May 20, 2025 • 49 mins
This is the episode where the loftmates try to make Winston fail his background check! Talk about sabatogue.This is an all-timer for Hannah and Lamorne is contemplating a side business as a preacher for bird funerals. Let us know if you're interested at themessaroundpod@gmail.com.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:18):
I just have to say I have been waiting a very, very,
very very long time for us to do this particular
recap because really, it's honestly one of my favorite episodes.
Am for Really, Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
That's interesting. Is the worst for me?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Was the worst for you?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hannah? Relax, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Okay, all right, I got so sad. I was like,
what happened that I didn't know? Anyway, I can't wait
to get into this episode. It is episode four oh six.
Background check, Okay, run it down?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Okay. So in this episode, as Winston prepares for a
vital home visit from Sergeant Dorado, Jess comes clean about
a bag of meth she acts identally bought out a
garage sale, causing Schmidt to kiss Ceci. Yes, that's what
caused the Schmidt caused Nick to come clean about his
teenage erection. Demons and coach in search of a little
(01:13):
boy at a park, all in an attempt to keep
the cover up alive.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I love this episode. It's so it should be so problematic,
and somehow it's not. Jeane Yes. Genia's episode directed by
the great wonderfuller In Scafaria and written by the immensely
talented Rebecca Adamman. We're going to take a break and
then we're going to dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Okay, it seems as if we're back from a break.
So we promised the folks we would dive in.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
It seems like we're back. It's really funny. I just
watched like some of our I never really watch our stuff,
but I was just watch some of the clips of
like us doing this recording, and I realize that it
looks like I'm like reading a book while we're recording.
But it's because I see you're I'm like looking at
you and like where you are on my computer screen
(02:15):
is low, and so it's just like me sitting here,
sitting so I am now trying to like be aware
of the camera this many episodes in and left my
chin and my eyes upwards. But it's very weird. But
then I don't see you.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Wait, are you at the bottom or are you at
the top of your screen?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I'm at the top, ere at my bottom? Here at
my bottom.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
No, that's that's terrible, terrible. So because because I can
go like this and be looking down at you, we
could do it like.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Everybody.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
What was that video where Usher Usher was a good
big Usher thought he was in the middle of the screen,
and all these celebrities were like singing a song, and
Usher thought he was in the middle, so he kept
like looking down at people. But Usher was at the
bottom corner the whole video.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It's like eye lines, man, eye lines. Eyelines are very important.
All right, let's dive in. I love this episode so
much and the reason why and they even say it
in the episode. It's an all hands on deck New
Girl episode. It was a box episode, which means all
of us are basically in the loft together, which means
when we shot it, we were all there all week,
(03:21):
which was not common. Usually there's an A storyline, a
B storyline, a sea storyline. Maybe you work two days
or three days, or you're coming in when someone else
is leaving. But for this episode, we all got to
be together. And it was so absurd the episode that
we got to have so much fun with it. Something
about like the high stakes drama of it and getting
to feel anxious just made it silly. Damon's Damon's had
(03:51):
to go and do those are real?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Okickure?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
All right, okay, so let's start right from the top.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Okay, So Schmid's finding out you know, through reading text
on just his phone that sees you went on a date.
My favorite is when she says, why don't you just
go through my I'm looking at my phone. I just
go through my phone like you always do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
What I'm in the shower, you know that is primed
like sneaky phone checking time when the person's in the shower.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Is that when you do it.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
That's when I used to do it back in the day.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Now you do it just openly give me your phone
your phone.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
No, no, I don't have to do it anymore, thankfully,
But yes, when someone was in the shower, it was
always like do do You're like a little pink panther
being like I love that he knows it or she
knows that. That's when he does it. All right, Whinston
walks into the kitchen and let's all off know that
the academy is doing a background check on him today.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
That's right, very very outlet.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I'm all bit also unhinged and hysterical.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, before we get into that thought, this is what's
so crazy, is what I'm what I'm realizing about this
particular set of friends, mainly just Nick and Schmidt, and
now I'm a little bit, Coach, but Nick has done
this numerates, well, we've all kind of done it. We
have tried to sabotage the other person's employment, like we
(05:08):
don't all share all offt It's like you kind of want.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Us, you need my rent money for you to live here.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Like oh my god. Like the other episode with the
sponge and Nick is like intentionally sabotaging it. At least
in that episode, Coach and Winston were kind of trying.
They were just really bad at it. And this one
they're like, I don't care.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Maybe you won't have a job. We don't care. It's
a very weird thing. And then the the outlet mall. Yeah,
set up he has going on is hysterical. The legs,
the legs. First thing. I don't even know why it
was making me because I love an outlet mall, so
I was like actually taking notes. I thought it was great.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Never been to an outlet mall, I don't believe.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Really, I bet you you've been.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
You didn't know it, no, because I don't like I mean,
there were certain malls around my house growing up, and
certain malls that I went to. I don't ever remember.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
It's a grown up thing to do, though, wouldn't have
been you wouldn't have done it as a kid, That's
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
So as a grown up, quite positive, I've never been
to an Alcaba really. Yeah, what do you get at
alet mall? Just everything in bulk because it's like Costco
of malls.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
No, it's just everything cheap. You can go to like
any like high end designer store, but it's all like
fifty percent off.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Anna. You know me. You know I don't do anything cheap.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I like to pay full price for everything.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I know it looks like I only wear merch from
shows that I have been a part of. I know
it only looks that way, that's all.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Are you okay find me? Do you need me to
lend you some money?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, I'm trying to buy another house. I really need
the cat, all right.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
So just as this is an all hands on deck situation,
so they have to help. This is why you need
female friends. They have to help Winston pass his background
check because last time he handcuffed his cat to the
radiator and then lost the key.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, but in his defense, it was a Christmas card.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
And then this hysterical thing that comes to what Max
Greenfield does great, which is mispronounced names intentionally, just as
she's going to cancel her plans with CZ and she'll
get the download on Paul later, which of course sends
Schmidt into like a spiral about how weird the name Paul.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah. I remember when I was rewatching it, I missed
that first part and I had to go rewind. I
was like, what word is he trying to say? And
then I rememindered. I was like, oh, Schmidt, he's Paul.
I was like, it's like, but I love the fact
that I love this interaction about about Sergeant Dorado her name.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
That was that was like one of the that that
to me was one of my favorite, one of my
favorite lines to deliver ever period in my career. I
don't know why, but because the writers wrote so well
on this show, and so every once in a while
they would hit like a they would have like a
(08:12):
home run. All of them were like on bass, all
of them were like, you know, this one was like
a home run for me in my life because what
was the line? He's like, uh it sergeant held her out.
I appreciately call her, uh like the fish. What did
you say? Because she's because she they call her the
fish because she's like most fish I've interacted with. I'm like,
(08:34):
that is so stupid. It is so it is so dumb.
And the fact that and the fact that you then
have to go look at like you look back and
you go I wonder if Winston has been interacting with fish, Like.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
There's a lot of fish bits in this show, to
be fair. There's the lion fish. Yeah, fish, the aquarium.
They've done a lot of stuff with fish. Is fish
bit like the bears?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I hope.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
So then confesses that she's a little worried that the
police might go through a closet because she has been
storing a bag of math, and then she pulls out
I mean the largest bag of math. I think it's
ever been bagged.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
When Walter White couldn't handle that.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Then she tells them when she was getting waffles and
Antelope Valley. I love the detail. I love details so much.
I love specifics. She bought a footstool from her garage sale,
and when she opened up the top she found.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
The math, the method, famine, the fine.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
And so she's like, we can't tell Winston. We don't
want to freak him out. And then Winston comes in dressed,
by the way, very nicely and appropriately for his background check,
and so they immediately all of course start just jump on.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Him, just straying him. But Winston is such a sweetheart
that he takes it as a kind a kind gesture.
What do you say that you're like rubbing alcohol? You
you sting me in the now? Would you save me?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
And that was a great line too, and it was
also like, so Winston, Yeah, they're being so rude, and
he still finds a positive spin. It's so sweet because
they're being straight up disrespectful. He came back and he
(10:27):
found a ship that he wore on the lawn in front.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Of the line.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Thermal line also had me in stitches. They're just trying
to get rid of him. Basically, what they're trying to
do is they need Winston out of there so they
can deal with.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
The with the myth and fete ye. Fun fact, I've
never seen myth either.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I always this is maybe part of my naivete in
the world, But I'm like, how how would you? What
do you? How do you? You couldn't just walk down
the street and like, I don't even know, It's just
like how would you even see it or get it
if you wanted to. I'm not asking, by the way,
Please nobody tell me I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I just well, you can you can ask. You can
probably ask, like chat GPT how to make it?
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Can I make it from a scratch?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Abody?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
I know about as much about meth as Jessica Day does.
Let's just put it that way. Oh yeah, I'm so so.
Nick reiterates, he can't lie. It just makes him sweat.
He can't know where they hide the meth or he's
just gonna blurt it out. So just tells him to
close his eyes and sing Landslide, which wow, great song
(11:39):
Clearance by the way, because it is a phenomenal song.
Then she throws the bag of meth to Schmidt and
it explodes on.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
You know what I you know, I find interesting about these.
These are what I call TV moments, moments that you
have to play in the dumb of it all because
you can affect the storyline or you have to ride
the joke out. They're He's like, I can't look at
you put it in the trash because I want to
yell trash. I can't, he can't be We'll leave the
(12:09):
room walk away. I'm like, just go through while we
go handle this, and then you got it was so
funny to me. I'm like, oh, oh, this is a
TV moment.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, it's like logic to do a lot of really
really crazy slapsticky stuff. We did it from time to
time and it was amazing. But that moments like that
where you get to just be in the TV moment
of the dumbness is so fun where you don't have
to make it make sense. It's fine. Let him sing
Landslide with his eyes closed. Fine, let it explode all
(12:40):
over the place.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Fun fact, what is Landslide? Which song is that? Sings
that song?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Landslides? TV Nicks, I Fleetwood, Max sing Zip and then
the Chicks covered it and they did a really great cover.
It's kind of like, you know, getting older and being
a parent and life and relationships. It's really a beautiful,
beautiful song. You would do a great cover of it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I'm not a singer.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
You are a singer. We just opened this entire podcast
talking about you singing on the John Mulaney Show.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I had al and I still have it.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Well, you did a really good job.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
So there's no there's no proof.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
It's a beautiful song. I love it so beautiful. All right.
So in the elevator, Winston tells Dorado that their apartment
used to be a biscuit factory.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Wow, and this what does he say? That no one
told the rats? Is that residential?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Now? She tells her that she hates jokes, and then
he says, are you having a fun Saturday? It's so sad.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Because her bird died. Her bird died.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
She said, she's not because her bird died, which what eyes.
When I heard that, I was like, yes, yes, recognize
grieving for obscure pets. She is a day after auto
to grieve her birdie.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And I don't like the fact that you just call
birds obscure longer than us.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I'm just saying, it's not like there seems to be
a weird ranking, like if.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Someone's the pterodactyl. Consider the job these creatures. I'm sad, man.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You should start a side business where you are the
preacher at bird funerals. This is a great job for you.
You wear the bird shirt, you come out righteous, give
it to them.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
You gotta let him. So he's now soaring about the clouds.
This is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
All I'm doing is that you're like making money, money
making jobs for you printing.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
It, and and I appreciate it. Like I said, I
gotta get another home.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Just play like monopoly with these houses out there. Okay,
So she's having a bad day because her bird died.
She's not in the mood for any funny business. Unfortunately
for her, she's about to walk into apartment forty.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Boy.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, so in the living room, Dorado lets him know
she'll be asking the questions and in return, we'll expect
no questions. She offers up three fun personal facts. She
just wants this to be over. That's the thing that's hysterical,
and so do they. And yet somehow the gang just
managed to draw this out in the most painful way
for everybody.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, I believe you know what I blame for who
I blame for this? Nick and Jess, Sure I blame
them too, because she's freaking out over the First of all,
what she should have done a long time ago was
figure out what the f was in that that little
thing she had, that ottoman. She should have figured out
how a long time ago, right. And two, maybe when
Winston said that, oh you know, this is gonna happen.
She should have picked it up, walked it outside, checked
(16:01):
it in the trash. She said, have done something like that,
set it on a random corner. I don't care. But
she didn't, and then Nick is acting like a complete buffoon.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
But here's what I will say, because I do know
how when you don't know a lot about drugs or crime,
your brain only can pull from like procedurals on TV.
And so like I found a big bag of math,
I would probably be like, well, I don't want to
like go throw it in the garbage, because now my
fingerprints are on it, and they're gonna do like the
(16:31):
dusting thing, and then they're gonna think it's mine, and
then they're gonna find it in the train. And so
then you just almost get like paralyzed, and you go like,
I'll just keep it here in the closet. And who's
going in my closet anyway? Just me, So it's gonna
be fine. It's gonna be totally fine. Util a cop
box into your house and is like we're going through
your house, right, So did she didn't? I probably if
I'm trying to make this into like a real scenario,
(16:52):
you would just go like I don't know. I just
don't want to have this out in the world, my
fingerprints on it. Well, even the best ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Well, if you're watching the these procedurals, you would know
how to clean up a crime scene.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
But on gloves.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Put on gloves, wash the outside of the bag, and
then proceed to take the bag outside.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
It's true, all right, So Dorado says, introduce yourself. Nick
Media introduces himself, but cannot get his full name out
because he's an idiot. Then a bag of meth falls
out of Jess's bra She's got these huge boobs, meth boobs.
(17:30):
And then Cec comes barreling and asking about the meth,
and before she can get the word out and blow
up their entire spot, Schmidt takes the opportunity to silence.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Her with a mouthphone mouth, little mouthphone mouth action.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And then he says, this is my girlfriend and whispers
to Ceci, like go along with this or just goes
to jail. And I got a hand to Ceci, man,
this is what I've always said about like this character
and why I've loved it so much. She is the
most solid best friend in the world because she knows
her ex boyfriend is taking a lipper tea right now.
But if what he's saying is true, she's not going
(18:09):
to hang a girl at.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
A dry right, although we do reveal later on that
she was into it.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That's true, that's true, She's it's not the worst thing
that's happened in her day. The cutest is Winston being like, yay,
I've shipped you guys for years. This is the greatest
thing ever. And not because he's unaware of what's happening.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What do you just say? You can't put Peter, butter
and Jelly on the same shelf and expect them not
to mix.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
So why do you got to eat a Sandwich's a
classic Winston line.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Oh man, And so then you know Dorado. She's asking
just why she thinks Winston would make a great officer.
Before she could answer, uh, who is, the pats are
on the back, causing the though meth to move around
and mush around in her braw and so she has
to go to the bath through, and of course Winston
would follow her to the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Of course he would this episode, of course he would.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Oh my god, oh no.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
This part when she asks Nick and Nick explains why
Winston would make a good cop to a lady cop. Yes,
Lil Wayne will say to the lady cop because there.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Was great mustache. All cops have great mustaches, not the ladies,
but they could have they walked to I think there
would be six. It's too much nothing.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I like veteran. It's my favorite version of Nick Miller
is the stressed, sweaty, bad lying Nick Miller. It's my
absolute favorite.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Oh or when he stutters when he said he wants
to He's like, can I shove a grape in your mind?
Can I put a grape? Can I ha a grape
in your mouth?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
So then Coach and Schmid of course do the most
by making up a lie about all the work Winston
does for the community at the Boys and Girls Club
with his little brother to Kwine.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But so it was supposed to be Wan and yeah uh.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
And what was the other one that I don't know,
but it was the two names become.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Da Quan, Yeah, da Quan, which was so funny because
Daquan is also the name of like a very popular
I'm not sure if it still is a popular I
g account with all these memes and stuff like that
on it. And we used to always do bits on
New Girl about names that start with D and then apostrophe,
So we would always go like da Quan DeMarcus, like
we would always say, and we would always even when
(20:30):
Justin Long was on the show, he would say, like
the apostrophe. It was always that, even though it's spelled
a little bit differently. It's funny that Da Kwan is
what came out of it, and.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Now they have to go and produced Quan, which is amazing.
How are they going to get this child?
Speaker 2 (20:55):
We get there when we get there.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
We'll get there when we get there. I don't even
know how standards and practices like navigated what Damon was
allowed to do or say in the park scene, but
we'll get there when we get there.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
So in the hallway, Winston asks about why Jess Breast
looks so large. She says it's because of her cycle,
which catches Winston off guard because his calendar on her
cycle must be way off. Also absolutely insane that he's
got a calendar, also insane. But I will say it
(21:27):
feels like Winston was ahead of his time to sit
there and be like tracking her cycle to know like
how to help support her probably that's very fine.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I think this goes back to Mensies. Was Mensies before
this or after this? Before before this goes back to
Mensies when they were like Trent, when Winston was like,
you know, feeling like he was on her cycle. Yeah,
he's thinking, yeah, and so maybe he just kept it.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
It's still he still has this period every single month.
What Dorado says she's gonna follow up with the Boys
and Girls Club, coach stops her and makes it alive
that the Kwan Feldman always comes to spend his Saturdays
at the loft, which is today, and he's gonna leave
and go get him.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I love the fact though, that she wasn't just letting
it go. It was like, yeah, who is he? Who
is the quand oh from this place? Where is he
on Saturdays? Why is he not here? Is She's just
like like, damn, maybe he's supposed to come at night.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
You leave it alone.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
So now he has to go out there and hunt.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
He has to go out and find a child. All right,
we're gonna go to break and then we will be there.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Oh man, okay, we are back. We are back.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
This episode the reason I loved I love shooting this episode.
I remember it so vividly, and I loved rewatching it
is that it's a train, right, It's just one of
those episodes where there's no like lull in the joke
or the laugh or the like or the stakes of
the thing. So just an a storyline, that's all you're getting.
You're getting one story going full force and it just
(23:20):
keeps building in its absurdity. It's so good. We did
a few like this, but this one was my favorite. Okay.
So Doradi goes into Nick's room and another Nick Miller
bit his back sweat and slash heart attack. Basically, what's
happening to this man is obviously going to give something away,
so he puts on the chemoo.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
To hide his back sweat slash heart attack that he's having. Yeah,
you go back in the bathroom. Now the toilet is
overflowing because they're shoving literal rocks.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, they're shoving rocks. They don't know this, but they're
shoving rocks.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, and it won't flush.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
And Winstead asked Nick, because at this point, you know
there's something happening, right, Dorado can hear it? That's clanging?
Goes it's clanging, and and they leave to go figure
this thing out, and Nick Moon walks out of the room,
which lets Winston know there's something going down. I love
(24:22):
that when Schmid barges into the bathroom to figure this
out with you guys, he just takes his shirt off.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
All the stuff he does around CC is so unhinged
and so funny that he's got to rip his shirt off.
It also reminds me of, like we would talk about
it a lot, just kind of like the built in
pressure that kind of existed for Max and for myself
for a few seasons where because we were just always
i don't know, taking our shirt off, and so you
(24:51):
were trying to like be fit all the time because
you just didn't know if a script was going to
be like now he rips his shirt off to clean
up what meth like, nobody says that coming.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I'm glad I didn't have to do that. I am.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
So you didn't have a lot of topless scenes.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
A few, not a few.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I feel like everybody got a sprinkle, but Max got
it a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, that's that's what he gets.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
That's what he gets.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
That's what he gets.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Okay, So Whinston discovers the math that just tries to
tell him it's legal medical myth for her cramps, which
I mean, amazing use for math, if that's what it
could be used for.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I don't know. Let's ask let's go to the comments.
Let's ask the fans out there. Have you ever used
meth for cramps?
Speaker 1 (25:35):
If so, have you ever been on your period? And
the greatest pain killer was math? And then how did
that work for you?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
What did the police say? How long are you.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
I only use it once a month?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, for about four days.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Back in the Roomnke is alone with Doronto, which, as
we know, is a terrible situation. He's sweating profusely. He
starts to sing Landslide, his version all made up with us.
She says, his body looks like he's crying, and what
is he hiding? And then that unleashes the wildest Nick
Miller rant maybe in the show's history. The things. He
(26:14):
starts to confess slowly to Dorado.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah, like, what did you say? I once thought, when
I was sixteen, I think I can get a direction anymore?
I thought I was. I thought it was dead to
look on his face when he goes, but it wasn't.
It was so perfect, was so perfect.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
When he was thirteen, he he'd loved himself behind a
post office. Then comes the scene that we have been discussing,
which again I don't know how standards and practices in
the legal department at Fox helped them navigate. Coach pulling
up to basketball courts at the park and trying to
(26:58):
explain to young boys why he needs them, wow, just
for a short period of time to get in his car.
And it's the funniest that, of course it'd be Damon
that's playing coach sent out on this mission, who is
like the most upstanding, wonderful father to like a bunch
of kids.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
He got thirteen kids.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
And then he's gets written this thing where he's got
to go and pick a kid up from the park.
And they had to dance that line so finely, and
somehow it works. Somehow it's not like inappropriate or not funny.
They just managed to sell it enough. And I always
say that's the magic I feel like of Damon Wayne's
(27:39):
junior man, there's just something where you watch him and
he can just get away with some stuff because you
know he's like good hearted.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
He I man, he has written some of the funniest,
most disturbing tweets I have ever. They're so funny and
like and it, but it's him, so you're like, you
just gotta laugh at it. And one of his tweets
a long time ago was like I forget what it was.
It was like real men ship standing up. Oh that's right.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I remember that he was unhinted on Twitter. That's for
sure when Twitter was a thing.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Oh man, so good, so funny sez.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
He then decides to totally mess with Schmidt because he's
kind of been messing with her a little bit, and
says that the Paul is Mark Paul Gossler. Did you
know that was like Gussier back in the day, Gosza
Morris Zack Morris though, which of course sends him into
(28:45):
a spiral because no one worships Sachamorris more than Schmidt,
which she would have known, so she used it just
to kind of make him lose his ever loving mind,
and then she reveals that she's teasing him, and it's
a very sweet little moment and between our little Schmidt
and Ceci that are trying to rebuild after the Elizabeth debacle,
(29:08):
so oh yes, it's a really cute moment of connection
of them just messing with each other and being able
to take it and finding like the joke in it,
and it's very sweet. I remember doing it. It was
a very sweet little moment. It was always so easy
with Max.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
And I love the fact that right afterwards we cut
back to Nick continuously continuing to spew out all of
his secrets.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
What does he say, uh, the blemons in his mother's
mouth when she's sleeping. What are you doing? Because this
is the stuff, you know, all this stuff came from
the writer's room, and they were all real things that
people probably confessed about, like being young and like what
felt like high stake secrets at the time that you've
just carried around in the back of your brain for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Oh my god, putting a lemon in your mouth, that's
I don't know why, that's that's weird. That's weird. Bro
was a corner flakes would feed corn flakes of certain
animals and some of them would die.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
So's so terrible. Oh God, like that the sign of
like a serial killer?
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I cut If we ever
do this reunion that you know that twentieth is talking about,
They're trying to they're trying to get it done. Now
they're still negotiating with Jake Johnson on his fee. But
if we ever get that off the ground, I do
believe Nick would be the whole the whole, the whole
season would be about trying to get him out of
prison because of a series of bodies out of a cup.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Bines they we're going to find out in the New
Girl Freezer. I will say this, I've always thought it's
a real pie in the sky thing that there would
ever be a reunion. And I don't know why. Last week,
out of nowhere, I was like, I think we're gonna
do one one day. I think it's going to happen.
We all are so genuinely close, we all are such
genuine friends. The fan base is still there, thanks guys,
(30:57):
And I'm like, yeah, there's a little life in it
left that could be kind of fun.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Yeah, I think so. I think. I mean, listen, I like,
I've always said I'd totally be down for it, but
you know, I was going to be honest about it.
I don't think they're going to do it.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
You don't think they'll ever do it. It would all
be Liz. It would have to be Liz being like, hey,
guys want to get back together.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Liz is making hit after hit, hit after hit. She's like,
you know, she she ain't got the time.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Maybe if it's like a Golden Girls version, we do
it in like forty years, we're all sitting on the couch.
I don't mind grandparents in it, all right. So Winston
asked Jess why she hid the math from him, and
Jess says she didn't come to Winston because she didn't
think he'd make it as a cop, which is brutal.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Which is brutal because he doesn't think it all because
now it's kind of it's kind of it's kind of
out there that everybody, like, no one thought he was
able to do. No one believed in him in this one,
in this moment. But he's going to do the right thing,
which is what he always does. Yeah, you know what,
I'm gonna say, it's mine, So I'm not gonna get
the job anyway. I don't want you to lose your job.
And you know, so, uh, Winston and Jess are about
(32:11):
to go and like do the thing, and right as
he's about to do it, she says no and then
puts herself out there and does this whole ordeal about
how she's about how it's her meth and that wins
to and make a great cop. Although when she said
it in that moment, I don't believe it. You're literally
(32:33):
thirty seconds ago just told me you didn't believe it.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
It's a big one eighty.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
It's say a huge one eighth. Dorado says she's gonna
go to the bathroom, she's gonna have a look around,
and she wants them to stay put, don't move, don't
think about moving. If you if you think about anything,
it better be about not moving.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
She goes full mom on them, and it's so great, full.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Mom and I'm shocked they stayed because when I go
full mom on Lily, you're too nice of a mom.
Tone down, I would get in the tone, but she
just she know me, like she's just like, what a joke.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
She's also a woman and you're a man. Yeah, you
have no chance. You're helpless.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I know, yeah, I know. She's too cute. Oh my god,
is this why Dad's leave?
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Nobody respects me? Okay, So Winston always had visions of
a partner named Robertson slept with his wife.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I mean, this was his imagination.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
This was like wild what he daydreams about.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Well, listen, you gotta think about the whole thing. You
got to map out everything, because what's going to happen
if Robertson shows up and his wife is bad and
she's given you the eye and then Robertson's always hot
on the case so he never got time to be
hod on his wife's hands.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I like that you are also spending time thinking about this.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
This is not just a witch thing. She gotta be
taken care of.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Bring up. Nick says, for whatever it's worth, he kept
a secret. I like how he's trying to make this
about him. Schmid apologizes to Cec for kissing her, and
Cec admits that she may have kissed him a little too.
Another cute little building block and getting these two back together,
which apparently Winston is very invested in. Nick tell just
(34:29):
teels Nig to live his life while she's in prison.
Just Dourrado comes in to this true gang of idiots yes.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
And says, uh gang, this ain't no myth uh an
aquarium rocks.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
He all is dumb as rocks.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Even Just still thinks that's the street name for it.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
So invested in the lies she's been telling herself for
so long. And then Doroto does the most wonderful thing.
She goes Winston, you pass the background check because you
are one of the best cadets that we have.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
That's right. There's something about being a grown man and
they call you a cadet. I don't know why. I
don't like it feels weird. It feels like a cadet,
feels like a kid.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Like a child does feel like a kid.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Maybe Whiston just joined the police too late.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
It's twenty years behind everybody else. Yeah, of course he's
the best. He's a grown man, children's that's right.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
He's a cat.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
We wonder why he's so good. He can tie his
own shoelaces.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
This man is an elder. Dorado also tells him to
move out of the law.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
This is sound advice. This is sound advice.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I love that he's still compacts to electrical socket electrical
socket to try to make life.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
He can't stop telling the truth. It's also hysterical. But
he did keep the one truth a secret, so he's
not wrong. But I guess if that's your coping mechanism,
is that your body feels compelled to tell the truth
and now everybody knows all this embarrassing stuff about you.
To let you hold onto the one thing it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
I tell everything else. And then Coach, I love this part,
and it's like it's over right. The day is saved.
We figured it out. Everything's fine. And then Coach comes
in at the best time with a grown man with
the I think Marcus Ray is his name. He's so funny.
This dude, this dude comes in and kills it. He
(36:32):
is Kwan. He just calls wiss.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
He absolutely kills it. And then the romantic like romance
moment between Coach and.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
De Kwan Yes with their love of outlet malls is
like a.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Chef's kiss of a button that they made it work.
The most problematic, uncomfortable thing turns out to just be
a grown man romance of the outlet thing that they
started at the beginning of the episode. One of the
best written episodes where they managed to tie every single
thing up, Like Winston gets his flowers based on his
own merit, Nick gets to like keep his secret, you
(37:11):
get to see you know, you see, and Schmidt have
this moment where you know, oh, they're going to get
back together, like we're on this track now, which always
felt good to the audience. All of it is just
I don't know, it's just one of the best episodes,
and it was so fun to shoot because we all
just got to run around and be like in a
Benny Hill sketch for five days. Yes, that's right. Oh
(37:34):
I loved background check.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Oh yes, oh yes, we'll be right back. Let's talk
more about it. Ed we are back, Hey babe, yeah, babe,
let's mess around. A little come on question for you.
(37:58):
Where would you have hit myth if you only had
a few minutes before the police arrived.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Well, I just would like to say this because I'm discussing,
like I don't know what, Like, if meth looks like
huge aquarium rocks, it would feel insane, you do think
because of movies. Oh, we flush it down the toilet.
You do think that. And then if they're like rocks,
that's a problem. The other thing you learn from movies
is to put it in like the you take the
(38:24):
top of the back of the toilet off.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Uh yeah, but the police know that they see movies too.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
This is what I would do, though I wouldn't know.
I wouldn't think of any I wouldn't know what to do.
If it's a few minutes, I would assume just get
it out, like out of the house, somewhere, hide it
somewhere behind a plant or something.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
You know what I would do if if you would
do it, I would snort all the myth or smoke it. No,
what you do is and this is simple. This is
just for all those people out there. This is very simple.
You put it in and they could have easily figured
out it wasn't method. They would have just done this method.
They take a blender, right, you fill the blender half
(39:02):
with water, and you bore some of the meth in there,
and you throw some like oranges in there, and you blend.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
It up creatine protein powder, and you.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Blend them all up in the thing and just leave
that in the fridge or right there on the countertop.
Everybody knows, don't drink it. Everybody knows that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Feels very white. This is how they almost all died
in white lotus.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Almost the dad was on some shady stuff. He didn't
tell them. But this time you're telling the family, hey,
this will kill you or get you real hot. Don't
don't mess with this. And the police come in. They
search the old house. I'm not going to check the smoothie.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Very good?
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Actually, yeah, you blended it all up. They're not going
to do that.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
What if they go, oh, you just make the smoothie.
So yeah, they're like, oh, could I have some?
Speaker 2 (39:45):
You're gonna be like, no, it's from my cramps. I
got special supplements.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
I'm a man on my period. This is a cramp
smoothie officer.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Oh my gosh, this is how I take my dementsion medication.
I blend it up.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
You don't want these falling apart at the end. But
I do like the idea of the smoothie though. It's
giving me a White Lotus moment where you just spend
sticket in the sink and then like someone comes along
and it's like that was the part of White Lotus
that bug me by the way, that crusty, dirty like
smoothie thing like you would.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah, you don't wash it out, bro, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
It was a very weird choice.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Listen. I like Mike White, I don't like him that
much because he hasn't put me in White Lotus.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
You know you're gonna be in White Lotus next season.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
There's no way these stories are mostly about white families.
The main there's there's one black person and then maybe
her son shows up.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
You could have been her son.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I mean, I'm just saying no, I'm the same age
as as woman talking about I'm not even convinced that
kid was young enough to be her son.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I would just like to remind you that I shot
a pilot, okay, or Elizabeth Hurley was my mom. All
things are possible in television, okay. Because the most gorgeous,
beautiful woman who definitely looks younger than I played her daughter.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
It is crazy. By the way, I've never in my
entire life, and we all know the Prince story, but
I've never in my entire life felt more flattered than
when they cast me as Elizabeth Hurley's daughter. On every level,
it hit as the greatest compliment of my life. I
love her so much. I love you so much, Elizabeth Hurley,
(41:37):
I love you.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
I love you too. Call me. Okay.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
This was essentially a job interview for Winston Gone Wrong.
What's the worst job interview you've ever had? I know mine?
Speaker 2 (41:50):
You know yours? Yeah, I mean I can tell you
mine mine. I can't. I never had a bad actual
job interview, you know, when you go in and you
try to apply for something, you get applicated. I've never
had a bad one of those, Like I've if I applied,
I got the job. What it was. I look at
acting as you know, auditions as job interviews.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
Oh God, if you're opening that door, then I've got
a bunch.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Well, I got a few. I there's one that my
ego got in the way. It was recently I had
to audition for this is the other day for an
m Night Shyamalan film. Yeah, and it pissed me off
so much that I had to read and this is
just this is what I say ego because it wasn't
that big of it was. It was like you know
(42:32):
when you're fresh off on like a big award and
you're like, oh, maybe they should make it offer. It's
like no, they're like, you still have to put yourself
on tape. And when they were like you gotta put
yourself on tape, I was like, well, what's the turnaround
on this going to be? Like I'll do it, I'll
figure it out. I was sick at the time. I
was like, Okay, let me put this tape together. And
I don't think it was the best tape. But I
was like, Okay, you know what, is there a way
(42:53):
that I could just have a meeting with M Night Shaman?
And they were like, no, you don't want to meet
with you, And I was like kidding me, you gotta
be kidding me. So so it wasn't that the tape
was probably bad. I don't know if it was good enough.
I didn't get it. But it was also the whole
energy around it which made me so just like pissed
(43:14):
off and you just.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Got all in your own way. Do you remember that
you and I hung out with M. Night?
Speaker 2 (43:21):
I never hung out with them.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
With me When in New York we went to an
after party at Upfronts in New York. I don't remember
what hotel we were at. Where at the bar? He
was there with something with the show, and we were
at the bar together chatting with M. Knight for like
a bunch of the night.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Well, he don't give a shit about.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
He's like, I've already met this man, I've already had
a meeting with him. He was lovely. We hung out
at the bar and chatted all night, and.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
He just gave the role to a British guy.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
It's like.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
The Brits, they just they just take over, don't they.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Yeah, No, I never hung out with him.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Well, well listen, Hannah, you call.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Him and be like, you made a mistake, but no problem,
I'll make that.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
But but my real one. I auditioned for Chuck Lourie
once for Mike and Molly. I want to say that
show Mike and Molly, and I had the worst audition
of my life. It was just it was so bad
that when I walked out of the audition my agent
was calling me. By the time I got to my car,
my agent had called me and was like, what happened.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
I was like, are you unwell? I was like, I'm
so say.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I didn't know what happened. I just you know what
it is. I never look people up. I never look
up who they are, what they look like. So when
people are in a room, I'm not phased by it.
Like I'm not phased by it. This was the first
time I said, you know what, I know Chuck Laurie.
Obviously the name you watch TV shows, the name is
behind all of them. So I just googled what Chuck
Laurie looked like, and I was like, oh, that's Chuck
(44:53):
lry Okay. I go into the audition. First person I
see is Chuck Laurie and he couldn't have been nicer.
Hey man, And I was like, hey man, and I bombed.
First line out of my mouth was the incorrect line,
and I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (45:09):
It is amazing when you think back to auditions, because
I remember for Hunger Games they brought me in. This
was a billion years ago. And I went in and
I had the worst day ever. I think i'd like
broken up with my boyfriend. It was just like a
really bad day. It was a super early audition. Sorry, yeah, yeah,
god God, I don't think we can make that joke any.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Yeah, pick anybody else, it's yay. Now.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
I feel like I walked in and it was just
one of those things. It's exactly what you just said.
The first line came out wrong, and then I had
so much other just life stuff happening that then you
know when you like fully disassociate. So I was out
of my body.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
So there's this girl just sitting there saying stuff. Now
I don't know what she's doing, and I'm fully just like,
I gotta get out of this room. I think I
did a full this is association and it was the
worst audition. I could not could not remember a line.
And I will say it's the one thing I know
since I've been young, is like a natural gift I have.
I can memorize anything. You can give me a book
(46:15):
and give me like a day, I will memorize the book.
I don't have an issue with memorizing words. But my
brain just WoT for like a hard no. It was like,
we cannot do one more thing today. I remember that
and it was just it was awful, And I remember
the casting director kind of looked at me like, are
you like what happened? Where did you go? Basically up soul? Sorry, yes,
(46:37):
you're right, I did fully leave. That was a.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Dark place.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
I went to a dark place. I know what a
mistake hunger game, that was huge. I should have I
should have gotten over that ex boyfriend way quicker work
life all right. Last thing, how do you think Jess
would have made out if she did go to jail?
Speaker 2 (47:03):
She would have been fine.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
She would have been a star inmate.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
They'd have loved her, They would they would have liked
Some people would have tried to take advantage and initially,
but she would have been so genuine that people would
have been like, huh.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
She would have croucheted them, you know, blankets and make
little tea corners and she would have It would have
been a very sweet experience. I think she would have
been Okay, yeah, oh yeah, we're not concerned. Send her
friend to jail. She would have been great, Bye, You're
going to have a great time.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
She comes out with tattoos on her face. She comes
up part of the area nation.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
So what we're saying is for the reunion. So Jess
has got like tattoos, comes out of heart, and criminal
Nick is going down for being a serial killer. We're
really pitching, Liz. We got some ideas.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
Yeah, I think those work fans let us know us
would have made out in prison.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Um, all right, everybody. One of my favorite favorite episodes
of all time. It was so fun to rewatch. I
forgot how good it was. Cleo King, he's the queen Man.
She was amazing.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Marcus Ray is de Kwan so funny, so great. Yeah, Hey, guys, listen,
thank you for listening. Make sure you follow us on
ig at the mess Around pod. You know, if you're
on YouTube, hit that notification, bell like it, subscribe, do
all those fun things that people do. When you do that,
it helps us out. We love you bye.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
That was the mess around in iHeartMedia production.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Our executive producer is Joel Monique. Our senior producer is
Abu Zafar Bei Wang provided engineering and editing services.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Shevron.
Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Catch you next time. Bye,
I just have to say I have been waiting a very, very,
very very long time for us to do this particular
recap because really, it's honestly one of my favorite episodes.
Am for Really, Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
That's interesting. Is the worst for me?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Was the worst for you?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hannah? Relax, I'm joking.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Okay, all right, I got so sad. I was like,
what happened that I didn't know? Anyway, I can't wait
to get into this episode. It is episode four oh six.
Background check, Okay, run it down?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Okay. So in this episode, as Winston prepares for a
vital home visit from Sergeant Dorado, Jess comes clean about
a bag of meth she acts identally bought out a
garage sale, causing Schmidt to kiss Ceci. Yes, that's what
caused the Schmidt caused Nick to come clean about his
teenage erection. Demons and coach in search of a little
(01:13):
boy at a park, all in an attempt to keep
the cover up alive.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I love this episode. It's so it should be so problematic,
and somehow it's not. Jeane Yes. Genia's episode directed by
the great wonderfuller In Scafaria and written by the immensely
talented Rebecca Adamman. We're going to take a break and
then we're going to dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Okay, it seems as if we're back from a break.
So we promised the folks we would dive in.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
It seems like we're back. It's really funny. I just
watched like some of our I never really watch our stuff,
but I was just watch some of the clips of
like us doing this recording, and I realize that it
looks like I'm like reading a book while we're recording.
But it's because I see you're I'm like looking at
you and like where you are on my computer screen
(02:15):
is low, and so it's just like me sitting here,
sitting so I am now trying to like be aware
of the camera this many episodes in and left my
chin and my eyes upwards. But it's very weird. But
then I don't see you.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Wait, are you at the bottom or are you at
the top of your screen?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
I'm at the top, ere at my bottom? Here at
my bottom.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
No, that's that's terrible, terrible. So because because I can
go like this and be looking down at you, we
could do it like.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Everybody.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
What was that video where Usher Usher was a good
big Usher thought he was in the middle of the screen,
and all these celebrities were like singing a song, and
Usher thought he was in the middle, so he kept
like looking down at people. But Usher was at the
bottom corner the whole video.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It's like eye lines, man, eye lines. Eyelines are very important.
All right, let's dive in. I love this episode so
much and the reason why and they even say it
in the episode. It's an all hands on deck New
Girl episode. It was a box episode, which means all
of us are basically in the loft together, which means
when we shot it, we were all there all week,
(03:21):
which was not common. Usually there's an A storyline, a
B storyline, a sea storyline. Maybe you work two days
or three days, or you're coming in when someone else
is leaving. But for this episode, we all got to
be together. And it was so absurd the episode that
we got to have so much fun with it. Something
about like the high stakes drama of it and getting
to feel anxious just made it silly. Damon's Damon's had
(03:51):
to go and do those are real?
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Okickure?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
All right, okay, so let's start right from the top.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Okay, So Schmid's finding out you know, through reading text
on just his phone that sees you went on a date.
My favorite is when she says, why don't you just
go through my I'm looking at my phone. I just
go through my phone like you always do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
What I'm in the shower, you know that is primed
like sneaky phone checking time when the person's in the shower.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Is that when you do it.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
That's when I used to do it back in the day.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Now you do it just openly give me your phone
your phone.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
No, no, I don't have to do it anymore, thankfully,
But yes, when someone was in the shower, it was
always like do do You're like a little pink panther
being like I love that he knows it or she
knows that. That's when he does it. All right, Whinston
walks into the kitchen and let's all off know that
the academy is doing a background check on him today.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
That's right, very very outlet.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I'm all bit also unhinged and hysterical.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, before we get into that thought, this is what's
so crazy, is what I'm what I'm realizing about this
particular set of friends, mainly just Nick and Schmidt, and
now I'm a little bit, Coach, but Nick has done
this numerates, well, we've all kind of done it. We
have tried to sabotage the other person's employment, like we
(05:08):
don't all share all offt It's like you kind of want.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Us, you need my rent money for you to live here.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Like oh my god. Like the other episode with the
sponge and Nick is like intentionally sabotaging it. At least
in that episode, Coach and Winston were kind of trying.
They were just really bad at it. And this one
they're like, I don't care.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Maybe you won't have a job. We don't care. It's
a very weird thing. And then the the outlet mall. Yeah,
set up he has going on is hysterical. The legs,
the legs. First thing. I don't even know why it
was making me because I love an outlet mall, so
I was like actually taking notes. I thought it was great.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Never been to an outlet mall, I don't believe.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Really, I bet you you've been.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
You didn't know it, no, because I don't like I mean,
there were certain malls around my house growing up, and
certain malls that I went to. I don't ever remember.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
It's a grown up thing to do, though, wouldn't have
been you wouldn't have done it as a kid, That's
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
So as a grown up, quite positive, I've never been
to an Alcaba really. Yeah, what do you get at
alet mall? Just everything in bulk because it's like Costco
of malls.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
No, it's just everything cheap. You can go to like
any like high end designer store, but it's all like
fifty percent off.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Anna. You know me. You know I don't do anything cheap.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I like to pay full price for everything.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I know it looks like I only wear merch from
shows that I have been a part of. I know
it only looks that way, that's all.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Are you okay find me? Do you need me to
lend you some money?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, I'm trying to buy another house. I really need
the cat, all right.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
So just as this is an all hands on deck situation,
so they have to help. This is why you need
female friends. They have to help Winston pass his background
check because last time he handcuffed his cat to the
radiator and then lost the key.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Yeah, but in his defense, it was a Christmas card.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
And then this hysterical thing that comes to what Max
Greenfield does great, which is mispronounced names intentionally, just as
she's going to cancel her plans with CZ and she'll
get the download on Paul later, which of course sends
Schmidt into like a spiral about how weird the name Paul.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yeah. I remember when I was rewatching it, I missed
that first part and I had to go rewind. I
was like, what word is he trying to say? And
then I rememindered. I was like, oh, Schmidt, he's Paul.
I was like, it's like, but I love the fact
that I love this interaction about about Sergeant Dorado her name.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
That was that was like one of the that that
to me was one of my favorite, one of my
favorite lines to deliver ever period in my career. I
don't know why, but because the writers wrote so well
on this show, and so every once in a while
they would hit like a they would have like a
(08:12):
home run. All of them were like on bass, all
of them were like, you know, this one was like
a home run for me in my life because what
was the line? He's like, uh it sergeant held her out.
I appreciately call her, uh like the fish. What did
you say? Because she's because she they call her the
fish because she's like most fish I've interacted with. I'm like,
(08:34):
that is so stupid. It is so it is so dumb.
And the fact that and the fact that you then
have to go look at like you look back and
you go I wonder if Winston has been interacting with fish, Like.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
There's a lot of fish bits in this show, to
be fair. There's the lion fish. Yeah, fish, the aquarium.
They've done a lot of stuff with fish. Is fish
bit like the bears?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I hope.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
So then confesses that she's a little worried that the
police might go through a closet because she has been
storing a bag of math, and then she pulls out
I mean the largest bag of math. I think it's
ever been bagged.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
When Walter White couldn't handle that.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Then she tells them when she was getting waffles and
Antelope Valley. I love the detail. I love details so much.
I love specifics. She bought a footstool from her garage sale,
and when she opened up the top she found.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
The math, the method, famine, the fine.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
And so she's like, we can't tell Winston. We don't
want to freak him out. And then Winston comes in dressed,
by the way, very nicely and appropriately for his background check,
and so they immediately all of course start just jump on.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Him, just straying him. But Winston is such a sweetheart
that he takes it as a kind a kind gesture.
What do you say that you're like rubbing alcohol? You
you sting me in the now? Would you save me?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
And that was a great line too, and it was
also like, so Winston, Yeah, they're being so rude, and
he still finds a positive spin. It's so sweet because
they're being straight up disrespectful. He came back and he
(10:27):
found a ship that he wore on the lawn in front.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
Of the line.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Thermal line also had me in stitches. They're just trying
to get rid of him. Basically, what they're trying to
do is they need Winston out of there so they
can deal with.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
The with the myth and fete ye. Fun fact, I've
never seen myth either.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I always this is maybe part of my naivete in
the world, But I'm like, how how would you? What
do you? How do you? You couldn't just walk down
the street and like, I don't even know, It's just
like how would you even see it or get it
if you wanted to. I'm not asking, by the way,
Please nobody tell me I'm not interested.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I just well, you can you can ask. You can
probably ask, like chat GPT how to make it?
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Can I make it from a scratch?
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Abody?
Speaker 1 (11:18):
I know about as much about meth as Jessica Day does.
Let's just put it that way. Oh yeah, I'm so so.
Nick reiterates, he can't lie. It just makes him sweat.
He can't know where they hide the meth or he's
just gonna blurt it out. So just tells him to
close his eyes and sing Landslide, which wow, great song
(11:39):
Clearance by the way, because it is a phenomenal song.
Then she throws the bag of meth to Schmidt and
it explodes on.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
You know what I you know, I find interesting about these.
These are what I call TV moments, moments that you
have to play in the dumb of it all because
you can affect the storyline or you have to ride
the joke out. They're He's like, I can't look at
you put it in the trash because I want to
yell trash. I can't, he can't be We'll leave the
(12:09):
room walk away. I'm like, just go through while we
go handle this, and then you got it was so
funny to me. I'm like, oh, oh, this is a
TV moment.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Yeah, it's like logic to do a lot of really
really crazy slapsticky stuff. We did it from time to
time and it was amazing. But that moments like that
where you get to just be in the TV moment
of the dumbness is so fun where you don't have
to make it make sense. It's fine. Let him sing
Landslide with his eyes closed. Fine, let it explode all
(12:40):
over the place.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Fun fact, what is Landslide? Which song is that? Sings
that song?
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Landslides? TV Nicks, I Fleetwood, Max sing Zip and then
the Chicks covered it and they did a really great cover.
It's kind of like, you know, getting older and being
a parent and life and relationships. It's really a beautiful,
beautiful song. You would do a great cover of it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I'm not a singer.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
You are a singer. We just opened this entire podcast
talking about you singing on the John Mulaney Show.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I had al and I still have it.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Well, you did a really good job.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
So there's no there's no proof.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
It's a beautiful song. I love it so beautiful. All right.
So in the elevator, Winston tells Dorado that their apartment
used to be a biscuit factory.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Wow, and this what does he say? That no one
told the rats? Is that residential?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Now? She tells her that she hates jokes, and then
he says, are you having a fun Saturday? It's so sad.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Because her bird died. Her bird died.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
She said, she's not because her bird died, which what eyes.
When I heard that, I was like, yes, yes, recognize
grieving for obscure pets. She is a day after auto
to grieve her birdie.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And I don't like the fact that you just call
birds obscure longer than us.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I'm just saying, it's not like there seems to be
a weird ranking, like if.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Someone's the pterodactyl. Consider the job these creatures. I'm sad, man.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You should start a side business where you are the
preacher at bird funerals. This is a great job for you.
You wear the bird shirt, you come out righteous, give
it to them.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
You gotta let him. So he's now soaring about the clouds.
This is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
All I'm doing is that you're like making money, money
making jobs for you printing.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
It, and and I appreciate it. Like I said, I
gotta get another home.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Just play like monopoly with these houses out there. Okay,
So she's having a bad day because her bird died.
She's not in the mood for any funny business. Unfortunately
for her, she's about to walk into apartment forty.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Boy.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Yeah, so in the living room, Dorado lets him know
she'll be asking the questions and in return, we'll expect
no questions. She offers up three fun personal facts. She
just wants this to be over. That's the thing that's hysterical,
and so do they. And yet somehow the gang just
managed to draw this out in the most painful way
for everybody.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Yeah, I believe you know what I blame for who
I blame for this? Nick and Jess, Sure I blame
them too, because she's freaking out over the First of all,
what she should have done a long time ago was
figure out what the f was in that that little
thing she had, that ottoman. She should have figured out
how a long time ago, right. And two, maybe when
Winston said that, oh you know, this is gonna happen.
She should have picked it up, walked it outside, checked
(16:01):
it in the trash. She said, have done something like that,
set it on a random corner. I don't care. But
she didn't, and then Nick is acting like a complete buffoon.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
But here's what I will say, because I do know
how when you don't know a lot about drugs or crime,
your brain only can pull from like procedurals on TV.
And so like I found a big bag of math,
I would probably be like, well, I don't want to
like go throw it in the garbage, because now my
fingerprints are on it, and they're gonna do like the
(16:31):
dusting thing, and then they're gonna think it's mine, and
then they're gonna find it in the train. And so
then you just almost get like paralyzed, and you go like,
I'll just keep it here in the closet. And who's
going in my closet anyway? Just me, So it's gonna
be fine. It's gonna be totally fine. Util a cop
box into your house and is like we're going through
your house, right, So did she didn't? I probably if
I'm trying to make this into like a real scenario,
(16:52):
you would just go like I don't know. I just
don't want to have this out in the world, my
fingerprints on it. Well, even the best ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Well, if you're watching the these procedurals, you would know
how to clean up a crime scene.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
But on gloves.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Put on gloves, wash the outside of the bag, and
then proceed to take the bag outside.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
It's true, all right, So Dorado says, introduce yourself. Nick
Media introduces himself, but cannot get his full name out
because he's an idiot. Then a bag of meth falls
out of Jess's bra She's got these huge boobs, meth boobs.
(17:30):
And then Cec comes barreling and asking about the meth,
and before she can get the word out and blow
up their entire spot, Schmidt takes the opportunity to silence.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Her with a mouthphone mouth, little mouthphone mouth action.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
And then he says, this is my girlfriend and whispers
to Ceci, like go along with this or just goes
to jail. And I got a hand to Ceci, man,
this is what I've always said about like this character
and why I've loved it so much. She is the
most solid best friend in the world because she knows
her ex boyfriend is taking a lipper tea right now.
But if what he's saying is true, she's not going
(18:09):
to hang a girl at.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
A dry right, although we do reveal later on that
she was into it.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That's true, that's true, She's it's not the worst thing
that's happened in her day. The cutest is Winston being like, yay,
I've shipped you guys for years. This is the greatest
thing ever. And not because he's unaware of what's happening.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
What do you just say? You can't put Peter, butter
and Jelly on the same shelf and expect them not
to mix.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
So why do you got to eat a Sandwich's a
classic Winston line.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Oh man, And so then you know Dorado. She's asking
just why she thinks Winston would make a great officer.
Before she could answer, uh, who is, the pats are
on the back, causing the though meth to move around
and mush around in her braw and so she has
to go to the bath through, and of course Winston
would follow her to the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Of course he would this episode, of course he would.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Oh my god, oh no.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
This part when she asks Nick and Nick explains why
Winston would make a good cop to a lady cop. Yes,
Lil Wayne will say to the lady cop because there.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Was great mustache. All cops have great mustaches, not the ladies,
but they could have they walked to I think there
would be six. It's too much nothing.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
I like veteran. It's my favorite version of Nick Miller
is the stressed, sweaty, bad lying Nick Miller. It's my
absolute favorite.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Oh or when he stutters when he said he wants
to He's like, can I shove a grape in your mind?
Can I put a grape? Can I ha a grape
in your mouth?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
So then Coach and Schmid of course do the most
by making up a lie about all the work Winston
does for the community at the Boys and Girls Club
with his little brother to Kwine.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
But so it was supposed to be Wan and yeah uh.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
And what was the other one that I don't know,
but it was the two names become.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Da Quan, Yeah, da Quan, which was so funny because
Daquan is also the name of like a very popular
I'm not sure if it still is a popular I
g account with all these memes and stuff like that
on it. And we used to always do bits on
New Girl about names that start with D and then apostrophe,
So we would always go like da Quan DeMarcus, like
we would always say, and we would always even when
(20:30):
Justin Long was on the show, he would say, like
the apostrophe. It was always that, even though it's spelled
a little bit differently. It's funny that Da Kwan is
what came out of it, and.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Now they have to go and produced Quan, which is amazing.
How are they going to get this child?
Speaker 2 (20:55):
We get there when we get there.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
We'll get there when we get there. I don't even
know how standards and practices like navigated what Damon was
allowed to do or say in the park scene, but
we'll get there when we get there.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
So in the hallway, Winston asks about why Jess Breast
looks so large. She says it's because of her cycle,
which catches Winston off guard because his calendar on her
cycle must be way off. Also absolutely insane that he's
got a calendar, also insane. But I will say it
(21:27):
feels like Winston was ahead of his time to sit
there and be like tracking her cycle to know like
how to help support her probably that's very fine.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I think this goes back to Mensies. Was Mensies before
this or after this? Before before this goes back to
Mensies when they were like Trent, when Winston was like,
you know, feeling like he was on her cycle. Yeah,
he's thinking, yeah, and so maybe he just kept it.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
It's still he still has this period every single month.
What Dorado says she's gonna follow up with the Boys
and Girls Club, coach stops her and makes it alive
that the Kwan Feldman always comes to spend his Saturdays
at the loft, which is today, and he's gonna leave
and go get him.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I love the fact though, that she wasn't just letting
it go. It was like, yeah, who is he? Who
is the quand oh from this place? Where is he
on Saturdays? Why is he not here? Is She's just
like like, damn, maybe he's supposed to come at night.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
You leave it alone.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
So now he has to go out there and hunt.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
He has to go out and find a child. All right,
we're gonna go to break and then we will be there.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Oh man, okay, we are back. We are back.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
This episode the reason I loved I love shooting this episode.
I remember it so vividly, and I loved rewatching it
is that it's a train, right, It's just one of
those episodes where there's no like lull in the joke
or the laugh or the like or the stakes of
the thing. So just an a storyline, that's all you're getting.
You're getting one story going full force and it just
(23:20):
keeps building in its absurdity. It's so good. We did
a few like this, but this one was my favorite. Okay.
So Doradi goes into Nick's room and another Nick Miller
bit his back sweat and slash heart attack. Basically, what's
happening to this man is obviously going to give something away,
so he puts on the chemoo.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
To hide his back sweat slash heart attack that he's having. Yeah,
you go back in the bathroom. Now the toilet is
overflowing because they're shoving literal rocks.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, they're shoving rocks. They don't know this, but they're
shoving rocks.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Yeah, and it won't flush.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
And Winstead asked Nick, because at this point, you know
there's something happening, right, Dorado can hear it? That's clanging?
Goes it's clanging, and and they leave to go figure
this thing out, and Nick Moon walks out of the room,
which lets Winston know there's something going down. I love
(24:22):
that when Schmid barges into the bathroom to figure this
out with you guys, he just takes his shirt off.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
All the stuff he does around CC is so unhinged
and so funny that he's got to rip his shirt off.
It also reminds me of, like we would talk about
it a lot, just kind of like the built in
pressure that kind of existed for Max and for myself
for a few seasons where because we were just always
i don't know, taking our shirt off, and so you
(24:51):
were trying to like be fit all the time because
you just didn't know if a script was going to
be like now he rips his shirt off to clean
up what meth like, nobody says that coming.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I'm glad I didn't have to do that. I am.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
So you didn't have a lot of topless scenes.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
A few, not a few.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I feel like everybody got a sprinkle, but Max got
it a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Yeah, that's that's what he gets.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
That's what he gets.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
That's what he gets.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
Okay, So Whinston discovers the math that just tries to
tell him it's legal medical myth for her cramps, which
I mean, amazing use for math, if that's what it
could be used for.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I don't know. Let's ask let's go to the comments.
Let's ask the fans out there. Have you ever used
meth for cramps?
Speaker 1 (25:35):
If so, have you ever been on your period? And
the greatest pain killer was math? And then how did
that work for you?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
What did the police say? How long are you.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
I only use it once a month?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, for about four days.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Back in the Roomnke is alone with Doronto, which, as
we know, is a terrible situation. He's sweating profusely. He
starts to sing Landslide, his version all made up with us.
She says, his body looks like he's crying, and what
is he hiding? And then that unleashes the wildest Nick
Miller rant maybe in the show's history. The things. He
(26:14):
starts to confess slowly to Dorado.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
Yeah, like, what did you say? I once thought, when
I was sixteen, I think I can get a direction anymore?
I thought I was. I thought it was dead to
look on his face when he goes, but it wasn't.
It was so perfect, was so perfect.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
When he was thirteen, he he'd loved himself behind a
post office. Then comes the scene that we have been discussing,
which again I don't know how standards and practices in
the legal department at Fox helped them navigate. Coach pulling
up to basketball courts at the park and trying to
(26:58):
explain to young boys why he needs them, wow, just
for a short period of time to get in his car.
And it's the funniest that, of course it'd be Damon
that's playing coach sent out on this mission, who is
like the most upstanding, wonderful father to like a bunch
of kids.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
He got thirteen kids.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
And then he's gets written this thing where he's got
to go and pick a kid up from the park.
And they had to dance that line so finely, and
somehow it works. Somehow it's not like inappropriate or not funny.
They just managed to sell it enough. And I always
say that's the magic I feel like of Damon Wayne's
(27:39):
junior man, there's just something where you watch him and
he can just get away with some stuff because you
know he's like good hearted.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
He I man, he has written some of the funniest,
most disturbing tweets I have ever. They're so funny and
like and it, but it's him, so you're like, you
just gotta laugh at it. And one of his tweets
a long time ago was like I forget what it was.
It was like real men ship standing up. Oh that's right.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
I remember that he was unhinted on Twitter. That's for
sure when Twitter was a thing.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Oh man, so good, so funny sez.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
He then decides to totally mess with Schmidt because he's
kind of been messing with her a little bit, and
says that the Paul is Mark Paul Gossler. Did you
know that was like Gussier back in the day, Gosza
Morris Zack Morris though, which of course sends him into
(28:45):
a spiral because no one worships Sachamorris more than Schmidt,
which she would have known, so she used it just
to kind of make him lose his ever loving mind,
and then she reveals that she's teasing him, and it's
a very sweet little moment and between our little Schmidt
and Ceci that are trying to rebuild after the Elizabeth debacle,
(29:08):
so oh yes, it's a really cute moment of connection
of them just messing with each other and being able
to take it and finding like the joke in it,
and it's very sweet. I remember doing it. It was
a very sweet little moment. It was always so easy
with Max.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
And I love the fact that right afterwards we cut
back to Nick continuously continuing to spew out all of
his secrets.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
What does he say, uh, the blemons in his mother's
mouth when she's sleeping. What are you doing? Because this
is the stuff, you know, all this stuff came from
the writer's room, and they were all real things that
people probably confessed about, like being young and like what
felt like high stake secrets at the time that you've
just carried around in the back of your brain for sure.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Oh my god, putting a lemon in your mouth, that's
I don't know why, that's that's weird. That's weird. Bro
was a corner flakes would feed corn flakes of certain
animals and some of them would die.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
So's so terrible. Oh God, like that the sign of
like a serial killer?
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I cut If we ever
do this reunion that you know that twentieth is talking about,
They're trying to they're trying to get it done. Now
they're still negotiating with Jake Johnson on his fee. But
if we ever get that off the ground, I do
believe Nick would be the whole the whole, the whole
season would be about trying to get him out of
prison because of a series of bodies out of a cup.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Bines they we're going to find out in the New
Girl Freezer. I will say this, I've always thought it's
a real pie in the sky thing that there would
ever be a reunion. And I don't know why. Last week,
out of nowhere, I was like, I think we're gonna
do one one day. I think it's going to happen.
We all are so genuinely close, we all are such
genuine friends. The fan base is still there, thanks guys,
(30:57):
And I'm like, yeah, there's a little life in it
left that could be kind of fun.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Yeah, I think so. I think. I mean, listen, I like,
I've always said I'd totally be down for it, but
you know, I was going to be honest about it.
I don't think they're going to do it.
Speaker 1 (31:11):
You don't think they'll ever do it. It would all
be Liz. It would have to be Liz being like, hey,
guys want to get back together.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Liz is making hit after hit, hit after hit. She's like,
you know, she she ain't got the time.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Maybe if it's like a Golden Girls version, we do
it in like forty years, we're all sitting on the couch.
I don't mind grandparents in it, all right. So Winston
asked Jess why she hid the math from him, and
Jess says she didn't come to Winston because she didn't
think he'd make it as a cop, which is brutal.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
Which is brutal because he doesn't think it all because
now it's kind of it's kind of it's kind of
out there that everybody, like, no one thought he was
able to do. No one believed in him in this one,
in this moment. But he's going to do the right thing,
which is what he always does. Yeah, you know what,
I'm gonna say, it's mine, So I'm not gonna get
the job anyway. I don't want you to lose your job.
And you know, so, uh, Winston and Jess are about
(32:11):
to go and like do the thing, and right as
he's about to do it, she says no and then
puts herself out there and does this whole ordeal about
how she's about how it's her meth and that wins
to and make a great cop. Although when she said
it in that moment, I don't believe it. You're literally
(32:33):
thirty seconds ago just told me you didn't believe it.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
It's a big one eighty.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
It's say a huge one eighth. Dorado says she's gonna
go to the bathroom, she's gonna have a look around,
and she wants them to stay put, don't move, don't
think about moving. If you if you think about anything,
it better be about not moving.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
She goes full mom on them, and it's so great, full.
Speaker 2 (33:01):
Mom and I'm shocked they stayed because when I go
full mom on Lily, you're too nice of a mom.
Tone down, I would get in the tone, but she
just she know me, like she's just like, what a joke.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
She's also a woman and you're a man. Yeah, you
have no chance. You're helpless.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I know, yeah, I know. She's too cute. Oh my god,
is this why Dad's leave?
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Nobody respects me? Okay, So Winston always had visions of
a partner named Robertson slept with his wife.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I mean, this was his imagination.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
This was like wild what he daydreams about.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Well, listen, you gotta think about the whole thing. You
got to map out everything, because what's going to happen
if Robertson shows up and his wife is bad and
she's given you the eye and then Robertson's always hot
on the case so he never got time to be
hod on his wife's hands.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
I like that you are also spending time thinking about this.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
This is not just a witch thing. She gotta be
taken care of.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Bring up. Nick says, for whatever it's worth, he kept
a secret. I like how he's trying to make this
about him. Schmid apologizes to Cec for kissing her, and
Cec admits that she may have kissed him a little too.
Another cute little building block and getting these two back together,
which apparently Winston is very invested in. Nick tell just
(34:29):
teels Nig to live his life while she's in prison.
Just Dourrado comes in to this true gang of idiots yes.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
And says, uh gang, this ain't no myth uh an
aquarium rocks.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
He all is dumb as rocks.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Even Just still thinks that's the street name for it.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
So invested in the lies she's been telling herself for
so long. And then Doroto does the most wonderful thing.
She goes Winston, you pass the background check because you
are one of the best cadets that we have.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
That's right. There's something about being a grown man and
they call you a cadet. I don't know why. I
don't like it feels weird. It feels like a cadet,
feels like a kid.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Like a child does feel like a kid.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
Maybe Whiston just joined the police too late.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
It's twenty years behind everybody else. Yeah, of course he's
the best. He's a grown man, children's that's right.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
He's a cat.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
We wonder why he's so good. He can tie his
own shoelaces.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
This man is an elder. Dorado also tells him to
move out of the law.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
This is sound advice. This is sound advice.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I love that he's still compacts to electrical socket electrical
socket to try to make life.
Speaker 1 (35:51):
He can't stop telling the truth. It's also hysterical. But
he did keep the one truth a secret, so he's
not wrong. But I guess if that's your coping mechanism,
is that your body feels compelled to tell the truth
and now everybody knows all this embarrassing stuff about you.
To let you hold onto the one thing it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
I tell everything else. And then Coach, I love this part,
and it's like it's over right. The day is saved.
We figured it out. Everything's fine. And then Coach comes
in at the best time with a grown man with
the I think Marcus Ray is his name. He's so funny.
This dude, this dude comes in and kills it. He
(36:32):
is Kwan. He just calls wiss.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
He absolutely kills it. And then the romantic like romance
moment between Coach and.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
De Kwan Yes with their love of outlet malls is
like a.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
Chef's kiss of a button that they made it work.
The most problematic, uncomfortable thing turns out to just be
a grown man romance of the outlet thing that they
started at the beginning of the episode. One of the
best written episodes where they managed to tie every single
thing up, Like Winston gets his flowers based on his
own merit, Nick gets to like keep his secret, you
(37:11):
get to see you know, you see, and Schmidt have
this moment where you know, oh, they're going to get
back together, like we're on this track now, which always
felt good to the audience. All of it is just
I don't know, it's just one of the best episodes,
and it was so fun to shoot because we all
just got to run around and be like in a
Benny Hill sketch for five days. Yes, that's right. Oh
(37:34):
I loved background check.
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Oh yes, oh yes, we'll be right back. Let's talk
more about it. Ed we are back, Hey babe, yeah, babe,
let's mess around. A little come on question for you.
(37:58):
Where would you have hit myth if you only had
a few minutes before the police arrived.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Well, I just would like to say this because I'm discussing,
like I don't know what, Like, if meth looks like
huge aquarium rocks, it would feel insane, you do think
because of movies. Oh, we flush it down the toilet.
You do think that. And then if they're like rocks,
that's a problem. The other thing you learn from movies
is to put it in like the you take the
(38:24):
top of the back of the toilet off.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
Uh yeah, but the police know that they see movies too.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
This is what I would do, though I wouldn't know.
I wouldn't think of any I wouldn't know what to do.
If it's a few minutes, I would assume just get
it out, like out of the house, somewhere, hide it
somewhere behind a plant or something.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
You know what I would do if if you would
do it, I would snort all the myth or smoke it. No,
what you do is and this is simple. This is
just for all those people out there. This is very simple.
You put it in and they could have easily figured
out it wasn't method. They would have just done this method.
They take a blender, right, you fill the blender half
(39:02):
with water, and you bore some of the meth in there,
and you throw some like oranges in there, and you blend.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
It up creatine protein powder, and you.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Blend them all up in the thing and just leave
that in the fridge or right there on the countertop.
Everybody knows, don't drink it. Everybody knows that.
Speaker 1 (39:17):
Feels very white. This is how they almost all died
in white lotus.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Almost the dad was on some shady stuff. He didn't
tell them. But this time you're telling the family, hey,
this will kill you or get you real hot. Don't
don't mess with this. And the police come in. They
search the old house. I'm not going to check the smoothie.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Very good?
Speaker 2 (39:37):
Actually, yeah, you blended it all up. They're not going
to do that.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
What if they go, oh, you just make the smoothie.
So yeah, they're like, oh, could I have some?
Speaker 2 (39:45):
You're gonna be like, no, it's from my cramps. I
got special supplements.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
I'm a man on my period. This is a cramp
smoothie officer.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Oh my gosh, this is how I take my dementsion medication.
I blend it up.
Speaker 1 (39:59):
You don't want these falling apart at the end. But
I do like the idea of the smoothie though. It's
giving me a White Lotus moment where you just spend
sticket in the sink and then like someone comes along
and it's like that was the part of White Lotus
that bug me by the way, that crusty, dirty like
smoothie thing like you would.
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Yeah, you don't wash it out, bro, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
It was a very weird choice.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
Listen. I like Mike White, I don't like him that
much because he hasn't put me in White Lotus.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
You know you're gonna be in White Lotus next season.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
There's no way these stories are mostly about white families.
The main there's there's one black person and then maybe
her son shows up.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
You could have been her son.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I mean, I'm just saying no, I'm the same age
as as woman talking about I'm not even convinced that
kid was young enough to be her son.
Speaker 1 (40:56):
I would just like to remind you that I shot
a pilot, okay, or Elizabeth Hurley was my mom. All
things are possible in television, okay. Because the most gorgeous,
beautiful woman who definitely looks younger than I played her daughter.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
It is crazy. By the way, I've never in my
entire life, and we all know the Prince story, but
I've never in my entire life felt more flattered than
when they cast me as Elizabeth Hurley's daughter. On every level,
it hit as the greatest compliment of my life. I
love her so much. I love you so much, Elizabeth Hurley,
(41:37):
I love you.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
I love you too. Call me. Okay.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
This was essentially a job interview for Winston Gone Wrong.
What's the worst job interview you've ever had? I know mine?
Speaker 2 (41:50):
You know yours? Yeah, I mean I can tell you
mine mine. I can't. I never had a bad actual
job interview, you know, when you go in and you
try to apply for something, you get applicated. I've never
had a bad one of those, Like I've if I applied,
I got the job. What it was. I look at
acting as you know, auditions as job interviews.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
Oh God, if you're opening that door, then I've got
a bunch.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Well, I got a few. I there's one that my
ego got in the way. It was recently I had
to audition for this is the other day for an
m Night Shyamalan film. Yeah, and it pissed me off
so much that I had to read and this is
just this is what I say ego because it wasn't
that big of it was. It was like you know
(42:32):
when you're fresh off on like a big award and
you're like, oh, maybe they should make it offer. It's
like no, they're like, you still have to put yourself
on tape. And when they were like you gotta put
yourself on tape, I was like, well, what's the turnaround
on this going to be? Like I'll do it, I'll
figure it out. I was sick at the time. I
was like, Okay, let me put this tape together. And
I don't think it was the best tape. But I
was like, Okay, you know what, is there a way
(42:53):
that I could just have a meeting with M Night Shaman?
And they were like, no, you don't want to meet
with you, And I was like kidding me, you gotta
be kidding me. So so it wasn't that the tape
was probably bad. I don't know if it was good enough.
I didn't get it. But it was also the whole
energy around it which made me so just like pissed
(43:14):
off and you just.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
Got all in your own way. Do you remember that
you and I hung out with M. Night?
Speaker 2 (43:21):
I never hung out with them.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
With me When in New York we went to an
after party at Upfronts in New York. I don't remember
what hotel we were at. Where at the bar? He
was there with something with the show, and we were
at the bar together chatting with M. Knight for like
a bunch of the night.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Well, he don't give a shit about.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
He's like, I've already met this man, I've already had
a meeting with him. He was lovely. We hung out
at the bar and chatted all night, and.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
He just gave the role to a British guy.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
It's like.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
The Brits, they just they just take over, don't they.
Speaker 1 (43:57):
Yeah, No, I never hung out with him.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
Well, well listen, Hannah, you call.
Speaker 1 (44:01):
Him and be like, you made a mistake, but no problem,
I'll make that.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
But but my real one. I auditioned for Chuck Lourie
once for Mike and Molly. I want to say that
show Mike and Molly, and I had the worst audition
of my life. It was just it was so bad
that when I walked out of the audition my agent
was calling me. By the time I got to my car,
my agent had called me and was like, what happened.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
I was like, are you unwell? I was like, I'm
so say.
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I didn't know what happened. I just you know what
it is. I never look people up. I never look
up who they are, what they look like. So when
people are in a room, I'm not phased by it.
Like I'm not phased by it. This was the first
time I said, you know what, I know Chuck Laurie.
Obviously the name you watch TV shows, the name is
behind all of them. So I just googled what Chuck
Laurie looked like, and I was like, oh, that's Chuck
(44:53):
lry Okay. I go into the audition. First person I
see is Chuck Laurie and he couldn't have been nicer.
Hey man, And I was like, hey man, and I bombed.
First line out of my mouth was the incorrect line,
and I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1 (45:09):
It is amazing when you think back to auditions, because
I remember for Hunger Games they brought me in. This
was a billion years ago. And I went in and
I had the worst day ever. I think i'd like
broken up with my boyfriend. It was just like a
really bad day. It was a super early audition. Sorry, yeah, yeah,
god God, I don't think we can make that joke any.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Yeah, pick anybody else, it's yay. Now.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
I feel like I walked in and it was just
one of those things. It's exactly what you just said.
The first line came out wrong, and then I had
so much other just life stuff happening that then you
know when you like fully disassociate. So I was out
of my body.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
So there's this girl just sitting there saying stuff. Now
I don't know what she's doing, and I'm fully just like,
I gotta get out of this room. I think I
did a full this is association and it was the
worst audition. I could not could not remember a line.
And I will say it's the one thing I know
since I've been young, is like a natural gift I have.
I can memorize anything. You can give me a book
(46:15):
and give me like a day, I will memorize the book.
I don't have an issue with memorizing words. But my
brain just WoT for like a hard no. It was like,
we cannot do one more thing today. I remember that
and it was just it was awful, And I remember
the casting director kind of looked at me like, are
you like what happened? Where did you go? Basically up soul? Sorry, yes,
(46:37):
you're right, I did fully leave. That was a.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Dark place.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
I went to a dark place. I know what a
mistake hunger game, that was huge. I should have I
should have gotten over that ex boyfriend way quicker work
life all right. Last thing, how do you think Jess
would have made out if she did go to jail?
Speaker 2 (47:03):
She would have been fine.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
She would have been a star inmate.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
They'd have loved her, They would they would have liked
Some people would have tried to take advantage and initially,
but she would have been so genuine that people would
have been like, huh.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
She would have croucheted them, you know, blankets and make
little tea corners and she would have It would have
been a very sweet experience. I think she would have
been Okay, yeah, oh yeah, we're not concerned. Send her
friend to jail. She would have been great, Bye, You're
going to have a great time.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
She comes out with tattoos on her face. She comes
up part of the area nation.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
So what we're saying is for the reunion. So Jess
has got like tattoos, comes out of heart, and criminal
Nick is going down for being a serial killer. We're
really pitching, Liz. We got some ideas.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
Yeah, I think those work fans let us know us
would have made out in prison.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Um, all right, everybody. One of my favorite favorite episodes
of all time. It was so fun to rewatch. I
forgot how good it was. Cleo King, he's the queen Man.
She was amazing.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Marcus Ray is de Kwan so funny, so great. Yeah, Hey, guys, listen,
thank you for listening. Make sure you follow us on
ig at the mess Around pod. You know, if you're
on YouTube, hit that notification, bell like it, subscribe, do
all those fun things that people do. When you do that,
it helps us out. We love you bye.
Speaker 1 (48:36):
That was the mess around in iHeartMedia production.
Speaker 2 (48:39):
Our executive producer is Joel Monique. Our senior producer is
Abu Zafar Bei Wang provided engineering and editing services.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
Additional production from Daniel Goodman, Wendy Heisler, and Kyle Shevron.
Our theme song was written and composed by Ronald Jukebox Jackson.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Catch you next time. Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Lamorne Morris
Hannah Simone
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