January 22, 2024 • 35 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we attempt to help our male listeners with 9 words to know when you are speaking to a woman.. - Randy has a nomination for Hanson’s Hero/Zero.. - Today’s John Boy Jeopardy is laugh out loud funny.. - Marvin Webster will point out the absurdity of some cartoon mascots.. - and Lipless stops by..
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning, the Big Show is on the radio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hello, fellow, good old boys, this is your.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Old partners and Yordy Urtson.
Speaker 4 (00:11):
How did they from over here in hammer Langer Fjord, Norway.
I'll tell you whatman, you're stuck and waxing the family yack.
There's no better way to pass the time than listening
to John Buy and Billy on that Big Show. I
only wish the show was longer.
Speaker 5 (00:30):
That yack.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Waxing takes a while.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Good morning, A Big Show is on the radio. Is
January twenty second? What's the next that we have a
President's Day coming on President's Day?
Speaker 6 (01:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Is that it?
Speaker 7 (01:14):
Now?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
So we just don't we just don't honor Washington anymore.
Speaker 8 (01:17):
We know, we throw Lincoln in there.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
We're grouping Washington and Lincoln together. Yeah right, because uh,
Neil what one was a father of our country? One
masturbation proclamation that Jeff.
Speaker 8 (01:27):
Yeah, you know, you've done some very good work here, folks, but.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It's not really headliner material.
Speaker 8 (01:31):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7 (01:33):
You know.
Speaker 8 (01:34):
I saw maybe it's that Lincoln. All this stuff is
coming out about Lincoln. I saw Weekly World News last
week they had he was a drag queen and they've
got a picture of Lincoln in drag.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
It was a wrestler. Yep, he was a wrestler. Now
that's old school, now Lincoln. I bet he could ride
a tall lankey sucker.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Oh yeah, fella put his body in a president to.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Get down there and go deep. Grall. That's probably before
his beer too. Yeah, big little legs man, get him
in that lake sais or pretty sweet? Pretty sweet?
Speaker 9 (02:01):
So now in President's there're gonna, I mean, out of
respect for Washington and Lincoln, are you're gonna kind of president?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I hadn't figured out how I'm gonna celebrate that.
Speaker 8 (02:09):
You'll probably be choking on our pretzel.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Now you can. You can either come in late or
leave early. Yeah, you know, well early to think about it.
When I'm here you have to bailout.
Speaker 10 (02:20):
Yeah, yeah, because when you're here you get to think of, well,
this ain't so bad.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Yeah, it's just laying in the bed with the alarm
clock going, you know, when it seems like, really, well,
does it really matter? How much am I really affecting?
You know, the world? I mean gonna kill somebody by
lay in bed thirty minutes.
Speaker 8 (02:36):
This is the same thing he says on snow days
unless it's absolutely necessary, do not drive. He's going, hmm,
you know, I'm not really that important in the larger
scheme of things.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I think the snow day had some adverse effect on
it because all alive, you know, growing up as kids
just wait for the snow days. It was out, So
the school's out, My kids have to go three days
and I just have to come to work.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
And I'm looking around, Well that's in fair so m
how's that water?
Speaker 7 (03:05):
All right?
Speaker 11 (03:08):
Well?
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, I think we should all have some coffee this morning. Cofee,
I'm gonna be right, might be laying in bed would
be a good idea. Same things go through my head.
Why can't we just hook up a little line.
Speaker 8 (03:20):
I'm just going there and send in front of the
microphone and drink water. I mean, you know how important
is that?
Speaker 9 (03:25):
But this gives people a glimpse into the what in
the real you. It's not all who yucking up time
billy over here type type.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I mean, you gotta here's a proof positive there you go.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
I think, yeah, it's for the kids.
Speaker 12 (03:48):
For the kids.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I wonder who they were talking about.
Speaker 7 (04:03):
They could have.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
All right, well I'm here, we'll play first admitute, give
your first chans to join the winners dance a second.
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. Let's
get you set up here. Three dates in history. This
will be our categories gleaning for your legs up right here.
January twenty second, nineteen eighty eight, zou Zera of Columbia, Illinois,
(04:34):
accidentally punched the wrong button on Illinois State Lottery ticket
machine and was issued a ticket with the wrong numbers
on it. Well, she calls quite a scene when the
clerk informed her that there were no refunds offered for
tickets once they had been issued, but she felt better
about her mistake that evening when the wrong ticket won
(04:56):
the ten million dollar Jackpapow.
Speaker 8 (04:59):
Hello, this is Apu from the quikie bot. I've had
a change the box.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
And I hope she felt bad about showing a buddy yeah.
Also on the state, nineteen eighty eight, heavyweight champion Mike
Tyson knocked out former champion Larry Holmes in the fourth
round in Atlantic City to retain the world heavyweight title.
And on this date in nineteen ninety, Nairobi police arrested
(05:27):
a Greek nun. We're trying to smuggle six thousand bees
into Kenya under her habits.
Speaker 8 (05:34):
What is this like, mad little, It's like a playhouse
joke getting ready to happen.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
She had six thousand bees under nun halt.
Speaker 8 (05:41):
And she's Greek and she's a nun and she's in Nairobi.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
She says she wanted to use the bees wax to
make candles.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Sure she did.
Speaker 8 (05:49):
What's that under your habit? None of your bees wax?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
There's our three kind ofgoes one eight hundred big show
is our toll free line. Come on, we'll play outburst next. Well,
(06:29):
come on to make shows on the radio.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
He run out.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Sho got ours one of the uptors. Let's play up theers.
Speaker 8 (06:39):
It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
John Boy and Bully give.
Speaker 8 (06:45):
The prizes from the deep prize being. Let's go contested
number one.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
This should be a lot of fun.
Speaker 8 (06:55):
Whin you playing up theers?
Speaker 13 (06:57):
Haveing?
Speaker 12 (06:58):
Hurry up and gainst time.
Speaker 8 (06:59):
You have the best time level big shots.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Let's say, hey, Tom Mark from Reedsville, North Carolina.
Speaker 11 (07:12):
Shot, Good morning Mark, Good morning y'all boy. How you
doing Hey doing good?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Buddy? Right may Reidsville, North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I'm right down the road.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Phone and Mark from Graham, North Carolina where Reidsville goes
to party.
Speaker 7 (07:33):
Well you say something else, mat Graham?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, no, Lord, thank you Mark.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Let's see if you get through these three categories. Hope
you got the legs up in your head? Are you ready?
Speaker 7 (07:44):
Yes, sir, I gotta took a deep breath.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
All right, in five seconds.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Three things you do with a lottery winner? Lottery winning?
You won the lottery?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
What you do?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Ready? You go.
Speaker 7 (07:59):
My car boat and take a long trip.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Alright, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Right, Mark, now here we go cadigoing number two. We
need three boxers ready go.
Speaker 7 (08:12):
Maham Ali, Mike Tyson? How about Rocky Balboa?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Alright, yeah, we're going fictional boxing are and for the wind?
Three insects ready go.
Speaker 11 (08:24):
From me wasping and ant and the Martin.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
It's great, Hey, John Bull, Can I give a shout
out to you?
Speaker 14 (08:34):
Nor she can?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Buddy? Go ahead?
Speaker 7 (08:36):
Hey, longtime listener, first time caller, been trying to get
into nineteen eighty six and came on ninety six of
the Aurov and Rollino. Kick those two guys name Mark
ass the Morning Shows.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
You're welcome.
Speaker 7 (08:51):
And he me and you have got a lot in common.
We got tlain birthday March twenty.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Eight, how about that?
Speaker 7 (08:57):
Yeah, and we both have a come. I'm not gonna
say a handy gap. So I got a special son
because most people, when of the kids get grown, they
leading this have empty nests. But I'm always gonna have
a fool in this.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Thankful Lord, there you go, balk them right down with you, buddy.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
How's your left knee by the way, Well, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I'm getting my knee replacements from that baby I saved
from a train going through Redsville. Matter of fact, my
first time calling her, first time winning.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Where do you go, buddy?
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Get it out?
Speaker 7 (09:32):
He thanks lot, Joe Moore for all you do each
and every morning. You make my day, been making it
for thirty years.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
My boy, appreciate dang glad you won, my man.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Hang on yo morning, Rednecks.
Speaker 14 (09:46):
This is your pompa diss of love.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Ike Turner enjoying.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
The hell out of my retirement, drinking liquor, eating by anies.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And when I get to Jones in for a crack
and a go with it, I tuned into John Boy
and Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 15 (10:03):
If why I done lost my appetite for crackers.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
Look at this right here.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
This was sending by Christy said I thought you might
get a kick out of this. It's from our psych class.
We were discussing methods of communication.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Oh what you got it?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Thought about us? But thank you, Christie. And so it's
nine words women use.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
All right, all right. The first one is yeah, you're
like this. Fine.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
This is a word women used to end the argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
All right, fine, I agree.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
All right, let's see I've heard you go to that one.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I got that.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, it's only how you say it.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, fine or fine? All right.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Number two five minutes if she's getting dressed means a
half hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you've
just been given five more minutes to watch the game
before you need to get up and help her out
the house.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Okay, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Number three nothing this is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes.
Speaker 13 (11:47):
Nothing.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Arguments that begin with nothing usually in with fine, what's wrong?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Nothing?
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Fine?
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Go ahead. This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
Speaker 8 (12:04):
Go ahead, sure, fine, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Fine.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
If women sigh loudly, this is actually words, a nonverbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she
thinks you're an idiot. Why should she waste her time
and standing here arguing with you about nothing? Refer back
(12:28):
to number three for the meaning of nothing. Number six,
that's okay. This is one of the most dangerous statements
a woman can make to a man. That's okay mean
she wants to think long and hard before deciding how
and when you will pay for your mistake, and you
will pay.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it.
Speaker 8 (12:46):
That's okay, I thanks.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Thanks.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
When a woman says this, do not feigner question it.
Just say you're welcome. But I must have a clause here.
This is true unless she says thanks a lot. This
is pure sarcasm and she is not thinking you at all.
Speaker 8 (13:08):
You don't look that big. Thanks a lot.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Do not say you're welcome because that will bring on
Oh whatever, now whatever is a woman's way of saying.
Speaker 8 (13:21):
Screw you, whatever, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Number nine, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I got it, Jackie.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Like that, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
I got it. Oh boy.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Again, this is another dangerous statement, meaning this is something
she has told you to do several times but is
now doing it herself. Say this will later result in
a man asking her what's wrong, to which she will
respond with number three nothing.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Maybe this is why Chrisy thought about that.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Let's replay back to a couple of years ago when
Jackie said this to me.
Speaker 8 (14:00):
Now, Johnny, I got it, you go ahead.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
No, Johnny, I got it, you go ahead.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Don't think that because the tone and Johnny distracted her
when he said squirrel.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Whatever, there's another one that's not on the list.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Really, yeah, sometimes it's really I'm sorry, I was letting
got stuck in traffic.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Really whatever?
Speaker 7 (14:34):
A right?
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Hope that help some of the guys in our audience.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
You've been around homes, you you should know this stuff. Anyway,
this youngster is trying to figure it out. What thanks
a lot, Hi, Good morning the big shows on the
(15:11):
radio in his time.
Speaker 8 (15:14):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse Today's episode, How
Green was My Acres? As our story opens, gentlemen, farmer
Oliver Wendell Douglas is standing in a sad, parched cornfield
just outside of Hooterville Usa.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I can't understand it.
Speaker 9 (15:33):
Thirty five years of farming and I never had a
decent row of corn.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Come out of this ground.
Speaker 8 (15:38):
Howdyvens, you're not gonna.
Speaker 9 (15:39):
Swacked up, miss Turk Kimball. Make some noise when you're
coming up behind someone.
Speaker 8 (15:48):
Sorry about that. I was just in the neighborhood. I
thought i'd stop. Mind say the top of the morning
to you, although I guess it's not really the top
of the morning. Yeah, that would be around six o'clock
when the sun comes up, you know. Then again, the
top of the morning could be the highest point in
the morning. That'd be, like I guess, right before noon, Misster.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Kimball, it's three o'clock in the afternoon.
Speaker 14 (16:06):
It is.
Speaker 8 (16:07):
Oh then, howdy, how's it going? What's up to? What
are you doing?
Speaker 9 (16:11):
Actually, I'm not doing anything at the moment. My tractor
broke down again. I had to send Ebb over to
Sam Druggers to pick up some parts.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Stupid old rattle trap.
Speaker 8 (16:20):
Oh Sam's not such a bad guy when you get
to know him.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Mister Kimball. I was talking about the track door.
Speaker 8 (16:28):
Oh oh yeah, you know that old buggy's really got
some age on her. Speaking of witch.
Speaker 13 (16:32):
Oliver is back from the store yet I need Oh hellosa,
mister Kimble top.
Speaker 8 (16:40):
Of the morning, mister Douglas. Oh, at the top of
the morning. Exactly, it's more, mister Kimball, please, Oliver.
Speaker 13 (16:50):
I opened the closet door and the dorset off the
rack and fell on the ground again.
Speaker 9 (16:54):
All right, Lisa, I'll be there in just a minute.
They close your robe, your cups runneth over.
Speaker 8 (17:00):
Don't let me hold you up. I was just leaving
the nice seeing you folks.
Speaker 13 (17:03):
Goodbye, mister Kimbro Lisa.
Speaker 9 (17:07):
How many times have I told you to be careful
opening that closet door.
Speaker 13 (17:11):
I'm sorry, Darling, I forgot.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Adding y'all looking for me.
Speaker 9 (17:16):
As a matter of fact, Oh, abb, about time you
got back. Where are those tractor parts?
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Oh they're in the truck. Well, okay, where's the truck back?
About one hundred yards up the road.
Speaker 8 (17:30):
I had a little.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Accident, oh, abb, an accident. Yeah, I kind of ran
over a pig. Of all the is there any damage
you mean to the pig or the truck not truck, alf,
Well not so you can tell.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Main problem is the pig still up under the truck. Well,
why didn't you just drag him out and leave him
by the side of the road.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Well, he wasn't quite dead yet. He was screaming and
squealing something fierce. I was kind of scared I might
get bit.
Speaker 9 (17:54):
Oh for the love, up, abb Look there's a shotgun
under the front seat of the truck. Go back, shoot
the pig, pull him out from under the truck, and
then get back here with my tractor parts right away.
Speaker 8 (18:05):
Dad, I'm not your father, heard there, mister Douglas.
Speaker 13 (18:09):
Good afternoon, mister Zeffel.
Speaker 8 (18:12):
Uh, y'all got any kerosene a kabara?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Oh? Sorry, I just ran out myself.
Speaker 8 (18:17):
Oh well, thank you, Carly anywhere then.
Speaker 9 (18:19):
Say mister Zephol, It was just up there, said he
ran over a pig just up the road.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
I sure hope that wasn't Arnold.
Speaker 13 (18:26):
What time is it.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
It's about ten.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
After three, Oh, zinn.
Speaker 13 (18:29):
It couldn't be Honold Darling.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
How do you know?
Speaker 13 (18:32):
Because silly at three o'clock Arnold alves Watch's general Haspita.
Speaker 8 (18:40):
It had been blum hooked on, it says, way back
when old Luke and Laura first hooked up. Well, I reckon,
I better get on back home. Arnold just got in
one of them tv O machines, wants to get some
of them seasoned passes, but he ain't got no thumbs
to hold a remote control. Away, you folks have a
nice day.
Speaker 13 (18:55):
Tell Arnold V said hello.
Speaker 9 (18:57):
Please, mister Cepho. Now, I fam will just come back
with those parts. Maybe I can get a little work
done around here.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Hey Dad, I'm back. I'm not your father. And where
are those tractor parts? They're still in the truck. Well,
where's the truck. Well, it's kind of still stuck of
all the abb.
Speaker 9 (19:20):
Didn't you shoot the pig and drag him over to
the side of the road like I told you?
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Yeah, but his motorcycle still hung up underneath the trust.
Speaker 8 (19:32):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse Son
of a Cute and again next time we will hear
crusty old Uncle Joe at the Shady Rest Hotel say.
Speaker 16 (19:43):
Hey, big man, let me hold it out, John Boy,
good morning, this big show on the radio.
Speaker 17 (19:57):
I'll never forget the first time I met young boy
John Boy carrying Billy around wrapped up in a little towel,
the making sound kindly like a cat. Weren't no bigger
than a squirrel. John Boy wanted me to bury him
out back under that rock. Well, he kept crawling out
(20:20):
of that towel. After a while, order let him go.
He crawled off summers.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
John Boy.
Speaker 17 (20:28):
Don't carry him around in a towel, no more. Got
a little basket for him, Little Feller, Little Feller.
Speaker 18 (21:13):
Good morning event shows on a radio. All right, coon,
you buffer maya there, student, let you pair loving to
the speakers.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
That's her favorite one. Can't see Oh hy Randy there, y'all.
Speaker 10 (21:29):
Buddy Hanson, if you haven't minute, I have a nomination
for this week's zero. Okay, all right, I'm gonna nominate
John Boy Issley for this week's zero because my day
started out with first a phone call that started like this.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Are you working yet?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
What time was that?
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Which?
Speaker 10 (21:48):
Oh way before he would be working? Okay, so so
which all already puts me in. Of course, I'm working.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Just because you.
Speaker 14 (21:54):
Don't see me doing it doesn't mean I'm not doing it.
I do that to him all the time, but he
knows that's.
Speaker 19 (21:59):
A So he's on one side of the phone, and
I know this grumpy excuse me, I'm talking to mister
Hanson ad, So I know he's in a bit of
a tizzy because in the background, and it's never a
good phone call when John Boy's on the phone to you,
and in the background you heard.
Speaker 10 (22:23):
Yes he was, or at least there was a threat
in the air of such.
Speaker 20 (22:30):
We've got problems out of here now my house, we
call we got problems, meaning we call it Timmy's fell
in the well at Honey, I gotta go over to
John boys house.
Speaker 14 (22:41):
Timmy fell in the well.
Speaker 10 (22:42):
Again, because otherwise the explanation you have to give as
to why you're actually going over there is so ridiculous
that he just defies reason. Okay, are you taking notes
for this thing?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I don't see. I got a monica steel trap.
Speaker 14 (22:56):
What's the problem? What's the problem? John Boy?
Speaker 5 (22:59):
As a phone?
Speaker 20 (23:00):
Your god coming this afternoon, and we got to get
the bed frame out of Night's room and may hell you.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Talk to her?
Speaker 10 (23:11):
I hate that voice used me, so Eve, what's the problem. Well,
there's a bed here. We can't get it apart right tools.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
In the back around here.
Speaker 14 (23:25):
It was a bed frame.
Speaker 10 (23:27):
See it needed a socket to take it apart. Now,
as many of these b sed powdered toolkits have flown
out the door here with losers. I know he's taking
fifteen of them home.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I give him to my friends.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
So I go.
Speaker 10 (23:46):
I leave work, drive to his house, take the bed apart,
which takes all of five minutes. Sure, pull it out
into the hallway. And by the way, nobody's at home now,
it's just me in there. So I'm thinking, Hey, this
will be a breeze.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
All right, I got it.
Speaker 14 (24:00):
Part it's my cell phone. John Boy's calling.
Speaker 8 (24:04):
By the way, it's the worst ring tone.
Speaker 14 (24:07):
You need to change it's so that I can identify
it from the others. John Boys calling.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I left my stuff on the bathroom counter. I don't
know what time it is. I need my bracelet.
Speaker 14 (24:16):
He wears a man bracelet.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
He go athletes.
Speaker 10 (24:21):
Well, then nominate yourself for hero. You can be hero
for that because he's with my fish and shoulder.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
So I go, when you get decopulated.
Speaker 19 (24:33):
Yeah, yeah, So guy in the bathroom almostuff.
Speaker 14 (24:39):
So I go in there.
Speaker 10 (24:39):
Guess what's laying there. It's his watch, which I you know,
I gotta admit. A little guy on my shoulder goes,
I didn't see a watch, but I got the watch.
There's the watch. There's his little man bracelet. There's a variety,
there's a variety of vitamins, some little blue pill. I
don't know what that's for. And then I also noticed
(25:02):
in this little things that he's taken off to get
into the shower is Pearl's collar?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Are you showering with the dog?
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Now?
Speaker 8 (25:11):
Say that's just you becopulated, it's a problem. What sort
of little peyton place a unit?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
That qualifies though, because you know, anybody can get a
grown man or do his work for him as a hero,
and any grown man it would do it as a zero.
Speaker 14 (25:26):
Yes, hey, I thought at least i'd make heroes.
Speaker 8 (25:31):
So basically, Johnny, I think the short version that would be,
here's your crap, go come populating?
Speaker 14 (25:36):
Yes, thank you, Billy?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
All right, so things all right?
Speaker 14 (25:40):
Yeah, but I left the garage door opening, the alarm off.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Got a big shoulder radio? All right? Then?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Hey, well here we are, hey John bojebity time.
Speaker 7 (25:56):
You know.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Every day you walk in the worse John Boy Jeopardy time.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Uh, let me see what did we learned last? John
Jeopardy question. I'd like to recap because some of you
have to go to work and or school before you
hear the correct answer before becoming famous. Johnny Carson, Michael Douglas,
Clint Eastwood, and John Boy all held jobs doing this.
Speaker 8 (26:19):
Of course, a mattress torture test.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
No, there was many, many interesting guesses and some somewhat true,
but basically gas station attendant pumping gash.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
You should call me last week, Michael Douglas.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I've ever heard was Johnny Carson guest, excuse me, I
have to go pump some ethel.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Welcome to a gas stagent.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
We got.
Speaker 21 (26:49):
Im, we got all and show me out just a
few minutes. All right, funny, So we.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Don't wash one shehells unless you're off, baby doll, just
try to give me a quick.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Watching your wonders. I'll go all the way around here.
Speaker 22 (27:07):
No, yes, that's it.
Speaker 8 (27:15):
He actually had a guy who would follow him run
and do.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
That maybe, doll, Yes, sir, large, very musty.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Yes, all right, thanks are coming in ours yellen uh,
I want to see again with your tank gets empty?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Empty tank? Very good.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Hey, let's go look at those wacky incas. You know,
we like to keep up with the incas here on
John Boy jacks one of many tries. Well, I know
it's weird, But the Incas measured time by.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
How long it took to cook one of these?
Speaker 8 (27:56):
Uh what is a virgin?
Speaker 5 (27:59):
Hell?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Thank you Tommy.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
So how did the Incas measured time? The measured time
by how long it took one of these to cook?
Not virgins. We just learned that one of the answer
to everything for the linkas.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yes, Incas.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
So one day that big shows You're done for Landokay,
plan I We'll sorry color Now I go to get
a winter.
Speaker 5 (28:23):
We play.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Good morning, the big shows on the radio. Moon around
about it in the hour and there there's hot.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Yes live across somewhere.
Speaker 10 (28:58):
I got to has been.
Speaker 8 (29:00):
It's jumppardy.
Speaker 22 (29:02):
And now our mysterious visitor from the East, the all seeing,
all knowing and former pretzel inspector to President Bush Pee
John Bards.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Good morning, Henry out of Harlan, Kentucky. How you doing, Henry? Okay,
John Boy, I gotta good moods Hina bear.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
We keep it here way back up in the woods.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
Yeah, save the stories for latest.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
All right, moving on with the game. Well, let's jump
in here, Henry, you ready, buddy?
Speaker 3 (29:39):
All Right, we know that it's weird, but the Incas
measured time.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
By how long it took one of these to cook?
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Show us a goat?
Speaker 7 (29:53):
Okay, all right here you gotta go alright, go.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
All right?
Speaker 2 (29:59):
We got damn out I tella? Hello, Danny, how you doing?
Speaker 11 (30:02):
I told you you get it wrong?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
What I said? Spell talosy he said, it don't matter.
He's gonna say it right nobody. Oh this is Tallisy Alabama. Right, yeah,
he looks foolish.
Speaker 8 (30:18):
Now I'm living to you.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yes, where are you two going? Later on? I guess
all right, daddy, what's your guess?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Man, I'm guessing a pig?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Sure pigs? All right, daddy, you'll be good today?
Speaker 7 (30:38):
All right?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Mony, mighty, I'm mighty. I'm glad.
Speaker 12 (30:45):
He feels for good.
Speaker 8 (30:50):
We found the one person in America this act is
working on today. Hell and she's right there.
Speaker 11 (30:55):
May Yeah, Yeah, now you doing, baby, I'll be doing better.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Harry pleased with himself.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Take yeah, two wives, two lives program, practicing to be
a Mormon.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Yes see, most of us.
Speaker 8 (31:19):
One woman is the most we can hope to disappoint it.
That isn't good, you know, Maria all got good moonshine
there not as much anymore?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Really, Betty, catch up with you after a while, voice
of experience. Yes, all right.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Well, those old wacky incas measured time by how long
it took one of these to cook?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
What do you think, Marie? A rabbit? A rabbit? Show
us in a rabbit, sir.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Look, how about a chicken? No, actually, I'll go ahead
to Marie. It's not any kind of an animal. How
about that?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Hi, Marie?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Thank you, baby, thank you?
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Okay, bye bye bye?
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Like Sneid out of Hickory, North Carolina. Hey, is do
you pronounce it like it looks Sneid?
Speaker 2 (32:27):
You get smart about it? Hey, Snad, I thought it
might be something like like, you know, Snade goes by
one name Madonna.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
That's right, Madonna, Madonna, perfect.
Speaker 8 (32:46):
Move over, share, that's right, it's sure. I forgots.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
I tell you what I'd like to get, Sneid and
Marie and hey, you go before I think of the
same thing.
Speaker 7 (33:07):
Done runk all that, moontine.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
I think I can hook it up, Sade. Yeah, I'm
just pinting on you man.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Well, sna, what do you think of incas measured.
Speaker 7 (33:26):
Time by Maria?
Speaker 11 (33:28):
It wasn't an animal?
Speaker 3 (33:30):
Yeah, I sure did. Oh you had an animal just
for kicks? What what animal were you guessing?
Speaker 7 (33:37):
Hip? Apot of mouse?
Speaker 2 (33:38):
A mouse? Hipppot of Let me ask you?
Speaker 5 (33:46):
Okay, where where is INCA? Right?
Speaker 7 (33:53):
There?
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Did could do?
Speaker 5 (33:54):
So? H?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
It was somewhere far off?
Speaker 8 (33:59):
Okay, central America?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Yes, America. Be a missionary, that was my guest.
Speaker 8 (34:10):
Let's say, I am not an I'm a mercenary A.
Speaker 7 (34:18):
I appreciate you, all.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Right, man, kiss your mama for us, all right, buddy,
all right? We got Sandy out of Chattanooga, Tennessee. Hello, Cindy,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Oh yeah, I got to go backy. What are you doing?
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Will I'm I'm at work talking to my friend Kelly,
and I'm very glad that Steve was wrong because my
daddy's a preacher.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
All right, Cindy, Hey, preacher daughter.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Here we go, Here we go, Sandy, how did the
incas measure time?
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Maybe we should take this up.
Speaker 12 (34:58):
I'm gonna guess to take potato interesting.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Let's see show us potato sothern.
Speaker 8 (35:05):
I'll tell your ainker like container ainker locotato?
Speaker 2 (35:12):
God bless you, madam.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Hey Sandy, congratulations baby,
Good morning, the Big Show is on the radio.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hello, fellow, good old boys, this is your.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Old partners and Yordy Urtson.
Speaker 4 (00:11):
How did they from over here in hammer Langer Fjord, Norway.
I'll tell you whatman, you're stuck and waxing the family yack.
There's no better way to pass the time than listening
to John Buy and Billy on that Big Show. I
only wish the show was longer.
Speaker 5 (00:30):
That yack.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Waxing takes a while.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Good morning, A Big Show is on the radio. Is
January twenty second? What's the next that we have a
President's Day coming on President's Day?
Speaker 6 (01:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Is that it?
Speaker 7 (01:14):
Now?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
So we just don't we just don't honor Washington anymore.
Speaker 8 (01:17):
We know, we throw Lincoln in there.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
We're grouping Washington and Lincoln together. Yeah right, because uh,
Neil what one was a father of our country? One
masturbation proclamation that Jeff.
Speaker 8 (01:27):
Yeah, you know, you've done some very good work here, folks, but.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It's not really headliner material.
Speaker 8 (01:31):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7 (01:33):
You know.
Speaker 8 (01:34):
I saw maybe it's that Lincoln. All this stuff is
coming out about Lincoln. I saw Weekly World News last
week they had he was a drag queen and they've
got a picture of Lincoln in drag.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
It was a wrestler. Yep, he was a wrestler. Now
that's old school, now Lincoln. I bet he could ride
a tall lankey sucker.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Oh yeah, fella put his body in a president to.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Get down there and go deep. Grall. That's probably before
his beer too. Yeah, big little legs man, get him
in that lake sais or pretty sweet? Pretty sweet?
Speaker 9 (02:01):
So now in President's there're gonna, I mean, out of
respect for Washington and Lincoln, are you're gonna kind of president?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I hadn't figured out how I'm gonna celebrate that.
Speaker 8 (02:09):
You'll probably be choking on our pretzel.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Now you can. You can either come in late or
leave early. Yeah, you know, well early to think about it.
When I'm here you have to bailout.
Speaker 10 (02:20):
Yeah, yeah, because when you're here you get to think of, well,
this ain't so bad.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Yeah, it's just laying in the bed with the alarm
clock going, you know, when it seems like, really, well,
does it really matter? How much am I really affecting?
You know, the world? I mean gonna kill somebody by
lay in bed thirty minutes.
Speaker 8 (02:36):
This is the same thing he says on snow days
unless it's absolutely necessary, do not drive. He's going, hmm,
you know, I'm not really that important in the larger
scheme of things.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I think the snow day had some adverse effect on
it because all alive, you know, growing up as kids
just wait for the snow days. It was out, So
the school's out, My kids have to go three days
and I just have to come to work.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
And I'm looking around, Well that's in fair so m
how's that water?
Speaker 7 (03:05):
All right?
Speaker 11 (03:08):
Well?
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Yeah, I think we should all have some coffee this morning. Cofee,
I'm gonna be right, might be laying in bed would
be a good idea. Same things go through my head.
Why can't we just hook up a little line.
Speaker 8 (03:20):
I'm just going there and send in front of the
microphone and drink water. I mean, you know how important
is that?
Speaker 9 (03:25):
But this gives people a glimpse into the what in
the real you. It's not all who yucking up time
billy over here type type.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
I mean, you gotta here's a proof positive there you go.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
I think, yeah, it's for the kids.
Speaker 12 (03:48):
For the kids.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I wonder who they were talking about.
Speaker 7 (04:03):
They could have.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
All right, well I'm here, we'll play first admitute, give
your first chans to join the winners dance a second.
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. Let's
get you set up here. Three dates in history. This
will be our categories gleaning for your legs up right here.
January twenty second, nineteen eighty eight, zou Zera of Columbia, Illinois,
(04:34):
accidentally punched the wrong button on Illinois State Lottery ticket
machine and was issued a ticket with the wrong numbers
on it. Well, she calls quite a scene when the
clerk informed her that there were no refunds offered for
tickets once they had been issued, but she felt better
about her mistake that evening when the wrong ticket won
(04:56):
the ten million dollar Jackpapow.
Speaker 8 (04:59):
Hello, this is Apu from the quikie bot. I've had
a change the box.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
And I hope she felt bad about showing a buddy yeah.
Also on the state, nineteen eighty eight, heavyweight champion Mike
Tyson knocked out former champion Larry Holmes in the fourth
round in Atlantic City to retain the world heavyweight title.
And on this date in nineteen ninety, Nairobi police arrested
(05:27):
a Greek nun. We're trying to smuggle six thousand bees
into Kenya under her habits.
Speaker 8 (05:34):
What is this like, mad little, It's like a playhouse
joke getting ready to happen.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
She had six thousand bees under nun halt.
Speaker 8 (05:41):
And she's Greek and she's a nun and she's in Nairobi.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
She says she wanted to use the bees wax to
make candles.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
Sure she did.
Speaker 8 (05:49):
What's that under your habit? None of your bees wax?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
There's our three kind ofgoes one eight hundred big show
is our toll free line. Come on, we'll play outburst next. Well,
(06:29):
come on to make shows on the radio.
Speaker 7 (06:31):
He run out.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Sho got ours one of the uptors. Let's play up theers.
Speaker 8 (06:39):
It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
John Boy and Bully give.
Speaker 8 (06:45):
The prizes from the deep prize being. Let's go contested
number one.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
This should be a lot of fun.
Speaker 8 (06:55):
Whin you playing up theers?
Speaker 13 (06:57):
Haveing?
Speaker 12 (06:58):
Hurry up and gainst time.
Speaker 8 (06:59):
You have the best time level big shots.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Let's say, hey, Tom Mark from Reedsville, North Carolina.
Speaker 11 (07:12):
Shot, Good morning Mark, Good morning y'all boy. How you
doing Hey doing good?
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Buddy? Right may Reidsville, North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I'm right down the road.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Phone and Mark from Graham, North Carolina where Reidsville goes
to party.
Speaker 7 (07:33):
Well you say something else, mat Graham?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, no, Lord, thank you Mark.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Let's see if you get through these three categories. Hope
you got the legs up in your head? Are you ready?
Speaker 7 (07:44):
Yes, sir, I gotta took a deep breath.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
All right, in five seconds.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Three things you do with a lottery winner? Lottery winning?
You won the lottery?
Speaker 2 (07:55):
What you do?
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Ready? You go.
Speaker 7 (07:59):
My car boat and take a long trip.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Alright, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
Right, Mark, now here we go cadigoing number two. We
need three boxers ready go.
Speaker 7 (08:12):
Maham Ali, Mike Tyson? How about Rocky Balboa?
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Alright, yeah, we're going fictional boxing are and for the wind?
Three insects ready go.
Speaker 11 (08:24):
From me wasping and ant and the Martin.
Speaker 7 (08:32):
It's great, Hey, John Bull, Can I give a shout
out to you?
Speaker 14 (08:34):
Nor she can?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Buddy? Go ahead?
Speaker 7 (08:36):
Hey, longtime listener, first time caller, been trying to get
into nineteen eighty six and came on ninety six of
the Aurov and Rollino. Kick those two guys name Mark
ass the Morning Shows.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
You're welcome.
Speaker 7 (08:51):
And he me and you have got a lot in common.
We got tlain birthday March twenty.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Eight, how about that?
Speaker 7 (08:57):
Yeah, and we both have a come. I'm not gonna
say a handy gap. So I got a special son
because most people, when of the kids get grown, they
leading this have empty nests. But I'm always gonna have
a fool in this.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
Thankful Lord, there you go, balk them right down with you, buddy.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
How's your left knee by the way, Well, yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I'm getting my knee replacements from that baby I saved
from a train going through Redsville. Matter of fact, my
first time calling her, first time winning.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Where do you go, buddy?
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Get it out?
Speaker 7 (09:32):
He thanks lot, Joe Moore for all you do each
and every morning. You make my day, been making it
for thirty years.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
My boy, appreciate dang glad you won, my man.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Hang on yo morning, Rednecks.
Speaker 14 (09:46):
This is your pompa diss of love.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Ike Turner enjoying.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
The hell out of my retirement, drinking liquor, eating by anies.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And when I get to Jones in for a crack
and a go with it, I tuned into John Boy
and Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 15 (10:03):
If why I done lost my appetite for crackers.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 5 (10:41):
Look at this right here.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
This was sending by Christy said I thought you might
get a kick out of this. It's from our psych class.
We were discussing methods of communication.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Oh what you got it?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Thought about us? But thank you, Christie. And so it's
nine words women use.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
All right, all right. The first one is yeah, you're
like this. Fine.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
This is a word women used to end the argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
All right, fine, I agree.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
All right, let's see I've heard you go to that one.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I got that.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, it's only how you say it.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, fine or fine? All right.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Number two five minutes if she's getting dressed means a
half hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you've
just been given five more minutes to watch the game
before you need to get up and help her out
the house.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Okay, yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Number three nothing this is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes.
Speaker 13 (11:47):
Nothing.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Arguments that begin with nothing usually in with fine, what's wrong?
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Nothing?
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Fine?
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Go ahead. This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
Speaker 8 (12:04):
Go ahead, sure, fine, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Fine.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
If women sigh loudly, this is actually words, a nonverbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she
thinks you're an idiot. Why should she waste her time
and standing here arguing with you about nothing? Refer back
(12:28):
to number three for the meaning of nothing. Number six,
that's okay. This is one of the most dangerous statements
a woman can make to a man. That's okay mean
she wants to think long and hard before deciding how
and when you will pay for your mistake, and you
will pay.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it.
Speaker 8 (12:46):
That's okay, I thanks.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Thanks.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
When a woman says this, do not feigner question it.
Just say you're welcome. But I must have a clause here.
This is true unless she says thanks a lot. This
is pure sarcasm and she is not thinking you at all.
Speaker 8 (13:08):
You don't look that big. Thanks a lot.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Do not say you're welcome because that will bring on
Oh whatever, now whatever is a woman's way of saying.
Speaker 8 (13:21):
Screw you, whatever, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
Number nine, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I got it, Jackie.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Like that, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
I got it. Oh boy.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Again, this is another dangerous statement, meaning this is something
she has told you to do several times but is
now doing it herself. Say this will later result in
a man asking her what's wrong, to which she will
respond with number three nothing.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Maybe this is why Chrisy thought about that.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Let's replay back to a couple of years ago when
Jackie said this to me.
Speaker 8 (14:00):
Now, Johnny, I got it, you go ahead.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
No, Johnny, I got it, you go ahead.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Don't think that because the tone and Johnny distracted her
when he said squirrel.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Whatever, there's another one that's not on the list.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Really, yeah, sometimes it's really I'm sorry, I was letting
got stuck in traffic.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Really whatever?
Speaker 7 (14:34):
A right?
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Hope that help some of the guys in our audience.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
You've been around homes, you you should know this stuff. Anyway,
this youngster is trying to figure it out. What thanks
a lot, Hi, Good morning the big shows on the
(15:11):
radio in his time.
Speaker 8 (15:14):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse Today's episode, How
Green was My Acres? As our story opens, gentlemen, farmer
Oliver Wendell Douglas is standing in a sad, parched cornfield
just outside of Hooterville Usa.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I can't understand it.
Speaker 9 (15:33):
Thirty five years of farming and I never had a
decent row of corn.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Come out of this ground.
Speaker 8 (15:38):
Howdyvens, you're not gonna.
Speaker 9 (15:39):
Swacked up, miss Turk Kimball. Make some noise when you're
coming up behind someone.
Speaker 8 (15:48):
Sorry about that. I was just in the neighborhood. I
thought i'd stop. Mind say the top of the morning
to you, although I guess it's not really the top
of the morning. Yeah, that would be around six o'clock
when the sun comes up, you know. Then again, the
top of the morning could be the highest point in
the morning. That'd be, like I guess, right before noon, Misster.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Kimball, it's three o'clock in the afternoon.
Speaker 14 (16:06):
It is.
Speaker 8 (16:07):
Oh then, howdy, how's it going? What's up to? What
are you doing?
Speaker 9 (16:11):
Actually, I'm not doing anything at the moment. My tractor
broke down again. I had to send Ebb over to
Sam Druggers to pick up some parts.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Stupid old rattle trap.
Speaker 8 (16:20):
Oh Sam's not such a bad guy when you get
to know him.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Mister Kimball. I was talking about the track door.
Speaker 8 (16:28):
Oh oh yeah, you know that old buggy's really got
some age on her. Speaking of witch.
Speaker 13 (16:32):
Oliver is back from the store yet I need Oh hellosa,
mister Kimble top.
Speaker 8 (16:40):
Of the morning, mister Douglas. Oh, at the top of
the morning. Exactly, it's more, mister Kimball, please, Oliver.
Speaker 13 (16:50):
I opened the closet door and the dorset off the
rack and fell on the ground again.
Speaker 9 (16:54):
All right, Lisa, I'll be there in just a minute.
They close your robe, your cups runneth over.
Speaker 8 (17:00):
Don't let me hold you up. I was just leaving
the nice seeing you folks.
Speaker 13 (17:03):
Goodbye, mister Kimbro Lisa.
Speaker 9 (17:07):
How many times have I told you to be careful
opening that closet door.
Speaker 13 (17:11):
I'm sorry, Darling, I forgot.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Adding y'all looking for me.
Speaker 9 (17:16):
As a matter of fact, Oh, abb, about time you
got back. Where are those tractor parts?
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Oh they're in the truck. Well, okay, where's the truck back?
About one hundred yards up the road.
Speaker 8 (17:30):
I had a little.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Accident, oh, abb, an accident. Yeah, I kind of ran
over a pig. Of all the is there any damage
you mean to the pig or the truck not truck, alf,
Well not so you can tell.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Main problem is the pig still up under the truck. Well,
why didn't you just drag him out and leave him
by the side of the road.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Well, he wasn't quite dead yet. He was screaming and
squealing something fierce. I was kind of scared I might
get bit.
Speaker 9 (17:54):
Oh for the love, up, abb Look there's a shotgun
under the front seat of the truck. Go back, shoot
the pig, pull him out from under the truck, and
then get back here with my tractor parts right away.
Speaker 8 (18:05):
Dad, I'm not your father, heard there, mister Douglas.
Speaker 13 (18:09):
Good afternoon, mister Zeffel.
Speaker 8 (18:12):
Uh, y'all got any kerosene a kabara?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Oh? Sorry, I just ran out myself.
Speaker 8 (18:17):
Oh well, thank you, Carly anywhere then.
Speaker 9 (18:19):
Say mister Zephol, It was just up there, said he
ran over a pig just up the road.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
I sure hope that wasn't Arnold.
Speaker 13 (18:26):
What time is it.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
It's about ten.
Speaker 8 (18:28):
After three, Oh, zinn.
Speaker 13 (18:29):
It couldn't be Honold Darling.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
How do you know?
Speaker 13 (18:32):
Because silly at three o'clock Arnold alves Watch's general Haspita.
Speaker 8 (18:40):
It had been blum hooked on, it says, way back
when old Luke and Laura first hooked up. Well, I reckon,
I better get on back home. Arnold just got in
one of them tv O machines, wants to get some
of them seasoned passes, but he ain't got no thumbs
to hold a remote control. Away, you folks have a
nice day.
Speaker 13 (18:55):
Tell Arnold V said hello.
Speaker 9 (18:57):
Please, mister Cepho. Now, I fam will just come back
with those parts. Maybe I can get a little work
done around here.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Hey Dad, I'm back. I'm not your father. And where
are those tractor parts? They're still in the truck. Well,
where's the truck. Well, it's kind of still stuck of
all the abb.
Speaker 9 (19:20):
Didn't you shoot the pig and drag him over to
the side of the road like I told you?
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Yeah, but his motorcycle still hung up underneath the trust.
Speaker 8 (19:32):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse Son
of a Cute and again next time we will hear
crusty old Uncle Joe at the Shady Rest Hotel say.
Speaker 16 (19:43):
Hey, big man, let me hold it out, John Boy,
good morning, this big show on the radio.
Speaker 17 (19:57):
I'll never forget the first time I met young boy
John Boy carrying Billy around wrapped up in a little towel,
the making sound kindly like a cat. Weren't no bigger
than a squirrel. John Boy wanted me to bury him
out back under that rock. Well, he kept crawling out
(20:20):
of that towel. After a while, order let him go.
He crawled off summers.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
John Boy.
Speaker 17 (20:28):
Don't carry him around in a towel, no more. Got
a little basket for him, Little Feller, Little Feller.
Speaker 18 (21:13):
Good morning event shows on a radio. All right, coon,
you buffer maya there, student, let you pair loving to
the speakers.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
That's her favorite one. Can't see Oh hy Randy there, y'all.
Speaker 10 (21:29):
Buddy Hanson, if you haven't minute, I have a nomination
for this week's zero. Okay, all right, I'm gonna nominate
John Boy Issley for this week's zero because my day
started out with first a phone call that started like this.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Are you working yet?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
What time was that?
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Which?
Speaker 10 (21:48):
Oh way before he would be working? Okay, so so
which all already puts me in. Of course, I'm working.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Just because you.
Speaker 14 (21:54):
Don't see me doing it doesn't mean I'm not doing it.
I do that to him all the time, but he
knows that's.
Speaker 19 (21:59):
A So he's on one side of the phone, and
I know this grumpy excuse me, I'm talking to mister
Hanson ad, So I know he's in a bit of
a tizzy because in the background, and it's never a
good phone call when John Boy's on the phone to you,
and in the background you heard.
Speaker 10 (22:23):
Yes he was, or at least there was a threat
in the air of such.
Speaker 20 (22:30):
We've got problems out of here now my house, we
call we got problems, meaning we call it Timmy's fell
in the well at Honey, I gotta go over to
John boys house.
Speaker 14 (22:41):
Timmy fell in the well.
Speaker 10 (22:42):
Again, because otherwise the explanation you have to give as
to why you're actually going over there is so ridiculous
that he just defies reason. Okay, are you taking notes
for this thing?
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I don't see. I got a monica steel trap.
Speaker 14 (22:56):
What's the problem? What's the problem? John Boy?
Speaker 5 (22:59):
As a phone?
Speaker 20 (23:00):
Your god coming this afternoon, and we got to get
the bed frame out of Night's room and may hell you.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Talk to her?
Speaker 10 (23:11):
I hate that voice used me, so Eve, what's the problem. Well,
there's a bed here. We can't get it apart right tools.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
In the back around here.
Speaker 14 (23:25):
It was a bed frame.
Speaker 10 (23:27):
See it needed a socket to take it apart. Now,
as many of these b sed powdered toolkits have flown
out the door here with losers. I know he's taking
fifteen of them home.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I give him to my friends.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
So I go.
Speaker 10 (23:46):
I leave work, drive to his house, take the bed apart,
which takes all of five minutes. Sure, pull it out
into the hallway. And by the way, nobody's at home now,
it's just me in there. So I'm thinking, Hey, this
will be a breeze.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
All right, I got it.
Speaker 14 (24:00):
Part it's my cell phone. John Boy's calling.
Speaker 8 (24:04):
By the way, it's the worst ring tone.
Speaker 14 (24:07):
You need to change it's so that I can identify
it from the others. John Boys calling.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I left my stuff on the bathroom counter. I don't
know what time it is. I need my bracelet.
Speaker 14 (24:16):
He wears a man bracelet.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
He go athletes.
Speaker 10 (24:21):
Well, then nominate yourself for hero. You can be hero
for that because he's with my fish and shoulder.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
So I go, when you get decopulated.
Speaker 19 (24:33):
Yeah, yeah, So guy in the bathroom almostuff.
Speaker 14 (24:39):
So I go in there.
Speaker 10 (24:39):
Guess what's laying there. It's his watch, which I you know,
I gotta admit. A little guy on my shoulder goes,
I didn't see a watch, but I got the watch.
There's the watch. There's his little man bracelet. There's a variety,
there's a variety of vitamins, some little blue pill. I
don't know what that's for. And then I also noticed
(25:02):
in this little things that he's taken off to get
into the shower is Pearl's collar?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Are you showering with the dog?
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Now?
Speaker 8 (25:11):
Say that's just you becopulated, it's a problem. What sort
of little peyton place a unit?
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
That qualifies though, because you know, anybody can get a
grown man or do his work for him as a hero,
and any grown man it would do it as a zero.
Speaker 14 (25:26):
Yes, hey, I thought at least i'd make heroes.
Speaker 8 (25:31):
So basically, Johnny, I think the short version that would be,
here's your crap, go come populating?
Speaker 14 (25:36):
Yes, thank you, Billy?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
All right, so things all right?
Speaker 14 (25:40):
Yeah, but I left the garage door opening, the alarm off.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Got a big shoulder radio? All right? Then?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Hey, well here we are, hey John bojebity time.
Speaker 7 (25:56):
You know.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Every day you walk in the worse John Boy Jeopardy time.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Uh, let me see what did we learned last? John
Jeopardy question. I'd like to recap because some of you
have to go to work and or school before you
hear the correct answer before becoming famous. Johnny Carson, Michael Douglas,
Clint Eastwood, and John Boy all held jobs doing this.
Speaker 8 (26:19):
Of course, a mattress torture test.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
No, there was many, many interesting guesses and some somewhat true,
but basically gas station attendant pumping gash.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
You should call me last week, Michael Douglas.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
I've ever heard was Johnny Carson guest, excuse me, I
have to go pump some ethel.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Welcome to a gas stagent.
Speaker 5 (26:47):
We got.
Speaker 21 (26:49):
Im, we got all and show me out just a
few minutes. All right, funny, So we.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Don't wash one shehells unless you're off, baby doll, just
try to give me a quick.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Watching your wonders. I'll go all the way around here.
Speaker 22 (27:07):
No, yes, that's it.
Speaker 8 (27:15):
He actually had a guy who would follow him run
and do.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
That maybe, doll, Yes, sir, large, very musty.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Yes, all right, thanks are coming in ours yellen uh,
I want to see again with your tank gets empty?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Empty tank? Very good.
Speaker 3 (27:38):
Hey, let's go look at those wacky incas. You know,
we like to keep up with the incas here on
John Boy jacks one of many tries. Well, I know
it's weird, But the Incas measured time by.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
How long it took to cook one of these?
Speaker 8 (27:56):
Uh what is a virgin?
Speaker 5 (27:59):
Hell?
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Thank you Tommy.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
So how did the Incas measured time? The measured time
by how long it took one of these to cook?
Not virgins. We just learned that one of the answer
to everything for the linkas.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Yes, Incas.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
So one day that big shows You're done for Landokay,
plan I We'll sorry color Now I go to get
a winter.
Speaker 5 (28:23):
We play.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Good morning, the big shows on the radio. Moon around
about it in the hour and there there's hot.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Yes live across somewhere.
Speaker 10 (28:58):
I got to has been.
Speaker 8 (29:00):
It's jumppardy.
Speaker 22 (29:02):
And now our mysterious visitor from the East, the all seeing,
all knowing and former pretzel inspector to President Bush Pee
John Bards.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Good morning, Henry out of Harlan, Kentucky. How you doing, Henry? Okay,
John Boy, I gotta good moods Hina bear.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
We keep it here way back up in the woods.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
Yeah, save the stories for latest.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
All right, moving on with the game. Well, let's jump
in here, Henry, you ready, buddy?
Speaker 3 (29:39):
All Right, we know that it's weird, but the Incas
measured time.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
By how long it took one of these to cook?
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Show us a goat?
Speaker 7 (29:53):
Okay, all right here you gotta go alright, go.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
All right?
Speaker 2 (29:59):
We got damn out I tella? Hello, Danny, how you doing?
Speaker 11 (30:02):
I told you you get it wrong?
Speaker 2 (30:04):
What I said? Spell talosy he said, it don't matter.
He's gonna say it right nobody. Oh this is Tallisy Alabama. Right, yeah,
he looks foolish.
Speaker 8 (30:18):
Now I'm living to you.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Yes, where are you two going? Later on? I guess
all right, daddy, what's your guess?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Man, I'm guessing a pig?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Sure pigs? All right, daddy, you'll be good today?
Speaker 7 (30:38):
All right?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Mony, mighty, I'm mighty. I'm glad.
Speaker 12 (30:45):
He feels for good.
Speaker 8 (30:50):
We found the one person in America this act is
working on today. Hell and she's right there.
Speaker 11 (30:55):
May Yeah, Yeah, now you doing, baby, I'll be doing better.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Harry pleased with himself.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Take yeah, two wives, two lives program, practicing to be
a Mormon.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Yes see, most of us.
Speaker 8 (31:19):
One woman is the most we can hope to disappoint it.
That isn't good, you know, Maria all got good moonshine
there not as much anymore?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Really, Betty, catch up with you after a while, voice
of experience. Yes, all right.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Well, those old wacky incas measured time by how long
it took one of these to cook?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
What do you think, Marie? A rabbit? A rabbit? Show
us in a rabbit, sir.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Look, how about a chicken? No, actually, I'll go ahead
to Marie. It's not any kind of an animal. How
about that?
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Hi, Marie?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Thank you, baby, thank you?
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Okay, bye bye bye?
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Like Sneid out of Hickory, North Carolina. Hey, is do
you pronounce it like it looks Sneid?
Speaker 2 (32:27):
You get smart about it? Hey, Snad, I thought it
might be something like like, you know, Snade goes by
one name Madonna.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
That's right, Madonna, Madonna, perfect.
Speaker 8 (32:46):
Move over, share, that's right, it's sure. I forgots.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
I tell you what I'd like to get, Sneid and
Marie and hey, you go before I think of the
same thing.
Speaker 7 (33:07):
Done runk all that, moontine.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
I think I can hook it up, Sade. Yeah, I'm
just pinting on you man.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Well, sna, what do you think of incas measured.
Speaker 7 (33:26):
Time by Maria?
Speaker 11 (33:28):
It wasn't an animal?
Speaker 3 (33:30):
Yeah, I sure did. Oh you had an animal just
for kicks? What what animal were you guessing?
Speaker 7 (33:37):
Hip? Apot of mouse?
Speaker 2 (33:38):
A mouse? Hipppot of Let me ask you?
Speaker 5 (33:46):
Okay, where where is INCA? Right?
Speaker 7 (33:53):
There?
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Did could do?
Speaker 5 (33:54):
So? H?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
It was somewhere far off?
Speaker 8 (33:59):
Okay, central America?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Yes, America. Be a missionary, that was my guest.
Speaker 8 (34:10):
Let's say, I am not an I'm a mercenary A.
Speaker 7 (34:18):
I appreciate you, all.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Right, man, kiss your mama for us, all right, buddy,
all right? We got Sandy out of Chattanooga, Tennessee. Hello, Cindy,
I mean.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Oh yeah, I got to go backy. What are you doing?
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Will I'm I'm at work talking to my friend Kelly,
and I'm very glad that Steve was wrong because my
daddy's a preacher.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
All right, Cindy, Hey, preacher daughter.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
Here we go, Here we go, Sandy, how did the
incas measure time?
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Maybe we should take this up.
Speaker 12 (34:58):
I'm gonna guess to take potato interesting.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Let's see show us potato sothern.
Speaker 8 (35:05):
I'll tell your ainker like container ainker locotato?
Speaker 2 (35:12):
God bless you, madam.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Hey Sandy, congratulations baby,
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Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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