July 9, 2025 • 40 mins
Wednesday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we’ll recap some of the celebrity zingers from the old Hollywood Squares gameshow.. - A listener writes in to tell how John Boy’s Ooo-Wah soothes his 9-month old.. - Hoyt gets a fan letter that compares him to William Shakespeare.. - John Boy calls bull doodey on the Powerball Lottery.. - Little Sam the Jokester gets life advice from Tim Wilson.. - James Gregory weighs in as Pro-Lottery - but says the people that win are idiots.. - and we’ll wrap up with some advice from a financial planner on what to do if you do win the big jackpot…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Morning Pound.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
When I'm driving the bus in the morning, I always
get the troublemakers. But I figured out how to get
rid of them. I crank up the volume. On the
Big Show with John Boy and Billy. They are a
laugh riot and the crackheads hated.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Good Morning, A Big Show is on the radio. Yeah, finally, we'll.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Just talked about that crash that was caused in so
in Germany when the guy got a pair of underpants
wrapped around his space while he was.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Drinking A pair of underpants.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Yeah, it's just the group of a group of naked
men in a van threw a pair of underpants out
the window. It flew in this guys wouldn't and landed
on his head. Wonder, it's a Chris Farley move.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
He ran into the truck behind him in front of
that just abound nowhere. So the guy wasn't It was
just riding down a road.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
Yeah, went business on the autobone.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Yeah, And this fokesure said he did not know why
the men in the van were driving along naked and
didn't really want to know.
Speaker 6 (01:32):
See.
Speaker 7 (01:36):
Oh man, that's such a coincidence, because that's exactly what
happened to you on the way in.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I had my window down a pair of underwear flewing, But.
Speaker 7 (01:44):
You, being the driver that you are, were able to
save the truck and the underwear.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
See I see this happening on the boat.
Speaker 8 (01:54):
I see him running ashore with the underwear.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
It's a jellyfish.
Speaker 8 (02:00):
How long you think John Boy would last, you know,
as a castaway? You think of the movie at least.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
If he's by himself.
Speaker 8 (02:07):
I don't see him knocking his own tooth out with
a you know, with an ice skate.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I wanted him need me first, but he's the sale.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
O name Bradshaw.
Speaker 9 (02:24):
I think we had this on dumb Crook News before,
but somebody at the beach gave me a head light.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
To a pay pers No, that was a while back.
Speaker 9 (02:33):
Man eats own underwear and beats breath alts.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
He thought his underwear would absorb the alcohol out of
his red stream.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, and then he threw him out of the window.
Speaker 9 (02:45):
All right, let's give you legs up here, getting ready
to play this out first game right here.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Only here we're gonna do that negs.
Speaker 9 (02:55):
Good morning, this big show on the radio. All right
here we are twenty five out of the hour. Wednesday, July
the ninth. How y'all doing this morning?
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Hi buddy?
Speaker 9 (03:02):
All right, good, give you legs up for this game.
We're getting ready to play. The actor singer Aunt Eames
is seventy six. He played Daniel Boone's Indian friend Mingo Hi.
Speaker 8 (03:17):
John Boyce showed up for ward.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Nineteen sixty four.
Speaker 9 (03:20):
During an appearance on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson,
Ames demonstrated the use of an Indian tomahawk. The segment,
which is now a classic TV blooper, shows Ames tossing
the tomahawk squarely into the crotch of a cardboard cowboy.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Carson joked, I didn't.
Speaker 9 (03:39):
Even know you were Jewish, and then prompted one of
the longest in studio laughs in television history.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Till this day.
Speaker 9 (03:49):
In eighteen seventy eight, the corn cobb pipe was patted
by Henry Tibb of Washington, Missouri.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Is it tib or Tibby, remember you say, sir?
Speaker 10 (04:02):
Well.
Speaker 9 (04:02):
Tibby was a Dutch immigrant woodworker who turned the corn
cob pipe into big business. In nineteen twenty five, there
were more than twelve corn cob pipe manufacturers in Missouri alone.
These days, only one corn cob pipe Baker Assistant America,
the Missouri Mersham Company, which was started by Tibby. So
it was like the big mouth billy bass of that era,
(04:25):
the corn cob pipe.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It was on his day.
Speaker 9 (04:29):
Nineteen sixty, a seven year old boy named Roger Woodward
accidentally became the first person to survive plunging over Niagara Falls.
The boy escaped with only minor injuries. Seven year old
boy nineteen sixty fell over the falls, had.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Survived, No Maril, no nothing. You gotta tell that story.
But we've talked about it before.
Speaker 8 (04:51):
The circus owner that went bankrupt, he said it.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Was fun stuff back in eighteen hundred.
Speaker 8 (04:57):
This was in the late eighteen hundreds.
Speaker 7 (04:58):
A circus owner who lost all the his money because
his shows kind of sucked, decided, well, I got to
have one big hourrah, something to go out on that
I can make a little bit of money on.
Speaker 8 (05:08):
So he came up with this great idea.
Speaker 7 (05:09):
He sold tickets for people to watch from the banks
along the Niagara Falls. He put all the remaining circus
animals on a boat and was going to send them
over the falls.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I want you animals. You won't let me down now.
Speaker 8 (05:24):
They was not going to pay.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
But it was even more fun than that.
Speaker 7 (05:27):
Because just for sport, he allowed the hunters who paid
extra to bring their rifles and try to shoot the
animals on the boat.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Shoot animals on the boat before they went over the fall.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Welsom to, Hey, y'all watch this this, but wait, I
mean there was animals jumping off of the boat and
running from bullets, and monkeys running all over the place.
Speaker 7 (05:45):
One of the monkeys actually got off the boat and
somehow managed to make.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
It to shore, swam to shore.
Speaker 8 (05:50):
They shot him and threw him back in the water. No,
you know, get back in there to send them over
the fall.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Didn't said that monkey? Oh that was close. Finally made it.
Hey what do you know? I can swim? What do
you do with that thing?
Speaker 8 (06:07):
And we laugh about that. Damn it.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
It's funny because we're not monkeys.
Speaker 9 (06:11):
Yeah, but the animal suffer Niagara falls.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Let people. It is cruel shooting them from the banks.
Speaker 8 (06:20):
But drew a crowd, a paining crowd.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
In the eighteenth time. I made some money off these animals.
If it'd been thinking like that, maybe wouldn't wu bankrup.
Speaker 9 (06:31):
Really all right, Well, anyway, there's your legs up one
eight hundred big show calling nine.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
We'll play with you negs. Good morning to make Joll's
(07:09):
on already hoard.
Speaker 9 (07:09):
Little bit best Hells, get on into blending taper again.
You know when you never seen the song Outburst, last
way out Burst? All right, good, good morning Brandon from Cumberland, Maryland.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Hi, you bunny, I'm doing fine.
Speaker 11 (07:22):
Bout yourself?
Speaker 9 (07:22):
Oh good man, I'm right a little late this morning, Brandon.
About halfway hot? Oversleeping? Oh, don't tell yourself short, You're
all the way hot.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yes, stupid had a top three car, had some idiot
in the station wagon wouldn't get over left hand lane.
Speaker 9 (07:38):
Blinker, he slows way down a little speed bubble man
man bran.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And Coverland, Maryland. Man, Hi, what's going on there? What
do you like to do in Cumberland, Maryland? Brandon?
Speaker 11 (07:50):
They ain't very much to do here.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Really.
Speaker 11 (07:53):
We got a bunch of dirt car racing and stuff
like that.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
It's about some dirt drag racing up there.
Speaker 11 (07:58):
Yes, sir boy, you.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Like to you like driving fast? Brandon?
Speaker 11 (08:01):
Uhly wan, my wife's in the car.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Fear factor like to scare.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
Yes, well, maybe you worked the heater.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Worked the gas.
Speaker 8 (08:12):
About that work. Did you just call him baby?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
No, I was talking for Brandon to his wife.
Speaker 11 (08:18):
I don't get scared of for a second.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
All right, Brandon, Well, let's jump in here, buddy, see
if you can win you ready, I'm ready? All right.
I give me three late night TV talk shows. Ready
go David.
Speaker 11 (08:33):
Letterman, j Leno and uh oh, I can't remember the
other guys.
Speaker 8 (08:39):
Go hand.
Speaker 9 (08:40):
Okay, good thing, I missed the stop one here at first.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
You have a little second. Brandon, give me three things
you smoke, ready go.
Speaker 11 (08:49):
Cigarettes, marijuana and uh meat, very cloud.
Speaker 9 (08:58):
Alright, good work, but we're gonna trace the call, and
Brandon for the wind.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Three monor injuries.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
One of Randy.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Three minor injuries, ready.
Speaker 11 (09:13):
Go cut, a bruise and a pressure.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Fraction. Lump of coal fell on me in the mind.
Speaker 8 (09:30):
I guess you broke something small.
Speaker 7 (09:33):
Yeah, like that time I broke broke my little toe
in the chicken suit and.
Speaker 8 (09:40):
The lift through the airport.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, well, I'll tell you. Well, why don't you and
Brandon talk about it?
Speaker 9 (09:45):
Sayway, Brandon, I was doing this thing, and Brandon, you
got the prize baggage. If you'd like to stay and
talk to Randy while you can, or I can tune
you over to Jackie.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
You can get your information of Zendy the prize back.
Speaker 8 (09:56):
But my head never came off.
Speaker 12 (09:59):
Chin strapping, Good Morning, Love, Starved mortals Cupid Here you know,
I had to make two million people fall in love
at the same time tune them into a big show
with John Boy and Billy. Trust me, there's enough of
them to go around, sympathies to whoever gets stuck with
Hansen and by the bye, you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Good morning to make showings on the radio.
Speaker 9 (11:00):
There's some funny stuff from the old Hollywood Squares, not
like today when it's all scripted and dull. More like
Dollywood Squares away it's unscripted and dull.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Here on there you here's a guds. Listen to him.
Do female frogs croak?
Speaker 9 (11:18):
Paul In said, if you hold their heads under water
long enough, if you're going to make a parachute jump,
at least how high should you be? Charlie Weaver said
three days a steady drinking should do it. Tu or
false ap can last as long as five thousand years.
George Goebel, boy, it sure seems like it. Sometimes you've
(11:43):
been having trouble going to sleep? Are you probably a
man or a woman? Don knots that's what's been keeping
me awake.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
He's sounded a lot like Paul in there for a second.
Speaker 9 (11:55):
According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger to party
and you think he's attractive, is it okay to come out?
Ask him if he's married? Rose Marie says no, wait
until morning. This is always after Maya.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you
get older? Charlie Weaver said, my sense of decency in Hawaiian?
Does it take more than three words to say I
love you? Vincent Price said no, you can say it
with a pineapple in a twenty.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
That's creepy.
Speaker 9 (12:32):
Yeah, what are do it? I can help and I
can't get enough. George Goebel, I don't know, but it's
coming from the next apartment. As you grow older, do
you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Rose Marie?
Speaker 9 (12:50):
You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Paul.
Speaker 9 (12:56):
Why do Hell's Angels wear leather because your fine wrinkles
too easy? And finally, Charlie, you just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you gonna get any during the first year? Of
course not, I'm too busy growing strawberry. Good morning, that's
(13:39):
a big show on the radio, about ten away for
the hour. All right, let's bring him in. It's time
for Oliver.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, well, well, the following is for men only. So ladies,
we'll give you a chance to leave the room there
now that those cows are gone, Gather around, boys. There's
(14:10):
five questions that a man doesn't ever want to.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Hear from a woman. One what are you thinking about?
Speaker 10 (14:20):
Two?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Do you love me? Three? Do I look fat?
Speaker 13 (14:31):
Four?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Do you think she's prettier than me? And?
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Five what would you do if I died? What makes
these questions so unpleasant is that each one is guaranteed
to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly,
otherwise known as telling the truth. Therefore, as a public service,
(15:01):
let's examine each question and provide some help in giving
the correct responses. Number one, what are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is why I
was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring,
intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to
(15:24):
have you.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
The true answer to what are you thinking about?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Is probably one of the following baseball, football, How fat
you are? That little blonde in the tube cop over there?
How glad I am you're not wearing a tube cap.
(15:50):
Perhaps the truest response to this question was offered by
Al Bundy, who once told peg, if I wanted you
to know what I was thinking, I'd be talking to you.
Question number two, do you love me? The proper response
is yes, or if your butter is in a spling,
(16:12):
in a sling for that moment, a detailed answer is
in order with yes, dear, yes kitten, or yes snooky
wookie wookers. Inappropriate responses include oh yeah, a whole buttload.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes, sir?
(16:36):
That depends on what you mean by love at this point?
Does it really matter? Question number three? Do I look fat?
The correct answer is, of course not. Among the inappropriate
(16:57):
answers are compared though, what I wouldn't call you fat,
but you're not exactly thin.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
A little extra weight looks good on.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
You, or my favorite, I've seen fatter? Question number four,
do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the
proper response is an emphatic of course. Not Inappropriate responses
(17:38):
include yes, but you have a better personality. She's not prettier,
but she's a whole lot thinner. You were as pretty
as her when you were.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Her age all define pretty. Question number five, what would
you do if I died?
Speaker 3 (18:07):
This is especially dangerous since it's usually asked about thirty
seconds after you turn out the lights to go to sleep.
Your best bet is to pretend you're already in a
deep slumber.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
And didn't hear the question.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
If you're forced to answer, you something like now, honey,
don't even talk that way, or my favorite, why I'd
probably die too of a broken heart. You'll want to
avoid things like what would I do probably the freaking
(18:44):
watusi before or after I bought the new boat in
the Corvette? Yeah, like I'd ever get that luck out,
I'd finally nail your buddy Susan.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Mock my weds.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Gentlemen, Sooner or later, these questions will come up, and,
as the boy Scouts say, be pre pay. This has
been a public affairs presentation of the John Boy and
Billy Big Show, helping regular guys cover their butt since
nineteen eighty.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
What go now? Okay, good morning, there's Dan Higgins here.
Speaker 14 (19:39):
Nothing makes my day like a chance to pop in
on John Boy and Billy here on the Big Show.
But I don't come here just to see them. I'm
not a gay. I come here for eye Candy, Babs,
Jackie and Fader because daddy's got a sweet tooth. How
was that too blue?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Good morning everybody.
Speaker 9 (20:27):
The Big Shows on the radio headed toward John boyd
jeveryday time we will get us in winter. Going through
some correspondence, some emails from the Big Show dot com
Jamavilla guys, thanks doing.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
A great job.
Speaker 9 (20:38):
Love listen to the show, y'all, keep eleven all day.
I have a story that I would like to share
with you concerning my nine month old daughter, Brianna. At
the tender young age of seven months, Brianna was testing
for food allergies. She's allergic to wheat, eggs, and peanuts,
and of course, when one has food algies, you have
exema that we now have to deal with. She's broke
out from head to toe from this hateful skin disease
(21:00):
in places that she doesn't know she has yet I've
noticed several times while listening to the show that she
would just laugh when John bo was doing u wah
oo wa ooh wah, just to make sure I've started
doing this to her and she laughs. I know that
a nine month old child doesn't really know what all
is going on, but she has recognized usa oa ooh
wah and she loves it. Thanks for sharing and making
(21:21):
my daughter laugh possible. Could you guys autograph a picture
for Brianna? Thanks again, Chris Gray, Blacksburg, Virginia.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Why wow wow.
Speaker 9 (21:29):
By the way, that's not my spell check. What's wrong
with these computers? You did spell it right, Chris. Oo
w ah, that is the correct spelling for uah oohah.
Haven't been listening to you guys faithfully like a true
John o'billy fan should since I left Gastoni, North Carolina,
three years ago until the recent upgrade to your streaming webcast,
(21:50):
which works wonderfully now listening in over the internet, it
calls headaches and minor nosebleeds most of the time. I
now have a shortcut of my computer right into the cast,
and I have a set to open on its own
every weekday morning, just like an alarm clock. To bet
I'm not around very long listen to the whole show.
You guys really need to get in a Philly station
up here in Maine, and I'm sure all the NASCAR
fans in the air would appreciate as much as those
(22:11):
who just missed the show. Hey, you might even get
a few more fans out of it. Try to keep
listening and carousel Cheesecakes Maine.
Speaker 8 (22:20):
Youm some good cheesecakes.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
Utaly, the new affiliate process has.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Uh, this is just weird.
Speaker 9 (22:28):
Pace this in your address, barge, as in case John
Boy needs another deer head.
Speaker 8 (22:33):
But oh, I saw that there's a website. It's pretty funny, Billy,
have to shave it out. It's called who would Want this?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Dot Com?
Speaker 8 (22:41):
I think it's the actual name.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Wow, say this is this dearhead, but a whole lot
uglier than mine.
Speaker 8 (22:45):
Let me see that. Second. I think it's who would
buy this? Let me see it because it's a funny link.
Speaker 15 (22:48):
It's got you know people that have placed ads on
eBay or other websites for sale. H This one is
actually called Oh gone it, Move on, Johnny, I'll come
back to it.
Speaker 9 (22:59):
What do I'd like to make you guys an over
for the next time you're in Orlando. My family owns
a Segway human Transporter, a two wheeled self balancing personal
transportation device so easy to ride, not even John Boy
could mess it up. Yeah, there's a guy magotized trying
to give me up with He wants to get up
at the race tracks to take them and rent them
(23:20):
to race fans.
Speaker 8 (23:22):
Oh that's a nice idea. Race fans are supposed to
be self balancing. But you see how that goes on.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
The l You know what I need? I need me
a gyro school.
Speaker 7 (23:33):
Hey, the website that was talking about for the deers
butt and other things that you can't believe exist is
called who would buy that?
Speaker 8 (23:39):
Dot com? Yeah, there's a bunch of crap on there.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Well, there's a coming up.
Speaker 9 (23:44):
In just a few minutes, John Boy, Jeopardy will be
played another one and will be made your jans to
win a coming up.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. Here
we are, John boyd Jeopardy time. Here you go.
Speaker 9 (23:58):
We've all got one. But did you know that, according
to those who designed them, yours should be at least
seven inches longer than you.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
What is the stunt double?
Speaker 5 (24:10):
Depending on what kind of movie you're making, of course,
I guess you're right.
Speaker 9 (24:14):
Uh no, what y'all think? One ain't on a big show?
You told freelanel shower call and I go, do we
get a winter?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Let's do it? Good morning, the big shows on the radio, moving.
Speaker 9 (24:50):
Around the bottom of the hour and out it's time, Yes.
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Live, I'll call some I record you.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
Know, Forday, and now your host recently called the reason
I was born to live on this earth?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Of course it was by the mater Mans.
Speaker 9 (25:10):
He's John, Mary, don't maiter Haye appreciate John out of
Ocean Springs, Mississippi is up?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Hello John? How you doing?
Speaker 16 (25:20):
John?
Speaker 9 (25:20):
Moore?
Speaker 13 (25:21):
Billy?
Speaker 16 (25:21):
How you doing?
Speaker 10 (25:22):
Good? Man?
Speaker 6 (25:23):
You all right?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Doing?
Speaker 10 (25:24):
All right? All right?
Speaker 16 (25:25):
First time calling brother man.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Hw What you gonna do today? That's all John? What
you gonna do today?
Speaker 11 (25:32):
Man?
Speaker 16 (25:33):
Well, I'm fixing gold work right now?
Speaker 1 (25:35):
All right, Dan, Well, let's even get out the door
winter John?
Speaker 10 (25:39):
All right?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
All right? You got one? I got one? All well,
most guys chilling got one.
Speaker 9 (25:44):
But did you know that, according to those who designed them,
you should be at least seven inches longer.
Speaker 16 (25:49):
Than you who designed them.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, those who designed them? What did you think? I said?
Speaker 10 (25:57):
Oh?
Speaker 16 (25:57):
I thought I thought you said that what everybody had
as I was thinking medically, so I was thinking something
part of your body.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Well that could be that could be right. I'm not sure.
Speaker 16 (26:09):
Okay, I'll not changed my answer. How about the standard bed?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
How about a bed?
Speaker 9 (26:16):
Look?
Speaker 6 (26:17):
Yeah, I think on his feet.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
And by the way, what body part were you gonna get?
Speaker 8 (26:24):
No, no, no, I don't want to know.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, it's a bed seven inches taller than you. Yeah.
Does that work out so you don't hang off?
Speaker 8 (26:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 16 (26:34):
Oh yeah, well my my bed is only about two
inches tall or so.
Speaker 6 (26:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (26:38):
I got too many pillows on my bed, so like
I pushed down in my feet, tend to come off
the the end of it.
Speaker 8 (26:45):
Something to your wife has built like a barrier between.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You and her with pillow. Yeah, just what you called
her for it.
Speaker 8 (26:55):
I love to but he can't get to me.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I'm over here by I'm this big downy burner. I'm
going behind the butte. I'll see.
Speaker 13 (27:08):
Jod.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Congratulations, buddy.
Speaker 10 (27:10):
All right, I did.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Hold on Jackie and her buttes. We'll get your information
on all right.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
This is sour Beef Chones, the world's most political wrestler,
with my personal valet and made squeeze Sweaty.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Betty, don't squeeze me too tight. I might you are adorable.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
And before every fight in our hot of the ring,
we warm up with two of the greatest patriots on
the airwaves, the World Heavyweight tang Team Comedy Champions, Party about.
Speaker 6 (27:40):
And half part that John Boy and Billy Big shall beef.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Whatever you'll say, Sweaty, let me give you a hug.
Speaker 9 (27:47):
I warned you, good morning, that's a big show on
(28:24):
the radio. Sitting down there were grilling out and then
made a man talking. Man he's telling us kids. Man,
I tell you this big city living. I miss some
stuff bout growing up my hometown of Graham. Remember in
the summertime, Man, you go out and kids, you just
eat all day off the land had blackberries.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Oh Hollifa, we're not going to move again. I want
to talk about that.
Speaker 6 (28:46):
Man.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
We run around y'all like that.
Speaker 9 (28:48):
I mean we had blackberries, apples, pears, scuffing nine.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Man, you just eat, just eat all day. It was
healthy food too. Now go in and had to eat
a hot pocket.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
I can't believe the Big Show is coming out against
hot Pocket.
Speaker 9 (29:09):
Just need more stuff, man, eat off the land. I
got thinking about that you and the mats that feels good.
Plan something, tend it, watch it grow, fertilize it, pick it,
eat it.
Speaker 6 (29:26):
Come this is all up.
Speaker 10 (29:31):
Here, Gord give me here you.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Get of course, Young Rayford. Uh see y'all get out
there and eat something.
Speaker 8 (29:49):
Why don't you.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Got me first about that?
Speaker 9 (30:11):
Good morning to make shows all the ready going die
that up?
Speaker 13 (30:21):
Jay?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
You had a call. You don't go to work? Okay,
thank you very much, bro quite, answered the voting.
Speaker 10 (30:36):
Man.
Speaker 15 (30:37):
Hello, heys hoyt oh my life for the fighter man,
No man, John boymen a here, Hey, hey.
Speaker 10 (30:43):
You beg on Hey no gravin notice taking mad marker
and he hall looking ferverent.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Now much wild man? What's new at casad double wide house? Delbert?
Speaker 10 (30:54):
You mean mister G D G E D.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Delbert is finishing high school?
Speaker 10 (31:00):
No? In this case GED stands for generally eat up
with Doug. Hey, I got me another fan Leonard the
other day.
Speaker 9 (31:07):
Oh let me get it's another marriage proposal from a
woman who's already married.
Speaker 10 (31:12):
Oh this here come from a college educated fellaw Ah.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Marriage proposal from a man that's already married.
Speaker 10 (31:17):
Ol sturb this boy enjoins me on a purely potonic
and intellectual level. Hey check this out, dere big show gang.
I've been enjoying your program since you guys hit the
air here in Birmingham, and one of my favorite characters
is how It. In my college years, I spent a
little time studying classical English literature while perusing a copy
(31:39):
of Henry the Fourth Part one. Recently I came across
a bond mo that's French for a real goodurn in
Act two, scene four. It made me think of how It.
During an exchange in the Boy's head tavern, Prince Henry
delivers this line thy leather jerkin crystal button, notdd and
painted agut ring Hugh stuck in catas garters, smooth tongue,
(32:02):
Spanish pouch. Now doesn't that sound like want to holt
snow driving knuckle dragon insult? Is this good old boy
more educated than he's letting on? Are his humorous escapades
inspired by Shakespeare? Inquiring minds want to know? Jim Dunn, Birmingham, Alabama.
Here's my reply, Dear Jim, what was me? My greatest
(32:26):
fair has been realized. My colorful collection of backwoods antics
have been revealed as a carefully constructed facade that they are.
Here's true, good sir, Though I drove mightily to present
myself as the leader of a league of dem yet
genial country bumpkins, I actually have a Bachelor of Arts
degree in English literature for my years as a Rhodes
(32:48):
scholar at Oxford in the early nineteen seventies, when I
roomed with Algar and Tommy lee Yard. Since you have
discovered the leather jerkin Spanish pouch soliloquy, you have no
doubt ified the Shakespearean roots of other famous moments in
Hoyden Delbert history. For example Richard the Third's pro covity
for younger members of the fair Sex, which became Delbert's
(33:11):
daddy and his well known attraction to underage women in general,
and the Olsen Twins in particular, not to mention Romeo
and Mercutio's memorable face off in Act one of Romeo
and Juliet, which later became Hoyden Delbert in the Deer Costume,
And of course, from much Ado about Nothing, the classic
question what ho sets the wind in that corner? Later
(33:34):
adapted as at time Delbert let loose a big fart
with his girlfriend in the truck in short. Each of
our comic misadventures rests on the principal advance by Macbeth
in the closing moments of Act five, Scene five, I quote,
it is a tale told by an idiot, full of
sound and fury, signifying nothing. I hope this startling revelation
(33:56):
doesn't tarnish your enjoyment of our occasional comedic press regards.
Speaker 9 (34:03):
Let me guess you're just kidding about being college educated.
Speaker 13 (34:06):
Right you?
Speaker 10 (34:06):
Thank Hey? Our big letterary influences is Jerry Klar and
brother Dave Garden. The only thing I know about Shakespeare
is they make a pretty good fishing run. Listen, I
got a run here, men, Professor bass Nickers fixing.
Speaker 13 (34:20):
To go to war?
Speaker 10 (34:22):
That yeah, well you tell him I said good night,
good night. Pardon this such sweet tomorrow that I shall
say good night till it be tomorrow, or in modern terms,
duh huh, he'll know what you mean. Hey, y'all came
straight up a.
Speaker 6 (34:35):
Right dear here, Good morning. You got the big show
on the radio.
Speaker 9 (34:46):
More chances for you to win coming up after your
news weathers barts.
Speaker 17 (34:50):
This is Donald Trump and you're listening to the Big
Show on the radio. John Boy and Billy. These guys
are tremendous right now. That the number one John Boy
and Billy I ever, and I know a lot of
John Boy and Billy's, trust me, a tremendous amount of
John Boy and Billy's. And there's some smaller shows. But
this is the big show. It's the big show on
your radio. I think that's how John Boy says, the
(35:11):
big show on the radio.
Speaker 9 (35:44):
Good morning, The big show's on the radio, gonna talk
about the big powerball lot Trey.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
It's a big lot track.
Speaker 9 (35:49):
Somebody's gonna be a millionaire. Why don't y'all just work
for you million dollars? Goodness sakes, Oh oh wow, yow.
Speaker 8 (36:00):
You know how many people just looked at the radio
went couch.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
No he didn't. Hey, goodness, I was pie in the sky, scovel.
The ain't no easy money. Boys. Wow, they just did
it again, I'm telling you. You know, yeah, everybody after
(36:27):
there's waiting, come on, don't waiting to whip me.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
Because men on the show is kind of like playing
the lottery, except you get free coffee too.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
You know what I'm telling you.
Speaker 9 (36:37):
If y'all just putting some of this, uh you know,
all this stuff standing in line, a bunch of losers
trying to strike you like that's it.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I'm back on.
Speaker 13 (36:45):
It's on.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
It's gotta be hard.
Speaker 8 (36:50):
When John Boy was just in there laying on a couch.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Jackie talking through the lock.
Speaker 13 (36:56):
Johnny, No, come on, no, you're meaning me, said the man.
He says, go to work for your money.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
I'll put yourself together. I'll have more on this in
a minute. Good morning. A big show is on the
radio coming up.
Speaker 9 (37:23):
The easiest way for you to get your name in
this winter's hat because it's the corn Events quiz.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
All I gotta do is take s all right one
eight big show.
Speaker 9 (37:32):
You're toll free line across America, be calling nine, Take
see and win right now.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
I ain't got time to get mine. It ain't no
easy to me. It's out damn. But ain't nothing such
an easy time with me? Blas are hasn't I about easy?
Come in frown me way too long. We'll talk about plug.
Speaker 5 (38:16):
I think I want you to do a comic book.
Speaker 9 (38:18):
Yeah yeah, come in to talk about these get rich
quick ski Hey man, I remember you draw in high school.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I do a comic book and we'll set it on
you on your website, make me.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
I mean soon, mister Hippie versus the Airplanes, Volume fifty eight.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
That's the other thing I could never draw. I mean,
Billy's great artis And now I just say, who that is?
Speaker 5 (38:39):
That's mister hippie. Now what airplanes coming at it?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Of course it looks a lot different, now I got
I got got it?
Speaker 4 (38:47):
Yeah, kind like King kongcept without the Empire state building,
and it's a hippie instead of a gorilla.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Why don't I do my own comic book? There you
got mister hippie versus the airplanes?
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Some perfect thought.
Speaker 8 (39:00):
Hey, you could sell it on the website.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Yeah, you could make a million. How many hits do
we have on our website? Millions, millions a month?
Speaker 8 (39:07):
About twenty million, yeah, twenty million a month.
Speaker 5 (39:09):
Yeah, and most of them are hippies and people with airplanes.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
It's perfect. Hey, man, we are running so late this morning.
Say never ever quit.
Speaker 8 (39:21):
Unless sure.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Kim from Rusk, Texas was just like on the phone
and I picked he up. Hey Kim, Hello, hello, baby,
here we go. You ready, I'm ready? All right, Billy, quickly,
all right.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
The fourth largest lottery payoff in US history is up
for grabs in tonight's Powerball drawing. Of course, the odds
of hitting the big jackpot are about one hundred and
twenty million to one. Now, in case you're wondering, that's
about as probable as a being hit by lightning every
day for a year, b being killed by a falling satellite,
(39:57):
or see somebody actually buying a copy of Mister Hippie
versus the airplane.
Speaker 16 (40:04):
Why you say, Kim, I'd say, Hey, I'm telling you
it ain't no.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Oh, bless your heart.
Speaker 6 (40:17):
Kim was just calling.
Speaker 9 (40:18):
No Kim, it's s It's always say because I didn't
do the pep squad.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
That one of Hell, Oh, Kim, I tried to do
everything to make you win her, but bless.
Speaker 5 (40:30):
Your heart, sounds like it's not a good day for
you to buy a lottery ticket him.
Speaker 8 (40:34):
The good news.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
Man, bless you Jackie, makee Kim happy. Just give me
a six pack of our water.
Speaker 8 (40:44):
The good news is your cell phone company is really
happy today.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Give her some He trained at least paid the bill. Blessure.
You heard little Stupie run around Texas
Morning Pound.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
When I'm driving the bus in the morning, I always
get the troublemakers. But I figured out how to get
rid of them. I crank up the volume. On the
Big Show with John Boy and Billy. They are a
laugh riot and the crackheads hated.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Good Morning, A Big Show is on the radio. Yeah, finally, we'll.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Just talked about that crash that was caused in so
in Germany when the guy got a pair of underpants
wrapped around his space while he was.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Drinking A pair of underpants.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Yeah, it's just the group of a group of naked
men in a van threw a pair of underpants out
the window. It flew in this guys wouldn't and landed
on his head. Wonder, it's a Chris Farley move.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
He ran into the truck behind him in front of
that just abound nowhere. So the guy wasn't It was
just riding down a road.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
Yeah, went business on the autobone.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Yeah, And this fokesure said he did not know why
the men in the van were driving along naked and
didn't really want to know.
Speaker 6 (01:32):
See.
Speaker 7 (01:36):
Oh man, that's such a coincidence, because that's exactly what
happened to you on the way in.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I had my window down a pair of underwear flewing, But.
Speaker 7 (01:44):
You, being the driver that you are, were able to
save the truck and the underwear.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
See I see this happening on the boat.
Speaker 8 (01:54):
I see him running ashore with the underwear.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
It's a jellyfish.
Speaker 8 (02:00):
How long you think John Boy would last, you know,
as a castaway? You think of the movie at least.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
If he's by himself.
Speaker 8 (02:07):
I don't see him knocking his own tooth out with
a you know, with an ice skate.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I wanted him need me first, but he's the sale.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
O name Bradshaw.
Speaker 9 (02:24):
I think we had this on dumb Crook News before,
but somebody at the beach gave me a head light.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
To a pay pers No, that was a while back.
Speaker 9 (02:33):
Man eats own underwear and beats breath alts.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
He thought his underwear would absorb the alcohol out of
his red stream.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Yeah, and then he threw him out of the window.
Speaker 9 (02:45):
All right, let's give you legs up here, getting ready
to play this out first game right here.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Only here we're gonna do that negs.
Speaker 9 (02:55):
Good morning, this big show on the radio. All right
here we are twenty five out of the hour. Wednesday, July
the ninth. How y'all doing this morning?
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Hi buddy?
Speaker 9 (03:02):
All right, good, give you legs up for this game.
We're getting ready to play. The actor singer Aunt Eames
is seventy six. He played Daniel Boone's Indian friend Mingo Hi.
Speaker 8 (03:17):
John Boyce showed up for ward.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Nineteen sixty four.
Speaker 9 (03:20):
During an appearance on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson,
Ames demonstrated the use of an Indian tomahawk. The segment,
which is now a classic TV blooper, shows Ames tossing
the tomahawk squarely into the crotch of a cardboard cowboy.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Carson joked, I didn't.
Speaker 9 (03:39):
Even know you were Jewish, and then prompted one of
the longest in studio laughs in television history.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Till this day.
Speaker 9 (03:49):
In eighteen seventy eight, the corn cobb pipe was patted
by Henry Tibb of Washington, Missouri.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Is it tib or Tibby, remember you say, sir?
Speaker 10 (04:02):
Well.
Speaker 9 (04:02):
Tibby was a Dutch immigrant woodworker who turned the corn
cob pipe into big business. In nineteen twenty five, there
were more than twelve corn cob pipe manufacturers in Missouri alone.
These days, only one corn cob pipe Baker Assistant America,
the Missouri Mersham Company, which was started by Tibby. So
it was like the big mouth billy bass of that era,
(04:25):
the corn cob pipe.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It was on his day.
Speaker 9 (04:29):
Nineteen sixty, a seven year old boy named Roger Woodward
accidentally became the first person to survive plunging over Niagara Falls.
The boy escaped with only minor injuries. Seven year old
boy nineteen sixty fell over the falls, had.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Survived, No Maril, no nothing. You gotta tell that story.
But we've talked about it before.
Speaker 8 (04:51):
The circus owner that went bankrupt, he said it.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Was fun stuff back in eighteen hundred.
Speaker 8 (04:57):
This was in the late eighteen hundreds.
Speaker 7 (04:58):
A circus owner who lost all the his money because
his shows kind of sucked, decided, well, I got to
have one big hourrah, something to go out on that
I can make a little bit of money on.
Speaker 8 (05:08):
So he came up with this great idea.
Speaker 7 (05:09):
He sold tickets for people to watch from the banks
along the Niagara Falls. He put all the remaining circus
animals on a boat and was going to send them
over the falls.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
I want you animals. You won't let me down now.
Speaker 8 (05:24):
They was not going to pay.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
But it was even more fun than that.
Speaker 7 (05:27):
Because just for sport, he allowed the hunters who paid
extra to bring their rifles and try to shoot the
animals on the boat.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Shoot animals on the boat before they went over the fall.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
Welsom to, Hey, y'all watch this this, but wait, I
mean there was animals jumping off of the boat and
running from bullets, and monkeys running all over the place.
Speaker 7 (05:45):
One of the monkeys actually got off the boat and
somehow managed to make.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
It to shore, swam to shore.
Speaker 8 (05:50):
They shot him and threw him back in the water. No,
you know, get back in there to send them over
the fall.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Didn't said that monkey? Oh that was close. Finally made it.
Hey what do you know? I can swim? What do
you do with that thing?
Speaker 8 (06:07):
And we laugh about that. Damn it.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
It's funny because we're not monkeys.
Speaker 9 (06:11):
Yeah, but the animal suffer Niagara falls.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Let people. It is cruel shooting them from the banks.
Speaker 8 (06:20):
But drew a crowd, a paining crowd.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
In the eighteenth time. I made some money off these animals.
If it'd been thinking like that, maybe wouldn't wu bankrup.
Speaker 9 (06:31):
Really all right, Well, anyway, there's your legs up one
eight hundred big show calling nine.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
We'll play with you negs. Good morning to make Joll's
(07:09):
on already hoard.
Speaker 9 (07:09):
Little bit best Hells, get on into blending taper again.
You know when you never seen the song Outburst, last
way out Burst? All right, good, good morning Brandon from Cumberland, Maryland.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Hi, you bunny, I'm doing fine.
Speaker 11 (07:22):
Bout yourself?
Speaker 9 (07:22):
Oh good man, I'm right a little late this morning, Brandon.
About halfway hot? Oversleeping? Oh, don't tell yourself short, You're
all the way hot.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Yes, stupid had a top three car, had some idiot
in the station wagon wouldn't get over left hand lane.
Speaker 9 (07:38):
Blinker, he slows way down a little speed bubble man
man bran.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And Coverland, Maryland. Man, Hi, what's going on there? What
do you like to do in Cumberland, Maryland? Brandon?
Speaker 11 (07:50):
They ain't very much to do here.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Really.
Speaker 11 (07:53):
We got a bunch of dirt car racing and stuff
like that.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
It's about some dirt drag racing up there.
Speaker 11 (07:58):
Yes, sir boy, you.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Like to you like driving fast? Brandon?
Speaker 11 (08:01):
Uhly wan, my wife's in the car.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Fear factor like to scare.
Speaker 6 (08:07):
Yes, well, maybe you worked the heater.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Worked the gas.
Speaker 8 (08:12):
About that work. Did you just call him baby?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
No, I was talking for Brandon to his wife.
Speaker 11 (08:18):
I don't get scared of for a second.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
All right, Brandon, Well, let's jump in here, buddy, see
if you can win you ready, I'm ready? All right.
I give me three late night TV talk shows. Ready
go David.
Speaker 11 (08:33):
Letterman, j Leno and uh oh, I can't remember the
other guys.
Speaker 8 (08:39):
Go hand.
Speaker 9 (08:40):
Okay, good thing, I missed the stop one here at first.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
You have a little second. Brandon, give me three things
you smoke, ready go.
Speaker 11 (08:49):
Cigarettes, marijuana and uh meat, very cloud.
Speaker 9 (08:58):
Alright, good work, but we're gonna trace the call, and
Brandon for the wind.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Three monor injuries.
Speaker 8 (09:08):
One of Randy.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Three minor injuries, ready.
Speaker 11 (09:13):
Go cut, a bruise and a pressure.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Fraction. Lump of coal fell on me in the mind.
Speaker 8 (09:30):
I guess you broke something small.
Speaker 7 (09:33):
Yeah, like that time I broke broke my little toe
in the chicken suit and.
Speaker 8 (09:40):
The lift through the airport.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, well, I'll tell you. Well, why don't you and
Brandon talk about it?
Speaker 9 (09:45):
Sayway, Brandon, I was doing this thing, and Brandon, you
got the prize baggage. If you'd like to stay and
talk to Randy while you can, or I can tune
you over to Jackie.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
You can get your information of Zendy the prize back.
Speaker 8 (09:56):
But my head never came off.
Speaker 12 (09:59):
Chin strapping, Good Morning, Love, Starved mortals Cupid Here you know,
I had to make two million people fall in love
at the same time tune them into a big show
with John Boy and Billy. Trust me, there's enough of
them to go around, sympathies to whoever gets stuck with
Hansen and by the bye, you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Good morning to make showings on the radio.
Speaker 9 (11:00):
There's some funny stuff from the old Hollywood Squares, not
like today when it's all scripted and dull. More like
Dollywood Squares away it's unscripted and dull.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Here on there you here's a guds. Listen to him.
Do female frogs croak?
Speaker 9 (11:18):
Paul In said, if you hold their heads under water
long enough, if you're going to make a parachute jump,
at least how high should you be? Charlie Weaver said
three days a steady drinking should do it. Tu or
false ap can last as long as five thousand years.
George Goebel, boy, it sure seems like it. Sometimes you've
(11:43):
been having trouble going to sleep? Are you probably a
man or a woman? Don knots that's what's been keeping
me awake.
Speaker 5 (11:52):
He's sounded a lot like Paul in there for a second.
Speaker 9 (11:55):
According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger to party
and you think he's attractive, is it okay to come out?
Ask him if he's married? Rose Marie says no, wait
until morning. This is always after Maya.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (12:09):
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you
get older? Charlie Weaver said, my sense of decency in Hawaiian?
Does it take more than three words to say I
love you? Vincent Price said no, you can say it
with a pineapple in a twenty.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
That's creepy.
Speaker 9 (12:32):
Yeah, what are do it? I can help and I
can't get enough. George Goebel, I don't know, but it's
coming from the next apartment. As you grow older, do
you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
while talking?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Rose Marie?
Speaker 9 (12:50):
You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Paul.
Speaker 9 (12:56):
Why do Hell's Angels wear leather because your fine wrinkles
too easy? And finally, Charlie, you just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you gonna get any during the first year? Of
course not, I'm too busy growing strawberry. Good morning, that's
(13:39):
a big show on the radio, about ten away for
the hour. All right, let's bring him in. It's time
for Oliver.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Well, well, well, the following is for men only. So ladies,
we'll give you a chance to leave the room there
now that those cows are gone, Gather around, boys. There's
(14:10):
five questions that a man doesn't ever want to.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Hear from a woman. One what are you thinking about?
Speaker 10 (14:20):
Two?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Do you love me? Three? Do I look fat?
Speaker 13 (14:31):
Four?
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Do you think she's prettier than me? And?
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Five what would you do if I died? What makes
these questions so unpleasant is that each one is guaranteed
to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly,
otherwise known as telling the truth. Therefore, as a public service,
(15:01):
let's examine each question and provide some help in giving
the correct responses. Number one, what are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is why I
was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring,
intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to
(15:24):
have you.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
The true answer to what are you thinking about?
Speaker 3 (15:29):
Is probably one of the following baseball, football, How fat
you are? That little blonde in the tube cop over there?
How glad I am you're not wearing a tube cap.
(15:50):
Perhaps the truest response to this question was offered by
Al Bundy, who once told peg, if I wanted you
to know what I was thinking, I'd be talking to you.
Question number two, do you love me? The proper response
is yes, or if your butter is in a spling,
(16:12):
in a sling for that moment, a detailed answer is
in order with yes, dear, yes kitten, or yes snooky
wookie wookers. Inappropriate responses include oh yeah, a whole buttload.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes, sir?
(16:36):
That depends on what you mean by love at this point?
Does it really matter? Question number three? Do I look fat?
The correct answer is, of course not. Among the inappropriate
(16:57):
answers are compared though, what I wouldn't call you fat,
but you're not exactly thin.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
A little extra weight looks good on.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
You, or my favorite, I've seen fatter? Question number four,
do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the
proper response is an emphatic of course. Not Inappropriate responses
(17:38):
include yes, but you have a better personality. She's not prettier,
but she's a whole lot thinner. You were as pretty
as her when you were.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Her age all define pretty. Question number five, what would
you do if I died?
Speaker 3 (18:07):
This is especially dangerous since it's usually asked about thirty
seconds after you turn out the lights to go to sleep.
Your best bet is to pretend you're already in a
deep slumber.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
And didn't hear the question.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
If you're forced to answer, you something like now, honey,
don't even talk that way, or my favorite, why I'd
probably die too of a broken heart. You'll want to
avoid things like what would I do probably the freaking
(18:44):
watusi before or after I bought the new boat in
the Corvette? Yeah, like I'd ever get that luck out,
I'd finally nail your buddy Susan.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Mock my weds.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
Gentlemen, Sooner or later, these questions will come up, and,
as the boy Scouts say, be pre pay. This has
been a public affairs presentation of the John Boy and
Billy Big Show, helping regular guys cover their butt since
nineteen eighty.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
What go now? Okay, good morning, there's Dan Higgins here.
Speaker 14 (19:39):
Nothing makes my day like a chance to pop in
on John Boy and Billy here on the Big Show.
But I don't come here just to see them. I'm
not a gay. I come here for eye Candy, Babs,
Jackie and Fader because daddy's got a sweet tooth. How
was that too blue?
Speaker 1 (20:26):
Good morning everybody.
Speaker 9 (20:27):
The Big Shows on the radio headed toward John boyd
jeveryday time we will get us in winter. Going through
some correspondence, some emails from the Big Show dot com
Jamavilla guys, thanks doing.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
A great job.
Speaker 9 (20:38):
Love listen to the show, y'all, keep eleven all day.
I have a story that I would like to share
with you concerning my nine month old daughter, Brianna. At
the tender young age of seven months, Brianna was testing
for food allergies. She's allergic to wheat, eggs, and peanuts,
and of course, when one has food algies, you have
exema that we now have to deal with. She's broke
out from head to toe from this hateful skin disease
(21:00):
in places that she doesn't know she has yet I've
noticed several times while listening to the show that she
would just laugh when John bo was doing u wah
oo wa ooh wah, just to make sure I've started
doing this to her and she laughs. I know that
a nine month old child doesn't really know what all
is going on, but she has recognized usa oa ooh
wah and she loves it. Thanks for sharing and making
(21:21):
my daughter laugh possible. Could you guys autograph a picture
for Brianna? Thanks again, Chris Gray, Blacksburg, Virginia.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Why wow wow.
Speaker 9 (21:29):
By the way, that's not my spell check. What's wrong
with these computers? You did spell it right, Chris. Oo
w ah, that is the correct spelling for uah oohah.
Haven't been listening to you guys faithfully like a true
John o'billy fan should since I left Gastoni, North Carolina,
three years ago until the recent upgrade to your streaming webcast,
(21:50):
which works wonderfully now listening in over the internet, it
calls headaches and minor nosebleeds most of the time. I
now have a shortcut of my computer right into the cast,
and I have a set to open on its own
every weekday morning, just like an alarm clock. To bet
I'm not around very long listen to the whole show.
You guys really need to get in a Philly station
up here in Maine, and I'm sure all the NASCAR
fans in the air would appreciate as much as those
(22:11):
who just missed the show. Hey, you might even get
a few more fans out of it. Try to keep
listening and carousel Cheesecakes Maine.
Speaker 8 (22:20):
Youm some good cheesecakes.
Speaker 5 (22:22):
Utaly, the new affiliate process has.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Uh, this is just weird.
Speaker 9 (22:28):
Pace this in your address, barge, as in case John
Boy needs another deer head.
Speaker 8 (22:33):
But oh, I saw that there's a website. It's pretty funny, Billy,
have to shave it out. It's called who would Want this?
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Dot Com?
Speaker 8 (22:41):
I think it's the actual name.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Wow, say this is this dearhead, but a whole lot
uglier than mine.
Speaker 8 (22:45):
Let me see that. Second. I think it's who would
buy this? Let me see it because it's a funny link.
Speaker 15 (22:48):
It's got you know people that have placed ads on
eBay or other websites for sale. H This one is
actually called Oh gone it, Move on, Johnny, I'll come
back to it.
Speaker 9 (22:59):
What do I'd like to make you guys an over
for the next time you're in Orlando. My family owns
a Segway human Transporter, a two wheeled self balancing personal
transportation device so easy to ride, not even John Boy
could mess it up. Yeah, there's a guy magotized trying
to give me up with He wants to get up
at the race tracks to take them and rent them
(23:20):
to race fans.
Speaker 8 (23:22):
Oh that's a nice idea. Race fans are supposed to
be self balancing. But you see how that goes on.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
The l You know what I need? I need me
a gyro school.
Speaker 7 (23:33):
Hey, the website that was talking about for the deers
butt and other things that you can't believe exist is
called who would buy that?
Speaker 8 (23:39):
Dot com? Yeah, there's a bunch of crap on there.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Well, there's a coming up.
Speaker 9 (23:44):
In just a few minutes, John Boy, Jeopardy will be
played another one and will be made your jans to
win a coming up.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. Here
we are, John boyd Jeopardy time. Here you go.
Speaker 9 (23:58):
We've all got one. But did you know that, according
to those who designed them, yours should be at least
seven inches longer than you.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
What is the stunt double?
Speaker 5 (24:10):
Depending on what kind of movie you're making, of course,
I guess you're right.
Speaker 9 (24:14):
Uh no, what y'all think? One ain't on a big show?
You told freelanel shower call and I go, do we
get a winter?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Let's do it? Good morning, the big shows on the radio, moving.
Speaker 9 (24:50):
Around the bottom of the hour and out it's time, Yes.
Speaker 5 (24:55):
Live, I'll call some I record you.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
Know, Forday, and now your host recently called the reason
I was born to live on this earth?
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Of course it was by the mater Mans.
Speaker 9 (25:10):
He's John, Mary, don't maiter Haye appreciate John out of
Ocean Springs, Mississippi is up?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Hello John? How you doing?
Speaker 16 (25:20):
John?
Speaker 9 (25:20):
Moore?
Speaker 13 (25:21):
Billy?
Speaker 16 (25:21):
How you doing?
Speaker 10 (25:22):
Good? Man?
Speaker 6 (25:23):
You all right?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Doing?
Speaker 10 (25:24):
All right? All right?
Speaker 16 (25:25):
First time calling brother man.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Hw What you gonna do today? That's all John? What
you gonna do today?
Speaker 11 (25:32):
Man?
Speaker 16 (25:33):
Well, I'm fixing gold work right now?
Speaker 1 (25:35):
All right, Dan, Well, let's even get out the door
winter John?
Speaker 10 (25:39):
All right?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
All right? You got one? I got one? All well,
most guys chilling got one.
Speaker 9 (25:44):
But did you know that, according to those who designed them,
you should be at least seven inches longer.
Speaker 16 (25:49):
Than you who designed them.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, those who designed them? What did you think? I said?
Speaker 10 (25:57):
Oh?
Speaker 16 (25:57):
I thought I thought you said that what everybody had
as I was thinking medically, so I was thinking something
part of your body.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Well that could be that could be right. I'm not sure.
Speaker 16 (26:09):
Okay, I'll not changed my answer. How about the standard bed?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
How about a bed?
Speaker 9 (26:16):
Look?
Speaker 6 (26:17):
Yeah, I think on his feet.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
And by the way, what body part were you gonna get?
Speaker 8 (26:24):
No, no, no, I don't want to know.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, it's a bed seven inches taller than you. Yeah.
Does that work out so you don't hang off?
Speaker 8 (26:34):
Yeah?
Speaker 16 (26:34):
Oh yeah, well my my bed is only about two
inches tall or so.
Speaker 6 (26:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (26:38):
I got too many pillows on my bed, so like
I pushed down in my feet, tend to come off
the the end of it.
Speaker 8 (26:45):
Something to your wife has built like a barrier between.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You and her with pillow. Yeah, just what you called
her for it.
Speaker 8 (26:55):
I love to but he can't get to me.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I'm over here by I'm this big downy burner. I'm
going behind the butte. I'll see.
Speaker 13 (27:08):
Jod.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Congratulations, buddy.
Speaker 10 (27:10):
All right, I did.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Hold on Jackie and her buttes. We'll get your information
on all right.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
This is sour Beef Chones, the world's most political wrestler,
with my personal valet and made squeeze Sweaty.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Betty, don't squeeze me too tight. I might you are adorable.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
And before every fight in our hot of the ring,
we warm up with two of the greatest patriots on
the airwaves, the World Heavyweight tang Team Comedy Champions, Party about.
Speaker 6 (27:40):
And half part that John Boy and Billy Big shall beef.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Whatever you'll say, Sweaty, let me give you a hug.
Speaker 9 (27:47):
I warned you, good morning, that's a big show on
(28:24):
the radio. Sitting down there were grilling out and then
made a man talking. Man he's telling us kids. Man,
I tell you this big city living. I miss some
stuff bout growing up my hometown of Graham. Remember in
the summertime, Man, you go out and kids, you just
eat all day off the land had blackberries.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Oh Hollifa, we're not going to move again. I want
to talk about that.
Speaker 6 (28:46):
Man.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
We run around y'all like that.
Speaker 9 (28:48):
I mean we had blackberries, apples, pears, scuffing nine.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Man, you just eat, just eat all day. It was
healthy food too. Now go in and had to eat
a hot pocket.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
I can't believe the Big Show is coming out against
hot Pocket.
Speaker 9 (29:09):
Just need more stuff, man, eat off the land. I
got thinking about that you and the mats that feels good.
Plan something, tend it, watch it grow, fertilize it, pick it,
eat it.
Speaker 6 (29:26):
Come this is all up.
Speaker 10 (29:31):
Here, Gord give me here you.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Get of course, Young Rayford. Uh see y'all get out
there and eat something.
Speaker 8 (29:49):
Why don't you.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Got me first about that?
Speaker 9 (30:11):
Good morning to make shows all the ready going die
that up?
Speaker 13 (30:21):
Jay?
Speaker 1 (30:25):
You had a call. You don't go to work? Okay,
thank you very much, bro quite, answered the voting.
Speaker 10 (30:36):
Man.
Speaker 15 (30:37):
Hello, heys hoyt oh my life for the fighter man,
No man, John boymen a here, Hey, hey.
Speaker 10 (30:43):
You beg on Hey no gravin notice taking mad marker
and he hall looking ferverent.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Now much wild man? What's new at casad double wide house? Delbert?
Speaker 10 (30:54):
You mean mister G D G E D.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Delbert is finishing high school?
Speaker 10 (31:00):
No? In this case GED stands for generally eat up
with Doug. Hey, I got me another fan Leonard the
other day.
Speaker 9 (31:07):
Oh let me get it's another marriage proposal from a
woman who's already married.
Speaker 10 (31:12):
Oh this here come from a college educated fellaw Ah.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Marriage proposal from a man that's already married.
Speaker 10 (31:17):
Ol sturb this boy enjoins me on a purely potonic
and intellectual level. Hey check this out, dere big show gang.
I've been enjoying your program since you guys hit the
air here in Birmingham, and one of my favorite characters
is how It. In my college years, I spent a
little time studying classical English literature while perusing a copy
(31:39):
of Henry the Fourth Part one. Recently I came across
a bond mo that's French for a real goodurn in
Act two, scene four. It made me think of how It.
During an exchange in the Boy's head tavern, Prince Henry
delivers this line thy leather jerkin crystal button, notdd and
painted agut ring Hugh stuck in catas garters, smooth tongue,
(32:02):
Spanish pouch. Now doesn't that sound like want to holt
snow driving knuckle dragon insult? Is this good old boy
more educated than he's letting on? Are his humorous escapades
inspired by Shakespeare? Inquiring minds want to know? Jim Dunn, Birmingham, Alabama.
Here's my reply, Dear Jim, what was me? My greatest
(32:26):
fair has been realized. My colorful collection of backwoods antics
have been revealed as a carefully constructed facade that they are.
Here's true, good sir, Though I drove mightily to present
myself as the leader of a league of dem yet
genial country bumpkins, I actually have a Bachelor of Arts
degree in English literature for my years as a Rhodes
(32:48):
scholar at Oxford in the early nineteen seventies, when I
roomed with Algar and Tommy lee Yard. Since you have
discovered the leather jerkin Spanish pouch soliloquy, you have no
doubt ified the Shakespearean roots of other famous moments in
Hoyden Delbert history. For example Richard the Third's pro covity
for younger members of the fair Sex, which became Delbert's
(33:11):
daddy and his well known attraction to underage women in general,
and the Olsen Twins in particular, not to mention Romeo
and Mercutio's memorable face off in Act one of Romeo
and Juliet, which later became Hoyden Delbert in the Deer Costume,
And of course, from much Ado about Nothing, the classic
question what ho sets the wind in that corner? Later
(33:34):
adapted as at time Delbert let loose a big fart
with his girlfriend in the truck in short. Each of
our comic misadventures rests on the principal advance by Macbeth
in the closing moments of Act five, Scene five, I quote,
it is a tale told by an idiot, full of
sound and fury, signifying nothing. I hope this startling revelation
(33:56):
doesn't tarnish your enjoyment of our occasional comedic press regards.
Speaker 9 (34:03):
Let me guess you're just kidding about being college educated.
Speaker 13 (34:06):
Right you?
Speaker 10 (34:06):
Thank Hey? Our big letterary influences is Jerry Klar and
brother Dave Garden. The only thing I know about Shakespeare
is they make a pretty good fishing run. Listen, I
got a run here, men, Professor bass Nickers fixing.
Speaker 13 (34:20):
To go to war?
Speaker 10 (34:22):
That yeah, well you tell him I said good night,
good night. Pardon this such sweet tomorrow that I shall
say good night till it be tomorrow, or in modern terms,
duh huh, he'll know what you mean. Hey, y'all came
straight up a.
Speaker 6 (34:35):
Right dear here, Good morning. You got the big show
on the radio.
Speaker 9 (34:46):
More chances for you to win coming up after your
news weathers barts.
Speaker 17 (34:50):
This is Donald Trump and you're listening to the Big
Show on the radio. John Boy and Billy. These guys
are tremendous right now. That the number one John Boy
and Billy I ever, and I know a lot of
John Boy and Billy's, trust me, a tremendous amount of
John Boy and Billy's. And there's some smaller shows. But
this is the big show. It's the big show on
your radio. I think that's how John Boy says, the
(35:11):
big show on the radio.
Speaker 9 (35:44):
Good morning, The big show's on the radio, gonna talk
about the big powerball lot Trey.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
It's a big lot track.
Speaker 9 (35:49):
Somebody's gonna be a millionaire. Why don't y'all just work
for you million dollars? Goodness sakes, Oh oh wow, yow.
Speaker 8 (36:00):
You know how many people just looked at the radio
went couch.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
No he didn't. Hey, goodness, I was pie in the sky, scovel.
The ain't no easy money. Boys. Wow, they just did
it again, I'm telling you. You know, yeah, everybody after
(36:27):
there's waiting, come on, don't waiting to whip me.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
Because men on the show is kind of like playing
the lottery, except you get free coffee too.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
You know what I'm telling you.
Speaker 9 (36:37):
If y'all just putting some of this, uh you know,
all this stuff standing in line, a bunch of losers
trying to strike you like that's it.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
I'm back on.
Speaker 13 (36:45):
It's on.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
It's gotta be hard.
Speaker 8 (36:50):
When John Boy was just in there laying on a couch.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Jackie talking through the lock.
Speaker 13 (36:56):
Johnny, No, come on, no, you're meaning me, said the man.
He says, go to work for your money.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
I'll put yourself together. I'll have more on this in
a minute. Good morning. A big show is on the
radio coming up.
Speaker 9 (37:23):
The easiest way for you to get your name in
this winter's hat because it's the corn Events quiz.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
All I gotta do is take s all right one
eight big show.
Speaker 9 (37:32):
You're toll free line across America, be calling nine, Take
see and win right now.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
I ain't got time to get mine. It ain't no
easy to me. It's out damn. But ain't nothing such
an easy time with me? Blas are hasn't I about easy?
Come in frown me way too long. We'll talk about plug.
Speaker 5 (38:16):
I think I want you to do a comic book.
Speaker 9 (38:18):
Yeah yeah, come in to talk about these get rich
quick ski Hey man, I remember you draw in high school.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
I do a comic book and we'll set it on
you on your website, make me.
Speaker 4 (38:28):
I mean soon, mister Hippie versus the Airplanes, Volume fifty eight.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
That's the other thing I could never draw. I mean,
Billy's great artis And now I just say, who that is?
Speaker 5 (38:39):
That's mister hippie. Now what airplanes coming at it?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Of course it looks a lot different, now I got
I got got it?
Speaker 4 (38:47):
Yeah, kind like King kongcept without the Empire state building,
and it's a hippie instead of a gorilla.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Why don't I do my own comic book? There you
got mister hippie versus the airplanes?
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Some perfect thought.
Speaker 8 (39:00):
Hey, you could sell it on the website.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Yeah, you could make a million. How many hits do
we have on our website? Millions, millions a month?
Speaker 8 (39:07):
About twenty million, yeah, twenty million a month.
Speaker 5 (39:09):
Yeah, and most of them are hippies and people with airplanes.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
It's perfect. Hey, man, we are running so late this morning.
Say never ever quit.
Speaker 8 (39:21):
Unless sure.
Speaker 1 (39:23):
Kim from Rusk, Texas was just like on the phone
and I picked he up. Hey Kim, Hello, hello, baby,
here we go. You ready, I'm ready? All right, Billy, quickly,
all right.
Speaker 4 (39:33):
The fourth largest lottery payoff in US history is up
for grabs in tonight's Powerball drawing. Of course, the odds
of hitting the big jackpot are about one hundred and
twenty million to one. Now, in case you're wondering, that's
about as probable as a being hit by lightning every
day for a year, b being killed by a falling satellite,
(39:57):
or see somebody actually buying a copy of Mister Hippie
versus the airplane.
Speaker 16 (40:04):
Why you say, Kim, I'd say, Hey, I'm telling you
it ain't no.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Oh, bless your heart.
Speaker 6 (40:17):
Kim was just calling.
Speaker 9 (40:18):
No Kim, it's s It's always say because I didn't
do the pep squad.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
That one of Hell, Oh, Kim, I tried to do
everything to make you win her, but bless.
Speaker 5 (40:30):
Your heart, sounds like it's not a good day for
you to buy a lottery ticket him.
Speaker 8 (40:34):
The good news.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
Man, bless you Jackie, makee Kim happy. Just give me
a six pack of our water.
Speaker 8 (40:44):
The good news is your cell phone company is really
happy today.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
Give her some He trained at least paid the bill. Blessure.
You heard little Stupie run around Texas
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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