December 30, 2025 • 36 mins
Tuesday (pt 1 of 2): On Today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we review a visit from Pinkard & Bowden for their song, “Bad Big John”.. - We’ll run down a collection of Dumb Crook New.. - Randy laments on not getting an Astronaut job at NASA.. - Oliver comes up with a list that could have been useful last week - it’s “Bad Gifts for Women”.. - We’ll hop into the Time Capsule for James Gregory on Tornados.. - Jeff Pillars shares some memories of Actor/Comedian Jim Varney.. - Mad Max is up by request.. - and we look into an eBay listing for Beanie Babies…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good barning Big Show listeners.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
This is the Honorable Mayor Merwin Q fiddleswap uh mischigan Oh,
fiddle swoop. It's a beautiful day in dismal Seepach, South Carolina,
and it's even better when we're listening to the John
Boy and Billy Big Sal Mister n H Big Show.
But that reminds me come on down for the forty
second annual dismal Seepach Big Sal Festival.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, that one spelled correctly. Good morning, the Big Show
(00:59):
is on the radio. Yoh, I promise not to snap
first break this morning. Oh that's always a bit. That
means it'll be in the back of your mind the
whole time.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
I'm the safest.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
What was with you yesterday? I don't know, mondays, I
had a case of the Moondays Moon day that you
were very energetic for a Monday morning. I sure was one.
I think I got too much sleep Sunday night.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Keep keep talking to him, you get it done, keep
breaking it up. He wanted to move on from it beginning.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Hans's got some butts. Lance's daddy there, Buddy Lance Leslie,
and Buddy Leslie has a no Lance old.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Friend of yours.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, side, buddy, your longtime listener there, buddy, Bud, Yeah,
longtime listener.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Loved John Boy and Billy, all the skits and everything
ya'll do.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Oh man, well, it's good to have Jackie.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Also, he said drive in Greenville Spartanburg to listen to
the program when he couldn't get it, and so are round.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Just before we were syndicating, we weren't in Greenville saccer Line,
so it would drive up here, Adimble, I like that, man.
We still got a boy in the mountains that his
wife's mad. Adam, he'll get out in the truck. He
has a pull to the end of his driveway, the
only place they can pick up the station that were hold.
So all you all out there that goes the extra
mile to listen to the big show. Thank you so much.
Call Jackie in here sometime. Let her get you to
(02:21):
play a contest.
Speaker 6 (02:22):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
From more work for you, baby? I figure if they
do a more work, listen show, somebody here do a
little more more?
Speaker 7 (02:29):
Right?
Speaker 6 (02:30):
All right?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Well, we got three dates in history is where we're
geting our three categories. You plan on playing outbursts? Listen here,
your legs up for this Day nineteen ninety five, at
the O. J. Simpson murder trial, Ojy struggled to don
a pair of gloves that prosecutors said, we're warning the
(02:51):
night Simpson's ex wife, Nicole and her friend Ronald Goleman
were murdered. OJ's defense attorney, Johnny Cochran coined the raise,
if it doesn't fit, you must have quit. Somebody said
that might not have been the best idea given Ojay
the gloves to put on, because what who hey, you
f it's like a do well.
Speaker 5 (03:12):
What he did was he really really struggled to show
that they didn't fit him right, and he was probably
acting at the time.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
No, no, I've seen him mac.
Speaker 8 (03:22):
As.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Move up to two thousand and three, a specialty grocery
store opened in London that sold only tomato ketchup.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
We call it nothing but ketcher.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Oh Tammy. Omena Bippy and sister Patsy stocked their store
with nine four hundred and thirty two bottles of ketchup.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
You know, frankly, it sounds made up, not the store,
the last name.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Omen A Bippy. I think I got it right, So
I wonder if they sold different kinds of ketchup.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
But just I certainly hope. So no, it's just hunts.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Alright. They're doing wonderful things with Ketchup's different flavors.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
How long is it taking to get the squeeze bottle.
I've been hitting on those glass things for years?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah? About time? Yeah, I like squeeze bottles. I like
Duke's Mayonnaise and squeeze bottles now just in time for
made or sandwich season.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
You've gotten so late.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
And the worst.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
Packaging in the world is the little bitty ones. You
never you always got to use your teeth. I can
never cam open, remember.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Right, Well, let's move up to the final category. It
was two thousand and four Tim berners Lee received the
one point two million Millennium Technology Prize in Helsinki, Finland
for creating the world wide Well there you go two
thousand and four the way you didn't create it in
two thousand and four, but he got the award. Okay, yeah,
(04:47):
it goes on al Gore and Vendetta form alrighty, well,
there you go. There's our three categories. Who wants to
shot at the prize? Back picking a phonel Give us
a call one eight hundred, big show. We'll play next
(05:25):
Tuesday morning. It is the big show on the radio.
All right, we are Outburst.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Let's play Upburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
John Boy and Bully gave the prizes from the big
Prize being. Let's go ma Contested number one. This should
really be a lot of fun when you're playing Outburst.
Have a hurry up and guest time you have the
best time.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
You have a big show.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Let's say, Hey Tony from Beach Island, South Carolina. Hey Tony,
it sounds like Jackie Tator want to be vacation. Oh wait, no,
that's Beach Island. Hey Tony, how you doing this morning?
Speaker 7 (06:28):
Man?
Speaker 9 (06:28):
Good morning, John Boys. They just come back to work,
first day of vacation off of vacation.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Oh man, well glad you got the big show on
and here you are getting ready to play out Burst.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
You ready, I'm ready?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
All right? Five seconds. Three kinds of gloves We're ready
to go.
Speaker 9 (06:47):
Leather gloves, baseball clothes, and rubber gloves.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
All right, now, Tony, we need three things you buy
at a grocery store, ready go.
Speaker 9 (06:57):
Catch up stakes and vegetables, uh.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Huh, and my good mail for the wind. Three things
you see on the world wide Web.
Speaker 9 (07:06):
Ready go Historymath and mixshow dot com.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
I'll tell you that Tony is one cool son of
the Beach.
Speaker 9 (07:21):
Thank you, my first time caller.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
All right, you're gonna give a shout out.
Speaker 10 (07:25):
You want me to move, yo.
Speaker 9 (07:26):
I want to give a shout out to my lovely
wife Melinda of thirty two years, my son Shane, and
my granddaughter Kayley, and all the troops that fight for
us overseas well.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Tony, here you go. We appreciate your body. Graduate. Get out, y'all,
(07:59):
good morning. I had the big show on the radio.
Come out down, Jimmy Dean. Remind me last time I
had some y'all. Ever had them biscuits and sausage. You're frozen?
Speaker 3 (08:07):
You get them at a stars on microwave.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah, I remember. I gave Beach to Billy forty bucks.
He'll get us some food for the next fishing date.
Brought back a box of those. I didn't get no
change back. I better there was about six bucks forty
nine cents.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I was gonna say, how big was the box?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I don't know about him. We're talking about Jimmy Dean,
Big Bad John. You know his song We got one
from Pigard and Bowden. Based on that tune. You get
a little song writing listen in it as well. You ready, ready,
that's hid it.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
Little song here about the art of songwriting, which is,
of course, keep it simple, use as few words as possible.
You oughta know, Richard, I learned it all from you, Sindy. Well.
(09:05):
Every morning at the mine, you could see him arrive.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
He stood six foot six.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
You could see him arrived, kind of broad at the shoulder,
near at the hippn. Everybody knew he was narrow at
the helpn.
Speaker 8 (09:18):
Bad John.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Nobody seemed to know where John called home. He just
drifted into town, never called home. He didn't say much.
He's kind of quiet and shy. If he spoke at all,
he didn't say much. He's kind of quiet and shy.
Speaker 8 (09:39):
Bad John, Bad John, Bad big John, who.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
Somebody said he came from New Orleans, where he got
in a fight down in New Orleans and a crashing
from his huge right hand killed a Louisiana fellow with.
Speaker 8 (10:03):
A huge right hand. Bad John.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
Then came one day at the bottom of the mine
when a timber cracked at the bottom of the mine,
the miners were praying and hearts beating fast.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Everybody knew that their hearts was beating fast.
Speaker 8 (10:24):
At John, Bad John, bad job, bad big John. R.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
Let's raise it up. That's exciting as.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
Here we go.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And then with all his strength he gave a mighty shove,
and a miner yelled out.
Speaker 8 (11:00):
He gave a mighty shove.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Twenty men scrambled from a would be grave. Now there's
only one, and that would be grave, and that's John
with Jackson timbers. They started back down, and then came
that rumble as they started back down, and the smoking
gas belts out of that mine. Everybody knew it was
(11:22):
smoking gas belted out of that mine.
Speaker 8 (11:26):
Bad job, bad job, bad big job.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
All right, sincetive boy, Well, they never reopened that worthless pit.
They just placed a marble stand on that worthless pit.
These few words are written on that stand. At the
bottom of this mine was written on that stand. Bad
(12:03):
bad job, bad big job.
Speaker 8 (12:39):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Got a big show on the radio coming up and
listen twenty minutes stay entertainment news, but hang around anywhere?
Has my humor coming out again? All right, y'all about
ten away from the hour, and it's time for dumb
cru news dumb good stories. Leave for newspapers wire service
(13:03):
across America and send him by you with a make
sure listener. We got a bunch of them the address.
We'll follow this report. At three am on a cold,
snowy evening in March, a Montana state trooper noticed a
car off the shoulder of the road. The officer discovered
a man passed out behind the wheel with an empty
vodka bottle beside him. When the trooper tapped on the
(13:26):
car's window, the man woke up, saw the flashing lights,
and hit the gas of the still running car. Though
the vehicle was stuck in the snow, the car's speedometer
reached almost fifty miles per hour. Having a sense of humor,
the trooper began jogging in place and yelled pull over.
(13:47):
The trunk driver was taken into custody. He's still trying
to figure out I had a cop managed to keep
up with his speeding car.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
That's funny, and hoping he'll get out of jail in
time to be the next senator. From the state of
South Carolina.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
A man broke into a home in Seattle, Washington, and
stole a variety of electronic gear and a change of
clothes too. The thief left his old clothes behind, including
his underwear. Police sent the drawers out for DNA testing
and made a positive ID, which led to a quicker wrist.
A thirty five year old high school teacher in Galena Park, Texas,
(14:27):
got seven years in prison after he was caught viewing
internet pornography on his classroom computer. Teacher told police he
had no choice after his wife made him stop surfing
porn at home. A lot of time there expect me
to do. And Appleton, Wisconsin man was arrested for a
drive by shooting at the home of his ex girlfriend.
(14:51):
Resident had a gunshot and found broken glass in the
street in front of the house. The thug forgot to
roll down his window before he opened fire. He was
arrested the next day at a glass repair shop where
he was getting his car window replaced. Dumb government news
officials in Hudson, New York, proudly unveiled a new wheelchair
(15:14):
accessible water fountain for the county courthouse. The fountain was
part of a settlement with the federal government to enforce
the Americans with Disabilities Act. One small hitch. The water
fountain was installed on the second floor of the courthouse,
which is accessible only by a set of stairs. In
their defense, officials explained that the fountain has lots of
(15:34):
features for handicapped people besides those in wheelchairs and good work.
An employee of an Augusta, Georgia, clothing store was leaving
work after closing when he was approached by a man
wearing a scarf over his face. The mass man said,
dropped that money bag. When the employee did, the mass
robber grabbed it and ran away. It was a mighty
(15:55):
disappointing robbery. Police say the stolen it and was not
the store's night deposit. With an insulated bag, the employee
carries his lunch to work. And Finally, a Fresno, California
man was arrested for using his car to tear up
the greens at the Sierra Meadows Golf Club. Police said
(16:17):
it was easy to track the suspect down while he
was in the middle of digging dibbits in the golf course.
His car's license plate fell off. If you have dumb
crook news, mail to dumb crook News John Boynbilly po
Box seventy six sixty three Charlotte didn't see two eight
two four one or email anybody but me at the
(16:40):
Big Show dot com. Good morning, The Big Show is
(17:04):
all already go.
Speaker 8 (17:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (17:08):
Could have been an astrona motion sickness.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, ride backwards in a car that'll knock you right
out of the space program.
Speaker 11 (17:18):
Could be sitting at NASA with my name on the door.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Well you sure do think a lot of yourself. No,
I'm holding you back.
Speaker 11 (17:33):
You goodn't been famous rockets.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
No, it ain't you.
Speaker 11 (17:35):
No, no, no, it's it's that damn motion sickness.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So so you wouldn't be here with me if you
had your children.
Speaker 11 (17:43):
Dang right, you finally.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Get But you're saying that ain't no way that's gonna happen.
Speaker 11 (17:53):
No, no, not a chance.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
So bun're saying, is I win?
Speaker 8 (17:57):
How Ah?
Speaker 10 (18:01):
John Glenna Bee calling him up? Ranny, come on fix
my TV? I can't remote?
Speaker 11 (18:05):
Yeah fine, you feed my cats?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Oh yeah, and dogs.
Speaker 11 (18:15):
This it's a long day for you.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
His daughter's Maressa's pet setting service. That was me ninety bucks.
Speaker 10 (18:23):
What's you charging mileage?
Speaker 11 (18:25):
It'd be more food charge mileage. In four days, I
put one hundred miles on my car. He don't live
in five miles from my house. Round trip.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
But goodness, ex night, What did you take him to
Disney World?
Speaker 11 (18:39):
No, you gotta go over there three times a day
because they're taking medicine.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Boy, you got your fourteen year old daughter in on
a pet sitting service.
Speaker 11 (18:49):
No, you got her in on it. Everything was fine.
She was sitting around working with with people in the
neighborhood where she can.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Walk to them.
Speaker 10 (18:56):
How many people in this family is he gonna put
on the payroll?
Speaker 11 (18:58):
That's not one, No, shidn't now, it's too far and
too much traffic.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Oh by, So anyway, yeah, well we go. We have
come up with something.
Speaker 8 (19:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I believe be cheaper. If I get a cab can't
pick her up.
Speaker 10 (19:11):
You don't be cheaper. You just buy a monkey and
teach you how to feed the dollar.
Speaker 11 (19:14):
Well, she offered you a discount. Yeah, see, she came
up with the rate. This is all her idea. So
I'm letting her do all the negotiating and coming up
with pricing out. One of the neighbors down the street
has a great Dane that Miranda watches when they're on vacation.
She goes to their house three times a day, and
that lady pays her twenty dollars a day for watching them. So,
so when she said that she was gonna watch Johnny's
(19:36):
I said, well, you know, he's family, so you got
to offer the family discount. So she's been noodling around
how much she's going to charge. So I hear her
negotiating with John Boy's wife on the phone. She goes
off into the bathroom and close his door because she
she don't want me looking at her while she's negotiating.
So I hear her say, well, the lady down the
street pays is twenty dollars a day if I watch
(19:57):
the Great Dane, and I have to take it out
three times a day, and I have to feed it
and so, but since y'all are like family, I'm gonna
give y'all a discount. I'm only gonna charge all seventeen
dollars at that. I'm thinking, right, seventeen dollars. How'd she
come up with that?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And uh, and my wife, the negotiator.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
Gave her thirty thirty bucks a day, And Miranda goes, hey,
what are you trying to pull here?
Speaker 8 (20:18):
You?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Oh, okay, that's the way it's been going into horse business.
Speaker 8 (20:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Really, So anytime you get around animals, it ends up
costing you more than you got.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
That's it.
Speaker 10 (20:29):
What's this gonna come?
Speaker 11 (20:31):
And I can't hear eve side of the conversation's webside
of the conversation, but I hear Miranda go, no, I'm
not really good with that. I'm not I'm not comfortable
with my daddy having my money. I pound on the door.
You know, if it weren't for your daddy, you wouldn't
have any money.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
You know what you gonna do? Tell you about the
real world, charge your gas money? There you go.
Speaker 11 (20:52):
You know what she's You know what she was thinking
is that she heard that thirty dollars. She knew I'd go,
what are you crazy?
Speaker 10 (20:57):
That's too much?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Anyway, it worked. That looked like we're down for you.
Speaker 11 (21:02):
Her and her, Hey, you know what, just kind of
apply it towards the twenty five years of me going
over and feeding the cats and.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Hey, you don't bring that up. Yes, I think you're
getting out. Yeah, yeah, I love you.
Speaker 10 (21:18):
Shut out.
Speaker 11 (21:20):
Could have been an astronaut.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
You want everybody begs on the radio, y'all say, hey,
John Boy, bet it, let's play John Boy Jeopardy. First
Review yesterday's question in case you met your destination before
we had a winner le s see. Nineteen ninety nine,
Pennsylvania became the first state in America to put one
of these on their license plate.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
That is an Internet address.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
It was I know, baby Doll just moved down from Pennsylvania.
Who remembered that? Alrighty, Tyler, Jackie and John. I'm not
gonna get on you about everything, but I will say
hey to Hayley, Amanda and Alexandria the ton of Mike
Dolls if we met in green Full, South Carolina. Oh,
I'm sorry, Andrew to Bail Bondsman and know those two
(22:06):
are not right at all. Why I met at Rogers
piggyback skins? Remember those that I was hoarding and you
didn't get to taste them? They were good.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
He was trying to train the model baby Dophin. It
was a whole and confusing thing.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah see it said, Yeah, alright, here we go. Today's
John Boygevity question. Sixty eight percent of professional hockey players
have lost at least one of these during their careers.
Is it a testicle? The boys are tough, they are
(22:40):
you know what. I don't watch hockey, but I want.
I love game sevens of anything. Yes, all right, all right,
I want to see what happens. Oh but let me see.
Let's look at my game. Yes, I already told you. Okay,
now it's time Jackie cow one eight hundred big show,
your toll free line. That's one eight hundred big big show.
(23:01):
You're right, I'm thinking too much. Yeah, we'll open them up.
We go to we get a winner. We play John
Boy Jeopardy next Good Tuesday morning. You gotta make show
(23:32):
on the radio. I got it, all right. The big
guy Oliver makes a saying about twenty minutes, we're right now.
But right now across America it's you Boy.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Jeopardy, Way Way Will and now a man who's a
casual fan of hockey, but then he likes anything that
has icing connected to it.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
He he's John. Let's say hey to John out of York,
South Carolina.
Speaker 8 (24:06):
Good morning, John, Good morning.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
All right, welcome buddy, you first stuff that might be good.
I thought this was kind of easy. Well, let's see
they want to Jean. Sixty eight percent professional hockey players
have lost at least one of these during their careers.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
I'm gonna go with a tooth you're.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Going with a tooth. Let's say, well that's what.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
All right?
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Anything, I'm surprised it's only six.
Speaker 8 (24:36):
Yew like that.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
I never get man, when when we went to the
hockey game, actually you know old buddy Pat McCrory. Pat
went with him and I took Yeah, well I was,
I was there.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I remember that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Oh we've got we took our boys. Now I took
Johnny's stick. Did you have David with you?
Speaker 8 (24:51):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And man, we were up abound to go books from
flight Man. So we moved down.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Johnny's picked a fight so we could sit in the
penalty box.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
That's dangerous up here, and the board down there they
used to it. I said, I need on my team.
Speaker 10 (25:10):
I went to I went to school with a girl.
Speaker 12 (25:12):
I'll never forget Kelly Butcher because I was at the
Wings Kalamazoo Wings minor hockey team back home. I was
at the Wings game. She had just stood up to
go get a hot dog. She stood up and you
heard this on the accent, honey hurt, and she just
I just watched her either four rows away, I just
watched her eyes blake and she just went, Man, it
(25:36):
just glanced off.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
He was funny when it happens with somebody else. You heard,
hey John, But look at you, buddy. Congratulations man, you.
Speaker 9 (25:44):
Won you very much.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
You were super excited.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
All right, buddy, good easy baby, take it out on Jackie.
She'll get your infoe. Hang right there, buddy, Thank you
very much. Good morning, The big show's on the radio.
(26:17):
Gifts women don't really won't maybe maybe coming.
Speaker 11 (26:22):
Up, y'all, just never learned, just never see. Any day
is a good gift day.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Yeah whatever? They rose a week.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I'm trying to help get rows a week, o'donald.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Now what woman doesn't love getting presents in general? This
is true, But if you get her the wrong gift,
she may feel insulted or realize that you two just
aren't shoppers from the same great big catalog that is life.
If you want your relationship to last, then don't wrap
any of these items in a big bow. She may
not give you a kiss his thanks, but rather the
kiss off.
Speaker 8 (26:57):
All right.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Number one bad gift A year's supply of bug spray
for those long backcountry camping trips you plan on taking
with her this summer. Yeah no, it sounds like a
good idea. Trying to keep bugs off of baby. Oh
you love me after all?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Huh have you ever bought more than one can of
bug spray in your life?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I got two in the truck.
Speaker 10 (27:20):
Okay, one for you and one for Jackie. I ain't
the wreck of surprise, but sister not rapped yet.
Speaker 11 (27:28):
Men never buy one of anything, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Bad gift of vacuum cleaner, Yes, I don't know those
things be expensive. I mean good vacuum cleaner.
Speaker 11 (27:38):
Oh yes, I got me a rainbow last birthday.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
I don't have a problem with that.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
I love you here, cleaned up my stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I should have gone for the or a mirror installed
in the ceiling of her bedroom.
Speaker 11 (27:49):
They say, is a bad I gave myself that present.
Speaker 10 (27:53):
No, I don't need to be seeing all that.
Speaker 11 (27:55):
I have to stare at the ceiling.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Anked lady mouse pad lingerie. That's five sizes too large?
Speaker 4 (28:07):
Too large?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah, I think anything too large.
Speaker 11 (28:11):
You never can win buying clothing for women.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Oh yeah, you think I'm fat If you.
Speaker 11 (28:16):
Buy it too small, they think they're fat. If you
buy it too large, they think you think.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
A frame photo of your mother.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
The bad Thanks were staring at me all the time.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
A one year VIP membership passed through the Sweet Temptations
strip club. Now guy had to learn this.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Wow, we could go together.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Stamps cash, they say cash is bad. It's always perfect
framed photo copies of your butt.
Speaker 11 (28:52):
They're framed.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Like a dog.
Speaker 11 (29:00):
Be careful.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Gifts women don't really want it, says an ankle bracelet
like Martha Stewart's.
Speaker 8 (29:11):
Idea. Didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
A beer brewing kit.
Speaker 10 (29:14):
It's been regifted.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
I'll take it. I got you going to get me one,
so this way you make your You're gonna have a
mirasong and see it from the bed. Twenty four hour
access to tech support, A bad A gift certificate for liposuction,
grow sures for breast implants.
Speaker 11 (29:34):
I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
A padded bra A surprise dinner for two at your
favorite restaurant instead of hers. I guess I see that one.
And finally, bad gift idea for you woman, A three
pack of Granny underwear.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Well, especially when you can get them in bonus patch
where they're throw in that extra pair exactly they come
in six is actually me you can.
Speaker 10 (29:58):
Buy them one with it.
Speaker 11 (30:00):
Not a big lot.
Speaker 13 (30:03):
All right, So hope we helped good Morning to make
(30:36):
showers on the radio, it.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Is time for Oliver Well Well Well.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
With the dawn of a new year. Those of us
who are starting to get on in years are concerned
with our health more and more these days. The disastrous
changes in healthcare costs and coverage are opting people to
try and take better care of themselves. And on that front,
there's an amazing discovery making headlines across the globe, a
(31:10):
medical breakthrough that turns an average everyday occurrence into a
preventative health miracle. Brace yourself. According to a study, farts
are good for you. Yeah, I knew that. Go over
bigger this woman, That's right. The fart, the barking spider,
(31:36):
the slacks cackle, the air breaks, the fanny fog, the
moon yodel, the beer echo, the bean sneeze, the cushion creeper,
the cheese toast, air farts, one Cincinnati cyani, the moldy moose,
(31:57):
the cheek squeak, morning thunder, the nether belch, Zori mud duck,
the taco torpedo, or the old Uncle Monty. Call it
what you will. Researchers at Exeter University in England are
alleging that your garden variety stink whistles can fight a
number of deadly diseases.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You see when you have you.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Got a many, of course.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
You see when you crack a rat, your body releases
a small amount of hydrogen sulfide. In small doses, the
health benefits are profound. In large doses it leads to divorce.
But the inhalation of brown growlers is good for you
and those around you. The hard part is getting other
(32:45):
people to appreciate it. Shut up Tata. Sadly, for the squeamish,
this scientific revelation is an ironclad get out of jail
free card for those with win the nether regions, your
gassy ass he is no longer a public nuisance.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Ha ha.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
It's now a bona fide public service, a license to poot.
In fact, it's something you can brag about. It adds
a whole new meaning to the phrase tooting your own horn.
I will say that it's going to be difficult for
people to, how shall I say it, take their medicine.
(33:30):
It's not an urban myth that every skunk loves his
own stink. They're just not crazy about anyone else's admit it.
Every single person listening to the sound of my voice
has at one time or another busted a grumpy and
was instantly identified as the perpetrator. Why because you stood
(33:51):
there with a stupid smile on your face, breathing deeply
like you were passing a fancy bakery. Meanwhile everyone else
in the room scrambled for safety. It's ironic, isn't it
That all these years, as you sat in carpool or
the movie theater or the doctor's office and smiled with
smug satisfaction as those around you gagged and coughed, you
(34:15):
are actually doing them a favor. Sort of takes the
fun out of it. No pun intended, but it kind
of stinks. Yes, what was once considered rude, childish, and
uncouth is now the greatest thing next to pickled pig's feet.
So when your spouse complains that the sofa smells like
(34:36):
rotten eggs and dirty feet, you don't have to hang
your head in shame. You can remind her, with tears
in your eyes, that you're not doing it to them,
You're doing it for them. You're welcome now. When you're
in church and side cheek sneak happens, you're not just
sitting in your own pew. You're healing the sick. You're
(35:00):
welcome when you're at the movies and that rancid popcorny
you ate finally hits the ventilator button. You just saved
that poor couple in front of you from having to
sip through the last three hours of that stupid Quentin
Tarantino movie, and you help cure their sinus infection. You're
welcome when your wife cooks her eggplant surprise for your
(35:24):
sick neighbor and you just happened to launch a booty
balloon and put her off a meal. You spared her
indigestion and also helped vend off her scabies. You're welcome,
So stop blaming the dog. Hold your head high, proudly
take credit for those glorious stinkers. You're not cutting the cheese,
(35:47):
you're saving the world.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Feel a lot better about myself.
Speaker 7 (35:56):
I knew it.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
You're welcome, and now the moment you've all been waiting for.
Speaker 8 (36:10):
But some folks.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Consider the single best part of the John Boy and
Billy Big Show a highly anticipated highlight that's short of please.
That's right, it's a break from all the stupid right
here on the really Big Show.
Good barning Big Show listeners.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
This is the Honorable Mayor Merwin Q fiddleswap uh mischigan Oh,
fiddle swoop. It's a beautiful day in dismal Seepach, South Carolina,
and it's even better when we're listening to the John
Boy and Billy Big Sal Mister n H Big Show.
But that reminds me come on down for the forty
second annual dismal Seepach Big Sal Festival.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, that one spelled correctly. Good morning, the Big Show
(00:59):
is on the radio. Yoh, I promise not to snap
first break this morning. Oh that's always a bit. That
means it'll be in the back of your mind the
whole time.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
I'm the safest.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
What was with you yesterday? I don't know, mondays, I
had a case of the Moondays Moon day that you
were very energetic for a Monday morning. I sure was one.
I think I got too much sleep Sunday night.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Keep keep talking to him, you get it done, keep
breaking it up. He wanted to move on from it beginning.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Hans's got some butts. Lance's daddy there, Buddy Lance Leslie,
and Buddy Leslie has a no Lance old.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Friend of yours.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, side, buddy, your longtime listener there, buddy, Bud, Yeah,
longtime listener.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
Loved John Boy and Billy, all the skits and everything
ya'll do.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Oh man, well, it's good to have Jackie.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Also, he said drive in Greenville Spartanburg to listen to
the program when he couldn't get it, and so are round.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Just before we were syndicating, we weren't in Greenville saccer Line,
so it would drive up here, Adimble, I like that, man.
We still got a boy in the mountains that his
wife's mad. Adam, he'll get out in the truck. He
has a pull to the end of his driveway, the
only place they can pick up the station that were hold.
So all you all out there that goes the extra
mile to listen to the big show. Thank you so much.
Call Jackie in here sometime. Let her get you to
(02:21):
play a contest.
Speaker 6 (02:22):
How about that?
Speaker 1 (02:23):
From more work for you, baby? I figure if they
do a more work, listen show, somebody here do a
little more more?
Speaker 7 (02:29):
Right?
Speaker 6 (02:30):
All right?
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Well, we got three dates in history is where we're
geting our three categories. You plan on playing outbursts? Listen here,
your legs up for this Day nineteen ninety five, at
the O. J. Simpson murder trial, Ojy struggled to don
a pair of gloves that prosecutors said, we're warning the
(02:51):
night Simpson's ex wife, Nicole and her friend Ronald Goleman
were murdered. OJ's defense attorney, Johnny Cochran coined the raise,
if it doesn't fit, you must have quit. Somebody said
that might not have been the best idea given Ojay
the gloves to put on, because what who hey, you
f it's like a do well.
Speaker 5 (03:12):
What he did was he really really struggled to show
that they didn't fit him right, and he was probably
acting at the time.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
No, no, I've seen him mac.
Speaker 8 (03:22):
As.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Move up to two thousand and three, a specialty grocery
store opened in London that sold only tomato ketchup.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
We call it nothing but ketcher.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Oh Tammy. Omena Bippy and sister Patsy stocked their store
with nine four hundred and thirty two bottles of ketchup.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
You know, frankly, it sounds made up, not the store,
the last name.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Omen A Bippy. I think I got it right, So
I wonder if they sold different kinds of ketchup.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
But just I certainly hope. So no, it's just hunts.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Alright. They're doing wonderful things with Ketchup's different flavors.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
How long is it taking to get the squeeze bottle.
I've been hitting on those glass things for years?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah? About time? Yeah, I like squeeze bottles. I like
Duke's Mayonnaise and squeeze bottles now just in time for
made or sandwich season.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
You've gotten so late.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
And the worst.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
Packaging in the world is the little bitty ones. You
never you always got to use your teeth. I can
never cam open, remember.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Right, Well, let's move up to the final category. It
was two thousand and four Tim berners Lee received the
one point two million Millennium Technology Prize in Helsinki, Finland
for creating the world wide Well there you go two
thousand and four the way you didn't create it in
two thousand and four, but he got the award. Okay, yeah,
(04:47):
it goes on al Gore and Vendetta form alrighty, well,
there you go. There's our three categories. Who wants to
shot at the prize? Back picking a phonel Give us
a call one eight hundred, big show. We'll play next
(05:25):
Tuesday morning. It is the big show on the radio.
All right, we are Outburst.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Let's play Upburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 7 (05:40):
John Boy and Bully gave the prizes from the big
Prize being. Let's go ma Contested number one. This should
really be a lot of fun when you're playing Outburst.
Have a hurry up and guest time you have the
best time.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
You have a big show.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Let's say, Hey Tony from Beach Island, South Carolina. Hey Tony,
it sounds like Jackie Tator want to be vacation. Oh wait, no,
that's Beach Island. Hey Tony, how you doing this morning?
Speaker 7 (06:28):
Man?
Speaker 9 (06:28):
Good morning, John Boys. They just come back to work,
first day of vacation off of vacation.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Oh man, well glad you got the big show on
and here you are getting ready to play out Burst.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
You ready, I'm ready?
Speaker 1 (06:40):
All right? Five seconds. Three kinds of gloves We're ready
to go.
Speaker 9 (06:47):
Leather gloves, baseball clothes, and rubber gloves.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
All right, now, Tony, we need three things you buy
at a grocery store, ready go.
Speaker 9 (06:57):
Catch up stakes and vegetables, uh.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Huh, and my good mail for the wind. Three things
you see on the world wide Web.
Speaker 9 (07:06):
Ready go Historymath and mixshow dot com.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
I'll tell you that Tony is one cool son of
the Beach.
Speaker 9 (07:21):
Thank you, my first time caller.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
All right, you're gonna give a shout out.
Speaker 10 (07:25):
You want me to move, yo.
Speaker 9 (07:26):
I want to give a shout out to my lovely
wife Melinda of thirty two years, my son Shane, and
my granddaughter Kayley, and all the troops that fight for
us overseas well.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Tony, here you go. We appreciate your body. Graduate. Get out, y'all,
(07:59):
good morning. I had the big show on the radio.
Come out down, Jimmy Dean. Remind me last time I
had some y'all. Ever had them biscuits and sausage. You're frozen?
Speaker 3 (08:07):
You get them at a stars on microwave.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah, I remember. I gave Beach to Billy forty bucks.
He'll get us some food for the next fishing date.
Brought back a box of those. I didn't get no
change back. I better there was about six bucks forty
nine cents.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
I was gonna say, how big was the box?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I don't know about him. We're talking about Jimmy Dean,
Big Bad John. You know his song We got one
from Pigard and Bowden. Based on that tune. You get
a little song writing listen in it as well. You ready, ready,
that's hid it.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
Little song here about the art of songwriting, which is,
of course, keep it simple, use as few words as possible.
You oughta know, Richard, I learned it all from you, Sindy. Well.
(09:05):
Every morning at the mine, you could see him arrive.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
He stood six foot six.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
You could see him arrived, kind of broad at the shoulder,
near at the hippn. Everybody knew he was narrow at
the helpn.
Speaker 8 (09:18):
Bad John.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Nobody seemed to know where John called home. He just
drifted into town, never called home. He didn't say much.
He's kind of quiet and shy. If he spoke at all,
he didn't say much. He's kind of quiet and shy.
Speaker 8 (09:39):
Bad John, Bad John, Bad big John, who.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
Somebody said he came from New Orleans, where he got
in a fight down in New Orleans and a crashing
from his huge right hand killed a Louisiana fellow with.
Speaker 8 (10:03):
A huge right hand. Bad John.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
Then came one day at the bottom of the mine
when a timber cracked at the bottom of the mine,
the miners were praying and hearts beating fast.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Everybody knew that their hearts was beating fast.
Speaker 8 (10:24):
At John, Bad John, bad job, bad big John. R.
Speaker 6 (10:37):
Let's raise it up. That's exciting as.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
Here we go.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
And then with all his strength he gave a mighty shove,
and a miner yelled out.
Speaker 8 (11:00):
He gave a mighty shove.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Twenty men scrambled from a would be grave. Now there's
only one, and that would be grave, and that's John
with Jackson timbers. They started back down, and then came
that rumble as they started back down, and the smoking
gas belts out of that mine. Everybody knew it was
(11:22):
smoking gas belted out of that mine.
Speaker 8 (11:26):
Bad job, bad job, bad big job.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
All right, sincetive boy, Well, they never reopened that worthless pit.
They just placed a marble stand on that worthless pit.
These few words are written on that stand. At the
bottom of this mine was written on that stand. Bad
(12:03):
bad job, bad big job.
Speaker 8 (12:39):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Got a big show on the radio coming up and
listen twenty minutes stay entertainment news, but hang around anywhere?
Has my humor coming out again? All right, y'all about
ten away from the hour, and it's time for dumb
cru news dumb good stories. Leave for newspapers wire service
(13:03):
across America and send him by you with a make
sure listener. We got a bunch of them the address.
We'll follow this report. At three am on a cold,
snowy evening in March, a Montana state trooper noticed a
car off the shoulder of the road. The officer discovered
a man passed out behind the wheel with an empty
vodka bottle beside him. When the trooper tapped on the
(13:26):
car's window, the man woke up, saw the flashing lights,
and hit the gas of the still running car. Though
the vehicle was stuck in the snow, the car's speedometer
reached almost fifty miles per hour. Having a sense of humor,
the trooper began jogging in place and yelled pull over.
(13:47):
The trunk driver was taken into custody. He's still trying
to figure out I had a cop managed to keep
up with his speeding car.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
That's funny, and hoping he'll get out of jail in
time to be the next senator. From the state of
South Carolina.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
A man broke into a home in Seattle, Washington, and
stole a variety of electronic gear and a change of
clothes too. The thief left his old clothes behind, including
his underwear. Police sent the drawers out for DNA testing
and made a positive ID, which led to a quicker wrist.
A thirty five year old high school teacher in Galena Park, Texas,
(14:27):
got seven years in prison after he was caught viewing
internet pornography on his classroom computer. Teacher told police he
had no choice after his wife made him stop surfing
porn at home. A lot of time there expect me
to do. And Appleton, Wisconsin man was arrested for a
drive by shooting at the home of his ex girlfriend.
(14:51):
Resident had a gunshot and found broken glass in the
street in front of the house. The thug forgot to
roll down his window before he opened fire. He was
arrested the next day at a glass repair shop where
he was getting his car window replaced. Dumb government news
officials in Hudson, New York, proudly unveiled a new wheelchair
(15:14):
accessible water fountain for the county courthouse. The fountain was
part of a settlement with the federal government to enforce
the Americans with Disabilities Act. One small hitch. The water
fountain was installed on the second floor of the courthouse,
which is accessible only by a set of stairs. In
their defense, officials explained that the fountain has lots of
(15:34):
features for handicapped people besides those in wheelchairs and good work.
An employee of an Augusta, Georgia, clothing store was leaving
work after closing when he was approached by a man
wearing a scarf over his face. The mass man said,
dropped that money bag. When the employee did, the mass
robber grabbed it and ran away. It was a mighty
(15:55):
disappointing robbery. Police say the stolen it and was not
the store's night deposit. With an insulated bag, the employee
carries his lunch to work. And Finally, a Fresno, California
man was arrested for using his car to tear up
the greens at the Sierra Meadows Golf Club. Police said
(16:17):
it was easy to track the suspect down while he
was in the middle of digging dibbits in the golf course.
His car's license plate fell off. If you have dumb
crook news, mail to dumb crook News John Boynbilly po
Box seventy six sixty three Charlotte didn't see two eight
two four one or email anybody but me at the
(16:40):
Big Show dot com. Good morning, The Big Show is
(17:04):
all already go.
Speaker 8 (17:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (17:08):
Could have been an astrona motion sickness.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, ride backwards in a car that'll knock you right
out of the space program.
Speaker 11 (17:18):
Could be sitting at NASA with my name on the door.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Well you sure do think a lot of yourself. No,
I'm holding you back.
Speaker 11 (17:33):
You goodn't been famous rockets.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
No, it ain't you.
Speaker 11 (17:35):
No, no, no, it's it's that damn motion sickness.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So so you wouldn't be here with me if you
had your children.
Speaker 11 (17:43):
Dang right, you finally.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Get But you're saying that ain't no way that's gonna happen.
Speaker 11 (17:53):
No, no, not a chance.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
So bun're saying, is I win?
Speaker 8 (17:57):
How Ah?
Speaker 10 (18:01):
John Glenna Bee calling him up? Ranny, come on fix
my TV? I can't remote?
Speaker 11 (18:05):
Yeah fine, you feed my cats?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Oh yeah, and dogs.
Speaker 11 (18:15):
This it's a long day for you.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
His daughter's Maressa's pet setting service. That was me ninety bucks.
Speaker 10 (18:23):
What's you charging mileage?
Speaker 11 (18:25):
It'd be more food charge mileage. In four days, I
put one hundred miles on my car. He don't live
in five miles from my house. Round trip.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
But goodness, ex night, What did you take him to
Disney World?
Speaker 11 (18:39):
No, you gotta go over there three times a day
because they're taking medicine.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Boy, you got your fourteen year old daughter in on
a pet sitting service.
Speaker 11 (18:49):
No, you got her in on it. Everything was fine.
She was sitting around working with with people in the
neighborhood where she can.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Walk to them.
Speaker 10 (18:56):
How many people in this family is he gonna put
on the payroll?
Speaker 11 (18:58):
That's not one, No, shidn't now, it's too far and
too much traffic.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Oh by, So anyway, yeah, well we go. We have
come up with something.
Speaker 8 (19:07):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I believe be cheaper. If I get a cab can't
pick her up.
Speaker 10 (19:11):
You don't be cheaper. You just buy a monkey and
teach you how to feed the dollar.
Speaker 11 (19:14):
Well, she offered you a discount. Yeah, see, she came
up with the rate. This is all her idea. So
I'm letting her do all the negotiating and coming up
with pricing out. One of the neighbors down the street
has a great Dane that Miranda watches when they're on vacation.
She goes to their house three times a day, and
that lady pays her twenty dollars a day for watching them. So,
so when she said that she was gonna watch Johnny's
(19:36):
I said, well, you know, he's family, so you got
to offer the family discount. So she's been noodling around
how much she's going to charge. So I hear her
negotiating with John Boy's wife on the phone. She goes
off into the bathroom and close his door because she
she don't want me looking at her while she's negotiating.
So I hear her say, well, the lady down the
street pays is twenty dollars a day if I watch
(19:57):
the Great Dane, and I have to take it out
three times a day, and I have to feed it
and so, but since y'all are like family, I'm gonna
give y'all a discount. I'm only gonna charge all seventeen
dollars at that. I'm thinking, right, seventeen dollars. How'd she
come up with that?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And uh, and my wife, the negotiator.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
Gave her thirty thirty bucks a day, And Miranda goes, hey,
what are you trying to pull here?
Speaker 8 (20:18):
You?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Oh, okay, that's the way it's been going into horse business.
Speaker 8 (20:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Really, So anytime you get around animals, it ends up
costing you more than you got.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
That's it.
Speaker 10 (20:29):
What's this gonna come?
Speaker 11 (20:31):
And I can't hear eve side of the conversation's webside
of the conversation, but I hear Miranda go, no, I'm
not really good with that. I'm not I'm not comfortable
with my daddy having my money. I pound on the door.
You know, if it weren't for your daddy, you wouldn't
have any money.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
You know what you gonna do? Tell you about the
real world, charge your gas money? There you go.
Speaker 11 (20:52):
You know what she's You know what she was thinking
is that she heard that thirty dollars. She knew I'd go,
what are you crazy?
Speaker 10 (20:57):
That's too much?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Anyway, it worked. That looked like we're down for you.
Speaker 11 (21:02):
Her and her, Hey, you know what, just kind of
apply it towards the twenty five years of me going
over and feeding the cats and.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Hey, you don't bring that up. Yes, I think you're
getting out. Yeah, yeah, I love you.
Speaker 10 (21:18):
Shut out.
Speaker 11 (21:20):
Could have been an astronaut.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
You want everybody begs on the radio, y'all say, hey,
John Boy, bet it, let's play John Boy Jeopardy. First
Review yesterday's question in case you met your destination before
we had a winner le s see. Nineteen ninety nine,
Pennsylvania became the first state in America to put one
of these on their license plate.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
That is an Internet address.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
It was I know, baby Doll just moved down from Pennsylvania.
Who remembered that? Alrighty, Tyler, Jackie and John. I'm not
gonna get on you about everything, but I will say
hey to Hayley, Amanda and Alexandria the ton of Mike
Dolls if we met in green Full, South Carolina. Oh,
I'm sorry, Andrew to Bail Bondsman and know those two
(22:06):
are not right at all. Why I met at Rogers
piggyback skins? Remember those that I was hoarding and you
didn't get to taste them? They were good.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
He was trying to train the model baby Dophin. It
was a whole and confusing thing.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah see it said, Yeah, alright, here we go. Today's
John Boygevity question. Sixty eight percent of professional hockey players
have lost at least one of these during their careers.
Is it a testicle? The boys are tough, they are
(22:40):
you know what. I don't watch hockey, but I want.
I love game sevens of anything. Yes, all right, all right,
I want to see what happens. Oh but let me see.
Let's look at my game. Yes, I already told you. Okay,
now it's time Jackie cow one eight hundred big show,
your toll free line. That's one eight hundred big big show.
(23:01):
You're right, I'm thinking too much. Yeah, we'll open them up.
We go to we get a winner. We play John
Boy Jeopardy next Good Tuesday morning. You gotta make show
(23:32):
on the radio. I got it, all right. The big
guy Oliver makes a saying about twenty minutes, we're right now.
But right now across America it's you Boy.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Jeopardy, Way Way Will and now a man who's a
casual fan of hockey, but then he likes anything that
has icing connected to it.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
He he's John. Let's say hey to John out of York,
South Carolina.
Speaker 8 (24:06):
Good morning, John, Good morning.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
All right, welcome buddy, you first stuff that might be good.
I thought this was kind of easy. Well, let's see
they want to Jean. Sixty eight percent professional hockey players
have lost at least one of these during their careers.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
I'm gonna go with a tooth you're.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
Going with a tooth. Let's say, well that's what.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
All right?
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Anything, I'm surprised it's only six.
Speaker 8 (24:36):
Yew like that.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
I never get man, when when we went to the
hockey game, actually you know old buddy Pat McCrory. Pat
went with him and I took Yeah, well I was,
I was there.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I remember that.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Oh we've got we took our boys. Now I took
Johnny's stick. Did you have David with you?
Speaker 8 (24:51):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And man, we were up abound to go books from
flight Man. So we moved down.
Speaker 3 (25:01):
Johnny's picked a fight so we could sit in the
penalty box.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
That's dangerous up here, and the board down there they
used to it. I said, I need on my team.
Speaker 10 (25:10):
I went to I went to school with a girl.
Speaker 12 (25:12):
I'll never forget Kelly Butcher because I was at the
Wings Kalamazoo Wings minor hockey team back home. I was
at the Wings game. She had just stood up to
go get a hot dog. She stood up and you
heard this on the accent, honey hurt, and she just
I just watched her either four rows away, I just
watched her eyes blake and she just went, Man, it
(25:36):
just glanced off.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
He was funny when it happens with somebody else. You heard,
hey John, But look at you, buddy. Congratulations man, you.
Speaker 9 (25:44):
Won you very much.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
You were super excited.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
All right, buddy, good easy baby, take it out on Jackie.
She'll get your infoe. Hang right there, buddy, Thank you
very much. Good morning, The big show's on the radio.
(26:17):
Gifts women don't really won't maybe maybe coming.
Speaker 11 (26:22):
Up, y'all, just never learned, just never see. Any day
is a good gift day.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Yeah whatever? They rose a week.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I'm trying to help get rows a week, o'donald.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Now what woman doesn't love getting presents in general? This
is true, But if you get her the wrong gift,
she may feel insulted or realize that you two just
aren't shoppers from the same great big catalog that is life.
If you want your relationship to last, then don't wrap
any of these items in a big bow. She may
not give you a kiss his thanks, but rather the
kiss off.
Speaker 8 (26:57):
All right.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Number one bad gift A year's supply of bug spray
for those long backcountry camping trips you plan on taking
with her this summer. Yeah no, it sounds like a
good idea. Trying to keep bugs off of baby. Oh
you love me after all?
Speaker 3 (27:14):
Huh have you ever bought more than one can of
bug spray in your life?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
I got two in the truck.
Speaker 10 (27:20):
Okay, one for you and one for Jackie. I ain't
the wreck of surprise, but sister not rapped yet.
Speaker 11 (27:28):
Men never buy one of anything, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Bad gift of vacuum cleaner, Yes, I don't know those
things be expensive. I mean good vacuum cleaner.
Speaker 11 (27:38):
Oh yes, I got me a rainbow last birthday.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
I don't have a problem with that.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
I love you here, cleaned up my stuff.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
I should have gone for the or a mirror installed
in the ceiling of her bedroom.
Speaker 11 (27:49):
They say, is a bad I gave myself that present.
Speaker 10 (27:53):
No, I don't need to be seeing all that.
Speaker 11 (27:55):
I have to stare at the ceiling.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Anked lady mouse pad lingerie. That's five sizes too large?
Speaker 4 (28:07):
Too large?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Yeah, I think anything too large.
Speaker 11 (28:11):
You never can win buying clothing for women.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Oh yeah, you think I'm fat If you.
Speaker 11 (28:16):
Buy it too small, they think they're fat. If you
buy it too large, they think you think.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
A frame photo of your mother.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
The bad Thanks were staring at me all the time.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
A one year VIP membership passed through the Sweet Temptations
strip club. Now guy had to learn this.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Wow, we could go together.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Stamps cash, they say cash is bad. It's always perfect
framed photo copies of your butt.
Speaker 11 (28:52):
They're framed.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Like a dog.
Speaker 11 (29:00):
Be careful.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Gifts women don't really want it, says an ankle bracelet
like Martha Stewart's.
Speaker 8 (29:11):
Idea. Didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
A beer brewing kit.
Speaker 10 (29:14):
It's been regifted.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
I'll take it. I got you going to get me one,
so this way you make your You're gonna have a
mirasong and see it from the bed. Twenty four hour
access to tech support, A bad A gift certificate for liposuction,
grow sures for breast implants.
Speaker 11 (29:34):
I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
A padded bra A surprise dinner for two at your
favorite restaurant instead of hers. I guess I see that one.
And finally, bad gift idea for you woman, A three
pack of Granny underwear.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Well, especially when you can get them in bonus patch
where they're throw in that extra pair exactly they come
in six is actually me you can.
Speaker 10 (29:58):
Buy them one with it.
Speaker 11 (30:00):
Not a big lot.
Speaker 13 (30:03):
All right, So hope we helped good Morning to make
(30:36):
showers on the radio, it.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Is time for Oliver Well Well Well.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
With the dawn of a new year. Those of us
who are starting to get on in years are concerned
with our health more and more these days. The disastrous
changes in healthcare costs and coverage are opting people to
try and take better care of themselves. And on that front,
there's an amazing discovery making headlines across the globe, a
(31:10):
medical breakthrough that turns an average everyday occurrence into a
preventative health miracle. Brace yourself. According to a study, farts
are good for you. Yeah, I knew that. Go over
bigger this woman, That's right. The fart, the barking spider,
(31:36):
the slacks cackle, the air breaks, the fanny fog, the
moon yodel, the beer echo, the bean sneeze, the cushion creeper,
the cheese toast, air farts, one Cincinnati cyani, the moldy moose,
(31:57):
the cheek squeak, morning thunder, the nether belch, Zori mud duck,
the taco torpedo, or the old Uncle Monty. Call it
what you will. Researchers at Exeter University in England are
alleging that your garden variety stink whistles can fight a
number of deadly diseases.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You see when you have you.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Got a many, of course.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
You see when you crack a rat, your body releases
a small amount of hydrogen sulfide. In small doses, the
health benefits are profound. In large doses it leads to divorce.
But the inhalation of brown growlers is good for you
and those around you. The hard part is getting other
(32:45):
people to appreciate it. Shut up Tata. Sadly, for the squeamish,
this scientific revelation is an ironclad get out of jail
free card for those with win the nether regions, your
gassy ass he is no longer a public nuisance.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Ha ha.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
It's now a bona fide public service, a license to poot.
In fact, it's something you can brag about. It adds
a whole new meaning to the phrase tooting your own horn.
I will say that it's going to be difficult for
people to, how shall I say it, take their medicine.
(33:30):
It's not an urban myth that every skunk loves his
own stink. They're just not crazy about anyone else's admit it.
Every single person listening to the sound of my voice
has at one time or another busted a grumpy and
was instantly identified as the perpetrator. Why because you stood
(33:51):
there with a stupid smile on your face, breathing deeply
like you were passing a fancy bakery. Meanwhile everyone else
in the room scrambled for safety. It's ironic, isn't it
That all these years, as you sat in carpool or
the movie theater or the doctor's office and smiled with
smug satisfaction as those around you gagged and coughed, you
(34:15):
are actually doing them a favor. Sort of takes the
fun out of it. No pun intended, but it kind
of stinks. Yes, what was once considered rude, childish, and
uncouth is now the greatest thing next to pickled pig's feet.
So when your spouse complains that the sofa smells like
(34:36):
rotten eggs and dirty feet, you don't have to hang
your head in shame. You can remind her, with tears
in your eyes, that you're not doing it to them,
You're doing it for them. You're welcome now. When you're
in church and side cheek sneak happens, you're not just
sitting in your own pew. You're healing the sick. You're
(35:00):
welcome when you're at the movies and that rancid popcorny
you ate finally hits the ventilator button. You just saved
that poor couple in front of you from having to
sip through the last three hours of that stupid Quentin
Tarantino movie, and you help cure their sinus infection. You're
welcome when your wife cooks her eggplant surprise for your
(35:24):
sick neighbor and you just happened to launch a booty
balloon and put her off a meal. You spared her
indigestion and also helped vend off her scabies. You're welcome,
So stop blaming the dog. Hold your head high, proudly
take credit for those glorious stinkers. You're not cutting the cheese,
(35:47):
you're saving the world.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Feel a lot better about myself.
Speaker 7 (35:56):
I knew it.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
You're welcome, and now the moment you've all been waiting for.
Speaker 8 (36:10):
But some folks.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Consider the single best part of the John Boy and
Billy Big Show a highly anticipated highlight that's short of please.
That's right, it's a break from all the stupid right
here on the really Big Show.
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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