May 19, 2025 • 49 mins
Monday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Ric Flair gets an early morning shout out.. - We’re giving Jeff Pillars room to let off some steam - he’s come up with a few Top 10 Lists of things that burn his biscuits.. - Mary Jane has been doing some deep thinking.. - Gary Busey details some crazy wedding news in an entry into his diary.. - We dust off a karaoke recording of Louie Louie by the legendary Robert D. Raiford.. - We fill a request for Tacky Jackies.. - and the Grumpy Old Man explains why he hates celebrities…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning, big shows on the radio, or hang it
back Diangry Pillars. Here's just a second. Let me tell
you about what you can win if you can beat
the blonde in minutes. It's an assortment of swag from
world Loan Moores, the best value zero turn moers on
the market. I love mine. You get a three year
unlimited hours warning commercial grade Kalisagi Engines heavy duty fabricated
(00:22):
decks starting at just twenty nine to nine nine world laws,
tough on grass, easy on your wallet, check it down,
and kicking the big show dot Com. Let's go, Pillars,
Let's get this superweek.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
You know people always ask me, why are you so
angry all the time. Aren't fat people supposed to be jolly?
My answer is simple, go to hell. You want another
real reason my hackles are always up human beings. A
great man once said, I got a lot of problems
with you people, and now you're gonna hear about it.
I was hard pressed the wittw list list down to ten,
(00:56):
but these are the ones that make me grind my
teeth at night. Here are the top ten things you
people do that annoy me and everyone else. Number ten,
right on cue. You're doing a great job. That's number eleven.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Idiot.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Number ten, start a friendly conversation with the TSA agent.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Really, my flight leaves in six minutes.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
There's five hundred people in line, and I'm standing here
prairie dogging, and you're telling your new bestie the funny
story about where you bought your crocs.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Number nine. Wearing too much perfume or cologne. Hey, jackass,
that bottle is not a single serving. If I can
smell you and you're in your car and twenty miles away, newsflash,
you're wearing too much. Find another way to hide that
pot smell their ringo. Number eight starting a restaurant order
with can I get a Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Of course you can, you idiot, It's on the menu.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Just tell your serverant what you want and spend the
rest of the time praying they don't spend your food.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Number seven people singing in public.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Look, when I'm shopping for store brand fish sticks, the
last damn thing I want to hear is you singing
along with love to love you Baby.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
You remember when your.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Family told you you're such a good singer? They line?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Number six fat people telling you about their diet. Look,
I'm fat. You don't hear me telling you about my
keito regimen while I'm filling my cart with peacanned Sandy's.
Are you on the Adkins? No, I'm on the key bler.
No one's buying it, Tubby. It's called the mirror. Use
it a number five. Talking at the movies, The fine
(02:37):
folks in Hollywood have gone to great lengths to make
sure everything I need to know about the story on
the screen is up there. I don't need your running
commentary about how you do it different while you're sitting
there in your Denny's uniform.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Knock knock, who's there?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Number four, introducing yourself and listing your preferred pronouns. Hey,
suss marimba, What the hell has happened to this world? Look,
I'm delighted you've discovered your identity. He him, she, her?
They them dogcat table lamps. Stupid moron, listen you perstickitty
dill Watt. I'm sixty four. I can't remember why I
went into.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
The other room. Let alone.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Keep all your pansy pronouns straight. Here's my pronouns. Shut
slash up number three not replacing the toilet paper roll. Yeah, okay,
I know It seems like a little thing. But when
you peel that last turn ticket off the tube, put
another one on the roller. Maybe you wouldn't run out
so fast if he didn't make a big paper mitting
and wrapped her hand like King Tut's mummy, just to
(03:35):
drag it across their funds funnel.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's that.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
If it's that bad, change your damn diet. Put on
a new roll, dingus ps. Shut up.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Number two kids running wild in public. If your kids
do this, congrats, Homer, you suck as a parent. You
want to make a million bucks? Mark it a personal
use tranquilizer, gun Man. I'd go out in public with
them strapped across my chest like Zapata's bandolero. Little Junior,
your butt head and Princess Beach kicked me in the shins,
are screaming my face, Pop Pop ninety nine Stott Gobblers
(04:07):
and the number one thing people do that annoys me
and everyone else Top ten lists.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Oh no, I'm part of the problem. Oh let'm get
his hanger ound and then we'll turn his attention to
getting old. That'll be fun, that'll cheer them up. Mantime,
let's have some fun. Beat the blonde time one eight
hundred Big Show. You told free line. We'll go to
(04:36):
contestant and play next. Good morning, it's a big show
(05:07):
on the radio. Roll into your Monday, May nineteen. Our
feature track for the Big Show bitbox A grummy old man,
hate celebrities. There's your keywords, grumpy celebrities at the bitbox,
at the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Dot coming out.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's time to play beat the blot. Let's meet our contestants.
We got Andrew out the Dale, Indiana. Good morning, Andrew,
Good morning, hey buddy, welcome. All right you, Andrew will
ask you some questions. You agree or disagree to bells
for two buzzers, and you will okay, I can feel it, okay, right, oh, Marcy.
(05:48):
Nearly ninety seven percent of Americans own at least one
of these devices, okay, and thirty five percent of them
will yell at it whenever they're using it.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
That would be a microwave.
Speaker 6 (06:02):
They're usually saying, hurry up, no, I This study found
out that it's a television, a TV set, television.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Andrew, agree or disagrees. I agree with that, and that
was the thing to do, Googles, that's what it is.
A TV.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Growing up in my house, when football was on.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
It is that you want more bail and Drew Tatter.
Since its introduction in nineteen sixty six, more than fifty
million of them have been sold. Today, it's regarded as
the best selling car of all time. What car is it?
Speaker 6 (06:44):
That would be the Hoopdie Jon Boy, ummm, you don't
want the Hooptie in nineteen sixty six. I think that's
the Ford f one fifty.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
The Ford f one fifty. Look at you mean specific? Yea, well,
it means it's a big Andrew, do you agree or disagree?
I'll agree with that one. And she knew what she
was talking about. The Toyota Corolla. Toyota Corolla about Yoda.
Speaker 7 (07:17):
Also one of the most stolen cars because the parts.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
They're very available in your fencing operations. All right, Andrew
got a full count. Let's see what we can get, Tyler.
It's way more common these days. But the first movie
star to be seen on one of these was Gene Kelly,
you know, the dancer, remember him? Gen Hill? Oh yeah,
(07:44):
so what was it?
Speaker 5 (07:46):
What was it?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Was it?
Speaker 5 (07:47):
A Kardashian.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Movie starting to be seen on one.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
He's a little old everywhere A while Kardashian I would
say that that you know is a magazine covers.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It was a magazine cover. There's way more common these days.
But gene Kelly was the first to appear on a
magazine cover. Andrew, I can't help you anymore than im.
I'll agree. I'm gonna agree with it. You are draft
(08:31):
Uh no, you see, uh huh, never mind. If you
all don't know somebody, there are a lot of movie
stars on magazine cover. Stupid. Yeah, there was actually a
magazine called Movie Stars before this. Gene Kelly. He might
(08:53):
have been the first, though, so let's not let's not
name Paul. It's way more common these.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yah.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
Well, okay, what's the right answer.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
The right answer is a postage stamp. Remember Elvis. It
was a big deal. I get something together good for Andrew.
He's had to sit Andrew. We're gonna hook you up
with something good, buddy.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
For me.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I had to sit through too. No, we're gonna keep
dorcher and tell you all right, appreciate you. Andrew. Yeah,
that was not there about turning. You're right, because gene
Kelly could have been the first one on a magazine cover,
and it's way more common these days. It was a
stupid answer, and you know it. Don't try to make
(09:51):
her feel.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
Good jealous over there, Thank you for stop.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Lor Good morning. It's a week showing the radio Monday,
(10:38):
May nineteen. Getting in the wedding season, you might be
going through one. We're here for you. I you feel
good about no matter what situation you find yourself man
with this special treat It is time for the Diary
of Gary Busey.
Speaker 7 (10:58):
Dear Diary. This is Gary ucye Well Diary, and looks
like I lost another close friend. They've been dropping like
flies lately. Pretty soon I'll be roaming the streets of
Horley Wood all by my lowsome. But it's bound to happen.
(11:18):
It's gonna be hard to say goodbye to my old friend.
Crazy Frankie can't believe he finally went and got married
Gladys big enough before gals Hell. He might get arrested
for polygamy. Here combs, a bride for wagons wide and
a groom had a licku of sends heat running hide.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
She's a bell Beefer me.
Speaker 7 (11:46):
Of course, I was the best man, Diary, and with
that come a good bit of responsibilities. First, I had
to take the crazy one ring shopping. We didn't cut
corners neither. We went to the swankiest pawnshop up in
Elseigun dope on a whim. Frank had decided to innovate
the antiquated finger ring tradition and thought it would be
(12:08):
cool to do nipple rings. It was a bold move
by the crazy one. Now, he picked a simple gold
ring for himself, which reflects his uncomplicated lifestyle, but choosing
for his bride made him put on his thinking cap.
Since she's one of them full figured gals, he didn't
want to get some skimpy, little ninny whistler. He went
(12:29):
all out, couldn't find nothing really spectacular at the nipple
ring counter, so he hit the antique section and found
a big, old ornate door knocker. Now he figures, since
she's a tad lopsided in the hooter department, that bulky
door knocker will pull her wayward blouse bunny.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Plumb with the other knock knock. Who's there?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Big girl's got enough to share? Check out that majestic bust.
Hope that nipple ring.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Don't rust be you ring.
Speaker 7 (13:03):
After tying on the rehearsal dinner feedback at the Sizzler
down on Supulvida.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It was off to the bachelor party.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Wang Dang Noodle.
Speaker 7 (13:13):
Had a big table reserved at Droopers at over forty
Strip Club by the barbike Hairport. Crazy Frankie was really
impressed with the star studied group I put together Me
Gaylor Sartaine Mel Gibson's brother Dale Gibson, Martin Sheen's brother,
Joe Estaday's Clint Howard Flavor flav and William.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Hug she Bangs, she bangs, can't.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Shut him up about it, Oddley Hasselhoff pass loser. I
also pulled a few strings and had a few special
female pals show up as surprise dancers. Kathy Griffin never
even got a chance to pop that top off or
she got booed off stage.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
That's a shame. I've seen him before.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
They're all right.
Speaker 7 (14:07):
Brett Butler was kind of a disappointment. In my defense,
I hadn't seen her in a good while naked. She
kind of looked like one of them inflatable arm waving
things at the car lot with the air let out.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
But my ace in the hole saved the day. Brigitte
Nielsen put on quite a show, too much of a
show to be honest. She and Flave got so liquored
up they.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
Lost control due long they being brave. Bridget's doing Flavor Flame.
It's dirty, but it's.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Kind of hot, Hope.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
They both had rabie shots Satellite mule.
Speaker 6 (14:41):
He.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
They's having trouble with the venue for the ceremony. Crazy
Frankie wanted to have it at Chuck E Cheese in Burbank,
but when we went in to pay the deposit, he
found out they didn't have a band no more.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Oh band.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Hell, that was half the reason for going there. When
that fell through, we found a place out in Thousand Oaks.
It's a midget wrestling school. Had the ceremony in the
middle of that little wrestling ring. Everyone rode to the
ring in golf carts, kind of like a WrestleMania. Now,
the bride didn't fit in the carts, so they told
to her in the back of an old pickup truck. Lord.
Speaker 7 (15:26):
She was aside to see in that big white dress.
She looked like a Chinese spy balloon. The midgeted wrestlers
walked the end of the truck throwing flower pedals, and
then they all surrounded the rings stood around the ring.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
It's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
They stayed close by because old Bridezilla had a hard
time getting betwixt them ropes. Half of them pulled the
ropes down, the other half pushed. She popped in like
a watermelon sea. When it came time to exchange rings,
crazy frankies with no problem pop right in. But when
Glad has dropped her tops so she could slap that
door knocker on that giant hooter of hers, them little wrestlers,
(16:07):
they went crazy and they stormed that.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Ring man I'm having.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Apparently they got a thing for big girls.
Speaker 7 (16:15):
Oh it was something to see. You ever see Wild
Kingdom where a bunch of lions take down a water buffalo.
It's kind of like that knock three times on that hooter.
If you're a whoorny knock knock, knocked pearl goal, she
cannot flee hoped by a dozen many means, y'all. Well,
(16:37):
By the time the reception rolled around, the bride was
nowhere to be found.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
She run off with a parseline on pine sized wrestlers.
Speaker 7 (16:45):
Oh hell, it didn't matter.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Franky hooked up with the.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Caterer's daughter, and I wound up with one of the
little fellers wives.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yea yea yeah, yea yea yea yea yea. Two tickets
to munchkin Land.
Speaker 7 (16:58):
Some women find buck teeth a glass ey had turn
on you. Well, Diary, I got a ski daddle. I'm
taking Brett Butler over to Earl Ship to see if
he can't put a new coat of party on it.
Until next time, Diary mixes and os get me beausy.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Good morning, Yeah we here mc Joey is on the radio.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
He's a man that can pull off from dressing like superfly.
Well go, it's time to axite. Oh yo yo yo
yo yo yo yo, yo yo yo. What's up? I
know what's up? Your food in here trying to carry out.
I'm trying to do my fitting.
Speaker 6 (18:12):
Day.
Speaker 8 (18:12):
Can go see you can find that boy for me.
He's going there climbing around on something like she the
monkey bars or something. When I've come to axe ache
the man with all the fun one one you need
to handle all them. What you're gonna call intro spessional
relationship that that dig did the ike that's me. I
(18:34):
need to get some four to one one on how
to get involved with a good looking a woman. I
wake two jobs with it makes it seem next to
impossible to find time to look for a woman.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Now.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
When I was in high school, it was easy for me.
Speaker 8 (18:46):
Now a few years after, I'm having the hardest time
trying to hook up with a woman. I'm sure, man,
your expertise can help out. He punching the right button?
Does you have any advice for me?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Is how I can find someone?
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Is there any hope for me? Since hearing that Adam
wayfer de Brother, Adam, Although you don't have the bene
features of being a living legend of love like I
his own self, women's ain't never too hard to come by,
even for dudes like you.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
And while it's never easy.
Speaker 8 (19:19):
To find that certain woman, it is certain you can
find an easy woman.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Let me preach on.
Speaker 6 (19:29):
That.
Speaker 9 (19:29):
Now.
Speaker 8 (19:30):
You say you had no trouble getting hook up when
you was in high school, Dude, nobody did well with
all them moons floating right all over the place. Then
what you call hormones and sonny and sher ofmones and
testaverdi of moons. Man, all that love sticking up the air,
you get the hook up just sitting in detention.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Ask me how I know?
Speaker 8 (19:55):
But nowadays you're so busy working two jobs you ain't
got time to look for a woman two jobs, brother.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
They ain't no sense of you doing everything? What is
you Jamaican? You trying to tell like I ain't no
women's working while you working. What you're doing, man working
in the church.
Speaker 8 (20:15):
Like one of them mona statue ass with all them
monkeys chat all over the place, man, these women everywhere.
And by working two jobs, you should be doubling your chances,
my brother, not now now now now, hopefully you is waking.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
A night job now.
Speaker 8 (20:31):
See this makes it a whole lot easier to work
in some hacky package on the bosses package. See some
of the hottest, most freakiest women's on the planet wakes
at night. They like a race of wide.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Loverhuchi mama vampires. Man is everywhere.
Speaker 8 (20:48):
This is especially true in warehouses, whole houses, and all
that pancake houses.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
And while it's true some is hot, some is not.
Speaker 6 (21:00):
So.
Speaker 8 (21:00):
Getting busy after doc or not urinely in scient terrific terms,
makes you a whole lot easier to satisfy your animal urgeres.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
If your hole don't win place old show you did.
Speaker 8 (21:18):
If all else fails, my brother, you get you a
job in one of them high end shoe store. You'll
fight twenty of five look on women, hone your skills
as a player. And if them low down skaggi is
give you that trifling attitude, at least you'll be in
the right place to offer them that two for one
foot in booty sale.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
This is right, he said. If you want to Axike,
mail to Axike Big Show po box one nine one
one one. Charlotte didn't see two eight two one nine.
Email anybody but me at the Big Show. Dot. It's
(22:02):
a big show on the radio. I can't be read
this all right, sir, I'll read it. Good morning.
Speaker 10 (22:10):
This is Nigel Cadbury, Master Boys, faithful Gentleman's gentlemen, and
you're listening to Master Boy and young Sir William on
the Big Show. It's my responsibility to make sure that
Master Boy gets up and gets to work on time,
so when he's laid it's my fault.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Oh sir, I feel so good Monday morning. Appreciate you
(23:10):
being with us here with the Big Show on the radio.
Fillers getting old my fader with us top ten list,
we guys as we let him get his anger out
here on this Monday morning. Last week was talking about
I'm talking about Rayfert. I said a raverern song of
some clue. I was giving a wordy word and I
can't remember what it was now, but the people were saying,
(23:31):
man talking about Raperns songs and poke smoke smoked that
checking round. Yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was. Uh.
Another tune he loved was Louie Louie, you remember, loved
playing around with that. And I was looking at the
date in history. It was on this date in nineteen
sixty five, FBI agents visit Wand Records investigating the lyrics
(23:54):
to Louie Louie. I'm fascinated Rafert as well. Yeah, we
talk about fun with Rayford. Remember here he is in
the studio jagging out, ain't y'all?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Boy?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (24:08):
Man, Louis, how y'all?
Speaker 2 (24:10):
All right? You said, acting like Louis, don't make a
record for you, you know, uh huh already have a
little con.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I don't know where I could do it be snifflings
on come yoh yeah the Lewis Uh yeah, Louie sit,
don't do it? Okay? Yeah we man on pay for
the man. Uh huh. The band be about Yeah, they
about ready to ready, doing one of his many voice.
Speaker 7 (24:30):
Yeah, hit the man, okay, man man the bad money,
but this man Louis, Yeah, my number for you all right?
Speaker 11 (24:37):
Then with his black eyed be Jui creeps, Luie Bibi, Lewis,
Lewis College Breen kitty can of beer.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
In here.
Speaker 11 (24:50):
Be Loui and Lewis picle there clop Louis Canna bell,
lou Louis many clipping with Louis mustard green blue, and
Louis con Do we turn up three little Lord, then
little bet we little barbecue and go with Demi something
they canna bill, little Lord one in here little and
(25:12):
Louid peach by lou and Lord.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Let it high head of checking, No no over that
run like heck coming.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
We run like any poking bean the we live with
chicken when low and Leuid creasy.
Speaker 11 (25:31):
If we lose barbecue lou.
Speaker 9 (25:33):
Long, Oh, that's just aver digging down out.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Canna bill got h Remember have you ever heard the
song that James Brown. It is in the Museum of
(26:15):
the Unexplained Whoa, whoa, we Gotta go and uh.
Speaker 5 (26:35):
Here's the official FCC report on this song.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
It calls it unpalatable at any speed, Good.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Morning, got a big sea on the radio, high pillar
standing by. Let me tell you what you can win.
If you can win wordy word in minutes, it's a
hat T shirt tumbling a twenty five dollars gas card
from Lord Tigers motorcycle lawyers who ride lawd Tiger's representing
injured riders over two decades with long taggers. You never
ride alone. Just click on the banner the Big Show
(27:04):
dot Com. Check it out, hang on you win it
in minute? God Yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Turn sixty five in July sixty five, and I hate it.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I wake up in the morning. I look in the
mirror and I said, well, there's a reliable disappointment. I
get up all one day and all of a sudden,
my forehead and my neck are the same.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
Guy.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I look like an ass with eyes and don't whether
wash my face or wipe it. That's the tip of
the iceberg. Here are the top ten things I hate
about getting old. Go number ten worrying what people will
say and do at my funeral. Now, I love you all,
but I'm going to tell you right now I hope
you all go before I do, because I do not
(27:56):
trust you.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Oh hah, let's get one more last less after the
fat Boys expense.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
I have nightmares about you Dingas has drawn peepe's and
wee wee's on my phaser, or putting a pacifier in
my mouth, or or tying my shoelaces together so I
don't come back as a zombie.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Wait a minute, I'm writing these. Shut up, and please, please,
I don't put a pack Billy. This is for you.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
He was so brave to come out of the closet
before he died. See if I just got started on
mad at all of you guys.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Moving on.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Number nine, Oh, the good enough wipe. Okay, we're all
adults here, and this is a tad and delicate. In
the last ten years, I've had to master the good
enough wipe.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
You know what it is.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
It's like you do it over and over and over
again and it doesn't end. It's like a cloud car
in your button. All of a sudden, it becomes a
part time job. After a while, your arm gets tired,
you're missing your favorite show, and you just say that's
good enough.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Number eight, On a similar note, what's with all the pee?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Can I get a break? Can I get one damn break?
Twenty years ago, I could drink twenty cocktails, go to bed,
get up in the morning, read the paper, walk the dogs.
Before I ever had to hit the head. Now, all
I gotta do is look at a glass of water.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Added it's oops time again. Number seven more medical dues.
Where did this bruise come from?
Speaker 3 (29:25):
We were talking about that just today. Oh a feather
landed on my arm. The canterst against my leg.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Someone sneezed on me. Bruise, bruise, bruise.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Number six. Once with my freaking hair. In two years,
I went from the illusion of hair to Ben Franklin.
That's not even the issue. Hair won't grow where I
want it to grow, and grows where I don't want it. Listen,
do you hear that rustling? That's my nose hair. It's
amazing I could smell anything. Look at these damn eyebrows.
When was the last time you saw eyebrows that you
(29:59):
could use? It was in a como answer me and
the worst, the worst ears, not the inside of the years,
the tops.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I'm like a hobbit. Oh we loved you in Lord
of the Rings.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Shut hit.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Number five.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
No more birthdays, please. I never really celebrated anyway, but
once you get old. You don't need a reminder that
you're suddenly on the Grim Reaper's friends list. Number four,
don't call me Santa. I'm a fat guy with a
white beard.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Why don't you shave the beard off? Why don't you
shut up?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
The only reason I don't shave the beard off is
because I also hate people saying, hey, there goes, Why
no to John?
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Shut up? Hit Number three? People do I need this?
And anything else? People are the worst.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
In the movie musical Scrooge starring Albert Finney, he sings
a song I hate people.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
It's my anthem. Look it up, Hey, tiny damn shut
up yet. Number two.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Can't watch movies or TV anymore, can't watch anything. I
used to seek out movies that were gory and violent.
Heads exploding, I'm in drawn in quartered, Let's rewind and
watch that again. Eaten by Sharks sweet Now that I'm old.
If the dog dies, I'm out. Someone gets kicked in
the shins, I'm all. Oh.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
A guy gets a card from his grandson. I'm cried
for two hours.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
All I watch is.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
Impractical jokers reruns and the number one.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Thing I hate about getting old, What the hell were
we talking about memory?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
You know, it really is like a clown car. Help
him hopping out. Let's play wor any word? One ain't
hundred Big show you told free line. We'll get a
gobble contestants and play next. It's a big show. On
(32:25):
Alreadio Monday morning, May nineteen. We got our feature track
from the Big Show Big Box. Were all about grumping
up this morning. The grummy old man hate celebrities or
tricky word grumpy celebrities. Think on the Big Box when
you hit the Big Show dot.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
Com, somebody has he keys of the monkeys.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Let's make it all better.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Let's play and everybody's head about the bed o.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Get no berdy word. Let's meet the contestants. We got
married a hazel Green, Alabama. Good morning Berry, Good morning boy.
Hey what is that hazel Green?
Speaker 6 (33:07):
No?
Speaker 1 (33:08):
That just waiting lights, isn't it?
Speaker 6 (33:12):
You know me?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Hoday, Let's say, hey the Donnie out of Lexington, South Carolina.
Oh that's Fanny Green. By the way, I'm sorry, I'll
mess you up. I forgot that was her sister. Hey Donnie,
how you doing. Good morning, dumb boy? Good morning? Is
that Fanny Green? There's a way the lights.
Speaker 12 (33:32):
Inn't Oh god, way more now, Donny, is you and
Taylor on one side?
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Me and Barry. There's mazel green. I'm taking bart.
Speaker 6 (33:47):
All right, there you go.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
All right? Uh a pot pirie of words. All that
means just random words, any words at all can pop
up up on the old tablet. Me and Barry gonna
go for the first thirty seconds. All right, Barry, are
you ready?
Speaker 2 (34:08):
All right?
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Start the clock now. Rayford would often do this. He
would talk and give you his what he thinks you
would know his blank yes, all right, Oh, the blank
old man. He's mad. He's the blank old man. I
was just talking about him. You're like this when you're not. Yeah, yeah,
(34:32):
And I said, uh huh, all right, Santa Claus checks it,
checks this twice.
Speaker 6 (34:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
The opposite of light is dark. Damn bear, that's a boy.
Put a four on the board. Okay, Okay, Taylor and Donnie.
Are you ready? Donnae I'm do him like he did,
Donna Tata, Okay, ready go.
Speaker 5 (34:57):
The opposite of late early.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
This is what happens when you strike a match, you
start a fire. These animals live in your woods.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
They have horns, deer.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (35:14):
The opposite of dirty clean. I have a best blank friend.
You live on one of these, not a road but a.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Treat.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Well, I tell y'all, y'all, just run up a six
on the board just like that. Good work on it, Berry.
We are down by two, going in the round two.
Let's see what we can do. Woo who All right,
doctor Seuss start the clock. Now you chewse this bubble boom?
(35:51):
What comes after ninety nine? When you have one of
these on your brain?
Speaker 4 (35:57):
You don't want it?
Speaker 1 (35:58):
You don't want a brain?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Is it like?
Speaker 1 (36:01):
It's a growth. It's a growth that you have, and
doctors have to cut it out. Yes, uh huh a
blank American you call Indians now blanks Americans. Yeah, they
do not add or subtract another thing. Times. Goodde that
(36:25):
was like.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
What we do.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Put a four on the board to put an eight
on their good work.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
Berry.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
We did take the lead by two, and now we're
cutting out tumors, dissecting brains and takers going alright, man,
it's just laying there too to tie three to win. Ready, go.
Speaker 6 (36:50):
It's a type of transmission, not a stand and you
uh uh, Mexico it blanks to California.
Speaker 5 (37:00):
It's it's it sits on its.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Border.
Speaker 5 (37:04):
Yes, tied up you you you're waiting for your test.
Blanks your lab blank and that is three.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
For the wind, right now, y'all none to eight. Do
what you had to do. Barry, we came up a
little short, buddy, but I won't jack to give you
another chance down the road. All right. That's good, John boy,
Thank y'all, you'all have a great day. Good jounk for you. Donnie.
I was awesome boy, Barry. We appreciate you. Now, Hay's
with Green Alabama. Y'all tell Barry doha when you're running
(37:37):
to them, and Donnie, look at you and Lexington getting
a big old prize back. You'll play the man. Congratulations
to you, good morning, got a big show on the radio.
In his bait request time for Mango's a Lisa Bill
broom Hall. All right, Lisa Bill.
Speaker 5 (37:55):
I believe they shared their Facebook account.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
That that is angels plaining.
Speaker 5 (38:00):
I don't know which one of them, so I put
both of them on there.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Know what we was bending genders?
Speaker 5 (38:05):
Yeah, I think it's a good couple.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Elizabelle, Okay, Lord Liziabelle. They're out of Brockway Pennsylvania, appreciate
y'all and says play my favorite Jaggie Jaggie's clothes phones.
All right, Lizabielle, she's one of ours that's coming up
next Good morning bike shows on the radio. Then request
(38:56):
a nice couple Lisa and Bill out of Brockway, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I want to go to Taggi Jackies Greetings and salivations,
Big show fans, you're old pal Bert Fern here with
a very special announcement. We've added a new sponsor to
our legendary ranks. From the people who brought you Colonel
Hanson's All Purpose turn Polished John Boys All Natural Nipple
Cream and rup ruff and Aunt Tatter's jugs of puney
Dairy Barn. Comes another colossal show stopping advertiser, introducing Tacky
(39:24):
Jackies Clothes for Hose. Is your wardrobe drab, dull and lifeless?
Are you tired of dressing like a colorblind librarian? Does
your closet look like a good Will drop box?
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Hey, nobody gets tamphony.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
True that sweet brown, And it's time for all you
sartorially challenged Ucci mamas to stand up, step up and
find a new get up At Tacky Jackie's. We've got
leather chaps, booty flaps, minnie skirts with open laps, Lingerie boostiers,
and super absorbent teddies for when whoopy makes you sweaty.
If it's lacy, racy and in your facy, it's from
Taggy Jackies.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Oh next, Lingerie what I'm talking about?
Speaker 6 (40:07):
Whoa?
Speaker 2 (40:08):
We know You've come in all sizes and shapes, from
Barbie dolld to jungle apes.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
You'll always find a perfect fit.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
At Taggy Jackie's Clothes for hose.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
It doesn't matter if you're a little thing, no bigger.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Than a squirrel or the biggest shamoo from the tags
of Sea World Tacky Jackies.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Wise to your size.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
We can dress teenies to tunnies, half pints to heippers,
any bityta.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Big football hair, beautiful hair, We've got it all that.
Tacky Jackies.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Got a body part that's disproportionate to the rest of
your figure? Do you have don Nott's legs and Neil
Carter's booty and the degenerouses bust line in Ernest Borgnine's neckline.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Never fear you're in the clear.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
We have a seamstress on site who understands your every
knees why why, but good luck understanding. We don't care
about Donna, Karen Vera Wang ain't no thang. Chanelle can
go to hell. Our designers put the fun in funky
(41:11):
fashion only. Tacky Jackies has the skeeziest, the sleaziest, the
dirty old man pleasiest names in the business. Exclusive labels
from tinsel Town's most talented tarts. You'll go loopy for
Lindsay Lohan, Google for Lady Gaga, and you'll lose your
mind from Amanda Binds and even a senior line from
that lusty old gas.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Bag Madonna.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Hyo. And for you plus size gas, Tacky Jackie hasn't
forgotten you.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Does your weight fluctuate?
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Does your belly expand and contract like a pasty pail?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
S'more?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Do your thighs have their own zip code? Tacky Jackies
to the rescue. We've recently come into possession of an
amazing space age material liberated from a mysterious rocket crashed
in the.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
Fields of Kansas.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Come try on jor L's No Tell, No Swell super
Spandex and if that doesn't work, We've got some wild
patterned duct tape in the back. We make it work
at Tacky Jackie's. It doesn't matter if you're not a looker.
You'll get the guys when you dress like a hooker.
(42:20):
Thanks to Tacky Jackies, come by this weekend and help
us celebrate Pimps and player Days.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Special deals in every aisle for all.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Our mac daddies, and don't worry, you don't have to
break the bank to dress your floozy like a skang
at Tacky Jackie's Clothes for Hose located in the abandoned
shopping mall between blind Lemon Spanky sold Food and adult
toy repair and doctor Hook the only veterinarian with two
hook hands. Turn left at the crack house and tell
the guy with a sneak tattoo on his face you're
looking for Taki Jackie. And don't forget everyone gets an
(42:49):
extra ten percent off just for singing our world famous.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
Jingle car.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Jacky Jackie's Clothes Prose. You could do worse, but I
don't see how good Morning makes Jo's al.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Radio doing the deal. You like this out of the
big box keyword search grumpy and Celebrities. It's time for
the Grumpy old man.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Gods zig zaggy, I'm old and I hate so libritties.
Back in my day, we didn't have no LiPo, sucked, botoxed,
pumped paparazzi, Hayton whar desure media dollings.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
You had to be famous for something other than just
being famous.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
There weren't no bare ass Hilton or Nicole Bitchy or
Lindsey Lowlife shaving their heads, popping pills and showing their
butt crack. To be a star, you had to have
skills somewhere other than the producer's backseat. You had to
act in movies that weren't directed by somebody other than
(44:38):
the bell boy at that hot sheet joint on the interstate.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
You had to sing songs that rhymed and.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
You could understand and whether drummer didn't carry the melody.
Only the women wore jewelry, and it wasn't on their belly,
buttons or private parts. The grill was in the backyard,
not in your mouth. Bling bling was the the sound
a Chinese fella's phone made. And the only place you could.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Find a tattoo was on a sailor.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
And they had the common sense and moral decency not
to add anything after the word, mother, poopeny paper ule.
Look at me, I'm a totally worthless human being taking
up space and be better used for livestock, because cows
and pigs actually serve a purpose, not to mention, they're
(45:31):
smarter and smell better. Rejoice, Rejoice, the civilized world is
going to hell in a hot rod, and it's all.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Thanks to me.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
And you like it, you love it. In my day,
we read the newspaper to find out what third world
babboons were trying to kill us, and how our own
government was trying to screw us, and what baseball team
at dodged venereal disease long enough to get to the pennant.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
We wanted real news.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
We didn't give a hot, wet crap about Tom Cruise
and his dopey, pie faced, gullible, brainwashed girlfriend and that bright, pink,
ugly young'un with a head like a Mexican urinal. Instead
of acting in movies, they run around telling folks that
they worship some evil space alien living in a volcano
(46:27):
and think Jesus was just some story to make the
world feel guilty, and the only real God is themselves.
Pippy flippy Boodhaboo look at me, I'm praying to Dark Vader.
If we weren't movie stars, you'd burn us at the
steak for being witches. But you made us famous, so
(46:47):
this is all your fault, yipp Yand in my day,
we didn't need to go all the way to California
to find someone to make a fuss over. We had
our losers and crackheads and worthless waste of space right
in our own backyard.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Like old man Cornpuckle. He could dislocate his jaw like.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
A snake and swallow a whole watermelon, and then he'd
rapid fire the seeds out of his butt, busting glass
jars at thirty feet.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Can you do that, Brad Pitt?
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Or what about missus Farflang and the town spins, the
librarian who was born with both kinds of private parts
on the palms of her hands, And late at night
we'd sneak over and watch her on the front porch
shaking hands with herself.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
Give that a try, Jlo. The only actor we had.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
Was mister Swallows, and we run him out of town
on a rail so he wouldn't sneak into our homes
and to cover of night and turn our precious children
into cannibals.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Are you listening, Miss Vince Vaughan, Hot dangity y.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
We're a community at sea, pooping, glass busting, hand humping,
fruit chasing backwards.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
Dumb ass covers without a.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Decent community theater because we keep running off the actors.
The future looks mighty bright, indeed darkable.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
Pogable day celebrities. Who needs them? Big boxes Here all
your favorites from four decades of the Big Show ninety
nine since each fifteen for nine to ninety nine. Buy
them once, play them anywhere.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
You can shop the mid bots online right now at
the Big Show dot com or a Big Show stuff
i phone.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
The number is eight hundred and four to seven one
Stuff online services by Animate dot Com. Have you missed
any of The Big Show this morning? You can hear
it all the John Boremillen Late Risers podcast up next.
Wherever you get your podcast Meganesi, subscribe to us with
a free I Heard Radio app. I Love you mean
It
Good morning, big shows on the radio, or hang it
back Diangry Pillars. Here's just a second. Let me tell
you about what you can win if you can beat
the blonde in minutes. It's an assortment of swag from
world Loan Moores, the best value zero turn moers on
the market. I love mine. You get a three year
unlimited hours warning commercial grade Kalisagi Engines heavy duty fabricated
(00:22):
decks starting at just twenty nine to nine nine world laws,
tough on grass, easy on your wallet, check it down,
and kicking the big show dot Com. Let's go, Pillars,
Let's get this superweek.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
You know people always ask me, why are you so
angry all the time. Aren't fat people supposed to be jolly?
My answer is simple, go to hell. You want another
real reason my hackles are always up human beings. A
great man once said, I got a lot of problems
with you people, and now you're gonna hear about it.
I was hard pressed the wittw list list down to ten,
(00:56):
but these are the ones that make me grind my
teeth at night. Here are the top ten things you
people do that annoy me and everyone else. Number ten,
right on cue. You're doing a great job. That's number eleven.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Idiot.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Number ten, start a friendly conversation with the TSA agent.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Really, my flight leaves in six minutes.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
There's five hundred people in line, and I'm standing here
prairie dogging, and you're telling your new bestie the funny
story about where you bought your crocs.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Number nine. Wearing too much perfume or cologne. Hey, jackass,
that bottle is not a single serving. If I can
smell you and you're in your car and twenty miles away, newsflash,
you're wearing too much. Find another way to hide that
pot smell their ringo. Number eight starting a restaurant order
with can I get a Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Of course you can, you idiot, It's on the menu.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Just tell your serverant what you want and spend the
rest of the time praying they don't spend your food.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Number seven people singing in public.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Look, when I'm shopping for store brand fish sticks, the
last damn thing I want to hear is you singing
along with love to love you Baby.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
You remember when your.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
Family told you you're such a good singer? They line?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Number six fat people telling you about their diet. Look,
I'm fat. You don't hear me telling you about my
keito regimen while I'm filling my cart with peacanned Sandy's.
Are you on the Adkins? No, I'm on the key bler.
No one's buying it, Tubby. It's called the mirror. Use
it a number five. Talking at the movies, The fine
(02:37):
folks in Hollywood have gone to great lengths to make
sure everything I need to know about the story on
the screen is up there. I don't need your running
commentary about how you do it different while you're sitting
there in your Denny's uniform.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Knock knock, who's there?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Shut up.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Number four, introducing yourself and listing your preferred pronouns. Hey,
suss marimba, What the hell has happened to this world? Look,
I'm delighted you've discovered your identity. He him, she, her?
They them dogcat table lamps. Stupid moron, listen you perstickitty
dill Watt. I'm sixty four. I can't remember why I
went into.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
The other room. Let alone.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Keep all your pansy pronouns straight. Here's my pronouns. Shut
slash up number three not replacing the toilet paper roll. Yeah, okay,
I know It seems like a little thing. But when
you peel that last turn ticket off the tube, put
another one on the roller. Maybe you wouldn't run out
so fast if he didn't make a big paper mitting
and wrapped her hand like King Tut's mummy, just to
(03:35):
drag it across their funds funnel.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's that.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
If it's that bad, change your damn diet. Put on
a new roll, dingus ps. Shut up.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Number two kids running wild in public. If your kids
do this, congrats, Homer, you suck as a parent. You
want to make a million bucks? Mark it a personal
use tranquilizer, gun Man. I'd go out in public with
them strapped across my chest like Zapata's bandolero. Little Junior,
your butt head and Princess Beach kicked me in the shins,
are screaming my face, Pop Pop ninety nine Stott Gobblers
(04:07):
and the number one thing people do that annoys me
and everyone else Top ten lists.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Oh no, I'm part of the problem. Oh let'm get
his hanger ound and then we'll turn his attention to
getting old. That'll be fun, that'll cheer them up. Mantime,
let's have some fun. Beat the blonde time one eight
hundred Big Show. You told free line. We'll go to
(04:36):
contestant and play next. Good morning, it's a big show
(05:07):
on the radio. Roll into your Monday, May nineteen. Our
feature track for the Big Show bitbox A grummy old man,
hate celebrities. There's your keywords, grumpy celebrities at the bitbox,
at the Big Show.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Dot coming out.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's time to play beat the blot. Let's meet our contestants.
We got Andrew out the Dale, Indiana. Good morning, Andrew,
Good morning, hey buddy, welcome. All right you, Andrew will
ask you some questions. You agree or disagree to bells
for two buzzers, and you will okay, I can feel it, okay, right, oh, Marcy.
(05:48):
Nearly ninety seven percent of Americans own at least one
of these devices, okay, and thirty five percent of them
will yell at it whenever they're using it.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
That would be a microwave.
Speaker 6 (06:02):
They're usually saying, hurry up, no, I This study found
out that it's a television, a TV set, television.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Andrew, agree or disagrees. I agree with that, and that
was the thing to do, Googles, that's what it is.
A TV.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Growing up in my house, when football was on.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
It is that you want more bail and Drew Tatter.
Since its introduction in nineteen sixty six, more than fifty
million of them have been sold. Today, it's regarded as
the best selling car of all time. What car is it?
Speaker 6 (06:44):
That would be the Hoopdie Jon Boy, ummm, you don't
want the Hooptie in nineteen sixty six. I think that's
the Ford f one fifty.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
The Ford f one fifty. Look at you mean specific? Yea, well,
it means it's a big Andrew, do you agree or disagree?
I'll agree with that one. And she knew what she
was talking about. The Toyota Corolla. Toyota Corolla about Yoda.
Speaker 7 (07:17):
Also one of the most stolen cars because the parts.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
They're very available in your fencing operations. All right, Andrew
got a full count. Let's see what we can get, Tyler.
It's way more common these days. But the first movie
star to be seen on one of these was Gene Kelly,
you know, the dancer, remember him? Gen Hill? Oh yeah,
(07:44):
so what was it?
Speaker 5 (07:46):
What was it?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Was it?
Speaker 5 (07:47):
A Kardashian.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Movie starting to be seen on one.
Speaker 5 (07:56):
He's a little old everywhere A while Kardashian I would
say that that you know is a magazine covers.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It was a magazine cover. There's way more common these days.
But gene Kelly was the first to appear on a
magazine cover. Andrew, I can't help you anymore than im.
I'll agree. I'm gonna agree with it. You are draft
(08:31):
Uh no, you see, uh huh, never mind. If you
all don't know somebody, there are a lot of movie
stars on magazine cover. Stupid. Yeah, there was actually a
magazine called Movie Stars before this. Gene Kelly. He might
(08:53):
have been the first, though, so let's not let's not
name Paul. It's way more common these.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Yah.
Speaker 6 (09:01):
Well, okay, what's the right answer.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
The right answer is a postage stamp. Remember Elvis. It
was a big deal. I get something together good for Andrew.
He's had to sit Andrew. We're gonna hook you up
with something good, buddy.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
For me.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I had to sit through too. No, we're gonna keep
dorcher and tell you all right, appreciate you. Andrew. Yeah,
that was not there about turning. You're right, because gene
Kelly could have been the first one on a magazine cover,
and it's way more common these days. It was a
stupid answer, and you know it. Don't try to make
(09:51):
her feel.
Speaker 5 (09:51):
Good jealous over there, Thank you for stop.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Lor Good morning. It's a week showing the radio Monday,
(10:38):
May nineteen. Getting in the wedding season, you might be
going through one. We're here for you. I you feel
good about no matter what situation you find yourself man
with this special treat It is time for the Diary
of Gary Busey.
Speaker 7 (10:58):
Dear Diary. This is Gary ucye Well Diary, and looks
like I lost another close friend. They've been dropping like
flies lately. Pretty soon I'll be roaming the streets of
Horley Wood all by my lowsome. But it's bound to happen.
(11:18):
It's gonna be hard to say goodbye to my old friend.
Crazy Frankie can't believe he finally went and got married
Gladys big enough before gals Hell. He might get arrested
for polygamy. Here combs, a bride for wagons wide and
a groom had a licku of sends heat running hide.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
She's a bell Beefer me.
Speaker 7 (11:46):
Of course, I was the best man, Diary, and with
that come a good bit of responsibilities. First, I had
to take the crazy one ring shopping. We didn't cut
corners neither. We went to the swankiest pawnshop up in
Elseigun dope on a whim. Frank had decided to innovate
the antiquated finger ring tradition and thought it would be
(12:08):
cool to do nipple rings. It was a bold move
by the crazy one. Now, he picked a simple gold
ring for himself, which reflects his uncomplicated lifestyle, but choosing
for his bride made him put on his thinking cap.
Since she's one of them full figured gals, he didn't
want to get some skimpy, little ninny whistler. He went
(12:29):
all out, couldn't find nothing really spectacular at the nipple
ring counter, so he hit the antique section and found
a big, old ornate door knocker. Now he figures, since
she's a tad lopsided in the hooter department, that bulky
door knocker will pull her wayward blouse bunny.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Plumb with the other knock knock. Who's there?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Big girl's got enough to share? Check out that majestic bust.
Hope that nipple ring.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Don't rust be you ring.
Speaker 7 (13:03):
After tying on the rehearsal dinner feedback at the Sizzler
down on Supulvida.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
It was off to the bachelor party.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Wang Dang Noodle.
Speaker 7 (13:13):
Had a big table reserved at Droopers at over forty
Strip Club by the barbike Hairport. Crazy Frankie was really
impressed with the star studied group I put together Me
Gaylor Sartaine Mel Gibson's brother Dale Gibson, Martin Sheen's brother,
Joe Estaday's Clint Howard Flavor flav and William.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Hug she Bangs, she bangs, can't.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Shut him up about it, Oddley Hasselhoff pass loser. I
also pulled a few strings and had a few special
female pals show up as surprise dancers. Kathy Griffin never
even got a chance to pop that top off or
she got booed off stage.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
That's a shame. I've seen him before.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
They're all right.
Speaker 7 (14:07):
Brett Butler was kind of a disappointment. In my defense,
I hadn't seen her in a good while naked. She
kind of looked like one of them inflatable arm waving
things at the car lot with the air let out.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
But my ace in the hole saved the day. Brigitte
Nielsen put on quite a show, too much of a
show to be honest. She and Flave got so liquored
up they.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
Lost control due long they being brave. Bridget's doing Flavor Flame.
It's dirty, but it's.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Kind of hot, Hope.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
They both had rabie shots Satellite mule.
Speaker 6 (14:41):
He.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
They's having trouble with the venue for the ceremony. Crazy
Frankie wanted to have it at Chuck E Cheese in Burbank,
but when we went in to pay the deposit, he
found out they didn't have a band no more.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Oh band.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Hell, that was half the reason for going there. When
that fell through, we found a place out in Thousand Oaks.
It's a midget wrestling school. Had the ceremony in the
middle of that little wrestling ring. Everyone rode to the
ring in golf carts, kind of like a WrestleMania. Now,
the bride didn't fit in the carts, so they told
to her in the back of an old pickup truck. Lord.
Speaker 7 (15:26):
She was aside to see in that big white dress.
She looked like a Chinese spy balloon. The midgeted wrestlers
walked the end of the truck throwing flower pedals, and
then they all surrounded the rings stood around the ring.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
It's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
They stayed close by because old Bridezilla had a hard
time getting betwixt them ropes. Half of them pulled the
ropes down, the other half pushed. She popped in like
a watermelon sea. When it came time to exchange rings,
crazy frankies with no problem pop right in. But when
Glad has dropped her tops so she could slap that
door knocker on that giant hooter of hers, them little wrestlers,
(16:07):
they went crazy and they stormed that.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Ring man I'm having.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Apparently they got a thing for big girls.
Speaker 7 (16:15):
Oh it was something to see. You ever see Wild
Kingdom where a bunch of lions take down a water buffalo.
It's kind of like that knock three times on that hooter.
If you're a whoorny knock knock, knocked pearl goal, she
cannot flee hoped by a dozen many means, y'all. Well,
(16:37):
By the time the reception rolled around, the bride was
nowhere to be found.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
She run off with a parseline on pine sized wrestlers.
Speaker 7 (16:45):
Oh hell, it didn't matter.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
Franky hooked up with the.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Caterer's daughter, and I wound up with one of the
little fellers wives.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Yea yea yeah, yea yea yea yea yea. Two tickets
to munchkin Land.
Speaker 7 (16:58):
Some women find buck teeth a glass ey had turn
on you. Well, Diary, I got a ski daddle. I'm
taking Brett Butler over to Earl Ship to see if
he can't put a new coat of party on it.
Until next time, Diary mixes and os get me beausy.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Good morning, Yeah we here mc Joey is on the radio.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
He's a man that can pull off from dressing like superfly.
Well go, it's time to axite. Oh yo yo yo
yo yo yo yo, yo yo yo. What's up? I
know what's up? Your food in here trying to carry out.
I'm trying to do my fitting.
Speaker 6 (18:12):
Day.
Speaker 8 (18:12):
Can go see you can find that boy for me.
He's going there climbing around on something like she the
monkey bars or something. When I've come to axe ache
the man with all the fun one one you need
to handle all them. What you're gonna call intro spessional
relationship that that dig did the ike that's me. I
(18:34):
need to get some four to one one on how
to get involved with a good looking a woman. I
wake two jobs with it makes it seem next to
impossible to find time to look for a woman.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Now.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
When I was in high school, it was easy for me.
Speaker 8 (18:46):
Now a few years after, I'm having the hardest time
trying to hook up with a woman. I'm sure, man,
your expertise can help out. He punching the right button?
Does you have any advice for me?
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Is how I can find someone?
Speaker 8 (19:00):
Is there any hope for me? Since hearing that Adam
wayfer de Brother, Adam, Although you don't have the bene
features of being a living legend of love like I
his own self, women's ain't never too hard to come by,
even for dudes like you.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
And while it's never easy.
Speaker 8 (19:19):
To find that certain woman, it is certain you can
find an easy woman.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
Let me preach on.
Speaker 6 (19:29):
That.
Speaker 9 (19:29):
Now.
Speaker 8 (19:30):
You say you had no trouble getting hook up when
you was in high school, Dude, nobody did well with
all them moons floating right all over the place. Then
what you call hormones and sonny and sher ofmones and
testaverdi of moons. Man, all that love sticking up the air,
you get the hook up just sitting in detention.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Ask me how I know?
Speaker 8 (19:55):
But nowadays you're so busy working two jobs you ain't
got time to look for a woman two jobs, brother.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
They ain't no sense of you doing everything? What is
you Jamaican? You trying to tell like I ain't no
women's working while you working. What you're doing, man working
in the church.
Speaker 8 (20:15):
Like one of them mona statue ass with all them
monkeys chat all over the place, man, these women everywhere.
And by working two jobs, you should be doubling your chances,
my brother, not now now now now, hopefully you is waking.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
A night job now.
Speaker 8 (20:31):
See this makes it a whole lot easier to work
in some hacky package on the bosses package. See some
of the hottest, most freakiest women's on the planet wakes
at night. They like a race of wide.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Loverhuchi mama vampires. Man is everywhere.
Speaker 8 (20:48):
This is especially true in warehouses, whole houses, and all
that pancake houses.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
And while it's true some is hot, some is not.
Speaker 6 (21:00):
So.
Speaker 8 (21:00):
Getting busy after doc or not urinely in scient terrific terms,
makes you a whole lot easier to satisfy your animal urgeres.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
If your hole don't win place old show you did.
Speaker 8 (21:18):
If all else fails, my brother, you get you a
job in one of them high end shoe store. You'll
fight twenty of five look on women, hone your skills
as a player. And if them low down skaggi is
give you that trifling attitude, at least you'll be in
the right place to offer them that two for one
foot in booty sale.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
This is right, he said. If you want to Axike,
mail to Axike Big Show po box one nine one
one one. Charlotte didn't see two eight two one nine.
Email anybody but me at the Big Show. Dot. It's
(22:02):
a big show on the radio. I can't be read
this all right, sir, I'll read it. Good morning.
Speaker 10 (22:10):
This is Nigel Cadbury, Master Boys, faithful Gentleman's gentlemen, and
you're listening to Master Boy and young Sir William on
the Big Show. It's my responsibility to make sure that
Master Boy gets up and gets to work on time,
so when he's laid it's my fault.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Oh sir, I feel so good Monday morning. Appreciate you
(23:10):
being with us here with the Big Show on the radio.
Fillers getting old my fader with us top ten list,
we guys as we let him get his anger out
here on this Monday morning. Last week was talking about
I'm talking about Rayfert. I said a raverern song of
some clue. I was giving a wordy word and I
can't remember what it was now, but the people were saying,
(23:31):
man talking about Raperns songs and poke smoke smoked that
checking round. Yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was. Uh.
Another tune he loved was Louie Louie, you remember, loved
playing around with that. And I was looking at the
date in history. It was on this date in nineteen
sixty five, FBI agents visit Wand Records investigating the lyrics
(23:54):
to Louie Louie. I'm fascinated Rafert as well. Yeah, we
talk about fun with Rayford. Remember here he is in
the studio jagging out, ain't y'all?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Boy?
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (24:08):
Man, Louis, how y'all?
Speaker 2 (24:10):
All right? You said, acting like Louis, don't make a
record for you, you know, uh huh already have a
little con.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I don't know where I could do it be snifflings
on come yoh yeah the Lewis Uh yeah, Louie sit,
don't do it? Okay? Yeah we man on pay for
the man. Uh huh. The band be about Yeah, they
about ready to ready, doing one of his many voice.
Speaker 7 (24:30):
Yeah, hit the man, okay, man man the bad money,
but this man Louis, Yeah, my number for you all right?
Speaker 11 (24:37):
Then with his black eyed be Jui creeps, Luie Bibi, Lewis,
Lewis College Breen kitty can of beer.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
In here.
Speaker 11 (24:50):
Be Loui and Lewis picle there clop Louis Canna bell,
lou Louis many clipping with Louis mustard green blue, and
Louis con Do we turn up three little Lord, then
little bet we little barbecue and go with Demi something
they canna bill, little Lord one in here little and
(25:12):
Louid peach by lou and Lord.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Let it high head of checking, No no over that
run like heck coming.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
We run like any poking bean the we live with
chicken when low and Leuid creasy.
Speaker 11 (25:31):
If we lose barbecue lou.
Speaker 9 (25:33):
Long, Oh, that's just aver digging down out.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Canna bill got h Remember have you ever heard the
song that James Brown. It is in the Museum of
(26:15):
the Unexplained Whoa, whoa, we Gotta go and uh.
Speaker 5 (26:35):
Here's the official FCC report on this song.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
It calls it unpalatable at any speed, Good.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
Morning, got a big sea on the radio, high pillar
standing by. Let me tell you what you can win.
If you can win wordy word in minutes, it's a
hat T shirt tumbling a twenty five dollars gas card
from Lord Tigers motorcycle lawyers who ride lawd Tiger's representing
injured riders over two decades with long taggers. You never
ride alone. Just click on the banner the Big Show
(27:04):
dot Com. Check it out, hang on you win it
in minute? God Yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Turn sixty five in July sixty five, and I hate it.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I wake up in the morning. I look in the
mirror and I said, well, there's a reliable disappointment. I
get up all one day and all of a sudden,
my forehead and my neck are the same.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
Guy.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I look like an ass with eyes and don't whether
wash my face or wipe it. That's the tip of
the iceberg. Here are the top ten things I hate
about getting old. Go number ten worrying what people will
say and do at my funeral. Now, I love you all,
but I'm going to tell you right now I hope
you all go before I do, because I do not
(27:56):
trust you.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Oh hah, let's get one more last less after the
fat Boys expense.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
I have nightmares about you Dingas has drawn peepe's and
wee wee's on my phaser, or putting a pacifier in
my mouth, or or tying my shoelaces together so I
don't come back as a zombie.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Wait a minute, I'm writing these. Shut up, and please, please,
I don't put a pack Billy. This is for you.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
He was so brave to come out of the closet
before he died. See if I just got started on
mad at all of you guys.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Moving on.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Number nine, Oh, the good enough wipe. Okay, we're all
adults here, and this is a tad and delicate. In
the last ten years, I've had to master the good
enough wipe.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
You know what it is.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
It's like you do it over and over and over
again and it doesn't end. It's like a cloud car
in your button. All of a sudden, it becomes a
part time job. After a while, your arm gets tired,
you're missing your favorite show, and you just say that's
good enough.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Number eight, On a similar note, what's with all the pee?
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Can I get a break? Can I get one damn break?
Twenty years ago, I could drink twenty cocktails, go to bed,
get up in the morning, read the paper, walk the dogs.
Before I ever had to hit the head. Now, all
I gotta do is look at a glass of water.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Added it's oops time again. Number seven more medical dues.
Where did this bruise come from?
Speaker 3 (29:25):
We were talking about that just today. Oh a feather
landed on my arm. The canterst against my leg.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Someone sneezed on me. Bruise, bruise, bruise.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Number six. Once with my freaking hair. In two years,
I went from the illusion of hair to Ben Franklin.
That's not even the issue. Hair won't grow where I
want it to grow, and grows where I don't want it. Listen,
do you hear that rustling? That's my nose hair. It's
amazing I could smell anything. Look at these damn eyebrows.
When was the last time you saw eyebrows that you
(29:59):
could use? It was in a como answer me and
the worst, the worst ears, not the inside of the years,
the tops.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I'm like a hobbit. Oh we loved you in Lord
of the Rings.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Shut hit.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Number five.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
No more birthdays, please. I never really celebrated anyway, but
once you get old. You don't need a reminder that
you're suddenly on the Grim Reaper's friends list. Number four,
don't call me Santa. I'm a fat guy with a
white beard.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Why don't you shave the beard off? Why don't you
shut up?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
The only reason I don't shave the beard off is
because I also hate people saying, hey, there goes, Why
no to John?
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Shut up? Hit Number three? People do I need this?
And anything else? People are the worst.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
In the movie musical Scrooge starring Albert Finney, he sings
a song I hate people.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
It's my anthem. Look it up, Hey, tiny damn shut
up yet. Number two.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Can't watch movies or TV anymore, can't watch anything. I
used to seek out movies that were gory and violent.
Heads exploding, I'm in drawn in quartered, Let's rewind and
watch that again. Eaten by Sharks sweet Now that I'm old.
If the dog dies, I'm out. Someone gets kicked in
the shins, I'm all. Oh.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
A guy gets a card from his grandson. I'm cried
for two hours.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
All I watch is.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
Impractical jokers reruns and the number one.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Thing I hate about getting old, What the hell were
we talking about memory?
Speaker 1 (31:44):
You know, it really is like a clown car. Help
him hopping out. Let's play wor any word? One ain't
hundred Big show you told free line. We'll get a
gobble contestants and play next. It's a big show. On
(32:25):
Alreadio Monday morning, May nineteen. We got our feature track
from the Big Show Big Box. Were all about grumping
up this morning. The grummy old man hate celebrities or
tricky word grumpy celebrities. Think on the Big Box when
you hit the Big Show dot.
Speaker 5 (32:44):
Com, somebody has he keys of the monkeys.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Let's make it all better.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Let's play and everybody's head about the bed o.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
Get no berdy word. Let's meet the contestants. We got
married a hazel Green, Alabama. Good morning Berry, Good morning boy.
Hey what is that hazel Green?
Speaker 6 (33:07):
No?
Speaker 1 (33:08):
That just waiting lights, isn't it?
Speaker 6 (33:12):
You know me?
Speaker 1 (33:13):
Hoday, Let's say, hey the Donnie out of Lexington, South Carolina.
Oh that's Fanny Green. By the way, I'm sorry, I'll
mess you up. I forgot that was her sister. Hey Donnie,
how you doing. Good morning, dumb boy? Good morning? Is
that Fanny Green? There's a way the lights.
Speaker 12 (33:32):
Inn't Oh god, way more now, Donny, is you and
Taylor on one side?
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Me and Barry. There's mazel green. I'm taking bart.
Speaker 6 (33:47):
All right, there you go.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
All right? Uh a pot pirie of words. All that
means just random words, any words at all can pop
up up on the old tablet. Me and Barry gonna
go for the first thirty seconds. All right, Barry, are
you ready?
Speaker 2 (34:08):
All right?
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Start the clock now. Rayford would often do this. He
would talk and give you his what he thinks you
would know his blank yes, all right, Oh, the blank
old man. He's mad. He's the blank old man. I
was just talking about him. You're like this when you're not. Yeah, yeah,
(34:32):
And I said, uh huh, all right, Santa Claus checks it,
checks this twice.
Speaker 6 (34:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
The opposite of light is dark. Damn bear, that's a boy.
Put a four on the board. Okay, Okay, Taylor and Donnie.
Are you ready? Donnae I'm do him like he did,
Donna Tata, Okay, ready go.
Speaker 5 (34:57):
The opposite of late early.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
This is what happens when you strike a match, you
start a fire. These animals live in your woods.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
They have horns, deer.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (35:14):
The opposite of dirty clean. I have a best blank friend.
You live on one of these, not a road but a.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
Treat.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Well, I tell y'all, y'all, just run up a six
on the board just like that. Good work on it, Berry.
We are down by two, going in the round two.
Let's see what we can do. Woo who All right,
doctor Seuss start the clock. Now you chewse this bubble boom?
(35:51):
What comes after ninety nine? When you have one of
these on your brain?
Speaker 4 (35:57):
You don't want it?
Speaker 1 (35:58):
You don't want a brain?
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Is it like?
Speaker 1 (36:01):
It's a growth. It's a growth that you have, and
doctors have to cut it out. Yes, uh huh a
blank American you call Indians now blanks Americans. Yeah, they
do not add or subtract another thing. Times. Goodde that
(36:25):
was like.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
What we do.
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Put a four on the board to put an eight
on their good work.
Speaker 4 (36:29):
Berry.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
We did take the lead by two, and now we're
cutting out tumors, dissecting brains and takers going alright, man,
it's just laying there too to tie three to win. Ready, go.
Speaker 6 (36:50):
It's a type of transmission, not a stand and you
uh uh, Mexico it blanks to California.
Speaker 5 (37:00):
It's it's it sits on its.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Border.
Speaker 5 (37:04):
Yes, tied up you you you're waiting for your test.
Blanks your lab blank and that is three.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
For the wind, right now, y'all none to eight. Do
what you had to do. Barry, we came up a
little short, buddy, but I won't jack to give you
another chance down the road. All right. That's good, John boy,
Thank y'all, you'all have a great day. Good jounk for you. Donnie.
I was awesome boy, Barry. We appreciate you. Now, Hay's
with Green Alabama. Y'all tell Barry doha when you're running
(37:37):
to them, and Donnie, look at you and Lexington getting
a big old prize back. You'll play the man. Congratulations
to you, good morning, got a big show on the radio.
In his bait request time for Mango's a Lisa Bill
broom Hall. All right, Lisa Bill.
Speaker 5 (37:55):
I believe they shared their Facebook account.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
That that is angels plaining.
Speaker 5 (38:00):
I don't know which one of them, so I put
both of them on there.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Know what we was bending genders?
Speaker 5 (38:05):
Yeah, I think it's a good couple.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
Elizabelle, Okay, Lord Liziabelle. They're out of Brockway Pennsylvania, appreciate
y'all and says play my favorite Jaggie Jaggie's clothes phones.
All right, Lizabielle, she's one of ours that's coming up
next Good morning bike shows on the radio. Then request
(38:56):
a nice couple Lisa and Bill out of Brockway, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I want to go to Taggi Jackies Greetings and salivations,
Big show fans, you're old pal Bert Fern here with
a very special announcement. We've added a new sponsor to
our legendary ranks. From the people who brought you Colonel
Hanson's All Purpose turn Polished John Boys All Natural Nipple
Cream and rup ruff and Aunt Tatter's jugs of puney
Dairy Barn. Comes another colossal show stopping advertiser, introducing Tacky
(39:24):
Jackies Clothes for Hose. Is your wardrobe drab, dull and lifeless?
Are you tired of dressing like a colorblind librarian? Does
your closet look like a good Will drop box?
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Hey, nobody gets tamphony.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
True that sweet brown, And it's time for all you
sartorially challenged Ucci mamas to stand up, step up and
find a new get up At Tacky Jackie's. We've got
leather chaps, booty flaps, minnie skirts with open laps, Lingerie boostiers,
and super absorbent teddies for when whoopy makes you sweaty.
If it's lacy, racy and in your facy, it's from
Taggy Jackies.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
Oh next, Lingerie what I'm talking about?
Speaker 6 (40:07):
Whoa?
Speaker 2 (40:08):
We know You've come in all sizes and shapes, from
Barbie dolld to jungle apes.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
You'll always find a perfect fit.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
At Taggy Jackie's Clothes for hose.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
It doesn't matter if you're a little thing, no bigger.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Than a squirrel or the biggest shamoo from the tags
of Sea World Tacky Jackies.
Speaker 1 (40:23):
Wise to your size.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
We can dress teenies to tunnies, half pints to heippers,
any bityta.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Big football hair, beautiful hair, We've got it all that.
Tacky Jackies.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Got a body part that's disproportionate to the rest of
your figure? Do you have don Nott's legs and Neil
Carter's booty and the degenerouses bust line in Ernest Borgnine's neckline.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Never fear you're in the clear.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
We have a seamstress on site who understands your every
knees why why, but good luck understanding. We don't care
about Donna, Karen Vera Wang ain't no thang. Chanelle can
go to hell. Our designers put the fun in funky
(41:11):
fashion only. Tacky Jackies has the skeeziest, the sleaziest, the
dirty old man pleasiest names in the business. Exclusive labels
from tinsel Town's most talented tarts. You'll go loopy for
Lindsay Lohan, Google for Lady Gaga, and you'll lose your
mind from Amanda Binds and even a senior line from
that lusty old gas.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
Bag Madonna.
Speaker 2 (41:37):
Hyo. And for you plus size gas, Tacky Jackie hasn't
forgotten you.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
Does your weight fluctuate?
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Does your belly expand and contract like a pasty pail?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
S'more?
Speaker 2 (41:47):
Do your thighs have their own zip code? Tacky Jackies
to the rescue. We've recently come into possession of an
amazing space age material liberated from a mysterious rocket crashed
in the.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
Fields of Kansas.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Come try on jor L's No Tell, No Swell super
Spandex and if that doesn't work, We've got some wild
patterned duct tape in the back. We make it work
at Tacky Jackie's. It doesn't matter if you're not a looker.
You'll get the guys when you dress like a hooker.
(42:20):
Thanks to Tacky Jackies, come by this weekend and help
us celebrate Pimps and player Days.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Special deals in every aisle for all.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Our mac daddies, and don't worry, you don't have to
break the bank to dress your floozy like a skang
at Tacky Jackie's Clothes for Hose located in the abandoned
shopping mall between blind Lemon Spanky sold Food and adult
toy repair and doctor Hook the only veterinarian with two
hook hands. Turn left at the crack house and tell
the guy with a sneak tattoo on his face you're
looking for Taki Jackie. And don't forget everyone gets an
(42:49):
extra ten percent off just for singing our world famous.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
Jingle car.
Speaker 2 (43:04):
Jacky Jackie's Clothes Prose. You could do worse, but I
don't see how good Morning makes Jo's al.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Radio doing the deal. You like this out of the
big box keyword search grumpy and Celebrities. It's time for
the Grumpy old man.
Speaker 2 (43:55):
Gods zig zaggy, I'm old and I hate so libritties.
Back in my day, we didn't have no LiPo, sucked, botoxed,
pumped paparazzi, Hayton whar desure media dollings.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
You had to be famous for something other than just
being famous.
Speaker 2 (44:17):
There weren't no bare ass Hilton or Nicole Bitchy or
Lindsey Lowlife shaving their heads, popping pills and showing their
butt crack. To be a star, you had to have
skills somewhere other than the producer's backseat. You had to
act in movies that weren't directed by somebody other than
(44:38):
the bell boy at that hot sheet joint on the interstate.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
You had to sing songs that rhymed and.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
You could understand and whether drummer didn't carry the melody.
Only the women wore jewelry, and it wasn't on their belly,
buttons or private parts. The grill was in the backyard,
not in your mouth. Bling bling was the the sound
a Chinese fella's phone made. And the only place you could.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Find a tattoo was on a sailor.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
And they had the common sense and moral decency not
to add anything after the word, mother, poopeny paper ule.
Look at me, I'm a totally worthless human being taking
up space and be better used for livestock, because cows
and pigs actually serve a purpose, not to mention, they're
(45:31):
smarter and smell better. Rejoice, Rejoice, the civilized world is
going to hell in a hot rod, and it's all.
Speaker 1 (45:39):
Thanks to me.
Speaker 2 (45:41):
And you like it, you love it. In my day,
we read the newspaper to find out what third world
babboons were trying to kill us, and how our own
government was trying to screw us, and what baseball team
at dodged venereal disease long enough to get to the pennant.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
We wanted real news.
Speaker 2 (46:04):
We didn't give a hot, wet crap about Tom Cruise
and his dopey, pie faced, gullible, brainwashed girlfriend and that bright, pink,
ugly young'un with a head like a Mexican urinal. Instead
of acting in movies, they run around telling folks that
they worship some evil space alien living in a volcano
(46:27):
and think Jesus was just some story to make the
world feel guilty, and the only real God is themselves.
Pippy flippy Boodhaboo look at me, I'm praying to Dark Vader.
If we weren't movie stars, you'd burn us at the
steak for being witches. But you made us famous, so
(46:47):
this is all your fault, yipp Yand in my day,
we didn't need to go all the way to California
to find someone to make a fuss over. We had
our losers and crackheads and worthless waste of space right
in our own backyard.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Like old man Cornpuckle. He could dislocate his jaw like.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
A snake and swallow a whole watermelon, and then he'd
rapid fire the seeds out of his butt, busting glass
jars at thirty feet.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Can you do that, Brad Pitt?
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Or what about missus Farflang and the town spins, the
librarian who was born with both kinds of private parts
on the palms of her hands, And late at night
we'd sneak over and watch her on the front porch
shaking hands with herself.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
Give that a try, Jlo. The only actor we had.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
Was mister Swallows, and we run him out of town
on a rail so he wouldn't sneak into our homes
and to cover of night and turn our precious children
into cannibals.
Speaker 1 (47:57):
Are you listening, Miss Vince Vaughan, Hot dangity y.
Speaker 2 (48:03):
We're a community at sea, pooping, glass busting, hand humping,
fruit chasing backwards.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
Dumb ass covers without a.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Decent community theater because we keep running off the actors.
The future looks mighty bright, indeed darkable.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
Pogable day celebrities. Who needs them? Big boxes Here all
your favorites from four decades of the Big Show ninety
nine since each fifteen for nine to ninety nine. Buy
them once, play them anywhere.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
You can shop the mid bots online right now at
the Big Show dot com or a Big Show stuff
i phone.
Speaker 1 (48:39):
The number is eight hundred and four to seven one
Stuff online services by Animate dot Com. Have you missed
any of The Big Show this morning? You can hear
it all the John Boremillen Late Risers podcast up next.
Wherever you get your podcast Meganesi, subscribe to us with
a free I Heard Radio app. I Love you mean
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