'Karen Claus' is coming to town in this Christmas Parody Extravaganza!

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Jewel Show on demand. Ladies and gents, this is
the moment you've waited for. The Jewels Show is here.
Get your butt at the front door. We are super
villains ready to overtake the world, and we're gonna do

(00:21):
it in style. It's time for the best Ready go
You've heard in a while. The Jews Show is today
gonna be one of those great days with no incidences,
or one of those days where you sneeze and a
little comes out and you don't know what it's on
your shirt all day long. That's I think in your
pants either one that is it gonna be a good

(00:46):
day or yeah, you'll find out right now with Alex's
Daily by radcause their pants off the kid Never mind,
you guys just don't I know what you were saying.
I bet around enough. Mom's I'm not old enough to
pee in my pants yet. Well, I mean neither of mine.
I've had kids, but like when mom's talk, I don't
really do it because you know, keigles. But but a

(01:08):
lot of moms who have had kids and pee a
little bit tickle on their pants. Yeah, yeah, old. You
don't have to be old to be your pants. I
didn't put your pants at any time. Try No, I'm
not time to raise vibration by doing your daily one
card tarot draw. So um, while I shuffle my cards

(01:28):
right now, I need you guys to do something for me.
And that's thing of a question and manifest on that question.
It could be anything in your life, what you need
clarity on, what you need answers to, possibly for science,
and symbols throughout your day. So be open to the
message and be aware of just that, and you'll see
the consistency in receiving your messages through words and symbols
and numbers. So here we go, all right, hold it,

(01:53):
what do we go? Oh? Okay, so it's the strength cards.
The Strength card is the eighth major Arcona. It represents
obviously strength, but also determination and power, just like the Chariot,
which I've talked about a couple of times. However, the chariot,
which is a seventh major Arcona, the one right before this,
that signifies our outer strength, while the Strength card speaks

(02:15):
to our inner strength. Okay, so it's been a long
time coming. What I'm talking about is the Strength card
came just a day after the page of One's which
was a message about taking a leap of faith and
starting a new project or like a way to express
yourself that's fulfilling for you, such as like maybe dance,
or starting a new hobby art to writing, or maybe
even starting a business. However, there's been a lot of

(02:36):
fear and anxiety around this idea. But the strength card
says that you're ready and you're fueled with just that
you have enough strength and your growth as a human
and the bravery that's in still deep inside of you
shows that you're willing and ready to start on this journey.
So whether you are consciously aware, you are worth the
risk because you might not even have the thought until
just right now for the first time. You may you

(02:57):
may have thought about a recently like okay, you know
i'm writing, you know, especially after yesterday. But if you're
having the thought just right now, yeah, you are ready,
and you might even be like, yeah, actually I am ready,
you know. So if you've had something in mind that
you've wanted to start for a while, like a book,
a business, a hobby, whatever it is, but you haven't
due to your fear and anxiety and worry and just
like maybe scared of failing or in securities. Please know

(03:18):
that this card is validating that you have the inner
strength to start this endeavor and to see it through
to the end with success. Well that's great and I
always like to talk about this now because it has
a huge effect on your everyday life. And with the
power of positively manifesting your dreams and totally and completely
believing that you will have whatever it is that you want,

(03:38):
your dreams will come true and you will be living
your reality either way. Huh. If either way, if you
truly believe that things will go bad for you, either
will bad for you, either really believe it'll be good,
it will be good. You can manifest good and bad. Huh. Great,
I just realize something. Thank you very much. Did you
realize what I just said. Yes, So, if you're manifesting negative,
you know, if you believe that you're not gonna do it.
I believe that I'm just gonna sit. I'm just gonna
sit on my ass and I'm not going to do that.

(04:00):
And I know I'm not going to violent. I really
want to, though, you know, I'm gonna try, but I
know ultimately, like I'm not going to even be putting
in enough hours to even get to where I want,
then that's what's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, and you
just described I think for a lot of people what
goes on with them. And also you just punch me
in the gun because like you brought up books and
stuff and my entire life, I've started and have not finished.

(04:21):
Who knows how many books a year you've had, like twenty, Right,
I've started and stopped. I've started and stopped. I've started
and stopped it. And Alex actually asked me that once,
why don't you finish? And She's like, he said, out
of fear. I was like, no, because I'm over confident.
I'm not really scared of anything. Like I don't fear
failure at all. I never have. Yeah, and I've I
wondered the same thing, and I'm now I realize what
it is. I've just been manifesting that I wouldn't do

(04:41):
it because I've been like, yeah, once again, I'm gonna
start another book, get all excited about it, and never
finished it. I think that every time, and that's what
I truly believe, and that's why I haven't finished them.
Hopefully I can do the opposite. But everybody is worth it.
Everybody can do it. And just as long as you
actually believe it completely, one hundred percent totally, then I
believe you are going to be living your reality absolutely.
And for me, like you said about being ready, like
that really struck home. Just start it. You're ready, got

(05:04):
what what do you have to lose? You have nothing
to lose. And that was your daily vibration and that's fine, fine,
all right. Remember you follow the Jewel Show on social media.
At the Jewel Show, you can follow all of us individually.
I'm at Jewel Fresh Evan on the radio, the Jewil
Show on demand. It's another Jebil phone frame day mornings.
That's twenties. Hello, Um, hi is this Dana. Yep, this

(05:36):
is me. Hey, um Dana, this is Earle. I don't
think we've ever remember. Um. I'm one of the guys
that's working on the street project, um building, the office building,
and you're um the four like the four men like
watching over us and like, uh, yeah, I'm I'm sorry.

(05:57):
Your name is Earl. Yeah, it's all okay, what what
what can I help you with? Ear All? I'm in
the middle of something at the moment. Okay, I'm really
sorry to bother you. If you're in the middle of something,
because like I can always call back, but I think
it might be something you want to know about because like, Okay,
I know that you're the listed as the person I
was supposed to call an emergency or something goes wrong
with the job site. So um, right, so I was

(06:18):
calling you to, um update you on something that happened. Okay,
what's going on? Okay? Um, well you know, like, uh,
there's a bathroom on the job Yeah, and um, anyway,
all the guys made me call because, um, they wanted
me to tell you that you blew up the bathroom.

(06:38):
Are you seriously calling this moment to see you what
you think or something? What? What? I don't know? Yeah,
I just with you or all they're messing with you.
Tell Mike to get to work and stop around. Okay.
Um yeah, so I think there's maybe a misunderstanding a
little bit. Okay. Um, So when I said blow up
the bathroom, I didn't mean like because I went to

(06:58):
the bathroom. I mean like accidentally, like it exploded and
sort of everything is like, um, like the fire departments here.
Um what Yeah, maybe when you say I blew it up,
what are you talking about? Because you said it like
a joke, but there was an explosion for real. So

(07:19):
Chad gave me this like, um okay. So we were
joking around and I was like, UM, take Chad, I
have to go to the bathroom. We'll be right back.
And then Chad gave me, um, it looked like kind
of like a dynamite thingy. It could have been a
pipe bomb, are you I don't know, but it was.
It could have been a pipe bomb? Are you joking?
Did anyone hurt? Well? No, everybody was fine because um

(07:40):
everybody walked off like when I was going to do it,
because I was like, hey, guys, um, you dare mean
to do this? And then a couple of guys said no,
and then they ran across the street, and then everybody
else kind of run because, like I told him, I
was the fire department is there. I need to speak
to somebody right now. You get me give the phone
to a fireman. I am so been rated right now. Hey,

(08:01):
it's Chief Tom with the fire department. Um, this is Dana.
I'm the Dana Dana. Hey listen, I don't know. I
don't know what the hell happened down there on the site. Hey, Dana,
do you. Have you seen the firefighter calendar that just
came out last week? I'm sorry, No, I have not. July.

(08:23):
That's what you're talking to right now. Oh all right,
well look, I you know, I've gotten an absolute ton
of information in the last minute or two I need.
I don't really exactly even know what is going on
down there. I'm not able. Well I'll tell you. What's
going on. Is something exploded and we were called out

(08:47):
and yes we are sweaty, Okay, what do you I'm sorry,
this is who am I speaking with? What is your
name again? My name is chief? Um, I forgot my name. Uh,
this is what is happening right now. What's happening is

(09:09):
I made up a thing on the spot to try
to pass you to a firefighter, and I wasn't prepared
to with a name. And then I made a name
up and then I forgot it and you asked me
what it was, and now I'm I'm stumped. What is
going on? Oh, Dana, this is actually Jewel from the
Jewel Show doing a phone prank on you. That's what's
going on. And I screwed up? What yeah? Oh my god,

(09:31):
oh my I am literally about to punch a wall
right now? Are you serious? So this is not nothing's
going on? No, your boss Luis said that you're handling
a bunch of construction jobs right now, and so I
figure I'll tell you I blew up the bathroom The
Jewel Show on Demand First Day follow Up. Anthony is

(09:52):
on the phone today for a first day follow up
and he's not getting a call back from a woman
named Sarah. And Anthony is add about it, sat crying
for he says in his email six months for six months?
You know he didn't say that at all, but he
is upset. I guess even out with a girl named Sarah,
she's not calling back and he doesn't know why. What's up, Anthony?

(10:12):
Thank you for your email. Hey, how's it going guys?
Not too bad? Yeah, before we get into the date
that you went on, and why do you think you're
not getting a call back and all that good stuff.
How long has it been since you talked to Sarah?
It's been about six days and she has I respond
at all. She will not respond. Um, I tried to call, text, email, email.

(10:39):
What did you see in your email? Hey? Um, trying
to reach your call me, call me? What made you
lend an email on Well, I did my due diligence
and found her email. All right, that was probably actually
not a good move, because again, it's the norm to

(11:00):
email if someone hasn't gotten back to you after you've
tried to call a text. Also, if she didn't give
you the email, now you might look like a stalker.
Oh yeah, I should have called us before doing that. Yeah,
hit us up if you're ever going to do anything
like that again, But what's done is done. So it's
been six weeks and you've tried to get ahold of

(11:22):
her all sorts of ways, including weeks six days, sorry,
six days, and you've tried to get ahold of her
all sorts of ways, including finding her email somehow and
emailing her. I'm going to go ahead and forecast the
chances of you getting another date. I want, I want
to go lower, but I just I don't want you
to hang up without doing that. First day followed tell
us about the date. Well, um, you know we met

(11:45):
on Hinge and um, you agree to get together for
an outside picnic in the park. That sounds romantic. Yeah, yeah,
it was really nice. Um, you know I put together
some sandwiches and someone and cheeses and we got together
and you know, we had a great day in the park.

(12:05):
At least I thought it was great. Sounds like you
put a lot of effort into this. Yeah, I mean,
you know, I think she's a great girl, So I
was amazing. I'm willing to go to the extra mile,
and you know, I just don't know what happened. The
only thing that I can think of is possibly, you know,
I left to go on a bathroom break and use

(12:25):
the bathroom, and you know there's not readily, you know,
a bathroom available there. So I was gone for a
little bit longer than it probably should have taken because
I had to find someplace to go. I don't know
if maybe that kind of grossed her out or freaked
her out. But while we were on the date, I
thought everything went well. She's really into like this astrology. Like,

(12:47):
how long were you go on in the bathroom? Now?
Maybe about fifteen minutes? Okay, that's a lot of time,
is yeah? Yeah, I mean maybe do you have um
got ibs or something like you got a bad mouth? No? No? Well,
well all right, total disclosure. Um so um I didn't
have to you know, do number two? Um, but I

(13:09):
was a little gassy, so on the way back, you know,
I tried to just clear out a little bit. Yeah,
I don't. I don't know if maybe some of some
of the tailwind came back with me or something. Hoping
that's not the case, So you think, I hope not.
I really that would be unfortunate. Well, you know that's

(13:34):
why I attacked sandwiches because I thought, you know, that
should be safe playing ground, right, safe playing field. Um,
But in any event, I just I don't know, guys.
I mean, she's I thought the date was good. She's
into the astrology thing. I just think she's amazing. And
you know, she gave me a reading while we were

(13:55):
out there. She like read my stars or my map
or whatever you call it. And you know, I just
thought this the date was great. I'm Casper. It's like
she's Casper. I can't find her. You know, she's ghosted me,
and it's really hoping. You guys, can you know mend
us together here? Well we'll try. We'll try to figure

(14:16):
out for you. Um, you did send an email, so
I can't make any promises on this one, but we
will try. We'll play a song, come back and then
call her and see if we can figure it out
with your first date fall up right, Okay, all right,
we'll do it next. It's a Jewel Show. Pray in
the middle of your first date. Follow up if you're
just joining us. Anthony is on the phone and Anthony
isn't getting a call back from a woman named Sarah,
and he thinks the bathroom is all to blame. He

(14:38):
met Sarah on an app They went out to the
park and had a picnic. He thought everything was going great.
The only problem that he had, apparently was he had
to go to the bathroom and it took a while.
And also he thinks he may have crop dusted her
at one point on accident because of the way I
had to ked to go and stuff. So we're about
to call her and see if that is the reason

(15:00):
why and if we can get him another date. All right,
Anthony gotta go to the bathroom. Are you ready to
make the phone call? Um? Ready to mate the phone call?
Minus to collect us? All right, Okay, here we go. Hello,

(15:23):
I'm asking to Sarah. Please her, Sarah, how are you?
This is jew Bil from the Jewel Show. This is
as Fresh from the Jewel Show. This is English. Ivan
from the Jewel Show, and the Jewel Show is a
radio show, and that's what it's called. Then. I don't
know if you've ever heard of it before, but this
is us. Ah, well, you guys sound like the chip
monks over there. Yeah, okay, okay, um. We're calling you

(15:50):
because we do a segment on the show called the
First Date follow Up. What it is is where if
you go out on a date with someone and then
end up not calling them back, they can get us
on the phone to call you and find out why.
And you recently went out with a dude named Anthony.
Oh goodness, that doesn't sound good. No, it doesn't. Yeah,
I haveth' he emailed us because he told us how
he met you, told us about your date, said he

(16:12):
liked you a lot. But it's been six days and
he has heard nothing that is correct. Okay, so do
you want to tell us what happened? I mean, it
was an okay to date, but I read his astrological
charts and we are just not compatible. He is all

(16:34):
Earth sign, he's a Capricorn rising, so that he is
beyond boring. There's no better way to tell if someone
is going to suck the life out of you. Oh wow,
Oh okay, so you don't want to guard them just
because of his sign because he's a Capricorn rising. I
mean we're definitely definitely not compatible like all Earth signs

(16:55):
to me, which there's nothing that would cause any sort
of spark at all. But like on the date, did
you have a good time? Not really? No, I didn't
find the conversation to do that intellectually stimulating. So why
not just respond to him and let him know that
you're not interested? I don't know, it's just awkward for me. Well,

(17:15):
he said he even trying to email you. Did you
get an email? I did, and I thought that that
was very weird that he would email me. We told
him that he said that he emailed you, and uh,
we also were like that it was probably the bad,
bad idea to do that, especially since you didn't give email. Yeah,
he's I don't know. He said he found it because
we asked him, were like, dude, did she give you

(17:35):
the email? And he said no? And were we said,
that's you know, probably a bad idea? Am I to
hide a personal investigator? Hm? So that's it. He's just
boring because he's a Capricorn. I mean, he's all worth
all Earth signs. He's a Capricorn rising. Yeah, so you conspetibility.
I'm an Earth sign? So am I with our signs?

(17:56):
I don't know what. I don't feel like I'm boring,
but you don't know what you are. What's your birth December?
So you're sage, you're Sagittarius, and that would mean that
you are a water water. I've always be here. Oh fire,
that is that right? Yes, fire signs are ariasly on Sattarius. Okay,
so I'm not boring your fire? All right? So he

(18:16):
just angry? What do you feel like, Sarah that Earth
signs are just boring and that's why you can't go
out with them? Again, I think in relation to what
I am in my chart, which I'm not going to
disclose on the radio, but um comparative to to me
and like where I'm at, Yes, that's very boring. All right.
Thank you for being anest with us. I appreciate it.

(18:40):
I do have to be honest with you too, and
let you know that Anthony is on the line listening
and wants to talk to you. Oh well, all right,
then that is even more curious. It looks like he
has stopped all of his avenues of communications, so he's
he might be a little bit exciting. Then huh, that's
something you didn't know. That's hiding or soccer. But okay, Anthony, Yeah,

(19:06):
I'm still here. I'm still here, right boring Anthony on
the line, are you? Are you boring? Anthony? Sarah fills
like you're boring. I don't think so. I've never heard
that before. UM. A little shocked honestly that, Um, Sarah
would say these things based off of, you know, some

(19:26):
things that she read in a book or on the
back of a card or something. You know. It's like, really, really,
Sara's just a little little awkward to me. All Right, Well,
I guess you just don't get it, and that's totally fine.
That just goes to show we're just not on the
same page. I mean, there is such thing as a compatibility,

(19:48):
and we are not compatible. And after you reached out
several times like that, that to me is just a
turn off as well. Um, well, so I'm sorry. I mean,
I don't think this is for you. Don't you think
this is a bit childish. I'm I'm just this is

(20:10):
not how adults. That's Um, what do we in high
school here. I know your childish to decide that I'm
incompatible with someone and make my own sovereign decision. I
don't think that that's childish. No, I think it is.
I really do. I mean to reach out left and right.
You know, astrology isn't real, right, hey, watch your mouth.

(20:35):
A strong as motion going on for millennium, thousands and
thousands and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of years, so
it is realm boring? Oh wow, oh okay, I'm sorry.
How how exciting is that? Are you excited? Now? I
see it written in the stars, But I'm asking anyway,

(20:57):
the written in the stars thing, I didn't I don't
know anybody else pick on that. That was amazing. Um,
would you like to go on a second date with Anthony? Sarah?
We'll pay for it? No, thank you predicted it? Yeah?
Sorry Anthony? Good Sorry Anthony? No, no, no a second
day for you. Well, I'm glad we flushed this out

(21:19):
today because you know, I think Sarah's the boring one here. UM,
gonna let her get back into her astrology and card reading,
and you know, good luck to her. You know, she
missed out on a great thing, and that's her problem.
All right, it's gonna be lonely for a long time.
Quite hot. Yeah, well, both of you guys, I guess well,

(21:42):
good luck to you, Good luck to you, Thank you,
thank you. The Jewels Show on demand Jubils Dirty Little Secret,
Time for big A little secret text in four one
six one. If you have a secret, you can tell
us any thing. Nobody will know who you are, so
you're free to say whatever. We don't even ask what

(22:03):
your name is. That's why everybody who calls in to
tell us it a little secret. It's a fake anonymous nickname.
And right now, the name of the collar on the phone.
I'm gonna say my favorite type of sandwich. Alex will
say hers, and younger Steven will say his, and that'll
be the name of the collar. Grilled cheese, turkey bacon.
What's up, grilled cheese turkey bacon. You just like bacon sandwich.
I knew you would have a cheer bacon bacon. It's

(22:25):
a very English thing, just bacon. Yea, whoa so good
though I don't know strawberro no very good, but it's
delicious well grilled cheese turkey bacon, which sounds like a
good sandwich just in general. Wow, how are you? It's
really good. I'm doing all right. Just all right, you
sound delicious. Yeah, yeah, that actually does sound good right
about now. Now I'm just hungry. Um okay, So tell

(22:48):
us your little secret. All right. So it's kind of
like a bad one. But at the same time, whatever,
I did it already anyways, So I'll give you a
little bit of background on the whole story. So, my
my family's kind of crazy, a little bit like and
we're kind of like a mess. I guess you can
say that is just so you know, that is every

(23:10):
single family in the world is a bit crazy and
a bit of a mess. You ever meet those family
where they say that, they're like, we're also crazy, Like
you can meet my family can be like, well they're
nuts and you over there like you're some of those
born people I've ever met. How do you think that? Well,
with my family, a lot of us have been I
personally haven't, but a lot of us have been kind

(23:31):
of in and out of jail. We're really dysfunctional. Yeah okay, Um,
so like my dad, for instance, my dad's pretty much
been in and out of jail my whole life. Um
so um, and his brother, same thing, my uncle, um,
and he's actually the most recent person in our family
to actually, um get locked up. Okay, but is that

(23:52):
the thing that like the secret has not many people
know that a lot of your family have been arrested
like that. No. Um, so, well, for instance, my uncle,
like I was saying, he's the one, he's the most
recent one to go to jail, and the reason his
charge is branda auto. He does. But it's not even
like it was just like one time. He's done it,

(24:13):
like he's done it multiple times and he just hasn't
ever been caught, you know, and the whole family knew
about it too. Okay, this is where I guess it
kind of gets a little messed up. So my uncle
owed me four hundred bucks and he decided he wasn't
going to pay me. And I was like, all right,
you don't want to pay me my money? And I've
asked him repeatedly, and it's like, come on, you boost

(24:34):
cars like you have, you're always flown in cash around
and you won't give me my four hundred dollars, Like yeah, right,
Like come on, do something about it. But um, So
what I ended up actually doing is I reported his
boosting cars to the police. I did. I turned him in.

(24:58):
I gave him the tip, and yeah, I tell you
is in jail. Wow, he actually sentenced. I love how
you did it as well, for like any moral reason.
It was the fact that he owed you money. Yeah,
I mean yeah, like I mean, I didn't really care.
Like like I said, We've known for years, So it
wasn't like I didn't do it because my guilty conscience
or anything like that. It's just like, you give me
my money back. Yeah, For all I had to do

(25:19):
was give me the Figer bucks and you probably would
be walking around right now. That's amazing, exactly. Too bad
there wasn't a reward for him, so you could have
got the reward turning him in. That would probably be
more than fier bucks. Yeah, oh no, there was a reward.
Oh nice cashry was or how much I sing on
the cake for a thousand bucks making money on the deal.
That's an investing money. I'm gonna start hanging out with

(25:43):
some ward friends that do crime so I could turn
me in and make money on the money they owe me.
He had to come j Yeah, I mean at first
I felt kind of bad, and you know, and that's
why I'm like calling now, because I just kind of
wanted to say it and get it out of my
body in my head, you know. But then I thought,
I was like, if you're going to keep stilling cars,
I'm actually doing everybody a favor and maybe he can

(26:04):
think about what he did and from am a better man.
I hope there you go. Yeah, hopefully nobody in your
family recognizes your voice right now, or I hope not.
You're listening, well, thank you for talking listening for sure.
I won't be lending any more money, that's for sure.
Or if you do flip it into some more by
turning them in, good job, yea, thank you for telling
us your dear little secret. Thank guys. The Jebel Show

(26:26):
on Demand. Welcome to the i n N, The Idiot
News Network where idiots aren't just in the news day report.
The news for Tuesday, December seven, twenty one. I'm Jewel
Fresh and there's a new number one holiday song in
the country right now, and you'll hear what it is
in a second, But first let's meet the idiots. I'm
as fresh. And if you've done standup comedy before and
didn't bomb your first time, aren't you even funny? And

(26:48):
I'm English Evan and step aside, Snakes on a plane,
Time for snakes in a house? All right, more on
those stories in just a second before your first story
of the day of the I n the idiot newstwork
and there's the report the news. If you didn't know,
we're doing the first annual Jewel Show Holiday Christmas Song
Parody Extravaganza, New parody song every single day. Coming up
in an hour, you'll hear a new one. But there's
currently a new number one Christmas song in the country

(27:09):
and it's the Yesterday song for the Jewel Shows first
annual Holiday Christmas Parody Song Extravaganza. Here it is if
you missed it, Yeah, but that milk and cookie's ready.
You got fat man in the bread suit. It's it's
time of year, sand it's good. Santa's good and he's
bringing the good. It's Christmas evening, It's time to party

(27:33):
and is coming and I'm nuting. Do you still bring
me a boo gatty something I say? And I know
gee box box a weekend away. That's a Brad Carlton.

(27:54):
I haven't forgotten how your stuff my stocking and let me,
will them everybody to the wild gift fast, saddle fix
and no substitutes, come on the fest. I'm not hot
up ugs and a new jewry chest, black dress for
the wifie she might send me assess some size nine
j's and a PS five please skate address gift card

(28:14):
to Wendy ten speed, low emission, save damn trees, a
lean meet George, warming grilla machine, a bigger candy cane
and Tendonald's from iTunes, travel size bottles of Fidalns fasts
soon and and if I wanted to watch so Santa
thrashed me looking wine and the walk up in the
walks broccoli. I've been good. Hurry Santa, get on your
merry where I want a big foam finger from my

(28:35):
favorite team. Yay, Hurry Santa, get to town. I don't
you be late Christmas Eve night. It's time to party
and it is coming and I'm not a Please still
bring me a Bugatti something I say and I geo

(29:00):
so we get away. I don't risk Carlton. I have
a forgotten how you stask my stocking and love your strength?
Come on, shake shake weight baby, I wanna shake weight,
Shake shake weight baby, a shake weight for me. Bake, bake,

(29:23):
get easy, easy bake, govern give cartoon, May Donald's Christmas
Smith Muffins. Yeah, Membry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. Where
you're at Shake, shake your baby, boat shaker, shake, shake

(29:44):
your baby. I wanna boating shaker bottle, easy bake, govern
Christmas Smith Muffins. Save me all this good story, Thank you.
And this is the I n N the idiot news
that work where idiots aren't just in the new They
report the news that was the number one Christmas song
of the Countryright now before next story, fresh is on

(30:05):
location where in a comedy club, so rural Housewives of
New Jersey star Melissa Gorga's husband tries stand up for
the first time. And let's just say he lived up
to the expectation of doing horrible right the first time.
So okay. Supposedly he was sick that day, is what
his manager said, and then had a few scotches so
he was just hella drunk. Well, he's doing stand up
for the first time. It's not easy. It's a hard

(30:25):
thing to do. He was drunk, but his wife had
to come and get him all stage. I'm gonna play
a club for you guys. Usually he cracks up every night.
It's really stage what always happens when somebody tries comedy

(30:48):
for the first time. I do stand up if he
didn't know that. But when somebody tries it for the
first time, a lot of people bomb at first. Right, Yeah,
it's a hard thing to do. But the people that
come with them, or if they are just very insecure
about it, that's the same thing to say, Like normally
at home, I'm like cracking. Everybody that was like his
mum got on stage and was like, hey, he's usually better.
That's all I was sending it back to you. There
here much. This is the i n M, the Idiot
News Network. We're idiots, aren't just in the news. For

(31:11):
the next story of the day, let's sending on over
to English seven, who was on location in the back
of a party bus on a strip of pole. No,
I'm not. Also, I think I would be quite good
at a strip of pole, but no, I'm not there.
But a homeowner recently tried to smoke out some snakes
because they somehow got into their house. Unfortunately, this person
used coal and the house went up in flames and
the house no longer exists. The fire chief who responded,

(31:33):
he said, don't do this, use a professional exterminator. Yeah, obvious.
Well that didn't go where I expected. When you said
smoke out snakes, I was like, I thought he was
doing something else with dumb trying to get side. That's weird.
That was the i n N, the Idiot News Network
where idiots aren't just in the news. Soon while the
same time for another hard hitting report from the I

(31:54):
n N. Then Jebel Show on demand, it's another jewbile
phone Frank Today Mornings on that's twenties. Hello, I'm doing well.
Thank you for asking. And you've got some things going on,

(32:16):
don't you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about that. I
do that occasionally. My name is Aquarius, and your husband
Robert should have alerted you that I was calling. I'm
calling from the psychic network. Oh right, Hi, Yeah, you're
calling around. Hello. Was nice enough to get you a

(32:38):
psychic reading from me. That's a wonderful birthday present, isn't it.
Oh yeah, totally fantastic. I've actually I've never done this before,
so this is kind of a one second. Oh my,
I'm already getting something from you. I am getting a
sense are you sitting down? Yeah, I'm a sense that

(32:59):
this is the first time you've ever had a psychic reading. Yeah,
I just told you I've never done the poor because
I heard that. I heard that as soon as you
answered really, I heard it really quickly into our conversation,
that this was the first time you've had one. So
it's going to be okay, okay. But like I literally
told you, yes, well without saying the words so much,
I heard you loud and clear, it'll be okay. Aquarius

(33:21):
is very good at his job, real quick. To take
care of some of the business. I have to confirm
credit card number with you. Would you mind reading me
your credit card number to make sure I've got the
payment correct? Oh? Well, why don't you just read me
the one that you already have and I'll tell you
if it's correct. Well, I just don't feel comfortable reading
your information like that, you know, over the phone. Well,
I don't. I don't feel comfortable reading my information over

(33:44):
the phone. You know what, I think we should be
fine with the payment. I will start by just asking
you a few questions. What is your mother's maiden name?
I don't really know why you need to know that
and name you your mother's maiden name, and you will
give me your social Security number so that I may
open a credit card to make some purchases from Louis

(34:04):
Vatan and Gucci on a credit card, purchase car. Literally
you now, I was asking your brother's maiden name because
a birth chart. I put together a birth chart for everybody.
So your birthday and your mother's maid a name, and
if you had a pet, that would be good too.
Have you ever had a pet? Like a first pet?
You want what high school I went to? What their
concert I went on? Ask you again for your mother's

(34:26):
maiden name and a pet and a first car, and
you will give that to me so I may open
a credit card account in your name and purchase things
from Louis Vatan and Gucci. Yeah, everything saying did you
have something to say to me? Yeah, I'm going to
tell you that I'm going to call tops in a
better business bureau and light to finish up this. Were
not working, work on someone else of the information which

(34:50):
I desire, so that I may open up a credit
card in your name and purchase some slock purulent Gucci Gucci.
So it's not working Gucci s I can hear what
you're doing. Hap inform if this has worked on somebody else,
your social security I have the number you called me
on in my phone security number, your security question. I
can hear you. Thank you. When I am done speaking,

(35:16):
you will give me the information I require. So I'm
in purchase some Gucci socks. I'm not giving you any
information Gucci. The only information I'm taking is the information
of the number that you called me from your name,
and I'm reporting. Would like me to open the credit
card in your name for my Gucci God Hello, Hello, hello, hello. Yes,

(35:39):
I'm sorry you were saying something. You wanted to give
me some information. I think no, I wanted to get
your information because I'm reporting you to the police. Is
there something you would like to tell me, Joanne, No,
you have not hypnotized me, idiot. I'm calling the cops
right now because who knows how many people you try
to do this. Chill. You're done speaking right now. You

(35:59):
will know that this is prank phone call and your
husband set you up part and this is actually Jewel
from the Jewels Show doing a phone prank on you.
When I stop speaking, you will realize that Joel, oh
my God, this is actually Jewel from The Jewel Show
doing a phone frank on you. Your husband Robert set
you up? Oh my god, Joanna, I still haven't gotten

(36:19):
the name of your first bet. If I could have that,
please the Jewel Show on demand. It's time War of
the Roses only on The Jewel Show. Hey, this is
War the Roses to catch shar but I'm not even
sure if this qualifies. Is trying to catch somebody cheating?
We'll talk to Lexie, who's on the phone right now
because she thinks that her partner Braden is cheating on her.

(36:40):
Except her email said that they're an open relationship. So
here we go again, Lexi, if you're in an open relationship,
why are you calling us? Well? Yeah, I mean, I
know it's confusing at all. We are. We are in
an open relationship, but like, in order for us to
be in an open relationship, we had to set some
les and boundaries in order for it to be ethically

(37:02):
mon Mon, Yeah, for sure. I mean, if you're gonna
have an open relationship, but I think you should set
some ground rules otherwise it's just going to be like
we can do whatever we want and eventually somebody going
to do somewhere like, that's not what I want you
to do. Who initiated being in an open relationship? You
were him? We both did. So we met on a
dating app. That's four people that are Polly, you're in
an open relationship. You guys both know that it's not

(37:23):
that you think you are and he doesn't. You guys
are both aware because we've had that before where someone's like,
we're in a relationship and there was like, no, we're not.
So you met on an app before that, So you
guys have it all out there. You set some boundaries.
Why do you suspect that he's cheating? Then, well, you know,
we set rules. We set boundaries, and one of them,
one of our rules is that we tell each other

(37:45):
when we're talking to or seeing someone else. Like that's
part of it. It's part of the respect involved. And
Thursday nights are date night for us, Like there's absolutely
no exception. And you know, obviously there are other rules
like make safe sex, no more than three nights with
the same person, Like there's a lot of ground rules
to this in order to like keep the respect there

(38:07):
and out of you two. Who's the ones that's been
coming up with all the rules. We both agree to that,
so we both came to certain things that we wanted
in common ground and it works. Is he doing something
that he's breaking these rules? See? This is it? Like
I'm not completely sure, but I think he has. I

(38:28):
have that feeling that he has And it's not like
an official rule that we have. But he's downloaded Tinder
and we both rag on Tinder, like we say it's
not good for open relationship couples, and um, you know,
if you you're there on Tinder and you're in an
open relationship, then most likely someone is cheating. And you know,

(38:50):
so it's just like in the poly community, it's known
that like Tinder is like the nickelback of Datia, popular
but not very good. Like you downloaded the wrong dating
app in your open relationship. That's why you think he's cheating? Yeah,
I guess, you know, essentially, that's that's what's got me
a little uneasy. And did you actually confront him about,

(39:11):
you know, downloading Tinder. Yeah, like we dissessed it a
little bit, but like it wasn't a real conversation and
he said he hasn't really met anybody on it, and
you know, it's kind of just like a conversation that
was rushing under the rug. Okay, do you know of
anywhere we could call him from that would seem legit? Um? Okay,
So I did think about this before I reached out
to you guys, and um, I want to see if

(39:32):
he would break any of our other rules. So, like
I was thinking you could call him from a restaurant
we recently went to. They kept messing up our order
while we were there, so like it wouldn't be it'd
be strange. Oh okay, So what what other rule are
you trying to see? Yeah, the Thursday night rule? Maybe
book for a Wednesday, oh Thursday, because or maybe we

(39:56):
say on a Thursday you can come in and we'll
a special thing for you because we screwed up. See
if he brings you or someone else, that's cheating as
far as you're concerned, right, Yeah, exactly, I mean you know, okay,
So like for this upcoming Thursday would work right all right,
because that's if there's no exceptions, then why would he
agree to it? So Thursday night is like for us,

(40:21):
it's the night we do things together and last like
there's like something with work that holds us up or something,
but and like he has missed a couple of Thursdays
in the last few months. Okay, all right, should look yeah, okay,
that sounds good to me. All Right, we'll do that.
We'll play us on come Back, and then we'll see
if he is seeing somebody else. Okay, well somebody else

(40:42):
doing things with someone else that you're not cool with
him doing things with someone else. Okay, all right, all right,
we'll do it next. It's a jewel show. There is
a confusing war of the roads to catch cheater. I mean,
it's not confusing, but it is confusing at the same
time for some pe used. If you're just joining us.
Lexie is on the phone and her and her boyfriend
Braydon are in an open relationship, but she thinks that
he's cheating. And you might have said to yourself, just then,

(41:03):
how do you cheat an open relationship? Because that's exactly
how I said it in my head. Weird that we
have the same head in our voice in our heads.
But anyway, they have ground rules, and she thinks that
her boyfriend Braden has been breaking the ground rules and
seeing people in a way that he shouldn't and may
have actually started a relationship with someone else, and that
is definitely cheating as far as Lexei is concerned. We

(41:24):
just talked to her a second ago and they were
at a restaurant the other night and the restaurant kept
messing up his order apparently really bad, and they had
their phone and round file from reservations. So she said,
if we call from there and then apologize and offer
him some sort of romantic dinner package on a Thursday
and see who he invites. Does he invite Lexi or
does he invite someone else, because Lexie and Braden have

(41:45):
a thing in their relationship where Thursday nights are only
reserved for them. And you said that he's missed a
couple of Thursdays recently. Yeah, and he's already missed a
few of them for work, which I mean, like, that's
not that crazy. All right, Okay, we'll call him right
now and see if we can find out if he's cheating.
And you're here with the yellow Hi, my name is Jordan,

(42:14):
I'm the manager. I was looking for Bradon. You're speaking
to him. Hi, Bradon, how are you? I am calling
actually to apologize for the other night. Thank you. We
had the worst service the other night. Man, Like, I
usually don't complain. I'm usually pretty easygo and everyone has

(42:34):
bad nights. But come on, man, that was bad. They
told you everything, the chicken and stuff. I've got the
notes in front of me. Unfortunately, I wasn't working that night,
but I am l heafe, That's what they called me
around here. I'm the general manager of the restaurant, so
I'm the main guy. And I listen. I came in
and I saw the complaint notes, and I talked to

(42:56):
the staff and we did a real crap job for you,
and I want to get better. But the chicken was
completely undercooked. My friend, I don't I don't want to
tell people in the world, but that's that's where someone
gets sick. And then I mean personally, you know, my
girlfriend and I were having at nice night. We wanted
our drinks. They didn't arrive. We ordered a before the
meal and they didn't arrive until after. Come on, yeah,

(43:18):
like this was this was more than just a oh
everyone's busy. This was just we got ignored. Anyway, I
want to go the extra mile because not enough people
do that now. And wanted to say we're very sorry
about your experience. And I would love to offer. I
don't know if you know this is not but we
have a private dining area and I would love to
offer you, um a next Thursday evening for a private
dining experience where you will be weighted on hand and foot.

(43:43):
Oh Thursday, Uh, I think I've got to think a kid.
Does it have to be Thursday? Well, it doesn't have
to be if you wanted to happen this year, UMake
this work? Yeah, work. You know, not many people know
about our private dining room, like I said, and it
has been is really booked up. We actually had an
opening and I was like, well, I think you know,

(44:05):
it would be really nice thing to do. So yeah,
if you can make this Thursday work, otherwise I would scare.
I can schedule. It'll just be a while and it'd
be for you and one guest, and we would like
to also extend the offer to invite that guest. He
said girlfriend earlier. Yeah, yeah, so you can invite your
girlfriend with some flowers that we would send and they

(44:25):
would look like you came from you, so it'd be
all romantic. You know. Thanks, you're gonna get any brownie
points from an evening that I thought I would I
did not handle well, so that would be great awesome.
So I guess all I need from you is you.
I'm going to confirm you for the time. It is
seven thirty in the PM, and you have the room
all night, well not all night when we until we close.

(44:45):
As far as inviting the person you want to bring
with you, whom I guess it's probably a girl friend,
but maybe not. Um I can send the flower and
have the flowers scent and we'll just do use the
delivery service. So I will need I guess first I'll
get the address and stuff for me, and it's talk
about I wouldn't need the name of the person that
you would like to bring with you. And then after that,
if you have anything you want to put on a card,
I can do that as well. Sure t I ff

(45:08):
is all I want to put on the card. And
then on the inside, can you put glad I swiped
right because now I have you in my life, love you,
and just put B. I'll get that on there and
it is to TF right, and wonder what Alexi is
going to think about that. Actually, a Lexi's on the phone,
so we should just hear from Lexey. I've heard, Hey, Bradon,

(45:32):
it's Lexy, your actual girlfriend Nick lex Yes, that's your
girlfriend Lexey on the phone. Bradon, this is not the restaurant.
This is actually the Jewels Show. It's a radio show
Minae's Jewel Minds, alex Minds English Evan, and your girlfriend's
name is Alexei, not Tiff. And we do a segment
where we try to catch people cheating and I'll just
hand it on over to Ti or LEXI sorry about that, geez,
I'm real sorry. Yeah, So, Brad who is tif It's

(46:00):
a girl I've been seeing for a hot minute. I mean,
not a big deal. H. So you call the radio
program only so like, forget the whole radio thing. We're
talking about our actual relationship and the fact that you're
breaking the rules that we have in our open relationships.
You're totally disrespected. It's kind of hard to forget the

(46:20):
radio thing when it's now on the radio and you
didn't give me any kind of warning. Executively, our rules
are what I've been following. I am only dating on
the side because of this relationship of ours. You pretty
much are doing the same. I don't see where the
problem is with our relationship. We've had so far. If
there's something you need to tell me different from what

(46:41):
we've been doing, that's a whole different conversation. But come on,
you are any people on the side as well. It's
not like we are. You're talking too much, dude, you're
lying because the truth we have rules. You're not following.
What rule breaking Thursday? You idiot? Thursday is our day.

(47:04):
You go out with someone else on a Thursday and
you are cheating. No, I've missed thursdays before. You've missed
thursdays before. Thursday has never been a rule of ours.
It's always been what we try to shoot for, but
it's never been I have to I mean, if you
want to go last now, I don't have a great dinner.
Let's go to dinner this Thursday and we can talk
about this. This doesn't make any sense. You're pulling me

(47:26):
out on the radio. Okay, what about Tinder? We're not
We're not sup see on Tinder either. You were on
Tinder when I first met you. That is where you
were originally when I first met you. That's not how
we met. You know that, but you were on it
for a long time. It doesn't until pass recently you
got rid of yours, and it wasn't until mine updated
when you asked me about the other day when my
phone up, they didn't, and it reinstalled all my apps

(47:48):
with about me knowing about it. Yes, I've perused it.
Yes I've met someone on there, but you have as
well back in the day. It's not like this is
you actually now that I remember you said that you
loved her. Oh yeah, it is someone who's literally offered
me a romantic dinner to take out someone. I'm being
romantic all the way. Why not. That's when you dressed up,

(48:09):
that's where you feel fancy, It's where all the good
emotions come out. Then that's not cheating when it's just
a romantic dinner. This came out of nowhere, just now.
I do not understand. This is out of hand, and
you were going way off the deep end. This is crazy.
I am not continuing this anymore. Okay, is she still there? Alexi?
Are you still with us? I mean yeah, he's okay. Well,

(48:35):
I mean you probably have other options for dating, which
is good, right, wow, absolutely, okay. Yeah, I didn't even
see that one coming. I didn't either. I don't know
who to believe them. I mean, I think you know
he broke your rule. I think that he was probably
out of bounds with whoever he was with. You had
an open relationship and you had rules, but you have

(48:56):
been seeing other people in your open relationship. Yeah, and
you got to backup plan. At least you know that
he doesn't really care about your he doesn't respect your boundaries.
Good luck in the future. The Jubils Show on demand
Jubils Dirty Little Secret. Sign for your dirty little secret

(49:18):
text in at four one O six one. If you
have a dirty secret, you can tell us anything, literally,
whatever you want, because we keep everybody anonymous. And there's
a person on the phone to tell us a dirty
little secret right now. But we didn't ask what his
name is. Oh, I just gave it away this anyway.
We don't ask what your name is. We give everybody
a fake name. So I'll say an adjective housewife, Alex freesh,
we'll say it now and then English Evan, you say
a name, Okay, that'll be the name of the person

(49:38):
on the phone. We don't know what their real name is.
But on the phone right now to tell us a
dirty little secret. Is paper Barbecue, Greg, Paper Barbecue, Greg,
what's going on? Paper barbecue. Greg. Hey, man, I like that.
I like that in real life. I don't know how
you would earn that nickname, but it must have been
fun a wild weekend. Say what's your dirty little secret?

(50:03):
All right? I've been doing this since the first time
I ever stayed in a hotel and I opened the
drawer because you know, you know hotel, You like, I
wonder what it's like in here, Like, what all do
they got my child? Oh? Do kids love going to hotels?
I mean I used to love it too when I
was a kid and I would stayed at a hotel,
but I never I mean they freak out when they
get to a good hotel. I used still have the

(50:23):
mini bar my nine year old son, Jack's. He charged
like two hundred dollars once for long distance oh calling
my phone? Yeah yeah, man, I'm gonna tell you though,
every time I stay in a hotel, when I see
a family with kids, like in the lobby, I'm like,
you're screwed. All the stuff out of the coal bar.

(50:45):
So yeah, Oh dude, if if there's a mini bar
at a hotel and you have kids and prepare to
spend at least a million dollars it's like having a
kid at Disney World. They want everything. Yeah, exactly. You'll
spend a lot of money anyway. So when I stay
in hotel rooms, I don't. It's not so much what

(51:06):
I'm taking, it's what I'm giving back to the next
person to stay in the room. Yeah. So I always
travel with because you know, you've got to be prepared.
I always travel with a you know, a travel sized
box of condoms in the hope at one, you know,
something goes right way, but two I leave a single

(51:29):
unused meaning like still wrapped up in the package condom
in the Book of Leviticus the Bible, and the Bible say, yeah,
that is amazing. You leave a condom in the Bible, Yes, exactly,
just as like an oxymoron. Yeah, hoping that somebody in
like a moment of coming to you know, find religion,

(51:51):
finds instead like this is a sign that I should
not Yeah, or they're like, wow, I definitely need to
use these. Yeah. I guess. I guess it's you know,
you're being like, hey, you safe. That's funny. Usually, or
leave money. Yeah, like that's I think thing where people
put dollars in bibles. Yeah, so exactly, people leave money,
and you know, and I thought that was you know,

(52:11):
that's that's a typical idea. But I was like, what's
the thing that when you need one you can never find?
And it's like, if you need a condom, trying to
find a you know, like a pharmacy or something in
the nearby pretty easy. Yeah, they sell them everywhere. I've
never had a problem finding them. But I would rather
find one in a bible in a hotel room. It's
coolest story. Yeah, noticed that it was ordained by God

(52:34):
or something. Yeah, and so you leave, you always leave
it in the same spot. Yep. Started a book of Leviticus. Hilarious.
I mean, nothing sexier in levit Yeah, it gives me good.
All right, Well, thank you, very dirty little secret. Now,
if we find a condom in a bible in a
hotel room, we know it's you. You know I've been there. Yeah.
The Jewel Show on demand It's cyber a brand new

(52:56):
Christmas classic. It's The Jewel Show. And all month long
leading up to Christmas, we've been doing the Jewel Shows
first ever annual Holiday Party Song Extravaganza. Wow. Yes, so far.
Here's a clip from a couple of songs that we've done.
Felice not a drunk? Should I get drunk at Christmas?
Should I get drunk at Christmas? Should I get drunk

(53:16):
at Christmas? I'm at my family's house. I need to
black out. An original song from US called Christmas wish List.
I said it's Christmas, Conna get this. I said, it's Christmas.
Your booties on my wish list? And who could forget
the holiday classic jingle fans, Oh only fans, only, fans,

(53:37):
only fans for me. Your gift this year is seeing
more of Santa than you've seen hey, And of course
our take on Tupac and Drey's California Love, give me
all the stuff Christmas Eve night, It's time to party
is coming and I've ben a please still bring me

(53:59):
in a Bugatti? Something I say? And box box and
a new parody song every single day at this time
leading up to Christmas. Really bad idea. It's a lot
of work, but songs people seem to like them so far.
So what is today's parody holiday song? For Jewel Shows
first ever annual Christmas Holiday Song Parody Extravaganza fest I

(54:22):
just added a new part to it, a fest. Well,
everybody's heard of this person. They come to town once
in a while and they make a huge impact. Santa.
It's not Santa's, Sorry, but there is a song Santa
Claus Is Coming to Town, which is about Santa coming
to town. I'm talking about Karen's. So we updated that
song today to make it a little more twenty twenty one.
This is called Karen Claus Is Coming to Town. Enjoy.

(54:43):
It's a jewel show on Hits one of six point one. Dearly,
I caught the cop. Go ahead, put me on social media.
I have seen you around this neighbor, Prede, you better
watch out. Have your phone standing by. She's gonna shout
hit recording time. Us. Caring clauses kinding to town. She's

(55:07):
shaking her fist. She's angry at life. She's handing out
on wanted advice. Oh, caring clauses kinding to town. She's
in a starbuckscreaming triggered by up blaste. She's always in

(55:30):
a really bad mood, preaching her favorite phrases to stay. Oh,
I'm calling the cops. Arrest this guy. Let me see
your manager. My privilege is white. Yeah, Caring Love is
coming to town. Ahead, put me on social media. Stop
telling me, Hey, I have seen you around this neighborhood

(55:53):
too many times. You know I'm calling a point. I
ain't your name. Oh, let's go. She's accusing you of
stealing while she locks up her gate. She thinks that
you're a criminal because you're out Anna about too late. Oh,

(56:19):
get your phone out. She's gonna cry record right now,
she's gonna let It's like, because Caring Claws thinks you're
going to Jay, don't you freak out? Keep recording her lies.
You can use it for clow million views by tonight. Yeah,

(56:40):
Caring clawses coming. Caaren Claus is coming. Oh, Caring Claus
is coming. Room clos is coming. Oh, Caring Claws is
coming to The Jebel Show on demand

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Jubal Fresh

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}'Karen Claus' is coming to town in this Christmas Parody Extravaganza!