June 14, 2021 • 56 mins
The Jubal Show takes on a viral trend before a brand new Jubal Phone prank, airlines may start weighing passengers in todays INN, a First Date Follow Up that starts on Christian Mingle, a Dirty Little Secret involving a 6-month year old and The Jubal Show prepares for the end of the pandemic with Alex Fresh's favorite drink: FIREBALL!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for.
The Jewels Show is here. Get your butt at the
front door. We are super villains ready to overtake the world,
and we're gonna do it in style. It's time for
the best readygo you've heard in a while. The Jewels Show.
(00:28):
The world is finally getting back to normal. It's a
Jewels show. You guys remember the Yanni or Laurel thing
that happened. It proves that we have finally conquered everything
else that's out there right now, because we're back to
one of those arguments, and you, guys, tell what this
is saying. Is this saying this is a new thing
that's going around on TikTok? Is this saying Bart Simpson
(00:49):
bouncing rotating pirate ship? What this isn't my receipt? Lobsters
in motion? Or this isn't mercy? Those are so different.
Oh my gosh, Now see if you can tell what
this chance says? Okay, what do you think it says? Oh?
(01:11):
That is so funny, because I'm I can't. I can
never tell what people are chanting in the crowd everever.
I never know. I have no clue no idea. I
heard part Simpson, but that's because you said that. Otherwise,
that's so interesting. They're they're English, I can understand. I
was going to say English, I was gonna understand, don't say,
because I guarantee the English haven't understands it. I was like,
it's none of those. That's why I had a theory
(01:32):
that this was a trend only going on in America
because English people would be able to identify it. Yeah,
I'm gonna play it one more one time for you, Alex, okay,
and then tell me what they're saying. Okay, okay. It
doesn't even sound like they're speaking English, is it? Uh?
This isn't mercy baptism, piracy, lactates in a pharmacy. Well,
(01:56):
I don't think for you. I'll play it for you here.
Who you aready? All right? Is there? What is there?
None of the above? Why I could go through the
whole list again, Evan said that it wasn't none of those. No,
I didn't. I just want to see what you're okay.
I might just want to see which one you're hearing. Okay, okay, okay,
is it I'm chasing Martian lactates in pharmacy or this
isn't my receipt. Okay, okay, okay, my receipt. You say,
(02:26):
this isn't my receipt, This isn't my receipt. That's what
I'm going Okay. I think part of the reason you're
struggling is because those are football thugs. Is in England.
What are they saying? You do you know? They say, Well,
to me, it sounds like they're saying that is embarrassing.
Don't sound embarrassing. Here, listen one more time. Now that
you know that's what it says, you'll hear it right away.
(02:53):
Embarrassing even is our English to American ends later. That's
so funny. As soon as I heard it, I was like,
that's not any of the options. I would have never
called it. That's funny. That's funny. The first time I
heard it, I thought, I said, this isn't mercy. And
then I noticed it after I was like, oh, this
is embarrassing. So that's what it says. So there's proof
(03:14):
of what's that. That's a game right there, because seriously,
you know on the TV when people chanced up in
the crowd, I never ever, ever, even when I'm in
in person, I don't know what they're saying ever a
whole life, even American accents my whole life. I can
never tell what they're saying. It's really hard to tell
what chance they're saying most of the time, because you'll
be at a game, right and people start channing across
the way whatever it is, and sometimes it'll sound like
(03:36):
something horribly offensive because you hear it all. You hear
it in your head and you're like, what are they
wanting to do? And then you forgot You're like, oh,
they're just saying go team go right, yeah, like we
should cool the calls. Even when I'm with somebody and
I'm like, what are they saying? They always tell me,
so I'm like, why do I never know? Right? Yeah?
I always know. Are you partially deaf? I'm not partially.
(03:59):
I can hear very well in both of my ears.
I can't understand the bolo look right embarrassing text in
at four one oh six one? Did you hear this
is embarrassing or something else? And do you have trouble
understanding what people are saying when they're chanting in a game?
(04:23):
In pharmacy lactates and pharmacy is what people heard? Anyway?
I remember you can follow the show on social media.
All you have to do is hit us up at
the Jewil Show, each of us individually. I'm at Jewel Fresh,
I'm at that Dreas, I'm at Evan on the radio,
the Jewbil Show on demand. It's another Jebil phone frame Mornings.
It's one. Hello. Hello, Yes, my name is Jeremy Dukins.
(04:53):
I'm calling from I was looking to speak with Antonio. Yeah, man,
speaking good. I'm glad you called. I was looking forward
to picking on my laptop tomorrow. I do have an
update on your pooda. Okay, yeah, what's going on? Well, unfortunately,
I hope that you're sitting down in a chair or
(05:13):
some other sitting device right now. Yeah, that pooda dead,
that pooda gone by. Wait, yeah, I'm sorry. It must
have cut out for a second. I think I heard
you said that my computer was dead or gone. Yes,
I said that pooda dead, that pooda gone. No, it
can't be. You told me that the problem is gonna
(05:33):
be regular to fix. What are you even saying right now?
You're just gonna call me and tell me my computer's gone. Well,
what I'm saying is we checked out your pooda looked
at your hard drives and your soft drives and your
medium drives, and your pictures and your VIDs and all
that kind of stuff. And this pooda is beyond repair.
What are you even saying? I dropped it off to
you guys. You guys are the experts on what you're
(05:54):
going on with this computer or that computer. Let me
ask you a question. Did you back up that hard drive?
Viol No, no, no, no. I didn't back up what
was on that machine and I needed back right. And
when I say back up, I just mean like back
like a backupout your files, not back it up like
in the club. What the happened to the computer? And
who was just a small tweak? You said there was
(06:16):
no problem. I only saw running slow. Kind of tell
me what happened. We were working out, like I said,
We opened it up, checking everything out, all the different
drives and all the different areas and the pooda we
do we would normally do going through it, and I
was like, this is just a mess in here. And
I realized your pooda was possessed. What you just said,
my computer was possessed, Yes it was. I was looking
(06:38):
at it with a couple of my coworkers here, Keith
and Donald. We were looking at Jipooda and I said, gentlemen,
this pooda possess. What do you mean possess? The devil
was inside you, Pooda. Listen, you idiot. I don't get
what's going on here? Or are you talking about a
different kind of virus? Are you talking about some sort
of hacker group? Tell me exactly what? Well, what do
(06:59):
you see it? Talking about the dark Lord himself? You
saw the dark Lord just inside of my lap talk, Yes,
I did so. I attempted to have a little bit
of an exorcism of your motherboard, and that's when that
pooda died. That Pooda's gone. Now, sorry about that? Well,
why do you keep using all these really spiritual terms
(07:20):
to describe what you're saying? Like exercise? Are you mean
that you like wipe with something? Did you wipe all
the files off my computer? I attempted to do an
exorcism on it, ended up stomping it into the ground.
I destroyed your computer. I'm so sorry about that. That
pooda did that. Poodagne, though, I'm so sorry you did
not step all over my computer first, I did not
step on it at first. I pought some holy water
on it, and just that thing just smoked because the
(07:41):
devil was in that pooda. It just smoked away, and
I said, get out, get out. I exercised you out
of this pooda demon. Get out of the pooda right now.
And I laid my hands on it, and it was smoking,
and it shocked me a little bit. So I stomped
it into the ground, and I think I got the
demon out, but the poodha did gone, so sorry. Who
is in charge? Who is in charge? Well, I'll get
you right on over to them. I just had one
(08:03):
thought for you. Might have been those dirty videos and
pictures he had Annie had drive. They gotta possessed by
the demon. I don't know about that, but that's it.
That's all I have to say about that. So I'll
just go ahead and transy on over. Stop it, stop you.
I didn't have any of that stuff on my computer.
I don't know what you put onto it. But I
need to talk to your supervisor, all right. Oh well,
my supervisor is not here right now, so I'll just
(08:24):
tell it's a prank phone call, kind of pulling your
jails a little bit times the crank. You said, this
is a break. Yeah, this is actually Jewel from The
Jewel Show doing a phone prank on you and your
wife christ has set you up. Wait what Chris Christa,
Chris Christa, your wife Krista, yea, such a idiot, I
(08:48):
can't believe. Oh well, no you're not, sir, You're not idiot.
Just guy with deadpooda. That's all wake up every morning
with Jewil phone pranks, we say mornings on the twenties
the Jewel Show on demand, it's time Four of the
Roses only on the Chewable Show. I think a lot
of cheaters are going to be shook in just a second.
(09:08):
Oh really Yeah, because Brianna is on the phone for
a War of the Roses to catch a cheater, and
she thinks that her boyfriend of two and a half
years might be seeing someone else, all because of something
she found on her phone. And I have a feeling
that there's a lot of people out there who have
pictures on their phone that they don't want their significant
other seeing, but they don't know how to delete them fully.
And there's another album out there that still has all
(09:30):
your pictures in it. And when you hear why Brianna
thinks he's cheating, They're gonna be like, oh my god,
I need to start deleting right now, Brianna. Before we
get into why you think your boyfriend's cheating on you,
first of all, tell us his name. What's his name? Hi? Yes,
his name is Jason. Jason, all right, And you think
(09:50):
that Jason might be seeing somebody else, why don't you
just tell us why? Um? So he was like, you
know when we got together, moving together for like two
and a half years. Um, he was like really sweet, um,
really caring. He paid a lot of attention to me. Um.
And like, uh, recently, like maybe like two months ago.
(10:11):
You know, it's just things have been really different. Um.
We actually haven't been intimate for the past two months. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
I know. And um, we're really passionate. Okay. So and
do you guys live together? Yes? Are you initiating it? Yeah?
And does he like accept does he like does he
(10:31):
want to? Yeah? You know he has. He's been like
kind of like, oh, I'm tired or you know, oh,
it's weird. I've even tried to kind of be romantic
going the shower. It's just weird. He's just like really
funny about it. And it's weird because it's like I
just feel unwanted, you know, like I did something like
(10:51):
maybe you know, maybe he like he's not attracted to
me anymore or I don't know, And so I've just
been trying to find different ways, you know, time he'll
come home and I'll just like make dinner, just trying
to make it a little bit more romantic. Well, have
you asked him about it because maybe his like downstairs
equipment isn't working at the moment. That's a big problem
(11:12):
for some men. Oh, honey, No, it ain't. Maybe it's
a problem how much I drink. Yeah, it's fully oiled. Honey.
So has he ever been like this before or is
this a new thing because maybe you know, maybe he
goes through ups and downs with his sex drive. No, No,
(11:33):
he's not. He's he's very like he's a full on
um person, Like he's very much invested. When it first
started happening, I was like, oh, you know, maybe he's
just tired, maybe he's stressed out because of work. You know,
I just kind of started making excuses. But didn't you
know you started looking at the you know, date and
you're like, wait a minute, you know, yeah, this isn't
(11:54):
really you know good. You know. The other thing though,
that you put in your email is definitely suspect. Um.
You know, tell us what you found on his phone.
I did it. I went through the phone. I found
like deleted pictures of his penis oh um, that he
(12:14):
took of himself. Yeah, and it was it was in
our bathroom. Um um. It seemed like, you know, like
like he took it when I was at home or
like because there was something out dead like And I
also never got these pictures. Like he also had videos,
which is crazy to me, but they weren't his deleted album.
(12:36):
Like he forgot to deleted album. And that's why I
started off saying, people don't know about the deleted album sometimes,
so when you delete a photo, it also goes in
a deleted album. And anybody who was good at checking
the phone, it's gonna go to the deleted album. Now
there's people falling over on the side of the freeway
deleted to permanently delete. Yeah, have you thought of a
way that we could call him that isn't gonna make
him sketched out or think that it's a weird phone call.
(12:59):
I think maybe call his like his college alumni association,
because he you know, he's very active in his school.
So does he normally does he get called? Does he donate? Yeah,
he donates, he's active. What's the name of what school
did he go to? He went to? Okay, all right, um, well,
we'll call from there then and to pretend to be
(13:20):
from the alumni association and we'll say, hey, we're not
gonna ask you for money. We're just gonna send you
flowers to say thank you being such a good student.
A love ni event we're doing, just say I love you, guys,
and do you want to send flowers with somebody and
see if he gives us your name or somebody else's okay, okay,
all right, we'll get your War of the Roses to
(13:41):
catch a cheater right after this. It's a Jewel show.
It's time four of the Roses only on the Jewel Show.
Gonna be fun. I actually get to pretend to be educated.
It's War of the Roses to catch a cheater. If
you're just joining us. Brianna is on the phone and
she thinks that her boyfriend of two and a half years, Jason,
might be cheating on her because all of a sudden,
Jason has stopped wanting to do the bedroom dance with her. Oh,
(14:07):
I don't mean that he's working on top of a dresser.
I mean, you know the thing that people do. How
often per week do you think you guys were intimate?
We act? I didn't care. I was his gunling like
I so like several times a week. Oh honey, please
yes to an active All right, that's a lot. And
(14:32):
then you know, Brianna, you said also that like you've
tried to be like wise and he don't wanted to
do anything. Why is he not interested? What's going on?
You've tried to be sexy all kinds of different ways
and he's still not interested, which is rare for him.
So that's a warning sign right there. And then also
Brianna checked his phone and in the deleted album there
were pictures of his downstairs mixed up and she never
(14:57):
received those. She never got those texta to her, and
she's wondering why he was taking those and then deleting them,
probably not for himself, probably saying to someone else. So
we're about to call him from his college and be
from the alumni association and instead of asking him for money,
We're going to offer him some flowers and say thanks
for attending the university and this is a big day
for you. You're going to college, I know today, and
(15:18):
we're gonna see if he wants to send them to
Brianna or if he gives us someone else's name, and
then we'll know that he's cheating. All right, Brown, Are
you ready? Yeah? Hello, Hi, this is DUVESSNT calling from
(15:43):
the Alumni Association. I was looking for Jason. This is
see how you hey, Jason? How are you doing. I'm
doing good, man. I can't complain too much. I woke
up this morning, but I just donated to y'all. Y'all
calling ask him for more money already. I ain't got
it this time though. It is not about that. We're
not asking for money. Um. We don't even have any
(16:06):
really motive other than just to say thank you very
much for attending the school. You are a great representative
of our fine university. And we're doing a little thing
just to say thank you to some of the people
who have donated in the past couple of months. And
it's called the I Love NI Love Ni. But it's
just just to say thank you to our love l
(16:26):
ov ni I love night. We a love you, okay,
and we appreciate you. And so we just wanted to
send some flowers, a dozen red roses to you or
I mean, I don't know if you like flowers or not,
but you could send them to somebody that you love.
Oh no, man, I don't really do the flower thing. Man,
I don't know what what I'm gonna do with some flowers,
(16:46):
but you can. Yeah, you can send them to somebody
then if you want. And I ain't got to donate
nothing else for these flowers. I mean, we're gonna call
you again and ask for sure, but for these no,
it's just it's just literally a thank you. Well shoot,
if that's case, man, Yeah, I'll send the flower to somebody. Okay, great.
All I need from you is the info. So we'll
(17:07):
start with the name. Who would you like to send
him to. I'm gonna send him to Elena. I want
to put anything on a card because I can do
a card too. Oh yeah, man, just put on that. Man.
I'm glad you're in my life. Glad you're in my life,
Elena Took, I'm glad you in my life. What you
mean oh wait, wait a minute, hoolo, man, what the
(17:31):
hell is this Brianna Jason? This is called War of
the Roses to catch a cheater. It's the Jewil Show.
My name is Jewbil Mine's Alex fresh Minds English Heaven.
But most importantly, your girl from Brianna is on the
phone because she thought she might be seeing someone else.
And it sounds like you're seeing someone else named Elena.
Wait wait a minute, but what show? It don't matter
what show it is. You send him flowers to Elena?
Like like I don't know who she is. Wait a minute,
(17:54):
so you you called You called the police to set
me up. I called the police to said you up.
You set yourself up. You get taking pictures of your
of your penis, asking a food, and then now you're
sending flowers to to Elena. Wait a minute. You went
through my phone? Who told us and I having sex
(18:14):
with me? I'm gonna go through your phone? Yes I did.
You went through mama? Now like I just me, man,
I know Elena, like I've hung out with us. That's
your sister's best friend. Who is it you? Elena is
his sister's best friend? Who? Oh no, see you've messed
(18:37):
with the wrong one. I know where she works too,
you know what. Matter of fact, I'm gonna just go
over there and I'm gonna have me a conversation with Brianna,
and then I'm gonna have a conversation with your sister,
and then I might have a conversation with your mother,
since we want to make this in a family affair,
you know what I mean, Because I'm not doing this.
I spent three years on your behind, your bumb ass,
trying to get you together, and you're gonna have the
(18:59):
audacity that she she on me with with with freaking
Lena out of all people, like damn, three years. No,
I'm not doing this. I'm going over there right now.
I'm not saying with you you got the warm one. No,
I'm not doing this. No, I'm hot it here. No,
I'm not doing this. You got anything else to say?
You got anything else to say? Before I go over
there and hang up the phone and go over there
(19:20):
and talk to Lena. Jason, Jason, do you Jason? Do you? Jason?
Do you have anything to say? Bitch? Uh, He's he's gone.
He hung up. Yeah, I would hang up. He hung up. Well,
(19:41):
you know what, Brianna, you need to go handle your business.
Don't kill anyone, please just hurt her. The Jewels shows
were of the roses. The Jewels Show on Demand jubils
Dirty Little Secret. Fine for Dirty Little Secret. He's eating
(20:02):
with his mouthful, which I don't usually care about anything
that he does, but eating with his mouthful talking women,
That's what I meant. Eating with mouthful. I don't even
care if you talk to me with your mouthful. Necessarily
it's to other people. Yeah, what I do, especially whim
on the phone now, because it's just gonna be talking
to someone. I'm just like looking at him, like, can
you finish that bite? I should have thought about that
(20:22):
and said I'm going to take a bite and then
I'm going to go on air. Yeah, well I looked
at the time. I was like, there's like ten seconds
before the Dirty Little Secret. Whatever. I'm hungry, What do
you eat? It's a it's a z bar. It's good.
It's chocolate, which I don't like. But anyway, it's not
about me and what I'm eating right now, although I
kind of made it about me and what I'm eating.
By it's time for Dirty Little Secret. Text in four
(20:42):
one six one if you have a secret that you'd
like to get off your chest, you can tell us anything.
We always keep everybody anonymous. We don't even ask what
your name is, so you can tell us whatever secret
you want. And on the phone right now to tell
us a dirty little secret. Willy Wonka wan chocolates? Not
his name? Yeah, what's up, Willy Wonka? How are you, hey,
guys going? Actually, uh yeah, the name's not Willy Wonka,
(21:03):
it's uh George Clooney, George Clooney, right, George Clooney. He's
making up his own anonymous fake names. You can't do that,
will he won't up? Well, I just did, okay, Oh
all right, you sound like you want to wrap. Yeah,
you did. Sound like you're gonna get into a battle.
Maybe you should wrap with Evan. No, no, that's not
(21:24):
my dear little secret, unfortunately I wish. Okay, right, George Clooney,
Then okay, play your game? Is what is your dirty
little secret? Well, look, I don't really know how to
say this in any formal way, so I'm gonna just
throw it out there. I'm obsessed with shoes, man, I
like really I like buying shoes. Game. Yeah, we all,
(21:46):
I think I like shoes so much of a secret. Yeah,
but like it's not what you're thinking. Um, okay, you
like okay, we're spending your entire track. You're all acted.
I like to buy you shoes online, like like he was,
like on crazslist. Okay, so it's not new shoes you like.
You like used shoes. Oh god, yeah, so that's the
(22:08):
problem with that though. No, I don't buy them to
wear them like I buy them to smell them. It's
a slightish from mine smell them. Oh okay, okay, so
you're obsessed with people's stinky, cheesy feet. Yes, stink you're cheese.
You're the better. I've heard about people who like only
(22:28):
buy the shoes if they work out in them as well. Really, yeah,
do you do that? I'll pay a little extra for
a work Wow? All right, and how long have you
been doing that? About a year? I used to go
to store it like good Will to go find them,
but I mean, thanks for the the Internet. Now I just
find them online. So people like they they post like
(22:49):
here's my stinky cheesy shoes. I think people. You can
sell anything online. You can get a lot of money. Yeah, okay,
there's this one dude, I always buy them from man.
This guy's got athletes for it. He's the best. Are
you sticking your nose in these shoes? How am I
going to smell them? Oh? Wow? What's the most that
you've ever spent on a pair of shoes? I'm honestly
(23:11):
embarrassed to say. Well, I mean you're anonymous right now.
You know you're telling us your little secret that you
like to buy you shoes and smell them. I think
you're the better. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I spent
half of half of the month's check on them. How
much is that? About twelve? Yeah? I bought this one
pair of shoes from this lady that won the Boston
(23:32):
Marathon about a couple of years ago. Oh wow? Was
she selling them? Was she selling them specifically to people
like you that want to smell them? And I picked
them up? I bet you she has no idea. She's like, Oh,
it's just someone that's a fan of mine. That's the movie. Well,
I guess you are a fan of hers, but not
the running ability more than shoes, not her. Yeah. I
(23:55):
just got stuck on a question though, for you? Does
athletes foot smell good to you? Put it this way,
It's like comparing shon No. Number five to perfume you
buy off a ross. Okay, all right, then, all right,
so athletes' foot smells delicious. Hell of a comparison. Well,
thank you for telling us you did a little secret.
Hit us up if you ever want to buy some
(24:15):
shoes from us. We're always get rid of shoes. I
wouldn't mind making a few dollars. All right, guys, thank you?
What's your dirty little secret? The Jewel Show on Demand
and welcome to the i n N, The Idiot News
Network where idiots aren't just in the newsday report the
news for Monday, June fourteenth, twenty twenty one. I'm Jewel
(24:36):
Fresh and if you think driving distracted as hard, now
wait until they put a billboard in your car. Come
more on that story in just a second, but first
let's meet the idiots. I'm Alex Fresh and in case
you don't have quite enough patience, then you probably shouldn't
choose a career working with children. And I'm English Evan
and are you too fat to fly? Find all that
stuff out in just a second, but first for our
(24:57):
lead story of the day, though in car ads that
pair with billboards are about to be a thing. You
thought ads were intrusive everywhere in your life, Like you
talk about something with a friend and all of a
sudden you open your phone and Instagram is like, hey,
here's some dog food that you're just talking about with
your friend or anything like that. Well, now Ford just
(25:18):
started a patent on a new piece of technology that
wif it drives by a billboard, it'll put the billboard
ad on your dashboard. That won't be safe, It can't
be safe at all. But guess what in this country,
who cares? They say, don't drive distracted, don't read, don't
text while driving, but Ford wants to put like ads
right in front of your on your windshield, in your
(25:38):
car while you're driving. Wait, so just any type of
ad as well, Like if you drive by a new
Chalupa that's coming out, it's gonna be just Chalupa, you'll
get a Chalupa on your dashboard. Or if you're watching
if there's a McDonald's, like a few eggsit's up the freeway,
you know how they do that. Yeah, it'll be like boom,
McDonald's coming up, Like constant ads while you're driving. Wow,
it is. And also insurance companies are gonna of that
(26:00):
because car accidents. This is the i n N, the
Idiot News Network where idiots aren't just in the news.
And for our next story of the day, let's send
it on over to Alex Fresh And this report is
brought to you by McDonald's and I'm in Wisconsin. We're
a teacher be rates of vaccinated student for not wearing
a mask. And I'm just gonna play the audio clip
(26:21):
for you. Guys. I don't care if you're vaccinated. You
a little o. Hi, don't want to get sick and die. Okay,
there's a lot of people who can affect just because
you're vascinated. You know what, You're not a special person
around here. You should hear about however, really talks about you.
Oh you're a cherk okay walking around here. Stick on
(26:44):
your butt It's it's not literal yet, dummy. I was
just thinking when she said the stick up your butt line,
I was like, I was thinking of myself and I school,
and I was like, this is a perfect time to
be like it say something about like I actually don't
have to stick on my butt, And it sounds like
he did. It's a good job kid. Yeah, I don't
(27:05):
care if he is disrespectful. She is an adult and
he is a child. Has a teacher ever called your
name when you were no, because I'm a respectful child,
like child and student and have you jul Yeah, of
course I had. This happened to me in elementary schools.
I was kind of a bully at this point in
my life and one time I was punched a kid
(27:25):
in class. The teacher got so tired of it she
put me in the front of the classroom and I
was punched a kid in the back, right because I'm
a man, But she put me in front of the
classroom and let everybody line up and just punch me
in the back. Wund oh. I don't want to say,
desert kid. That's probably where that teacher's out with that kid.
(27:46):
But the problem is the teacher should not be working
in that profession. Shouldn't be yeah, and that teacher shouldn't
like kids punch me in the back. Although when I
think about it now, I'm like, funny, Yeah, I might
have done the same. This is the high the idiot
news network, where idiots aren't just in the new was
very and for our next story of the day, let's
send it an nominate English seven who's standing in the
corner of the room, but to get punched in the
(28:06):
bath by juball. Okay, So airlines might require plus sized
passengers to step on the scale or provide their weight
before boarding for what reason, Well, Alex, something glad you asked,
because this would help ensure that aircraft, especially the smaller ones,
don't exceed their allowable weight limit. And apparently it's like
the weight limit sometimes causes planes too literally fall apart,
(28:28):
which is obviously what we don't want, but which also
doesn't really ever happen. Yeah, I don't hear about somebody's
falling out of the sky. I just like to say,
I'm not advocating for the airlines, but it's a it's
just a really weird thing to me as well, because
why would you call someone out like there's a lot
of people around at what points are do they think
(28:50):
that the passenger is big enough to be weight exactly? Like,
this is ridiculous, And there's a better way to do
it too, because obviously we have to have our bags
under a certain weight limit. Just lower the weight limit
of the bags. You don't have to tell people to
like oh, sorry, you can't get on your even think
it's that. I mean, look at full planes. You can.
You can add as many bags as you want, really
you can. You can just have to pay for it.
(29:11):
So maybe that's the thing. It's probably you know what
it probably is. It's probably not a plane falling apart
thing that propaganda. You know what it is. It probably
costs more in fuel because it's heavier. So add a
fat convenience fee, chubby convenient chubby they do it with bags, right,
So it's thirty five dollars if you over I don't know,
two ten pounds. I'm sure it's not gonna go down
(29:33):
very well. I'm waiting for that to happen though. Honestly,
Spirit Airlines will get on that in a harpe. I
guarantee it best. Yeah, and they'll charge you for being
too skinny actually, like you know, you have to be
exactly one hundred and sixty pounds. That's why. Other than
that you got to pay under bucks for everything. That
was The i n N the Idiot News Network where
idiots aren't just in the news, they report the news.
(29:55):
Tune in tomorrow same time for another hating reports. The
i n N the Jubil show on demand. It's another
Jubil phone frame mornings. That's one. He's hello, Is that Carter? Yeah?
(30:16):
This is Carter is calling me. Hey, it's your uncle,
my uncle. You can call me unc if you want.
It's unc unc Jim. Excuse me? Who uncle? Jim? I
mean you can call me your funcle if you want
to know. I'm kind of the fun uncle. It's been
a while, my funcle. Wait, uncle, you're okay? Hold on.
(30:41):
You're my mom's older brother. Jim. That that I've never
met before? Bang bing bing bing, got it correct? Guilty
as charged, but not guilty because I love you so
really happy about it? Actually, how's it going? Um? Right?
Why are you? Why are you calling me? I'm just
calling you to say hi, and I just missed you.
(31:05):
It's good to hear your voice. If you're asking what
happened to me? Good question. I ended up taking a
trip to Thailand and I've been training elephants over there
for the past twenty eight years. Anyway, I'm back. What
the all? Right? Do you want to talk to my mom?
Is that? Yeah? Yeah? About that? I tried to call her.
(31:26):
She picked up and had a few choice words for me.
And then the phone disconnected. Right, yeah, sure, so good
to reconnect. So so, I mean we can get together
and uh, you know, reminisce about all times. I have
a bunch of like, I gotta tickle me Elmo for you.
That's okay. I'm twenty seven, dude, I don't need to
(31:47):
tickle me Elmo. Oh come on, I've been holding onto
this thing forever. I gotta give it to you. It's funny.
You ever seen one of them? You put batteries in
it and then it makes it It laughs and says
stop tickling me. I'd just be so cute if I
could just give this and get a picture. I just
want a picture from my picture album of my nephew.
That's a weird. Yeah, it is super weird. It's super weird.
(32:08):
You put a battery right in it and it laughs
like it's actually alive. Super weird. That's what I thought.
That's why. If I could just meet up with you,
give this gift to you that I've had for quite
a few Christmases, and take a picture with you, that'd
be great. I just want a picture from my picture
album of my uncle of my nephew hanging out with
his Funkle. It's Funcle Jim and Carter Time. Remember that
(32:28):
when we sang that together. No, we've actually never sang
that song before. Where are you at right now? It's
Funko Jim and Carter Time. Ain't no better friends? Doone?
Funcle Jim and Carter with the song? Right now? You're
really starting to scare me. I don't know what's going on.
(32:50):
Um wow, I mean, you know you can call your
nephew and you're kind of treated pretty rudely. I had
no idea the phone call is gonna go this way.
It was kind of, you know, trying to get up
the nerve to call you and say we should get
reconnnointed or appointed or connected or whatever the word is.
Is it annointed? I don't know. I dropped out of
(33:11):
school reacquainted. No, I don't want to get re acquinted.
And don't ever call me again. All right, I will
not call you again. I promise you that if I
can ask you a favorite cann I borrow a thousand dollars. Okay,
but I'm family. No, you're not family. I don't even
know you. Okay, but you've heard of me? No, you're right,
(33:32):
I have heard of you, and my mom told me
a few stories about you, and she told me you
were an idiot. And guess what now I can see
that you are an idiot. Yep, I am. And this
is a prank phone call, so I mean I'm an idiot,
that's for sure. Care if it's a prank phone call,
I don't call me at all? Okay, but I'm not
your uncle or funcle good. I know you're not my uncle.
(33:53):
I've never even meant you. And I don't know why
your prank phone call me. I don't know. I'm not
actually your mom's long lost brother or whatever. This is
Jewel from the Jewels Show doing a phone prank. Oh
my god? What what the hell are you talking about?
This is Jewil from the Jewil Show? Gen dude? What
from the what? Joe? The Jewels Show? It's a radio
show and your mom listens to it and she wanted
(34:14):
me to do a phone prank on you and pretend
to be your uncle Jim, who have you never met before?
Oh my god? Come on, you don't want to reconnect
with your funcle Jim? Oh my god? Oh come on,
ain't no better time than Funcle Jim? And am I right? Oh?
My God, that's that is the creepiest song I've ever
(34:34):
heard in my life. That will want me wake up
every morning with Jubil Phone Pranks, The Jewel Show on
Demand first date follow up and welcome back, Fine Congregation
to the Church of the First State follow up. It's
so excited to have you here today where we're gonna
see what can happen with the holy ghosting? Does it
(34:56):
sound like when it is getting holy ghost We're going
to talk about it right now with the Church of
the First State follower. Yeah, why am I speaking like this? Well? Yeah,
tell us. Joy is on the phone with us, and
Enjoy is a part of our congregation here at the
Jubil Show. And Enjoy has experienced the holy ghosting. She
(35:16):
apparently met him boy named Nick on Christian Mingle dot com. Yes,
now he's not speaking to her anymore, So Joy, please
tell us about your holy ghosting. Okay, sorry, not making
fun of your religion. Just thought it was funny that
you met somebody on Christian Mingle. I never met anybody
that met anybody on Christian Mingle, so it is dope.
(35:36):
Tell us a little bit about Nick. Yeah, yeah, he's great.
I mean I thought we. I thought it was wonderful.
We did meet on Christian Ingle and we spoke their online,
you know, first before actually meeting up. And we went
to dinner and we had such a wonderful dinner. That
(35:57):
actually is a cool way to meet somebody because you
know the same values, yeah, the same beliefs, all that stuff,
you know, and that's one of the things that you
can't talk about on a relationship on a first date.
They say, it's like politics, religion, you gotta say away
from him, but not have you met someone there. So
how was the actual conversation. It was wonderful, you know.
I religion is very important to me, which is why
(36:18):
I'm on Christian mingle U. And it's exactly like you
just said, you know, it's kind of you already have
that understanding of each other. So it takes that element,
one other element of the unknown out and it makes
so much more comfortable. You know. Our conversation was so
heavily focused on religion, and I was so happy, you know,
we talked about religion and family and we kept it
(36:42):
light too, of course, but I don't know, it was
just so great to me. I thought it was a
home run. I loved his personality and he was really cute.
But it's now been a week and I have not
heard from him, hooted. Did he seem engaged? He seemed
like that he liked you. I thought so. I really did.
(37:03):
Like I said, he was very talkative. He was. We
were having you know, back in forth communication. Um, it
seemed to flow really well. Did you guys meet at
the restaurant? We did. Yeah, I met ranks with her
and then we left afterwards. So we just went to
the restaurant and then said goodbye. We didn't kiss or anything.
But what do you think could have happened? Then? Well, okay,
(37:27):
so there there's one thing and that I'm wondering if
maybe just freaked him out a little bit. Um about
like three, about halfway into our date or so, like,
I confessed to him that my brother was actually there
at the restaurant with us. Um, it's just kind of
something that I do. No, No, he was just sitting
(37:53):
at a table kind of across the way. And I
have my brother do this a lot on first dates,
just to kind of like watch from Afar and make
sure that nothing you know, that no one's gonna nothing
bad happens. Someone's going to take advantage or you know,
he was there to sort of make sure everything goes okay.
Oh and he was aware that your brother was there. Yeah,
(38:14):
I told him. I told him. I was like, I
just thought, you know, I've got this thing like that's
my brother over there. And he's like what and I
was like, yeah, it's kind of something that I want
all my first dates, right, you know, And he seemed
okay with it. That definitely could be the reason why
he's not calling you. I mean yeah, personally, I wouldn't
call you back because they'd be like, oh, great, she
thinks I'm a pervert, like on the first date, you know.
(38:36):
Yeah about that, you don't know who they are, Like, yeah,
we have to protect ourselves. It's not the ideal situation.
Why is that being raped an ideal situation? No, it isn't, Alex,
like I would be understanding of why you were doing
it. It It would just be like, okay, is it is
it is that legit or is it just like you
have like I'm going to show up there and your
(38:56):
brother's gonna answer to the door and be like you
better keep your hands off. A knuckle sandwich for you,
Bucko and then I'll be like, why are you talking
that way back by m M. Well, we'll see if
that did it. So we'll play a song come back,
and then call him and try to figure out Okay, okay,
we'll see all right, get your first day follow up next,
(39:17):
it's a Jewel Show first day follow up. You're just
joining us for today's first date follow up. Joy is
wondering why this dude Nick isn't getting back to her. Joy,
you thought it was pretty amazing and the only awkward
thing that Joy can think of, and the reason that
she thinks he might not be calling back is because
Joy's brother comes on first dates with her, not like
(39:37):
at the table, but sits in the same area and
watches Was that your idea or his? Joy actually was
my idea? Yeah, that's why I thought. So it's Joy's
idea because she just wants to make sure she's not
meeting a weirdo, because there's a lot of weirdo. It's
not like creepy about it. He's not like staring and
watching every single movie. More so that like, you know,
and I buy his dinner. You know, I say, hey,
(39:58):
come to this restaurant. I'll get your dinner. You know. Yeah,
And it's really just so that he's there, justin gay
it's Christian mingle, right, but there's still creeps online everywhere
you don't know who you're meeting. So I mean, it's
not a bad idea to take some protection with you
in all kinds of ways. But well, we'll see if
that is the reason he's not calling you back. But
it's been how long since you heard from the weekend?
(40:21):
Pretty much? Almost exactly a week? I think it is now, yaw,
a week exactly a week? Okay, I really want to
find out what happened. All right, We're gonna call him
right now. Here we go. Hello, Hey, May's week to Nick. Please?
(40:45):
This is Nick? What's up? Nick? How are you? This
is jew Bowl from the Jewel Show. This is Alex
Fresh from the Jewel Show. This is English Having from
the Jewel Show. And this is a radio show and
it's called one two three the show. Wow have you
heard of us? I'm sorry about that. I've vaguely heard
of your Yeah, yeah, okay, dude, that's what we look for.
(41:07):
We do a segment on the show called the first
Date follow Up. It's where if you go out on
a date with someone and then don't call them back.
They can email us to get you on the phone
and find out why. And guess what somebody emailed us
about you? H Okay, okay, fine, stop pressing me. Her
name is Joy. I'm I'm pretty sure that's that's who
(41:29):
it was. Yeah, So, yeah, Joy wanted to find out
why you're not calling her back, and we'd like to
know as well. What did she tell you? Can I
ask that? So she just told us that that you
guys went to dinner and that you guys met at
the restaurant. Um, that was pretty much it. But she
also told us that she brought her brother for safety
(41:50):
precautions on first dates and she held there. Yeah, and
she really likes you, honest honestly. Like the brother thing,
that wasn't a big deal. Like he actually I talked
with him for quite a bit, like him and I
actually both played bass, so we actually had kind of
a bonding. People written off, I know it sounds stupid.
(42:11):
I know it sounds stupid. So that was a real Yeah.
Let me guess then you are deciding not to date
Joy because you want to date her brother. He was
her brother was really cool, so that that wasn't even
an issue. It was dude. I don't want anyone to
say I feel really bad in asking this or even
(42:33):
saying it, like did he tell you where we met
or how we met? Yes on Christian Mingle. Christian mingle
dot com a website for Christian singles. I don't know
if that's there. I don't know if that's a tagline,
but holy crap, Christian Mingle, You're welcome. It's a dating website.
But at the same time, you don't necessarily have to
be super religious and I am totally not. I am
(42:59):
more of an agnos. The date was perfect, gorgeous, but
it got a little Bible fumpy like preaching to you.
It was less about the connection and it was more
about Jeebus and you did leader On Kristen Mingle, Yeah,
I thought it would be more than just religion. I
(43:21):
thought it would be just more of a connection. I
am religious, but at the same time, I'm not gonna
let it lead every single thought in my mind. Thank
you for being honest with us. I appreciate it, and
I just want to that you know we are not
honest with you, and we're probably going to huble hawks
dicks over it. Because Joy is actually on the other
line listening and wants to talk to you. Oh, come on, dude, Hey, Joy, Hey,
(43:48):
I'm sorry it's here that I didn't I didn't get
that impression from you at all. I didn't realize that
you weren't a believer so much. I'm sorry to hear that.
I don't know what else to say. You know, it
is something that's very important to me. I think I
made that pretty clear. So yeah, I don't know. I
(44:09):
hate to say it, but you kind of led me on. Yeah.
I feel like our values are just different. Like I
want to believe in this, like I wanted to work,
but at the same time, like I feel like our
religious beliefs are just going to get in the way
of what, like what we actually pas. That's a shame
to hear, you know, And I you know, you didn't
(44:31):
even now that I think about it, Like you didn't
really if you were so turned off about the religious stuff,
like you could have, you could have taken the reins
and like switched the conversation to kind of ask more
questions about me, you know, like because I think I
think we kind of just we're talking about the religious
stuff because that's just was what there was to talk about.
(44:51):
You didn't really ask me so much about myself, you know,
but I've tried to. The more that I actually try
to get to know you, the that the Bible talk
keeps getting in the way of what we're what we're
trying to achieve, I feel like, well, I mean, if
you had gotten to if you had gotten to know
me a little bit more, you you would have also
(45:13):
found out that I'm not um, I'm not somebody that's
leading for marriage. I'll just say that, oh, not a virgin.
So wow, bombshell drop. I'm sorry you made that assumption.
I didn't realize that's where your head was, Like, I
think I want to be. I'll just ask the question, then, Nick,
(45:37):
would you like to go out with Joy on another date?
We'll pay for it. You know what now that I
know this right, Joy, would you like to go out
with Nick again? Actually? No, no way, I think I'm good.
(45:58):
You know. I wait, but now you got the second date,
but you don't want it. No, I make true colors.
I've all come out now. I had no I, like
I said, he led me on. I had no idea
that this was how he was feeling and if it
really was how he was feeling, he should have told
me on the date. And now it seems as if
(46:19):
once I'm telling him this information about any sort of
um risky business. I guess I'll just say, all of
a sudden, now he wants to go on a second
date with me after ghosting me for an entire week.
I don't, No, it's not about that. It's not about that.
(46:40):
I just want to get to know you better. That's
that's all I wanted. I judged book by cover. Whatever
you want to put down, I'm sorry. I think Nick
saying that, you know, he didn't give it enough of
a shot. Now that he hears you talk a little
bit more about yourself something in particular. Yeah, now he's interesting.
I wonder what I mean. Yeah, I think it's pretty
(47:00):
obvious one he really is interested in and I that's
not what I'm looking for. You think about this, though,
you were wondering, and now Nick is going to be
wondering about something for the rest of his life. Jubils
First Gate follow up The Jewels Show on demand Jubils
Dirty Little Secret. His Dirty Little Secret is definitely going
(47:22):
to be a weird one. Make very everybody uncomfortable. Maybe
it's it's time for your dirty little secret. Remember text
in four one O six one. If you have a
dirty little secret, you can tell us anything. It doesn't matter.
We will keep you anonymous. We don't even ask what
your name is. That's why everybody gets a fake anonymous nickname.
Who calls into the show to tell us a dirty
little secret. And I say, it's gonna be awkward because
(47:42):
on the phone right now is awkward butt dial. That's
an awkward situation. It's kind of hoping for Yoda Yoda. Okay,
what about Yoda on an awkward butt dial? I don't
know if he has a fire. Okay, that's weird. You
hada on awkward butt dials on the phone. What's up
Yoda on an awkward butt dial? Yeah? Yeah, Hey, this
(48:06):
is Yoda. Yeah, baby Yoda. So, uh, you have a
dirty little secret for us? Yeah? I guess I do.
I do? Um so I uh, my my wife and
I had a kid about a happy year ago, you see,
six months old, and uh we split. You know, of
course responsibilities with him. But I'm clearly had a kid
(48:27):
about a kid yeah yeah, yeah, like a child. I
didn't hear you. I didn't understand kid, Like for whatever reason,
maybe I z owned out And then I heard six
months I was like, I wonder, it's time about to
get her a car. Okay, so your wife like a
mini mini Yoda. We got a baby Yoda. Okay. Nice.
Uh he's he's a he's a total badass. But um,
(48:49):
I'm I'm I'm the I'm the good cop in the relationship,
Like my wife's the bad cops. She's always trying to,
uh just set down orders and rules she wants to kid. Yeah, parenting,
she's the punished. Yeah, for sure, she's a she's definitely
dead vader. Yeah. So whenever my wife goes out like
(49:09):
this is my these little buddies, my partner in crime.
So we watched Kung Food with like Call of Duty, Um,
you can play at six months old? Wow? Yeah, I
mean tis with me right, Like, clearly my wife doesn't
want him to do this stuff, right, Like, she doesn't
want him exposed to that. She's got her own viewers
even going on there. Yeah, I don't know. She thinks
(49:32):
like maybe it'll he'll turn out, you know, like a
crazy wacko. But I think it's gonna be fine. So
your life would have a problem with that for sure. Yeah,
she she she might be a little upset, right, she might.
She might be very upset if she found out like
he was, you know, watching Kung Foo with me. Um,
definitely the diet, like she's got all these stots on diet,
like he he can only eat organic, he can only
(49:52):
eat that. Yeah. Yeah, letting me a little ice cream
once in a while, get him a chocolate bars. Yeah,
I let the kid live, come on late, the kid
grow a little bit. So you basically, when your wife's gone,
you do all the stuff that she doesn't want you
to do with your kids. Well, yeah, I just let
him live a little. Thank you. So my wife comes
(50:19):
back from girls' nights, Um, a couple of nights ago, right,
and she comes in and well, yeah, here's here's the
bad part is that I didn't I didn't realize that
she'd be home as she watched. Came in and there's
some throw up everywhere, and um, I didn't see where there.
I didn't see where baby gold and throw it. Oh see,
(50:40):
you gave him so much chocolate that he puked. Yeah,
what he went overboard? Your child at six months years
of age. I don't think you should feed your child
at six months chocolate, let alone that much chocolate. But
it's delicious, It is delicious, But like, wait until a year,
Like like what about al Gez? Yeah, I don't think
(51:01):
he has any allergies. You just have a little you know,
upset tommy allergies. Yeah. Yeah, you sound a lot like
my wife right now, because you know, we're talking about
exactly what your wife would say. So she found all
this throw up because you had given you get a
bunch of chocolate. And yeah, I had to I had
to take the blame myself, Like I had to take
one for the team and tell her it was me,
(51:23):
what so grew up? I forgot to clean it up. Yeah,
well I told her that. I just I didn't even
knock clean it up. I just I had like going on.
I had to change it. Type had to take care
of our kid. I just forgot right. And then by
the time I got back to it, she she was there.
So uh and so now she's got me myself, She
(51:44):
got me and the baby on a strict diant like, dude,
you're eating way too many she's kisses when I'm caught, Well,
thank you for your what's your dirty Little Secret The
Jewel Show on demand. I can't wait till the pandemic
it over, though I can get back to my butterfly
watching What's your Name? Stewart? It's a st Will show.
(52:09):
Texting four one O six one. What are you gonna
do when the pandemic is finally officially over? And I
asked the question because it's a hard hitting question. It
is a hard hitting question. I asked a question because
forty two percent of Americans say that once the pandemic
is officially over. This is the quote from forty two
(52:30):
percent of Americans. They quote plan on throwing the biggest
party of their entire live. Yes, we're gonna go what
everybody said when the official work comes out to the
pandemic is over. I guess forty two percent of people
in America say they plan on throwing the biggest party
of their live, of their life, more than I guess.
(52:53):
So yeah, So invest in some put your money in
some Boone's farm red solo cups right now because people
still drink. No, I don't know why I said that.
What is it? Is it like beer? Like like a
wine that's like a sweet wine that mostly like a
teenagers drink. I was introduced to it in college, and like,
the thing you're supposed to do is you post it
(53:13):
around until it's done. Oh, like with the group that
you're with, we could take a ball of fireball with
a GoPro on it and take shots and pass it around.
You want to do fireball? I mean I don't I
like fireball? You do good? Yeah? Oh geez, I don't fall.
I mean it's quite a strong taste. It's just sugary.
It's only whiskey. Like it really shouldn't even be considered
whisky because it's not like, yeah whiskey, right, it really
(53:36):
isn't real whiskey. If you said that in someone out
there who drinks fireball as real whiskey is like, wait
a second, Yeah, what are you talking about fireballs? Okay
I was already doing that, dang it. I was hoping
you guys wouldn't think about it. It's not that one fireball. Oh,
I think it's this one. This is don't stop the party,
But that's the one. Yeah it is. This is the one.
(53:58):
I'm supposed to be the Yeah. Yeah, so long as
it's where the DJ talks about it. This is where
the DJ talks up. They call it talking up the
song in radio, talking up this is where you talk
up the song and you hit the post. Do you
guys know what that is? So talking up the song?
It's the instrumental, right, can you do it? This is
the ramp of the song. They call it the ramp, right,
(54:19):
a ramp because you're you're working your way up to
the top before boom. Learn something new every day. Yeah,
when the vocals come on, that's called the post. The
post is the post. It learns another thing new today. Yes,
And this song has an eight second intro. It says,
so this is the ramp. The intro is the ramp.
Hey seconds, that's nothing. Let's hear it. I want to
(54:41):
hear there's a regular. Okay, here we go. It's a duel.
Show us up. I'm duel. Inject this out. I just
found that forty two percent of people plan to throw
the biggest party of their lives on the pandemic is over.
Talking about that. I was supposed to be a DJ
bout myself right there. You just threw me off big time.
What I was going to do there was talking said
fireball and be like, what are you gonna drink? It
(55:02):
was gonna come and be like Fireball, and it was
gonna be so cool. I do it to do it. Well,
I don't know where the Fireball part is. I gotta
listen to this for a second and then I will
amaze you guys. Wait, stop you guys. You guys are
so dumb. That is not even the song I looked up.
It is Fireball featuring John drink Dry. Okay, all right,
(55:23):
it's pit Bull featuring John Ryan. Okay, pit Bull, Fireball
featuring John Ryan. Here we go, thank you, all right,
so yes, thank you. And then it comes up and
then they say it right, here we go Fireball. Okay,
(55:45):
So random radio station, right in the afternoon, just radio
guy working solo. You're about to hit the ramp. This
is how a real radio pro would do it. Okay, okay,
all right, here we go, good born ad just jumking.
It's the afternoon. It's a jewel show. And I saw
this crazy thing. For to two percent of people say
(56:07):
they planned to throw the biggest party of their lives
when the pandemic is over. And I'm like, huh, I
wonder what I'm gonna drink when I go do that
fire Yeah, good, I told you I am hold on, prof.
Was way better than I thought it was gonna be.
They've been doing it for thirty seven hundred years, exactly
the post what do you I mean, who's better than
(56:31):
Jewil in the world? I mean show, It wasn't let's
go guy, all right, this is it? Um. We started
off with that story. There was some more stats people
who cares. That was amazing. I'm glad I did that.
The Jewel Show on Demand
Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for.
The Jewels Show is here. Get your butt at the
front door. We are super villains ready to overtake the world,
and we're gonna do it in style. It's time for
the best readygo you've heard in a while. The Jewels Show.
(00:28):
The world is finally getting back to normal. It's a
Jewels show. You guys remember the Yanni or Laurel thing
that happened. It proves that we have finally conquered everything
else that's out there right now, because we're back to
one of those arguments, and you, guys, tell what this
is saying. Is this saying this is a new thing
that's going around on TikTok? Is this saying Bart Simpson
(00:49):
bouncing rotating pirate ship? What this isn't my receipt? Lobsters
in motion? Or this isn't mercy? Those are so different.
Oh my gosh, Now see if you can tell what
this chance says? Okay, what do you think it says? Oh?
(01:11):
That is so funny, because I'm I can't. I can
never tell what people are chanting in the crowd everever.
I never know. I have no clue no idea. I
heard part Simpson, but that's because you said that. Otherwise,
that's so interesting. They're they're English, I can understand. I
was going to say English, I was gonna understand, don't say,
because I guarantee the English haven't understands it. I was like,
it's none of those. That's why I had a theory
(01:32):
that this was a trend only going on in America
because English people would be able to identify it. Yeah,
I'm gonna play it one more one time for you, Alex, okay,
and then tell me what they're saying. Okay, okay. It
doesn't even sound like they're speaking English, is it? Uh?
This isn't mercy baptism, piracy, lactates in a pharmacy. Well,
(01:56):
I don't think for you. I'll play it for you here.
Who you aready? All right? Is there? What is there?
None of the above? Why I could go through the
whole list again, Evan said that it wasn't none of those. No,
I didn't. I just want to see what you're okay.
I might just want to see which one you're hearing. Okay, okay, okay,
is it I'm chasing Martian lactates in pharmacy or this
isn't my receipt. Okay, okay, okay, my receipt. You say,
(02:26):
this isn't my receipt, This isn't my receipt. That's what
I'm going Okay. I think part of the reason you're
struggling is because those are football thugs. Is in England.
What are they saying? You do you know? They say, Well,
to me, it sounds like they're saying that is embarrassing.
Don't sound embarrassing. Here, listen one more time. Now that
you know that's what it says, you'll hear it right away.
(02:53):
Embarrassing even is our English to American ends later. That's
so funny. As soon as I heard it, I was like,
that's not any of the options. I would have never
called it. That's funny. That's funny. The first time I
heard it, I thought, I said, this isn't mercy. And
then I noticed it after I was like, oh, this
is embarrassing. So that's what it says. So there's proof
(03:14):
of what's that. That's a game right there, because seriously,
you know on the TV when people chanced up in
the crowd, I never ever, ever, even when I'm in
in person, I don't know what they're saying ever a
whole life, even American accents my whole life. I can
never tell what they're saying. It's really hard to tell
what chance they're saying most of the time, because you'll
be at a game, right and people start channing across
the way whatever it is, and sometimes it'll sound like
(03:36):
something horribly offensive because you hear it all. You hear
it in your head and you're like, what are they
wanting to do? And then you forgot You're like, oh,
they're just saying go team go right, yeah, like we
should cool the calls. Even when I'm with somebody and
I'm like, what are they saying? They always tell me,
so I'm like, why do I never know? Right? Yeah?
I always know. Are you partially deaf? I'm not partially.
(03:59):
I can hear very well in both of my ears.
I can't understand the bolo look right embarrassing text in
at four one oh six one? Did you hear this
is embarrassing or something else? And do you have trouble
understanding what people are saying when they're chanting in a game?
(04:23):
In pharmacy lactates and pharmacy is what people heard? Anyway?
I remember you can follow the show on social media.
All you have to do is hit us up at
the Jewil Show, each of us individually. I'm at Jewel Fresh,
I'm at that Dreas, I'm at Evan on the radio,
the Jewbil Show on demand. It's another Jebil phone frame Mornings.
It's one. Hello. Hello, Yes, my name is Jeremy Dukins.
(04:53):
I'm calling from I was looking to speak with Antonio. Yeah, man,
speaking good. I'm glad you called. I was looking forward
to picking on my laptop tomorrow. I do have an
update on your pooda. Okay, yeah, what's going on? Well, unfortunately,
I hope that you're sitting down in a chair or
(05:13):
some other sitting device right now. Yeah, that pooda dead,
that pooda gone by. Wait, yeah, I'm sorry. It must
have cut out for a second. I think I heard
you said that my computer was dead or gone. Yes,
I said that pooda dead, that pooda gone. No, it
can't be. You told me that the problem is gonna
(05:33):
be regular to fix. What are you even saying right now?
You're just gonna call me and tell me my computer's gone. Well,
what I'm saying is we checked out your pooda looked
at your hard drives and your soft drives and your
medium drives, and your pictures and your VIDs and all
that kind of stuff. And this pooda is beyond repair.
What are you even saying? I dropped it off to
you guys. You guys are the experts on what you're
(05:54):
going on with this computer or that computer. Let me
ask you a question. Did you back up that hard drive?
Viol No, no, no, no. I didn't back up what
was on that machine and I needed back right. And
when I say back up, I just mean like back
like a backupout your files, not back it up like
in the club. What the happened to the computer? And
who was just a small tweak? You said there was
(06:16):
no problem. I only saw running slow. Kind of tell
me what happened. We were working out, like I said,
We opened it up, checking everything out, all the different
drives and all the different areas and the pooda we
do we would normally do going through it, and I
was like, this is just a mess in here. And
I realized your pooda was possessed. What you just said,
my computer was possessed, Yes it was. I was looking
(06:38):
at it with a couple of my coworkers here, Keith
and Donald. We were looking at Jipooda and I said, gentlemen,
this pooda possess. What do you mean possess? The devil
was inside you, Pooda. Listen, you idiot. I don't get
what's going on here? Or are you talking about a
different kind of virus? Are you talking about some sort
of hacker group? Tell me exactly what? Well, what do
(06:59):
you see it? Talking about the dark Lord himself? You
saw the dark Lord just inside of my lap talk, Yes,
I did so. I attempted to have a little bit
of an exorcism of your motherboard, and that's when that
pooda died. That Pooda's gone. Now, sorry about that? Well,
why do you keep using all these really spiritual terms
(07:20):
to describe what you're saying? Like exercise? Are you mean
that you like wipe with something? Did you wipe all
the files off my computer? I attempted to do an
exorcism on it, ended up stomping it into the ground.
I destroyed your computer. I'm so sorry about that. That
pooda did that. Poodagne, though, I'm so sorry you did
not step all over my computer first, I did not
step on it at first. I pought some holy water
on it, and just that thing just smoked because the
(07:41):
devil was in that pooda. It just smoked away, and
I said, get out, get out. I exercised you out
of this pooda demon. Get out of the pooda right now.
And I laid my hands on it, and it was smoking,
and it shocked me a little bit. So I stomped
it into the ground, and I think I got the
demon out, but the poodha did gone, so sorry. Who
is in charge? Who is in charge? Well, I'll get
you right on over to them. I just had one
(08:03):
thought for you. Might have been those dirty videos and
pictures he had Annie had drive. They gotta possessed by
the demon. I don't know about that, but that's it.
That's all I have to say about that. So I'll
just go ahead and transy on over. Stop it, stop you.
I didn't have any of that stuff on my computer.
I don't know what you put onto it. But I
need to talk to your supervisor, all right. Oh well,
my supervisor is not here right now, so I'll just
(08:24):
tell it's a prank phone call, kind of pulling your
jails a little bit times the crank. You said, this
is a break. Yeah, this is actually Jewel from The
Jewel Show doing a phone prank on you and your
wife christ has set you up. Wait what Chris Christa,
Chris Christa, your wife Krista, yea, such a idiot, I
(08:48):
can't believe. Oh well, no you're not, sir, You're not idiot.
Just guy with deadpooda. That's all wake up every morning
with Jewil phone pranks, we say mornings on the twenties
the Jewel Show on demand, it's time Four of the
Roses only on the Chewable Show. I think a lot
of cheaters are going to be shook in just a second.
(09:08):
Oh really Yeah, because Brianna is on the phone for
a War of the Roses to catch a cheater, and
she thinks that her boyfriend of two and a half
years might be seeing someone else, all because of something
she found on her phone. And I have a feeling
that there's a lot of people out there who have
pictures on their phone that they don't want their significant
other seeing, but they don't know how to delete them fully.
And there's another album out there that still has all
(09:30):
your pictures in it. And when you hear why Brianna
thinks he's cheating, They're gonna be like, oh my god,
I need to start deleting right now, Brianna. Before we
get into why you think your boyfriend's cheating on you,
first of all, tell us his name. What's his name? Hi? Yes,
his name is Jason. Jason, all right, And you think
(09:50):
that Jason might be seeing somebody else, why don't you
just tell us why? Um? So he was like, you
know when we got together, moving together for like two
and a half years. Um, he was like really sweet, um,
really caring. He paid a lot of attention to me. Um.
And like, uh, recently, like maybe like two months ago.
(10:11):
You know, it's just things have been really different. Um.
We actually haven't been intimate for the past two months. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
I know. And um, we're really passionate. Okay. So and
do you guys live together? Yes? Are you initiating it? Yeah?
And does he like accept does he like does he
(10:31):
want to? Yeah? You know he has. He's been like
kind of like, oh, I'm tired or you know, oh,
it's weird. I've even tried to kind of be romantic
going the shower. It's just weird. He's just like really
funny about it. And it's weird because it's like I
just feel unwanted, you know, like I did something like
(10:51):
maybe you know, maybe he like he's not attracted to
me anymore or I don't know, And so I've just
been trying to find different ways, you know, time he'll
come home and I'll just like make dinner, just trying
to make it a little bit more romantic. Well, have
you asked him about it because maybe his like downstairs
equipment isn't working at the moment. That's a big problem
(11:12):
for some men. Oh, honey, No, it ain't. Maybe it's
a problem how much I drink. Yeah, it's fully oiled. Honey.
So has he ever been like this before or is
this a new thing because maybe you know, maybe he
goes through ups and downs with his sex drive. No, No,
(11:33):
he's not. He's he's very like he's a full on
um person, Like he's very much invested. When it first
started happening, I was like, oh, you know, maybe he's
just tired, maybe he's stressed out because of work. You know,
I just kind of started making excuses. But didn't you
know you started looking at the you know, date and
you're like, wait a minute, you know, yeah, this isn't
(11:54):
really you know good. You know. The other thing though,
that you put in your email is definitely suspect. Um.
You know, tell us what you found on his phone.
I did it. I went through the phone. I found
like deleted pictures of his penis oh um, that he
(12:14):
took of himself. Yeah, and it was it was in
our bathroom. Um um. It seemed like, you know, like
like he took it when I was at home or
like because there was something out dead like And I
also never got these pictures. Like he also had videos,
which is crazy to me, but they weren't his deleted album.
(12:36):
Like he forgot to deleted album. And that's why I
started off saying, people don't know about the deleted album sometimes,
so when you delete a photo, it also goes in
a deleted album. And anybody who was good at checking
the phone, it's gonna go to the deleted album. Now
there's people falling over on the side of the freeway
deleted to permanently delete. Yeah, have you thought of a
way that we could call him that isn't gonna make
him sketched out or think that it's a weird phone call.
(12:59):
I think maybe call his like his college alumni association,
because he you know, he's very active in his school.
So does he normally does he get called? Does he donate? Yeah,
he donates, he's active. What's the name of what school
did he go to? He went to? Okay, all right, um, well,
we'll call from there then and to pretend to be
(13:20):
from the alumni association and we'll say, hey, we're not
gonna ask you for money. We're just gonna send you
flowers to say thank you being such a good student.
A love ni event we're doing, just say I love you, guys,
and do you want to send flowers with somebody and
see if he gives us your name or somebody else's okay, okay,
all right, we'll get your War of the Roses to
(13:41):
catch a cheater right after this. It's a Jewel show.
It's time four of the Roses only on the Jewel Show.
Gonna be fun. I actually get to pretend to be educated.
It's War of the Roses to catch a cheater. If
you're just joining us. Brianna is on the phone and
she thinks that her boyfriend of two and a half years, Jason,
might be cheating on her because all of a sudden,
Jason has stopped wanting to do the bedroom dance with her. Oh,
(14:07):
I don't mean that he's working on top of a dresser.
I mean, you know the thing that people do. How
often per week do you think you guys were intimate?
We act? I didn't care. I was his gunling like
I so like several times a week. Oh honey, please
yes to an active All right, that's a lot. And
(14:32):
then you know, Brianna, you said also that like you've
tried to be like wise and he don't wanted to
do anything. Why is he not interested? What's going on?
You've tried to be sexy all kinds of different ways
and he's still not interested, which is rare for him.
So that's a warning sign right there. And then also
Brianna checked his phone and in the deleted album there
were pictures of his downstairs mixed up and she never
(14:57):
received those. She never got those texta to her, and
she's wondering why he was taking those and then deleting them,
probably not for himself, probably saying to someone else. So
we're about to call him from his college and be
from the alumni association and instead of asking him for money,
We're going to offer him some flowers and say thanks
for attending the university and this is a big day
for you. You're going to college, I know today, and
(15:18):
we're gonna see if he wants to send them to
Brianna or if he gives us someone else's name, and
then we'll know that he's cheating. All right, Brown, Are
you ready? Yeah? Hello, Hi, this is DUVESSNT calling from
(15:43):
the Alumni Association. I was looking for Jason. This is
see how you hey, Jason? How are you doing. I'm
doing good, man. I can't complain too much. I woke
up this morning, but I just donated to y'all. Y'all
calling ask him for more money already. I ain't got
it this time though. It is not about that. We're
not asking for money. Um. We don't even have any
(16:06):
really motive other than just to say thank you very
much for attending the school. You are a great representative
of our fine university. And we're doing a little thing
just to say thank you to some of the people
who have donated in the past couple of months. And
it's called the I Love NI Love Ni. But it's
just just to say thank you to our love l
(16:26):
ov ni I love night. We a love you, okay,
and we appreciate you. And so we just wanted to
send some flowers, a dozen red roses to you or
I mean, I don't know if you like flowers or not,
but you could send them to somebody that you love.
Oh no, man, I don't really do the flower thing. Man,
I don't know what what I'm gonna do with some flowers,
(16:46):
but you can. Yeah, you can send them to somebody
then if you want. And I ain't got to donate
nothing else for these flowers. I mean, we're gonna call
you again and ask for sure, but for these no,
it's just it's just literally a thank you. Well shoot,
if that's case, man, Yeah, I'll send the flower to somebody. Okay, great.
All I need from you is the info. So we'll
(17:07):
start with the name. Who would you like to send
him to. I'm gonna send him to Elena. I want
to put anything on a card because I can do
a card too. Oh yeah, man, just put on that. Man.
I'm glad you're in my life. Glad you're in my life,
Elena Took, I'm glad you in my life. What you
mean oh wait, wait a minute, hoolo, man, what the
(17:31):
hell is this Brianna Jason? This is called War of
the Roses to catch a cheater. It's the Jewil Show.
My name is Jewbil Mine's Alex fresh Minds English Heaven.
But most importantly, your girl from Brianna is on the
phone because she thought she might be seeing someone else.
And it sounds like you're seeing someone else named Elena.
Wait wait a minute, but what show? It don't matter
what show it is. You send him flowers to Elena?
Like like I don't know who she is. Wait a minute,
(17:54):
so you you called You called the police to set
me up. I called the police to said you up.
You set yourself up. You get taking pictures of your
of your penis, asking a food, and then now you're
sending flowers to to Elena. Wait a minute. You went
through my phone? Who told us and I having sex
(18:14):
with me? I'm gonna go through your phone? Yes I did.
You went through mama? Now like I just me, man,
I know Elena, like I've hung out with us. That's
your sister's best friend. Who is it you? Elena is
his sister's best friend? Who? Oh no, see you've messed
(18:37):
with the wrong one. I know where she works too,
you know what. Matter of fact, I'm gonna just go
over there and I'm gonna have me a conversation with Brianna,
and then I'm gonna have a conversation with your sister,
and then I might have a conversation with your mother,
since we want to make this in a family affair,
you know what I mean, Because I'm not doing this.
I spent three years on your behind, your bumb ass,
trying to get you together, and you're gonna have the
(18:59):
audacity that she she on me with with with freaking
Lena out of all people, like damn, three years. No,
I'm not doing this. I'm going over there right now.
I'm not saying with you you got the warm one. No,
I'm not doing this. No, I'm hot it here. No,
I'm not doing this. You got anything else to say?
You got anything else to say? Before I go over
there and hang up the phone and go over there
(19:20):
and talk to Lena. Jason, Jason, do you Jason? Do you? Jason?
Do you have anything to say? Bitch? Uh, He's he's gone.
He hung up. Yeah, I would hang up. He hung up. Well,
(19:41):
you know what, Brianna, you need to go handle your business.
Don't kill anyone, please just hurt her. The Jewels shows
were of the roses. The Jewels Show on Demand jubils
Dirty Little Secret. Fine for Dirty Little Secret. He's eating
(20:02):
with his mouthful, which I don't usually care about anything
that he does, but eating with his mouthful talking women,
That's what I meant. Eating with mouthful. I don't even
care if you talk to me with your mouthful. Necessarily
it's to other people. Yeah, what I do, especially whim
on the phone now, because it's just gonna be talking
to someone. I'm just like looking at him, like, can
you finish that bite? I should have thought about that
(20:22):
and said I'm going to take a bite and then
I'm going to go on air. Yeah, well I looked
at the time. I was like, there's like ten seconds
before the Dirty Little Secret. Whatever. I'm hungry, What do
you eat? It's a it's a z bar. It's good.
It's chocolate, which I don't like. But anyway, it's not
about me and what I'm eating right now, although I
kind of made it about me and what I'm eating.
By it's time for Dirty Little Secret. Text in four
(20:42):
one six one if you have a secret that you'd
like to get off your chest, you can tell us anything.
We always keep everybody anonymous. We don't even ask what
your name is, so you can tell us whatever secret
you want. And on the phone right now to tell
us a dirty little secret. Willy Wonka wan chocolates? Not
his name? Yeah, what's up, Willy Wonka? How are you, hey,
guys going? Actually, uh yeah, the name's not Willy Wonka,
(21:03):
it's uh George Clooney, George Clooney, right, George Clooney. He's
making up his own anonymous fake names. You can't do that,
will he won't up? Well, I just did, okay, Oh
all right, you sound like you want to wrap. Yeah,
you did. Sound like you're gonna get into a battle.
Maybe you should wrap with Evan. No, no, that's not
(21:24):
my dear little secret, unfortunately I wish. Okay, right, George Clooney,
Then okay, play your game? Is what is your dirty
little secret? Well, look, I don't really know how to
say this in any formal way, so I'm gonna just
throw it out there. I'm obsessed with shoes, man, I
like really I like buying shoes. Game. Yeah, we all,
(21:46):
I think I like shoes so much of a secret. Yeah,
but like it's not what you're thinking. Um, okay, you
like okay, we're spending your entire track. You're all acted.
I like to buy you shoes online, like like he was,
like on crazslist. Okay, so it's not new shoes you like.
You like used shoes. Oh god, yeah, so that's the
(22:08):
problem with that though. No, I don't buy them to
wear them like I buy them to smell them. It's
a slightish from mine smell them. Oh okay, okay, so
you're obsessed with people's stinky, cheesy feet. Yes, stink you're cheese.
You're the better. I've heard about people who like only
(22:28):
buy the shoes if they work out in them as well. Really, yeah,
do you do that? I'll pay a little extra for
a work Wow? All right, and how long have you
been doing that? About a year? I used to go
to store it like good Will to go find them,
but I mean, thanks for the the Internet. Now I just
find them online. So people like they they post like
(22:49):
here's my stinky cheesy shoes. I think people. You can
sell anything online. You can get a lot of money. Yeah, okay,
there's this one dude, I always buy them from man.
This guy's got athletes for it. He's the best. Are
you sticking your nose in these shoes? How am I
going to smell them? Oh? Wow? What's the most that
you've ever spent on a pair of shoes? I'm honestly
(23:11):
embarrassed to say. Well, I mean you're anonymous right now.
You know you're telling us your little secret that you
like to buy you shoes and smell them. I think
you're the better. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I spent
half of half of the month's check on them. How
much is that? About twelve? Yeah? I bought this one
pair of shoes from this lady that won the Boston
(23:32):
Marathon about a couple of years ago. Oh wow? Was
she selling them? Was she selling them specifically to people
like you that want to smell them? And I picked
them up? I bet you she has no idea. She's like, Oh,
it's just someone that's a fan of mine. That's the movie. Well,
I guess you are a fan of hers, but not
the running ability more than shoes, not her. Yeah. I
(23:55):
just got stuck on a question though, for you? Does
athletes foot smell good to you? Put it this way,
It's like comparing shon No. Number five to perfume you
buy off a ross. Okay, all right, then, all right,
so athletes' foot smells delicious. Hell of a comparison. Well,
thank you for telling us you did a little secret.
Hit us up if you ever want to buy some
(24:15):
shoes from us. We're always get rid of shoes. I
wouldn't mind making a few dollars. All right, guys, thank you?
What's your dirty little secret? The Jewel Show on Demand
and welcome to the i n N, The Idiot News
Network where idiots aren't just in the newsday report the
news for Monday, June fourteenth, twenty twenty one. I'm Jewel
(24:36):
Fresh and if you think driving distracted as hard, now
wait until they put a billboard in your car. Come
more on that story in just a second, but first
let's meet the idiots. I'm Alex Fresh and in case
you don't have quite enough patience, then you probably shouldn't
choose a career working with children. And I'm English Evan
and are you too fat to fly? Find all that
stuff out in just a second, but first for our
(24:57):
lead story of the day, though in car ads that
pair with billboards are about to be a thing. You
thought ads were intrusive everywhere in your life, Like you
talk about something with a friend and all of a
sudden you open your phone and Instagram is like, hey,
here's some dog food that you're just talking about with
your friend or anything like that. Well, now Ford just
(25:18):
started a patent on a new piece of technology that
wif it drives by a billboard, it'll put the billboard
ad on your dashboard. That won't be safe, It can't
be safe at all. But guess what in this country,
who cares? They say, don't drive distracted, don't read, don't
text while driving, but Ford wants to put like ads
right in front of your on your windshield, in your
(25:38):
car while you're driving. Wait, so just any type of
ad as well, Like if you drive by a new
Chalupa that's coming out, it's gonna be just Chalupa, you'll
get a Chalupa on your dashboard. Or if you're watching
if there's a McDonald's, like a few eggsit's up the freeway,
you know how they do that. Yeah, it'll be like boom,
McDonald's coming up, Like constant ads while you're driving. Wow,
it is. And also insurance companies are gonna of that
(26:00):
because car accidents. This is the i n N, the
Idiot News Network where idiots aren't just in the news.
And for our next story of the day, let's send
it on over to Alex Fresh And this report is
brought to you by McDonald's and I'm in Wisconsin. We're
a teacher be rates of vaccinated student for not wearing
a mask. And I'm just gonna play the audio clip
(26:21):
for you. Guys. I don't care if you're vaccinated. You
a little o. Hi, don't want to get sick and die. Okay,
there's a lot of people who can affect just because
you're vascinated. You know what, You're not a special person
around here. You should hear about however, really talks about you.
Oh you're a cherk okay walking around here. Stick on
(26:44):
your butt It's it's not literal yet, dummy. I was
just thinking when she said the stick up your butt line,
I was like, I was thinking of myself and I school,
and I was like, this is a perfect time to
be like it say something about like I actually don't
have to stick on my butt, And it sounds like
he did. It's a good job kid. Yeah, I don't
(27:05):
care if he is disrespectful. She is an adult and
he is a child. Has a teacher ever called your
name when you were no, because I'm a respectful child,
like child and student and have you jul Yeah, of
course I had. This happened to me in elementary schools.
I was kind of a bully at this point in
my life and one time I was punched a kid
(27:25):
in class. The teacher got so tired of it she
put me in the front of the classroom and I
was punched a kid in the back, right because I'm
a man, But she put me in front of the
classroom and let everybody line up and just punch me
in the back. Wund oh. I don't want to say,
desert kid. That's probably where that teacher's out with that kid.
(27:46):
But the problem is the teacher should not be working
in that profession. Shouldn't be yeah, and that teacher shouldn't
like kids punch me in the back. Although when I
think about it now, I'm like, funny, Yeah, I might
have done the same. This is the high the idiot
news network, where idiots aren't just in the new was
very and for our next story of the day, let's
send it an nominate English seven who's standing in the
corner of the room, but to get punched in the
(28:06):
bath by juball. Okay, So airlines might require plus sized
passengers to step on the scale or provide their weight
before boarding for what reason, Well, Alex, something glad you asked,
because this would help ensure that aircraft, especially the smaller ones,
don't exceed their allowable weight limit. And apparently it's like
the weight limit sometimes causes planes too literally fall apart,
(28:28):
which is obviously what we don't want, but which also
doesn't really ever happen. Yeah, I don't hear about somebody's
falling out of the sky. I just like to say,
I'm not advocating for the airlines, but it's a it's
just a really weird thing to me as well, because
why would you call someone out like there's a lot
of people around at what points are do they think
(28:50):
that the passenger is big enough to be weight exactly? Like,
this is ridiculous, And there's a better way to do
it too, because obviously we have to have our bags
under a certain weight limit. Just lower the weight limit
of the bags. You don't have to tell people to
like oh, sorry, you can't get on your even think
it's that. I mean, look at full planes. You can.
You can add as many bags as you want, really
you can. You can just have to pay for it.
(29:11):
So maybe that's the thing. It's probably you know what
it probably is. It's probably not a plane falling apart
thing that propaganda. You know what it is. It probably
costs more in fuel because it's heavier. So add a
fat convenience fee, chubby convenient chubby they do it with bags, right,
So it's thirty five dollars if you over I don't know,
two ten pounds. I'm sure it's not gonna go down
(29:33):
very well. I'm waiting for that to happen though. Honestly,
Spirit Airlines will get on that in a harpe. I
guarantee it best. Yeah, and they'll charge you for being
too skinny actually, like you know, you have to be
exactly one hundred and sixty pounds. That's why. Other than
that you got to pay under bucks for everything. That
was The i n N the Idiot News Network where
idiots aren't just in the news, they report the news.
(29:55):
Tune in tomorrow same time for another hating reports. The
i n N the Jubil show on demand. It's another
Jubil phone frame mornings. That's one. He's hello, Is that Carter? Yeah?
(30:16):
This is Carter is calling me. Hey, it's your uncle,
my uncle. You can call me unc if you want.
It's unc unc Jim. Excuse me? Who uncle? Jim? I
mean you can call me your funcle if you want
to know. I'm kind of the fun uncle. It's been
a while, my funcle. Wait, uncle, you're okay? Hold on.
(30:41):
You're my mom's older brother. Jim. That that I've never
met before? Bang bing bing bing, got it correct? Guilty
as charged, but not guilty because I love you so
really happy about it? Actually, how's it going? Um? Right?
Why are you? Why are you calling me? I'm just
calling you to say hi, and I just missed you.
(31:05):
It's good to hear your voice. If you're asking what
happened to me? Good question. I ended up taking a
trip to Thailand and I've been training elephants over there
for the past twenty eight years. Anyway, I'm back. What
the all? Right? Do you want to talk to my mom?
Is that? Yeah? Yeah? About that? I tried to call her.
(31:26):
She picked up and had a few choice words for me.
And then the phone disconnected. Right, yeah, sure, so good
to reconnect. So so, I mean we can get together
and uh, you know, reminisce about all times. I have
a bunch of like, I gotta tickle me Elmo for you.
That's okay. I'm twenty seven, dude, I don't need to
(31:47):
tickle me Elmo. Oh come on, I've been holding onto
this thing forever. I gotta give it to you. It's funny.
You ever seen one of them? You put batteries in
it and then it makes it It laughs and says
stop tickling me. I'd just be so cute if I
could just give this and get a picture. I just
want a picture from my picture album of my nephew.
That's a weird. Yeah, it is super weird. It's super weird.
(32:08):
You put a battery right in it and it laughs
like it's actually alive. Super weird. That's what I thought.
That's why. If I could just meet up with you,
give this gift to you that I've had for quite
a few Christmases, and take a picture with you, that'd
be great. I just want a picture from my picture
album of my uncle of my nephew hanging out with
his Funkle. It's Funcle Jim and Carter Time. Remember that
(32:28):
when we sang that together. No, we've actually never sang
that song before. Where are you at right now? It's
Funko Jim and Carter Time. Ain't no better friends? Doone?
Funcle Jim and Carter with the song? Right now? You're
really starting to scare me. I don't know what's going on.
(32:50):
Um wow, I mean, you know you can call your
nephew and you're kind of treated pretty rudely. I had
no idea the phone call is gonna go this way.
It was kind of, you know, trying to get up
the nerve to call you and say we should get
reconnnointed or appointed or connected or whatever the word is.
Is it annointed? I don't know. I dropped out of
(33:11):
school reacquainted. No, I don't want to get re acquinted.
And don't ever call me again. All right, I will
not call you again. I promise you that if I
can ask you a favorite cann I borrow a thousand dollars. Okay,
but I'm family. No, you're not family. I don't even
know you. Okay, but you've heard of me? No, you're right,
(33:32):
I have heard of you, and my mom told me
a few stories about you, and she told me you
were an idiot. And guess what now I can see
that you are an idiot. Yep, I am. And this
is a prank phone call, so I mean I'm an idiot,
that's for sure. Care if it's a prank phone call,
I don't call me at all? Okay, but I'm not
your uncle or funcle good. I know you're not my uncle.
(33:53):
I've never even meant you. And I don't know why
your prank phone call me. I don't know. I'm not
actually your mom's long lost brother or whatever. This is
Jewel from the Jewels Show doing a phone prank. Oh
my god? What what the hell are you talking about?
This is Jewil from the Jewil Show? Gen dude? What
from the what? Joe? The Jewels Show? It's a radio
show and your mom listens to it and she wanted
(34:14):
me to do a phone prank on you and pretend
to be your uncle Jim, who have you never met before?
Oh my god? Come on, you don't want to reconnect
with your funcle Jim? Oh my god? Oh come on,
ain't no better time than Funcle Jim? And am I right? Oh?
My God, that's that is the creepiest song I've ever
(34:34):
heard in my life. That will want me wake up
every morning with Jubil Phone Pranks, The Jewel Show on
Demand first date follow up and welcome back, Fine Congregation
to the Church of the First State follow up. It's
so excited to have you here today where we're gonna
see what can happen with the holy ghosting? Does it
(34:56):
sound like when it is getting holy ghost We're going
to talk about it right now with the Church of
the First State follower. Yeah, why am I speaking like this? Well? Yeah,
tell us. Joy is on the phone with us, and
Enjoy is a part of our congregation here at the
Jubil Show. And Enjoy has experienced the holy ghosting. She
(35:16):
apparently met him boy named Nick on Christian Mingle dot com. Yes,
now he's not speaking to her anymore, So Joy, please
tell us about your holy ghosting. Okay, sorry, not making
fun of your religion. Just thought it was funny that
you met somebody on Christian Mingle. I never met anybody
that met anybody on Christian Mingle, so it is dope.
(35:36):
Tell us a little bit about Nick. Yeah, yeah, he's great.
I mean I thought we. I thought it was wonderful.
We did meet on Christian Ingle and we spoke their online,
you know, first before actually meeting up. And we went
to dinner and we had such a wonderful dinner. That
(35:57):
actually is a cool way to meet somebody because you
know the same values, yeah, the same beliefs, all that stuff,
you know, and that's one of the things that you
can't talk about on a relationship on a first date.
They say, it's like politics, religion, you gotta say away
from him, but not have you met someone there. So
how was the actual conversation. It was wonderful, you know.
I religion is very important to me, which is why
(36:18):
I'm on Christian mingle U. And it's exactly like you
just said, you know, it's kind of you already have
that understanding of each other. So it takes that element,
one other element of the unknown out and it makes
so much more comfortable. You know. Our conversation was so
heavily focused on religion, and I was so happy, you know,
we talked about religion and family and we kept it
(36:42):
light too, of course, but I don't know, it was
just so great to me. I thought it was a
home run. I loved his personality and he was really cute.
But it's now been a week and I have not
heard from him, hooted. Did he seem engaged? He seemed
like that he liked you. I thought so. I really did.
(37:03):
Like I said, he was very talkative. He was. We
were having you know, back in forth communication. Um, it
seemed to flow really well. Did you guys meet at
the restaurant? We did. Yeah, I met ranks with her
and then we left afterwards. So we just went to
the restaurant and then said goodbye. We didn't kiss or anything.
But what do you think could have happened? Then? Well, okay,
(37:27):
so there there's one thing and that I'm wondering if
maybe just freaked him out a little bit. Um about
like three, about halfway into our date or so, like,
I confessed to him that my brother was actually there
at the restaurant with us. Um, it's just kind of
something that I do. No, No, he was just sitting
(37:53):
at a table kind of across the way. And I
have my brother do this a lot on first dates,
just to kind of like watch from Afar and make
sure that nothing you know, that no one's gonna nothing
bad happens. Someone's going to take advantage or you know,
he was there to sort of make sure everything goes okay.
Oh and he was aware that your brother was there. Yeah,
(38:14):
I told him. I told him. I was like, I
just thought, you know, I've got this thing like that's
my brother over there. And he's like what and I
was like, yeah, it's kind of something that I want
all my first dates, right, you know, And he seemed
okay with it. That definitely could be the reason why
he's not calling you. I mean yeah, personally, I wouldn't
call you back because they'd be like, oh, great, she
thinks I'm a pervert, like on the first date, you know.
(38:36):
Yeah about that, you don't know who they are, Like, yeah,
we have to protect ourselves. It's not the ideal situation.
Why is that being raped an ideal situation? No, it isn't, Alex,
like I would be understanding of why you were doing
it. It It would just be like, okay, is it is
it is that legit or is it just like you
have like I'm going to show up there and your
(38:56):
brother's gonna answer to the door and be like you
better keep your hands off. A knuckle sandwich for you,
Bucko and then I'll be like, why are you talking
that way back by m M. Well, we'll see if
that did it. So we'll play a song come back,
and then call him and try to figure out Okay, okay,
we'll see all right, get your first day follow up next,
(39:17):
it's a Jewel Show first day follow up. You're just
joining us for today's first date follow up. Joy is
wondering why this dude Nick isn't getting back to her. Joy,
you thought it was pretty amazing and the only awkward
thing that Joy can think of, and the reason that
she thinks he might not be calling back is because
Joy's brother comes on first dates with her, not like
(39:37):
at the table, but sits in the same area and
watches Was that your idea or his? Joy actually was
my idea? Yeah, that's why I thought. So it's Joy's
idea because she just wants to make sure she's not
meeting a weirdo, because there's a lot of weirdo. It's
not like creepy about it. He's not like staring and
watching every single movie. More so that like, you know,
and I buy his dinner. You know, I say, hey,
(39:58):
come to this restaurant. I'll get your dinner. You know. Yeah,
And it's really just so that he's there, justin gay
it's Christian mingle, right, but there's still creeps online everywhere
you don't know who you're meeting. So I mean, it's
not a bad idea to take some protection with you
in all kinds of ways. But well, we'll see if
that is the reason he's not calling you back. But
it's been how long since you heard from the weekend?
(40:21):
Pretty much? Almost exactly a week? I think it is now, yaw,
a week exactly a week? Okay, I really want to
find out what happened. All right, We're gonna call him
right now. Here we go. Hello, Hey, May's week to Nick. Please?
(40:45):
This is Nick? What's up? Nick? How are you? This
is jew Bowl from the Jewel Show. This is Alex
Fresh from the Jewel Show. This is English Having from
the Jewel Show. And this is a radio show and
it's called one two three the show. Wow have you
heard of us? I'm sorry about that. I've vaguely heard
of your Yeah, yeah, okay, dude, that's what we look for.
(41:07):
We do a segment on the show called the first
Date follow Up. It's where if you go out on
a date with someone and then don't call them back.
They can email us to get you on the phone
and find out why. And guess what somebody emailed us
about you? H Okay, okay, fine, stop pressing me. Her
name is Joy. I'm I'm pretty sure that's that's who
(41:29):
it was. Yeah, So, yeah, Joy wanted to find out
why you're not calling her back, and we'd like to
know as well. What did she tell you? Can I
ask that? So she just told us that that you
guys went to dinner and that you guys met at
the restaurant. Um, that was pretty much it. But she
also told us that she brought her brother for safety
(41:50):
precautions on first dates and she held there. Yeah, and
she really likes you, honest honestly. Like the brother thing,
that wasn't a big deal. Like he actually I talked
with him for quite a bit, like him and I
actually both played bass, so we actually had kind of
a bonding. People written off, I know it sounds stupid.
(42:11):
I know it sounds stupid. So that was a real Yeah.
Let me guess then you are deciding not to date
Joy because you want to date her brother. He was
her brother was really cool, so that that wasn't even
an issue. It was dude. I don't want anyone to
say I feel really bad in asking this or even
(42:33):
saying it, like did he tell you where we met
or how we met? Yes on Christian Mingle. Christian mingle
dot com a website for Christian singles. I don't know
if that's there. I don't know if that's a tagline,
but holy crap, Christian Mingle, You're welcome. It's a dating website.
But at the same time, you don't necessarily have to
be super religious and I am totally not. I am
(42:59):
more of an agnos. The date was perfect, gorgeous, but
it got a little Bible fumpy like preaching to you.
It was less about the connection and it was more
about Jeebus and you did leader On Kristen Mingle, Yeah,
I thought it would be more than just religion. I
(43:21):
thought it would be just more of a connection. I
am religious, but at the same time, I'm not gonna
let it lead every single thought in my mind. Thank
you for being honest with us. I appreciate it, and
I just want to that you know we are not
honest with you, and we're probably going to huble hawks
dicks over it. Because Joy is actually on the other
line listening and wants to talk to you. Oh, come on, dude, Hey, Joy, Hey,
(43:48):
I'm sorry it's here that I didn't I didn't get
that impression from you at all. I didn't realize that
you weren't a believer so much. I'm sorry to hear that.
I don't know what else to say. You know, it
is something that's very important to me. I think I
made that pretty clear. So yeah, I don't know. I
(44:09):
hate to say it, but you kind of led me on. Yeah.
I feel like our values are just different. Like I
want to believe in this, like I wanted to work,
but at the same time, like I feel like our
religious beliefs are just going to get in the way
of what, like what we actually pas. That's a shame
to hear, you know, And I you know, you didn't
(44:31):
even now that I think about it, Like you didn't
really if you were so turned off about the religious stuff,
like you could have, you could have taken the reins
and like switched the conversation to kind of ask more
questions about me, you know, like because I think I
think we kind of just we're talking about the religious
stuff because that's just was what there was to talk about.
(44:51):
You didn't really ask me so much about myself, you know,
but I've tried to. The more that I actually try
to get to know you, the that the Bible talk
keeps getting in the way of what we're what we're
trying to achieve, I feel like, well, I mean, if
you had gotten to if you had gotten to know
me a little bit more, you you would have also
(45:13):
found out that I'm not um, I'm not somebody that's
leading for marriage. I'll just say that, oh, not a virgin.
So wow, bombshell drop. I'm sorry you made that assumption.
I didn't realize that's where your head was, Like, I
think I want to be. I'll just ask the question, then, Nick,
(45:37):
would you like to go out with Joy on another date?
We'll pay for it. You know what now that I
know this right, Joy, would you like to go out
with Nick again? Actually? No, no way, I think I'm good.
(45:58):
You know. I wait, but now you got the second date,
but you don't want it. No, I make true colors.
I've all come out now. I had no I, like
I said, he led me on. I had no idea
that this was how he was feeling and if it
really was how he was feeling, he should have told
me on the date. And now it seems as if
(46:19):
once I'm telling him this information about any sort of
um risky business. I guess I'll just say, all of
a sudden, now he wants to go on a second
date with me after ghosting me for an entire week.
I don't, No, it's not about that. It's not about that.
(46:40):
I just want to get to know you better. That's
that's all I wanted. I judged book by cover. Whatever
you want to put down, I'm sorry. I think Nick
saying that, you know, he didn't give it enough of
a shot. Now that he hears you talk a little
bit more about yourself something in particular. Yeah, now he's interesting.
I wonder what I mean. Yeah, I think it's pretty
(47:00):
obvious one he really is interested in and I that's
not what I'm looking for. You think about this, though,
you were wondering, and now Nick is going to be
wondering about something for the rest of his life. Jubils
First Gate follow up The Jewels Show on demand Jubils
Dirty Little Secret. His Dirty Little Secret is definitely going
(47:22):
to be a weird one. Make very everybody uncomfortable. Maybe
it's it's time for your dirty little secret. Remember text
in four one O six one. If you have a
dirty little secret, you can tell us anything. It doesn't matter.
We will keep you anonymous. We don't even ask what
your name is. That's why everybody gets a fake anonymous nickname.
Who calls into the show to tell us a dirty
little secret. And I say, it's gonna be awkward because
(47:42):
on the phone right now is awkward butt dial. That's
an awkward situation. It's kind of hoping for Yoda Yoda. Okay,
what about Yoda on an awkward butt dial? I don't
know if he has a fire. Okay, that's weird. You
hada on awkward butt dials on the phone. What's up
Yoda on an awkward butt dial? Yeah? Yeah, Hey, this
(48:06):
is Yoda. Yeah, baby Yoda. So, uh, you have a
dirty little secret for us? Yeah? I guess I do.
I do? Um so I uh, my my wife and
I had a kid about a happy year ago, you see,
six months old, and uh we split. You know, of
course responsibilities with him. But I'm clearly had a kid
(48:27):
about a kid yeah yeah, yeah, like a child. I
didn't hear you. I didn't understand kid, Like for whatever reason,
maybe I z owned out And then I heard six
months I was like, I wonder, it's time about to
get her a car. Okay, so your wife like a
mini mini Yoda. We got a baby Yoda. Okay. Nice.
Uh he's he's a he's a total badass. But um,
(48:49):
I'm I'm I'm the I'm the good cop in the relationship,
Like my wife's the bad cops. She's always trying to,
uh just set down orders and rules she wants to kid. Yeah, parenting,
she's the punished. Yeah, for sure, she's a she's definitely
dead vader. Yeah. So whenever my wife goes out like
(49:09):
this is my these little buddies, my partner in crime.
So we watched Kung Food with like Call of Duty, Um,
you can play at six months old? Wow? Yeah, I
mean tis with me right, Like, clearly my wife doesn't
want him to do this stuff, right, Like, she doesn't
want him exposed to that. She's got her own viewers
even going on there. Yeah, I don't know. She thinks
(49:32):
like maybe it'll he'll turn out, you know, like a
crazy wacko. But I think it's gonna be fine. So
your life would have a problem with that for sure. Yeah,
she she she might be a little upset, right, she might.
She might be very upset if she found out like
he was, you know, watching Kung Foo with me. Um,
definitely the diet, like she's got all these stots on diet,
like he he can only eat organic, he can only
(49:52):
eat that. Yeah. Yeah, letting me a little ice cream
once in a while, get him a chocolate bars. Yeah,
I let the kid live, come on late, the kid
grow a little bit. So you basically, when your wife's gone,
you do all the stuff that she doesn't want you
to do with your kids. Well, yeah, I just let
him live a little. Thank you. So my wife comes
(50:19):
back from girls' nights, Um, a couple of nights ago, right,
and she comes in and well, yeah, here's here's the
bad part is that I didn't I didn't realize that
she'd be home as she watched. Came in and there's
some throw up everywhere, and um, I didn't see where there.
I didn't see where baby gold and throw it. Oh see,
(50:40):
you gave him so much chocolate that he puked. Yeah,
what he went overboard? Your child at six months years
of age. I don't think you should feed your child
at six months chocolate, let alone that much chocolate. But
it's delicious, It is delicious, But like, wait until a year,
Like like what about al Gez? Yeah, I don't think
(51:01):
he has any allergies. You just have a little you know,
upset tommy allergies. Yeah. Yeah, you sound a lot like
my wife right now, because you know, we're talking about
exactly what your wife would say. So she found all
this throw up because you had given you get a
bunch of chocolate. And yeah, I had to I had
to take the blame myself, Like I had to take
one for the team and tell her it was me,
(51:23):
what so grew up? I forgot to clean it up. Yeah,
well I told her that. I just I didn't even
knock clean it up. I just I had like going on.
I had to change it. Type had to take care
of our kid. I just forgot right. And then by
the time I got back to it, she she was there.
So uh and so now she's got me myself, She
(51:44):
got me and the baby on a strict diant like, dude,
you're eating way too many she's kisses when I'm caught, Well,
thank you for your what's your dirty Little Secret The
Jewel Show on demand. I can't wait till the pandemic
it over, though I can get back to my butterfly
watching What's your Name? Stewart? It's a st Will show.
(52:09):
Texting four one O six one. What are you gonna
do when the pandemic is finally officially over? And I
asked the question because it's a hard hitting question. It
is a hard hitting question. I asked a question because
forty two percent of Americans say that once the pandemic
is officially over. This is the quote from forty two
(52:30):
percent of Americans. They quote plan on throwing the biggest
party of their entire live. Yes, we're gonna go what
everybody said when the official work comes out to the
pandemic is over. I guess forty two percent of people
in America say they plan on throwing the biggest party
of their live, of their life, more than I guess.
(52:53):
So yeah, So invest in some put your money in
some Boone's farm red solo cups right now because people
still drink. No, I don't know why I said that.
What is it? Is it like beer? Like like a
wine that's like a sweet wine that mostly like a
teenagers drink. I was introduced to it in college, and like,
the thing you're supposed to do is you post it
(53:13):
around until it's done. Oh, like with the group that
you're with, we could take a ball of fireball with
a GoPro on it and take shots and pass it around.
You want to do fireball? I mean I don't I
like fireball? You do good? Yeah? Oh geez, I don't fall.
I mean it's quite a strong taste. It's just sugary.
It's only whiskey. Like it really shouldn't even be considered
whisky because it's not like, yeah whiskey, right, it really
(53:36):
isn't real whiskey. If you said that in someone out
there who drinks fireball as real whiskey is like, wait
a second, Yeah, what are you talking about fireballs? Okay
I was already doing that, dang it. I was hoping
you guys wouldn't think about it. It's not that one fireball. Oh,
I think it's this one. This is don't stop the party,
But that's the one. Yeah it is. This is the one.
(53:58):
I'm supposed to be the Yeah. Yeah, so long as
it's where the DJ talks about it. This is where
the DJ talks up. They call it talking up the
song in radio, talking up this is where you talk
up the song and you hit the post. Do you
guys know what that is? So talking up the song?
It's the instrumental, right, can you do it? This is
the ramp of the song. They call it the ramp, right,
(54:19):
a ramp because you're you're working your way up to
the top before boom. Learn something new every day. Yeah,
when the vocals come on, that's called the post. The
post is the post. It learns another thing new today. Yes,
And this song has an eight second intro. It says,
so this is the ramp. The intro is the ramp.
Hey seconds, that's nothing. Let's hear it. I want to
(54:41):
hear there's a regular. Okay, here we go. It's a duel.
Show us up. I'm duel. Inject this out. I just
found that forty two percent of people plan to throw
the biggest party of their lives on the pandemic is over.
Talking about that. I was supposed to be a DJ
bout myself right there. You just threw me off big time.
What I was going to do there was talking said
fireball and be like, what are you gonna drink? It
(55:02):
was gonna come and be like Fireball, and it was
gonna be so cool. I do it to do it. Well,
I don't know where the Fireball part is. I gotta
listen to this for a second and then I will
amaze you guys. Wait, stop you guys. You guys are
so dumb. That is not even the song I looked up.
It is Fireball featuring John drink Dry. Okay, all right,
(55:23):
it's pit Bull featuring John Ryan. Okay, pit Bull, Fireball
featuring John Ryan. Here we go, thank you, all right,
so yes, thank you. And then it comes up and
then they say it right, here we go Fireball. Okay,
(55:45):
So random radio station, right in the afternoon, just radio
guy working solo. You're about to hit the ramp. This
is how a real radio pro would do it. Okay, okay,
all right, here we go, good born ad just jumking.
It's the afternoon. It's a jewel show. And I saw
this crazy thing. For to two percent of people say
(56:07):
they planned to throw the biggest party of their lives
when the pandemic is over. And I'm like, huh, I
wonder what I'm gonna drink when I go do that
fire Yeah, good, I told you I am hold on, prof.
Was way better than I thought it was gonna be.
They've been doing it for thirty seven hundred years, exactly
the post what do you I mean, who's better than
(56:31):
Jewil in the world? I mean show, It wasn't let's
go guy, all right, this is it? Um. We started
off with that story. There was some more stats people
who cares. That was amazing. I'm glad I did that.
The Jewel Show on Demand
Host
Jubal Fresh
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