July 8, 2025 • 36 mins
Tuesday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Mad Max makes an early appearance to sound off about the banks charging for cash.. - We’ll dip back into the listener’s mailbag.. - John Boy gets his cell phone back and Randy fills him in on the calls he missed.. - We’ll give “Trailer Fabulous” a spin.. - John Boy complains about how much Randy’s daughter is charging for pet sitting.. - Buzz Nutley has to be rescued from a restaurant booth.. - Tim Wilson steps into the role of Uncle B.S. .. - and we’ll wrap up today with a letter from “an old guy”…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Morny n shoe, It's only red, got the turn events,
quizz I play my favorite song and it passed the
baby dog Tess you know, beg to hit.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
I play the song and the baby dolls got the
dancing over there?
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Uh you ready, right, no, Joe I stock.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Hey, let's say we got Nita out of Tupelo, Mississippi.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Hello, Anita, Well, hello there, good morning, I Needa, Needa.
Speaker 6 (01:10):
Oh Barty was singing, you've been painting.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Nata. Well listen up baby and win. All right, all right,
well Nita.
Speaker 6 (01:20):
According to a new survey in the British Dental Journal,
more than half of the people who live in England
are so self conscious about the appearance of their teeth
they're actually afraid to go to the dentist.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Now.
Speaker 6 (01:33):
The most surprising thing about the survey is a the
numbers are so high. B the people who need help
are the least likely to get it or see there's
actually something called the British Dental Journal.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Oh lord, oh oh, well.
Speaker 7 (01:48):
I guess I won't have to take sea.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Congratulations, baby got a big old prize baggage.
Speaker 8 (02:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Hey, Nate, have you heard the song trailer? Fabulous. Non
ah good, you're getting ready to all right? Thank you
ready baby dolls really.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Crawl crawl that.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Trump.
Speaker 7 (02:18):
I'm living trailer fabulous, hill temper, man scamder let us.
Don't act like you can't handle this hamber that.
Speaker 9 (02:27):
Start around the rills.
Speaker 10 (02:29):
Woke up this morning, look at Jamie b beleven and
me what you have to do. And then the dirty
got a dollar thirty got hit the doors all girl
trying to take up with me. She says, you ain't
no if someone rode it over and rolle out, and
she'll get off pad to stop for a minute from
the cancer coat.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
But I lit it up again. I lit it up again.
Speaker 7 (02:47):
Hey, trailer fabulous, ill temper and mad a scander lives.
Don't act like you gamble this hammer and start around
the riss and I'm living trailer fabulous. Don't act like
you can handle as hammrd and scarred around the west
and I'm living and trailer fabulous.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker 10 (03:16):
From the grip of the battle water from out of water,
put down the water, pick up the bottle, letter tape
record up to d U I till I don't bumping
the being bony throwing money into the Ronnie looking lonely,
got high squeet steps girls for shopping, Clintic with girls.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I like girls and life girls, water Road.
Speaker 10 (03:31):
We're dealing the feeling it and somebody tell me I'm there,
you got it.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
I'm feeling it in a wood and.
Speaker 7 (03:37):
Trailer fabulous hill tamper lads, candle let us. Don't act
like you cables ham herd and scarred around the risk,
and I'm living and trailer fabulous. Don't act like you
can hamble ass and rd and start around the west.
And I'm living in trailer facul I'm being with Dixie.
(03:58):
I'm shopping the chicken, winging and pop chopping in that chopping,
I'm chopping, rocking, knock.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
In that bill boppa, you know what soul stopping pop
in and like.
Speaker 7 (04:05):
It right up in your house, whether it's stock and
riding the Hoffey tabletopping.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I'm in the floid windeys. I'm every nothing trendy.
Speaker 7 (04:11):
I'm a half ass, half green, half and half and
half half as.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Kicking the rear dear clear and deer.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Right now in the front yard and place me on
the claire Off probas My just swashed mos sa show.
Speaker 7 (04:28):
Would yall jackass knell jackass kill jackass yawn, trail of fabulous,
ill temper last gables, don't act like you gable list,
And that started around the rist lift and trailer fabulous,
(04:53):
don't act like you Gabbles and herd.
Speaker 10 (04:57):
That started around with and I'm living well look go
morning looking Jamie, believe it at me. We got the
doing in the dirty Gotta don of thirty. I hit
the door with all girl trying to dig over with me.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
She's saying.
Speaker 10 (05:12):
It's someone road it over the road out and she'll
get off. Patti, stop boy ben in from the Kancer Go.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
But I lined up again.
Speaker 10 (05:19):
I lined it up again.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
Hey, trailer fabulous, trailer, trailer fabulous.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Drop and now the moment you've all been waiting for.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
But some folks consider the single best part of the
John Boy and Billy Big Show a highly anticipated highlight
that's short of please.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
That's right. It's a break from all the stupid right
here on the really big shoe. H good morning. The
(06:30):
Big Show is already go.
Speaker 11 (06:34):
Yep.
Speaker 9 (06:34):
A little bit of astro motion sickness.
Speaker 6 (06:41):
Yeah, ride backwards in a car that will knock you
right out of the Space Program.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
Be sitting at NASA with my name on the door.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Well, you sure do think a lot of yourself. No,
I'm holding you back.
Speaker 9 (06:59):
You goodn't famous rockets? No, it ain't you. No, no, no,
it's it's that damn motion sickness. Help me back.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
So so you wouldn't be here with me if you
had your children.
Speaker 9 (07:10):
Gang right, you finally get me.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
But you're saying that ain't no way that's gonna happen.
Speaker 9 (07:19):
No, no, not a chance.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
So Bunchers saying, is I win? How John Glennaby calling
him up?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Ranny, come on, fix my TV?
Speaker 12 (07:30):
I can't remote?
Speaker 11 (07:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 9 (07:35):
Fine, you feed my cat?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Oh yeah? And dogs.
Speaker 9 (07:42):
It's a long day for you.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
His daughter's Morada's pet setting service. That me ninety bucks?
What you charging mileage?
Speaker 12 (07:51):
It'd be more food charge mileage. In four days, I
put one hundred miles on my car. He don't live
in five miles from my house round trip?
Speaker 6 (08:01):
I was, but goodness, hext night. What did you take
them to Disney World?
Speaker 12 (08:05):
No, you gotta go over there three times a day
because they're taking medicine.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Boy, you got your fourteen year old daughter in on
a pet setting service? No, you got her in on it.
Speaker 9 (08:17):
Everything was fine.
Speaker 12 (08:18):
She was sitting around working with with people in the
neighborhood where she could walk to them.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
How many people in this family is he gonna put
on the payroll? That's not one hid now it's too
far and too much traffic.
Speaker 5 (08:29):
Oh by.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
So anyway, yeah, well we go. We have come up
with something.
Speaker 13 (08:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I believe beat cheaper if I get a cab, can't
pick her up. You don't beat cheap if you just
buy a monkey and teach you how to feed the dog.
Speaker 9 (08:41):
Well, she offered you a discount.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yeah. See, she came up with the rate.
Speaker 12 (08:45):
This is all her idea, So I'm letting her do
all the negotiating and coming up with pricing out. One
of the neighbors down the street has a great Dane
that Miranda watches, and they're on vacation. She goes to
their house three times a day, and that lady pays
her twenty dollars a day for watching. So so when
she said that she was going to watch Johnny's I said, well,
you know, he's family, so you got to offer the
family discount. So she's been noodling around how much she's
(09:08):
going to charge. So I hear negotiating with John Boy's
wife on the phone. She goes off into the bathroom
and close his door because she she don't want me
looking at her while she's negotiating. So I hear her say, well,
the lady down the street pays is twenty dollars a
day if I watch the great Dane, and I have
to take it out three times a day, and I
have to feed it and so. But since y'all are
(09:29):
like family, I'm gonna give y'all a discount. I'm only
going to charge y'all seventeen dollars a day. I'm thinking, right,
seventeen dollars. How'd she come up with that?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
And my wife, the negotiator gave her thirty thirty bucks
a day.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
And Miranda goes, hey, what are you trying to pull here?
Speaker 10 (09:44):
You?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Oh, okay, that's the way he's been going into horse business.
Speaker 7 (09:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
Really, So anytime you get around animals, it ends up
costing you more than you got.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
That's it. What's this gonna come?
Speaker 12 (09:57):
And I can't hear Eve said of the conversation watchside
the conversation, but I hear Miranda go, no, I'm not
really good with that I'm not I'm not comfortable with
my daddy having my money.
Speaker 9 (10:09):
I pound on the door. You know, if it weren't
for your daddy, you wouldn't have any money.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
You know what you gonna do? Tell you about the
real world. Charge your gas money.
Speaker 12 (10:17):
You know what she's you know what she was thinking
is that she heard that thirty dollars. She knew I'd go,
what are you crazy?
Speaker 3 (10:23):
That's too much? Well, anyway, it worked. It looked like
worked out for you her and her.
Speaker 12 (10:30):
Hey, you know what, just kind of apply it towards
the twenty five years of me going over and feeding
the cats.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
And you don't bring that up. Yes, I think you're
getting out there.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
I love you.
Speaker 9 (10:45):
Shut up, Put up in an astronaut.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Good morning, there's a big show on the radio right now.
It's time.
Speaker 6 (11:25):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode. Boudreau
at the phone Company. As our story opens, where's that
music coming from?
Speaker 9 (11:36):
John Boys helping?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Sorry, I just ran help.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
As our story opens, Woodrow Boudreau and his pal Justin
LeBlanc arrive at the offices of South Central Bell Telephone.
Speaker 8 (11:47):
I don't know about this juice style. I want to
go work for the telephone company. Look, you been running
that family young for the last five year. Ain't raised
nothing but a bad case of blessed us.
Speaker 9 (11:58):
Just your job.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Want to pay some good money.
Speaker 8 (12:01):
Plus we get a uniform company truck and some of
them helptonsured benefits.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
It's the ticket.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
You wouldn't need some more money to feed that big
leg new girlfriend of yours, now, would you?
Speaker 3 (12:11):
I ain't dating Hillary Clinton?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You just watch your mouth by the old Citi she
ain't fat.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
She did a big ball.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
There's some big meat on their bones too.
Speaker 8 (12:21):
I got on to you all right here the employing office.
Now relaxed, We're gonna do just bad. Oh, look like
somebody else done heard about this job too?
Speaker 1 (12:30):
How did that?
Speaker 9 (12:30):
Boys?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
How y'all are what to tell you? Goober?
Speaker 11 (12:33):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Now that amounty on friendly waddy?
Speaker 5 (12:35):
Say? How did it?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Somebody he ain't saying? How do your butt head? All right?
I couldn't tell you.
Speaker 9 (12:43):
I'm not cond use that voice at home?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Can I help you? Gentlemen?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
How do you misster? How was you standing the black
seeing my sonter A Woodrow Boudreaux.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
We hit to see about a job. What's sorry? Bud
Me and Glenn was here first. Yeah, y'all might as
well going to hit the road. Hold on just a second.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You gonna give a job away for you evaluated on
an applicat.
Speaker 13 (13:05):
Tors Well, mister Fuller and mister Mace got here before
y'all did. But uh, you know, I do want to
hire the best men for the job.
Speaker 9 (13:12):
Sound like hang Heill.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
I used to work for Strickland Prokaine. I was the
manager down there.
Speaker 6 (13:20):
Okay, the best men for the job, i'd be me
and Glenn Wading mopped the floor of you two goober's get.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Away talking to me, mister job man.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
You want somebody with them out like that working for you?
Speaker 13 (13:32):
Hey, as long as the work gets done. I don't
give a poop in a pine tree how he talks.
So like, you know, we got two sets of men
here and only one set of a job. Maybe we
need to have us a little contest, what kind of content? Well,
we're fixing to put some new telephone poles on the
new bypass outside of town. I tell you what I'm
(13:53):
gonna do. Fellas, there's two trucks out back blooded with
some telephone poles. Now y'all take out and start putting
them poe in the ground. Now you too start on
the south end, and you too start on the Bobby
quit that, Now you too start on the north end.
You both sets, you boys work for an hour and
come back right here. Now, whoever plants the most poles,
well that'll be the couple that gets the job.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
That sound right good to me.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
Buy, we're gonna drop you all like a sacutator.
Speaker 8 (14:19):
Yeah, like a big dumb Secontator's jerks you know that
second one almost his mouth he at the front.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Well, come on, ju stand we got holes today.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
One hour later, the two teams returned to the office.
Well well, well, if it ain't Beavis and Butthole.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
May gonna start up with me again.
Speaker 13 (14:39):
Big mouth, good lord, you boys look like forty miles
of bad road. Speaking of which, let's see how you
boys did not, Now, mister Fuller over there, how many
telephone poles did you boys put in the ground?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Twenty four? Twenty four?
Speaker 13 (14:52):
You boys been humping at it, mister Black. How many
poles did you two get in the ground?
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Tree three? That's not all you boys.
Speaker 13 (15:01):
Could My my son Bobby could never mind this bunch
over here managed to do twenty four poles. What's the
matter with you fellers?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Sure, but you go out dad. Look at how much
of them polled. They left sticking up out of the ground.
I guarantee. Well, now that's just asinine.
Speaker 6 (15:20):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse Juden
again next time when we're here. Justin's big boned new
girlfriend say.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Hey, big man, let me hold it out. Them boys
ain't right.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Good more than everybody if my big show family yours.
Thank you for listening, your listen news, what the sport's
coming up?
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Listen Nicky beat Shark brother O sad how about you
pot lickers?
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Are listened to?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
A couple other pot liquors noted John boyd Philly at
the Big Show. You know, I just a guess our
the playhouse at the official mascot from mister Popular the
pizza Rutt. That's just a tip of the iceberg. But
this note from John Boy keep it short, sun up, A.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
A big show is on the radio, moving out the
top of the hour of a gang. Here the other
latest only thirty foot cowboy that was stolen off the
roof of a sage Brush steakhouse where John O'billy Grillo's.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Sauce was on every table like a kidnapping family run update.
Let's go to Buzz Nutley.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
Buzz Nutley here, but John boyant Billie Big showed news
reporting live from the Sagebrush Steak House, the scene of
the mysterious kidnapping of the thirty foot tall sage Brush Cowboy.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, back of the scene in the crime here, Buzz
anything new.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Not yet, John Boy. But if you ever watched NYPD
Blue or investigative reports on A and E, you know
the criminals often return to the scene of the crime. Now,
with that in mind, I returned early yesterday morning and
picked a corner booth and made myself comfortable.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
So see any suspicious looking characters.
Speaker 5 (17:36):
Well, as you know from personally meeting many of your
own listeners, the world is full of envols, and yes,
a few of them ate here yesterday. Unfortunately none of
them really fit the profile we were looking for. But
it's still early in the game.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Well, good luck to you, Buzz, Thanks, and I want.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
To publicly thank you find folks here at Sagebrush for
their hospitality little too much hospitality.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
What do you mean too much hospitality?
Speaker 11 (18:03):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (18:03):
You see, john boy, so my presence wouldn't arouse suspicion.
They kept bringing me different entrees over the course of
the day so that I would blend in with the
rest of the patron Oh boy, oh boy. Indeed, while
we're on the subject, let me ask you this, How
on earth do you suppose Sagebrush Steakhouse can serve such
a big ass steak for such a minimal price? Hell, here, god,
(18:29):
let's After sixteen hours and three laps through the menu,
I seemed to have become an extor ply wedged into
the corner bullets. I chosen my lookout.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Well, what did you do?
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Well? I ate too much?
Speaker 3 (18:44):
What did you do to get out of the boot?
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Well, apart from sweating a lot, there wasn't much I
could do. At one point, the situation became so desperate
that the sage Brushed baby dolls rubbed me down with
some of the fryer oil and tried to pop me
out of the bullet like a watermelon sea But a lass,
it was not to be.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
They rubbed you down with fryer oil.
Speaker 5 (19:06):
Yes, an item I suggested, they promptly put on the menu.
Oh well, I've got to go. I see the flashing
lights swarming in.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
The pocket once you got to break in the case, no.
Speaker 5 (19:20):
Fire and rescue is here with the jaw of the
light that on.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Oh wait a minute, Buzz, I don't know you didn't comment.
The kidnapped cowboy has been found. He was found behind
some apartment complex, muddy, but apparently in one piece. So
I guess that's good news.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Huh yeah, just great, Buzz. Not late, but John Boy
Billy Pick show knows reminding you that I'm here because
you're out there. It's just buzz sighting off.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Thank you very much, Buzz, good work and good luck.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
Thank you. Try not to cut the shirt.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Guys would too.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Jackie, good morning, the big shows on the radio. Jackie
told me you better not go home. But Antler sid
to the ears that the couch.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
I I got for the den. I don't know what
it is, but it's an Antler sconce here. Let me
show you where we put it.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
But remember that time in the deer well, I had
had that deer's but it's a deer's but you turn
it on, so I'm it's a deer's butt, and you
turn it upside down.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
You put teeth in a little hole and then the
eyeballs and this as well. This is why I don't
hang around with the.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Sticks down like a beard. And it's just like, yeah,
I give you know, Henry to one. Jackie's gonna now
when I die.
Speaker 9 (20:41):
For his forty and.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Birthday, I gave the deer butt head this spoogy look thing. Man,
it's why looking well.
Speaker 6 (20:47):
We were talking about deer butts on the air one
Dan Jason, I wish I had one, and somebody said,
he said, what can.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
We do with this thing?
Speaker 11 (20:54):
I know?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
A great birthday present, the gift that keeps on giving.
I still good to see it too. You that was
pretty sweet and you want to beat my sheet sleep.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Ah yo, I'm prim this time for stupid quiz color
nine one eight hundred, Big show, gonna play nine.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Good morning, a big show. It's on the radio, tended
towing the bottom of the hour. Ask men, have you
seen Junior? Is great? Well you're the rough good and
let alone and left dar Dinna got off.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
On the last turn up. All right, let's say well
first hand tat hey take uh let me say I'm
playing John out of Cleo, Alabama.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Hello John, good.
Speaker 5 (22:08):
Morning, how you doing this morning?
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Many, good, good, thank.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
You, thank you, touch number on your touched on phone junk,
that's where you chime in, I got the bell mark,
you got a lesson playing.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Let's get on it. Let's get out of the way.
Speaker 6 (22:26):
Paler snow, it's double jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
English English buses spring and kill us on. That's literally English.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
I'm packing a trunk.
Speaker 11 (22:46):
Spell the word trampoline.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
If he gets it right, can we get one? No
t r A M P tramp.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Everybody looking at me? How did you come tramp a L.
Speaker 11 (23:06):
E E N.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Trampoline?
Speaker 3 (23:14):
No, no, no, no, all right, John? You got a
shot at it?
Speaker 9 (23:18):
Mate?
Speaker 5 (23:19):
I don't know, but no, no, no, better off?
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Yeah, got tramp part?
Speaker 5 (23:25):
When was that tambling?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Tram b r A M.
Speaker 11 (23:32):
P O.
Speaker 9 (23:35):
Trampo?
Speaker 11 (23:36):
I I H?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
And what did you look at that? Mary? Assuming you
only wanted one or two eyes?
Speaker 6 (23:50):
Or two eyes?
Speaker 10 (23:51):
What?
Speaker 11 (23:51):
I what?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
You are? Right?
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Good word? John? All right?
Speaker 1 (23:56):
I like it?
Speaker 5 (23:59):
Now?
Speaker 9 (24:00):
Hey, no help, this is not an open book.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Test. Well, he's not talking to his neighbor. He's talking
to his wife.
Speaker 6 (24:06):
But still your wife, My life is an open book,
but my wife is not.
Speaker 9 (24:10):
Let's get Johnny's wife that wife.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Why haven't I suffered enough? No, you haven't, but you
will now you are?
Speaker 11 (24:24):
All right? How about science class, we'll do some multiple choice?
All right, what do astronomers call a collapse star? Is
it a A white dwarf? B A pulsar? See a nova?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Collapsed star? I want to go with nova? That would
be wrong words astro nerd?
Speaker 9 (24:46):
When I need him, well, I don't know, we've never needed.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Let's say they're a space ghost.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
I'm gonna go with a hey white dwards?
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Correct?
Speaker 10 (25:01):
Yes, wow?
Speaker 3 (25:02):
How about look at John?
Speaker 13 (25:03):
All right?
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Do you wife help you with that?
Speaker 7 (25:05):
One?
Speaker 11 (25:05):
No?
Speaker 5 (25:06):
No, get them all right?
Speaker 3 (25:07):
Good word?
Speaker 9 (25:08):
Y up on me?
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Two to nothing? Didn't Mart?
Speaker 9 (25:14):
Please?
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Ready? Flame off? Something fun about the Yeah?
Speaker 11 (25:21):
Yeah, okay, here's the question. How many keys are there
on a full size piano?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
All right?
Speaker 5 (25:32):
All right?
Speaker 3 (25:33):
I think I know this for my music days when
it was coming first four majors? Yeah, eighty eight?
Speaker 9 (25:38):
Correct?
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Yes, all right?
Speaker 2 (25:41):
On the board.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Two to one geography, geography.
Speaker 11 (25:46):
What's the capital of Hawaii?
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Hawaii? Wowie Maui Maui?
Speaker 9 (25:53):
Which is it?
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Maui? Wowie Wowe Mawie Maui Wowie Maui.
Speaker 11 (25:57):
No, No, no, no, no no wait don't we don't wait?
Speaker 5 (26:02):
John?
Speaker 7 (26:02):
What you got?
Speaker 3 (26:06):
John?
Speaker 11 (26:09):
Oh? For sure?
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Come back home. I could have just had your wife
John gratulations, Buddy, I know about your bucking up man.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Hang on.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Go the next classics been today? John know I'm talking
about John the automatic, about getting what he said? Ain't
going Queen? Got next?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Good morning, all the big shows on the radio, classic
bed in the morning by requests coming up next?
Speaker 5 (26:44):
Hang on.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
You wanting to be shows on a radio? To my
classic bit of the morning from David at an Indian trail,
North Carolina says, I want to hear Uncle Bs for
the classic bit of the day. We take your requests
and that's what we do. Ight he go to, let's
bring Uncle Bs in, uncle Bs, where were you April fourteenth,
eighteen sixty five?
Speaker 14 (27:29):
April you fourteenth, eighteen sixty five. Let me thank you
a second? Uh bodyguard Ford's Theater, Washington, dcon eating popcorn, bird,
Dog and Lincoln and trying to catch a last half
of a play about somebody's cousin up to my ash
and raising as large pets in a roll full of
old bleeds. About that time, a short Hollywood type tries
(27:54):
to sneak past me in a mustache and ray band sunglass.
I said, I know you're either one of the them, Booster,
you're one of them bawling brothers, and Miss Lincoln gonna
shoot me if I don't get your autograph. Here, hold
this pistol in popcorn. I'm gonna go get something to
write with.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
A meat of eighteen hundreds? What about June eighteen seventy six.
Speaker 14 (28:19):
June of eighteen seventy six, Yeah, makeup artist, little big
horn Montana circling wagons and figuring out away to make
a proxide blond cavalry officer look like a sacred Sioux
medicine man, passing out into in legs and trying to
teach two hundred and six petrified white boys to do
an authentic emergency rain. Now up to my ass in
(28:42):
war paint, burn up cavalry uniforms, and you two can
speak Siou in thirty minutes language cassettes. About that time
I look up on the mountain and see nine thousand
ticked off war horses and enough feathers to put on
a pillow fight at a Rodney king. Right, Blondy ain't
sure if his eyeshadow looks real and I was wondering
where we're going to find a skim buffalo headdress. In
(29:04):
the next fifteen minutes, I said, I expect four or
five will be here directly. You boys, don't get nervous.
Just try to go out there, relax and have fun
with it. Custer, these are new ones, now, fellas, you
have to give me a minute.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
These are new ones. Okay, let's go out. August the sixth,
nineteen forty five.
Speaker 14 (29:30):
August You Shix, nineteen forty five, fertilizer salesman, Hiroshima, Japan,
sharing a bamboo duplex with a diesel field distributor and
a Hibachi cuk from Kobe Steakhouse, stacking forty pound bags
of ammonium nitrate with no shoes on, juggling spatcheless, chugging soke,
and choking down all of that gum tim purro shrimp.
(29:51):
You could possibly hear any up to my ass, and
Gisha girls order eaters and more gas fumes than you
could check a down Stickhaut. We're headed to some sumo
wrestling matches in Tokyo. I look up in the rear
view mirror of the Toyota and seen.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
A big flash. I said, now, Moki, did you leave
the stove over? What about June sixth, nineteen forty four.
Speaker 14 (30:22):
Junior sixth, nineteen forty four Metal detector salesman d Day
Normandy French walk in the beach at four in the
morning with black socks and sandal skyurr in the coastline
and helping a gay glass blower named Jean hunt for
a friendship bracelet he dropped out of a pair of
speedos earlier that evening. I look out in the ocean
(30:43):
and see one hundred thousand surfers running at me in
ugly green wetsuits with water pestles and enough luggage to
keep a team of bell hawks busy for a month.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Next thing, I know, a.
Speaker 14 (30:52):
Machine gun round from a sand dune parts my hair.
John takes a four inch piece of shrapnel in the butt.
I dragged both of us to a certain lotions stand
and wind up wrapping his button number ten. Sun's green
and the beachs tyle Turnai. My Geiger counters beaping like
a dope dealer at a crack house picnic. He's tussing
like a frenk sailor, and I'm wondering what this Many
teenagers are doing storming Normandy in the middle of the
(31:14):
all seasons, I said, Jean, with this many bullets in
the beach, I think you and Todd can forget about
that bracelet. I got one here to make a lot
of people. Man, let's just go ahead and jump straight
to this one. It's a good civil rights one. This
one always heats up the phones. Huncle Bys, where were
(31:35):
you in the summer of nineteen fifty six? City bus
driver Montgomery, Alabama wrestling is staring well and yelling at
a teenager to turn elvis down so I could figure
out how many black people I could squeeze on and
still have enough seats up front for the white coat
up to my ass and domestic help and little or
no air conditioning. About that time, the best looking white
(31:58):
woman in North America walks home my bus with legs
up to her hind end and the shortest dress in
four states. She's wearing about a forty d cup, no
wedding ring. I'm praying she'll sit in the third seat
on the left so I can watch her in the
mirror the rest of the trip. Suddenly I notice Rosa Parks.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Is in my eyeball in seat now if I don't
get Rosa to move down a row, I'll miss out
on looking at Miss Nude Alabama and wind up watching
Rosa rubb her feet for the next fifthing month.
Speaker 14 (32:27):
I yelled at Rosa to give that woman her seat.
Rosa said, my feet hurt, and you just want to
look at that playboy bunny. Now Rosa knows I ain't
had a date in six months and picture today to
turn into a.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Severl lights marker.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I said, Rosie, you better get your butt up out
of that seat, or I swear to God, I'll.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Pull over and have you physically remember.
Speaker 14 (32:46):
It just goes to show every time I see a
good looking woman, somebody makes a federal case out of.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
You'm morning to make shows on the radio. Moving dude,
Tuesday morning, y'all be careful lout that today.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Has some emails and truths, and let's just I want
to share. Here's an old guy's opinion. I'm over fifty now.
The Armed forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than thirty five to join the military.
They got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending eighteen
year olds on to five, they ought to take us
old guys, you shouldn't be able to join until you
(33:46):
are at least thirty five.
Speaker 9 (33:47):
This needs music all right.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
For starters.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Researchers say eighteen year olds think about sex every ten seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times
a day, leaving us more than twenty eight thousand editions
seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys
haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. We can't kill the enemy,
We'll complain them into submission. My back hurts, I'm hungry.
(34:12):
Where's the remote control? An eighteen year old hasn't had
a legal beer yet, and you shouldn't go to war
until year at least old enough to legally drink. An
average old guy, on the other hands, consume one hundred
and twenty six thousand gallons of beer by the time
he's thirty five, and a jaunt through the desert heat
with a backpack in m sixty would do wonders for
the old beer belly. An eighteen year old doesn't like
(34:33):
to get up before ten am. Old guys get up
early to pete. If old guys are captured, we couldn't
spill the beans, cause would probably forget where we put them.
In fact, name ranking cereal number would be a real
brain teaser. Boot Camp would actually be easier for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we
actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation
(34:58):
for guns, and rifles come almost better than naps. They
could lighten up on the obstacle course. However, I've been
in combat and didn't see a single twenty foot wall
with a rope hanging over the side, nor did I
ever do any push ups after training. I can hear
the drill, sergeant, now get down and give me uh one.
(35:19):
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone out run a bullet. An eighteen
year old has the whole world ahead of him. He's
still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation,
to wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing,
and box are shorts sticking out. To learn that a
pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a two hundred
watch speaker in the back seat of a Honda Cord
(35:40):
can rupture an ear drum all great reasons to keep
our sons at home and to learn a little more
about life before sending them off. The last thing the
enemy would want to see right now is a couple
of million old guys.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
With attitude as that's buddy, Thank you very much, old guy.
All right, wait, finished, alright, better, let's go.
Speaker 6 (36:01):
Bitbox is here all your favorites from four decades of
The Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Nine ninety nine.
Speaker 6 (36:07):
Buy them once, play them anywhere. Shop the bit Box
online at the Bigshow dot Com. Order Big Show Stuff
I phone. The number is eight hundred and four seven
to one Stuff Online Services by Animate dot Com.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
All right, y'all up next to sy John Boy Billion
Late Risers podcast You're missing in this November the first
show you ain't got two. Now it's a better wherever
you get your podcast and make it easy.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Subscribe to us with a free iHeartRadio app. Wese see tomorrow,
We love you and we mane it
That's good.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Morny n shoe, It's only red, got the turn events,
quizz I play my favorite song and it passed the
baby dog Tess you know, beg to hit.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
I play the song and the baby dolls got the
dancing over there?
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Uh you ready, right, no, Joe I stock.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Hey, let's say we got Nita out of Tupelo, Mississippi.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Hello, Anita, Well, hello there, good morning, I Needa, Needa.
Speaker 6 (01:10):
Oh Barty was singing, you've been painting.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Nata. Well listen up baby and win. All right, all right,
well Nita.
Speaker 6 (01:20):
According to a new survey in the British Dental Journal,
more than half of the people who live in England
are so self conscious about the appearance of their teeth
they're actually afraid to go to the dentist.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Now.
Speaker 6 (01:33):
The most surprising thing about the survey is a the
numbers are so high. B the people who need help
are the least likely to get it or see there's
actually something called the British Dental Journal.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Oh lord, oh oh, well.
Speaker 7 (01:48):
I guess I won't have to take sea.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Congratulations, baby got a big old prize baggage.
Speaker 8 (02:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Hey, Nate, have you heard the song trailer? Fabulous. Non
ah good, you're getting ready to all right? Thank you
ready baby dolls really.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Crawl crawl that.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Trump.
Speaker 7 (02:18):
I'm living trailer fabulous, hill temper, man scamder let us.
Don't act like you can't handle this hamber that.
Speaker 9 (02:27):
Start around the rills.
Speaker 10 (02:29):
Woke up this morning, look at Jamie b beleven and
me what you have to do. And then the dirty
got a dollar thirty got hit the doors all girl
trying to take up with me. She says, you ain't
no if someone rode it over and rolle out, and
she'll get off pad to stop for a minute from
the cancer coat.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
But I lit it up again. I lit it up again.
Speaker 7 (02:47):
Hey, trailer fabulous, ill temper and mad a scander lives.
Don't act like you gamble this hammer and start around
the riss and I'm living trailer fabulous. Don't act like
you can handle as hammrd and scarred around the west
and I'm living and trailer fabulous.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Atlanta, Georgia.
Speaker 10 (03:16):
From the grip of the battle water from out of water,
put down the water, pick up the bottle, letter tape
record up to d U I till I don't bumping
the being bony throwing money into the Ronnie looking lonely,
got high squeet steps girls for shopping, Clintic with girls.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I like girls and life girls, water Road.
Speaker 10 (03:31):
We're dealing the feeling it and somebody tell me I'm there,
you got it.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
I'm feeling it in a wood and.
Speaker 7 (03:37):
Trailer fabulous hill tamper lads, candle let us. Don't act
like you cables ham herd and scarred around the risk,
and I'm living and trailer fabulous. Don't act like you
can hamble ass and rd and start around the west.
And I'm living in trailer facul I'm being with Dixie.
(03:58):
I'm shopping the chicken, winging and pop chopping in that chopping,
I'm chopping, rocking, knock.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
In that bill boppa, you know what soul stopping pop
in and like.
Speaker 7 (04:05):
It right up in your house, whether it's stock and
riding the Hoffey tabletopping.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
I'm in the floid windeys. I'm every nothing trendy.
Speaker 7 (04:11):
I'm a half ass, half green, half and half and
half half as.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Kicking the rear dear clear and deer.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Right now in the front yard and place me on
the claire Off probas My just swashed mos sa show.
Speaker 7 (04:28):
Would yall jackass knell jackass kill jackass yawn, trail of fabulous,
ill temper last gables, don't act like you gable list,
And that started around the rist lift and trailer fabulous,
(04:53):
don't act like you Gabbles and herd.
Speaker 10 (04:57):
That started around with and I'm living well look go
morning looking Jamie, believe it at me. We got the
doing in the dirty Gotta don of thirty. I hit
the door with all girl trying to dig over with me.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
She's saying.
Speaker 10 (05:12):
It's someone road it over the road out and she'll
get off. Patti, stop boy ben in from the Kancer Go.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
But I lined up again.
Speaker 10 (05:19):
I lined it up again.
Speaker 7 (05:20):
Hey, trailer fabulous, trailer, trailer fabulous.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Drop and now the moment you've all been waiting for.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
But some folks consider the single best part of the
John Boy and Billy Big Show a highly anticipated highlight
that's short of please.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
That's right. It's a break from all the stupid right
here on the really big shoe. H good morning. The
(06:30):
Big Show is already go.
Speaker 11 (06:34):
Yep.
Speaker 9 (06:34):
A little bit of astro motion sickness.
Speaker 6 (06:41):
Yeah, ride backwards in a car that will knock you
right out of the Space Program.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
Be sitting at NASA with my name on the door.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
Well, you sure do think a lot of yourself. No,
I'm holding you back.
Speaker 9 (06:59):
You goodn't famous rockets? No, it ain't you. No, no, no,
it's it's that damn motion sickness. Help me back.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
So so you wouldn't be here with me if you
had your children.
Speaker 9 (07:10):
Gang right, you finally get me.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
But you're saying that ain't no way that's gonna happen.
Speaker 9 (07:19):
No, no, not a chance.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
So Bunchers saying, is I win? How John Glennaby calling
him up?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Ranny, come on, fix my TV?
Speaker 12 (07:30):
I can't remote?
Speaker 11 (07:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 9 (07:35):
Fine, you feed my cat?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Oh yeah? And dogs.
Speaker 9 (07:42):
It's a long day for you.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
His daughter's Morada's pet setting service. That me ninety bucks?
What you charging mileage?
Speaker 12 (07:51):
It'd be more food charge mileage. In four days, I
put one hundred miles on my car. He don't live
in five miles from my house round trip?
Speaker 6 (08:01):
I was, but goodness, hext night. What did you take
them to Disney World?
Speaker 12 (08:05):
No, you gotta go over there three times a day
because they're taking medicine.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Boy, you got your fourteen year old daughter in on
a pet setting service? No, you got her in on it.
Speaker 9 (08:17):
Everything was fine.
Speaker 12 (08:18):
She was sitting around working with with people in the
neighborhood where she could walk to them.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
How many people in this family is he gonna put
on the payroll? That's not one hid now it's too
far and too much traffic.
Speaker 5 (08:29):
Oh by.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
So anyway, yeah, well we go. We have come up
with something.
Speaker 13 (08:33):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I believe beat cheaper if I get a cab, can't
pick her up. You don't beat cheap if you just
buy a monkey and teach you how to feed the dog.
Speaker 9 (08:41):
Well, she offered you a discount.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yeah. See, she came up with the rate.
Speaker 12 (08:45):
This is all her idea, So I'm letting her do
all the negotiating and coming up with pricing out. One
of the neighbors down the street has a great Dane
that Miranda watches, and they're on vacation. She goes to
their house three times a day, and that lady pays
her twenty dollars a day for watching. So so when
she said that she was going to watch Johnny's I said, well,
you know, he's family, so you got to offer the
family discount. So she's been noodling around how much she's
(09:08):
going to charge. So I hear negotiating with John Boy's
wife on the phone. She goes off into the bathroom
and close his door because she she don't want me
looking at her while she's negotiating. So I hear her say, well,
the lady down the street pays is twenty dollars a
day if I watch the great Dane, and I have
to take it out three times a day, and I
have to feed it and so. But since y'all are
(09:29):
like family, I'm gonna give y'all a discount. I'm only
going to charge y'all seventeen dollars a day. I'm thinking, right,
seventeen dollars. How'd she come up with that?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
And my wife, the negotiator gave her thirty thirty bucks
a day.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
And Miranda goes, hey, what are you trying to pull here?
Speaker 10 (09:44):
You?
Speaker 3 (09:45):
Oh, okay, that's the way he's been going into horse business.
Speaker 7 (09:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
Really, So anytime you get around animals, it ends up
costing you more than you got.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
That's it. What's this gonna come?
Speaker 12 (09:57):
And I can't hear Eve said of the conversation watchside
the conversation, but I hear Miranda go, no, I'm not
really good with that I'm not I'm not comfortable with
my daddy having my money.
Speaker 9 (10:09):
I pound on the door. You know, if it weren't
for your daddy, you wouldn't have any money.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
You know what you gonna do? Tell you about the
real world. Charge your gas money.
Speaker 12 (10:17):
You know what she's you know what she was thinking
is that she heard that thirty dollars. She knew I'd go,
what are you crazy?
Speaker 3 (10:23):
That's too much? Well, anyway, it worked. It looked like
worked out for you her and her.
Speaker 12 (10:30):
Hey, you know what, just kind of apply it towards
the twenty five years of me going over and feeding
the cats.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
And you don't bring that up. Yes, I think you're
getting out there.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
I love you.
Speaker 9 (10:45):
Shut up, Put up in an astronaut.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Good morning, there's a big show on the radio right now.
It's time.
Speaker 6 (11:25):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode. Boudreau
at the phone Company. As our story opens, where's that
music coming from?
Speaker 9 (11:36):
John Boys helping?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Sorry, I just ran help.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
As our story opens, Woodrow Boudreau and his pal Justin
LeBlanc arrive at the offices of South Central Bell Telephone.
Speaker 8 (11:47):
I don't know about this juice style. I want to
go work for the telephone company. Look, you been running
that family young for the last five year. Ain't raised
nothing but a bad case of blessed us.
Speaker 9 (11:58):
Just your job.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Want to pay some good money.
Speaker 8 (12:01):
Plus we get a uniform company truck and some of
them helptonsured benefits.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
It's the ticket.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
You wouldn't need some more money to feed that big
leg new girlfriend of yours, now, would you?
Speaker 3 (12:11):
I ain't dating Hillary Clinton?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
You just watch your mouth by the old Citi she
ain't fat.
Speaker 3 (12:17):
She did a big ball.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
There's some big meat on their bones too.
Speaker 8 (12:21):
I got on to you all right here the employing office.
Now relaxed, We're gonna do just bad. Oh, look like
somebody else done heard about this job too?
Speaker 1 (12:30):
How did that?
Speaker 9 (12:30):
Boys?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
How y'all are what to tell you? Goober?
Speaker 11 (12:33):
Hey?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Now that amounty on friendly waddy?
Speaker 5 (12:35):
Say? How did it?
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Somebody he ain't saying? How do your butt head? All right?
I couldn't tell you.
Speaker 9 (12:43):
I'm not cond use that voice at home?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Can I help you? Gentlemen?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
How do you misster? How was you standing the black
seeing my sonter A Woodrow Boudreaux.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
We hit to see about a job. What's sorry? Bud
Me and Glenn was here first. Yeah, y'all might as
well going to hit the road. Hold on just a second.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You gonna give a job away for you evaluated on
an applicat.
Speaker 13 (13:05):
Tors Well, mister Fuller and mister Mace got here before
y'all did. But uh, you know, I do want to
hire the best men for the job.
Speaker 9 (13:12):
Sound like hang Heill.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
I used to work for Strickland Prokaine. I was the
manager down there.
Speaker 6 (13:20):
Okay, the best men for the job, i'd be me
and Glenn Wading mopped the floor of you two goober's get.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Away talking to me, mister job man.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
You want somebody with them out like that working for you?
Speaker 13 (13:32):
Hey, as long as the work gets done. I don't
give a poop in a pine tree how he talks.
So like, you know, we got two sets of men
here and only one set of a job. Maybe we
need to have us a little contest, what kind of content? Well,
we're fixing to put some new telephone poles on the
new bypass outside of town. I tell you what I'm
(13:53):
gonna do. Fellas, there's two trucks out back blooded with
some telephone poles. Now y'all take out and start putting
them poe in the ground. Now you too start on
the south end, and you too start on the Bobby
quit that, Now you too start on the north end.
You both sets, you boys work for an hour and
come back right here. Now, whoever plants the most poles,
well that'll be the couple that gets the job.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
That sound right good to me.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
Buy, we're gonna drop you all like a sacutator.
Speaker 8 (14:19):
Yeah, like a big dumb Secontator's jerks you know that
second one almost his mouth he at the front.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Well, come on, ju stand we got holes today.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
One hour later, the two teams returned to the office.
Well well, well, if it ain't Beavis and Butthole.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
May gonna start up with me again.
Speaker 13 (14:39):
Big mouth, good lord, you boys look like forty miles
of bad road. Speaking of which, let's see how you
boys did not, Now, mister Fuller over there, how many
telephone poles did you boys put in the ground?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Twenty four? Twenty four?
Speaker 13 (14:52):
You boys been humping at it, mister Black. How many
poles did you two get in the ground?
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Tree three? That's not all you boys.
Speaker 13 (15:01):
Could My my son Bobby could never mind this bunch
over here managed to do twenty four poles. What's the
matter with you fellers?
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Sure, but you go out dad. Look at how much
of them polled. They left sticking up out of the ground.
I guarantee. Well, now that's just asinine.
Speaker 6 (15:20):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy Playhouse Juden
again next time when we're here. Justin's big boned new
girlfriend say.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Hey, big man, let me hold it out. Them boys
ain't right.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Good more than everybody if my big show family yours.
Thank you for listening, your listen news, what the sport's
coming up?
Speaker 5 (15:45):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Listen Nicky beat Shark brother O sad how about you
pot lickers?
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Are listened to?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
A couple other pot liquors noted John boyd Philly at
the Big Show. You know, I just a guess our
the playhouse at the official mascot from mister Popular the
pizza Rutt. That's just a tip of the iceberg. But
this note from John Boy keep it short, sun up, A.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
A big show is on the radio, moving out the
top of the hour of a gang. Here the other
latest only thirty foot cowboy that was stolen off the
roof of a sage Brush steakhouse where John O'billy Grillo's.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Sauce was on every table like a kidnapping family run update.
Let's go to Buzz Nutley.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
Buzz Nutley here, but John boyant Billie Big showed news
reporting live from the Sagebrush Steak House, the scene of
the mysterious kidnapping of the thirty foot tall sage Brush Cowboy.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, back of the scene in the crime here, Buzz
anything new.
Speaker 5 (17:18):
Not yet, John Boy. But if you ever watched NYPD
Blue or investigative reports on A and E, you know
the criminals often return to the scene of the crime. Now,
with that in mind, I returned early yesterday morning and
picked a corner booth and made myself comfortable.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
So see any suspicious looking characters.
Speaker 5 (17:36):
Well, as you know from personally meeting many of your
own listeners, the world is full of envols, and yes,
a few of them ate here yesterday. Unfortunately none of
them really fit the profile we were looking for. But
it's still early in the game.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Well, good luck to you, Buzz, Thanks, and I want.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
To publicly thank you find folks here at Sagebrush for
their hospitality little too much hospitality.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
What do you mean too much hospitality?
Speaker 11 (18:03):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (18:03):
You see, john boy, so my presence wouldn't arouse suspicion.
They kept bringing me different entrees over the course of
the day so that I would blend in with the
rest of the patron Oh boy, oh boy. Indeed, while
we're on the subject, let me ask you this, How
on earth do you suppose Sagebrush Steakhouse can serve such
a big ass steak for such a minimal price? Hell, here, god,
(18:29):
let's After sixteen hours and three laps through the menu,
I seemed to have become an extor ply wedged into
the corner bullets. I chosen my lookout.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
Well, what did you do?
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Well? I ate too much?
Speaker 3 (18:44):
What did you do to get out of the boot?
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Well, apart from sweating a lot, there wasn't much I
could do. At one point, the situation became so desperate
that the sage Brushed baby dolls rubbed me down with
some of the fryer oil and tried to pop me
out of the bullet like a watermelon sea But a lass,
it was not to be.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
They rubbed you down with fryer oil.
Speaker 5 (19:06):
Yes, an item I suggested, they promptly put on the menu.
Oh well, I've got to go. I see the flashing
lights swarming in.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
The pocket once you got to break in the case, no.
Speaker 5 (19:20):
Fire and rescue is here with the jaw of the
light that on.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Oh wait a minute, Buzz, I don't know you didn't comment.
The kidnapped cowboy has been found. He was found behind
some apartment complex, muddy, but apparently in one piece. So
I guess that's good news.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
Huh yeah, just great, Buzz. Not late, but John Boy
Billy Pick show knows reminding you that I'm here because
you're out there. It's just buzz sighting off.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Thank you very much, Buzz, good work and good luck.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
Thank you. Try not to cut the shirt.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
Guys would too.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Jackie, good morning, the big shows on the radio. Jackie
told me you better not go home. But Antler sid
to the ears that the couch.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
I I got for the den. I don't know what
it is, but it's an Antler sconce here. Let me
show you where we put it.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
But remember that time in the deer well, I had
had that deer's but it's a deer's but you turn
it on, so I'm it's a deer's butt, and you
turn it upside down.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
You put teeth in a little hole and then the
eyeballs and this as well. This is why I don't
hang around with the.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Sticks down like a beard. And it's just like, yeah,
I give you know, Henry to one. Jackie's gonna now
when I die.
Speaker 9 (20:41):
For his forty and.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Birthday, I gave the deer butt head this spoogy look thing. Man,
it's why looking well.
Speaker 6 (20:47):
We were talking about deer butts on the air one
Dan Jason, I wish I had one, and somebody said,
he said, what can.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
We do with this thing?
Speaker 11 (20:54):
I know?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
A great birthday present, the gift that keeps on giving.
I still good to see it too. You that was
pretty sweet and you want to beat my sheet sleep.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Ah yo, I'm prim this time for stupid quiz color
nine one eight hundred, Big show, gonna play nine.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
Good morning, a big show. It's on the radio, tended
towing the bottom of the hour. Ask men, have you
seen Junior? Is great? Well you're the rough good and
let alone and left dar Dinna got off.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
On the last turn up. All right, let's say well
first hand tat hey take uh let me say I'm
playing John out of Cleo, Alabama.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Hello John, good.
Speaker 5 (22:08):
Morning, how you doing this morning?
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Many, good, good, thank.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
You, thank you, touch number on your touched on phone junk,
that's where you chime in, I got the bell mark,
you got a lesson playing.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Let's get on it. Let's get out of the way.
Speaker 6 (22:26):
Paler snow, it's double jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
English English buses spring and kill us on. That's literally English.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
I'm packing a trunk.
Speaker 11 (22:46):
Spell the word trampoline.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
If he gets it right, can we get one? No
t r A M P tramp.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Everybody looking at me? How did you come tramp a L.
Speaker 11 (23:06):
E E N.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Trampoline?
Speaker 3 (23:14):
No, no, no, no, all right, John? You got a
shot at it?
Speaker 9 (23:18):
Mate?
Speaker 5 (23:19):
I don't know, but no, no, no, better off?
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Yeah, got tramp part?
Speaker 5 (23:25):
When was that tambling?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
Tram b r A M.
Speaker 11 (23:32):
P O.
Speaker 9 (23:35):
Trampo?
Speaker 11 (23:36):
I I H?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
And what did you look at that? Mary? Assuming you
only wanted one or two eyes?
Speaker 6 (23:50):
Or two eyes?
Speaker 10 (23:51):
What?
Speaker 11 (23:51):
I what?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
You are? Right?
Speaker 5 (23:54):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
Good word? John? All right?
Speaker 1 (23:56):
I like it?
Speaker 5 (23:59):
Now?
Speaker 9 (24:00):
Hey, no help, this is not an open book.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Test. Well, he's not talking to his neighbor. He's talking
to his wife.
Speaker 6 (24:06):
But still your wife, My life is an open book,
but my wife is not.
Speaker 9 (24:10):
Let's get Johnny's wife that wife.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Why haven't I suffered enough? No, you haven't, but you
will now you are?
Speaker 11 (24:24):
All right? How about science class, we'll do some multiple choice?
All right, what do astronomers call a collapse star? Is
it a A white dwarf? B A pulsar? See a nova?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Collapsed star? I want to go with nova? That would
be wrong words astro nerd?
Speaker 9 (24:46):
When I need him, well, I don't know, we've never needed.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Let's say they're a space ghost.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
I'm gonna go with a hey white dwards?
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Correct?
Speaker 10 (25:01):
Yes, wow?
Speaker 3 (25:02):
How about look at John?
Speaker 13 (25:03):
All right?
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Do you wife help you with that?
Speaker 7 (25:05):
One?
Speaker 11 (25:05):
No?
Speaker 5 (25:06):
No, get them all right?
Speaker 3 (25:07):
Good word?
Speaker 9 (25:08):
Y up on me?
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Two to nothing? Didn't Mart?
Speaker 9 (25:14):
Please?
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Ready? Flame off? Something fun about the Yeah?
Speaker 11 (25:21):
Yeah, okay, here's the question. How many keys are there
on a full size piano?
Speaker 3 (25:31):
All right?
Speaker 5 (25:32):
All right?
Speaker 3 (25:33):
I think I know this for my music days when
it was coming first four majors? Yeah, eighty eight?
Speaker 9 (25:38):
Correct?
Speaker 3 (25:38):
Yes, all right?
Speaker 2 (25:41):
On the board.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Two to one geography, geography.
Speaker 11 (25:46):
What's the capital of Hawaii?
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Hawaii? Wowie Maui Maui?
Speaker 9 (25:53):
Which is it?
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Maui? Wowie Wowe Mawie Maui Wowie Maui.
Speaker 11 (25:57):
No, No, no, no, no no wait don't we don't wait?
Speaker 5 (26:02):
John?
Speaker 7 (26:02):
What you got?
Speaker 3 (26:06):
John?
Speaker 11 (26:09):
Oh? For sure?
Speaker 3 (26:10):
Come back home. I could have just had your wife
John gratulations, Buddy, I know about your bucking up man.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Hang on.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Go the next classics been today? John know I'm talking
about John the automatic, about getting what he said? Ain't
going Queen? Got next?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Good morning, all the big shows on the radio, classic
bed in the morning by requests coming up next?
Speaker 5 (26:44):
Hang on.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
You wanting to be shows on a radio? To my
classic bit of the morning from David at an Indian trail,
North Carolina says, I want to hear Uncle Bs for
the classic bit of the day. We take your requests
and that's what we do. Ight he go to, let's
bring Uncle Bs in, uncle Bs, where were you April fourteenth,
eighteen sixty five?
Speaker 14 (27:29):
April you fourteenth, eighteen sixty five. Let me thank you
a second? Uh bodyguard Ford's Theater, Washington, dcon eating popcorn, bird,
Dog and Lincoln and trying to catch a last half
of a play about somebody's cousin up to my ash
and raising as large pets in a roll full of
old bleeds. About that time, a short Hollywood type tries
(27:54):
to sneak past me in a mustache and ray band sunglass.
I said, I know you're either one of the them, Booster,
you're one of them bawling brothers, and Miss Lincoln gonna
shoot me if I don't get your autograph. Here, hold
this pistol in popcorn. I'm gonna go get something to
write with.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
A meat of eighteen hundreds? What about June eighteen seventy six.
Speaker 14 (28:19):
June of eighteen seventy six, Yeah, makeup artist, little big
horn Montana circling wagons and figuring out away to make
a proxide blond cavalry officer look like a sacred Sioux
medicine man, passing out into in legs and trying to
teach two hundred and six petrified white boys to do
an authentic emergency rain. Now up to my ass in
(28:42):
war paint, burn up cavalry uniforms, and you two can
speak Siou in thirty minutes language cassettes. About that time
I look up on the mountain and see nine thousand
ticked off war horses and enough feathers to put on
a pillow fight at a Rodney king. Right, Blondy ain't
sure if his eyeshadow looks real and I was wondering
where we're going to find a skim buffalo headdress. In
(29:04):
the next fifteen minutes, I said, I expect four or
five will be here directly. You boys, don't get nervous.
Just try to go out there, relax and have fun
with it. Custer, these are new ones, now, fellas, you
have to give me a minute.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
These are new ones. Okay, let's go out. August the sixth,
nineteen forty five.
Speaker 14 (29:30):
August You Shix, nineteen forty five, fertilizer salesman, Hiroshima, Japan,
sharing a bamboo duplex with a diesel field distributor and
a Hibachi cuk from Kobe Steakhouse, stacking forty pound bags
of ammonium nitrate with no shoes on, juggling spatcheless, chugging soke,
and choking down all of that gum tim purro shrimp.
(29:51):
You could possibly hear any up to my ass, and
Gisha girls order eaters and more gas fumes than you
could check a down Stickhaut. We're headed to some sumo
wrestling matches in Tokyo. I look up in the rear
view mirror of the Toyota and seen.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
A big flash. I said, now, Moki, did you leave
the stove over? What about June sixth, nineteen forty four.
Speaker 14 (30:22):
Junior sixth, nineteen forty four Metal detector salesman d Day
Normandy French walk in the beach at four in the
morning with black socks and sandal skyurr in the coastline
and helping a gay glass blower named Jean hunt for
a friendship bracelet he dropped out of a pair of
speedos earlier that evening. I look out in the ocean
(30:43):
and see one hundred thousand surfers running at me in
ugly green wetsuits with water pestles and enough luggage to
keep a team of bell hawks busy for a month.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Next thing, I know, a.
Speaker 14 (30:52):
Machine gun round from a sand dune parts my hair.
John takes a four inch piece of shrapnel in the butt.
I dragged both of us to a certain lotions stand
and wind up wrapping his button number ten. Sun's green
and the beachs tyle Turnai. My Geiger counters beaping like
a dope dealer at a crack house picnic. He's tussing
like a frenk sailor, and I'm wondering what this Many
teenagers are doing storming Normandy in the middle of the
(31:14):
all seasons, I said, Jean, with this many bullets in
the beach, I think you and Todd can forget about
that bracelet. I got one here to make a lot
of people. Man, let's just go ahead and jump straight
to this one. It's a good civil rights one. This
one always heats up the phones. Huncle Bys, where were
(31:35):
you in the summer of nineteen fifty six? City bus
driver Montgomery, Alabama wrestling is staring well and yelling at
a teenager to turn elvis down so I could figure
out how many black people I could squeeze on and
still have enough seats up front for the white coat
up to my ass and domestic help and little or
no air conditioning. About that time, the best looking white
(31:58):
woman in North America walks home my bus with legs
up to her hind end and the shortest dress in
four states. She's wearing about a forty d cup, no
wedding ring. I'm praying she'll sit in the third seat
on the left so I can watch her in the
mirror the rest of the trip. Suddenly I notice Rosa Parks.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Is in my eyeball in seat now if I don't
get Rosa to move down a row, I'll miss out
on looking at Miss Nude Alabama and wind up watching
Rosa rubb her feet for the next fifthing month.
Speaker 14 (32:27):
I yelled at Rosa to give that woman her seat.
Rosa said, my feet hurt, and you just want to
look at that playboy bunny. Now Rosa knows I ain't
had a date in six months and picture today to
turn into a.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
Severl lights marker.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I said, Rosie, you better get your butt up out
of that seat, or I swear to God, I'll.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Pull over and have you physically remember.
Speaker 14 (32:46):
It just goes to show every time I see a
good looking woman, somebody makes a federal case out of.
Speaker 3 (33:16):
You'm morning to make shows on the radio. Moving dude,
Tuesday morning, y'all be careful lout that today.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
Has some emails and truths, and let's just I want
to share. Here's an old guy's opinion. I'm over fifty now.
The Armed forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than thirty five to join the military.
They got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending eighteen
year olds on to five, they ought to take us
old guys, you shouldn't be able to join until you
(33:46):
are at least thirty five.
Speaker 9 (33:47):
This needs music all right.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
For starters.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Researchers say eighteen year olds think about sex every ten seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times
a day, leaving us more than twenty eight thousand editions
seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys
haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. We can't kill the enemy,
We'll complain them into submission. My back hurts, I'm hungry.
(34:12):
Where's the remote control? An eighteen year old hasn't had
a legal beer yet, and you shouldn't go to war
until year at least old enough to legally drink. An
average old guy, on the other hands, consume one hundred
and twenty six thousand gallons of beer by the time
he's thirty five, and a jaunt through the desert heat
with a backpack in m sixty would do wonders for
the old beer belly. An eighteen year old doesn't like
(34:33):
to get up before ten am. Old guys get up
early to pete. If old guys are captured, we couldn't
spill the beans, cause would probably forget where we put them.
In fact, name ranking cereal number would be a real
brain teaser. Boot Camp would actually be easier for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we
actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation
(34:58):
for guns, and rifles come almost better than naps. They
could lighten up on the obstacle course. However, I've been
in combat and didn't see a single twenty foot wall
with a rope hanging over the side, nor did I
ever do any push ups after training. I can hear
the drill, sergeant, now get down and give me uh one.
(35:19):
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone out run a bullet. An eighteen
year old has the whole world ahead of him. He's
still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation,
to wear pants without the top of the butt crack showing,
and box are shorts sticking out. To learn that a
pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a two hundred
watch speaker in the back seat of a Honda Cord
(35:40):
can rupture an ear drum all great reasons to keep
our sons at home and to learn a little more
about life before sending them off. The last thing the
enemy would want to see right now is a couple
of million old guys.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
With attitude as that's buddy, Thank you very much, old guy.
All right, wait, finished, alright, better, let's go.
Speaker 6 (36:01):
Bitbox is here all your favorites from four decades of
The Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Nine ninety nine.
Speaker 6 (36:07):
Buy them once, play them anywhere. Shop the bit Box
online at the Bigshow dot Com. Order Big Show Stuff
I phone. The number is eight hundred and four seven
to one Stuff Online Services by Animate dot Com.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
All right, y'all up next to sy John Boy Billion
Late Risers podcast You're missing in this November the first
show you ain't got two. Now it's a better wherever
you get your podcast and make it easy.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Subscribe to us with a free iHeartRadio app. Wese see tomorrow,
We love you and we mane it
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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