Can Love Island USA actually make your relationship better? Amy and T.J. think so! Have you ever argued with a partner about PDA? How about a partner interrupting you or cutting you off? What about kissing and telling or passive aggressive behavior? When it’s YOUR relationship it’s hard to recognize your own bad behavior or insecurities- but when it’s someone else’s it’s fascinating… and can be enlightening.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, folks.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Is Thursday, July tenth, we are four days away from
the finale of a Love Island. There will be a
new episode tonight in this show, which is a phenomenon,
no doubt, is a guilty pleasure to some, but it's
a relationship therapy to others. And if you get beyond
the hot bodies, the kissing gangs, and the show controversy,
(00:24):
these Islanders are teaching us all relationship lessons and showing
us the relationship mistakes. They're pretty much every single one
of us has made or is currently making in our
own relationship. And with that, welcome to this edition, Love Edition,
Love Island Edition of Amy and TJ Robes for real.
(00:45):
You got me on this show a couple of years ago,
and I was completely turned off by it. Initially it
was silly. I started paying attention and we started having
substantive conversations about relationships.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's absolutely true, and at first maybe a little embare
to admit. But now that everyone seems to be jumping
on the Love Island bandwagon, I don't feel so ashamed
about saying that actually, yes it is a guilty pleasure,
Yes it is entertaining.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
But there really are deeper.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Messages, deeper takeaways you can get from these folks who,
whether or not you believe they're actually looking for love,
are attempting to couple up, are attempting to be in
a relationship, if nothing else, to win the prize money
and maybe win a boyfriend or girlfriend in the process.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
But real life issues.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Are taking place on this villa that mimic real life
issues in all of our lives, so real in all
of our relationships full time.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So it really I said at the top, if you
look past the hot bods and some of the stuff
going on, we have the show kind of on in
the background some previous episodes. As we're doing this, everything
looks so bright and everybody looks so hot, and it's
a nice villa and gorgeous. There is some realness and
some underlying ugliness that people deal with in their relationships
that if you step back out of your own and
you watch somebody else, you can go, oh, my god,
(02:03):
he shouldn't have said that, Oh she shouldn't have put
it that way.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Oh why are they you see it when it's.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Somebody else, Yes, And then maybe if you really can
get honest with yourself, you can say Ooh, I might
have done that before. Ooh, that might have been what
I said last time, and I shouldn't have.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
You really can start to.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Put yourself in their roles, and a lot of this
is insecurity.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
It's jealousy, it's ego.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And youth and inexperience, a lot of oh yeah, and
sometimes some of those young inexperienced for sikes, I'm still
making at the age of fifty two.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
So it's really fascinating.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So watch this thing.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
So yes, the last episode, episode thirty two. Of course,
everybody talks so much about it because controversy. Somebody else
got kicked off the show recently, Sierra Otega. A lot
of you all know that. We won't dive back into
that right now, but it was a big deal because
a couple got sent home. So Taylor and Clark are gone.
We're getting down to the last few couples now. But
(02:58):
in the last episode, so thirty two, there were four
we noticed four huge relationship scenarios that will cause problems
if you don't address them quickly. We're gonna go through
the four, but one PDA, what do you do if
one partner likes to be affectionate in public and the
other doesn't Another issue cutting someone off during conversation. Does
(03:21):
it suck when your partner won't let you finish a sentence?
Also kissing and telling do you go back and tell
your friends' details about the bedroom? And then passive aggressive?
Do you or your partner have a problem expressing yourself
when you're actually upset and end up just acting out
in a way? So those are the four major issues rollups.
(03:41):
Let's go with PDA first a scenario. This had to
do with Chris the basketball player and Hudo.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yes, and so Chris was questioning why Hudo was all
about getting intimate in bed at night when the lights
were off. Granted, all the other islanders are in bed
right next to them making out as well, correct, But
when it came to like the daylight or just walking around,
she wouldn't even She was uncomfortable with him even giving
(04:07):
her him a small peck, And so he questioned her.
He said, why is it that you're all ready to
get intimate in bed, but in front of all the
other islanders you're looking around to see who's looking. You
don't want to be showing affection towards me in front
of everyone else.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
And the cameras. Why is that okay?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So let's take her at her word. First of all,
is what she said, she was trying to move a
little slower. She wasn't as comfortable in public. She didn't
want to make some of the mistakes that she made
previously in her other relationships. Her reasons for it are
her reasons. The issue there being do they both have
have you dealt with this? And we can all answer.
(04:46):
There's a certain degree of discomfort I have had in
relationships with public displays of affection because sometimes I don't
find it's authentic. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, sometimes it's not wanted
by me. It's usually not a matter of just all,
I'm in public, so I don't want to hold hands
or I don't want to kiss. It has everything to
do with who you're with, is what I find.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I couldn't agree more with you.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yes, So I have also thought of myself as someone
who doesn't like PDA. In fact, I've said it openly
all the time. You and I used to joke I'm
not a big handholder. I don't really like turns out.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
It turns out it depends on the.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
Partner, because I would say, maybe, well, we both are.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
We're not over the top.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
We might have been accused of such things, but I
think we've just expressed ourselves and felt comfortable expressing ourselves
physically if we're in public or we're in private, holding hands, hugging,
even a kiss. I don't really enjoy watching people or
being participating in making out in front of people.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
I think that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
And that's when people usually scream get a room, and
I would agree, I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
But yeah, a peck, a small kiss.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
We should be clear, this is what we're talking about
on the show. It wasn't so major makeout session. So
what do partners do? So now, let's solve that issue.
If you are in a relationship in which you aren't
comfortable with public displays of affection, we're not talking about
the makeout stuff, simple hand holding, arm around.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
You, a kiss, you get up from the table at the.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Rest of those kinds of things. What does one do?
How does a couple resolve such an issue? Because we
can love each other plenty and just one person isn't
as into that, but it's going to feel like a
rejection by the from the other person.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So what do you do it?
Speaker 4 (06:29):
One hundred percent would feel like a rejection.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Look, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I have been in this situation where now I can
be reflective in having had several relationships that for me,
it actually was the person I was with, and it
was perhaps a symptom of a larger problem that maybe
there's a reason why you don't want to hold someone's
hand in public or even pat them on the butt
or give them a hug or a peck.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Maybe you don't want other people.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Seeing you doing that because maybe you're really not that
into that person.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
I think that you have to ask yourself that.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I think you have to have an honest conversation and
maybe you don't want to admitted, but it could be a.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Symptom of a larger problem.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
And for the person who wants the affection and who
feels rejected, I think you have a legitimate claim. I
think you can have a conversation about it and maybe
just make sure that the other person.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
But I don't know.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I do think it's a I think it's a warning,
a warning sign.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
So the person being rejected has to listen and have
some level of grace that works well when you've got
years and experience together, they're on a show where they've
been together for weeks, or and someone at the at
the beginning seemingly rejecting me as a six' eight fit
(07:39):
former professional athlete in this environment where everybody is supposed
to be, horny you won't even give me a kiss
on the. Cheek that in front of. People, yeah that feels.
Different that feels like.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
It and especially when you're playing a, game you want
to maybe people trying to keep their options. Open so
it's a little, suspicious AND i do think IT'S i
think he should feel validated in feeling slightly. REJECTED i
do think that they're is something to.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
THAT i don't want to break, down and people have
their opinions who's right who's wrong in that, scenario but
it is a scenario every single one of us at
some point has dealt.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
With how do you feel ABOUT pda in? PARTICULAR i.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
DON'T i appreciate, it AND i.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
HAVE i found it sad that anyone thinks it's odd
that you AND i are in public. Always we are
always physically touching each other in one way or. Another
we don't even recognize. It sometimes if you just find
a way we're just physically. TOUCHING i think that's, great
AND i think it's too bad if someone actually sees
(08:37):
that and thinks it's, odd.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
It thinks it's. Wrong people aren't supposed to. Inappropriate they're
into each.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
OTHER i think it is a way Of, look sometimes
we have a struggle SAYING i love you OR i
miss you Or i'm. Sorry there's a way to express yourself,
physically and she is physically telling him. Something. Right isn't
that what love was supposed to. Be it's not just
a matter of having love behind the. Scenes you want
to be, public want your. Love that's how you express.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
It, yeah and show you.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Out SO i felt sorry for the brother on, that
but it led to him being passive. Aggressive we'll get into.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
That everybody makes.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Mistakes right when you feel, rejected you go one.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Way all, Right.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
We're gonna stick the second big issue and this one
who is a doozy still with christ And, huda they're
the ones that had this issue as. Well cutting somebody
off during. Conversation every single one of us has at
least one person in our. Lives we're not talking about
overtalk in the back and forth of a. Conversation we're,
like flat out won't let you finish your sentence and
(09:35):
cuts you. Off co, workers family, members, friends. Partners we've
all had people who are like. That how do you
handle that in a? Relationship because it happened With christ And,
Huda he's trying to express himself about this whole. Issue
he could not get three words.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
OUT i don't mean to be totally Team chris, here
BUT i thought he handled it really really. Well he
did not get, mad he didn't get, loud he didn't
cut her, off but he kept telling her you're cutting me,
off you're not letting me. Finish and he said it,
calmly AND i think he handled it really really well and.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Eventually answered it. Desperately he just, said could you please
let me? Finish? Please, like what are you supposed to?
Do and that there's a height of frustration if you're
trying to make a point and it gets cut off
and somebody answers for you and answers a question that
you weren't even, asking and he's just a waste of.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Time it's so, Frustrating AND i will follow on my sword.
HERE i have been completely guilty of being that person
and recognizing it through your.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Calm you are cutting me. Off you are not letting me.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Finish and what when this typically Happens and this is
when it happened In Love island is when she was
being accused of something where she felt like she had
to defend herself instead of listening to.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Him and, actually you have said this to me.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Before when you start addressing a problem and you're being
vulnerable as a man, Especially i'm not trying to say
it's a gender, thing but when a man decides to
be vulnerable and tell you why he's feeling a certain,
way us women can't suddenly go into defense mode and
start trying to defend ourselves. Instead, wow take a moment to,
say my guy is actually opening up his heart and
(11:18):
explaining why he feels. Hurt and IF i can't listen to, him,
now what AM i saying to? Him and that is for,
me that was a wake up call and it could
have been a wake up call for. Her didn't happen,
though because he was being, vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
He wasn't and for, us and again they're very early,
on but you start this pattern of she doesn't, listen
or this person doesn't, listen my partner doesn't, Listen my
partner doesn't listen we're talking about relationship. Now but your
partner's going to go to work and have a bad
day and not want to come home and try to
talk to, you but just stick around the office a little,
(11:52):
longer or take time getting, home or do something and
that over, time and yes even over, years you don't
even realize it's, happening but you checked, out and now
you've got a. Problem that thing for a couple that's
just starting, out folks pay attention to, that because if
they potentially are together for a, year two, years three,
years five, years get, married that what we just saw
(12:14):
is going to come.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Back, yes if she can't recognize what she's, doing that
she is putting her own defense mechanisms up above the
needs of her partner who wants to be heard and listened.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
To you're.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Right he immediately said something that he was hurt about
something she was. Doing she heard three words and immediately jumped, in, well, no, no, no, No.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
And here's WHY i did, it BECAUSE i had a
hard time And i've been doing. This, LOOK i have
absolutely been guilty of, that one hundred. PERCENT i have
absolutely been recognizing it because it is a shitty thing to.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Do and you are you know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
What this is the.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Truth when it comes to a, relationship you are going
to eventually go where your emotional needs are being, met,
period and it might mean not staying.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
In your relationship are not being. MET i can confirm.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
That, yeah we should give him very. Calm all he
could say was will you please let me finish What i'm?
Saying and he said it. CALMLY i think she eventually
let him. SPEAK i believe she.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Did for a, second and then she got up and
left because she didn't like what he.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Said, okay so.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You know, what here's a. Lesson he handled that very.
Well she in that moment gave us an example of
what not to do to your.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Partner AND i do think it is highly beneficial to
watch these shows with your partner and to, say, OOH
i can get it.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Now how hurt you have been WHEN i have done?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
That WHEN i Saw chris And, huda WHEN i wasn't, involved,
right WHEN i didn't have to defend myself or feel
the need to defend, myself BUT i could actually just
watch it and, say, wow that's HOW tj felt WHEN
i did. That, NO i seriously can do.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
That we say the show is a Value we're not.
Kidding this is not a stretch in the last. Bit
this show is a relationship saver if you actually will
pay attention to the lesson to that other there in
front of. You all, right, well stay with. Us we've
got two more things to go over. Here other less
lessons that we have. Learned one has to do with
kissing and, telling do you go let your friends know
(14:06):
what just happened in your? Bedroom and then finally passive
aggressive hop that some of y'all are guilty of doing it.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Today welcome back everyone to this episode Of amy AND,
tj where we are discussing real life love lessons.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
That we are learning as we Watch Love ISLAND.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Usa there's only a couple more episodes, left but, hey
if you haven't join, in you'll catch up really.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
QUICKLY i.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Promise it's not that.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Complicated but what you will learn if you especially watch
this with your romantic, partner you are gonna actually identify
things that these couples are, doing even in the early
stages of their fake or real, relationships because they are
real emotions attached and real motivations along with.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Them we watch, it you, said watch with your. Partner
it's not going to cause, fights but it will cause.
Conversations we have, absolutely it's taken us two hours to
get through a fifty minute episode because we keep pausing
because we've got.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
To go around around about.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Something yeah like oh, no, no, no, No i'm telling you
what she should have. Done we go back and.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
You, know it's never sparked a. Fight it's never sparked
any sort of. Conflict it's ACTUALLY i think helped understanding
in about previous conflicts that maybe weren't fully.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
RESOLVED i have been amazed at.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
These shows and so, yes we saw On tuesday nights
episode and this has happened so much In Love. Island
you wus, SAY i wonder how people feel about, This
and we've asked each, other do you go? Back have
you ever told your? Girlfriends have you ever told your
guy friends about some amazing sex you just, had or
(15:53):
what it's like in the bedroom with one girl or the.
Other it seems like it, happens not just, frequently but
it's almost expected in The Love island, villa and Obviously
america and the world is listening as.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well we're talking About amaya And, brian right they got
a chance to go into the right away that's what
they'll call it the, hightout but.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
For a night as a.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Couple that was in the last. Episode so they came,
out and of course their Fellow, islanders the girls over
in one, group the guys another, group, Sorry hooton And
holland and welcoming them all back, victorious right like they
just came back from battle in. It, look we have
to take it in context of the, show and we
should also should we not take it in context of that? Environment,
(16:36):
however all of us ask, yourself if you're dating somebody
now you've been together a, month six, months a, year five,
years you've been, married do you want that person to
go and gleefully happily give details about you all in the.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Bedroom, no and it IT i have.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Happen that's wherever, yes AND i have been extremely upset
about it because the worst thing could ever happen is
when it comes back to, you and even if it's.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Good or, praise it still feels like a.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Betrayal AND i.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Have personally experienced that and it is actually for, me
it felt. Devastating it felt like such a, betrayal LIKE
i can never trust you, again this is not, Okay
and it felt.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Like a form of.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Bragging and it just felt LIKE i was a, LIKE
i don't, know it just felt like maybe this is,
me Maybe i'm, older maybe young people don't feel the same.
Way it felt like like you're almost a, transactional like
you're a piece of, meat that it was something to be.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
Discussed i'm, SORRY i was just so.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Excited it was NOT.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Tj it was not.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
TJEd you.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Wouldn't AM i crazy to say, this BUT i feel
LIKE i know you well enough you would never.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Ever you're so.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
PRIVATE i am trying to find.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Way and, Again i'm not trying to criticize the guys
and gals on the show because of the environment there
IN i just ask everybody we say it's relationship, lesson
like look at, that watch what's happening on the, show
and think about you being the one being talked about
in another group like, that and the way they talked to.
Me it's the one thing that is to, say oh my,
god we had a wonderful. Night he's so sweet and
(18:13):
he was so. Tender and she was not saying.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That i'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That it was the chant eat that, Kitty eat that.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Kitty the.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
Girl the girl's yelling that they were worse than the.
Guys they were worse than the.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
GUYS i, MEAN i don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
How it's okay if somebody wants, it everybody's. Comfortable maybe
she don't mind being talked about in that. Way and
again the environment isn't. Expected but the, lesson or at
least the THING i was trying to get folks to point, out,
like how does that look and how does that feel
if that were you being talked about in such a,
Way it's just it's it's weird to see them so
giddy and talking about just and they've known each other
(18:51):
how long.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Now it's been a?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Month a?
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Month, YEAH i, mean it seemed like they were both
okay with, it totally fine with. It maybe they had
a conversation ahead of, time, saying are you cool IF
i SAY i admit we had. Sex maybe they checked
with one of Their we've seen in other reality shows
where they've denied it and then later, said, WELL i
just didn't want to say it BECAUSE i was respecting,
her WHICH i. APPRECIATE i don't know that you don't
have to, tell but clearly it looked like both of
(19:14):
them wanted to, tell you know, What it reminded me
of a much steamier version Of. Grease tell me, More
tell me? More did she put up a fight like
that kind of?
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Thing which that's a terrible line in and of.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Itself why WOULD i go to the rape? Line but,
anyway you, know everybody go look at the look up
the lyrics THAT.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
I kept thinking WHEN i was watching this that it
reminded me of an actual version of that scene In
greece where they're trying to get each one to say
what happened Between danny And olivia And John Sandy, Sandy
danny And. Sandy, yes but this is a much raunchier,
(19:52):
version but, yes or is?
Speaker 4 (19:53):
It it's?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Really? Everybody, Please i'm. Serious google the lyrics to tell
me more From grease and read through those original. Lyrics
we will only way like we were smiling and dancing to.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
This you think baby Gets Cooled outside as a rape? Song,
okay well you take a listen to tell me?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
More is with the? Highways?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Sorry lessons From greece as, well that's in our next.
Episode the last thing here kissing and. Telling but the
last thing here number four on the, list and we
go back To chris And huda and it's all stems
from that original conflict they had about THE pda passive.
AGGRESSIVE i think everybody knows exactly what this. Means what
we saw it play out in that his attitude. Changed
(20:34):
he started being, quiet short with his. Answers she kept
asking what's, wrong what's? Wrong what's? Wrong classic passive.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Aggressiveness and that's really hard because on one, hand she's probably, thinking, oh,
NO i did something, wrong but she can't really put
her finger on it because she doesn't know what's upsetting.
Him and he that's his power by not telling her
and she's, questioning and he's not admitting that he's actually.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Upset, look it's hard when you're upset to admit you're,
upset but it's even more.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Difficult it doesn't make things any easier by not admitting
what it is that upset. You and this is this
is a classic response to feeling hurt or. Rejected he
felt rejected by her not wanting to kiss him in
public or give him a peck in, public and so
this was his way to retaliate without even realizing he was.
Retaliating probably passive aggressiveness is one of those things where
(21:25):
you're maybe not even realizing you're doing, it but you're
feeling some sort of power or strength from doing, it power.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
ASTERTING i never thought about it that. Way you think
he was a form of, PUNISHMENT i say. Him but in,
general when we're talking about passive aggressive, behavior where are
we closing? Off were punishing emotionally? Someone what are we
actually trying to do other than just protect?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
OURSELVES i think IT'S i think the number one thing
you're doing is protecting, yourself, yes from because you're hurt
and you're being, vulnerable so you put up a. Wall
but you're also punishing your, partner especially when they're asking
you what's, wrong because you know they want to, know and.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
You're, like you know, what they don't get to know right.
NOW i think.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
There's a little bit of, both Isn't you're just, pissed all,
right and you can't express being. Angry the THING i
noticed in this scenario coming from a male, PERSPECTIVE i don't. Guess,
Well i've worked my way out of, this but it
is very difficult for a man to be. Vulnerable it's
difficult to be emotionally. Vulnerable it's difficult to show something
(22:23):
that appears to be, weakness anything less than strength and even,
manhood manly, MANHOOD i mean a to a particular kind of.
Machismo this guy is six foot, eight he's, black former professional,
athlete good looking on this. Show girl won't kiss. Him
that's a type of rejection in that whole packaging and
(22:46):
context that what is he supposed to do with. THAT
i can't sit here AND i can't sit up and admit, That,
Hey i'm upset because you won't kiss. Me that sounds
batter makes so much. Sense would he didn't say it
that ultimately when they got to, It BUT i, mean
he's he's. Stuff you've talked about. This we react differently
when we're hurt or when we're. Vulnerable some people lash,
(23:07):
out some people get, loud some people get. Quiet some
people the, passive aggressive people do their. Things some people
cut you off in. Conversation we do it. Differently that
was HIS i saw. Him it's hard for a six
eight brother to, say, Yeah i'm weak and my feelings
were hurt because you wouldn't give me. Affection that's a tough.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Nuh you can see it when someone else is experiencing,
it and then remind yourself when i'm, Again i'm not
in this mind sound Like i'm, Overreaching but then when
you are experiencing, THAT i can actually remember what other
people did and, say.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
See that's what you're doing right.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Now like if you can take your own emotions and
barriers in all the walls we put up to protect,
ourselves and if you can actually look at it because
you've seen someone else do it and you can see
how ugly that is and how hurtful it is and
how it makes things worse not, better you can.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Get yourself out of.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
It LIKE i have absolutely used scenarios THAT i have
in these. Shows just tell, myself see what you're, doing recognize,
it get yourself out of.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It so thank you to The Love. Islanders i'm we
didn't do this as A. Joe we actually would. Have
we wanted to be doing this the entire, season but
we were actually going Through we were following The ditty
case every single, day and we were putting up two
episodes a day with updates About, Didty and that really
is the reason why we haven't been doing these. Updates
so we're going to do this kind of final countdown here.
(24:26):
NOW i don't guess anybody else is gonna be kicked
Off the show waded through the season with only two
getting kicked off for racial type. Incidents Sierra ortago was the.
Last she did. Apologize you wal can catch. That that's another,
update but she had a long apology video that was
online went a couple of, minutes but she talked for
quite a. Bit but beyond the controversy, ropes there's a
(24:47):
lot of good stuff in this.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
Show, YES i cannot wait to watch.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Tonight and, yes now we have an episode this Is thursday,
night every night until the finale On sunday. Night so
we're going to go ahead and put up an episode
everyd talking about the love lessons and life lessons we
are learning from each and every episode Of Love ISLAND.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Usa we have no.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Intention Of we're not going to come over here and
criticize anybody's move Who america should have picked. That we're
team this person to team that. Person there is really
real relationship value we're plucking out of there and enjoying
talking about because we have done every single one of
these things before.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Recently, yes, yes all, right so thank you all for
listening to. Us please check this out every day Through.
Sunday we'll be on top of. Everything Love, ISLAND, usa
and how you can use it in your own.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
Life
Hey there, folks.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Is Thursday, July tenth, we are four days away from
the finale of a Love Island. There will be a
new episode tonight in this show, which is a phenomenon,
no doubt, is a guilty pleasure to some, but it's
a relationship therapy to others. And if you get beyond
the hot bodies, the kissing gangs, and the show controversy,
(00:24):
these Islanders are teaching us all relationship lessons and showing
us the relationship mistakes. They're pretty much every single one
of us has made or is currently making in our
own relationship. And with that, welcome to this edition, Love Edition,
Love Island Edition of Amy and TJ Robes for real.
(00:45):
You got me on this show a couple of years ago,
and I was completely turned off by it. Initially it
was silly. I started paying attention and we started having
substantive conversations about relationships.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
It's absolutely true, and at first maybe a little embare
to admit. But now that everyone seems to be jumping
on the Love Island bandwagon, I don't feel so ashamed
about saying that actually, yes it is a guilty pleasure,
Yes it is entertaining.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
But there really are deeper.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Messages, deeper takeaways you can get from these folks who,
whether or not you believe they're actually looking for love,
are attempting to couple up, are attempting to be in
a relationship, if nothing else, to win the prize money
and maybe win a boyfriend or girlfriend in the process.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
But real life issues.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Are taking place on this villa that mimic real life
issues in all of our lives, so real in all
of our relationships full time.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So it really I said at the top, if you
look past the hot bods and some of the stuff
going on, we have the show kind of on in
the background some previous episodes. As we're doing this, everything
looks so bright and everybody looks so hot, and it's
a nice villa and gorgeous. There is some realness and
some underlying ugliness that people deal with in their relationships
that if you step back out of your own and
you watch somebody else, you can go, oh, my god,
(02:03):
he shouldn't have said that, Oh she shouldn't have put
it that way.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Oh why are they you see it when it's.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Somebody else, Yes, And then maybe if you really can
get honest with yourself, you can say Ooh, I might
have done that before. Ooh, that might have been what
I said last time, and I shouldn't have.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
You really can start to.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Put yourself in their roles, and a lot of this
is insecurity.
Speaker 4 (02:25):
It's jealousy, it's ego.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
And youth and inexperience, a lot of oh yeah, and
sometimes some of those young inexperienced for sikes, I'm still
making at the age of fifty two.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
So it's really fascinating.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So watch this thing.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
So yes, the last episode, episode thirty two. Of course,
everybody talks so much about it because controversy. Somebody else
got kicked off the show recently, Sierra Otega. A lot
of you all know that. We won't dive back into
that right now, but it was a big deal because
a couple got sent home. So Taylor and Clark are gone.
We're getting down to the last few couples now. But
(02:58):
in the last episode, so thirty two, there were four
we noticed four huge relationship scenarios that will cause problems
if you don't address them quickly. We're gonna go through
the four, but one PDA, what do you do if
one partner likes to be affectionate in public and the
other doesn't Another issue cutting someone off during conversation. Does
(03:21):
it suck when your partner won't let you finish a sentence?
Also kissing and telling do you go back and tell
your friends' details about the bedroom? And then passive aggressive?
Do you or your partner have a problem expressing yourself
when you're actually upset and end up just acting out
in a way? So those are the four major issues rollups.
(03:41):
Let's go with PDA first a scenario. This had to
do with Chris the basketball player and Hudo.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yes, and so Chris was questioning why Hudo was all
about getting intimate in bed at night when the lights
were off. Granted, all the other islanders are in bed
right next to them making out as well, correct, But
when it came to like the daylight or just walking around,
she wouldn't even She was uncomfortable with him even giving
(04:07):
her him a small peck, And so he questioned her.
He said, why is it that you're all ready to
get intimate in bed, but in front of all the
other islanders you're looking around to see who's looking. You
don't want to be showing affection towards me in front
of everyone else.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
And the cameras. Why is that okay?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
So let's take her at her word. First of all,
is what she said, she was trying to move a
little slower. She wasn't as comfortable in public. She didn't
want to make some of the mistakes that she made
previously in her other relationships. Her reasons for it are
her reasons. The issue there being do they both have
have you dealt with this? And we can all answer.
(04:46):
There's a certain degree of discomfort I have had in
relationships with public displays of affection because sometimes I don't
find it's authentic. Sometimes it's uncomfortable, sometimes it's not wanted
by me. It's usually not a matter of just all,
I'm in public, so I don't want to hold hands
or I don't want to kiss. It has everything to
do with who you're with, is what I find.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I couldn't agree more with you.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Yes, So I have also thought of myself as someone
who doesn't like PDA. In fact, I've said it openly
all the time. You and I used to joke I'm
not a big handholder. I don't really like turns out.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
It turns out it depends on the.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
Partner, because I would say, maybe, well, we both are.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
We're not over the top.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
We might have been accused of such things, but I
think we've just expressed ourselves and felt comfortable expressing ourselves
physically if we're in public or we're in private, holding hands, hugging,
even a kiss. I don't really enjoy watching people or
being participating in making out in front of people.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
I think that's a lot.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
And that's when people usually scream get a room, and
I would agree, I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
But yeah, a peck, a small kiss.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
We should be clear, this is what we're talking about
on the show. It wasn't so major makeout session. So
what do partners do? So now, let's solve that issue.
If you are in a relationship in which you aren't
comfortable with public displays of affection, we're not talking about
the makeout stuff, simple hand holding, arm around.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
You, a kiss, you get up from the table at the.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Rest of those kinds of things. What does one do?
How does a couple resolve such an issue? Because we
can love each other plenty and just one person isn't
as into that, but it's going to feel like a
rejection by the from the other person.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
So what do you do it?
Speaker 4 (06:29):
One hundred percent would feel like a rejection.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Look, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
I have been in this situation where now I can
be reflective in having had several relationships that for me,
it actually was the person I was with, and it
was perhaps a symptom of a larger problem that maybe
there's a reason why you don't want to hold someone's
hand in public or even pat them on the butt
or give them a hug or a peck.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
Maybe you don't want other people.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
Seeing you doing that because maybe you're really not that
into that person.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
I think that you have to ask yourself that.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I think you have to have an honest conversation and
maybe you don't want to admitted, but it could be a.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
Symptom of a larger problem.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
And for the person who wants the affection and who
feels rejected, I think you have a legitimate claim. I
think you can have a conversation about it and maybe
just make sure that the other person.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
But I don't know.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
I do think it's a I think it's a warning,
a warning sign.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
So the person being rejected has to listen and have
some level of grace that works well when you've got
years and experience together, they're on a show where they've
been together for weeks, or and someone at the at
the beginning seemingly rejecting me as a six' eight fit
(07:39):
former professional athlete in this environment where everybody is supposed
to be, horny you won't even give me a kiss
on the. Cheek that in front of. People, yeah that feels.
Different that feels like.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
It and especially when you're playing a, game you want
to maybe people trying to keep their options. Open so
it's a little, suspicious AND i do think IT'S i
think he should feel validated in feeling slightly. REJECTED i
do think that they're is something to.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
THAT i don't want to break, down and people have
their opinions who's right who's wrong in that, scenario but
it is a scenario every single one of us at
some point has dealt.
Speaker 4 (08:09):
With how do you feel ABOUT pda in? PARTICULAR i.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
DON'T i appreciate, it AND i.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
HAVE i found it sad that anyone thinks it's odd
that you AND i are in public. Always we are
always physically touching each other in one way or. Another
we don't even recognize. It sometimes if you just find
a way we're just physically. TOUCHING i think that's, great
AND i think it's too bad if someone actually sees
(08:37):
that and thinks it's, odd.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
It thinks it's. Wrong people aren't supposed to. Inappropriate they're
into each.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
OTHER i think it is a way Of, look sometimes
we have a struggle SAYING i love you OR i
miss you Or i'm. Sorry there's a way to express yourself,
physically and she is physically telling him. Something. Right isn't
that what love was supposed to. Be it's not just
a matter of having love behind the. Scenes you want
to be, public want your. Love that's how you express.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
It, yeah and show you.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Out SO i felt sorry for the brother on, that
but it led to him being passive. Aggressive we'll get into.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
That everybody makes.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Mistakes right when you feel, rejected you go one.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Way all, Right.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
We're gonna stick the second big issue and this one
who is a doozy still with christ And, huda they're
the ones that had this issue as. Well cutting somebody
off during. Conversation every single one of us has at
least one person in our. Lives we're not talking about
overtalk in the back and forth of a. Conversation we're,
like flat out won't let you finish your sentence and
(09:35):
cuts you. Off co, workers family, members, friends. Partners we've
all had people who are like. That how do you
handle that in a? Relationship because it happened With christ And,
Huda he's trying to express himself about this whole. Issue
he could not get three words.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
OUT i don't mean to be totally Team chris, here
BUT i thought he handled it really really. Well he
did not get, mad he didn't get, loud he didn't
cut her, off but he kept telling her you're cutting me,
off you're not letting me. Finish and he said it,
calmly AND i think he handled it really really well and.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Eventually answered it. Desperately he just, said could you please
let me? Finish? Please, like what are you supposed to?
Do and that there's a height of frustration if you're
trying to make a point and it gets cut off
and somebody answers for you and answers a question that
you weren't even, asking and he's just a waste of.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Time it's so, Frustrating AND i will follow on my sword.
HERE i have been completely guilty of being that person
and recognizing it through your.
Speaker 4 (10:40):
Calm you are cutting me. Off you are not letting me.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Finish and what when this typically Happens and this is
when it happened In Love island is when she was
being accused of something where she felt like she had
to defend herself instead of listening to.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
Him and, actually you have said this to me.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Before when you start addressing a problem and you're being
vulnerable as a man, Especially i'm not trying to say
it's a gender, thing but when a man decides to
be vulnerable and tell you why he's feeling a certain,
way us women can't suddenly go into defense mode and
start trying to defend ourselves. Instead, wow take a moment to,
say my guy is actually opening up his heart and
(11:18):
explaining why he feels. Hurt and IF i can't listen to, him,
now what AM i saying to? Him and that is for,
me that was a wake up call and it could
have been a wake up call for. Her didn't happen,
though because he was being, vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
He wasn't and for, us and again they're very early,
on but you start this pattern of she doesn't, listen
or this person doesn't, listen my partner doesn't, Listen my
partner doesn't listen we're talking about relationship. Now but your
partner's going to go to work and have a bad
day and not want to come home and try to
talk to, you but just stick around the office a little,
(11:52):
longer or take time getting, home or do something and
that over, time and yes even over, years you don't
even realize it's, happening but you checked, out and now
you've got a. Problem that thing for a couple that's
just starting, out folks pay attention to, that because if
they potentially are together for a, year two, years three,
years five, years get, married that what we just saw
(12:14):
is going to come.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Back, yes if she can't recognize what she's, doing that
she is putting her own defense mechanisms up above the
needs of her partner who wants to be heard and listened.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
To you're.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Right he immediately said something that he was hurt about
something she was. Doing she heard three words and immediately jumped, in, well, no, no, no, No.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
And here's WHY i did, it BECAUSE i had a
hard time And i've been doing. This, LOOK i have
absolutely been guilty of, that one hundred. PERCENT i have
absolutely been recognizing it because it is a shitty thing to.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Do and you are you know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
What this is the.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Truth when it comes to a, relationship you are going
to eventually go where your emotional needs are being, met,
period and it might mean not staying.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
In your relationship are not being. MET i can confirm.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
That, yeah we should give him very. Calm all he
could say was will you please let me finish What i'm?
Saying and he said it. CALMLY i think she eventually
let him. SPEAK i believe she.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Did for a, second and then she got up and
left because she didn't like what he.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Said, okay so.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You know, what here's a. Lesson he handled that very.
Well she in that moment gave us an example of
what not to do to your.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Partner AND i do think it is highly beneficial to
watch these shows with your partner and to, say, OOH
i can get it.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Now how hurt you have been WHEN i have done?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
That WHEN i Saw chris And, huda WHEN i wasn't, involved,
right WHEN i didn't have to defend myself or feel
the need to defend, myself BUT i could actually just
watch it and, say, wow that's HOW tj felt WHEN
i did. That, NO i seriously can do.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
That we say the show is a Value we're not.
Kidding this is not a stretch in the last. Bit
this show is a relationship saver if you actually will
pay attention to the lesson to that other there in
front of. You all, right, well stay with. Us we've
got two more things to go over. Here other less
lessons that we have. Learned one has to do with
kissing and, telling do you go let your friends know
(14:06):
what just happened in your? Bedroom and then finally passive
aggressive hop that some of y'all are guilty of doing it.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Today welcome back everyone to this episode Of amy AND,
tj where we are discussing real life love lessons.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
That we are learning as we Watch Love ISLAND.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Usa there's only a couple more episodes, left but, hey
if you haven't join, in you'll catch up really.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
QUICKLY i.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Promise it's not that.
Speaker 5 (14:42):
Complicated but what you will learn if you especially watch
this with your romantic, partner you are gonna actually identify
things that these couples are, doing even in the early
stages of their fake or real, relationships because they are
real emotions attached and real motivations along with.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Them we watch, it you, said watch with your. Partner
it's not going to cause, fights but it will cause.
Conversations we have, absolutely it's taken us two hours to
get through a fifty minute episode because we keep pausing
because we've got.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
To go around around about.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Something yeah like oh, no, no, no, No i'm telling you
what she should have. Done we go back and.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
You, know it's never sparked a. Fight it's never sparked
any sort of. Conflict it's ACTUALLY i think helped understanding
in about previous conflicts that maybe weren't fully.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
RESOLVED i have been amazed at.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
These shows and so, yes we saw On tuesday nights
episode and this has happened so much In Love. Island
you wus, SAY i wonder how people feel about, This
and we've asked each, other do you go? Back have
you ever told your? Girlfriends have you ever told your
guy friends about some amazing sex you just, had or
(15:53):
what it's like in the bedroom with one girl or the.
Other it seems like it, happens not just, frequently but
it's almost expected in The Love island, villa and Obviously
america and the world is listening as.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Well we're talking About amaya And, brian right they got
a chance to go into the right away that's what
they'll call it the, hightout but.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
For a night as a.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Couple that was in the last. Episode so they came,
out and of course their Fellow, islanders the girls over
in one, group the guys another, group, Sorry hooton And
holland and welcoming them all back, victorious right like they
just came back from battle in. It, look we have
to take it in context of the, show and we
should also should we not take it in context of that? Environment,
(16:36):
however all of us ask, yourself if you're dating somebody
now you've been together a, month six, months a, year five,
years you've been, married do you want that person to
go and gleefully happily give details about you all in the.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Bedroom, no and it IT i have.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Happen that's wherever, yes AND i have been extremely upset
about it because the worst thing could ever happen is
when it comes back to, you and even if it's.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Good or, praise it still feels like a.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Betrayal AND i.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Have personally experienced that and it is actually for, me
it felt. Devastating it felt like such a, betrayal LIKE
i can never trust you, again this is not, Okay
and it felt.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Like a form of.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Bragging and it just felt LIKE i was a, LIKE
i don't, know it just felt like maybe this is,
me Maybe i'm, older maybe young people don't feel the same.
Way it felt like like you're almost a, transactional like
you're a piece of, meat that it was something to be.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
Discussed i'm, SORRY i was just so.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Excited it was NOT.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Tj it was not.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
TJEd you.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Wouldn't AM i crazy to say, this BUT i feel
LIKE i know you well enough you would never.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Ever you're so.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
PRIVATE i am trying to find.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Way and, Again i'm not trying to criticize the guys
and gals on the show because of the environment there
IN i just ask everybody we say it's relationship, lesson
like look at, that watch what's happening on the, show
and think about you being the one being talked about
in another group like, that and the way they talked to.
Me it's the one thing that is to, say oh my,
god we had a wonderful. Night he's so sweet and
(18:13):
he was so. Tender and she was not saying.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That i'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That it was the chant eat that, Kitty eat that.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Kitty the.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
Girl the girl's yelling that they were worse than the.
Guys they were worse than the.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
GUYS i, MEAN i don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
How it's okay if somebody wants, it everybody's. Comfortable maybe
she don't mind being talked about in that. Way and
again the environment isn't. Expected but the, lesson or at
least the THING i was trying to get folks to point, out,
like how does that look and how does that feel
if that were you being talked about in such a,
Way it's just it's it's weird to see them so
giddy and talking about just and they've known each other
(18:51):
how long.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Now it's been a?
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Month a?
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Month, YEAH i, mean it seemed like they were both
okay with, it totally fine with. It maybe they had
a conversation ahead of, time, saying are you cool IF
i SAY i admit we had. Sex maybe they checked
with one of Their we've seen in other reality shows
where they've denied it and then later, said, WELL i
just didn't want to say it BECAUSE i was respecting,
her WHICH i. APPRECIATE i don't know that you don't
have to, tell but clearly it looked like both of
(19:14):
them wanted to, tell you know, What it reminded me
of a much steamier version Of. Grease tell me, More
tell me? More did she put up a fight like
that kind of?
Speaker 4 (19:23):
Thing which that's a terrible line in and of.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Itself why WOULD i go to the rape? Line but,
anyway you, know everybody go look at the look up
the lyrics THAT.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
I kept thinking WHEN i was watching this that it
reminded me of an actual version of that scene In
greece where they're trying to get each one to say
what happened Between danny And olivia And John Sandy, Sandy
danny And. Sandy, yes but this is a much raunchier,
(19:52):
version but, yes or is?
Speaker 4 (19:53):
It it's?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Really? Everybody, Please i'm. Serious google the lyrics to tell
me more From grease and read through those original. Lyrics
we will only way like we were smiling and dancing to.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
This you think baby Gets Cooled outside as a rape? Song,
okay well you take a listen to tell me?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
More is with the? Highways?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Sorry lessons From greece as, well that's in our next.
Episode the last thing here kissing and. Telling but the
last thing here number four on the, list and we
go back To chris And huda and it's all stems
from that original conflict they had about THE pda passive.
AGGRESSIVE i think everybody knows exactly what this. Means what
we saw it play out in that his attitude. Changed
(20:34):
he started being, quiet short with his. Answers she kept
asking what's, wrong what's? Wrong what's? Wrong classic passive.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
Aggressiveness and that's really hard because on one, hand she's probably, thinking, oh,
NO i did something, wrong but she can't really put
her finger on it because she doesn't know what's upsetting.
Him and he that's his power by not telling her
and she's, questioning and he's not admitting that he's actually.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Upset, look it's hard when you're upset to admit you're,
upset but it's even more.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Difficult it doesn't make things any easier by not admitting
what it is that upset. You and this is this
is a classic response to feeling hurt or. Rejected he
felt rejected by her not wanting to kiss him in
public or give him a peck in, public and so
this was his way to retaliate without even realizing he was.
Retaliating probably passive aggressiveness is one of those things where
(21:25):
you're maybe not even realizing you're doing, it but you're
feeling some sort of power or strength from doing, it power.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
ASTERTING i never thought about it that. Way you think
he was a form of, PUNISHMENT i say. Him but in,
general when we're talking about passive aggressive, behavior where are
we closing? Off were punishing emotionally? Someone what are we
actually trying to do other than just protect?
Speaker 3 (21:44):
OURSELVES i think IT'S i think the number one thing
you're doing is protecting, yourself, yes from because you're hurt
and you're being, vulnerable so you put up a. Wall
but you're also punishing your, partner especially when they're asking
you what's, wrong because you know they want to, know and.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
You're, like you know, what they don't get to know right.
NOW i think.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
There's a little bit of, both Isn't you're just, pissed all,
right and you can't express being. Angry the THING i
noticed in this scenario coming from a male, PERSPECTIVE i don't. Guess,
Well i've worked my way out of, this but it
is very difficult for a man to be. Vulnerable it's
difficult to be emotionally. Vulnerable it's difficult to show something
(22:23):
that appears to be, weakness anything less than strength and even,
manhood manly, MANHOOD i mean a to a particular kind of.
Machismo this guy is six foot, eight he's, black former professional,
athlete good looking on this. Show girl won't kiss. Him
that's a type of rejection in that whole packaging and
(22:46):
context that what is he supposed to do with. THAT
i can't sit here AND i can't sit up and admit, That,
Hey i'm upset because you won't kiss. Me that sounds
batter makes so much. Sense would he didn't say it
that ultimately when they got to, It BUT i, mean
he's he's. Stuff you've talked about. This we react differently
when we're hurt or when we're. Vulnerable some people lash,
(23:07):
out some people get, loud some people get. Quiet some
people the, passive aggressive people do their. Things some people
cut you off in. Conversation we do it. Differently that
was HIS i saw. Him it's hard for a six
eight brother to, say, Yeah i'm weak and my feelings
were hurt because you wouldn't give me. Affection that's a tough.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Nuh you can see it when someone else is experiencing,
it and then remind yourself when i'm, Again i'm not
in this mind sound Like i'm, Overreaching but then when
you are experiencing, THAT i can actually remember what other
people did and, say.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
See that's what you're doing right.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Now like if you can take your own emotions and
barriers in all the walls we put up to protect,
ourselves and if you can actually look at it because
you've seen someone else do it and you can see
how ugly that is and how hurtful it is and
how it makes things worse not, better you can.
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Get yourself out of.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
It LIKE i have absolutely used scenarios THAT i have
in these. Shows just tell, myself see what you're, doing recognize,
it get yourself out of.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It so thank you to The Love. Islanders i'm we
didn't do this as A. Joe we actually would. Have
we wanted to be doing this the entire, season but
we were actually going Through we were following The ditty
case every single, day and we were putting up two
episodes a day with updates About, Didty and that really
is the reason why we haven't been doing these. Updates
so we're going to do this kind of final countdown here.
(24:26):
NOW i don't guess anybody else is gonna be kicked
Off the show waded through the season with only two
getting kicked off for racial type. Incidents Sierra ortago was the.
Last she did. Apologize you wal can catch. That that's another,
update but she had a long apology video that was
online went a couple of, minutes but she talked for
quite a. Bit but beyond the controversy, ropes there's a
(24:47):
lot of good stuff in this.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
Show, YES i cannot wait to watch.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Tonight and, yes now we have an episode this Is thursday,
night every night until the finale On sunday. Night so
we're going to go ahead and put up an episode
everyd talking about the love lessons and life lessons we
are learning from each and every episode Of Love ISLAND.
Speaker 4 (25:06):
Usa we have no.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Intention Of we're not going to come over here and
criticize anybody's move Who america should have picked. That we're
team this person to team that. Person there is really
real relationship value we're plucking out of there and enjoying
talking about because we have done every single one of
these things before.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Recently, yes, yes all, right so thank you all for
listening to. Us please check this out every day Through.
Sunday we'll be on top of. Everything Love, ISLAND, usa
and how you can use it in your own.
Speaker 4 (25:35):
Life
Hosts And Creators
Lauren Zima
Chris Harrison
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