May 30, 2024 • 20 mins
Colton Underwood talks about his journey on The Bachelor like never before.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Chris Harrison coming to you from the home office in Austin, Texas,
and today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with
Colton Underwood, the former Bachelor who famously jumped the fence
(00:21):
in Portugal and took off into the night with me
trying to keep up with him. But we talked to
Colton about he and his husband Jordan, having a baby,
the joyous news that we got, and we are so
happy for him. They are going to be incredible parents,
and I'm so excited. And there was one other layer
(00:42):
to this I wanted to get to because as much
as Colton and I have talked, one thing we haven't
done publicly is talk about his time on The Bachelor.
Does he have any regrets? Did he know he was
gay coming into this? Was there any time when he
wanted to just scream from the rooftop stop filming. As
much as we have discussed, we've never really publicly gotten
(01:05):
into this in his time on the show, and I
had a lot of questions for him. So I want
to continue my conversation with Colton Underwood, you know, getting
you on the podcast today. I was also excited because
you and I we've never really talked about being on
the Bachelor, going through everything. You and I really have
(01:25):
never publicly gotten together before, no, I.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Know, and privately though there were many late night phone
calls and WTF texts and screenshots and all sorts of
things and being like, what is going on? And I
will say this like, and I think I've said it
before too, and like what you went through and what
I had to go through, just having somebody who was
there for me and supporting in an ear and a shoulder,
(01:52):
with the ability to like say, hey, you're going to
have to own like you have to take responsibility or
you have to own this, and just a good friend.
I can't say thank you enough for that.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, well you're very welcome. And uh, you know I
always say if you love somebody and they're your friend,
they're your friend. Good bad ugly, you know, good press,
bad press. We got to get through it, and you
get through it together. And there were some dark times
and and I appreciated how you did own up to
everything and we got through it. And same thing with me.
You guys, you you and then now Jordan were there
(02:24):
when Lauren and I went through the melee we went
through and you get through this stuff together and you
learn and you try to have grace and love and
and here we are and it's you know, it's it's
the things that those stories and everything is what made
us who we are and it's gotten us to this
point today.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
For sure. Yeah, I think, look like anything in life,
things are complicated and layered and complex and there's not
a straight single answer that a lot of people are
looking for. And I know very much like that was
that was for sure my journey and just knowing the
little glimpse of three shows in one year that I
(03:01):
got to do and be a part of, Like that's
a it's a beast of a franchise and it's a
it's a huge undertaking. It's a huge toll on on
your body physically and mentally. So it's just my heart
always goes out to anybody who goes through that, you know,
It's just it's a it's a hard commitment. It's not
as easy as people think.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Do you you know, this might be a weird question
because yeah, you might redo it, but do you regret
doing it or do you respect the fact that it
took that to get you to where you are today.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
You know, I've been asked that before, and I really
truly at this point, you know, I can always admit
that I have regrets. I think I'm appre I appreciate
that I did have to go through that, and I
I think I strategically put myself through that to try
to be straight so badly because I wanted that so badly. Yeah,
(03:58):
and look, I I do think there is a good chance,
like if I didn't go through that, like I wouldn't
be here on this earth like I And that sounds
really sad and messed up to say, but like if
I didn't have that experience, like I wouldn't I just
wantn't have survived. And you know, mixing the global pandemic
(04:19):
and quarantining and then coming out during the pandemic just
on top of it, it's complicated. So I guess, like
the short answer is like, no, I wish I wouldn't have,
Like for a lot of people's sakes, I would have
saved a lot of people time. But also like if
anybody can learn and look at my point of view,
in my opinion, it saved my life and it allowed
(04:40):
me to live the life that I would like always
wanted but never thought I could live. So I think
like there is some beauty in that.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I was curious if you ever came close during filming
to just saying, hey, I tried, I'm trying to be
this person. I'm realiz using I'm not or did you
not have that realization yet?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
No? I mean, look, deep down, I knew I like
I knew I was gay while we were filming, but
there was also a part of me, maybe not as
deep down, that felt like I could possibly change, like
there was hope. It was confusing because I was still
feeling like I had an attractive level to women, but
(05:27):
there was never space and an opportunity. And this is
not on you, as like the host of the show,
but I never felt comfortable approaching you and or production
saying I'm struggling with my sexuality here, like let's have
this conversation, and I don't look, look, I don't even
know if you would have been able to like handle
that of basticularly being like, holy crap.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I would like to think that the show could have,
but deep down I know it wouldn't have. And I
hate to say that, and it's not a dig at
the show. It's just not what that does it they're
there for, and I think it would have been bastardized
and exploited. And I mean, hell, they tried anyway, you know,
(06:07):
even without your your blessing. I mean that was the
whole Billy Eichner comment. He didn't come up with that comment.
He was told to say that. You know, you and
I have had these discussions, you know how they tried
to you know, they had their suspicions and tried to
out you and throughout the show, and so you know,
I would love to have said, hey, I wish you
(06:30):
would stop me on the beach when we were jogging
one day in Vietnam and said hey, man, can we
have this conversation you and I could have, But I
don't think it would have been handled better on the show.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I agree, And I think there is there is a
part that I was so in it too that I
really didn't fully understand who I couldn't and could trust.
I think that's also as you know too, Like I
think there was this one the one moment where after
like I jumped the fence and the next day I
came back and we sat down and I looked at
you and like the first two questions were great, and
(07:03):
I felt like we were in this conversation. All of
a sudden, I like get a pick up and I
see you know, you're wearing your in ear and I
was like, Chris, can you take the in here out?
And like let's just have a conversation here and you're
like yeah, and you took it out and hit it
and you're like and that I always appreciate it, and
that from them that moment, I knew I could trust you,
because like, Okay, here's somebody who values me and my
life and my story and what I'm going through over
(07:24):
making a good TV show. So like I I now,
I know that I could trust you. But back then,
when we were on that beach running around, I was
like there was there would have been no space space
for me to know who I couldn't and COO trusts.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
And that's very fair. I definitely would have told you
to feel the same way. I mean, it's you know
it because you're doing a show, and you know I
always the show can catch a lot of grief for
a lot of things, but at the end of the day,
they are doing something that is it's a business to
make money, and you are part of that business making money.
And it's odd because yes, it's our lives and it's
(08:01):
artistic and there's all these other layers to it. At
the end of the day, it's a job and you're
hired essentially to do a job, even if that job
is to fall in love. So it's a very interesting dynamic.
And I always try to tell people, you got to
understand the Colton's and the Hannahs and all these people
of the world. Yeah, they signed up for this, but
(08:22):
don't give me the oh, they should know what they're
getting themselves into, because it's just you don't know until
you're in the middle of it. And it's different for
everybody totally.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I mean, that's that's the thing. And I think for
people to understand too, Like most of these leads right
now when they get tapped to lead that show are
in their twenties. I mean yeah, Like you know, I
especially was emotionally stunted because of sports, and I'm like, look,
I know you have a son who is in the
(08:50):
cross and committed to that sport very like, but I
know he also has a girlfriend. But like for me,
I just didn't. I avoided relationships and I avoided like
trying to figure out like my emotional growth. So by
the time I was a bachelor, yes, I was like
what twenty five twenty six when I did that show.
Emotionally though, I was still a teenager, I was still immature,
(09:11):
didn't really know what I was looking for. Probably shouldn't
have been in that position. But also is like, this
is an opportunity of a lifetime that for many different
reasons that I'm looking for.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But but yeah, I mean there's there's always layers to
a person being the Bachelor bacherette. And I mean you
and I have had long discussions about this, and I
thought long and hard about it. I mean, because it's
like being a child star. You were a sports star.
You went to the NFL the point one percent make
it to the NFL, but it also you kind of
(09:40):
stopped growing because you are so worried about growing to
be an athlete, and you got this this thing and
so this other party you kind of stops and the
rest kept going. And so you're a grown man, you're
playing in the NFL, and then all of a sudden
you're the Bachelor. It's like, but this other part of
you never had a chance to catch up, and that's
what kind of slingshot, and that's I think it took
(10:02):
the Bachelor. And again, I'm with you. I think at
the end of the day, I would say, don't regret that. Yeah,
sure you can apologize and you wish it had gone
better for certain people, but at the end of the day,
it caused you to catch up and the scales got
to even out a little bit for you.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I would definitely agree with that. I think that's a
great way to put it. I never thought of it
like like that, but yeah, it was very much. I
prioritized a different career than I did, like my own
personal growth, and all of a sudden, I'm in this
intense year of filming Bachelorette, Bachelor and Paradise Bachelor and
doing all of this self work. And that's also like,
(10:41):
that's also why I somewhat am at peace with even
the women who were on my season, and I feel
like they also went through a lot of self work too,
and they got out what they wanted out of that
show too, you know. And you know, I do hear
that or see comments every once in a while, being
like you wasted so many women's time. I'm like, they
had a good time and went to travel the world
(11:02):
with me. Yeah, it's complicated.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
And by the way, it's it only was going to
end up good for you mean, ninety nine percent of
the people that come on the show don't end up
with somebody. That's that's that's you know, I'm not a
big believer in all that. I mean, if you had
had that understanding and you came in to fool everybody
and you actually showed up to deceive us, all, that's
one thing. But having that realization later there's not much
(11:26):
difference than that, and say, Bob Guiney finding out later
you know what, I'm not ready for a relationship. You know,
did he waste everybody's time technically, but he didn't do
it to deceive anybody. You weren't being malicious, you know,
that wasn't in your heart at the time.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
No, there was lots of christs or help. That's sort
of what I'm realizing is like my sub blanch is
basically being like, help help me come out, help me
get through this, Tell me what's right, tell me what's wrong?
What do we need to do?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Was there anything as you look back because a lot
of people have come on the podcast and they've said,
you know, I had a question for you. I've always
wondered this, and you and I have had a lot
of these conversations. But I'm just curious if there's still
anything that sticks out to you that you wonder about
with the show with me or anything that happened.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You know, most of them I've already asked you. I
you know I was. I was so paranoid though, like
just because and I've publicly said this before too, Like
you know, I did have a like not a relationship,
but like a physical relationship with a man before, like
I went on too that show. So I was always
so paranoid. But the majority, and this is the sad part,
(12:44):
and also what I want people to realize, is like
that easily could have been me. Most of those men
who I had had it some sort of physical connection
with were married with families and like in a similar
position that I was like in and my process behind
and that was, if they're going to help me, they
have to have just as much, if not more, to
(13:05):
lose than what I have. So my I was always
sort of operating with so much anxiety while we were
filming that show, and while that show was airing, and
while I was doing press that there would be like
that one person who like emails a producer and the like,
I know he hooked up with my friend, you know
here in this state. And so that was always something
that I was a little nervous about. And some things
(13:28):
like necessary questions. It's more so too, like the way
that my virginity was handled, like of course, like I
would have loved to give a straight answer of why
I was a virgin. I hid beyond my faith, I
hid behind football, I hid behind I mean you know
this because you had to ask me ten million times
on the show, and I would give you a different
answer every time you asked me. And they're like everybody's
like I remember, like there's people who even publicly were like,
(13:50):
why is he a virgin again? And I'm like, because
I couldn't say I'm questioning my sexuality to Chris, so
I had to say all of these other things. Now
that I've been in this industry for a little bit,
you that's a machine of a franchise and you have
to do some savage things to get to that level.
And now I have full a better understanding of what
(14:12):
they do and how they operate and who they are.
And I've also had the privilege and opportunity to work
with other production companies since that and know that that's
not the norm. I think that was the cool thing
about getting out love it, appreciate it for what it
did and taught me, but also realize it's just not
for me. Like that. The way that they roll is
is not how I want to roll and not how
(14:33):
I want to do business. And I feel like you
can still entertain people and put on a good show
and take care of those people too.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yeah, and you can, and that's that's happening, and that's
what's happening more and more, and so it's you know,
I had to take people aside when they came on
the show and tell them when they were new, look,
I know you've been in the business for a while.
We do television unlike anybody's ever done television, and some
of it's just a victim of our success. Like a
lot of these people grew up. They were eighteen, nineteen,
(15:05):
twenty years old. They started working on the show because
it was a nothing show, and then they stayed on
the show for twenty years. And so they never really
learned anywhere else to bring kind of the technical TV
skills in. So they just created this system. And so
we did things a lot of times in a very
backwards way, but it's the way we did it. And so,
(15:25):
you know, and I went off and did Millionaire, you know,
spelling Bee, and I did a million other shows, and so,
I mean, I had a lot of experience, and so
I always just I knew when it came back to
the Bachelor, this is how we do television. It's just
it's very backwards in the way producers ran the show
and as opposed to a director, et cetera. It was
very interesting. And you're right, it doesn't have to be
(15:46):
that way, and it's not on a lot of places.
But I always said, they're just a victim of their
own success, and that's it's not a terrible and that's
not a terrible thing. They've been, you know, going for
twenty years now, So it is what it is. Things
I do know, do you keep up with the franchise
at all? Do you still watch? Do you know what's happening?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I don't I know what's happening because I'm on social
media and I see things like I saw obviously, you
know the success of Golden Bachelor. I also saw they
broke up immediately after, you know, like I definitely see it.
I don't tune in, I don't watch. I have, you know,
a texting relationship with a few of the producers over there.
And I'm at peace now with it, Like I don't,
(16:26):
I have zero ill will towards them. I'm actually appreciative
of like what I've gone through and what they've been through.
I think hopefully they've learned a few things. I know
a few people have been in and out of out
of working for them now, so I keep up a
little bit, but I want to go back because one
thing that always stood out to me that you told
me on the day that we shot our promo photos
for the season. You said, Hey, I'm Chris. I just
(16:50):
want to like introduce myself in like you leaned in
your like pick your battles wisely. It's like choose, choose
your battles wisely. And I was like, okay, So that
was sort of my mind to do this whole thing.
Is like anytime I wanted to get upset or being
like fight and resist it, I had to remind myself, Okay,
is this worth it? And there were very few moments
where I was like, okay, this is worth it. And
(17:12):
then I think you saw the you know, the mountain
explode and Portugal, when I finally jumped the fence, I
was like, okay, I cannot do this. But yeah, you
always you always, Yeah, you always gave good advice.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah I know I did mean that because I saw
bachelors and bacherettes that would fight for everything. And you know,
it's one of those old sayings. If you stand for everything,
you stand for nothing, and you know you can't win
and fight every battle every day because they're shooting a show.
And I told you this, and I told I told
every bachelor and bacherette. I said, look, you have to
give a little. There's things we have to do to
(17:45):
shoot a television show. But if it's something that means
enough to you, then hold your ground and dig in.
And that's the hill you got to be willing to
die on. And Portugal was the hill you were willing
to die on. I was willing to die on it
for sure, Yes you did. Instead you just cleared it
and off off into the wilderness. Well, hey, I know
(18:07):
you're in New York and as Jordan with you, you
guys head in to a show.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, we're going to a Broadway show tonight and then
doing dinner, and we're really just like taking this moment
for ourselves, like we uh, we came out. We were
both in DC for some work. I'm still doing some
lobbying for mental health bill that I that I'm working on.
And Jordan obviously is gearing up. He does a lot
of social impact around politics and there's a lot going
on in our country and now unfortunately, so we're working
(18:31):
to just continue to continue to try to serve as
bridges to many different people's cultures, communities, and but right
now we're sort of just wrapping each other with love
and joining where we're at.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Well, you know, it's easy for it would have been
easy for you guys after you got married, to just
disappear and never be heard from again. But to use
what you have for good and to be a bridge
for for hope, for good, for love and all that is.
It's a good thing. It's a wonderful thing, and not
everyone will see it like that. But that's not your job.
Your jobs not to try and convince everybody. But I
(19:06):
appreciate what you guys do, and I always appreciate your
time and more importantly, always appreciate your friendship.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Well, thank you. I appreciate you and Lauren both, and
I know Jordan wanted me to tell you hello and
her hello as well. So yeah, I can't wait for
our next hang, whether we're in Austin or you're you're.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Out in la likewise, and I can't wait for that
first family meal when we're there and you guys have
a baby and y'all are just getting spit up on
and foods everywhere, and Laura and I just get to
sit there and have our glass of wine and just
get to relish.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Sure this, buddy, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Yeah, it's the best of things. It's the worst of things.
Get some sleep because October will come quickly. Love you
guys all the best, and I will talk to you soon, all.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Right, Thank you, appreciate you, Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever
and make sure to write us a review and leave
us five stars. I'll talk to you at time.
This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Chris Harrison coming to you from the home office in Austin, Texas,
and today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with
Colton Underwood, the former Bachelor who famously jumped the fence
(00:21):
in Portugal and took off into the night with me
trying to keep up with him. But we talked to
Colton about he and his husband Jordan, having a baby,
the joyous news that we got, and we are so
happy for him. They are going to be incredible parents,
and I'm so excited. And there was one other layer
(00:42):
to this I wanted to get to because as much
as Colton and I have talked, one thing we haven't
done publicly is talk about his time on The Bachelor.
Does he have any regrets? Did he know he was
gay coming into this? Was there any time when he
wanted to just scream from the rooftop stop filming. As
much as we have discussed, we've never really publicly gotten
(01:05):
into this in his time on the show, and I
had a lot of questions for him. So I want
to continue my conversation with Colton Underwood, you know, getting
you on the podcast today. I was also excited because
you and I we've never really talked about being on
the Bachelor, going through everything. You and I really have
(01:25):
never publicly gotten together before, no, I.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Know, and privately though there were many late night phone
calls and WTF texts and screenshots and all sorts of
things and being like, what is going on? And I
will say this like, and I think I've said it
before too, and like what you went through and what
I had to go through, just having somebody who was
there for me and supporting in an ear and a shoulder,
(01:52):
with the ability to like say, hey, you're going to
have to own like you have to take responsibility or
you have to own this, and just a good friend.
I can't say thank you enough for that.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Yeah, well you're very welcome. And uh, you know I
always say if you love somebody and they're your friend,
they're your friend. Good bad ugly, you know, good press,
bad press. We got to get through it, and you
get through it together. And there were some dark times
and and I appreciated how you did own up to
everything and we got through it. And same thing with me.
You guys, you you and then now Jordan were there
(02:24):
when Lauren and I went through the melee we went
through and you get through this stuff together and you
learn and you try to have grace and love and
and here we are and it's you know, it's it's
the things that those stories and everything is what made
us who we are and it's gotten us to this
point today.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
For sure. Yeah, I think, look like anything in life,
things are complicated and layered and complex and there's not
a straight single answer that a lot of people are
looking for. And I know very much like that was
that was for sure my journey and just knowing the
little glimpse of three shows in one year that I
(03:01):
got to do and be a part of, Like that's
a it's a beast of a franchise and it's a
it's a huge undertaking. It's a huge toll on on
your body physically and mentally. So it's just my heart
always goes out to anybody who goes through that, you know,
It's just it's a it's a hard commitment. It's not
as easy as people think.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Do you you know, this might be a weird question
because yeah, you might redo it, but do you regret
doing it or do you respect the fact that it
took that to get you to where you are today.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
You know, I've been asked that before, and I really
truly at this point, you know, I can always admit
that I have regrets. I think I'm appre I appreciate
that I did have to go through that, and I
I think I strategically put myself through that to try
to be straight so badly because I wanted that so badly. Yeah,
(03:58):
and look, I I do think there is a good chance,
like if I didn't go through that, like I wouldn't
be here on this earth like I And that sounds
really sad and messed up to say, but like if
I didn't have that experience, like I wouldn't I just
wantn't have survived. And you know, mixing the global pandemic
(04:19):
and quarantining and then coming out during the pandemic just
on top of it, it's complicated. So I guess, like
the short answer is like, no, I wish I wouldn't have,
Like for a lot of people's sakes, I would have
saved a lot of people time. But also like if
anybody can learn and look at my point of view,
in my opinion, it saved my life and it allowed
(04:40):
me to live the life that I would like always
wanted but never thought I could live. So I think
like there is some beauty in that.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I was curious if you ever came close during filming
to just saying, hey, I tried, I'm trying to be
this person. I'm realiz using I'm not or did you
not have that realization yet?
Speaker 2 (05:05):
No? I mean, look, deep down, I knew I like
I knew I was gay while we were filming, but
there was also a part of me, maybe not as
deep down, that felt like I could possibly change, like
there was hope. It was confusing because I was still
feeling like I had an attractive level to women, but
(05:27):
there was never space and an opportunity. And this is
not on you, as like the host of the show,
but I never felt comfortable approaching you and or production
saying I'm struggling with my sexuality here, like let's have
this conversation, and I don't look, look, I don't even
know if you would have been able to like handle
that of basticularly being like, holy crap.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I would like to think that the show could have,
but deep down I know it wouldn't have. And I
hate to say that, and it's not a dig at
the show. It's just not what that does it they're
there for, and I think it would have been bastardized
and exploited. And I mean, hell, they tried anyway, you know,
(06:07):
even without your your blessing. I mean that was the
whole Billy Eichner comment. He didn't come up with that comment.
He was told to say that. You know, you and
I have had these discussions, you know how they tried
to you know, they had their suspicions and tried to
out you and throughout the show, and so you know,
I would love to have said, hey, I wish you
(06:30):
would stop me on the beach when we were jogging
one day in Vietnam and said hey, man, can we
have this conversation you and I could have, But I
don't think it would have been handled better on the show.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I agree, And I think there is there is a
part that I was so in it too that I
really didn't fully understand who I couldn't and could trust.
I think that's also as you know too, Like I
think there was this one the one moment where after
like I jumped the fence and the next day I
came back and we sat down and I looked at
you and like the first two questions were great, and
(07:03):
I felt like we were in this conversation. All of
a sudden, I like get a pick up and I
see you know, you're wearing your in ear and I
was like, Chris, can you take the in here out?
And like let's just have a conversation here and you're
like yeah, and you took it out and hit it
and you're like and that I always appreciate it, and
that from them that moment, I knew I could trust you,
because like, Okay, here's somebody who values me and my
life and my story and what I'm going through over
(07:24):
making a good TV show. So like I I now,
I know that I could trust you. But back then,
when we were on that beach running around, I was
like there was there would have been no space space
for me to know who I couldn't and COO trusts.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
And that's very fair. I definitely would have told you
to feel the same way. I mean, it's you know
it because you're doing a show, and you know I
always the show can catch a lot of grief for
a lot of things, but at the end of the day,
they are doing something that is it's a business to
make money, and you are part of that business making money.
And it's odd because yes, it's our lives and it's
(08:01):
artistic and there's all these other layers to it. At
the end of the day, it's a job and you're
hired essentially to do a job, even if that job
is to fall in love. So it's a very interesting dynamic.
And I always try to tell people, you got to
understand the Colton's and the Hannahs and all these people
of the world. Yeah, they signed up for this, but
(08:22):
don't give me the oh, they should know what they're
getting themselves into, because it's just you don't know until
you're in the middle of it. And it's different for
everybody totally.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
I mean, that's that's the thing. And I think for
people to understand too, Like most of these leads right
now when they get tapped to lead that show are
in their twenties. I mean yeah, Like you know, I
especially was emotionally stunted because of sports, and I'm like, look,
I know you have a son who is in the
(08:50):
cross and committed to that sport very like, but I
know he also has a girlfriend. But like for me,
I just didn't. I avoided relationships and I avoided like
trying to figure out like my emotional growth. So by
the time I was a bachelor, yes, I was like
what twenty five twenty six when I did that show.
Emotionally though, I was still a teenager, I was still immature,
(09:11):
didn't really know what I was looking for. Probably shouldn't
have been in that position. But also is like, this
is an opportunity of a lifetime that for many different
reasons that I'm looking for.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
But but yeah, I mean there's there's always layers to
a person being the Bachelor bacherette. And I mean you
and I have had long discussions about this, and I
thought long and hard about it. I mean, because it's
like being a child star. You were a sports star.
You went to the NFL the point one percent make
it to the NFL, but it also you kind of
(09:40):
stopped growing because you are so worried about growing to
be an athlete, and you got this this thing and
so this other party you kind of stops and the
rest kept going. And so you're a grown man, you're
playing in the NFL, and then all of a sudden
you're the Bachelor. It's like, but this other part of
you never had a chance to catch up, and that's
what kind of slingshot, and that's I think it took
(10:02):
the Bachelor. And again, I'm with you. I think at
the end of the day, I would say, don't regret that. Yeah,
sure you can apologize and you wish it had gone
better for certain people, but at the end of the day,
it caused you to catch up and the scales got
to even out a little bit for you.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I would definitely agree with that. I think that's a
great way to put it. I never thought of it
like like that, but yeah, it was very much. I
prioritized a different career than I did, like my own
personal growth, and all of a sudden, I'm in this
intense year of filming Bachelorette, Bachelor and Paradise Bachelor and
doing all of this self work. And that's also like,
(10:41):
that's also why I somewhat am at peace with even
the women who were on my season, and I feel
like they also went through a lot of self work too,
and they got out what they wanted out of that
show too, you know. And you know, I do hear
that or see comments every once in a while, being
like you wasted so many women's time. I'm like, they
had a good time and went to travel the world
(11:02):
with me. Yeah, it's complicated.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
And by the way, it's it only was going to
end up good for you mean, ninety nine percent of
the people that come on the show don't end up
with somebody. That's that's that's you know, I'm not a
big believer in all that. I mean, if you had
had that understanding and you came in to fool everybody
and you actually showed up to deceive us, all, that's
one thing. But having that realization later there's not much
(11:26):
difference than that, and say, Bob Guiney finding out later
you know what, I'm not ready for a relationship. You know,
did he waste everybody's time technically, but he didn't do
it to deceive anybody. You weren't being malicious, you know,
that wasn't in your heart at the time.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
No, there was lots of christs or help. That's sort
of what I'm realizing is like my sub blanch is
basically being like, help help me come out, help me
get through this, Tell me what's right, tell me what's wrong?
What do we need to do?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Was there anything as you look back because a lot
of people have come on the podcast and they've said,
you know, I had a question for you. I've always
wondered this, and you and I have had a lot
of these conversations. But I'm just curious if there's still
anything that sticks out to you that you wonder about
with the show with me or anything that happened.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
You know, most of them I've already asked you. I
you know I was. I was so paranoid though, like
just because and I've publicly said this before too, Like
you know, I did have a like not a relationship,
but like a physical relationship with a man before, like
I went on too that show. So I was always
so paranoid. But the majority, and this is the sad part,
(12:44):
and also what I want people to realize, is like
that easily could have been me. Most of those men
who I had had it some sort of physical connection
with were married with families and like in a similar
position that I was like in and my process behind
and that was, if they're going to help me, they
have to have just as much, if not more, to
(13:05):
lose than what I have. So my I was always
sort of operating with so much anxiety while we were
filming that show, and while that show was airing, and
while I was doing press that there would be like
that one person who like emails a producer and the like,
I know he hooked up with my friend, you know
here in this state. And so that was always something
that I was a little nervous about. And some things
(13:28):
like necessary questions. It's more so too, like the way
that my virginity was handled, like of course, like I
would have loved to give a straight answer of why
I was a virgin. I hid beyond my faith, I
hid behind football, I hid behind I mean you know
this because you had to ask me ten million times
on the show, and I would give you a different
answer every time you asked me. And they're like everybody's
like I remember, like there's people who even publicly were like,
(13:50):
why is he a virgin again? And I'm like, because
I couldn't say I'm questioning my sexuality to Chris, so
I had to say all of these other things. Now
that I've been in this industry for a little bit,
you that's a machine of a franchise and you have
to do some savage things to get to that level.
And now I have full a better understanding of what
(14:12):
they do and how they operate and who they are.
And I've also had the privilege and opportunity to work
with other production companies since that and know that that's
not the norm. I think that was the cool thing
about getting out love it, appreciate it for what it
did and taught me, but also realize it's just not
for me. Like that. The way that they roll is
is not how I want to roll and not how
(14:33):
I want to do business. And I feel like you
can still entertain people and put on a good show
and take care of those people too.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Yeah, and you can, and that's that's happening, and that's
what's happening more and more, and so it's you know,
I had to take people aside when they came on
the show and tell them when they were new, look,
I know you've been in the business for a while.
We do television unlike anybody's ever done television, and some
of it's just a victim of our success. Like a
lot of these people grew up. They were eighteen, nineteen,
(15:05):
twenty years old. They started working on the show because
it was a nothing show, and then they stayed on
the show for twenty years. And so they never really
learned anywhere else to bring kind of the technical TV
skills in. So they just created this system. And so
we did things a lot of times in a very
backwards way, but it's the way we did it. And so,
(15:25):
you know, and I went off and did Millionaire, you know,
spelling Bee, and I did a million other shows, and so,
I mean, I had a lot of experience, and so
I always just I knew when it came back to
the Bachelor, this is how we do television. It's just
it's very backwards in the way producers ran the show
and as opposed to a director, et cetera. It was
very interesting. And you're right, it doesn't have to be
(15:46):
that way, and it's not on a lot of places.
But I always said, they're just a victim of their
own success, and that's it's not a terrible and that's
not a terrible thing. They've been, you know, going for
twenty years now, So it is what it is. Things
I do know, do you keep up with the franchise
at all? Do you still watch? Do you know what's happening?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I don't I know what's happening because I'm on social
media and I see things like I saw obviously, you
know the success of Golden Bachelor. I also saw they
broke up immediately after, you know, like I definitely see it.
I don't tune in, I don't watch. I have, you know,
a texting relationship with a few of the producers over there.
And I'm at peace now with it, Like I don't,
(16:26):
I have zero ill will towards them. I'm actually appreciative
of like what I've gone through and what they've been through.
I think hopefully they've learned a few things. I know
a few people have been in and out of out
of working for them now, so I keep up a
little bit, but I want to go back because one
thing that always stood out to me that you told
me on the day that we shot our promo photos
for the season. You said, Hey, I'm Chris. I just
(16:50):
want to like introduce myself in like you leaned in
your like pick your battles wisely. It's like choose, choose
your battles wisely. And I was like, okay, So that
was sort of my mind to do this whole thing.
Is like anytime I wanted to get upset or being
like fight and resist it, I had to remind myself, Okay,
is this worth it? And there were very few moments
where I was like, okay, this is worth it. And
(17:12):
then I think you saw the you know, the mountain
explode and Portugal, when I finally jumped the fence, I
was like, okay, I cannot do this. But yeah, you
always you always, Yeah, you always gave good advice.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Yeah I know I did mean that because I saw
bachelors and bacherettes that would fight for everything. And you know,
it's one of those old sayings. If you stand for everything,
you stand for nothing, and you know you can't win
and fight every battle every day because they're shooting a show.
And I told you this, and I told I told
every bachelor and bacherette. I said, look, you have to
give a little. There's things we have to do to
(17:45):
shoot a television show. But if it's something that means
enough to you, then hold your ground and dig in.
And that's the hill you got to be willing to
die on. And Portugal was the hill you were willing
to die on. I was willing to die on it
for sure, Yes you did. Instead you just cleared it
and off off into the wilderness. Well, hey, I know
(18:07):
you're in New York and as Jordan with you, you
guys head in to a show.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, we're going to a Broadway show tonight and then
doing dinner, and we're really just like taking this moment
for ourselves, like we uh, we came out. We were
both in DC for some work. I'm still doing some
lobbying for mental health bill that I that I'm working on.
And Jordan obviously is gearing up. He does a lot
of social impact around politics and there's a lot going
on in our country and now unfortunately, so we're working
(18:31):
to just continue to continue to try to serve as
bridges to many different people's cultures, communities, and but right
now we're sort of just wrapping each other with love
and joining where we're at.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Well, you know, it's easy for it would have been
easy for you guys after you got married, to just
disappear and never be heard from again. But to use
what you have for good and to be a bridge
for for hope, for good, for love and all that is.
It's a good thing. It's a wonderful thing, and not
everyone will see it like that. But that's not your job.
Your jobs not to try and convince everybody. But I
(19:06):
appreciate what you guys do, and I always appreciate your
time and more importantly, always appreciate your friendship.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Well, thank you. I appreciate you and Lauren both, and
I know Jordan wanted me to tell you hello and
her hello as well. So yeah, I can't wait for
our next hang, whether we're in Austin or you're you're.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Out in la likewise, and I can't wait for that
first family meal when we're there and you guys have
a baby and y'all are just getting spit up on
and foods everywhere, and Laura and I just get to
sit there and have our glass of wine and just
get to relish.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Sure this, buddy, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Yeah, it's the best of things. It's the worst of things.
Get some sleep because October will come quickly. Love you
guys all the best, and I will talk to you soon, all.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Right, Thank you, appreciate you, Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Follow us on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever
and make sure to write us a review and leave
us five stars. I'll talk to you at time.
Hosts And Creators
Lauren Zima
Chris Harrison
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