't look great. She
was so aware of the split screen and how the
split screen would work that I feel like it was
like a bizarro world Biden debate a lot of ways
last night, right, because Trump, the split screen that with
(27:15):
that with Harris was doing to Trump what the split
screen with Biden did to Biden. Right, Biden suffered in
that split screen with Trump, and Trump suffers in that
split screen with her. He looked angry almost throughout we
did without the sound on.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
I don't disagree, and I do think I think Kamala
looked more than a depth. She did look presidential.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
I think she.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Was masterful in many ways of both seeming above the
frame but also poking him as well. Yes, but this
audience is different. I think people don't see Donald Trump.
I don't believe people saw that and saw Donald Trump
for the first time as a diminished man. He looked angry,
but angrier has been something that he's been selling the
American public, and there's that forty five percent who love that.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Do you actually think.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
I don't think that.
Speaker 14 (27:58):
I don't think you're only going to take way Trump
voters from Trump. You know, I think what you're what
she's trying to get across, I think now is that
he is not just the old candidate of the race.
Now the generational contrast. She wants to be changed, she
wants to be younger, and she is in some ways
implicitly pushing like the argument that took down Biden, which
(28:20):
is that, I mean Donald Trump's mental acuity. I say
this not in a in a just a trashing him
kind of way, which I'm I'm happy to do sometimes.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But I think about a minute and a half ago.
Speaker 14 (28:29):
But he just but he's he's getting worse. I mean,
he's never been wholly linear, let's put it that way, right.
But if you go back to twenty sixteen when he
really won the election with against Clinton, those last ten
or twelve days of the election, they managed to get
him to talk about trade, the border wall China, and
he was actually a pretty disciplined candidate for the crucial
(28:50):
ten or twelve days of the election. Now there are
a lot of Republicans who look at, well, she has
this momentum. What's going to change between now an election
day that will hold her momentum. One thing is like
some external event, you know, you know, Vladimir Putin does something,
China does something, some kind of cyber war, a Russian
Martian invasion. You know that someone has to repel on
(29:10):
the White House lawn. Another is Harris grew up. You know,
she messes up somehow. She didn't do that last night, right,
we will agree at that. And the third thing which
Republicans all are hoping for and praying for, and that
what they've been trying to beg Trump to do is
be a disciplined, focused, rigorous, consistent candidate.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Make these arguments.
Speaker 14 (29:30):
That's we're begging him to do it with this idea
in mind, that he can pull it together in these
last eight weeks and become this thing that occasionally he
was in the past. I just think if you watched
that debate last night, there are none of that there.
There's none of that there. When he started talking about
the dogs and cats and the pets being killed, do you.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Know how that question started?
Speaker 14 (29:50):
I don't remember what it started with David we were
asking him about immigration. Yeah, now in the Biden debate,
go back to my bizarro world thing.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
The Biden day debate.
Speaker 14 (29:58):
Rightly, Biden got question about abortion his strength and turned
it into an immigration question.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
And that's when you knew he.
Speaker 14 (30:05):
Had really lost it. You're like, what are you doing?
You're talking about immigration. They set you up, They put
it on the tee abortion, talk about Rugby Wade. Last night,
Trump got asked about imigration. Here's the issue he wants
to talk about. Sweet, but Harris had baited him on
the crowd size thing. He turned away from immigration and
then proceeded to discuss the size of his crowds. World
War III was coming, the size of his crowds again,
(30:27):
and then the apparent obviously completely made up holocaust of
the cats, dogs and.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Pets in Ohio.
Speaker 14 (30:35):
Bear in mind that in the last one hundred years
and occupants to the White House, every single one of
them has had a pet, except for Donald Trump.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Because he's a sociopath.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Because maybe he doesn't like to snack at night, he doesn't.
Speaker 14 (30:47):
The guy cares less about dogs and cats than any
occupant ever. And that includes like other bona fide sociopaths, well,
that is such an example to you give Donald Trump
enough time.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
He's not prepped for anything.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
He's always grasped me that straw and frankly, he's only
got a handful of straws.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
Right. He's got his immigration as well as did a
couple things.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
He's going to bang that drum and whatever he read
on the internet that day, and that's what you see
getting an ample. But he brings the Internet to life.
Speaker 14 (31:12):
And you saw Laura, you saw when he arrived in Philly,
Laura Lumer, who's like literally the craziest person on the right,
crazier than anybody in the history of the right.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
That's all of a crown to wear. That's when she.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Got off the plane.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
You knew.
Speaker 14 (31:23):
You were like, he's going to be talking about the
cat carnage in the non existent cat carnage in Ohio.
And I will I will say this again just to
the question of can he be a discipline candidate? What's
the other thing he was supposed to do last night?
Tie Kamala Harris to Joe Biden's economic record. The first
time he mentioned it was at the one hour and
twenty four minute mark of a one hour and thirty
(31:46):
minute debate, and in the way he mentioned it was
to say she is Joe Biden. She is Joe Biden.
And again back to the split screen, Cali Haras like,
I don't really think I'm Joe Biden.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
No, I mean, can people see that I'm not Joe Biden.
He did it.
Speaker 14 (32:00):
He finally decided to do what he did so badly
that she could just like knock it away.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
With a Laplain.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
Well, she got asked that question right off the bat,
and she said, I'm gonna talk about my history.
Speaker 14 (32:09):
That's totally And you heard Jadie Vance afterwards in the
spin room where I was talking about how you know
Trump made these points in his closing statement. I'm like, ah,
now that's a strong candidate, the one who remembers, Hey,
it's my closing statement.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I might want to say that thing about Biden.
Speaker 10 (32:21):
You know.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
And at the end is do people around I guess
my question do people around him? One do they really
have an expectation of changing Donald Trump in that way?
And two did they have a sense of what truly
is happening. I hear the moment where Donald Trump comes
out and he has those bullshit numbers, and of course
he's always pulling out numbers that make the most sense
to him. But are they giving him numbers that make
(32:44):
him comfortable in that moment? Is what is their awareness?
The Trump the Trump circle, what is their awareness of
what is happening?
Speaker 14 (32:51):
It's not a monolith, right you know? Trump has now
brought Corey Lewandwski back into the fold. Corey Lewandowski is
the ultimate. Let Trump be Trump? Can it Trump?
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Corey was exiled. Now he's back.
Speaker 14 (33:02):
His job is to do things that make Trump happy
so that he will not be exiled again. The professionals
in that group, people like Chris Lossi, Vita the campaign manager,
and Casus you Wiles, the co campaign manager. You would
say whatever you want about them and their values or
whatever in working for Trump, but they are professional people
who've run important campaigns before, and they are the ones
begging Donald Trump to please talk about how she's in
(33:24):
San Francisco liberal, talk about how she's a flip flopper,
talk about how she's a phony, talk about trying to
make her explain how she went from being in favor
of all these liberal positions to being against them. And
they are I think constantly must live in hope because
if they don't live in the hope that they can
change him in some way. You know, the world is
very cold and dark if you think that, if you
think that this Donald Trump is going to be the
Donald Trump, you're going to get for the next fifty
(33:46):
five days before.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Election day because that's a Donald Trump.
Speaker 14 (33:49):
I'm not saying you can't win Jordan, because it's going
to be really, really close. But man, I think you know,
every Republican strategist in the country looks and says, if
this guy ran a standard Republican campaign against her, there's
a playbook, and and he would appreciably increase his odds
of winning if he were to be able to remotely
execute that. And we have no sign that he can.
(34:10):
There's this also, the thing you were talking about this
a little before. You know, I've been in a lot
of spin rooms in my life, you know, and yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Very and I'm very impressed.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Pretty cool room to be and you get to hang
out with Scaramucci now, and then yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
You get to be with the mooch.
Speaker 14 (34:26):
Here's the thing about this, People go, oh, you're are
you in there? Somebody wrote to me last night, a
friend who said, were you in the room where it happens.
I'm like, no, the press is never in the room
where it happens. We don't sit in the debate hall.
We sit in a room next to the room where
it happens. And we all gets together in a giant
room watching it on TV.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
And this is just like you at home.
Speaker 14 (34:41):
And the only advantage is that when it's over, a
bunch of professional liars come out and get and we
get to be lied to you to our face.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
But that but don't you think there's seven I never
miss it. But it feels like we talked about this
in the beginning of our show. It feels like Trump
thinks that is the room where it happens.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
He doesn't.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
He doesn't prep for a debate to articulate a vision
of the future to America. He preps for a time
to lick his wounds and bullshit the press with more cameras.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
That's that's where all his energy goes.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
You've got the show, so sadly, people shouldn't be performing
for you.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
That's a nightmare.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
People should be Trump should be performing for the people
at home. But he doesn't see it that way.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
You know, I think I may have told you the
story for a little while twenty fifteen twenty.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Tell me you don't retell me a story Trump.
Speaker 14 (35:23):
Well, these people haven't heard. Trump liked me for a
little while, he liked you. I wrote a tweet about
him when he first entered the race in twenty fifteen.
I said, you know, the Republican Party is getting more racist, nationalist,
and xenophobic.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I think Donald Trump has a chant to win.
Speaker 14 (35:35):
And I saw him a face to face interview with
him the next day and he said, and he after
he had tweeted at Jay Hollis, finally started to understand me.
And I went did this interview with him, and I said,
you know, I thought you might be pissed, and he
was like, no. At that moment, it was there were
people who didn't think he could win, and people who
thought he could win binary And if you were on
the side of people who took him seriously, he didn't care.
(35:57):
Why you could have said, the whole country is now
members of the Brooks Clan Donald Trump's to show in.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
He would have been like, thank you for understanding. He
didn't care. He just didn't want to be. He didn't
like the people who were saying he has no chance.
He's a buffoon.
Speaker 14 (36:08):
He's doing this as a branding exercise. I was on
the other side, and for a little while, whenever I
would see him, he would say, Heilman, You're starting to
understand me.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
We're both German, and that always freaked me.
Speaker 14 (36:17):
Out because because I'm not like really German, like any
meaningful way, you know, and I mean the name of
I have German from the German descent, but I'm not
like I didn't grow up in in Munich, you know,
you know, it's not.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
My but he saw something in it.
Speaker 14 (36:30):
Yes, it was very like it was always like a
lot of like he's always like you know, yeah, I like, yeah,
just you know, starting to come around on hat.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yeah, the meaner I was, the more he liked.
Speaker 14 (36:41):
Me, until until he then got an office and my
secret service code name became that mother. Well that's a
that's a step up, it's a step out.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
It was a step up.
Speaker 14 (36:51):
I'll tell you what you can see in the spin
room last night, though, is that it's not hard to
know these things that you find out from your sources
about how the dial groups went. It's not hard to
read the faces. And I will tell you I posted
a tweet yeah, last night I took a picture as
I was walking out of Matt Gates.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
What's his name?
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Uh uh s.
Speaker 14 (37:14):
Miller, Matt Gate, Stephen Miller. And this the skinniest, most
inselly looking guy in the world who was carrying their
little sad sign out in the spin room. Because they
have a little person who carries a sign. If you
were in the spin room, they would cary a little
sign that would say Clipper on it, or if they
wanted to get some attention, it would say Stuart.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Okay, yeah, there you go. Jordan.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Jordan's having a hard time with that, with that, with
that wax there.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
It's a it's a hard wag. It's hard.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Can I have you been have you been skimming on
the gym sessions lately?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
He says, I'm waiting to l after the election. You know, uh,
this will be good later.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yea, But this picture now, I'm not gonna be Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
I was gonna say, look at this, look at this.
It's tough. The Bourbon's much easier.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Is there no one around you who can help us? Here?
Speaker 3 (38:20):
That things?
Speaker 1 (38:21):
That's that's really what waxed on it. It's like Miyagi
wax on, wax off, Stay focused, all right, I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
I gotta wrap this up. This ain't a Gates.
Speaker 14 (38:32):
Gates, Miller and this little skinny kid, right, they look
so sad and uh, you know, I saw the various
response tweets. People would say, you know, an incel neo
Nazi in a pedophile walk into a bar.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
That's the way, that's the way. A lot of great
jokes start.
Speaker 14 (38:50):
And Matt Matt Gates was wearing these white like sketchers
with like like job black jogging pants as his suit
bottoms and then a suit jacket on top. I mean,
he looked like he was ready for a del Boca
Vista basically at his age.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
I mean, honestly, I think that's a step forward. If
he's trying to appeal to the older folks. I think,
you know, I'll take it with Met Gates.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
But I'll tell you.
Speaker 14 (39:09):
When I looked at that, I was thinking about you
know what I what I had thought is I heard
about the dial groups from the insiders of the campaign.
I thought, you know, David Pluff, David Binder, the focus group,
pulling impresario from Obama who's now working for Harris. They
are not like champagne popping types. You know, they're like
they like try to keep But they were metaphorically popping
champagne corks last night. At how well that are handed
(39:31):
it did in the Trump world. They were popping like
either like male ex or conapin, I don't know which,
but they were.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
They were not there.
Speaker 14 (39:39):
And when those guys showed up and I looked at them,
I was like, those guys are either very very sad,
very very drugged up, or.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Someone killed their pets.
Speaker 14 (39:51):
Maybe that's they lost their They looked like a bunch
of guys who have their had their cats and dogs
like taken out by some imaginary Haitians in Ohio.
Speaker 4 (39:57):
Yeah, take it from the sad Man and the sketchers.
I think that's how the debate weds. Be sure to
check out John's column at Puck and It's podcast at
Politics We got home, May I look a.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Quick gray right back half of this that's our Choseph tonight.
But before we go, it's election season.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
We are working with headcount to make sure you and
your friends are good to vote. Did you know that
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Take action now by texting TDS two five seven five
(40:44):
six eight, or by going to the link below now
here it is your moment?
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Is that okay? Michael Steele?
Speaker 15 (40:50):
You were quite animated when I saw you in the
Hollway earlier about that's big. I'm gonna see what you're
gonna tell me you think of the debate that you
told me in the whahwait, what was your take on
the debate?
Speaker 3 (41:01):
Michael? Still go ahead? Was the k moment? She spanked
that ass? I'm sorry, that's what she did.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central,
and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Paramount Podcasts.
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
It's America's only sorts for news. This is the daily
Joke with your host Jordan Clupps. What the daily Trump?
(00:35):
Jordan Clap.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
But we got so much to talk about. Kamala Harris
wins her first debate, Donald Trump shits the debate bed,
and JD Van.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Shits the letter box.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
So let's get right into it with our continuing coverage
of Indecision twenty twenty four. Last night, Kamala Harris and
Donald Trump took to the debate stay to make their
cases to Taylor Allison Swift and whoever else happened to
(01:07):
be watching. It was not a good night for Trump
in terms of personal tragedies for him. I'd put it
somewhere between losing the twenty twenty election and the day
Fox Knews started letting female anchors wear paints somewhere in there.
And there was one moment that was probably the best
example of just how badly Trump did at the debate
(01:31):
in Springfield.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
They're eating the dogs, the people that came in.
Speaker 6 (01:35):
They're eating the cats, they're eating they're eating the pets
of the people that live there.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Sir, The question was state your name now.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
You were one of the many people last night wondering
why Trump was shouting.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
They're eating the dogs. Explain.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
It started with a random Facebook post where someone accused
a Haitian immigrant of stealing and eating their neighbor's daughter's
friend's cat. And if there's one thing we know about
Facebook posts, it's that they're always rigorously fact checked. But
as with any unfounded rumor on Facebook, obviously this got
picked up by the right wing establishment and spread across
(02:22):
the Internet. Even jd Vance promoted it while simultaneously acknowledging
it was completely unfounded. You might say he jumped in
the misinformation pool but kept his shirt on, which brings
us to last night. If there's one thing we know
about a racist conspiracy theory, it's that Donald Trump's brain
(02:44):
will swallow it whole, like a hungry immigrant at pat Co's.
And that's how a random Facebook post turned into Donald
Trump's campaign slogan.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
They're eating cats and dogs.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
So it seemed like Trump had a rough performance, but
you know what, that's just my opinion. You can also
tell that Donald Trump was the loser because he did
all the things losers do when they lose Number one,
complaining about the refs.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
I thought they were very unfair, the moderators, everybody did.
I thought it was terrible. From the standpoint of ABC,
it was three to one. It was a rigged deal,
as I assumed it would be, because when you looked
at the fact that they were correcting everything and not
correcting with her.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Yeah, man, they were correcting you because of the things
you were saying.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
That's barely fact checking.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
The moderators were reacting like normal human beings react when
you hear the craziest shit you've ever heard. If you
were at a cocktail party and your friend said trans
immigrants are eating dogs in Ohio, you would say, what
the you talking about, Stu, No, they aren't. You wouldn't
be like, Okay, thank you for that, Let's move on
(04:03):
to foreign policy. You know what, it wasn't just blaming
the refs. Another way you know Trump lost is that
he was accusing his opponent of cheating.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
They had a rig show with somebody that maybe even
had the answers. I mean, I'll be honest. I watched
her talk and I said, you know, she seems awfully
familiar with the questions.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Okay, you think she was cheating because she seemed familiar
with the questions. It's a presidential debate. They always ask
the same questions. It's like being suspicious that someone knows
all the words to take me out to the ballgame.
(04:47):
How will you fix the economy? What's your stance on abortion?
Do you promise not to overthrow the government? Standard boilerplate
debate questions. Meanwhile, Trump seemed awfully familiar with the questions
that nobody asked, like who's eating all the cats in Springfield, Ohio?
But maybe the best way you know Trump lost the
(05:10):
debate is that he repeatedly insisted he won.
Speaker 5 (05:14):
I think it was the best debate I've ever personally.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
That we're getting polls that showed ninety two to six,
eighty eight to eleven.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
Every single poll last night had me winning like ninety
to ten. We had c span at one point was
a eighty to twenty, and we looked at one pole it.
Speaker 6 (05:33):
Was ninety two to seven. We had a ninety two
percent rating. In one pole we had an eighty six
percent rating, and another we had seventy seven percent, ninety percent,
sixty percent, seventy two percent, seventy one percent and eighty
nine percent.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Wow, those certainly were numbers. Is this what Trump did
during his debate prep memorize all the numbers between.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Seventy ninety eight.
Speaker 4 (06:03):
In fact, every moment since the debate ended last night,
Trump has.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Been spinning and spinning and spinning.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
I mean, just listen to his response after Taylor Swift
announced she is endorsing Kamala Harris.
Speaker 5 (06:16):
Well, I actually like missus. I actually like Missus Mahomes
much better. If you walk in't home the trup She's
a big Trump fan. I was not a Taylor Swift fan.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Really, really, Donald, you prefer Brittany Mahomes. What's your top
five Brittany Mahomes songs?
Speaker 3 (06:38):
This is really his angle? Well, I don't.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
Care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend's coworker's wife better.
This has just been a day of pathetic, desperate spinning.
I mean, imagine if Donald Trump spent all that energy
on doing things correctly instead of pretending he did things correctly.
(07:02):
I mean, if he had worked harder preparing for the debate,
maybe he wouldn't have had to pretend he won the debate.
If he had worked harder to win in twenty twenty,
maybe he wouldn't have to pretend the election was rigged,
And if he had worked harder on January sixth, maybe
he could have overthrown the government and wouldn't have to
be debating in the first place. It's called work ethic,
(07:28):
Donald Come on. Of course, Donald Trump wasn't the only
one spinning his performance last night, as aforementioned Vice President J.
D Vance was asked about why Donald Trump ranted about
illegal immigrants eating pets, and his response was illuminating.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Why pushed something that's not true?
Speaker 7 (07:48):
Well, first of all, city officials have not said it's
not true.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
They said they don't have all the evidence. We've heard
no evidence.
Speaker 7 (07:54):
We've heard from a number of constituents on the ground, Caitlin,
who both first hand and second hand reports this stuff
is happening. So they very clearly meaning the people on
the ground dealing with this think that it is happening.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
And I think that it's important.
Speaker 7 (08:07):
For journalists to actually get on the ground and uncover
this stuff for themselves.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
Okay, I'm sorry, this is not my main takeaway from
the story. But someone's cat went missing, so they called
their senator. I mean, were they like Hm, Should I
go right to the President of the United States or should.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
I start with my senator?
Speaker 4 (08:29):
You gotta update those emergency numbers on your fridge, Berry,
come on, But.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Perhaps perhaps jd Vance has a point. If a story.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Bubbles up from the right wing sewer, it is our obligation, nay,
our duty in the mainstream media to investigate it, no
matter the cost. And that is exactly we have done
here at the Daily Show. I sent Ronnie Chang undercover
to Springfield to find out if illegal migrants are really
gobbling up.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Our small town cats.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
Let's go live Tom now, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, how's the
investigation going?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Well, Jordan?
Speaker 8 (09:15):
I mean, Ohio in a cat costume, trying to get
migrants to eat me. So it's not great. Also, it's
not working, Okay. I even tender toize myself with a
jerk rub and went around saying, now, meow, I'm so tasty.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Nothing.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Okay, Yeah, Well, obviously you're not going to fool anyone
with a half assed meal like that.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
You need to commit to the role. Ronnie.
Speaker 8 (09:37):
Hey, hey, don't tell me how to commit.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
All right.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
How many Marvel movies are you in?
Speaker 8 (09:41):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Trust me?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Trust me. Okay, I've tried everything.
Speaker 8 (09:45):
I share in a box, I batter around some yard,
I play with a dead mouse.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I found nothing. Have you been licking your butthole?
Speaker 8 (09:52):
I can't reach my butthole.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Truck to reach my butthole? I can't.
Speaker 8 (09:58):
It's impossible, which I already knew for reasons I don't
want to discuss.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
Okay, well, then what are we gonna do about these allegations?
Speaker 8 (10:07):
I don't know, Jordan, how about we ignore them. Good
journalism doesn't mean we have to take every insane, racist
conspiracy theory at face value. Okay, let's just ship on
it and move on like I did in a box earlier.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Wow, well you know what. You know what, Roddie, Maybe
you're right. I appreciate you taking journalistic principles.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
So seriously, you're.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Really following in the footsteps of Edward R. Meauro Roddy,
did you hear what I said? I said, Edward R.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Edward wish you were dead?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
All right?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Anyway? Oh wait, oh wait, wait, someone's coming.
Speaker 8 (10:47):
Someone's going oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, they're getting
gay off of con They're coming for me.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
They're coming from right there. Hellody, Yes, yes, I'm here.
Oh oh thank god. Okay, what happened? Were you were?
Speaker 9 (11:02):
You?
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Were you kidnapped by a hungry immigrants?
Speaker 8 (11:04):
No, no, no, I think I was adopted by a
childless cat lady.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Oh all right, okay, hang tight, running, Hang tight, we're
sending someone to bring you back.
Speaker 8 (11:17):
Oh, actually, you know what, I'll hold off. She's in
the kitchen cooking me some organic chicken right now. I
want to see how this plays out.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
How awesome I love these things.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Okay, I have fun running running, chang everyone cool, we'll
come back. We'll find out how the city of Philadelphia
is taking.
Speaker 10 (11:35):
Your money, so they'll go away. Welcome back to the Daily.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
So last night's debate took place in Philadelphia, a critical
city and the upcoming election.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
But if you're a resident who plans.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
To vote there, you might want to be careful where
you park your car on the way to the voting booth.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Michael Costa has more city parking.
Speaker 11 (12:12):
It's a hell for those who choose to live in
urban areas. But in Philadelphia, the eating shit in public
capital of America. If you're not keeping up with parking rules,
they'll move your car for you.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Isn't that great?
Speaker 11 (12:24):
It's called courtesy towing and Philadelphians love it.
Speaker 12 (12:28):
My car was moved from a legal parking spot to
a illegal parking spot. That's what they call it, courtesy toe.
I have a parking permit for the street parking, and
there wasn't a temporary no parking sign put up within
(12:48):
a couple of days and I was out of town.
So it was then towed to an illegal parking spot
by the city, and then it was towed down to
the PPA impound lot, which is where we are, and
then moved to the auction lot because it was about
to be auctioned off.
Speaker 11 (13:02):
So you parked in a legal spot with a legal permit, correct,
and eventually your car was in the impound lot.
Speaker 12 (13:10):
Correct?
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Did you park shitty?
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Just be honest, heari, Curio, Curio, forget that.
Speaker 12 (13:16):
I am a very legal parker.
Speaker 9 (13:17):
Be very careful, or you park your car, you're going
to get ticketed.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Let me just side with big government for a sec.
Speaker 11 (13:28):
I hear a lot of people bitching about the tow
truck man. I've been towed once or twice.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
But I know I parked it legally.
Speaker 9 (13:34):
There's courtesy towing, which is up for weather for events
and typically they're supposed to put up no parking signs.
It happened less than twelve hours after I had parked there.
When I got back to my car, it wasn't there.
I'd called the PPA a couple times, not helpful. Finally
just called the police. So then was able to tell
me based on your license plate, it's at fifteenth in Washington.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
This is called a courtesy tow. Well that's nice. That's nice.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
No, I mean it would be if they parked my
car legally.
Speaker 9 (14:01):
So we're walking up to fifteenth in Washington. There's my
car and it's parked in the media like in the
turn lane, which weird.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Yeah, see the four tickets on it. Oh, there's four
tickets on tickets on it. They courtesy towed.
Speaker 11 (14:13):
Your car to a different location, to an illegal spot,
and then you start to acquire tickets from that illegal spot.
The one common factor in these stories the PPA or
Philadelphia Parking Authority. But why was this beloved governmental agency
courtesy towing its residents in the first place.
Speaker 12 (14:32):
It's very profitable, and everybody knows that I waited about
an hour and a half to get in and then
had to pay nine hundred and sixty four dollars.
Speaker 6 (14:38):
What.
Speaker 12 (14:39):
Yeah, they have a toe fee, the ticket fees, and
then the impound lot daily storage fee and it's a
money making machine.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
All right?
Speaker 11 (14:49):
How bad I could a couple extra fines be, especially
since the PPA helps fund cash trap.
Speaker 10 (14:54):
Schools in Philly.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Well, it turns out.
Speaker 11 (14:56):
They haven't been honoring their agreement with the city with
holding closes to seventy eight million dollars. Because of alleged
financial mismanagement.
Speaker 13 (15:04):
The money is not going to the schools.
Speaker 11 (15:07):
One group holding the parking Authority accountable is to Pay
Up PPA Coalition. I met with organizer Rachelle Nicole Solomon
in one of Philadelphia's historic green spaces.
Speaker 13 (15:17):
The mission of pay Up PPA is to have the
Philadelphia Parking Authority be accountable, be transparent, and to have
a specific amount of rear car funding every year to
the school District of Philadelphia.
Speaker 11 (15:32):
So in Philadelphia, the parking authorities leftover revenue goes to
the education.
Speaker 13 (15:37):
Success forty five million a year estimate to the School
District of Philadelphia from the Orange Street parking, But the
money is not going to the schools, which means one
of two things, and maybe both One they were lying
or two that the leadership, both the director and the
(15:58):
board are grossly incompetent.
Speaker 11 (16:02):
And your opinion is getting ticketed towed by the PPA
a rite of passage for Philadelphia residents.
Speaker 13 (16:08):
I don't know about a rite a passage, but probably
everybody can can check that off their list. I mean,
I've been told my husband been towed. We all get tickets.
I mean it's part of life.
Speaker 11 (16:21):
There goes one right there, that's one of our guys
right now getting a ticket as we speak.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Good luck trying to fight that.
Speaker 11 (16:27):
Anyway, back to the interview, what can Philadelphians do to
combat some of the corruption of the PPA other than
throw batteries or riot on Broad Street.
Speaker 13 (16:37):
I think there's some rum in between those two things, right,
I think they need to ask questions, show up at
the Parking Authority Board meeting ye, and say pay up. PPA.
Speaker 11 (16:47):
It was time for the PPA to pay up. So
I did what any good citizen would. I went into
the PPA unsolicited with a camera and microphone.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
How you doing?
Speaker 11 (16:57):
You probably know who I am, but I'm Michael Constan
with the Daily and I just wanted to talk to
somebody on camera about the ppa's courtesy toe policy.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
So We're gonna have to ask you to step back over,
okay and we can.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
Have this interview.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Okay.
Speaker 11 (17:10):
So I'm being asked to leave, yep, okay, but do
you mind if I use your toilet?
Speaker 1 (17:13):
I got a bus about to leave the station.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Okay, thank you. Well, I just want to talk to you, but.
Speaker 11 (17:23):
I got courtesy toad out of there. So there you
have at Philadelphians. The PPA is screwing you and your
public school's over.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
The good news is I'm a New Yorker.
Speaker 11 (17:32):
I don't have to give a shit about any of this.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Son of a bitch. What's up is this.
Speaker 11 (17:44):
One hundred and seventy five bucks, this city and the PPA.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Thank you, Michael.
Speaker 4 (17:53):
When we come back, John Holliman, we'll be enjoining me
on the show.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
We'll go away. Welcome back to the Daily Show.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
My guest tonight as a best seller at All thirteenth
political Columnists as partner at Talk an host the Politics Podcast.
Please welcome John Heilman. I knew there would be some
(18:49):
Wu Tang apparel when.
Speaker 14 (18:50):
You walked out after you sung the praises of Wu
Tang your Chicago convention show. You saw that, Yeah, of
course I did. You talked about how that era nineteen
ninty one nineteeny five four best year's American history. I agree,
you agree, right, I agreed. I'm a little disappointed they
promised me DESI.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Tonight they did, because.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
That's why I'm here.
Speaker 14 (19:05):
I mean, I love you, but like you know, I
was like, I wanted to get the best sub John hosts.
Speaker 4 (19:12):
First of all, I don't consider myself a sub John host.
I am the host of the goddamn Daily Show. You
will respect that, and you should understand that all of
the best groups have a lot of members O dB, Jizzo, Rizza,
Master Killer, Inspected, dec.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
These are groups lands if you will.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I can't believe you.
Speaker 14 (19:30):
I can't believe some of the ones you're leaving out
there are like math. Who's gonna come over here and
beat the shit out of you for that? But here's
here's how you know that I actually knew it was you, Okay,
after all that discussion that we had on my podcast
last week about the.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Food of Chicago.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Yes, I was slumming it and I did your podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
He did and he was great. He was great.
Speaker 14 (19:48):
You gotta listen to it. In Politic with John Hommet
here's the thing. So you didn't come to Philly. No
I didn't you know what they make in Philly? What
do they make?
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Chees steaks, chees sticks? Famously, there's two of them, two
famous cheese steak makers.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yes, I've been to one of them, which one Geno's.
I think, Well we got.
Speaker 14 (20:07):
Now these were purchased after them. They're to up and
twenty four hours. These were purchased at the middle, like
about three am.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
It's Pats and Ginos.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Pats and Gino's right next to each other. Gino's Steaks.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Right, wait, you're bringing me old meat.
Speaker 14 (20:21):
Well no, no, these were transported from Philadelphia as if
they were severed limbs. Okay, like on on ice very well,
like just it's really hygienic.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Don't worry, it's gonna be great. But yeah, old shee whiz.
There's nothing better. There's nothing better. And this is Pat's
Kingdom Steaks.
Speaker 14 (20:37):
Now, these places have been operating in Philadelphia for like
eighty years. They're a block away from each other, and
people will fight you in Philly over which one.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Of these is better. Yeah, they're indistinguishable.
Speaker 14 (20:47):
If you take if you take a if you take
one of these piece of steak and covered in cheese.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Whiz. This is just supposed to do and onions. You
can't tell the difference.
Speaker 14 (20:54):
So we you don't have to eat it now because
I know how it's eating on the air is not cool.
But I wanted to make sure that you had yea
and offering.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
What do you think these people want to see?
Speaker 4 (21:03):
John, This is the smartest, the smartest audience on television.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Brook, eat it. Let's do it. Don't hear We're gonna
do it. I tell you what We're gonna do it.
This is all gonna live on the web now.
Speaker 4 (21:24):
Because this interview has already gone seventeen minutes into. Okay,
so I'm starting with my genos. Okay, I'm gonna try this.
And as I'm trying this, I want you to encapsulate
as if we are eating in Philadelphia, your experience last
night at the debate in Philadelphia.
Speaker 14 (21:38):
First things, First, she kicked his ass. Now I heard
I heard John last night talking about how you know
this amount of opinion. People will claim various things. Here's
the fundamental truth about campaigns. Both sides have either directly
under their under their auspices or in super packs they
(22:01):
have they do these things called dial groups. They get
undecided voters in battleground states to watch the debate in
real time, and they said, you've seen these things.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
What they relate cranked the dial? Do they approve, they disapprove.
Speaker 14 (22:11):
And that's how they That's all they're looking at is
what the dials are showing them. Later they will look
at polling, but on that.
Speaker 4 (22:18):
Night, internally, they're getting that essentially in real time, based
on the answers they're happening.
Speaker 14 (22:22):
And at the end of the night they know two things.
Did their candidate perform well with the dial groups? And
the dial groups are meant to be representative of groups
they're trying to reach and bring over onto their side,
And they will know what worked, what are the things
that work best by the end, at the end of
the night, if you know someone at a high level
of the campaign or either campaign or both campaigns says,
(22:43):
I might you will know by the end of the
night what the dial, what the group said.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
What the dial said basically is what they'll say to you.
Speaker 14 (22:49):
Yeah, And I would say, this is a rare moment
where the Harris campaign and the Trump campaign were in agree,
but the dial said that she kicked his ass.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
Really and then Trump campaign was aware of that because
I don't know if you saw Donald Trump had numbers.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
I think one of them, ninety one of them was
seventy four. I think there was a pie squared in there. Yeah, yeah,
he had numbers.
Speaker 14 (23:06):
I thought that was the funniest part when he came
into the spin room, because like Trump is full of
shit most of the time, and he makes up all
kinds of things, but that was one of those things
that was the most made up thing on earth. And
of course, like the story about how elbred in America
wanted Roby Way to go away, which we'll come back to,
it was easily verifiable because of course all the networks
were going to put up their numbers. You know, CNM
was broadcast their numbers a half an hour later and
(23:28):
showing that, in fact, all their instapoles. But you so
showed that Harris had won. And I'll tell you the
other thing is that what she did best on were
all of the abortion related questions, all of this stuff
about women's reproductor rights.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
Those were the things that stretch.
Speaker 14 (23:41):
She had about two and a half minute answer when
she really started to come on strong in the debate,
and she got very it was very emotional, very direct,
very powerful. They those the dial groups loved that. That
was off the charts, even in the I mean in
the Druid. These are all undecided voters, so they're essentially
different groups that the campaigns are monitoring, but they're all
there are no Trump fans in these groups, and there's
no Harris fans. These are you know, sensibly people who
(24:02):
haven't made up their mind.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
They're they're undecided. There psychotic, insane people. Oh well, I
can't wrap my head around. But these these on the side.
I mean, there was there was some poll that around
thirty percent of people wanted to know more from Kamala Harris.
What did people actually learn about Kamala Harris.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Well, I'll tell you what. I think. There's two ways
to look at that.
Speaker 14 (24:19):
You know, when you think about this from the Harris
kind of strategic standpoint, one thing was that was the
New York Times Cena poll. It basically said there was
a lot of people who still don't feel like they
know very much about her, and they wanted to know more.
That was one thing that you could have tried to
aim to do, so tell your story more, to try
to explain some of your changes on positions, all that
sort of stuff, Right, But if you look back to
the history of presidential debates, the way that they are
(24:41):
often remembered as who won them and who lost them
is on one metric in one metric alum, which is
like who commands the stage, who who commanded the sphere
of battle? And for a candidate who's run who's in
their first general election presidential debate? Bill Clinton and others
would say, Americans are watching to see whether they could
imagine this person as the commander in chief as president
(25:01):
of the United States. Can they go toe to toe
with an adversary in the moment? Do they command the debate?
Are they is the image of command left in people?
So it's a plausibility test. And I just think there's
no one with eyes in their head who didn't think
that Kamala Harris was the one who commanded the stage
last night. And that's why between the dial groups and
just the plain obvious thing that Trump as maniacal, irrational, mentally, psychologically, emotionally,
(25:29):
spiritually failing as he is at this moment.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
She was you know, was she perfect?
Speaker 5 (25:37):
No?
Speaker 14 (25:37):
But she was strong, right, And I think that she
came across as strong, and she decided to play that
prosecutor role, and she played it really well. She was
incredibly as you said, well, incredibly well prepared, and she
kept coming back to her themes that.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
She wanted to hit.
Speaker 14 (25:50):
Yeah, and I just I mean, I can't as a
debate quad debate, which is not how are people going
to vote? Eight weeks from now is one of the
election days. These people are still undecided. Mostly We're not
waking up today going okay, I've decided.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Well she looked, she looked, she looked presidentially yes. And
as you.
Speaker 14 (26:05):
Said in in off camera, I think to these fine
people out here, you know, you're dealing with a lunatic.
You're you're dealing with a with a pathologically lying insurrection,
fomenting democracy, degrading, defiling, asshole and and so allegedly so
(26:30):
you're so it's a it's a tough like you imagine
how like what that?
Speaker 3 (26:33):
You know?
Speaker 14 (26:34):
Well, I'm a challenge involved in doing that and holding
your composure. And I'll say, you know, because no one
did this better than John did on the night of
the first debate.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
I get it. You like John's doing he did.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Look, you are He's like, you're comedy hero.
Speaker 14 (26:50):
Like, well, okay, yes, but he put up those pictures
of Biden slack John. It was a four box and
he's like, when they did the debate prep, did nobody
show them the pictures because these don't look great. She
was so aware of the split screen and how the
split screen would work that I feel like it was
like a bizarro world Biden debate a lot of ways
last night, right, because Trump, the split screen that with
(27:15):
that with Harris was doing to Trump what the split
screen with Biden did to Biden. Right, Biden suffered in
that split screen with Trump, and Trump suffers in that
split screen with her. He looked angry almost throughout we
did without the sound on.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
I don't disagree, and I do think I think Kamala
looked more than a depth. She did look presidential.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
I think she.
Speaker 4 (27:36):
Was masterful in many ways of both seeming above the
frame but also poking him as well. Yes, but this
audience is different. I think people don't see Donald Trump.
I don't believe people saw that and saw Donald Trump
for the first time as a diminished man. He looked angry,
but angrier has been something that he's been selling the
American public, and there's that forty five percent who love that.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Do you actually think.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
I don't think that.
Speaker 14 (27:58):
I don't think you're only going to take way Trump
voters from Trump. You know, I think what you're what
she's trying to get across, I think now is that
he is not just the old candidate of the race.
Now the generational contrast. She wants to be changed, she
wants to be younger, and she is in some ways
implicitly pushing like the argument that took down Biden, which
(28:20):
is that, I mean Donald Trump's mental acuity. I say
this not in a in a just a trashing him
kind of way, which I'm I'm happy to do sometimes.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But I think about a minute and a half ago.
Speaker 14 (28:29):
But he just but he's he's getting worse. I mean,
he's never been wholly linear, let's put it that way, right.
But if you go back to twenty sixteen when he
really won the election with against Clinton, those last ten
or twelve days of the election, they managed to get
him to talk about trade, the border wall China, and
he was actually a pretty disciplined candidate for the crucial
(28:50):
ten or twelve days of the election. Now there are
a lot of Republicans who look at, well, she has
this momentum. What's going to change between now an election
day that will hold her momentum. One thing is like
some external event, you know, you know, Vladimir Putin does something,
China does something, some kind of cyber war, a Russian
Martian invasion. You know that someone has to repel on
(29:10):
the White House lawn. Another is Harris grew up. You know,
she messes up somehow. She didn't do that last night, right,
we will agree at that. And the third thing which
Republicans all are hoping for and praying for, and that
what they've been trying to beg Trump to do is
be a disciplined, focused, rigorous, consistent candidate.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Make these arguments.
Speaker 14 (29:30):
That's we're begging him to do it with this idea
in mind, that he can pull it together in these
last eight weeks and become this thing that occasionally he
was in the past. I just think if you watched
that debate last night, there are none of that there.
There's none of that there. When he started talking about
the dogs and cats and the pets being killed, do you.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Know how that question started?
Speaker 14 (29:50):
I don't remember what it started with David we were
asking him about immigration. Yeah, now in the Biden debate,
go back to my bizarro world thing.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
The Biden day debate.
Speaker 14 (29:58):
Rightly, Biden got question about abortion his strength and turned
it into an immigration question.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
And that's when you knew he.
Speaker 14 (30:05):
Had really lost it. You're like, what are you doing?
You're talking about immigration. They set you up, They put
it on the tee abortion, talk about Rugby Wade. Last night,
Trump got asked about imigration. Here's the issue he wants
to talk about. Sweet, but Harris had baited him on
the crowd size thing. He turned away from immigration and
then proceeded to discuss the size of his crowds. World
War III was coming, the size of his crowds again,
(30:27):
and then the apparent obviously completely made up holocaust of
the cats, dogs and.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Pets in Ohio.
Speaker 14 (30:35):
Bear in mind that in the last one hundred years
and occupants to the White House, every single one of
them has had a pet, except for Donald Trump.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Because he's a sociopath.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Because maybe he doesn't like to snack at night, he doesn't.
Speaker 14 (30:47):
The guy cares less about dogs and cats than any
occupant ever. And that includes like other bona fide sociopaths, well,
that is such an example to you give Donald Trump
enough time.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
He's not prepped for anything.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
He's always grasped me that straw and frankly, he's only
got a handful of straws.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
Right. He's got his immigration as well as did a
couple things.
Speaker 4 (31:04):
He's going to bang that drum and whatever he read
on the internet that day, and that's what you see
getting an ample. But he brings the Internet to life.
Speaker 14 (31:12):
And you saw Laura, you saw when he arrived in Philly,
Laura Lumer, who's like literally the craziest person on the right,
crazier than anybody in the history of the right.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
That's all of a crown to wear. That's when she.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Got off the plane.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
You knew.
Speaker 14 (31:23):
You were like, he's going to be talking about the
cat carnage in the non existent cat carnage in Ohio.
And I will I will say this again just to
the question of can he be a discipline candidate? What's
the other thing he was supposed to do last night?
Tie Kamala Harris to Joe Biden's economic record. The first
time he mentioned it was at the one hour and
twenty four minute mark of a one hour and thirty
(31:46):
minute debate, and in the way he mentioned it was
to say she is Joe Biden. She is Joe Biden.
And again back to the split screen, Cali Haras like,
I don't really think I'm Joe Biden.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
No, I mean, can people see that I'm not Joe Biden.
He did it.
Speaker 14 (32:00):
He finally decided to do what he did so badly
that she could just like knock it away.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
With a Laplain.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
Well, she got asked that question right off the bat,
and she said, I'm gonna talk about my history.
Speaker 14 (32:09):
That's totally And you heard Jadie Vance afterwards in the
spin room where I was talking about how you know
Trump made these points in his closing statement. I'm like, ah,
now that's a strong candidate, the one who remembers, Hey,
it's my closing statement.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
I might want to say that thing about Biden.
Speaker 10 (32:21):
You know.
Speaker 4 (32:21):
And at the end is do people around I guess
my question do people around him? One do they really
have an expectation of changing Donald Trump in that way?
And two did they have a sense of what truly
is happening. I hear the moment where Donald Trump comes
out and he has those bullshit numbers, and of course
he's always pulling out numbers that make the most sense
to him. But are they giving him numbers that make
(32:44):
him comfortable in that moment? Is what is their awareness?
The Trump the Trump circle, what is their awareness of
what is happening?
Speaker 14 (32:51):
It's not a monolith, right you know? Trump has now
brought Corey Lewandwski back into the fold. Corey Lewandowski is
the ultimate. Let Trump be Trump? Can it Trump?
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Corey was exiled. Now he's back.
Speaker 14 (33:02):
His job is to do things that make Trump happy
so that he will not be exiled again. The professionals
in that group, people like Chris Lossi, Vita the campaign manager,
and Casus you Wiles, the co campaign manager. You would
say whatever you want about them and their values or
whatever in working for Trump, but they are professional people
who've run important campaigns before, and they are the ones
begging Donald Trump to please talk about how she's in
(33:24):
San Francisco liberal, talk about how she's a flip flopper,
talk about how she's a phony, talk about trying to
make her explain how she went from being in favor
of all these liberal positions to being against them. And
they are I think constantly must live in hope because
if they don't live in the hope that they can
change him in some way. You know, the world is
very cold and dark if you think that, if you
think that this Donald Trump is going to be the
Donald Trump, you're going to get for the next fifty
(33:46):
five days before.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Election day because that's a Donald Trump.
Speaker 14 (33:49):
I'm not saying you can't win Jordan, because it's going
to be really, really close. But man, I think you know,
every Republican strategist in the country looks and says, if
this guy ran a standard Republican campaign against her, there's
a playbook, and and he would appreciably increase his odds
of winning if he were to be able to remotely
execute that. And we have no sign that he can.
(34:10):
There's this also, the thing you were talking about this
a little before. You know, I've been in a lot
of spin rooms in my life, you know, and yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Very and I'm very impressed.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Pretty cool room to be and you get to hang
out with Scaramucci now, and then yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
You get to be with the mooch.
Speaker 14 (34:26):
Here's the thing about this, People go, oh, you're are
you in there? Somebody wrote to me last night, a
friend who said, were you in the room where it happens.
I'm like, no, the press is never in the room
where it happens. We don't sit in the debate hall.
We sit in a room next to the room where
it happens. And we all gets together in a giant
room watching it on TV.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
And this is just like you at home.
Speaker 14 (34:41):
And the only advantage is that when it's over, a
bunch of professional liars come out and get and we
get to be lied to you to our face.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
But that but don't you think there's seven I never
miss it. But it feels like we talked about this
in the beginning of our show. It feels like Trump
thinks that is the room where it happens.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
He doesn't.
Speaker 4 (34:57):
He doesn't prep for a debate to articulate a vision
of the future to America. He preps for a time
to lick his wounds and bullshit the press with more cameras.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
That's that's where all his energy goes.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
You've got the show, so sadly, people shouldn't be performing
for you.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
That's a nightmare.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
People should be Trump should be performing for the people
at home. But he doesn't see it that way.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
You know, I think I may have told you the
story for a little while twenty fifteen twenty.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Tell me you don't retell me a story Trump.
Speaker 14 (35:23):
Well, these people haven't heard. Trump liked me for a
little while, he liked you. I wrote a tweet about
him when he first entered the race in twenty fifteen.
I said, you know, the Republican Party is getting more racist, nationalist,
and xenophobic.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I think Donald Trump has a chant to win.
Speaker 14 (35:35):
And I saw him a face to face interview with
him the next day and he said, and he after
he had tweeted at Jay Hollis, finally started to understand me.
And I went did this interview with him, and I said,
you know, I thought you might be pissed, and he
was like, no. At that moment, it was there were
people who didn't think he could win, and people who
thought he could win binary And if you were on
the side of people who took him seriously, he didn't care.
(35:57):
Why you could have said, the whole country is now
members of the Brooks Clan Donald Trump's to show in.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
He would have been like, thank you for understanding. He
didn't care. He just didn't want to be. He didn't
like the people who were saying he has no chance.
He's a buffoon.
Speaker 14 (36:08):
He's doing this as a branding exercise. I was on
the other side, and for a little while, whenever I
would see him, he would say, Heilman, You're starting to
understand me.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
We're both German, and that always freaked me.
Speaker 14 (36:17):
Out because because I'm not like really German, like any
meaningful way, you know, and I mean the name of
I have German from the German descent, but I'm not
like I didn't grow up in in Munich, you know,
you know, it's not.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
My but he saw something in it.
Speaker 14 (36:30):
Yes, it was very like it was always like a
lot of like he's always like you know, yeah, I like, yeah,
just you know, starting to come around on hat.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yeah, the meaner I was, the more he liked.
Speaker 14 (36:41):
Me, until until he then got an office and my
secret service code name became that mother. Well that's a
that's a step up, it's a step out.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
It was a step up.
Speaker 14 (36:51):
I'll tell you what you can see in the spin
room last night, though, is that it's not hard to
know these things that you find out from your sources
about how the dial groups went. It's not hard to
read the faces. And I will tell you I posted
a tweet yeah, last night I took a picture as
I was walking out of Matt Gates.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
What's his name?
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Uh uh s.
Speaker 14 (37:14):
Miller, Matt Gate, Stephen Miller. And this the skinniest, most
inselly looking guy in the world who was carrying their
little sad sign out in the spin room. Because they
have a little person who carries a sign. If you
were in the spin room, they would cary a little
sign that would say Clipper on it, or if they
wanted to get some attention, it would say Stuart.
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Okay, yeah, there you go. Jordan.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Jordan's having a hard time with that, with that, with
that wax there.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
It's a it's a hard wag. It's hard.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Can I have you been have you been skimming on
the gym sessions lately?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
He says, I'm waiting to l after the election. You know, uh,
this will be good later.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yea, But this picture now, I'm not gonna be Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
I was gonna say, look at this, look at this.
It's tough. The Bourbon's much easier.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
Is there no one around you who can help us? Here?
Speaker 3 (38:20):
That things?
Speaker 1 (38:21):
That's that's really what waxed on it. It's like Miyagi
wax on, wax off, Stay focused, all right, I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I'm trying.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (38:28):
I gotta wrap this up. This ain't a Gates.
Speaker 14 (38:32):
Gates, Miller and this little skinny kid, right, they look
so sad and uh, you know, I saw the various
response tweets. People would say, you know, an incel neo
Nazi in a pedophile walk into a bar.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
That's the way, that's the way. A lot of great
jokes start.
Speaker 14 (38:50):
And Matt Matt Gates was wearing these white like sketchers
with like like job black jogging pants as his suit
bottoms and then a suit jacket on top. I mean,
he looked like he was ready for a del Boca
Vista basically at his age.
Speaker 4 (39:04):
I mean, honestly, I think that's a step forward. If
he's trying to appeal to the older folks. I think,
you know, I'll take it with Met Gates.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
But I'll tell you.
Speaker 14 (39:09):
When I looked at that, I was thinking about you
know what I what I had thought is I heard
about the dial groups from the insiders of the campaign.
I thought, you know, David Pluff, David Binder, the focus group,
pulling impresario from Obama who's now working for Harris. They
are not like champagne popping types. You know, they're like
they like try to keep But they were metaphorically popping
champagne corks last night. At how well that are handed
(39:31):
it did in the Trump world. They were popping like
either like male ex or conapin, I don't know which,
but they were.
Speaker 1 (39:38):
They were not there.
Speaker 14 (39:39):
And when those guys showed up and I looked at them,
I was like, those guys are either very very sad,
very very drugged up, or.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Someone killed their pets.
Speaker 14 (39:51):
Maybe that's they lost their They looked like a bunch
of guys who have their had their cats and dogs
like taken out by some imaginary Haitians in Ohio.
Speaker 4 (39:57):
Yeah, take it from the sad Man and the sketchers.
I think that's how the debate weds. Be sure to
check out John's column at Puck and It's podcast at
Politics We got home, May I look a.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Quick gray right back half of this that's our Choseph tonight.
But before we go, it's election season.
Speaker 4 (40:22):
We are working with headcount to make sure you and
your friends are good to vote. Did you know that
your friends are much more likely to vote when the
ass comes from you, So if you get three friends
to make sure they're good to vote. You could be
entered to win a trip to New York City for
a backstage experience on the set of The Daily Show.
Take action now by texting TDS two five seven five
(40:44):
six eight, or by going to the link below now
here it is your moment?
Speaker 3 (40:48):
Is that okay? Michael Steele?
Speaker 15 (40:50):
You were quite animated when I saw you in the
Hollway earlier about that's big. I'm gonna see what you're
gonna tell me you think of the debate that you
told me in the whahwait, what was your take on
the debate?
Speaker 3 (41:01):
Michael? Still go ahead? Was the k moment? She spanked
that ass? I'm sorry, that's what she did.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on Comedy Central,
and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Paramount Podcasts.
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