July 11, 2025 • 32 mins
Friday (pt 2 of 2): Myrtle Butthead Returns to Today’s Playhouse
Friday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Marty cleaned out his files and found a stack of leftover Bill Clinton jokes.. - Thomas Edison was a big fat liar - as were many “famous” inventors.. - A listener writes in to share his own discovery - bullets make terrible car fuses.. - Myrtle Butthead stars in today’s Playhouse with “Myrtle’s Math Melee”.. - John Boy shares a list of Consumer Warnings.. - We give Mayberry Trivia another shot.. - We fill a request for Hoyt.. - and we’ll wrap up with the bottom of the barrel letters from listeners…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
I wanted to make so right morning to you.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Wow, he just had a little major mountain.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Now you're having a conversation out here.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And then choking sound.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Okay, we're not talking about my my ringed glasses. Little
wire got hung up in my headphones the strap and
I'll take my headphones off.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And it was choking me.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I stop, stop, who's pulling that step?
Speaker 4 (00:56):
It's like your child choking in your backs to them
you're cut and then they're eating and you hear these
noises like you. I said, huh if that had been
your child, you wouldn't turn around.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Looked at him a guard. Oh oh, that was a
good word, Jackie.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
That you gotta keep you out on me all that
stuffy because she's turning out to be true hugs, being
picked off, choking yourself with your reading glasses. The next
gotta watch him down to the beach so we don't
go on the deep end of the pool kissing your cousins.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
My virgin ocean voyage this weekend. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Speaker 5 (01:40):
Your virgin the virgin just cause said maybe not.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I've been to Wilmington.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
There aren't any left, are you importing?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
We don't need fair stupid What could happen?
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Hell, let's check out my new Sea Toe membership. Yeah,
you'll need it. Coming up, we're going play the curn
Evins Quiz. This is the easiest way for you to
join the winners. You take Sea, all right, you kid?
Then hold on we'll play minutes. Good morning, it's a
big show on the radio. All right, here goes stage. Parents,
(02:13):
pushy kids into the current events quiz. I guaranteed easy
way to win here told you about the prize package.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
You take Sea, you will win next.
Speaker 6 (02:31):
Yeah, man, all right, won'ts to have some fun this weekend?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
I'd like to have some fun?
Speaker 4 (02:47):
John point, you want to have No, No, you're just
saying that I really want to have some fun.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
The rest of us are just saying.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
We got yes, sir.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
By the morning, Marsy, don't fight it, tator the road.
Speaker 7 (03:09):
All right.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
We got Londa from Wadesboro, North Carolina, playing the Court
of Bitch. Clear.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Hey Linda, can you feel it? Hello?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Wait, don't hang yourself.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Good morning, Linda, Good morning, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
How are you doing today, baby doll?
Speaker 8 (03:36):
I'm doing this?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Are you good? Thank you all? You're getting ready to win.
We're gonna make you so happy. Ready, all right, okay, okay, we're.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Gonna in their contract.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
All right now, Linda, listen to bidle well.
Speaker 9 (03:59):
If you're an Elvis Presley fan with money to burn,
eBay is offering an auction for the ultimate collectible, an
actual Elvis tooth.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
WHOA, that's right.
Speaker 9 (04:08):
It's a moler that the King gave to his girlfriend
Linda Thompson after a trip to the dentist in the
mid nineteen seventies. Opening price for the tooth is thirty
five thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
That was a giveaway some stuff.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
In case you're wondering why the price is so high,
it's because A, this is.
Speaker 9 (04:26):
A one of a kind item, you b It comes
with a photo autographed by Elvis or C. It also
comes with all the prescriptions Elvis got from the dentist
and submitted street value twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 8 (04:42):
What did you say, Linda, I guess I'll go with C.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Hey, Linda, are you originally from Wadesboro, North Carolina?
Speaker 10 (04:55):
No?
Speaker 8 (04:56):
Not originally, I think.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Where are you from? I'm from New York, New York City.
Speaker 8 (05:01):
No, no New York, amends had some good country of state.
Speaker 11 (05:08):
New York.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
You know, we don't think about that like being here.
That's like like home kind, except you know, further south.
Speaker 8 (05:17):
I've been listening to you this week. I've been listening
to your I'm a teacher, and I'm know I'm on vacation,
all right, and I've been listening to your stupid quiz
and questions about astronomy and math and history.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Uh huh.
Speaker 8 (05:31):
And I teach fifth grade, right, And I'm sitting there
rubbing my head because I thought you had tossed fifth grade.
Speaker 9 (05:40):
Yeah, but that's also wasn't New York coming out?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
You know, I never failed a grade.
Speaker 12 (05:47):
I am proud of that because the teachers didn't want
to have him again repeating.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
To find your strengths and go with them. That's why
I've been trying to tell you, thank you, Lenda, for
the wonderful work you do during the year.
Speaker 8 (06:01):
What are you enjoy listening to?
Speaker 11 (06:03):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Baby, being old lazy in the summer. Greetings All.
Speaker 13 (06:11):
This is Big show Legal Counsel Aloicious, Pete bagel Hole
of the Bulford Bagel Hole. Some other shows have accused
John Boy and Billy of creating a morning radio monopoly
that it's profoundly illegal. All that's hogwa was, It's all
perfectly legal, just like the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
With John Boy and Billy.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 12 (07:25):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode The
Cajun Crime Wave. As our story opens, Woodrow Boudreau has
stopped in at the Thibodeau waffle House for a quick
bite on the way to work.
Speaker 14 (07:40):
All morning Darland walking out for you.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Hey, girl, let me get that big Cajun plat a
superside our chick.
Speaker 14 (07:47):
How you want them hot sprong?
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I want them scatters, platted, mothered, smothered, gluden, tattooed.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Whatever you got that baby.
Speaker 14 (07:54):
Ah, you got it. You next for coffee, we had a.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Large one to Hey, how your brother Troy doing on
his TV show?
Speaker 10 (08:04):
Oh? Man swat people blowing up our lord up less.
It's a bigger Johnboy horrible.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I like that, true, I ain't missed one here you
telling him? I said, I know what you mean.
Speaker 14 (08:15):
I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Hey, I'm coming, so dagone hot in here.
Speaker 8 (08:20):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (08:21):
Some Jack lecked on rolled up last night store the
air conditioning right off of hide out of Eldam.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Store to air conditioner and a real trail shake.
Speaker 10 (08:31):
Ain't not a folks lible to steal anything out there
at a dog on Hedron crime wave.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Uh huh, you know that man been going on around
wild little too.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I come home from t Joe last night about two
o'clock am in the morning, Big old cop cop parked
out front with a big old cop sitting in it writing.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Up a report.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Uh oh, you mean we while I was out on
the town, some cooking son of a gun done broke
in my house.
Speaker 10 (08:56):
Oh say, dad, mine that sucked locking one hour I got,
I got a shot.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
On John by What the boy get a black eye,
a fat lip and three crack reels?
Speaker 14 (09:10):
That cop give him all that?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
No, my wife did, she thought he was me coming home.
Speaker 12 (09:21):
I well you, we've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
What'd you think about your sister, Troy.
Speaker 15 (09:29):
That's hey, big man, let me hold it.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
So apparently we're doing the remix ending chilled it again.
Speaker 11 (09:46):
Next time.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I over heard the trusty old h.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
V a C guy say, hey, big man, let me
hold the dollar.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
That's when we.
Speaker 15 (09:55):
Need it right down, all right, Hey, that's a reappreciation.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That's job boy and and billies, ladies and gentlemen. Mister
James Brown.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, that doesn't want to tell the beetles, you know.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Thank God take out to be that easy echoes all.
What is it that the us the badges and live
in the living.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yes, morning radio dumb right.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
In the morning to make shows on your radio about
turn away for an hour.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
It's time for.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Dumb cook News, Dom Croch, George Leaf, news Babies and
wire services across America.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Most of them sent it by you to me show
listener and the address. We'll follow this report.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
A prisoner walked away from a work release program in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania,
on July fourth, his Independence Days celebration into the short
time later when he checked into a nearby comfort inn.
When guests played with cash, he required to show photo identification. Well,
the man gave the desk clerk the only thing he had,
his prison ID card.
Speaker 11 (11:28):
Weeh.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
The clerk did a quick crosscheck discovered her guests was
the inmate who had walked away from the half way house.
He was back there a short time later. I guess
so A policeman and Stuart Florida who pulled over a
twenty three year old man for speeding. Suspected the man
who had been drinking and called for a sheriff's deputy
the helping perform a roadside sobriety test. The driver tried
to get out of the dui jars by offering the
(11:50):
cops a bribe, but not just any bribe, A police
spokesman says the suspect tried to buy his freedom by
offering the cops a stack of discount coupons from Duncan Donut.
Flowing a superhuman display of willpower, the officers managed to
resist the.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Offer and hauled the man off to jail. Good job guys.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
A petty thief spent the afternoon cruising the baggage claim
areas at London's Gatwick Airport in search of valuable luggage
to steal. He made possibly the worst possible choice by
stealing a bag that belonged to former world super middleweight
boxing champion Nigel Binn. The champ chased down the thief
and wrapped him in a firm headlock until police arrived.
(12:33):
A police officer who stopped a man in London for
a minor traffic violation noticed an accordion's stash behind the
driver's seat. When question, the man told the officer he
had been using the accordion to perform on street corners
for tips, but the cop was a bit suspicious about
the story since the accordion still had a price tag
attached to it. Where the officer asked the driver to
demonstrate his talent by playing a few bars of Lady
(12:55):
of Spain. Well, when the man was unable to get
anything even vaguely resembling music out of the instrument, he
was arrested for shoplifting.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Geez, god ever pulled me when I had my trumpet
in the river?
Speaker 4 (13:09):
The mass man tried to rob a pharmacy in Marsville, Wisconsin,
using a classic finger as a gunploy might have worked
better if it stuck the finger in his pocket instead
of simply pointing it at the man behind the counter.
So the cashier found himself staring down the barrel of
a bare finger. He said, you've got to be kidding,
then grabbed the man's finger and pulled his mask off.
(13:32):
Suspect who fled the scene was well known for several
previous attempts to forge prescriptions at the store, and he
was quickly tracked down by police, drop.
Speaker 14 (13:41):
The finger and come out.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Three Canadian teenagers stole a boat from a dock in Bridgewater,
Nova Scotia and took it for a joy ride. After
getting there Jolly's, the teens ran the boat of ground
and decided to set it on fire to destroy the evidence.
The trio apparently didn't know they had come ashore not
on the mainland, but on a small uninhabited island, and
that the only way back to the sivilation was there
(14:04):
stolen boat, which was by now completely engulfed in flames.
Several hours later, the teams were rescued, then arrested, and
finally a shop lifting hipster carefully removed the anti theft
tags from a dozen items of clothing at an Abercumbrie
and Fitch store in Tulsa, Oklahoma, then attempted a low
(14:26):
key getaway. There would be thief was shocked when the
store's alarm when office he made his exit.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Please say.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
After the man pulled the tags off the clothing, he
attempted to hide them by sticking them in his pants pocket.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
A good move, that's going there. Why on a.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
If you have dumb Kruk News mail to dumb Cruk
News John woyn Billett Pielbox one nine, Charlotte n See
two eight two one nine.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
And remember, criminals, it's time to turn so you don't burn.
Speaker 14 (14:57):
Oh morning dollars. That's your old granny clump, you know
the best way to start your day. I don't buy
that crap, but.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
A balance breakfast.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Listening to job Boy Billy on the Big Show is
low in fact and high in fun.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
And who the hell can't get behind that old Patrick?
Speaker 14 (15:19):
It's time for my spongebat.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Whoa good morning everybody there.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
You are listening to the Big Show on your radio,
great radio stations across America, like.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
The one you're listening to right now.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
All right, Spraggs a no One.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
In case you.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
Needed further proof not the human race is doomed through stupidity.
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On
a hotel provided shower cap in a box fits one head.
Thanks to Rayford for noticing that one attie stop on
(16:33):
an ice machine in the Sands Hotel lobby, keep frozen
or ice will turn to water on seered on a
sear's hair dryer. Do not use while sleeping, man say
that's the only time I have to work on my hair.
(16:55):
On a bar of dial soap directions use like red soap.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
That would be hell.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
On some Swan frozen dinners serving suggestion defrost.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
That's just a suggestion though. On packaging for a Rowina iron,
do not iron clothes on body.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
There are some stupid people out there.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But again, wouldn't that save more time?
Speaker 11 (17:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:29):
On boots children's cough medicine, do not drive car or
operate machinery now, so you know we could do a
lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents. We just
kept those five year olds off the fork on a
Korean kitchen knife, warning keep out of children.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Or pets. Courrea, what's for dinner?
Speaker 4 (17:56):
On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights for indoor
or outdoor use only?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I supposed what outer space on the ground.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
And finally on a Japanese food processor not to be
used for the other use. Thanks a lot, now I'm curious.
All right, Good Friday morning, Big show's on the radio. Yeah, man,
heading into the weekend. You boys got big plan you
want bring you back. We'll have a big fish out,
(18:29):
I mean the fish cookout.
Speaker 14 (18:30):
You boys got big plan to bring you back.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Fish out, fish out. I'm all excited.
Speaker 13 (18:38):
This some kind of a cigarette World War two code
or I'm still trying to figure out what he was
talking about before we went back on the air, talking
about waiting for a little buddy to come up from
behind the butt?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Now, is this what you call your cousins down here?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
I put my fishing trip together. They're little buddies out
in Wyoming. And he's like on horse, honey, So cell
phones don't work too good, and I'll make you the skipper,
old buddy.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, funny, Yeah, I like the idea of this boat trip.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I'm flying the me in foll Over the country. There's
gonna be one to remember.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
By the way, the professor called and said, forget it.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Uh, let me say got facts. You are right here.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
My son is eight years old, loves your show. He
listens to it every morning for school. He even calls
John Boats John Boy Billy Boats. His name is Jacob
Sissar and been a lot too. If you had wish
him and his team good luck in the state tournament
this weekend. He plays for Rosewood All Stars, Dixie Youth
Coach pitch team. Thank you in Advanced Making a little
boy's day Jeffer Saser. All right, all right, y'all go boys,
(19:39):
go win. That didn't say boats, John bom Bitny boats.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Wow, what an inspiring coach you would make.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah, good luck boys.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Hugg him back in fishing back it. Don't maybe lose
my concentration because I know it's Mayberry time. I can
feel it getting close. My my Mayberry senses are tingling.
All right, Jack, maybe your foot's just a slup. You've
been sitting down to long.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
We're going to Mayby in minutes. Good morning, it's Friday.
(20:32):
We added to the weekends summertime.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Got love it.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
All right, fend the time on Friday? You ready, Let's
go to mad Marry anywhere? I mean a fellow may Brian,
Larry and Philosky, Virginia.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Good morning, Larry. How you doing, buddy?
Speaker 11 (20:54):
I'm doing fine?
Speaker 1 (20:54):
How about you? Got really good?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Man?
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So you're pretty good?
Speaker 11 (20:57):
Larry?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Well, I've walked for the time or two myself. I
let's say what we got?
Speaker 5 (21:02):
You know, I hear he hits the sauce, Larry, touch
a number on you touched on phone?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Add there we go.
Speaker 9 (21:12):
Question number one and these are all multiple choice questions
as usual, Which of these is not one of the
so called holidays recognized by the moonshining Morrison's sisters. Is
it Panama Canal Day, National Potato Week or Vasco.
Speaker 11 (21:29):
De Gama Day?
Speaker 5 (21:31):
Oh, Vasco de Gama Day is crack.
Speaker 11 (21:38):
Man?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
All right?
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Larry one to one, I mean one another, you.
Speaker 11 (21:41):
Will, all right?
Speaker 9 (21:43):
The waitresses at the waffle house in Raleigh wear what
daring fashion, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Peekaboo blouses, pikaboo blouses, no choices on that aboo masiboo
one one.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
I think they were Andy's cousins.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Andy Kiss wanted to film Lou's cousins.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yes, but he wasn't one of his.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
Okay, all right, where did goober pick up the expression?
Speaker 12 (22:11):
Yo?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Johnny?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
National Guard?
Speaker 5 (22:14):
The National Guard is correct?
Speaker 9 (22:15):
Oh?
Speaker 11 (22:16):
Yeah today? All right?
Speaker 5 (22:19):
According to Barney, what does film alu do whenever she's
feeling good? Does she sing?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Laugh or humor?
Speaker 10 (22:31):
No?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Oh she does.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
She does not sing.
Speaker 6 (22:34):
She does not sing.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I think she hums?
Speaker 4 (22:40):
She does?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Yes she does. Hey, now you're good though, man, that
was fun. Jackie. You gonna make you happy before we
hang up on you?
Speaker 11 (22:54):
Johnny?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Well, yes, hello, absolutely.
Speaker 11 (22:57):
I like to send a hello to my wife Louis
and my bad Whitney and my son who is a
taked lieutenant with the third Infantry Brigade in Fort Benning, Georgia.
And God bless those guys, and God bless you.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
All that man, Thank you very much, Larry, hang on, buddy, alrighty,
all right, Dan, my record now.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Thirty six and twenty two sin has been taking no challengers.
You want to play me?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
The Big Show dot com is the easy way to
get you the quilt. Good morning, it's a big show
on the radio.
Speaker 8 (23:27):
Got it?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Okay, all right, okay, hang on, Jackie, you take over.
We're tired. The requested classic bit in the morning is
coming up next.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Good morning, A big show is on your radio talking.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
About cousins by classic Ben Spurg someone's memory of Hort
and Debt.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
You've had many cousin problems over the years.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
It's get the phone as he hell, he'sus hoint all
my life.
Speaker 11 (24:17):
I want to fight an.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Hey man, Chad Munbelly here, how's it going.
Speaker 11 (24:23):
Get up early this morning because I gotta take Debor
to the Iron Fort.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Oh well, where's never going?
Speaker 11 (24:29):
Always flying to Florida to see this cousin of his.
And it's only got two weeks to live.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Oh man, sorry to hear that. What is wrong with him?
Speaker 11 (24:37):
Well, it ain't nothing wrong with him.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Well well then, how come he's only got two weeks
to live because he's on death row.
Speaker 11 (24:45):
I told you we run into it. The family reunion
a couple of years back is the one he used
to wear the T shirt says guns don't kill people.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
I do.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (24:54):
Yeah, we always figured he'd come to a bad end.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Well man, you endeavored being such good friends. I'm kind
of surprised you're not going down there with it.
Speaker 11 (25:00):
Oh no way. I hate to get on an airplane.
Speaker 14 (25:03):
Oh hooy.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Don't tell me you're a nervous flyer.
Speaker 11 (25:05):
No, no, don't scare me. I just don't like it.
Back when I was working for NASA, they used fly
me all over the country. Uh huh. In fact, right
before I left, with having so many technical troubles, I
spend more time in the air than the astronauts.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Was so so you just had your feel of flying.
Speaker 11 (25:21):
Huh? Got that rat? Uh huh. They always used to
books on Eastern Oh. I just hated Eastern Airline. I'm
glad they went on. You could tell it was coming
to business. Was so bad for them there towards the end,
I used to get on board the plane the pilot
to turn around and say where to man a good
sight And the flight attendance wasn't exactly the pick of
(25:42):
the letter Natives. They had a couple of broads so
old on them. Flights before takeoff they put on the
oxygen masks to show you how it worked. Huh, and
then they wouldn't take it off.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Women.
Speaker 11 (25:55):
Oh yeah, I was working the ground too. Remember one
time I flew to Houston, they lost my luggage. When
I went to report it, the guy behind the counter
was wearing my sport coat.
Speaker 8 (26:09):
Every day.
Speaker 11 (26:09):
A quick prison joke, Dever's cousin told him on the
phone last week there was these two fellas sharing a
sell on death row. Both of them had about a
week to go for that's gonna be executed. And one
of them was a U n C fan. One of
them was a NC State fan. So the wardon comes
in one day, says, men, all your appeals is done
run out and you're both going to the electric chair.
(26:30):
But you've both been model prisoners the whole time you've
been here. I'd like to do something nice for you
to make your last days on earth here more pleasant.
So he turns the un SA fan says, what would
you like, and the feller says, well, I'm like a
color TV, a vc R and a tape of the
last two minutes of the North Carolina Michigan game where
(26:50):
the Hills won the national championship. I want to watch
that tape over and over again many times. I can
before I do. That's one of the highlights of my life. Yeah,
And the warden says, well, no problem, I'll take care
of that. And he turns around to the NC State
fan says, now, what can I do for you? And
the feller says, take me right now. I'm going to
(27:11):
run down to the airport. You gonna take her on?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, I said, well you tell him.
Speaker 11 (27:15):
I said, I know what you made. Okay, I'll keep
the straight up.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
You in morning now nine boy mine old the radio
this cause you want so many emails. It was out
in the world here on a super second. I was
out admiring my.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Maters a little earlier.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
This morning, you're coming coming out. Here's one from a
Ken Warren out of Mebin Nork Helline A Hey, big show.
Speaker 11 (28:06):
Gang.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Thought I'd write tell John or how I grew the
best tomatoes ever. I'm an Alaman's County boy, so John
will be able to relate. The story started out in
the bathroom with a toilet stopped up for a couple
of days. So I decided to fix a problem. Got
a plumbing snake, went outside to the cleanout pipe and
loosened the lid. When the lid come off, there was
so much pressure on it the lid blew up and
hit me in the head, along with all the crap
(28:28):
that was backed up in the sewage pipes. Well, this
was the sight to see. My wife and a friend
were standing there and couldn't stop laughing because I was
covered from head to toe with crap. I guess someone
in the family had been eating tomatoes, because a couple
of weeks after this happened, I had two nice German
Johnson tomato plants growing in the flower bed beside the
(28:50):
cleanout pipe, and one coming out of his head. A
few weeks later, we had the best tomatoes we have
ever had. The one said one slice will make a sandwich.
I guess the secret was he fertilizer that came out
of the pipe with the seeds. Haven't tried this again,
since I was one to pay the price for it.
(29:10):
But it's funny now, Well, Ken warn MeV in North Carolina.
All right, Jackie, won't you eat these maters? Go ahead
going to the toilet inside, sim time up plants.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I'll open the mail, but I'm not.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
I haven't ready come up and scaring the crap out
of it all. Uh, let's see what's happening around this world.
Barbara Streisand is on the hunt for one hundred year
old Americans to feature on her PBS series The Living Century.
Speaker 5 (29:43):
Haven't they suffered enough?
Speaker 4 (29:45):
The documentary, which profiles the lives of extraordinary hundred year olds,
will their five new episodes on PBS this summer. Streysch
in the show's executive producers looking for more. Let's see
today on TV, aspiring pop stars showcase their talents. Wow,
that's original. That sounds like a great idea for a show.
(30:06):
Guests flaunt their talents in front of skeptical friends and
loved ones. M well, Bob, you've realized your dreaming. Belsey
alphabet in front of America.
Speaker 11 (30:18):
On this day.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
In nineteen eighty seven, West German pilot Mathos rust flew
undetected into Russian made an unauthorized landing in red squares
the phrase how about that?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
On this day In.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
Nineteen eighty two, Oakland as stoleed home in the first inning.
It would have been three, but the other team's catcher
finally remember if.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
They aren't supposed to do that? Uh, that was fun.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
And by the way, that's not that unusual in Oakland.
Stuff has stolen from homes every day. Yeah, oh yeah, baseball.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Yes, one more.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
This is a new poll about drivers. The Pole does's
on to measure driver's attitudes about safety. A majority of
drivers admit they routinely speed, eat, or even read while driving.
Ninety one percent of drivers of all ages acknowledge at
least one risky activity in the previous six months ninety one,
(31:18):
so that means nine percent were lying of the first
question there now, Yeah, not the big finish yet. Yeah,
but that's the one I need for the puppy child, joe.
Uh nine percent Okay, risky activity. Seventy one percent said
they sped, fifty nine percent who ate while driving, thirty
(31:42):
seven percent of use a cell phone, twenty eight percent
who wore no seat belt, and twenty six percent who
used no signal wind turning fourteen percent admitted to reading
wild driving Wow. And then there was that one guy
driving a win a Bugo put the cruise control on
when to take a shower white True.
Speaker 7 (32:01):
John boyd Well said, that's here. I'm out of here,
Chip your waitress here, here, I'm all in.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Big Box.
Speaker 9 (32:12):
Is here all your favorites from four decades at the
Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Nine ninety nine.
Speaker 9 (32:17):
Buy them once, play them anywhere. Shop the Big Box
online at the Big Show dot Com. Order Big Show
Stuff I Phone. The number is eight hundred and four
seven one Stuff Online services by Hannimink dot com.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
Y'all hope you have a great rest of your Friday,
little kicking the weekend on with.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
A Saturday Big Show on tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Next up John one Bill in Late Rises podcast at
the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Order free I Heart Radio Way love you, mana
I wanted to make so right morning to you.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Wow, he just had a little major mountain.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Now you're having a conversation out here.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And then choking sound.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
Okay, we're not talking about my my ringed glasses. Little
wire got hung up in my headphones the strap and
I'll take my headphones off.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
And it was choking me.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I stop, stop, who's pulling that step?
Speaker 4 (00:56):
It's like your child choking in your backs to them
you're cut and then they're eating and you hear these
noises like you. I said, huh if that had been
your child, you wouldn't turn around.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Looked at him a guard. Oh oh, that was a
good word, Jackie.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
That you gotta keep you out on me all that
stuffy because she's turning out to be true hugs, being
picked off, choking yourself with your reading glasses. The next
gotta watch him down to the beach so we don't
go on the deep end of the pool kissing your cousins.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
My virgin ocean voyage this weekend. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Speaker 5 (01:40):
Your virgin the virgin just cause said maybe not.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I've been to Wilmington.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
There aren't any left, are you importing?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
We don't need fair stupid What could happen?
Speaker 4 (01:52):
Hell, let's check out my new Sea Toe membership. Yeah,
you'll need it. Coming up, we're going play the curn
Evins Quiz. This is the easiest way for you to
join the winners. You take Sea, all right, you kid?
Then hold on we'll play minutes. Good morning, it's a
big show on the radio. All right, here goes stage. Parents,
(02:13):
pushy kids into the current events quiz. I guaranteed easy
way to win here told you about the prize package.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
You take Sea, you will win next.
Speaker 6 (02:31):
Yeah, man, all right, won'ts to have some fun this weekend?
Speaker 1 (02:45):
I'd like to have some fun?
Speaker 4 (02:47):
John point, you want to have No, No, you're just
saying that I really want to have some fun.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
The rest of us are just saying.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
We got yes, sir.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
By the morning, Marsy, don't fight it, tator the road.
Speaker 7 (03:09):
All right.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
We got Londa from Wadesboro, North Carolina, playing the Court
of Bitch. Clear.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Hey Linda, can you feel it? Hello?
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Wait, don't hang yourself.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Good morning, Linda, Good morning, Good morning.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
How are you doing today, baby doll?
Speaker 8 (03:36):
I'm doing this?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Are you good? Thank you all? You're getting ready to win.
We're gonna make you so happy. Ready, all right, okay, okay, we're.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Gonna in their contract.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
All right now, Linda, listen to bidle well.
Speaker 9 (03:59):
If you're an Elvis Presley fan with money to burn,
eBay is offering an auction for the ultimate collectible, an
actual Elvis tooth.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
WHOA, that's right.
Speaker 9 (04:08):
It's a moler that the King gave to his girlfriend
Linda Thompson after a trip to the dentist in the
mid nineteen seventies. Opening price for the tooth is thirty
five thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
That was a giveaway some stuff.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
In case you're wondering why the price is so high,
it's because A, this is.
Speaker 9 (04:26):
A one of a kind item, you b It comes
with a photo autographed by Elvis or C. It also
comes with all the prescriptions Elvis got from the dentist
and submitted street value twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 8 (04:42):
What did you say, Linda, I guess I'll go with C.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
Hey, Linda, are you originally from Wadesboro, North Carolina?
Speaker 10 (04:55):
No?
Speaker 8 (04:56):
Not originally, I think.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Where are you from? I'm from New York, New York City.
Speaker 8 (05:01):
No, no New York, amends had some good country of state.
Speaker 11 (05:08):
New York.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
You know, we don't think about that like being here.
That's like like home kind, except you know, further south.
Speaker 8 (05:17):
I've been listening to you this week. I've been listening
to your I'm a teacher, and I'm know I'm on vacation,
all right, and I've been listening to your stupid quiz
and questions about astronomy and math and history.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Uh huh.
Speaker 8 (05:31):
And I teach fifth grade, right, And I'm sitting there
rubbing my head because I thought you had tossed fifth grade.
Speaker 9 (05:40):
Yeah, but that's also wasn't New York coming out?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
You know, I never failed a grade.
Speaker 12 (05:47):
I am proud of that because the teachers didn't want
to have him again repeating.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
To find your strengths and go with them. That's why
I've been trying to tell you, thank you, Lenda, for
the wonderful work you do during the year.
Speaker 8 (06:01):
What are you enjoy listening to?
Speaker 11 (06:03):
Yes, thank you.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Baby, being old lazy in the summer. Greetings All.
Speaker 13 (06:11):
This is Big show Legal Counsel Aloicious, Pete bagel Hole
of the Bulford Bagel Hole. Some other shows have accused
John Boy and Billy of creating a morning radio monopoly
that it's profoundly illegal. All that's hogwa was, It's all
perfectly legal, just like the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
With John Boy and Billy.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 12 (07:25):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode The
Cajun Crime Wave. As our story opens, Woodrow Boudreau has
stopped in at the Thibodeau waffle House for a quick
bite on the way to work.
Speaker 14 (07:40):
All morning Darland walking out for you.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Hey, girl, let me get that big Cajun plat a
superside our chick.
Speaker 14 (07:47):
How you want them hot sprong?
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I want them scatters, platted, mothered, smothered, gluden, tattooed.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Whatever you got that baby.
Speaker 14 (07:54):
Ah, you got it. You next for coffee, we had a.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Large one to Hey, how your brother Troy doing on
his TV show?
Speaker 10 (08:04):
Oh? Man swat people blowing up our lord up less.
It's a bigger Johnboy horrible.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
I like that, true, I ain't missed one here you
telling him? I said, I know what you mean.
Speaker 14 (08:15):
I'll do it.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Hey, I'm coming, so dagone hot in here.
Speaker 8 (08:20):
Uh.
Speaker 10 (08:21):
Some Jack lecked on rolled up last night store the
air conditioning right off of hide out of Eldam.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Store to air conditioner and a real trail shake.
Speaker 10 (08:31):
Ain't not a folks lible to steal anything out there
at a dog on Hedron crime wave.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Uh huh, you know that man been going on around
wild little too.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
I come home from t Joe last night about two
o'clock am in the morning, Big old cop cop parked
out front with a big old cop sitting in it writing.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Up a report.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Uh oh, you mean we while I was out on
the town, some cooking son of a gun done broke
in my house.
Speaker 10 (08:56):
Oh say, dad, mine that sucked locking one hour I got,
I got a shot.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
On John by What the boy get a black eye,
a fat lip and three crack reels?
Speaker 14 (09:10):
That cop give him all that?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
No, my wife did, she thought he was me coming home.
Speaker 12 (09:21):
I well you, we've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
What'd you think about your sister, Troy.
Speaker 15 (09:29):
That's hey, big man, let me hold it.
Speaker 5 (09:39):
So apparently we're doing the remix ending chilled it again.
Speaker 11 (09:46):
Next time.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I over heard the trusty old h.
Speaker 5 (09:49):
V a C guy say, hey, big man, let me
hold the dollar.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
That's when we.
Speaker 15 (09:55):
Need it right down, all right, Hey, that's a reappreciation.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
That's job boy and and billies, ladies and gentlemen. Mister
James Brown.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah, that doesn't want to tell the beetles, you know.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Thank God take out to be that easy echoes all.
What is it that the us the badges and live
in the living.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yes, morning radio dumb right.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
In the morning to make shows on your radio about
turn away for an hour.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
It's time for.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Dumb cook News, Dom Croch, George Leaf, news Babies and
wire services across America.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Most of them sent it by you to me show
listener and the address. We'll follow this report.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
A prisoner walked away from a work release program in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania,
on July fourth, his Independence Days celebration into the short
time later when he checked into a nearby comfort inn.
When guests played with cash, he required to show photo identification. Well,
the man gave the desk clerk the only thing he had,
his prison ID card.
Speaker 11 (11:28):
Weeh.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
The clerk did a quick crosscheck discovered her guests was
the inmate who had walked away from the half way house.
He was back there a short time later. I guess
so A policeman and Stuart Florida who pulled over a
twenty three year old man for speeding. Suspected the man
who had been drinking and called for a sheriff's deputy
the helping perform a roadside sobriety test. The driver tried
to get out of the dui jars by offering the
(11:50):
cops a bribe, but not just any bribe, A police
spokesman says the suspect tried to buy his freedom by
offering the cops a stack of discount coupons from Duncan Donut.
Flowing a superhuman display of willpower, the officers managed to
resist the.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Offer and hauled the man off to jail. Good job guys.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
A petty thief spent the afternoon cruising the baggage claim
areas at London's Gatwick Airport in search of valuable luggage
to steal. He made possibly the worst possible choice by
stealing a bag that belonged to former world super middleweight
boxing champion Nigel Binn. The champ chased down the thief
and wrapped him in a firm headlock until police arrived.
(12:33):
A police officer who stopped a man in London for
a minor traffic violation noticed an accordion's stash behind the
driver's seat. When question, the man told the officer he
had been using the accordion to perform on street corners
for tips, but the cop was a bit suspicious about
the story since the accordion still had a price tag
attached to it. Where the officer asked the driver to
demonstrate his talent by playing a few bars of Lady
(12:55):
of Spain. Well, when the man was unable to get
anything even vaguely resembling music out of the instrument, he
was arrested for shoplifting.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Geez, god ever pulled me when I had my trumpet
in the river?
Speaker 4 (13:09):
The mass man tried to rob a pharmacy in Marsville, Wisconsin,
using a classic finger as a gunploy might have worked
better if it stuck the finger in his pocket instead
of simply pointing it at the man behind the counter.
So the cashier found himself staring down the barrel of
a bare finger. He said, you've got to be kidding,
then grabbed the man's finger and pulled his mask off.
(13:32):
Suspect who fled the scene was well known for several
previous attempts to forge prescriptions at the store, and he
was quickly tracked down by police, drop.
Speaker 14 (13:41):
The finger and come out.
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Three Canadian teenagers stole a boat from a dock in Bridgewater,
Nova Scotia and took it for a joy ride. After
getting there Jolly's, the teens ran the boat of ground
and decided to set it on fire to destroy the evidence.
The trio apparently didn't know they had come ashore not
on the mainland, but on a small uninhabited island, and
that the only way back to the sivilation was there
(14:04):
stolen boat, which was by now completely engulfed in flames.
Several hours later, the teams were rescued, then arrested, and
finally a shop lifting hipster carefully removed the anti theft
tags from a dozen items of clothing at an Abercumbrie
and Fitch store in Tulsa, Oklahoma, then attempted a low
(14:26):
key getaway. There would be thief was shocked when the
store's alarm when office he made his exit.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Please say.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
After the man pulled the tags off the clothing, he
attempted to hide them by sticking them in his pants pocket.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
A good move, that's going there. Why on a.
Speaker 4 (14:43):
If you have dumb Kruk News mail to dumb Cruk
News John woyn Billett Pielbox one nine, Charlotte n See
two eight two one nine.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
And remember, criminals, it's time to turn so you don't burn.
Speaker 14 (14:57):
Oh morning dollars. That's your old granny clump, you know
the best way to start your day. I don't buy
that crap, but.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
A balance breakfast.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Listening to job Boy Billy on the Big Show is
low in fact and high in fun.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
And who the hell can't get behind that old Patrick?
Speaker 14 (15:19):
It's time for my spongebat.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Whoa good morning everybody there.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
You are listening to the Big Show on your radio,
great radio stations across America, like.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
The one you're listening to right now.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
All right, Spraggs a no One.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
In case you.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
Needed further proof not the human race is doomed through stupidity.
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On
a hotel provided shower cap in a box fits one head.
Thanks to Rayford for noticing that one attie stop on
(16:33):
an ice machine in the Sands Hotel lobby, keep frozen
or ice will turn to water on seered on a
sear's hair dryer. Do not use while sleeping, man say
that's the only time I have to work on my hair.
(16:55):
On a bar of dial soap directions use like red soap.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
That would be hell.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
On some Swan frozen dinners serving suggestion defrost.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
That's just a suggestion though. On packaging for a Rowina iron,
do not iron clothes on body.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
There are some stupid people out there.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But again, wouldn't that save more time?
Speaker 11 (17:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:29):
On boots children's cough medicine, do not drive car or
operate machinery now, so you know we could do a
lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents. We just
kept those five year olds off the fork on a
Korean kitchen knife, warning keep out of children.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Or pets. Courrea, what's for dinner?
Speaker 4 (17:56):
On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights for indoor
or outdoor use only?
Speaker 2 (18:04):
I supposed what outer space on the ground.
Speaker 4 (18:08):
And finally on a Japanese food processor not to be
used for the other use. Thanks a lot, now I'm curious.
All right, Good Friday morning, Big show's on the radio. Yeah, man,
heading into the weekend. You boys got big plan you
want bring you back. We'll have a big fish out,
(18:29):
I mean the fish cookout.
Speaker 14 (18:30):
You boys got big plan to bring you back.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Fish out, fish out. I'm all excited.
Speaker 13 (18:38):
This some kind of a cigarette World War two code
or I'm still trying to figure out what he was
talking about before we went back on the air, talking
about waiting for a little buddy to come up from
behind the butt?
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Now, is this what you call your cousins down here?
Speaker 4 (18:50):
I put my fishing trip together. They're little buddies out
in Wyoming. And he's like on horse, honey, So cell
phones don't work too good, and I'll make you the skipper,
old buddy.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yeah, funny, Yeah, I like the idea of this boat trip.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I'm flying the me in foll Over the country. There's
gonna be one to remember.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
By the way, the professor called and said, forget it.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Uh, let me say got facts. You are right here.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
My son is eight years old, loves your show. He
listens to it every morning for school. He even calls
John Boats John Boy Billy Boats. His name is Jacob
Sissar and been a lot too. If you had wish
him and his team good luck in the state tournament
this weekend. He plays for Rosewood All Stars, Dixie Youth
Coach pitch team. Thank you in Advanced Making a little
boy's day Jeffer Saser. All right, all right, y'all go boys,
(19:39):
go win. That didn't say boats, John bom Bitny boats.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Wow, what an inspiring coach you would make.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah, good luck boys.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Hugg him back in fishing back it. Don't maybe lose
my concentration because I know it's Mayberry time. I can
feel it getting close. My my Mayberry senses are tingling.
All right, Jack, maybe your foot's just a slup. You've
been sitting down to long.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
We're going to Mayby in minutes. Good morning, it's Friday.
(20:32):
We added to the weekends summertime.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
Got love it.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
All right, fend the time on Friday? You ready, Let's
go to mad Marry anywhere? I mean a fellow may Brian,
Larry and Philosky, Virginia.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Good morning, Larry. How you doing, buddy?
Speaker 11 (20:54):
I'm doing fine?
Speaker 1 (20:54):
How about you? Got really good?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Man?
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So you're pretty good?
Speaker 11 (20:57):
Larry?
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Well, I've walked for the time or two myself. I
let's say what we got?
Speaker 5 (21:02):
You know, I hear he hits the sauce, Larry, touch
a number on you touched on phone?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Add there we go.
Speaker 9 (21:12):
Question number one and these are all multiple choice questions
as usual, Which of these is not one of the
so called holidays recognized by the moonshining Morrison's sisters. Is
it Panama Canal Day, National Potato Week or Vasco.
Speaker 11 (21:29):
De Gama Day?
Speaker 5 (21:31):
Oh, Vasco de Gama Day is crack.
Speaker 11 (21:38):
Man?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
All right?
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Larry one to one, I mean one another, you.
Speaker 11 (21:41):
Will, all right?
Speaker 9 (21:43):
The waitresses at the waffle house in Raleigh wear what
daring fashion, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Peekaboo blouses, pikaboo blouses, no choices on that aboo masiboo
one one.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
I think they were Andy's cousins.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Andy Kiss wanted to film Lou's cousins.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yes, but he wasn't one of his.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
Okay, all right, where did goober pick up the expression?
Speaker 12 (22:11):
Yo?
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Johnny?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
National Guard?
Speaker 5 (22:14):
The National Guard is correct?
Speaker 9 (22:15):
Oh?
Speaker 11 (22:16):
Yeah today? All right?
Speaker 5 (22:19):
According to Barney, what does film alu do whenever she's
feeling good? Does she sing?
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Laugh or humor?
Speaker 10 (22:31):
No?
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Oh she does.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
She does not sing.
Speaker 6 (22:34):
She does not sing.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I think she hums?
Speaker 4 (22:40):
She does?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Yes she does. Hey, now you're good though, man, that
was fun. Jackie. You gonna make you happy before we
hang up on you?
Speaker 11 (22:54):
Johnny?
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Well, yes, hello, absolutely.
Speaker 11 (22:57):
I like to send a hello to my wife Louis
and my bad Whitney and my son who is a
taked lieutenant with the third Infantry Brigade in Fort Benning, Georgia.
And God bless those guys, and God bless you.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
All that man, Thank you very much, Larry, hang on, buddy, alrighty,
all right, Dan, my record now.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Thirty six and twenty two sin has been taking no challengers.
You want to play me?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
The Big Show dot com is the easy way to
get you the quilt. Good morning, it's a big show
on the radio.
Speaker 8 (23:27):
Got it?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Okay, all right, okay, hang on, Jackie, you take over.
We're tired. The requested classic bit in the morning is
coming up next.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Good morning, A big show is on your radio talking.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
About cousins by classic Ben Spurg someone's memory of Hort
and Debt.
Speaker 5 (24:08):
You've had many cousin problems over the years.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
It's get the phone as he hell, he'sus hoint all
my life.
Speaker 11 (24:17):
I want to fight an.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Hey man, Chad Munbelly here, how's it going.
Speaker 11 (24:23):
Get up early this morning because I gotta take Debor
to the Iron Fort.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Oh well, where's never going?
Speaker 11 (24:29):
Always flying to Florida to see this cousin of his.
And it's only got two weeks to live.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Oh man, sorry to hear that. What is wrong with him?
Speaker 11 (24:37):
Well, it ain't nothing wrong with him.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Well well then, how come he's only got two weeks
to live because he's on death row.
Speaker 11 (24:45):
I told you we run into it. The family reunion
a couple of years back is the one he used
to wear the T shirt says guns don't kill people.
Speaker 4 (24:51):
I do.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (24:54):
Yeah, we always figured he'd come to a bad end.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Well man, you endeavored being such good friends. I'm kind
of surprised you're not going down there with it.
Speaker 11 (25:00):
Oh no way. I hate to get on an airplane.
Speaker 14 (25:03):
Oh hooy.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Don't tell me you're a nervous flyer.
Speaker 11 (25:05):
No, no, don't scare me. I just don't like it.
Back when I was working for NASA, they used fly
me all over the country. Uh huh. In fact, right
before I left, with having so many technical troubles, I
spend more time in the air than the astronauts.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Was so so you just had your feel of flying.
Speaker 11 (25:21):
Huh? Got that rat? Uh huh. They always used to
books on Eastern Oh. I just hated Eastern Airline. I'm
glad they went on. You could tell it was coming
to business. Was so bad for them there towards the end,
I used to get on board the plane the pilot
to turn around and say where to man a good
sight And the flight attendance wasn't exactly the pick of
(25:42):
the letter Natives. They had a couple of broads so
old on them. Flights before takeoff they put on the
oxygen masks to show you how it worked. Huh, and
then they wouldn't take it off.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Women.
Speaker 11 (25:55):
Oh yeah, I was working the ground too. Remember one
time I flew to Houston, they lost my luggage. When
I went to report it, the guy behind the counter
was wearing my sport coat.
Speaker 8 (26:09):
Every day.
Speaker 11 (26:09):
A quick prison joke, Dever's cousin told him on the
phone last week there was these two fellas sharing a
sell on death row. Both of them had about a
week to go for that's gonna be executed. And one
of them was a U n C fan. One of
them was a NC State fan. So the wardon comes
in one day, says, men, all your appeals is done
run out and you're both going to the electric chair.
(26:30):
But you've both been model prisoners the whole time you've
been here. I'd like to do something nice for you
to make your last days on earth here more pleasant.
So he turns the un SA fan says, what would
you like, and the feller says, well, I'm like a
color TV, a vc R and a tape of the
last two minutes of the North Carolina Michigan game where
(26:50):
the Hills won the national championship. I want to watch
that tape over and over again many times. I can
before I do. That's one of the highlights of my life. Yeah,
And the warden says, well, no problem, I'll take care
of that. And he turns around to the NC State
fan says, now, what can I do for you? And
the feller says, take me right now. I'm going to
(27:11):
run down to the airport. You gonna take her on?
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, I said, well you tell him.
Speaker 11 (27:15):
I said, I know what you made. Okay, I'll keep
the straight up.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
You in morning now nine boy mine old the radio
this cause you want so many emails. It was out
in the world here on a super second. I was
out admiring my.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Maters a little earlier.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
This morning, you're coming coming out. Here's one from a
Ken Warren out of Mebin Nork Helline A Hey, big show.
Speaker 11 (28:06):
Gang.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Thought I'd write tell John or how I grew the
best tomatoes ever. I'm an Alaman's County boy, so John
will be able to relate. The story started out in
the bathroom with a toilet stopped up for a couple
of days. So I decided to fix a problem. Got
a plumbing snake, went outside to the cleanout pipe and
loosened the lid. When the lid come off, there was
so much pressure on it the lid blew up and
hit me in the head, along with all the crap
(28:28):
that was backed up in the sewage pipes. Well, this
was the sight to see. My wife and a friend
were standing there and couldn't stop laughing because I was
covered from head to toe with crap. I guess someone
in the family had been eating tomatoes, because a couple
of weeks after this happened, I had two nice German
Johnson tomato plants growing in the flower bed beside the
(28:50):
cleanout pipe, and one coming out of his head. A
few weeks later, we had the best tomatoes we have
ever had. The one said one slice will make a sandwich.
I guess the secret was he fertilizer that came out
of the pipe with the seeds. Haven't tried this again,
since I was one to pay the price for it.
(29:10):
But it's funny now, Well, Ken warn MeV in North Carolina.
All right, Jackie, won't you eat these maters? Go ahead
going to the toilet inside, sim time up plants.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I'll open the mail, but I'm not.
Speaker 4 (29:26):
I haven't ready come up and scaring the crap out
of it all. Uh, let's see what's happening around this world.
Barbara Streisand is on the hunt for one hundred year
old Americans to feature on her PBS series The Living Century.
Speaker 5 (29:43):
Haven't they suffered enough?
Speaker 4 (29:45):
The documentary, which profiles the lives of extraordinary hundred year olds,
will their five new episodes on PBS this summer. Streysch
in the show's executive producers looking for more. Let's see
today on TV, aspiring pop stars showcase their talents. Wow,
that's original. That sounds like a great idea for a show.
(30:06):
Guests flaunt their talents in front of skeptical friends and
loved ones. M well, Bob, you've realized your dreaming. Belsey
alphabet in front of America.
Speaker 11 (30:18):
On this day.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
In nineteen eighty seven, West German pilot Mathos rust flew
undetected into Russian made an unauthorized landing in red squares
the phrase how about that?
Speaker 1 (30:32):
On this day In.
Speaker 4 (30:33):
Nineteen eighty two, Oakland as stoleed home in the first inning.
It would have been three, but the other team's catcher
finally remember if.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
They aren't supposed to do that? Uh, that was fun.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
And by the way, that's not that unusual in Oakland.
Stuff has stolen from homes every day. Yeah, oh yeah, baseball.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Yes, one more.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
This is a new poll about drivers. The Pole does's
on to measure driver's attitudes about safety. A majority of
drivers admit they routinely speed, eat, or even read while driving.
Ninety one percent of drivers of all ages acknowledge at
least one risky activity in the previous six months ninety one,
(31:18):
so that means nine percent were lying of the first
question there now, Yeah, not the big finish yet. Yeah,
but that's the one I need for the puppy child, joe.
Uh nine percent Okay, risky activity. Seventy one percent said
they sped, fifty nine percent who ate while driving, thirty
(31:42):
seven percent of use a cell phone, twenty eight percent
who wore no seat belt, and twenty six percent who
used no signal wind turning fourteen percent admitted to reading
wild driving Wow. And then there was that one guy
driving a win a Bugo put the cruise control on
when to take a shower white True.
Speaker 7 (32:01):
John boyd Well said, that's here. I'm out of here,
Chip your waitress here, here, I'm all in.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Big Box.
Speaker 9 (32:12):
Is here all your favorites from four decades at the
Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
Nine ninety nine.
Speaker 9 (32:17):
Buy them once, play them anywhere. Shop the Big Box
online at the Big Show dot Com. Order Big Show
Stuff I Phone. The number is eight hundred and four
seven one Stuff Online services by Hannimink dot com.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
Y'all hope you have a great rest of your Friday,
little kicking the weekend on with.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
A Saturday Big Show on tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Next up John one Bill in Late Rises podcast at
the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Order free I Heart Radio Way love you, mana
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Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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