September 11, 2023 • 34 mins
Part 1 of 2 - We’re trying something a little different starting with today’s show. Due to the length of our show, we’re splitting our daily podcast into two parts. This should make for quicker downloads for our followers and a less “glitchy” audio feed for folks who use the streaming version.
On today’s show, We put Comedian/Phone Prankster, Tom Mabe in our Big Show Spotlight and feature some of his best efforts at extracting revenge on random telemarketers.. - Plus, Oliver checks in with the latest on his live-in posse, The Big Girls.. - Mary Jane shares some Deep Thoughts and JD’s kicks off their Fall Hunting Season Sale!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
All right, this is Billy Picker and you're listening to
the South number one morning radio show with John Boy
and Billy.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Dog A Doo doo ump in. Allum, this is the
Big Jon on the radio Monday morning. Hey hereby say
hey on time. Yeah, all right, man, look at this
here y'all you waking up. It is September the eleventh.
(01:06):
You believe that. Man, it's been twenty two years.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
That's crazy. Thing has been solid ago. There are there's
a generation of people who think about that, Like Pearl Harbor.
It was so long ago for them.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
And that was two thousand and one on this date
in two thousand and one, so and I mean was
the next year when put this video together and entitled
it never Forget, because you know, well we knew it
was gonna gonna happen to hold gender race. I mean,
it's argument twenty two years. I remember we were in
there old studios, which was our new studios right then,
(01:40):
because we just moved in January, right.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
We hadn't even hung the TVs yet, right, So we had.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
The TV in the green room. So somebody said, man,
a airplane just hit one of the twin towers in
New York's at all Man and then so you know
you talk, you know, was that on purpose?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And we were watching it when the second here we
were watching it live. We didn't know because everybody said,
is this a replay? And Pillars goes, no, this is live. Yeah,
And that's when we knew it was really serious.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, today is Patriot Day and National Day of Service
and Remembrance. It's a good time to have it on
September the eleventh, and our video of the day. Never
forget if you have some time, you got kids, some
under the age of twenty two. You know, I'm watch
this video. Think it's a good thing to do, your grandkids,
your kids, what you got. There's just some young ones
(02:30):
around you. For got a chance to do that. And
don't worry, they'll show you how to pull it up
at the Big Show dot Com. I'm just telling you
it'll be something y'all can do together. Yeah, what works
that way? All right, good job on that, y'all. Check
it out when you go to the Big Show dot com. Ah,
y'all we gonna well, we got our three days in history,
get our first prize back out and we'll get to winning.
(02:51):
Beginning here. Tacking me workweek off big shows on the radio.
Good Morning, Got a big show on the radio. First
prize pack today, Bull's Not Prize Pack one hundred and
twenty dollars where the Bulls Not cleaning products. Look for
Bulls Not at truck stops across America and click on
the link when you go to the Big Show dot Com.
(03:13):
Three days in History, Well I tell you what they are.
Where we get our categories from Helps You Wake Up?
We found September eleventh, when it was nineteen seventy five,
President Ford began wearing a bulletproof vest the campaign. It
was his first public appearance since the assassination attempt on
his life.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
And there were two two attempts on his What Squeaky
from Me from one of Charles Manson's girls was one
of them, and the other woman was a woman named
Sarah Jane Moore, And I don't know.
Speaker 5 (03:42):
Much about her.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
How about that another one?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
And they were not that far apart either. That was
a wild thing about him.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And there are two generations of people who don't remember
what a klutz he was.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Guy he tripped and bobbled his way around every.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Think the best was good? Idea? I move up to three.
Two men handed the clerk in miss Yakawah, Indiana, sevent
eleven store note said put it in the bag.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Well.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
The clerk said she didn't understand the note and handed
it back to the thugs.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Well, other two bad guys began to argue over how
the note was worded.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
You wrote it, you idiot.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Left the store empty heads.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
That's it. It's all.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Finally. On this date. In twenty twelve, police in Sir
Lanka's Lanka, Sri Lanka has stated that a Chinese robber
swallowed a fake diamond in an effort to allow an
accomplice to escape with a real diamond worth around thirteen
thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
You told me that was the real when, you idiot.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But these were trying to track down the accomplice the
well of the fake diamond, All right, look good on paper,
guys one eight underd big show you told free lines,
Come on, get you through these three categories. You get
your bullsnot prize pack. We play next Good Morning, and
(05:29):
that's a big show on the radio. Monday Morning Video
of the day. Never forget. On this September eleventh, we
have this the twenty first year of road to run
that video twenty two years ago as they did attack.
All right, make you visit to the Big Show dot
com and right now is winning.
Speaker 6 (05:55):
Uctors. Let's play uppers. That's the game that anyone can win.
John boy By, he gave the prizes from the Big
Prize be let's go. He contested number one. This should
it be a lot of funns in your playing out,
bost have a mory up and.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Guest time you have the best time. You have a
big shots. Let's say, hey Kenny from Chattanooga, can I
say we have shots Kenny? Good morning, Kenny, Good morning, guys.
Speaker 7 (06:39):
How are y'all?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Okay, man, we are good. Welcome in here? All right,
all right, buddy, let's get you through these three categories.
Get you big old bullsnot prize bag. You ready to go?
Speaker 8 (06:52):
Sounds great?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
All right, Wow, this this looks tough. I was about
say what you got three presidents killed or injured? Ready
to go?
Speaker 8 (07:02):
Let's say Lincoln Kennedy and my man Raign Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Oh yes night, I reckon, I'm reckon injured. Okay, good
work Kenny Hall, these next dudes is a breeze for you.
Give us three things you put in a bag, ready
to go.
Speaker 8 (07:20):
Put the bag groceries, clothes.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Sounded like something that was going to back shoes. Now
three places you see a diamond ready go.
Speaker 8 (07:35):
Oh, necklace, ring bracelet.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Nice by the way, Now one hundred and twenty dollars
worth of Ball's not cleaning products heading to you over Chattanooga.
Speaker 8 (07:51):
Can't it sounds great?
Speaker 9 (07:54):
Hey, I'm a first time caller.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Good word, buddy, Hey, you guns mind.
Speaker 8 (08:00):
If I do it?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Shout out, No, we don't mind at all. We gotta
be here for another like three and a half hours.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
I want to do a shout out to my wife Jennifer,
my kids Brianna, Cody, Kayley, and Chris, and my grandchildren Lily,
Mason and Taymon, and the world's best mother in law.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Debby Live. I got you.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
An epic.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
And real populating Chattanouga.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Somebody needs a sitter?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Why the many hours at top of your news riding
on the other side? So it's the consideration. Listener feedback
moved from a Friday song to a Monday song. Robert
n Jean, don't they smile in your face? Then? Now
(09:26):
swerve in your lane after the Buddha died and then
the big show early morning Monday play are okay? Okay,
what do you do?
Speaker 10 (09:46):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes on my
days are filled with right as I travel I left
sur By, things ain't going mid way because there's always.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Someone swarming in my life. You keep swirming in my life.
Speaker 10 (10:18):
And it's causing lots of thingnger, I'm a honking on
my home. I'm shooting you the fine. I keep switching
on my bride lives, but you're just too dim to know.
When you're swerving all lives, pib By, you're running someone.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Off the ride the day Jove, why I thought I.
Speaker 10 (10:50):
Never could love another?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
How else could I feed? But now and you run
into me.
Speaker 10 (11:04):
I can't believe I could not see your all tanked up,
but no one's at the way. You keep swirming in
my line, just causing lots of thames. I'm cussing out
your name. I'm shooting you the fine. I keep switching
(11:31):
on my briding lots, but you're just too dimpty. Now
when you're swerving all lives, Pibeby, you're running someone off
the ride.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Pime, Yeah, morning make show us on the radio. Non've
(12:21):
been known have us good old Monday morning theme. I
hadn't even revealed today's kick on the work week fame,
and I will in minutes the first kind of concentrate. Okay,
very important quiet on his zvan action.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode dietary restrictions.
As our story opens, the owner of a barbecue restaurant
in Lexington, North Carolina, is dealing with a very busy
lunch crowd.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
How do folks welcome to Fat Boys Pork Palace. I'm
fat Boy, Fat Boy, Fat Boy. So y'all been here before?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
No, we're just passing through on the way to Charleston,
our carbrook down.
Speaker 11 (13:06):
Yeah, so we ubered over here to sample some local
delicacies while the gentleman at the repair shop works on it.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
The congratulations if you found a gentleman mechanic in Lexington,
you're doing way better than I.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Yes, the ober guy said you have the best barbecue
in town.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Well, I don't like the brag, but we're five time
champion of barbecue Battle on the cable Access channel and
you'll see the John boyn Billy Eastern Carolina Barbecue sauce.
That's what the vinegar base. You want to take some
with you on your trip, go to the Bigshow dot com.
Of course I can sell you some right here, but
kind of expensive.
Speaker 12 (13:44):
Yeah, so that's great.
Speaker 11 (13:48):
Before we order, I have a few dietary restrictions. First
of all, I'm allergic to nothing.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Me too, But they keep coming in. I keep cooking
for that's a joke. You'll find. We have humor here
at Fat Boys. So fat bore, Fat Boy go aheads, ma'am.
Speaker 12 (14:07):
So I have a question. What about the sodium?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I'd say we use a fair amount of salt.
Speaker 12 (14:14):
Do you have gluten free items?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Well, I'm not sure what gluten is, but if it
makes the food taste matter, we probably throw some of
that in there too.
Speaker 12 (14:22):
My any meatless options.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
At Fat Boy's Pork Palace take a wild guess.
Speaker 11 (14:31):
Right, chuckles, Look, okay, I need something that's gluten free,
vegan with no nuts and very low sodium.
Speaker 12 (14:40):
What do you recommend?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I recommend you calling you over guy back and tell
him to take you somewhere else.
Speaker 11 (14:47):
Son of.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Hey, we hope you enjoy John boyd playhouse. Can again
next time when we hear the crusty old or guys.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Say, hey, big man, let me hold the dollar. Come
on with me, five more, five more. Hey, this is
Blake Clark and you're listening to the Big Show with
my buddies John Boy and Billy we on. Then we
lead him back now day we let it back.
Speaker 8 (15:23):
Day go on iron.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
That's a big shall on a radio. Monday morning, September
of the eleventh. Never forget video. The day you go
to the Big Show dot com. They were revenging on
the telemarketers day. Yes, gonna tell you what's on store
on plan in store. However you put that, that makes sense,
(16:20):
Tom Mabe in a spotlight today. Well, mine of Jackie's
favorites the year buddet go get on it, jigging off
and uh jail. We're gonna start off with the murder scene.
Jack gotta think us a deal, all right. I ain't
going for that. And then we'll play John Boyd Jeopardy.
The Big Show rolls on. Good morning, Big Show's on
(16:44):
the radio, coming up. We played John Boyd Jeopardy. Winter
gets a case of peanut patch boll peanuts and peanut
patch cap get boring with peanut patch ball peanuts South's
favorite snack, all right. We played for in minues first,
get this fun with that? But a Tom Mabe going
this morning?
Speaker 7 (17:00):
Yes? Can I speak with Tom Maybe? Who's calling?
Speaker 8 (17:04):
Well, this is Mike Stewart with the network.
Speaker 7 (17:06):
You've been selected to receive a complete digital sound like
system for free with this year going on. Let me
ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Were you
a friend of his?
Speaker 8 (17:16):
No, I'm not.
Speaker 12 (17:16):
I'm just calling to uh.
Speaker 7 (17:19):
Hold up, Hold on a second, right, Hey, guys, get
really good pictures of the body. Yeah, and that's everything
down for prince like you there. Yeah, let me bring
up the speed you've actually called a murder scene. Mister
Maybe is no longer with us. I'm Officer Clark. I'm
conducting a homicide investigation. I don't want to ask you
a series of questions. What was the nature of the
(17:40):
business you had with Tom Maids? I had no business
with him. I'm sorry to hold Look, I want to
ask you to stay on the phone. This car has
already been traced and we may need you to come
in from front of the questioning. You don't understand I'm
just calling. No, you don't understand that's you want to
be charged with obstruction. I'm justice for some pritive. You
(18:00):
keep your ass on the phone. Mic, Well, I bet
you just talk with my supervisors. No, no, no, no, look
look what we'll get your supervisor in a second. Here
go first one, give me your whereabouts? I don't work,
you're at work? Yeah, you're being a smart ass. Let
me put it to you this way, Mike, say, I
want to mail your ass a letter? What would I
have to write on the outside the ovelope you share?
(18:23):
The mailman would deliver it right through your ass? Geogratically?
Speaking Mike, where is work in West Street? Right now?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Hold on?
Speaker 7 (18:36):
That's for forty seven eight? Yes, sir? Hold one second?
All right, yeah, get the little grease Department Homicide.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
Division on the phone to.
Speaker 7 (18:48):
Give him this information, to tell he's being a sock
connection like a fatal shooting, an aggravator robber. But how
did you know?
Speaker 8 (18:55):
Mister?
Speaker 7 (18:55):
Maybe again, we'll wait. You're you're calling the Briddleton Police Department.
I'm hundreds of miles away. I don't even know the guy.
I'm in Colorado. Don't don't let that scare you. That's
just a formality. Have you ever been to his place
of residence? No, and tell tell me where were you
last night for twenty hours of eight and ten. I'm
(19:16):
not feeling real comfortable by any of them. Have you
even ever spoken with mister May, Mike, No, I haven't.
I don't even know the guy. That's what I've been
trying about. Okay, just calm down, calm down, hold on. Look,
just like I got one more question for you, Mike.
As you well know, I'm sure mister May was a
flaming homosexual, and there's no easy way of asking that.
(19:40):
I don't one embarrassing or nothing. But were you his
gay lover? What? No, I'm kind of a quid. Look. Look,
I gaged your weight. That's okay. I still know there's
a lot of you get people in that closet saying
I haven't thought about myself. Yeah, say I was in
Las Vegas or something by a couple of drinks. Cute
(20:01):
little Mexican midget, kail.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Guys, that damn old Tom. How are y'all? Let's play
John BOYD Jeopardy for the Big Old Peanut Patch prize pack.
Let's jump right in here. According to a recent article
in Medical Life Sciences, milk is the number one most
common food allergy in the United States. We as we
often do, are looking for number two.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Is it chocolate milk? Because it seems like it would be.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Should make sense? New what y'all got one eight hundred
big show toll free line across America. We played John
Boyd Jeopardy next Good Morning. That's a big show on
(21:10):
the radio. We are rolling through your Monday morning this
September the eleventh, twenty twenty three, and our video the
day is never forget talking earlier you got something to
my under twenty two years old. I'm pulling up at
a big show dot com and watch this video right now, y'all.
Speaker 13 (21:32):
Let's black Yes live a cross up I Rack Hayats
and now your host the Monday is Cowboy on the Range.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Hey, you get down off the range before.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
You burn yourself.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
He is John Lord and that yet.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Let's say hey to my gott a lie ye lie
ye Atville, Georgia. Up to other Raine Jackies right here,
lie yeah yet Leville? Wow? Hey Hey, Well, let's let's
ask Mike hey, min you there buddy here? Yeah? And
in what town you live in Georgia?
Speaker 8 (22:13):
It's pronounce most people pronounced it Laiette.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Lafayette, Okay, li fe Fee so yeah, Jack's got a
Y in there that should be an F probably, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Yeah, I think there is a Y in the middle
of the right.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Well, well I got it now, I'll always misspell it
for the rest of my life. Well, the way it's going,
it won't be that long. So let's slick on the
price up. Oh my, good morning.
Speaker 4 (22:40):
We're kind of planning on it.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Well, Michael, glad you in here, buddy. You got the
first shot at today's John Boy jeopardy. According to a
recent article in Medical Life Science, has milk the number
one most common food allergy in the US. We're looking
for number two. I would you would nuts? Man? What
Let's see shown the right to me too. Let's look
(23:08):
at the.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
There's a lot of nut allergies nowadays.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Fie man, the nuts are like only five in the
top eight. I got here, all right, Mike, Hey, but
thanks for playing bardy. You have a great day. Thanks
no mo alright, man, let's go to Shanna. She's in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Or he's in Knoxville, Tennessee. Let's see, good morning, you're
just questioning everything.
Speaker 10 (23:32):
It's a she baby, sugar.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
She baby, she's sugar all right?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Oh, boy, that's take it further than she did.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Answers wildly, Shanna, she's wild rocky top. There you go, baby,
go ball, meet them Tennessee girls. I tell you what
that's right, don't forget that. What about that's hong go down,
go down on you Knox fail girl.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
You've heard no, I've heard that one before.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Unfortunately it's about like it's my drowning in the river.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Oh oh, that's what it's about.
Speaker 10 (24:13):
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
About worst turn up. I'm trying to crazy. Yeah, I
have to tell that odd all right. Well, I'm glad
you made it in here, Bobby. Let's see what you got.
Maybe you can win, John boyd Jepard if you tell
us the number two most common food allergy in the US.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
Well, baby, I think I'm gonna say eggs.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Gonna say eggs? All right, Well let's say is it eggs?
Speaker 7 (24:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Man?
Speaker 11 (24:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You all right? Good and learn of something some milk, eggs.
Finned fish is number three? Taking it like salmon to Halliman, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Shellfish salmon, how about that?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
But what about shellfish? Have shellfish? Algiabilly's wife shellfish?
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Yeah, she swelled up like your dogged in Halloween one year.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yeah, that was tugging my dog before pearl ate some
starburst and made her head puff up. Another funny story.
But uh, peanuts, wheat and soybeans round healthy topic because
you're keeping up out there. And Shannon, look at you, baby,
big old case a peanut fastball Peanuts headed over to
Knoxville for you.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
You guys are the greatest. Thank you. Hell a go.
Bottom of the hour news. Right on the other side,
time capsule, some Monday morning life.
Speaker 14 (26:24):
This is the award winning Joh Boy and Billie Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 5 (26:39):
Hello, ladies, look at your man, now, look at me.
Now back to your man, now back to me. Now
let me take a look at your man. Your man
is actually not a bad looking oh man, But sadly
he's not me. He doesn't look like me, and he
doesn't smell like me. Say, is your man using one
of those lady scented body watches?
Speaker 8 (26:58):
Really?
Speaker 14 (26:59):
You know?
Speaker 5 (27:00):
And him? It kind of works? Where are you now?
I'm on a boat. Does your man use sunscreen? He should?
The sun does terrible things to the skin. Of course,
your man's skin is actually quite nice. What's in my hand?
It's an oyster and inside two tickets to that thing
you love. Why don't you call one of your girlfriends
from work and the two of you have an evening
out on me. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds.
(27:22):
Maybe you and your girlfriend could sell a few and
tick up enough cash to pay for a real girl's
weekend in can cool. Oh, don't worry about leaving your
man behind. I'll be glad to keep him company. I'm
a man who enjoys hanging out with other men. Before
you go, tell me about you and your man. What's
your situation? Are the two of you you know, serious
or is this just a casual thing? My man and
(27:42):
I have what we call an understanding. We know that
a man can enjoy the company of another man without
there being any heavy emotional stuff. It's like two guys
going to the gym. Now your man and I are
in a gym. The whole place is full of men
who use lady scented body washes. Your man fits right in.
Would your man like to grab something to eat later?
I know a great little sushi plays. Now your man
(28:03):
and I are in a great little sushi place. Your
man is freshly showered. But he still has the rosy
glow of a vigorous workout. Your man doesn't really want
to call it a night this early, does he does?
Your man like to dance? Come on, I can tell
he's got some moves. Now, your man and I are
in the nightclub. We're on the dance floor. Your man
is shaking it like a polaroid picture. Oh by his
phone rings, it's you calling from can Coon to see
(28:25):
how it's going. He lets the call go to voicemail.
I wouldn't read too much into that. Now your man
and I are doing yeager shots at the bar. Your
man says you're kind of stifling him lately. He says
he needs some space. He thinks once you get back
from Cankon, the two of you need to have a
serious talk. He's discovered things about himself he never knew before,
And to be perfectly honest, he's not sure you have
(28:46):
a place in the new life. He's planning there, he
said it. Now you're crying. Your man is apologizing. He
didn't plan this. It just kind of happened. He says.
It's not you, it's him. He's packing up his stuff
and moving out. He thinks you're a great girl, and
you'll find the right guy before you know it. Your
man hates that look in your eyes. He never meant
for this to happen, but if it wasn't me, it
(29:07):
would have been somebody else. Your man has to be
true to who he really is. Here, I'm giving you
another handful of diamonds to cheer you up. Your man
and I will never forget you. We're riding off together
into the sunset. We're on a horse. Javoyandilly. This morning radio,
(29:30):
dumb right.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Your morning care this Monday? Possibly get any better? Oh Lord,
get better? Gather around, It is time for Oliver.
Speaker 15 (30:17):
Well, well, well, it's been a while since we've had
a visit. My excuse is I've been ferrying the full
figure gals back and forth to school, and you'll never
guess what they studied. My house is now home base
for a company called the Mighty Midwives. Let me preach
on it. The entire front living area of our home
(30:40):
had to be remodeled to accommodate that new profession. We
had to install over five thousand dollars worth of equipment,
special table disinfectant, masked gloves, and gowns, all extra expensive
for the plus plus plus sizes, oh and a birthing tub,
or as I call it, the world's biggest crock pot.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Gross.
Speaker 15 (31:05):
Now, I was certain this was destined to fail. I mean,
who in the world would trust their future progeny to
what is basically three archnemeses from a Godzilla movie. Well,
color me shocked. In no time, they had a client
list as long as their average lunch menu. I will
say it was nice to see a steady parade of
(31:27):
hot future moms, and they all quickly fell under the
big girl's spell. It was like the step Fat Wives,
but nothing would prepare us for the events of last week.
If you're eating breakfast, stop now, please, you've been warned.
(31:51):
It was an ordinary day, that is n'tntil Stephanie arrived.
She was very near her time. She looked like a
tick about to burst. Her consultation went along without a hitch,
but as she was getting into a car, it happened
her water broke. The inside of her vehicle looked like
she left the window open going through the car wash.
(32:13):
But without that new car smell, I wasn't able to
carry her into the house. So I dumped all the
manure out of my wheelbarrow and ran her up the
ramp into the berthing room. To their credit, the gals
worked like a well oiled machine. They got poured steph
under the table and called the doctor, who was thankfully
close by. I kept Stephanie company while the gals decided
(32:35):
to carb up with a huge bucket of buttered popcorn.
While they shoveled fistfuls into their gaping mars, the phone rang.
It was the doctor. He'd been in an accident and
would be late, but he was already late. This kid
was not going to wait before the gals could say push.
(32:56):
This kid shot out like a spud out of a
potato can. It was all greasy hands on deck, but
try as they might, they couldn't get a solid grip
on the newborn. The baby squirted from one pair of
buttery hands to the next. Suddenly the kid shot into
the air in a high arc across the room. Running
on pure instinct, I leaped into the air and made
(33:18):
a diving catch that would put Tom Brady to shame.
I held the kid up in the air like that
monkey did in Lion King Hakuna Matata Brother. But now
the rest of the story, Before we could celebrate. Stephanie moaned,
could it be twins? While the gals were tending to
(33:41):
the new sprout, I took my position in the receiving line.
I sat like a catcher behind home plate. Here it comes,
she said. Sadly, she was wrong. There was no other baby.
It was just a bad case of built up gas.
I imagine that it was what the people of Tokyo
(34:02):
experienced when Godzilla unleashed his atomic breath. Oh and more
good news. It wasn't entirely just heat and wind. It's
a bit of a mudslide as well. Took me a
week to be able to comb my hair back the
way it was, but I will say it reminded me
how good I looked with freckles. Happy to say, Stephanie
(34:25):
and baby are doing just fine. And now, if you'll
excuse me, I have to keep looking for that placenta
that the dog ran off with.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Dogs?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Am I right?
All right, this is Billy Picker and you're listening to
the South number one morning radio show with John Boy
and Billy.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Dog A Doo doo ump in. Allum, this is the
Big Jon on the radio Monday morning. Hey hereby say
hey on time. Yeah, all right, man, look at this
here y'all you waking up. It is September the eleventh.
(01:06):
You believe that. Man, it's been twenty two years.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
That's crazy. Thing has been solid ago. There are there's
a generation of people who think about that, Like Pearl Harbor.
It was so long ago for them.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
And that was two thousand and one on this date
in two thousand and one, so and I mean was
the next year when put this video together and entitled
it never Forget, because you know, well we knew it
was gonna gonna happen to hold gender race. I mean,
it's argument twenty two years. I remember we were in
there old studios, which was our new studios right then,
(01:40):
because we just moved in January, right.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
We hadn't even hung the TVs yet, right, So we had.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
The TV in the green room. So somebody said, man,
a airplane just hit one of the twin towers in
New York's at all Man and then so you know
you talk, you know, was that on purpose?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And we were watching it when the second here we
were watching it live. We didn't know because everybody said,
is this a replay? And Pillars goes, no, this is live. Yeah,
And that's when we knew it was really serious.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Well, today is Patriot Day and National Day of Service
and Remembrance. It's a good time to have it on
September the eleventh, and our video of the day. Never
forget if you have some time, you got kids, some
under the age of twenty two. You know, I'm watch
this video. Think it's a good thing to do, your grandkids,
your kids, what you got. There's just some young ones
(02:30):
around you. For got a chance to do that. And
don't worry, they'll show you how to pull it up
at the Big Show dot Com. I'm just telling you
it'll be something y'all can do together. Yeah, what works
that way? All right, good job on that, y'all. Check
it out when you go to the Big Show dot com. Ah,
y'all we gonna well, we got our three days in history,
get our first prize back out and we'll get to winning.
(02:51):
Beginning here. Tacking me workweek off big shows on the radio.
Good Morning, Got a big show on the radio. First
prize pack today, Bull's Not Prize Pack one hundred and
twenty dollars where the Bulls Not cleaning products. Look for
Bulls Not at truck stops across America and click on
the link when you go to the Big Show dot Com.
(03:13):
Three days in History, Well I tell you what they are.
Where we get our categories from Helps You Wake Up?
We found September eleventh, when it was nineteen seventy five,
President Ford began wearing a bulletproof vest the campaign. It
was his first public appearance since the assassination attempt on
his life.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
And there were two two attempts on his What Squeaky
from Me from one of Charles Manson's girls was one
of them, and the other woman was a woman named
Sarah Jane Moore, And I don't know.
Speaker 5 (03:42):
Much about her.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
How about that another one?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
And they were not that far apart either. That was
a wild thing about him.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And there are two generations of people who don't remember
what a klutz he was.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Guy he tripped and bobbled his way around every.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Think the best was good? Idea? I move up to three.
Two men handed the clerk in miss Yakawah, Indiana, sevent
eleven store note said put it in the bag.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Well.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
The clerk said she didn't understand the note and handed
it back to the thugs.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Well, other two bad guys began to argue over how
the note was worded.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
You wrote it, you idiot.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Left the store empty heads.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
That's it. It's all.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Finally. On this date. In twenty twelve, police in Sir
Lanka's Lanka, Sri Lanka has stated that a Chinese robber
swallowed a fake diamond in an effort to allow an
accomplice to escape with a real diamond worth around thirteen
thousand dollars.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
You told me that was the real when, you idiot.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But these were trying to track down the accomplice the
well of the fake diamond, All right, look good on paper,
guys one eight underd big show you told free lines,
Come on, get you through these three categories. You get
your bullsnot prize pack. We play next Good Morning, and
(05:29):
that's a big show on the radio. Monday Morning Video
of the day. Never forget. On this September eleventh, we
have this the twenty first year of road to run
that video twenty two years ago as they did attack.
All right, make you visit to the Big Show dot
com and right now is winning.
Speaker 6 (05:55):
Uctors. Let's play uppers. That's the game that anyone can win.
John boy By, he gave the prizes from the Big
Prize be let's go. He contested number one. This should
it be a lot of funns in your playing out,
bost have a mory up and.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Guest time you have the best time. You have a
big shots. Let's say, hey Kenny from Chattanooga, can I
say we have shots Kenny? Good morning, Kenny, Good morning, guys.
Speaker 7 (06:39):
How are y'all?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Okay, man, we are good. Welcome in here? All right,
all right, buddy, let's get you through these three categories.
Get you big old bullsnot prize bag. You ready to go?
Speaker 8 (06:52):
Sounds great?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
All right, Wow, this this looks tough. I was about
say what you got three presidents killed or injured? Ready
to go?
Speaker 8 (07:02):
Let's say Lincoln Kennedy and my man Raign Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Oh yes night, I reckon, I'm reckon injured. Okay, good
work Kenny Hall, these next dudes is a breeze for you.
Give us three things you put in a bag, ready
to go.
Speaker 8 (07:20):
Put the bag groceries, clothes.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Sounded like something that was going to back shoes. Now
three places you see a diamond ready go.
Speaker 8 (07:35):
Oh, necklace, ring bracelet.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Nice by the way, Now one hundred and twenty dollars
worth of Ball's not cleaning products heading to you over Chattanooga.
Speaker 8 (07:51):
Can't it sounds great?
Speaker 9 (07:54):
Hey, I'm a first time caller.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Good word, buddy, Hey, you guns mind.
Speaker 8 (08:00):
If I do it?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Shout out, No, we don't mind at all. We gotta
be here for another like three and a half hours.
Speaker 9 (08:09):
I want to do a shout out to my wife Jennifer,
my kids Brianna, Cody, Kayley, and Chris, and my grandchildren Lily,
Mason and Taymon, and the world's best mother in law.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Debby Live. I got you.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
An epic.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
And real populating Chattanouga.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Somebody needs a sitter?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Why the many hours at top of your news riding
on the other side? So it's the consideration. Listener feedback
moved from a Friday song to a Monday song. Robert
n Jean, don't they smile in your face? Then? Now
(09:26):
swerve in your lane after the Buddha died and then
the big show early morning Monday play are okay? Okay,
what do you do?
Speaker 10 (09:46):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes on my
days are filled with right as I travel I left
sur By, things ain't going mid way because there's always.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Someone swarming in my life. You keep swirming in my life.
Speaker 10 (10:18):
And it's causing lots of thingnger, I'm a honking on
my home. I'm shooting you the fine. I keep switching
on my bride lives, but you're just too dim to know.
When you're swerving all lives, pib By, you're running someone.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Off the ride the day Jove, why I thought I.
Speaker 10 (10:50):
Never could love another?
Speaker 2 (10:55):
How else could I feed? But now and you run
into me.
Speaker 10 (11:04):
I can't believe I could not see your all tanked up,
but no one's at the way. You keep swirming in
my line, just causing lots of thames. I'm cussing out
your name. I'm shooting you the fine. I keep switching
(11:31):
on my briding lots, but you're just too dimpty. Now
when you're swerving all lives, Pibeby, you're running someone off
the ride.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Pime, Yeah, morning make show us on the radio. Non've
(12:21):
been known have us good old Monday morning theme. I
hadn't even revealed today's kick on the work week fame,
and I will in minutes the first kind of concentrate. Okay,
very important quiet on his zvan action.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode dietary restrictions.
As our story opens, the owner of a barbecue restaurant
in Lexington, North Carolina, is dealing with a very busy
lunch crowd.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
How do folks welcome to Fat Boys Pork Palace. I'm
fat Boy, Fat Boy, Fat Boy. So y'all been here before?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
No, we're just passing through on the way to Charleston,
our carbrook down.
Speaker 11 (13:06):
Yeah, so we ubered over here to sample some local
delicacies while the gentleman at the repair shop works on it.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
The congratulations if you found a gentleman mechanic in Lexington,
you're doing way better than I.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Yes, the ober guy said you have the best barbecue
in town.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Well, I don't like the brag, but we're five time
champion of barbecue Battle on the cable Access channel and
you'll see the John boyn Billy Eastern Carolina Barbecue sauce.
That's what the vinegar base. You want to take some
with you on your trip, go to the Bigshow dot com.
Of course I can sell you some right here, but
kind of expensive.
Speaker 12 (13:44):
Yeah, so that's great.
Speaker 11 (13:48):
Before we order, I have a few dietary restrictions. First
of all, I'm allergic to nothing.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Me too, But they keep coming in. I keep cooking
for that's a joke. You'll find. We have humor here
at Fat Boys. So fat bore, Fat Boy go aheads, ma'am.
Speaker 12 (14:07):
So I have a question. What about the sodium?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
I'd say we use a fair amount of salt.
Speaker 12 (14:14):
Do you have gluten free items?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Well, I'm not sure what gluten is, but if it
makes the food taste matter, we probably throw some of
that in there too.
Speaker 12 (14:22):
My any meatless options.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
At Fat Boy's Pork Palace take a wild guess.
Speaker 11 (14:31):
Right, chuckles, Look, okay, I need something that's gluten free,
vegan with no nuts and very low sodium.
Speaker 12 (14:40):
What do you recommend?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
I recommend you calling you over guy back and tell
him to take you somewhere else.
Speaker 11 (14:47):
Son of.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Hey, we hope you enjoy John boyd playhouse. Can again
next time when we hear the crusty old or guys.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Say, hey, big man, let me hold the dollar. Come
on with me, five more, five more. Hey, this is
Blake Clark and you're listening to the Big Show with
my buddies John Boy and Billy we on. Then we
lead him back now day we let it back.
Speaker 8 (15:23):
Day go on iron.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
That's a big shall on a radio. Monday morning, September
of the eleventh. Never forget video. The day you go
to the Big Show dot com. They were revenging on
the telemarketers day. Yes, gonna tell you what's on store
on plan in store. However you put that, that makes sense,
(16:20):
Tom Mabe in a spotlight today. Well, mine of Jackie's
favorites the year buddet go get on it, jigging off
and uh jail. We're gonna start off with the murder scene.
Jack gotta think us a deal, all right. I ain't
going for that. And then we'll play John Boyd Jeopardy.
The Big Show rolls on. Good morning, Big Show's on
(16:44):
the radio, coming up. We played John Boyd Jeopardy. Winter
gets a case of peanut patch boll peanuts and peanut
patch cap get boring with peanut patch ball peanuts South's
favorite snack, all right. We played for in minues first,
get this fun with that? But a Tom Mabe going
this morning?
Speaker 7 (17:00):
Yes? Can I speak with Tom Maybe? Who's calling?
Speaker 8 (17:04):
Well, this is Mike Stewart with the network.
Speaker 7 (17:06):
You've been selected to receive a complete digital sound like
system for free with this year going on. Let me
ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Were you
a friend of his?
Speaker 8 (17:16):
No, I'm not.
Speaker 12 (17:16):
I'm just calling to uh.
Speaker 7 (17:19):
Hold up, Hold on a second, right, Hey, guys, get
really good pictures of the body. Yeah, and that's everything
down for prince like you there. Yeah, let me bring
up the speed you've actually called a murder scene. Mister
Maybe is no longer with us. I'm Officer Clark. I'm
conducting a homicide investigation. I don't want to ask you
a series of questions. What was the nature of the
(17:40):
business you had with Tom Maids? I had no business
with him. I'm sorry to hold Look, I want to
ask you to stay on the phone. This car has
already been traced and we may need you to come
in from front of the questioning. You don't understand I'm
just calling. No, you don't understand that's you want to
be charged with obstruction. I'm justice for some pritive. You
(18:00):
keep your ass on the phone. Mic, Well, I bet
you just talk with my supervisors. No, no, no, no, look
look what we'll get your supervisor in a second. Here
go first one, give me your whereabouts? I don't work,
you're at work? Yeah, you're being a smart ass. Let
me put it to you this way, Mike, say, I
want to mail your ass a letter? What would I
have to write on the outside the ovelope you share?
(18:23):
The mailman would deliver it right through your ass? Geogratically?
Speaking Mike, where is work in West Street? Right now?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Hold on?
Speaker 7 (18:36):
That's for forty seven eight? Yes, sir? Hold one second?
All right, yeah, get the little grease Department Homicide.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
Division on the phone to.
Speaker 7 (18:48):
Give him this information, to tell he's being a sock
connection like a fatal shooting, an aggravator robber. But how
did you know?
Speaker 8 (18:55):
Mister?
Speaker 7 (18:55):
Maybe again, we'll wait. You're you're calling the Briddleton Police Department.
I'm hundreds of miles away. I don't even know the guy.
I'm in Colorado. Don't don't let that scare you. That's
just a formality. Have you ever been to his place
of residence? No, and tell tell me where were you
last night for twenty hours of eight and ten. I'm
(19:16):
not feeling real comfortable by any of them. Have you
even ever spoken with mister May, Mike, No, I haven't.
I don't even know the guy. That's what I've been
trying about. Okay, just calm down, calm down, hold on. Look,
just like I got one more question for you, Mike.
As you well know, I'm sure mister May was a
flaming homosexual, and there's no easy way of asking that.
(19:40):
I don't one embarrassing or nothing. But were you his
gay lover? What? No, I'm kind of a quid. Look. Look,
I gaged your weight. That's okay. I still know there's
a lot of you get people in that closet saying
I haven't thought about myself. Yeah, say I was in
Las Vegas or something by a couple of drinks. Cute
(20:01):
little Mexican midget, kail.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Guys, that damn old Tom. How are y'all? Let's play
John BOYD Jeopardy for the Big Old Peanut Patch prize pack.
Let's jump right in here. According to a recent article
in Medical Life Sciences, milk is the number one most
common food allergy in the United States. We as we
often do, are looking for number two.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Is it chocolate milk? Because it seems like it would be.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Should make sense? New what y'all got one eight hundred
big show toll free line across America. We played John
Boyd Jeopardy next Good Morning. That's a big show on
(21:10):
the radio. We are rolling through your Monday morning this
September the eleventh, twenty twenty three, and our video the
day is never forget talking earlier you got something to
my under twenty two years old. I'm pulling up at
a big show dot com and watch this video right now, y'all.
Speaker 13 (21:32):
Let's black Yes live a cross up I Rack Hayats
and now your host the Monday is Cowboy on the Range.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Hey, you get down off the range before.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
You burn yourself.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
He is John Lord and that yet.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Let's say hey to my gott a lie ye lie
ye Atville, Georgia. Up to other Raine Jackies right here,
lie yeah yet Leville? Wow? Hey Hey, Well, let's let's
ask Mike hey, min you there buddy here? Yeah? And
in what town you live in Georgia?
Speaker 8 (22:13):
It's pronounce most people pronounced it Laiette.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Lafayette, Okay, li fe Fee so yeah, Jack's got a
Y in there that should be an F probably, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Yeah, I think there is a Y in the middle
of the right.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Well, well I got it now, I'll always misspell it
for the rest of my life. Well, the way it's going,
it won't be that long. So let's slick on the
price up. Oh my, good morning.
Speaker 4 (22:40):
We're kind of planning on it.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Well, Michael, glad you in here, buddy. You got the
first shot at today's John Boy jeopardy. According to a
recent article in Medical Life Science, has milk the number
one most common food allergy in the US. We're looking
for number two. I would you would nuts? Man? What
Let's see shown the right to me too. Let's look
(23:08):
at the.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
There's a lot of nut allergies nowadays.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
Fie man, the nuts are like only five in the
top eight. I got here, all right, Mike, Hey, but
thanks for playing bardy. You have a great day. Thanks
no mo alright, man, let's go to Shanna. She's in Knoxville, Tennessee.
Or he's in Knoxville, Tennessee. Let's see, good morning, you're
just questioning everything.
Speaker 10 (23:32):
It's a she baby, sugar.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
She baby, she's sugar all right?
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Oh, boy, that's take it further than she did.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Answers wildly, Shanna, she's wild rocky top. There you go, baby,
go ball, meet them Tennessee girls. I tell you what
that's right, don't forget that. What about that's hong go down,
go down on you Knox fail girl.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
You've heard no, I've heard that one before.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Unfortunately it's about like it's my drowning in the river.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Oh oh, that's what it's about.
Speaker 10 (24:13):
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
About worst turn up. I'm trying to crazy. Yeah, I
have to tell that odd all right. Well, I'm glad
you made it in here, Bobby. Let's see what you got.
Maybe you can win, John boyd Jepard if you tell
us the number two most common food allergy in the US.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
Well, baby, I think I'm gonna say eggs.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Gonna say eggs? All right, Well let's say is it eggs?
Speaker 7 (24:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Man?
Speaker 11 (24:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You all right? Good and learn of something some milk, eggs.
Finned fish is number three? Taking it like salmon to Halliman, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Shellfish salmon, how about that?
Speaker 2 (25:09):
But what about shellfish? Have shellfish? Algiabilly's wife shellfish?
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Yeah, she swelled up like your dogged in Halloween one year.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Yeah, that was tugging my dog before pearl ate some
starburst and made her head puff up. Another funny story.
But uh, peanuts, wheat and soybeans round healthy topic because
you're keeping up out there. And Shannon, look at you, baby,
big old case a peanut fastball Peanuts headed over to
Knoxville for you.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
You guys are the greatest. Thank you. Hell a go.
Bottom of the hour news. Right on the other side,
time capsule, some Monday morning life.
Speaker 14 (26:24):
This is the award winning Joh Boy and Billie Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 5 (26:39):
Hello, ladies, look at your man, now, look at me.
Now back to your man, now back to me. Now
let me take a look at your man. Your man
is actually not a bad looking oh man, But sadly
he's not me. He doesn't look like me, and he
doesn't smell like me. Say, is your man using one
of those lady scented body watches?
Speaker 8 (26:58):
Really?
Speaker 14 (26:59):
You know?
Speaker 5 (27:00):
And him? It kind of works? Where are you now?
I'm on a boat. Does your man use sunscreen? He should?
The sun does terrible things to the skin. Of course,
your man's skin is actually quite nice. What's in my hand?
It's an oyster and inside two tickets to that thing
you love. Why don't you call one of your girlfriends
from work and the two of you have an evening
out on me. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds.
(27:22):
Maybe you and your girlfriend could sell a few and
tick up enough cash to pay for a real girl's
weekend in can cool. Oh, don't worry about leaving your
man behind. I'll be glad to keep him company. I'm
a man who enjoys hanging out with other men. Before
you go, tell me about you and your man. What's
your situation? Are the two of you you know, serious
or is this just a casual thing? My man and
(27:42):
I have what we call an understanding. We know that
a man can enjoy the company of another man without
there being any heavy emotional stuff. It's like two guys
going to the gym. Now your man and I are
in a gym. The whole place is full of men
who use lady scented body washes. Your man fits right in.
Would your man like to grab something to eat later?
I know a great little sushi plays. Now your man
(28:03):
and I are in a great little sushi place. Your
man is freshly showered. But he still has the rosy
glow of a vigorous workout. Your man doesn't really want
to call it a night this early, does he does?
Your man like to dance? Come on, I can tell
he's got some moves. Now, your man and I are
in the nightclub. We're on the dance floor. Your man
is shaking it like a polaroid picture. Oh by his
phone rings, it's you calling from can Coon to see
(28:25):
how it's going. He lets the call go to voicemail.
I wouldn't read too much into that. Now your man
and I are doing yeager shots at the bar. Your
man says you're kind of stifling him lately. He says
he needs some space. He thinks once you get back
from Cankon, the two of you need to have a
serious talk. He's discovered things about himself he never knew before,
And to be perfectly honest, he's not sure you have
(28:46):
a place in the new life. He's planning there, he
said it. Now you're crying. Your man is apologizing. He
didn't plan this. It just kind of happened. He says.
It's not you, it's him. He's packing up his stuff
and moving out. He thinks you're a great girl, and
you'll find the right guy before you know it. Your
man hates that look in your eyes. He never meant
for this to happen, but if it wasn't me, it
(29:07):
would have been somebody else. Your man has to be
true to who he really is. Here, I'm giving you
another handful of diamonds to cheer you up. Your man
and I will never forget you. We're riding off together
into the sunset. We're on a horse. Javoyandilly. This morning radio,
(29:30):
dumb right.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Your morning care this Monday? Possibly get any better? Oh Lord,
get better? Gather around, It is time for Oliver.
Speaker 15 (30:17):
Well, well, well, it's been a while since we've had
a visit. My excuse is I've been ferrying the full
figure gals back and forth to school, and you'll never
guess what they studied. My house is now home base
for a company called the Mighty Midwives. Let me preach
on it. The entire front living area of our home
(30:40):
had to be remodeled to accommodate that new profession. We
had to install over five thousand dollars worth of equipment,
special table disinfectant, masked gloves, and gowns, all extra expensive
for the plus plus plus sizes, oh and a birthing tub,
or as I call it, the world's biggest crock pot.
Speaker 4 (31:03):
Gross.
Speaker 15 (31:05):
Now, I was certain this was destined to fail. I mean,
who in the world would trust their future progeny to
what is basically three archnemeses from a Godzilla movie. Well,
color me shocked. In no time, they had a client
list as long as their average lunch menu. I will
say it was nice to see a steady parade of
(31:27):
hot future moms, and they all quickly fell under the
big girl's spell. It was like the step Fat Wives,
but nothing would prepare us for the events of last week.
If you're eating breakfast, stop now, please, you've been warned.
(31:51):
It was an ordinary day, that is n'tntil Stephanie arrived.
She was very near her time. She looked like a
tick about to burst. Her consultation went along without a hitch,
but as she was getting into a car, it happened
her water broke. The inside of her vehicle looked like
she left the window open going through the car wash.
(32:13):
But without that new car smell, I wasn't able to
carry her into the house. So I dumped all the
manure out of my wheelbarrow and ran her up the
ramp into the berthing room. To their credit, the gals
worked like a well oiled machine. They got poured steph
under the table and called the doctor, who was thankfully
close by. I kept Stephanie company while the gals decided
(32:35):
to carb up with a huge bucket of buttered popcorn.
While they shoveled fistfuls into their gaping mars, the phone rang.
It was the doctor. He'd been in an accident and
would be late, but he was already late. This kid
was not going to wait before the gals could say push.
(32:56):
This kid shot out like a spud out of a
potato can. It was all greasy hands on deck, but
try as they might, they couldn't get a solid grip
on the newborn. The baby squirted from one pair of
buttery hands to the next. Suddenly the kid shot into
the air in a high arc across the room. Running
on pure instinct, I leaped into the air and made
(33:18):
a diving catch that would put Tom Brady to shame.
I held the kid up in the air like that
monkey did in Lion King Hakuna Matata Brother. But now
the rest of the story, Before we could celebrate. Stephanie moaned,
could it be twins? While the gals were tending to
(33:41):
the new sprout, I took my position in the receiving line.
I sat like a catcher behind home plate. Here it comes,
she said. Sadly, she was wrong. There was no other baby.
It was just a bad case of built up gas.
I imagine that it was what the people of Tokyo
(34:02):
experienced when Godzilla unleashed his atomic breath. Oh and more
good news. It wasn't entirely just heat and wind. It's
a bit of a mudslide as well. Took me a
week to be able to comb my hair back the
way it was, but I will say it reminded me
how good I looked with freckles. Happy to say, Stephanie
(34:25):
and baby are doing just fine. And now, if you'll
excuse me, I have to keep looking for that placenta
that the dog ran off with.
Speaker 4 (34:35):
Dogs?
Speaker 2 (34:36):
Am I right?
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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