September 30, 2025 • 39 mins
Peer-to-peer support groups play a vital role in the healing journey for military veterans and their loved ones. In this episode, we dive into the creation of The Resilience Meeting—a powerful support space developed by Jake and a trusted friend. Then, we take you inside an actual meeting, joined by retired Air Force veteran TSgt Amanda Martinez, for an unfiltered, real-time look at connection, vulnerability, and what it looks like to build resilience.
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The Good Stuff is Executive Produced by Jacob Schick, Ashley Schick and Lea Pictures.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Season two of The Good Stuff. I'm Ashley Shick,
and I'm joined by my husband and co host, Jacob Shick,
a third generation combat marine and CEO of One Tribe Foundation.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Ashley also comes from a family rich in military history,
and we've dedicated our lives to One Tribe's mission serving veterans,
first responders, and their families. We're coming to you from Dallas,
so welcome to Texas.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And joining us all season long from Los Angeles, California
is our West Coast long haired friend and producer of
The Good Stuff, Nick Cassolini.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Today I get to tag along with Jake and Ashley
as we attend the One Tribe Resilience Meeting.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Peer to peer support groups is a significant part of
what we do at One Tribe Foundation.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
And I could promise you the Resilience Meeting is one
of a kind.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Just a quick heads up, This show can explore some
heavy subject matter, including talks of suicide, so listener discretion
is advised.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
We couldn't be happier you're here again.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Welcome to the Good Stuff.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Okay, my name is Stu and I'm the leader of
the Resilience Meeting here at One Tribe I was approached
by Jacob with an idea that he wanted to start
a meeting for veterans and first responders and really anybody
that needed it, families of those people, and he wanted
me to lead it. Jacob and I know each other well,
and he knows about my history and that I spend
(01:22):
a great deal of my time trying to help others.
And my response to him was when you want to start?
And he said he wasn't sure, and I said, well,
how about October the fifth, which was like a week away,
and he goes, no, I think we need two weeks.
So we started on October the twelfth, and I did
ask him, well, what is it you want me to do,
and he said, well, you're the leader. I want you
(01:43):
to do whatever you do. So it's really been my
ball to run with. And we started on October the
twelfth with six people in attendance, and our roster currently
has seventeen people on it. So we like to think
that we're having the occasional heartening success.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yes, so today is Wednesday, so we have the Resilience
Meeting at One Trip Foundation, which is a weekly meeting
that we host and have been now for about six months.
It's honestly part of our weekly routine now. It's something
that Jake and I make every effort to join in on,
whether it be in person or if we're out of town,
we even zoom in. It's a really special group. It's
(02:21):
a really special meeting and gathering of people that has
become very important to us.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I wanted to do something similar towards evolved into the
Resilience Meeting for years now, and I just never knew
what that looked like, or what the stipulations were, what
the legalities of it were. So I sat down with Stu,
whose longtime friend of mine is actually thirty two plus
years sober, and I said, Hey, I want to do
(02:49):
this meeting at the office and I want you to
run it. And he said, what's that look like? And
I said, I have no idea for.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
My own personal self. There was a little bit of intimidation.
I had to kind of get to know the room.
And I'm not a veteran and I support veterans wholeheartedly.
We do that a lot at my job and other
things we do. But it was a little intimidating to
come in here, but to bring the topics and come
from the heart with that every week and see the
(03:17):
open mindedness and the willingness to be vulnerable by these
men that have given us all. That was refreshing and
heart and heartening, and I just thought, hey, man, you
know we're clicking.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
The reason that we arrived at its being called the
Resilience Meeting was because, like it was the recovery meeting,
but then I feel like it's not all about recovery.
And I asked a couple of people, like, how do
you feel before you get there and then have the
meeting and then when you leave, And the most common
word that was brought up was I definitely feel more
(03:48):
resilient when I leave than when I showed up. And
so I was like, well, then we should just call
it the Resilience Meeting.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I go that, I certainly feel more resilient afterwards, but
I also feel lighter if you have something on your heart,
which many times you know, we don't have anything on
our heart. We just go and we're in that environment
with like people who are being open, and you never
know what someone's battling from day to day, and so
there are days that we're going to be just fine
that other people are really struggling and then vice versa,
(04:16):
and so it's something I look forward to every week now.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
So on a daylight today, the meeting's going to start.
How are you feeling in the moment.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I'm excited. I've been doing other meetings for a long
time and this is actually a refreshing change for me.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Why what makes it different?
Speaker 4 (04:36):
It's a different crowd and there's really not a lot
of structure in it. There's a lot of crosstalk and
a lot of this and that, some profanity, and the
other spiritual meetings that I go to, we don't do that.
So it's been pretty refreshing. And every Wednesday I'm actually
excited and I really can't wait to get here today.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Specifically, are you coming in with certain specific things that
are on your mind that are weighing heavy on your
heart or are you sort of an open book today.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I'm kind of concentrating on what I'm going to deliver
tonight to start the meeting off. I do think that
that's important. You know, if you don't have a good lead,
in my experiences, you might not have a very good meeting.
So I take that very seriously. I'm a little extra
excited today because I've actually got a guy that's supposed
to come for the first time tonight that I'm invited.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Amazing.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
I'm hoping he shows up.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
So is this world of therapy and sort of like
getting together and being open and vulnerable and loving each
other for the greater good and to help heal yourselves?
That is that a culture you guys were raised in,
Like you've embraced it, you know, very deeply in this
part of your life. But has that always been there
for you guys?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
It's just funny that you even asked that question.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Answer to that, because it's like.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
In the South, and I don't think and I believe
it's not even a region thing. I think it's an
everywhere thing. Sure, especially yeah, you know forties fifties, Like
it's we didn't you didn't do this stuff. If this
was like a significant faux pas, if you tried bringing
(06:20):
this stuff up and it's so dumb it because it's
so needed.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
It is certainly an environment that we are working very
hard to create for the boys though, like we we
definitely have very candid, open conversations with them that some
might think we're having with them too young or too soon,
but we just we don't feel that way. Like Jake says,
all the time, you know they're going to learn on
society's terms or our terms. So we have very open,
(06:49):
candid conversations with the boys and give them the outlet
to be able to get things off their chest and
talk it out.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
So, at what point in your life did you guys
start to embrace the importance of these kind of meeting.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I mean, I can answer that fairly easily. And it
was the closer I got to inviting my own death,
it was like, all right, it's definitely at an unhealthy level.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
So this was after you got out of the hospital,
after the.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah, for sure, I didn't have shit to say to
a therapist, psychologist or a psychiatrist in the hospital. I
have nothing to say because I was still on that
very diluted mindset that you know, I'm not weak, I
don't need to speak to you. I have nothing to
say to you. And it's it's unfortunate, very unfortunate mindset
(07:37):
because they're not there to label you as weak or
to write down like okay, Jacob chick weak like that's
it's so ridiculous. It's ridiculous because we're just avoiding the unavoidable,
which is like, Okay, we have shit deep down in
our soul tank that we haven't exercised, and we're going
(08:00):
to be let's just try and float through life acting
like that thing never happened or whatever, and it's not
going anywhere.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
It's like, how long are you going to do that?
What is your name?
Speaker 5 (08:15):
My name is Amanda Martinez.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Will you tell me about your military service?
Speaker 5 (08:20):
Yes? So I was in the Air Force for twenty
years and twenty eight days and I just retired in
September of last year.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And how are you feeling today? Before showing up to
the resilience meeting.
Speaker 5 (08:36):
Man, my life has been a whirlwind. I just hit
one year of being back in the States. I spent
almost thirteen years overseas and I've been back in Dallas
about a year, and it's been really hard just trying
to navigate who I am post military, and then also
(08:58):
like being around my family that I've been gone from
for twenty years. You know, I'd come home and see
him on leave for ten days, and I'm an alcoholic,
so I spent all of those days drunk here on leave,
So kind of sitting back and looking at all the
(09:19):
times I was home and trying to navigate my life. Now,
I think there's a lot of shame that comes with
how I behaved while I was home on leave and
how my siblings remember me and my family remembers me.
So I've really just been struggling. Today. I got up
(09:40):
and I had a doctor's appointment, and I didn't really
want to go, but I went anyways. And I went
home and sat down for about an hour before I
came here and just kind of thought about things. I
missed last week's meeting because I was out of town,
and I kne that I needed to come today, especially
(10:02):
being in person. The first meeting I attended on zoom
and I was in a really low, low place. I
didn't even talk, I didn't turn my camera on. The
following week, I came in and I just felt normal again.
So long that all of that long answer to say
(10:22):
that I was not feeling so good today before I
came here, All right right on, lets get.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Pretty Look, I Father, we just thank you for this
day and for bringing us together tonight in fellowship and
in your spirit, and just ask that you fill us
up and let our hearts and minds and to be honest,
open and willing and to be vulnerable and just share
what needs to be shared and hear what needs to
(10:51):
be heard so that we could help each other and
do all things in you am in amen, I'll use
z omors have the topic topic of this discussion.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I'm pretty sure, I said a third boy.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
All right, okay, talk to me about this lead.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Well, I got about two hundred of them to choose from,
and I start going through on Wednesday afternoon about three o'clock. Yep,
I don't prepare too early, and I get prayed up.
MA ask God for that intuitive thought. Yeah, And a
lot of times that's how I pick. And I mean,
you know, our topic tonight is basically what are you
doing for others? We're going to take off with our reading.
(11:33):
Life's most persistent and urgent question is what are you
doing for others? That's by doctor Martin Luther King. For
most of my life, there has always been a question
that continually swirls around in my mind, and that is
how am I doing? And although some days are better
than others, my answer ninety nine percent of the time
(11:57):
ranges from just terrible to it sure could be a
lot better. My mentor so it's really weird.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
I reached out, reached out to Ashley about a month ago,
and it wasn't for myself. It was for somebody else.
And you know, we had a conversation on the phone
and we hung up. She said, Hey, you know, don't
forget on Tuesday nights we have this meeting. On Wednesday
nights we have this meeting. And she said, I'll shoot you.
I want to say it was a Tuesday and she said,
I'll shoot you the link if you want to just
as head on zoom And I don't think it was
(12:28):
for me initially. You know, I wasn't asking about myself,
and I thought, I'm just going to zoom in and
see what it's about.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
That the only way to deal with this problem is
to eliminate the me question and replace it with how
are you doing? Amazingly, I have found that I cannot
be thinking of me and you at the same time.
Doctor King's message has helped me deal with the disorder
of ego, which has hindered me most of my life.
(12:58):
When I am in service to others, I experience a
fresh feeling in my life. There is something about doing
for others that touches my soul and makes me feel
more closely aligned with my God. And perhaps it is
that simple. When we are helping God's kids for funding,
for free, we feel closer to God. When we feel
(13:20):
closer to God, the world becomes a loving and benevolent place.
If only we all thought of others first instead of ourselves,
what a glorious world this would be. It was the
overriding message from Doctor King in this last quarter of
my life. It is my hope to change the nagging
question in my mind from how am I doing? To
(13:41):
how are you doing? In the prayer Father God and
the Spirit of Saint Francis.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
The secret of service is being able to get comfortable
being uncomfortable, understanding that it's always going to be inconvenient.
And so I think that helping others I love. He
uh refers to all of us as God's kids, and
I love that because that doesn't that doesn't decipher between
(14:09):
a raised color, creed, religion, socioeconomic sense. We're all God's kids.
It's all encompassing, you know. And I think if we
could all have that view, and by we I mean
society in general, humankind, I mean by default, there would
probably be a lot less bullshit.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Gut check, because I almost never know how I am
until someone asks me how are you? And that starts
to you get to really answer that question, you know,
and then of course you have the people in your life.
I think of my brother.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Immediately when he says, how are you doing?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
I'm gonna answer, and I Am going to think about
me for a second, because I know he cares, you know,
and I know he wants to know, and I'm able
to decipher how I am because of who he is
and how he asked that question. So asking how are
you to someone is such a gift to that person,
(15:06):
because I feel it when someone asks it to me.
And this idea of being in service to each other,
it's like, in a lot of ways, it's the greatest
risk we could all take because we all have to
trust that we're also doing it.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
I feel that when we're all in there together, there's
no judgment, there's no shaming of each other of what
we're talking about or what we've been through. I feel
like everyone kind of has been through something similar. It's
always good to come in here, you know. Everybody's always
so smiling and so cheery, and it's that feeling that
(15:45):
I had when I was in the military. You know,
you'd come in and even though people had their stuff
going on, you know, everybody was excited to see you
because that's part of your family. That's they know you,
they know what you've been through. So it's just it
feels so good to be around people that know what
(16:05):
I've been through and are just happy. And it feels
good to be able to take everybody's pieces of knowledge.
I write them down on my phone real quick, and
you know, when I'm having a moment, I'll open up
my phone and go back through and kind of try
to pick myself up again. You know, just the the
(16:27):
feeling of having people that are feeling the same kind
of way you are, and kind of just taking off
that mask and that armor that we wear all day
long to kind of push through the day.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
So two things just too. I'm not going to promise
that they're going to be quick. If it weren't for
that question, how are you doing, I wouldn't be here
tonight because six and a half years ago I sat
across from a good friend at the airport who asked
(17:03):
me that question, and I lied to his face and
told him how I was just fine. When in reality,
I was not just fine, to which he replied, the
next time I ask you a question, don't lie to
my face. I'm going to ask you again, how are
you doing? So I'm married him looking back when you
(17:24):
asked that question, like where did the start for you?
For me, it was really when Jake and I got together.
You know, we've known each other almost eleven years. But
he and I unpacked stuff on the regular, you know,
and do the deep dives on the regular. That probably
a lot stems from us having a friendship before we,
you know, became a relationship. But I think it is
(17:47):
important to get those other perspectives and to do those
deep dives, and then the ability to do it with
other people, and then when you are feeling strong, you're
able to be there for those that you know are
feeling weak in those moments, even for the members of
the tribe that attend this meeting as well, like I've
gotten to know them better, you know, and some of
the things that, oh, okay, that makes sense that maybe
(18:08):
that's why they react to X Y Z a certain way,
And so all boats rise when you have a little
more understanding and perspective on other individuals. But it gives
you more perspective on yourself as well, because it's those precious,
fleeting moments that really paint the picture of our life.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
So that's all I have here.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Thank you, You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Thank you so much. Is there anything else that you
want to say. You can say anything you want.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
I just want to say thanks to one tribe. If
it weren't for them, I probably would not be sober. Still,
I'm almost I'm.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
At twenty months, amazing, almost there, amazing, amazing. Yeah, well,
was really really really good to meet you.
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Thank you as well.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Later in the episode, I'm able to follow up with
the manday again, but first we'll wrap it up with
Stu and then reflect with Jake and Ashley about the meeting.
We have to take a quick break, but stick around
and we'll be right back. Welcome back. Before I sit
(19:19):
down with Jake and Ashley again, let's check back in
with Stu. How do you feel after the meeting? What's
the afterglow like for Stu.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
That's a very appropriate term to that, because I have
a lot of afterglow.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Uh huh.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
I feel like God was in the middle of the room,
that he was directing the sharing It flowed without any
body having any real problems saying what you know. There
wasn't any like hesitations or people were vulnerable. People were passionate, focused,
and passionate about what was going on.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
I thought it was a nice little side step that
I got to found out that the well how are
you doing? Was part of Jacob and Ashley's beginnings. Beautiful
and I just felt like it was a real opportunity
tonight to see God working in all our lives. Yeah,
you know, and that's what I feel from the room.
It's and I call it the magic. You know. I
(20:18):
haven't experienced it here, but in my other things that
I do. I've been doing it a long time. And
there's nights when I don't want to go, but I'm
just trained that I go anyway, and then I get
there and I start feeling better, and then the meeting
happens that I'm on fire, and then the meeting's over
and the last thing I want to do is go
home because I want to keep it happening. And that's
what tonight feels like that we just we just had
(20:40):
a really solid, profound God Center meeting tonight. We had
four first timers there tonight, yeah, you and three others.
And to me, that's the whole theme that I live
my life by trying to help others and hopefully they'll
go help somebody. And the unofficial theme in that room,
and we don't say it every week, but the guys
(21:00):
know it is trying to bring somebody with you next week,
you know. Yeah, And we got definitely got to see
that tonight that there were four people there for the
first time.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Thank you, Stiff, you bet, you bet. I feel so
good after that meeting. That was crazy. It was really
special to show up to a place where I was,
you know, feeling like I was in a good mood.
And in general, I've been working on a lot of
internal issues for myself and getting my spirit and mind
(21:31):
and soul right and getting some of my thoughts in order.
And I've been doing a lot of hard work and
feeling the benefits of that. So I would like if
someone were to ask me, how are you doing before
that meeting, I think I could honestly talk about how
I'm doing pretty good, you know, and I'm really happy
with some of the work I've been doing and all that,
(21:53):
and still the act of showing up I was immediately moved.
As soon as we held hands to start doing the prayer,
I was like immediately moved just being around people, feeling
the energy of just coming together to take care of
each other and take care of ourselves. It was just
it was my heart immediately opened up. I was immediately tender,
(22:16):
and it was just so funny just happening to the
drop of the dime, you know, because beforehand we're eating
pizza and people are getting in zoom.
Speaker 6 (22:21):
It's like I can't hear it, and you know, it's
like we're late, and you know, everyone's sort of like
doing the meeting thing and then someone's maybe talking too
long before the meeting. They need to stop so they
can get the things started, and you know, and it's
just like it goes from like slightly whatever sort of
awkward perhaps to just like immediately emotionally open and present
(22:43):
and feeling tender and open hearted. And then I basically
that feeling hasn't left. It's still in my heart. I
still feel moved. It's so important to remember that, you
know that even if you don't feel like you need
the thing, it's still rewarding.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Every time you said it best you go from chaos
to full stop, time to be present, time to sit
with this, and we never know what the subject matter
is going to be, and it never loses the joking,
it never loses the banter, it never loses I mean,
we're always wanting to sit there and mess with each other.
But at the end of the day, we know it's
(23:23):
all coming out of it from a place of love,
and we're all there to help each other grow and
be introspective and advance in this thing we call life.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
What really hit me tonight in that meeting was that,
quite candidly, I hate that shit, how are you doing?
How Like because you're I found myself in a hurry
way too much, way too much to where I almost
(23:53):
by default remove that element of authenticity and genuine that
I pride myself on too with other human beings. You know,
like when I go to the store to get the milk,
whatever I want to go to the tour get then
we'll get back. But there's so many blessings throughout the
day that God places before us, and being in that
(24:16):
hurry state to get the thing done, to move on
to the next thing, I think that we completely inadvertently
put blinders on to said blessings.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
We're surrounded by miracles and we don't even see them, right,
That's what hit me.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
And I feel like the one thing that stood out
to me with just to follow you saying that is
I get to sit in traffic. Yeah, I have to.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I get to speaking of stuck in traffic, you know,
because I like, I kind of like got choked up
a little bit talking and I was really moved, you know.
But Ashley and I were playing some emotional music on
the way home, stuck in traffic, talk about a blessing.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Man.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Oh, I was just like, I'm crying. I played it,
listening to some Dan Reader songs that I've listened to
a million times, and I was just.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Like, it's so beautiful.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I was just like so moved, you know, it's just
a great It's just such a good way to feel
to feel, and just like whatever moves you put yourself
in its path.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
And you know, dude, that's a testament to the work
you've been doing, right, because you're probably probably by nature
that's more true to who your true self is.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, for sure, my true self is an open hearted
individual that is prone to see the beauty in something
so deeply that I am moved though your tears. Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Seeing you do that and have that emotional experience, I
was it. Maybe I was proud of you, and I'm
super super proud of you because I was like, he
couldn't possibly be more here right now?
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Yep, you were all in Well. This was a really
cool experience for me also because I've gotten to know
a lot of people that One Tribe Foundation has helped,
and I've gotten to know a lot of people that
work at One Tribe Foundation, and of course we all
have our day to day battles, but tonight was one
of the first opportunities I've had to meet people that
(26:17):
are sort of in the middle of a struggle and
see them. One tribed is that a saying I got
One Tribe tonight, and I got to kind of see
that firsthand. And I won't go into the details of
the share because.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Because you shouldn't, because I shouldn't.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
But at one point Jake made a comment to someone
and it rang true and it was totally loving. It
wasn't you weren't playing hardball. It was a real true
statement and they heard it and it was insightful, and
I was like, oh, that's why it gets paid the
(26:55):
big bus.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Please please let me know where these big books because
I've been missing them.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
We didn't want this episode to come out before we
could let some time pass and check back in with
Amanda Martinez. So hang out for a second as we
take our last commercial break of the episode, and when
we come back, I hop on a call with Amanda.
We're back and here I am on a video call
(27:32):
with Amanda Martinez and her dog Blue. Amanda, it's been
a month or two since we spoke last, and it's
really really good to talk to you again. How are
you doing.
Speaker 5 (27:44):
I am better than the last time we talked.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
I bought a house and recently moved in, so just
kind of trying to, you know, get myself together in
this space. But it's really nice to like be back
in my own space and settle in again because I
haven't had my own space in fourteen months.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Congratulations.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
Thanks. I will tell you the last fourteen months have
been the hardest fourteen months of being sober, so, you know,
just kind of staying on that path, you know, and
really just looking to enjoy life and not I feel
like I complained a lot, like just with you know,
(28:30):
stress and people and taking care of people, and I
just I don't want that anymore. Like I need peace.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
So the last time we spoke, it was the context
of the resilience meeting at One Tribe, which I believe
was a part of this program you were putting together
to help you find some of that peace and find
some of that community with your fellow veterans. Have you
continued going to the resilience meeting.
Speaker 5 (28:58):
Yeah, Actually I've been kind of off and on, but
I went in person last week and I took my
new dog with me and he did really well. So
last week it was a smaller meeting definitely kind of solidified.
I have to stop, you know, making excuses kind of
and saying like, oh, I'll just do it online, and what.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Are some of the excuses that you come up with
to not.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Go it's too far when really it's not that bad.
It takes about an hour, just like, oh, I'll just
do it online, and then I end up not getting
online doing the Zoom meeting. Like it's just a very
different vibe when you go in person, Like I know
that this is something that's important to me and I
(29:44):
need to grow and I need to heal like it
never stops, you know, like it's always there. So because
for me, it was like I was having a really
hard time like connecting with my family. You know, I
used to come home on leave and I'd be drunk
the entire time. So, uh, trying to connect with them
(30:10):
as a sober person, especially when they remember you as
a drunk person and a lot of chaos, it's really
hard to figure out how to connect again with them, Like,
I'm still having struggles with that.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Does a moment of connection with them spring to mind, Like,
can you remember a recent time where you felt like, oh,
that's maybe that's what connecting feels like.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
No, if I'm being honest, No, it's been really hard
for me.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
You want to talk a little bit about your new
dog you mentioned I do.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
So.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
I got a Cane Corso mix. He's five and his
name is Blue. I had a lab for twelve years
and he was not a good dog when I got him,
but he ended up becoming the best dog ever. Well,
then I got a French bulldog who was a little
stubborn guy. Still a good dog, but definitely like stubborn,
(31:16):
and so he actually passed away, you know, like seventeen
days ago, and it was pretty traumatic, I mean for
him and for me. He kept a minute seizure, thank you. Yeah, yeah,
I had a forty minute seizure. You know the only
thing that I'm thankful for is that the er kept
him stable overnight, and so we were together and he
(31:37):
wasn't like in his crate or by himself at the
hospital like he was with me. And so at that moment,
I was like, no more dogs, Like I'm not doing
this to myself again. But I'm a big dog person.
Like my sister was like, it's it's I don't it's
disheartening to hear you say you don't want another dog,
(31:57):
like you are a dog person. Somebody else was like
if I googled a dog person, you would pop up,
and I started laughing. I was like, ah, I just
can't do it. Well, I'd been home for about a
week and my house was just too quiet, too empty,
and I always wanted a cane corso and really they're
called ConA corsos. He didn't know, so I really wanted one,
(32:20):
and they had one at the Dallas Animal Shelter, and
you know, I was like, Okay, if everything works out perfectly,
then I'll do it. And everything worked out perfectly, like
it was too easy. And he is the sweetest dog.
My sister actually came over to drop her kids off
on Saturday. She you know, she comes straight in and
(32:43):
she's like, blue, it's just me. He's like barking at
her and hal and at her, and she's like, okay, uh,
can you maybe give me a hug? So he knows
I'm okay because I'm a little scared and I'm trying
not to show it. And so I was like, yeah,
no problem, and you know, he calmed down eventually. But
you know, he's he's been at he was at the
shelter since the end of February. You know, he's a
(33:04):
big boy. He's ninety two pounds and he was forty
nine pounds when they got him at the shelter.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Geez.
Speaker 5 (33:11):
And so his foster's really worked hard with him. But
he's adjusted really well. He's been with me. Today's a week.
He's been with me a week, and he's been everywhere
we've been in an uber. He went with me to
the resilience meeting, like I'm glad that I got another dog.
You know, I probably could have waited a little longer.
But you know, I have no, like, no regrets at
(33:33):
all for forgetting him as quickly as I did.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Something popped out in this story you just told me,
And maybe this is me stepping out a line. And
you know, we don't know each other that well, and
I don't know your sister at all, but you mentioned
that she was like, oh, you're a dog person, and
she's dropping the kids off. Seems like she's also working
to connect.
Speaker 6 (33:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
Yeah, So my sister that came over, she actually lives
about five minutes away from me, and she has kids,
and she and I have always been close. She's two
years younger than me. She and I have been through
a lot, you know, separately in our lives. You know,
we had a lot of years where we didn't talk,
and you know, we kind of came to a common
(34:17):
ground and we were like, hey, like sorry for all
the things that we did and all the times we
were disconnected, but like, you know, I'm here now and
we're going to do as best as we can.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
You know.
Speaker 5 (34:30):
Really, she's the reason that I came back home, you know.
She My nephew is seventeen. He'll graduate a high school
next year, which is crazy because the first time I
came home, he was two months old and he was
a tiny little baby. My sister also has an eleven
year old daughter and then her baby he'll be two
in September. You know, I've kind of missed out on
(34:52):
all of their lives, and so my sister was just like,
please come home, like my kids want a relationship with you, like,
and so I came home. But when I came home,
I wasn't really here. I didn't see my sister. I
don't know, maybe I saw her once a month, you know,
her and the kids. And so I got this house
(35:13):
very close to her so that way, you know, there'd
be no excuses and we probably see each other at
least once a week. And I try to keep the
kids to kind of connect with the kids as well,
just because I missed out on all their baby years.
I missed out like seeing my little nephew come to me.
Whenever he gets here and puts his arms out to me,
(35:34):
it's like, oh my gosh, like I never got this
with the other kids.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
You know.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah, Well, from the outside looking in, it appears to
me like you are achieving a lot of what you're
saying is something that'll happen in the future. It looks
to me like some of this stuff is happening in
real time and it's moving. It's moving. To witness it's
(35:58):
not easy. Yeah, I can hear a blue breathing, I know.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
So loud. Ninety two pounds wants to be right on
top of me.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
It's a big boy. So speaking to you, I see vulnerability.
I see some fragility, and to me it's very obvious
that those go hand in hand with resilience. Those things
are connected. And that might just be because if you
have no vulnerability, if you don't, if you're not working
(36:32):
through some fragility, then what you're doing is not actually
being resilient in any way. That's just being either a
rock or a statue or already perfect or something. Does
that ring true to you?
Speaker 5 (36:47):
Yeah, yeah, i'd say so. You know, being vulnerable is hard.
For years and years, when I would talk about stuff,
it was just kind of like, oh, yeah, this is
what I've been through, this is you know, how things
have been my life or whatever. And it wasn't until
just after a year when I got my DUI that
(37:08):
that I really had to face some things that I
didn't want to talk about and didn't want to face.
And I think that kind of made me more vulnerable.
Like I felt like I was vulnerable, like in a sense,
but I was still kind of hiding certain things that
I wasn't ready for. And i'd say, now you know,
(37:29):
I've I've faced those things. I wouldn't say that I've
dealt with all of those things yet, Like I still
have some work to do for sure, And I've opened
up a lot more with like my really close friends
and like my sister. Sometimes I don't want to, like
sometimes there's some things that I say here do that
(37:51):
I'm like, I don't really want them to know that
I said this or did this. But you know, I
need to be honest with myself. And if I'm not
honest with myself or with my close people that are
willing to help me through things, then I'm never really
going to make the changes that I need.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Thank you so much for listening to the good stuff.
We'd like to thank Amanda and stew for being on
the show today, and we'd like to thank all the
participants of the Resilience meeting. We did not want to
record any of their shares, but they were gracious and
open about Nick bringing in the recording equipment. Thank you
to the entire group.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
If you appreciate this show, please subscribe, like, and review
The Good Stuff podcast, and connect with us on social media.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
We love hearing from you, so please reach out for
our website. Our links and contact information is in the
show notes of this episode.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
And it would mean the world to us if you
shared this episode with the people in your life who
might also enjoy it. We'll be back next week, but
in the meantime, if you're looking for a companion piece
of this episode, please check out our episodes That Damn
Dog with bj Ganham and Releasing the Anchor with Keishan
Coffee from season one.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Put on your bad ass capes and you'll be great today.
And remember you can't do epic things without epic people.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Again, thank you for listening to the Good Stuff.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
The Good Stuff is executive produced by Ashley Shick, Jacob
Schick and Leah Pictures. Hosted by Ashley Shick, Jacob Shick,
and Nick Cassolini. Produced by Nick Cassolini, Engineering, editing and
post production supervision by Nick Cassolini. Music by Will Tendy,
Welcome to Season two of The Good Stuff. I'm Ashley Shick,
and I'm joined by my husband and co host, Jacob Shick,
a third generation combat marine and CEO of One Tribe Foundation.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Ashley also comes from a family rich in military history,
and we've dedicated our lives to One Tribe's mission serving veterans,
first responders, and their families. We're coming to you from Dallas,
so welcome to Texas.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And joining us all season long from Los Angeles, California
is our West Coast long haired friend and producer of
The Good Stuff, Nick Cassolini.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Today I get to tag along with Jake and Ashley
as we attend the One Tribe Resilience Meeting.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Peer to peer support groups is a significant part of
what we do at One Tribe Foundation.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
And I could promise you the Resilience Meeting is one
of a kind.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Just a quick heads up, This show can explore some
heavy subject matter, including talks of suicide, so listener discretion
is advised.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
We couldn't be happier you're here again.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Welcome to the Good Stuff.
Speaker 4 (01:01):
Okay, my name is Stu and I'm the leader of
the Resilience Meeting here at One Tribe I was approached
by Jacob with an idea that he wanted to start
a meeting for veterans and first responders and really anybody
that needed it, families of those people, and he wanted
me to lead it. Jacob and I know each other well,
and he knows about my history and that I spend
(01:22):
a great deal of my time trying to help others.
And my response to him was when you want to start?
And he said he wasn't sure, and I said, well,
how about October the fifth, which was like a week away,
and he goes, no, I think we need two weeks.
So we started on October the twelfth, and I did
ask him, well, what is it you want me to do,
and he said, well, you're the leader. I want you
(01:43):
to do whatever you do. So it's really been my
ball to run with. And we started on October the
twelfth with six people in attendance, and our roster currently
has seventeen people on it. So we like to think
that we're having the occasional heartening success.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yes, so today is Wednesday, so we have the Resilience
Meeting at One Trip Foundation, which is a weekly meeting
that we host and have been now for about six months.
It's honestly part of our weekly routine now. It's something
that Jake and I make every effort to join in on,
whether it be in person or if we're out of town,
we even zoom in. It's a really special group. It's
(02:21):
a really special meeting and gathering of people that has
become very important to us.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
I wanted to do something similar towards evolved into the
Resilience Meeting for years now, and I just never knew
what that looked like, or what the stipulations were, what
the legalities of it were. So I sat down with Stu,
whose longtime friend of mine is actually thirty two plus
years sober, and I said, Hey, I want to do
(02:49):
this meeting at the office and I want you to
run it. And he said, what's that look like? And
I said, I have no idea for.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
My own personal self. There was a little bit of intimidation.
I had to kind of get to know the room.
And I'm not a veteran and I support veterans wholeheartedly.
We do that a lot at my job and other
things we do. But it was a little intimidating to
come in here, but to bring the topics and come
from the heart with that every week and see the
(03:17):
open mindedness and the willingness to be vulnerable by these
men that have given us all. That was refreshing and
heart and heartening, and I just thought, hey, man, you
know we're clicking.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
The reason that we arrived at its being called the
Resilience Meeting was because, like it was the recovery meeting,
but then I feel like it's not all about recovery.
And I asked a couple of people, like, how do
you feel before you get there and then have the
meeting and then when you leave, And the most common
word that was brought up was I definitely feel more
(03:48):
resilient when I leave than when I showed up. And
so I was like, well, then we should just call
it the Resilience Meeting.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I go that, I certainly feel more resilient afterwards, but
I also feel lighter if you have something on your heart,
which many times you know, we don't have anything on
our heart. We just go and we're in that environment
with like people who are being open, and you never
know what someone's battling from day to day, and so
there are days that we're going to be just fine
that other people are really struggling and then vice versa,
(04:16):
and so it's something I look forward to every week now.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
So on a daylight today, the meeting's going to start.
How are you feeling in the moment.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
I'm excited. I've been doing other meetings for a long
time and this is actually a refreshing change for me.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Why what makes it different?
Speaker 4 (04:36):
It's a different crowd and there's really not a lot
of structure in it. There's a lot of crosstalk and
a lot of this and that, some profanity, and the
other spiritual meetings that I go to, we don't do that.
So it's been pretty refreshing. And every Wednesday I'm actually
excited and I really can't wait to get here today.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Specifically, are you coming in with certain specific things that
are on your mind that are weighing heavy on your
heart or are you sort of an open book today.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I'm kind of concentrating on what I'm going to deliver
tonight to start the meeting off. I do think that
that's important. You know, if you don't have a good lead,
in my experiences, you might not have a very good meeting.
So I take that very seriously. I'm a little extra
excited today because I've actually got a guy that's supposed
to come for the first time tonight that I'm invited.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Amazing.
Speaker 4 (05:27):
I'm hoping he shows up.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
So is this world of therapy and sort of like
getting together and being open and vulnerable and loving each
other for the greater good and to help heal yourselves?
That is that a culture you guys were raised in,
Like you've embraced it, you know, very deeply in this
part of your life. But has that always been there
for you guys?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
It's just funny that you even asked that question.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Answer to that, because it's like.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
In the South, and I don't think and I believe
it's not even a region thing. I think it's an
everywhere thing. Sure, especially yeah, you know forties fifties, Like
it's we didn't you didn't do this stuff. If this
was like a significant faux pas, if you tried bringing
(06:20):
this stuff up and it's so dumb it because it's
so needed.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
It is certainly an environment that we are working very
hard to create for the boys though, like we we
definitely have very candid, open conversations with them that some
might think we're having with them too young or too soon,
but we just we don't feel that way. Like Jake says,
all the time, you know they're going to learn on
society's terms or our terms. So we have very open,
(06:49):
candid conversations with the boys and give them the outlet
to be able to get things off their chest and
talk it out.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
So, at what point in your life did you guys
start to embrace the importance of these kind of meeting.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I mean, I can answer that fairly easily. And it
was the closer I got to inviting my own death,
it was like, all right, it's definitely at an unhealthy level.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
So this was after you got out of the hospital,
after the.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah, for sure, I didn't have shit to say to
a therapist, psychologist or a psychiatrist in the hospital. I
have nothing to say because I was still on that
very diluted mindset that you know, I'm not weak, I
don't need to speak to you. I have nothing to
say to you. And it's it's unfortunate, very unfortunate mindset
(07:37):
because they're not there to label you as weak or
to write down like okay, Jacob chick weak like that's
it's so ridiculous. It's ridiculous because we're just avoiding the unavoidable,
which is like, Okay, we have shit deep down in
our soul tank that we haven't exercised, and we're going
(08:00):
to be let's just try and float through life acting
like that thing never happened or whatever, and it's not
going anywhere.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
It's like, how long are you going to do that?
What is your name?
Speaker 5 (08:15):
My name is Amanda Martinez.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Will you tell me about your military service?
Speaker 5 (08:20):
Yes? So I was in the Air Force for twenty
years and twenty eight days and I just retired in
September of last year.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And how are you feeling today? Before showing up to
the resilience meeting.
Speaker 5 (08:36):
Man, my life has been a whirlwind. I just hit
one year of being back in the States. I spent
almost thirteen years overseas and I've been back in Dallas
about a year, and it's been really hard just trying
to navigate who I am post military, and then also
(08:58):
like being around my family that I've been gone from
for twenty years. You know, I'd come home and see
him on leave for ten days, and I'm an alcoholic,
so I spent all of those days drunk here on leave,
So kind of sitting back and looking at all the
(09:19):
times I was home and trying to navigate my life. Now,
I think there's a lot of shame that comes with
how I behaved while I was home on leave and
how my siblings remember me and my family remembers me.
So I've really just been struggling. Today. I got up
(09:40):
and I had a doctor's appointment, and I didn't really
want to go, but I went anyways. And I went
home and sat down for about an hour before I
came here and just kind of thought about things. I
missed last week's meeting because I was out of town,
and I kne that I needed to come today, especially
(10:02):
being in person. The first meeting I attended on zoom
and I was in a really low, low place. I
didn't even talk, I didn't turn my camera on. The
following week, I came in and I just felt normal again.
So long that all of that long answer to say
(10:22):
that I was not feeling so good today before I
came here, All right right on, lets get.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Pretty Look, I Father, we just thank you for this
day and for bringing us together tonight in fellowship and
in your spirit, and just ask that you fill us
up and let our hearts and minds and to be honest,
open and willing and to be vulnerable and just share
what needs to be shared and hear what needs to
(10:51):
be heard so that we could help each other and
do all things in you am in amen, I'll use
z omors have the topic topic of this discussion.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
I'm pretty sure, I said a third boy.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
All right, okay, talk to me about this lead.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
Well, I got about two hundred of them to choose from,
and I start going through on Wednesday afternoon about three o'clock. Yep,
I don't prepare too early, and I get prayed up.
MA ask God for that intuitive thought. Yeah, And a
lot of times that's how I pick. And I mean,
you know, our topic tonight is basically what are you
doing for others? We're going to take off with our reading.
(11:33):
Life's most persistent and urgent question is what are you
doing for others? That's by doctor Martin Luther King. For
most of my life, there has always been a question
that continually swirls around in my mind, and that is
how am I doing? And although some days are better
than others, my answer ninety nine percent of the time
(11:57):
ranges from just terrible to it sure could be a
lot better. My mentor so it's really weird.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
I reached out, reached out to Ashley about a month ago,
and it wasn't for myself. It was for somebody else.
And you know, we had a conversation on the phone
and we hung up. She said, Hey, you know, don't
forget on Tuesday nights we have this meeting. On Wednesday
nights we have this meeting. And she said, I'll shoot you.
I want to say it was a Tuesday and she said,
I'll shoot you the link if you want to just
as head on zoom And I don't think it was
(12:28):
for me initially. You know, I wasn't asking about myself,
and I thought, I'm just going to zoom in and
see what it's about.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
That the only way to deal with this problem is
to eliminate the me question and replace it with how
are you doing? Amazingly, I have found that I cannot
be thinking of me and you at the same time.
Doctor King's message has helped me deal with the disorder
of ego, which has hindered me most of my life.
(12:58):
When I am in service to others, I experience a
fresh feeling in my life. There is something about doing
for others that touches my soul and makes me feel
more closely aligned with my God. And perhaps it is
that simple. When we are helping God's kids for funding,
for free, we feel closer to God. When we feel
(13:20):
closer to God, the world becomes a loving and benevolent place.
If only we all thought of others first instead of ourselves,
what a glorious world this would be. It was the
overriding message from Doctor King in this last quarter of
my life. It is my hope to change the nagging
question in my mind from how am I doing? To
(13:41):
how are you doing? In the prayer Father God and
the Spirit of Saint Francis.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
The secret of service is being able to get comfortable
being uncomfortable, understanding that it's always going to be inconvenient.
And so I think that helping others I love. He
uh refers to all of us as God's kids, and
I love that because that doesn't that doesn't decipher between
(14:09):
a raised color, creed, religion, socioeconomic sense. We're all God's kids.
It's all encompassing, you know. And I think if we
could all have that view, and by we I mean
society in general, humankind, I mean by default, there would
probably be a lot less bullshit.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Gut check, because I almost never know how I am
until someone asks me how are you? And that starts
to you get to really answer that question, you know,
and then of course you have the people in your life.
I think of my brother.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
Immediately when he says, how are you doing?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
I'm gonna answer, and I Am going to think about
me for a second, because I know he cares, you know,
and I know he wants to know, and I'm able
to decipher how I am because of who he is
and how he asked that question. So asking how are
you to someone is such a gift to that person,
(15:06):
because I feel it when someone asks it to me.
And this idea of being in service to each other,
it's like, in a lot of ways, it's the greatest
risk we could all take because we all have to
trust that we're also doing it.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
I feel that when we're all in there together, there's
no judgment, there's no shaming of each other of what
we're talking about or what we've been through. I feel
like everyone kind of has been through something similar. It's
always good to come in here, you know. Everybody's always
so smiling and so cheery, and it's that feeling that
(15:45):
I had when I was in the military. You know,
you'd come in and even though people had their stuff
going on, you know, everybody was excited to see you
because that's part of your family. That's they know you,
they know what you've been through. So it's just it
feels so good to be around people that know what
(16:05):
I've been through and are just happy. And it feels
good to be able to take everybody's pieces of knowledge.
I write them down on my phone real quick, and
you know, when I'm having a moment, I'll open up
my phone and go back through and kind of try
to pick myself up again. You know, just the the
(16:27):
feeling of having people that are feeling the same kind
of way you are, and kind of just taking off
that mask and that armor that we wear all day
long to kind of push through the day.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
So two things just too. I'm not going to promise
that they're going to be quick. If it weren't for
that question, how are you doing, I wouldn't be here
tonight because six and a half years ago I sat
across from a good friend at the airport who asked
(17:03):
me that question, and I lied to his face and
told him how I was just fine. When in reality,
I was not just fine, to which he replied, the
next time I ask you a question, don't lie to
my face. I'm going to ask you again, how are
you doing? So I'm married him looking back when you
(17:24):
asked that question, like where did the start for you?
For me, it was really when Jake and I got together.
You know, we've known each other almost eleven years. But
he and I unpacked stuff on the regular, you know,
and do the deep dives on the regular. That probably
a lot stems from us having a friendship before we,
you know, became a relationship. But I think it is
(17:47):
important to get those other perspectives and to do those
deep dives, and then the ability to do it with
other people, and then when you are feeling strong, you're
able to be there for those that you know are
feeling weak in those moments, even for the members of
the tribe that attend this meeting as well, like I've
gotten to know them better, you know, and some of
the things that, oh, okay, that makes sense that maybe
(18:08):
that's why they react to X Y Z a certain way,
And so all boats rise when you have a little
more understanding and perspective on other individuals. But it gives
you more perspective on yourself as well, because it's those precious,
fleeting moments that really paint the picture of our life.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
So that's all I have here.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Thank you, You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Thank you so much. Is there anything else that you
want to say. You can say anything you want.
Speaker 5 (18:35):
I just want to say thanks to one tribe. If
it weren't for them, I probably would not be sober. Still,
I'm almost I'm.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
At twenty months, amazing, almost there, amazing, amazing. Yeah, well,
was really really really good to meet you.
Speaker 5 (18:52):
Thank you as well.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
Later in the episode, I'm able to follow up with
the manday again, but first we'll wrap it up with
Stu and then reflect with Jake and Ashley about the meeting.
We have to take a quick break, but stick around
and we'll be right back. Welcome back. Before I sit
(19:19):
down with Jake and Ashley again, let's check back in
with Stu. How do you feel after the meeting? What's
the afterglow like for Stu.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
That's a very appropriate term to that, because I have
a lot of afterglow.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Uh huh.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
I feel like God was in the middle of the room,
that he was directing the sharing It flowed without any
body having any real problems saying what you know. There
wasn't any like hesitations or people were vulnerable. People were passionate, focused,
and passionate about what was going on.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
I thought it was a nice little side step that
I got to found out that the well how are
you doing? Was part of Jacob and Ashley's beginnings. Beautiful
and I just felt like it was a real opportunity
tonight to see God working in all our lives. Yeah,
you know, and that's what I feel from the room.
It's and I call it the magic. You know. I
(20:18):
haven't experienced it here, but in my other things that
I do. I've been doing it a long time. And
there's nights when I don't want to go, but I'm
just trained that I go anyway, and then I get
there and I start feeling better, and then the meeting
happens that I'm on fire, and then the meeting's over
and the last thing I want to do is go
home because I want to keep it happening. And that's
what tonight feels like that we just we just had
(20:40):
a really solid, profound God Center meeting tonight. We had
four first timers there tonight, yeah, you and three others.
And to me, that's the whole theme that I live
my life by trying to help others and hopefully they'll
go help somebody. And the unofficial theme in that room,
and we don't say it every week, but the guys
(21:00):
know it is trying to bring somebody with you next week,
you know. Yeah, And we got definitely got to see
that tonight that there were four people there for the
first time.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
Thank you, Stiff, you bet, you bet. I feel so
good after that meeting. That was crazy. It was really
special to show up to a place where I was,
you know, feeling like I was in a good mood.
And in general, I've been working on a lot of
internal issues for myself and getting my spirit and mind
(21:31):
and soul right and getting some of my thoughts in order.
And I've been doing a lot of hard work and
feeling the benefits of that. So I would like if
someone were to ask me, how are you doing before
that meeting, I think I could honestly talk about how
I'm doing pretty good, you know, and I'm really happy
with some of the work I've been doing and all that,
(21:53):
and still the act of showing up I was immediately moved.
As soon as we held hands to start doing the prayer,
I was like immediately moved just being around people, feeling
the energy of just coming together to take care of
each other and take care of ourselves. It was just
it was my heart immediately opened up. I was immediately tender,
(22:16):
and it was just so funny just happening to the
drop of the dime, you know, because beforehand we're eating
pizza and people are getting in zoom.
Speaker 6 (22:21):
It's like I can't hear it, and you know, it's
like we're late, and you know, everyone's sort of like
doing the meeting thing and then someone's maybe talking too
long before the meeting. They need to stop so they
can get the things started, and you know, and it's
just like it goes from like slightly whatever sort of
awkward perhaps to just like immediately emotionally open and present
(22:43):
and feeling tender and open hearted. And then I basically
that feeling hasn't left. It's still in my heart. I
still feel moved. It's so important to remember that, you
know that even if you don't feel like you need
the thing, it's still rewarding.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Every time you said it best you go from chaos
to full stop, time to be present, time to sit
with this, and we never know what the subject matter
is going to be, and it never loses the joking,
it never loses the banter, it never loses I mean,
we're always wanting to sit there and mess with each other.
But at the end of the day, we know it's
(23:23):
all coming out of it from a place of love,
and we're all there to help each other grow and
be introspective and advance in this thing we call life.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
What really hit me tonight in that meeting was that,
quite candidly, I hate that shit, how are you doing?
How Like because you're I found myself in a hurry
way too much, way too much to where I almost
(23:53):
by default remove that element of authenticity and genuine that
I pride myself on too with other human beings. You know,
like when I go to the store to get the milk,
whatever I want to go to the tour get then
we'll get back. But there's so many blessings throughout the
day that God places before us, and being in that
(24:16):
hurry state to get the thing done, to move on
to the next thing, I think that we completely inadvertently
put blinders on to said blessings.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
We're surrounded by miracles and we don't even see them, right,
That's what hit me.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
And I feel like the one thing that stood out
to me with just to follow you saying that is
I get to sit in traffic. Yeah, I have to.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
I get to speaking of stuck in traffic, you know,
because I like, I kind of like got choked up
a little bit talking and I was really moved, you know.
But Ashley and I were playing some emotional music on
the way home, stuck in traffic, talk about a blessing.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Man.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Oh, I was just like, I'm crying. I played it,
listening to some Dan Reader songs that I've listened to
a million times, and I was just.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Like, it's so beautiful.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I was just like so moved, you know, it's just
a great It's just such a good way to feel
to feel, and just like whatever moves you put yourself
in its path.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
And you know, dude, that's a testament to the work
you've been doing, right, because you're probably probably by nature
that's more true to who your true self is.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Yeah, for sure, my true self is an open hearted
individual that is prone to see the beauty in something
so deeply that I am moved though your tears. Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Seeing you do that and have that emotional experience, I
was it. Maybe I was proud of you, and I'm
super super proud of you because I was like, he
couldn't possibly be more here right now?
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Yep, you were all in Well. This was a really
cool experience for me also because I've gotten to know
a lot of people that One Tribe Foundation has helped,
and I've gotten to know a lot of people that
work at One Tribe Foundation, and of course we all
have our day to day battles, but tonight was one
of the first opportunities I've had to meet people that
(26:17):
are sort of in the middle of a struggle and
see them. One tribed is that a saying I got
One Tribe tonight, and I got to kind of see
that firsthand. And I won't go into the details of
the share because.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
Because you shouldn't, because I shouldn't.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
But at one point Jake made a comment to someone
and it rang true and it was totally loving. It
wasn't you weren't playing hardball. It was a real true
statement and they heard it and it was insightful, and
I was like, oh, that's why it gets paid the
(26:55):
big bus.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Please please let me know where these big books because
I've been missing them.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
We didn't want this episode to come out before we
could let some time pass and check back in with
Amanda Martinez. So hang out for a second as we
take our last commercial break of the episode, and when
we come back, I hop on a call with Amanda.
We're back and here I am on a video call
(27:32):
with Amanda Martinez and her dog Blue. Amanda, it's been
a month or two since we spoke last, and it's
really really good to talk to you again. How are
you doing.
Speaker 5 (27:44):
I am better than the last time we talked.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Uh huh.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
I bought a house and recently moved in, so just
kind of trying to, you know, get myself together in
this space. But it's really nice to like be back
in my own space and settle in again because I
haven't had my own space in fourteen months.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Congratulations.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
Thanks. I will tell you the last fourteen months have
been the hardest fourteen months of being sober, so, you know,
just kind of staying on that path, you know, and
really just looking to enjoy life and not I feel
like I complained a lot, like just with you know,
(28:30):
stress and people and taking care of people, and I
just I don't want that anymore. Like I need peace.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
So the last time we spoke, it was the context
of the resilience meeting at One Tribe, which I believe
was a part of this program you were putting together
to help you find some of that peace and find
some of that community with your fellow veterans. Have you
continued going to the resilience meeting.
Speaker 5 (28:58):
Yeah, Actually I've been kind of off and on, but
I went in person last week and I took my
new dog with me and he did really well. So
last week it was a smaller meeting definitely kind of solidified.
I have to stop, you know, making excuses kind of
and saying like, oh, I'll just do it online, and what.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Are some of the excuses that you come up with
to not.
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Go it's too far when really it's not that bad.
It takes about an hour, just like, oh, I'll just
do it online, and then I end up not getting
online doing the Zoom meeting. Like it's just a very
different vibe when you go in person, Like I know
that this is something that's important to me and I
(29:44):
need to grow and I need to heal like it
never stops, you know, like it's always there. So because
for me, it was like I was having a really
hard time like connecting with my family. You know, I
used to come home on leave and I'd be drunk
the entire time. So, uh, trying to connect with them
(30:10):
as a sober person, especially when they remember you as
a drunk person and a lot of chaos, it's really
hard to figure out how to connect again with them, Like,
I'm still having struggles with that.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Does a moment of connection with them spring to mind, Like,
can you remember a recent time where you felt like, oh,
that's maybe that's what connecting feels like.
Speaker 5 (30:38):
No, if I'm being honest, No, it's been really hard
for me.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
You want to talk a little bit about your new
dog you mentioned I do.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
So.
Speaker 5 (30:51):
I got a Cane Corso mix. He's five and his
name is Blue. I had a lab for twelve years
and he was not a good dog when I got him,
but he ended up becoming the best dog ever. Well,
then I got a French bulldog who was a little
stubborn guy. Still a good dog, but definitely like stubborn,
(31:16):
and so he actually passed away, you know, like seventeen
days ago, and it was pretty traumatic, I mean for
him and for me. He kept a minute seizure, thank you. Yeah, yeah,
I had a forty minute seizure. You know the only
thing that I'm thankful for is that the er kept
him stable overnight, and so we were together and he
(31:37):
wasn't like in his crate or by himself at the
hospital like he was with me. And so at that moment,
I was like, no more dogs, Like I'm not doing
this to myself again. But I'm a big dog person.
Like my sister was like, it's it's I don't it's
disheartening to hear you say you don't want another dog,
(31:57):
like you are a dog person. Somebody else was like
if I googled a dog person, you would pop up,
and I started laughing. I was like, ah, I just
can't do it. Well, I'd been home for about a
week and my house was just too quiet, too empty,
and I always wanted a cane corso and really they're
called ConA corsos. He didn't know, so I really wanted one,
(32:20):
and they had one at the Dallas Animal Shelter, and
you know, I was like, Okay, if everything works out perfectly,
then I'll do it. And everything worked out perfectly, like
it was too easy. And he is the sweetest dog.
My sister actually came over to drop her kids off
on Saturday. She you know, she comes straight in and
(32:43):
she's like, blue, it's just me. He's like barking at
her and hal and at her, and she's like, okay, uh,
can you maybe give me a hug? So he knows
I'm okay because I'm a little scared and I'm trying
not to show it. And so I was like, yeah,
no problem, and you know, he calmed down eventually. But
you know, he's he's been at he was at the
shelter since the end of February. You know, he's a
(33:04):
big boy. He's ninety two pounds and he was forty
nine pounds when they got him at the shelter.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Geez.
Speaker 5 (33:11):
And so his foster's really worked hard with him. But
he's adjusted really well. He's been with me. Today's a week.
He's been with me a week, and he's been everywhere
we've been in an uber. He went with me to
the resilience meeting, like I'm glad that I got another dog.
You know, I probably could have waited a little longer.
But you know, I have no, like, no regrets at
(33:33):
all for forgetting him as quickly as I did.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Something popped out in this story you just told me,
And maybe this is me stepping out a line. And
you know, we don't know each other that well, and
I don't know your sister at all, but you mentioned
that she was like, oh, you're a dog person, and
she's dropping the kids off. Seems like she's also working
to connect.
Speaker 6 (33:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
Yeah, So my sister that came over, she actually lives
about five minutes away from me, and she has kids,
and she and I have always been close. She's two
years younger than me. She and I have been through
a lot, you know, separately in our lives. You know,
we had a lot of years where we didn't talk,
and you know, we kind of came to a common
(34:17):
ground and we were like, hey, like sorry for all
the things that we did and all the times we
were disconnected, but like, you know, I'm here now and
we're going to do as best as we can.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
You know.
Speaker 5 (34:30):
Really, she's the reason that I came back home, you know.
She My nephew is seventeen. He'll graduate a high school
next year, which is crazy because the first time I
came home, he was two months old and he was
a tiny little baby. My sister also has an eleven
year old daughter and then her baby he'll be two
in September. You know, I've kind of missed out on
(34:52):
all of their lives, and so my sister was just like,
please come home, like my kids want a relationship with you, like,
and so I came home. But when I came home,
I wasn't really here. I didn't see my sister. I
don't know, maybe I saw her once a month, you know,
her and the kids. And so I got this house
(35:13):
very close to her so that way, you know, there'd
be no excuses and we probably see each other at
least once a week. And I try to keep the
kids to kind of connect with the kids as well,
just because I missed out on all their baby years.
I missed out like seeing my little nephew come to me.
Whenever he gets here and puts his arms out to me,
(35:34):
it's like, oh my gosh, like I never got this
with the other kids.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
You know.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Yeah, Well, from the outside looking in, it appears to
me like you are achieving a lot of what you're
saying is something that'll happen in the future. It looks
to me like some of this stuff is happening in
real time and it's moving. It's moving. To witness it's
(35:58):
not easy. Yeah, I can hear a blue breathing, I know.
Speaker 5 (36:04):
So loud. Ninety two pounds wants to be right on
top of me.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
It's a big boy. So speaking to you, I see vulnerability.
I see some fragility, and to me it's very obvious
that those go hand in hand with resilience. Those things
are connected. And that might just be because if you
have no vulnerability, if you don't, if you're not working
(36:32):
through some fragility, then what you're doing is not actually
being resilient in any way. That's just being either a
rock or a statue or already perfect or something. Does
that ring true to you?
Speaker 5 (36:47):
Yeah, yeah, i'd say so. You know, being vulnerable is hard.
For years and years, when I would talk about stuff,
it was just kind of like, oh, yeah, this is
what I've been through, this is you know, how things
have been my life or whatever. And it wasn't until
just after a year when I got my DUI that
(37:08):
that I really had to face some things that I
didn't want to talk about and didn't want to face.
And I think that kind of made me more vulnerable.
Like I felt like I was vulnerable, like in a sense,
but I was still kind of hiding certain things that
I wasn't ready for. And i'd say, now you know,
(37:29):
I've I've faced those things. I wouldn't say that I've
dealt with all of those things yet, Like I still
have some work to do for sure, And I've opened
up a lot more with like my really close friends
and like my sister. Sometimes I don't want to, like
sometimes there's some things that I say here do that
(37:51):
I'm like, I don't really want them to know that
I said this or did this. But you know, I
need to be honest with myself. And if I'm not
honest with myself or with my close people that are
willing to help me through things, then I'm never really
going to make the changes that I need.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
Thank you so much for listening to the good stuff.
We'd like to thank Amanda and stew for being on
the show today, and we'd like to thank all the
participants of the Resilience meeting. We did not want to
record any of their shares, but they were gracious and
open about Nick bringing in the recording equipment. Thank you
to the entire group.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
If you appreciate this show, please subscribe, like, and review
The Good Stuff podcast, and connect with us on social media.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
We love hearing from you, so please reach out for
our website. Our links and contact information is in the
show notes of this episode.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
And it would mean the world to us if you
shared this episode with the people in your life who
might also enjoy it. We'll be back next week, but
in the meantime, if you're looking for a companion piece
of this episode, please check out our episodes That Damn
Dog with bj Ganham and Releasing the Anchor with Keishan
Coffee from season one.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Put on your bad ass capes and you'll be great today.
And remember you can't do epic things without epic people.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
Again, thank you for listening to the Good Stuff.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
The Good Stuff is executive produced by Ashley Shick, Jacob
Schick and Leah Pictures. Hosted by Ashley Shick, Jacob Shick,
and Nick Cassolini. Produced by Nick Cassolini, Engineering, editing and
post production supervision by Nick Cassolini. Music by Will Tendy,
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