December 19, 2025 • 40 mins
Friday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we’ve got all of our usual Friday lineup - plus we’ll share the new trailer for “Private Claus”.. - Ike Turner goes Cratchit for the Season.. - the Not Ready for Drive Time Players have a brand new script for the Playhouse entitled, “Pick A Winner”.. - and we review Tom Sorenson’s picks for last week’s NFL games - and get his picks for the games coming up!…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning, and you got the Big Show on al Rady.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
More chances for you to win coming up after your news,
weather and sports.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Good morning, Thisious Connery, Sean Connery, And you might think
that I'm just another of sophisticated yet rugged Scottish movie star,
and you'd be right. What's my secret? The truth is
I can't stop my day without listening to the Big
Show with John Boy and Billy crush Me. They're a
lot funnier than doctor Noan Blofeld who.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Coming to the new It's Steve Friday before Christmas deeds
Himber the nineteenth and the Frosty. I don't know the
words of this part to you, Chader.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Rock night away jet us, Wow, I'm sorry little later
to work.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
We were awake.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
That he'll do it, Thank you, Ethel Murmur.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
You're welcome.
Speaker 6 (01:33):
John Boy.
Speaker 7 (01:35):
The three words the best described you are as follows
and I quote.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Please please you Buster Mario and Rodney Carrington that drop
good work here ran hot on Yo, we are up
and Adam we're gonna get the first prize, back out
and get the win and beginning. That's a plan, begs
Joe's on the radio. Good morning, Big Shows, on the radio.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, back in the day when.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I was playing my Christmas trumpet, I do miss your
funny grinch drops after every two yep, funny three.
Speaker 7 (02:09):
Words that's best to describe you are as follows and
I quote.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Never mind, Well, start sinking your praises. You know what
to do, just to kill it.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, I got to work, all right, you get the
rest of the morning off. Okay, then first prize back
here in a swarm of a small batch hand cooked
peanuts from Birtee County Peanuts Southern tradition of over one
hundred years making part of your holidays. Huner coach JBB
at checkout, get twenty five percent off plus free shipping
when you shop online to Birtee County Peanuts dot net.
(02:49):
Look from there link at the Big Show dot com.
Gotta set up, man, he says, give them rested. I'm
found free shipping. Plam Merry Christmas, oh Bertie County. I
heard about that on a Big Show.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
All right, Wow, you acted out my whole Christmas.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I was like, God, I give you three dates in
history where we'll get our category so you can win
the Assoman de Bertee County Peanuts.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It was nineteen eighty five.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
On this date, ABC Sports announced that it was severing
ties with Howard coat Sell and release a mouth from
all TV commitments Humble. Howard continued on ABC Radio for
another five years.
Speaker 8 (03:25):
I almost forgot what he sounds like.
Speaker 9 (03:28):
I'm trying to I'm trying to him.
Speaker 8 (03:30):
I was like, I need that.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
Yeah what he just did?
Speaker 10 (03:37):
Try it?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
And I realized I don't remember.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
Yeah, like I feel like I know it, but I don't.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Howard Coast seals of Sports Coast cell.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, very nice. And I just told Taylor a couple
of days ago, was talking about Dandy Don Meredith, you know,
was his color guy. And he's the one that saying
when the game was out of reach, he would sing.
Speaker 11 (03:58):
Turn out the lights the parties over.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Tad's dad, Marty used to do that all the time.
She thought he made it up.
Speaker 9 (04:05):
Life, my whole life.
Speaker 8 (04:07):
I thought that was I thought.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
That was dad's. Yeah, he was keeping it going.
Speaker 8 (04:12):
Yeah, he was king of the callbacks.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
I didn't even know what my daughter thought.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I came up with the phone books here, the phone
books here she were using her teens.
Speaker 5 (04:24):
She looked at me like I had betrayed her.
Speaker 8 (04:27):
It's a hard it's a hard learn I will tell you.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I'm talking about a football game, announced theers. Let's get
to a second date. Nineteen ninety five, two bandits tried
to rob a Z Sports tap bar in Chicago, where
a police retirement party was underway. The one hundred off
duty police offers arrested these suspects at the scene without
a fight at the face. Finally, on this day in
(04:51):
twenty sixteen, at least forty eight people died and s
iberi after drinking bath lotion. They allegedly thought the lotion
contained al oh well.
Speaker 8 (05:00):
You know, oh god man, stupid things.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Then think about thirty things. It'll get you drunk and
not kill you, and that should do our categories.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Chris, what ain't under big show? You told free Linable
plain Nex good morning. That's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Running to your Friday Sesame Street helped raise all of us.
Now it's our turn donate this holiday season at sesame
dot org because the world needs Sesame and Sesame needs you.
You got that on it all right, We're ready now.
Speaker 12 (06:01):
Outburst, Let's play Outburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
John bond By, he gave.
Speaker 13 (06:10):
Good prizes from the big prize.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Being Let's go contested Number one edition should really be
a lot of funks.
Speaker 12 (06:19):
When you're playing outburst, have a lurry up and guest
time you love the best time.
Speaker 9 (06:25):
You have a big shot.
Speaker 14 (06:28):
Let's say had a Max from Rand he ina.
Speaker 9 (06:35):
We have shots.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Well, guy, he likes it.
Speaker 8 (06:52):
That's my power.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Max. Good morning body, Good morning a man.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Let's get you the These three categories get you at
Bertie County's back you ready, all right? I give us
three in five seconds? Three football game announcers.
Speaker 15 (07:11):
Go.
Speaker 11 (07:14):
Higher.
Speaker 10 (07:14):
Coach John laon fight difference.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Bam yeah, three old school loge odd Max? Give us
three things in a sports bar ready, go.
Speaker 10 (07:27):
TV, cold table.
Speaker 16 (07:30):
There he's a.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Torlet paper, be right all right, Max, he would go,
buddy for the win. Three things that will get you drunk.
Speaker 10 (07:46):
Ready go uh bill liquor wine, oh.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
My, the old whisky, mighty risky or something like you
did it?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Max? A Birtie County Peanuts, pize packed the Grand View
Indiana just for you, buddy.
Speaker 10 (08:05):
Hey man, I appreciate it. Hey John Barr, Yeah right,
Can I take it?
Speaker 14 (08:10):
Yes?
Speaker 10 (08:12):
Hey, I understand you know y'all want to retire and
you know I'm bad for you. I retalked three years
ago and I highly highly recommend it.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Uh huh, But.
Speaker 10 (08:27):
How come y'all don't have y'all springs take over for you?
I mean, that's just like all the old Southern rock bands,
you know, like.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I got my medal, son in here women stick, Uh,
MAXI wonders, why.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Don't you take all for Honestly, I've seen what this
job's under my dad in the last three years.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I can't say that I.
Speaker 17 (08:51):
Haven't too much for draw to replicate that I got it.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
But hey, you know, we're gonna we're gonna try to
get him going on the internet a little bit, maybe
bring him into the new A.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
He's gonna help me be an influencer, Max. So that's
gonna be fun for all of us. This is gonna
be great mix.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
We appreciate you, Buddy.
Speaker 17 (09:12):
You hang on.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Jackie's gonna hook you.
Speaker 10 (09:14):
Up, man, John Dorr. One more thing. What's your last name?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
B oh?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Why Jackie will tell you hang on with Jackie.
Speaker 17 (09:26):
Go ahead there, Buddy.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Good morning, Big Show's on the radio. Well look on
that top shelf of the Big Show store. Got a
few of these dolls left for Christmas.
Speaker 12 (09:57):
First, it was Tickle Me Elmo, then and singing snore Ernie.
Now comes the latest toy sensation from Fishy Price. It's
grunt and gripe Rayford, the virtual past.
Speaker 13 (10:09):
Christmas bah just an excuse to pick a man's pocket.
Speaker 12 (10:13):
And you ask me he's the holiday buddy that teaches
your kids about the real world.
Speaker 16 (10:18):
I ain't shaking your hand that spreads germ. I don't
know where that hand's been.
Speaker 12 (10:22):
Grunt and gripe riefing. Whenever you want some more crap
out of him, just squeeze his head.
Speaker 16 (10:28):
Chickle miomo. Why didn't somebody just step on him?
Speaker 17 (10:33):
I love you, Rayford.
Speaker 16 (10:34):
Leave me alone, your snot nose.
Speaker 12 (10:36):
Little rat, grunt and gripe rieth.
Speaker 16 (10:39):
You don't know where your daddy keeps a key to
the liquor captain.
Speaker 15 (10:41):
Do you?
Speaker 11 (10:42):
You?
Speaker 12 (10:42):
From Fishy Price?
Speaker 16 (10:44):
Who says that I say that.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Good morning, got a big show on the radio for
you Thursday morning this Friday? Man, I just glance at
the wrong day on the calendar. Hey, whoa Thursday all
over again?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Like Raymond?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
You can say every time I turn around, Tom eating
breakfast again?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
If you're lucky, Yeah, we out o all right, oh
we have we got all right? Oh yeah, turn the
zoom one over there in the corner.
Speaker 7 (11:37):
There, here we go.
Speaker 12 (11:41):
And now deep thoughts with Zach the weed guy's girlfriend
Mary Jane.
Speaker 14 (11:47):
Yo yo, yeah yeah.
Speaker 8 (11:51):
What's happening retirement?
Speaker 14 (11:53):
Dude?
Speaker 8 (11:55):
You're doing all right?
Speaker 11 (11:56):
All right? All right right?
Speaker 16 (11:59):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Okay? I'm good.
Speaker 14 (12:05):
I've just been sitting around the house trying to stay warm,
thinking about stuff. You want to hear it, we kid,
and you got nothing but time now.
Speaker 8 (12:19):
I was thinking about it.
Speaker 14 (12:21):
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time, y'all.
Speaker 8 (12:28):
I broke my finger last week.
Speaker 14 (12:31):
On the other hand, I'm okay, dude.
Speaker 8 (12:39):
What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint?
Speaker 9 (12:49):
All right?
Speaker 8 (12:50):
I know you're sad.
Speaker 14 (12:51):
Do you want to know something that'll make you smile
your facial muscles? You just keep it to yourself, Randy,
I asked my dog, what's ten minus ten?
Speaker 8 (13:11):
He said nothing?
Speaker 5 (13:14):
Ah, you don't.
Speaker 14 (13:21):
You don't need a parachute to go sky diamond. You
need a parachute to go sky diamond. Twice I accuse
my boyfriend of being too immature.
Speaker 8 (13:34):
Then he told me to get out of his fort.
Speaker 14 (13:42):
You like science, dnboy, I got a scientific fact. If
you took all the veins from your body and laid
them end to end, you die. Okay, I wish I
could pass this to you.
Speaker 16 (14:00):
I wish you couldn't do.
Speaker 8 (14:02):
I used to be addicted to soap, and I'm clean
Now she likes it. Hey, what do you.
Speaker 14 (14:13):
Call a bear without ears?
Speaker 16 (14:23):
Look?
Speaker 14 (14:24):
Look, if I'd known this was my last time, I'd
have thought longer.
Speaker 8 (14:32):
What's the leaning cause of dry skin? Anyone?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Cows?
Speaker 8 (14:40):
Not cows? Turned up?
Speaker 11 (14:42):
Towels? Towels my job?
Speaker 8 (14:56):
Hey, how do you make holy water?
Speaker 11 (14:59):
Boy?
Speaker 9 (15:00):
All the hell out of it?
Speaker 14 (15:06):
Why do you never see elephants hiding behind trees because
they're so good at it?
Speaker 5 (15:15):
Have you been chewing a lot of bum?
Speaker 14 (15:20):
I got a joke for you, dudes, and then I'm
gonna go cry at my bomb water.
Speaker 17 (15:24):
Okay?
Speaker 14 (15:26):
What did the janitor say while jumping out of the closet?
Speaker 17 (15:31):
What supply?
Speaker 14 (15:39):
I'll keep thinking and you dudes do whatever retired people
dudes do, and I'll see you later. We do retired
people hanging. I see you later at the four pm
Happy Hour later.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
I love you, dudes.
Speaker 12 (15:59):
Deep thought is brought to you by Hard graves, potted
meat profits. Because it's four twenty somewhere.
Speaker 8 (16:06):
I did sub for you.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Good morning as it makes you all already, you man,
you remembering Christmas?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
A buzs we done forgot about?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
We want entitled private.
Speaker 12 (16:40):
Claws in a world caught in the grip of terror,
on a planet near the brink of World war, only
one man can save us all. What is your problem here? Fellish?
Speaker 3 (16:54):
And in true to mister president, we finally stopped him
after he made it through security and of the White
House and the Secret Service.
Speaker 12 (17:01):
Here he is suf turn him loose, boys, I've been
expecting him. You sure know how to make an entrance.
Thanks for kemys Sanna.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Sorry about the mess, mister president. I couldn't find the chimney.
Speaker 12 (17:12):
The universal symbol of holiday cheer holds the key to
stopping an unspeakable evil that threatens to destroy us.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Here we I W I think I've found him?
Speaker 12 (17:23):
Well, I'd be dipped?
Speaker 17 (17:24):
Is that it?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
That's right?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
The naughty list see.
Speaker 12 (17:28):
Here Daniel oh Bashman. I don't get his sanna.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
It's an anagram of his name.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Move the letters around and you get to Oshama bin lad.
Speaker 16 (17:38):
Are you sure about this?
Speaker 3 (17:41):
There's only one way to find out.
Speaker 12 (17:43):
He might dress in red, but he's one hundred percent red,
white and blue, and he's ready to start his own
Ho ho, Holy Born, are.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
You sure you want to do this?
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Clause General, If I go in there as Santa and
things get hinky, thing, a private citizen could come okay,
things if you follow me?
Speaker 16 (18:01):
Ah good point.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Okay, welcome to the army.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Private clause you got any milk and cookies and those MRIs.
Speaker 12 (18:10):
This Christmas Sean Connery is private. Clause he knows if
you've been bad or good, So be good or kiss
your butt? Goodbye?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Okay, sir, going in with you?
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Can you fit down a chimney soldier son, No, sir,
you stay here.
Speaker 12 (18:30):
You boys have done enough.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I'll andle lit hut up.
Speaker 18 (18:37):
Don't speak that guy with.
Speaker 12 (18:40):
A special appearance by mister Sulu as Osama bin Lawton.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Happy holidays, mister Batsman.
Speaker 12 (18:49):
Oh boy. By the beard of the Prophet Dante clause
what did you bring me, old bearded Infidelia?
Speaker 5 (18:55):
Why this looks like in a sault rifle with a
full clip.
Speaker 12 (18:59):
Goody, let me heavy with pleasure. Oh my Francis Florida
winsby and Revco Embassy Pictures present Sean Connery as Private Claus.
This year, Father Christmas is going to be a real mother.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
Nice hat. Do you have the matching wash Clauchah, it's.
Speaker 12 (19:24):
Jammed here, pull this back like this, let me sure,
here you go? Oh, thank you here, son of a.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Good morning, got the big show on the radio coming up.
We played John boyd Jepardy for a blue Emu prize
by includes two jars of blue Emu non greasy relief
whatever paint you, plus a tube of PBC OTC It's
relief cream, fast prescriptions, duringsh relief, vinsect bites, poison ivy,
some burn more PBC o TC say for the whole family.
Infatile in storing online Walmart, Amazon, other finerytailers.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
But first it's time to Axite Padrack.
Speaker 6 (20:10):
Don't you take all Christmas caddy from Tata.
Speaker 5 (20:14):
She will lead you astraight.
Speaker 11 (20:17):
Yo?
Speaker 2 (20:21):
What's that?
Speaker 6 (20:23):
Welcome to a special holiday edition of Axite, the place
to go for all the form one one you need?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Bow yo?
Speaker 16 (20:30):
What you call.
Speaker 6 (20:30):
Mistletoe personal relations shrimps? Dig this brother ike? Oh you
know it's a white guy. Christmas is coming up and
I am broke. The good thing is I'm single, so
I don't have any kids to this appoint But I
(20:51):
does have a girlfriend. I think she might be the one,
and I'm afraid if I don't get her something, she'll
think I'm a loser. Help me, I one, Kenobi, You're
my only hole Mike b Evanville, Indiana, Dem Mike burst off?
Speaker 17 (21:09):
Ike?
Speaker 9 (21:10):
You wan Kingoby?
Speaker 6 (21:13):
What's up for that?
Speaker 9 (21:14):
My brother?
Speaker 5 (21:16):
You one of them Star Wars nerves, ain't you?
Speaker 10 (21:19):
Now?
Speaker 6 (21:19):
Why would anybody take you a loser? The good news
is if she ain't kicked your nerdy butt of the curb,
knowing that you right, she might be the one that
that that. Now, let I set you straight about Christmas time,
my brother, forget all that stressing about buying presents and
(21:39):
spending money and all that. Man, sounded like you two
already giving each other the best gift of ball love.
That's right, I said it.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Love.
Speaker 6 (21:50):
Don't look at me like that, John Boy Jumbo looked
like I kicked his dog. You thought I was gonna
say booty call, didn't you. Yeah, Well that's part of
it for sure. But you got to have love, man.
Love go a long way, baby, especially at Christmas time.
Speaker 9 (22:07):
Don't believe me.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
Look at Bob Cratchit. Case's end point. Bob Cratching in
his peeps in a Christmas caro. Bob Cratching had a
mean boss, a low paying job, about thirty kids. One
of them was sickly and had a bum leg. He
didn't have no insurance, no car, no food in the house,
no cable, no birth control either.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Sound like, well he had love.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Baby.
Speaker 6 (22:34):
They're sitting around eating bugs, burning the furniture to stay warm.
They is all happy as Bobby Brown in the crackhouse
because they had love, and they was way worse off
than you, brother, not a cratchs They was Paul. Fact
is the Cratchites was so Paul. I saw Bob Cratchit
(22:55):
kicking a can down the street. I said, what you doing?
He said moving. They even had to come back on
the children's nursery rhymes. They wound up reading the little
old woman who lived in a flip flop. They had
(23:15):
to hang that toilet paper out to dry. They didn't
even use toothpaste, they used white out. A burglar broke
into that place and left them money. Missus Cratchet wouldn't
even got it when her friends because she couldn't afford
to put her two cents worth it. When you ring
(23:38):
at dollbell, one of the youngins had to say, dang doll.
They had to put a gumball on the lay away.
They're so broke, or that's Paul. They made the kids
eat cereal with a fourth to save on the mill.
The Cratches were so damn par even a Republicans wanted
(24:00):
them to go on welfare. They go to Kentucky Fried
Chicken and lick other people's fingers. In fact, they can't
even afford the oh and the r. They so poor,
they just pope. They got their pictures on food stands.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
They so pop.
Speaker 6 (24:24):
Accidentally bumped into the garbage can. Bob said, come in
all Bob Cratcher can afford as a wooden people when
you call him, all you here is. And finally, the
Crashes they so poor. Tiny Tim had to fart just
to put a sin in his back pocket. Get it, see, Mike,
(24:53):
you ain't got it so bad. Just get out the
candles and the Luther Vandross album, and for that matter,
you touch skip the vain is my brother. Don't look
at me like that, Johnny, look he give me that
same look. What I said, love, Instead, show her you
renal care. Get a pack of them little smokies and
(25:13):
cook them in that hot and spotsy grin sauce. Yeah,
serve them with saltines and cold duck after that. If
she don't rock y'all winter wonderful land, she don't deserve.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
To be the one.
Speaker 9 (25:27):
So have you a merry Christmas?
Speaker 5 (25:28):
Your two crazy kids.
Speaker 6 (25:30):
I gotta get out of here for I get so misty.
This is ike peace on earth out.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Like crishy. That's a gym ay all, Let's play John
boyd Jeopardy. Okay, ref you yesterday's question. We found out
be careful what you wish for. Before nineteen sixty eight,
it wasn't legal in all fifty states for women to
officially serve in this judicial role.
Speaker 8 (25:55):
What's a jury member?
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Couldn't be on the jury?
Speaker 7 (25:58):
Craidy?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
They would hold the trial up the way y'all talk?
Speaker 8 (26:00):
Well, we asked questions and stuff on another details do.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
That Today's John Boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
The first TV family to own one of these was
the Adams family in nineteen sixty five, and theirs was
named Wizzo.
Speaker 8 (26:19):
What is the statue of a peeing boy?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Whizzo whizz the fountain. I get what you all got
one eight hundred Big Show you told free line. We
played John Boy Jeopardy next. Good morning. That's a big
(26:55):
show on the radio. Worldly do You Friday? A feature
track for the Big Show bit Box Playhouse. It's a
Wonderful Life featuring dub He worried, wonderful life in the
Big Box at the Big Show dot Com here right now, let's.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Fly yeahes live across America. It's gon Boy Jepardy and
now your host.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
He says he's skipping the Big Times Square New Year's
Eve celebration this year.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
He's been watching people at work drop the ball every
day for forty five years.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
It's John Boyne.
Speaker 11 (27:28):
He that.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
As I hated.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Jonathan out of Richland's Virginia. Good morning, Jonathan, good morning.
Hey buddy, you got first shot at John Boy Jeopardy
this morning. So let's put it out there. The first
TV family to own one of these was the Adams
family in nineteen sixty five, and theirs was named Wizzle.
Speaker 10 (27:52):
What could it be, Jonathan, Ah, Maybe a computer?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
A computer Adam's Family sixty five. Let's say, well, yeah,
I love that. So was it like a big computer
or like a robot moving around?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Do you remember I don't remember seeing it.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I only read about it.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
How about that?
Speaker 8 (28:21):
I was thinking maybe more like a first indoor urine
or something other.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
But well, you hit it right on the head, that Jonathan,
you got the Blue Indian Prize head.
Speaker 5 (28:31):
I got it by you.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Hang on with Jackie, my boy.
Speaker 10 (28:34):
Okay, good morning.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
The Big Shoe is on the radio. Raven says, don't
be too hard on a scrooge.
Speaker 9 (29:06):
He just might have been either born or nurtured to
be the man who won't fit in.
Speaker 13 (29:13):
Don't feel sorry for the person who doesn't want to
get the Christmas spirit. He might just rather be alone.
There's a race of men that don't fit in, a
race that can't stay still. So they break the hearts
of kith and kin, and they roam the world at will.
They range the field, and they rove the flood, and
(29:35):
they climb the mountain's crest. Theirs is the curse of
the gypsy blood, and they don't know how to rest.
If they just weren't straight, they might go far. They're
strong and brave and true, but they're always tired of
the things that are and They want the strange and new.
They say, could I find my proper groove? What a
(29:57):
deep mark I would make? So they chop change, and
each fresh move is only a fresh mistake, And each
forgets as he strips and runs for the brilliant, fitful pace.
It's the steady, quiet plotting ones who win in the
lifelong race. And each forgets that his youth has fled,
(30:19):
forgets that his prime is passed. He has failed, he
has failed, he has missed his chance. He's just done
things by half. Life's been a jolly good joke on him.
Now's the time to laugh.
Speaker 16 (30:32):
Ha ha.
Speaker 13 (30:34):
He's the one of the legion lost. He was never
meant to win. He's a rolling stone. It's bred in
the bone. He's a man who won't fit in. See there,
Poor Robert's service doesn't say those types don't fit in.
They are a breed that won't fit in. Sometimes people
(30:55):
like him are the best to have around. I'm really
Robert d Rayfert John Billy Show, Good morning, it's.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
All make Shaw on the radio for your Friday day
seven to nineteenth. Alright, boys and girls, action.
Speaker 19 (31:33):
Hello friends, you're old bird bird here with another taint
tickling edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 9 (31:40):
Today's episode pick a winner.
Speaker 19 (31:43):
As our story opens, and unusual woman is seeking advice
from a professional relationship counselor.
Speaker 9 (31:50):
Okay, miss Fergelstein, is that Dutch.
Speaker 8 (31:55):
Slovating a?
Speaker 16 (31:57):
Well?
Speaker 9 (31:59):
Tell me what brings you here today?
Speaker 17 (32:01):
Uber?
Speaker 11 (32:02):
No?
Speaker 8 (32:03):
No, no, no, no no no?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Why are you here?
Speaker 10 (32:06):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (32:10):
Well, doc, I can't seem to keep a relationship. Can
you believe it? I mean, I'm a keeper, ain't I?
Speaker 11 (32:22):
Yes?
Speaker 9 (32:23):
So how can I help you?
Speaker 18 (32:26):
Well?
Speaker 8 (32:26):
It occurs to me that maybe I'm just not dating
the right guy. What sort of fellows should I look for?
Speaker 9 (32:33):
I mean, other than the ones.
Speaker 5 (32:35):
You are breathing?
Speaker 16 (32:40):
Well?
Speaker 9 (32:41):
In general, there are basically five secrets to a great relationship.
Would you like something to write on?
Speaker 16 (32:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (32:49):
I got one of them, pornographic memories.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I noticed you didn't laugh this time.
Speaker 9 (32:55):
Oh sorry, that's okay. So the first secret is to
find a man who works around the house, you know,
cooks and cleans and has a job.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
A worker, not a shirker.
Speaker 9 (33:08):
I get it, a shirker. That's what I said, makes sense, right?
Speaker 17 (33:12):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (33:12):
The second secret, let's get this over with. The second
secret is it's important to find a man that makes
you laugh. Oh, it's one of my best features. You
heard right, charming. The third secret is to find a
man who is dependable. Oh like he wears his dull diaper. No, no, no, no,
(33:35):
he's someone you can count on, you know, respectful and
doesn't lie.
Speaker 8 (33:39):
Oh no, Pinocchio, I got it, got it, got you, guys.
Speaker 9 (33:42):
And the fourth secret is to find a man who's
good in bed, a man who loves to be intimate
with you. Oh yeah, you're talking getting gigy with it.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Suty, big old booties. Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 16 (33:59):
Yes.
Speaker 9 (34:00):
And the fifth secret is perhaps the most important of all. Oh,
this stuff is gold laying on me, doc, under no
circumstances ever, let these four men meet.
Speaker 11 (34:13):
Come on.
Speaker 19 (34:21):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse Boy
skipping a little steami in here. I wish I had
two top buttons.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Stuff you.
Speaker 7 (34:31):
Me too.
Speaker 19 (34:32):
Tune in next time when we'll hear miss Flergelstein's uber
drivers say.
Speaker 12 (34:37):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
It's a big show on the radio for your Friday
de Siven the nineteenth. All right, what we've got the
last wonderful thing and we're giving away.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
It's Elsie, our first time caller cow hang on mail
Elsie to me.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Yeah, we gotta cover pucket sound. We gonna wait and
give that away on Tuesday, our last show before Christmas City. Right,
I think that's the person. Let's do that last wonderful thing.
So get your name in a hat if you want
to get it at the Big Show dot Com. Good morning,
(35:44):
Big shows on the radio. Hang on for the last bang.
Gonna bang on the drum one morning time. I'll tell
you what we're gonna play for and beat the blonde
in minutes. There's one hundred and twenty dollars worth of
Ball's Not cleaning products made in the USA. Truck drivers,
y'all been good to us over the years. Y'all keep
them marror, come moving, Bulls Not make sure you look
good doing it. The old truck driver who founded Bulls
(36:04):
Not Good Stuff man John Boy and Billy listener for
many years. If you go to the Big Show dot Com,
click on that bull Snot bat for more info. Hang
on when you sme in minutes.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
First, we don't want to work still.
Speaker 15 (36:18):
And before eleven o'clock tonight, mister, you better find yourself
another line of work. That's when sure, don't fix your pistol.
It's one hundred and six miles to Chicago. We got
a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes.
It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Speaker 16 (36:35):
Hit it.
Speaker 5 (36:42):
I hate work, I hate work, I hate one.
Speaker 12 (36:49):
I've been having a very bad day.
Speaker 9 (36:53):
I don't.
Speaker 18 (37:02):
Got on to day.
Speaker 11 (37:21):
You just.
Speaker 12 (37:24):
She's gone.
Speaker 18 (37:41):
Back work work work, work, work, work work.
Speaker 16 (37:47):
Man. What are we gonna do?
Speaker 18 (37:48):
Man?
Speaker 2 (37:48):
We gotta get out of here.
Speaker 9 (37:50):
We just have a life. I mean, do you do
anything beside this creepy stuff?
Speaker 12 (37:54):
What do you do for fun?
Speaker 11 (37:55):
Oh?
Speaker 16 (37:56):
No, we don't have fun. We just we just work.
Speaker 9 (37:58):
Here's here's our fun?
Speaker 15 (37:59):
Right?
Speaker 14 (38:00):
What?
Speaker 11 (38:00):
What?
Speaker 10 (38:00):
What? What?
Speaker 2 (38:01):
What?
Speaker 16 (38:01):
What's what?
Speaker 7 (38:02):
Well? I realized my father makes a lot of money,
but you see he's not giving me any.
Speaker 16 (38:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (38:07):
Weekend, Saturday Sunday the time between work and war work,
the time when you go looking.
Speaker 16 (38:12):
For happiness and end up lunch over somewhere else's toilet.
The weekend things are at their darkest. Pal, it's a
brave man a party. All is will taste you is.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Cool?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Buzz You're off five?
Speaker 4 (39:09):
Oh no I am today?
Speaker 10 (39:16):
I have you check page.
Speaker 16 (39:23):
Work work what what what?
Speaker 11 (39:24):
What?
Speaker 18 (39:25):
What's watch work work work.
Speaker 11 (39:31):
Duds?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Oh the good I know, man, work, work, work work,
Figure out where that came from. To Jackie, when she
found her favorite movie, Blazing Saddles.
Speaker 16 (39:52):
She was so hurt.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Ah, well, let's play Beat the Blonde one eight hundred,
big show you toll free line.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
We'll do it next
Good morning, and you got the Big Show on al Rady.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
More chances for you to win coming up after your news,
weather and sports.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Good morning, Thisious Connery, Sean Connery, And you might think
that I'm just another of sophisticated yet rugged Scottish movie star,
and you'd be right. What's my secret? The truth is
I can't stop my day without listening to the Big
Show with John Boy and Billy crush Me. They're a
lot funnier than doctor Noan Blofeld who.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Coming to the new It's Steve Friday before Christmas deeds
Himber the nineteenth and the Frosty. I don't know the
words of this part to you, Chader.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Rock night away jet us, Wow, I'm sorry little later
to work.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
We were awake.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
That he'll do it, Thank you, Ethel Murmur.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
You're welcome.
Speaker 6 (01:33):
John Boy.
Speaker 7 (01:35):
The three words the best described you are as follows
and I quote.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Please please you Buster Mario and Rodney Carrington that drop
good work here ran hot on Yo, we are up
and Adam we're gonna get the first prize, back out
and get the win and beginning. That's a plan, begs
Joe's on the radio. Good morning, Big Shows, on the radio.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, back in the day when.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I was playing my Christmas trumpet, I do miss your
funny grinch drops after every two yep, funny three.
Speaker 7 (02:09):
Words that's best to describe you are as follows and
I quote.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Never mind, Well, start sinking your praises. You know what
to do, just to kill it.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, I got to work, all right, you get the
rest of the morning off. Okay, then first prize back
here in a swarm of a small batch hand cooked
peanuts from Birtee County Peanuts Southern tradition of over one
hundred years making part of your holidays. Huner coach JBB
at checkout, get twenty five percent off plus free shipping
when you shop online to Birtee County Peanuts dot net.
(02:49):
Look from there link at the Big Show dot com.
Gotta set up, man, he says, give them rested. I'm
found free shipping. Plam Merry Christmas, oh Bertie County. I
heard about that on a Big Show.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
All right, Wow, you acted out my whole Christmas.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I was like, God, I give you three dates in
history where we'll get our category so you can win
the Assoman de Bertee County Peanuts.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It was nineteen eighty five.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
On this date, ABC Sports announced that it was severing
ties with Howard coat Sell and release a mouth from
all TV commitments Humble. Howard continued on ABC Radio for
another five years.
Speaker 8 (03:25):
I almost forgot what he sounds like.
Speaker 9 (03:28):
I'm trying to I'm trying to him.
Speaker 8 (03:30):
I was like, I need that.
Speaker 5 (03:32):
Yeah what he just did?
Speaker 10 (03:37):
Try it?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
And I realized I don't remember.
Speaker 8 (03:39):
Yeah, like I feel like I know it, but I don't.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Howard Coast seals of Sports Coast cell.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, very nice. And I just told Taylor a couple
of days ago, was talking about Dandy Don Meredith, you know,
was his color guy. And he's the one that saying
when the game was out of reach, he would sing.
Speaker 11 (03:58):
Turn out the lights the parties over.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Tad's dad, Marty used to do that all the time.
She thought he made it up.
Speaker 9 (04:05):
Life, my whole life.
Speaker 8 (04:07):
I thought that was I thought.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
That was dad's. Yeah, he was keeping it going.
Speaker 8 (04:12):
Yeah, he was king of the callbacks.
Speaker 5 (04:14):
I didn't even know what my daughter thought.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I came up with the phone books here, the phone
books here she were using her teens.
Speaker 5 (04:24):
She looked at me like I had betrayed her.
Speaker 8 (04:27):
It's a hard it's a hard learn I will tell you.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I'm talking about a football game, announced theers. Let's get
to a second date. Nineteen ninety five, two bandits tried
to rob a Z Sports tap bar in Chicago, where
a police retirement party was underway. The one hundred off
duty police offers arrested these suspects at the scene without
a fight at the face. Finally, on this day in
(04:51):
twenty sixteen, at least forty eight people died and s
iberi after drinking bath lotion. They allegedly thought the lotion
contained al oh well.
Speaker 8 (05:00):
You know, oh god man, stupid things.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Then think about thirty things. It'll get you drunk and
not kill you, and that should do our categories.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Chris, what ain't under big show? You told free Linable
plain Nex good morning. That's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Running to your Friday Sesame Street helped raise all of us.
Now it's our turn donate this holiday season at sesame
dot org because the world needs Sesame and Sesame needs you.
You got that on it all right, We're ready now.
Speaker 12 (06:01):
Outburst, Let's play Outburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
John bond By, he gave.
Speaker 13 (06:10):
Good prizes from the big prize.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Being Let's go contested Number one edition should really be
a lot of funks.
Speaker 12 (06:19):
When you're playing outburst, have a lurry up and guest
time you love the best time.
Speaker 9 (06:25):
You have a big shot.
Speaker 14 (06:28):
Let's say had a Max from Rand he ina.
Speaker 9 (06:35):
We have shots.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Well, guy, he likes it.
Speaker 8 (06:52):
That's my power.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Max. Good morning body, Good morning a man.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Let's get you the These three categories get you at
Bertie County's back you ready, all right? I give us
three in five seconds? Three football game announcers.
Speaker 15 (07:11):
Go.
Speaker 11 (07:14):
Higher.
Speaker 10 (07:14):
Coach John laon fight difference.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Bam yeah, three old school loge odd Max? Give us
three things in a sports bar ready, go.
Speaker 10 (07:27):
TV, cold table.
Speaker 16 (07:30):
There he's a.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Torlet paper, be right all right, Max, he would go,
buddy for the win. Three things that will get you drunk.
Speaker 10 (07:46):
Ready go uh bill liquor wine, oh.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
My, the old whisky, mighty risky or something like you
did it?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Max? A Birtie County Peanuts, pize packed the Grand View
Indiana just for you, buddy.
Speaker 10 (08:05):
Hey man, I appreciate it. Hey John Barr, Yeah right,
Can I take it?
Speaker 14 (08:10):
Yes?
Speaker 10 (08:12):
Hey, I understand you know y'all want to retire and
you know I'm bad for you. I retalked three years
ago and I highly highly recommend it.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Uh huh, But.
Speaker 10 (08:27):
How come y'all don't have y'all springs take over for you?
I mean, that's just like all the old Southern rock bands,
you know, like.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I got my medal, son in here women stick, Uh,
MAXI wonders, why.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
Don't you take all for Honestly, I've seen what this
job's under my dad in the last three years.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I can't say that I.
Speaker 17 (08:51):
Haven't too much for draw to replicate that I got it.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
But hey, you know, we're gonna we're gonna try to
get him going on the internet a little bit, maybe
bring him into the new A.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
He's gonna help me be an influencer, Max. So that's
gonna be fun for all of us. This is gonna
be great mix.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
We appreciate you, Buddy.
Speaker 17 (09:12):
You hang on.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Jackie's gonna hook you.
Speaker 10 (09:14):
Up, man, John Dorr. One more thing. What's your last name?
Speaker 1 (09:18):
B oh?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Why Jackie will tell you hang on with Jackie.
Speaker 17 (09:26):
Go ahead there, Buddy.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Good morning, Big Show's on the radio. Well look on
that top shelf of the Big Show store. Got a
few of these dolls left for Christmas.
Speaker 12 (09:57):
First, it was Tickle Me Elmo, then and singing snore Ernie.
Now comes the latest toy sensation from Fishy Price. It's
grunt and gripe Rayford, the virtual past.
Speaker 13 (10:09):
Christmas bah just an excuse to pick a man's pocket.
Speaker 12 (10:13):
And you ask me he's the holiday buddy that teaches
your kids about the real world.
Speaker 16 (10:18):
I ain't shaking your hand that spreads germ. I don't
know where that hand's been.
Speaker 12 (10:22):
Grunt and gripe riefing. Whenever you want some more crap
out of him, just squeeze his head.
Speaker 16 (10:28):
Chickle miomo. Why didn't somebody just step on him?
Speaker 17 (10:33):
I love you, Rayford.
Speaker 16 (10:34):
Leave me alone, your snot nose.
Speaker 12 (10:36):
Little rat, grunt and gripe rieth.
Speaker 16 (10:39):
You don't know where your daddy keeps a key to
the liquor captain.
Speaker 15 (10:41):
Do you?
Speaker 11 (10:42):
You?
Speaker 12 (10:42):
From Fishy Price?
Speaker 16 (10:44):
Who says that I say that.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Good morning, got a big show on the radio for
you Thursday morning this Friday? Man, I just glance at
the wrong day on the calendar. Hey, whoa Thursday all
over again?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Like Raymond?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
You can say every time I turn around, Tom eating
breakfast again?
Speaker 1 (11:29):
If you're lucky, Yeah, we out o all right, oh
we have we got all right? Oh yeah, turn the
zoom one over there in the corner.
Speaker 7 (11:37):
There, here we go.
Speaker 12 (11:41):
And now deep thoughts with Zach the weed guy's girlfriend
Mary Jane.
Speaker 14 (11:47):
Yo yo, yeah yeah.
Speaker 8 (11:51):
What's happening retirement?
Speaker 14 (11:53):
Dude?
Speaker 8 (11:55):
You're doing all right?
Speaker 11 (11:56):
All right? All right right?
Speaker 16 (11:59):
How are you?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Okay? I'm good.
Speaker 14 (12:05):
I've just been sitting around the house trying to stay warm,
thinking about stuff. You want to hear it, we kid,
and you got nothing but time now.
Speaker 8 (12:19):
I was thinking about it.
Speaker 14 (12:21):
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time, y'all.
Speaker 8 (12:28):
I broke my finger last week.
Speaker 14 (12:31):
On the other hand, I'm okay, dude.
Speaker 8 (12:39):
What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint?
Speaker 9 (12:49):
All right?
Speaker 8 (12:50):
I know you're sad.
Speaker 14 (12:51):
Do you want to know something that'll make you smile
your facial muscles? You just keep it to yourself, Randy,
I asked my dog, what's ten minus ten?
Speaker 8 (13:11):
He said nothing?
Speaker 5 (13:14):
Ah, you don't.
Speaker 14 (13:21):
You don't need a parachute to go sky diamond. You
need a parachute to go sky diamond. Twice I accuse
my boyfriend of being too immature.
Speaker 8 (13:34):
Then he told me to get out of his fort.
Speaker 14 (13:42):
You like science, dnboy, I got a scientific fact. If
you took all the veins from your body and laid
them end to end, you die. Okay, I wish I
could pass this to you.
Speaker 16 (14:00):
I wish you couldn't do.
Speaker 8 (14:02):
I used to be addicted to soap, and I'm clean
Now she likes it. Hey, what do you.
Speaker 14 (14:13):
Call a bear without ears?
Speaker 16 (14:23):
Look?
Speaker 14 (14:24):
Look, if I'd known this was my last time, I'd
have thought longer.
Speaker 8 (14:32):
What's the leaning cause of dry skin? Anyone?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Cows?
Speaker 8 (14:40):
Not cows? Turned up?
Speaker 11 (14:42):
Towels? Towels my job?
Speaker 8 (14:56):
Hey, how do you make holy water?
Speaker 11 (14:59):
Boy?
Speaker 9 (15:00):
All the hell out of it?
Speaker 14 (15:06):
Why do you never see elephants hiding behind trees because
they're so good at it?
Speaker 5 (15:15):
Have you been chewing a lot of bum?
Speaker 14 (15:20):
I got a joke for you, dudes, and then I'm
gonna go cry at my bomb water.
Speaker 17 (15:24):
Okay?
Speaker 14 (15:26):
What did the janitor say while jumping out of the closet?
Speaker 17 (15:31):
What supply?
Speaker 14 (15:39):
I'll keep thinking and you dudes do whatever retired people
dudes do, and I'll see you later. We do retired
people hanging. I see you later at the four pm
Happy Hour later.
Speaker 8 (15:56):
I love you, dudes.
Speaker 12 (15:59):
Deep thought is brought to you by Hard graves, potted
meat profits. Because it's four twenty somewhere.
Speaker 8 (16:06):
I did sub for you.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Good morning as it makes you all already, you man,
you remembering Christmas?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
A buzs we done forgot about?
Speaker 2 (16:38):
We want entitled private.
Speaker 12 (16:40):
Claws in a world caught in the grip of terror,
on a planet near the brink of World war, only
one man can save us all. What is your problem here? Fellish?
Speaker 3 (16:54):
And in true to mister president, we finally stopped him
after he made it through security and of the White
House and the Secret Service.
Speaker 12 (17:01):
Here he is suf turn him loose, boys, I've been
expecting him. You sure know how to make an entrance.
Thanks for kemys Sanna.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Sorry about the mess, mister president. I couldn't find the chimney.
Speaker 12 (17:12):
The universal symbol of holiday cheer holds the key to
stopping an unspeakable evil that threatens to destroy us.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Here we I W I think I've found him?
Speaker 12 (17:23):
Well, I'd be dipped?
Speaker 17 (17:24):
Is that it?
Speaker 2 (17:25):
That's right?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
The naughty list see.
Speaker 12 (17:28):
Here Daniel oh Bashman. I don't get his sanna.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
It's an anagram of his name.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Move the letters around and you get to Oshama bin lad.
Speaker 16 (17:38):
Are you sure about this?
Speaker 3 (17:41):
There's only one way to find out.
Speaker 12 (17:43):
He might dress in red, but he's one hundred percent red,
white and blue, and he's ready to start his own
Ho ho, Holy Born, are.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
You sure you want to do this?
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Clause General, If I go in there as Santa and
things get hinky, thing, a private citizen could come okay,
things if you follow me?
Speaker 16 (18:01):
Ah good point.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Okay, welcome to the army.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Private clause you got any milk and cookies and those MRIs.
Speaker 12 (18:10):
This Christmas Sean Connery is private. Clause he knows if
you've been bad or good, So be good or kiss
your butt? Goodbye?
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Okay, sir, going in with you?
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Can you fit down a chimney soldier son, No, sir,
you stay here.
Speaker 12 (18:30):
You boys have done enough.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I'll andle lit hut up.
Speaker 18 (18:37):
Don't speak that guy with.
Speaker 12 (18:40):
A special appearance by mister Sulu as Osama bin Lawton.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Happy holidays, mister Batsman.
Speaker 12 (18:49):
Oh boy. By the beard of the Prophet Dante clause
what did you bring me, old bearded Infidelia?
Speaker 5 (18:55):
Why this looks like in a sault rifle with a
full clip.
Speaker 12 (18:59):
Goody, let me heavy with pleasure. Oh my Francis Florida
winsby and Revco Embassy Pictures present Sean Connery as Private Claus.
This year, Father Christmas is going to be a real mother.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
Nice hat. Do you have the matching wash Clauchah, it's.
Speaker 12 (19:24):
Jammed here, pull this back like this, let me sure,
here you go? Oh, thank you here, son of a.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Good morning, got the big show on the radio coming up.
We played John boyd Jepardy for a blue Emu prize
by includes two jars of blue Emu non greasy relief
whatever paint you, plus a tube of PBC OTC It's
relief cream, fast prescriptions, duringsh relief, vinsect bites, poison ivy,
some burn more PBC o TC say for the whole family.
Infatile in storing online Walmart, Amazon, other finerytailers.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
But first it's time to Axite Padrack.
Speaker 6 (20:10):
Don't you take all Christmas caddy from Tata.
Speaker 5 (20:14):
She will lead you astraight.
Speaker 11 (20:17):
Yo?
Speaker 2 (20:21):
What's that?
Speaker 6 (20:23):
Welcome to a special holiday edition of Axite, the place
to go for all the form one one you need?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Bow yo?
Speaker 16 (20:30):
What you call.
Speaker 6 (20:30):
Mistletoe personal relations shrimps? Dig this brother ike? Oh you
know it's a white guy. Christmas is coming up and
I am broke. The good thing is I'm single, so
I don't have any kids to this appoint But I
(20:51):
does have a girlfriend. I think she might be the one,
and I'm afraid if I don't get her something, she'll
think I'm a loser. Help me, I one, Kenobi, You're
my only hole Mike b Evanville, Indiana, Dem Mike burst off?
Speaker 17 (21:09):
Ike?
Speaker 9 (21:10):
You wan Kingoby?
Speaker 6 (21:13):
What's up for that?
Speaker 9 (21:14):
My brother?
Speaker 5 (21:16):
You one of them Star Wars nerves, ain't you?
Speaker 10 (21:19):
Now?
Speaker 6 (21:19):
Why would anybody take you a loser? The good news
is if she ain't kicked your nerdy butt of the curb,
knowing that you right, she might be the one that
that that. Now, let I set you straight about Christmas time,
my brother, forget all that stressing about buying presents and
(21:39):
spending money and all that. Man, sounded like you two
already giving each other the best gift of ball love.
That's right, I said it.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Love.
Speaker 6 (21:50):
Don't look at me like that, John Boy Jumbo looked
like I kicked his dog. You thought I was gonna
say booty call, didn't you. Yeah, Well that's part of
it for sure. But you got to have love, man.
Love go a long way, baby, especially at Christmas time.
Speaker 9 (22:07):
Don't believe me.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
Look at Bob Cratchit. Case's end point. Bob Cratching in
his peeps in a Christmas caro. Bob Cratching had a
mean boss, a low paying job, about thirty kids. One
of them was sickly and had a bum leg. He
didn't have no insurance, no car, no food in the house,
no cable, no birth control either.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Sound like, well he had love.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Baby.
Speaker 6 (22:34):
They're sitting around eating bugs, burning the furniture to stay warm.
They is all happy as Bobby Brown in the crackhouse
because they had love, and they was way worse off
than you, brother, not a cratchs They was Paul. Fact
is the Cratchites was so Paul. I saw Bob Cratchit
(22:55):
kicking a can down the street. I said, what you doing?
He said moving. They even had to come back on
the children's nursery rhymes. They wound up reading the little
old woman who lived in a flip flop. They had
(23:15):
to hang that toilet paper out to dry. They didn't
even use toothpaste, they used white out. A burglar broke
into that place and left them money. Missus Cratchet wouldn't
even got it when her friends because she couldn't afford
to put her two cents worth it. When you ring
(23:38):
at dollbell, one of the youngins had to say, dang doll.
They had to put a gumball on the lay away.
They're so broke, or that's Paul. They made the kids
eat cereal with a fourth to save on the mill.
The Cratches were so damn par even a Republicans wanted
(24:00):
them to go on welfare. They go to Kentucky Fried
Chicken and lick other people's fingers. In fact, they can't
even afford the oh and the r. They so poor,
they just pope. They got their pictures on food stands.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
They so pop.
Speaker 6 (24:24):
Accidentally bumped into the garbage can. Bob said, come in
all Bob Cratcher can afford as a wooden people when
you call him, all you here is. And finally, the
Crashes they so poor. Tiny Tim had to fart just
to put a sin in his back pocket. Get it, see, Mike,
(24:53):
you ain't got it so bad. Just get out the
candles and the Luther Vandross album, and for that matter,
you touch skip the vain is my brother. Don't look
at me like that, Johnny, look he give me that
same look. What I said, love, Instead, show her you
renal care. Get a pack of them little smokies and
(25:13):
cook them in that hot and spotsy grin sauce. Yeah,
serve them with saltines and cold duck after that. If
she don't rock y'all winter wonderful land, she don't deserve.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
To be the one.
Speaker 9 (25:27):
So have you a merry Christmas?
Speaker 5 (25:28):
Your two crazy kids.
Speaker 6 (25:30):
I gotta get out of here for I get so misty.
This is ike peace on earth out.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Like crishy. That's a gym ay all, Let's play John
boyd Jeopardy. Okay, ref you yesterday's question. We found out
be careful what you wish for. Before nineteen sixty eight,
it wasn't legal in all fifty states for women to
officially serve in this judicial role.
Speaker 8 (25:55):
What's a jury member?
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Couldn't be on the jury?
Speaker 7 (25:58):
Craidy?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
They would hold the trial up the way y'all talk?
Speaker 8 (26:00):
Well, we asked questions and stuff on another details do.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
That Today's John Boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
The first TV family to own one of these was
the Adams family in nineteen sixty five, and theirs was
named Wizzo.
Speaker 8 (26:19):
What is the statue of a peeing boy?
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Whizzo whizz the fountain. I get what you all got
one eight hundred Big Show you told free line. We
played John Boy Jeopardy next. Good morning. That's a big
(26:55):
show on the radio. Worldly do You Friday? A feature
track for the Big Show bit Box Playhouse. It's a
Wonderful Life featuring dub He worried, wonderful life in the
Big Box at the Big Show dot Com here right now, let's.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
Fly yeahes live across America. It's gon Boy Jepardy and
now your host.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
He says he's skipping the Big Times Square New Year's
Eve celebration this year.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
He's been watching people at work drop the ball every
day for forty five years.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
It's John Boyne.
Speaker 11 (27:28):
He that.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
As I hated.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Jonathan out of Richland's Virginia. Good morning, Jonathan, good morning.
Hey buddy, you got first shot at John Boy Jeopardy
this morning. So let's put it out there. The first
TV family to own one of these was the Adams
family in nineteen sixty five, and theirs was named Wizzle.
Speaker 10 (27:52):
What could it be, Jonathan, Ah, Maybe a computer?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
A computer Adam's Family sixty five. Let's say, well, yeah,
I love that. So was it like a big computer
or like a robot moving around?
Speaker 1 (28:15):
Do you remember I don't remember seeing it.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I only read about it.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
How about that?
Speaker 8 (28:21):
I was thinking maybe more like a first indoor urine
or something other.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
But well, you hit it right on the head, that Jonathan,
you got the Blue Indian Prize head.
Speaker 5 (28:31):
I got it by you.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Hang on with Jackie, my boy.
Speaker 10 (28:34):
Okay, good morning.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
The Big Shoe is on the radio. Raven says, don't
be too hard on a scrooge.
Speaker 9 (29:06):
He just might have been either born or nurtured to
be the man who won't fit in.
Speaker 13 (29:13):
Don't feel sorry for the person who doesn't want to
get the Christmas spirit. He might just rather be alone.
There's a race of men that don't fit in, a
race that can't stay still. So they break the hearts
of kith and kin, and they roam the world at will.
They range the field, and they rove the flood, and
(29:35):
they climb the mountain's crest. Theirs is the curse of
the gypsy blood, and they don't know how to rest.
If they just weren't straight, they might go far. They're
strong and brave and true, but they're always tired of
the things that are and They want the strange and new.
They say, could I find my proper groove? What a
(29:57):
deep mark I would make? So they chop change, and
each fresh move is only a fresh mistake, And each
forgets as he strips and runs for the brilliant, fitful pace.
It's the steady, quiet plotting ones who win in the
lifelong race. And each forgets that his youth has fled,
(30:19):
forgets that his prime is passed. He has failed, he
has failed, he has missed his chance. He's just done
things by half. Life's been a jolly good joke on him.
Now's the time to laugh.
Speaker 16 (30:32):
Ha ha.
Speaker 13 (30:34):
He's the one of the legion lost. He was never
meant to win. He's a rolling stone. It's bred in
the bone. He's a man who won't fit in. See there,
Poor Robert's service doesn't say those types don't fit in.
They are a breed that won't fit in. Sometimes people
(30:55):
like him are the best to have around. I'm really
Robert d Rayfert John Billy Show, Good morning, it's.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
All make Shaw on the radio for your Friday day
seven to nineteenth. Alright, boys and girls, action.
Speaker 19 (31:33):
Hello friends, you're old bird bird here with another taint
tickling edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 9 (31:40):
Today's episode pick a winner.
Speaker 19 (31:43):
As our story opens, and unusual woman is seeking advice
from a professional relationship counselor.
Speaker 9 (31:50):
Okay, miss Fergelstein, is that Dutch.
Speaker 8 (31:55):
Slovating a?
Speaker 16 (31:57):
Well?
Speaker 9 (31:59):
Tell me what brings you here today?
Speaker 17 (32:01):
Uber?
Speaker 11 (32:02):
No?
Speaker 8 (32:03):
No, no, no, no no no?
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Why are you here?
Speaker 10 (32:06):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (32:10):
Well, doc, I can't seem to keep a relationship. Can
you believe it? I mean, I'm a keeper, ain't I?
Speaker 11 (32:22):
Yes?
Speaker 9 (32:23):
So how can I help you?
Speaker 18 (32:26):
Well?
Speaker 8 (32:26):
It occurs to me that maybe I'm just not dating
the right guy. What sort of fellows should I look for?
Speaker 9 (32:33):
I mean, other than the ones.
Speaker 5 (32:35):
You are breathing?
Speaker 16 (32:40):
Well?
Speaker 9 (32:41):
In general, there are basically five secrets to a great relationship.
Would you like something to write on?
Speaker 16 (32:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (32:49):
I got one of them, pornographic memories.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I noticed you didn't laugh this time.
Speaker 9 (32:55):
Oh sorry, that's okay. So the first secret is to
find a man who works around the house, you know,
cooks and cleans and has a job.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
A worker, not a shirker.
Speaker 9 (33:08):
I get it, a shirker. That's what I said, makes sense, right?
Speaker 17 (33:12):
Okay.
Speaker 9 (33:12):
The second secret, let's get this over with. The second
secret is it's important to find a man that makes
you laugh. Oh, it's one of my best features. You
heard right, charming. The third secret is to find a
man who is dependable. Oh like he wears his dull diaper. No, no, no, no,
(33:35):
he's someone you can count on, you know, respectful and
doesn't lie.
Speaker 8 (33:39):
Oh no, Pinocchio, I got it, got it, got you, guys.
Speaker 9 (33:42):
And the fourth secret is to find a man who's
good in bed, a man who loves to be intimate
with you. Oh yeah, you're talking getting gigy with it.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Suty, big old booties. Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 16 (33:59):
Yes.
Speaker 9 (34:00):
And the fifth secret is perhaps the most important of all. Oh,
this stuff is gold laying on me, doc, under no
circumstances ever, let these four men meet.
Speaker 11 (34:13):
Come on.
Speaker 19 (34:21):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse Boy
skipping a little steami in here. I wish I had
two top buttons.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Stuff you.
Speaker 7 (34:31):
Me too.
Speaker 19 (34:32):
Tune in next time when we'll hear miss Flergelstein's uber
drivers say.
Speaker 12 (34:37):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
It's a big show on the radio for your Friday
de Siven the nineteenth. All right, what we've got the
last wonderful thing and we're giving away.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
It's Elsie, our first time caller cow hang on mail
Elsie to me.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Yeah, we gotta cover pucket sound. We gonna wait and
give that away on Tuesday, our last show before Christmas City. Right,
I think that's the person. Let's do that last wonderful thing.
So get your name in a hat if you want
to get it at the Big Show dot Com. Good morning,
(35:44):
Big shows on the radio. Hang on for the last bang.
Gonna bang on the drum one morning time. I'll tell
you what we're gonna play for and beat the blonde
in minutes. There's one hundred and twenty dollars worth of
Ball's Not cleaning products made in the USA. Truck drivers,
y'all been good to us over the years. Y'all keep
them marror, come moving, Bulls Not make sure you look
good doing it. The old truck driver who founded Bulls
(36:04):
Not Good Stuff man John Boy and Billy listener for
many years. If you go to the Big Show dot Com,
click on that bull Snot bat for more info. Hang
on when you sme in minutes.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
First, we don't want to work still.
Speaker 15 (36:18):
And before eleven o'clock tonight, mister, you better find yourself
another line of work. That's when sure, don't fix your pistol.
It's one hundred and six miles to Chicago. We got
a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes.
It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Speaker 16 (36:35):
Hit it.
Speaker 5 (36:42):
I hate work, I hate work, I hate one.
Speaker 12 (36:49):
I've been having a very bad day.
Speaker 9 (36:53):
I don't.
Speaker 18 (37:02):
Got on to day.
Speaker 11 (37:21):
You just.
Speaker 12 (37:24):
She's gone.
Speaker 18 (37:41):
Back work work work, work, work, work work.
Speaker 16 (37:47):
Man. What are we gonna do?
Speaker 18 (37:48):
Man?
Speaker 2 (37:48):
We gotta get out of here.
Speaker 9 (37:50):
We just have a life. I mean, do you do
anything beside this creepy stuff?
Speaker 12 (37:54):
What do you do for fun?
Speaker 11 (37:55):
Oh?
Speaker 16 (37:56):
No, we don't have fun. We just we just work.
Speaker 9 (37:58):
Here's here's our fun?
Speaker 15 (37:59):
Right?
Speaker 14 (38:00):
What?
Speaker 11 (38:00):
What?
Speaker 10 (38:00):
What? What?
Speaker 2 (38:01):
What?
Speaker 16 (38:01):
What's what?
Speaker 7 (38:02):
Well? I realized my father makes a lot of money,
but you see he's not giving me any.
Speaker 16 (38:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (38:07):
Weekend, Saturday Sunday the time between work and war work,
the time when you go looking.
Speaker 16 (38:12):
For happiness and end up lunch over somewhere else's toilet.
The weekend things are at their darkest. Pal, it's a
brave man a party. All is will taste you is.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Cool?
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Buzz You're off five?
Speaker 4 (39:09):
Oh no I am today?
Speaker 10 (39:16):
I have you check page.
Speaker 16 (39:23):
Work work what what what?
Speaker 11 (39:24):
What?
Speaker 18 (39:25):
What's watch work work work.
Speaker 11 (39:31):
Duds?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Oh the good I know, man, work, work, work work,
Figure out where that came from. To Jackie, when she
found her favorite movie, Blazing Saddles.
Speaker 16 (39:52):
She was so hurt.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Ah, well, let's play Beat the Blonde one eight hundred,
big show you toll free line.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
We'll do it next
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Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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