All Episodes

April 15, 2024 42 mins

Monday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Carl Childers tells the story of The Three Little Pigs.. - Oliver bravely goes into the unknown territory of “Pregnancy”… - It’s Tax Day and the IRS is gonna have a tough time counting all the dough at Tacky Jackie’s.. - We revisit a review of the movie Titanic with comedian Rich Schiedner.. - Ike Turner insults your Mama’s troubles with obesity.. - and Woodrow Boudreaux gets a visit from the taxman..

℗®© 2024 John Boy & Billy, Inc.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
It's a big show on your radio. Thanks for joining
us this morning.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Good day. You're old pal Stevi here, No, not the
former idiot intern, the Crocodile Stalker. And you're listening to
my two favorite bonds of mates, John Boy and Billy
on the Big Show. I'll tell you it's nice to
be high and dry and safe and sound in this
knack of studio.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Hey, what's this wire for? Dog? Coming at them? But

(01:09):
it is Monday, April to fifteenth. Never mind, go back
to bed, yo, get up, we gotta get up work.
Does anybody know the date?

Speaker 3 (01:20):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:20):
By the way, the Big show's on the radio. We're
gonna make this tax day as much fun as possible.
That is our goal. Okay, down back to as anybody know,
Like how long you have to work now before like
you pay your taxes? You know, they give you a
date to start and kind of depends on who you ask,
now the way the tax coat is, but usually it's
about four months because you usually pass it somewhere. So January, February,

(01:42):
March April, all right, so yeah, I could have looked
this is the fourth month, So I wonder if that
has anything to do with tax Day. Did they put
it at the April fifteenth? No, because no, that's stupid.
All right, I'm on quit thinking, Oh that's a good idea.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
You're trying to make the whole I R.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
S tax thing makes sense.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
No, please look at me. Okay.

Speaker 4 (02:10):
Well, somebody said on one of the web things I
went on that said that in Russia, the government gives
you everything you have. In America, the government takes everything
to take everything.

Speaker 3 (02:25):
Right, I think I still would like to have it
this way.

Speaker 4 (02:28):
Oh, I don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
The system.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
The system doesn't.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
All right, we'll good. So let's get on up here.
On this April fifteenth, that falls on a Monday, it's
National Titanic Remembrance Day. I was looking for something to highlight.
But it is going to be, believe it or not.
If you can hang with us for a couple of hours.
When rich Seidner was when we were, he wasn't on
the Titanic, but the movie. He saw the movie with

(02:55):
his wife. Yes, that's how we're gonna remember a little more.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
He'd be well known if he was the survivor.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
Yeah, and he'd be dead, yes, you know. So there's
all right. So well, we got three days in issry
saved up. We'll go ahead get a week's worth of
winning beginning. That'll be our goal immediately to play outburst
cause Big Show is on a radio. Good morning, Big
Shows on a radio. First prize pack, we want to
give you a year subscription to Massey Ooaks game Keepers Magazine.

(03:25):
Become a Gamekeeper and gets you LS Tractor Swag the
official Tractor game Keepers LS Tractor Usa dot com. That's
where you can find your local dealer, learn why customers
start blue and stay blue. Of course, click on the
link at the Big Show dot com as well. You
want to see my wonderful thing number one hundred giveaway. Wow,

(03:46):
I know another milestone. No, I mean the hundred. Oh
is that what you're talking about? That's what I was
told them?

Speaker 5 (03:52):
All right.

Speaker 1 (03:53):
Three dates in history where we're gonna categories. Nineteen fifty five.
The first McDonald's was opened by Ray Kroc. It was
de Planes, Illinois, the plans. Yes, mam, we had tattoo
in that commercial Deplane Blaze first McDonald's. I like tattoo reference, Yeah,
I like it. Man.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
This is gonna be a flashback show.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Oh one after a truck trailer lost the wheel and crashing.
In New South Wales, twenty four thousand bottles of beer
sank into the Tweed River that was near the town
of tweed So tweed Heads was that the name of
the town? Tweedheads? Wow, let's ask the lady that wrote
wrote that. Oh that was wild. But anyway, this is

(04:38):
this is the funky part. Residents showed up in full
scuba gear and started going down, diving and getting the beer. Absolutely,
they did it until police warned they could be charged
with theft. Yeah, oh we'll put them back. Yeah, we
got to get uh right. And then finally, on this
date twenty eleven, a replica of the Raceland estate owned

(05:01):
by Elvis Presley was opening Randers Denmark. Look at that bilding.
It stritch the size of the originally in order to
fit in the museum es de bite these size difference.
It is nearly identical. Building was created by an Elvis fan,

(05:21):
Hendrik Knudsen. Hendrick had the blessing of Elvis's with old
Priscilla on that deal. How was she gonna stop him?
Have y'all seen that movie about Priscilla? Yeah? I actually
saw that.

Speaker 6 (05:36):
What think?

Speaker 7 (05:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (05:37):
It was all right?

Speaker 8 (05:37):
Man?

Speaker 1 (05:38):
Say yeah, Old Elvis. Here you got Priscilla he wanted
whom he young with. Just kep like that man anyway
else said for yourself, yep, so ours our three dates
in history. Okay, we're ready to play out Bursts one
eight hundred Big Show you told free line. We'll play next.

(06:19):
Good morning, it's a big show on the Radiover on
the to your Monday, April fifteenth. Today's feature track from
the Big Show bid Box brought you by Charlotte Motor
Speedway and the Co Cola six hundred. Sunday, May twenty six,
there's a playhouse entitled boot Row and the Taxman. That's
for a keyword taxman. Hit the mid box at the

(06:39):
Big Show, Dot coming right Upburst.

Speaker 5 (06:45):
Let's play upburst. It's the game that anyone can win.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Shon, boy Billy, give.

Speaker 5 (06:53):
The prizes from the Big Prize bad Let's go contesting
number one. Be a lot of fun when you're playing
us have them murdy up and guest time. But you
love the best time.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
You love a big shots.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
Let's say, Hey, my goal from New York heads up
by yas we.

Speaker 3 (07:20):
Shot.

Speaker 9 (07:24):
Hey, good morning dude, good to hear from y'all.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Love, don't let me stop you.

Speaker 9 (07:36):
Yes, it seems like I know you guys, We should
all know me. I've been living here in your mouth
for years, but you've never heard me. Oh well, I'm
ready from dudes.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Are you perhaps in one of those areas where cannabis
is legalized?

Speaker 9 (07:52):
Yeah? Matter of fact, right in your neckat was as
of now. I'm in North Carolina.

Speaker 8 (07:58):
Okay, say.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
He's where you are, right, Michael. Well, we pulling for you, bunny.
Let's get you to these three categories. You ready to go?

Speaker 9 (08:11):
Yes, sir?

Speaker 8 (08:12):
All right?

Speaker 1 (08:12):
Five seconds give us okay, yeah, here we go. Three
things okay, ready, okay, three okay? Where three things going
to McDonald's menu. Ready, go.

Speaker 9 (08:28):
French fries, big mac apple pot.

Speaker 1 (08:31):
Oh yeah, now we're gogging a three thangs I'm keeping
going going. Three fangs that have wheels.

Speaker 9 (08:40):
Ready go trump bite car.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
Okay, yeah, and go for the wind. Three things in
a museum.

Speaker 9 (08:54):
Go jiff treshaurant for watch figures, all.

Speaker 1 (08:59):
Right, man and wax museums. That went slightly better than
the worst that could have possibly gone.

Speaker 10 (09:08):
So hooray, Yeah, my god, Hi, y'all jump out, catch
up on your knee, wading kids up car children's don't

(09:29):
tell them a story.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
We're saying this morning, three little bigger, good morning. There's

(10:09):
a big show on the radio. Brothers, A kid's a story.

Speaker 8 (10:13):
Here we go.

Speaker 5 (10:16):
And now it's story time with your host, Carl Childers.

Speaker 6 (10:26):
I had pork shops the other night with that wheely boy,
and did mama got me thinking about them three little pigs?
I reckon, I can tell you about him if you
want me to. Well, sir, have very little pigs all

(10:46):
growed up there. Poor mother is old and get out
she plum had a belly load of their shenanigans. They
was kindly wild, carried on a great deal squealing and
the pooping in the house air. He was pretty bad
even for his stye. Some folks say, pig pen, I
see stye. Their mama couldn't keep up with him no

(11:09):
more so she could turn them loose into the world.
One of them little pigs, he had him a book
on log cabins, one had a book on building stuff
with straw. Another had a book on bricklaying. They figured
it's probably better at each have my own place. On
account that I didn't want folks to think I was right
A bit funny, not funny, funny, Well, sir, that verse

(11:36):
little pig. He didn't do a very good job. His
boss didn't pay him much of a wage, so he
had to build his place on the cheap. He didn't
have toes make it out of logs, so he used kindling.
He was all right, I guess my drafty dug himself
out a little hole in the ground, putting down some quill. Sire,

(11:58):
he's waiting for the ball game to come on and
that little black and white television, and along come miss Wolf.
He was going to the dollar store to get some
more of that potted meat. He smelled that a little
pig care in that straw house, and he got himself
a taste for bacon.

Speaker 9 (12:14):
I rickon.

Speaker 6 (12:16):
They tried to talk in his way into that house
of sticks, but he started saying he had a candy
gram and whatnot. That little pig he'd see that TV
show too. He's too smart for him. Told him go
off summers. That old wolf. He huffed, puffed, blowed that

(12:38):
little stickhouse plumb apart. That little pig, he squealed, run
next door to his brother's place was made of straw.
They figured day safe enough, so they settled in there
started watching that ball game. Here come that wolf. Wolf
got all excited because they figured if and he played

(12:58):
his cards right, he could eat him two little pigs
and catch a second half of the ball game. He
asked the pigs to let him in. They told him
to get certain little pig butts. They had not to
talk that way. They just little pigs. That old wolf
bowed up, huffed and puffed, broke down a little grass,

(13:22):
check right down, had them two. A little pig squealed,
run around a bit. Went over next door to that
little smart pigs place. What built with bricks. He had
a pretty good set up air and one of the
big old flat screen TV's watch that ball game. Had
a big old mess of food phipped up air. Now
Wolf thought he plumb hit the jackpot.

Speaker 1 (13:43):
He could get in there.

Speaker 6 (13:44):
He'd have a nice place to watch a ball game.
Enough pig left over to invite his brother in. They
called him brother on the cell phone and told him
what he had a planning. And he huffed and puffed
a couple of times. He wasn't doing no good. All
that huffling and puffing. He'd already done and aggravated his
ass for the air. He just did luck. He left

(14:07):
his puffer the home, not a little pick seating that
old wolf having a hard time, and that made support
of him a good bit. They were kindly, No count
wessir that wolf he used his noodle. It's all that
smoke coming out of that chimblet the air. Some folks

(14:28):
calls it a flu I coached it a chimbley. So
he climbed up burn. He could hear that pigs carrying
on watching the game and making sport of him. I
didn't say too well with a wolf, and he started
down that chimley to get him. But it just weren't
that wolf's day. That smart old brick pick air he

(14:49):
had him a part of wolf stew of going on
open fire. Only one thing missing. Wolf wel that old
wolf were plopped him that big old pot of stew
mmmm killed him. Them little pigs Perton near busting gout,
laughing at how they fooled that wolf. About that time

(15:10):
his brother comes strolling along, already to watch the ball
game and eat some pig. He finds his brother turned
in the stew meat. He starts a hollering, what you
cook my brother Fern? What you cook my brother Fern?
And them little picks. Then it was so funny down
especially when that wolf commenced to eating on him watching

(15:30):
the ball game. Well you figured that's what his brother
would have wanted. More of the story is probably ain't
all that good for you, poor ain't, But at least
it won't eat you like a wolf. Whill the end.

Speaker 5 (15:52):
Story Time with Carl Childers has brought up to you
by Hard Graves potted meat product chock full of peckers
and lips since nineteen thirty seven.

Speaker 6 (16:00):
You're ann heard wolf in that botted meat r.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
Good morning, it's a big shawl a radio. Monday April,
you have fifteenth not ready for drivetime players, we already lezach.

Speaker 11 (16:41):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse today's episode The
Fortune Teller. As our story opens, Avid Golfer Frank Feasley
is sitting down with self proclaimed psychic Miss Lily von Stoop.

Speaker 12 (17:02):
Welcome in bienvenue. Welcome nobody.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
Am I in the right place? Are you, Miss Lily?

Speaker 12 (17:11):
That depends on why you're asking.

Speaker 1 (17:13):
Did the man running the Tilted world told me Miss
Lily was the most gifted psychic he'd ever come across.

Speaker 12 (17:23):
Oh, it's true, It's true. You have come to the
white tenth. Mind if I swip into something a little
more comfortable, we freshed. Are you here for a weading
mister Wesley?

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Why yeah, wait a minute. How did you know my name?

Speaker 8 (17:47):
Ell?

Speaker 12 (17:47):
It's like the Tilto well Man told you I'm very
weary gift.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
Yes, y, yeah, well he was right.

Speaker 12 (17:56):
Have a seat, mister Wesley, and when your.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
Palm yes, ma'am, here you go. Hmm.

Speaker 12 (18:06):
I see your marriage wine is very short.

Speaker 1 (18:10):
Uh yeah, my wife died five years ago on my
seventieth birthday. I know how sad. Oh yeah, I guess
you would know that. Um no children, right again, miss Lily.

Speaker 12 (18:24):
Parts of your palms are difficult to read. You have
a what of calluses?

Speaker 8 (18:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (18:30):
Sorry, Well, since I retired, I'm spending all my time
on the golf course. It's just about my favorite thing
to do in the whole world.

Speaker 12 (18:38):
Yes, that explains your long passion wine. All right, mister
feez Weed, I've seen all I need. I have good
news and bad news to tell you.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
Well, then I'd like to hear the good news first,
if that's okay with you. I know, oh yeah.

Speaker 12 (19:00):
The good news, mister Feeley, is that your passion wine
for golf will be carried into the afterlife. Your eternity
will take you to some of the most beautiful courses
you can imagine.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Well that sounds great, miss Lily. So what's the bad news?

Speaker 12 (19:15):
Your first tea time is a week from Thursday.

Speaker 2 (19:24):
It's true, It's.

Speaker 1 (19:25):
True, worth it.

Speaker 11 (19:30):
We hope you enjoy John Boy and Billy Playhouse. We'll
tune in again next time when we'll hear the crusty
old golf pro at Heavensgate Country Club say, hey, big man,
let me hold a dollar.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Let's face it, I'm tired.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
H Snitzer Groom. When is my limit? Good Morning, A
Big Shows on the radio.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Well, well, well you've obviously got nothing better to do. Well,
maybe you're just not smart enough to change the dial.
Whatever the reason, you're listening to John Boy and Billy
on the Big.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
Show, Aunt, they won. Good morning, It is a big

(20:51):
Shaw on the radio. April, You're fifteenth, brought to you
by all those people that are trying to help us
this morning.

Speaker 13 (21:05):
You're the kind of person who's always hurting when it's
time to pay the rent where you.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
Work, called David.

Speaker 13 (21:12):
Then you get your pay And they kept twenty five
percent when it seems to me my ten forty is
making someone rich when I'm up a creek without receipts.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
You know, tax time is a bitch. You better call.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
Itching our block.

Speaker 2 (21:30):
Take it from.

Speaker 14 (21:33):
You're in come, Harris comes, Harris comes. It's you ain't
from fifty nervous breakdown?

Speaker 13 (21:48):
US a gun.

Speaker 15 (21:50):
If I don't get a refund when there's nothing else
I can deduct the irises.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
When from fifteen nervous breakdown.

Speaker 15 (22:10):
And you ain't from fifteen nervous breakdown. And she ain't
from fifteen nervous breakdown, and you ain't from fifteen nervous breakdown.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Good morning, Big shows on the radio. Coming up. We
played John Boyde Have but the winner gets a Southern
East Pets packed. We all love our dogs and the
viewers has anxiety issues like the thunderstorm. You gotta try
the bacon flavored Pets CBD gummies from Southern East Pets.
Go to Southerneaspets dot com. Oh, you look for their
link at the Big Show dot Com. Used code JBB

(22:51):
get an exclusive offer hang on play for it in minutes.
But first off of American Coopers, the John Boyd and
Billy Owl featuring Oliver. It's time for Oliver.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Well, well, well, I've heard it said that the birth
of a child is the high point in a woman's life,
and why shouldn't it be. It gives them what they
really want. No, not a child to raise and nurture
before psychologically scarring it for life and sending it out

(23:32):
into the world to fend for itself and continue her
cycle of psychosis. That's too easy. The only reason any
woman ever gets pregnant is for nine solid months of attention.
But what it really is is nine solid months of

(23:54):
her making excuses for not pulling her weight. What about us?
She wouldn't be lounging around the house using her unborn
child as an excuse for sitting in front of the TV,
complaining about everything and putting away groceries like refrigerator Perry

(24:17):
if it weren't for us. Men are all but forgotten
during this time, reduced from their rightful position as the
head of the house to a mere servant, from the
king of the castle to a lowly surf, from the
voice of reason to a verbal punching bag. Well listen up, ladies,

(24:41):
I speak for all men when I say it's time
to stop letting you get away with murder just because
you're a little pregnant. The next time she starts screaming
for the remote or ringing the dinner bell, you need
to let her know who the real boss is is.
Try a few of these on the old heifer. Not

(25:06):
to imply anything, dear, but I don't think the kid
weighs fifty pounds. You know, looking at her, you'd never
guess Pamela Anderson had a baby. Man, I sure hope
your thighs aren't gonna stay that way forever. Can't they

(25:30):
induce labor?

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Now?

Speaker 2 (25:31):
The super Bowl is this weekend. You're about five pounds
away from a visit by Richard Simmons, you know, Fred
at the office past a stone the size of a pee. Man,
Nothing could hurt worse than that. WHOA, For a minute there,

(25:54):
I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott. Are
your ankles supposed to look like that? Get your own
ice cream, Buddha. This one's my favorite, gotten milk.

Speaker 5 (26:22):
Man.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of
Madagascar retaining water. Yeah, like the hoover dam Sure you'll
get your figure back. We'll just look for it in
nineteen eighty five where you left it. Sure, the doctor

(26:45):
said you're eating for two, but not two elephants, Roseanne,
What have you done with my wife? How come you're
twice they of the other Lamar's chicks? Where's that victorious

(27:07):
secret catalog? I haven't seen a real woman in months, Honey,
when you're finished puking, will you bring me another bed?
SeaWorld just called sham Moos on vacation. They want you
to fill in and my favorite, have another drumstick Tubby.

(27:34):
Believe me, fellas, after a few of those brilliant bobs,
she'll finally realize exactly where she belongs. Unfortunately, that place
is divorce courts.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
Just a guy for that, for that job. All right,
More American goobers later this morning. Right now, it is
John Boy Jeopardy time. Let's jump right in here for
that Southern East pets peck well. Up until the law
was changed in twenty twenty, a US federal regulation required
that this beverage be made without distinctive character, aroma, taste,

(28:19):
or color.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
I mean, if it was just without distinctive character, I'd
say bud light that was a character. Okay, all right,
without aroma taste or color zema.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
No, okay, that's true.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
Why need to stop?

Speaker 1 (28:39):
Okay, what y'all got? One eight hundred Big Show you
told free line. We played John Boy Jeopardy next. Good morning.

(29:10):
It's a big show on the radio, rolling through your
Monday abut the fifteenth. For today's feature track from the
Big Show bit Box sponsored by sharlat Motor Speedway in
the co Coba six hundred Sunday, May twenty six, It's
a playhouse entitled bood Row and the Taxman, perfect for
your April fifteenth surgery. Keyword taxman. You hit the Big

(29:31):
Box at the Big Show dot com. Right now, let's
play yes live across America.

Speaker 11 (29:38):
It's John boychap ide, Wow, Why and now a man
who suggested a catchy slogan for the irs, but the
Army shot it down.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Turns out be audit, you can be. It's just a
little too close something they use it.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
There's John Boy.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
He then the Jay out a Peachlin Soyle, Oh you're
a Peachlin North Carolina. I see you. Jake, Good morning, Buddy,
good morning, hey man, welcome. So you got the first
shot at John Boy Jeopardy today, Jake up until the
laws changed in twenty twenty. The US federal regulation required

(30:15):
that this beverage be made without distinctive character, aroma, taste,
or color.

Speaker 8 (30:24):
Well, let's go with bottled water.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
Say bottled water. I said, good, Yes, that's a good
guess because it was all kind of flavor now right,
oh yeah, with the answer as well. Hey, Jake, I'm
gonna quick arguing with myself. Thank you for playing buddy.
You have a great day.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
Thank you, sir.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
All right, may let's go to Steve. He's in Madison, Tennessee.

Speaker 8 (30:49):
Good morning, Steve, Hey, good morning.

Speaker 1 (30:53):
Hey man, we're all good. Welcome in here. You got
your turnout. We know it's not bottled water, he Steve,
what are we looking for?

Speaker 8 (31:03):
And some of my boys got led to about myself?
Is vodka?

Speaker 1 (31:07):
So got lied to?

Speaker 12 (31:09):
You?

Speaker 1 (31:09):
Said about vodka? Let's say, is it?

Speaker 8 (31:11):
Yeah? They said they couldn't smell it on you, but
the dam.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Got you.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
Well let's see if you remember right, Yeah, I was.
I ain't gonna forget a thing like that. I got
the first tim lie to you. Uh well, Steve, it
worked out for you. Here Bardy's some Southern East pets
pick on headed over to Madison for you.

Speaker 8 (31:36):
My little bo use them.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
He's a little HYPERACTI and you can't smell it on
his breath.

Speaker 8 (31:41):
Oh that's right, I don't. I don't like to smell
that anyway.

Speaker 6 (31:48):
You know.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
Well, all right, Steve Man, I apprecade you listen. Glad
you playing? Glad you won?

Speaker 8 (31:55):
Hey man? Can I give a shout out?

Speaker 1 (31:57):
You go ahead?

Speaker 8 (31:59):
All right? All right, I don't want to do it
all Big Show crew, y'all entertained me for forty some odd years.
I'm dame there as old as you, John Boy, I'm
about a fifty seven model and uh and uh anyway,
and everybody else out there listening, so hey everybody, hey picture, hey.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Nave All right, boy, hang on, put your own jacket.
Why about the hoor on top of your news right
on the other side of our time capsule for the
Abril fifteen blues. It's gonna be all right. The tacky
Jackie is screws it up with tax time.

Speaker 16 (33:09):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports, y'all.

Speaker 5 (33:23):
What's up? Hi y'all doing? Hey man, somebody need to
set the TV people down and tell them they're trying
to put way too much crap on the screen. I
ain't talking about the program, that's bad enough. I'm talking
about all them little logos and promos that go swooshing
around during the show. Now, I don't mind the little
thing down in the corner tells you what channel you're on.

(33:44):
But I don't need all this junk popping up talking
about what's coming up next. He's sitting there trying to
watch Homer Simpson. Here come Determinator, the robot from the future.
And by the future, I mean tomorrow night at nine o'clock.
If the show coming up, it's so important, you got
to interrupt the one I'm watching now to tell me
about it. Poorn't you just take this one off and

(34:06):
put that one on? Cause when Doctor House is about
ten seconds away from figuring out what's about to kill
this poor sapping Room number nine, I don't need stew
it from the family guy chaking his butt at me
at the bottom of the pinching lilt. Now, sometimes they'll
put stuff on the screen to help you out, Like
you know, you be watching the ball game. They got
a box in the corner with the score and how

(34:26):
much time is left See that's perfect. When you watch
a race, they always got the field summary going across
the top of the screen so you can see how
your boy's doing. See that's useful. But I don't need
no animated promo for next week while I'm trying to
watch this week. One time I was watching the Atlanta race,
little car came driving in on the bottom of the screen.
This car wasn't even in the race. I don't know

(34:47):
where it came from. Then a little tiny pit crew
came out, changed two little tiny tires, put in a
half a tank of gas, and when the car pulled off,
they went to a little tiny concession stand and bought
two little tiny hot dogs. Please Kayotis put some of it,
says next week food City five hundred at Bristol. Really,
I don't need no computerized reenactment of a pitchtop. I

(35:08):
know what happens during the race I'm watching run. You
know who's the worst at loading up the screen with junk?
No is the news channels. They got stuff on the top,
on the bottom, down the side. Might as well not
even put a picture in the middle of the screen.
I ain't got time to look at it. I'm too
busy reading all this other stuff, and I don't like
to read. See, that's why I'm watching TV. I want

(35:30):
to read. I'll buy a newspaper. I tell you exactly
when the news channel started going wrong. September eleventh, two
thousand and one. Remember there was so much news that day,
and it was coming in so fast they had to
put the headline Crawl at the bottom of the screen. Now,
the problem is the news has slowed down a good bit,
but to crawl ben't going ever since. Nowadays, turn on

(35:53):
CNN looked like the bulletin board at the laundromat. Screen
got the logo, the clock, the weatherfas program guide, stock prices,
lost dog adds two sets of headlines going in different directions,
and one of them ain't even real news. His trivia
stuff like experts say thirty percent of us children have
add Well, gee, I wonder.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
What calls that.

Speaker 5 (36:17):
Old people can't process stuff when it comes out of
that fast.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Please.

Speaker 5 (36:20):
I was what Mama's house other day watching CNN. It
was a shot of Barack Obama making a speech. On
the bottom of the screen, it said Britney Spears launches
come back to it. Mama said, well, look at that
her hand's finally coming back in.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
She wants a.

Speaker 5 (36:34):
Bunch of weight too, see what I'm talking about. Don't
be overloading my mama's brain like that. Oh but I
do have some good news. I talked to one of
my boys here at the cable company. He said they
got a piece of technology that lets you get rid
of all the crap on your TV screen. It's called
the off button. They all anger about it.

Speaker 16 (36:56):
Jun Boy and Delley. Oh guy, Good morning radio, done right.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
Good morning, big shows on the radio for you, Monday,
April fifteenth, course of the broadcast brought to you by
Taxi Jackies.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
Hello friends, you're all put burn Fern here with good
news and bad news. The bad news is it's tax
time again. When Uncle Sam digs his hands so deep
into your pocket that he can scratch that inch you
haven't been able to reach since you pecked on that
extra thirty pounds, went Dinky Donuts open next door, and
you went crullor crazy.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
Get him so much good news.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
It's the first annual taxation celebration. Pennets only at Taki
Jackie's Clothes for Homes. What's the matter, Princess, did your
refund come up? Short. Has your debt to the government
surpassed when you owe on that double white trailer? Are
you having trouble coming up with enough scratch to finish
that tattoo sleeve depicting every nutshot from jackass? Is that

(38:24):
what's troubling you, muffin butt? Well, fear not, friends, Tacking
Jackie feels your pain and has insanely slashed prices like
Freddy Krueger on a triple espresso with a crack chaser,
as these low, low prices will help take the sting
out of your government issued colonoscopy so you can live
your passion to go trailer trash in the very best

(38:45):
fashion right here at Tacking Jackie's clothes for o's what's
the status of your unmentionables? Are your threadbare briefs giving
you grief? Is your thong gone wrong? Tidy Whitey's not alrighty?
Is it high noon for your pantaloons? Well, you're in luck.

(39:05):
Your life will be a lot more fundy with brand
new undies courtesy of world famous designers Skid Markie Martin
Cut make your taint what it ain't only at Tacky Jackies,
are you built? Blousey does the term full figure. Not
do you justice when you pass a far do cow's
point at you? And last, does Reple Wilson look at you.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
And say.

Speaker 2 (39:30):
That this sails for you? Plus size at Ultra plus
Size Designer Fashions direct from Shamboo Moo of Malamu. No
need to holler, We respect your dollar. Here at Tacky Jackies,
we've got something for everyone. Sax cheats, dead meets, kids
who wear cleats, CROs hos, white guys with CROs, noodlers, needlers, dummies,

(39:51):
rummy skinny guys with tummies, tweakers, tweakers, responsibility, shirkars, vegans, Pagans,
Mexicans who voted for Reagan, Why nos, albino's guy knows guy, Yes,
his dude's in dresses, spell boys, hell boys, swell boys,
swell girls. And then one kid who is good looking
at high school but somehow now looks like a cross
between Eddie Monster and Caitlin Jennter and pee's off his
port while screaming clu blah lah lah. No one is

(40:22):
left out of the giant taxation celebration right here. And
taxi Jackies. But wait, there's more special guests. We got
a feminine hygiene mogul Alexandria Ocazio Codex. We'll be handing
out free samples. I'll still have tax questions. Renowned Asian
Hebrew tax expert who man Ju will be on hand

(40:45):
with free advice. All you working girls looking for loopholes
will be relieved to know we'll have a booth set
up just for you, courtesy of H and R.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Black.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
Like they say, We've got your back even while you're
on it. Where else but Tacky Jackies. Take Paul Maniford
drive north to Bernie Madoff Parkway for three miles and
pulling you we on Leona Healthy Way, make a right
at Uncle Scam's Gouvment Cheese and Becker's Restaurant. Take the
next left on Wesley Sneins Avenue, and when you see
the little person dressed as Birkin the Girk in the

(41:21):
magic pickle, give him ten bucks and he'll point you
towards the super secret entrance to the wonderful world of savings.
You can only find that Tachy Jackies Clothes for hose
ship get an extra ten percent off of check out.
When you sing our famous.

Speaker 7 (41:36):
Jingle forget the tax man, save and relax man at
taxi Jackies.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
This is your old pal Burn Ferns saying I'll see
you there.

Speaker 14 (41:53):
Well, you know that's jam.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
It's a big show on the radio.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
I can't be read this, all right, sir, I'll read it.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
Good morning.

Speaker 17 (42:07):
This is Nigel Cadbury, Master Boy's Faithful Gentleman's Gentlemen, and
you're listening to Master Boy and young Sir William on
the Big Show. It's my responsibility to make sure that
Master Boy gets up and gets to work on time,
so when he's laid it's my fault.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
Oh sir, I feel so human.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC
Let's Be Clear with Shannen Doherty

Let's Be Clear with Shannen Doherty

Let’s Be Clear… a new podcast from Shannen Doherty. The actress will open up like never before in a live memoir. She will cover everything from her TV and film credits, to her Stage IV cancer battle, friendships, divorces and more. She will share her own personal stories, how she manages the lows all while celebrating the highs, and her hopes and dreams for the future. As Shannen says, it doesn’t matter how many times you fall, it’s about how you get back up. So, LET’S BE CLEAR… this is the truth and nothing but. Join Shannen Doherty each week. Let’s Be Clear, an iHeartRadio podcast.

The Dan Bongino Show

The Dan Bongino Show

He’s a former Secret Service Agent, former NYPD officer, and New York Times best-selling author. Join Dan Bongino each weekday as he tackles the hottest political issues, debunking both liberal and Republican establishment rhetoric.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2024 iHeartMedia, Inc.