F*ck Those Demons! (with Craig Conant)

Frankie kicks back with hilarious comedian, Craig Conant. They share unbelievable stories from their darker past and celebrate how far they’ve both come. Also, Junior listens to an essay contest he won in middle school, and Rudy Rodriguez gives a guitar lesson.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
We got that laughter for your soul and now too
the into the breaking on this show. My bad um
um um um. I wanted to beat box since I
was five because I was a big fan of the
Fat Boys and my baby I'm a rich man. I
used to that every uh was it? Uh The Disorderly?

(00:26):
Remember that? We me and my cousins Sonic. We used
to watch out my grandma's house. We had that ship
on repeat home, we got the vhs. We're just like dad.
He's like one of the brothers walks in on the
my brother in the kitchen when they're living with that
rich dude, right and uh he's eating uh uh like

(00:48):
Brussels sprouts, just like a bowl of Brussels sprouts, and
he's like, what are you eating that for? He's like,
I'm trying to get bitches. You know, I never forget.
I was like five years old seeing the naked ladies
go down this water slide and just be like, oh ship,
remember the old dude you chill out winds low or whatever?
Remember that? Yeah? Yeah, oh man, there's so much of

(01:15):
the movies. I just would not fly today. Classic Man,
Classic hold me the Disorderlies. Youngsters out there if you
ain't seeing the disorderlies. Gonna check that out your history
starting the Fat Boys. I could do it and I
was like five, and now it like makes me hyper ventilate,
and then I had to catch my breath. Right now, Okay,

(01:39):
oh man, Hey, what's up y'all? Showld me Frankie. Frankie,
we're in the Frankie Show podcast. Got throw me Craig
in here today. Say what's up? Man? Say what's up
to the people? Thank you for having me, sir? Why
did I say, sir? I don't know. I got nervous.
How are you? I'm like, you're always on these bikes.

(01:59):
I guess I am older than you though, but yet
two nice, only four years nore. We both know this
sort least. I put a little meth on my eyelids. Grow,
I know that that's a trip. It's always a gauge,
you know, when you could like see I put a
little meth on my eyelids. Dude, it's such a true

(02:20):
because I know I had known you just from you know,
the clubs like Hollywood Improblem. Mostly it's like you know
that's that's the home spot. And then um, you know
we have another mutual friend Craig Craig Robinson shout out
to that homie and um, I remember one time. We
would talk to each other every now and then, but
there was one type. Craig was at the bar at
the improv of it was like look, look who's here.
It was we're facetiving and you were there, like, what's

(02:42):
side the Craigs. I love that for that falls the homie.
Oh yeah, man, the nicest dude ever, cool, cool, cool,
his eyes on. Yeah, yeah, that was that was like
my first big break and call me with him calling
me up. I didn't even know what the word of
veils man at the time, and that just means like
you're ail ability to do shows. And I'll never forget that. Man.

(03:03):
He called me up and he's like, hey, what's your
avails And I was like, yeah, yeah, I got it, Yeah,
do it whatever you need. I got yeah, I'll make
it happen. And he's like, okay, Like you want to
go to Nashville next weekend. I was like yeah, yeah,
I was trying to keep it cool. You call your
job I quit. Yeah. I was so naive to the
game too when I first because I've always been a weirdo.

(03:24):
So I got you know, you get things and they're like,
oh God, meet this guy in this room. And it
was an agent and I was like green. And then
he was trying to get me work and I was like, hey,
I want acting, but I don't want to read the words,
like I can't memorize them, Like can I just speak acting? Yeah,
And he's just laughed at me, like come back when
you're ready, bro, you know what I mean. But like

(03:46):
he's just a vail. Story made me remember that was
in the office, Like I don't know how to get
the lines down, but I'll be funny. Give me in there,
you know. I know that man. And like auditionally, like
to this day, I sucked on. It's a different beast
than actually doing the actual job. And that's been that's
been like an eye opening thing for me, is because man,

(04:07):
I go into it like auditions, I'm like, you know,
there's like a nervous energy too, and and I'm like,
I don't know, It's just it's a different playing field,
you know where it's like, man, if you just give
me the job, let them cameras roll, you know, I'll
hit my marks. I know my lines boom boom boom.
And then uh. You know, to this day, I'm like, damn.
And so now I get I get sometimes opportunities now
because of the work where I'm like in rooms where

(04:30):
they're auditioning other people and I'm like, you know, I'm
not like the one making the gym, but I'm on
the other side of the table. So when i see
people like coming and be nervous, I'm like, oh man,
I feel I know what you're going through. Uh. But
at the same time, it's like, dude, you gotta show
you gotta show him something. And so it's like, I
don't know, I just I just always thought that that
part was funny because dude. I remember speaking to Craig like,

(04:50):
oh man, he's gonna laugh if he here's this short story.
But you know, Craig Romson, him and Adam Scott had
a show uh years ago called Ghosted right. It was
like the sci fi like something showing Craig got me
an audition, right, And so you know, I'm still young
at the game hold me. You know, I have been
doing stand up a while, but you know, I was like, oh,
I just need break, I just need that big break

(05:13):
and holdie, I was reading for this this uh, this
part right, and I end up like I read too
much into it, you know, Like I went it got
like a little like a like a little wig like
where the only the hair comes out the side of
like a fisherman's hat. I'm like, oh, this is this dude,
you know, holdie, I got a wig. I mean like
a fisherman's hat, like we're only the wig was bald

(05:34):
on top. It was like a fryer's man's like wigs.
I was bald on top and they had the hair
on the side and I got a fisherman's out. I
dropped the audition. Yeah, oh mee. I got to the
parking garage and I brought a little a little thing
of jamison with me and I took a couple of

(05:56):
shots and I was like this computed. I think you've
got this. You know, you got to hold me like
walking and Craigs like on the other side, and his
ages and and the producers and I'm like, what's up y'all.
That Adam Scott was in there's like oh this is great.
He was like rooting for me, you know. But but
I know Craig and other folds are like trying way
too hard, trying to give you a shout out and

(06:16):
he comes smelling like whiskey with a wig. Yeah, I
ate Ship, Dog. I'm like, you know, like trying to
run the lines. I'm like sitting down and I'm not
even like looking at the right fucking marks and Ship like,
I'm not like my eye line is all fucked up.
I'm like Craig even trying to like put his hand up,
like look over you come on, dog, I got you

(06:38):
in the room and make me look bad. Oh man,
I've been there too many times. I still haven't bookshit.
But you're doing good. You gotta you got a big
gass following. You know, you know your podcast does well
like you're You're like, I'm a hustler. Yeah yeah, And
I just I love you know You're funniest fun as
a stand up. And then I just love you. Know

(06:58):
You're the type of motherfucker like I could I can
listen to this dude talk about whatever. You know what
I mean, stories you remind me my family, you reminding
my cousin and Ship. I don't even there was so
much more I learned about you too. You're like, no,
I'm Mexicans, Like, don't mean like like cousin baby Bozo,
I know what I look like, but it's it's it's

(07:20):
like my I'm I'm not even joking, it's in my acts,
but my family is gangsters and golfers, white and brown
and it's wild. It's sucking wild. I know. It's a
trip on me. You know, I got a little bit
of that too. But it's like to me, that's like,
you know, like even like Orange that's like an Orange
County vibe because when people go like, you know, when

(07:41):
you want to say like Orange County, but it's like,
no Orange County, like you know, Santana, Like Santana's Orange
County too. I mean it's like there's like the old
cs like these two different vibes, you know, which is
like a lot of families are like that too. It's like, okay,
you got the homies that are like it doesn't even
have to be necessarily that geography or that place, but
it's like I feel like, you know, Latino families were

(08:02):
so big that you're going to have a little bit
of that. You know, you got the mammals that want
to be called Bill and you know, and like you know,
like yeah, it's Germo, No, we can't call me Bill,
you know, and then but it's all you know in
the end, it's like if you're a good person and
do your thing on me. But but yeah, I learned
that about you. Like, just to be clear, we're from

(08:22):
the Harbor area, Harbor City. Yeah, I would just using
food down there, I know, I know, but no, but
I'm saying that's what I'm saying. You say, Orange County
is like foofu, but then Orange County is also yeah
ras you know, on the other side of the freeway
or whatever, that's still Orange County technically over Anaheim Hills

(08:43):
and then Anaheim exactly. Yeah. Yeah, like that's the comparison
I was trying to say, like when you come to
you know, family members that are well within the other
but we're also the same blood, that kind of thing.
But it's a trip too because my family in Mexico
still they're they're like lawyers, doctors, politicians, Congress and then

(09:04):
my some of my Mexican side in the States, it's
like east side Wheel Moss, you know, just active. Yeah,
and it's just wil Yeah, not Wilmington, North Carolina. Uh yeah,
it's just it's wild down there. Yeah, where They're like
coming to my show that I can I bring my strap.
I'm like no, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(09:25):
We're positive vibes to make people laugh. This is a
comedy show. It's not. It's like, no, bro, maybe a
little pocket knife. You're like, no, you psychopath to laugh.
We're going to laugh and have a good time to
see at we're talking about. It's a crow show, bro,

(09:46):
what are you doing? Put the gun away? They're just wild, yeah,
just in but it is though. I can't even. I
want to give them copious amounts of mushrooms and help
them find God, like leave the cars me. Oh, I've
done like Molly with some of my gangster pretty most man.
It's just a cool thing to watch. Love you brod.

(10:09):
What was I violent in the past? Why was I
violate the past? Around the lady? Oh? Ship? Hey Junior?
How are you doing me? Whol? Hey? What's up for?

(10:31):
My mom told me to come back because you have
something to show me and anything? Oh yes, yes, that's right.
I have an old video. I found a VHSH tape.
I was cleaning some things from the garage. It's from
my I think you were in seventh grade and you
had won a writing competition that was a long time ago. Yes,

(10:51):
should wash me cool. But let me ask you this,
do you still write me? No? Not really, you know,
because I got my high and you know, I work
on my car to keep my rooms looking for me,
and you know the rest of that time, I pretty
much just kick after that. So yeah, well, if you

(11:13):
ever wanted to get back to it, you should because
you're very, very challenged. I mean check that out. Let
me show you this tape. This next student beat over
one hundred submissions we received throughout the state. It's my

(11:35):
honor to introduce the first place winner of the Peace
and Hope Initiative for a Better Tomorrow writing competition. It's
Junior Glaves. Oh dang thank you. What the World Needs
and Everything by Junior Leviz dangful. I didn't know Costco

(11:57):
had rioms until my dad took me to the back
where they have all that car stuff. And it was
at that moment food that my life had changed. I
remember staring at the shiny Rims Food summer fourteen inch
sumwhere nineteen and I think I even saw twenty inch
rims food on display right there. Yeah. Uh, some people

(12:19):
fun like to go to the museums to see like
old paintings with naked cordita's or those sculptures. Food those
foods are like they have no arms and they have
tiny potlos right there, and everybody's like, oh, look at
that historical art. These foods they don't have arms, so
they can't even try to play with those little bits anyway,

(12:42):
but there's not much to play with already. Um, but
not me food. Um my museum is in the auto
section food right there at Costco and there ething UM.
I will also remember that day because I'll remember the
look at my dad's face when he asked some much
the feed me chrome rims, where my dad was like, oh,

(13:04):
a d and twenty for all four food. Then the
guy said, nah, they're a hundred and twenty dollars each
food and my dad said, fuck, I don't have that
kind of fat you. Then we're about to leave, and
like I said, hey, if you need extra cash, you
can work here on the weekends because this for Omar

(13:26):
is gonna leave and my dad's it for reals. And
the guy was like, yeah, Omar's leaving here already told everybody. Um,
so damn, my dad got that job food and he
was there working on the weekends and a month later
he got the rims food and they need quit. So yeah,
it just goes to show that we should all help
each other when we can, you know, because there's a

(13:48):
lot of negativity, and if you help your neighbor get
some rims, then the world will be a better place.
Thank you, Junior. That is a beautiful story, Miko. It
even makes me a little emotional, and that was good.
Oh gee, can I borrow this tape because I want

(14:11):
to show my Eva. I don't know it's yours, Junior.
You don't take it to her, be proud, show as
many people as you can. I want to show her
at her place food because her mom is at home
right now, so she'll probably be down to mac if
she if she likes it, you know, Miko, it's a
beautiful story, and you know, I don't want to bring

(14:32):
up anything that could bring you sadness, but it brings
a tear to my eye, especially, uh, you know, knowing
that your father was there for you before he passed. Yeah,
you know, gee, I missed my dad every day. Food
and sometimes when I'm shining my rings, I swear I
can see his reflection food in there and he kind

(14:54):
of just checks up. I mean like, hey you good,
and I said, yeah, Dad, and then I continue to
shine my rims and his honors. Yeah, thank so. G Yes,
these kind of memories spring up beautiful emotions, especially when
you're with your high not it will probably get her
aroused in her in the area right there between her thighs.

(15:18):
Then you go in and you enjoy that so blessed,
shoot me who I love you. M m m m
m m m mmmmmm. We got that laughter for your
soul and now too the into the breaking on this show.
But yeah, it was like you know, I know, like

(15:38):
drugs and all that ship is like you know, we've
always partied, like my family is always partied, and like
it was crazy. One interesting thing I learned it was
like because you know what I's like, it's like, oh no,
it's in your blood, Like it's rehitory. But you learned like, yeah,
is it? Because I know it's a debate only some
people be like no, maybe it's just always saw in
it just soaked in exactly that that's the argument is
like no, no, it's not in your it's not genetic,

(16:00):
it's in your subconscious whatever it's in you somehow. Yeah.
I was still in a little SIPs to whiskey at
five six years old at my uncle Oscar's house and
and fucking Carson Banker. They were watching the old school
fights Oscar Day Lahoya and just just it was just parties,
you know, yeah, and then just stealing SIPs and just

(16:22):
it was just rowdy, you know. It was fun though.
I liked it. Oh yeah, I mean it definitely wasn't boring. No,
no fireworks. Your fools get drunk, some fools cry. There's
some family drama, you know, just the average paper. Fewer barbecue,
family barah wild. We had had the black Box. They

(16:44):
have this, you know, the Playboy channel, the bootleg, remember
the black No squiggly full titties. I'll be up there
whacking it, you know, just like I would whack it
to the squiggly there's you know, the new school. They
don't understand they got iPhones. We had squiggly nipples. Still
newspapers from the remember of the stand with the hook

(17:05):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, no, no, I remember even like
the catalogs, a little Victoria's Secret Catleg or the Frederick's
of Hollywood was one. Yeah, Victoria's secret came out. You know,
twelve year old, thirty ye old, a little horny ful,
remember Cathy Ireland on the cover of like Red Book
at my Nana's house, and I just started humping the faucet,
you know, Oh damn scratched my dick. But I said,

(17:27):
but anyways, wait, you got your you got your little
when you were a little a little I'm saying that
I grew up. Man. Don't remember figuring it out at
Nana's house and like, you know, you're little, so you're like, oh,
shampoo bottle, Oh that thing's got a hole. And then

(17:49):
I remember I was. I was on that same taple go. Yeah,
you remember what I remember. I humped my hands because
I didn't know. I didn't know you could move your hand.
And then later I moved my hand. I was like,
oh that's how Oh what do you mean you just PLoP?
Oh I got it instead of instead of moving my
hand in your hand or like I wouldn't know the

(18:11):
timetable because I was so little. But it was a
while later I remember that and being going like, oh,
just go like this. I figured it out myself. I
wasn't molested, thank god, try to work through that doing
some m d answer like that. Anyways. Uh, but yeah, no,

(18:33):
but I was on that tip too, when you know,
when you first discovered that ship, you know, I was like,
what the funk on me? What was that? He? You're
looking around and you think somebody's like watching or something.
But but my grandma and grandpa on my mom's side,
they moved to a Victorville for a couple years because
I got a pad for cheap out there in time.
So I remember going out there and summers around the time,
and so they had a couch on me in the

(18:54):
in the living room and I found a little crevice.
You know what I'm saying. I said, oh damn, you know,
like how you do? I'm like, what's up Ethan Allen?
You know? For me, I was like, you know, I'm
like twelve or whenever I discovered that bellow and then uh,
you know it they it was like a big there

(19:16):
was like big. It was like a beige leather. So anyways,
it kind of looked like it looked like, you know,
like a big like a nagas on me, like a
big old bu cheese. And then there was a little
crevice in there. So I made my grandma and Grandpa's
living room in summer, I have you know, I don't
have school whatever, and I'm like dang and uh. And
I remember I got up on the couch and I

(19:37):
started ramming it only show my little thing into that
little I heard my Grandpa coming down, and ship, I
think everyone has sucked the couch. I really, I think
of us because you're telling that, you know, because you're
just little and you're just discovering you don't know, and
you're just like humping beds and ship. It was funny too,

(19:59):
because you know, I wasn't like busting all my grandma
Coppers couch and leaving nothing. I was cleaning it up
and like you know, I was busting too, like a
toilet paper or something like that, you know. And uh.
And I had a I had a guinea pig though,
that I brought with me to my grandma grandpas before
we're going here, man, no, no, no, I'm not gonna
ram the guinea pig on me. Don't worry. They're too
little on me. But but my my Grandpa's like, dang,

(20:25):
like this little guinea pig smells like, you know, like
like sex juice or something in Spanish. You know, he's
like saying that, and he thought it was the guinea
pig like just being in heat and like busting inside
the cage or whatever. But it was really because I
was ramming the couch ship hang out there. I never
told that story, but I'm glad judging everybody's done weird

(20:46):
ship like that. Yeah. I've done so much weird ship,
oh for sure, and it got it got weirder as
I got. Yeah, yeah, no judgment here. Yeah, you know
the uppers make you do weird ship. Oh man, I
got finger So when you so for those don't know,
yeah you got you gotta you know, man, I did
a lot of drugs in my life for sure, And

(21:07):
then I didn't know that that was like I mean,
I knew it was kind of like something you always
talked about, but it wasn't until I told you one day.
I was like, yeah, man, I'm trying to like clean
this ship up, get off the ship. You know. The
homie Bobby Lee helped me out with it a lot.
And uh, I was in that spot that we were
talking about earlier before we started recording, was that like

(21:27):
I'm like, I'm in it too deep. Homi I'm never
gonna play a stop this ship. Like I was able
to manage it like a function. I was getting my
work done and if I was busy enough, I'm not
gonna be all just getting high at work and we're
like filming whatever. And then but then I got into
a spot where it was like all that ship became
like a recipe for for It was like funk man,

(21:48):
Like you know, we were talking about it last night.
I was like, damn, I don't. All my bills are
paid on everybody money. I'm doing what I love. But
you get in the spot of that funk. I don't.
I don't deserve this ship, like you know, you still
don't that self hate like that, You're still little piece
of ship on me, like this, let's sunk it up
or whatever. It is like you're not thinking that out loud.
It's all subconscious. And then I just got on a

(22:08):
sick one home and it was like all the once
a month going on a band or whatever, like getting
it in as a stress relief and whatever I told
myself to justify it. It was no more. It was
like I was doing this ship because I was trying.
It was like it was it was that what Downwold Road,
there was a knights where I'm like, I'm not gonna
wake up on me or I'm not and this is

(22:29):
all bad, you know, and I just it's a trip
that I really believe. It always boils down no matter
where you're from, what what, what city state, it's all
self love, you know, because you just you know not
you told you're a piece of ship at a young age.
You believe it, and then you can't get rid of it,
and then you seek these validations that you are a

(22:50):
piece of ship, you know, like see I told you,
you know, suck up even though you don't want to.
You may not intentionally do it, but you're subconscious run
the show. And then you just seek evidence to back up.
I told you I was a piece of ship. That's
what I found out the therapy and all my ship
or whatever, and it's just sucked out. In my opinion,

(23:12):
you got the bug, or you don't like your fiend,
or you're not you know, there's normal people. I'm not
talking to you. I'm a fiend. I can't do shit,
you know, I take I remember I quit pills for
some years years, like four or five years. I used
to love oxy contin syntheta Caroline. I used to sniff
that ship, smoke that ship, put in my booty hole

(23:33):
all that ship you get buck hell, you know, I
used to do coconoxies. It was up and down. It's dangerous.
But I love Mitch Heedburg, John Belushi and that's you know,
that's what they did and that you know, you know,
I said, yeah, it was my hero. I love Jimmy Hendrix.
You know. It's like, no, that's dark. Why you want
to die? You know? Yeah? Wait where was I going
with this? Oh? No? And um oh, I I quit

(23:56):
for years and my buddy just hand me a hand
oh of boxys oxy cotton, you know. And he didn't
know I quit. He knew me when I was a druggy,
druggie and I was still drinking and smoking. But I
wouldn't buy coke. I wouldn't buy pills. I'm off narcotics,
you know. And he gave me like a handful. I
was like, oh, I'll just take one. It's been years

(24:17):
we go out drinking. Hood Oh, I just I ate
them all. I woke up. I fucking punched my window
out was broken glass on my bed. I'm not even violent,
you know, but I was just so doped up and
just it was hot in the room. So I just
hit the window like this is this is four or
five years clean. I was like, oh Jesus, I said,
take one. I took all of it. I can't, like

(24:39):
I used to sell pills and then you know, I
just take I just take it off my buddy from
me an ounce of coke. I throw a party and
he's you know, gangster at Jason or whatever, and then
he comes for his money. I was like, and then
he's just like You're like, no, everybody's on paper every party,
and he's like, actually, funk you up. I was like,

(25:00):
come on, man, come on, I'm sorry, I'm a drug addic.
What're you giving me? That's all you mean? And I
just had to run some errands from delivering break pads,
and I was like, oh man, how did I get
myself in this ship? You know? And I'm not that.
I'm just as spy stoner dude and just caught up.

(25:23):
And I just know that I can't. I can't even
have a drop of liquor because it leads to powders
or pills and then hookers and you know, just darkness.
You know, not mean, yeah, it definitely always goes. I
used to think that I was I would be doing
it for you know, I never got an oxies or

(25:44):
I've tried math, but it was always like like ecstasy
was my drug of choice. And then and then I
would dabble in cocaine here and there, but then you know,
pandemic hid and this and that, and then I ended
up like, you know, you can't do ectasy every day,
so I started doing yeah, grip a chowder on mean,
just like just getting yaked out. And I got to
a point where like I used to always want to

(26:05):
be high around people and be like, what's up, where
are we going? Where's a party? Like age things and
let's kick it, And then it turned into like I
would do that, but then I'd be like, oh man,
I can't wait to get home. You could just beat
me in the bag. You know, I don't gotta worry
about how I look. I don't gotta borro while saying
no weird ship, you know, especially when Hint the start
or people started recognized me this and that I don't

(26:26):
want to be all greped out public people like you know,
what's I love your work and I'm right, thank you,
you know, because then like we used to my me
and my drugging buddies, we used to share the drugs here,
you know, And then just what you said, it was
like a light switch. It switched and all of a sudden,
like you drop a pill and you're like, don't fucking move,
you know what. I always say this, but you get

(26:48):
the batman boys, like where is it? Like, where's my shoe?
Give me the ship and it and its switches? Yeah,
where is it? Where's my pills? Sucking tearing your house apart?
Oh my god, I'm gonna tell a story. It's gonna
give me canceled. But you made me. Remember I was
at this New Year's party. Everyone's all doped up on

(27:10):
coke and molly and ship and everyone's hooking up but me,
and I'm like, god, damn it, I'm getting no love.
I was like, I'll go to the bathroom. I love myself,
and I just started whacking it. But I'm all doped up.
But you know, I'll get it. I'm gonna make it.
And you know, your forearm, your pain. And it wasn't
even my house. And I used all the lotions and

(27:31):
the lubricants in there, and I came out all greasy,
and the girl the girls like who is in there?
Who is in there? And I was like and I was,
you know, I was like, oh ship, my bad, and
I was what you do about all my molly? Man?
I was, you know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. And
then uh, I got kicked out and I couldn't come back.

(27:53):
It was a party. It was a party house too,
you know, you're the party house. You're like, oh man,
I can't go there. Slid you out the bridway, all
lotion up, Just gonna go ahead and put them out
out there. This is why, I don't know, almost fighting
a friend over some bullshit. And I went home. I
lived with my mama and my grandma, my Mexican side,
my mom, my grandma, my cousin, her two kids, my

(28:14):
cousin hector in and out the pen. And then I'm
and I'm with uh this like in the morning. I
remember I was selling like a quarter pound of weed
to somebody at my mama's house, you know, and my
homies there, and I remember my mom opened the door
and I'm like hiding the pound of weed, you know,
quarter pounds. And then She's like, why are you so greasy?

(28:35):
And then they just started laughing. And then we went
to Wilmington El Taco Loco right there get some soup.
I left the car running and I was so doped up,
and I was like, we're the keys, We're the keys,
and I'm like, oh, it's in the car. Oh the
car is running, you know, damn blacked out, just greasy, greasy,

(28:55):
greasy and ship trying to bounce back. Yeah, that's why
to find God. You know, I got arrested, I got raided.
I've been through it. Yeah, I mean it'll take that's
where drugs will take you on me. You let it,
you know, you gotta do the drugs. Can't let him
do you here? But yeah, that's wright I got to.
I mean, I was like, on that tip, I'll do

(29:16):
it being social. And then when it was time to
go home, like that was it. I left it at that.
But then it was like and then they turned into
that we're I was disappearing on me. It'd be a
fucking nice sunny day here in l A and I'd
be closing my blinds, closing the curtains and just you know,
losing my phone and the cracks of my couch and
just sucking y uh, just going in. It was just

(29:36):
that's all, you know. I got me num mean everything
out hold me and just sucking fucking hold me. Yeah.
I didn't know speed was better than coke. And I
got into speed towards the end and I was like, oh,
there you are. I was like, you last eight hours?
Then now you keep going, you know? Yeah? And then
I was I always always I say this analogy a lot,

(29:57):
but I was dumb enough to fucking dive in that world.
But I always held onto the side of the pool
on the in the deep end. You know. I was like,
I don't let go, bro, because all my buddies started
slamming and ship and doing this and that, and I
was like no, no, And then I finally pulled myself
out after I mean, I've said it before, but I

(30:18):
end up I kind of tried to hook up with
my cousin at my birthday party in front of my family.
So after that, I told Bill Bird had on my
podcast and I clipped it up. And it's I still
feel weird saying that story. But my sisters like, what
are you doing? Wait? Was it like your first It was?

(30:41):
It like your first cousin like you, but nothing happened,
isn't ok? And uh we're sober now we're good copy anyways,
Um yeah, yeah, no, it's just but it was weird.
I had a hot girlfriend. I wasn't sexually starved. I
was just bugged out, you know. Yeah, yeah, when you

(31:02):
get on and I fell on my head that night.
I had a little golf ball that was off thet
the meth that day. I was on cocaine, molly weed, alcohol,
probably pills at that time, and that was an empty
stomach and I was just fucking and uh, and then
I got so many stories. So because of all the

(31:23):
drug use, I didn't finish that story either. And I
remember being in my apartment and uh, I was just
looking for love, but nobody, you know, in your apartment. Yeah,
but parties over, you know. They put me in my apartment,
like go to bed, you psycho. Yeah, that's after all
the ship gay dude falling on my head, cousin, and

(31:43):
I just remember getting butt naked, putting all the oil
all over my body, oiling up and whacking it to
with my apartment door open to an empty hallway, just
just hoping somebody you know what I mean. And then creepy,
I know, I'm sorry, you're not I and I get it. No,
it's right tooth juice. And that got me so so

(32:03):
you purposely left the door, like hey, I was trying
to open a girl with somebody's And then and then
nobody came by, you know, I was on the third floor.
Thank god, nobody saw a ship. And uh and I
smell waking up, but like what the fuck? You know?
But another story, the finger and the booty. I did

(32:23):
so much opioids that caused constipation and poisoned my pros state.
One of my prets went through that and he would
be like on the toilet like yeah, like fuck, like
a frustrated you almost got to pull it out. Yeah,
and then uh, so the the poop poison my balls.

(32:46):
It's it's in my I feel weird. But it's a
true story. You know, most of my ships all true stories.
So it poisoned me down there, the ship the poop. Uh,
and it made my eureth for narrow my dick hole
and and I had to go to the doctor and
then he fingered me and made me come in the cup,
you know, to test it to see what I had wait,

(33:08):
he made you bust. Yeah, he pressed He put his
finger in my ass and he p yeah, and he
pressed on a button and he and then he tested
it and he's like, well, you have a where's his
button at? Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. And then
I was in the uppers and makes you kinky, And
now I'm smoking speed and fingering my asshole. So then
it got weird like that. But then he had he

(33:29):
had to drill. He had to drill my pp because
my dick hole closed up and I couldn't pee. I
was I was yeah, I was spray pissing and it
would go everywhere, go on my thighs and I'll go backwards.
So he had yet he it's gonna get graphic. You
want me to go there? Heait, fuck it. He had

(33:50):
a sick metal rods down my dick hole and clear
the passage, and and then he gave me cafeters to
put in there to dilate it, because he's like, you're
you can't let it close back up thewise, I'll keep
drilling you. And it was because it was because that
was okay, the oxycon biking and all that masside that
was stuck in you is a cause that infection infecting

(34:11):
my ship, narrowing my dick hole. And how many days
did you go without shooting? Oh? On that ship, I
go like fucking three five days. You know you have
to take celium huss. Yeah, it's terrible. That's why I'm like,
how homies, ladies, she'll go like two or three days,
even a sober just not shifting, which is always interesting.

(34:32):
Vegetable lady, she does, I said, yeah, but some people yeah,
but no, damn, homie, I'm glad you made it out
of that though. But so you're at home with the
catheter and then they got better. So did you have
to kick the kick the dope at that time or
how did you get through? I think bucket, you're like, hey,
I got the cat now I could keep partying. I
don't remember the timeline, but but that I didn't do

(34:55):
the catheter because it's very painful. Yeah, and then I
had to go to him three more times to but
the metal. And so then after like the third dick drilling,
I I was done. I was cafter. I still got
to do it like once a year, but I got
a little metal rod from that. You know what's funny

(35:16):
is when I when I would get cooked out, I
couldn't piss because my I would feel like I had
a piss. And then my my muscles or whatever you
call those muscles that you don't normally use, they're all
tight and I couldn't. You can't loosen them. So I
would have to like get in a fucking hotass shower
or something just to piss to loosen all those muscles,

(35:38):
you know. So I'm you know, you can't get it hard.
I can't pay because I'm so yacked out home. I'm
not doing a normal amount of coke, you know, I'm
doing and then just sucking either trying to take a
piss or trying to get it up in my bed
and just buy myself, you know. And I'm just like,
you know, and just like that's what you're doing for
fun with me, Like really, it's crazy. It's crazy, and

(35:58):
it never starts that way exactly fun down the party,
on the party, I get down the little Yeah, And
then he realized, you're just trying to fucking crush all
these these demons that you have in saide to this
fucking trauma and all this bettle, all the reasons that
you hate yourself. That's why you're partying. And it wasn't
that before. It was like no, I just like to

(36:19):
have a little fun, you know, I get down there
right now and then just like high, you're running from
your childhood exactly. Then, in terms that it is all fun,
how's it hanging everyone? Rudy Rodriguez Here, a lot of
people want to know how they can tread on a
guitar night move. The other night, I finished up my
second sat at commerce casino with my boys, and the

(36:41):
Petro walked up to be a nash if I had
sold my soul to the devil at the Crossroads. That's
a reference to the movie Crossroads starring Rap Machio, where
he wanted to become a great blues man, but in
order to do it, you had to battle the devil
laid by Steve I. I one of the Adis guitar

(37:01):
players of all time in my opinion. So they're just
trying to outshred each other in this epic battle and
long behold route match your wins. Wow, man, gives me
a little would every time I think about that scene.
I sure Shelf didn't learn it from the devil, and

(37:21):
I never took a lession ship. If you put a
sheet of music in front of me, might as well
be a Chinese. And I'm not a Chinese person, so
I don't know how to read that ship. But I
do know that I love music. It changed my life,
so that's why I chose to just play it from
my heart. Fucking music class. Take this class here, Rudy Rodriguess,

(37:47):
and I'm gonna teach you. I'm gonna teach you just
like this. I don't know what cord this is, but
I make my hand kind of like an eagle's talent,
God bless him, and I grabbed the strings like an
eagle catching the snakes. I call that cord survival of

(38:16):
the Fittest, God bless America. This cord, I don't know
what the hell people call it, but I make my
fingers like I'm gripping a long sword, like I'm about
to slay a dragon. I called this cord bad dragon, bad, motherfucker, naughty.

(38:43):
I need to get punished. This chord I called the
pile driver for obvious reasons. This pile driving alone reminds
me of mine, my little senior reader. I got down
there in Norwalk. She loves that Cord the best because
she loves to get pile drive. And when I bring

(39:06):
the heat, I bring that. Motherfuckers that Rudy Rodrick is.
I also teach you cool things like sometimes you don't
have to press the fret board. You can just touch
the string lightly and make this sound. I don't know

(39:28):
what technique it is, but I call it gratitude. God
bless America. So I'd like to thank all the men
and women busting their ashes delivering food via grub Hub.
Thank you to the truck drivers all across the nation
that deliver fresh eggs to the market when no one

(39:51):
else wanted to. Thank you to the groundskeepers at the
local parks that makes sure to cut our field for littlely.
That's gratitude, Rudy Rodrick gets here. You know, we's gotta

(40:12):
remember to lead with gratitude. A lot of times we don't.
We look the people, the things that help us. You
don't have to have a better life, take life a
little easier to damn. I want to say thank you,
said down ned with little gratitude to beat that. To

(40:37):
our A C unit repair men and women, I want
to say thank you because without you, you know, we
didn't have no no heat, no air conditions. I sweating
my mom's off, wreak their my own living room. I
want to sit down. I gotta stay grateful, always be thankful.

(41:02):
You know, when you take a piece and now you're
knowing you've got that little rubber piece in there with
a little rubber spots on it. Keep your piece through
some splashing everywhere. Somebody gotta put that in. Somebody gotta
take it out. To that person, I want to say
thank you. Whoa You know, sometimes you're walking into Denny's,
somebody there baching around at the same time. They choose

(41:24):
to open the door and let you in first. To
that person, I want to say thank you. I want
to say that you gotta be grateful. You gotta say thankful,
you know, to that and that person delivering that grub

(41:45):
ub border, you know, trying to get it to you
all time. Just get a couple of extra bucks, hopefully
some tips. I want to say thank you, And that
tip is coming from the sister God bless you who
you're mm hm m m m m m mmmm. We

(42:08):
got that laughter for your soul and now too into
the freaky you on this show. So what man, all
that ship you've been through and stuff like that. So
when you when you started doing stand up comedy and
all that, were you were you already like, um, you know,
were you still in your depths of addiction or is

(42:29):
that something to help you bounce out of it? Or
I was on the road. I was on the road
to cleaning up. And I was scared of stand up.
So I did actually iOS right down the street and
Second City and UCB because I was terrified to stand up.
But I was the weird stoner. I was drinking and
stoner and maybe cocaine here and there, you know, but
I was I wasn't because the opioids was my darkest days,

(42:52):
you know, that ship that had me and uh and
so uh and then that birthday party happened with the
thing you know, and then uh, I don't even wanting
and then uh and then I was like, oh ship,
and I was sobered within three weeks and it was
a perfect storm. And then I found stand up like
I had done it a couple of times, and stand

(43:15):
up save my life straight up because it felt you
need something to fill the void, and stand up was
big enough to fill that void because it's a big hole.
And then and then once I had it, I put
it all in there and it's a wrapped baby by
the beach. I'm so happy. A lot of time, I
was a fucking junkie living at home with my mama.

(43:36):
I say it all the time, but I had scabbed
on my nut sat because you get real itchy on
so I would brush my nuts with my one of
my theos man Heed. I helped him get some opios
in turn, you know whatever, loan of some money, this
and that, and then he gave me a few to
just like, all right, I'll try this ship your nose,
and homie, I got itchy as fun. I was like,
I remember laying in bed, just what the funk on me?

(43:59):
I mean, if I couldn't does that a little bit too.
But but man, those that opioid ship. I mean, thankfully,
I know every time I tried I've tried oxy and
tral ship, I would always get sick as fun. So
I just never never jumped off for me from my body.
You know. That's the same with cigarettes. I'm like sometimes
especially when you're when you're going and when I was
having my windows a complete sobriety, I'd be like, funk

(44:20):
on me and all the like cigarettes are allowed there,
so you're liken, man. But every time I tried smoking sea,
I get sick as fun. Same thing, even just a tobacco.
But but I could do fucking Molly cocaine fucking oh yeah,
you know all that ship and cigarettes never got me either.
I don't know why because literally every other thing did,
you know. And I was like, I was like I

(44:40):
was smoking a point, you know. I was like, get
that out of here. Yeah, a stoners from twelve years old.
So at tobacco didn't make sense. I was like, I'll
just roll the joint. That's how my brain operated, thank god,
because otherwise I would have just had another thing, you know. Yeah,
but I tried the down there's the OPIOI and it
was most it's fifty fifty either you fall in love

(45:03):
or you get dope sick. I fell in love and
I was like, oh no, yeah, I know man. It's
like yeah, yeah, those motherfucker's who I've seen them get
get fulls, you know, yeah, just close families. So let's
talk about winning. Though. He's look at you. You ain't
doing dope no more. I'm not doing dope. I mean,
you know, it's still I know. I'm like, yeah, right now,
I have like no desire to do it. But then

(45:25):
you know, I still back on my mind. I'm like,
sounds funny, I get just get a bag and hit
the town and what's up. You know. But it's like now,
now I end up disappearing for two days and giving
myself up, and you know, and then relationships and start
falling apart around you, and it's bad. But everybody loves
you and you have a support system, and you know,

(45:45):
you know what I mean, you're conscious because most of
the time when I was in that world, I didn't
even know. I didn't even know you could get out.
I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that. It
wasn't it was just oh this is what you do. Yeah,
get money, get drugs, get fucked up, and then you're
just like, oh no, this isn't no way to exist. Yeah,

(46:07):
it's you know, I could relate when you said I
was even when I was on the deep end of
the pool. I have my hand on the on the side,
and it was like I remember, I was always like
my mom and dad drilled into me, like you know,
they grew up in the hood and ship and it
was like they're always like, oh, I have this friend,
you know, he did all these drugs and he had
a pumpkin head and it never went away and he

(46:27):
just stayed like that. They would tell me the ship
when I was little, so I'm like, okay, stay away
from that. And then you know, just walking in on
my my deals, like you know, they'd be shooting up
and stuff and it would be like I'm like, oh dang,
and they would even be like the highlight. It would
will never do this stuff right, like you know, and
then I would you know, give him a ride to
do whatever while they were on that ship. So I

(46:49):
was always like, all right, they're telling me stay away
from that, like while they're on it. So it was
like and then next thing, you know, it was like
you know, so I was just like on these other
recreational ugs, ended up getting into the driver's seat, you know,
and they were just like start just being my hall.
Everything was around that. It became the priority rather than

(47:09):
something you just do on the side for fun. And
then that's when it was like you know, those more
that ship will eat you alive, as you know, homie,
like you know, I've been it's literally taking me to
my knees, you know, or I'm like on the ground,
like just depleted of all like Serotoni or whatever, just
like you know, begging God the universe like funk on me, please,

(47:29):
like take this fucking monster away from me, Like what's happening?
And that's exactly what it is as a monster. It's
a monster out to eat you every fucking day, you know, terrible.
So you gotta do something to tell that pho to
chill out exactly. So I was like, but I was
in that spot where I was like, I don't know
if I'm belaible to make it out like that, just

(47:50):
how it's going to end for me, you know, because
you're that fucked up, You're that all one like sucking
on me something end. And then I thought everything that
you work towards everything, you know, since I was a kid,
I knew I wanted to entertain and stuff like that,
Like you know, my mom and pops are always in
the entertainment, so they're always there. The guy me show
me love. You know, even though whatever we all go
through ship and I went through some dark ship as

(48:11):
a youngster that you know is now surfacing itself in
my depths of my addiction. All that. Now, I'm like, okay, well,
you have an opportunity to get better, and there's people
that care about it and love you and all that.
And all the people that we have the opportunity to
touch that we make laugh or touch through our humor.
You're beacon of life. You show them like, look, I'm
fucked up, and but I'm healing, and look what what

(48:35):
happens when you heal. I'm on a TV show. I
got a condo, you know what I mean? You can
get out and get out, yeah for real, you know,
I say it all the time, like I was a
drug addict, loser, living at home with my mama. I
got an ocean view. I got a little gold Now yea,
he met the little chain. He just go wake up
wording this road you put on the road, little goal

(48:58):
chain looking at that ocean view up or you did it? Yeah?
And that and that was, you know, from stealing money
and drugs and cars, I mean from family members. Still
more like I was only stealing for family members. It's
all good, but you know we changed. I want to.
I think That's what I'm put here for, to show

(49:19):
the knuckleheads and the junkies, like you could get the
funk out. You can get out, get out, man, it
ain't no life in there. You you see, what do
you see these streets? Yeah, I got hi, you know,
and I'm grateful I do have some family. Uh you know,
I have a three more uh you know, Mighty mouse.
And he was off that off that ship. I'm not

(49:41):
gonna say his name, so but you know he was.
He was out that man man on it, you know,
and it was just like in and out of in
and out of jail, and you know, but he had
he had heard in him. He was he's a good dude, hilarious.
And then he got off the ship, you know because
he had kids, and you know, he went in one
more time when he had kids. He got out and
he was like, no more homie. And now he's just

(50:02):
like you know, blue collar works construction with third Day,
like all those things are like inspirational. A lot of
people even they might not even realize that, you know,
they're just trying to like not go back to prison,
whatever it is. And then it's like, damn, and I
got good homies, you know, Lefty Lucky, all these all
these fools that are in um you know, they might
some like relapse here and there, but at the same

(50:23):
time they're like they go back, They're back into the
like no homie, like this is our best path to success,
whatever it is. And then I'm like, and when I'm
when I'm not sucking up, when I'm not on drugs
and on sober, that I am the happiest on me.
I'm like, hell yeah, you know what I'm like, And
it's real happy, calling my sister, calling my mom, calling
my you know, every day, and like maintaining those relationships,
building them even stronger, you know. And then uh, you're like, hey, Mom,

(50:47):
we don't got a shop at t J max no more. Yeah,
We're going to Macy's and we're going to Northrop hell yeah.
And so you know they even that, My mom and
dad even did that on their own. Man. You know,
they they got sober when I was young hung and
then it was just like you know that, you know,
alcohol is always around stuff like that. But the whole
like that old ship has gone on me and they
they've had success, just boomed on their own grind on hustle,

(51:10):
and it was inspirational for me. But it's like, I
don't know, man, it's like it's always a slippery slope too.
It's like, I mean, even after I got sober, you know,
I went to like rehab all this ship and I
even told you. I remember when one night I was like, yeah,
I hold me. I'm just trying to be sober. How
You're like, and you told me something that I'll never forget.
You're like, oh man, You're like you're gonna kill you
like you're already killing it on me, but you're about

(51:33):
to kill it now. And I was like, oh what
you know? And then and then I think like a
month or two after that, I relapsed and I and
I had I had a glass of tequil out of
my hand at the improv, the Hollywood improv, and I
was I had just got off stage or something. I
was standing there and you walked up to me, and
I was like, you know, I got all like embarrassed,

(51:54):
no judgment, I mean it all right, uh yeah yeah no.
But I I got out stage and you were like,
fucking man, he's funny, I said, And I was like,
I was almost trying to hide the glass at the
quila from you. I was like, you know, and then
I I message you after that, like funk. Man, I
felt bad. You're like, dude, hey, And that's one thing
I learned, Like nobody gets a funk on me. You

(52:14):
can't be like you. I wanted to just touch topic
on that real quick, Like if you slip up and
you relapse a little bit, you know, it's still it's
still okay. It's not a big deal. It's a big
deal if you make it a big deal. Like I know,
I'm just quit weed recently. It's not you know, my
other demons. But like let's say I smoke today. I

(52:36):
smoke one time in thirty days, but I was smoking
all day every day. It's still a wind. You know,
you still reduced, you still less arm, You're still winding.
I don't like that pressure. The pressure is what makes
motherfucker's go oh yeah, you know, and just go hard.
It's not it's I mean try not to, of course,

(52:59):
but it's okay, and then just get back to it. Yeah, yeah,
it's no. I don't like that. Yeah, that's something I'm
still learning because in in the year two I I
got five months total of sobriety, total, no alcohol, no
nothing on me, no weed, nothing, And like you know,
that's all put together that time though, but I remember,

(53:21):
you know, uh, having those moments because you know, you're
in the program stuff like that, and the program is great,
but it was also like just me learning, like you
gotta take what you want from it and get you
to the better place. I would have that those moments
will be like, oh, you're fucked up. You relapse, and
and because sometimes because I relaxed, now you gotta enjoy this,
because you gotta take this out, take it out for

(53:44):
a couple of days, because like you ays gonna get
back into the sobriety. And also it was like but
but yeah, yeah, so now it's like it's like you said,
just like you gotta take take that in like that
that doesn't discount of the time that you have sober.
And it's like I've been pile only those times up.
Like like uh, like you know, if I do drink

(54:05):
or I do party, I know that it's not gonna
go back to where I was, which was I was
doing something every day. I mean, you know, I wasn't
like out of my minor, but you know I would
go if I had a few days off after like
finishing a project or whatever, the weekend of touring. Yeah,
sucking on me. You know, I'm gonna disappear for a
few days and just get on one. And like, now
I know that I can't do that, you know, because

(54:26):
that's gonna cost me a week, you know, of just
being out of it and fucking whatever, and and who
knows how much longer after that, and you know, you
start using I start using all the other ship to
come down from that fucking zan X, pain pills whatever, Like, Okay,
my nose is sucked up, so let me just let
me come down for the next few days of fucking
zan X and whiskey and down. And that's dangerous ship

(54:50):
over me. It's like fun. It is scary, but I
just want to say one more thing too. It's uh,
I find this to be true. And I know a
lot of others who of sacrifice something you love, you
love dope or whatever if you quit that ship. It
sounds cheesy, but you know that whole God closed the door,
open the window. When you give up something you love,

(55:14):
you will get ship. You know this makes sense. I
don't got the biggest vocabulary, but like like when I
got sober all of a sudden, like oh, here come
work for this producer I'll give you stage time. Yeah, yeah.
Or you know, it's it's strange coincidences. You know, if
you sacrifice some ship that doesn't serve you, that you're
in love with, that you're attached to, you will get

(55:35):
good ship. Yeah. For lack of better words, it was
like happens filming in like, you know, the the Hulu
show that whole first season of this full Like I
didn't touch drugs that whole time because I was so
locked in, like and I'm grateful that I didn't let
the drugs take you know. I was like I knew
what it was, and I was like, fucking on me,

(55:56):
you gotta get this ship. This is it right here,
and and uh, I just got locked in on it
and did it. And so I was like, you know,
I had, you know, stepping away from the drugs as
what gave me that opportunity to to help bring what
I had to that show, you know, and quit again,
and God gave you a season two and then I

(56:17):
I got on the sick one after and then I
got sober again and now we got season two over. Yeah. Yeah, Craig,
there's so much for being here. Where can where can
people find you? On social media whatever you want to plug.
Craig knit dot com, Craig pet Conan on all social
media's I got san Jose improv I forgot the date

(56:37):
Janu Yeah, I think it got San Jose. I got
go to my website. What happened there, Craig Craig dot com.
I'm torn like a motherfucker. I'm outain these streets. I
sell my own hoodies. Baby, I'll be out there. Yeah,
Craig Coner, y'all make sure to check them out. I'm

(56:59):
your boy Frankie, you know, and that's signing off shore.
I'll be right there. Uh let me see said. Uh,
I'm gonna say side, Okay. I'll be right there in
February four at the christ Theater and Sacramento. Alright, much love, y'all,
see you next time there for tuning into another episode
on the Frankie in your next show. For sended by
Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network. Shout out to the homies, Haigns,

(57:22):
Olivia Neck, the Homie earned dog here in the studio,
James Fritz, Kevin Kamia, Bobby d J Buzz, the legendary
soul assassions by me. You know how we do homie,
thank you for giving it. I saw an opportunity off
the get down and if you get a chance told
me it's going and rank and review the podcast or
continue living your life. We'll see you on the next

(57:43):
episode of The Frankie Show. That's what's soft right there.