Unexpected Gifts

Small acts of thoughtfulness can bring together strangers and strengthen friendships. It's one of our greatest sources of happiness.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Gratitude Diaries, a production of My Heart Radio.
Hi'm Janice Catlin. Thanks for joining me for more practical
ideas on how to be happier. Today's tip do something
unexpected for someone. The thoughtfulness you show them may make

(00:23):
you feel better all day. I was driving on a
very busy street the other day and I pulled up
at a red light. As I was waiting for it
to change, somebody suddenly knocked on my window. I looked up, startled,
and a young woman was standing there through the still
shut window. She yelled out to me, your gas cap

(00:43):
is open. I just wanted you to know. She turned
and rushed back to her own car, which was just
behind mine. The light changed, and as soon as I could,
I pulled over to the side of the road to
close that gas cap. I had filled my car earlier
in the drive, and I us I had forgotten to
put the cap back on, so it was dangling and

(01:04):
banging against the side of the car. I spent a
moment being irritated at myself for being so careless, and
then I spent a long time thinking about how nice
and thoughtful that woman had been. She had no reason
to rush out of her car on a very cold
day at a stoplight. Other than to help someone she

(01:24):
didn't know. I wish I knew who she was so
I could properly thank her. But I suspect she has
the satisfaction of already knowing that she did something really
nice for someone. A person whose instinct is to always
do the right thing probably has the reserves of kindness
and gratitude that make her happy every day. Psychologists and

(01:47):
philosophers have written many books looking at what makes people
thoughtful to others and where the instinct comes from. The
Roman philosopher and emperor Marcus Aurelius called kindness our greatest delight,
and other philosophers through the centuries have agreed with him.
For much of history, people perceived themselves and each other

(02:08):
as being naturally good, but then the theories started to change.
In his book on kindness, The Wonderful psychoanalyst Adam Phillips,
writing with historian Barbara Taylor, says that it's only in
a more modern time that we consider being kind and
generous to be surprising, and that we assume that other

(02:29):
people will be self centered and care about their own interests,
not others, but Phillips and Taylor believe that when we
give up on kindness, we're sacrificing the best things about ourselves.
They say kindness is fundamental to our sense of happiness.
Being thoughtful to someone else means that you put yourself

(02:51):
in their shoes, and other people's shoes can be uncomfortable.
The woman who dashed through the cold to my car
had her as cap on just fine. She was thinking
only about my interests, not her own. But thoughtfulness to others,
like gratitude, opens you to many other advantages. Kind people

(03:12):
are often referred to as open hearted, and when you
open your heart, you're less lonely, You let others in
and feel less alienated from those around you. The downside
is that opening your heart also makes you more vulnerable.
You feel what other people feel. It often seems like
we're living in an age right now where people close

(03:33):
down thoughtfulness and avoid any level of empathy. And that's
too bad. Self centeredness isn't a sign of power. It's
sad and really weak. The thoughtful person who recognizes someone
else's feelings and gives credence to them is really much
more powerful and courageous. Thoughtfulness is not a skill just

(03:55):
for experts. It's something we can all cultivate, but a
lot of us see it as risky because it involves
us with strangers. It makes us care about other people
and not just ourselves. Phillips and Taylor. I think we
all have an innate kindness that we sometimes battle against,
and when we do that, we lose something essential. I

(04:17):
can imagine, for example, the lovely woman in the car
looking at my open gas cap and having the instinct
to jump out, and then thinking what do I get
out of telling her about it. I can stay warm
and cozy where I am, and the red light is
about to change anyway. But when you take the time
to be thoughtful, as she did, you connect with one

(04:38):
of the greatest sources of human happiness. Phillips and Taylor
describe kindness as a forbidden pleasure. The writer Jack Kerouac
was well known for being a rebel, heavy drinker and
the author of the still famous book On the Road
And perhaps these days it takes a real maverick to

(04:59):
say what you once did. Practice kindness all day to everybody,
and you will realize that you are already in heaven now.
So today, find a way to be thoughtful to open
your heart, to make yourself vulnerable to someone, to be
slightly uncomfortable in someone else's shoes, Do something unexpected and

(05:23):
thoughtful kindness like gratitude seems like something you do for
someone else, but it's really a profound way of making
yourself happier. Thanks for joining me. I'll be back with
more ideas this New Year's Week on how to add
gratitude to your life and make every day a little brighter.
Banks and have a great day. The Gratitude Diaries is

(05:48):
a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from
I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your favorite shows.