August 18, 2025 • 43 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On Today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we’ll kick off the show with some compelling reasons to avoid surgery as a way to look younger.. - We’ll have some acting performances from the disgruntled Sean Connery.. - Oliver takes a critical look at how fat people go to the pool.. - We’ll get a call from Robert Earl Keen for an update on how you can see next week’s sold out “Applause for the Cause” fundraiser concert for the Texas Hill Country.. - and we save the last slot for a Playhouse entitled, “Dub goes down Memory Lane” - starring the late, great Dub Starnes …
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Still another pass back for you lessen thirty minutes from
right now. It's a big sello letting somebody better damn
it than me, tell you than me all.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Right time, bight be the Big Show that still freaking
him up at you?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
It's you, Marcel.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
What am I doing well When I'm not hanging up
on racing fat boy and trying to cure Beds of
her terminal blondness? I'm listening to my two favorite straight
white Southern boys, John boynt Billie on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel,
just stop No, I won't tell Randy you said.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
Hellow, I know how it feels.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I want to be hits in near I got doing
recordings to together.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (01:18):
I don't know if his knees are still in the
same place.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
He's had so much work done.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
This is uh brick Common Commodores Colondoor is the lead
singer Lionel rich honeld Richie. That's right, man, I forgot
that Lionel was head man for the Commodore? Is that
him sugar now now?
Speaker 7 (01:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (01:38):
Yeah, today he kind of looks like you remember that
episode of The Little Rascals where one of the I
forget his name, Stemy. You know, went through the Haunted
House and had those big eyes.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Rest That's what I was like.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Now, I thought his whole head kind of got kind
of got bigger, but but just his eyes or because
they pulled his face back.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
He's had a lot of work doing. Is that what
you're saying?
Speaker 6 (02:04):
Yeah, if you could shrink his head, it would look
just like that guy from Beetlejuice.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
Bob, the guy in the waiting room.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
What's what? What?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
What a little gangy dollar using running around with Paris
Hilton there?
Speaker 6 (02:19):
What do Yeah she's doing.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yeah, she's got.
Speaker 6 (02:25):
Make up and doing like endorsements for stuff, and she's
maybe she's.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
An influence that.
Speaker 7 (02:33):
She settled down, grew up.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, but are they wearing wear you?
Speaker 7 (02:39):
Oh yeah, that was all for the reality show. All
of that was yeah, Paris is a is a business mobile,
DJ married, has a son.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Okay, yeah, they were just doing the reality yea, a
little hot that's all the fall off a horse one
dub real.
Speaker 7 (02:56):
They take, they take the elites and put him out
in the in the farm and.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Yeah, and they'll go up for a little farm boys.
They see them singing girls coming up wearing them little dress.
Speaker 8 (03:06):
Well you sure do know a lot.
Speaker 9 (03:07):
Forget.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
I didn't watch it.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Watching stuff I ain't seen. I just stopped on it
one time. Let me do with that farm boys horse.
Speaker 6 (03:18):
He channel serves the entire time he's watching television. Even
if he's into whatever he's watching, he'll flip over and
make sure they ain't no booby, sorry.
Speaker 7 (03:30):
You you're missing out.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Oh I told what you call me? No, I'm definitely
not one of those. I was like, yeah, that's when
he stops. They're telling you. I've watched TV with him
a lot. Anyways, I don't know how I owe you
a line, Old Rich.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Alright, so well, good it worked. We're awake, Big shows
on a radio. Good morning, big shows on the radio.
Let's get you first prize pack it out for you too.
There's a LAWD Tiger's prize pack. I'm channel surfing other radios,
the hat t shirt, tumbler, and a twenty five dollars
gas card. LAWD Tigers motorcycle lawyers who ride represent againstur
(04:12):
riders for over two decades. With LAWD Tigers, you never
ride the loans. Go to law Tigers dot com. Gotta
set up click at link when you hit the Big
Show dot com and we hope you do get your
name in half.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Of my brand new wonderful thing autograph picture. Ooh Sex
sid see you got all right?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Three days in history where we're going to categories for
the prize pack. Eighteen fifty nine, August the eighteenth French
stuntman the Great Blondon across Niagara falls on a tightrope,
carrying another man on his shoulders.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Speaker 6 (04:50):
He kept trying to outdo himself. He probably crossed Niagara
was on a tightrope about six times. One time he
carried a chair and a table and a bottle wine.
He stopped, opened the bottle and had wine on the Yeah,
he kept trying to out do him.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Okays, I know he made it.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Was it like really like a rope? I mean that's
all it was. Or did he have a little, a
little trick, a little smoking mirror deal.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
Going on tightrope only just his talent, a tightrope and
no safety?
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah? Wow, well it was water. If it would fall
down in it's a waterfall. Agro one too, I got you.
Oh did there you go carry across a rope?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Okay, let's move up to nineteen thirty the cartoon character
Pluto the Dog made his first appearance in the chain
game Pluto.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
The Dog's that a Disney dog?
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Tes it is?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Okay, Pluto, goofy. Pluto's actually a dog, Goofy. We're not
so sure about right. Nineteen thirty, Pluto made the sine. Finally,
on this day.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
In nineteen ninety eight, prospector Rob Mitchell's football sized gold
nugget sold in Australia for two hundred sixty three thousand dollars.
Mitchell said he found the nugget in nineteen ninety two
and buried it in his backyard.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
He decided to sell.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
It when he came home one day to find that
his dog had dug it up. Good move, very robbed,
Let's get rid of it. Safe out there, all right over,
there's our categories one eight hundred big shows, she told
free Line. Come on play out birds next. Good morning,
(06:48):
that's a big.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Show on the radio.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Here we are Monday, August eighteenth, our future track from
the Big show Biz Box, a playhouse titled dumb goes
down Memory Lanes. Here's forgey words laye one of the
best ever old nove right now, let's get.
Speaker 8 (07:06):
Up outburst let's play outburst.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
It's the game that anyone can win, John Boy and Billy,
we give the prizes from the big prize being.
Speaker 10 (07:22):
Let's go make contested number one. This should really be
a lot of fun when you're playing upburst.
Speaker 11 (07:31):
Have a hurry up and.
Speaker 9 (07:32):
Guest, time you love the best time you love a
big shots.
Speaker 12 (07:37):
Let's say here, Hannah from Macon, Yo, yall, we have
a shots.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Good morning, Hannah.
Speaker 13 (07:53):
Good morning.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
How are we out? Hey?
Speaker 3 (07:56):
We all are good? Has everybody in your spot this morning?
Speaker 7 (08:01):
Out?
Speaker 3 (08:01):
They're great?
Speaker 4 (08:03):
Good?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Well, let's get you.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Through these three categories and we'll celebrate your big old prize.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Pick you ready to go?
Speaker 4 (08:09):
Yest's do all right?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I was talking about the great blonding on the tight
rope across Niagara Falls. So give us three things you
can carry on or over your shoulders.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Ready to go, uh bagging.
Speaker 8 (08:24):
Dog food, a kid and a backpack.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I best you can do it all the same time.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
All right, Hannah, here we go, baby.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Now we need three cartoon dogs ready go.
Speaker 10 (08:39):
Scooby Doo, Snoopy and Plato Bamp.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And for the wind, three cons of nuggets ready to go, Bark.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Nugget, chicken nuggets and a nugget of goal. There is
from Ma waiting a big old prize pack. How do
you hang on? Jack can get it to you down there. Also,
I'm a first time cowler, all right? Good for Hannah.
(09:15):
WoT the money I wear? Top of your news.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
On the other side, we could off a Monday morning
celebrity theater with a great Sean Connery.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Really good morning.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
It's a big sho on the radio, all about theater
this morning still of the mind and John oo'milly playhouse
a dub of playhouse in the bed box this morning.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
There we go to the celebrity theater. Check it out.
Speaker 10 (10:13):
Welcome to real life celebrity theater, dramatic reenactments of true
stories from the private lives of your favorite stars. Today's
celebrity is actor Sean Connery. As our story opens, doctor
Burton Sultan and his wife are sitting down to dinner
in their apartment on New York's fashionable East Side. Oh,
veal Scallipini, this looks delicious, darling.
Speaker 14 (10:35):
I know it's your favorite.
Speaker 8 (10:37):
You know, if we weren't married, i'd kiss you.
Speaker 14 (10:40):
Well, there's plenty more of you're interested in seconds, Honey.
Speaker 8 (10:44):
Does this smell a little funny to you.
Speaker 14 (10:46):
I don't think that's coming from the veal.
Speaker 8 (10:49):
Oh no, it can't be.
Speaker 14 (10:52):
Now, Burton, calmed down. Remember what the doctor said, don't.
Speaker 10 (10:56):
Tell me to calm down. I don't have to put
it with this certain Please Vanessa, he promised. I'm gonna
call up there right now and give him a piece
of my mind.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Hello.
Speaker 8 (11:09):
Hello, is this mister Connery?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
All my life? Want to fight about it?
Speaker 10 (11:13):
Mister Connery, This is doctor Sultan, your downstairs neighbor.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Well, hello there, Shelton. How's it hanging? My friends?
Speaker 10 (11:20):
Mister Connery?
Speaker 8 (11:21):
I thought we had an understanding. How's that?
Speaker 10 (11:24):
My wife and I were just sitting down to dinner
and we noticed a foul smell in our dining room.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Well, perhaps you should send the old gald cooking.
Speaker 10 (11:32):
School, mister Connery. It's obviously leaking down from your apartment.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Again, I beg your pardon.
Speaker 10 (11:38):
You promised me you were going to get rid of
some of those cats.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Well, I plan to, but right now I need the
help to get the rat population out of control.
Speaker 10 (11:46):
Ah, so the rats are coming from your apartment too.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Well, I'm sorry, old bean. I thought the snakes were
going to eat them a lot faster snakes.
Speaker 10 (11:53):
Mister Connery, this is totally unacceptable.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
What in the world is that beg?
Speaker 10 (12:00):
Pardon that noise?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
What in the world is going on up there?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
Well, I'm hosting a little going away party for the
touring company of Stamp. They're hitting the road next week
for three months. Have you seen it? It's a tremendous show.
Connery looks one of the lads lost one of the
garbage candle ins.
Speaker 10 (12:18):
Have you call wonder spare mister Connory, Do you want
me to call the police?
Speaker 8 (12:21):
Or of course not pally, so you'll keep it down.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Just a moment, let me consult the magic eight ball. Hmmm,
signs point two. Suck it, Treviic, that's it.
Speaker 8 (12:36):
I'm calling the police.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Bring it off, big man. The jail hasn't been built.
They can hold me. That's it.
Speaker 10 (12:46):
He's pushed me around for the last time.
Speaker 14 (12:49):
Margin, Please do no.
Speaker 10 (12:51):
I pay just as much to live in this building
as he does. I'm calling the police.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Surgeon.
Speaker 14 (12:55):
Remember your blood pressure.
Speaker 8 (12:57):
Mannessa, I have had it.
Speaker 10 (12:59):
That dried up Scottish hack has disturbed our piece for
the last time. Martin ah probably the president of the
Condo Association and now Connery will get.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
His greetings, Doctor Shelton, you what are you doing here? Well,
I just wanted you to know I sent the stomp
crew home. You did, yes, Lorky, I feel like we
got off on the wrong foot. If we're going to
be living in this building together, we need to get
along really well, of course, and I promised to do
(13:31):
something about all the animals too. Sultan, you're a good man.
If it's not too late, i'd like us to be friends.
Speaker 8 (13:39):
You would, well, that would be very nice.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
And I'm really sorry about all the smell. I brought
you a peace offering, a piece offering. Yes, I brought
you some air freshener.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Here it is.
Speaker 8 (13:54):
Take that Tribec.
Speaker 9 (14:00):
Corner.
Speaker 14 (14:06):
By the way, did he just call you Tribec?
Speaker 8 (14:08):
Shut up for us up. This has been Real Life
Celebrity Theaters.
Speaker 10 (14:13):
Tune in again next time when we'll hear guest celebrity
George mister Sulu Takai.
Speaker 8 (14:17):
Say that's right, you're honor. I could tell this guy
was a nut job years ago.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Oh my, good morning. It's a big saw the radio.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Real Life Celebrity Theater Another episode about twenty minutes right now, Action.
Speaker 15 (15:00):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse today's episode The
Irish Brawl. As our story opens, Sister Mary Marcy McDougall
is talking to the assistant groundskeeper at the Sisters of
Perpetual Motion Convinence.
Speaker 14 (15:16):
So anyways, true Feman bushes back a bit, and don't
forget to we behind the dining hall.
Speaker 11 (15:22):
I'll keep right on the season.
Speaker 14 (15:28):
Well, we are really rather be telling all this to
your supervisor. Where's old Clancy?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
I don't rightly know, sister.
Speaker 13 (15:37):
Simmy Mexican handyman, Morning Fox. Sorry further delay.
Speaker 5 (15:44):
Well, now.
Speaker 14 (15:47):
Glad you could join us for a little work before lunchtime.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
You know, if you're gonna be late, you really should
let a feller knows.
Speaker 13 (15:53):
That mind your tongue, Peppy women, no mood for a
bunch of lip from a Presbyterian like you.
Speaker 14 (16:02):
Good gravy Clancy. Where'd you get that nasty looking shiner?
Speaker 11 (16:06):
The same place you got your accent?
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Jim?
Speaker 13 (16:10):
It's a long story, jumping Jude, you got bumps and
bruises off pump and down both your arms.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
That's a big long cruise.
Speaker 11 (16:21):
What did that sweet do with Mexican.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Yanna?
Speaker 13 (16:26):
Got a nasty knot on top of me head too.
Speaker 14 (16:28):
You ain't been brawling in the pubs again, have you?
I told you to stay out of there, you, sister, the.
Speaker 13 (16:33):
Only thing, the only thing worse than brave Heart here
lecturing me about being late? Is you telling me to
stay out of the pubs. Everyone in town knows you've
done more shots than Cape Canaveral.
Speaker 14 (16:49):
Yeah, yeah, you're gonna tell us how you got beat up.
Speaker 13 (16:52):
Well, now you'll be in a nun and I ain't
gonna lie to you. I've been mucking about with a
married woman.
Speaker 14 (16:58):
A married woman here.
Speaker 13 (17:00):
An echo in here. I met her over at the
Chelsea Street Market, commonly last name of bridge to too great,
big gobs of wavy red hair, a light dust enough
records right across the bridge of her nose. She's a
perfect Irish beauty.
Speaker 14 (17:18):
And married to eh.
Speaker 13 (17:19):
I I seen the waden ring on her finger. But
she was so fine and soft and sweet, smelling like
Peppy over there. I just couldn't help meself. So one
thing led to another, and she invited me back to
her flat.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
So is that where she beats you up?
Speaker 4 (17:40):
All right?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Hate emigration.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Where's the rest of me? Crew?
Speaker 13 (17:47):
It wasn't her that did the beating you, talking spud.
It was her husband come home and caught us just
as we commenced to getting her freaka in walks. Mister
Patrick O'Toole himself.
Speaker 14 (18:02):
Patrick O'Toole, that bonny little fellow that runs the pharmacy.
Speaker 8 (18:06):
That's him.
Speaker 14 (18:07):
I can't believe he done all this. Patrick O'Toole's five
foot nothing in skinny as the morning paper. He must
have had something in his hand.
Speaker 13 (18:17):
Wait to maintain the illusion, I lead he did a
walking stick with a big honker of a brass ball
on the end of it, and he commenced to beat
me with it six ways from Sunday.
Speaker 14 (18:31):
Still, you're more than twice his size. Didn't you have
nothing in your own hand?
Speaker 13 (18:35):
I missus O'Toole's rear end and a thing of beauty
it is, too, but pretty much useless in a fight.
Speaker 15 (18:50):
I hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse and
your spiky head a.
Speaker 13 (18:55):
Hair it could have put his eye out.
Speaker 11 (18:57):
You won't made to tram.
Speaker 15 (19:00):
Tune it again next time. And when we'll hear crusty
old mother Superior.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Say, hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
What if you and the rest of the un go
and do somewhere.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Good morning. You got the big shoe on the radio.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
More chances for you, the wind coming up after your
news weathers marts.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
Yeah, this is your old pals.
Speaker 16 (19:25):
You stand La Black when I'm not mooching some of
that fine Jacques Danielle Whiskey and I play the right
fine gumbo off my best friend Woodrow Boodrow and that
sassy sack of wife and his on Lizbeth.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
I'm listening to those tool wacky Cajun John Boy and
Philly right down on that there.
Speaker 5 (19:41):
Big show woe.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
There's funny.
Speaker 8 (19:43):
I guarantee.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Good morning to make showing the radio all right. If
I got bad, they.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
Like it. I like it.
Speaker 6 (20:40):
You know, every time you play that picture General side
flowing at the inside of the casket, they gotta get
to you because every time you made fun of him
with having Billy do his voice like that, He's coming up.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Oh man, I just read across some cool pictures and
I and through more wonderful things of the General.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Man.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
I remember that cruise we went off with his wife and.
Speaker 6 (21:09):
We went through the Permuter Triangle and it damned near
killed us.
Speaker 7 (21:13):
I was an intern then I was actually sitting in
the studio back home when you guys.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Were we were lost around doing our show from the
We were in Boston Harbor and went to Bermuda that way.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
We figured if we could sneak up on the Bermuda
Triangle get us. It was like two fronts converged.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It was like the perfect storm.
Speaker 7 (21:34):
It was, yeah, tropical storms, weren't they or a hurricane
of course.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And I sprung for it and got the Presidential suite,
which was the furthest forward and the highest.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
I could see waves hitting the ship.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
I can kind of look and see the bridge and
the antenna, and we counted it. It looked like it
was about twenty eight stories by spread going over the end,
ten of twenty eight stories high in the ocean.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Yep, like that. Yeah, that was spray everywhere. People were
very sick. The crew over the door looked out. They
were laying in the halls.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Oh yeah, yeah, you know, I got a use, so
I said, man, if if we don't get a job
on a ship.
Speaker 6 (22:19):
There's a documentary on Netflix called The Poop Cruise. It's
about one of the the same cruise company that had
a cruise ship basically went dead it was at sea
and had to be toad, but they lost all electricity,
all plumbing.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
It was why in those pays to say that, because
I never got sick on that cruise book, I had diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Well, well, yeah, I don't think I've ever told you
all that before. Oh no, you told us good.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
I was.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
All right, all right, all right, okay, we're good. So
sorry about that. You'll finish your breakfast.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Hey, right here, our real life celebrity Theater. In minutes,
Big Show rolls on Good Morning, Big Shows on the
radio coming up. We played John boyd jeveryday for an
a sortman of swag from World Lawn Moores, tough on Grass,
easy on your wallet, World Lawn. You check them out
when you hit the Big Show dot Com. Hang on,
(23:20):
you win that pack.
Speaker 10 (23:21):
In minutes, Welcome to real life Celebrity Theater this week
featuring Sean Connery. As our story opens, doctor Bernard Salton
and his wife are relaxing by the pool on a
beautiful moonlit evening in Montico Bay, Jamaica.
Speaker 14 (23:38):
Well, darling, you certainly seem relaxed.
Speaker 8 (23:41):
Oh for the first time in months, I am.
Speaker 14 (23:44):
I told you this vacation was a good idea. It's
so nice to get away from that awful mister Connery upstairs.
Speaker 10 (23:51):
Not to mention the loud music and the noxious odors
from that indoor menagerie he calls an apartment. But don't worry, darling.
Once we win in our lawsuit, Connery will be evicted
from the building.
Speaker 8 (24:03):
And we shall have our lives back.
Speaker 14 (24:07):
Speaking of noxious odors, what is that?
Speaker 10 (24:11):
Smells a bit like marijuana. I think it's coming from
that Rastafarian gentleman over there. Excuse me, sir, could you
please smoke that somewhere else?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
I ree irene man.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
What the Connery?
Speaker 4 (24:25):
That's right, Polly, who'll run into you and your lovely
lady Connery?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
What are you doing here?
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Well, actually I spend quite a bit of time in
the tropics. You folks come here often.
Speaker 8 (24:37):
This is our first time, and we came here to
get away from you.
Speaker 14 (24:41):
Mister Connery. Are you wearing dreadlocks?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Well, actually they're attached to the ball CAPSI I'm bought
it at the airport.
Speaker 10 (24:48):
I'll try it on. Look here, Connery. My wife and
I have been under tremendous stress because of you. I
hope you're not here to ruin our vacation.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
I wouldn't dream of it.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Polly, Hey, you want to take a hit off my
giant spleef?
Speaker 11 (25:00):
Thank you?
Speaker 4 (25:01):
No, how about you, Princess, you want to become one
of the Buffalo soldiers.
Speaker 8 (25:05):
Connery, we'd appreciate it if you'd put that out.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Put it out.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
You can't enjoy a trip to Jamaica without sampling some
of the world's finest Ganja. Come on, Polly, like the
song says, lively, up yourself.
Speaker 10 (25:20):
Mister Connery, we had quite enough of your foul smelling
bohemian lifestyle back in New York. In case you've forgotten,
this is what our lawsuit against you is all about.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
All that. Listen, Polly, I talked to the doorman from
our building on the phone last night. He said, the
cats have almost finished off the rats, and the gentleman
from pet Smart is delivering a pair of Doberman's tomorrow afternoon.
They'll make quick work of those cats. In two weeks,
this whole pet problem will be behind us once and
for all.
Speaker 10 (25:50):
A pair of Doberman's locked in your apartment for two weeks,
it sounds to me like our pet problem is just beginning.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Oh nonsense, everybody knows this dog crap is much easier
to get rid of than cat crap. You need to relax, Sultan.
You sure you don't want to take a hit. No,
I don't want to take a hit.
Speaker 10 (26:08):
What I want is you and your leaky plumbing and
your Tito Puente albums, and you're stinking into a zoo
out of our lives forever.
Speaker 17 (26:18):
Folly, you've cut me to the quick. Oh yeah, look,
I'm just trying to be a good neighbor. Well, you've
picked a very peculiar way of showing it. Lork Sultan,
It's no secret I'm not exactly neighbor of the year.
But as I say, it's all taken care of. Can't
we just enjoy this beautiful moonlit evening while all the
(26:39):
cares of the workaday world melt away. Hey, Cobaba boy,
three rum swizzles over here, Chuck chop, I don't think
he heard you, Hey, ZEGGI.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
What are you deaf? Hello?
Speaker 4 (26:52):
I'll get his attention. Pass me that tinky torch, will.
Speaker 8 (26:55):
You, mister Connery, please pull your pants back up?
Speaker 11 (26:59):
Leave it to me. Check this out.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
How's that for rostamon vibration?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
As we say in America, suck it, Trebek.
Speaker 9 (27:14):
Why that vulgar, uncool, thirty obnoxious loud mouth, certain please
call it.
Speaker 10 (27:26):
We hope you've enjoyed real life celebrity theaters. Tune in
again next time we we'll hear George mister Sulu Takai say, that's.
Speaker 8 (27:34):
Right, your honor.
Speaker 10 (27:35):
The fireball burned the tiki hut right down to the ground.
And look it actually singed off my eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Oh my, well, let's play John Boy Jeopardy. Whole new
week's worth of stuff we're gonna learn. Maybe you already
know this. According to police reports, drivers of SUV's are
twice as likely to do this while behind the wheel
(28:03):
as drivers of other vehicles.
Speaker 10 (28:05):
Oh, what is consume a four horse bill?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
You know there's a lot of people eating on the roads, a.
Speaker 8 (28:11):
Lot of people using forks and knights.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
No, well, no meals, but don't do that. So what
you got? What y'all got?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
One eight hundred big show? You told free line. We
played John Boy Jebitary Next, Good morning, It's a big
(28:48):
show on the radio for your Monday, August eighteenth, or
feature track from the make show bit Box a Playhouse
and titled dub Goes Down memory lane key words memory
lane box had to make show dot comy right now,
let's play.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Yeah slive across America. It's John Bode.
Speaker 6 (29:07):
And now your host. Let's see his wife drives an suv,
so can't do that. He's not really so fat anymore.
So Tubby's a free the driving anyway.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
He's John Boy bang out, Doug say hated Fred out
of Laurel Hill, North Carolina.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
Good morning, Fred, Good morning. How are you sure? Very good? Buddy?
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Welcome in here, all right, Fred, first shot at it
this morning. So, according to police reports, drivers of SUVs
are twice as likely to do this while behind the
wheel as drivers of other vehicles.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
What do you think, Fred, using their phone, you say,
using their phone texting talking? Let's just say, is it
a phone?
Speaker 7 (29:58):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (30:04):
All right, we've figured this out. SUVs.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Maybe mama's have got kids they goes do or there's
mamas and they gotta be talking.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Just women. You know, I drive an suv, Okay.
Speaker 7 (30:17):
I don't know how the car matters, but apparently so.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
All right, Well we'll look into that, Fred, You got
any ideas on anybody?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
It's the height, the harder they think.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
The painted windows in the height of the vehicles are
a lot taller.
Speaker 11 (30:30):
It's harder for people to see what they're doing.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Good word, Fred, you nailed it again, buddy Man, when
you hang on Jack could get your prize bag to
your Laurel.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Hill first time.
Speaker 8 (30:44):
Color.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
There you go, that man, Fred that use Google because
he knew all about it.
Speaker 6 (30:53):
Look, you know when I look something up with Google
that gives you more than.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Just a word, It's like a lot of words. Wow,
exploit it. I've got a good autem there.
Speaker 18 (31:31):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 11 (31:45):
Nobody loves a hooter girl more than I do.
Speaker 18 (31:47):
But good, look at waitresses at trey Bone Barbecue in Augusta, Georgia.
Trust me, all right, all right, I hate I will
say the waitresses at trey Bones acted as if I
wasn't on the planet, and I sure do appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
You need, man, you need to take me in there
with you, because you know you're a chick magnetic.
Speaker 11 (32:05):
Because I'm telling you, I'm telling you here's one thing
I've learned.
Speaker 18 (32:08):
If you and I almost did it in Traybo, you
walk in a place the waitresses ain't paying any attention
to you, go into your John Boy impression and go
come over here and give me a It works every day.
You put three Jack Daniels and two Budwiders in me.
(32:29):
All of a sudden, that girl kind of a red
devil beard. I get crackles on my face. I lose
about forty pounds when I walk over and go come
over here and give me a.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
I don't know that stupid expression on my face.
Speaker 11 (32:42):
Dof yes, I believe that he's like a damn charge.
Speaker 19 (32:47):
Let me tell you another thing I've noticed is the
lean the John Boy leans Eddie and I kind of
stand off to the side and watch it. We kind
of count it down. You can kind of tell he's
already done the give me a hug. That's a little
hug gone, you know. And he'll turn his back to
him like I ain't even paying it's looking at you,
and then start he'll start leaning on to the point
that they stumble.
Speaker 18 (33:08):
You know, construct controlled spontaneity, that's what it is. But
I'm telling you, all you people out there, all you
guys out there who are lonesome. You know, you're sitting
around going how does he do it? When we don't
know how to do it. All you have to do
is do the John Boy thing. Some girl walks up,
you go, how are you today? Are y'all doing okay?
(33:29):
Come over here and give me the hug?
Speaker 11 (33:32):
Or what damn chilling?
Speaker 19 (33:35):
And now I'm not even paying you any attention?
Speaker 11 (33:37):
Right here might not be.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Over Sorry, I thought you were a post.
Speaker 18 (33:43):
What are all you girls doing over there with the
big cleavage and the food sticking out?
Speaker 11 (33:48):
Come over here and get me.
Speaker 10 (33:53):
That's that same expression you use when you do Struther
Martin from Cool Hand, luke you to get your right.
Speaker 11 (34:03):
Come over here, come over here, give me a hug.
But the Straulie Martin, give me a hug. Don't worry.
It's the John boy, give me a hug.
Speaker 18 (34:16):
It's that I'm too stupid to be with y'all looking
at exactly, And it's the fake what's the word I'm
looking for?
Speaker 11 (34:23):
It's sort of the fake safe thing.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
You know.
Speaker 11 (34:26):
Oh, I know you're married and got kids, but you
can come over here and hug me, you know, I
come here.
Speaker 15 (34:33):
It's a whole ropodope thing, exactly, John Boy and Dilly
So Tim last time you played here, you said you
had something interesting.
Speaker 11 (34:41):
Happened. Oh, I had my first John Boy ejection.
Speaker 8 (34:46):
Good morning radio, dumb right.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Your morning bike shows on the radio for your Monday morning.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Let's get on the week ride.
Speaker 4 (35:19):
Here we go.
Speaker 8 (35:23):
It is time for Oliver.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Well, well, well, the long hot days of summer are
upon us.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
The days grow longer and the mercury rises to insufferable heights.
And along with the oppressive heat, the humidity is usually
one hundred percent. You can barely stand to be outside.
You think to yourself, how could it get any worse
than you see them?
Speaker 3 (35:54):
And it's worse.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
The fat people have come to the pool. Yes, the
fat people have arrived.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
With each hoofstep, the pool ripples with impact tremors like
I heard of pale dimply dinosaurs. They thunder towards the
water's edge. It's like job of the Hut took his
family on a summer vacation. But they're not alone. They've
got their squealing, chubby children in tow faces already smeared
(36:31):
with a hearty breakfast of melted Hershey's kisses and Cheetos.
As the fat people take two or three normal spaces each,
suddenly all that coveted towel space pool side begins to
disappear faster than the good bacon on the breakfast bar.
This doesn't include the additional acreage they claim with their
(36:52):
loaded coolers chuck full of hogis and you who's and
bite sized snickers, And well that's not altogether true. The
snickers are full size to them, they only seem bite size.
But just taking up space isn't enough for these gelatinous giants.
(37:12):
They have the audacity to break the sanctity of God's
glorious sunny day by doing the unthinkable. That's right, they
strip down to their bathing suits. Believe me when I
say the dairy section of the Sam's Club has never
seen this much cottage cheese in one single place at
(37:32):
any time. Like the skin of an undercooked turkey. It
oozes from every opening of spandex material already stretched beyond
accepted NASA limitations. Why if only Colonel Sanders could fry
thighs this big, he could end the world's hunger problem.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
And what I knew?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
The KFC joker get the Black Girl? And what of
the poor old Sun?
Speaker 11 (38:03):
Could it be?
Speaker 4 (38:03):
There is no global warming, but just the Sun having
to work over time to tan the planet's ever growing
mountain of fish belly white epidermis. As you watch them
layering on gallon after gallon of man tan with paint rollers,
you secretly kick yourself for not buying that sunscreen stock. Then,
(38:24):
like some sort of nightmarish SeaWorld spectacle, the fat people
get in the pool. You're suddenly aware that you're not
the only one staring. It's like a walrus battle royal.
All that splashing and sloshing and leaping out of the water.
Oh what you wouldn't give for a little kiosk nearby
(38:45):
that sold feeder fish three for a dollar.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
But it's not all fun in games.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
You don't have to be a math wizard to realize
when the fat people get into the pool, the water
comes out, and as the bulbous bathers cavort, they are
blissfully unaware of the regular humans only feet from them
being swept away on a huge cellulite tsunami, struggling not
to get tangled in the pool. Furniture and parked cars
also caught in the time. And what about when they
(39:15):
get out of the pool. The absence of their presence
will render the massive concrete receptacle nearly vacant. Save for
the big greasy ring made up of tanning lotion, mayonnaise
and sloughed skin. Don't worry, the rest of the guests
won't have long to wait. The pool will be full
(39:37):
soon enough, ironically, thanks to the fat people and the
miracle of perspiration. As the sun sets in that a
pleasant teach you not to drink water when you're in
the pool. As the sun sets and the fat people
wobble towards the exit, dragging empty coolers and full children,
(39:59):
the bar of the slow and unsuspecting unfortunate enough to
be walking in front of them suddenly stuck to the
underside of their feet like discarded bubblegum. The horror is
nearly over for them. That is, I won't be so lucky.
I still have to take my wife's family out to dinner.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
That explains it.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Good morning, you got a big show on a radio.
More chances you to win coming up after your news
weathers barts. I stand on the hill, but not for
a thrill, for the breath of a fresh keel. And
never mind the man who contemplates doing away with license plates.
He stands alone anyhow.
Speaker 4 (40:51):
Bacon the cookies of discontent by the heat of the
laundromat fat leaving his soul and then like in Portrago
dot dot dot, you know, kind of host set up
leaving the soul heart in the waters of the Medulla
Oblonga with John Boy and Billy on the big show
(41:17):
like that with John Boy.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Good morning. It's a big show on the radio for
you money. Good morning.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Coming up in a few minutes, Robert Earl Keene gonna
check in with us. He's got his benefit coming up
with the Texas Hill Company after the devastating floods.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
It'll catch up, Robert.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
It will be the first time I talked to him,
and talking to him, he was they were gonna do
that July and fourth bash right there on the river
right where it was.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
The flood is so bad.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
So the first chance we had to talk to him
and put together and see what he's got going on. Man,
it's a big, big concert. We'll tell you all about, Okay,
So hang over for that.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
Remind me, like you're to get into this.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
This headlines, this news article, it is a real thing.
I'm told this is not a fake deal. Headline. Man
fakes being deaf and dumb for sixty two years to
avoid listening to his wife.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
In the audience raise for him.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
If you can relate sixty to he really didn't won't
do he committed?
Speaker 6 (43:04):
Oh that is, he actually could hear the thing. She
said that she didn't think he could hear. So can
you imagine?
Speaker 3 (43:14):
Oh right, well it might be kind of fun. We'll
check out that. We'll get that later. Robert Keenan minutes,
big show rolls on
Still another pass back for you lessen thirty minutes from
right now. It's a big sello letting somebody better damn
it than me, tell you than me all.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Right time, bight be the Big Show that still freaking
him up at you?
Speaker 3 (00:17):
It's you, Marcel.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
What am I doing well When I'm not hanging up
on racing fat boy and trying to cure Beds of
her terminal blondness? I'm listening to my two favorite straight
white Southern boys, John boynt Billie on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel,
just stop No, I won't tell Randy you said.
Speaker 5 (00:34):
Hellow, I know how it feels.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I want to be hits in near I got doing
recordings to together.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (01:18):
I don't know if his knees are still in the
same place.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
He's had so much work done.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
This is uh brick Common Commodores Colondoor is the lead
singer Lionel rich honeld Richie. That's right, man, I forgot
that Lionel was head man for the Commodore? Is that
him sugar now now?
Speaker 7 (01:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (01:38):
Yeah, today he kind of looks like you remember that
episode of The Little Rascals where one of the I
forget his name, Stemy. You know, went through the Haunted
House and had those big eyes.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Rest That's what I was like.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Now, I thought his whole head kind of got kind
of got bigger, but but just his eyes or because
they pulled his face back.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
He's had a lot of work doing. Is that what
you're saying?
Speaker 6 (02:04):
Yeah, if you could shrink his head, it would look
just like that guy from Beetlejuice.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
Bob, the guy in the waiting room.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
What's what? What?
Speaker 1 (02:15):
What a little gangy dollar using running around with Paris
Hilton there?
Speaker 6 (02:19):
What do Yeah she's doing.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yeah, she's got.
Speaker 6 (02:25):
Make up and doing like endorsements for stuff, and she's
maybe she's.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
An influence that.
Speaker 7 (02:33):
She settled down, grew up.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, but are they wearing wear you?
Speaker 7 (02:39):
Oh yeah, that was all for the reality show. All
of that was yeah, Paris is a is a business mobile,
DJ married, has a son.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Okay, yeah, they were just doing the reality yea, a
little hot that's all the fall off a horse one
dub real.
Speaker 7 (02:56):
They take, they take the elites and put him out
in the in the farm and.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Yeah, and they'll go up for a little farm boys.
They see them singing girls coming up wearing them little dress.
Speaker 8 (03:06):
Well you sure do know a lot.
Speaker 9 (03:07):
Forget.
Speaker 5 (03:08):
I didn't watch it.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Watching stuff I ain't seen. I just stopped on it
one time. Let me do with that farm boys horse.
Speaker 6 (03:18):
He channel serves the entire time he's watching television. Even
if he's into whatever he's watching, he'll flip over and
make sure they ain't no booby, sorry.
Speaker 7 (03:30):
You you're missing out.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Oh I told what you call me? No, I'm definitely
not one of those. I was like, yeah, that's when
he stops. They're telling you. I've watched TV with him
a lot. Anyways, I don't know how I owe you
a line, Old Rich.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Alright, so well, good it worked. We're awake, Big shows
on a radio. Good morning, big shows on the radio.
Let's get you first prize pack it out for you too.
There's a LAWD Tiger's prize pack. I'm channel surfing other radios,
the hat t shirt, tumbler, and a twenty five dollars
gas card. LAWD Tigers motorcycle lawyers who ride represent againstur
(04:12):
riders for over two decades. With LAWD Tigers, you never
ride the loans. Go to law Tigers dot com. Gotta
set up click at link when you hit the Big
Show dot com and we hope you do get your
name in half.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Of my brand new wonderful thing autograph picture. Ooh Sex
sid see you got all right?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Three days in history where we're going to categories for
the prize pack. Eighteen fifty nine, August the eighteenth French
stuntman the Great Blondon across Niagara falls on a tightrope,
carrying another man on his shoulders.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Speaker 6 (04:50):
He kept trying to outdo himself. He probably crossed Niagara
was on a tightrope about six times. One time he
carried a chair and a table and a bottle wine.
He stopped, opened the bottle and had wine on the Yeah,
he kept trying to out do him.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Okays, I know he made it.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Was it like really like a rope? I mean that's
all it was. Or did he have a little, a
little trick, a little smoking mirror deal.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
Going on tightrope only just his talent, a tightrope and
no safety?
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah? Wow, well it was water. If it would fall
down in it's a waterfall. Agro one too, I got you.
Oh did there you go carry across a rope?
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Okay, let's move up to nineteen thirty the cartoon character
Pluto the Dog made his first appearance in the chain
game Pluto.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
The Dog's that a Disney dog?
Speaker 5 (05:42):
Tes it is?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Okay, Pluto, goofy. Pluto's actually a dog, Goofy. We're not
so sure about right. Nineteen thirty, Pluto made the sine. Finally,
on this day.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
In nineteen ninety eight, prospector Rob Mitchell's football sized gold
nugget sold in Australia for two hundred sixty three thousand dollars.
Mitchell said he found the nugget in nineteen ninety two
and buried it in his backyard.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
He decided to sell.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
It when he came home one day to find that
his dog had dug it up. Good move, very robbed,
Let's get rid of it. Safe out there, all right over,
there's our categories one eight hundred big shows, she told
free Line. Come on play out birds next. Good morning,
(06:48):
that's a big.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Show on the radio.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Here we are Monday, August eighteenth, our future track from
the Big show Biz Box, a playhouse titled dumb goes
down Memory Lanes. Here's forgey words laye one of the
best ever old nove right now, let's get.
Speaker 8 (07:06):
Up outburst let's play outburst.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
It's the game that anyone can win, John Boy and Billy,
we give the prizes from the big prize being.
Speaker 10 (07:22):
Let's go make contested number one. This should really be
a lot of fun when you're playing upburst.
Speaker 11 (07:31):
Have a hurry up and.
Speaker 9 (07:32):
Guest, time you love the best time you love a
big shots.
Speaker 12 (07:37):
Let's say here, Hannah from Macon, Yo, yall, we have
a shots.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Good morning, Hannah.
Speaker 13 (07:53):
Good morning.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
How are we out? Hey?
Speaker 3 (07:56):
We all are good? Has everybody in your spot this morning?
Speaker 7 (08:01):
Out?
Speaker 3 (08:01):
They're great?
Speaker 4 (08:03):
Good?
Speaker 3 (08:03):
Well, let's get you.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Through these three categories and we'll celebrate your big old prize.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Pick you ready to go?
Speaker 4 (08:09):
Yest's do all right?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I was talking about the great blonding on the tight
rope across Niagara Falls. So give us three things you
can carry on or over your shoulders.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Ready to go, uh bagging.
Speaker 8 (08:24):
Dog food, a kid and a backpack.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I best you can do it all the same time.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
All right, Hannah, here we go, baby.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Now we need three cartoon dogs ready go.
Speaker 10 (08:39):
Scooby Doo, Snoopy and Plato Bamp.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And for the wind, three cons of nuggets ready to go, Bark.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Nugget, chicken nuggets and a nugget of goal. There is
from Ma waiting a big old prize pack. How do
you hang on? Jack can get it to you down there. Also,
I'm a first time cowler, all right? Good for Hannah.
(09:15):
WoT the money I wear? Top of your news.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
On the other side, we could off a Monday morning
celebrity theater with a great Sean Connery.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Really good morning.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
It's a big sho on the radio, all about theater
this morning still of the mind and John oo'milly playhouse
a dub of playhouse in the bed box this morning.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
There we go to the celebrity theater. Check it out.
Speaker 10 (10:13):
Welcome to real life celebrity theater, dramatic reenactments of true
stories from the private lives of your favorite stars. Today's
celebrity is actor Sean Connery. As our story opens, doctor
Burton Sultan and his wife are sitting down to dinner
in their apartment on New York's fashionable East Side. Oh,
veal Scallipini, this looks delicious, darling.
Speaker 14 (10:35):
I know it's your favorite.
Speaker 8 (10:37):
You know, if we weren't married, i'd kiss you.
Speaker 14 (10:40):
Well, there's plenty more of you're interested in seconds, Honey.
Speaker 8 (10:44):
Does this smell a little funny to you.
Speaker 14 (10:46):
I don't think that's coming from the veal.
Speaker 8 (10:49):
Oh no, it can't be.
Speaker 14 (10:52):
Now, Burton, calmed down. Remember what the doctor said, don't.
Speaker 10 (10:56):
Tell me to calm down. I don't have to put
it with this certain Please Vanessa, he promised. I'm gonna
call up there right now and give him a piece
of my mind.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Hello.
Speaker 8 (11:09):
Hello, is this mister Connery?
Speaker 4 (11:11):
All my life? Want to fight about it?
Speaker 10 (11:13):
Mister Connery, This is doctor Sultan, your downstairs neighbor.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Well, hello there, Shelton. How's it hanging? My friends?
Speaker 10 (11:20):
Mister Connery?
Speaker 8 (11:21):
I thought we had an understanding. How's that?
Speaker 10 (11:24):
My wife and I were just sitting down to dinner
and we noticed a foul smell in our dining room.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
Well, perhaps you should send the old gald cooking.
Speaker 10 (11:32):
School, mister Connery. It's obviously leaking down from your apartment.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Again, I beg your pardon.
Speaker 10 (11:38):
You promised me you were going to get rid of
some of those cats.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Well, I plan to, but right now I need the
help to get the rat population out of control.
Speaker 10 (11:46):
Ah, so the rats are coming from your apartment too.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
Well, I'm sorry, old bean. I thought the snakes were
going to eat them a lot faster snakes.
Speaker 10 (11:53):
Mister Connery, this is totally unacceptable.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
What in the world is that beg?
Speaker 10 (12:00):
Pardon that noise?
Speaker 3 (12:01):
What in the world is going on up there?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
Well, I'm hosting a little going away party for the
touring company of Stamp. They're hitting the road next week
for three months. Have you seen it? It's a tremendous show.
Connery looks one of the lads lost one of the
garbage candle ins.
Speaker 10 (12:18):
Have you call wonder spare mister Connory, Do you want
me to call the police?
Speaker 8 (12:21):
Or of course not pally, so you'll keep it down.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Just a moment, let me consult the magic eight ball. Hmmm,
signs point two. Suck it, Treviic, that's it.
Speaker 8 (12:36):
I'm calling the police.
Speaker 4 (12:38):
Bring it off, big man. The jail hasn't been built.
They can hold me. That's it.
Speaker 10 (12:46):
He's pushed me around for the last time.
Speaker 14 (12:49):
Margin, Please do no.
Speaker 10 (12:51):
I pay just as much to live in this building
as he does. I'm calling the police.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Surgeon.
Speaker 14 (12:55):
Remember your blood pressure.
Speaker 8 (12:57):
Mannessa, I have had it.
Speaker 10 (12:59):
That dried up Scottish hack has disturbed our piece for
the last time. Martin ah probably the president of the
Condo Association and now Connery will get.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
His greetings, Doctor Shelton, you what are you doing here? Well,
I just wanted you to know I sent the stomp
crew home. You did, yes, Lorky, I feel like we
got off on the wrong foot. If we're going to
be living in this building together, we need to get
along really well, of course, and I promised to do
(13:31):
something about all the animals too. Sultan, you're a good man.
If it's not too late, i'd like us to be friends.
Speaker 8 (13:39):
You would, well, that would be very nice.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
And I'm really sorry about all the smell. I brought
you a peace offering, a piece offering. Yes, I brought
you some air freshener.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Here it is.
Speaker 8 (13:54):
Take that Tribec.
Speaker 9 (14:00):
Corner.
Speaker 14 (14:06):
By the way, did he just call you Tribec?
Speaker 8 (14:08):
Shut up for us up. This has been Real Life
Celebrity Theaters.
Speaker 10 (14:13):
Tune in again next time when we'll hear guest celebrity
George mister Sulu Takai.
Speaker 8 (14:17):
Say that's right, you're honor. I could tell this guy
was a nut job years ago.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Oh my, good morning. It's a big saw the radio.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Real Life Celebrity Theater Another episode about twenty minutes right now, Action.
Speaker 15 (15:00):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse today's episode The
Irish Brawl. As our story opens, Sister Mary Marcy McDougall
is talking to the assistant groundskeeper at the Sisters of
Perpetual Motion Convinence.
Speaker 14 (15:16):
So anyways, true Feman bushes back a bit, and don't
forget to we behind the dining hall.
Speaker 11 (15:22):
I'll keep right on the season.
Speaker 14 (15:28):
Well, we are really rather be telling all this to
your supervisor. Where's old Clancy?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
I don't rightly know, sister.
Speaker 13 (15:37):
Simmy Mexican handyman, Morning Fox. Sorry further delay.
Speaker 5 (15:44):
Well, now.
Speaker 14 (15:47):
Glad you could join us for a little work before lunchtime.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
You know, if you're gonna be late, you really should
let a feller knows.
Speaker 13 (15:53):
That mind your tongue, Peppy women, no mood for a
bunch of lip from a Presbyterian like you.
Speaker 14 (16:02):
Good gravy Clancy. Where'd you get that nasty looking shiner?
Speaker 11 (16:06):
The same place you got your accent?
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Jim?
Speaker 13 (16:10):
It's a long story, jumping Jude, you got bumps and
bruises off pump and down both your arms.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
That's a big long cruise.
Speaker 11 (16:21):
What did that sweet do with Mexican.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
Yanna?
Speaker 13 (16:26):
Got a nasty knot on top of me head too.
Speaker 14 (16:28):
You ain't been brawling in the pubs again, have you?
I told you to stay out of there, you, sister, the.
Speaker 13 (16:33):
Only thing, the only thing worse than brave Heart here
lecturing me about being late? Is you telling me to
stay out of the pubs. Everyone in town knows you've
done more shots than Cape Canaveral.
Speaker 14 (16:49):
Yeah, yeah, you're gonna tell us how you got beat up.
Speaker 13 (16:52):
Well, now you'll be in a nun and I ain't
gonna lie to you. I've been mucking about with a
married woman.
Speaker 14 (16:58):
A married woman here.
Speaker 13 (17:00):
An echo in here. I met her over at the
Chelsea Street Market, commonly last name of bridge to too great,
big gobs of wavy red hair, a light dust enough
records right across the bridge of her nose. She's a
perfect Irish beauty.
Speaker 14 (17:18):
And married to eh.
Speaker 13 (17:19):
I I seen the waden ring on her finger. But
she was so fine and soft and sweet, smelling like
Peppy over there. I just couldn't help meself. So one
thing led to another, and she invited me back to
her flat.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
So is that where she beats you up?
Speaker 4 (17:40):
All right?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Hate emigration.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Where's the rest of me? Crew?
Speaker 13 (17:47):
It wasn't her that did the beating you, talking spud.
It was her husband come home and caught us just
as we commenced to getting her freaka in walks. Mister
Patrick O'Toole himself.
Speaker 14 (18:02):
Patrick O'Toole, that bonny little fellow that runs the pharmacy.
Speaker 8 (18:06):
That's him.
Speaker 14 (18:07):
I can't believe he done all this. Patrick O'Toole's five
foot nothing in skinny as the morning paper. He must
have had something in his hand.
Speaker 13 (18:17):
Wait to maintain the illusion, I lead he did a
walking stick with a big honker of a brass ball
on the end of it, and he commenced to beat
me with it six ways from Sunday.
Speaker 14 (18:31):
Still, you're more than twice his size. Didn't you have
nothing in your own hand?
Speaker 13 (18:35):
I missus O'Toole's rear end and a thing of beauty
it is, too, but pretty much useless in a fight.
Speaker 15 (18:50):
I hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse and
your spiky head a.
Speaker 13 (18:55):
Hair it could have put his eye out.
Speaker 11 (18:57):
You won't made to tram.
Speaker 15 (19:00):
Tune it again next time. And when we'll hear crusty
old mother Superior.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Say, hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
What if you and the rest of the un go
and do somewhere.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Good morning. You got the big shoe on the radio.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
More chances for you, the wind coming up after your
news weathers marts.
Speaker 5 (19:23):
Yeah, this is your old pals.
Speaker 16 (19:25):
You stand La Black when I'm not mooching some of
that fine Jacques Danielle Whiskey and I play the right
fine gumbo off my best friend Woodrow Boodrow and that
sassy sack of wife and his on Lizbeth.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
I'm listening to those tool wacky Cajun John Boy and
Philly right down on that there.
Speaker 5 (19:41):
Big show woe.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
There's funny.
Speaker 8 (19:43):
I guarantee.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Good morning to make showing the radio all right. If
I got bad, they.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
Like it. I like it.
Speaker 6 (20:40):
You know, every time you play that picture General side
flowing at the inside of the casket, they gotta get
to you because every time you made fun of him
with having Billy do his voice like that, He's coming up.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Oh man, I just read across some cool pictures and
I and through more wonderful things of the General.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Man.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
I remember that cruise we went off with his wife and.
Speaker 6 (21:09):
We went through the Permuter Triangle and it damned near
killed us.
Speaker 7 (21:13):
I was an intern then I was actually sitting in
the studio back home when you guys.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Were we were lost around doing our show from the
We were in Boston Harbor and went to Bermuda that way.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
We figured if we could sneak up on the Bermuda
Triangle get us. It was like two fronts converged.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It was like the perfect storm.
Speaker 7 (21:34):
It was, yeah, tropical storms, weren't they or a hurricane
of course.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And I sprung for it and got the Presidential suite,
which was the furthest forward and the highest.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
I could see waves hitting the ship.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
I can kind of look and see the bridge and
the antenna, and we counted it. It looked like it
was about twenty eight stories by spread going over the end,
ten of twenty eight stories high in the ocean.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Yep, like that. Yeah, that was spray everywhere. People were
very sick. The crew over the door looked out. They
were laying in the halls.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Oh yeah, yeah, you know, I got a use, so
I said, man, if if we don't get a job
on a ship.
Speaker 6 (22:19):
There's a documentary on Netflix called The Poop Cruise. It's
about one of the the same cruise company that had
a cruise ship basically went dead it was at sea
and had to be toad, but they lost all electricity,
all plumbing.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
It was why in those pays to say that, because
I never got sick on that cruise book, I had diarrhea.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Well, well, yeah, I don't think I've ever told you
all that before. Oh no, you told us good.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
I was.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
All right, all right, all right, okay, we're good. So
sorry about that. You'll finish your breakfast.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Hey, right here, our real life celebrity Theater. In minutes,
Big Show rolls on Good Morning, Big Shows on the
radio coming up. We played John boyd jeveryday for an
a sortman of swag from World Lawn Moores, tough on Grass,
easy on your wallet, World Lawn. You check them out
when you hit the Big Show dot Com. Hang on,
(23:20):
you win that pack.
Speaker 10 (23:21):
In minutes, Welcome to real life Celebrity Theater this week
featuring Sean Connery. As our story opens, doctor Bernard Salton
and his wife are relaxing by the pool on a
beautiful moonlit evening in Montico Bay, Jamaica.
Speaker 14 (23:38):
Well, darling, you certainly seem relaxed.
Speaker 8 (23:41):
Oh for the first time in months, I am.
Speaker 14 (23:44):
I told you this vacation was a good idea. It's
so nice to get away from that awful mister Connery upstairs.
Speaker 10 (23:51):
Not to mention the loud music and the noxious odors
from that indoor menagerie he calls an apartment. But don't worry, darling.
Once we win in our lawsuit, Connery will be evicted
from the building.
Speaker 8 (24:03):
And we shall have our lives back.
Speaker 14 (24:07):
Speaking of noxious odors, what is that?
Speaker 10 (24:11):
Smells a bit like marijuana. I think it's coming from
that Rastafarian gentleman over there. Excuse me, sir, could you
please smoke that somewhere else?
Speaker 4 (24:20):
I ree irene man.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
What the Connery?
Speaker 4 (24:25):
That's right, Polly, who'll run into you and your lovely
lady Connery?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
What are you doing here?
Speaker 4 (24:32):
Well, actually I spend quite a bit of time in
the tropics. You folks come here often.
Speaker 8 (24:37):
This is our first time, and we came here to
get away from you.
Speaker 14 (24:41):
Mister Connery. Are you wearing dreadlocks?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Well, actually they're attached to the ball CAPSI I'm bought
it at the airport.
Speaker 10 (24:48):
I'll try it on. Look here, Connery. My wife and
I have been under tremendous stress because of you. I
hope you're not here to ruin our vacation.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
I wouldn't dream of it.
Speaker 4 (24:57):
Polly, Hey, you want to take a hit off my
giant spleef?
Speaker 11 (25:00):
Thank you?
Speaker 4 (25:01):
No, how about you, Princess, you want to become one
of the Buffalo soldiers.
Speaker 8 (25:05):
Connery, we'd appreciate it if you'd put that out.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
Put it out.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
You can't enjoy a trip to Jamaica without sampling some
of the world's finest Ganja. Come on, Polly, like the
song says, lively, up yourself.
Speaker 10 (25:20):
Mister Connery, we had quite enough of your foul smelling
bohemian lifestyle back in New York. In case you've forgotten,
this is what our lawsuit against you is all about.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
All that. Listen, Polly, I talked to the doorman from
our building on the phone last night. He said, the
cats have almost finished off the rats, and the gentleman
from pet Smart is delivering a pair of Doberman's tomorrow afternoon.
They'll make quick work of those cats. In two weeks,
this whole pet problem will be behind us once and
for all.
Speaker 10 (25:50):
A pair of Doberman's locked in your apartment for two weeks,
it sounds to me like our pet problem is just beginning.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
Oh nonsense, everybody knows this dog crap is much easier
to get rid of than cat crap. You need to relax, Sultan.
You sure you don't want to take a hit. No,
I don't want to take a hit.
Speaker 10 (26:08):
What I want is you and your leaky plumbing and
your Tito Puente albums, and you're stinking into a zoo
out of our lives forever.
Speaker 17 (26:18):
Folly, you've cut me to the quick. Oh yeah, look,
I'm just trying to be a good neighbor. Well, you've
picked a very peculiar way of showing it. Lork Sultan,
It's no secret I'm not exactly neighbor of the year.
But as I say, it's all taken care of. Can't
we just enjoy this beautiful moonlit evening while all the
(26:39):
cares of the workaday world melt away. Hey, Cobaba boy,
three rum swizzles over here, Chuck chop, I don't think
he heard you, Hey, ZEGGI.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
What are you deaf? Hello?
Speaker 4 (26:52):
I'll get his attention. Pass me that tinky torch, will.
Speaker 8 (26:55):
You, mister Connery, please pull your pants back up?
Speaker 11 (26:59):
Leave it to me. Check this out.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
How's that for rostamon vibration?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
As we say in America, suck it, Trebek.
Speaker 9 (27:14):
Why that vulgar, uncool, thirty obnoxious loud mouth, certain please
call it.
Speaker 10 (27:26):
We hope you've enjoyed real life celebrity theaters. Tune in
again next time we we'll hear George mister Sulu Takai say, that's.
Speaker 8 (27:34):
Right, your honor.
Speaker 10 (27:35):
The fireball burned the tiki hut right down to the ground.
And look it actually singed off my eyebrows.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Oh my, well, let's play John Boy Jeopardy. Whole new
week's worth of stuff we're gonna learn. Maybe you already
know this. According to police reports, drivers of SUV's are
twice as likely to do this while behind the wheel
(28:03):
as drivers of other vehicles.
Speaker 10 (28:05):
Oh, what is consume a four horse bill?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
You know there's a lot of people eating on the roads, a.
Speaker 8 (28:11):
Lot of people using forks and knights.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
No, well, no meals, but don't do that. So what
you got? What y'all got?
Speaker 1 (28:18):
One eight hundred big show? You told free line. We
played John Boy Jebitary Next, Good morning, It's a big
(28:48):
show on the radio for your Monday, August eighteenth, or
feature track from the make show bit Box a Playhouse
and titled dub Goes Down memory lane key words memory
lane box had to make show dot comy right now,
let's play.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Yeah slive across America. It's John Bode.
Speaker 6 (29:07):
And now your host. Let's see his wife drives an suv,
so can't do that. He's not really so fat anymore.
So Tubby's a free the driving anyway.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
He's John Boy bang out, Doug say hated Fred out
of Laurel Hill, North Carolina.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
Good morning, Fred, Good morning. How are you sure? Very good? Buddy?
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Welcome in here, all right, Fred, first shot at it
this morning. So, according to police reports, drivers of SUVs
are twice as likely to do this while behind the
wheel as drivers of other vehicles.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
What do you think, Fred, using their phone, you say,
using their phone texting talking? Let's just say, is it
a phone?
Speaker 7 (29:58):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (30:04):
All right, we've figured this out. SUVs.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Maybe mama's have got kids they goes do or there's
mamas and they gotta be talking.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Just women. You know, I drive an suv, Okay.
Speaker 7 (30:17):
I don't know how the car matters, but apparently so.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
All right, Well we'll look into that, Fred, You got
any ideas on anybody?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
It's the height, the harder they think.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
The painted windows in the height of the vehicles are
a lot taller.
Speaker 11 (30:30):
It's harder for people to see what they're doing.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Good word, Fred, you nailed it again, buddy Man, when
you hang on Jack could get your prize bag to
your Laurel.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Hill first time.
Speaker 8 (30:44):
Color.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
There you go, that man, Fred that use Google because
he knew all about it.
Speaker 6 (30:53):
Look, you know when I look something up with Google
that gives you more than.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Just a word, It's like a lot of words. Wow,
exploit it. I've got a good autem there.
Speaker 18 (31:31):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 11 (31:45):
Nobody loves a hooter girl more than I do.
Speaker 18 (31:47):
But good, look at waitresses at trey Bone Barbecue in Augusta, Georgia.
Trust me, all right, all right, I hate I will
say the waitresses at trey Bones acted as if I
wasn't on the planet, and I sure do appreciate that.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
You need, man, you need to take me in there
with you, because you know you're a chick magnetic.
Speaker 11 (32:05):
Because I'm telling you, I'm telling you here's one thing
I've learned.
Speaker 18 (32:08):
If you and I almost did it in Traybo, you
walk in a place the waitresses ain't paying any attention
to you, go into your John Boy impression and go
come over here and give me a It works every day.
You put three Jack Daniels and two Budwiders in me.
(32:29):
All of a sudden, that girl kind of a red
devil beard. I get crackles on my face. I lose
about forty pounds when I walk over and go come
over here and give me a.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
I don't know that stupid expression on my face.
Speaker 11 (32:42):
Dof yes, I believe that he's like a damn charge.
Speaker 19 (32:47):
Let me tell you another thing I've noticed is the
lean the John Boy leans Eddie and I kind of
stand off to the side and watch it. We kind
of count it down. You can kind of tell he's
already done the give me a hug. That's a little
hug gone, you know. And he'll turn his back to
him like I ain't even paying it's looking at you,
and then start he'll start leaning on to the point
that they stumble.
Speaker 18 (33:08):
You know, construct controlled spontaneity, that's what it is. But
I'm telling you, all you people out there, all you
guys out there who are lonesome. You know, you're sitting
around going how does he do it? When we don't
know how to do it. All you have to do
is do the John Boy thing. Some girl walks up,
you go, how are you today? Are y'all doing okay?
(33:29):
Come over here and give me the hug?
Speaker 11 (33:32):
Or what damn chilling?
Speaker 19 (33:35):
And now I'm not even paying you any attention?
Speaker 11 (33:37):
Right here might not be.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Over Sorry, I thought you were a post.
Speaker 18 (33:43):
What are all you girls doing over there with the
big cleavage and the food sticking out?
Speaker 11 (33:48):
Come over here and get me.
Speaker 10 (33:53):
That's that same expression you use when you do Struther
Martin from Cool Hand, luke you to get your right.
Speaker 11 (34:03):
Come over here, come over here, give me a hug.
But the Straulie Martin, give me a hug. Don't worry.
It's the John boy, give me a hug.
Speaker 18 (34:16):
It's that I'm too stupid to be with y'all looking
at exactly, And it's the fake what's the word I'm
looking for?
Speaker 11 (34:23):
It's sort of the fake safe thing.
Speaker 4 (34:26):
You know.
Speaker 11 (34:26):
Oh, I know you're married and got kids, but you
can come over here and hug me, you know, I
come here.
Speaker 15 (34:33):
It's a whole ropodope thing, exactly, John Boy and Dilly
So Tim last time you played here, you said you
had something interesting.
Speaker 11 (34:41):
Happened. Oh, I had my first John Boy ejection.
Speaker 8 (34:46):
Good morning radio, dumb right.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Your morning bike shows on the radio for your Monday morning.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
Let's get on the week ride.
Speaker 4 (35:19):
Here we go.
Speaker 8 (35:23):
It is time for Oliver.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Well, well, well, the long hot days of summer are
upon us.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
The days grow longer and the mercury rises to insufferable heights.
And along with the oppressive heat, the humidity is usually
one hundred percent. You can barely stand to be outside.
You think to yourself, how could it get any worse
than you see them?
Speaker 3 (35:54):
And it's worse.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
The fat people have come to the pool. Yes, the
fat people have arrived.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
With each hoofstep, the pool ripples with impact tremors like
I heard of pale dimply dinosaurs. They thunder towards the
water's edge. It's like job of the Hut took his
family on a summer vacation. But they're not alone. They've
got their squealing, chubby children in tow faces already smeared
(36:31):
with a hearty breakfast of melted Hershey's kisses and Cheetos.
As the fat people take two or three normal spaces each,
suddenly all that coveted towel space pool side begins to
disappear faster than the good bacon on the breakfast bar.
This doesn't include the additional acreage they claim with their
(36:52):
loaded coolers chuck full of hogis and you who's and
bite sized snickers, And well that's not altogether true. The
snickers are full size to them, they only seem bite size.
But just taking up space isn't enough for these gelatinous giants.
(37:12):
They have the audacity to break the sanctity of God's
glorious sunny day by doing the unthinkable. That's right, they
strip down to their bathing suits. Believe me when I
say the dairy section of the Sam's Club has never
seen this much cottage cheese in one single place at
(37:32):
any time. Like the skin of an undercooked turkey. It
oozes from every opening of spandex material already stretched beyond
accepted NASA limitations. Why if only Colonel Sanders could fry
thighs this big, he could end the world's hunger problem.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
And what I knew?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
The KFC joker get the Black Girl? And what of
the poor old Sun?
Speaker 11 (38:03):
Could it be?
Speaker 4 (38:03):
There is no global warming, but just the Sun having
to work over time to tan the planet's ever growing
mountain of fish belly white epidermis. As you watch them
layering on gallon after gallon of man tan with paint rollers,
you secretly kick yourself for not buying that sunscreen stock. Then,
(38:24):
like some sort of nightmarish SeaWorld spectacle, the fat people
get in the pool. You're suddenly aware that you're not
the only one staring. It's like a walrus battle royal.
All that splashing and sloshing and leaping out of the water.
Oh what you wouldn't give for a little kiosk nearby
(38:45):
that sold feeder fish three for a dollar.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
But it's not all fun in games.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
You don't have to be a math wizard to realize
when the fat people get into the pool, the water
comes out, and as the bulbous bathers cavort, they are
blissfully unaware of the regular humans only feet from them
being swept away on a huge cellulite tsunami, struggling not
to get tangled in the pool. Furniture and parked cars
also caught in the time. And what about when they
(39:15):
get out of the pool. The absence of their presence
will render the massive concrete receptacle nearly vacant. Save for
the big greasy ring made up of tanning lotion, mayonnaise
and sloughed skin. Don't worry, the rest of the guests
won't have long to wait. The pool will be full
(39:37):
soon enough, ironically, thanks to the fat people and the
miracle of perspiration. As the sun sets in that a
pleasant teach you not to drink water when you're in
the pool. As the sun sets and the fat people
wobble towards the exit, dragging empty coolers and full children,
(39:59):
the bar of the slow and unsuspecting unfortunate enough to
be walking in front of them suddenly stuck to the
underside of their feet like discarded bubblegum. The horror is
nearly over for them. That is, I won't be so lucky.
I still have to take my wife's family out to dinner.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
That explains it.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Good morning, you got a big show on a radio.
More chances you to win coming up after your news
weathers barts. I stand on the hill, but not for
a thrill, for the breath of a fresh keel. And
never mind the man who contemplates doing away with license plates.
He stands alone anyhow.
Speaker 4 (40:51):
Bacon the cookies of discontent by the heat of the
laundromat fat leaving his soul and then like in Portrago
dot dot dot, you know, kind of host set up
leaving the soul heart in the waters of the Medulla
Oblonga with John Boy and Billy on the big show
(41:17):
like that with John Boy.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
Good morning. It's a big show on the radio for
you money. Good morning.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Coming up in a few minutes, Robert Earl Keene gonna
check in with us. He's got his benefit coming up
with the Texas Hill Company after the devastating floods.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
It'll catch up, Robert.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
It will be the first time I talked to him,
and talking to him, he was they were gonna do
that July and fourth bash right there on the river
right where it was.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
The flood is so bad.
Speaker 1 (42:21):
So the first chance we had to talk to him
and put together and see what he's got going on. Man,
it's a big, big concert. We'll tell you all about, Okay,
So hang over for that.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
Remind me, like you're to get into this.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
This headlines, this news article, it is a real thing.
I'm told this is not a fake deal. Headline. Man
fakes being deaf and dumb for sixty two years to
avoid listening to his wife.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
In the audience raise for him.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
If you can relate sixty to he really didn't won't
do he committed?
Speaker 6 (43:04):
Oh that is, he actually could hear the thing. She
said that she didn't think he could hear. So can
you imagine?
Speaker 3 (43:14):
Oh right, well it might be kind of fun. We'll
check out that. We'll get that later. Robert Keenan minutes,
big show rolls on
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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