December 22, 2025 • 51 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On Today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we’ve got a couple of our parody’s of “It’s a Wonderful Life”.. - The Mayor of Dismal Seepage has a big John Boy & Billy Retirement Festival planned for the weekend.. - Pillars says goodbye.. - John Boy fills his own request for the Ray Stevens classic, “Santa Claus is Watching You”.. - and Carl Childers walks us out with a Storytime…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey, just smister t You know, sometimes I'm tough, sometime
I'm tender, but right now I want to be tender.
I want to wish all the fans out there are
merry Christmas, a blessed Christmas, and a happy and a
safe New Year. Okay, And I pity you if you
don't listen to John Boy and Billy the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
You got it. It's the Big Show. Oh morning, we say,
(01:00):
got the Doo do doo up and out on them.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
And it's Monday, December, the twenty second Christmas week. It'll
be mansing out the new broadcast. You still got a
big show to the thirty first on the radio station
that you're listening to right now.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We're glad to have you with.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Us, all right, right off the bad day about John
Boy's wonderful Thing, the final wonderful Thing, number one hundred
and sixty seven.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
You've been keeping score at home, are beloved first time
caller moon Maker Elsie. We will get that away tomorrow
at the end of the show, because that'll be the
last one full Christmas time.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Okay, a new maker. I like it. I had to
put it down there, I did.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
We'll get our first prize back out and see when
get our winning beginning. We're wake big shows on the radio.
Good morning, big shows on a radios. Get our first
prize pack, big old blue Emu package. He's got blue
Emu pain relief cream tube of PbCO TC Itch relief cream.
Look for both in stores and online at Walmart, Amazon
(02:11):
of the Finery Tailer. Listen to our three Days in
History where we're going to categories you can win It
Center twenty two, eighteen eighty two, the first Christmas tree
with electric lights was turned on at the home of
Ed Johnson, New York City.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
At Johnson's right. Johnson got electric lights on this tree.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
He can't hide his money.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
He was an associate of light bulb inventor Thomas Edison.
So you gotta know somebody to the guy who invented it.
Speaker 6 (02:44):
All right, good work theirhead.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Nineteen ninety five, a federal bankruptcy judge and la ruled
that the rights to the three Stooges belonged to the
illegal heirs of Larry Fine Curly to ride out Mohoward.
So rights of the Stooges films had been tied up
in court for years. Ninety five, It took figured that
out time.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Finally, No.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Five Mexico was demanding that Latin America joining the fight
against American plans to erect a seven hundred miles walt
on the border between Mexico and the US.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
All right, good thing, we got that done. This ninety
six percent shut down.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Now Biden couldn't figure out how to do it, and
it's for you, So thirty million in we'll figure it.
Trump's gonna beat Kamala anyway, so he'll he'll fix it.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
All right, look at your amore anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Okay, all right, we're good, gentlemen. To rest your spinters.
We are ready to play umbers one eight hundred. Big
Show you told freelying. We'll do it next morn Helisa
(04:15):
Big Show on the radio for your Monday morning and
I featured track from The Big Show bid Box story
Time with Carl Childers a Christmas story that's the keyword
Christmas store when they hear the Bigbox at the Big
Show dot com. By the way, all the road to
Milan runs through Saint Louis see Ilia, Monnanan, Alisa lou
(04:37):
and Amber Glynn compete at the twenty twenty six Prevaging
US Figure Skating Championship January seventh through eleventh b. There's
the twenty twenty sixth US Olymic figure skating team is
named Live Chicks at usfigure Skating dot Org.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
All Right, we read in it.
Speaker 7 (05:00):
Uppers.
Speaker 8 (05:00):
Let's play Outburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
John Boys and Bully.
Speaker 8 (05:08):
We give the prizes from the big Prize be Let's
go contested number one. This should really be a lot
of fun. You're playing Outburst.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Haveing urry up and guest time you love the best
time you love a big shots.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Let's say from time George, y'all we.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Have a shots he my good, we man here amongsters.
All right, you read to win this blue EMU package.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
And rub some on you.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Yeah, turn all right five seconds. Give us three things
you see on a Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Ready go, lights, ornaments, and balls. Now we need three
kinds of judges.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Ready to go, Supreme Federal District.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Wow, you ready to go down? You might before to
win three kinds of walls go, uh break.
Speaker 9 (06:18):
Wall into your wall and the green wall China.
Speaker 10 (06:23):
Around the world.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
To get this blue en you package that buddy? All right, Mike,
can you hook up? We'll get it to you down
to your place and try and appreciate.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
You, buddy.
Speaker 11 (06:33):
Hey, thank y'all.
Speaker 9 (06:34):
Appreciate all y'all do.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Oh my man, Why here's what we jump out, catch
you up on your news and then we play on
Monday morning. Song Well Last Time by Robert Jean, Good Morning,
(07:26):
Big shows on the radio, forward play out songs. Sing
along for my bud. Robert Earl Keane. Mind you always
got his Christmas tour going on.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Now go to Robert Earl Keene dot com find out
it's gonna.
Speaker 12 (07:38):
Be near you.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
He was Now, I was last weekend Man bringing Before
Lasting Charlotte, North Carolina. It was shout out right. Came
on stage, John Boyn Billy and Jackie. The crowd went crazy.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Then he sang the road goes on Forever.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Awesome our right, Jackie. Get ready to sing along with
your man. It's swerving on Monday Morning. That's done by
Robert Earl Keane.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Is being lying a bit your studio.
Speaker 13 (08:08):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Come on track and get ready to say anybody.
Speaker 13 (08:16):
Sometimes on my days are filled with right els.
Speaker 14 (08:23):
I've traveled down left subad things ain't going mind way
because there's always someone swirming in my life.
Speaker 13 (08:37):
You keep swirming in my line, and it's causing lots
of thannger. I'm a honking on my horror. I'm shooting
you the thing. Keep switching on my bride lights. Just
too dem too.
Speaker 14 (09:00):
When you're swerving all lives high way, you're running someone
off the road.
Speaker 13 (09:08):
The day Joe Way, I thought I never never could
love another. How else could I feed?
Speaker 14 (09:23):
But nowing you run into me, I can't believe I
could not see her.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I'll take up no one's at the waiting.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
You keep swarming in my life, just causing lots of thames.
Speaker 13 (09:45):
I'm a cussing out your name.
Speaker 8 (09:49):
I'm shooting you the fine.
Speaker 13 (09:52):
I keep switching on my bride lights.
Speaker 14 (09:56):
But you're just too dimpty. Now when you're swerving all lives,
Oh why you're run a Simon off the road.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Driving a big show.
Speaker 10 (10:35):
Take good morning, big shows on the radio. Here we go,
Hello friends, you're old pal bird Bird.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Here with another taint tickling edition of John Boy and
Billy Playhouse. Today's episode pick a winner. As our story opens,
an unusual woman is seeking advice from a professional relationship counselor.
Speaker 15 (11:02):
Okay, miss, is that Dutch's slovan Ah?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Well tell me.
Speaker 6 (11:12):
What brings you here today?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Uber?
Speaker 7 (11:14):
No no, no, no, no no no?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Why are you here?
Speaker 8 (11:18):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (11:22):
Well, doc, I can't seem to keep a relationship, can
you believe it? I mean, I'm a keeper, ain't I?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Yes? So how can I help you?
Speaker 7 (11:38):
Well?
Speaker 5 (11:38):
It occurs to me that maybe I'm just not dating
the right guy. What sort of fellows should I look for?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
I mean, other than the ones you are breathing? Well?
In general, there are basically five secrets to a great relationship.
Would you like something to write on? Yeah, I got
one of them.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Pornographic memories show ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I noticed you didn't laugh this time?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
Oh sorry?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Okay. So the first secret is to find a man
who works around the house. You know, cookes and cleans
and has a job.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
A worker, not a shirker. I get it, a shirker.
That's what I said.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Makes sense, right, Okay. The second secrete, let's get this
over with. The second secret is it's important to find
a man that makes you laugh.
Speaker 5 (12:30):
Oh it's one of my best features, you heard.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Right, charming. The third secret is to find a man
who is dependable, Oh, like he wears his dult diaper.
No no, no no, and that he's someone you can
count on, you know, respectful and doesn't lie.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Oh no, Pinocchio, I got it, got it, got you, guys.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
And the fourth secret is to find a man who's
good in bed, a man who loves to be intimate
with you.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Now you're talking getting gilly with it, surely, big old booties.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 16 (13:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
And the fifth secret is perhaps the most important of all.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Oh, this stuff is gold laying on me, doc.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Under no circumstances ever, let these four men meet. We
hope you'll enjoy John Boy and Billy playhouse Boy skipping
a little steaming in here. I wish I had two
(13:40):
top buttons. Stuff you.
Speaker 9 (13:43):
Too.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Tune in next time when we'll hear miss Flergelstein's uber
driver say, hey, big man, let me hold a dollar
Santa Clause.
Speaker 17 (13:58):
And the season wouldn't be complete without that letter from
John Boy trying to buy his way.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Off the naughtilust.
Speaker 17 (14:07):
Sorry, John Boy, missus Claws already got me a copy
of Potted Meat, the Carl Childer's album. You can put
that back on Billy's side of the office. Nice tribe,
big spender. And by the way, it's Santa Claus, not
santac Laus.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Oh the partner herod a pleasing.
Speaker 8 (15:08):
I don't get that's right too.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Excuse me while I whipped this out.
Speaker 8 (15:17):
Somebody's gotta go back and get a buttload of dimes.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Let's face it, I'm.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
I want you to seduce the Sheriff of rock Ridge
and an abandoned him.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Let me just have a little touch. Hello boys, I
missed you, Amy, I am not from Havanah. Yes, we
know that would pretty well. You're doing for Randolph Scott.
Speaker 8 (15:57):
You don't need she says, We don't care if it's
the first actor, Henry the fifth. We leave it.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Our Johnson was right, Lily Vaughan stoopid old Lily.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Thank y'all that came out of nowhere. It's a Jackie's
favorite movie. She learns about movies.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Mama, you know The Frasers her favorite TV show now,
so she's catching.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Up, said the man who just watched ET.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Well, good morning, Why let black hope think.
Speaker 8 (16:49):
Of there.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
A wed woes. Good morning.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Big shows on the radio, all right, some Christmas classics.
As we count down to Christmas and count down to
the end of the Big Show. At forty five years
of John Boy and Billy, everybody's being here tomorrow. That's
been with us most of no way, we'll get them
all in this closet we brought got that. Yeah, So anyway,
this playhouse getting ready to play. This was way before
(17:20):
we were syndicated, so it is very localized in Charlotte,
North Carolina. If y'all have been listening to the Big
Show since the beginning, then you will you will get
a lot of these references. A lot of you won't
know really what's what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
But that's all right. Like I said, what are they
gonna do?
Speaker 8 (17:38):
Fire a fictional place?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Hey? All right, well hang over that.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
First, let me tell you about the prize pack you
can win on John Boy Jeopardy, one of those bird
Tea County Peanuts packages of Southern tradition for over one
hundred years.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
You can go nuts as Christmas.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
They got a huge selection to choose from a lot
of you picked up on them last year.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Just tackle to death to have again this year.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
So you can't intercode JBB at checkout get twenty five
percent off plus free shipping when you shop online Bertie
County Peanuts dot net.
Speaker 6 (18:11):
I'll look for the link at the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
All right, way back for a very early localized playhouse
before the John Boyd and Billy Radio Network hit it.
Speaker 16 (18:24):
Now live from Studio one A, it's Charlotte's only live
radio drama. John Boy and Billy at Playhouse Today, a
new version of a holiday classic you've probably seen on
TV about a million times since Thanksgiving.
Speaker 11 (18:38):
It's a Wonderful Life. Today's cast John Boy as the
depressed businessman, with Billy as Jimmy Stewart and Citizen Randy
and Robert E. Rayford as themselves. As our story opens,
John Boy is standing on the Buster Boyd Bridge on
Christmas Eve, contemplating his life.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I can't believe how things have turned out this year.
Speaker 18 (18:59):
I'm a legend Charlotte. Everybody knows my name, but nobody
has no respect for me. To them, I'm just some
big fat clown, this Charlotte Court gesture. John Boy, the
stupid disc jockey. He's always making jokes. No matter how
I try, nobody takes me seriously. I'm just comic relief.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Maybe I should just bring down the curtain now, throw
myself into the water and end it all.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Maybe it would be better if I'd never been bored. Well,
hold on, hold on, just a second there.
Speaker 8 (19:29):
Hey, George Bailey, what are you doing here while i'm
your guardian angel?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Sir guardian angel? Well, yeah, but what about your wonderful life?
Speaker 8 (19:40):
All that's been over for fifteen years now, it has
What happened? Well, I was leaving the Bailey Building and
Loan in October nineteen seventy four and I got hit
by a Holly.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Farms poultry truck. That's terrible. Hey, my life was happy.
Speaker 8 (19:58):
Nobody said anything about me being observing? Enough about me?
I heard you talking about jumping off the bridge there?
What should never been born? No, you got this all wrong, sir.
It's not like that.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You're important to a lot of people here in Charlotte.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
Yeah, yeah, sure, no, really, what would you like to
see what Charlotte would be like if you'd never been born?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Well?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Sure, I got a few minutes.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Good.
Speaker 8 (20:25):
Otherwise this would be an awful short edition of John
Boy and Billy Playhouse. Well, come on, let's go in
and look in over at your place of business. Well,
the fox looks pretty much the same to me. Yeah,
but take a take a peek through that window where
the morning show is going off.
Speaker 19 (20:45):
Hey is it that?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yup, it's the Catfish and Billy Show. Oh, I can't
believe it. Neither can the rest of Charlotte's. So so
where are we going now?
Speaker 8 (20:55):
Well, I know how you love basketball, So let's go
over to the new Colisseum and looking on the game there. Wow, Hey,
what's what's that on all those banners? Hunker down, you,
Harry spirit tool? You mean they actually kick that stupid nay, Hey,
don't knock the team now they're playing better than ever.
(21:16):
Now that coach Tillot's on Uncle Hughey coaching the Hornet. Yes,
and he's still losing on the game. You see that
well dressed guy over there in the team Skybark.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
No, Jim Baker owns the Hornets, of course, and Tammi.
Speaker 8 (21:32):
Are Charlotte's most beloved entrepreneurs.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Now, well, what about George Shinn.
Speaker 8 (21:36):
Oh he's still around. See that's him down there in
the mascot costume.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
What kind of mascot is that? He's the headless gumby?
Speaker 8 (21:44):
Oh kind of matches the sculpture outside of the coliseum there.
Speaker 11 (21:47):
He're a kid?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Oh? No, that that that Joel Shapiro. He's a genius.
Speaker 8 (21:52):
In fact, he's already working on another piece for the
front of the new NFL stadium over there in Gastonia.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Gastonia, Now I'm really the press. Well, let me try
to cheer you up.
Speaker 8 (22:02):
Come on, let's drop the paper doll lounge over there
on Wilkinson Boulevard.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Isn't that better?
Speaker 8 (22:10):
Say that brunette dancing on the table over there?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Wow, she's really hot. Yeah. Does she look familiar to you? Well,
it can't be. She looks just light. I tried. That's
so mirak over there. Oh, unbelievable. Well, who's running the city. Well,
let's go see. Let's sing our way over to city Hall.
Are you getting dizzy?
Speaker 9 (22:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Well who is that in the Mayor's office?
Speaker 8 (22:38):
It looks like yep, it's the Honorable Robert d.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Raefer. He's feeling pretty small.
Speaker 8 (22:44):
He just got that bill passed to impose the death
penalty for parking light violations.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
We better not stay too long, though.
Speaker 8 (22:51):
He's getting ready to host that big reception for Governor
Madden's there. Did you say my biggest write in campaign
in North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
History can take it. You're right, George, I've been a fool.
I am needed. I don't want to die, I want
to live. I want to live. There's nothing you don't
want to say it no more, It's all done. Everything's
just like it was before. Say wow, Billy, Randy, Hey,
(23:20):
I just had the strangest dream. What happened, Johnny? Well,
well it was I was I was going, it was coming.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Well, never mind, let's just say I never realized how
good we've got it.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
You know, guys, it's a wonderful life. So what's going on? Well,
Rayfer's just starting the news over there, some of this
gun logs who smoke and burn their parking lives. Driving
Parked one of our special year long series coming up now, George, George, Benny.
Maybe I've been a little hasty here, George, George.
Speaker 16 (23:51):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Tune in next time when Bob Walton is named new host.
All the little Yeah, and they still wanted to syndicate
Its all right?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
God, all yo, Let's play John Moore Jeopardy for the
Bertee County Peanuts package. All accessible parts considered, this is
the dirtiest, most bacteria laden part of your body.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
What is your bigger.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Anybody wanting the rest of my boat?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Giants vision? What y'all got one ain't on a big
show you told free line. We go, do we get
a winner? We play John Boy jepenty next Good Monday Morning,
(25:02):
and Big Shows on the Radio. Feature track from the
Big Show, Big Box story Time and Carl Childers a
Christmas Story keywords Christmas Story at a Big Box at
the Bigshow dot com there.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Right now, Let's La Jails Live across America and John
boyd Jeppe and now your host.
Speaker 12 (25:22):
He says he's figured out why Santa is so jolly.
He thinks it might have something to do with that
list of naughty girls.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
He's John Boy, Oh, I got it, y Rain. Let's
say hey to Howard out of Noon and Georgia. Good morning, Howard,
Good morning, John Boy in the Gang.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Hey buddy, I'd heard you got first shot at John
Boy Jeopardy this morning. Consider all parts, this is the dirtiest,
most bacteria laden part of your body.
Speaker 9 (25:59):
Well, if you're sain't dirty, I'm thinking my mind, because
it's pretty dirty with bacterialates, and I'm gonna say it's.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
The mouth bacteria. Yes, heh your mouth. Yeah, I was
thinking it was between your mouth and your hands, so
your mouth winds hands are number three?
Speaker 17 (26:25):
Is that right?
Speaker 8 (26:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Who eat feet number two?
Speaker 6 (26:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 12 (26:29):
Most bacterial lates say, that's why you're not supposed to
bite your toenails, right.
Speaker 9 (26:34):
I see, Thanks, Renny, you're taking all the fun out
of life.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
You enjoy your day, you hang on with Jack, you
hook you up with to burn, Yes you can.
Speaker 9 (26:46):
Hey, I just want to give a shout out to
y'all for and I hope you get to enjoy your retirements.
This is the last time I get to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
By the way.
Speaker 9 (26:53):
I don't know if you remember, because I know you
talked to thousands of millions of people, But I'm your
favorite JIMBRONI that was my life name, and I got
to tell you that a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I do remember you.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Howard awesomebody. Well appreciate you man. Glad you got to
grab a prize package.
Speaker 6 (27:10):
He toward the end.
Speaker 9 (27:12):
Well, I appreciate y'all, and weish all the best in
your retirement. And tell Tator not to screw up the podcast.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Turtainer's Big Show Hangover. How about one more round or
a couple of rounds? See how she can take it there?
Speaker 6 (27:25):
Never to remember that, I know I can't remember that
second summer.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
I hard hang on the jacket, ye buy him of
the hour and tell me your news on the other side.
Our time capsule one mark December twenty second, getn't close
to Christmas.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 15 (28:37):
Rusty the Crackhead was the jokie on my stream.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
With his yellow wise and one green tube. Danny smelled
like rock mean.
Speaker 15 (28:49):
Rusty the Crackhead was a stone cold free gainst true
drinking Danny freeze and stern on shot.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Dandy p was midnight.
Speaker 15 (29:00):
I'm saying must have been some up wind chunking or
rusty as.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Bunk in the door.
Speaker 17 (29:06):
You could eat a box up.
Speaker 15 (29:08):
Condon balls and pull buck coil of row. Rusty the
crack Head, you could keep him down.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
All the kids wouldn't laugh when he hunked us cam
in the manger. See down.
Speaker 20 (29:24):
Barbey fark bark barpaty bark bark, Look at old Rusty blows.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Farbe fark poperty, far from eating.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
That yellow snow.
Speaker 20 (29:36):
Rusty the crack Head knew the fans were on old way,
So I feel my junk, then packed my trunk and
make my get away down through again. Oh when his
cracked on back the cell, he made his deal. Still
the stool less squill Danny had the run like he.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And in down the streets uptown, ran right into the common.
They shot him with.
Speaker 15 (30:06):
The taser and made his flight a copper.
Speaker 8 (30:11):
Fall to the whose gap.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
They dragged old Rusty his hide.
Speaker 20 (30:17):
Now he's in jail where he wears a fail because
he is his cell mate.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Rid. Somebody thumb thumb. Somebody that the thumb gets Christmas
in the hole. Somebody thumb thumb, somebody that thumb. Twenty
five years he'll parole.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Isn't there anyone he knows what Christmas is all about
them shod boy and Billy.
Speaker 7 (30:43):
That's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Good morning, we yelled, dumb right, good morning.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Big shows already close, are in time of we'll wrap
her up the day.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Before Christmas Eve this week. That should be Wednesday to tomorrow. Wow.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
Look, Ow, there's retirement snug up home. Before we get
Mourner in here talking about bits. Randy's going back to college, y'all. Yeah,
like you're gonna learn all about AI. So Randy, you
gotta animate you're talking about animating some of our bits.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, you're stuck like this. Yeah.
Speaker 12 (31:49):
I've been producing radio cartoons for so hello. If they
just beg for animation, and if I can learn to
do it, why not. And artificial entail just makes it.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
A whole lot of all right, ma goods. So gonna
get on that.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
I think I'm nominate the mayor of Dismal Seepage to
be one.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
And and then you can you can go with the
Shriners that always happened. Yeah, cutaways each of the things.
Speaker 6 (32:15):
It's gonna be great.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
All right, So I got you on that.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
It's Tater's big show Hangover One More Round podcast at thirteen.
Oh yeah, y'all, I don't don't make them work.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
And y'all Facebook page for your your highness yere, Yeah,
but go ahead.
Speaker 12 (32:33):
I was gonna ask do us both a favor. Please
call us every week and ask how it's going. Okay,
And then y'all worry about Jackie. I got a letter
i'll read tomorrow. Got around here somewhere, Yeah, y'all worry
about Jackie.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
What did you tell that John Moll's gonna go fishing?
I think I'll be sitting there holding his words. Yeah, John,
you don't be with me, y'all worry about her. That's
what my boyfriend said. What are you gonna do?
Speaker 5 (33:01):
I said, He said, He's gonna go fishing and hunt.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Now, hold his worms and hold his gun. I guess
I'll be home someday. I'll go get your drink.
Speaker 8 (33:10):
Baby.
Speaker 7 (33:13):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Well, that's talk about Mayor that we got right here,
Mayor Merwin coup fiddle Swoop. Well, something exciting is always
having and beautiful dismal seep in South Carolina, and here
to tell us all about it is the Mayor himself,
the Honorable Merwin coup Fiddle Swoop.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Good morning, mister Mayor. Good morning John Boy and all
your wonderful listeners. So what's on tap this weekend? Great question,
John Boy. Well, as we all know, everything eventually comes
to an end, and the time has come that we
bidded you to two legends in morning radio. After four
plus decades of making our mornings brighter. Unfortunately, Uncle Scabby
(33:54):
and the Rash signed a new deal with another company.
So at the last minute to announce the big dismal seepage,
John Boy and Billy Appreciation weekend. Wow, well, I guess
second place it in bad Hold on your horses, Tubby.
Also backing out where the Nuclear Net and glow Boy,
Radioactive Morning Zoo Wan Boy and Pablo's possibly illegal am
(34:16):
Mayhem and the Farm Report. Wow? Okay, well we are
still grateful for the honor. I'll fix that, John boy.
This was a particular challenge for us because we and
dismal Seebage aren't accustomed to celebrating quitters. Well, you know,
retiring isn't quitting. Whatever helps you sleep at night, John boy,
(34:40):
But try telling that to your faithful listeners.
Speaker 14 (34:43):
No.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Kicking off the weekend be the big parade down Main
Street supplying the feel good vibes will be the marching
Bunyans from the Isley Family Hammertoe Research Institute. They'll be
followed by the Robert Earl Kean Tree Band Robert Earl Shibe.
What about the Shriners. Look who's paying attention, John boy.
(35:08):
The Shriners will indeed be on hand, driving Little Legends
cars and dressed in matching tutu's. Oh maybe I could
get in there and drive with them. We'll have specially
themed activities all weekend long as a tribute to these
last two years. We're inviting everyone to play Find Billy.
We've got two acres of open land covered in thousands
(35:31):
and thousands of garden gnomes. All you need to do
is find Billy. Now has he agreed to this? If
you've ever wondered what it's like to work with John Boy,
you won't want to miss our next attraction, the Randy Pinata. Yea,
what is that? Pretty much what it sounds like, except
(35:52):
when you beat it with a stick. It doesn't give candy,
just more advice you never asked for us. Hey, hey,
but wait, there's more. What will the weekend be without
a salute to corporate you'll want to stand down. Win
for the Big I Fart radio contest. Whoever can produce
(36:13):
the longest, loudest, most noxious cloud of butt breeze similar
to the hot air from the Big Wigs that never
quite got it?
Speaker 7 (36:20):
You win.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Then go next door for the Virtual Entourage experience. It's
a chance for the dedicated listener to see what it's
like to be a member of John Boy's entourage. So
how do you do that? At the end of the attraction,
the holographic John Boy disappears and leaves you to pick
up the check. That's hurtful. Then you're gonna hate this
next part, John Boys, bring your skills to the one
(36:45):
and only Life size Operation Game. Bring the whole family
and try to recreate one of John Boy's many operations,
but don't touch the sides. Come on, be sure to
come and see Man versus Animal as Terry Maurice Hansen
arm wrestles a live raccoon. What make sure the kids
(37:07):
get a chance to play Booger Branch. Each child, upon
entering gets a stick and they get festival goers to
donate some nose gold and wipe it on their stick.
Whoever has the most snot on their branch wins. What
do they win? Stick with boogers on it? For all
the wrestling fans, we'll have a big card at the
(37:28):
Arthur Turdmore Stadium. The main event will be the Nature
Boy Rick Flair versus John Boy in an I quit match.
Well I'm not gonna do that. Oh and he quits
before he even gets started.
Speaker 8 (37:40):
What a shock.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Swing by the Robert D. Rayford Memorial Cash Bar for
some adult refreshment hosted by Jackie and Tator. See if
you can buy them enough cocktails until they slow dance
and maybe kiss any food. Sure is Fatty Pillars will
have his food truck invasion of Polish sausages. So what
(38:05):
about Carla Cook and the Big Show Grill? Oh No,
he's working the Hermit Crab Races at Myrtle Beach and
the big closing night concert features Dakota with two k's,
gay Stowing You with three s's and the Hound Brown
Tribute Act Brown Hound and stick around for the comedy.
Over the years, John Boy and Billy have propelled the
(38:27):
careers of several big name comics. Come see their latest
find joke Nerve. He's almost a laugh riot.
Speaker 9 (38:35):
You know what I think.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I think you're mad that we're not gonna be here anymore.
And I think you've really grown to like us here
at the Big Show. I think you're really gonna miss us.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
So come on, so come on down and build a
fine farewell to the Big Show at the Dismal See
pitch John Boy and Billy Appreciation Days. Are those tears,
whym not crying? You're crying.
Speaker 17 (39:05):
This is your old pal Satanick going over the Big
Show Christmas least. Let's see Mad Magazine for Billy check
new pitchfork for John Boy. Check fancy new walking stick
for Tiny Tim brasl Tatter wants some hair care products.
(39:26):
Might have to make two trips and a victorious secret
gift certificate for Smarty Marty the one and a half
man Party.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
I think I know what the other half is. Good morning,
(40:12):
Big Show is on the radio for you Monday.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Yeah, may run out of time here, so we got
a board pillars with his goodbye letter the final hour
of the show. So there's gonna be crazy in here tomorrow.
We're gonna be having packed him in here for the
less the last broadcast day.
Speaker 6 (40:29):
So we got that there.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
But don't worry.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
The Big Show is gonna be on your radio, the
radio stage you're listening to right now through December the
thirty first, with the less the New Show.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I ain't gonna explain it now, y'all.
Speaker 6 (40:40):
Have that all right?
Speaker 3 (40:42):
So where we are there, we're am now. Oh, yes,
making the pillars. Yes see, got one more top ten list.
We'll get out of him right here.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I remember when I was a kid, Christmas meant TV specials.
It's back when we only have three channels. Andy Williams
Perry Como Dean Martin. All fantastic kids now, and I
don't appreciate the Great American Variety Show. And no one
did it better than Ed Sullivan. As John Boy would say,
he wasn't the prettiest thing a man. He just rocked.
(41:11):
And since we're getting close to Christmas, I'm going to
give myself a present. And here it is from the
home office in Maray, Amsterdam's cello closet. Right behind Tody
Field's leg comes the top ten movie quotes as read
by Ed Sullivan. Number ten, Say hello to my little
friend Tapoo Giju. Number nine. The census taker once tried
(41:36):
to test me. I ate his liver with some fava
beans and a nice canty. Number eight. Some folks call
it a kaiser blade. I calls it a sling blade.
Number seven, And stay out of the Woolsworth six badges.
(42:02):
We don't need no stinking badges. Number five. Cinderella Story
out of nowhere. Former greenskeeper now about to become the
Master's champion. It looks like a miracle. It's in the hole.
It's in the hole. Number four. Somebody's gonna need to
(42:25):
go back to town and get a buttload of dimes.
Number three We're gonna need a bigger boots, really big boats.
Number two. I'll be back after a word from our sponsor.
And the number one movie quote said by Ed Sullivan.
(42:49):
I'm not an actor, damn you. I'm a movie star.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
When I got a big show on the radio, All
ride one of our favorite Christmas playhouses. It's a wonderful
life starring dub Hang on and throw it to you
in a minute. I'm gonna tell you what you can
win if you can beat the blonde in a couple
of minutes. It's a big old Happy Herd package. Happy
Herd makes top quality attractives, minerals and feed for deer
bearon hogs Night Too late, boys, click on a Happy
(43:20):
Herd banner the Big Show dot com inter Coe JBB.
Speaker 6 (43:23):
You get tempersent off a checkout play for it ten
minutes but.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Right now action.
Speaker 8 (43:32):
Welcome to John Boy and Bill a playhouse. Today's episode.
It's a wonderful light. As our story opens, John Wood,
in the rip of a deep depression, is standing at
the edge of a bridge on a lonely country road.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
My life is a mess. How did I end up
like this?
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Sure in the host of a popular morning radio show,
and lots of people know me, but no respect me
to them. I'm just John Boy, the court jester, John Boy,
stupid disc jockey, John Boy, big old Harry, no talking,
no driving, he hal looking sometimes I wish I'd never
been born.
Speaker 8 (44:16):
Oh on, just a second there, Who are you?
Speaker 7 (44:20):
Man?
Speaker 2 (44:20):
You look familiar.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
I know you.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
You're George Bailey.
Speaker 8 (44:24):
Yeah, I'm your guardian. Angel. I heard you're talking about
how nobody has any respect for you, how you're's to clown,
a big fat clown, a big fat, stupid looking redneck.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Any oh ain clown?
Speaker 9 (44:37):
I got it?
Speaker 8 (44:38):
I got it? Did I also hear you say you
wish you'd never been born? Yeah, well stop that, big
stupid You're an important guy. In fact, if it weren't
for you, things will be pretty screwed up around here,
and so with the people around you. Would would you
like to see what it would have been like?
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Do you want me to say yes?
Speaker 18 (44:58):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Please show?
Speaker 10 (45:00):
Yes?
Speaker 8 (45:00):
Okay, Well, who would you like to check in on?
Speaker 6 (45:03):
First?
Speaker 8 (45:03):
Let me warn you start off slowly. How about we
check in on.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
Dub Dub Okay? Gee, George, sure is a rough part
of town you zapped us into. Look at his place?
Trash everywhere. There's a homeless guy over there.
Speaker 8 (45:21):
Look closer, you might recognize him.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Is that dub Yep?
Speaker 8 (45:26):
Turns out being on the playhouse every week was see
the only thing keeping him from going down the tube.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Hey boy, you'd better slow that car down. Don't come
through here all crazy like you are driving. I see
he's still blowing his punchlines.
Speaker 8 (45:41):
Well, some things never check. Hey, you recognize the guy
he's pushing along in the shopping car? Is that?
Speaker 2 (45:47):
No? Wait, it can't be.
Speaker 8 (45:52):
I can make a book of top heyd want to
change my diaper?
Speaker 2 (46:00):
General Sadler. So, man, this is a bummer.
Speaker 8 (46:05):
It's a parody of it's a wonderful life. What were
you expecting here?
Speaker 6 (46:09):
I guess you're right.
Speaker 8 (46:10):
Okay, who would you like to look in on?
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Nuts? How about my partner Billy?
Speaker 8 (46:14):
Hold on?
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Here we go? Hey, I know this place is Billy
Bob's and Fort Worth. Man does Billy own this place?
Speaker 11 (46:25):
No?
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Does he work here?
Speaker 6 (46:27):
Well?
Speaker 8 (46:28):
You might say that he's a feature performer, real successful too.
Speaker 2 (46:32):
Your kid, And man, Billy's a country western senior.
Speaker 8 (46:35):
No, no, no, no, that's him right over there under
that big.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Banner, the one that says bite sized. Billy's all dwarf review.
Speaker 8 (46:43):
Up, he's the lead dwarf.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
You don't mean he's part of some degrading dwarf tossing contest,
of course not.
Speaker 8 (46:52):
He's part of a degrading dwarf bowling contest. Look there
it goes.
Speaker 19 (46:57):
Okay, cowboy, you think you can knock him down? Come on,
row me down the alley, George, talk to this coffin.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Billy's the smart one.
Speaker 8 (47:14):
We'll see he's missing the one thing that made him
into the smart one.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
What's that you?
Speaker 8 (47:19):
What's a part of it?
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Okay, who's next? Step?
Speaker 8 (47:21):
Right up, Buffaloville, Let's see what you got.
Speaker 15 (47:23):
Come.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
I can't watch anymore. Get us out of here.
Speaker 8 (47:28):
Let's chuck in and see what old Randy's up to.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Wow, where are we now?
Speaker 8 (47:35):
This is the Roots Hotel in Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Nice place. So is Randy like the manager or something?
Speaker 8 (47:41):
No, no, no, hey, let's pop on up to room
two twenty seven. You'll get the picture.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
So what's the deal? I thought Randy was gonna be here?
Speaker 8 (47:51):
Well, yeah, just let me call up the spectro vision
menu on the in room TV spectory vision.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
You mean Randy's a movie star?
Speaker 8 (47:59):
Well? In the matter of speaking. Let's see here adult selections.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
We want number oh four, Randy's making adult movie.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
Oh yeah, ah, here he comes now Pervy Como's holiday
hump fath Yeah.
Speaker 8 (48:14):
As you can see, he drew his go to you
back too.
Speaker 7 (48:19):
Hey baby, Randy the Hound is home wrote another rous
Where do you bean playing? Ain't you got a face?
Speaker 2 (48:37):
This is red red? I don't want to watch. Please
at least tell me. Jackie's okay, Jackie?
Speaker 8 (48:42):
Oh yeah, she's fine. She became quite a celebrity too.
In fact, we might catch her over here on the
Fox Chow. Oh yeah, she's the host of the biggest
new hit show in the country.
Speaker 7 (48:54):
Yo.
Speaker 15 (48:54):
Yeah, yeah, what's up, y'all?
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I'm Jackie C.
Speaker 10 (48:57):
Welcome to another episode of America's Stupid, Right.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
That doesn't sound so bad?
Speaker 8 (49:05):
Well it's not. Jackie's the only one who'd actually be
better off.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Okay, Well, I got to ask what happened to Rayford?
Speaker 8 (49:13):
Well, hang on, I'll show you.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Hey man, what are we doing in the mall?
Speaker 8 (49:21):
Don't you recognize that crusty red face sado sneaking a
drink out of the paper bag under the big Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (49:28):
Rayford is a Mall Santa, Well only during the holidays.
Speaker 8 (49:31):
The rest of the year, he's a bag boy. It
food said it.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Wow, man, I can't believe everything ended up so different. Hey,
wait a minute.
Speaker 3 (49:39):
If I'm not here and Billy and Randy and Jackie
and Rayford are doing other things, and who's hosting the
big show?
Speaker 8 (49:46):
I'm glad you asked. Let's stop in and take a lak.
There you go, there's your morning team. Oh no, it
can't be the Salts number one morning radio show, Breakfast
with the Bird Math.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
And it's your birthday today. I'm white and ripple.
Speaker 17 (50:05):
Where are you?
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Ade chirp, happy birthday on this special occasion. No, you know,
I can't end up like this. Take me back, George,
I was wrong. I want to live. I want to live.
Speaker 8 (50:18):
It's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
You don't want to Billy, Randy, Jackie. My glad to
see you guys. Man, I just had the weirdest dream.
Speaker 8 (50:26):
What was it about?
Speaker 2 (50:27):
Baby? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I
just let me put it this way.
Speaker 3 (50:30):
You know, sometimes I think this is a stupid way
to make a living, But when you get right down
to it, it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
So what are we doing.
Speaker 8 (50:39):
That's time to announce the winner of the Christmas Song contest.
Here just just read what's on the card.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
Okay, good morning, it's the Big Show and now the
number one most requested Christmas song of the year.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
Graham all got run over by George. Could you come
back for a moment. Maybe that was a little hasty, George.
Speaker 8 (50:58):
We hope you'll enjoyed. John Moore n Bulle Playhouse. And
then again next time when we'll hear down and out.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
Dubbsy, Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
Alright, man, Dubster, it is awesome. All right, y'all, let's
play beat the blonde one ain't on the Big Show.
You told free Line.
Speaker 2 (51:20):
We'll get a couple of No.
Speaker 6 (51:21):
It's just one contestant's on. We need we got Tater.
She's over here, go Tater, contest.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
I got it. We'll play next
Hey, just smister t You know, sometimes I'm tough, sometime
I'm tender, but right now I want to be tender.
I want to wish all the fans out there are
merry Christmas, a blessed Christmas, and a happy and a
safe New Year. Okay, And I pity you if you
don't listen to John Boy and Billy the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
You got it. It's the Big Show. Oh morning, we say,
(01:00):
got the Doo do doo up and out on them.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
And it's Monday, December, the twenty second Christmas week. It'll
be mansing out the new broadcast. You still got a
big show to the thirty first on the radio station
that you're listening to right now.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We're glad to have you with.
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Us, all right, right off the bad day about John
Boy's wonderful Thing, the final wonderful Thing, number one hundred
and sixty seven.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
You've been keeping score at home, are beloved first time
caller moon Maker Elsie. We will get that away tomorrow
at the end of the show, because that'll be the
last one full Christmas time.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Okay, a new maker. I like it. I had to
put it down there, I did.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
We'll get our first prize back out and see when
get our winning beginning. We're wake big shows on the radio.
Good morning, big shows on a radios. Get our first
prize pack, big old blue Emu package. He's got blue
Emu pain relief cream tube of PbCO TC Itch relief cream.
Look for both in stores and online at Walmart, Amazon
(02:11):
of the Finery Tailer. Listen to our three Days in
History where we're going to categories you can win It
Center twenty two, eighteen eighty two, the first Christmas tree
with electric lights was turned on at the home of
Ed Johnson, New York City.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
At Johnson's right. Johnson got electric lights on this tree.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
He can't hide his money.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
He was an associate of light bulb inventor Thomas Edison.
So you gotta know somebody to the guy who invented it.
Speaker 6 (02:44):
All right, good work theirhead.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Nineteen ninety five, a federal bankruptcy judge and la ruled
that the rights to the three Stooges belonged to the
illegal heirs of Larry Fine Curly to ride out Mohoward.
So rights of the Stooges films had been tied up
in court for years. Ninety five, It took figured that
out time.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Finally, No.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Five Mexico was demanding that Latin America joining the fight
against American plans to erect a seven hundred miles walt
on the border between Mexico and the US.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
All right, good thing, we got that done. This ninety
six percent shut down.
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Now Biden couldn't figure out how to do it, and
it's for you, So thirty million in we'll figure it.
Trump's gonna beat Kamala anyway, so he'll he'll fix it.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
All right, look at your amore anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Okay, all right, we're good, gentlemen. To rest your spinters.
We are ready to play umbers one eight hundred. Big
Show you told freelying. We'll do it next morn Helisa
(04:15):
Big Show on the radio for your Monday morning and
I featured track from The Big Show bid Box story
Time with Carl Childers a Christmas story that's the keyword
Christmas store when they hear the Bigbox at the Big
Show dot com. By the way, all the road to
Milan runs through Saint Louis see Ilia, Monnanan, Alisa lou
(04:37):
and Amber Glynn compete at the twenty twenty six Prevaging
US Figure Skating Championship January seventh through eleventh b. There's
the twenty twenty sixth US Olymic figure skating team is
named Live Chicks at usfigure Skating dot Org.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
All Right, we read in it.
Speaker 7 (05:00):
Uppers.
Speaker 8 (05:00):
Let's play Outburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
John Boys and Bully.
Speaker 8 (05:08):
We give the prizes from the big Prize be Let's
go contested number one. This should really be a lot
of fun. You're playing Outburst.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Haveing urry up and guest time you love the best
time you love a big shots.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Let's say from time George, y'all we.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Have a shots he my good, we man here amongsters.
All right, you read to win this blue EMU package.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
And rub some on you.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Yeah, turn all right five seconds. Give us three things
you see on a Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Ready go, lights, ornaments, and balls. Now we need three
kinds of judges.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Ready to go, Supreme Federal District.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Wow, you ready to go down? You might before to
win three kinds of walls go, uh break.
Speaker 9 (06:18):
Wall into your wall and the green wall China.
Speaker 10 (06:23):
Around the world.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
To get this blue en you package that buddy? All right, Mike,
can you hook up? We'll get it to you down
to your place and try and appreciate.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
You, buddy.
Speaker 11 (06:33):
Hey, thank y'all.
Speaker 9 (06:34):
Appreciate all y'all do.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Oh my man, Why here's what we jump out, catch
you up on your news and then we play on
Monday morning. Song Well Last Time by Robert Jean, Good Morning,
(07:26):
Big shows on the radio, forward play out songs. Sing
along for my bud. Robert Earl Keane. Mind you always
got his Christmas tour going on.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Now go to Robert Earl Keene dot com find out
it's gonna.
Speaker 12 (07:38):
Be near you.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
He was Now, I was last weekend Man bringing Before
Lasting Charlotte, North Carolina. It was shout out right. Came
on stage, John Boyn Billy and Jackie. The crowd went crazy.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
Then he sang the road goes on Forever.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Awesome our right, Jackie. Get ready to sing along with
your man. It's swerving on Monday Morning. That's done by
Robert Earl Keane.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Is being lying a bit your studio.
Speaker 13 (08:08):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Come on track and get ready to say anybody.
Speaker 13 (08:16):
Sometimes on my days are filled with right els.
Speaker 14 (08:23):
I've traveled down left subad things ain't going mind way
because there's always someone swirming in my life.
Speaker 13 (08:37):
You keep swirming in my line, and it's causing lots
of thannger. I'm a honking on my horror. I'm shooting
you the thing. Keep switching on my bride lights. Just
too dem too.
Speaker 14 (09:00):
When you're swerving all lives high way, you're running someone
off the road.
Speaker 13 (09:08):
The day Joe Way, I thought I never never could
love another. How else could I feed?
Speaker 14 (09:23):
But nowing you run into me, I can't believe I
could not see her.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I'll take up no one's at the waiting.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
You keep swarming in my life, just causing lots of thames.
Speaker 13 (09:45):
I'm a cussing out your name.
Speaker 8 (09:49):
I'm shooting you the fine.
Speaker 13 (09:52):
I keep switching on my bride lights.
Speaker 14 (09:56):
But you're just too dimpty. Now when you're swerving all lives,
Oh why you're run a Simon off the road.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Driving a big show.
Speaker 10 (10:35):
Take good morning, big shows on the radio. Here we go,
Hello friends, you're old pal bird Bird.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Here with another taint tickling edition of John Boy and
Billy Playhouse. Today's episode pick a winner. As our story opens,
an unusual woman is seeking advice from a professional relationship counselor.
Speaker 15 (11:02):
Okay, miss, is that Dutch's slovan Ah?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Well tell me.
Speaker 6 (11:12):
What brings you here today?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Uber?
Speaker 7 (11:14):
No no, no, no, no no no?
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Why are you here?
Speaker 8 (11:18):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (11:22):
Well, doc, I can't seem to keep a relationship, can
you believe it? I mean, I'm a keeper, ain't I?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Yes? So how can I help you?
Speaker 7 (11:38):
Well?
Speaker 5 (11:38):
It occurs to me that maybe I'm just not dating
the right guy. What sort of fellows should I look for?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
I mean, other than the ones you are breathing? Well?
In general, there are basically five secrets to a great relationship.
Would you like something to write on? Yeah, I got
one of them.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Pornographic memories show ahead.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I noticed you didn't laugh this time?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
Oh sorry?
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Okay. So the first secret is to find a man
who works around the house. You know, cookes and cleans
and has a job.
Speaker 5 (12:19):
A worker, not a shirker. I get it, a shirker.
That's what I said.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Makes sense, right, Okay. The second secrete, let's get this
over with. The second secret is it's important to find
a man that makes you laugh.
Speaker 5 (12:30):
Oh it's one of my best features, you heard.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Right, charming. The third secret is to find a man
who is dependable, Oh, like he wears his dult diaper.
No no, no no, and that he's someone you can
count on, you know, respectful and doesn't lie.
Speaker 5 (12:51):
Oh no, Pinocchio, I got it, got it, got you, guys.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
And the fourth secret is to find a man who's
good in bed, a man who loves to be intimate
with you.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Now you're talking getting gilly with it, surely, big old booties.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, something like that.
Speaker 16 (13:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
And the fifth secret is perhaps the most important of all.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Oh, this stuff is gold laying on me, doc.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Under no circumstances ever, let these four men meet. We
hope you'll enjoy John Boy and Billy playhouse Boy skipping
a little steaming in here. I wish I had two
(13:40):
top buttons. Stuff you.
Speaker 9 (13:43):
Too.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Tune in next time when we'll hear miss Flergelstein's uber
driver say, hey, big man, let me hold a dollar
Santa Clause.
Speaker 17 (13:58):
And the season wouldn't be complete without that letter from
John Boy trying to buy his way.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Off the naughtilust.
Speaker 17 (14:07):
Sorry, John Boy, missus Claws already got me a copy
of Potted Meat, the Carl Childer's album. You can put
that back on Billy's side of the office. Nice tribe,
big spender. And by the way, it's Santa Claus, not
santac Laus.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Oh the partner herod a pleasing.
Speaker 8 (15:08):
I don't get that's right too.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Excuse me while I whipped this out.
Speaker 8 (15:17):
Somebody's gotta go back and get a buttload of dimes.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Let's face it, I'm.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
I want you to seduce the Sheriff of rock Ridge
and an abandoned him.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Let me just have a little touch. Hello boys, I
missed you, Amy, I am not from Havanah. Yes, we
know that would pretty well. You're doing for Randolph Scott.
Speaker 8 (15:57):
You don't need she says, We don't care if it's
the first actor, Henry the fifth. We leave it.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Our Johnson was right, Lily Vaughan stoopid old Lily.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Thank y'all that came out of nowhere. It's a Jackie's
favorite movie. She learns about movies.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Mama, you know The Frasers her favorite TV show now,
so she's catching.
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Up, said the man who just watched ET.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Well, good morning, Why let black hope think.
Speaker 8 (16:49):
Of there.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
A wed woes. Good morning.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
Big shows on the radio, all right, some Christmas classics.
As we count down to Christmas and count down to
the end of the Big Show. At forty five years
of John Boy and Billy, everybody's being here tomorrow. That's
been with us most of no way, we'll get them
all in this closet we brought got that. Yeah, So anyway,
this playhouse getting ready to play. This was way before
(17:20):
we were syndicated, so it is very localized in Charlotte,
North Carolina. If y'all have been listening to the Big
Show since the beginning, then you will you will get
a lot of these references. A lot of you won't
know really what's what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
But that's all right. Like I said, what are they
gonna do?
Speaker 8 (17:38):
Fire a fictional place?
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Hey? All right, well hang over that.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
First, let me tell you about the prize pack you
can win on John Boy Jeopardy, one of those bird
Tea County Peanuts packages of Southern tradition for over one
hundred years.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
You can go nuts as Christmas.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
They got a huge selection to choose from a lot
of you picked up on them last year.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Just tackle to death to have again this year.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
So you can't intercode JBB at checkout get twenty five
percent off plus free shipping when you shop online Bertie
County Peanuts dot net.
Speaker 6 (18:11):
I'll look for the link at the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
All right, way back for a very early localized playhouse
before the John Boyd and Billy Radio Network hit it.
Speaker 16 (18:24):
Now live from Studio one A, it's Charlotte's only live
radio drama. John Boy and Billy at Playhouse Today, a
new version of a holiday classic you've probably seen on
TV about a million times since Thanksgiving.
Speaker 11 (18:38):
It's a Wonderful Life. Today's cast John Boy as the
depressed businessman, with Billy as Jimmy Stewart and Citizen Randy
and Robert E. Rayford as themselves. As our story opens,
John Boy is standing on the Buster Boyd Bridge on
Christmas Eve, contemplating his life.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
I can't believe how things have turned out this year.
Speaker 18 (18:59):
I'm a legend Charlotte. Everybody knows my name, but nobody
has no respect for me. To them, I'm just some
big fat clown, this Charlotte Court gesture. John Boy, the
stupid disc jockey. He's always making jokes. No matter how
I try, nobody takes me seriously. I'm just comic relief.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Maybe I should just bring down the curtain now, throw
myself into the water and end it all.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Maybe it would be better if I'd never been bored. Well,
hold on, hold on, just a second there.
Speaker 8 (19:29):
Hey, George Bailey, what are you doing here while i'm
your guardian angel?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Sir guardian angel? Well, yeah, but what about your wonderful life?
Speaker 8 (19:40):
All that's been over for fifteen years now, it has
What happened? Well, I was leaving the Bailey Building and
Loan in October nineteen seventy four and I got hit
by a Holly.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Farms poultry truck. That's terrible. Hey, my life was happy.
Speaker 8 (19:58):
Nobody said anything about me being observing? Enough about me?
I heard you talking about jumping off the bridge there?
What should never been born? No, you got this all wrong, sir.
It's not like that.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
You're important to a lot of people here in Charlotte.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
Yeah, yeah, sure, no, really, what would you like to
see what Charlotte would be like if you'd never been born?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Well?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
Sure, I got a few minutes.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Good.
Speaker 8 (20:25):
Otherwise this would be an awful short edition of John
Boy and Billy Playhouse. Well, come on, let's go in
and look in over at your place of business. Well,
the fox looks pretty much the same to me. Yeah,
but take a take a peek through that window where
the morning show is going off.
Speaker 19 (20:45):
Hey is it that?
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yup, it's the Catfish and Billy Show. Oh, I can't
believe it. Neither can the rest of Charlotte's. So so
where are we going now?
Speaker 8 (20:55):
Well, I know how you love basketball, So let's go
over to the new Colisseum and looking on the game there. Wow, Hey,
what's what's that on all those banners? Hunker down, you,
Harry spirit tool? You mean they actually kick that stupid nay, Hey,
don't knock the team now they're playing better than ever.
(21:16):
Now that coach Tillot's on Uncle Hughey coaching the Hornet. Yes,
and he's still losing on the game. You see that
well dressed guy over there in the team Skybark.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
No, Jim Baker owns the Hornets, of course, and Tammi.
Speaker 8 (21:32):
Are Charlotte's most beloved entrepreneurs.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Now, well, what about George Shinn.
Speaker 8 (21:36):
Oh he's still around. See that's him down there in
the mascot costume.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
What kind of mascot is that? He's the headless gumby?
Speaker 8 (21:44):
Oh kind of matches the sculpture outside of the coliseum there.
Speaker 11 (21:47):
He're a kid?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Oh? No, that that that Joel Shapiro. He's a genius.
Speaker 8 (21:52):
In fact, he's already working on another piece for the
front of the new NFL stadium over there in Gastonia.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Gastonia, Now I'm really the press. Well, let me try
to cheer you up.
Speaker 8 (22:02):
Come on, let's drop the paper doll lounge over there
on Wilkinson Boulevard.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Isn't that better?
Speaker 8 (22:10):
Say that brunette dancing on the table over there?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Wow, she's really hot. Yeah. Does she look familiar to you? Well,
it can't be. She looks just light. I tried. That's
so mirak over there. Oh, unbelievable. Well, who's running the city. Well,
let's go see. Let's sing our way over to city Hall.
Are you getting dizzy?
Speaker 9 (22:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Well who is that in the Mayor's office?
Speaker 8 (22:38):
It looks like yep, it's the Honorable Robert d.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Raefer. He's feeling pretty small.
Speaker 8 (22:44):
He just got that bill passed to impose the death
penalty for parking light violations.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
We better not stay too long, though.
Speaker 8 (22:51):
He's getting ready to host that big reception for Governor
Madden's there. Did you say my biggest write in campaign
in North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
History can take it. You're right, George, I've been a fool.
I am needed. I don't want to die, I want
to live. I want to live. There's nothing you don't
want to say it no more, It's all done. Everything's
just like it was before. Say wow, Billy, Randy, Hey,
(23:20):
I just had the strangest dream. What happened, Johnny? Well,
well it was I was I was going, it was coming.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Well, never mind, let's just say I never realized how
good we've got it.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
You know, guys, it's a wonderful life. So what's going on? Well,
Rayfer's just starting the news over there, some of this
gun logs who smoke and burn their parking lives. Driving
Parked one of our special year long series coming up now, George, George, Benny.
Maybe I've been a little hasty here, George, George.
Speaker 16 (23:51):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Tune in next time when Bob Walton is named new host.
All the little Yeah, and they still wanted to syndicate
Its all right?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
God, all yo, Let's play John Moore Jeopardy for the
Bertee County Peanuts package. All accessible parts considered, this is
the dirtiest, most bacteria laden part of your body.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
What is your bigger.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Anybody wanting the rest of my boat?
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Giants vision? What y'all got one ain't on a big
show you told free line. We go, do we get
a winner? We play John Boy jepenty next Good Monday Morning,
(25:02):
and Big Shows on the Radio. Feature track from the
Big Show, Big Box story Time and Carl Childers a
Christmas Story keywords Christmas Story at a Big Box at
the Bigshow dot com there.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Right now, Let's La Jails Live across America and John
boyd Jeppe and now your host.
Speaker 12 (25:22):
He says he's figured out why Santa is so jolly.
He thinks it might have something to do with that
list of naughty girls.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
He's John Boy, Oh, I got it, y Rain. Let's
say hey to Howard out of Noon and Georgia. Good morning, Howard,
Good morning, John Boy in the Gang.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Hey buddy, I'd heard you got first shot at John
Boy Jeopardy this morning. Consider all parts, this is the dirtiest,
most bacteria laden part of your body.
Speaker 9 (25:59):
Well, if you're sain't dirty, I'm thinking my mind, because
it's pretty dirty with bacterialates, and I'm gonna say it's.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
The mouth bacteria. Yes, heh your mouth. Yeah, I was
thinking it was between your mouth and your hands, so
your mouth winds hands are number three?
Speaker 17 (26:25):
Is that right?
Speaker 8 (26:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Who eat feet number two?
Speaker 6 (26:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 12 (26:29):
Most bacterial lates say, that's why you're not supposed to
bite your toenails, right.
Speaker 9 (26:34):
I see, Thanks, Renny, you're taking all the fun out
of life.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
You enjoy your day, you hang on with Jack, you
hook you up with to burn, Yes you can.
Speaker 9 (26:46):
Hey, I just want to give a shout out to
y'all for and I hope you get to enjoy your retirements.
This is the last time I get to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
By the way.
Speaker 9 (26:53):
I don't know if you remember, because I know you
talked to thousands of millions of people, But I'm your
favorite JIMBRONI that was my life name, and I got
to tell you that a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I do remember you.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Howard awesomebody. Well appreciate you man. Glad you got to
grab a prize package.
Speaker 6 (27:10):
He toward the end.
Speaker 9 (27:12):
Well, I appreciate y'all, and weish all the best in
your retirement. And tell Tator not to screw up the podcast.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Turtainer's Big Show Hangover. How about one more round or
a couple of rounds? See how she can take it there?
Speaker 6 (27:25):
Never to remember that, I know I can't remember that
second summer.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
I hard hang on the jacket, ye buy him of
the hour and tell me your news on the other side.
Our time capsule one mark December twenty second, getn't close
to Christmas.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 15 (28:37):
Rusty the Crackhead was the jokie on my stream.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
With his yellow wise and one green tube. Danny smelled
like rock mean.
Speaker 15 (28:49):
Rusty the Crackhead was a stone cold free gainst true
drinking Danny freeze and stern on shot.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Dandy p was midnight.
Speaker 15 (29:00):
I'm saying must have been some up wind chunking or
rusty as.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Bunk in the door.
Speaker 17 (29:06):
You could eat a box up.
Speaker 15 (29:08):
Condon balls and pull buck coil of row. Rusty the
crack Head, you could keep him down.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
All the kids wouldn't laugh when he hunked us cam
in the manger. See down.
Speaker 20 (29:24):
Barbey fark bark barpaty bark bark, Look at old Rusty blows.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Farbe fark poperty, far from eating.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
That yellow snow.
Speaker 20 (29:36):
Rusty the crack Head knew the fans were on old way,
So I feel my junk, then packed my trunk and
make my get away down through again. Oh when his
cracked on back the cell, he made his deal. Still
the stool less squill Danny had the run like he.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And in down the streets uptown, ran right into the common.
They shot him with.
Speaker 15 (30:06):
The taser and made his flight a copper.
Speaker 8 (30:11):
Fall to the whose gap.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
They dragged old Rusty his hide.
Speaker 20 (30:17):
Now he's in jail where he wears a fail because
he is his cell mate.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
Rid. Somebody thumb thumb. Somebody that the thumb gets Christmas
in the hole. Somebody thumb thumb, somebody that thumb. Twenty
five years he'll parole.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Isn't there anyone he knows what Christmas is all about
them shod boy and Billy.
Speaker 7 (30:43):
That's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Good morning, we yelled, dumb right, good morning.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Big shows already close, are in time of we'll wrap
her up the day.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Before Christmas Eve this week. That should be Wednesday to tomorrow. Wow.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
Look, Ow, there's retirement snug up home. Before we get
Mourner in here talking about bits. Randy's going back to college, y'all. Yeah,
like you're gonna learn all about AI. So Randy, you
gotta animate you're talking about animating some of our bits.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Oh no, no, no, no, no, you're stuck like this. Yeah.
Speaker 12 (31:49):
I've been producing radio cartoons for so hello. If they
just beg for animation, and if I can learn to
do it, why not. And artificial entail just makes it.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
A whole lot of all right, ma goods. So gonna
get on that.
Speaker 3 (32:05):
I think I'm nominate the mayor of Dismal Seepage to
be one.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
And and then you can you can go with the
Shriners that always happened. Yeah, cutaways each of the things.
Speaker 6 (32:15):
It's gonna be great.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
All right, So I got you on that.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
It's Tater's big show Hangover One More Round podcast at thirteen.
Oh yeah, y'all, I don't don't make them work.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
And y'all Facebook page for your your highness yere, Yeah,
but go ahead.
Speaker 12 (32:33):
I was gonna ask do us both a favor. Please
call us every week and ask how it's going. Okay,
And then y'all worry about Jackie. I got a letter
i'll read tomorrow. Got around here somewhere, Yeah, y'all worry
about Jackie.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
What did you tell that John Moll's gonna go fishing?
I think I'll be sitting there holding his words. Yeah, John,
you don't be with me, y'all worry about her. That's
what my boyfriend said. What are you gonna do?
Speaker 5 (33:01):
I said, He said, He's gonna go fishing and hunt.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Now, hold his worms and hold his gun. I guess
I'll be home someday. I'll go get your drink.
Speaker 8 (33:10):
Baby.
Speaker 7 (33:13):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Well, that's talk about Mayor that we got right here,
Mayor Merwin coup fiddle Swoop. Well, something exciting is always
having and beautiful dismal seep in South Carolina, and here
to tell us all about it is the Mayor himself,
the Honorable Merwin coup Fiddle Swoop.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Good morning, mister Mayor. Good morning John Boy and all
your wonderful listeners. So what's on tap this weekend? Great question,
John Boy. Well, as we all know, everything eventually comes
to an end, and the time has come that we
bidded you to two legends in morning radio. After four
plus decades of making our mornings brighter. Unfortunately, Uncle Scabby
(33:54):
and the Rash signed a new deal with another company.
So at the last minute to announce the big dismal seepage,
John Boy and Billy Appreciation weekend. Wow, well, I guess
second place it in bad Hold on your horses, Tubby.
Also backing out where the Nuclear Net and glow Boy,
Radioactive Morning Zoo Wan Boy and Pablo's possibly illegal am
(34:16):
Mayhem and the Farm Report. Wow? Okay, well we are
still grateful for the honor. I'll fix that, John boy.
This was a particular challenge for us because we and
dismal Seebage aren't accustomed to celebrating quitters. Well, you know,
retiring isn't quitting. Whatever helps you sleep at night, John boy,
(34:40):
But try telling that to your faithful listeners.
Speaker 14 (34:43):
No.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Kicking off the weekend be the big parade down Main
Street supplying the feel good vibes will be the marching
Bunyans from the Isley Family Hammertoe Research Institute. They'll be
followed by the Robert Earl Kean Tree Band Robert Earl Shibe.
What about the Shriners. Look who's paying attention, John boy.
(35:08):
The Shriners will indeed be on hand, driving Little Legends
cars and dressed in matching tutu's. Oh maybe I could
get in there and drive with them. We'll have specially
themed activities all weekend long as a tribute to these
last two years. We're inviting everyone to play Find Billy.
We've got two acres of open land covered in thousands
(35:31):
and thousands of garden gnomes. All you need to do
is find Billy. Now has he agreed to this? If
you've ever wondered what it's like to work with John Boy,
you won't want to miss our next attraction, the Randy Pinata. Yea,
what is that? Pretty much what it sounds like, except
(35:52):
when you beat it with a stick. It doesn't give candy,
just more advice you never asked for us. Hey, hey,
but wait, there's more. What will the weekend be without
a salute to corporate you'll want to stand down. Win
for the Big I Fart radio contest. Whoever can produce
(36:13):
the longest, loudest, most noxious cloud of butt breeze similar
to the hot air from the Big Wigs that never
quite got it?
Speaker 7 (36:20):
You win.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Then go next door for the Virtual Entourage experience. It's
a chance for the dedicated listener to see what it's
like to be a member of John Boy's entourage. So
how do you do that? At the end of the attraction,
the holographic John Boy disappears and leaves you to pick
up the check. That's hurtful. Then you're gonna hate this
next part, John Boys, bring your skills to the one
(36:45):
and only Life size Operation Game. Bring the whole family
and try to recreate one of John Boy's many operations,
but don't touch the sides. Come on, be sure to
come and see Man versus Animal as Terry Maurice Hansen
arm wrestles a live raccoon. What make sure the kids
(37:07):
get a chance to play Booger Branch. Each child, upon
entering gets a stick and they get festival goers to
donate some nose gold and wipe it on their stick.
Whoever has the most snot on their branch wins. What
do they win? Stick with boogers on it? For all
the wrestling fans, we'll have a big card at the
(37:28):
Arthur Turdmore Stadium. The main event will be the Nature
Boy Rick Flair versus John Boy in an I quit match.
Well I'm not gonna do that. Oh and he quits
before he even gets started.
Speaker 8 (37:40):
What a shock.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Swing by the Robert D. Rayford Memorial Cash Bar for
some adult refreshment hosted by Jackie and Tator. See if
you can buy them enough cocktails until they slow dance
and maybe kiss any food. Sure is Fatty Pillars will
have his food truck invasion of Polish sausages. So what
(38:05):
about Carla Cook and the Big Show Grill? Oh No,
he's working the Hermit Crab Races at Myrtle Beach and
the big closing night concert features Dakota with two k's,
gay Stowing You with three s's and the Hound Brown
Tribute Act Brown Hound and stick around for the comedy.
Over the years, John Boy and Billy have propelled the
(38:27):
careers of several big name comics. Come see their latest
find joke Nerve. He's almost a laugh riot.
Speaker 9 (38:35):
You know what I think.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
I think you're mad that we're not gonna be here anymore.
And I think you've really grown to like us here
at the Big Show. I think you're really gonna miss us.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
So come on, so come on down and build a
fine farewell to the Big Show at the Dismal See
pitch John Boy and Billy Appreciation Days. Are those tears,
whym not crying? You're crying.
Speaker 17 (39:05):
This is your old pal Satanick going over the Big
Show Christmas least. Let's see Mad Magazine for Billy check
new pitchfork for John Boy. Check fancy new walking stick
for Tiny Tim brasl Tatter wants some hair care products.
(39:26):
Might have to make two trips and a victorious secret
gift certificate for Smarty Marty the one and a half
man Party.
Speaker 2 (39:37):
I think I know what the other half is. Good morning,
(40:12):
Big Show is on the radio for you Monday.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Yeah, may run out of time here, so we got
a board pillars with his goodbye letter the final hour
of the show. So there's gonna be crazy in here tomorrow.
We're gonna be having packed him in here for the
less the last broadcast day.
Speaker 6 (40:29):
So we got that there.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
But don't worry.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
The Big Show is gonna be on your radio, the
radio stage you're listening to right now through December the
thirty first, with the less the New Show.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I ain't gonna explain it now, y'all.
Speaker 6 (40:40):
Have that all right?
Speaker 3 (40:42):
So where we are there, we're am now. Oh, yes,
making the pillars. Yes see, got one more top ten list.
We'll get out of him right here.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
I remember when I was a kid, Christmas meant TV specials.
It's back when we only have three channels. Andy Williams
Perry Como Dean Martin. All fantastic kids now, and I
don't appreciate the Great American Variety Show. And no one
did it better than Ed Sullivan. As John Boy would say,
he wasn't the prettiest thing a man. He just rocked.
(41:11):
And since we're getting close to Christmas, I'm going to
give myself a present. And here it is from the
home office in Maray, Amsterdam's cello closet. Right behind Tody
Field's leg comes the top ten movie quotes as read
by Ed Sullivan. Number ten, Say hello to my little
friend Tapoo Giju. Number nine. The census taker once tried
(41:36):
to test me. I ate his liver with some fava
beans and a nice canty. Number eight. Some folks call
it a kaiser blade. I calls it a sling blade.
Number seven, And stay out of the Woolsworth six badges.
(42:02):
We don't need no stinking badges. Number five. Cinderella Story
out of nowhere. Former greenskeeper now about to become the
Master's champion. It looks like a miracle. It's in the hole.
It's in the hole. Number four. Somebody's gonna need to
(42:25):
go back to town and get a buttload of dimes.
Number three We're gonna need a bigger boots, really big boats.
Number two. I'll be back after a word from our sponsor.
And the number one movie quote said by Ed Sullivan.
(42:49):
I'm not an actor, damn you. I'm a movie star.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
When I got a big show on the radio, All
ride one of our favorite Christmas playhouses. It's a wonderful
life starring dub Hang on and throw it to you
in a minute. I'm gonna tell you what you can
win if you can beat the blonde in a couple
of minutes. It's a big old Happy Herd package. Happy
Herd makes top quality attractives, minerals and feed for deer
bearon hogs Night Too late, boys, click on a Happy
(43:20):
Herd banner the Big Show dot com inter Coe JBB.
Speaker 6 (43:23):
You get tempersent off a checkout play for it ten
minutes but.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Right now action.
Speaker 8 (43:32):
Welcome to John Boy and Bill a playhouse. Today's episode.
It's a wonderful light. As our story opens, John Wood,
in the rip of a deep depression, is standing at
the edge of a bridge on a lonely country road.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
My life is a mess. How did I end up
like this?
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Sure in the host of a popular morning radio show,
and lots of people know me, but no respect me
to them. I'm just John Boy, the court jester, John Boy,
stupid disc jockey, John Boy, big old Harry, no talking,
no driving, he hal looking sometimes I wish I'd never
been born.
Speaker 8 (44:16):
Oh on, just a second there, Who are you?
Speaker 7 (44:20):
Man?
Speaker 2 (44:20):
You look familiar.
Speaker 3 (44:22):
I know you.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
You're George Bailey.
Speaker 8 (44:24):
Yeah, I'm your guardian. Angel. I heard you're talking about
how nobody has any respect for you, how you're's to clown,
a big fat clown, a big fat, stupid looking redneck.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
Any oh ain clown?
Speaker 9 (44:37):
I got it?
Speaker 8 (44:38):
I got it? Did I also hear you say you
wish you'd never been born? Yeah, well stop that, big
stupid You're an important guy. In fact, if it weren't
for you, things will be pretty screwed up around here,
and so with the people around you. Would would you
like to see what it would have been like?
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Do you want me to say yes?
Speaker 18 (44:58):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Please show?
Speaker 10 (45:00):
Yes?
Speaker 8 (45:00):
Okay, Well, who would you like to check in on?
Speaker 6 (45:03):
First?
Speaker 8 (45:03):
Let me warn you start off slowly. How about we
check in on.
Speaker 3 (45:07):
Dub Dub Okay? Gee, George, sure is a rough part
of town you zapped us into. Look at his place?
Trash everywhere. There's a homeless guy over there.
Speaker 8 (45:21):
Look closer, you might recognize him.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
Is that dub Yep?
Speaker 8 (45:26):
Turns out being on the playhouse every week was see
the only thing keeping him from going down the tube.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Hey boy, you'd better slow that car down. Don't come
through here all crazy like you are driving. I see
he's still blowing his punchlines.
Speaker 8 (45:41):
Well, some things never check. Hey, you recognize the guy
he's pushing along in the shopping car? Is that?
Speaker 2 (45:47):
No? Wait, it can't be.
Speaker 8 (45:52):
I can make a book of top heyd want to
change my diaper?
Speaker 2 (46:00):
General Sadler. So, man, this is a bummer.
Speaker 8 (46:05):
It's a parody of it's a wonderful life. What were
you expecting here?
Speaker 6 (46:09):
I guess you're right.
Speaker 8 (46:10):
Okay, who would you like to look in on?
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Nuts? How about my partner Billy?
Speaker 8 (46:14):
Hold on?
Speaker 2 (46:14):
Here we go? Hey, I know this place is Billy
Bob's and Fort Worth. Man does Billy own this place?
Speaker 11 (46:25):
No?
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Does he work here?
Speaker 6 (46:27):
Well?
Speaker 8 (46:28):
You might say that he's a feature performer, real successful too.
Speaker 2 (46:32):
Your kid, And man, Billy's a country western senior.
Speaker 8 (46:35):
No, no, no, no, that's him right over there under
that big.
Speaker 2 (46:38):
Banner, the one that says bite sized. Billy's all dwarf review.
Speaker 8 (46:43):
Up, he's the lead dwarf.
Speaker 3 (46:45):
You don't mean he's part of some degrading dwarf tossing contest,
of course not.
Speaker 8 (46:52):
He's part of a degrading dwarf bowling contest. Look there
it goes.
Speaker 19 (46:57):
Okay, cowboy, you think you can knock him down? Come on,
row me down the alley, George, talk to this coffin.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Billy's the smart one.
Speaker 8 (47:14):
We'll see he's missing the one thing that made him
into the smart one.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
What's that you?
Speaker 8 (47:19):
What's a part of it?
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Okay, who's next? Step?
Speaker 8 (47:21):
Right up, Buffaloville, Let's see what you got.
Speaker 15 (47:23):
Come.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
I can't watch anymore. Get us out of here.
Speaker 8 (47:28):
Let's chuck in and see what old Randy's up to.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Wow, where are we now?
Speaker 8 (47:35):
This is the Roots Hotel in Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Nice place. So is Randy like the manager or something?
Speaker 8 (47:41):
No, no, no, hey, let's pop on up to room
two twenty seven. You'll get the picture.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
So what's the deal? I thought Randy was gonna be here?
Speaker 8 (47:51):
Well, yeah, just let me call up the spectro vision
menu on the in room TV spectory vision.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
You mean Randy's a movie star?
Speaker 8 (47:59):
Well? In the matter of speaking. Let's see here adult selections.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
We want number oh four, Randy's making adult movie.
Speaker 3 (48:07):
Oh yeah, ah, here he comes now Pervy Como's holiday
hump fath Yeah.
Speaker 8 (48:14):
As you can see, he drew his go to you
back too.
Speaker 7 (48:19):
Hey baby, Randy the Hound is home wrote another rous
Where do you bean playing? Ain't you got a face?
Speaker 2 (48:37):
This is red red? I don't want to watch. Please
at least tell me. Jackie's okay, Jackie?
Speaker 8 (48:42):
Oh yeah, she's fine. She became quite a celebrity too.
In fact, we might catch her over here on the
Fox Chow. Oh yeah, she's the host of the biggest
new hit show in the country.
Speaker 7 (48:54):
Yo.
Speaker 15 (48:54):
Yeah, yeah, what's up, y'all?
Speaker 2 (48:55):
I'm Jackie C.
Speaker 10 (48:57):
Welcome to another episode of America's Stupid, Right.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
That doesn't sound so bad?
Speaker 8 (49:05):
Well it's not. Jackie's the only one who'd actually be
better off.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Okay, Well, I got to ask what happened to Rayford?
Speaker 8 (49:13):
Well, hang on, I'll show you.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Hey man, what are we doing in the mall?
Speaker 8 (49:21):
Don't you recognize that crusty red face sado sneaking a
drink out of the paper bag under the big Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (49:28):
Rayford is a Mall Santa, Well only during the holidays.
Speaker 8 (49:31):
The rest of the year, he's a bag boy. It
food said it.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
Wow, man, I can't believe everything ended up so different. Hey,
wait a minute.
Speaker 3 (49:39):
If I'm not here and Billy and Randy and Jackie
and Rayford are doing other things, and who's hosting the
big show?
Speaker 8 (49:46):
I'm glad you asked. Let's stop in and take a lak.
There you go, there's your morning team. Oh no, it
can't be the Salts number one morning radio show, Breakfast
with the Bird Math.
Speaker 2 (50:03):
And it's your birthday today. I'm white and ripple.
Speaker 17 (50:05):
Where are you?
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Ade chirp, happy birthday on this special occasion. No, you know,
I can't end up like this. Take me back, George,
I was wrong. I want to live. I want to live.
Speaker 8 (50:18):
It's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (50:18):
You don't want to Billy, Randy, Jackie. My glad to
see you guys. Man, I just had the weirdest dream.
Speaker 8 (50:26):
What was it about?
Speaker 2 (50:27):
Baby? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I
just let me put it this way.
Speaker 3 (50:30):
You know, sometimes I think this is a stupid way
to make a living, But when you get right down
to it, it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
So what are we doing.
Speaker 8 (50:39):
That's time to announce the winner of the Christmas Song contest.
Here just just read what's on the card.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
Okay, good morning, it's the Big Show and now the
number one most requested Christmas song of the year.
Speaker 2 (50:50):
Graham all got run over by George. Could you come
back for a moment. Maybe that was a little hasty, George.
Speaker 8 (50:58):
We hope you'll enjoyed. John Moore n Bulle Playhouse. And
then again next time when we'll hear down and out.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
Dubbsy, Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
Alright, man, Dubster, it is awesome. All right, y'all, let's
play beat the blonde one ain't on the Big Show.
You told free Line.
Speaker 2 (51:20):
We'll get a couple of No.
Speaker 6 (51:21):
It's just one contestant's on. We need we got Tater.
She's over here, go Tater, contest.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
I got it. We'll play next
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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