December 8, 2025 • 53 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On Today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, it’s another Mini Movie Monday - today we’re working our way through the Holiday Classic, “A Christmas Carl” - featuring Carl Childers from the Millsburg Nervous Hospital.. - Oliver shares his feelings on the many personalities of John Boy - and focuses on his least favorite, the Christmastime John Boy.. - Dr. Elmo performs a parody of himself entitled “John Boy Got Run Over by a Reindeer”.. - Donnie Pressley sings Silver B-B-Bells.. - and Tank Hogarth lays down some hard talk about saying Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas…
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning. You got the Big Show on already, have
more chances for.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You to win coming up after your news, weather and sports.
Oh oh, I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
I didn't see you there.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This is Professor Melwyn Hannah Day, head of hey oh,
a head of Big Show Science.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
And History division.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And you're listening to two boys who are destined to
be history, John's Boy.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
And Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Yo.
Speaker 5 (00:27):
When I say that will be history, I didn't mean
to apply a negative. I simply meant that they they
Oh what did I mean?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Talking doo d loo?
Speaker 6 (01:15):
Imn't adam say hello to Monday.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Hello Monday? Oh? You did it out loud.
Speaker 6 (01:28):
We got our special show with this December to eight
Christmas Carl with all four episodes starring our own Carl children.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
We like the way he'd call.
Speaker 6 (01:42):
All right, National Crossword Solver's Day, National pretend to be
a time Traveler Day, I'm from the future, National Brownie Day.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
All right, I'll eat a brownie.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Why don't y'all travel over there in the kitchen to
make some them? Ai, y'all got three days in history
saved up. We'll get a first prize. Back out get
the winning beginning. Glad you hear big shows on the radio.
Good morning, big shows on the radio. Get that first
prize back out this morning. It's a blue Emu package
(02:17):
and includes two jars of blue Weemu non Greasy Relief
or whatever paint it, plus a tube of PBC OTC
It's Relief Cream Fast Prescription Strength, It's Relief from insect
bike's poison, ivy Sunburden more BBC OTC saved for the
whole family of edellin store and online in Walmart, Amazon,
other finer retailers.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Here we go with our three dates in history.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
We we'll get a category for you to zoom through
and win aforementioned prize pack has. Nineteen ninety, a thirty
year old London man was sent us to three and
a half years in prison for robbing the same service
station twice with a cucumber.
Speaker 7 (02:56):
It works well.
Speaker 6 (02:58):
Of course, employees thought the q comber wrapped in a
plastic bag was a gun.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I'd say the same thing.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, we're a banana. Work better. This is whatever's handy.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
You're expensive.
Speaker 6 (03:11):
Twenty two American WNBA star Brittany Griner was released by
Russian authorities and a prisoner exchange for Russian arms dealer
Victor bout Grinder was attained on drug smuggling charges. She's
tried to She's sneaking pot into Russia, going over there
to play basketball.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well it was it was like a vate and it
was legal where she was coming from.
Speaker 6 (03:34):
Okay, all right, they were very very picky, well pleased.
That was always having a scoop one of us up
for a little minor deal. Then we have to release
a drug dealer or like eight hundred terrorists or something.
Speaker 8 (03:47):
Yeah, well it makes you appreciate what we can get
away with here.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
All right, let's go Finally.
Speaker 6 (03:54):
Twenty twenty four, singer songwriter Taylor Swift concluded the Eras
tour with her one hundred and forty ninth show. It
was in Vancouver, Canada, twenty one month international concert tours,
the highest grossing tour.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Of all time in the world.
Speaker 7 (04:08):
I saw that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
You told us all about it.
Speaker 6 (04:11):
The box alven gross was just over two billion dollars.
Speaker 7 (04:16):
I think she's gonna be all right. Maybe she is
a hard worker though.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
You know how much taxes they take out on them,
Like I made two billion and I only walked Javis
Kelsey running to the altar. I tell stick man if
y'all say that the commercial or his brother Jason Kelsey,
you know he's all over the place.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Now, where were he screaming? The steady screaming excitement?
Speaker 6 (04:38):
He Jesus hasn't stopped screaming since he learned. You can
get whether they're for this much. But I said, man,
we need to change the audio on that. I don't stick,
I said, have him saying, Jason Kelsey has not quit
celebrating since he found out his brother is engaged to
Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Christmas is gonna be next time. You don't say that,
think about that and laugh at yourself. We're too busy.
We're just covering up.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Well, there's our three categores one a hundred big shows
you told for your line across America. We'll get a
contestant play next Good.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Morning, that's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
A feature track for the Big Show, Big Box Tank,
hold Guard Christmas. He words Christmas Tank when you hit
the big Box at the Big Show dot com right, Upburst.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Let's play Upburst.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
That's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
John Boy buy to give the prices from the big
prize being.
Speaker 7 (06:07):
Let's go contested Number one.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
This should really be a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You're playing uppers, have them.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Hurry up and guest time you love the best time?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You love a big shots.
Speaker 6 (06:22):
Let's say, hey the Mark from Goldsboro, North Carolina, we.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Have a shot.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Good morning, Mark, Good morning, big shock game.
Speaker 9 (06:39):
How you guys doing?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Man?
Speaker 6 (06:40):
We are all right, buddy, welcome in here with us.
All right, all right, you know what we gotta do.
Get you through these three categories and get that prize
package to you.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You ready, let's go for it. Give us three things
found at a service station.
Speaker 9 (06:56):
Ready, got the use the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Tree is very important? Now give us three drugs that
get smuggled.
Speaker 9 (07:08):
Ready, go marijuana, cocaine of fittnallam.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
Hey, do you tell you Venezuela's running out of boat
drivers yet?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I guarantee you that's a job. Had better up. They're
gonna start kidnapping family members and get them to.
Speaker 9 (07:25):
Go, man, get them out.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Of here, alright, Mark for to win in honor of
Taylor Swift. Three eras ready go.
Speaker 9 (07:38):
Free you store medieval and the Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Res It'll probably be.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
In the history books.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Gets to learn about it.
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Mark, you got a big old blue EMU prize back
head over Goldsborough for you.
Speaker 9 (07:55):
Oh, thank you? Kind of a big show game, and Johnny,
I'd like I say, I've been listening Gus's nineteen eighty
six and I'm gonna mission and I've been truly blessed
be listed you all these years.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Well Man, well, thank you very much for that. Mark.
Speaker 6 (08:09):
I feel really blessed about being able to watch Andy
Griffiths show every every day for my whole life so far.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
So I can kind of see how you feel that
and it's been off the air for your entire life.
About that, I'm just about man hope about the same age.
So hey, well, Mark, we appreciate you. Body sure do
you hang on?
Speaker 10 (08:28):
Man?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Hey?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
All before get in your news won't tell you every
Olympic dream starts with a first glide. Through learn to
Skate USA, kids build confidence, strength and joy on the ice.
Learn to Skate USA offers programs for skaters of all
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(08:52):
getting up with a big show right here.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
What more eyes, Kip, I'm going out on the other side.
Speaker 11 (08:58):
Episode one of a Chris Carl.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Good morning, Big Show's on the radio.
Speaker 6 (09:38):
Before we get out of here, all four episodes of
our Big Show Monday Morning Christmas Mini Movie, Let's get
it going.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Howdy Holiday Hipsters. Bird Fern here with part one of
your Big Show Morning Mini movie Holiday Spectacular. A Christmas
Carl starring Carl Childers as Ebenezer Scrooge and Nigel Cadbury
is Bob Cretchit brought to you Bylonel Hanson's All Purpose,
Turn Polished, Turn that Brown upside down with Colonel Hanson's
(10:08):
and Now London eighteen oh one, the offices of Scrooge
and Marley at a time when jolly Old England wasn't
so jolly.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Hey there, Bob Graduate.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Yes, mister Scrooge, you've been falling.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Around with my private call poke again.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I'm sorry, mister Scrooge. My fingers were cold.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Oh that's all right? Are you sure, sir? I did
you put it on?
Speaker 10 (10:32):
You?
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Tam?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Bless you?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Sir?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
All right? Did Graduate? Time for you to get back
to that mouthy wife and that give me young and
a yearn I'll say you in the morning.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
But tomorrow is Christmas, mister Scrooge.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Christmas, I reckon that's a load of humbug.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Well, I was hoping you'd give me the day off
to spend in the bosom of my family. Have you
no feelings, mister Scrooge?
Speaker 12 (11:00):
Of course I do cratch it, and I'm a feeling
something right now, really, sir, I'm feeling the mute hungry
we got any more that potted meat and sody crackers
left over?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Surely, sir, you could make an exception once a year?
Oh all right, Oh, thank goodness, you can come on
in fifteen minutes late tomorrow. You're generous to a fault, Sir.
I can't hep it.
Speaker 12 (11:26):
Hey, there comes that hobbled up boy a yearn he's
no bigger than a squirrel.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Got resky berry pot liquors. Old tiny Tim is here, Hey,
pop Tim, you'll remember, mister Scrooge. Ah, i'd never forget
an decap. How did I creepy old cheapskate? What's in
your wallet? I mean, other than mauls, you hadn't no
talk like yet?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
You just a boy.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Ah see you're still a bundle of laughs. Well we
must be off. Come on, Tim, Merry Christmas, mister Scrooge.
Speaker 12 (11:58):
Ah, I know he is gonna say that, son of him.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Scrooge made his way home. The winter winds howled around him,
as though a warning of things to come.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
Skimm what's that?
Speaker 12 (12:22):
Probably just my stomach a growling the mite. I'll just
have some biscuits and mustard hit the hay, and Scrooge
did just that.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Then, as he prepared for a much needed rest, he
was rudely interrupted, What.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
In tarnation is going on after slo Hey?
Speaker 12 (13:00):
That's my old partner, YACKI soda Marley? But you died
seven years ago.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Tonight school you skin print.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I come back beyond agave to warn you.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I don't believe in heights and buggers. You sure you're
really dead?
Speaker 13 (13:16):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I just wearing that new load of corpse coln. Of
course again Mordan.
Speaker 12 (13:22):
Y'all tangled up in them chains. You been poking around
in that ship out there? Not a flashlight again?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
No you hear it?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I wear the chape I forge you right, get it?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
No, sir, why this chill?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Is all the clamities I did your chamee was?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
This is wrong? This heavy?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
These part of us seven years ago? Now you understand?
Speaker 3 (13:50):
I reckon I do? You made me one of them?
Speaker 12 (13:52):
Change for Christmas. No, I didn't get you nothing. You're
some biscuits and mustard.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Because you don't get it. You would be visiting my
night one and one a crock.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
One and two a crock and a crock.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Way, Where are.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
You going downstairs?
Speaker 12 (14:14):
If I'm gonna have all this company, I'm gonna have
to make some more biscuits.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Oh, he's going to be a wrong night Marley.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 12 (14:33):
Maybe he's adding that ship working on that chain. I
reckon them ghost fellers ain't coming well. Time for some
shut eye.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Oh I'm a ghost of Christmas past, and I hate
folks who don't like Christmas. And I have feet Alley,
It's go time, m all right, Dean mule tied? Yikes?
Is Scrooge ready for a grumpy glimpse into his past?
What to do? What to do to find out? Tune
in next time to hear Carl Childer says of anzure Scrooge,
(15:12):
the grumpy old man is the ghost of Christmas past.
And Taylor has Susie Sweater Meat Doll of the future
starring in a Christmas Carl brought to you by Colonel
Hanson's All Purpose Turn Polished Turn that brown upside Down
with Colonel Hanson's This is Bert Fern saying, see you
next time.
Speaker 6 (16:02):
Good morning, Big shows on the radio. Action Hello friends.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Your old palp Burt Burn here with another gizzard jiggling
edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode Wanna bet.
As our story opens, Ricky b Sharp is in the
kitchen reading the morning paper. Uh what a world? No
kings more like no clue but cherry pickers.
Speaker 7 (16:31):
What the hell do I have your attention?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Which one of you cabone me with that skillet?
Speaker 7 (16:37):
What do you mean which one?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Well, I'm seeing two of you, and you're both swinging
cast iron.
Speaker 7 (16:43):
It's just me and you had it.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Coming when I hold on there, Just wonder the dad
gun minute. I I've been putting a seat down like
you asked. I'll grant you. I don't always remember the flush,
but sometimes it is the night crowd of what I
left in the bowl the other day, iduced the Chinese
symbol for.
Speaker 14 (16:58):
NASCAR, lucky woman. This ain't got nothing to do with
the toilet. Okay, I found this in your pocket?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Uh huh can you read it to me? My vision
is still a mite walker?
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Oh lord?
Speaker 14 (17:12):
It says it says Betty Sue. Are you too tiring me?
You have paint casting?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
No victims? No no, no, no, no no no damnit
no no, no no no. Remember when I went to
the horse racers at the fair with mister Runs. Betty
Sue was the name of the horse that Farley Merchant
wanted me to bet on for it? Really, yes, really, Lucy,
you should know that, as doth ins most beloved fast
(17:38):
food mascot, I am constantly approached by women who would
just love nothing more than to tell their kiff and
kin that they betted a living legend. You know I
only have eyes for you.
Speaker 14 (17:49):
Oh, Ricky, I'm sorry. I guess I just worry that
I'm getting older and not as attractive as I used
to be.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Are you kidding me? Let me go in down the
room there and finish watching that tape wrestling match, and
I'll give you to you and I'll set them dadgum
sheets on fire.
Speaker 7 (18:08):
I'll get it.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Hey, not listen. If that's Farley Merchant, you tell him
and they had to shoot his horse.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Goum it?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
What is wrong?
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Now?
Speaker 7 (18:16):
Your horse is on the foes.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
And we hope you've enjoy John Boy and Billy playhouse,
Could you too kindly undo each other's top two buttons.
Tune in next time when we'll hear the Krusty Horse track.
Bet say hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Good morning to make show us on the radio.
Speaker 15 (18:46):
Hang over your local news, weather, sports.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
This is Royal.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That is the vetle slayer of the visial de stroil
of the mungole and aggravate on the automative.
Speaker 16 (19:01):
All listening to my two royal jesterers, those gap toothed barbarians,
John Boy and Billy Ad You old big show, A
rise a loyd of beef, A rise Duke of Ellington,
a rise water of ten, essence of morb look BACKSA.
Speaker 17 (19:58):
Good morning, make show's honor al radio.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Right ahead to Christmas time.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
Here's the title track from our second Christmas album, The
Most nerve Wrecking This Time.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Of the Year.
Speaker 10 (20:22):
All right, you kids, stuff jebberin black blah blaverer into
somebody changed that baby. He's totally covered in done. Next
few days aren't gonna be total insanity. I'm spending Christmas
with your nerve wracking family. Le hurry up, hurry up,
(20:45):
hurry up, let's go. It's starting to snow. The top
of my head's about to blow. Load the crap and
the car. Shut the flipping door. We've done this before.
You're all getting on my nerves and I really can't
take much more. My butt feels weird and nummy. This
(21:07):
strip is crummy so far. I'm listening to a Wiggle
CD all day in the car. I'm driving sixteen hours
to meet the powers that be. I'm spending Christmas with
your nerve racking family. When we walk in, every loser
(21:33):
in the world is there. While your creepy ants would
live versus spots and her full hair and weird Uncle
Joe who drinks too much and don't know when to stop.
He invites me out on the porch to have a pope.
There's a trash nie who's into tattooed by a heart guys,
(21:58):
and your cousin hits me for money, big surprise. And
your sweaty fat nephew always smells like sour cream and child.
It's always the same every year when Christmas time arise.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
These people are leading.
Speaker 10 (22:16):
Such pathetic, twisted lives. You've got some crazy monkeys up
in your family tree. I think your cousin Jeffrey is
kind of hitting on me.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
This bunch is really squirrely.
Speaker 10 (22:32):
So let's leave early and go because this is Christmas
on the island of Doctor Moreae. Pack it up, Pack
it up. For goodness sake, I'm starting to shake. This
family is more than I cantaue. Hurry up, hurry up,
(22:54):
get your crap ball stone. We're hitting the row this
Holidays in a big surple around the old commode.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
If you like Christmas, Mary.
Speaker 10 (23:05):
I wish you very good luck because in my opinion,
it's gone up totally sucking. Sweetheart. I love you madly,
but things go badly for me when I spend Christmas
with your nerve wrecking family. Leave.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
Oh, good morning, Big shows on the radio coming up.
We played John Boyds every day. That means somebody can win.
In a sort of a small batch hand code peanuts
from Bertie County Peanuts. Bertie County Peanuts get made great
gifts for family, friends or clients making.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Part of your Christmas traditions. Starting this year.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
If you enter code JBB at checkout, you get twenty
five percent off plus free shipping when you shop online
Bertie County Peanuts dot net. Look for the link at
the Big Show dot com. Hang on you win you
some in verse. Back to our Big Show Monday Morning
Christmas Mini movie.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Joy to the world, jingle belt Junkies. Birt Fern here
with part two of your Big Show Morning Mini movie
Holiday Spectacular. A Christmas Carl starring Carl Childers as Scrooge
and the grumpy old Man. Is the Ghost of Christmas Past?
Brought to you by Colonel Hanson's all purpose turn polish
turn that brown upside down with Colonel Hanson's And now
(24:29):
back to our story. When we last left Scrooge, he
just met the ghost of Christmas past and his future
is not looking too bright. I'm a ghost of Christmas
past and I hate folks who don't like Christmas. Get
it on your feet, alliop it's bot.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
What can I do for you? Old timer?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
You heard me on your feet? We ain't got all night.
You think you're the only jackass in need of a
good joking around?
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Where are you toting me off to mister ghost the past?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So you can see how you got to be such
a horse's patuit.
Speaker 12 (25:13):
How are we gonna get all the way back to
the past. You got one of them flying cars like
that movie.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Just get up here on the window and put your
dead gump hand on my robe.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
We'll fly, all.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Right, Dan, I'll do it. Sounds kindly funny, not funny,
ha ha funny Where.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Jackie Soda warned me you are thick as a brick.
Let go your butt scratch and knucklehead Scrooge and his
ghostly tour guide fly into the night stand into the past. Here, junkhead,
this looks familiar us.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
There's my old school. What are we doing here?
Speaker 2 (25:51):
This is where you started on your path to be
in a first class money loving Christmas Hayton's buttle. Look there,
it's me.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
An big girl from the yu old dollar store. She
was my first sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Great cookly Moogli, what a hefa? I've seen better heads
on a boil.
Speaker 13 (26:13):
What do you mean you're not coming home for Christmas?
Speaker 12 (26:16):
Old man Fezziwig needs someone to watch your store. He
paying a pretty penny for it too.
Speaker 13 (26:22):
I guess money means morning you than anything you've changed, Ebenezer,
some of you I have.
Speaker 12 (26:31):
Looks like you packed on about twenty extra pounds. You're
to stop buying sweets and save your money.
Speaker 13 (26:38):
Your love of money has turned you mean you buy Ebenezer?
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Goodbye? Forever.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Well, why ain't you leaving?
Speaker 13 (26:49):
I will in a minute. My feet hurt.
Speaker 7 (26:52):
It's hard to leave when your feet hurt.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Just grew a party.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
You are so full of crap your ears stink. Well, dummy,
did you learn anything?
Speaker 12 (27:04):
Yes, sir, never tell a woman she a getting fatal open.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Back in my day, we didn't have spirits to help
save our souls. We just kept doing stupid, thoughtless things
until we died or someone killed us. Hoop dee, do
look at me. I'm a life long and Sophie tell
Satana put another soul on a fire. Hell, here I come.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
And we liked it. We loved it. Hey, goos Feller,
where you wandering off flowers? Or try to find an
open bar? One hour with you? And I need a drink.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Liberty flute.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
I want.
Speaker 12 (27:49):
Back in bed. Must have been some sort of bad
dream or another. Probably got a hold of old French friar,
a bad winer.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
And that's no good for nobody.
Speaker 12 (28:06):
Hey, baby, I gotta get tim Brock's change.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Who might you be?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Whoa I'm the ghost of Christmas present? You play your
cards right? I might give you something to unwrap later on.
Speaker 12 (28:23):
Woo, you're a whole lot nicer than that last ghost.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Oh you ain't seen nothing yet. Now get on up here,
a tall, dark and spooky. We got places to go.
And when does the peak is?
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Where are we going back in time?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
No?
Speaker 12 (28:40):
Ross town, I reckon you fix the show me how
being cheap and ruining my life?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Oh I'm gonna show you how it's putting the herd
on other folks.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
We ain't gonna fly, are we flying? Kindly makes me nervous.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Josh, put your hand on my robe here, I was
bigger hands you got.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
It's kind of making me.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Nerves easy, baby, if you let go out right? All right, Jim,
keep your gown down, clown, Here we go Christmas crime ony.
This coast is certainly a handful, and the night's not over?
Can Scrooge take much more? What to do? What to do?
(29:22):
To find out? Tune in next time to hear Carl
Children's is Scrooge, Granny Clump is the ghost of Christmas Presents,
and Tater as Busty Muffins, the top heavy elf in
a Christmas Carl brought to you by Colonel Hanson's all
purpose turd polish. Turn that brown upside down with Colonel Hanson's.
This is Burt Fern saying, see you next time.
Speaker 6 (29:46):
All right, dan oh God doing a great job. Episode
three in about an hour. Right now, let's play John
Boy Jamery. Let's jump right in here. According to Family
Handyman Magazine, number one must have household tool is a
hammer followed by a screwdriver. And this is number three
(30:08):
hot pocket. What y'all got one eight hundred Big Show
you told free line. We play John boyd Jemeny next,
(30:39):
Good Morning, Big Shows on the radio, rulling to your
Monday eight. But I featured draging the Big Show mid Box,
Great American Tank Holguard on Christmas key Words Christmas Tank
in the mid Box at the Big Show dot com.
Right now, let's play m s Because America.
Speaker 8 (31:00):
It's John Boy Jefly and now a man who says
his number one must have household tool is a can opener,
but he has used a hammer to open a can.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
He's John Boy, as I have.
Speaker 6 (31:17):
As I had a Jonathan out of Richland's Virginia, Good morning, Jonathan,
Hey buddy, you are you got the first shot at
John Boy Jeopardy this morning? So all right, well, let's
uh review the question. According to Family Handyman magazine. The
number one must have household tools a hammer followed by
(31:38):
a screwdriver. We're looking for number three.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
What do you think, Jonathan, we'll take I.
Speaker 12 (31:45):
Will take a while and say a tape measuring.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Tape measures sounds like it would be handy, let's say.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And then.
Speaker 6 (32:00):
I was taking kind of adjustable wrench because I hadn't
mentioned a wrench, but that was where that's number five.
So number four after the tape measure is power drill
here you okay, very useful, Okay, don't need me a wrench,
all right they Jonathan, good work on you and Buddy
Bigod burnteen County Peanuts prize back head up to wrestlings
(32:20):
for you, all right, fine, right now it is your news.
The only other side our time capsule for this December.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
The eighth, and then our Oliver make Rome pull make that.
Speaker 18 (33:07):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Oh hazzah, good morn says, Welcome to the Renaissance Festival
and have a super day, Cadbury.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
What have you gotten me into?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Try try try to enjoy yourselves, sir, enjoy myself.
Speaker 6 (33:37):
Look at these losers, a bunch of fruitcakes, dress up
like lords and ladies, give me a break, which reminds
me how come you get to dress up like the
king and I'm dressed as an idiot?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Not an idiot, sir, a fool. But what's the difference.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Well I picked this for you, especially so I see
the fool or the court Jester was known for his mirth,
his wit, and his talent for bringing joy.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
To the people.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Oh well, that's not so bad.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
An idiot is how you addressed before?
Speaker 17 (34:03):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Okay, okay, we're here.
Speaker 6 (34:06):
We've seen enough, had my turkey leg, steak on a steak,
corn on the cob, beefs doing an Italian ice.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Let's go go sir.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
But we've only been here fifteen minutes, Scadberry, this is boring, sir.
May I remind you that in all our time together,
I have been forced to wrestle alligators, fight NASCAR fans,
rumble at the Little League, go trick or treating with Mario,
sign my name on Brestus's, and be stunned by one
mister Stonecoat Steve Austen. The least you could do is
(34:35):
let me enjoy one single days.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Can you think about anybody but yourself. Who's the one
in charge around here? Remember our little saying, Yes, sir, say.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
It Isley big eye know use sir.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
That's right, And big eye says it's time to go.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Oh very well after you, sir.
Speaker 19 (34:58):
Hey, your majesty honey, Hey kingy honey, you looking for
a queen?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
We were just leaving Madam her.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Not so fast, Cadbury, Who are they? Winches? Sir?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Common Guta Field, Hey wanches.
Speaker 6 (35:13):
You don't love them art never heard anybody check out
those outfits.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
They're practically following out of those dresses.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
I hadn't noticed.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
You need to stop hanging around Randy. Hello, baby dolls?
Speaker 19 (35:23):
Who you calling?
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Oh? I'm at ye old take a.
Speaker 19 (35:27):
High redneck full honey, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
A redneck fool. I'm John Boar jomboy quick, well you're
a head, sir. What kind of wenches are you? Anyway?
Speaker 19 (35:36):
The kind interested in royalty? Right, your highness, honey here,
let me hold your royal scepter.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Iy me you h.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Okay said come on Cadbury, But sir.
Speaker 19 (35:49):
Right, hurry back your lordship honey.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Duck into this port a potty with me.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
How dam sir, I have lowered myself many times in
your service, but I will not be your royal wipers.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
No, stupid, take your clothes off.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
I'd prefer to remain just good friends with all the
same to us.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
No, no, no, the baby dolls. They're only interested in
royalty stupid.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Give me your outfit, not sir, I'm only wearing my
boxes under my royal twin.
Speaker 19 (36:16):
You about done in the throne room, honeys.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
If you're not gonna give it to me, I guess
I'll just have to take it.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Come get some, sir.
Speaker 19 (36:36):
Where's the other Your majesty, Your majesty, honey.
Speaker 17 (36:39):
I'm in charge of the king of Now, come on, winches,
I'll show you the row Winter Bago.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
I got a night's tail on DVD, sir.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Anybody I'm in a tight spot e did someone take
my spot? That's meeting you?
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Heereh.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I love your all, John Boy and Billy.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
He's just being melodramatic.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
You've got to ignore it if you really want to
help him.
Speaker 20 (37:16):
Good Morning Radio, done right.
Speaker 17 (37:44):
Good Morning makes shows on already go here we go.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Well, well, well.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
It's Christmas once again, and there's everyone within earshot nose.
It's John Boy's favorite time of the year. Every day
in the month of December, John Boy gets to work
earlier and earlier. Why sometimes he's even here by seven
a m. With mannic fervor. He prances and jigs into
(38:22):
the studio, grinning and giggling like a schoolboy who's just
given the teacher a wormy apple.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
Ha.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
The moving around goes into hyperdrive, the yin yauts reach
a fever pitch, and the uwa ua uwah's echo in
the hallway. Yes, Christmas is coming, and John Boy becomes
a man possessed, possessed of the true spirit of Christmas.
(38:53):
Joy abounds, love is in the air, big uncomfortably friendly
hugs for anyone who gets within reach, and of course,
the traditional spontaneous Christmas goosing. Oh, he doesn't mean anything
(39:14):
by it. It's just his goofy redneck way of saying
Merry Christmas. And on behalf of the rest of us
here at the big show. May we say to you,
John Boy, we wish you would just shut up. It's
truly a sad thing that one man's joy of the
(39:34):
holiday season would cause so many people to fear and
lo the very mention of Christmas I know it sounds
hard to believe, but to the rest of us here
at Big Show Central, you have become the gridiot that
stole Christmas. If you would only take a second out
(39:55):
of your uncontrolled reverie to look into our eyes, you'd
see true horror, abject and overwhelming horror. Have you ever
wondered why your co workers scamper out of your way
as you approach Exactly, Billy, it's because they're terrified that
(40:26):
the Christmas spirit will cause you to wrap those long,
fuzzy apish arms around some unsuspecting passer by like a
big love sick sasquatch, stinking of eggnog and mumbling the
wrong lyrics to some miserably overused holiday tune.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Oh, if only you.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Could see the irreparable damage you've done. Ho ho ho. Indeed,
everyone knows that Christmas is the time forgiving, a time
when people the world over give to those clothes to
them symbols of their love and devotion for one another.
But please, John Boy, stop asking everyone what they got
(41:10):
you for Christmas. For someone who claims he loves being
surprised on Christmas morning.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
You sure are nosy.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
More than once you've been caught going through shopping bags
in different offices. Not only is it rude, but every
time you try on a sweater that's not intended for
you in the first place, you stretch it out. And
here's another big surprise. Once you open a box of
candy and eat half of it, it becomes worthless as
(41:45):
a gift. And the old excuse, I was just checking
out this candy because I heard about some candy that
got poisoned, and I'd rather be the one to eat
the poison candy than someone you loved. I know, I'm
expendable why that stupid story works only once, not once
(42:12):
a year, once period Now throughout the year, there are
a lot of different John Boys to contend with. The
I'm the boss John Boy, the help Help it's a
bee John Boy. The I'm tired of being the light
of everyone's life John Boy, the I hate you, No,
(42:37):
I don't. I love your mama, John Boy. And let's
not forget the dreaded your mean to me John Boy.
But speaking for the rest of the Big Show crew,
the Christmas John Boy is one version of you we
can well do without flapping your arms and dancing around
(42:57):
like a big redneck screwge. The morning after the Ghost
visited is a bit unseemly for a big time radio superstar.
The way you hop on Randy's back and yell giddy
up Rudolph, the way you chase Jackie and Summer with
those ridiculous looking missiletoe boxer shorts, dragging poor Mario from
(43:20):
all to maw, shoving past patiently waiting children, and accosting
Santa after Santa just to quote unquote hedge your bets
for the big day, and taping that humbug sign on
Rayford's back is played played play oh, and a special
(43:41):
request from Billy, please stop toarsling his hair and calling
him the elfster. Of course we realize that we're wasting
our breath. It will never change. This Christmas will be
like every other Christmas and all the other Christmas is
to come, because that's just you, that's our John Boy.
(44:05):
And just think, after Christmas is over and John Boy
has put his holiday alter ego away for another eleven
merciful months, it's only a few short days till New
Year's Eve, and that's a whole different John Boy altogether.
I guess we can thank our lucky stars that the
Hey look at me. I'm a big naked New Year's baby,
(44:27):
John Boy only happens once a year.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Good more thing, everybody. You got a big show on
the radio, right, big shone radio?
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Right?
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Ah, let's take any newsletter sports.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
This is Spanky from the Yellow Rose.
Speaker 12 (44:53):
You're listening to the greatest morning show and recorded history
of broadcast radio, John Boy and Billy Big Show.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
How big is it? Bigger than my head?
Speaker 2 (45:04):
And that's big.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
There?
Speaker 12 (45:07):
Yeah, o b I read it, and I pay that
tabby eight seat dead beat.
Speaker 6 (45:46):
Good morning, Big Show's on the radio, and you can
win John Boy's wonderful thing number one hundred and sixty five.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
The first time I've ever given away a belt, that's.
Speaker 8 (45:56):
One of my wonderful you mean the first time in
your life.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
No, I've outgrown quite a few.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
I think that's pretty cool.
Speaker 6 (46:07):
But y'all, y'all check it out, Randy said, might be
called about sixty seventy dollars.
Speaker 8 (46:13):
Yeah, Belcher aren't cheap anymore, especially handcrafted ones like that,
all right, handmade in Spain.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
The jagged out this in size thirty eight.
Speaker 3 (46:20):
It is.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
You know, somebody in your life come in handy.
Speaker 7 (46:23):
With Wow, I haven't seen thirty eight in a while, Well.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Look around.
Speaker 6 (46:34):
Jagged out, get your name of the head The Big
Show dot Com. Good morning, Big Shows on the radio.
Coming up, we play Beat the Blonde for a Happy
Heard prize. Pike Happy Herd makes top quality attractors, mintals
and feed for deer, bear and hogs. Click on a
Happy Heard banner the Big Show dot Com enter code JBB.
You'll get ten percent off of checkout. Hang on you
(46:55):
when you come in minutes. Right now back to a
Christmas Carl.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Salutation, seasonal swells burnt Fern. Here with part three of
your Big Show Morning mini movie Holiday Spectacular. A Christmas
Carl Starry Carl Childers is Scrooge and Granny Clump as
the Ghost of Christmas Present, brought to you by Colonel
Hanson's all purpose Turn Polish, Turn that brown upside down
with Colonel Hanson's Now back to our story. The ghost
(47:26):
of Christmas Past has just zapped Scrooge into another part
of London in hopes of changing his wicked ways before
it's too late.
Speaker 15 (47:40):
You recognize that place, Babit m Goley looks like a
public toilet. Aw This here is the home of Bob
Cratchit Why is.
Speaker 12 (47:52):
He living down here in the slum. Some folks call
it a ghetto. I call it a slum.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
With it all he can afford on what you pay
you bashing, He.
Speaker 12 (48:01):
Makes a pretty good wage, enough to feed his family
crumpets and mustard a couple of times a week.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Oh, here come bob cratching. Now we had little sew
and tiny team riding on his shoulder.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
We better ski that alone out of here.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Don't worry a tall doc and cheek. They can't see it.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
So they's poor and need glasses.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Oh, they got all kinds of problems.
Speaker 3 (48:24):
Baby, just lesten.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Matha well home to wife. I'm so dad gum hungry.
I could eat a chocolate covered booger. Hey, what's for dinner, momsie? Oh?
Who has time to cook? I've been trying to clean
the dump all day? How about the nice hot pockets?
The crack? And what are you doing here? Where's miss Barbara?
She's supposed to be playing my wife. Oh she's getting
(48:51):
her roots done, so as usual, I'm filling in. Oh,
ain't being gippy enough?
Speaker 3 (48:57):
Now?
Speaker 2 (48:57):
I got two daddies, well more like a daddy, and
I have son of him. Let's just continue, shall we Tim,
you go clean up for dinner, and hurry up, you
little scamp. Your hot pockets will get cold. Yes, father, yes, sir.
H Mother gives me the creek just saying it. So,
(49:18):
how is our little angel, Bob? He tries to be brave,
but I'm afraid it's only a matter of time. Oh no,
you mean yes, if tiny Tim doesn't get the medical
help he needs soon, I fear no, don't say it,
not our little Tim.
Speaker 3 (49:38):
No. Oh, for the love.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
What a cruel world. My heart will never recover. Why
whahy and thing? Now? What will it be? Maperoni or
ham and cheese? See what I mean?
Speaker 12 (50:05):
Yes, some ghost lady them crashing is a right pitiful
bunch all right. Oh, Bob couldn't even afford.
Speaker 3 (50:11):
To marry him a woman. You had to get hitched
up to that funny fella. Not funny huh huh.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
Yeah, don't forget about that homely little younger. I heard that.
Speaker 3 (50:27):
Ghost lady. This tiny feller gonna be okay.
Speaker 2 (50:31):
I see an empty duel bottle fireplace with a small
crutch carefully preserved. I reconnec's good news. What do you mean?
Speaker 12 (50:40):
Well, you must have got all better and he's all
fooling around summers with them other foreign kids.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
M I like a happy ending.
Speaker 2 (50:47):
Oh you jackass, tiny tim taking a dirt nap because
you wouldn't pony up to Jack to get him. Well,
what do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (50:57):
I'm thinking I sure like one of them hot pocket
track about.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Now, you ain't the sharpest tool in the shed? Are
you screwed the pool?
Speaker 3 (51:05):
I heard it said that away.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Yes, ma'am, you got one last chance to turn things around.
And if coast number three don't scare the cheap money
and you can't be scared, ah, you can turn loose
(51:28):
from my robe.
Speaker 12 (51:29):
Now back in bed, I gotta stop eating that spicy mustard. Well, sir,
you must be that scary ghost that's told about. I
(51:52):
can't tell if and you're not, and you're about to
tip over. You got a pretty big head under that robe.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
And you got junk ears in an underbite. Now get
your hand in out of bed. Let's get this over with.
I got a Christmas party to get back to. Where
are we going? I'm the ghost of Christmas Future? Where
the hell do you think we're going? Disney World?
Speaker 12 (52:13):
Mister ghost? What can I give me some of them
Mouse ears, Ooh.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
This is gonna be a long night.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
Holy holly berries, this is Scrooge's last chance. Will he
redeem himself or just keep being a great big butt
ho ho?
Speaker 1 (52:31):
Hold? What to do?
Speaker 2 (52:32):
What to do? To find out? Tune in next time
to hear Carl Childers as Scrooge, Spanky as the Ghost
of Christmas Future, and Tater as Bubbles Nick Jugg's the
topless toymaker in a Christmas Carl brought to you by
Colonel Hanson's all purpose stirt polish. Turn that brown upside
down with Colonel Hanson's this is Burt Fern saying see
you next time.
Speaker 6 (52:57):
I guess not forman final episode coming up about an
hour right now, Let's play beat the Blonde for the
Happy Heard prize Black one eight hundred big show you
toll free line.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
We'll get a contestant play next
Good morning. You got the Big Show on already, have
more chances for.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
You to win coming up after your news, weather and sports.
Oh oh, I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
I didn't see you there.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
This is Professor Melwyn Hannah Day, head of hey oh,
a head of Big Show Science.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
And History division.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
And you're listening to two boys who are destined to
be history, John's Boy.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
And Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Yo.
Speaker 5 (00:27):
When I say that will be history, I didn't mean
to apply a negative. I simply meant that they they
Oh what did I mean?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Talking doo d loo?
Speaker 6 (01:15):
Imn't adam say hello to Monday.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Hello Monday? Oh? You did it out loud.
Speaker 6 (01:28):
We got our special show with this December to eight
Christmas Carl with all four episodes starring our own Carl children.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
We like the way he'd call.
Speaker 6 (01:42):
All right, National Crossword Solver's Day, National pretend to be
a time Traveler Day, I'm from the future, National Brownie Day.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
All right, I'll eat a brownie.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Why don't y'all travel over there in the kitchen to
make some them? Ai, y'all got three days in history
saved up. We'll get a first prize. Back out get
the winning beginning. Glad you hear big shows on the radio.
Good morning, big shows on the radio. Get that first
prize back out this morning. It's a blue Emu package
(02:17):
and includes two jars of blue Weemu non Greasy Relief
or whatever paint it, plus a tube of PBC OTC
It's Relief Cream Fast Prescription Strength, It's Relief from insect
bike's poison, ivy Sunburden more BBC OTC saved for the
whole family of edellin store and online in Walmart, Amazon,
other finer retailers.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Here we go with our three dates in history.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
We we'll get a category for you to zoom through
and win aforementioned prize pack has. Nineteen ninety, a thirty
year old London man was sent us to three and
a half years in prison for robbing the same service
station twice with a cucumber.
Speaker 7 (02:56):
It works well.
Speaker 6 (02:58):
Of course, employees thought the q comber wrapped in a
plastic bag was a gun.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I'd say the same thing.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah, we're a banana. Work better. This is whatever's handy.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
You're expensive.
Speaker 6 (03:11):
Twenty two American WNBA star Brittany Griner was released by
Russian authorities and a prisoner exchange for Russian arms dealer
Victor bout Grinder was attained on drug smuggling charges. She's
tried to She's sneaking pot into Russia, going over there
to play basketball.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well it was it was like a vate and it
was legal where she was coming from.
Speaker 6 (03:34):
Okay, all right, they were very very picky, well pleased.
That was always having a scoop one of us up
for a little minor deal. Then we have to release
a drug dealer or like eight hundred terrorists or something.
Speaker 8 (03:47):
Yeah, well it makes you appreciate what we can get
away with here.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
All right, let's go Finally.
Speaker 6 (03:54):
Twenty twenty four, singer songwriter Taylor Swift concluded the Eras
tour with her one hundred and forty ninth show. It
was in Vancouver, Canada, twenty one month international concert tours,
the highest grossing tour.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Of all time in the world.
Speaker 7 (04:08):
I saw that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
You told us all about it.
Speaker 6 (04:11):
The box alven gross was just over two billion dollars.
Speaker 7 (04:16):
I think she's gonna be all right. Maybe she is
a hard worker though.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
You know how much taxes they take out on them,
Like I made two billion and I only walked Javis
Kelsey running to the altar. I tell stick man if
y'all say that the commercial or his brother Jason Kelsey,
you know he's all over the place.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Now, where were he screaming? The steady screaming excitement?
Speaker 6 (04:38):
He Jesus hasn't stopped screaming since he learned. You can
get whether they're for this much. But I said, man,
we need to change the audio on that. I don't stick,
I said, have him saying, Jason Kelsey has not quit
celebrating since he found out his brother is engaged to
Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Christmas is gonna be next time. You don't say that,
think about that and laugh at yourself. We're too busy.
We're just covering up.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Well, there's our three categores one a hundred big shows
you told for your line across America. We'll get a
contestant play next Good.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Morning, that's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 6 (05:40):
A feature track for the Big Show, Big Box Tank,
hold Guard Christmas. He words Christmas Tank when you hit
the big Box at the Big Show dot com right, Upburst.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Let's play Upburst.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
That's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
John Boy buy to give the prices from the big
prize being.
Speaker 7 (06:07):
Let's go contested Number one.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
This should really be a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
You're playing uppers, have them.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Hurry up and guest time you love the best time?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
You love a big shots.
Speaker 6 (06:22):
Let's say, hey the Mark from Goldsboro, North Carolina, we.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Have a shot.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Good morning, Mark, Good morning, big shock game.
Speaker 9 (06:39):
How you guys doing?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Man?
Speaker 6 (06:40):
We are all right, buddy, welcome in here with us.
All right, all right, you know what we gotta do.
Get you through these three categories and get that prize
package to you.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
You ready, let's go for it. Give us three things
found at a service station.
Speaker 9 (06:56):
Ready, got the use the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Tree is very important? Now give us three drugs that
get smuggled.
Speaker 9 (07:08):
Ready, go marijuana, cocaine of fittnallam.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
Hey, do you tell you Venezuela's running out of boat
drivers yet?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I guarantee you that's a job. Had better up. They're
gonna start kidnapping family members and get them to.
Speaker 9 (07:25):
Go, man, get them out.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Of here, alright, Mark for to win in honor of
Taylor Swift. Three eras ready go.
Speaker 9 (07:38):
Free you store medieval and the Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Res It'll probably be.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
In the history books.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Gets to learn about it.
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Mark, you got a big old blue EMU prize back
head over Goldsborough for you.
Speaker 9 (07:55):
Oh, thank you? Kind of a big show game, and Johnny,
I'd like I say, I've been listening Gus's nineteen eighty
six and I'm gonna mission and I've been truly blessed
be listed you all these years.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Well Man, well, thank you very much for that. Mark.
Speaker 6 (08:09):
I feel really blessed about being able to watch Andy
Griffiths show every every day for my whole life so far.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
So I can kind of see how you feel that
and it's been off the air for your entire life.
About that, I'm just about man hope about the same age.
So hey, well, Mark, we appreciate you. Body sure do
you hang on?
Speaker 10 (08:28):
Man?
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Hey?
Speaker 6 (08:30):
All before get in your news won't tell you every
Olympic dream starts with a first glide. Through learn to
Skate USA, kids build confidence, strength and joy on the ice.
Learn to Skate USA offers programs for skaters of all
ages and abilities. Find a program near you at learn
to Skate USA dot com. Might have a little Olympian
(08:52):
getting up with a big show right here.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
What more eyes, Kip, I'm going out on the other side.
Speaker 11 (08:58):
Episode one of a Chris Carl.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Good morning, Big Show's on the radio.
Speaker 6 (09:38):
Before we get out of here, all four episodes of
our Big Show Monday Morning Christmas Mini Movie, Let's get
it going.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Howdy Holiday Hipsters. Bird Fern here with part one of
your Big Show Morning Mini movie Holiday Spectacular. A Christmas
Carl starring Carl Childers as Ebenezer Scrooge and Nigel Cadbury
is Bob Cretchit brought to you Bylonel Hanson's All Purpose,
Turn Polished, Turn that Brown upside down with Colonel Hanson's
(10:08):
and Now London eighteen oh one, the offices of Scrooge
and Marley at a time when jolly Old England wasn't
so jolly.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Hey there, Bob Graduate.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Yes, mister Scrooge, you've been falling.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Around with my private call poke again.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
I'm sorry, mister Scrooge. My fingers were cold.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Oh that's all right? Are you sure, sir? I did
you put it on?
Speaker 10 (10:32):
You?
Speaker 3 (10:32):
Tam?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Bless you?
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Sir?
Speaker 3 (10:40):
All right? Did Graduate? Time for you to get back
to that mouthy wife and that give me young and
a yearn I'll say you in the morning.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
But tomorrow is Christmas, mister Scrooge.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Christmas, I reckon that's a load of humbug.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Well, I was hoping you'd give me the day off
to spend in the bosom of my family. Have you
no feelings, mister Scrooge?
Speaker 12 (11:00):
Of course I do cratch it, and I'm a feeling
something right now, really, sir, I'm feeling the mute hungry
we got any more that potted meat and sody crackers
left over?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Surely, sir, you could make an exception once a year?
Oh all right, Oh, thank goodness, you can come on
in fifteen minutes late tomorrow. You're generous to a fault, Sir.
I can't hep it.
Speaker 12 (11:26):
Hey, there comes that hobbled up boy a yearn he's
no bigger than a squirrel.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Got resky berry pot liquors. Old tiny Tim is here, Hey,
pop Tim, you'll remember, mister Scrooge. Ah, i'd never forget
an decap. How did I creepy old cheapskate? What's in
your wallet? I mean, other than mauls, you hadn't no
talk like yet?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
You just a boy.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Ah see you're still a bundle of laughs. Well we
must be off. Come on, Tim, Merry Christmas, mister Scrooge.
Speaker 12 (11:58):
Ah, I know he is gonna say that, son of him.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Scrooge made his way home. The winter winds howled around him,
as though a warning of things to come.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
Skimm what's that?
Speaker 12 (12:22):
Probably just my stomach a growling the mite. I'll just
have some biscuits and mustard hit the hay, and Scrooge
did just that.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Then, as he prepared for a much needed rest, he
was rudely interrupted, What.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
In tarnation is going on after slo Hey?
Speaker 12 (13:00):
That's my old partner, YACKI soda Marley? But you died
seven years ago.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Tonight school you skin print.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I come back beyond agave to warn you.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
I don't believe in heights and buggers. You sure you're
really dead?
Speaker 13 (13:16):
No?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
I just wearing that new load of corpse coln. Of
course again Mordan.
Speaker 12 (13:22):
Y'all tangled up in them chains. You been poking around
in that ship out there? Not a flashlight again?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
No you hear it?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I wear the chape I forge you right, get it?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
No, sir, why this chill?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Is all the clamities I did your chamee was?
Speaker 3 (13:43):
This is wrong? This heavy?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
These part of us seven years ago? Now you understand?
Speaker 3 (13:50):
I reckon I do? You made me one of them?
Speaker 12 (13:52):
Change for Christmas. No, I didn't get you nothing. You're
some biscuits and mustard.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Because you don't get it. You would be visiting my
night one and one a crock.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
One and two a crock and a crock.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Way, Where are.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
You going downstairs?
Speaker 12 (14:14):
If I'm gonna have all this company, I'm gonna have
to make some more biscuits.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Oh, he's going to be a wrong night Marley.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 12 (14:33):
Maybe he's adding that ship working on that chain. I
reckon them ghost fellers ain't coming well. Time for some
shut eye.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Oh I'm a ghost of Christmas past, and I hate
folks who don't like Christmas. And I have feet Alley,
It's go time, m all right, Dean mule tied? Yikes?
Is Scrooge ready for a grumpy glimpse into his past?
What to do? What to do to find out? Tune
in next time to hear Carl Childer says of anzure Scrooge,
(15:12):
the grumpy old man is the ghost of Christmas past.
And Taylor has Susie Sweater Meat Doll of the future
starring in a Christmas Carl brought to you by Colonel
Hanson's All Purpose Turn Polished Turn that brown upside Down
with Colonel Hanson's This is Bert Fern saying, see you
next time.
Speaker 6 (16:02):
Good morning, Big shows on the radio. Action Hello friends.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Your old palp Burt Burn here with another gizzard jiggling
edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode Wanna bet.
As our story opens, Ricky b Sharp is in the
kitchen reading the morning paper. Uh what a world? No
kings more like no clue but cherry pickers.
Speaker 7 (16:31):
What the hell do I have your attention?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Which one of you cabone me with that skillet?
Speaker 7 (16:37):
What do you mean which one?
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Well, I'm seeing two of you, and you're both swinging
cast iron.
Speaker 7 (16:43):
It's just me and you had it.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Coming when I hold on there, Just wonder the dad
gun minute. I I've been putting a seat down like
you asked. I'll grant you. I don't always remember the flush,
but sometimes it is the night crowd of what I
left in the bowl the other day, iduced the Chinese
symbol for.
Speaker 14 (16:58):
NASCAR, lucky woman. This ain't got nothing to do with
the toilet. Okay, I found this in your pocket?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Uh huh can you read it to me? My vision
is still a mite walker?
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Oh lord?
Speaker 14 (17:12):
It says it says Betty Sue. Are you too tiring me?
You have paint casting?
Speaker 2 (17:16):
No victims? No no, no, no, no no no damnit
no no, no no no. Remember when I went to
the horse racers at the fair with mister Runs. Betty
Sue was the name of the horse that Farley Merchant
wanted me to bet on for it? Really, yes, really, Lucy,
you should know that, as doth ins most beloved fast
(17:38):
food mascot, I am constantly approached by women who would
just love nothing more than to tell their kiff and
kin that they betted a living legend. You know I
only have eyes for you.
Speaker 14 (17:49):
Oh, Ricky, I'm sorry. I guess I just worry that
I'm getting older and not as attractive as I used
to be.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Are you kidding me? Let me go in down the
room there and finish watching that tape wrestling match, and
I'll give you to you and I'll set them dadgum
sheets on fire.
Speaker 7 (18:08):
I'll get it.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Hey, not listen. If that's Farley Merchant, you tell him
and they had to shoot his horse.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Goum it?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
What is wrong?
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Now?
Speaker 7 (18:16):
Your horse is on the foes.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
And we hope you've enjoy John Boy and Billy playhouse,
Could you too kindly undo each other's top two buttons.
Tune in next time when we'll hear the Krusty Horse track.
Bet say hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Good morning to make show us on the radio.
Speaker 15 (18:46):
Hang over your local news, weather, sports.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
This is Royal.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That is the vetle slayer of the visial de stroil
of the mungole and aggravate on the automative.
Speaker 16 (19:01):
All listening to my two royal jesterers, those gap toothed barbarians,
John Boy and Billy Ad You old big show, A
rise a loyd of beef, A rise Duke of Ellington,
a rise water of ten, essence of morb look BACKSA.
Speaker 17 (19:58):
Good morning, make show's honor al radio.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Right ahead to Christmas time.
Speaker 6 (20:03):
Here's the title track from our second Christmas album, The
Most nerve Wrecking This Time.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Of the Year.
Speaker 10 (20:22):
All right, you kids, stuff jebberin black blah blaverer into
somebody changed that baby. He's totally covered in done. Next
few days aren't gonna be total insanity. I'm spending Christmas
with your nerve wracking family. Le hurry up, hurry up,
(20:45):
hurry up, let's go. It's starting to snow. The top
of my head's about to blow. Load the crap and
the car. Shut the flipping door. We've done this before.
You're all getting on my nerves and I really can't
take much more. My butt feels weird and nummy. This
(21:07):
strip is crummy so far. I'm listening to a Wiggle
CD all day in the car. I'm driving sixteen hours
to meet the powers that be. I'm spending Christmas with
your nerve racking family. When we walk in, every loser
(21:33):
in the world is there. While your creepy ants would
live versus spots and her full hair and weird Uncle
Joe who drinks too much and don't know when to stop.
He invites me out on the porch to have a pope.
There's a trash nie who's into tattooed by a heart guys,
(21:58):
and your cousin hits me for money, big surprise. And
your sweaty fat nephew always smells like sour cream and child.
It's always the same every year when Christmas time arise.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
These people are leading.
Speaker 10 (22:16):
Such pathetic, twisted lives. You've got some crazy monkeys up
in your family tree. I think your cousin Jeffrey is
kind of hitting on me.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
This bunch is really squirrely.
Speaker 10 (22:32):
So let's leave early and go because this is Christmas
on the island of Doctor Moreae. Pack it up, Pack
it up. For goodness sake, I'm starting to shake. This
family is more than I cantaue. Hurry up, hurry up,
(22:54):
get your crap ball stone. We're hitting the row this
Holidays in a big surple around the old commode.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
If you like Christmas, Mary.
Speaker 10 (23:05):
I wish you very good luck because in my opinion,
it's gone up totally sucking. Sweetheart. I love you madly,
but things go badly for me when I spend Christmas
with your nerve wrecking family. Leave.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
Oh, good morning, Big shows on the radio coming up.
We played John Boyds every day. That means somebody can win.
In a sort of a small batch hand code peanuts
from Bertie County Peanuts. Bertie County Peanuts get made great
gifts for family, friends or clients making.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Part of your Christmas traditions. Starting this year.
Speaker 6 (23:47):
If you enter code JBB at checkout, you get twenty
five percent off plus free shipping when you shop online
Bertie County Peanuts dot net. Look for the link at
the Big Show dot com. Hang on you win you
some in verse. Back to our Big Show Monday Morning
Christmas Mini movie.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Joy to the world, jingle belt Junkies. Birt Fern here
with part two of your Big Show Morning Mini movie
Holiday Spectacular. A Christmas Carl starring Carl Childers as Scrooge
and the grumpy old Man. Is the Ghost of Christmas Past?
Brought to you by Colonel Hanson's all purpose turn polish
turn that brown upside down with Colonel Hanson's And now
(24:29):
back to our story. When we last left Scrooge, he
just met the ghost of Christmas past and his future
is not looking too bright. I'm a ghost of Christmas
past and I hate folks who don't like Christmas. Get
it on your feet, alliop it's bot.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
What can I do for you? Old timer?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
You heard me on your feet? We ain't got all night.
You think you're the only jackass in need of a
good joking around?
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Where are you toting me off to mister ghost the past?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So you can see how you got to be such
a horse's patuit.
Speaker 12 (25:13):
How are we gonna get all the way back to
the past. You got one of them flying cars like
that movie.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Just get up here on the window and put your
dead gump hand on my robe.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
We'll fly, all.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
Right, Dan, I'll do it. Sounds kindly funny, not funny,
ha ha funny Where.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Jackie Soda warned me you are thick as a brick.
Let go your butt scratch and knucklehead Scrooge and his
ghostly tour guide fly into the night stand into the past. Here, junkhead,
this looks familiar us.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
There's my old school. What are we doing here?
Speaker 2 (25:51):
This is where you started on your path to be
in a first class money loving Christmas Hayton's buttle. Look there,
it's me.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
An big girl from the yu old dollar store. She
was my first sweetheart.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Great cookly Moogli, what a hefa? I've seen better heads
on a boil.
Speaker 13 (26:13):
What do you mean you're not coming home for Christmas?
Speaker 12 (26:16):
Old man Fezziwig needs someone to watch your store. He
paying a pretty penny for it too.
Speaker 13 (26:22):
I guess money means morning you than anything you've changed, Ebenezer,
some of you I have.
Speaker 12 (26:31):
Looks like you packed on about twenty extra pounds. You're
to stop buying sweets and save your money.
Speaker 13 (26:38):
Your love of money has turned you mean you buy Ebenezer?
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Goodbye? Forever.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Well, why ain't you leaving?
Speaker 13 (26:49):
I will in a minute. My feet hurt.
Speaker 7 (26:52):
It's hard to leave when your feet hurt.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Just grew a party.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
You are so full of crap your ears stink. Well, dummy,
did you learn anything?
Speaker 12 (27:04):
Yes, sir, never tell a woman she a getting fatal open.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Back in my day, we didn't have spirits to help
save our souls. We just kept doing stupid, thoughtless things
until we died or someone killed us. Hoop dee, do
look at me. I'm a life long and Sophie tell
Satana put another soul on a fire. Hell, here I come.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
And we liked it. We loved it. Hey, goos Feller,
where you wandering off flowers? Or try to find an
open bar? One hour with you? And I need a drink.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Liberty flute.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
I want.
Speaker 12 (27:49):
Back in bed. Must have been some sort of bad
dream or another. Probably got a hold of old French friar,
a bad winer.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
And that's no good for nobody.
Speaker 12 (28:06):
Hey, baby, I gotta get tim Brock's change.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
Who might you be?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Whoa I'm the ghost of Christmas present? You play your
cards right? I might give you something to unwrap later on.
Speaker 12 (28:23):
Woo, you're a whole lot nicer than that last ghost.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Oh you ain't seen nothing yet. Now get on up here,
a tall, dark and spooky. We got places to go.
And when does the peak is?
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Where are we going back in time?
Speaker 2 (28:39):
No?
Speaker 12 (28:40):
Ross town, I reckon you fix the show me how
being cheap and ruining my life?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Oh I'm gonna show you how it's putting the herd
on other folks.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
We ain't gonna fly, are we flying? Kindly makes me nervous.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Josh, put your hand on my robe here, I was
bigger hands you got.
Speaker 3 (28:58):
It's kind of making me.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Nerves easy, baby, if you let go out right? All right, Jim,
keep your gown down, clown, Here we go Christmas crime ony.
This coast is certainly a handful, and the night's not over?
Can Scrooge take much more? What to do? What to do?
(29:22):
To find out? Tune in next time to hear Carl
Children's is Scrooge, Granny Clump is the ghost of Christmas Presents,
and Tater as Busty Muffins, the top heavy elf in
a Christmas Carl brought to you by Colonel Hanson's all
purpose turd polish. Turn that brown upside down with Colonel Hanson's.
This is Burt Fern saying, see you next time.
Speaker 6 (29:46):
All right, dan oh God doing a great job. Episode
three in about an hour. Right now, let's play John
Boy Jamery. Let's jump right in here. According to Family
Handyman Magazine, number one must have household tool is a
hammer followed by a screwdriver. And this is number three
(30:08):
hot pocket. What y'all got one eight hundred Big Show
you told free line. We play John boyd Jemeny next,
(30:39):
Good Morning, Big Shows on the radio, rulling to your
Monday eight. But I featured draging the Big Show mid Box,
Great American Tank Holguard on Christmas key Words Christmas Tank
in the mid Box at the Big Show dot com.
Right now, let's play m s Because America.
Speaker 8 (31:00):
It's John Boy Jefly and now a man who says
his number one must have household tool is a can opener,
but he has used a hammer to open a can.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
He's John Boy, as I have.
Speaker 6 (31:17):
As I had a Jonathan out of Richland's Virginia, Good morning, Jonathan,
Hey buddy, you are you got the first shot at
John Boy Jeopardy this morning? So all right, well, let's
uh review the question. According to Family Handyman magazine. The
number one must have household tools a hammer followed by
(31:38):
a screwdriver. We're looking for number three.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
What do you think, Jonathan, we'll take I.
Speaker 12 (31:45):
Will take a while and say a tape measuring.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Tape measures sounds like it would be handy, let's say.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And then.
Speaker 6 (32:00):
I was taking kind of adjustable wrench because I hadn't
mentioned a wrench, but that was where that's number five.
So number four after the tape measure is power drill
here you okay, very useful, Okay, don't need me a wrench,
all right they Jonathan, good work on you and Buddy
Bigod burnteen County Peanuts prize back head up to wrestlings
(32:20):
for you, all right, fine, right now it is your news.
The only other side our time capsule for this December.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
The eighth, and then our Oliver make Rome pull make that.
Speaker 18 (33:07):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
Oh hazzah, good morn says, Welcome to the Renaissance Festival
and have a super day, Cadbury.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
What have you gotten me into?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Try try try to enjoy yourselves, sir, enjoy myself.
Speaker 6 (33:37):
Look at these losers, a bunch of fruitcakes, dress up
like lords and ladies, give me a break, which reminds
me how come you get to dress up like the
king and I'm dressed as an idiot?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Not an idiot, sir, a fool. But what's the difference.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Well I picked this for you, especially so I see
the fool or the court Jester was known for his mirth,
his wit, and his talent for bringing joy.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
To the people.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Oh well, that's not so bad.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
An idiot is how you addressed before?
Speaker 17 (34:03):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (34:04):
Okay, okay, we're here.
Speaker 6 (34:06):
We've seen enough, had my turkey leg, steak on a steak,
corn on the cob, beefs doing an Italian ice.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Let's go go sir.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
But we've only been here fifteen minutes, Scadberry, this is boring, sir.
May I remind you that in all our time together,
I have been forced to wrestle alligators, fight NASCAR fans,
rumble at the Little League, go trick or treating with Mario,
sign my name on Brestus's, and be stunned by one
mister Stonecoat Steve Austen. The least you could do is
(34:35):
let me enjoy one single days.
Speaker 1 (34:37):
Can you think about anybody but yourself. Who's the one
in charge around here? Remember our little saying, Yes, sir, say.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
It Isley big eye know use sir.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
That's right, And big eye says it's time to go.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Oh very well after you, sir.
Speaker 19 (34:58):
Hey, your majesty honey, Hey kingy honey, you looking for
a queen?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
We were just leaving Madam her.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Not so fast, Cadbury, Who are they? Winches? Sir?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Common Guta Field, Hey wanches.
Speaker 6 (35:13):
You don't love them art never heard anybody check out
those outfits.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
They're practically following out of those dresses.
Speaker 3 (35:18):
I hadn't noticed.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
You need to stop hanging around Randy. Hello, baby dolls?
Speaker 19 (35:23):
Who you calling?
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Oh? I'm at ye old take a.
Speaker 19 (35:27):
High redneck full honey, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
A redneck fool. I'm John Boar jomboy quick, well you're
a head, sir. What kind of wenches are you? Anyway?
Speaker 19 (35:36):
The kind interested in royalty? Right, your highness, honey here,
let me hold your royal scepter.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Iy me you h.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Okay said come on Cadbury, But sir.
Speaker 19 (35:49):
Right, hurry back your lordship honey.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Duck into this port a potty with me.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
How dam sir, I have lowered myself many times in
your service, but I will not be your royal wipers.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
No, stupid, take your clothes off.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
I'd prefer to remain just good friends with all the
same to us.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
No, no, no, the baby dolls. They're only interested in
royalty stupid.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Give me your outfit, not sir, I'm only wearing my
boxes under my royal twin.
Speaker 19 (36:16):
You about done in the throne room, honeys.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I'm not.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
If you're not gonna give it to me, I guess
I'll just have to take it.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Come get some, sir.
Speaker 19 (36:36):
Where's the other Your majesty, Your majesty, honey.
Speaker 17 (36:39):
I'm in charge of the king of Now, come on, winches,
I'll show you the row Winter Bago.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
I got a night's tail on DVD, sir.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Anybody I'm in a tight spot e did someone take
my spot? That's meeting you?
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Heereh.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I love your all, John Boy and Billy.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
He's just being melodramatic.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
You've got to ignore it if you really want to
help him.
Speaker 20 (37:16):
Good Morning Radio, done right.
Speaker 17 (37:44):
Good Morning makes shows on already go here we go.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
Well, well, well.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
It's Christmas once again, and there's everyone within earshot nose.
It's John Boy's favorite time of the year. Every day
in the month of December, John Boy gets to work
earlier and earlier. Why sometimes he's even here by seven
a m. With mannic fervor. He prances and jigs into
(38:22):
the studio, grinning and giggling like a schoolboy who's just
given the teacher a wormy apple.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
Ha.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
The moving around goes into hyperdrive, the yin yauts reach
a fever pitch, and the uwa ua uwah's echo in
the hallway. Yes, Christmas is coming, and John Boy becomes
a man possessed, possessed of the true spirit of Christmas.
(38:53):
Joy abounds, love is in the air, big uncomfortably friendly
hugs for anyone who gets within reach, and of course,
the traditional spontaneous Christmas goosing. Oh, he doesn't mean anything
(39:14):
by it. It's just his goofy redneck way of saying
Merry Christmas. And on behalf of the rest of us
here at the big show. May we say to you,
John Boy, we wish you would just shut up. It's
truly a sad thing that one man's joy of the
(39:34):
holiday season would cause so many people to fear and
lo the very mention of Christmas I know it sounds
hard to believe, but to the rest of us here
at Big Show Central, you have become the gridiot that
stole Christmas. If you would only take a second out
(39:55):
of your uncontrolled reverie to look into our eyes, you'd
see true horror, abject and overwhelming horror. Have you ever
wondered why your co workers scamper out of your way
as you approach Exactly, Billy, it's because they're terrified that
(40:26):
the Christmas spirit will cause you to wrap those long,
fuzzy apish arms around some unsuspecting passer by like a
big love sick sasquatch, stinking of eggnog and mumbling the
wrong lyrics to some miserably overused holiday tune.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Oh, if only you.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Could see the irreparable damage you've done. Ho ho ho. Indeed,
everyone knows that Christmas is the time forgiving, a time
when people the world over give to those clothes to
them symbols of their love and devotion for one another.
But please, John Boy, stop asking everyone what they got
(41:10):
you for Christmas. For someone who claims he loves being
surprised on Christmas morning.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
You sure are nosy.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
More than once you've been caught going through shopping bags
in different offices. Not only is it rude, but every
time you try on a sweater that's not intended for
you in the first place, you stretch it out. And
here's another big surprise. Once you open a box of
candy and eat half of it, it becomes worthless as
(41:45):
a gift. And the old excuse, I was just checking
out this candy because I heard about some candy that
got poisoned, and I'd rather be the one to eat
the poison candy than someone you loved. I know, I'm
expendable why that stupid story works only once, not once
(42:12):
a year, once period Now throughout the year, there are
a lot of different John Boys to contend with. The
I'm the boss John Boy, the help Help it's a
bee John Boy. The I'm tired of being the light
of everyone's life John Boy, the I hate you, No,
(42:37):
I don't. I love your mama, John Boy. And let's
not forget the dreaded your mean to me John Boy.
But speaking for the rest of the Big Show crew,
the Christmas John Boy is one version of you we
can well do without flapping your arms and dancing around
(42:57):
like a big redneck screwge. The morning after the Ghost
visited is a bit unseemly for a big time radio superstar.
The way you hop on Randy's back and yell giddy
up Rudolph, the way you chase Jackie and Summer with
those ridiculous looking missiletoe boxer shorts, dragging poor Mario from
(43:20):
all to maw, shoving past patiently waiting children, and accosting
Santa after Santa just to quote unquote hedge your bets
for the big day, and taping that humbug sign on
Rayford's back is played played play oh, and a special
(43:41):
request from Billy, please stop toarsling his hair and calling
him the elfster. Of course we realize that we're wasting
our breath. It will never change. This Christmas will be
like every other Christmas and all the other Christmas is
to come, because that's just you, that's our John Boy.
(44:05):
And just think, after Christmas is over and John Boy
has put his holiday alter ego away for another eleven
merciful months, it's only a few short days till New
Year's Eve, and that's a whole different John Boy altogether.
I guess we can thank our lucky stars that the
Hey look at me. I'm a big naked New Year's baby,
(44:27):
John Boy only happens once a year.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Good more thing, everybody. You got a big show on
the radio, right, big shone radio?
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Right?
Speaker 1 (44:48):
Ah, let's take any newsletter sports.
Speaker 3 (44:50):
This is Spanky from the Yellow Rose.
Speaker 12 (44:53):
You're listening to the greatest morning show and recorded history
of broadcast radio, John Boy and Billy Big Show.
Speaker 3 (45:00):
How big is it? Bigger than my head?
Speaker 2 (45:04):
And that's big.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
There?
Speaker 12 (45:07):
Yeah, o b I read it, and I pay that
tabby eight seat dead beat.
Speaker 6 (45:46):
Good morning, Big Show's on the radio, and you can
win John Boy's wonderful thing number one hundred and sixty five.
Speaker 1 (45:53):
The first time I've ever given away a belt, that's.
Speaker 8 (45:56):
One of my wonderful you mean the first time in
your life.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
No, I've outgrown quite a few.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
I think that's pretty cool.
Speaker 6 (46:07):
But y'all, y'all check it out, Randy said, might be
called about sixty seventy dollars.
Speaker 8 (46:13):
Yeah, Belcher aren't cheap anymore, especially handcrafted ones like that,
all right, handmade in Spain.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
The jagged out this in size thirty eight.
Speaker 3 (46:20):
It is.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
You know, somebody in your life come in handy.
Speaker 7 (46:23):
With Wow, I haven't seen thirty eight in a while, Well.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Look around.
Speaker 6 (46:34):
Jagged out, get your name of the head The Big
Show dot Com. Good morning, Big Shows on the radio.
Coming up, we play Beat the Blonde for a Happy
Heard prize. Pike Happy Herd makes top quality attractors, mintals
and feed for deer, bear and hogs. Click on a
Happy Heard banner the Big Show dot Com enter code JBB.
You'll get ten percent off of checkout. Hang on you
(46:55):
when you come in minutes. Right now back to a
Christmas Carl.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
Salutation, seasonal swells burnt Fern. Here with part three of
your Big Show Morning mini movie Holiday Spectacular. A Christmas
Carl Starry Carl Childers is Scrooge and Granny Clump as
the Ghost of Christmas Present, brought to you by Colonel
Hanson's all purpose Turn Polish, Turn that brown upside down
with Colonel Hanson's Now back to our story. The ghost
(47:26):
of Christmas Past has just zapped Scrooge into another part
of London in hopes of changing his wicked ways before
it's too late.
Speaker 15 (47:40):
You recognize that place, Babit m Goley looks like a
public toilet. Aw This here is the home of Bob
Cratchit Why is.
Speaker 12 (47:52):
He living down here in the slum. Some folks call
it a ghetto. I call it a slum.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
With it all he can afford on what you pay
you bashing, He.
Speaker 12 (48:01):
Makes a pretty good wage, enough to feed his family
crumpets and mustard a couple of times a week.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Oh, here come bob cratching. Now we had little sew
and tiny team riding on his shoulder.
Speaker 3 (48:12):
We better ski that alone out of here.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Don't worry a tall doc and cheek. They can't see it.
Speaker 3 (48:18):
So they's poor and need glasses.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Oh, they got all kinds of problems.
Speaker 3 (48:24):
Baby, just lesten.
Speaker 2 (48:28):
Matha well home to wife. I'm so dad gum hungry.
I could eat a chocolate covered booger. Hey, what's for dinner, momsie? Oh?
Who has time to cook? I've been trying to clean
the dump all day? How about the nice hot pockets?
The crack? And what are you doing here? Where's miss Barbara?
She's supposed to be playing my wife. Oh she's getting
(48:51):
her roots done, so as usual, I'm filling in. Oh,
ain't being gippy enough?
Speaker 3 (48:57):
Now?
Speaker 2 (48:57):
I got two daddies, well more like a daddy, and
I have son of him. Let's just continue, shall we Tim,
you go clean up for dinner, and hurry up, you
little scamp. Your hot pockets will get cold. Yes, father, yes, sir.
H Mother gives me the creek just saying it. So,
(49:18):
how is our little angel, Bob? He tries to be brave,
but I'm afraid it's only a matter of time. Oh no,
you mean yes, if tiny Tim doesn't get the medical
help he needs soon, I fear no, don't say it,
not our little Tim.
Speaker 3 (49:38):
No. Oh, for the love.
Speaker 2 (49:46):
What a cruel world. My heart will never recover. Why
whahy and thing? Now? What will it be? Maperoni or
ham and cheese? See what I mean?
Speaker 12 (50:05):
Yes, some ghost lady them crashing is a right pitiful
bunch all right. Oh, Bob couldn't even afford.
Speaker 3 (50:11):
To marry him a woman. You had to get hitched
up to that funny fella. Not funny huh huh.
Speaker 2 (50:19):
Yeah, don't forget about that homely little younger. I heard that.
Speaker 3 (50:27):
Ghost lady. This tiny feller gonna be okay.
Speaker 2 (50:31):
I see an empty duel bottle fireplace with a small
crutch carefully preserved. I reconnec's good news. What do you mean?
Speaker 12 (50:40):
Well, you must have got all better and he's all
fooling around summers with them other foreign kids.
Speaker 3 (50:45):
M I like a happy ending.
Speaker 2 (50:47):
Oh you jackass, tiny tim taking a dirt nap because
you wouldn't pony up to Jack to get him. Well,
what do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (50:57):
I'm thinking I sure like one of them hot pocket
track about.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Now, you ain't the sharpest tool in the shed? Are
you screwed the pool?
Speaker 3 (51:05):
I heard it said that away.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
Yes, ma'am, you got one last chance to turn things around.
And if coast number three don't scare the cheap money
and you can't be scared, ah, you can turn loose
(51:28):
from my robe.
Speaker 12 (51:29):
Now back in bed, I gotta stop eating that spicy mustard. Well, sir,
you must be that scary ghost that's told about. I
(51:52):
can't tell if and you're not, and you're about to
tip over. You got a pretty big head under that robe.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
And you got junk ears in an underbite. Now get
your hand in out of bed. Let's get this over with.
I got a Christmas party to get back to. Where
are we going? I'm the ghost of Christmas Future? Where
the hell do you think we're going? Disney World?
Speaker 12 (52:13):
Mister ghost? What can I give me some of them
Mouse ears, Ooh.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
This is gonna be a long night.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
Holy holly berries, this is Scrooge's last chance. Will he
redeem himself or just keep being a great big butt
ho ho?
Speaker 1 (52:31):
Hold? What to do?
Speaker 2 (52:32):
What to do? To find out? Tune in next time
to hear Carl Childers as Scrooge, Spanky as the Ghost
of Christmas Future, and Tater as Bubbles Nick Jugg's the
topless toymaker in a Christmas Carl brought to you by
Colonel Hanson's all purpose stirt polish. Turn that brown upside
down with Colonel Hanson's this is Burt Fern saying see
you next time.
Speaker 6 (52:57):
I guess not forman final episode coming up about an
hour right now, Let's play beat the Blonde for the
Happy Heard prize Black one eight hundred big show you
toll free line.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
We'll get a contestant play next
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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