July 7, 2025 • 34 mins
Monday (pt 2 of 2): On Today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, a listener invites us to a Nudist Colony.. - We’ll escape the heat by ducking into the John Boy & Billy Playhouse for a performance of “A Death in the Family”.. - Big Show On the Scene Corespondent Buzz Nutley cracks the missing 30-foot cowboy case.. - We’ll run down some Dumb Crook News.. - Oliver has some advice for the men in our audience.. - We fill a request for “The Pirate Joke”.. - and we wrap up with some stupid things we saw in the news…
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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Here's a big jooneer radio moving around the bottom.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Of the How were you ready to go?
Speaker 4 (00:25):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Okay, come j Willis's time.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Quiz y.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
I said hey to George out of Sandford, North Carolina.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hey, George, Hey, what's happened Joe Board?
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Nothing man?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
What you doing?
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (00:46):
Driving the truck?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I just had to find a place to.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Pull off the road so I can call.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
All Right, cool, cool, no fair thinking? All right, Well, George,
listen to Billy Well George.
Speaker 6 (00:55):
The Gap has signed another big name celebrity for a
TV campaign coming soon, Gap Commercials, starring mud Donner. The
theme of Madonna's commercials is said to be a reinvent
yourself be living in the material world or see, if
you're gonna be a skank, you might as well dress
(01:15):
like one.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
George, Well, she's been in a material wall for a
long time, but I guess I'm gonna have to go with.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
See you have been skanky even longer.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Yeah, all right, George, you got the prize backergs.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
Buddy, Congratulations, hang on, Jackie gets information back on the round.
Speaker 7 (01:38):
All right, first time caller, George, gonna work.
Speaker 8 (01:45):
Buddy, Huzzah, This is King vdall Oh is that vidor
neverthe bat?
Speaker 5 (01:55):
It is?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, by decreed by royal proclamation that by new Court
justice shall henceforth be John Boy and Billy in the
realm known as the Big Show. Are they funny? They
better be unless they want to be dragon food. This
(02:48):
is the.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show, the South's
number one export out of Pikeville, Kentucky. They're too stepping
with the lord at the Cowboy Church. Marlowe's Country Palace
is a hankey talk in Pikeville, Kentucky, and Sunday mornings
(03:12):
just transformed into a church.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, I mean amen by that.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
But Tim saw Tim song about that the first Baptist
bar and grill. We honor the church in Pikeville with
this musical rendition.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Well, the church.
Speaker 9 (03:28):
Burned down and no one knew what that a ghost
Baptist was going to do this on brimstone that said
that gun hot had burned up a church bus in
the parking lok. Is it a pan of Reverend Doctor
White called up a next member that hadn't lived right
here on Joe's bear Joint, right across the fence since
the Saint Joel's he preached against. He's that I don't
really want to be a hippocrite. I got a Sunday
(03:50):
school class about the half bence. We're all excited about
Revival Week and been moved by the spirit, so to speak,
with all the souls we saved and money we spent
with the told us to sell that tenth And I
got a famous I'm angelas is supposed to come and done,
run out of chairs.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
We loan a sun. Joe sarewell, you'll just use the
whole dang place.
Speaker 9 (04:08):
Ain't nine on a juke box, amazing Grace Height's supposed
to be open all of them blue laws, but will
open the night. But it's all right with you. Richard says, well,
I reckon, it's be okay. The Good Lord works in
mysterious ways. Is going to talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth,
And I reckon I could do it from the DJA
at the first Baptist bar and Grill didn't see on
(04:30):
the church in the Bible belt that smells like a whiskey.
Still window sinners finished. One more around. We'll hap dinner,
comb the ground and go inside and pray we don't
get killed.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Eve Angelus came with a well dress square.
Speaker 9 (04:44):
They showed up around, had be hour, looked around the
joint and didn't take it real well, so that the
work ministry has gone the hole. They's mills had taught
good Sunday school, and two Dickens in the backroom shooting
pool was sharing the lord with a gym beam. Repplus
teaching his mills some mid down stem. Reverend White was
reading from the book called Loop to a tall drunk
trucker about the pill cat John three sixteen memorized to
(05:06):
trying to dry him out to get in badize live
angel is yelling about the lights and the beer. Said
why you get saving his holes into here? This please
ain't nothing but it in us in He to kind
of plays baptist on to be in Riacher says, well,
we don't really need jaw here.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
You didn't do a.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Very good job.
Speaker 9 (05:22):
Blessed here. You only saved one center. I's Todd Maguire,
he's a little less old. It's up my church on.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Now.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
What he's doing now we don't really know. But he
changed his name to Randy.
Speaker 9 (05:32):
He's producing a radio show and don't know anything about
sports and never.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Hads that's the first Baptist bar and grail.
Speaker 9 (05:41):
That's see, the only church in the Bible about the
smells like a whiskey still not a stained glass one
night and he were in sight kissed the blood stained
floor and neon lights in the communion wine and here
is always chilled. And we're here with someday living large,
the only church with a covered yarm. And if you
don't like our doctor and then think we ain't about,
(06:02):
we'll have Mike Brady, our bouncer and thrower of the
first Baptist barn and green.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
John Woyam Dilly's that's not a song. Real songs are
about deals with the devil far of lens where you'd
find smoke in relation to water.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
This morning, rad yell, dumb right, good morning to bake.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Show is alreadyo that quarter away from the hour. It's
time for Oliver.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Well, well, well, the following is for men only. So ladies,
we'll give you a chance to leave the room there
now that those cows are gone, Gather around boys. There's
(07:31):
five questions that a man doesn't ever want to hear
from a woman. One what are you thinking about? Two?
Do you love me? Three? Do I look fat?
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Four?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Do you think she's prettier than me?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And five?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
What would you do if I die? What makes these
questions so unpleasant is that each one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly,
otherwise known as telling the truth. Therefore, as a public service,
(08:21):
let's examine each question and provide some help in giving
the correct responses. Number one, what are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is why, I
was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring,
intelligent woman you are and how lucky I am to
(08:45):
have you. The true answer to what are you thinking about?
Is probably one of the following baseball, football, How fat
you are that little blonde in the tube cop over there?
(09:05):
How glad I am you're not wearing a tube cop.
Perhaps the truest response to this question was offered by
Al Bundy, who once told peg if I wanted you
to know what I was thinking, I'd be talking to you.
Question number two, do you love me? The proper response
(09:28):
is yes or if your butter's in a spling in
a sling for that moment, a detailed answer is in
order with yes, dear, Yes, kitten or yes, snooky wookie wookers.
Inappropriate responses include oh yeah, a whole buttl load. Would
(09:52):
it make you feel better if I said yes? That
depends on what you mean by love at this point?
Does it really matter? Question number three? Do I look fat?
(10:12):
The correct answer is, of course not. Among the inappropriate
answers are compared to what I wouldn't call you fat,
but you're not exactly thin, A little extra weight looks
(10:32):
good on you, or my favorite, I've seen fatter? Question
number four? Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again,
the proper response is an emphatic of course not. Inappropriate
(10:58):
responses include yes, but you have a better personality. She's
not prettier, but she's a whole lot thinner. You were
as pretty as her when you were her age? All
(11:18):
define pretty? Question number five, what would you do if
I died? This is especially dangerous since it's usually asked
about thirty seconds after you turn out the lights to
go to sleep. Your best bet is to pretend you're
(11:39):
already in a deep slumber and didn't hear the question.
If you're forced to answer, you something like now, honey,
don't even talk that way or my favorite why I'd
probably die too of a broken heart to avoid things
(12:01):
like what would I do probably the freaking watusi before
or after I bought the new boat in the Corvette. Yeah,
like I'd ever get that luck. I'd finally nail your
(12:23):
buddy Susan. Mark my words, gentlemen, Sooner or later these
questions will come up, and, as the boy Scouts say,
be pre payed. This has been a public affairs presentation
of The John Boy and Billy Big Show, helping regular
(12:43):
guys cover their butt since nineteen eighty Morned Pale, the
Sun's up, the birds are singing, and two of radio's
longest running knuckleheads around the air. Well, not right this second,
(13:04):
but soon. And that's what they call hitting the comedy lottery.
The John Boy and Billy Big Show. Oh they are
a Ryan, a regular laugh Ryan Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Good morning is a big show on the radio.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
John Board, Billy Piller's Randy Jackie our studio right now?
Is this off from the Big Show dot com? And
email Hey Big Joe, how are you? I'm a longtime
listeners to the Big Show lead since nineteen eighty seven.
I was also a fan of John Boy. Got to
be on a show with him when he was broadcasting
in Knoxville, Tennessee in the late seventies. I moved in
(14:15):
Tennessee to North Carolina and eighty seven for North Carolina,
Florida last year. I've called in one of your contests
a few times. I do have an unusual request. Uh oh,
who wants to be a millionaire is taking some shows
in Orlando and I would like to try to be
a contestant. Is it possible for Billy and or Randy
(14:37):
to be among my phone of friends?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That'd be Billy.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Billy, he's the guy he selected for the show. You
guys seem to have a lot of general trivia type
knowledge as well as some specialized technical knowledge, which can
be very helpful in the game. Here's what the rules say.
Under what you must bring phone of friends, names and
telephone numbers of up to five people to be your
(15:00):
phone a friend who will be available from twelve noon
until eight pm Eastern time on January fifteenth. I don't
think you necessarily had to be setting right by your
phone that whole time, but just generally effatable it could
be good promotion for your show. If they call you
on a question, then of course, I will say that's
how I know you anyway, Please let me know something soon.
I sure appreciate the helm now. I don't have many
(15:20):
other friends who know anything.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Ah you Rob Lucky.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
At o'calla Florida. So Randy.
Speaker 10 (15:28):
The only downside I see to that is that you
give the guy all your information saying reach you wherever
you are, and he calls you and you give him
bad advice and he loses. Yeah, Well, say he's got
the number where he can reach you wherever you are.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
You see, Rob, I'm kind of hurt.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
Been knowing me since the late seventy's, actually been on
my show when I was a nighttime jogging and.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
I think that explains it.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I know you apology, I think.
Speaker 10 (15:50):
He ask me he did he mentioned you in the letter?
He said he didn't know anybody with it?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
He smart?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Hello John Boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Uh you know hurt?
Speaker 6 (16:01):
Well, they did strike their new phone of goofball. I
rest my cake, and I don't mind taking the chance
of being wrong. Exactly my point. My ball came, young friend.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
He didn't get where he is today by being right.
Everybody knows that.
Speaker 5 (16:16):
So fine, good morning, Yeah, the big show is right here.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
On the radio. Stupid Qui's time one ain't.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
On a big show. You told free line Tater you
see my maters.
Speaker 11 (16:37):
I saw your maters.
Speaker 12 (16:39):
You kind of small.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Hating you. Of course you do win. Yeah, the shakes.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I had to be growing some watermelons, one of them.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
It's not Themators aren't busting staves out of the basket.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Let's put at that point.
Speaker 13 (17:04):
Yeah, I'm all right, No, you don't.
Speaker 5 (17:08):
You're gonna be hosting stupide quiz. All right, one eight
hundred big show. You're told free line across America, and
we'll do it next in the morning, the big shows
(17:44):
on the radio.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I'm like, Bee Vader.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Have you seen Junior is great?
Speaker 5 (17:56):
Junior mayern Vader your heart?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
You know you.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Our contestant. It's Laura from Megan Georgia. Hello, Laura, good morning.
How you doing.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I'm doing, wonderful day.
Speaker 10 (18:17):
It's my birthday.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I can't believe I'm talking to y'all.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
Hell Laura, happy birthday, Thank you, Happy birthday, Happy birthday.
Speaker 14 (18:32):
Crying children dying, Happy birth.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
The Pinckard Bowden Birthday song.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
And that's ansome because I first contested this morning. So
baby doll can't remember what you're from. It was her
birthday today.
Speaker 14 (18:45):
Oh that's great, Yo, well good, I can't believe I'm
talking to y'all.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yell us. It gets even better.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
You're gonna play me on the stupid quiz choking.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
A little bit early Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
But let's see how to.
Speaker 5 (18:58):
Go swell on Monday either, Laura, I got a bell,
touch a number on your touched on phone.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
That's the way you'll chime in.
Speaker 11 (19:05):
Okay, let's go to us and world history history and
his multiple choice? Who was married to Louis the sixteenth?
Was it Queen Isabella, Marie Antoinette, Cleopatra.
Speaker 6 (19:24):
Yes, Laura, let's go the first one.
Speaker 11 (19:26):
Queen Isabella.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
No, all right, easy one go I know clip Patra
was married to Burton?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Riddles No, no, Richard Burton. That's right, everybody has that exactly.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
I'm going with the B B answer.
Speaker 11 (19:42):
You are Correctette, Yeah, all right, laaram up on you
want to nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Okay, let's go math class.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Pens and paper.
Speaker 11 (19:54):
In the first year of production, Rayford sells seventy two
bottles of moonshine ye well. In its second year, he
sold fifty three tickets bottles bottles.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Whoops, sorry, that's my mistake. You've got another side show going.
Speaker 11 (20:09):
In his third year, he sold three less than it's
in its second year. All that, how many bottles are shined?
Did he selling three years?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
So seventy two the first year?
Speaker 12 (20:20):
See Laura, No, no, no, no, not according to this.
Speaker 6 (20:31):
Oh no, I can't even add this morning.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
What's nine and five?
Speaker 5 (20:35):
That's for you to figure out, now, okay, ten and
five is fifteen, nine fives, fourteen one forty.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Five No, no.
Speaker 12 (20:44):
Thirty seventy two plus fifty three plus fifty plus fifty
that's five seventy five.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Seven plus five, just getting warmed up.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
Alrighty, you'll want to nothing seven plus five whatever?
Speaker 11 (21:02):
Science class, Most asteroids are found between which two planets
Earth and Mars, Mars and Jupiter, Jupiter and Pluto.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Where's astro Nerd when I need him? I don't know,
we've never.
Speaker 13 (21:16):
Needed yes, Laura, no, no, Jupiter, Mars, all right, one
of the choices.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
It is now.
Speaker 6 (21:39):
The theory is there was another planet between Mars and.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
I have a chart.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Okay, where are English class?
Speaker 11 (21:50):
Find the verb in this sentence?
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Pillars tickled Rayford's feet, big lailed.
Speaker 12 (21:57):
There you go, yay, Laura's on the boards the way.
I still can't get this mello on my hand, this
little piece.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
All right, I got news wor all of his little
piggies ain't roast.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
But yeah, Arts and Leisure who hosted Jeopardy for the
first eleven years it was on the air.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Art fleming Boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 14 (22:37):
It pays well, we're not playing boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
All right. Hey, Laura, you didn't win, but I can't
turn you away with nothing on your birthday.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
So I'm gonna instruct jackal done to make you happy.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
All right, that'd be great.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Thank you baby, Happy birthday you George baiting you okay.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
By.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Good morning.
Speaker 5 (22:57):
Everybody got a big show right here on the radio.
A letter from Benjamin V.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Cherry.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
He is black Beard.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
It's uh he's Let me say, I've been a fan
of Big Show goodly a number of years now. First
scoveredy broadcast many years ago in NORFK, Virginia AM station.
I was trying to get Amos in the morning. I
used to know him quite well when I was a
page at NBC, and said I must I heard this crazy,
laughing Nascar talking goofy bunch called John Boy and Billy.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Needless to say, I was not a fan.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Change the station I did.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
Some months later, friend was talking about all the fun
stuff on the Big Show. I started listening to discovered
that not only am I a professional pirate, but also
a true North Carolina redneck. I traveled throughout the South
speaking with schools, museums, et cetera. Always look for your show,
My die black Beard the Pirate. If the Black Beard
a new spirit one man show comes to your town,
(23:49):
I siur Bud Benjamin, new fan of the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
And just in your.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Honor, Benjamin, We're gonna do our John Worebilly Pirate Playhouse.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Ah, it's coming up next. Good morning to big shows
(24:34):
on the radio.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Yeah, we were down nineteen ninety nine Universal Studios getting
ready for the Dayson of five hundred was performed.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Welcome to John.
Speaker 14 (24:46):
Boy and Billy Playhouse, tol's episode The Pirate Joke. As
our story opens, Ronald Robinson, the notorious private heer known
as Red Shirt, run hands on the deck of his vessel,
the infamous See Snake r.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
It's the thickest fog I've seen in thirty years.
Speaker 7 (25:08):
Mister Lockout, keep a sharp eye out, Hi Captain, I'll
be doing this.
Speaker 5 (25:13):
Excuse me, Captain, got a bit of a surprise for you, sir.
Speaker 15 (25:17):
Well, a fat redneck on the ship is about all
the surprise I can teache. I hate surprises, mister smeeth.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Oh, he hates surprises.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Where's me parrot? Who let this chicken on board the ship?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
That's the worst part I've heard, Brady, No lucky practiced.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
He's changed into a cat.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
I'm not a dog.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Oh, for the love of.
Speaker 15 (25:49):
God, quiet Brady. If I want any crap out of you,
I'll squeeze your head.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Oh, squawk at you, stupid.
Speaker 15 (26:01):
So what's the surprise, mister smeed, Well, Sir, when I
went down to fetch that bottle of rum you wanted,
I found a stowaway in the liquor locker. Do me
a favor and try a little bit harder than brain
stowaway in the liquor locker, Captain. Young boy looks to
be about sixteen years old. Shall I have the men
(26:21):
toss him overboard?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Not so fast, mister smed I think i'll have a
word with him first. Bring the little sneak to me, Oh, ivy,
he He'll have a word.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
With him first.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I said, quiet, you stupid bird, Freddy, quit milking you laugh.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
I'm sorry, sir, that is the worst gone changer squawk.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
I feel your paind man. Look at me, Brady, look
at me.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Do that raw raw, that's good and doing real quick
rare okay.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
All right, Chubby, it's your life. Look at me, Johnny,
look at me like this.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Ah, here's our little stowaway captain.
Speaker 15 (27:19):
Well, now you are right, mister Smith. He's hardly dry
behind the ears. What's your name, Laddy Edward Hawkins, sir?
Well tell me, young Edward Hawkins. What in the wide
world at sports are you doing hidinging me liquor locker?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I wanted to meet you, sir?
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Did you know? And why is that? I am to
join up with your crew and plunder and pillage.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
The high seas with you?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Do you know? And what would your mom and dad
be thinking about that?
Speaker 5 (27:42):
Me?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Mom and dad are dad?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I'm an orphan.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Orphan or you?
Speaker 4 (27:46):
No?
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Well? Edward Hawkins would be ashamed to throw you overboard
when there's so much work to be done.
Speaker 15 (27:51):
You're aboard the ship, I reckon I could use a
good cabin boy, raw boy, I could use a good
parrotia idiot.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Shut up, Brady, welcome aboarder, don't push it bird rain.
Speaker 7 (28:13):
Capt'n Ron, Yes, mister, lookout, well, there's a ship.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Coming through the fogs.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Raw.
Speaker 7 (28:27):
It appears to be Admiral Benson and the Royal Navy.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Sorry, that's all I need right now.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Who's Admiral Benson?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Who's arch enemy sworn to destroy me? Mercifully?
Speaker 15 (28:37):
Soon I might have, mister, your big tubb of guts,
go down in the cabin and bring up me red shirt.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Hi, cap'n. Your red shirts are hid.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I always put on my red shirt before a battle.
Then I stand up there right in front of the
bow during the attack. The red shirt makes it easy
for them and to see me. And as long as
they can see me standing there, they'll fight to the
l man. And most importantly, if I'm wounded, the red
shirt hides the blood. That way, they don't know that
I've been injured. Oh, I see, cap'n.
Speaker 7 (29:10):
We got another ship coming off the fog on the port.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Bell another ship, I sir.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
This could be serious.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Oh uhh yeah, could be serious.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Squawk right, Oh.
Speaker 15 (29:24):
Shut up, Rady, mister Smee, hurry up with that red shirt.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Cap'n.
Speaker 7 (29:30):
You're not gonna believe it. Off the starboard bell. Two
more ships, sir, Two more ay, sir, they're coming fast.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Wait off the stern. Three more ships. Oh, and they're
closing even faster.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Three ships. That's a total of six ships.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
We're surrounded, cap'n.
Speaker 15 (29:45):
Mister smee. While you're down there getting me red shirt,
bring up me brown pants too.
Speaker 14 (29:58):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy in the Lake playhouse.
He then again next time when we'll hear Admiral Benson
of the Royal Navy say, hey, big man, let me
hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Taking Now, some stuff happening today.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
A couple of spent accused of trying to kill the
mayor of a Kansas City suburb and her husband with
poison soda and cupcakes sent through the mail.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Huh.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Donna Uzanna Trout and Ralph Trout Or accused of mailing
poison food to their neighbors. May Stephanie Eckingoff and James
echof two families have been in brolden and ongoing feud
for several years, including.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Lawsuits filed by age.
Speaker 5 (31:08):
I think I'll started when Donna welcomed him to the
neighborhood with poison, soda and cupcakes.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Not really to know your neighbors.
Speaker 5 (31:18):
An Australian woman says she made a silly mistake when
she drove her car with a broken door tied to
her son's baby seat.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Huh all right.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Junior, hold on tight, oh man? Uh.
Speaker 5 (31:32):
Maria Francis Guy was finding three hundred bucks after pleading
guilty to charge of dangerous driving. Police stopped her after
seeing the door open as she was driving. She had
used a piece of rope and tied it to the
baby's seat to try to keep the door shut.
Speaker 6 (31:44):
Huh, Hey, did you see the one Hawthorne, California ticket
for running a red light was mailed to the registered
owner of a car. The man is contesting the ticket
because an automatic videotape shows he wasn't driving. It was
his wife's boyfriend. Oh man, they're getting the divorce, needless
to say.
Speaker 5 (32:03):
Oh, maybe he can get the divorce and the ticket
taking care of it at the same time.
Speaker 6 (32:07):
Yeah, yeah, can I do both of these to here?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I'm already at the courthouse with that.
Speaker 10 (32:11):
Speaking of driving, do you hear about this blindfolded magician,
paraplegic magician, nonetheless, who drove cross country blindfolded?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
No man by himself.
Speaker 10 (32:21):
Yeah, he had a couple of assistance with him. But
and then well, their job was to take pictures of
the people who were scared to death.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Buy it all right?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Right? Right?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
It said it?
Speaker 10 (32:34):
He says the journey took a toll on his body,
leaving him with an eye infection from wearing the blindfold
for so long. And get this, a urinary track infection
from sitting too long. Hey, hit stop.
Speaker 12 (32:45):
Yeah, today's the day they start running the bulls over
in Spain.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Really, is that right?
Speaker 10 (32:51):
And did you hear what Petera did? He staged a protest.
They couldn't get a permit to get it pulled off.
They were going to run through the streets the day
before the running of the bulls naked.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
You know what I'd have done, I'd have somehow let
them bulls out, turn around and make friends with the merger.
There's your buddy.
Speaker 10 (33:08):
They couldn't get a permit because none of them were pretty.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Enough paid the pay'll getting naked.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Yeah, they will remember that old girl paints herself up
like a tiger. Those around when somebody playing himself up
like a bull, what.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
About that one was in here dressed like a pig.
Speaker 10 (33:28):
Hey, you got to salute a celebrity birthday today. Singer
David hod I think his house pronounced David Hodo. He's
the construction worker of the village. People I don't know
actually works construction. Now, he says, the group still packs
him into here. Seventies hits like Macho Man in the Navy,
(33:49):
and and well that's about it.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
Yeah, congratulations there, hold over man, bam.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Bam, bam bam.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
I can't find whatever I had, so I must be finished. Yeah,
all right, this goes over.
Speaker 6 (34:05):
Big Box is here all your favorites from four decades
of The Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for
nine ninety nine. Buy them months, play them anywhere. You
can shop the Big Box online right now at the
Big Show dot Com. Order Big Show Stuff I Phone.
The number is eight hundred and four to seven one
Stuff Online services by Animate dot Com.
Speaker 5 (34:21):
If you missed any of The Big Show this morning,
you can hear it now. The John Woobilly Late Risers
podcast up next.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Wait wherever you get your podcast, make it easy. Subscribe
to us with a free I Heart Radio app. Say tomorrow,
we love you we mane it
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Here's a big jooneer radio moving around the bottom.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Of the How were you ready to go?
Speaker 4 (00:25):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Okay, come j Willis's time.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Quiz y.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
I said hey to George out of Sandford, North Carolina.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Hey, George, Hey, what's happened Joe Board?
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Nothing man?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
What you doing?
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (00:46):
Driving the truck?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I just had to find a place to.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
Pull off the road so I can call.
Speaker 5 (00:50):
All Right, cool, cool, no fair thinking? All right, Well, George,
listen to Billy Well George.
Speaker 6 (00:55):
The Gap has signed another big name celebrity for a
TV campaign coming soon, Gap Commercials, starring mud Donner. The
theme of Madonna's commercials is said to be a reinvent
yourself be living in the material world or see, if
you're gonna be a skank, you might as well dress
(01:15):
like one.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
George, Well, she's been in a material wall for a
long time, but I guess I'm gonna have to go with.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
See you have been skanky even longer.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Yeah, all right, George, you got the prize backergs.
Speaker 5 (01:34):
Buddy, Congratulations, hang on, Jackie gets information back on the round.
Speaker 7 (01:38):
All right, first time caller, George, gonna work.
Speaker 8 (01:45):
Buddy, Huzzah, This is King vdall Oh is that vidor
neverthe bat?
Speaker 5 (01:55):
It is?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, by decreed by royal proclamation that by new Court
justice shall henceforth be John Boy and Billy in the
realm known as the Big Show. Are they funny? They
better be unless they want to be dragon food. This
(02:48):
is the.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show, the South's
number one export out of Pikeville, Kentucky. They're too stepping
with the lord at the Cowboy Church. Marlowe's Country Palace
is a hankey talk in Pikeville, Kentucky, and Sunday mornings
(03:12):
just transformed into a church.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Yeah, I mean amen by that.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
But Tim saw Tim song about that the first Baptist
bar and grill. We honor the church in Pikeville with
this musical rendition.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Well, the church.
Speaker 9 (03:28):
Burned down and no one knew what that a ghost
Baptist was going to do this on brimstone that said
that gun hot had burned up a church bus in
the parking lok. Is it a pan of Reverend Doctor
White called up a next member that hadn't lived right
here on Joe's bear Joint, right across the fence since
the Saint Joel's he preached against. He's that I don't
really want to be a hippocrite. I got a Sunday
(03:50):
school class about the half bence. We're all excited about
Revival Week and been moved by the spirit, so to speak,
with all the souls we saved and money we spent
with the told us to sell that tenth And I
got a famous I'm angelas is supposed to come and done,
run out of chairs.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
We loan a sun. Joe sarewell, you'll just use the
whole dang place.
Speaker 9 (04:08):
Ain't nine on a juke box, amazing Grace Height's supposed
to be open all of them blue laws, but will
open the night. But it's all right with you. Richard says, well,
I reckon, it's be okay. The Good Lord works in
mysterious ways. Is going to talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth,
And I reckon I could do it from the DJA
at the first Baptist bar and Grill didn't see on
(04:30):
the church in the Bible belt that smells like a whiskey.
Still window sinners finished. One more around. We'll hap dinner,
comb the ground and go inside and pray we don't
get killed.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Eve Angelus came with a well dress square.
Speaker 9 (04:44):
They showed up around, had be hour, looked around the
joint and didn't take it real well, so that the
work ministry has gone the hole. They's mills had taught
good Sunday school, and two Dickens in the backroom shooting
pool was sharing the lord with a gym beam. Repplus
teaching his mills some mid down stem. Reverend White was
reading from the book called Loop to a tall drunk
trucker about the pill cat John three sixteen memorized to
(05:06):
trying to dry him out to get in badize live
angel is yelling about the lights and the beer. Said
why you get saving his holes into here? This please
ain't nothing but it in us in He to kind
of plays baptist on to be in Riacher says, well,
we don't really need jaw here.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
You didn't do a.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Very good job.
Speaker 9 (05:22):
Blessed here. You only saved one center. I's Todd Maguire,
he's a little less old. It's up my church on.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Now.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
What he's doing now we don't really know. But he
changed his name to Randy.
Speaker 9 (05:32):
He's producing a radio show and don't know anything about
sports and never.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Hads that's the first Baptist bar and grail.
Speaker 9 (05:41):
That's see, the only church in the Bible about the
smells like a whiskey still not a stained glass one
night and he were in sight kissed the blood stained
floor and neon lights in the communion wine and here
is always chilled. And we're here with someday living large,
the only church with a covered yarm. And if you
don't like our doctor and then think we ain't about,
(06:02):
we'll have Mike Brady, our bouncer and thrower of the
first Baptist barn and green.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
John Woyam Dilly's that's not a song. Real songs are
about deals with the devil far of lens where you'd
find smoke in relation to water.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
This morning, rad yell, dumb right, good morning to bake.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Show is alreadyo that quarter away from the hour. It's
time for Oliver.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Well, well, well, the following is for men only. So ladies,
we'll give you a chance to leave the room there
now that those cows are gone, Gather around boys. There's
(07:31):
five questions that a man doesn't ever want to hear
from a woman. One what are you thinking about? Two?
Do you love me? Three? Do I look fat?
Speaker 5 (07:52):
Four?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Do you think she's prettier than me?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And five?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
What would you do if I die? What makes these
questions so unpleasant is that each one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly,
otherwise known as telling the truth. Therefore, as a public service,
(08:21):
let's examine each question and provide some help in giving
the correct responses. Number one, what are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is why, I
was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring,
intelligent woman you are and how lucky I am to
(08:45):
have you. The true answer to what are you thinking about?
Is probably one of the following baseball, football, How fat
you are that little blonde in the tube cop over there?
(09:05):
How glad I am you're not wearing a tube cop.
Perhaps the truest response to this question was offered by
Al Bundy, who once told peg if I wanted you
to know what I was thinking, I'd be talking to you.
Question number two, do you love me? The proper response
(09:28):
is yes or if your butter's in a spling in
a sling for that moment, a detailed answer is in
order with yes, dear, Yes, kitten or yes, snooky wookie wookers.
Inappropriate responses include oh yeah, a whole buttl load. Would
(09:52):
it make you feel better if I said yes? That
depends on what you mean by love at this point?
Does it really matter? Question number three? Do I look fat?
(10:12):
The correct answer is, of course not. Among the inappropriate
answers are compared to what I wouldn't call you fat,
but you're not exactly thin, A little extra weight looks
(10:32):
good on you, or my favorite, I've seen fatter? Question
number four? Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again,
the proper response is an emphatic of course not. Inappropriate
(10:58):
responses include yes, but you have a better personality. She's
not prettier, but she's a whole lot thinner. You were
as pretty as her when you were her age? All
(11:18):
define pretty? Question number five, what would you do if
I died? This is especially dangerous since it's usually asked
about thirty seconds after you turn out the lights to
go to sleep. Your best bet is to pretend you're
(11:39):
already in a deep slumber and didn't hear the question.
If you're forced to answer, you something like now, honey,
don't even talk that way or my favorite why I'd
probably die too of a broken heart to avoid things
(12:01):
like what would I do probably the freaking watusi before
or after I bought the new boat in the Corvette. Yeah,
like I'd ever get that luck. I'd finally nail your
(12:23):
buddy Susan. Mark my words, gentlemen, Sooner or later these
questions will come up, and, as the boy Scouts say,
be pre payed. This has been a public affairs presentation
of The John Boy and Billy Big Show, helping regular
(12:43):
guys cover their butt since nineteen eighty Morned Pale, the
Sun's up, the birds are singing, and two of radio's
longest running knuckleheads around the air. Well, not right this second,
(13:04):
but soon. And that's what they call hitting the comedy lottery.
The John Boy and Billy Big Show. Oh they are
a Ryan, a regular laugh Ryan Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Good morning is a big show on the radio.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
John Board, Billy Piller's Randy Jackie our studio right now?
Is this off from the Big Show dot com? And
email Hey Big Joe, how are you? I'm a longtime
listeners to the Big Show lead since nineteen eighty seven.
I was also a fan of John Boy. Got to
be on a show with him when he was broadcasting
in Knoxville, Tennessee in the late seventies. I moved in
(14:15):
Tennessee to North Carolina and eighty seven for North Carolina,
Florida last year. I've called in one of your contests
a few times. I do have an unusual request. Uh oh,
who wants to be a millionaire is taking some shows
in Orlando and I would like to try to be
a contestant. Is it possible for Billy and or Randy
(14:37):
to be among my phone of friends?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That'd be Billy.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Billy, he's the guy he selected for the show. You
guys seem to have a lot of general trivia type
knowledge as well as some specialized technical knowledge, which can
be very helpful in the game. Here's what the rules say.
Under what you must bring phone of friends, names and
telephone numbers of up to five people to be your
(15:00):
phone a friend who will be available from twelve noon
until eight pm Eastern time on January fifteenth. I don't
think you necessarily had to be setting right by your
phone that whole time, but just generally effatable it could
be good promotion for your show. If they call you
on a question, then of course, I will say that's
how I know you anyway, Please let me know something soon.
I sure appreciate the helm now. I don't have many
(15:20):
other friends who know anything.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Ah you Rob Lucky.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
At o'calla Florida. So Randy.
Speaker 10 (15:28):
The only downside I see to that is that you
give the guy all your information saying reach you wherever
you are, and he calls you and you give him
bad advice and he loses. Yeah, Well, say he's got
the number where he can reach you wherever you are.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
You see, Rob, I'm kind of hurt.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
Been knowing me since the late seventy's, actually been on
my show when I was a nighttime jogging and.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
I think that explains it.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I know you apology, I think.
Speaker 10 (15:50):
He ask me he did he mentioned you in the letter?
He said he didn't know anybody with it?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
He smart?
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Hello John Boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Uh you know hurt?
Speaker 6 (16:01):
Well, they did strike their new phone of goofball. I
rest my cake, and I don't mind taking the chance
of being wrong. Exactly my point. My ball came, young friend.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
He didn't get where he is today by being right.
Everybody knows that.
Speaker 5 (16:16):
So fine, good morning, Yeah, the big show is right here.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
On the radio. Stupid Qui's time one ain't.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
On a big show. You told free line Tater you
see my maters.
Speaker 11 (16:37):
I saw your maters.
Speaker 12 (16:39):
You kind of small.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Hating you. Of course you do win. Yeah, the shakes.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
I had to be growing some watermelons, one of them.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
It's not Themators aren't busting staves out of the basket.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Let's put at that point.
Speaker 13 (17:04):
Yeah, I'm all right, No, you don't.
Speaker 5 (17:08):
You're gonna be hosting stupide quiz. All right, one eight
hundred big show. You're told free line across America, and
we'll do it next in the morning, the big shows
(17:44):
on the radio.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
I'm like, Bee Vader.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Have you seen Junior is great?
Speaker 5 (17:56):
Junior mayern Vader your heart?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
You know you.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Our contestant. It's Laura from Megan Georgia. Hello, Laura, good morning.
How you doing.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
I'm doing, wonderful day.
Speaker 10 (18:17):
It's my birthday.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I can't believe I'm talking to y'all.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
Hell Laura, happy birthday, Thank you, Happy birthday, Happy birthday.
Speaker 14 (18:32):
Crying children dying, Happy birth.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
The Pinckard Bowden Birthday song.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
And that's ansome because I first contested this morning. So
baby doll can't remember what you're from. It was her
birthday today.
Speaker 14 (18:45):
Oh that's great, Yo, well good, I can't believe I'm
talking to y'all.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yell us. It gets even better.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
You're gonna play me on the stupid quiz choking.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
A little bit early Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
But let's see how to.
Speaker 5 (18:58):
Go swell on Monday either, Laura, I got a bell,
touch a number on your touched on phone.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
That's the way you'll chime in.
Speaker 11 (19:05):
Okay, let's go to us and world history history and
his multiple choice? Who was married to Louis the sixteenth?
Was it Queen Isabella, Marie Antoinette, Cleopatra.
Speaker 6 (19:24):
Yes, Laura, let's go the first one.
Speaker 11 (19:26):
Queen Isabella.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
No, all right, easy one go I know clip Patra
was married to Burton?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Riddles No, no, Richard Burton. That's right, everybody has that exactly.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
I'm going with the B B answer.
Speaker 11 (19:42):
You are Correctette, Yeah, all right, laaram up on you
want to nothing.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Okay, let's go math class.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Pens and paper.
Speaker 11 (19:54):
In the first year of production, Rayford sells seventy two
bottles of moonshine ye well. In its second year, he
sold fifty three tickets bottles bottles.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Whoops, sorry, that's my mistake. You've got another side show going.
Speaker 11 (20:09):
In his third year, he sold three less than it's
in its second year. All that, how many bottles are shined?
Did he selling three years?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
So seventy two the first year?
Speaker 12 (20:20):
See Laura, No, no, no, no, not according to this.
Speaker 6 (20:31):
Oh no, I can't even add this morning.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
What's nine and five?
Speaker 5 (20:35):
That's for you to figure out, now, okay, ten and
five is fifteen, nine fives, fourteen one forty.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Five No, no.
Speaker 12 (20:44):
Thirty seventy two plus fifty three plus fifty plus fifty
that's five seventy five.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Seven plus five, just getting warmed up.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
Alrighty, you'll want to nothing seven plus five whatever?
Speaker 11 (21:02):
Science class, Most asteroids are found between which two planets
Earth and Mars, Mars and Jupiter, Jupiter and Pluto.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Where's astro Nerd when I need him? I don't know,
we've never.
Speaker 13 (21:16):
Needed yes, Laura, no, no, Jupiter, Mars, all right, one
of the choices.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
It is now.
Speaker 6 (21:39):
The theory is there was another planet between Mars and.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
I have a chart.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Okay, where are English class?
Speaker 11 (21:50):
Find the verb in this sentence?
Speaker 4 (21:52):
Pillars tickled Rayford's feet, big lailed.
Speaker 12 (21:57):
There you go, yay, Laura's on the boards the way.
I still can't get this mello on my hand, this
little piece.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
All right, I got news wor all of his little
piggies ain't roast.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
But yeah, Arts and Leisure who hosted Jeopardy for the
first eleven years it was on the air.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Art fleming Boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 14 (22:37):
It pays well, we're not playing boy Jeopardy.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
All right. Hey, Laura, you didn't win, but I can't
turn you away with nothing on your birthday.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
So I'm gonna instruct jackal done to make you happy.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
All right, that'd be great.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Thank you baby, Happy birthday you George baiting you okay.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
By.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Good morning.
Speaker 5 (22:57):
Everybody got a big show right here on the radio.
A letter from Benjamin V.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Cherry.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
He is black Beard.
Speaker 5 (23:04):
It's uh he's Let me say, I've been a fan
of Big Show goodly a number of years now. First
scoveredy broadcast many years ago in NORFK, Virginia AM station.
I was trying to get Amos in the morning. I
used to know him quite well when I was a
page at NBC, and said I must I heard this crazy,
laughing Nascar talking goofy bunch called John Boy and Billy.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Needless to say, I was not a fan.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Change the station I did.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
Some months later, friend was talking about all the fun
stuff on the Big Show. I started listening to discovered
that not only am I a professional pirate, but also
a true North Carolina redneck. I traveled throughout the South
speaking with schools, museums, et cetera. Always look for your show,
My die black Beard the Pirate. If the Black Beard
a new spirit one man show comes to your town,
(23:49):
I siur Bud Benjamin, new fan of the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
And just in your.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Honor, Benjamin, We're gonna do our John Worebilly Pirate Playhouse.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Ah, it's coming up next. Good morning to big shows
(24:34):
on the radio.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Yeah, we were down nineteen ninety nine Universal Studios getting
ready for the Dayson of five hundred was performed.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Welcome to John.
Speaker 14 (24:46):
Boy and Billy Playhouse, tol's episode The Pirate Joke. As
our story opens, Ronald Robinson, the notorious private heer known
as Red Shirt, run hands on the deck of his vessel,
the infamous See Snake r.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
It's the thickest fog I've seen in thirty years.
Speaker 7 (25:08):
Mister Lockout, keep a sharp eye out, Hi Captain, I'll
be doing this.
Speaker 5 (25:13):
Excuse me, Captain, got a bit of a surprise for you, sir.
Speaker 15 (25:17):
Well, a fat redneck on the ship is about all
the surprise I can teache. I hate surprises, mister smeeth.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Oh, he hates surprises.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Where's me parrot? Who let this chicken on board the ship?
Speaker 2 (25:35):
That's the worst part I've heard, Brady, No lucky practiced.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
He's changed into a cat.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
I'm not a dog.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Oh, for the love of.
Speaker 15 (25:49):
God, quiet Brady. If I want any crap out of you,
I'll squeeze your head.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
Oh, squawk at you, stupid.
Speaker 15 (26:01):
So what's the surprise, mister smeed, Well, Sir, when I
went down to fetch that bottle of rum you wanted,
I found a stowaway in the liquor locker. Do me
a favor and try a little bit harder than brain
stowaway in the liquor locker, Captain. Young boy looks to
be about sixteen years old. Shall I have the men
(26:21):
toss him overboard?
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Not so fast, mister smed I think i'll have a
word with him first. Bring the little sneak to me, Oh, ivy,
he He'll have a word.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
With him first.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
I said, quiet, you stupid bird, Freddy, quit milking you laugh.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
I'm sorry, sir, that is the worst gone changer squawk.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
I feel your paind man. Look at me, Brady, look
at me.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Do that raw raw, that's good and doing real quick
rare okay.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
All right, Chubby, it's your life. Look at me, Johnny,
look at me like this.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Ah, here's our little stowaway captain.
Speaker 15 (27:19):
Well, now you are right, mister Smith. He's hardly dry
behind the ears. What's your name, Laddy Edward Hawkins, sir?
Well tell me, young Edward Hawkins. What in the wide
world at sports are you doing hidinging me liquor locker?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I wanted to meet you, sir?
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Did you know? And why is that? I am to
join up with your crew and plunder and pillage.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
The high seas with you?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
Do you know? And what would your mom and dad
be thinking about that?
Speaker 5 (27:42):
Me?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Mom and dad are dad?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Sir?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I'm an orphan.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Orphan or you?
Speaker 4 (27:46):
No?
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Well? Edward Hawkins would be ashamed to throw you overboard
when there's so much work to be done.
Speaker 15 (27:51):
You're aboard the ship, I reckon I could use a
good cabin boy, raw boy, I could use a good
parrotia idiot.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Shut up, Brady, welcome aboarder, don't push it bird rain.
Speaker 7 (28:13):
Capt'n Ron, Yes, mister, lookout, well, there's a ship.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Coming through the fogs.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Raw.
Speaker 7 (28:27):
It appears to be Admiral Benson and the Royal Navy.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Sorry, that's all I need right now.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Who's Admiral Benson?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Who's arch enemy sworn to destroy me? Mercifully?
Speaker 15 (28:37):
Soon I might have, mister, your big tubb of guts,
go down in the cabin and bring up me red shirt.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Hi, cap'n. Your red shirts are hid.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I always put on my red shirt before a battle.
Then I stand up there right in front of the
bow during the attack. The red shirt makes it easy
for them and to see me. And as long as
they can see me standing there, they'll fight to the
l man. And most importantly, if I'm wounded, the red
shirt hides the blood. That way, they don't know that
I've been injured. Oh, I see, cap'n.
Speaker 7 (29:10):
We got another ship coming off the fog on the port.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Bell another ship, I sir.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
This could be serious.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Oh uhh yeah, could be serious.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Squawk right, Oh.
Speaker 15 (29:24):
Shut up, Rady, mister Smee, hurry up with that red shirt.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Cap'n.
Speaker 7 (29:30):
You're not gonna believe it. Off the starboard bell. Two
more ships, sir, Two more ay, sir, they're coming fast.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
Wait off the stern. Three more ships. Oh, and they're
closing even faster.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Three ships. That's a total of six ships.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
We're surrounded, cap'n.
Speaker 15 (29:45):
Mister smee. While you're down there getting me red shirt,
bring up me brown pants too.
Speaker 14 (29:58):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy in the Lake playhouse.
He then again next time when we'll hear Admiral Benson
of the Royal Navy say, hey, big man, let me
hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Taking Now, some stuff happening today.
Speaker 5 (30:43):
A couple of spent accused of trying to kill the
mayor of a Kansas City suburb and her husband with
poison soda and cupcakes sent through the mail.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
Huh.
Speaker 5 (30:53):
Donna Uzanna Trout and Ralph Trout Or accused of mailing
poison food to their neighbors. May Stephanie Eckingoff and James
echof two families have been in brolden and ongoing feud
for several years, including.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Lawsuits filed by age.
Speaker 5 (31:08):
I think I'll started when Donna welcomed him to the
neighborhood with poison, soda and cupcakes.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Not really to know your neighbors.
Speaker 5 (31:18):
An Australian woman says she made a silly mistake when
she drove her car with a broken door tied to
her son's baby seat.
Speaker 1 (31:26):
Huh all right.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Junior, hold on tight, oh man? Uh.
Speaker 5 (31:32):
Maria Francis Guy was finding three hundred bucks after pleading
guilty to charge of dangerous driving. Police stopped her after
seeing the door open as she was driving. She had
used a piece of rope and tied it to the
baby's seat to try to keep the door shut.
Speaker 6 (31:44):
Huh, Hey, did you see the one Hawthorne, California ticket
for running a red light was mailed to the registered
owner of a car. The man is contesting the ticket
because an automatic videotape shows he wasn't driving. It was
his wife's boyfriend. Oh man, they're getting the divorce, needless
to say.
Speaker 5 (32:03):
Oh, maybe he can get the divorce and the ticket
taking care of it at the same time.
Speaker 6 (32:07):
Yeah, yeah, can I do both of these to here?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I'm already at the courthouse with that.
Speaker 10 (32:11):
Speaking of driving, do you hear about this blindfolded magician,
paraplegic magician, nonetheless, who drove cross country blindfolded?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
No man by himself.
Speaker 10 (32:21):
Yeah, he had a couple of assistance with him. But
and then well, their job was to take pictures of
the people who were scared to death.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Buy it all right?
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Right? Right?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
It said it?
Speaker 10 (32:34):
He says the journey took a toll on his body,
leaving him with an eye infection from wearing the blindfold
for so long. And get this, a urinary track infection
from sitting too long. Hey, hit stop.
Speaker 12 (32:45):
Yeah, today's the day they start running the bulls over
in Spain.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Really, is that right?
Speaker 10 (32:51):
And did you hear what Petera did? He staged a protest.
They couldn't get a permit to get it pulled off.
They were going to run through the streets the day
before the running of the bulls naked.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
You know what I'd have done, I'd have somehow let
them bulls out, turn around and make friends with the merger.
There's your buddy.
Speaker 10 (33:08):
They couldn't get a permit because none of them were pretty.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
Enough paid the pay'll getting naked.
Speaker 5 (33:15):
Yeah, they will remember that old girl paints herself up
like a tiger. Those around when somebody playing himself up
like a bull, what.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
About that one was in here dressed like a pig.
Speaker 10 (33:28):
Hey, you got to salute a celebrity birthday today. Singer
David hod I think his house pronounced David Hodo. He's
the construction worker of the village. People I don't know
actually works construction. Now, he says, the group still packs
him into here. Seventies hits like Macho Man in the Navy,
(33:49):
and and well that's about it.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
Yeah, congratulations there, hold over man, bam.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Bam, bam bam.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
I can't find whatever I had, so I must be finished. Yeah,
all right, this goes over.
Speaker 6 (34:05):
Big Box is here all your favorites from four decades
of The Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for
nine ninety nine. Buy them months, play them anywhere. You
can shop the Big Box online right now at the
Big Show dot Com. Order Big Show Stuff I Phone.
The number is eight hundred and four to seven one
Stuff Online services by Animate dot Com.
Speaker 5 (34:21):
If you missed any of The Big Show this morning,
you can hear it now. The John Woobilly Late Risers
podcast up next.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Wait wherever you get your podcast, make it easy. Subscribe
to us with a free I Heart Radio app. Say tomorrow,
we love you we mane it
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Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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