November 26, 2025 • 44 mins
Wednesday (pt 1 of 2): On Today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we pull out one of our favorite Thanksgiving bits, “Unknown History: The First Thanksgiving” - featuring Clyde the Camel.. - Astronerd - or as he now wants to be known - “Jokenerd” - workshops some material he plans to use at his “Dad Conference” gig.. - Mark Packer covers the wacky college sports scene with his Souther Fried Football report.. - Comedian Brad Stine shares his feelings on saying “Happy Holidays” instead of Merry Christmas.. - Marvin Webster teams up with Hoyt for a tune entitled, “The Black Friday Song”.. - Tom Sorenson recaps the past week’s action in the NFL - and predicts the winners for every single game over the Holiday weekend…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning, the Big Shows on a radio more Big Show.
Right around the corner. This is Buzz Nutley with a
bulletin Big Show Knows reporter, live on the scene of
a major disacter. I've never seen such carnage. And may
I remind you that I was at the Great Donna
Pass Barbecue eating the buckle of nineteen ninety nine. This
is much, much worse. It's a massacre of mammoth proportions.
(00:21):
The tattered caucasses of other morning shows lit in the battlefield.
You're listening to the victors in this morning radio war,
John Boy and Billy on the Big Show. Now, can
I turn in my expense receipts?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
God a doodle doo uming at them. Welcome to Tuesday. No,
I'm God, I tell you. If y'all don't change that
border bear, I ain't gonna know what day it is, tim,
I gonna know when to retire Wednesday?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Right there? All right? I changed it.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That is safe, man, Come in here hour for everybody else.
You can't get over there three feet.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
It's a catastrophic equipment failure. What can I say? And
you don't have to walk?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Isn't anybody you know Thanksgivings.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
All that.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Practice is dealing with people with Trump derangement syndrome. Loud
you ready, it's just good to practice.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
To practice.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Oh, that's when you told me for years. It's the
day before Thanksgiving. Could we get a little thankfulness around here?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
This National Cake Day, as we're supposed to says, delivers
a scrumptious treat for everyone to enjoy. So you supposed
to baker, including in tolerant national taie one own day. No,
it's not what you think. It's about putting on an apron.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Everybody has a poopoo.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Maybe y'all want to try that on you know day's
other than Thanksgiving. Get in the kitchen, cook something by y'all.
You mean y'all met just anybody. If the apron fits
wearing all. We got three days and this are saved up.
That'll be very important. That'll get our winning mcginnit. And
(02:46):
we got a big old prize pack up for grabs.
First thing we're awake, Big shows on the radio, Good.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Morning, Big shows on the radio.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Here's that first prize pack, big old assortment. A small
batch handcooked peanuts from Birtie County Peanuts, a southern tradition
for over one hundred years. A lot of y'all signed
up for it last Christmas and you back at it.
I told you want you to start with these Birtee
County peanuts.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Man, this is the deal.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
If you intercoche jbb A checkout, you'll get twenty five
percent off, plus you get free shipping to shop online
at Bertie County Peanuts dot net. I look for the
link at the Big Show dot com. A great list
for you to choose from. Got something for everybody own
your Christmas list? So that is ah damn Well, let's
look at our three days in history where working our
(03:37):
three categories for that prize pack it was nineteen eighty
nine unit Away workers and Prince George, British Columbia.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Some of the world's largest jacksaw puzzle.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
It was nine thousand, seven hundred and thirty nine square
feet one thousand and eighty five pieces.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Wow, that's a big that's a big.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Nineteen ninety five, Miami Dolphin quarterback Dan Marinos set an
NFL record with his three hundred and forty third touchdown pass,
breaking fran Tartanton's record.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Talking to I liked him.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
He's the Minnesota waking quarterback Dolphins lost to the Indianapolis
Colts thirty six to twenty eight. Finally, in two thousand,
Florida Secretary of State Catherine Harris certified Republican George W.
Bush the winner over Democrat Al Gore in the state's
presidential ballata. The winning margin five hundred and thirty seven votes.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Gold Hanging Chad, that was the old chair. This is
what all right?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
There there you go, there's a categories one eight hundred
big show. You told free line. We play out burs next.
(05:06):
Good morning, Anders have been showing a radio Now I'm.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Just burred his fur collar.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Hey all, johnbo millon Sesame Street, help raise all of us.
Now it's our turn donate this holiday season at sesame
dot org because the world needs Sesame and Sesame need you.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
All right, like what Upburst? Let's play Upburst. It's the
game that anyone can win. Shon boy and really give
the prizes from the big prize be let's go contested
number one. This should really be a lot of fun
(05:51):
to win. Your playing Upburst.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Have a very up and guest time you love the
best time you love a big shots. Say hey, Terry
from mobill Hellama, good on and.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Terry Hey, John Moore, Billy Hey, ma'am. We all are.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I hope you are wide awake enough to get through
these three categories tear and get you the big old
Berntee County Peanuts prize pike. That's what I'm hoping, Yes, sir,
I will do it then in five seconds. All right,
we need three things that you put together or a
symbol ready to go.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
Puzzle.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I canet first here in a cart.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I give us three positions on a football team, ready
to go.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Quarterback, running back, wide receiver, and for the win, three
things you vote for, ready go. That's my president, vice
president sectary of state.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Man, and I'll tell you why you're gonna senter records
right there, oh man, quick thinking, quick talking, rascal out
of mobile gratulations.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Buddy, you're gonna love this prize pack. All right, what
I get Billy, I'll turn you over to him.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Hang on, all right, as a plan right now, it's
your news on the other side. I remembering Rayford's segment
and our poet Laurie. Yeah, the day before, thanks given perfect.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Got more of the big shows on the radio. Robert D.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Rayford is year lots of people, including presidents, have confessed
to smoking marijuana in their wayward youth. Rayford remembers when
you could get stone just by walking into the film
More in San Francisco.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
The only music I ever pretended to like was the
acid rock stuff that came out of the counterculture of
the late sixties. Living in San Francisco in nineteen sixty eight,
I'd go to the Fillmore Bill Graham's venue up steep
stairs into a dark ballroom with psychedelic lights and young
folks and some middle ages sitting on the floor, swaying
(08:48):
to the sounds of Jefferson Airplane and Grace Slick marijuana
smoke was so thick it'd get high just inhaling the
ambient atmosphere. But if that didn't work, some stranger would
pass the joint to you. I kind of liked Grace
Slake's White Rabbit after a few hits on that weak grass.
Grateful Dead were on the bill, as was Janis Joplin
and I believe the name of her band with Big
(09:10):
Brother and the holding company. All right, yeah, of course
you know what they were holding. At the University of Texas,
she had been voted ugliest man on campus by a
bunch of fraternity boys. A bisexual who didn't drop acid
but sucked on a bottle of Southern comfort no bra,
sweating profusely, belting out songs like Ball and Shane. She
(09:31):
died of a drug overdose in nineteen seventy. In October
of that year, after the Summer of Love, there was
a march, rather a death march. They call it the
Hippie Marching out of the Place, complete with coffin down haytreet.
Then everyone moved away to nearby Marin County and some
to a series of communes stretching up to the Oregon border.
So those I mixed in with, they were just a
(09:53):
whole bunch of leftover hippie trying to be him like me.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Robert y Ray for John Boyn Billy Show.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. I
want to mind y'all just a few minutes. How handy
can he be eating tips with Jeff Pillars on the
day before Thanksgiving?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Well, we're lucky enough to have our very own poet
Laureate here the big show, so one animation appearance. There's
a pretty good chance he's got another story to share.
So let's welcome back, Colonel Hamilton Brewster. How are you,
Colonel h.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Busted at the seams like a fart trapped in spandex,
John boy, you are truly a wordsmith. It's a calling,
a gift, and sometimes I just need to unwrap it
and share it with the world, or at least y'all.
Any time you ready havent it well, I want to
tell you a tale. It happened a few years ago.
(11:11):
It's called the Japanese Thanksgiving go something like this. My nephew,
Ricky was a Marine Corps airman in Okinawa, Japan. He
went overseas a fresh faced kid and come home a
full grown man. And while overseas he fell in love
(11:31):
with a sweet little Japanese gal. They was coming home
for Thanksgiving. I look forward to seeing my pal. Her
name was Mioshi, but we called her Mimi because they
couldn't pronounce her real name. It was Moo moo and
mushy and even Mike. No two guesses were ever the same.
(11:52):
She spoke good English and announced to the klan that
she'd be cooking the Thanksgiving meal. Ooh. The women folk
bristled and give her the stink out. They didn't sign
on to this deal, but Ricky stepped in like a
good hubby should and said it was a first class gourmet.
They were all in for a real special treat, but
the family didn't see it that way. The smells from
(12:14):
the kitchen on Thanksgiving Day were unfamiliar and some downright on.
It was fishy and spicy and tangy and sour. They
all kneeled and prayed to God. When the dinner bell rung,
the clad shuffled in, not knowing just what lay in store.
Before them lay a feast of Asian delights, things they'd
(12:37):
never seen before. We're looking veggies and strange looking meats.
Ooh fish with their heads still on. No green bean casserole,
no candied yams hell. Even the turkey was gone. We
got tons of rice, but where's the gravy? Old Granny
(12:57):
Semple said, where's the tater? Where's the pie? What's going on?
Where's the rolls? And where's the corn bread? To make
it worse, there was no forks inside, just two sticks
beside each plate. Who wants to carve the Thanksgiving squid?
Things wasn't going too great, but good husband Ricky took
(13:19):
the lead. He dug in and started to eat. The
others followed suit, but they was none too pleased with
a dinner that smelled like feet. And then little Mimi
walked in the room with a thing that would save
the day. Who liked some saki? She quietly said. They
all shrugged and said okay. Before too long, there were
(13:42):
five bottles in and getting their Japanese on, gnawing on
fish heads and chewing on squid. They gobbled until it
was gone. But they weren't done yet, No, not by
a sight. They all staggered out into the yard. They
stripped of their shorts for the big sumo match. They
was playing it hard. Uncle Cleat ruled today, taking everyone on.
(14:05):
He survived with barely a scratch until the old Granny
Semple stripped to her depends and poor Uncle Cleat met
his match. At the end of the day, it all
turned out right. Mimi kept her composure, that is until
the cops showed up and the rest of them all
for indecent exposure. Ha ha ha, you like I a jobboy?
(14:26):
Hell yeah, good morning, you got a big show on
the radio.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
More chances for you to win coming up after your
news weather sports died.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
This is Stanjordi arts in all today from hammer Langerfjord, Norway.
After around to kick the Wolverine. There's nothing like sitting back,
drinking a great big herring smoothie.
Speaker 7 (14:58):
And listening to.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The big show Bey, Yon, Boy and Bailey. There's a
bond in this one. Good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It's a big seen the radio of the day before Thanksgiving,
all right, from the hugely expanded kids table.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Now, as you can tell by the six empty plates
in front of me, I like food in the fact,
because of that, I have what doctors call a little
bit of a weight, come from taking bear claws two
at a time and they'd get lotched in this vicinity
right here. So when it comes to food, I know
(16:13):
what I'm talking about. And what better time for food
than the holidays. For me, from Thanksgiving to New Year's
it's like a big deep fried battle royal and chocolate sauce.
So for you chowhouse out there and those that have
some big eaters in the family, here's some handy holiday
eating tips. First, avoid carrot sticks anybody who puts carrots
(16:34):
on a holiday buffet table, and better ask Santa Claus
for a clue because they don't know a damn thing
about the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you go to
a party and seek carrots, leave immediately. Go next door
where they're serving rumballs. I've got rumballs. Next Drink as
much eggnog as you can and quickly. It's rare. You
(16:56):
can't find it any other time of the year, so
pound it down. Who cares. There's almost ten thousand calories
in every sip. It's not like it's crack or something.
It's a treat. Enjoy it, and if you're a little depressed,
spike it. I don't keep the fat man jolly, at
least until it wears off. If a dish comes with gravy,
eat the hell out of it. That's the whole point
(17:19):
of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes, Fill it with gravy, Eat the volcano,
eat and repeat. Remember gravy does not stand alone except
as a beverage. On a cold day, a Stephen mugg
of jibblet gravy beef the pants off hot cocoa any day.
And as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
(17:42):
with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim milk, pass,
what's the point. It's like buying a sports car with
an automatic transmission, and be sure and give the host
a finger. Anything to anything that can be cooked can
be deep. Hell, they even do it the candy bars
(18:02):
at the fair. And what does it taste better? Fried?
You think anyone would eat squid if they didn't call
it klamari? And deep frightened crisco. Think of the possibilities
deep fried ham, Oh yeah, deep fried meat loaf. Hey,
even deep fried tofu actually has some flavor. Trust me,
more kids would eat their vegetables if they were covered
(18:24):
in a nice beer batter and served with some blue
cheese dressing. I've got blue cheese. Do not have a
snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your appetite. And the whole point of going to
a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free,
and lots of it. Hello, anybody. When you go to
(18:45):
a party, make sure your wife or girlfriend carries a
big purse with a good supply of ziploc bags inside.
Find the right moment to make a pass through the
buffet and fill those bags with your favorite Some people
will call it gluttony, but what hell do they know.
It's really just a way to keep that party spirit
back at home with you. I've got and a sack
(19:08):
full of them. And if you don't have a way
for girlfriend, carry a backpacket. It's just more for you.
Under no circumstances. Should you exercise between now and New
Year's You can do that crap in January when you
got nothing else to do. This is a time for
long naps with a big plate of sausage balls. It's
(19:32):
time for long dacks with a plate of sausage balls
balanced on your stomach. You'll need the rest after doing
laps around the buffet table carrying a ten pound plate
of food in a gallon of egg nog. If anyone
offers you bino, punch them in the pants. Super bouts
of hideous smelling gas is one of the perks of
anything that doesn't move, and it nourishes the male competitive spirit.
(19:55):
I mean, who's poots smell? The worst may not be
that annual game of touch football, but it's a hell
of a lot easier on your joints. Four words, don't
forget the pie. Have a slice of each, and if
there's room in the backpack, take a couple home, not
pieces pies, and some boob always puts out fruitcake. Granted
(20:16):
it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it
at all costs. I mean, damn, have some standards. One
final tip. If you don't feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you are
not doing it right. Life should not be a journey
to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in
an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid
(20:38):
in sideways, chocolate smeared all over your face, fried chicken
grease on one hand, and cream soda in the other,
your body body totally worn out and used up, screaming woo,
what a ride? Happy holiday, Good morning? Got the big
shon on the radio?
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Alright, you clad the Camel If y'all you have been
listening for a while, you know, I've been going on
about Clyde for about and I don't know, last forty
years as a kid listening to Clyde the Camel on
Ray Stephens, Santa Claus is watching you. He's Everywhere's everywhere
like that, And then later life I got to meet
Ray Stevens actually known as Uncle Ray because I got
(21:19):
a kid radio Jay Jarvis there when was in Tennessee
doing the radio like that, so that was actually pretty cool.
And then, of course, as we said, man Clyde just
don't have to stay as one of the reindeer Christmas.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
He can go anywhere he wants to.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
So we've incorporated him in all kind of holidays since then,
amazing and even some unknown history. And that's what we
got coming up in just a second. First, let me
tell you what you can win on John Boydgepardy. It's
a big old Blue Emu prize pack. It comes with
two jars of blue Emu pain relief cream and a
tube of pbc otc itch relief cream. Look for both
(21:56):
in stores and online in Walmart, Amazon and other finer retailers.
All right, play Ford moments, But right.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Now we all know history, but there's so much more
we don't know. I'm Sir David Attenborough and this is
unknown history. The year is sixteen twenty. A group of
(22:22):
one hundred weary passengers sailed from England to the New
World aboard the good ship Mayflower. They desperately wait for
the news that Land is in sight. That's the sign
you in the crow's nest? Do you see land Latino?
(22:48):
His name was Clyde, a rather unusual stowaway, and that
he was a dromedary camel. He was hailed as a
hero and quickly took his place among his fellow pilgrims.
But the early days were not easy. Half the settlement
was lost that first year, and food was scarce. If
(23:12):
we do not get our crops to flourish, the entire
colony will perish. Clyde, I fear the future appears bleak. No,
what's that rare? Ask the natives. That's madness. They're savages.
Yew Tonto. You say, yeah, Squanto, I'm sorry, Could you
(23:34):
do the introductions?
Speaker 8 (23:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Clyde brought Squanto before William Bradford. An agreement is profit,
and soon there was food a plenty, and the colony
slowly struggled back. In a profound gesture of gratitude, the
pilgrims invited the Native Americans to a feast of thanks
and the tradition of thanksgiving was ball. We would not
(24:05):
be here today if not for the one known as Clyde. Heah,
that is the truth, is it not William Bradford Squatto
speaks the truth, and it's only fitting that Clyde give
the prayer. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, But things
(24:38):
will take a dark turn. Clyde became romantically entangled with
Bradford's second wife, Dorothy.
Speaker 7 (24:46):
Oh, Clyde, we cannot continue our illscitrists. I fear my
husband is suspicious. Those hoof shaped bruises on my back
were hard to explain. Yeah, I told him I was
trampled by dear but alas he was unconvinced.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Ye here all right, one last time and it would
be the last time. Clyde, Dorothy, my wife, and my
best friend be gone and never return him or me him. Eh.
(25:24):
Clyde left in shame and never returned. No one knew
whatever became of him, but he did resurface years later.
Speaker 9 (25:35):
So I just tie this key to this kite. Eh,
But what about this storm until next time? This is
Sir David.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Edinburgh reminding you that it's not the history that's no,
it's the history unknown. Where is your.
Speaker 8 (26:01):
Ah? I was?
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Let's play the John boyd Jeopardy. Let's review yesterday's question.
We found out according to ships records and pilgrims were
supposed to have landed further south. Always wondered about that,
you know, wanning up there in the coal Massitude's come
on down here.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Anyway? They said they were running out of food, water
and this what is beer?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Running out of beer?
Speaker 2 (26:26):
We can't go.
Speaker 5 (26:29):
Name.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Today's John Moore Jeopardy. This fictional character first debuted as
a balloon in the nineteen sixty eight Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
It now holds a record for the most appearances.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Who is inflatable? Gary? Inflatable?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Gary?
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Why not?
Speaker 5 (26:51):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Thing I missed? But obviously not What y'all got? What
ain't Big Joe?
Speaker 7 (26:56):
You told?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Free line?
Speaker 1 (26:57):
We played John Moore Jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Next, Good Morning, Big Show's on the radio for your Wednesday,
(27:29):
November twenty six. Featured track When the Big Show Bit Box,
what you Deserve Man Unknown History, The First Thanksgiving with
Clyde Clyde Thanksgiving keywords when you hit the box at
the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Don't look at my pants that's on the Facebook, Babe.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I thought you can see my socks and me and
mry Kleiner looking at the bear with arms hat on.
All right, I'm getting sidetrack where well, if you know,
you know, Thanksgiving with club. All right, we got it
and now let's play now now, oh yes, live across America.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
It's John boyd Jeffen and now your host.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
He saw a man with an eye patch walking around
at the grocery store and just couldn't resist asking him
if it really was fun and games before that happened.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
He's joh boy, they have way home.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I had a Monica out of Alcoa, Tennessee. Good morning, Monica,
good morning? Right?
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Was it running with scissors? Is that what you do? Okay?
All right Monica? He'll try to figure out the intro.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I'm my mind could go while we're there and then
over here let it go real, say I am Monica.
You have the first shot at John Boy Jeopardy. So
let's see what you got. We're looking for this fictional
character that first debuted as a balloon in the sixty
eight Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade now holds a record for
the most appearances.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
What do you think that would be? Monica?
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Snoopy Snoopy?
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Is it Snoopy?
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Letty gee?
Speaker 1 (29:11):
You know in a Snoopy Snoopy?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Whose first place with forty four, So it's been forty four.
Ronald McDonald is in second place.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
It's ron all about that?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Well, that clown get up there. Number three Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Y'all make fun of me, always talking about Rocky Bullwinkle show. Yeah, yeah,
they're number three. I'll be looking for them. Who is
peakatch you? He's like number four? Ookemon, yod Ookemon?
Speaker 1 (29:43):
All right.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Number five is Dino, the Sinclair Oil Dinosaur.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
It's actually Dino, but you remember Sinclair Oil. They're still
in business. I had to look them up. How about that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
All right, So, accord to Macon Snoopy will mark his
forty fifth flight in tomorrow's parade, so we'll all be watching.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
All right.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Hey Monica, good word, baby, you hold on for the
big old prospect.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Okay, thank you.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Wid a many hour and Tabao News has got our
time capsule for this day for Thanksgiving on the other side,
and the Nice Show Nerd Joke Nerd and the Dad Conference.
Speaker 8 (30:21):
Al Right, this is the award winning John Boy and
(30:52):
Billy Big Show, the South's number one export.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Let's keep it going for your head on her, uncle, buddy.
What a great crowd looks like? Gary Busey's family reunion
in here. I'll slay you that right now here. He
has folks. He's not the best looking guy in the world.
When he sits on a beach, cats try to bury him.
He shine bloom. Yeah, Hey, listen, I had a fender
(31:26):
bender on away in here this morning. I was wild.
I'll tell you that right now. I tagged this guy's
bumper in a stoplight. The driver gets out and he
was a dwarf. He came up to the window and
tapped on a glass. He said, I am not happy.
I said, really, which one are you? Drumpy man? No
sense of humor? He had a short fuse I just
(31:47):
threw that one in there. This debt ceiling thing is wild,
didn't it. I tell you the Democrats running around screaming
if the debt ceiling isn't raised, the government would cease
to function. Here's a question, how could you tell you
have to How about this guy he called off his wedding.
You hear about that? How about that he called off
his wedding. I guess he didn't want to be tied
(32:08):
down to the same woman for the rest of his weeks.
And you guys know some of those astronaut guys, right,
I don't mean the guy with a propeller, I mean
the real as. Did you see that buzz Aldrin is
getting a divorce? No, that's wild. He said he needed
more space. I was back at the doctor the other day.
This guy runs into the office. He says, Doc, Doc,
(32:30):
you have to help me. I think I'm a dog.
The doctor says, how long has this been going on?
The guy says, since I was a puppy. Well, I
got dragged into the technology age. Yep, I've started texting.
Who knew that l OL meant laugh out loud A seniors,
we got our own texting abbreviations. Now you know that BFF,
best friend fell, BTW, bring the wheelchair, FWIW, got where
(33:00):
I was, g GPBL gotta go, pace maker, battery log
gh A got hemorrhoids again, LM d O laughing my
dentures out d A m h A dog ate my
hearing aide, t LDF talk later depends full T T
(33:29):
y L talk to you louder and my favorite r
O t F l C g U rolling on the
floor laughing, can't get up. So Shela and I we've
been traveling lately, we went to England. You gotta be
careful in these restaurants in some of these countries, especially
Great Britain. You know, right after someone over there invents
(33:51):
the toothbrush, they're gonna work on the refrigerator warm beer.
What the hell is that they headed to you? It's
like a specimen in a glass. I'll pay you that
right now. We go into this little eatery there and
we're looking at the menu, and I'm telling you right now,
it's like gerbils in a basket. I don't know what
the hell to order. I tell them, why that? Okay,
give me a steak. He kind of rolls his eyes.
He says, what about the mad cow? I said, I
(34:12):
think she can order for herself. And my pal Lenny Bloomquist, Ah,
he went to Paris, Oh yeah, went on and on
about how beautiful the Eiffel Tower was, all the exquisite
art at the Louver, the Majesty of Notre Dame Cathedral
had a cost of beautiful French women, on and on
and on. I said, all right, enough, already, is there
anything you didn't like about France? Lenny said, well, you know,
(34:34):
there was one odd thing that I never got over
in France, anything you eat, anything you drink, even the
air that you breathe over there, it totally cleans out
your colon, and I mean really cleans you out. I said, gee,
with France like that, who needs ennemus? Oh that was
a long way to go put on, like staying to
see the end of a larytic cable guy saying that
(34:55):
right now, all right, I'll make it up to you.
This is a classic. This woman she finds out that
a dog is hard of hearing it. She could hardly hear,
so she took the dog to the vet. The vet says, well,
your problem is the hair in the dog's ears. It's
like ray for it on steroids to clear it. He
cleaned both ears and bengled the dog in here. Fine,
the vet said, listen, keep this from happening again. Go
(35:16):
to the store. Get some of that nair hair remover,
you know. Then all I said was rubbing in the
dog's ears once a month, everything would be fine. So
she went to the drug store and got the there
and a pharmacist said, now, listen, if you're gonna use
this under your arms, don't use deodorant. For a couple
of days. She said, none, it's not front of my arms.
Farmister said, look, if you're gonna use it on your legs,
don't use body lotion for a couple of days. She goes, look,
(35:37):
it's not for my legs either. If you must know,
I'm using it on my schnauzer. The pharmacist says, we'll
stay off your bicycle for about a week. So long, everybody, Schnauzer,
John Boy and Billy, Good Morning Radio.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
I'm right, good morning, big shows on the radio. Well,
(36:27):
if you're looking for entertainment for a holiday event this year,
we can recommend several great comedians and this is.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Not one of them. He's back like a bad jaculation. Gentlemen,
Hello joke, nerd man, you could really sell the thistle.
Bro Listen. I just stopped by all up in this
mother to run the material past. Y'all, I got a
sweet gig in a big dad confab. You're actually getting bookings.
You know it, home fries, you don't get it. This
is my world now. Well, this in astronomy, well, this
(36:57):
astronomy and stamp collector and modelnosaur building, But Taba is
my life.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Let's not waste any more time, Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome your headliner joke.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Nerd, what's up? You gotta start with something they know?
Welcome to all the dad's out there. Gives the wife
a chance to work on their tender profile. It's tater doing.
Oh lord, we're doomedown. What do you call an irishman
(37:28):
in a bulletproof vest rick O'Shea shut up. I went
into a restaurant and asked the waitress if I can
ask her a question about the menu. Please. She slapped
me in the face and said, it's none of your
business about the men. I please. That's more like a
(37:50):
friend of mine was kidnapped by a pack of mimes.
They did unspeakable thanks to him. Thank you stick What
fruit has fun on a slide? A key we I
got a basectomy last month, but my wife still got pregnant.
I guess all of us sect me really does is
(38:10):
changed the color of the baby, and that one's for Jack.
My wife said, you act too much like a detective.
We have to split up. I said, good idea, we'll
cover more ground that way. That did not go as
well as I thought it would. My wife said, you
(38:32):
haven't listened to a word. I said, I said, WHOA,
what a weird way to start a conversation. You can
use that when you get home, John boy. I once
dated a homeless woman. Things got serious and she asked
me to move out with her. AnyWho. The seven dwarf
(38:54):
were all sitting in a hot tub. Doc started feeling sleepy,
so Sleepy got out. I never make fun of dwarves.
They look up to me. That's what I wanted, That's
the laugh I wanted on the puppy child, joh, I'll
tell you what I know about dwarves, very little. I
(39:17):
think I'll stop. The dwarf accidentally took my cat's medicine
last night. Don't ask me how. My wife told me
it was my turn to put the baby down. I said,
you stupid baby, you can't do anything right, and the
(39:40):
dumb one got it right away. How do you know
Mike Tyson isn't religious. He punches people in the faith.
Thank You's sick. A blind guy walked into a bar,
then a chair, and then a table. It's okay to laugh. Hey, okay,
(40:03):
I just found out I was color blind. It hit
me right out of the purple thank you stick. My
wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can't read it. My doctor told me I
was going deaf. That was hard to hear. I didn't
(40:25):
ask for the editorial tape. Just when you thought food
couldn't make a phone call, boom onion rings. I'll bet
you Jackie doesn't get it. Like the Chick fil A
thing with the cow. She just doesn't want to look stupid.
They're getting worse. I asked the German girl. Just you wait,
(40:47):
I asked the German girl for her phone number. I'm
still waiting for the rest of it. So far, all
I've got is nine. My wife is so fat. How
that is, Thank you John Man. My wife is so
fast she can only play seek. They used to call
(41:09):
it a jumpo lean until my wife got on it.
All right, we gotta wrap it up. Hold on, hold on,
I need to go out on a winter this one, No,
this one, No another dwarf joke, No, here we go.
Did you know that miss Peggy can't count to seventy?
Every time she gets the sixty nine she gets a
frog in her throat? Well, I have to say, what,
after all these years you have really what developed into
(41:31):
a brilliant comedian? Stay out the same dang well, back
to the drawing board. Has Killer's got any of that
invasion of pull materials?
Speaker 10 (41:42):
D joke?
Speaker 5 (41:43):
Nerd out.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Good morning, you got the big show on the radio.
More chance for you to win coming up after your news,
weather and sports.
Speaker 11 (41:52):
Ah, you gonna have all them good at two shoes
on the radio talking about that damn Peaton having baby
there nothing sexy and a hot young man talking trash
on the radio. I like all them opinionated time men
rot limbad.
Speaker 10 (42:13):
Jan Handedy neil Board. There's snow on the roof, there's
a fire in the fun it's getting hot in here.
I take off all my clothes. I feel so vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Good morning, that's a big show on the radio. A man.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
We getting into the football portion of the big show,
head into Thanksgiving weekend. Pac Man coming up in minutes,
all things college football. I won't see what the committee
they got the teams down heading toward the playoffs. As
we get late in the college football season, then I
Man Tom Sowarnson will join us in a final hour
(43:29):
to depict every NFL game, starting with the three tomorrow
on Thanksgiving. And he's hot. Last week he went eleven
and three. Good that's good going into Thanksgiving weekend. Of
course he went zero and two on his locks, but
I exclaimed they won, but not by the point spread
that he said they.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Would, And don't worry. I texted him. He said, good thing.
I went on Moneylune. Huh, I say you keep him
in life here? Oh yeah, I'll be watching all right,
so good stuff. We gonna get to this big show.
Oh yeah, pat man Oi, he's running out big show
Rose home coming this Thanksgiving. Clamped Eastwood is back as
(44:09):
Harry Callahan, but this time he's making butterballs.
Speaker 4 (44:14):
The sex is made out of case hardened steel. One
swing and it'll take your head clean off.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Turkey, Harry.
Speaker 4 (44:22):
You gotta ask yourself one question. Do you want stuff?
Speaker 1 (44:26):
In Clamped Eastwood is Turkey?
Speaker 8 (44:29):
Harry?
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Rated g pork gobble
Speaker 4 (44:31):
Go ahead, Punk, make my Thanksgiving Dave
Good morning, the Big Shows on a radio more Big Show.
Right around the corner. This is Buzz Nutley with a
bulletin Big Show Knows reporter, live on the scene of
a major disacter. I've never seen such carnage. And may
I remind you that I was at the Great Donna
Pass Barbecue eating the buckle of nineteen ninety nine. This
is much, much worse. It's a massacre of mammoth proportions.
(00:21):
The tattered caucasses of other morning shows lit in the battlefield.
You're listening to the victors in this morning radio war,
John Boy and Billy on the Big Show. Now, can
I turn in my expense receipts?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
God a doodle doo uming at them. Welcome to Tuesday. No,
I'm God, I tell you. If y'all don't change that
border bear, I ain't gonna know what day it is, tim,
I gonna know when to retire Wednesday?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Right there? All right? I changed it.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That is safe, man, Come in here hour for everybody else.
You can't get over there three feet.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
It's a catastrophic equipment failure. What can I say? And
you don't have to walk?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Isn't anybody you know Thanksgivings.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
All that.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Practice is dealing with people with Trump derangement syndrome. Loud
you ready, it's just good to practice.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
To practice.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Oh, that's when you told me for years. It's the
day before Thanksgiving. Could we get a little thankfulness around here?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (02:03):
This National Cake Day, as we're supposed to says, delivers
a scrumptious treat for everyone to enjoy. So you supposed
to baker, including in tolerant national taie one own day. No,
it's not what you think. It's about putting on an apron.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Everybody has a poopoo.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Maybe y'all want to try that on you know day's
other than Thanksgiving. Get in the kitchen, cook something by y'all.
You mean y'all met just anybody. If the apron fits
wearing all. We got three days and this are saved up.
That'll be very important. That'll get our winning mcginnit. And
(02:46):
we got a big old prize pack up for grabs.
First thing we're awake, Big shows on the radio, Good.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Morning, Big shows on the radio.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Here's that first prize pack, big old assortment. A small
batch handcooked peanuts from Birtie County Peanuts, a southern tradition
for over one hundred years. A lot of y'all signed
up for it last Christmas and you back at it.
I told you want you to start with these Birtee
County peanuts.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Man, this is the deal.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
If you intercoche jbb A checkout, you'll get twenty five
percent off, plus you get free shipping to shop online
at Bertie County Peanuts dot net. I look for the
link at the Big Show dot com. A great list
for you to choose from. Got something for everybody own
your Christmas list? So that is ah damn Well, let's
look at our three days in history where working our
(03:37):
three categories for that prize pack it was nineteen eighty
nine unit Away workers and Prince George, British Columbia.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Some of the world's largest jacksaw puzzle.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
It was nine thousand, seven hundred and thirty nine square
feet one thousand and eighty five pieces.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Wow, that's a big that's a big.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Nineteen ninety five, Miami Dolphin quarterback Dan Marinos set an
NFL record with his three hundred and forty third touchdown pass,
breaking fran Tartanton's record.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Talking to I liked him.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
He's the Minnesota waking quarterback Dolphins lost to the Indianapolis
Colts thirty six to twenty eight. Finally, in two thousand,
Florida Secretary of State Catherine Harris certified Republican George W.
Bush the winner over Democrat Al Gore in the state's
presidential ballata. The winning margin five hundred and thirty seven votes.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Gold Hanging Chad, that was the old chair. This is
what all right?
Speaker 2 (04:39):
There there you go, there's a categories one eight hundred
big show. You told free line. We play out burs next.
(05:06):
Good morning, Anders have been showing a radio Now I'm.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Just burred his fur collar.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Hey all, johnbo millon Sesame Street, help raise all of us.
Now it's our turn donate this holiday season at sesame
dot org because the world needs Sesame and Sesame need you.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
All right, like what Upburst? Let's play Upburst. It's the
game that anyone can win. Shon boy and really give
the prizes from the big prize be let's go contested
number one. This should really be a lot of fun
(05:51):
to win. Your playing Upburst.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Have a very up and guest time you love the
best time you love a big shots. Say hey, Terry
from mobill Hellama, good on and.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Terry Hey, John Moore, Billy Hey, ma'am. We all are.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
I hope you are wide awake enough to get through
these three categories tear and get you the big old
Berntee County Peanuts prize pike. That's what I'm hoping, Yes, sir,
I will do it then in five seconds. All right,
we need three things that you put together or a
symbol ready to go.
Speaker 5 (06:41):
Puzzle.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I canet first here in a cart.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I give us three positions on a football team, ready
to go.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Quarterback, running back, wide receiver, and for the win, three
things you vote for, ready go. That's my president, vice
president sectary of state.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Man, and I'll tell you why you're gonna senter records
right there, oh man, quick thinking, quick talking, rascal out
of mobile gratulations.
Speaker 1 (07:12):
Buddy, you're gonna love this prize pack. All right, what
I get Billy, I'll turn you over to him.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Hang on, all right, as a plan right now, it's
your news on the other side. I remembering Rayford's segment
and our poet Laurie. Yeah, the day before, thanks given perfect.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Got more of the big shows on the radio. Robert D.
Speaker 6 (08:13):
Rayford is year lots of people, including presidents, have confessed
to smoking marijuana in their wayward youth. Rayford remembers when
you could get stone just by walking into the film
More in San Francisco.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
The only music I ever pretended to like was the
acid rock stuff that came out of the counterculture of
the late sixties. Living in San Francisco in nineteen sixty eight,
I'd go to the Fillmore Bill Graham's venue up steep
stairs into a dark ballroom with psychedelic lights and young
folks and some middle ages sitting on the floor, swaying
(08:48):
to the sounds of Jefferson Airplane and Grace Slick marijuana
smoke was so thick it'd get high just inhaling the
ambient atmosphere. But if that didn't work, some stranger would
pass the joint to you. I kind of liked Grace
Slake's White Rabbit after a few hits on that weak grass.
Grateful Dead were on the bill, as was Janis Joplin
and I believe the name of her band with Big
(09:10):
Brother and the holding company. All right, yeah, of course
you know what they were holding. At the University of Texas,
she had been voted ugliest man on campus by a
bunch of fraternity boys. A bisexual who didn't drop acid
but sucked on a bottle of Southern comfort no bra,
sweating profusely, belting out songs like Ball and Shane. She
(09:31):
died of a drug overdose in nineteen seventy. In October
of that year, after the Summer of Love, there was
a march, rather a death march. They call it the
Hippie Marching out of the Place, complete with coffin down haytreet.
Then everyone moved away to nearby Marin County and some
to a series of communes stretching up to the Oregon border.
So those I mixed in with, they were just a
(09:53):
whole bunch of leftover hippie trying to be him like me.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Robert y Ray for John Boyn Billy Show.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. I
want to mind y'all just a few minutes. How handy
can he be eating tips with Jeff Pillars on the
day before Thanksgiving?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Well, we're lucky enough to have our very own poet
Laureate here the big show, so one animation appearance. There's
a pretty good chance he's got another story to share.
So let's welcome back, Colonel Hamilton Brewster. How are you,
Colonel h.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Busted at the seams like a fart trapped in spandex,
John boy, you are truly a wordsmith. It's a calling,
a gift, and sometimes I just need to unwrap it
and share it with the world, or at least y'all.
Any time you ready havent it well, I want to
tell you a tale. It happened a few years ago.
(11:11):
It's called the Japanese Thanksgiving go something like this. My nephew,
Ricky was a Marine Corps airman in Okinawa, Japan. He
went overseas a fresh faced kid and come home a
full grown man. And while overseas he fell in love
(11:31):
with a sweet little Japanese gal. They was coming home
for Thanksgiving. I look forward to seeing my pal. Her
name was Mioshi, but we called her Mimi because they
couldn't pronounce her real name. It was Moo moo and
mushy and even Mike. No two guesses were ever the same.
(11:52):
She spoke good English and announced to the klan that
she'd be cooking the Thanksgiving meal. Ooh. The women folk
bristled and give her the stink out. They didn't sign
on to this deal, but Ricky stepped in like a
good hubby should and said it was a first class gourmet.
They were all in for a real special treat, but
the family didn't see it that way. The smells from
(12:14):
the kitchen on Thanksgiving Day were unfamiliar and some downright on.
It was fishy and spicy and tangy and sour. They
all kneeled and prayed to God. When the dinner bell rung,
the clad shuffled in, not knowing just what lay in store.
Before them lay a feast of Asian delights, things they'd
(12:37):
never seen before. We're looking veggies and strange looking meats.
Ooh fish with their heads still on. No green bean casserole,
no candied yams hell. Even the turkey was gone. We
got tons of rice, but where's the gravy? Old Granny
(12:57):
Semple said, where's the tater? Where's the pie? What's going on?
Where's the rolls? And where's the corn bread? To make
it worse, there was no forks inside, just two sticks
beside each plate. Who wants to carve the Thanksgiving squid?
Things wasn't going too great, but good husband Ricky took
(13:19):
the lead. He dug in and started to eat. The
others followed suit, but they was none too pleased with
a dinner that smelled like feet. And then little Mimi
walked in the room with a thing that would save
the day. Who liked some saki? She quietly said. They
all shrugged and said okay. Before too long, there were
(13:42):
five bottles in and getting their Japanese on, gnawing on
fish heads and chewing on squid. They gobbled until it
was gone. But they weren't done yet, No, not by
a sight. They all staggered out into the yard. They
stripped of their shorts for the big sumo match. They
was playing it hard. Uncle Cleat ruled today, taking everyone on.
(14:05):
He survived with barely a scratch until the old Granny
Semple stripped to her depends and poor Uncle Cleat met
his match. At the end of the day, it all
turned out right. Mimi kept her composure, that is until
the cops showed up and the rest of them all
for indecent exposure. Ha ha ha, you like I a jobboy?
(14:26):
Hell yeah, good morning, you got a big show on
the radio.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
More chances for you to win coming up after your
news weather sports died.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
This is Stanjordi arts in all today from hammer Langerfjord, Norway.
After around to kick the Wolverine. There's nothing like sitting back,
drinking a great big herring smoothie.
Speaker 7 (14:58):
And listening to.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The big show Bey, Yon, Boy and Bailey. There's a
bond in this one. Good morning.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
It's a big seen the radio of the day before Thanksgiving,
all right, from the hugely expanded kids table.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Now, as you can tell by the six empty plates
in front of me, I like food in the fact,
because of that, I have what doctors call a little
bit of a weight, come from taking bear claws two
at a time and they'd get lotched in this vicinity
right here. So when it comes to food, I know
(16:13):
what I'm talking about. And what better time for food
than the holidays. For me, from Thanksgiving to New Year's
it's like a big deep fried battle royal and chocolate sauce.
So for you chowhouse out there and those that have
some big eaters in the family, here's some handy holiday
eating tips. First, avoid carrot sticks anybody who puts carrots
(16:34):
on a holiday buffet table, and better ask Santa Claus
for a clue because they don't know a damn thing
about the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you go to
a party and seek carrots, leave immediately. Go next door
where they're serving rumballs. I've got rumballs. Next Drink as
much eggnog as you can and quickly. It's rare. You
(16:56):
can't find it any other time of the year, so
pound it down. Who cares. There's almost ten thousand calories
in every sip. It's not like it's crack or something.
It's a treat. Enjoy it, and if you're a little depressed,
spike it. I don't keep the fat man jolly, at
least until it wears off. If a dish comes with gravy,
eat the hell out of it. That's the whole point
(17:19):
of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes, Fill it with gravy, Eat the volcano,
eat and repeat. Remember gravy does not stand alone except
as a beverage. On a cold day, a Stephen mugg
of jibblet gravy beef the pants off hot cocoa any day.
And as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
(17:42):
with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim milk, pass,
what's the point. It's like buying a sports car with
an automatic transmission, and be sure and give the host
a finger. Anything to anything that can be cooked can
be deep. Hell, they even do it the candy bars
(18:02):
at the fair. And what does it taste better? Fried?
You think anyone would eat squid if they didn't call
it klamari? And deep frightened crisco. Think of the possibilities
deep fried ham, Oh yeah, deep fried meat loaf. Hey,
even deep fried tofu actually has some flavor. Trust me,
more kids would eat their vegetables if they were covered
(18:24):
in a nice beer batter and served with some blue
cheese dressing. I've got blue cheese. Do not have a
snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your appetite. And the whole point of going to
a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free,
and lots of it. Hello, anybody. When you go to
(18:45):
a party, make sure your wife or girlfriend carries a
big purse with a good supply of ziploc bags inside.
Find the right moment to make a pass through the
buffet and fill those bags with your favorite Some people
will call it gluttony, but what hell do they know.
It's really just a way to keep that party spirit
back at home with you. I've got and a sack
(19:08):
full of them. And if you don't have a way
for girlfriend, carry a backpacket. It's just more for you.
Under no circumstances. Should you exercise between now and New
Year's You can do that crap in January when you
got nothing else to do. This is a time for
long naps with a big plate of sausage balls. It's
(19:32):
time for long dacks with a plate of sausage balls
balanced on your stomach. You'll need the rest after doing
laps around the buffet table carrying a ten pound plate
of food in a gallon of egg nog. If anyone
offers you bino, punch them in the pants. Super bouts
of hideous smelling gas is one of the perks of
anything that doesn't move, and it nourishes the male competitive spirit.
(19:55):
I mean, who's poots smell? The worst may not be
that annual game of touch football, but it's a hell
of a lot easier on your joints. Four words, don't
forget the pie. Have a slice of each, and if
there's room in the backpack, take a couple home, not
pieces pies, and some boob always puts out fruitcake. Granted
(20:16):
it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it
at all costs. I mean, damn, have some standards. One
final tip. If you don't feel terrible when you leave
the party or get up from the table, you are
not doing it right. Life should not be a journey
to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in
an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid
(20:38):
in sideways, chocolate smeared all over your face, fried chicken
grease on one hand, and cream soda in the other,
your body body totally worn out and used up, screaming woo,
what a ride? Happy holiday, Good morning? Got the big
shon on the radio?
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Alright, you clad the Camel If y'all you have been
listening for a while, you know, I've been going on
about Clyde for about and I don't know, last forty
years as a kid listening to Clyde the Camel on
Ray Stephens, Santa Claus is watching you. He's Everywhere's everywhere
like that, And then later life I got to meet
Ray Stevens actually known as Uncle Ray because I got
(21:19):
a kid radio Jay Jarvis there when was in Tennessee
doing the radio like that, so that was actually pretty cool.
And then, of course, as we said, man Clyde just
don't have to stay as one of the reindeer Christmas.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
He can go anywhere he wants to.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
So we've incorporated him in all kind of holidays since then,
amazing and even some unknown history. And that's what we
got coming up in just a second. First, let me
tell you what you can win on John Boydgepardy. It's
a big old Blue Emu prize pack. It comes with
two jars of blue Emu pain relief cream and a
tube of pbc otc itch relief cream. Look for both
(21:56):
in stores and online in Walmart, Amazon and other finer retailers.
All right, play Ford moments, But right.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
Now we all know history, but there's so much more
we don't know. I'm Sir David Attenborough and this is
unknown history. The year is sixteen twenty. A group of
(22:22):
one hundred weary passengers sailed from England to the New
World aboard the good ship Mayflower. They desperately wait for
the news that Land is in sight. That's the sign
you in the crow's nest? Do you see land Latino?
(22:48):
His name was Clyde, a rather unusual stowaway, and that
he was a dromedary camel. He was hailed as a
hero and quickly took his place among his fellow pilgrims.
But the early days were not easy. Half the settlement
was lost that first year, and food was scarce. If
(23:12):
we do not get our crops to flourish, the entire
colony will perish. Clyde, I fear the future appears bleak. No,
what's that rare? Ask the natives. That's madness. They're savages.
Yew Tonto. You say, yeah, Squanto, I'm sorry, Could you
(23:34):
do the introductions?
Speaker 8 (23:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Clyde brought Squanto before William Bradford. An agreement is profit,
and soon there was food a plenty, and the colony
slowly struggled back. In a profound gesture of gratitude, the
pilgrims invited the Native Americans to a feast of thanks
and the tradition of thanksgiving was ball. We would not
(24:05):
be here today if not for the one known as Clyde. Heah,
that is the truth, is it not William Bradford Squatto
speaks the truth, and it's only fitting that Clyde give
the prayer. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, But things
(24:38):
will take a dark turn. Clyde became romantically entangled with
Bradford's second wife, Dorothy.
Speaker 7 (24:46):
Oh, Clyde, we cannot continue our illscitrists. I fear my
husband is suspicious. Those hoof shaped bruises on my back
were hard to explain. Yeah, I told him I was
trampled by dear but alas he was unconvinced.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Ye here all right, one last time and it would
be the last time. Clyde, Dorothy, my wife, and my
best friend be gone and never return him or me him. Eh.
(25:24):
Clyde left in shame and never returned. No one knew
whatever became of him, but he did resurface years later.
Speaker 9 (25:35):
So I just tie this key to this kite. Eh,
But what about this storm until next time? This is
Sir David.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Edinburgh reminding you that it's not the history that's no,
it's the history unknown. Where is your.
Speaker 8 (26:01):
Ah? I was?
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Let's play the John boyd Jeopardy. Let's review yesterday's question.
We found out according to ships records and pilgrims were
supposed to have landed further south. Always wondered about that,
you know, wanning up there in the coal Massitude's come
on down here.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Anyway? They said they were running out of food, water
and this what is beer?
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Running out of beer?
Speaker 2 (26:26):
We can't go.
Speaker 5 (26:29):
Name.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Today's John Moore Jeopardy. This fictional character first debuted as
a balloon in the nineteen sixty eight Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
It now holds a record for the most appearances.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Who is inflatable? Gary? Inflatable?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Gary?
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Why not?
Speaker 5 (26:51):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Thing I missed? But obviously not What y'all got? What
ain't Big Joe?
Speaker 7 (26:56):
You told?
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Free line?
Speaker 1 (26:57):
We played John Moore Jeopardy.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Next, Good Morning, Big Show's on the radio for your Wednesday,
(27:29):
November twenty six. Featured track When the Big Show Bit Box,
what you Deserve Man Unknown History, The First Thanksgiving with
Clyde Clyde Thanksgiving keywords when you hit the box at
the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Don't look at my pants that's on the Facebook, Babe.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I thought you can see my socks and me and
mry Kleiner looking at the bear with arms hat on.
All right, I'm getting sidetrack where well, if you know,
you know, Thanksgiving with club. All right, we got it
and now let's play now now, oh yes, live across America.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
It's John boyd Jeffen and now your host.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
He saw a man with an eye patch walking around
at the grocery store and just couldn't resist asking him
if it really was fun and games before that happened.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
He's joh boy, they have way home.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I had a Monica out of Alcoa, Tennessee. Good morning, Monica,
good morning? Right?
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Was it running with scissors? Is that what you do? Okay?
All right Monica? He'll try to figure out the intro.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I'm my mind could go while we're there and then
over here let it go real, say I am Monica.
You have the first shot at John Boy Jeopardy. So
let's see what you got. We're looking for this fictional
character that first debuted as a balloon in the sixty
eight Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade now holds a record for
the most appearances.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
What do you think that would be? Monica?
Speaker 3 (29:05):
Snoopy Snoopy?
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Is it Snoopy?
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Letty gee?
Speaker 1 (29:11):
You know in a Snoopy Snoopy?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Whose first place with forty four, So it's been forty four.
Ronald McDonald is in second place.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
It's ron all about that?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Well, that clown get up there. Number three Rocky and Bullwinkle.
Y'all make fun of me, always talking about Rocky Bullwinkle show. Yeah, yeah,
they're number three. I'll be looking for them. Who is
peakatch you? He's like number four? Ookemon, yod Ookemon?
Speaker 1 (29:43):
All right.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Number five is Dino, the Sinclair Oil Dinosaur.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
It's actually Dino, but you remember Sinclair Oil. They're still
in business. I had to look them up. How about that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:53):
All right, So, accord to Macon Snoopy will mark his
forty fifth flight in tomorrow's parade, so we'll all be watching.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
All right.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Hey Monica, good word, baby, you hold on for the
big old prospect.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Okay, thank you.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Wid a many hour and Tabao News has got our
time capsule for this day for Thanksgiving on the other side,
and the Nice Show Nerd Joke Nerd and the Dad Conference.
Speaker 8 (30:21):
Al Right, this is the award winning John Boy and
(30:52):
Billy Big Show, the South's number one export.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Let's keep it going for your head on her, uncle, buddy.
What a great crowd looks like? Gary Busey's family reunion
in here. I'll slay you that right now here. He
has folks. He's not the best looking guy in the world.
When he sits on a beach, cats try to bury him.
He shine bloom. Yeah, Hey, listen, I had a fender
(31:26):
bender on away in here this morning. I was wild.
I'll tell you that right now. I tagged this guy's
bumper in a stoplight. The driver gets out and he
was a dwarf. He came up to the window and
tapped on a glass. He said, I am not happy.
I said, really, which one are you? Drumpy man? No
sense of humor? He had a short fuse I just
(31:47):
threw that one in there. This debt ceiling thing is wild,
didn't it. I tell you the Democrats running around screaming
if the debt ceiling isn't raised, the government would cease
to function. Here's a question, how could you tell you
have to How about this guy he called off his wedding.
You hear about that? How about that he called off
his wedding. I guess he didn't want to be tied
(32:08):
down to the same woman for the rest of his weeks.
And you guys know some of those astronaut guys, right,
I don't mean the guy with a propeller, I mean
the real as. Did you see that buzz Aldrin is
getting a divorce? No, that's wild. He said he needed
more space. I was back at the doctor the other day.
This guy runs into the office. He says, Doc, Doc,
(32:30):
you have to help me. I think I'm a dog.
The doctor says, how long has this been going on?
The guy says, since I was a puppy. Well, I
got dragged into the technology age. Yep, I've started texting.
Who knew that l OL meant laugh out loud A seniors,
we got our own texting abbreviations. Now you know that BFF,
best friend fell, BTW, bring the wheelchair, FWIW, got where
(33:00):
I was, g GPBL gotta go, pace maker, battery log
gh A got hemorrhoids again, LM d O laughing my
dentures out d A m h A dog ate my
hearing aide, t LDF talk later depends full T T
(33:29):
y L talk to you louder and my favorite r
O t F l C g U rolling on the
floor laughing, can't get up. So Shela and I we've
been traveling lately, we went to England. You gotta be
careful in these restaurants in some of these countries, especially
Great Britain. You know, right after someone over there invents
(33:51):
the toothbrush, they're gonna work on the refrigerator warm beer.
What the hell is that they headed to you? It's
like a specimen in a glass. I'll pay you that
right now. We go into this little eatery there and
we're looking at the menu, and I'm telling you right now,
it's like gerbils in a basket. I don't know what
the hell to order. I tell them, why that? Okay,
give me a steak. He kind of rolls his eyes.
He says, what about the mad cow? I said, I
(34:12):
think she can order for herself. And my pal Lenny Bloomquist, Ah,
he went to Paris, Oh yeah, went on and on
about how beautiful the Eiffel Tower was, all the exquisite
art at the Louver, the Majesty of Notre Dame Cathedral
had a cost of beautiful French women, on and on
and on. I said, all right, enough, already, is there
anything you didn't like about France? Lenny said, well, you know,
(34:34):
there was one odd thing that I never got over
in France, anything you eat, anything you drink, even the
air that you breathe over there, it totally cleans out
your colon, and I mean really cleans you out. I said, gee,
with France like that, who needs ennemus? Oh that was
a long way to go put on, like staying to
see the end of a larytic cable guy saying that
(34:55):
right now, all right, I'll make it up to you.
This is a classic. This woman she finds out that
a dog is hard of hearing it. She could hardly hear,
so she took the dog to the vet. The vet says, well,
your problem is the hair in the dog's ears. It's
like ray for it on steroids to clear it. He
cleaned both ears and bengled the dog in here. Fine,
the vet said, listen, keep this from happening again. Go
(35:16):
to the store. Get some of that nair hair remover,
you know. Then all I said was rubbing in the
dog's ears once a month, everything would be fine. So
she went to the drug store and got the there
and a pharmacist said, now, listen, if you're gonna use
this under your arms, don't use deodorant. For a couple
of days. She said, none, it's not front of my arms.
Farmister said, look, if you're gonna use it on your legs,
don't use body lotion for a couple of days. She goes, look,
(35:37):
it's not for my legs either. If you must know,
I'm using it on my schnauzer. The pharmacist says, we'll
stay off your bicycle for about a week. So long, everybody, Schnauzer,
John Boy and Billy, Good Morning Radio.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
I'm right, good morning, big shows on the radio. Well,
(36:27):
if you're looking for entertainment for a holiday event this year,
we can recommend several great comedians and this is.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Not one of them. He's back like a bad jaculation. Gentlemen,
Hello joke, nerd man, you could really sell the thistle.
Bro Listen. I just stopped by all up in this
mother to run the material past. Y'all, I got a
sweet gig in a big dad confab. You're actually getting bookings.
You know it, home fries, you don't get it. This
is my world now. Well, this in astronomy, well, this
(36:57):
astronomy and stamp collector and modelnosaur building, But Taba is
my life.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Let's not waste any more time, Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome your headliner joke.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
Nerd, what's up? You gotta start with something they know?
Welcome to all the dad's out there. Gives the wife
a chance to work on their tender profile. It's tater doing.
Oh lord, we're doomedown. What do you call an irishman
(37:28):
in a bulletproof vest rick O'Shea shut up. I went
into a restaurant and asked the waitress if I can
ask her a question about the menu. Please. She slapped
me in the face and said, it's none of your
business about the men. I please. That's more like a
(37:50):
friend of mine was kidnapped by a pack of mimes.
They did unspeakable thanks to him. Thank you stick What
fruit has fun on a slide? A key we I
got a basectomy last month, but my wife still got pregnant.
I guess all of us sect me really does is
(38:10):
changed the color of the baby, and that one's for Jack.
My wife said, you act too much like a detective.
We have to split up. I said, good idea, we'll
cover more ground that way. That did not go as
well as I thought it would. My wife said, you
(38:32):
haven't listened to a word. I said, I said, WHOA,
what a weird way to start a conversation. You can
use that when you get home, John boy. I once
dated a homeless woman. Things got serious and she asked
me to move out with her. AnyWho. The seven dwarf
(38:54):
were all sitting in a hot tub. Doc started feeling sleepy,
so Sleepy got out. I never make fun of dwarves.
They look up to me. That's what I wanted, That's
the laugh I wanted on the puppy child, joh, I'll
tell you what I know about dwarves, very little. I
(39:17):
think I'll stop. The dwarf accidentally took my cat's medicine
last night. Don't ask me how. My wife told me
it was my turn to put the baby down. I said,
you stupid baby, you can't do anything right, and the
(39:40):
dumb one got it right away. How do you know
Mike Tyson isn't religious. He punches people in the faith.
Thank You's sick. A blind guy walked into a bar,
then a chair, and then a table. It's okay to laugh. Hey, okay,
(40:03):
I just found out I was color blind. It hit
me right out of the purple thank you stick. My
wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can't read it. My doctor told me I
was going deaf. That was hard to hear. I didn't
(40:25):
ask for the editorial tape. Just when you thought food
couldn't make a phone call, boom onion rings. I'll bet
you Jackie doesn't get it. Like the Chick fil A
thing with the cow. She just doesn't want to look stupid.
They're getting worse. I asked the German girl. Just you wait,
(40:47):
I asked the German girl for her phone number. I'm
still waiting for the rest of it. So far, all
I've got is nine. My wife is so fat. How
that is, Thank you John Man. My wife is so
fast she can only play seek. They used to call
(41:09):
it a jumpo lean until my wife got on it.
All right, we gotta wrap it up. Hold on, hold on,
I need to go out on a winter this one, No,
this one, No another dwarf joke, No, here we go.
Did you know that miss Peggy can't count to seventy?
Every time she gets the sixty nine she gets a
frog in her throat? Well, I have to say, what,
after all these years you have really what developed into
(41:31):
a brilliant comedian? Stay out the same dang well, back
to the drawing board. Has Killer's got any of that
invasion of pull materials?
Speaker 10 (41:42):
D joke?
Speaker 5 (41:43):
Nerd out.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Good morning, you got the big show on the radio.
More chance for you to win coming up after your news,
weather and sports.
Speaker 11 (41:52):
Ah, you gonna have all them good at two shoes
on the radio talking about that damn Peaton having baby
there nothing sexy and a hot young man talking trash
on the radio. I like all them opinionated time men
rot limbad.
Speaker 10 (42:13):
Jan Handedy neil Board. There's snow on the roof, there's
a fire in the fun it's getting hot in here.
I take off all my clothes. I feel so vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Good morning, that's a big show on the radio. A man.
Speaker 2 (43:07):
We getting into the football portion of the big show,
head into Thanksgiving weekend. Pac Man coming up in minutes,
all things college football. I won't see what the committee
they got the teams down heading toward the playoffs. As
we get late in the college football season, then I
Man Tom Sowarnson will join us in a final hour
(43:29):
to depict every NFL game, starting with the three tomorrow
on Thanksgiving. And he's hot. Last week he went eleven
and three. Good that's good going into Thanksgiving weekend. Of
course he went zero and two on his locks, but
I exclaimed they won, but not by the point spread
that he said they.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Would, And don't worry. I texted him. He said, good thing.
I went on Moneylune. Huh, I say you keep him
in life here? Oh yeah, I'll be watching all right,
so good stuff. We gonna get to this big show.
Oh yeah, pat man Oi, he's running out big show
Rose home coming this Thanksgiving. Clamped Eastwood is back as
(44:09):
Harry Callahan, but this time he's making butterballs.
Speaker 4 (44:14):
The sex is made out of case hardened steel. One
swing and it'll take your head clean off.
Speaker 1 (44:21):
Turkey, Harry.
Speaker 4 (44:22):
You gotta ask yourself one question. Do you want stuff?
Speaker 1 (44:26):
In Clamped Eastwood is Turkey?
Speaker 8 (44:29):
Harry?
Speaker 1 (44:29):
Rated g pork gobble
Speaker 4 (44:31):
Go ahead, Punk, make my Thanksgiving Dave
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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