November 16, 2023 • 28 mins
T.V. personality and entrepreneur Leeza Gibbons (Entertainment Tonight, Leeza) joins the podcast! Leeza opens up about her own journey as a caretaker for her mother Jean, and shares how that experience inspired her to create the Leeza Gibbons Care Connection. Dana and Leeza introduce listeners to the WOW factor in caregiving and discuss the meaningful lives you and your loved ones can have even after an Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
Do you have a question for Dana? Email her directly at thememorywhisperer@gmail.com or visit www.thememorywhisperer.com for additional resources.
The Memory Whisperer is written and produced by Dana Territo, with help from editor Blake Langlinais. Additional production support from Ryan Martz and Julia Weaver.
Special Thanks to Michael Andrews, a person with dementia, and Innovations in Dementia, CIC for our theme music and to Xdesign for branding and graphics.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
It started with Peggy, someone with Alzheimer's who never knew
my name and who I companioned at her nursing home
residence for twenty two years. Her influence in my life
and the values I received from growing up with grandparents
living in our home are the guiding forces and my
love and advocacy for the Alzheimer's population. I'm a newspaper
(00:25):
columnist for The Advocate in Batonye, Louisiana and the author
of What My Grandchildren Taught Me About Alzheimer's Disease, And
now I'm launching a podcast. Hi, you're listening to Dana
Turedo the Memory Whisper. Join me in these podcasts as
we engage in thoughtful conversations about Alzheimer's disease and other dementias.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Her website opens with words be fiercely optimistic. That's where
hope lives and my guest today, Lisa Gibbons, uses this
matto to empower people to live lives of empowerment and hope.
Emmy Award winner Lisa Gibbons has taken her decades of
dominance in the fields of on camera hosting and reporting
along with her passion for health advocacy to craft a
(01:15):
unique position as a leading voice for personal growth and empowerment.
Using her experiences hosting, producing, and reporting for shows such
as Entertainment Tonight, the PBS show My Generation, and her
own talk show, Lisa Gibbons became an instrumental advocate for
health care, wellness, and caregiven, ultimately becoming a social entrepreneur,
(01:37):
creating the nonprofit Lisa's Care Connection. At locations in California
and South Carolina, they offer free services and support to
help families cope when facing a chronic illness or disease.
Family is at the core of many of Liza's pursuits,
and it was her mother's struggle with Alzheimer's disease that
inspired many of Liza's actions. After winning Celebrity Apprentice, Lisa
(02:02):
took her earnings and invested them in her hometown, Columbia,
South Carolina to support family caregivers at her flagship Lisa's
Care Connection location. Her focus on helping others call on
their courage and summon their strength during a health challenge
is a common theme to her life. Her books, including
New York Times bestseller Take Two, Your Guide to Happy
(02:25):
Endings and New Beginnings, and Fierce optimism. Seven Secrets for
Playing Nice and Winning Big highlight Lisa's ability to provide
practical inspiration and encouragement to anyone who believes they can
create a successful life of happiness and purpose without selling
out or giving in. Lisa creates products, programs, and services
(02:46):
to help others reclaim their health and rewrite their stories.
Lisa is the epitome of graceful aging, offering recognizability, relatability,
and reputation to uplift and empower audiences and viewers to
get more out of life and business. Find out today
Lisa's perspectives on fearless aging, and how Lisa is a
(03:09):
champion of well being and self care. Here now is
Lisa Gibbons.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I kind of want to start it out about your
journey with your mother her name was Jean Yes, and
your grandmother and how it led to the Lisa Gibbons
Memory Foundation.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I think a lot of people listening will understand this.
If you have ever worried about your mom, or your dad,
or your husband or your wife, you notice things right,
They're changing, something's different, things are a little bit off.
You and I both know that story. So whether it's
they're repeating themselves, or changes in hygiene, or they suddenly
(03:46):
become suspicious, they don't want to go out. You know
something's up. But because Alzheimer's is something that's so stigmatizing
and something that seems so hopeless, I think it's really
hard to muster the courage to confront it. With my mom,
we thought she had a drinking problem and we were
(04:07):
on the verge of sending her to the Betty Ford Clinic.
But my mother had seen her mother, as you said,
my granny go through the same process. And it was
ultimately my very brave mother who lined us all up,
my dad and my brother and my sister and me
and said, look, I've paid this same household bill three
times and something is wrong. So I started the Lisa
(04:31):
Gibbons Memory Foundation to basically just find what is my
place in this story, and ultimately I created in the
world what we wish we'd had along that journey with
my mom, and that became Lisa's Care Connection.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Wow, and what kind of services does your foundation provide?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
We've been on the case for a long time, just
like you. You've been talking about this challenge and talking about
ways to help people facing this challenge. It's our inception,
our goal has always been care for those who care,
the family caregivers who are basically the worried well, the
ones who at greater risk for dying before they're diagnosed,
(05:14):
loved ones because of that overwhelming compassion, fatigue, because of
the assault that caregiver burden has on your body. So
what we do at leasa's Care Connection is we give
people the tools, the strategies, the tips, the techniques for
managing behaviors of their loved ones, wellness tips, coping strategies.
(05:37):
We talk to them about how to ask the right
questions about whether it's appropriate to place their loved ones,
If so, how do they find a great place, How
do they talk to doctors? We know in general that
everybody's time with the doctor is limited. You get like
four minutes or whatever it is. So the patient, the
diagnosed person with Alzheimer's or a memory problem or a
(06:01):
brain disorder, can't follow a course of action on their own.
They are dependent upon that care partner. But I've never
met a caregiver who was educated enough, prepared enough, confident enough,
competent enough for this enormous task required. And when you're
under stress, and when you're in grief. Even though you
(06:23):
may know all the answers, our brains don't allow us
to unlock information when we are stressed like that, So
the loved one can't even really tell the caregiver if
the treatment they're giving is working. So we try to
really educate families on what to expect because we know
that better educated, better prepared caregivers, that's going to translate
(06:44):
to better outcomes for the care receivers.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I love that your website opens with the words be
fiercely optimistic. That's where hope lives. How do you empower
people to live lives of empowerment and hope.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I think that we see the world as we are right,
that's our lens, and typically we pretty much get what
we expect. So I've always found that it's an advantage
to decide to see the world as being on my side,
to see things as being, you know, right there cheering
for me to do well and to be fine. And
(07:22):
I think sometimes or at least for me, we have
to change what I call our wow factor. And wow
and my estimation stands for window on the world. So
how you see it? How wide did you open up
your window on the world and a lot of people
roll their eyes about this and not to be naive,
(07:42):
but our ability to navigate anything has a lot to
do with whether we think we can. So I always say,
all right, let's get on with it, raise or sale,
let's begin. So, yeah, the waters will be treacherous, it
may be dark at times, but on the other side
of any storm come strength. And I think that the
(08:03):
whole idea behind being fiercely optimistic is you know, people
who are optimistic have a mental competence and it allows
them to get to the solutions to problems more rapidly.
So that's a big strategic advantage. It ties you to resilience.
So just knowing that you can find an answer or
(08:23):
you can deal with not having an answer, that gives
hope that no matter what, you're going to be okay.
So I really have found that optimism is a strength
that many leaders have. I think it's a key indicator
of success personally professionally. And people always say, oh, so
you're you know, you're that glass full person. It's not
(08:44):
about I look at it and go okay, I own
the glass. That's my glass, So if it's not filled up,
it's my job to figure out how to fill it up?
Speaker 1 (08:56):
And so what can they do to fill up that
glass of water? To look at it a different way,
a different perspective.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I think we have to leave victimhood as soon as
we can. And it's very, very hard. Nobody plans to
have a chronic illness or disease, the one as brutal
as Alzheimer's to break into their lives where suddenly the
diagnosed person's life and then you know, five to ten
other people around that person have all been derailed with
(09:26):
whatever they were planning to do. But as soon as
you can take that first step towards acceptance and towards saying,
this is my new reality, you know, I'm not going
to be able to go back to what happened before this.
I'm here now. So who are the people that can
help me? And we always talk about teams of people,
(09:47):
you know, helping the guests that come into Lisa's care
connection are the ones that we talk with through our
virtual programs, are online is you know a lot of
times focused around okay, how do we manage who can
you rely on? And typically people say, well, nobody gets it.
I can't rely on anybody. You know, my brother doesn't
get it. He blames me, and you know this. The
(10:08):
family dynamics tend to disintegrate pretty quickly. But ultimately, when
you can talk with someone who knows what you're going
through and has stood where you stand, there is a plan.
There is life after diagnosis, and you one hundred percent
can hang on to yourself even while you are letting
(10:29):
go of someone you love.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I know, in the nineteen late eighties and early nineties
when I started this vocation, everyone was a victim of
Alzheimer's and I hated that terminology.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
It is a it's a real metal downer, and it
does color the way you go about things. I think
the reality is we haven't yet had the first survivor
of all Zeimer's. That's what's real. But and we don't
have We don't have cures, we don't even have effective treatments.
But what we do have now is language, legislative language.
(11:12):
We have more awareness awareness as a culture. We have
more dementia sensitive neighborhoods and dementia friendly vendors and businesses.
We have more recognition that people who are diagnosed have
lots of capabilities, lots of ability to continue to be
productive and contribute, and those things weren't the case when
(11:35):
I started my journey and when you started yours. You know,
people would just want to pull up the covers over
their head and not talk about it. So we're getting better, right.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I think the stigma is easing a little bit, but
not the pendulum in swinging as far as we want
to do, I agree.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
And I think a lot of that, you know, has
to do with fear. And you know, we tend to
look at our loved ones and you know, at the
end of the day we all put our head on
the pillow and go, wait, does this mean I'm getting it?
Does this mean I need to talk to my children
about it? Does this mean I need to make changes?
And the reality is I believe you know, if you
(12:13):
have a brain, you are at risk and we should
all conduct our lives thinking that it's a possibility. And
the reason I say that is not to live in
doom and gloom, but to live in empowerment. That, Okay,
whether I've got it in my family or not, I've
got a brain. What do I do to take care
of my brain?
Speaker 1 (12:30):
One in ten people over the age of sixty five,
does does it show that they develop Alzheimer's. So how
can we be that in that fearless aging amid the
heroine statistics that face us.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Oh, that's such a great question, because it's true. You're right,
the numbers are not encouraging, they're really not. But because
you have Alzheimer's in your family doesn't mean that you
will develop it yourself. And because it's not in your
family doesn't mean that you get a pass either. There's
still so much that we don't know about the very
(13:03):
nature of this disease, about the true essence of what
even causes it. There's a lot of scientific debate, But
what we do know is this, there is not a
silver bullet. But there are a lot of things we
can do to hedge our bets, to mitigate our risk,
And I think it is annoyingly simple but very powerful.
(13:23):
Rest is a big way we can be more fearless.
We can be present, we can practice mindfulness. We need
to eat the right things. We know what they are.
We know sugar's not good for your brain. We know
excessive alcohol is not good for your brain. And now
people are hip to the fact that good fats and
omegas are the way to go. We know that exercise
(13:45):
is important, and we tend to think, oh, I'm not
a gem person or I can't do that. Will risk
walking probably the number one most effective thing to do,
and it has very good success rates at mitigating your risk.
We know we are hardwired to connect, so be social.
That's an important part to heade your risk. Managing stress.
(14:07):
I think that we know stress as a killer responsible
for lots of diseases, including brain and memory problems. So
managing stress is a big one for me that I
focus on over the decades, but I think for anyone
at any point disease or not, action is the antidote
for fear. So keep your body and your brain active,
(14:29):
take the steps towards making things the best you can.
Because what happens is fear will decrease as value increases.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And let's say the opposite of fear is courage, So
we need to have the courage to move forward with
all those things you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
You're exactly right. So if you see the value and
the changes that you make, you can be more fearless.
So it doesn't mean being foolish, it doesn't mean being frivolous.
It means moving forward regardless of the fear like you
just said, I think that fear is courage knocking at
the door. So when you decide to open it up,
(15:06):
most of us will find there's our courage is somewhere
hiding in a little dark corner, and we get a
permission to come out.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You've written three books, Fierce Optimism, take two and take
your oxygen first. Do all these help people with Alzheimer's
or are they unique on their own or there's some
characteristic thread that run through all three of them.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
There definitely is a thread that runs through them. And
we've been talking about one of those pieces, which is
self care. And self care I think is such an
investment in society. It's an investment in everyone you love.
It is a way to show your love. So that's
common in all of them. And another aspect is that
(15:48):
we all get to write or rewrite our stories, right.
So you're always hearing people saying, you know, you're the
main character in your own novel. Yes, And if plot
twists come in and they're unwelcome, unexpected, Alzheimer's, whatever, the
challenge is, you've got to bolster yourself as the lead character.
(16:08):
Make sure that you are star worthy, right, and that
you've got enough resources to find your way through it.
So there may not always be a way out of
a challenge. There's not a way out yet to say.
I used to think when my mom got diagnosed, I'm
just going to meet enough people and travel around enough,
and I'm going to figure this thing out, which you know,
that's how a lot of discoveries make. I'm not laughing
(16:30):
about that, but there is always a way to face
it and a way to deal with it. So that's
been common in things that I've written, and I think
that as people, you know, we stop trying when we're
afraid that we're going to fail or when something seems impossible.
So one of the things that I have found to
(16:52):
be most effective in my own life is to not
stop dreaming just because I can't yet imagine the dream
coming true. I write a lot about don't shy from
the try. Our past failures are just practices for the
current moment. And then the other piece is it has
(17:12):
taken me a long time and it's an emerging skill
is to realize that, you know, not everyone can go
along with it on this journey with you. Some people
are just going to be haters and criticizers and you know,
seemingly strategic destroyers of self esteem. Release those people. We
(17:32):
try to give them our point of view, We try
to make them understand us, We try to explain. Give
it up, don't try to be right, don't try to
win them over or convince them of anything. You know
what they say. People can only drive you crazy if
you've give them the keys to the car.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
So how important is that to keep connected with others
during the disease journey.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
It is essential. It's task number one, and it is
the hardest step to take because we all know what
it feels like to just I can't to just look
at what's ahead of you and think, why is this happening.
I'm not ready. I can't do it. I can't make
(18:22):
a difference. It doesn't matter what I do anyway. I'm
going to lose my job. My kids aren't going to
have their mother ecause I'm taking care of my mother.
All the catastrophicizing that we do, it's very hard to
say I need help. One. We were sort of all
of a generation raised in a gold star mentality of
thinking that somehow we had a place in heaven if
(18:44):
we did everything ourselves. I think we're getting better about that,
But we also don't have great answers. It's part of
what we work on with our families, at least's care
connection is people will almost by rote say, oh, gosh,
I'm sorry to hear that. Well, let me know how
can help you. If you have an answer, whether they
(19:05):
were expecting it or not, they will hear you when
you say, gosh, that is so nice of you. You
know what, could you come pick up my dry cleaning tuesday?
Could you watch mom for thirty minutes while I, you know,
color my hair or lock myself in the bathroom. Whatever.
If we learn to connect with what do we really need?
(19:26):
Not in the long run, we need a cure for Alzheimer's.
Can you help me? Yes, But while we're getting there,
what do you need today? What do you need in
the next four hours? And can you be vulnerable enough
to share that with people so that they know how
to show up for you. You know, we always heard Oprah
and Maya Angelou and all these other great gurus tell
(19:47):
us we have to teach people how to treat us,
and we do, especially as caregivers. We have to teach
others how to show up for us because they don't
know it really is, and it's very helpful to look
at your day and day responsibilities like going to the
grocery store. So you know, we've done a lot of
outreach with services in local neighborhoods to say, hey, you know,
(20:13):
you know here's here's I'm Lisa, this is my mom, Jean,
and you know, we come in here and shop, you know,
every two weeks. When I come back with my mom
next time, she's going to have a cart just like
my cart. She's going to have a list. But when
we get to check out, we're not buying her things.
I need her to feel that she is contributing to
the family, and I don't need to correct her through
(20:34):
every aisle. But you can really help me by just
knowing that somebody could put those things back on the
shelf for me, and it saves my mom's dignity, It
saves me time and trouble. But we need to recruit
people to be supportive in our neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
What would you tell that woman who who is just
a first time caregiver and doesn't know how to meander
the journey yet? What is the most important thing about
self care or how should they manag is their time
to put in that self care for them.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
It's a loaded question, it's a sliding scale. I think
we look for the middle of the seesaw, and that's
not ever going to happen. As you said, every day
it's going to come complete with new challenges that you
can't always rely on what you did yesterday. But I
agree with you, this is the women's issue of our time.
(21:25):
You know, two thirds of the brain's diagnosed to women,
as you say, two thirds of the caregivers are women.
But if this is your life now, and we know
that as women, we have been blessed with our ability
to handle a lot, to pivot, a lot, to be able,
and we know how to nurture, we know how to care.
(21:45):
So here's what I would say. I guess the past
doesn't equal the present. So who you are today is
not who you have to be tomorrow. So if you
haven't yet figured this thing out, don't count yourself out,
because you know you will build this into a success
the way you have done every other thing in your
life to this point. So I was a charter member
(22:09):
of that society of perpetual people pleasers, you know, that
was That's the way I was brought up in the South,
and you know, it's one of the things that's become
easier for me over time. But I think as a caregiver,
you do have to realize that we're not judged by
those haters. We're not judged by how many likes we
(22:29):
get and social media, how many followers, followers we have,
or you know, other people who think they know something
about our lives, they don't really unless they have been
where you are. So my mom always said to me,
show up, do your best, let go of the rest.
And it's that letting go part that is powerful. So
(22:51):
drop the dread, banish the blame. If you if you
dread something, and believe me this this is a dreadful thing.
But if you dread it and you see it as overwhelming,
it will be and you'll avoid it. And the longer
you avoid anything, the bigger it becomes right. And same thing,
if you're pointing fingers, if you're blaming people, that's just
(23:12):
going to delay or even sabotage your ability to take
responsibility for your own well being. And you and I
talked a little earlier about you know, people who get
it and people who release with love, and what do
you say, bless and release.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Bless the release.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I love it. So you know we get this when
it comes to other things in our life, like technology,
we know, okay, I'm going to delete that, I'm going
to reprogram that, I'm going to restart that. Right, so
you get a virus or whatever, your programs are running slow,
you delete some files or you reboot. We need to
(23:50):
do that in our own lives. We've got to get
comfortable with editing people in our lives and really figuring
out what is our personal operating system? Now? We know
it for our computers, for our phones, we know how
they work. Figure out how you work now, and remember
that we are the company we keep. So I talked
(24:11):
about having people around you who get it really imperative
to have a blanket of boosters around you, whether they've
been care of us or not. If they want to
cheer for you, if they want to learn from you,
if they say how can I help? Then those are
the people that you want to sign up for duty.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
So, if you could offer a pearl wisdom to our listeners,
those who are on this Alzheimer's disease journey or other dementias,
what would you want to tell them most about the
disease and the experience.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
A lot of people, you know, look at me for
my Pollyanna advice. And I just found that if you
can walk on the sunny side of the street, you
are going to be more resilient. And this is about
going the distance. So I think so many things, but
reality is, your music has changed, right, and it's very
(25:05):
easy to trip over the steps to that dance in
your life that you knew so well. You knew it well,
it was all happening, things were in a groove, and yeah,
you know, things have been challenging, but there you are.
I mean, you're doing your tango or your you know,
waltz or whatever steps you and you know it. But
we're going to trip up if we don't recognize I
(25:26):
don't even hear that music now, So we can't really
follow the expectations of our old image of ourselves or
the image that others have of us. So at some
point it might be helpful to break up with yourself,
you know, find a stronger, more resilient version of you, right,
So just break up with that person. Life kind of
(25:49):
layers itself on top of itself, and sometimes you have
to dig out of that and see, Okay, where am
I now? I was a little bit lost here all
of those ways I used to define myself, you know,
back when I was thinner or had a big paycheck,
or back when I you know, had kids, or back
you know, when I was wasn't divorced, or whatever it is.
(26:10):
However you define was the most powerful part of yourself.
Don't look over your shoulder because you're not going back there.
So find a new stage to dance on. Figure out
what are the steps now. And we talked before about
dropping the drama of victimhood really important because once you
(26:31):
do that, you can get on with the business of
building confidence and building competence in this new area. My
favorite program that we do at Least's Care Connection is
called HUGS, which stands for Helping You Grow Strong, and
it's a peer to peer support group. So it's designed
to team you up with someone who can give you
(26:52):
advice or counsel or support or friendship. Someone who has
the street credential to know where you're headed and they
have walked where you walk, So that would be my
number one piece of advice. Don't wait until you think
you're ready. This disease won't wait until you're ready before
it changes and morphs into the next thing, And don't
(27:13):
go it alone.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
That's it for us today. Thank you for listening. The
Memory Whisper is a production of iHeartRadio and the Seneca
Women Podcast Network. It's produced by me Dana Tiredo in
honor of Peggy and all those affected by Alzheimer's disease.
Special thanks to my audio editor, Blake Langane, and to
Michael Andrews, a person with dementia, who gave me permission
(27:46):
to use his beautiful flute music for this podcast. For
more information or to reach me directly, head over to
my website, The Memory Whisper dot com. And for those
struggling with the diagnosis, remember my motto, the more you know,
the better it'll go. Blessings,
It started with Peggy, someone with Alzheimer's who never knew
my name and who I companioned at her nursing home
residence for twenty two years. Her influence in my life
and the values I received from growing up with grandparents
living in our home are the guiding forces and my
love and advocacy for the Alzheimer's population. I'm a newspaper
(00:25):
columnist for The Advocate in Batonye, Louisiana and the author
of What My Grandchildren Taught Me About Alzheimer's Disease, And
now I'm launching a podcast. Hi, you're listening to Dana
Turedo the Memory Whisper. Join me in these podcasts as
we engage in thoughtful conversations about Alzheimer's disease and other dementias.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Her website opens with words be fiercely optimistic. That's where
hope lives and my guest today, Lisa Gibbons, uses this
matto to empower people to live lives of empowerment and hope.
Emmy Award winner Lisa Gibbons has taken her decades of
dominance in the fields of on camera hosting and reporting
along with her passion for health advocacy to craft a
(01:15):
unique position as a leading voice for personal growth and empowerment.
Using her experiences hosting, producing, and reporting for shows such
as Entertainment Tonight, the PBS show My Generation, and her
own talk show, Lisa Gibbons became an instrumental advocate for
health care, wellness, and caregiven, ultimately becoming a social entrepreneur,
(01:37):
creating the nonprofit Lisa's Care Connection. At locations in California
and South Carolina, they offer free services and support to
help families cope when facing a chronic illness or disease.
Family is at the core of many of Liza's pursuits,
and it was her mother's struggle with Alzheimer's disease that
inspired many of Liza's actions. After winning Celebrity Apprentice, Lisa
(02:02):
took her earnings and invested them in her hometown, Columbia,
South Carolina to support family caregivers at her flagship Lisa's
Care Connection location. Her focus on helping others call on
their courage and summon their strength during a health challenge
is a common theme to her life. Her books, including
New York Times bestseller Take Two, Your Guide to Happy
(02:25):
Endings and New Beginnings, and Fierce optimism. Seven Secrets for
Playing Nice and Winning Big highlight Lisa's ability to provide
practical inspiration and encouragement to anyone who believes they can
create a successful life of happiness and purpose without selling
out or giving in. Lisa creates products, programs, and services
(02:46):
to help others reclaim their health and rewrite their stories.
Lisa is the epitome of graceful aging, offering recognizability, relatability,
and reputation to uplift and empower audiences and viewers to
get more out of life and business. Find out today
Lisa's perspectives on fearless aging, and how Lisa is a
(03:09):
champion of well being and self care. Here now is
Lisa Gibbons.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
I kind of want to start it out about your
journey with your mother her name was Jean Yes, and
your grandmother and how it led to the Lisa Gibbons
Memory Foundation.
Speaker 3 (03:24):
I think a lot of people listening will understand this.
If you have ever worried about your mom, or your dad,
or your husband or your wife, you notice things right,
They're changing, something's different, things are a little bit off.
You and I both know that story. So whether it's
they're repeating themselves, or changes in hygiene, or they suddenly
(03:46):
become suspicious, they don't want to go out. You know
something's up. But because Alzheimer's is something that's so stigmatizing
and something that seems so hopeless, I think it's really
hard to muster the courage to confront it. With my mom,
we thought she had a drinking problem and we were
(04:07):
on the verge of sending her to the Betty Ford Clinic.
But my mother had seen her mother, as you said,
my granny go through the same process. And it was
ultimately my very brave mother who lined us all up,
my dad and my brother and my sister and me
and said, look, I've paid this same household bill three
times and something is wrong. So I started the Lisa
(04:31):
Gibbons Memory Foundation to basically just find what is my
place in this story, and ultimately I created in the
world what we wish we'd had along that journey with
my mom, and that became Lisa's Care Connection.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Wow, and what kind of services does your foundation provide?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
We've been on the case for a long time, just
like you. You've been talking about this challenge and talking about
ways to help people facing this challenge. It's our inception,
our goal has always been care for those who care,
the family caregivers who are basically the worried well, the
ones who at greater risk for dying before they're diagnosed,
(05:14):
loved ones because of that overwhelming compassion, fatigue, because of
the assault that caregiver burden has on your body. So
what we do at leasa's Care Connection is we give
people the tools, the strategies, the tips, the techniques for
managing behaviors of their loved ones, wellness tips, coping strategies.
(05:37):
We talk to them about how to ask the right
questions about whether it's appropriate to place their loved ones,
If so, how do they find a great place, How
do they talk to doctors? We know in general that
everybody's time with the doctor is limited. You get like
four minutes or whatever it is. So the patient, the
diagnosed person with Alzheimer's or a memory problem or a
(06:01):
brain disorder, can't follow a course of action on their own.
They are dependent upon that care partner. But I've never
met a caregiver who was educated enough, prepared enough, confident enough,
competent enough for this enormous task required. And when you're
under stress, and when you're in grief. Even though you
(06:23):
may know all the answers, our brains don't allow us
to unlock information when we are stressed like that, So
the loved one can't even really tell the caregiver if
the treatment they're giving is working. So we try to
really educate families on what to expect because we know
that better educated, better prepared caregivers, that's going to translate
(06:44):
to better outcomes for the care receivers.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
I love that your website opens with the words be
fiercely optimistic. That's where hope lives. How do you empower
people to live lives of empowerment and hope.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I think that we see the world as we are right,
that's our lens, and typically we pretty much get what
we expect. So I've always found that it's an advantage
to decide to see the world as being on my side,
to see things as being, you know, right there cheering
for me to do well and to be fine. And
(07:22):
I think sometimes or at least for me, we have
to change what I call our wow factor. And wow
and my estimation stands for window on the world. So
how you see it? How wide did you open up
your window on the world and a lot of people
roll their eyes about this and not to be naive,
(07:42):
but our ability to navigate anything has a lot to
do with whether we think we can. So I always say,
all right, let's get on with it, raise or sale,
let's begin. So, yeah, the waters will be treacherous, it
may be dark at times, but on the other side
of any storm come strength. And I think that the
(08:03):
whole idea behind being fiercely optimistic is you know, people
who are optimistic have a mental competence and it allows
them to get to the solutions to problems more rapidly.
So that's a big strategic advantage. It ties you to resilience.
So just knowing that you can find an answer or
(08:23):
you can deal with not having an answer, that gives
hope that no matter what, you're going to be okay.
So I really have found that optimism is a strength
that many leaders have. I think it's a key indicator
of success personally professionally. And people always say, oh, so
you're you know, you're that glass full person. It's not
(08:44):
about I look at it and go okay, I own
the glass. That's my glass, So if it's not filled up,
it's my job to figure out how to fill it up?
Speaker 1 (08:56):
And so what can they do to fill up that
glass of water? To look at it a different way,
a different perspective.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I think we have to leave victimhood as soon as
we can. And it's very, very hard. Nobody plans to
have a chronic illness or disease, the one as brutal
as Alzheimer's to break into their lives where suddenly the
diagnosed person's life and then you know, five to ten
other people around that person have all been derailed with
(09:26):
whatever they were planning to do. But as soon as
you can take that first step towards acceptance and towards saying,
this is my new reality, you know, I'm not going
to be able to go back to what happened before this.
I'm here now. So who are the people that can
help me? And we always talk about teams of people,
(09:47):
you know, helping the guests that come into Lisa's care
connection are the ones that we talk with through our
virtual programs, are online is you know a lot of
times focused around okay, how do we manage who can
you rely on? And typically people say, well, nobody gets it.
I can't rely on anybody. You know, my brother doesn't
get it. He blames me, and you know this. The
(10:08):
family dynamics tend to disintegrate pretty quickly. But ultimately, when
you can talk with someone who knows what you're going
through and has stood where you stand, there is a plan.
There is life after diagnosis, and you one hundred percent
can hang on to yourself even while you are letting
(10:29):
go of someone you love.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
I know, in the nineteen late eighties and early nineties
when I started this vocation, everyone was a victim of
Alzheimer's and I hated that terminology.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
It is a it's a real metal downer, and it
does color the way you go about things. I think
the reality is we haven't yet had the first survivor
of all Zeimer's. That's what's real. But and we don't
have We don't have cures, we don't even have effective treatments.
But what we do have now is language, legislative language.
(11:12):
We have more awareness awareness as a culture. We have
more dementia sensitive neighborhoods and dementia friendly vendors and businesses.
We have more recognition that people who are diagnosed have
lots of capabilities, lots of ability to continue to be
productive and contribute, and those things weren't the case when
(11:35):
I started my journey and when you started yours. You know,
people would just want to pull up the covers over
their head and not talk about it. So we're getting better, right.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I think the stigma is easing a little bit, but
not the pendulum in swinging as far as we want
to do, I agree.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
And I think a lot of that, you know, has
to do with fear. And you know, we tend to
look at our loved ones and you know, at the
end of the day we all put our head on
the pillow and go, wait, does this mean I'm getting it?
Does this mean I need to talk to my children
about it? Does this mean I need to make changes?
And the reality is I believe you know, if you
(12:13):
have a brain, you are at risk and we should
all conduct our lives thinking that it's a possibility. And
the reason I say that is not to live in
doom and gloom, but to live in empowerment. That, Okay,
whether I've got it in my family or not, I've
got a brain. What do I do to take care
of my brain?
Speaker 1 (12:30):
One in ten people over the age of sixty five,
does does it show that they develop Alzheimer's. So how
can we be that in that fearless aging amid the
heroine statistics that face us.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Oh, that's such a great question, because it's true. You're right,
the numbers are not encouraging, they're really not. But because
you have Alzheimer's in your family doesn't mean that you
will develop it yourself. And because it's not in your
family doesn't mean that you get a pass either. There's
still so much that we don't know about the very
(13:03):
nature of this disease, about the true essence of what
even causes it. There's a lot of scientific debate, But
what we do know is this, there is not a
silver bullet. But there are a lot of things we
can do to hedge our bets, to mitigate our risk,
And I think it is annoyingly simple but very powerful.
(13:23):
Rest is a big way we can be more fearless.
We can be present, we can practice mindfulness. We need
to eat the right things. We know what they are.
We know sugar's not good for your brain. We know
excessive alcohol is not good for your brain. And now
people are hip to the fact that good fats and
omegas are the way to go. We know that exercise
(13:45):
is important, and we tend to think, oh, I'm not
a gem person or I can't do that. Will risk
walking probably the number one most effective thing to do,
and it has very good success rates at mitigating your risk.
We know we are hardwired to connect, so be social.
That's an important part to heade your risk. Managing stress.
(14:07):
I think that we know stress as a killer responsible
for lots of diseases, including brain and memory problems. So
managing stress is a big one for me that I
focus on over the decades, but I think for anyone
at any point disease or not, action is the antidote
for fear. So keep your body and your brain active,
(14:29):
take the steps towards making things the best you can.
Because what happens is fear will decrease as value increases.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
And let's say the opposite of fear is courage, So
we need to have the courage to move forward with
all those things you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
You're exactly right. So if you see the value and
the changes that you make, you can be more fearless.
So it doesn't mean being foolish, it doesn't mean being frivolous.
It means moving forward regardless of the fear like you
just said, I think that fear is courage knocking at
the door. So when you decide to open it up,
(15:06):
most of us will find there's our courage is somewhere
hiding in a little dark corner, and we get a
permission to come out.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You've written three books, Fierce Optimism, take two and take
your oxygen first. Do all these help people with Alzheimer's
or are they unique on their own or there's some
characteristic thread that run through all three of them.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
There definitely is a thread that runs through them. And
we've been talking about one of those pieces, which is
self care. And self care I think is such an
investment in society. It's an investment in everyone you love.
It is a way to show your love. So that's
common in all of them. And another aspect is that
(15:48):
we all get to write or rewrite our stories, right.
So you're always hearing people saying, you know, you're the
main character in your own novel. Yes, And if plot
twists come in and they're unwelcome, unexpected, Alzheimer's, whatever, the
challenge is, you've got to bolster yourself as the lead character.
(16:08):
Make sure that you are star worthy, right, and that
you've got enough resources to find your way through it.
So there may not always be a way out of
a challenge. There's not a way out yet to say.
I used to think when my mom got diagnosed, I'm
just going to meet enough people and travel around enough,
and I'm going to figure this thing out, which you know,
that's how a lot of discoveries make. I'm not laughing
(16:30):
about that, but there is always a way to face
it and a way to deal with it. So that's
been common in things that I've written, and I think
that as people, you know, we stop trying when we're
afraid that we're going to fail or when something seems impossible.
So one of the things that I have found to
(16:52):
be most effective in my own life is to not
stop dreaming just because I can't yet imagine the dream
coming true. I write a lot about don't shy from
the try. Our past failures are just practices for the
current moment. And then the other piece is it has
(17:12):
taken me a long time and it's an emerging skill
is to realize that, you know, not everyone can go
along with it on this journey with you. Some people
are just going to be haters and criticizers and you know,
seemingly strategic destroyers of self esteem. Release those people. We
(17:32):
try to give them our point of view, We try
to make them understand us, We try to explain. Give
it up, don't try to be right, don't try to
win them over or convince them of anything. You know
what they say. People can only drive you crazy if
you've give them the keys to the car.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
So how important is that to keep connected with others
during the disease journey.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
It is essential. It's task number one, and it is
the hardest step to take because we all know what
it feels like to just I can't to just look
at what's ahead of you and think, why is this happening.
I'm not ready. I can't do it. I can't make
(18:22):
a difference. It doesn't matter what I do anyway. I'm
going to lose my job. My kids aren't going to
have their mother ecause I'm taking care of my mother.
All the catastrophicizing that we do, it's very hard to
say I need help. One. We were sort of all
of a generation raised in a gold star mentality of
thinking that somehow we had a place in heaven if
(18:44):
we did everything ourselves. I think we're getting better about that,
But we also don't have great answers. It's part of
what we work on with our families, at least's care
connection is people will almost by rote say, oh, gosh,
I'm sorry to hear that. Well, let me know how
can help you. If you have an answer, whether they
(19:05):
were expecting it or not, they will hear you when
you say, gosh, that is so nice of you. You
know what, could you come pick up my dry cleaning tuesday?
Could you watch mom for thirty minutes while I, you know,
color my hair or lock myself in the bathroom. Whatever.
If we learn to connect with what do we really need?
(19:26):
Not in the long run, we need a cure for Alzheimer's.
Can you help me? Yes, But while we're getting there,
what do you need today? What do you need in
the next four hours? And can you be vulnerable enough
to share that with people so that they know how
to show up for you. You know, we always heard Oprah
and Maya Angelou and all these other great gurus tell
(19:47):
us we have to teach people how to treat us,
and we do, especially as caregivers. We have to teach
others how to show up for us because they don't
know it really is, and it's very helpful to look
at your day and day responsibilities like going to the
grocery store. So you know, we've done a lot of
outreach with services in local neighborhoods to say, hey, you know,
(20:13):
you know here's here's I'm Lisa, this is my mom, Jean,
and you know, we come in here and shop, you know,
every two weeks. When I come back with my mom
next time, she's going to have a cart just like
my cart. She's going to have a list. But when
we get to check out, we're not buying her things.
I need her to feel that she is contributing to
the family, and I don't need to correct her through
(20:34):
every aisle. But you can really help me by just
knowing that somebody could put those things back on the
shelf for me, and it saves my mom's dignity, It
saves me time and trouble. But we need to recruit
people to be supportive in our neighborhoods.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
What would you tell that woman who who is just
a first time caregiver and doesn't know how to meander
the journey yet? What is the most important thing about
self care or how should they manag is their time
to put in that self care for them.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
It's a loaded question, it's a sliding scale. I think
we look for the middle of the seesaw, and that's
not ever going to happen. As you said, every day
it's going to come complete with new challenges that you
can't always rely on what you did yesterday. But I
agree with you, this is the women's issue of our time.
(21:25):
You know, two thirds of the brain's diagnosed to women,
as you say, two thirds of the caregivers are women.
But if this is your life now, and we know
that as women, we have been blessed with our ability
to handle a lot, to pivot, a lot, to be able,
and we know how to nurture, we know how to care.
(21:45):
So here's what I would say. I guess the past
doesn't equal the present. So who you are today is
not who you have to be tomorrow. So if you
haven't yet figured this thing out, don't count yourself out,
because you know you will build this into a success
the way you have done every other thing in your
life to this point. So I was a charter member
(22:09):
of that society of perpetual people pleasers, you know, that
was That's the way I was brought up in the South,
and you know, it's one of the things that's become
easier for me over time. But I think as a caregiver,
you do have to realize that we're not judged by
those haters. We're not judged by how many likes we
(22:29):
get and social media, how many followers, followers we have,
or you know, other people who think they know something
about our lives, they don't really unless they have been
where you are. So my mom always said to me,
show up, do your best, let go of the rest.
And it's that letting go part that is powerful. So
(22:51):
drop the dread, banish the blame. If you if you
dread something, and believe me this this is a dreadful thing.
But if you dread it and you see it as overwhelming,
it will be and you'll avoid it. And the longer
you avoid anything, the bigger it becomes right. And same thing,
if you're pointing fingers, if you're blaming people, that's just
(23:12):
going to delay or even sabotage your ability to take
responsibility for your own well being. And you and I
talked a little earlier about you know, people who get
it and people who release with love, and what do
you say, bless and release.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Bless the release.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
I love it. So you know we get this when
it comes to other things in our life, like technology,
we know, okay, I'm going to delete that, I'm going
to reprogram that, I'm going to restart that. Right, so
you get a virus or whatever, your programs are running slow,
you delete some files or you reboot. We need to
(23:50):
do that in our own lives. We've got to get
comfortable with editing people in our lives and really figuring
out what is our personal operating system? Now? We know
it for our computers, for our phones, we know how
they work. Figure out how you work now, and remember
that we are the company we keep. So I talked
(24:11):
about having people around you who get it really imperative
to have a blanket of boosters around you, whether they've
been care of us or not. If they want to
cheer for you, if they want to learn from you,
if they say how can I help? Then those are
the people that you want to sign up for duty.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
So, if you could offer a pearl wisdom to our listeners,
those who are on this Alzheimer's disease journey or other dementias,
what would you want to tell them most about the
disease and the experience.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
A lot of people, you know, look at me for
my Pollyanna advice. And I just found that if you
can walk on the sunny side of the street, you
are going to be more resilient. And this is about
going the distance. So I think so many things, but
reality is, your music has changed, right, and it's very
(25:05):
easy to trip over the steps to that dance in
your life that you knew so well. You knew it well,
it was all happening, things were in a groove, and yeah,
you know, things have been challenging, but there you are.
I mean, you're doing your tango or your you know,
waltz or whatever steps you and you know it. But
we're going to trip up if we don't recognize I
(25:26):
don't even hear that music now, So we can't really
follow the expectations of our old image of ourselves or
the image that others have of us. So at some
point it might be helpful to break up with yourself,
you know, find a stronger, more resilient version of you, right,
So just break up with that person. Life kind of
(25:49):
layers itself on top of itself, and sometimes you have
to dig out of that and see, Okay, where am
I now? I was a little bit lost here all
of those ways I used to define myself, you know,
back when I was thinner or had a big paycheck,
or back when I you know, had kids, or back
you know, when I was wasn't divorced, or whatever it is.
(26:10):
However you define was the most powerful part of yourself.
Don't look over your shoulder because you're not going back there.
So find a new stage to dance on. Figure out
what are the steps now. And we talked before about
dropping the drama of victimhood really important because once you
(26:31):
do that, you can get on with the business of
building confidence and building competence in this new area. My
favorite program that we do at Least's Care Connection is
called HUGS, which stands for Helping You Grow Strong, and
it's a peer to peer support group. So it's designed
to team you up with someone who can give you
(26:52):
advice or counsel or support or friendship. Someone who has
the street credential to know where you're headed and they
have walked where you walk, So that would be my
number one piece of advice. Don't wait until you think
you're ready. This disease won't wait until you're ready before
it changes and morphs into the next thing, And don't
(27:13):
go it alone.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
That's it for us today. Thank you for listening. The
Memory Whisper is a production of iHeartRadio and the Seneca
Women Podcast Network. It's produced by me Dana Tiredo in
honor of Peggy and all those affected by Alzheimer's disease.
Special thanks to my audio editor, Blake Langane, and to
Michael Andrews, a person with dementia, who gave me permission
(27:46):
to use his beautiful flute music for this podcast. For
more information or to reach me directly, head over to
my website, The Memory Whisper dot com. And for those
struggling with the diagnosis, remember my motto, the more you know,
the better it'll go. Blessings,
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!