March 8, 2022 • 31 mins
On today's episode, Dr. Randy becomes the show's first in-studio patient...and a surprise call with Dr. Sex Reese's father closes some of our host's many holes.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Make sure to subscribe, rate, and review The Doctor Sex
re Show wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. On
today's episode of The Doctor Sex Reathe Show, Dr Randy
talks about his tantalizing backstory. Later, Dr Randy becomes the
(00:21):
show's first in studio patient, and a call with Dr
Reese's father brings much needed closure to our hosts Many
holes and now The Doctor Sex reaf Show with your host,
Dr Robert sex Reese. This is the Doctor Robert Sex
re Show. I'm Dr Robert sex Reese. How can I
(00:42):
help you today? Every caller that calls me, I take
as it's me or them. I don't like that either, Honestly,
now that I'm hearing it come from you, very excited
to talk about this, Can you give me a second?
I'm choking on a walnut. You know you're on the air,
and we just put aside our differences in a you
that I was right, very impatient to hear your question,
(01:03):
but also living in fear of it. I'm throwing gems
at you and you just keep dropping them in the river.
My situation is, I'm doing what I love. I'm free
from human touch, and I'm here to give what I
have to you. Alright, I guess we're rolling right into it.
We're gonna keep going. There's no time to stop here.
The emotional train wreck continues its slow motion path of destruction.
(01:25):
If you're here for an episode of Will It Fit
with Widemouth Barry, I'm sorry to say that Barry has
had a medical incident with three billiard balls. And at
the same time, my producer Shelley has scheme to take
over his time slot today so we can all slog
through this orchestrated family drama. The topic today will be parenthood.
(01:49):
Ironic as well because it cuts you up. Several weeks ago,
I was accused of having a daughter, impossible since I've
never had sex, and now, just moments ago, I've also
learned that I might also have a twin brother who
was supposed to be the greatest sex therapist of all time,
although to me he sounds basically like a sex pest
(02:10):
with the decent psychological instincts. Thank you very much, that's him.
That's Dr Randy. Off the air, I talked to Dr Randy.
He went through his little book and remember that he did,
in fact have sex with a woman named Genevieve Reese
exactly nine months before Amy Reese's avowed birth date. So
(02:32):
this proves that he is Amy Reese's father and that
I am not Amy Reese's father. So this raises all
kinds of questions. Are my parents even my real parents?
And if not, why did I have to go to
summer camp with them every god damn weekend? And why
(02:54):
didn't Dr Randy have to go? Oh? And both of
us also have identical scars on our perenniums, which some
people call the taint, but I'm sure that is extremely common.
I have seen a lot of perenniums very up close,
and it is not very common. Okay. Well, as much
as this entire line of questioning disgusts and irritates me,
(03:17):
I guess we have to follow it. So, so what
do the scars mean here? Like? What? What? What? What? What?
What's the working theory? I guess We're just going to
figure this out live in front of you, where we
all twins conjoined at the taint? I mean, how would
that even work out for our for our mother, who
you know, well, neither of us has ever met our
(03:38):
biological mother. Correct, what are you saying that she exploded?
During childbirth. I have no idea. I'm just saying I
don't know who she is, but I'm pretty sure it's
not Linda. He's talking now about my mom, Linda Reese.
All Right. You know, I know I don't have a
wide range of emotions to experience. But aren't you Dr
(04:01):
Randy even the least bit angry with Shelley. She has
been manipulating us like Marionette puppets. But now we're out
here doing Punch and Judy live on the air. Well,
she sits back and laughs, her puppet master laugh. How
are you not furious with her? She lied to you.
(04:22):
She brought the truth to light. The truth is always good.
And now I have a twin brother and a daughter,
and it's just amazing to know that there's more of
my genetic material out in the world. There is more
of me. You are a little bit of me, She
is a little bit of me. We are all me,
(04:43):
and that is beautiful. Who are you though? Dr? Randy?
This is what I want to know, and I want
to know it seriously. Before you asked me, what's my deal?
So I'm going to turn the tables on you. What
is your deal? I grew up on a commune and Oregon,
phil with the best sex researcher, sex therapists, and ton
(05:03):
trick masters that were available in America in nineteen seventy six.
Apparently in the story I've always been told is that
I was the creation of the best genetic material of
everyone at the commune to be the best sex therapist ever.
But I always heard rumor, I always heard rumor that
(05:25):
I had a twin the the dregs to my cream,
but that I had consumed him in utero. So very
similar to the movie Twins if Danny DeVito never existed.
So I guess would Randy be the in this scenario
(05:45):
the Danny de Vito character, or do you think that's
the case. I don't know what the case is. Have
you seen Twins? Yeah, of course I've seen twins. You've
so one one of the twins is tall and one
of the twins is short. Yeah, that's not the only
trait that they share. One of the twins is also
very loyal, he's clever, he's funny. If this is true,
(06:11):
then it doesn't mean this is because I also turned
out to be a sex therapist, a pretty successful one.
You know that this is not necessarily the case that
I'm the I'm just gonna let you sit with this
and let it sink in. I'm I'm going to continue
(06:32):
to sink in. And while we're while we're sinking, let's
let's take a break for an ad. Long Lost Twins.
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(06:56):
I've actually had this Infandel and it's not as creepy
as it sounds. Long Lost Twin Marlow has walnut notes
with a coffee finish. Long Lost Twins Marlow, because you
never know what your parents. I've been hiding from you,
and we are We're back now from our ads. Are
(07:16):
we Are we going to do a call? Shelley? I
honestly don't know, because this show has spiraled out of
my control. You said you were in contact with my
daughter Amy Reese, correct. So I've been texting with Amy
and this is what I've heard. Hi. Amy, I'm reaching
out because I have found your real father. Can you
believe it? Would you be available to get on a
(07:38):
live phone call, and Amy said, father L O L
all capital and I just keep getting the dot dot dots.
But then she hasn't sent anything for thirty minutes. She's
actually a lot cooler than that than those messages sound.
So I'm so filled with emotion. What do I do now?
Maybe this is why the universe placed me here? This
(08:02):
is what you do, right? You help people work through
their problems on air? Kind yes I do. What if
I was your caller for this episode whose theme is parenthood? Right?
This is perfect. I love the way my life works
out a little unorthodox. Uh, we both just found out
we are twin brothers. Everything about today is an orthodox
(08:26):
Throw it to the wind man and ride it on
a wave runner? Fine? Sure, okay, yeah, why not? All right?
What wonderful? Okay? So what what? What? What? What do
you normally do? Right? Well? I would say something like, wow,
today has been a real trash pile. But what else
do I expect? Let's keep this out of control train
moving and take our next caller. We have Dr Randy.
(08:48):
Dr Randy, you're on the air, ring ring, ring ring? Yes,
what are you doing? I'm I'm calling, I'm calling into
the show. We have to make it real, Okay, Ring, Ring,
I'm very glad that we didn't grow up together. Yes, Hello,
you're on the air. Hello, Yes, am I on the air.
You are on the air. What is your question? Okay?
(09:10):
I'm widely considered the best sex therapist in the world widely,
and I've had sex with four Wilt Chamberlain's worth of men,
women and undefined. All right, So that's what eighty thousand
or so victims, give or take ten thousand. Anyway, I've
found my work very fulfilling. But I recently found out
that I have a daughter, and she's apparently a bitter
(09:33):
pain in the ass like her uncle. But this news
is actually really changed my outlook on my life. You
just learned this ten minutes ago, dr Andy. I believe
life is meant to be experienced, and even though I'm
late to the game, I want to experience the relationship
between father and daughter. It feels like a huge void
(09:59):
has opened up in me avoid that can't be filled
with incredible sex and multi our genital massages. I am
very close to cutting you off. Can we move it along?
The Only problem is this new daughter doesn't want anything
to do with me. How do I forge a relationship
with my daughter if she won't talk to me, all right,
(10:20):
Dr Randy, Well, first of all, if this daughter of
yours is anything like her uncle, she takes a while
to process new information. I'm talking months, possibly years, could
stretch into a sort of a decade type of measurement.
Not only is it going to change her personal life,
it's going to alter her professional life. How how so
(10:42):
she has an extremely popular podcast called the Daddy Dear
Cast where she talks about the search for for fathers
and father figures. And if it turns out that she
actually has a father, then that show it's probably down
the toilet, down the drain, bye bye? Could put may
he be having me on? Could be a natural conclusion
(11:04):
to her show. Then we could start a father daughter podcast.
She could do whatever she does, and I could talk
about all the beautiful people I'm sleeping with an healing look.
Just just give her some space, let her know that
you want to have a relationship, and then back off.
All right, check in every six months or so six
(11:24):
months at minimum. Ah, that's such a long time. What
if I forget? You can set yourself a reminder or
do you not use phones? No? I don't. I look
at the sun. All right, Well, that is dangerous. But
I also need you to keep in mind that she
is pretty much the exact opposite of who you are
(11:44):
and who am I really. I thought I knew who
I was and how I moved through the world, But
meeting you learning I have a daughter, it's like, how
much do I not know about this world? Yeah? I
know what you mean. Do you do you know about
birch beer? Is that like root beer? Yes, but superior
(12:09):
and sells at a far slower pace. For no good
goddamn reason, I don't even know about birch beer. I
feel like a newborn babe. You are a newborn babe
at all, beautiful taught newborn babe. You grew up in
a highly specific, almost hermetically sealed environment. Dr Randy. But
(12:30):
you you're in the real world. You're dealing with people
who are in the real world. You need to live
in the real world for a while. Get a job,
learn how to drive. There's so much that you don't
know about. Maybe I could, I don't know. Maybe I
could show you around temporal plane the real world a
(12:50):
little bit, and I could show you how to enjoy sex.
Absolutely not. There's no way that's going to happen. And
if you mentioned that again, I'm calling the police. When
I walked in here, I I had low expectations. It
smelt weird. I figured the only good thing to come
out of this with that, I probably would have sex
(13:11):
with Shelley on my way out. But now I've I
come to find out that I have a daughter, and
I realize that the ultimate conclusion of sex is offspring.
I realize that I have completed the loop. I am
(13:34):
the snake eating its own tail. I have done it.
That feels concluded. I take back what I said in
my head. You are very good at your job. I
would still be open to having all right, I'm gonna
thank my guest and uh and brother Dr Randy for that.
(13:54):
By everyone, it's time for me to follow my tingle
to my next destination. I'll admit it. I look forward
to seeing him in again. And let's say one year,
what do you think maybe we could do a one
year anniversary of our meeting? Uh? He is gone. He's gone.
Dr Randy's gone. Shelly. Do you know did you see
where he? And Shelly is also gone? Okay, well, I
(14:18):
can only assume they are showing each other their genitals
right now in the swag closet. Uh, let's go to
an ad. I want to thank our next sponsor, the
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(14:42):
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(15:02):
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them for their relaxing support. He Welcome back to the
Doctor sex Re Show. I'm your host, Dr Robert sex
rese Or am I I honestly, UH cannot say right now.
(15:28):
And I have come to this conclusion. This is all
my parents fault. All of the anger, all the humiliation
I'm feeling right now, It's all on them. Now. I
have talked about my parents on the show before. You know,
we have a complicated relationship. They have been trying to
foist openness on me for decades, and I hate them
(15:52):
for it. They live by a code of radical intimacy.
And I have petitioned Congress to make hugging a hate crime,
not once, but twice. Almost got through on the second one.
And now to learn that, after all that emotional torment
that they have put me through, that I'm not even
(16:12):
their kid. It's like almost choking on a chicken bone,
surviving and then having an actual chicken strangle you to
death with a rope of chicken bones. It's indescribable. My
rage is so blindingly pure right now that it's almost
(16:34):
a kind of euphoria. Have you ever had that, Shelley?
It's very freeing. I feel invincible right now, and and
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually want
to call my parents and get them on the phone
to discuss this. So could you do that for me, Shelley?
Could you patch them in for me while I see
(16:55):
if my eyes can actually burn a hole in this
paper right here? And you're serious? Okay, thank you. I
am going to concentrate on this paper. Dr sex Reese,
your father is online one ah, this is a Dr
(17:18):
Sex re Show. I'm your host, Dr Robert sex Reese. Uh.
Is this Daniel Robbie? Yes, acclaim sex therapist Dr Daniel Reese,
author of The Touching Game and Touching for Keeps. Thank
you for joining us, Robbie. It's very it's wonderful to
hear from you, and you call me taking a bath talk? Yeah?
(17:38):
Is your wife and co author Dr Linda Rees around.
Mom's in her own bathtub on the other side of
the house. Okay, well, it's good that you're finally taking
baths separately at your advanced ages. No, no, we're We're
just we're moving the main tub to the den and
we're expanding at to fit twelve, so this is just
temporary and I'm good to talk. I got my candles
all lit here. Thank you, lax. I don't know. Yeah,
(18:02):
if anybody needs to hear all the details about are
you bathing? Because it's really good for your psychology. I
only started doing it a few years ago, but you know,
I never took bast because I was always in a hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, shower, shower,
shower to try it back. But how are you? What's
going on? Is this? Are we on the air. We
are actually on the Oh my god, I wondered why
(18:22):
you were being so formal. Well, hello everyone out there
in radio land. Yeah, hello, it's great. Okay. Oh did
you hear that Ray Kalak died? Uncle Ray, Uncle Ray Raykala. Yeah,
he was actually on his way to a funeral and
he died. If you can, I don't know whose uncle.
(18:44):
Who's uncle Ray? No, he's Sam and SUSY's dad. He
used to come up with these crazy stories. He said.
He invented wood glue. Dr Ree, quick question for you.
He just called me dad, Come on or pop? Dr Ree.
Do I have a twin brother named Ray and Dy?
What are you and Linda Reyes my real parents? Oh? Boy,
(19:08):
this is this is why you called. Yeah. Yeah, is
this a bad time? Well, that's just that's that's a
complicated question. Okay, I don't think so. To me, it's
a simple yes or now theoretically yes, yes, theoretically. And
my twin brother Randy, are you also his parents? Okay?
(19:28):
In that case, I would say no, okay, even though
Randy has your exact d NA coursing through his beautiful
blonde veins. No, as I think you and your listeners
know that is not the mark of parenting. DNA has
nothing to do with parenting. We did not raise Randy. Well,
that's very lucky for Randy. May I say, can I
(19:49):
ask you how you know about all this? Well? I
know that you and the people in your sex therapy
commune camp combined all of your DNA somehow to create
one perfect sex therapist fetus. That fetus was born and
is now in fact a world renowned sex therapist who's
very tall and thinks the Big Bang was an ejaculation,
(20:13):
and is named Randy. I also know that there was
an unexpected twin fetus which was also born, but that
fetus turned out to be quite a bit shorter and
only regionally renowned because it was composed of the leftover
genetic sludge from your little experiment, and that fetus is
named me. Do you have any kind of response to that? Yes,
(20:38):
I'm listening. I'm just I'm setting up some other candles here. Okay,
did you hear talking? But did you hear it at all? No?
I just needed to frankly, what you're saying is a
little stressful. I had to break up the sentence. Candles.
They helped me relax. Are they close at hand so
you can reach out of the tub and get them,
or did you have to go into another room while
you were talking? Now now they're in there, and that
(21:00):
they were in the hallway, but I could hear you. Okay,
and is it working? Are you feeling distressed? I'm going
to lie back here and I'm gonna go under the
water for a minute. Okay, great, So you're just going
to go through all of the calming exercises that you've
picked up over the past thirty or forty years while
we're on air. I knew this day was going to come.
(21:20):
I knew that this would come up at some point.
I did not expect to be caught unawares in the bath.
I did not expect to discuss it on your radio show.
I would have preferred that we did it in a
more intimate setting. Well, this to me is, how do
you want me to respond to this? I don't know.
I mean, I've only had a few minutes to process this,
But just off the top of my head, how about
I'm sorry, Robbie. We shouldn't have done that, Robbie. We
(21:42):
should all be in jail. Robbie. I should probably drown
myself in the bath, Robbie, because I am barely even
able to call myself human. Robbie. Okay, are you are
you trying to cancel me? Is that what this is? No?
I don't be canceling your father. I don't have the
ability to cancel anyone, and if I would, if I did,
(22:04):
I would have canceled you years ago. I have to
you have to take your mind back from before you
were born to an earlier time in this country. We
we were all trying to do what was right. Things
aren't always black and white, Yes, they are black and white.
Always thought we were changing the world, all of us did,
(22:26):
and there were advances that we were making in genetics.
It wasn't that far eleap to think that we could
create a generation of sexually enlightened super humans to usher
in a new age. I see, okay, well, that that
age that was devoid of repression, an age that was
about self actualization through sexuality. No, that that that makes
(22:47):
a lot of sense now that I know that you
guys were sex Nazis. That is that is too fun?
Watch is it to breeding superhumans ushering in a new age?
That's sex Natzi? Talk right out of the sex Nazi.
I maybe I may be a grammar Nazi, but I
am not a sex Nazi, and I'm not a Nazi Nazi. No,
(23:08):
I'm glad you're not a Nazi Nazi. That's one thing
I would always say about you. We were expanding our minds,
and I have to admit sometimes we had chemical assistance
with that. You know, marijuana, mushrooms, LSD, BCP, reds, blues, greens, pinks,
all the colors of the rainbow, trank, crank, and this
(23:31):
was generating a lot of ideas. And we were expanding
our brains, and we were expanding our sexual awareness. And
we were young. We were so young, yeah, and arrogant
and arrogant, yes, and stupid and stupid and irresponsible and irresponsible.
I don't disagree with you and stupid, okay, But you
know what, if we were so stupid, how come we
had you? You've had a great life. I have spent
(23:55):
my entire quote great unquote life trying to live up
to you and Mom and failing at every single turn,
at great expense to me emotionally and physically. You have,
of course I have. Why do you think I became
a sex therapist first? Of all, I thought you hated
(24:15):
being I did, and I do. Yes, I hate every
moment of it, but I still made it my career.
That is how badly I just wanted your approval. Well,
this is interesting coming from the sun who who reported
us to the FBI your excessive displays of affection. They
had a hotline the son who considers birthday cards violence.
(24:38):
I cannot comment on pending legal action, and you know that,
so it's not really fair to bring that up. Listen,
Dr Reye. The point is, just when I start to
feel like I've done enough in my career to earn
your respect on my own for what I've accomplished as
(24:59):
a man and as the only regionally syndicated sex therapist
has never had sex. Just when I get to that point,
not only do I learn that you're not my real parents,
these people I've been trying to gain the approval of,
but that you have another kid whose way way better
(25:20):
at my career than me. Robbie, we are your real parents.
What I don't understand is why you didn't tell me sooner.
Do you remember when you found out that Santa Claus
wasn't real? I remember it like it was yesterday. Yes,
do you remember what you told me? Yes? I said
you'd made a fool out of me and I would
never trust anyone again five five years old. Well yeah,
(25:42):
it was the ultimate portrayal. So that's why you are.
And you know what, these aren't necessarily bad qualities, but
you are stubborn, you're inflexible, you're intractable. You put up walls. Yeah,
keep keep piling it on. This this is the move
to make end and you genuinely want to help people
because of those qualities. You challenge everything, which is what
(26:04):
we were doing back then. You possess a childlike innocence that,
frankly I envy. When I listened to your show, I say,
that's my boy, that's my son, that's my Robbie. I
didn't know that you listened to the show. I have
listened to every episode. And do you want to know
what I really think? You? You? You're the one who
got the good change. The point is you. You. You're aspirational,
(26:26):
you aspired to something. You're uniquely you. It doesn't matter
where you came from or what you were told or
what you were and told. You are you and I
love you for that. You do. Yes, maybe I shouldn't
have told you there was no Santa when you were
five years old. At the time, I felt the idea
of Santa was just corporate malevolence. Maybe in a way,
(26:50):
my refusal to forgive you for telling you the truth
kind of set the stage for all of this, where
I have tried to avoid the truth to get a
from never experiencing that kind of pain. Again, I don't
I don't think I've always been the easiest person to
tell the truth to either, And in my way, I
tried to avoid the truth as well because I was
(27:12):
afraid of hurting you, and I knew that you tended
to go into a deep hole metaphorically. I literally dug
a hole in my yard that I slept in for
three days when I found out that bar Rescue is staged. Well,
thank you for taking the time to to talk to us.
(27:33):
I know you're very busy, probably working on another disgusting book.
The Courage to Touch is now in paperback. He can
get that on all the Amazon and that, Yeah, people
know where to people know where to get books. Dead Well,
I'm glad we had this little talk. Yeah, me too,
Me too, So I guess we should go to an
go to an ad or or maybe just totally turned
(27:55):
the whole station off or whatever needs to happen. But
before before we do that, I just wanted to tell
you that I love you, and um just please let
mom know I love her too. Well. I think this
was very significant. I've never heard you say that. All right,
let's cut him off. Please thank you. Okay, we'll be
(28:17):
back after this. Okay. Want to extend a big thank
you to our next sponsor, the FBI's Big Book of
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(29:24):
available now. I've been on the air for the better
part of my adult life, and I thought I had
gone through everything possible to go through. But um, but
the events of the past two hours feel like it's
(29:45):
two decades worth of worth of emotions wrapped into one.
I'm tempted right now to strain for a metaphor, but
I don't even want to sully the experience with that.
What would I do? What would I what would I
call it? A croissant, you know, oppressed, diamond of emotion known?
None of those work. And I just want to say
to you, Shelly Uh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the
(30:10):
way I talked to you, the way I treated you,
and honestly for what I assumed your motivations to be.
I now know that you are just a professional who
has no ulterior motives here, nothing personal against me. You're
just a true producer who wants this show to be
(30:33):
the best show it possibly can. And I and I
have to tell you, honestly, I would rather have no
one else as my right hand. I really appreciate you
saying that, Dr Reese, and fascinating timing um for this
to happen, because you and I both just got an
(30:53):
email from our boss's boss and I'm going to be
your new co host Shelly and Dr Rees. I'm not
going to process that information at the moment, don't want to,
don't feel capable of it. I'm going to consider the
words I said before Shelley spoke up to be the
concluding words of this episode and this season of The
(31:18):
Doctor Sex re Show. I am your host, Dr Robert
Sex Reese. Until next time, keep your mind open and
your eyes your eyes closed. We'll see you next time.
(31:39):
Make sure to rate, review, and subscribe to The Doctor
Sex re Show wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
Make sure to subscribe, rate, and review The Doctor Sex
re Show wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. On
today's episode of The Doctor Sex Reathe Show, Dr Randy
talks about his tantalizing backstory. Later, Dr Randy becomes the
(00:21):
show's first in studio patient, and a call with Dr
Reese's father brings much needed closure to our hosts Many
holes and now The Doctor Sex reaf Show with your host,
Dr Robert sex Reese. This is the Doctor Robert Sex
re Show. I'm Dr Robert sex Reese. How can I
(00:42):
help you today? Every caller that calls me, I take
as it's me or them. I don't like that either, Honestly,
now that I'm hearing it come from you, very excited
to talk about this, Can you give me a second?
I'm choking on a walnut. You know you're on the air,
and we just put aside our differences in a you
that I was right, very impatient to hear your question,
(01:03):
but also living in fear of it. I'm throwing gems
at you and you just keep dropping them in the river.
My situation is, I'm doing what I love. I'm free
from human touch, and I'm here to give what I
have to you. Alright, I guess we're rolling right into it.
We're gonna keep going. There's no time to stop here.
The emotional train wreck continues its slow motion path of destruction.
(01:25):
If you're here for an episode of Will It Fit
with Widemouth Barry, I'm sorry to say that Barry has
had a medical incident with three billiard balls. And at
the same time, my producer Shelley has scheme to take
over his time slot today so we can all slog
through this orchestrated family drama. The topic today will be parenthood.
(01:49):
Ironic as well because it cuts you up. Several weeks ago,
I was accused of having a daughter, impossible since I've
never had sex, and now, just moments ago, I've also
learned that I might also have a twin brother who
was supposed to be the greatest sex therapist of all time,
although to me he sounds basically like a sex pest
(02:10):
with the decent psychological instincts. Thank you very much, that's him.
That's Dr Randy. Off the air, I talked to Dr Randy.
He went through his little book and remember that he did,
in fact have sex with a woman named Genevieve Reese
exactly nine months before Amy Reese's avowed birth date. So
(02:32):
this proves that he is Amy Reese's father and that
I am not Amy Reese's father. So this raises all
kinds of questions. Are my parents even my real parents?
And if not, why did I have to go to
summer camp with them every god damn weekend? And why
(02:54):
didn't Dr Randy have to go? Oh? And both of
us also have identical scars on our perenniums, which some
people call the taint, but I'm sure that is extremely common.
I have seen a lot of perenniums very up close,
and it is not very common. Okay. Well, as much
as this entire line of questioning disgusts and irritates me,
(03:17):
I guess we have to follow it. So, so what
do the scars mean here? Like? What? What? What? What? What?
What's the working theory? I guess We're just going to
figure this out live in front of you, where we
all twins conjoined at the taint? I mean, how would
that even work out for our for our mother, who
you know, well, neither of us has ever met our
(03:38):
biological mother. Correct, what are you saying that she exploded?
During childbirth. I have no idea. I'm just saying I
don't know who she is, but I'm pretty sure it's
not Linda. He's talking now about my mom, Linda Reese.
All Right. You know, I know I don't have a
wide range of emotions to experience. But aren't you Dr
(04:01):
Randy even the least bit angry with Shelley. She has
been manipulating us like Marionette puppets. But now we're out
here doing Punch and Judy live on the air. Well,
she sits back and laughs, her puppet master laugh. How
are you not furious with her? She lied to you.
(04:22):
She brought the truth to light. The truth is always good.
And now I have a twin brother and a daughter,
and it's just amazing to know that there's more of
my genetic material out in the world. There is more
of me. You are a little bit of me, She
is a little bit of me. We are all me,
(04:43):
and that is beautiful. Who are you though? Dr? Randy?
This is what I want to know, and I want
to know it seriously. Before you asked me, what's my deal?
So I'm going to turn the tables on you. What
is your deal? I grew up on a commune and Oregon,
phil with the best sex researcher, sex therapists, and ton
(05:03):
trick masters that were available in America in nineteen seventy six.
Apparently in the story I've always been told is that
I was the creation of the best genetic material of
everyone at the commune to be the best sex therapist ever.
But I always heard rumor, I always heard rumor that
(05:25):
I had a twin the the dregs to my cream,
but that I had consumed him in utero. So very
similar to the movie Twins if Danny DeVito never existed.
So I guess would Randy be the in this scenario
(05:45):
the Danny de Vito character, or do you think that's
the case. I don't know what the case is. Have
you seen Twins? Yeah, of course I've seen twins. You've
so one one of the twins is tall and one
of the twins is short. Yeah, that's not the only
trait that they share. One of the twins is also
very loyal, he's clever, he's funny. If this is true,
(06:11):
then it doesn't mean this is because I also turned
out to be a sex therapist, a pretty successful one.
You know that this is not necessarily the case that
I'm the I'm just gonna let you sit with this
and let it sink in. I'm I'm going to continue
(06:32):
to sink in. And while we're while we're sinking, let's
let's take a break for an ad. Long Lost Twins.
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(06:56):
I've actually had this Infandel and it's not as creepy
as it sounds. Long Lost Twin Marlow has walnut notes
with a coffee finish. Long Lost Twins Marlow, because you
never know what your parents. I've been hiding from you,
and we are We're back now from our ads. Are
(07:16):
we Are we going to do a call? Shelley? I
honestly don't know, because this show has spiraled out of
my control. You said you were in contact with my
daughter Amy Reese, correct. So I've been texting with Amy
and this is what I've heard. Hi. Amy, I'm reaching
out because I have found your real father. Can you
believe it? Would you be available to get on a
(07:38):
live phone call, and Amy said, father L O L
all capital and I just keep getting the dot dot dots.
But then she hasn't sent anything for thirty minutes. She's
actually a lot cooler than that than those messages sound.
So I'm so filled with emotion. What do I do now?
Maybe this is why the universe placed me here? This
(08:02):
is what you do, right? You help people work through
their problems on air? Kind yes I do. What if
I was your caller for this episode whose theme is parenthood? Right?
This is perfect. I love the way my life works
out a little unorthodox. Uh, we both just found out
we are twin brothers. Everything about today is an orthodox
(08:26):
Throw it to the wind man and ride it on
a wave runner? Fine? Sure, okay, yeah, why not? All right?
What wonderful? Okay? So what what? What? What? What do
you normally do? Right? Well? I would say something like, wow,
today has been a real trash pile. But what else
do I expect? Let's keep this out of control train
moving and take our next caller. We have Dr Randy.
(08:48):
Dr Randy, you're on the air, ring ring, ring ring? Yes,
what are you doing? I'm I'm calling, I'm calling into
the show. We have to make it real, Okay, Ring, Ring,
I'm very glad that we didn't grow up together. Yes, Hello,
you're on the air. Hello, Yes, am I on the air.
You are on the air. What is your question? Okay?
(09:10):
I'm widely considered the best sex therapist in the world widely,
and I've had sex with four Wilt Chamberlain's worth of men,
women and undefined. All right, So that's what eighty thousand
or so victims, give or take ten thousand. Anyway, I've
found my work very fulfilling. But I recently found out
that I have a daughter, and she's apparently a bitter
(09:33):
pain in the ass like her uncle. But this news
is actually really changed my outlook on my life. You
just learned this ten minutes ago, dr Andy. I believe
life is meant to be experienced, and even though I'm
late to the game, I want to experience the relationship
between father and daughter. It feels like a huge void
(09:59):
has opened up in me avoid that can't be filled
with incredible sex and multi our genital massages. I am
very close to cutting you off. Can we move it along?
The Only problem is this new daughter doesn't want anything
to do with me. How do I forge a relationship
with my daughter if she won't talk to me, all right,
(10:20):
Dr Randy, Well, first of all, if this daughter of
yours is anything like her uncle, she takes a while
to process new information. I'm talking months, possibly years, could
stretch into a sort of a decade type of measurement.
Not only is it going to change her personal life,
it's going to alter her professional life. How how so
(10:42):
she has an extremely popular podcast called the Daddy Dear
Cast where she talks about the search for for fathers
and father figures. And if it turns out that she
actually has a father, then that show it's probably down
the toilet, down the drain, bye bye? Could put may
he be having me on? Could be a natural conclusion
(11:04):
to her show. Then we could start a father daughter podcast.
She could do whatever she does, and I could talk
about all the beautiful people I'm sleeping with an healing look.
Just just give her some space, let her know that
you want to have a relationship, and then back off.
All right, check in every six months or so six
(11:24):
months at minimum. Ah, that's such a long time. What
if I forget? You can set yourself a reminder or
do you not use phones? No? I don't. I look
at the sun. All right, Well, that is dangerous. But
I also need you to keep in mind that she
is pretty much the exact opposite of who you are
(11:44):
and who am I really. I thought I knew who
I was and how I moved through the world, But
meeting you learning I have a daughter, it's like, how
much do I not know about this world? Yeah? I
know what you mean. Do you do you know about
birch beer? Is that like root beer? Yes, but superior
(12:09):
and sells at a far slower pace. For no good
goddamn reason, I don't even know about birch beer. I
feel like a newborn babe. You are a newborn babe
at all, beautiful taught newborn babe. You grew up in
a highly specific, almost hermetically sealed environment. Dr Randy. But
(12:30):
you you're in the real world. You're dealing with people
who are in the real world. You need to live
in the real world for a while. Get a job,
learn how to drive. There's so much that you don't
know about. Maybe I could, I don't know. Maybe I
could show you around temporal plane the real world a
(12:50):
little bit, and I could show you how to enjoy sex.
Absolutely not. There's no way that's going to happen. And
if you mentioned that again, I'm calling the police. When
I walked in here, I I had low expectations. It
smelt weird. I figured the only good thing to come
out of this with that, I probably would have sex
(13:11):
with Shelley on my way out. But now I've I
come to find out that I have a daughter, and
I realize that the ultimate conclusion of sex is offspring.
I realize that I have completed the loop. I am
(13:34):
the snake eating its own tail. I have done it.
That feels concluded. I take back what I said in
my head. You are very good at your job. I
would still be open to having all right, I'm gonna
thank my guest and uh and brother Dr Randy for that.
(13:54):
By everyone, it's time for me to follow my tingle
to my next destination. I'll admit it. I look forward
to seeing him in again. And let's say one year,
what do you think maybe we could do a one
year anniversary of our meeting? Uh? He is gone. He's gone.
Dr Randy's gone. Shelly. Do you know did you see
where he? And Shelly is also gone? Okay, well, I
(14:18):
can only assume they are showing each other their genitals
right now in the swag closet. Uh, let's go to
an ad. I want to thank our next sponsor, the
good people at Vacation Acres. Hey you yeah, you have
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(14:42):
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(15:02):
most in the world. Act now and get ten percent
off our famous massages at Vacation Acres, and we thank
them for their relaxing support. He Welcome back to the
Doctor sex Re Show. I'm your host, Dr Robert sex
rese Or am I I honestly, UH cannot say right now.
(15:28):
And I have come to this conclusion. This is all
my parents fault. All of the anger, all the humiliation
I'm feeling right now, It's all on them. Now. I
have talked about my parents on the show before. You know,
we have a complicated relationship. They have been trying to
foist openness on me for decades, and I hate them
(15:52):
for it. They live by a code of radical intimacy.
And I have petitioned Congress to make hugging a hate crime,
not once, but twice. Almost got through on the second one.
And now to learn that, after all that emotional torment
that they have put me through, that I'm not even
(16:12):
their kid. It's like almost choking on a chicken bone,
surviving and then having an actual chicken strangle you to
death with a rope of chicken bones. It's indescribable. My
rage is so blindingly pure right now that it's almost
(16:34):
a kind of euphoria. Have you ever had that, Shelley?
It's very freeing. I feel invincible right now, and and
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually want
to call my parents and get them on the phone
to discuss this. So could you do that for me, Shelley?
Could you patch them in for me while I see
(16:55):
if my eyes can actually burn a hole in this
paper right here? And you're serious? Okay, thank you. I
am going to concentrate on this paper. Dr sex Reese,
your father is online one ah, this is a Dr
(17:18):
Sex re Show. I'm your host, Dr Robert sex Reese. Uh.
Is this Daniel Robbie? Yes, acclaim sex therapist Dr Daniel Reese,
author of The Touching Game and Touching for Keeps. Thank
you for joining us, Robbie. It's very it's wonderful to
hear from you, and you call me taking a bath talk? Yeah?
(17:38):
Is your wife and co author Dr Linda Rees around.
Mom's in her own bathtub on the other side of
the house. Okay, well, it's good that you're finally taking
baths separately at your advanced ages. No, no, we're We're
just we're moving the main tub to the den and
we're expanding at to fit twelve, so this is just
temporary and I'm good to talk. I got my candles
all lit here. Thank you, lax. I don't know. Yeah,
(18:02):
if anybody needs to hear all the details about are
you bathing? Because it's really good for your psychology. I
only started doing it a few years ago, but you know,
I never took bast because I was always in a hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, shower, shower,
shower to try it back. But how are you? What's
going on? Is this? Are we on the air. We
are actually on the Oh my god, I wondered why
(18:22):
you were being so formal. Well, hello everyone out there
in radio land. Yeah, hello, it's great. Okay. Oh did
you hear that Ray Kalak died? Uncle Ray, Uncle Ray Raykala. Yeah,
he was actually on his way to a funeral and
he died. If you can, I don't know whose uncle.
(18:44):
Who's uncle Ray? No, he's Sam and SUSY's dad. He
used to come up with these crazy stories. He said.
He invented wood glue. Dr Ree, quick question for you.
He just called me dad, Come on or pop? Dr Ree.
Do I have a twin brother named Ray and Dy?
What are you and Linda Reyes my real parents? Oh? Boy,
(19:08):
this is this is why you called. Yeah. Yeah, is
this a bad time? Well, that's just that's that's a
complicated question. Okay, I don't think so. To me, it's
a simple yes or now theoretically yes, yes, theoretically. And
my twin brother Randy, are you also his parents? Okay?
(19:28):
In that case, I would say no, okay, even though
Randy has your exact d NA coursing through his beautiful
blonde veins. No, as I think you and your listeners
know that is not the mark of parenting. DNA has
nothing to do with parenting. We did not raise Randy. Well,
that's very lucky for Randy. May I say, can I
(19:49):
ask you how you know about all this? Well? I
know that you and the people in your sex therapy
commune camp combined all of your DNA somehow to create
one perfect sex therapist fetus. That fetus was born and
is now in fact a world renowned sex therapist who's
very tall and thinks the Big Bang was an ejaculation,
(20:13):
and is named Randy. I also know that there was
an unexpected twin fetus which was also born, but that
fetus turned out to be quite a bit shorter and
only regionally renowned because it was composed of the leftover
genetic sludge from your little experiment, and that fetus is
named me. Do you have any kind of response to that? Yes,
(20:38):
I'm listening. I'm just I'm setting up some other candles here. Okay,
did you hear talking? But did you hear it at all? No?
I just needed to frankly, what you're saying is a
little stressful. I had to break up the sentence. Candles.
They helped me relax. Are they close at hand so
you can reach out of the tub and get them,
or did you have to go into another room while
you were talking? Now now they're in there, and that
(21:00):
they were in the hallway, but I could hear you. Okay,
and is it working? Are you feeling distressed? I'm going
to lie back here and I'm gonna go under the
water for a minute. Okay, great, So you're just going
to go through all of the calming exercises that you've
picked up over the past thirty or forty years while
we're on air. I knew this day was going to come.
(21:20):
I knew that this would come up at some point.
I did not expect to be caught unawares in the bath.
I did not expect to discuss it on your radio show.
I would have preferred that we did it in a
more intimate setting. Well, this to me is, how do
you want me to respond to this? I don't know.
I mean, I've only had a few minutes to process this,
But just off the top of my head, how about
I'm sorry, Robbie. We shouldn't have done that, Robbie. We
(21:42):
should all be in jail. Robbie. I should probably drown
myself in the bath, Robbie, because I am barely even
able to call myself human. Robbie. Okay, are you are
you trying to cancel me? Is that what this is? No?
I don't be canceling your father. I don't have the
ability to cancel anyone, and if I would, if I did,
(22:04):
I would have canceled you years ago. I have to
you have to take your mind back from before you
were born to an earlier time in this country. We
we were all trying to do what was right. Things
aren't always black and white, Yes, they are black and white.
Always thought we were changing the world, all of us did,
(22:26):
and there were advances that we were making in genetics.
It wasn't that far eleap to think that we could
create a generation of sexually enlightened super humans to usher
in a new age. I see, okay, well, that that
age that was devoid of repression, an age that was
about self actualization through sexuality. No, that that that makes
(22:47):
a lot of sense now that I know that you
guys were sex Nazis. That is that is too fun?
Watch is it to breeding superhumans ushering in a new age?
That's sex Natzi? Talk right out of the sex Nazi.
I maybe I may be a grammar Nazi, but I
am not a sex Nazi, and I'm not a Nazi Nazi. No,
(23:08):
I'm glad you're not a Nazi Nazi. That's one thing
I would always say about you. We were expanding our minds,
and I have to admit sometimes we had chemical assistance
with that. You know, marijuana, mushrooms, LSD, BCP, reds, blues, greens, pinks,
all the colors of the rainbow, trank, crank, and this
(23:31):
was generating a lot of ideas. And we were expanding
our brains, and we were expanding our sexual awareness. And
we were young. We were so young, yeah, and arrogant
and arrogant, yes, and stupid and stupid and irresponsible and irresponsible.
I don't disagree with you and stupid, okay, But you
know what, if we were so stupid, how come we
had you? You've had a great life. I have spent
(23:55):
my entire quote great unquote life trying to live up
to you and Mom and failing at every single turn,
at great expense to me emotionally and physically. You have,
of course I have. Why do you think I became
a sex therapist first? Of all, I thought you hated
(24:15):
being I did, and I do. Yes, I hate every
moment of it, but I still made it my career.
That is how badly I just wanted your approval. Well,
this is interesting coming from the sun who who reported
us to the FBI your excessive displays of affection. They
had a hotline the son who considers birthday cards violence.
(24:38):
I cannot comment on pending legal action, and you know that,
so it's not really fair to bring that up. Listen,
Dr Reye. The point is, just when I start to
feel like I've done enough in my career to earn
your respect on my own for what I've accomplished as
(24:59):
a man and as the only regionally syndicated sex therapist
has never had sex. Just when I get to that point,
not only do I learn that you're not my real parents,
these people I've been trying to gain the approval of,
but that you have another kid whose way way better
(25:20):
at my career than me. Robbie, we are your real parents.
What I don't understand is why you didn't tell me sooner.
Do you remember when you found out that Santa Claus
wasn't real? I remember it like it was yesterday. Yes,
do you remember what you told me? Yes? I said
you'd made a fool out of me and I would
never trust anyone again five five years old. Well yeah,
(25:42):
it was the ultimate portrayal. So that's why you are.
And you know what, these aren't necessarily bad qualities, but
you are stubborn, you're inflexible, you're intractable. You put up walls. Yeah,
keep keep piling it on. This this is the move
to make end and you genuinely want to help people
because of those qualities. You challenge everything, which is what
(26:04):
we were doing back then. You possess a childlike innocence that,
frankly I envy. When I listened to your show, I say,
that's my boy, that's my son, that's my Robbie. I
didn't know that you listened to the show. I have
listened to every episode. And do you want to know
what I really think? You? You? You're the one who
got the good change. The point is you. You. You're aspirational,
(26:26):
you aspired to something. You're uniquely you. It doesn't matter
where you came from or what you were told or
what you were and told. You are you and I
love you for that. You do. Yes, maybe I shouldn't
have told you there was no Santa when you were
five years old. At the time, I felt the idea
of Santa was just corporate malevolence. Maybe in a way,
(26:50):
my refusal to forgive you for telling you the truth
kind of set the stage for all of this, where
I have tried to avoid the truth to get a
from never experiencing that kind of pain. Again, I don't
I don't think I've always been the easiest person to
tell the truth to either, And in my way, I
tried to avoid the truth as well because I was
(27:12):
afraid of hurting you, and I knew that you tended
to go into a deep hole metaphorically. I literally dug
a hole in my yard that I slept in for
three days when I found out that bar Rescue is staged. Well,
thank you for taking the time to to talk to us.
(27:33):
I know you're very busy, probably working on another disgusting book.
The Courage to Touch is now in paperback. He can
get that on all the Amazon and that, Yeah, people
know where to people know where to get books. Dead Well,
I'm glad we had this little talk. Yeah, me too,
Me too, So I guess we should go to an
go to an ad or or maybe just totally turned
(27:55):
the whole station off or whatever needs to happen. But
before before we do that, I just wanted to tell
you that I love you, and um just please let
mom know I love her too. Well. I think this
was very significant. I've never heard you say that. All right,
let's cut him off. Please thank you. Okay, we'll be
(28:17):
back after this. Okay. Want to extend a big thank
you to our next sponsor, the FBI's Big Book of
Parenting No Knows Now. Every parent secretly fears that they're
raising a psychopath who's going to grow up to be
a serial killer or maybe a CEO of a major corporation.
(28:41):
Now you'll know what parenting pitfalls to avoid with the
FBI's Big Book of Parenting No Knows Now. This indispensable
guide compiles decades of interviews by the FBI's famed mind
hunters with the moms and dad's of some of history's
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(29:01):
they talked to Ted Bundy's stepdad, Ralph. There's even interviews
with a surprisingly fun loving Al and Clara Hitler. And
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let their mistakes help you become a better parent. That's
the FBI's Big Book of Parenting No Knows, and it's
(29:24):
available now. I've been on the air for the better
part of my adult life, and I thought I had
gone through everything possible to go through. But um, but
the events of the past two hours feel like it's
(29:45):
two decades worth of worth of emotions wrapped into one.
I'm tempted right now to strain for a metaphor, but
I don't even want to sully the experience with that.
What would I do? What would I what would I
call it? A croissant, you know, oppressed, diamond of emotion known?
None of those work. And I just want to say
to you, Shelly Uh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the
(30:10):
way I talked to you, the way I treated you,
and honestly for what I assumed your motivations to be.
I now know that you are just a professional who
has no ulterior motives here, nothing personal against me. You're
just a true producer who wants this show to be
(30:33):
the best show it possibly can. And I and I
have to tell you, honestly, I would rather have no
one else as my right hand. I really appreciate you
saying that, Dr Reese, and fascinating timing um for this
to happen, because you and I both just got an
(30:53):
email from our boss's boss and I'm going to be
your new co host Shelly and Dr Rees. I'm not
going to process that information at the moment, don't want to,
don't feel capable of it. I'm going to consider the
words I said before Shelley spoke up to be the
concluding words of this episode and this season of The
(31:18):
Doctor Sex re Show. I am your host, Dr Robert
Sex Reese. Until next time, keep your mind open and
your eyes your eyes closed. We'll see you next time.
(31:39):
Make sure to rate, review, and subscribe to The Doctor
Sex re Show wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.