July 3, 2025 • 43 mins
Thursday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, like most folks, we’ve got one foot out the door for the holiday weekend - so Duane Stomp has an important reminder before we go.. - We found a letter to Ask Ike stuck to the bottom of our mailbag - John Boy shares a few dumb classifieds found on FaceBook Marketplace.. - Now that we know President Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill is a done deal - adding “King Trump” to today’s lineup turned out to be a genius move!.. - and we’ll wrap things up with the Mayor of Dismal Seepage…
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning. You got the Big Show on the radio.
More chances for you to win coming up after your
news wedther in sports.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
You come on me today because you know, no Sicilian
can refuse a request on the day of his daughter's wedding.
I shall grant your requests. Someday I may ask a
favor of you, maybe a hair cut. Maybe I'll ask
you to lay down your life for me. Maybe I'll
just ask you to listen to John Boy and Billy
on the Big Show. Would you rather wake up with
(00:28):
a horse's head or these two horses?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Eyes dogg doodle dudemardest time it'll be Tayter got the doodle,
(01:13):
don't Because it is July the third Dad National Fried
Clam Days in honor the Holiday Inn. That's a that's
the first time ever had fried clams. As a young Graham,
(01:36):
North Carolina. Yeah, holiday restaurant.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
We would go to either Shawnees for fried clams, go
to Shawnees or Howard Johnson. Ah that maybe it was
Howard Johnson's and I'm misremembering.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
You know it was a hotel.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, the Holiday Inn was. You know they have good
swimming pools.
Speaker 5 (01:58):
But.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Pride clam till I was like twenty five, so.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I didn't have shrimp till I was eighteen. Oh listen,
there wasn't around. We had flounder. So anyway, eat your
beans day as well, so I got that. I'm thinking
that you don't National Chocolate Wafer Day. There's a little
(02:25):
dessert and in the national compliment your mirror day for
we're getting weird now it is, I suppose to compliment
yourself before rushing through your morning rituals.
Speaker 6 (02:40):
Positive affirmations are always good, wonderful.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I did get that first prize back out and get
that winning beginning. That's always good for you. Beg Jones
on the radio. Good morning, Big Show's on the radio.
We got a Lord Tiger's prize pack for saying this
morning and cool swag with a hat, t shirt, a tumbler,
even though twenty five dollars gas card might fillip a
(03:05):
brand new motorcycle if you don't get your name and
the hat. Be sure to make sure you register for
this year's Ultimate Styling and Sturgis Trip of a Lifetime
with over eighty five thousand dollars in prizes. Details and
registration at Styling and Sturgis dot com. Of course, we've
got to set up. When you click the Lord Tigers
link at the Big Show dot Com, leose do our
(03:29):
three dates in history? Where were going to our three
categories for you to win. Nineteen ninety two, three performing
dolphins escaped from their pen in Key Largo, Florida. Oh
I love this story. So they showed up several days
later in the golf course lagoon and keep a skane.
They performed for golfers voluntarily at ten am, two pm,
(03:52):
and four pm. We're barely hoping to be fed. That's
right now. You know the clocks in their stumbach. When
he lived, we had a cool there in the inter
Coastal Waterway around Rosville Beach in Carolina Beach. Number fifty four.
It escape. It was a number fifty four in a
(04:13):
dolphin and had come up, you hit the side of
your boat and had come up, you'd feed him in
do a flip. So cool man, nice, all right, So
get out there. It's a whole big world on those
I wouldn't know. Let's go to nineteen ninety seven. In
his first formal response to the Paula Jowned sexual harassment lawsuit,
(04:34):
President Clinton denied any allegations of sexual misconduct, also asked
the case be dismissed.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
That's kind of a m o he with all the girls.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And finally, twenty twenty Major League Baseball Cleveland Indians owner
Paul Dolan announced he would review changing the organization's name,
and they did. They changed their name from the Cleveland
Indians to the Cleveland Guardians went into a in fact,
following the conclusion of the twenty one season, the Silver Guardians.
(05:05):
Of course they're I mean, is that a little smiling Indian?
Speaker 7 (05:07):
I know?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Then they shall have them on some suffer.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
They just I don't have after.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Thanks a lot. Wait, wait to back up, the indigenous
people of our of our land. Right all right there,
Well there's our categories one eight hundred big shows. You
told free line we play out birds next hard then
(05:51):
I will have trouble with that one. What about it?
Speaker 8 (05:56):
Yeah, play the game. There's July there you anyone?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
We got our feature tracking the Big Show bid box
and mayor digimal severage Annual Indepen Dance Festival, key Word
Dance Fest. You can't get confusion around here. Hit the
bid box at the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Just winning for.
Speaker 9 (06:17):
Ups. Let's play upburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
John Boy and Billy gave the prizes from the big
prize being Let's go contested number one.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
This should it be a lot of fun.
Speaker 8 (06:36):
Playing uppers.
Speaker 9 (06:38):
Have a hurry up and guest, time you love the
best time you love a big shots.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Let's head a crib from me. You don't feel all though?
Speaker 8 (06:50):
How he out?
Speaker 10 (06:58):
Hey? What's going on?
Speaker 11 (06:59):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Chris? You all you doll?
Speaker 6 (07:01):
Feel?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Where are you?
Speaker 8 (07:03):
Man?
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Uh?
Speaker 10 (07:05):
Santee lake at the lake?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
This is Santa in the lake, Jackie? Well, why'd you
put down?
Speaker 10 (07:11):
You?
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Utahviel Is?
Speaker 10 (07:13):
That is that Utahville? That's the town you told me?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Oh that's the town. Okay, good, all right, I.
Speaker 11 (07:20):
Apologize, I know and it's in Utah Utah Jackie.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Just one step from showing you today.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I done took my ear rings off.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Good but we're good. Well, let's get you through these
three categories. Chrisy ready to go?
Speaker 10 (07:42):
I'm ready all right?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Five seconds. Three animals trained to perform Ready.
Speaker 10 (07:47):
Go line, Tiger line tiger and bears.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Oh my well they work? Thank you all right now?
Three kinds of misconduct Ready.
Speaker 10 (07:57):
Go sexual official until for the win.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Three major League Baseball teams ready to.
Speaker 10 (08:06):
Go Atlanta, New York and LA.
Speaker 12 (08:09):
And you were ready for Chris didn't worn about it?
Fad teen beautiful country. Right man, your prize pack, We'll
gonna find you. Chris, congratulations, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
You got it, buddy. Why the why I wear Toby
News On the other side, I heard him on a
time capsule jolt A third of the goodness ain't all for?
Speaker 13 (09:08):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 14 (09:22):
Mechanics are great people, you know, anybody's got grease under
the fingernails to me as a great person. The people
I can't stand is the duck dum service managers. Show
me a service manager a toy at a dealership somewhere,
and I'll show you a guy don't know more know
anymore about cars than I do. It's always a guy
with a half tie, you know. And they weren't part
(09:44):
time at the grocery store. The other guy comes over
and signs the check. You know, Fred front.
Speaker 15 (09:49):
Fred from to check Fred front Fred.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
And then Fred walks over.
Speaker 14 (09:55):
He looks like he had a you know, the first
job he's ever hand has got a half tie and
he walks over George.
Speaker 16 (10:00):
Sleeve dress shirt on exactly.
Speaker 14 (10:02):
He just looks at the check and all of a
sudden it's okay, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
And he's part time.
Speaker 14 (10:06):
He's a service manager at a damn car dealership somewhere.
Go on, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Call?
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Well?
Speaker 14 (10:11):
I think it's an alternator. Can you make an appointment
for Wednesday? See, I ain't got no more to be
between nine and Wednesday? You an idiot. I love mechanics,
so great mechanics. Who say you know if you've got
a great mechanic? First off, don't ever trust a man
to work on your car who don't smoke.
Speaker 17 (10:29):
Cigarettes and auto repair.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Go hand in hand.
Speaker 17 (10:32):
I don't know what it is I want to gain
over a.
Speaker 14 (10:34):
Three twenty seven Cleveland carburetor with a Paul mal fufterless
hanging out of this whip. I never once worried in
an Ashall fall in that carburetor, hag nate and totally
disfigure his facing tarsa.
Speaker 17 (10:46):
A guy who.
Speaker 14 (10:47):
Smokes can do a valve job over the dumb phone.
Anybody don't smoke working on cars, Take your car somewhere else.
Anybody who brags a lot talks loud. Anybody's sounds of
like me. Don't ever let them work on your car.
Great auto papers sound like coach cod from the college.
Speaker 10 (11:07):
All right, well, I'm gonna know.
Speaker 14 (11:09):
I don't even know brother, so you know, if the
guy's run into that and alastka, that'll.
Speaker 11 (11:15):
Be all right.
Speaker 14 (11:15):
Great tips, right, Trust me, you're talking to a man
that put two hundred thousand miles on five different colors.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I trust you, shod boy and Billy. I'm gonna give
you an engine low to the ground, extra big old panel,
cut the wind from underneath you. That'll give you thirty
forty more horse power. I'm gonna give you.
Speaker 12 (11:36):
A shoe line and will hold an extra gallon the gas.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
I'm gonna shave half an.
Speaker 10 (11:39):
Inch off you and shape you like a bullet.
Speaker 13 (11:42):
Morning radio, dumb right.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Good morning, make shows on a radio bringing our bone.
Call Marbon Webster.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Yo, what's up?
Speaker 5 (12:23):
How y'all doing? Okay, man, I've seen this story the
other day about one of them high tech toilets, you know,
the kind of makeover in Japan, ones with all kind
of bells and whistles on it. This new model is
having some technical problem. It sells for like fifty five
hundred dollars. But this thing is loaded. It's got a
heated seat, it plays music, there's water jets, got a
(12:46):
hot air button, dryer, automatic flush. It even shoots air
freshener out when you get done. If Lexus made a toilet,
this would be it. It's called the Status. Sais status,
as in, he sat his ass down and the commode
did all the rest. This toilet got so many features
(13:08):
on it they made an app for it that runs
on the Android smartphone. And this is where the problem
comes in.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Says here.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
The Status gets its instructions from a wireless Bluetooth connection,
but the company recently discovered that the security pin number
for every model is set to zero zero, zero zero,
and the number is hardwired into the system. I see
that's the problem because it means you you can't ever
(13:38):
change the password on your toilet, and I cannot believe
I just said change the password on your toilet. But
it also means anybody that's got this smartphone app can
take control of your bowl, ladies and gentlemen. This is
what people in the technology business called a massive backdoor
(13:58):
security hold. Some computer expert says an attacker could use
the app to cause the toilet to repeatedly flush, raising
the water usage and therefore the cost to the toilet's owner. Personally,
I'd be more worried about this part. Attackers could also
cause the unit to unexpectedly open and close the lid
(14:20):
or activate the water jets and air drive functions, causing
discomfort or distress to an unexpected user, as well as
a hilarious scene in the next hilaria.
Speaker 17 (14:31):
To cable gardens.
Speaker 5 (14:33):
So first the nerds hacked in on your computer, and
now they're coming at you up through the toilet. See
to me, everything you buy don't need to have a
brain in it. How smart does a commode need to
be anyway? I mean, it's a pot with water in
the bottom of it. You pull the handle and what's
in the bowl goes down the hole. Don't need a
damn computer to figure that out. I might be downloading something,
(14:56):
but it ain't no email, it says here. The smartphone
app can also keep an automatic record of your trips
to the toilet, you know, in case you're health conscious
or you're real hard up for something to put on
Facebook relationship status. It is constipated, Hey, why don't we
need a toilet that plays music? Anyway? Are we that
(15:19):
star for entertainment? You'll on the commode make your own soundtrack,
which brings up a really weird question. Who picks out
the playlist for the smart toilet? Apparently this is an
actual job. Now, somebody gets paid to pick out what
songs the toilet is gonna play. Okay, let's see give
me the soundtrack from the Wiz Yellow Submarine, putting on
(15:43):
from the Zach Brown Band, and oh you dropped the
bomb on me. Then again, maybe they just hire somebody
to write some original music for the smart toilet. There's
a good gig. Can you imagine that dude trying to
pick a girl up in the club?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Ooh you a music? Have you done anything? I might
have heard?
Speaker 5 (16:02):
I don't know, baby, ever take a dump at the
Marriotte in Tokyo, y'all think about John.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
It's a big show on your radio.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Thanks for joining us this morning.
Speaker 6 (16:15):
Oh I love all those fine big crown radio man
Walter Winch, cousin, Brusie Walkman, Jack, John Boy and Belly
A job boy, Belly, I had only two white men
(16:35):
ever made me more whoa?
Speaker 4 (16:39):
I feel no vunerable.
Speaker 18 (16:44):
Your lift back. We walk over for your lift back. Wow,
(17:23):
good morning.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Big Show is on a radio. Thursday morning, July the third,
we'll say Big Show, Happy birthday the Zach Mosteller. He's
twenty three years old today. Zach and his dad played
wordy word with us in June. Dad pete Zach. I
don't know whose team Dad was on, probably Tators who
(17:45):
wrote Dad.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
On that what you're reading it not.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
So mister Mosteller would like you ya, thank me, wish
you his son Zach. Happy happy birthday.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Hey, Laurel and Hardy Hans.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I don't work there, Tanger, Happy birthday to Zach who
was twenty three from your dad, mister mobswell, and.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
We didn't we don't have his name.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Down wordy word right here on the Big Show. All right,
y'all got some memories, said Zach, Happy birthday.
Speaker 10 (18:25):
What didn't me?
Speaker 19 (18:44):
I get on from Rob But thats just day the same,
he said.
Speaker 20 (18:56):
After that, eyes and a dog. She won't answer what
I call her.
Speaker 21 (19:07):
Then on the stairs, I smuggle cigarettete.
Speaker 8 (19:16):
Along Mexican kids.
Speaker 10 (19:21):
As I will go on.
Speaker 22 (19:29):
It's apposed July. It's about the tou lie. It's apted
to lie.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
She gives me a cheek, but no want.
Speaker 8 (19:49):
Of the list.
Speaker 7 (19:53):
Then I don't have the strength to go on the
outside of town in the dark of farmers.
Speaker 8 (20:08):
He gave up giant so.
Speaker 21 (20:11):
Long ago on the stairs as smoke a cigarette along.
Speaker 8 (20:23):
The Mexican kids are bowers below. It's for July. It's
about to July. It's about the lines. Whatever happen.
Speaker 13 (21:20):
My father Jack.
Speaker 8 (21:24):
Dangtees baby walk.
Speaker 13 (21:27):
Outside and.
Speaker 22 (21:34):
It's apolt the you live, sayay, it's.
Speaker 8 (21:42):
Aforted you live. It's apported to live baver it it's
about the.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Tul Good morning, Big shows on the radio coming up.
(22:24):
We played John Boyd Jebdary for a high quality signa
to her series. American Flag from the premiere flag experts
at Condor Flags in Charlotte, North Carolina, made in the USA,
been making custom flags, banners and polls over eighty years.
Check out Condorflags dot com. Just click on the link
when you go to the Big Show dot com. Uh
(22:45):
right here, we're on you live there. Let's bring in
a man.
Speaker 16 (22:50):
And now it's storytime with your host, Carl Childers.
Speaker 17 (22:57):
I figured sence waves right around the fourth of July,
it might be a good time to tell the story
of Independence Day. I can tell you about it if
you owed me too. All right, well, sir, what's upon
a time the fresh Prince was in the Air Force.
He was living in sin with this exotic dancer. Some
(23:18):
folks call them strippers. I call them exotic dancers. You
could tell what she done for a living on account
of her false bosoms. While the fresh Prince was getting
jiggy with that dancer, gal Tater like it a passle
of Martians, they decided they had a hanker and to
(23:39):
take over the Earth. Them space ships were flying all
over the world, just hanging in the sky there waiting
to make their move. Then that fella that played the
fly in that Fly movie. He's working over to the
cable company. He had a boss there, kindly talked like me.
He kept hollering, David David. Well, sir, the Fly caught
(24:04):
onto their plans. About that time, then Martians started blowing
up stuff. The President couldn't figure out what to do
but to fly. He had it all figured out. But
the President, he's a tag prideful and didn't want to
listen to him. But about the time the White House
blowed up, he come around a bit so the President,
the Fly, and that fella from Taxi and some other folks.
(24:26):
They all flied off to the desert where it is safe.
The Fresh Prince and that gianzz singer that thinks a
good bit of hisself ain't tried fighting them Martians off,
but the Martians put a hurting on him. But Good
wiped them all out, except for the Fresh Prince. He
managed to wreck one of them Martians rigs plumb whooped
the tar out of him. Then he smoked a cigar.
(24:48):
I didn't understand that part of it, well, sir. He
wrapped up that Martian fella and no old parachute commanded
dragging him across the desert. All of a sudden, he
run up on cousin Edny from in Vacation Movies. He
was in a bad way with a hard liquor, driving
a motor home with a bunch of other folks in tow.
They helped the fresh Prints told him to that secret
place in the desert there where they had a bunch
(25:10):
of them space bogers and big old jars. David had
one of their ship rigs there floating in space right
there in the garage. Seemed like this wasn't the first
time them space bogers had been here. I guess they's
back looking for all their friends. Well, sir, them scientists
fellers at this secret place, they was kindly curious about
what was inside them. Martian, they started cutting one of
(25:32):
them open. Trouble was, he weren't quite dead yet. He
jumped up, started tearing up the place. He even turned
that mister Data from Star Trek into a hand pupping Well, sir,
they know dem Martian was fixing the take over the world.
They didn't have much time to stop it. The fly
there they figured out how to get him and him
(25:53):
and that fresh prince flew up to that floating space
rig up in the big ship there and charge of everything.
They used the flies top computer and they knocked that
invisible fence down and blowed up the big ship. Mister
bill Cox said that was pretty neat trick. He can't
hardly get on his Facebook. Back on Earth, the President
(26:14):
gave a speech about being Independence Day, got everybody to yehawing.
They showed everybody else in the world how of knocked
them spaceships out, and they commenced to getting it done.
Cousin Eddie, he sobered up long enough to fly his
plane right up into the space ship's backside. It blowed
up real good. All the Martians was yelling, what'd you
kill us martians? Fur? What does kill us martians fur?
(26:36):
Except theyre doing in Martian talk. I didn't understand it.
It makes sense that that's what they'd be saying. Then
to fly and the fresh Prince they come back to
Earth smoked another cigar. I didn't get that part of it. Then,
once all the people in the world high fived each
other and celebrated, they cleaned up and went back to
hating each other like they were supposed to do. Moral
(26:58):
of the story, It don't matter if you come from
Mars or Hawaiire. When you start fooling around with American freedoms,
we get a mite hot about it.
Speaker 16 (27:07):
The end story time is brought to you by Hard
Graves potted meat product chock full of all American peckers
and lips since nineteen thirty seven.
Speaker 17 (27:17):
You want to use these sparklers to let DC guard
little fellers here?
Speaker 9 (27:20):
Or what?
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Oh god, you all man? Well, somebody's beeping. We all right,
Oh good, let's play some bore gemory while we're out
at one eight hundred Big Show. You told free Line
we'll get a contestant and go do we get a
winter Actually we'll play next. Good morning, that's a big
(28:02):
show on the radio. Rode into your Thursday morning, July
A third my feature track from The Big Show bet
Box Mayor dismal Seabas Annual indepenn Dance Festivals. You were
dance fests any hit the bed box at the Big
Show dot com. Right now, let's play dance live across America.
It's John boyd teviany Wow, and now your host. His
(28:26):
buddy has a little curly haired dog that runs in
circles whenever it hears the national anthem. We're pretty sure
it's a Yankee poodle peas.
Speaker 17 (28:35):
John Boyn, thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
That's ahead of Tom out of Denver, North Carolina. Good morning, Tom.
Speaker 20 (28:47):
Man.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
We're awesome. Welcome in here, buddy. You got first shot
at John boyde everty this morning. Let's jump right in here.
What's the and got things to do?
Speaker 10 (28:56):
Hit it.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
According to data from the Insurance Institute of America, stairs
are the number one factor for injuries and American households,
and this is number two.
Speaker 23 (29:11):
Glass door glass doors, you are collect absolutely.
Speaker 24 (29:25):
I take some rec Yeah, I'm a homeless disabled bed
with my family. We're on the car with no heat.
We're supposed to get help from a veteran services and
they failed us, and they were supposed to help us
get housing. And we're just maybe looking out there and
reaching out to see if there's something we can do.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Well, Tom, you hang on right there. Jackie's gonna pick
you up. We're gonna get on with you.
Speaker 24 (29:48):
Okay, thank you guys.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
All right, Tom, you got it, buddy, hang over right
there and put them put them all hole there, all right.
So Randy looking into the stairs, glass doors and defending
no kitchen knives, last jars, power tools. Please be careful
in your home, and man, be thankful for your home
while we're at we're talking about it. Good morning, Big
(30:11):
shows on the radio. All right, good uh, y'all. Listen
to John Boy Jeopardy. A couple of minutes ago, the
homeless was in his car. We are getting him in
touch with It's something man, because my wonderful thing is
a purple Heart Holmes Challenge coin. And then we said, well, man,
that's who we're gonna call. Jackie. Don't get in touch
with our Boy Parker from Purple Heart Homes and see
(30:33):
if we can help our help that veteran. If we're
going to want to know that we're only all right, y'alls,
jump out, catch you up with you news a special.
Mister Ruth Barbi says he's horning in.
Speaker 8 (31:22):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
It is Thursday, July the third. Back on July the third,
nineteen sixty five, Trigger Roy Rogers horse died at the
age of thirty three. It was stuffed and remains at
the Roy Rogers Museum in California. Now looking for any
chance to get on the big show and tell the story.
(31:44):
Here is mister Rubarb.
Speaker 15 (31:47):
Thank you, John Boyd. Good morning, boys and girls. I'm
mister Rubarb and it's time for another fun field episode
of mister Rubarb time.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 15 (32:04):
Free to bring the kids around the radio. This is
fun family stuff. Okay, what really? One day, cowboy star
Roy Rogers was walking past a shoe store in Hollywood
and saw a pair of fine Italian loafers in the window.
(32:26):
Roy was tired of wearing cowboy boots all the time,
so he went in and tried them on. They were
the most comfortable shoes he'd ever worn. I'll take them, partner,
he said, and wore them out of the store. Well,
just as Roy was getting back to the double R ranch,
(32:48):
a huge thunderstorm came up. Roy ran up the driveway
to his house, but by the time he got to
the porch, his new Italian loafers were covered with mud,
so he left him out on the steps and went
inside to eat dinner. A few minutes later, a bobcat
(33:08):
came down out of the hills, snuck up onto the
porch and started chewing on Roy's shoes.
Speaker 8 (33:14):
What chewing on them?
Speaker 1 (33:16):
My goodness, I know, does that sound like.
Speaker 15 (33:24):
Kind of like that Carolina Panther song. As luck would
have it, one of the farm hands was walking by
and saw the bobcat and frightened him away.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
Now what did that sound like?
Speaker 8 (33:38):
Chew she cat?
Speaker 15 (33:42):
But alas the beautiful Italian, beautiful Italian loafers were completely
ruined shit. When he heard what happened, Roy was furious.
He grabbed his shot gun, whistled for his horse Trigger,
and rode off into the hills in search of the bobcat.
(34:04):
An hour later, Roy and Trigger returned with a dead
Bobcat slung over the back of his saddle.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
As Roy rode.
Speaker 15 (34:12):
Up to the barn, the farm hand came out, saw
the dead bobcat and said, pardon me, Roy, Is that
the cat that youed your new shoes? Maybe if I'd
have done it more like the song, I'll try I pardon.
Speaker 9 (34:33):
Me, Roy?
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Is that the cat that cheating new ses?
Speaker 1 (34:40):
One more story? Since we've got all the family gathered.
Speaker 15 (34:44):
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that
read big lobster tails.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Five dollars each.
Speaker 15 (34:53):
Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and
asked the waitress five dollars each for lobster tails. Is
that correct? Yes, she said, it's our special, just for today. Well,
they must be little lobster tails. No, she replied, it's
(35:14):
the really big lobster big red lobster tails five dollars each.
He said, amazed, they must be old lobster tails. No, night,
They're definitely today's today's big red lobster tails five dollars each,
he repeated, astounded, Yes, she insisted, well, here's my five dollars.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
I'll take one. Well.
Speaker 15 (35:43):
She took the money and led him to a table
where she invited him to sit down. She then sat
down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder,
leaned over very close to him, and said, once upon
a time there was a really big red life. I'm
(36:05):
pardon me, Rod, I can't thank you for acting like
you enjoying mister Lubarb, story time, family time, mister Rudbart
saying I'm mister Rubart.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Good morning. There's a big show on the radio, and
here we go. It's time to Axe yo.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
What's up ahead?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Patrick?
Speaker 4 (36:55):
Keep them chickawe, dumb boy.
Speaker 8 (36:56):
Don't care.
Speaker 11 (36:58):
Welcome to Axe. I the place to go for all
the for one one you need, for all y'all. What's
called a intro personal relation? To SPA peep this him,
dear mister.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Turner dead giveaway. It is a white boy.
Speaker 11 (37:17):
I am at the end of my rope, and you
are the only person that can help me.
Speaker 4 (37:21):
I've met a.
Speaker 11 (37:22):
Wonderful woman, smart, gorgeous, amazing body and successful. We've been
seeing each other for over two months now. The problem
is the lack of intimacy.
Speaker 4 (37:36):
She said, if you.
Speaker 11 (37:38):
Love me, you'll wait, and that it will definitely be
worth it. In the meantime, I do everything for her,
run her errands, take her places, and she loves fine dining,
but honestly, I'm getting tired of waiting. How do I
tell her? Sign frustrated in Faytteville. Dear frustrate good news,
(37:58):
bad news, bad news?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Is you stupid?
Speaker 11 (38:03):
You have done uh transformerated into what some sexperts consider
a mythophological creature, much like the yetie or It's North
American cousin the Saskrotch. You done run smack diddler dab
into a nope count little morallity skeezer, and she done
turned you into the legendary hoh nanny. Let me preach
(38:27):
on that that that that that that that. The Isaac
Hayes Urban Dictionlinary describes whole nanny as and I quote,
a stupid sob that runs his dumb ass ragged in
hopes of knocking boots with a good looking skeezer who.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Is way out of his league.
Speaker 11 (38:44):
You are exactly the kind of dude she looking for.
Fairly normal, good job, not relientated on the food stamps,
and most importantly love hungry.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
Let me guess uh.
Speaker 11 (38:59):
You met her at the grocery store, a fancy one
like a Publix or something, and she asked you about
something high end like that stuff call keen Weenie.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
And then she started with a small.
Speaker 11 (39:15):
Talk, and you, being a good dude, you walk her
to the checkout and said she had less stuff than you.
You let her go first, and she conveniently don't have
no money on her and then you jump your stupid
gulibal ass in and pay for her food, and she
is all swoon terrific in giving you the big eyes,
and so you walk her to her car, and in
gravilitude for your gentilosity, she gives you a kiss on
(39:38):
the cheek, and while the blood is rushing back and
forth from one head to the other, she slipped you
her phone number and you call her right away, and
that's when she knows the hook is set. Frustrated, you
remember them bug Bunny cartoon where Elma Fudge falls for
one of them tricks and then he looked at the
camera and his head turned into a big TUTSI plot,
(40:03):
Dad's you and don't expect to find out how many
licks it takes to get to the Gouey center.
Speaker 4 (40:11):
So now you don't know it.
Speaker 11 (40:13):
You is a slave brother, picking up her dry cleaning,
taking her yappy little jackass dog into the event, but
it don't stop there phone rings. She's in the mood
for pad thigh, whatever the hell that is. She won't
go to the weed chied down buffet on the corner.
She wants to upscale stuff like uh pf Wang's. So
(40:36):
you show up, mister dumbass, expectating a romantical dinner for two,
Then here she comes with all her loud, fat.
Speaker 4 (40:43):
Stupid talky ass friends. Oh and it gets better.
Speaker 11 (40:46):
There will be no splitting of the check this evening, Broseve,
you're gonna be picking up the whole tab for helf
a paloozer man.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
What some of that mean?
Speaker 11 (40:56):
But I how does you know so much about old Nanny?
Well player, I ain't too pridi fied to tell you.
I was once in your shoe booties. Why is upon
a time got a minute? Once upon a time, when
I was just catching fire, I spotted this fine, full
figure fed lady.
Speaker 4 (41:15):
She was a real palm grill lookerike.
Speaker 11 (41:17):
Big Afro Coco got his skin, big mismatched boobies.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
She was a new Burian princess. Most bros would only dream.
Speaker 11 (41:25):
I give my whole heart to her, and the more
I gave, the more she took and never ever give back.
Every time I was in the mood, it was like,
oh I cannot yet we barely know each other. Now,
go get me two raka ribs, some fried chicken, barbecue catfish,
and a dyet coke.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
And what did I get in return? A peak at
some damn side boob.
Speaker 11 (41:52):
It was all like that for months. What finally did
it for me is was having to take her back
and forth of the uh uh uh what you call it?
A ginocologist? She went like, ever damn.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
Week did she have insurance? Sort of me?
Speaker 11 (42:09):
And why was she going to the doctor? She kept
getting STPs, and one thing for sure, hush, she wasn't
getting them from me. So I take the stand. I
tell her to free Robert over. She could take her
perfect booty, that creepy hot chocolate complexionary and them Jackie
(42:30):
Lium Hooters and find someone else to wait on her
hand and Fetus says, I was devastorated. It took me
almost five days before I could even think about hooking
up with someone else.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
Damn you ta so frustrated.
Speaker 8 (42:50):
There you go.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
I schooled you on the dangers of nanny and a hoe.
Go on with your life.
Speaker 11 (42:56):
And just be choosy so you don't get a dud
and wind up with a dude. And if you find
another beach who is old nanny trolling, put the toe
of your boot in the front door of her colon.
Speaker 8 (43:11):
This is IKE peace out.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
If you want to AX, mail the AX Big Show
peel box one nine one one one Charlotte n C.
Two eight two one nine, or email anybody but me
at the Big Show ty to put it together.
Speaker 4 (43:26):
High o hailf
Good morning. You got the Big Show on the radio.
More chances for you to win coming up after your
news wedther in sports.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
You come on me today because you know, no Sicilian
can refuse a request on the day of his daughter's wedding.
I shall grant your requests. Someday I may ask a
favor of you, maybe a hair cut. Maybe I'll ask
you to lay down your life for me. Maybe I'll
just ask you to listen to John Boy and Billy
on the Big Show. Would you rather wake up with
(00:28):
a horse's head or these two horses?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
Eyes dogg doodle dudemardest time it'll be Tayter got the doodle,
(01:13):
don't Because it is July the third Dad National Fried
Clam Days in honor the Holiday Inn. That's a that's
the first time ever had fried clams. As a young Graham,
(01:36):
North Carolina. Yeah, holiday restaurant.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
We would go to either Shawnees for fried clams, go
to Shawnees or Howard Johnson. Ah that maybe it was
Howard Johnson's and I'm misremembering.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
You know it was a hotel.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Yeah, the Holiday Inn was. You know they have good
swimming pools.
Speaker 5 (01:58):
But.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Pride clam till I was like twenty five, so.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I didn't have shrimp till I was eighteen. Oh listen,
there wasn't around. We had flounder. So anyway, eat your
beans day as well, so I got that. I'm thinking
that you don't National Chocolate Wafer Day. There's a little
(02:25):
dessert and in the national compliment your mirror day for
we're getting weird now it is, I suppose to compliment
yourself before rushing through your morning rituals.
Speaker 6 (02:40):
Positive affirmations are always good, wonderful.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I did get that first prize back out and get
that winning beginning. That's always good for you. Beg Jones
on the radio. Good morning, Big Show's on the radio.
We got a Lord Tiger's prize pack for saying this
morning and cool swag with a hat, t shirt, a tumbler,
even though twenty five dollars gas card might fillip a
(03:05):
brand new motorcycle if you don't get your name and
the hat. Be sure to make sure you register for
this year's Ultimate Styling and Sturgis Trip of a Lifetime
with over eighty five thousand dollars in prizes. Details and
registration at Styling and Sturgis dot com. Of course, we've
got to set up. When you click the Lord Tigers
link at the Big Show dot Com, leose do our
(03:29):
three dates in history? Where were going to our three
categories for you to win. Nineteen ninety two, three performing
dolphins escaped from their pen in Key Largo, Florida. Oh
I love this story. So they showed up several days
later in the golf course lagoon and keep a skane.
They performed for golfers voluntarily at ten am, two pm,
(03:52):
and four pm. We're barely hoping to be fed. That's
right now. You know the clocks in their stumbach. When
he lived, we had a cool there in the inter
Coastal Waterway around Rosville Beach in Carolina Beach. Number fifty four.
It escape. It was a number fifty four in a
(04:13):
dolphin and had come up, you hit the side of
your boat and had come up, you'd feed him in
do a flip. So cool man, nice, all right, So
get out there. It's a whole big world on those
I wouldn't know. Let's go to nineteen ninety seven. In
his first formal response to the Paula Jowned sexual harassment lawsuit,
(04:34):
President Clinton denied any allegations of sexual misconduct, also asked
the case be dismissed.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
That's kind of a m o he with all the girls.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
And finally, twenty twenty Major League Baseball Cleveland Indians owner
Paul Dolan announced he would review changing the organization's name,
and they did. They changed their name from the Cleveland
Indians to the Cleveland Guardians went into a in fact,
following the conclusion of the twenty one season, the Silver Guardians.
(05:05):
Of course they're I mean, is that a little smiling Indian?
Speaker 7 (05:07):
I know?
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Then they shall have them on some suffer.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
They just I don't have after.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Thanks a lot. Wait, wait to back up, the indigenous
people of our of our land. Right all right there,
Well there's our categories one eight hundred big shows. You
told free line we play out birds next hard then
(05:51):
I will have trouble with that one. What about it?
Speaker 8 (05:56):
Yeah, play the game. There's July there you anyone?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
We got our feature tracking the Big Show bid box
and mayor digimal severage Annual Indepen Dance Festival, key Word
Dance Fest. You can't get confusion around here. Hit the
bid box at the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Just winning for.
Speaker 9 (06:17):
Ups. Let's play upburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
John Boy and Billy gave the prizes from the big
prize being Let's go contested number one.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
This should it be a lot of fun.
Speaker 8 (06:36):
Playing uppers.
Speaker 9 (06:38):
Have a hurry up and guest, time you love the
best time you love a big shots.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Let's head a crib from me. You don't feel all though?
Speaker 8 (06:50):
How he out?
Speaker 10 (06:58):
Hey? What's going on?
Speaker 11 (06:59):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Chris? You all you doll?
Speaker 6 (07:01):
Feel?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Where are you?
Speaker 8 (07:03):
Man?
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Uh?
Speaker 10 (07:05):
Santee lake at the lake?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
This is Santa in the lake, Jackie? Well, why'd you
put down?
Speaker 10 (07:11):
You?
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Utahviel Is?
Speaker 10 (07:13):
That is that Utahville? That's the town you told me?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Oh that's the town. Okay, good, all right, I.
Speaker 11 (07:20):
Apologize, I know and it's in Utah Utah Jackie.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Just one step from showing you today.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I done took my ear rings off.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Good but we're good. Well, let's get you through these
three categories. Chrisy ready to go?
Speaker 10 (07:42):
I'm ready all right?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Five seconds. Three animals trained to perform Ready.
Speaker 10 (07:47):
Go line, Tiger line tiger and bears.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Oh my well they work? Thank you all right now?
Three kinds of misconduct Ready.
Speaker 10 (07:57):
Go sexual official until for the win.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Three major League Baseball teams ready to.
Speaker 10 (08:06):
Go Atlanta, New York and LA.
Speaker 12 (08:09):
And you were ready for Chris didn't worn about it?
Fad teen beautiful country. Right man, your prize pack, We'll
gonna find you. Chris, congratulations, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
You got it, buddy. Why the why I wear Toby
News On the other side, I heard him on a
time capsule jolt A third of the goodness ain't all for?
Speaker 13 (09:08):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 14 (09:22):
Mechanics are great people, you know, anybody's got grease under
the fingernails to me as a great person. The people
I can't stand is the duck dum service managers. Show
me a service manager a toy at a dealership somewhere,
and I'll show you a guy don't know more know
anymore about cars than I do. It's always a guy
with a half tie, you know. And they weren't part
(09:44):
time at the grocery store. The other guy comes over
and signs the check. You know, Fred front.
Speaker 15 (09:49):
Fred from to check Fred front Fred.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
And then Fred walks over.
Speaker 14 (09:55):
He looks like he had a you know, the first
job he's ever hand has got a half tie and
he walks over George.
Speaker 16 (10:00):
Sleeve dress shirt on exactly.
Speaker 14 (10:02):
He just looks at the check and all of a
sudden it's okay, you know.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
And he's part time.
Speaker 14 (10:06):
He's a service manager at a damn car dealership somewhere.
Go on, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Call?
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Well?
Speaker 14 (10:11):
I think it's an alternator. Can you make an appointment
for Wednesday? See, I ain't got no more to be
between nine and Wednesday? You an idiot. I love mechanics,
so great mechanics. Who say you know if you've got
a great mechanic? First off, don't ever trust a man
to work on your car who don't smoke.
Speaker 17 (10:29):
Cigarettes and auto repair.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Go hand in hand.
Speaker 17 (10:32):
I don't know what it is I want to gain
over a.
Speaker 14 (10:34):
Three twenty seven Cleveland carburetor with a Paul mal fufterless
hanging out of this whip. I never once worried in
an Ashall fall in that carburetor, hag nate and totally
disfigure his facing tarsa.
Speaker 17 (10:46):
A guy who.
Speaker 14 (10:47):
Smokes can do a valve job over the dumb phone.
Anybody don't smoke working on cars, Take your car somewhere else.
Anybody who brags a lot talks loud. Anybody's sounds of
like me. Don't ever let them work on your car.
Great auto papers sound like coach cod from the college.
Speaker 10 (11:07):
All right, well, I'm gonna know.
Speaker 14 (11:09):
I don't even know brother, so you know, if the
guy's run into that and alastka, that'll.
Speaker 11 (11:15):
Be all right.
Speaker 14 (11:15):
Great tips, right, Trust me, you're talking to a man
that put two hundred thousand miles on five different colors.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I trust you, shod boy and Billy. I'm gonna give
you an engine low to the ground, extra big old panel,
cut the wind from underneath you. That'll give you thirty
forty more horse power. I'm gonna give you.
Speaker 12 (11:36):
A shoe line and will hold an extra gallon the gas.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
I'm gonna shave half an.
Speaker 10 (11:39):
Inch off you and shape you like a bullet.
Speaker 13 (11:42):
Morning radio, dumb right.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Good morning, make shows on a radio bringing our bone.
Call Marbon Webster.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Yo, what's up?
Speaker 5 (12:23):
How y'all doing? Okay, man, I've seen this story the
other day about one of them high tech toilets, you know,
the kind of makeover in Japan, ones with all kind
of bells and whistles on it. This new model is
having some technical problem. It sells for like fifty five
hundred dollars. But this thing is loaded. It's got a
heated seat, it plays music, there's water jets, got a
(12:46):
hot air button, dryer, automatic flush. It even shoots air
freshener out when you get done. If Lexus made a toilet,
this would be it. It's called the Status. Sais status,
as in, he sat his ass down and the commode
did all the rest. This toilet got so many features
(13:08):
on it they made an app for it that runs
on the Android smartphone. And this is where the problem
comes in.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Says here.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
The Status gets its instructions from a wireless Bluetooth connection,
but the company recently discovered that the security pin number
for every model is set to zero zero, zero zero,
and the number is hardwired into the system. I see
that's the problem because it means you you can't ever
(13:38):
change the password on your toilet, and I cannot believe
I just said change the password on your toilet. But
it also means anybody that's got this smartphone app can
take control of your bowl, ladies and gentlemen. This is
what people in the technology business called a massive backdoor
(13:58):
security hold. Some computer expert says an attacker could use
the app to cause the toilet to repeatedly flush, raising
the water usage and therefore the cost to the toilet's owner. Personally,
I'd be more worried about this part. Attackers could also
cause the unit to unexpectedly open and close the lid
(14:20):
or activate the water jets and air drive functions, causing
discomfort or distress to an unexpected user, as well as
a hilarious scene in the next hilaria.
Speaker 17 (14:31):
To cable gardens.
Speaker 5 (14:33):
So first the nerds hacked in on your computer, and
now they're coming at you up through the toilet. See
to me, everything you buy don't need to have a
brain in it. How smart does a commode need to
be anyway? I mean, it's a pot with water in
the bottom of it. You pull the handle and what's
in the bowl goes down the hole. Don't need a
damn computer to figure that out. I might be downloading something,
(14:56):
but it ain't no email, it says here. The smartphone
app can also keep an automatic record of your trips
to the toilet, you know, in case you're health conscious
or you're real hard up for something to put on
Facebook relationship status. It is constipated, Hey, why don't we
need a toilet that plays music? Anyway? Are we that
(15:19):
star for entertainment? You'll on the commode make your own soundtrack,
which brings up a really weird question. Who picks out
the playlist for the smart toilet? Apparently this is an
actual job. Now, somebody gets paid to pick out what
songs the toilet is gonna play. Okay, let's see give
me the soundtrack from the Wiz Yellow Submarine, putting on
(15:43):
from the Zach Brown Band, and oh you dropped the
bomb on me. Then again, maybe they just hire somebody
to write some original music for the smart toilet. There's
a good gig. Can you imagine that dude trying to
pick a girl up in the club?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Ooh you a music? Have you done anything? I might
have heard?
Speaker 5 (16:02):
I don't know, baby, ever take a dump at the
Marriotte in Tokyo, y'all think about John.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
It's a big show on your radio.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Thanks for joining us this morning.
Speaker 6 (16:15):
Oh I love all those fine big crown radio man
Walter Winch, cousin, Brusie Walkman, Jack, John Boy and Belly
A job boy, Belly, I had only two white men
(16:35):
ever made me more whoa?
Speaker 4 (16:39):
I feel no vunerable.
Speaker 18 (16:44):
Your lift back. We walk over for your lift back. Wow,
(17:23):
good morning.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Big Show is on a radio. Thursday morning, July the third,
we'll say Big Show, Happy birthday the Zach Mosteller. He's
twenty three years old today. Zach and his dad played
wordy word with us in June. Dad pete Zach. I
don't know whose team Dad was on, probably Tators who
(17:45):
wrote Dad.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
On that what you're reading it not.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
So mister Mosteller would like you ya, thank me, wish
you his son Zach. Happy happy birthday.
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Hey, Laurel and Hardy Hans.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
I don't work there, Tanger, Happy birthday to Zach who
was twenty three from your dad, mister mobswell, and.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
We didn't we don't have his name.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Down wordy word right here on the Big Show. All right,
y'all got some memories, said Zach, Happy birthday.
Speaker 10 (18:25):
What didn't me?
Speaker 19 (18:44):
I get on from Rob But thats just day the same,
he said.
Speaker 20 (18:56):
After that, eyes and a dog. She won't answer what
I call her.
Speaker 21 (19:07):
Then on the stairs, I smuggle cigarettete.
Speaker 8 (19:16):
Along Mexican kids.
Speaker 10 (19:21):
As I will go on.
Speaker 22 (19:29):
It's apposed July. It's about the tou lie. It's apted
to lie.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
She gives me a cheek, but no want.
Speaker 8 (19:49):
Of the list.
Speaker 7 (19:53):
Then I don't have the strength to go on the
outside of town in the dark of farmers.
Speaker 8 (20:08):
He gave up giant so.
Speaker 21 (20:11):
Long ago on the stairs as smoke a cigarette along.
Speaker 8 (20:23):
The Mexican kids are bowers below. It's for July. It's
about to July. It's about the lines. Whatever happen.
Speaker 13 (21:20):
My father Jack.
Speaker 8 (21:24):
Dangtees baby walk.
Speaker 13 (21:27):
Outside and.
Speaker 22 (21:34):
It's apolt the you live, sayay, it's.
Speaker 8 (21:42):
Aforted you live. It's apported to live baver it it's
about the.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Tul Good morning, Big shows on the radio coming up.
(22:24):
We played John Boyd Jebdary for a high quality signa
to her series. American Flag from the premiere flag experts
at Condor Flags in Charlotte, North Carolina, made in the USA,
been making custom flags, banners and polls over eighty years.
Check out Condorflags dot com. Just click on the link
when you go to the Big Show dot com. Uh
(22:45):
right here, we're on you live there. Let's bring in
a man.
Speaker 16 (22:50):
And now it's storytime with your host, Carl Childers.
Speaker 17 (22:57):
I figured sence waves right around the fourth of July,
it might be a good time to tell the story
of Independence Day. I can tell you about it if
you owed me too. All right, well, sir, what's upon
a time the fresh Prince was in the Air Force.
He was living in sin with this exotic dancer. Some
(23:18):
folks call them strippers. I call them exotic dancers. You
could tell what she done for a living on account
of her false bosoms. While the fresh Prince was getting
jiggy with that dancer, gal Tater like it a passle
of Martians, they decided they had a hanker and to
(23:39):
take over the Earth. Them space ships were flying all
over the world, just hanging in the sky there waiting
to make their move. Then that fella that played the
fly in that Fly movie. He's working over to the
cable company. He had a boss there, kindly talked like me.
He kept hollering, David David. Well, sir, the Fly caught
(24:04):
onto their plans. About that time, then Martians started blowing
up stuff. The President couldn't figure out what to do
but to fly. He had it all figured out. But
the President, he's a tag prideful and didn't want to
listen to him. But about the time the White House
blowed up, he come around a bit so the President,
the Fly, and that fella from Taxi and some other folks.
(24:26):
They all flied off to the desert where it is safe.
The Fresh Prince and that gianzz singer that thinks a
good bit of hisself ain't tried fighting them Martians off,
but the Martians put a hurting on him. But Good
wiped them all out, except for the Fresh Prince. He
managed to wreck one of them Martians rigs plumb whooped
the tar out of him. Then he smoked a cigar.
(24:48):
I didn't understand that part of it, well, sir. He
wrapped up that Martian fella and no old parachute commanded
dragging him across the desert. All of a sudden, he
run up on cousin Edny from in Vacation Movies. He
was in a bad way with a hard liquor, driving
a motor home with a bunch of other folks in tow.
They helped the fresh Prints told him to that secret
place in the desert there where they had a bunch
(25:10):
of them space bogers and big old jars. David had
one of their ship rigs there floating in space right
there in the garage. Seemed like this wasn't the first
time them space bogers had been here. I guess they's
back looking for all their friends. Well, sir, them scientists
fellers at this secret place, they was kindly curious about
what was inside them. Martian, they started cutting one of
(25:32):
them open. Trouble was, he weren't quite dead yet. He
jumped up, started tearing up the place. He even turned
that mister Data from Star Trek into a hand pupping Well, sir,
they know dem Martian was fixing the take over the world.
They didn't have much time to stop it. The fly
there they figured out how to get him and him
(25:53):
and that fresh prince flew up to that floating space
rig up in the big ship there and charge of everything.
They used the flies top computer and they knocked that
invisible fence down and blowed up the big ship. Mister
bill Cox said that was pretty neat trick. He can't
hardly get on his Facebook. Back on Earth, the President
(26:14):
gave a speech about being Independence Day, got everybody to yehawing.
They showed everybody else in the world how of knocked
them spaceships out, and they commenced to getting it done.
Cousin Eddie, he sobered up long enough to fly his
plane right up into the space ship's backside. It blowed
up real good. All the Martians was yelling, what'd you
kill us martians? Fur? What does kill us martians fur?
(26:36):
Except theyre doing in Martian talk. I didn't understand it.
It makes sense that that's what they'd be saying. Then
to fly and the fresh Prince they come back to
Earth smoked another cigar. I didn't get that part of it. Then,
once all the people in the world high fived each
other and celebrated, they cleaned up and went back to
hating each other like they were supposed to do. Moral
(26:58):
of the story, It don't matter if you come from
Mars or Hawaiire. When you start fooling around with American freedoms,
we get a mite hot about it.
Speaker 16 (27:07):
The end story time is brought to you by Hard
Graves potted meat product chock full of all American peckers
and lips since nineteen thirty seven.
Speaker 17 (27:17):
You want to use these sparklers to let DC guard
little fellers here?
Speaker 9 (27:20):
Or what?
Speaker 1 (27:21):
Oh god, you all man? Well, somebody's beeping. We all right,
Oh good, let's play some bore gemory while we're out
at one eight hundred Big Show. You told free Line
we'll get a contestant and go do we get a
winter Actually we'll play next. Good morning, that's a big
(28:02):
show on the radio. Rode into your Thursday morning, July
A third my feature track from The Big Show bet
Box Mayor dismal Seabas Annual indepenn Dance Festivals. You were
dance fests any hit the bed box at the Big
Show dot com. Right now, let's play dance live across America.
It's John boyd teviany Wow, and now your host. His
(28:26):
buddy has a little curly haired dog that runs in
circles whenever it hears the national anthem. We're pretty sure
it's a Yankee poodle peas.
Speaker 17 (28:35):
John Boyn, thank you.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
That's ahead of Tom out of Denver, North Carolina. Good morning, Tom.
Speaker 20 (28:47):
Man.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
We're awesome. Welcome in here, buddy. You got first shot
at John boyde everty this morning. Let's jump right in here.
What's the and got things to do?
Speaker 10 (28:56):
Hit it.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
According to data from the Insurance Institute of America, stairs
are the number one factor for injuries and American households,
and this is number two.
Speaker 23 (29:11):
Glass door glass doors, you are collect absolutely.
Speaker 24 (29:25):
I take some rec Yeah, I'm a homeless disabled bed
with my family. We're on the car with no heat.
We're supposed to get help from a veteran services and
they failed us, and they were supposed to help us
get housing. And we're just maybe looking out there and
reaching out to see if there's something we can do.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Well, Tom, you hang on right there. Jackie's gonna pick
you up. We're gonna get on with you.
Speaker 24 (29:48):
Okay, thank you guys.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
All right, Tom, you got it, buddy, hang over right
there and put them put them all hole there, all right.
So Randy looking into the stairs, glass doors and defending
no kitchen knives, last jars, power tools. Please be careful
in your home, and man, be thankful for your home
while we're at we're talking about it. Good morning, Big
(30:11):
shows on the radio. All right, good uh, y'all. Listen
to John Boy Jeopardy. A couple of minutes ago, the
homeless was in his car. We are getting him in
touch with It's something man, because my wonderful thing is
a purple Heart Holmes Challenge coin. And then we said, well, man,
that's who we're gonna call. Jackie. Don't get in touch
with our Boy Parker from Purple Heart Homes and see
(30:33):
if we can help our help that veteran. If we're
going to want to know that we're only all right, y'alls,
jump out, catch you up with you news a special.
Mister Ruth Barbi says he's horning in.
Speaker 8 (31:22):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
It is Thursday, July the third. Back on July the third,
nineteen sixty five, Trigger Roy Rogers horse died at the
age of thirty three. It was stuffed and remains at
the Roy Rogers Museum in California. Now looking for any
chance to get on the big show and tell the story.
(31:44):
Here is mister Rubarb.
Speaker 15 (31:47):
Thank you, John Boyd. Good morning, boys and girls. I'm
mister Rubarb and it's time for another fun field episode
of mister Rubarb time.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 15 (32:04):
Free to bring the kids around the radio. This is
fun family stuff. Okay, what really? One day, cowboy star
Roy Rogers was walking past a shoe store in Hollywood
and saw a pair of fine Italian loafers in the window.
(32:26):
Roy was tired of wearing cowboy boots all the time,
so he went in and tried them on. They were
the most comfortable shoes he'd ever worn. I'll take them, partner,
he said, and wore them out of the store. Well,
just as Roy was getting back to the double R ranch,
(32:48):
a huge thunderstorm came up. Roy ran up the driveway
to his house, but by the time he got to
the porch, his new Italian loafers were covered with mud,
so he left him out on the steps and went
inside to eat dinner. A few minutes later, a bobcat
(33:08):
came down out of the hills, snuck up onto the
porch and started chewing on Roy's shoes.
Speaker 8 (33:14):
What chewing on them?
Speaker 1 (33:16):
My goodness, I know, does that sound like.
Speaker 15 (33:24):
Kind of like that Carolina Panther song. As luck would
have it, one of the farm hands was walking by
and saw the bobcat and frightened him away.
Speaker 5 (33:36):
Now what did that sound like?
Speaker 8 (33:38):
Chew she cat?
Speaker 15 (33:42):
But alas the beautiful Italian, beautiful Italian loafers were completely
ruined shit. When he heard what happened, Roy was furious.
He grabbed his shot gun, whistled for his horse Trigger,
and rode off into the hills in search of the bobcat.
(34:04):
An hour later, Roy and Trigger returned with a dead
Bobcat slung over the back of his saddle.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
As Roy rode.
Speaker 15 (34:12):
Up to the barn, the farm hand came out, saw
the dead bobcat and said, pardon me, Roy, Is that
the cat that youed your new shoes? Maybe if I'd
have done it more like the song, I'll try I pardon.
Speaker 9 (34:33):
Me, Roy?
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Is that the cat that cheating new ses?
Speaker 1 (34:40):
One more story? Since we've got all the family gathered.
Speaker 15 (34:44):
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that
read big lobster tails.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
Five dollars each.
Speaker 15 (34:53):
Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and
asked the waitress five dollars each for lobster tails. Is
that correct? Yes, she said, it's our special, just for today. Well,
they must be little lobster tails. No, she replied, it's
(35:14):
the really big lobster big red lobster tails five dollars each.
He said, amazed, they must be old lobster tails. No, night,
They're definitely today's today's big red lobster tails five dollars each,
he repeated, astounded, Yes, she insisted, well, here's my five dollars.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
I'll take one. Well.
Speaker 15 (35:43):
She took the money and led him to a table
where she invited him to sit down. She then sat
down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder,
leaned over very close to him, and said, once upon
a time there was a really big red life. I'm
(36:05):
pardon me, Rod, I can't thank you for acting like
you enjoying mister Lubarb, story time, family time, mister Rudbart
saying I'm mister Rubart.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Good morning. There's a big show on the radio, and
here we go. It's time to Axe yo.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
What's up ahead?
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Patrick?
Speaker 4 (36:55):
Keep them chickawe, dumb boy.
Speaker 8 (36:56):
Don't care.
Speaker 11 (36:58):
Welcome to Axe. I the place to go for all
the for one one you need, for all y'all. What's
called a intro personal relation? To SPA peep this him,
dear mister.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Turner dead giveaway. It is a white boy.
Speaker 11 (37:17):
I am at the end of my rope, and you
are the only person that can help me.
Speaker 4 (37:21):
I've met a.
Speaker 11 (37:22):
Wonderful woman, smart, gorgeous, amazing body and successful. We've been
seeing each other for over two months now. The problem
is the lack of intimacy.
Speaker 4 (37:36):
She said, if you.
Speaker 11 (37:38):
Love me, you'll wait, and that it will definitely be
worth it. In the meantime, I do everything for her,
run her errands, take her places, and she loves fine dining,
but honestly, I'm getting tired of waiting. How do I
tell her? Sign frustrated in Faytteville. Dear frustrate good news,
(37:58):
bad news, bad news?
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Is you stupid?
Speaker 11 (38:03):
You have done uh transformerated into what some sexperts consider
a mythophological creature, much like the yetie or It's North
American cousin the Saskrotch. You done run smack diddler dab
into a nope count little morallity skeezer, and she done
turned you into the legendary hoh nanny. Let me preach
(38:27):
on that that that that that that that. The Isaac
Hayes Urban Dictionlinary describes whole nanny as and I quote,
a stupid sob that runs his dumb ass ragged in
hopes of knocking boots with a good looking skeezer who.
Speaker 4 (38:42):
Is way out of his league.
Speaker 11 (38:44):
You are exactly the kind of dude she looking for.
Fairly normal, good job, not relientated on the food stamps,
and most importantly love hungry.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
Let me guess uh.
Speaker 11 (38:59):
You met her at the grocery store, a fancy one
like a Publix or something, and she asked you about
something high end like that stuff call keen Weenie.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
And then she started with a small.
Speaker 11 (39:15):
Talk, and you, being a good dude, you walk her
to the checkout and said she had less stuff than you.
You let her go first, and she conveniently don't have
no money on her and then you jump your stupid
gulibal ass in and pay for her food, and she
is all swoon terrific in giving you the big eyes,
and so you walk her to her car, and in
gravilitude for your gentilosity, she gives you a kiss on
(39:38):
the cheek, and while the blood is rushing back and
forth from one head to the other, she slipped you
her phone number and you call her right away, and
that's when she knows the hook is set. Frustrated, you
remember them bug Bunny cartoon where Elma Fudge falls for
one of them tricks and then he looked at the
camera and his head turned into a big TUTSI plot,
(40:03):
Dad's you and don't expect to find out how many
licks it takes to get to the Gouey center.
Speaker 4 (40:11):
So now you don't know it.
Speaker 11 (40:13):
You is a slave brother, picking up her dry cleaning,
taking her yappy little jackass dog into the event, but
it don't stop there phone rings. She's in the mood
for pad thigh, whatever the hell that is. She won't
go to the weed chied down buffet on the corner.
She wants to upscale stuff like uh pf Wang's. So
(40:36):
you show up, mister dumbass, expectating a romantical dinner for two,
Then here she comes with all her loud, fat.
Speaker 4 (40:43):
Stupid talky ass friends. Oh and it gets better.
Speaker 11 (40:46):
There will be no splitting of the check this evening, Broseve,
you're gonna be picking up the whole tab for helf
a paloozer man.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
What some of that mean?
Speaker 11 (40:56):
But I how does you know so much about old Nanny?
Well player, I ain't too pridi fied to tell you.
I was once in your shoe booties. Why is upon
a time got a minute? Once upon a time, when
I was just catching fire, I spotted this fine, full
figure fed lady.
Speaker 4 (41:15):
She was a real palm grill lookerike.
Speaker 11 (41:17):
Big Afro Coco got his skin, big mismatched boobies.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
She was a new Burian princess. Most bros would only dream.
Speaker 11 (41:25):
I give my whole heart to her, and the more
I gave, the more she took and never ever give back.
Every time I was in the mood, it was like,
oh I cannot yet we barely know each other. Now,
go get me two raka ribs, some fried chicken, barbecue catfish,
and a dyet coke.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
And what did I get in return? A peak at
some damn side boob.
Speaker 11 (41:52):
It was all like that for months. What finally did
it for me is was having to take her back
and forth of the uh uh uh what you call it?
A ginocologist? She went like, ever damn.
Speaker 4 (42:04):
Week did she have insurance? Sort of me?
Speaker 11 (42:09):
And why was she going to the doctor? She kept
getting STPs, and one thing for sure, hush, she wasn't
getting them from me. So I take the stand. I
tell her to free Robert over. She could take her
perfect booty, that creepy hot chocolate complexionary and them Jackie
(42:30):
Lium Hooters and find someone else to wait on her
hand and Fetus says, I was devastorated. It took me
almost five days before I could even think about hooking
up with someone else.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
Damn you ta so frustrated.
Speaker 8 (42:50):
There you go.
Speaker 4 (42:51):
I schooled you on the dangers of nanny and a hoe.
Go on with your life.
Speaker 11 (42:56):
And just be choosy so you don't get a dud
and wind up with a dude. And if you find
another beach who is old nanny trolling, put the toe
of your boot in the front door of her colon.
Speaker 8 (43:11):
This is IKE peace out.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
If you want to AX, mail the AX Big Show
peel box one nine one one one Charlotte n C.
Two eight two one nine, or email anybody but me
at the Big Show ty to put it together.
Speaker 4 (43:26):
High o hailf
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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