July 12, 2025 • 31 mins
Fatigued with the dating apps? Single bachelor J.D. continues his conversation with single gal Louise to talk practical tips to meet men in real life.
Do guys REALLY care about how many (or few) men you've slept with? Is not being able to cook a deal breaker? Do men want to get married again in their 50's post-divorce? J.D. has the answers you've been wanting!
Plus, these single divorcées have an interesting take on the current trend of sleeping in separate bedrooms!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hey, it's Louise of I do part two jumping back
into the conversation with single guy JD. So, in the
world of dating, right, it is hard to know when
you're navigating a person that you're just talking to and
you don't know their baggage and they don't know yours, right,
(00:33):
So we're all just kind of coming with our own
kind of cloudy lens.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
So I find that there are some people that are
super kind of transparent. They came, they saw, they conquered, right,
They're just super direct.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
And then I find that.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
There's people out there that will you know, you know,
I would say not for our age, but basically a
version of sliding into our DM, right, that would be
for our kids age, But that version of like somebody
who's making the outreach and like dipping their toe in
and then doing the back and forth, and then they
(01:11):
like they like ghost you and they go quiet when
you weren't the one who reached out anyways.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Like, I don't know if that's a.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Function of these people are just you know, kind of
throwing a lot of balls against the wall and seeing
what sticks, or they are just you know, kind of
insecure you know people or it's interesting to see that.
And I hear a lot with friends of mine when
they go on kates with guys, and it's interesting to me,
And I would love to know, like what you think
(01:41):
about why there are people that literally make, you know,
outreach and then literally don't do anything with it.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Yeah, I think that's a I think it's a little
bit of a function of our time in the sense
that you can contact so many people so quickly that
it does allow people whether you're on DMS or Instagram
or whether you're on you know, bumble or match or something,
you have the ability to contact a lot of people
and reach out to a lot of people, right, And
(02:09):
so I think and sometimes people like they'll get a
response from somebody and that was the person who was
top of their list, and they'll just focus on that
and they won't they just will stop replying to the
other people, Like they just cast a huge net and
they got lucky.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And so there's some of that.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
They got lucky that the person that was at the
top of their list responded and then they just stop
chasing others. But so that that I think is a
functions on other I think people are also just maybe
just looking for attention and flirting where they're not as interested.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
As they they let on. Right, they enjoy the.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Flirtation, the game, They enjoyed the game.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
They enjoy the game, They enjoy the flirtation, but when
it comes down to it, they don't have the energy
or the time or the interest in chasing two or
three women at once, and so they flirt with ten women,
but they only really pursue one or two because they
run out of time, and so they're but they're flirting
with ten and pursuing two.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
It's a weird, but that can happen. Right.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Well, it's interesting because you know, there've been so and
I don't I don't do dating apps, but there's been
so many articles lately that people are you know, kind
of you know, basically moving off of the dating apps
because it's almost like thirty one flavors. Right, You go
on a date, you come home, you're like, yeah, it
was fun, but the next person could be better, So
you just keep swiping, swiping, swiping, so you're never, never
(03:30):
satisfied with what's in front of you.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
So it feels like people are you know, trying to
make more.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Of a concerted effort to do old school meetups or
you know, join a running club or hire a matchmaker,
or a little more point and shoot. So you're hearing like,
you know, like bumbles letting or hinges letting go of
you know, employees or whatever.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
So I think that would would be great.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Like I just think the numbers game is just it's
too It's like a sensory overload.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, I agree. I was well. Two things.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
One is I was talking to a a guy friend
of mine who there was a service that women pay for,
like for them to get introduced two men, and so
they like curate dates with men for these women. This
is like a high end, high price whatever thing. But
(04:19):
so I think people are looking for a more point
and shoot versus a shotgun. The other thing is I
was talking to a platonic woman friend of mine who
she was getting frustrated with the apps, and I said,
you know, the nice thing about going to a bar
is there's thirty guys there and you can quickly find
that there's one or two that you might be just
(04:40):
superficially attracted to, and then you can go stand near
them and kind of hear them talk and their energy
and by the end of that night. You might have
someone that you talked to and connected to that you
that you got a chance to see in person and
talk to in person within an hour, Right, where's on
the apps? And there was thirty or four people in
the restaurant or the bar.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
In an app?
Speaker 5 (05:03):
The amount of time she was just saying, the amount
of time it takes I got to go on ten
dates to get to one person who I'm both interested
that I'm interested in their looks because that doesn't act
as a picture, or that I that I that the
conversation was good right in person, not the text conversation,
which doesn't always reflect how somebody's vibe really is in person.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
They can be much better on texts, especially right right.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
Right, And so so I was trying to convince to you,
like you're you're what you can accomplish in two hours
in a restaurant or a bar a happy hour is
what's taking you two or.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Three weeks in the apps?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Right, So, like I was exactly advocating for that, like
that old school where you go to two or three
restaurants and you're around seventy five people who live in
your town and are single, and you get to talk
to two or three in person is actually in some
ways better and faster than this longer drawn out You
(05:58):
text for three weeks, you meet one person, you do
that again, and now you've met ten people in ten
weeks versus ten people in one weekend.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Right, So, anyway, I'd like to see some of the
old school stuff coming back for people.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
What do you think about the concept of recycling?
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Right?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
So I love to do this, right. One woman's trash
is another woman's treasure.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Right So just because there was no kind of connection
or love spark between me and something doesn't mean that
there might be something between somebody else. So I'm always
one who loves to do that, and I think women
are very open to that. Are men open to that? Like,
have you ever gone out with somebody that you're like,
(06:41):
she's great, but she's not right for me. I think
she's a better fit for this person.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Well, first of all, I agree with you.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
I'm a big fan of that idea because you've got
to know the person enough to know they don't fit
for you, but you also had a light bulb go
off that they fit this other person that you know.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I think it's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I think it's a compliment.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
It's like I liked you enough not for me that
I want to introduce you to somebody who means something
to me.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
Yeah, I think it's a compliment, and if people take
it the other way, then they're two sensitive. But I
would say for the guys, I would say it needs
to be early on, right, if you dated the if
you went on one date with the person, it's great.
If you went on if you dated for a month
or two, they're less likely to man can get weird
about that piece, right, Like now I'm dating your ex
girlfriend I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
I had been dating this guy for like.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Six months or seven months and we broke up, and
so my friend said, well, why don't you set him
up with so?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
And so I go, no, he's an ex boyfriend, like boyfriend,
that's like not happening.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Like you know what I'm saying, Like, and I don't
know if that was a function. I just want to
make sure I was, you know, I don't know what
it was, but something about that just did not feel it.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Yeah, two dates is great, but yeah, when you get
into the months, it's a little less fun to hand
it off. I've actually gone and asked friends of mine
about girls they dated for three to six months, like
would you be okay if I asked her out?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
And some of them said yes, and some of them
said no.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Right, that probably has to do with who ended it
right and if it's resolved or not resolved.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Well exactly, So, yeah, you got to make the handoff quickly.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Yes you do, okay, So let's move on to a
question from Teresa.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
So Teresa is asking a question about is it important
for you to have a sense of her body count
the number of guys that she slept with. So I
would assume Teresa has probably slept with a lot of people,
which is why she's asking this question.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
So is that a topic that you want to have
a conversation about or is it weird? Is it invasive?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah? I don't.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
I've never asked a woman that in my entire life.
I've had women offer it up to me and share
it during because they were actually sharing it so they
could ask me about mind. So they were doing it
as a lead in, which was fine. But unless a
woman led me into that conversation, I'm not going to
ask a woman that. I think you you get to
(09:15):
know somebody you get a sense.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
If they are.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
I don't know, are you going to get a sense
organically whether it's four or forty, If it's four hundred
or four thousand, you'll probably start to figure that out
from I don't know her friends or or her you
know her her social media, but I don't. I think
it's a personal thing, and I don't think it's super
relevant to whether the two of you are connecting or not.
(09:41):
And if it's a real big outlier where it's one
person or it's five thousand, you're going to sense that anyway.
Like you, if you can't read that, there's probably something
wrong with your your.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Ability to read people.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
But for most people it's in a normal range and
it's all fine, and it's all going to work out.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
You don't have to get into numbers.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I mean that's my view, right, So two responses to that.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
So and again we all navigate in our own way, right.
So for me, you know, I only.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I'm only sleeping with one person at one time, and
if I'm only sleeping with that, we're totally exclusive, right,
So then I take it a step further, which is
really interesting, And I've never gotten pushed back on this, right,
but I actually make a guy get an STD test
period and I've never.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Gotten pushed back. And so for me, I have a
boundary that's super super clear.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
And you know, I have other friends who you know,
they'll you know, do whatever all the time, no condoms, whatever, Right,
So I just am terrified of getting something, you know
what I'm saying. And so, and I also want to
know that if I'm going to I want it to
just be with us and I'm in it. What happens
when you just start dating somebody and they're just out
(11:10):
of their divorce and you learn that the only person
she has ever slept with in her entire life is
her ex husband. Is that a nerve wracking thing for you?
Is that like a step up to the challenge and
let me thing? Is it give you pause that she
(11:31):
hasn't experienced in nothing. You don't necessarily want to be
the first one out of the gate and all of that,
Like what would what would go through your mind in
that scenario?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
It is definitely something to ponder for a minute, in
the sense that if you're not interested in her, if well,
let me say this, first of all, there's unless she
met the person and married them at twenty one.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
There's a good chance that she dated people before him,
But let's say she didn't.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
The first boyfriend she's ever had and the only person
she's ever been with is her husband.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I would say, I would say, if you're.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
Interested as a guy, the chances are you're actually I
don't think it's intimidating as much as you're likely going
to get that much of a better like instead of
being stressed about it, you're actually more likely to get
compliments because she's had this bad thing for so long
that has been dragging out for so long that that
(12:35):
it's just going to make you look good as a guy.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
And also obviously it means something to her that she's
just not throwing a cat at all the time. So
if she's willing to take that step with you, it's
almost validation too that she really likes you.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Right.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Yeah, one is she takes her relationship seriously. She hasn't
stupp with a lot of people, so yeah, that just
shows she's interesting, which is a compliment. And there's no
reason to be intimidated as a guy like in that,
why are you, like, why would you be intimidated by it?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
But I do think it's a compliment.
Speaker 5 (13:00):
So uh, and I have since might worst dated people
who kind of fall into your category, and it was
I thought it was a compliment. I didn't find it stressful,
but I could see how someone might have to think.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
About it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Well, the best is when they'll call me and they'll
be like, guess where I was today, and they're sending
me a picture of their arm with like a blood
test you know what I'm saying, like getting their sc
tests as in. And I'm like, they're like right on it,
you know what I'm saying. So so then we kind
of have Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Look, it's it's that you're you're letting them know that like, hey,
I'm excited to be exclusive with you. Yeah, I mean,
that's it's all good.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
And at the same time, if they say no, then
it sheds like to me that they're just not that
into me, So why would I want to go down
that road anyway.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So it's a really good kind of litmus test.
Speaker 5 (13:44):
It is right when you when you when it's the
right time, it's a perfect time to have that conversation.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
And yeah, I agreed, So let's okay, So let's talk
about this so a lot of the men that I've dated,
including like my ex husband and different people, like supposing
they're dating these younger girls and they have had vasectomies.
So all of a sudden, you see a couple of
(14:09):
things happen. You see that all of a sudden, you know,
all of a sudden, the lifestyle on the bags wears off,
and you know, little teeny bopper wants to become missus
and she wants to have a baby, right yeah, And
all of a sudden, the guy is in this position
of like, wait a minute, do I want to reverse
my best sectomy?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Do I not?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
And it's interesting because a lot of times, all of
a sudden, what I would assume would be so sexy
with a young thing is that she's probably you know,
you know, you know, for lack of a better word,
banging you six ways to Sunday every which direction, and
you're like, this is the greatest thing in the world
and not my uptight wife, And all of a sudden, she.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Wants to do it. She's going to get the cankles
and she's going to get all this and you're like,
oh no, no.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
So I've seen people like break up with that situation
and like literally move into another situation.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Yeah, I mean, well, I want to make sure I
understand the question.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
But yeah, I've seen I've seen guys that said they
said they didn't want to have any more kids, but
then they were they still had like sperm stored and
they were dating this one and they said, no, I'm
not having any more kids, and then a letter came
in the mail and their girlfriend was like, I thought
you didn't want to have any more kids, right, So
there are guys who are having trouble being honest.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Through that process. For sure, I would say.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
If the guy is serious about the girl and he's
and he says I don't want her, I don't want kids,
then she she would know he doesn't want kids, or
he's getting a reverse vasectomy, or they hope.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
They're going to change his mind.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
And I see that a lot.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, bad, bad idea.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
If a guy says no, I don't want kids, for
the women out there, just listen to that, and uh,
don't assume you're going to change his mind.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
That is not a great strategy.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
So a woman named Nancy wrote a question, and I
know we are this last time, but I do think
it's something that's on a lot of people's minds. So
she writes, I can't cook.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Is that a turn off?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Not to me.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
I mean I said, I think maybe if we dial
it back, maybe to the fifties or something, and people
were like, oh gosh, the most attractive thing to me
about a woman is you know, a great home cooked meal.
I just I don't know how that can be in
the top twenty things that attracts you to the woman.
Like for me, there's a lot of other reasons to
be attracted to somebody. They make you laugh, you do
(16:32):
things together, you are, you have chemistry, you have whatever
friendship connection. There's just there's it's about, you know. The
cooking is like item twenty five on the list, So
I don't think it matters at all.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
It's a nice little plus.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
It's like it's like it's like a cherry on top,
But if you don't have the cake and the icing,
the cherry is irrelevant, I guess, is the best way to.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Put totally agree. So you're in your fifties, your kids
are older.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Do you and your friends want to get married again
or do you feel like you just want a partner
that maybe wears a promise ring, Like, do you feel
the need to if you're not going to have children
and maybe not necessarily share money, do you feel the
need to get remarried?
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Is that something you're looking for? Collectively your friends are
looking for? What's the marriage conversation?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Yeah, I have.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
I mean I have friends that are in both camps
that are in their fifties. I would say there are
some who are like, you know what, I've got kids,
they have kids. We're just gonna kind of, you know,
like you said, be promised ring, engaged forever and not
worry about the marriage part. And they're happy as a clam.
And both people are happier at least they say they are.
(17:50):
But then I have other folks that I know that they,
you know, three years out of their divorce, got remarried
and we're super excited get right back into that.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
The being married part really was.
Speaker 5 (18:05):
Like an important way to solidify their commitment to each
other and like show that to the world. And they
both were super into it. So they're both camps. You know,
I don't know there's a right or wrong answer there.
It's only wrong when the two of you have a
different a different plan, right.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I didn't think right or wrong. I was just more
curious what the temperature is. You know.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's interesting because one of the things, you know, so
my kids are in their twenties, and one of the
things that everybody's talking about, you know right now, which
kind of makes a lot of sense, is is having
everybody sign a prenup right, like even though they might
be you know, making two dollars if they even have
a job, which is hard to get right now, and
they're getting a full allowance from their parents. Is actually
when people are getting married prepping a prenup right, nobody
(18:51):
knows kind of what's going to happen. And I actually
think it makes a lot of sense. Where it's tough
is if there's somebody who's basically stayed home and their
full time career, which is no easy thing is to
like run the household. So the husband is teed up
to go out and make the money, and then all
of a sudden they get divorced and there is like
(19:13):
no protection and they've been out of the job for
us for twenty years, Like you don't get a six
figure you know salary back right like you just it's
just almost impossible. So that's where there has to be
a little bit of a kind of a flexibility where
collectively you have that conversation or there's some sort of
a clause.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I would think, yeah, yeah, I I mean, I agree
with you.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
I think people that spent you know, decades together and
raise kids together, one person can't come out of it,
you know, happy as a clam and you know, financially,
you know, just live in their best life and the
other person's feeling stressed and struggling.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I don't, I don't. I don't think that is a
is a good outcome.
Speaker 5 (19:54):
Right, So when people are getting married in their twenties
and thirties, you know, it doesn't seem like the prenup
is necessary unless itch, unless it has you know, unless
it changes over time. Right, if you spend two years
with somebody, it's one thing, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, it
has to evolve over time versus just this is the agreement,
(20:15):
no matter when we split up.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I don't know that that works very well. I will
say the reason that, like my father got remarried you know,
late in life. I guess he was in his sixties, right,
and and he in order to kind of protect his
kids and grandkids, like so you see a lot of
people doing it in their sixties and you know, fifties
(20:38):
sixties having prenups mostly because they have kids and they
want to make sure things kind of go to their
kids if it doesn't work.
Speaker 5 (20:46):
But I would say for people in their you know,
twenties and thirties, make sure that the prenup has has
kind of time based changes.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
So I have two more questions from two different listeners.
Number one is.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Thoughts on you know, so one of the trends that is,
you know, kind of big right now is not just
separate bathrooms, which I actually think makes a lot of sense,
separate bedrooms.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
There's been a.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Lot of articles of that.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And I also think once you've been divorced and you
haven't slept in the same bed, you know, seven days
a week with somebody, kind of hard to kind of
go back to that, right, Like my friends and I
joke around about it all.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
The time, like you know what I'm saying, like I
want to turn on my TV in the middle of
the diet or whatever. So what is your feeling on that?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
And do you think the sleeping in the same bedroom
for you know, the relationship health and and all that
is really important, Like what's your opinion on.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, I don't, I don't. I don't think it's critical
of all.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
I mean people I know people who are they live
three minutes apart in two different houses, right, and they've
been dating for ten twenty years. I know people that
have separate bedrooms and you know, they come in and
you know, come in and cuddle the person in the morning,
and it's very kind of romantic and bonding and there's
no like So I don't think it has to be
(22:23):
look like it's not the big a deal if and
it can be very romantic in the sense you're kind
of inviting somebody in or they're surprising you, versus they're
lying next to me because they have no other bed
to sleep in and they have it.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
They're so far apart the bed and there's like pillows
between them and they're like literally like I was dating
this guy and I was just I needed sleeping the
same bed as I mean, if I was like waking
up at five am, I was like running downstairs, you
know what I'm saying, Like I couldn't gone out that
that's fast enough.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
So that's the other thing.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
Yeah, I actually think there's almost you can probably do
a study to prove that you have more chemistry and
more run if you're in different bets. Right, So I
probably lean a little bit towards that. But yeah, not
I think whatever works, But I would say people should
try it. They might find that it's kind of it's
(23:13):
kind of fun to be invited in or have somebody
sneak in who you didn't eangeable visits.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
It's like conjugal.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
Yeah, that's it adds a little element of surprise versus
just the same thing every day.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
It becomes so formulae and it just becomes so banilla.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Okay, so my final question, Okay, how long have you
been single for?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (23:37):
I have been.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Single for about four years since my divorce.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Is that a function of you've had a lot of
different experiences, all of which have value, right? Or have
you just not met the right person that has made
you want to lock down? And what would you say
in the four years, has been your longest relationship or
has it just been these like kind of situation ships.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah, I mean, I I don't. I guess I would
say I don't.
Speaker 5 (24:10):
I don't subscribe to the theory that if there's somebody
single in their fifties that they are necessarily doing something wrong.
I think we all kind of grow and evolved differently
at different times, and I would say, you know, it
kind of takes what it takes to get you to
the different parts of your life where you're into things
(24:31):
that fit you better at different parts of your life.
So I don't I don't think it matters if someone's
single in their fifties, if they've never been married, or
they've been married twice.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
I don't. I don't think any of those things are
a black mark. Yeah. For me personally, I would say
I am being.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
You know we talked about this in the last episode,
is that I think having boundaries and setting a low
bar are are things that can get you into real
trouble in life. It did for me and uh, and
maybe it did for other people out there that are
that are listening. So yeah, I would say for me,
I'm I don't think being in a rush is as
important as having boundaries, having a very high bar for
(25:08):
your like for your partner. You should be excited about them.
You shouldn't be saying, gosh, they are good on paper.
You should be just really excited that they are in
your life and that they're somebody you get to spend
time with, and so yeah, I think I think for
me being patient and being picky and having boundaries, it's
(25:29):
not being against commitment because I'm very into having a
exclusive relationship that is definitely the best. That's my goal.
In a lot of people's goals, I think that are
dating and it's mine as well. But I think I
don't think being in a hurry is nearly as important
as making sure you really get to know somebody deeply
(25:50):
and that you have that you've spent the time really
understanding that connection and that partnership versus trying to push
it to you quickly to the next level. I mean,
so I'm I might be a little gun shy, but
I think that's something everyone should be picky and moving
slow that whether you're twenty thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, that
(26:11):
should be a mantra for everyone, which is like, it's
not about speed here, it's about it's a it's a marathon.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
It's a marathon.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
This is not a spread like if you have someone
who super connected to you, it's going to work out,
Like you don't have to worry, like you've like there's
no rush like, you found this person, it's going to
work out. Your connection is amazing. So so you know,
rushing it or going slow is not what determines success.
It's finding that right person that determines the success. So
(26:39):
it's like, yeah, for me, it's not about timeline or strategy.
It's about getting the right person in front of you,
and that takes a little time.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
I totally agree when I see people, you know, things
out start fast typically end fast.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
So I'm watching a friend right now who just starting
dating somebody on an app and and I tell you,
like they've met the kids, and it's like it's like
the love bombing. And by the way, both of them,
it's like they've literally fused on some sort of a
wound where they're like imprinted on each other. And I'm
sitting there and I'm like whoa. And I'm you know,
(27:15):
no judgment to each his own. I hope it goes
the distance.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
And there are those, you know, fairy tale situations, but
I'm watching this thinking that would terrify me.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
And I could say I had I've been in that
situation where you you've been in kind of an accelerated
relationship like you said, love bombing and things are happening
too fast, and it's a it's an addictive it's a
high that that merging and that kind of love bombing
and moving too fast can be really it can be
really attractive and a toxic. It's intoxicating. It's like a drug.
(27:50):
But just like drinking too much, it is not the
recipe for success. It feels pretty good. I mean, it's
very intoxicating, but I don't it is not is a
little bit. It's a little bit of you, you know,
kind of pushing your own dopamine button versus just relax,
let it happen.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
That's that's my two cents.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Well, I have to tell you this has been so informative,
and I'm sure our listeners agree, and I'm hoping that
we can do this again because as we're all continuing
to navigate this new situations, new questions, and to have
the ability to you know, kind of dial into you
and actually get the you know, we all sit there
(28:31):
and we're like, well, what do you think this means?
And let's analyze this and why is why does he
goes to me?
Speaker 3 (28:36):
And why didn't he call me? And why did he
say this? It's you're not going to call the guy, right,
You're not like, oh, why didn't you call me?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Or like it's better for us to call you and
say hey, like try to you know, dissect for me
what was what happened here? Or what's going on in
this guy's head? Right, and so I don't make the
same mistake or or we understand where did I go wrong?
Speaker 5 (28:58):
Well, now it's super fun to me for me and
I love being a part of the conversation giving the
guys perspective. It actually shouldn't be that complicated, but unfortunately
it is. So I'm very happy to be part of it.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Thanks for It's all kind of fun, right, I mean,
you think about it like, it's it's all opportunities, the
people we meet. It's never a waste of our time.
Our time is just you know, it's we have time
to meet good people and have interesting conversations.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
We never know why.
Speaker 4 (29:27):
We meet somebody.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
You know, maybe all of a sudden you meet somebody
and they're not for you, but all of a sudden,
you know your child was looking for a job in
that field and there's an introduction there, or.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
You know, it's yeah, I agree I think, uh, I agree,
getting just getting out there and trying things, learning from them,
trying new things. Just the only, the only, the only
mistake you can make is just is not not putting
it out there and not trying like, don't don't you know,
hol up and read a book every day.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
You got to get out there and make it happen if.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
It's important to you.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Right, A lot of people, I have a lot of friends,
they just been burned and they just feel safer at
home and they're just not looking, you know, to kind
of put their out there.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
But my dad once taught me better to have loved
a little than never to have loved.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
It at all.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 5 (30:12):
Look, there's bad people out there in the world, but
they're equally as many kind, generous, beautiful people out there.
So getting burned is no reason to stay out of
the game. You've got to there's tons of beautiful people
out there that are super kind and supportive, and go
out there and find them.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
On that note, you will definitely attract one of those
people because you are a really special, really special guy.
So JD, I want to thank you for coming back
on again to give our listeners some more insight and
tidbits on how men think super cool to hear very informative.
Do you have a question or need some advice from
(30:53):
a single man, Email us or call us. All of
the information is in the show notes. Follow us on socials.
Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do
part two in iHeartRadio podcasts where falling in love is
the main objective
Hey, it's Louise of I do part two jumping back
into the conversation with single guy JD. So, in the
world of dating, right, it is hard to know when
you're navigating a person that you're just talking to and
you don't know their baggage and they don't know yours, right,
(00:33):
So we're all just kind of coming with our own
kind of cloudy lens.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
So I find that there are some people that are
super kind of transparent. They came, they saw, they conquered, right,
They're just super direct.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
And then I find that.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
There's people out there that will you know, you know,
I would say not for our age, but basically a
version of sliding into our DM, right, that would be
for our kids age, But that version of like somebody
who's making the outreach and like dipping their toe in
and then doing the back and forth, and then they
(01:11):
like they like ghost you and they go quiet when
you weren't the one who reached out anyways.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Like, I don't know if that's a.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Function of these people are just you know, kind of
throwing a lot of balls against the wall and seeing
what sticks, or they are just you know, kind of
insecure you know people or it's interesting to see that.
And I hear a lot with friends of mine when
they go on kates with guys, and it's interesting to me,
And I would love to know, like what you think
(01:41):
about why there are people that literally make, you know,
outreach and then literally don't do anything with it.
Speaker 5 (01:48):
Yeah, I think that's a I think it's a little
bit of a function of our time in the sense
that you can contact so many people so quickly that
it does allow people whether you're on DMS or Instagram
or whether you're on you know, bumble or match or something,
you have the ability to contact a lot of people
and reach out to a lot of people, right, And
(02:09):
so I think and sometimes people like they'll get a
response from somebody and that was the person who was
top of their list, and they'll just focus on that
and they won't they just will stop replying to the
other people, Like they just cast a huge net and
they got lucky.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And so there's some of that.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
They got lucky that the person that was at the
top of their list responded and then they just stop
chasing others. But so that that I think is a
functions on other I think people are also just maybe
just looking for attention and flirting where they're not as interested.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
As they they let on. Right, they enjoy the.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Flirtation, the game, They enjoyed the game.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
They enjoy the game, They enjoy the flirtation, but when
it comes down to it, they don't have the energy
or the time or the interest in chasing two or
three women at once, and so they flirt with ten women,
but they only really pursue one or two because they
run out of time, and so they're but they're flirting
with ten and pursuing two.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
It's a weird, but that can happen. Right.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Well, it's interesting because you know, there've been so and
I don't I don't do dating apps, but there's been
so many articles lately that people are you know, kind
of you know, basically moving off of the dating apps
because it's almost like thirty one flavors. Right, You go
on a date, you come home, you're like, yeah, it
was fun, but the next person could be better, So
you just keep swiping, swiping, swiping, so you're never, never
(03:30):
satisfied with what's in front of you.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
So it feels like people are you know, trying to
make more.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Of a concerted effort to do old school meetups or
you know, join a running club or hire a matchmaker,
or a little more point and shoot. So you're hearing like,
you know, like bumbles letting or hinges letting go of
you know, employees or whatever.
Speaker 3 (03:47):
So I think that would would be great.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Like I just think the numbers game is just it's
too It's like a sensory overload.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, I agree. I was well. Two things.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
One is I was talking to a a guy friend
of mine who there was a service that women pay for,
like for them to get introduced two men, and so
they like curate dates with men for these women. This
is like a high end, high price whatever thing. But
(04:19):
so I think people are looking for a more point
and shoot versus a shotgun. The other thing is I
was talking to a platonic woman friend of mine who
she was getting frustrated with the apps, and I said,
you know, the nice thing about going to a bar
is there's thirty guys there and you can quickly find
that there's one or two that you might be just
(04:40):
superficially attracted to, and then you can go stand near
them and kind of hear them talk and their energy
and by the end of that night. You might have
someone that you talked to and connected to that you
that you got a chance to see in person and
talk to in person within an hour, Right, where's on
the apps? And there was thirty or four people in
the restaurant or the bar.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
In an app?
Speaker 5 (05:03):
The amount of time she was just saying, the amount
of time it takes I got to go on ten
dates to get to one person who I'm both interested
that I'm interested in their looks because that doesn't act
as a picture, or that I that I that the
conversation was good right in person, not the text conversation,
which doesn't always reflect how somebody's vibe really is in person.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
They can be much better on texts, especially right right.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
Right, And so so I was trying to convince to you,
like you're you're what you can accomplish in two hours
in a restaurant or a bar a happy hour is
what's taking you two or.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Three weeks in the apps?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Right, So, like I was exactly advocating for that, like
that old school where you go to two or three
restaurants and you're around seventy five people who live in
your town and are single, and you get to talk
to two or three in person is actually in some
ways better and faster than this longer drawn out You
(05:58):
text for three weeks, you meet one person, you do
that again, and now you've met ten people in ten
weeks versus ten people in one weekend.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Right, So, anyway, I'd like to see some of the
old school stuff coming back for people.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
What do you think about the concept of recycling?
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Right?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
So I love to do this, right. One woman's trash
is another woman's treasure.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Right So just because there was no kind of connection
or love spark between me and something doesn't mean that
there might be something between somebody else. So I'm always
one who loves to do that, and I think women
are very open to that. Are men open to that? Like,
have you ever gone out with somebody that you're like,
(06:41):
she's great, but she's not right for me. I think
she's a better fit for this person.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Well, first of all, I agree with you.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
I'm a big fan of that idea because you've got
to know the person enough to know they don't fit
for you, but you also had a light bulb go
off that they fit this other person that you know.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I think it's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I think it's a compliment.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
It's like I liked you enough not for me that
I want to introduce you to somebody who means something
to me.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
Yeah, I think it's a compliment, and if people take
it the other way, then they're two sensitive. But I
would say for the guys, I would say it needs
to be early on, right, if you dated the if
you went on one date with the person, it's great.
If you went on if you dated for a month
or two, they're less likely to man can get weird
about that piece, right, Like now I'm dating your ex
girlfriend I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
I had been dating this guy for like.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Six months or seven months and we broke up, and
so my friend said, well, why don't you set him
up with so?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
And so I go, no, he's an ex boyfriend, like boyfriend,
that's like not happening.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Like you know what I'm saying, Like, and I don't
know if that was a function. I just want to
make sure I was, you know, I don't know what
it was, but something about that just did not feel it.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Yeah, two dates is great, but yeah, when you get
into the months, it's a little less fun to hand
it off. I've actually gone and asked friends of mine
about girls they dated for three to six months, like
would you be okay if I asked her out?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
And some of them said yes, and some of them
said no.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Right, that probably has to do with who ended it
right and if it's resolved or not resolved.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Well exactly, So, yeah, you got to make the handoff quickly.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Yes you do, okay, So let's move on to a
question from Teresa.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
So Teresa is asking a question about is it important
for you to have a sense of her body count
the number of guys that she slept with. So I
would assume Teresa has probably slept with a lot of people,
which is why she's asking this question.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
So is that a topic that you want to have
a conversation about or is it weird? Is it invasive?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Yeah? I don't.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
I've never asked a woman that in my entire life.
I've had women offer it up to me and share
it during because they were actually sharing it so they
could ask me about mind. So they were doing it
as a lead in, which was fine. But unless a
woman led me into that conversation, I'm not going to
ask a woman that. I think you you get to
(09:15):
know somebody you get a sense.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
If they are.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
I don't know, are you going to get a sense
organically whether it's four or forty, If it's four hundred
or four thousand, you'll probably start to figure that out
from I don't know her friends or or her you
know her her social media, but I don't. I think
it's a personal thing, and I don't think it's super
relevant to whether the two of you are connecting or not.
(09:41):
And if it's a real big outlier where it's one
person or it's five thousand, you're going to sense that anyway.
Like you, if you can't read that, there's probably something
wrong with your your.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Ability to read people.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
But for most people it's in a normal range and
it's all fine, and it's all going to work out.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
You don't have to get into numbers.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I mean that's my view, right, So two responses to that.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
So and again we all navigate in our own way, right.
So for me, you know, I only.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I'm only sleeping with one person at one time, and
if I'm only sleeping with that, we're totally exclusive, right,
So then I take it a step further, which is
really interesting, And I've never gotten pushed back on this, right,
but I actually make a guy get an STD test
period and I've never.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Gotten pushed back. And so for me, I have a
boundary that's super super clear.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
And you know, I have other friends who you know,
they'll you know, do whatever all the time, no condoms, whatever, Right,
So I just am terrified of getting something, you know
what I'm saying. And so, and I also want to
know that if I'm going to I want it to
just be with us and I'm in it. What happens
when you just start dating somebody and they're just out
(11:10):
of their divorce and you learn that the only person
she has ever slept with in her entire life is
her ex husband. Is that a nerve wracking thing for you?
Is that like a step up to the challenge and
let me thing? Is it give you pause that she
(11:31):
hasn't experienced in nothing. You don't necessarily want to be
the first one out of the gate and all of that,
Like what would what would go through your mind in
that scenario?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
It is definitely something to ponder for a minute, in
the sense that if you're not interested in her, if well,
let me say this, first of all, there's unless she
met the person and married them at twenty one.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
There's a good chance that she dated people before him,
But let's say she didn't.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
The first boyfriend she's ever had and the only person
she's ever been with is her husband.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I would say, I would say, if you're.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
Interested as a guy, the chances are you're actually I
don't think it's intimidating as much as you're likely going
to get that much of a better like instead of
being stressed about it, you're actually more likely to get
compliments because she's had this bad thing for so long
that has been dragging out for so long that that
(12:35):
it's just going to make you look good as a guy.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
And also obviously it means something to her that she's
just not throwing a cat at all the time. So
if she's willing to take that step with you, it's
almost validation too that she really likes you.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Right.
Speaker 5 (12:46):
Yeah, one is she takes her relationship seriously. She hasn't
stupp with a lot of people, so yeah, that just
shows she's interesting, which is a compliment. And there's no
reason to be intimidated as a guy like in that,
why are you, like, why would you be intimidated by it?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
But I do think it's a compliment.
Speaker 5 (13:00):
So uh, and I have since might worst dated people
who kind of fall into your category, and it was
I thought it was a compliment. I didn't find it stressful,
but I could see how someone might have to think.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
About it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Well, the best is when they'll call me and they'll
be like, guess where I was today, and they're sending
me a picture of their arm with like a blood
test you know what I'm saying, like getting their sc
tests as in. And I'm like, they're like right on it,
you know what I'm saying. So so then we kind
of have Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Look, it's it's that you're you're letting them know that like, hey,
I'm excited to be exclusive with you. Yeah, I mean,
that's it's all good.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
And at the same time, if they say no, then
it sheds like to me that they're just not that
into me, So why would I want to go down
that road anyway.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So it's a really good kind of litmus test.
Speaker 5 (13:44):
It is right when you when you when it's the
right time, it's a perfect time to have that conversation.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
And yeah, I agreed, So let's okay, So let's talk
about this so a lot of the men that I've dated,
including like my ex husband and different people, like supposing
they're dating these younger girls and they have had vasectomies.
So all of a sudden, you see a couple of
(14:09):
things happen. You see that all of a sudden, you know,
all of a sudden, the lifestyle on the bags wears off,
and you know, little teeny bopper wants to become missus
and she wants to have a baby, right yeah, And
all of a sudden, the guy is in this position
of like, wait a minute, do I want to reverse
my best sectomy?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Do I not?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
And it's interesting because a lot of times, all of
a sudden, what I would assume would be so sexy
with a young thing is that she's probably you know,
you know, you know, for lack of a better word,
banging you six ways to Sunday every which direction, and
you're like, this is the greatest thing in the world
and not my uptight wife, And all of a sudden, she.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Wants to do it. She's going to get the cankles
and she's going to get all this and you're like,
oh no, no.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
So I've seen people like break up with that situation
and like literally move into another situation.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Yeah, I mean, well, I want to make sure I
understand the question.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
But yeah, I've seen I've seen guys that said they
said they didn't want to have any more kids, but
then they were they still had like sperm stored and
they were dating this one and they said, no, I'm
not having any more kids, and then a letter came
in the mail and their girlfriend was like, I thought
you didn't want to have any more kids, right, So
there are guys who are having trouble being honest.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Through that process. For sure, I would say.
Speaker 5 (15:27):
If the guy is serious about the girl and he's
and he says I don't want her, I don't want kids,
then she she would know he doesn't want kids, or
he's getting a reverse vasectomy, or they hope.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
They're going to change his mind.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
And I see that a lot.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Yeah, bad, bad idea.
Speaker 5 (15:43):
If a guy says no, I don't want kids, for
the women out there, just listen to that, and uh,
don't assume you're going to change his mind.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
That is not a great strategy.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
So a woman named Nancy wrote a question, and I
know we are this last time, but I do think
it's something that's on a lot of people's minds. So
she writes, I can't cook.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Is that a turn off?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Not to me.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
I mean I said, I think maybe if we dial
it back, maybe to the fifties or something, and people
were like, oh gosh, the most attractive thing to me
about a woman is you know, a great home cooked meal.
I just I don't know how that can be in
the top twenty things that attracts you to the woman.
Like for me, there's a lot of other reasons to
be attracted to somebody. They make you laugh, you do
(16:32):
things together, you are, you have chemistry, you have whatever
friendship connection. There's just there's it's about, you know. The
cooking is like item twenty five on the list, So
I don't think it matters at all.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
It's a nice little plus.
Speaker 5 (16:46):
It's like it's like it's like a cherry on top,
But if you don't have the cake and the icing,
the cherry is irrelevant, I guess, is the best way to.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Put totally agree. So you're in your fifties, your kids
are older.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Do you and your friends want to get married again
or do you feel like you just want a partner
that maybe wears a promise ring, Like, do you feel
the need to if you're not going to have children
and maybe not necessarily share money, do you feel the
need to get remarried?
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Is that something you're looking for? Collectively your friends are
looking for? What's the marriage conversation?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Yeah, I have.
Speaker 5 (17:29):
I mean I have friends that are in both camps
that are in their fifties. I would say there are
some who are like, you know what, I've got kids,
they have kids. We're just gonna kind of, you know,
like you said, be promised ring, engaged forever and not
worry about the marriage part. And they're happy as a clam.
And both people are happier at least they say they are.
(17:50):
But then I have other folks that I know that they,
you know, three years out of their divorce, got remarried
and we're super excited get right back into that.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
The being married part really was.
Speaker 5 (18:05):
Like an important way to solidify their commitment to each
other and like show that to the world. And they
both were super into it. So they're both camps. You know,
I don't know there's a right or wrong answer there.
It's only wrong when the two of you have a
different a different plan, right.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I didn't think right or wrong. I was just more
curious what the temperature is. You know.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's interesting because one of the things, you know, so
my kids are in their twenties, and one of the
things that everybody's talking about, you know right now, which
kind of makes a lot of sense, is is having
everybody sign a prenup right, like even though they might
be you know, making two dollars if they even have
a job, which is hard to get right now, and
they're getting a full allowance from their parents. Is actually
when people are getting married prepping a prenup right, nobody
(18:51):
knows kind of what's going to happen. And I actually
think it makes a lot of sense. Where it's tough
is if there's somebody who's basically stayed home and their
full time career, which is no easy thing is to
like run the household. So the husband is teed up
to go out and make the money, and then all
of a sudden they get divorced and there is like
(19:13):
no protection and they've been out of the job for
us for twenty years, Like you don't get a six
figure you know salary back right like you just it's
just almost impossible. So that's where there has to be
a little bit of a kind of a flexibility where
collectively you have that conversation or there's some sort of
a clause.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I would think, yeah, yeah, I I mean, I agree
with you.
Speaker 5 (19:36):
I think people that spent you know, decades together and
raise kids together, one person can't come out of it,
you know, happy as a clam and you know, financially,
you know, just live in their best life and the
other person's feeling stressed and struggling.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I don't, I don't. I don't think that is a
is a good outcome.
Speaker 5 (19:54):
Right, So when people are getting married in their twenties
and thirties, you know, it doesn't seem like the prenup
is necessary unless itch, unless it has you know, unless
it changes over time. Right, if you spend two years
with somebody, it's one thing, five, ten, fifteen, twenty, it
has to evolve over time versus just this is the agreement,
(20:15):
no matter when we split up.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
I don't know that that works very well. I will
say the reason that, like my father got remarried you know,
late in life. I guess he was in his sixties, right,
and and he in order to kind of protect his
kids and grandkids, like so you see a lot of
people doing it in their sixties and you know, fifties
(20:38):
sixties having prenups mostly because they have kids and they
want to make sure things kind of go to their
kids if it doesn't work.
Speaker 5 (20:46):
But I would say for people in their you know,
twenties and thirties, make sure that the prenup has has
kind of time based changes.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
So I have two more questions from two different listeners.
Number one is.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Thoughts on you know, so one of the trends that is,
you know, kind of big right now is not just
separate bathrooms, which I actually think makes a lot of sense,
separate bedrooms.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
There's been a.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Lot of articles of that.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And I also think once you've been divorced and you
haven't slept in the same bed, you know, seven days
a week with somebody, kind of hard to kind of
go back to that, right, Like my friends and I
joke around about it all.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
The time, like you know what I'm saying, like I
want to turn on my TV in the middle of
the diet or whatever. So what is your feeling on that?
Speaker 1 (21:50):
And do you think the sleeping in the same bedroom
for you know, the relationship health and and all that
is really important, Like what's your opinion on.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, I don't, I don't. I don't think it's critical
of all.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
I mean people I know people who are they live
three minutes apart in two different houses, right, and they've
been dating for ten twenty years. I know people that
have separate bedrooms and you know, they come in and
you know, come in and cuddle the person in the morning,
and it's very kind of romantic and bonding and there's
no like So I don't think it has to be
(22:23):
look like it's not the big a deal if and
it can be very romantic in the sense you're kind
of inviting somebody in or they're surprising you, versus they're
lying next to me because they have no other bed
to sleep in and they have it.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
They're so far apart the bed and there's like pillows
between them and they're like literally like I was dating
this guy and I was just I needed sleeping the
same bed as I mean, if I was like waking
up at five am, I was like running downstairs, you
know what I'm saying, Like I couldn't gone out that
that's fast enough.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
So that's the other thing.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
Yeah, I actually think there's almost you can probably do
a study to prove that you have more chemistry and
more run if you're in different bets. Right, So I
probably lean a little bit towards that. But yeah, not
I think whatever works, But I would say people should
try it. They might find that it's kind of it's
(23:13):
kind of fun to be invited in or have somebody
sneak in who you didn't eangeable visits.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
It's like conjugal.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
Yeah, that's it adds a little element of surprise versus
just the same thing every day.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
It becomes so formulae and it just becomes so banilla.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Okay, so my final question, Okay, how long have you
been single for?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (23:37):
I have been.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Single for about four years since my divorce.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
Is that a function of you've had a lot of
different experiences, all of which have value, right? Or have
you just not met the right person that has made
you want to lock down? And what would you say
in the four years, has been your longest relationship or
has it just been these like kind of situation ships.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah, I mean, I I don't. I guess I would
say I don't.
Speaker 5 (24:10):
I don't subscribe to the theory that if there's somebody
single in their fifties that they are necessarily doing something wrong.
I think we all kind of grow and evolved differently
at different times, and I would say, you know, it
kind of takes what it takes to get you to
the different parts of your life where you're into things
(24:31):
that fit you better at different parts of your life.
So I don't I don't think it matters if someone's
single in their fifties, if they've never been married, or
they've been married twice.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
I don't. I don't think any of those things are
a black mark. Yeah. For me personally, I would say
I am being.
Speaker 5 (24:47):
You know we talked about this in the last episode,
is that I think having boundaries and setting a low
bar are are things that can get you into real
trouble in life. It did for me and uh, and
maybe it did for other people out there that are
that are listening. So yeah, I would say for me,
I'm I don't think being in a rush is as
important as having boundaries, having a very high bar for
(25:08):
your like for your partner. You should be excited about them.
You shouldn't be saying, gosh, they are good on paper.
You should be just really excited that they are in
your life and that they're somebody you get to spend
time with, and so yeah, I think I think for
me being patient and being picky and having boundaries, it's
(25:29):
not being against commitment because I'm very into having a
exclusive relationship that is definitely the best. That's my goal.
In a lot of people's goals, I think that are
dating and it's mine as well. But I think I
don't think being in a hurry is nearly as important
as making sure you really get to know somebody deeply
(25:50):
and that you have that you've spent the time really
understanding that connection and that partnership versus trying to push
it to you quickly to the next level. I mean,
so I'm I might be a little gun shy, but
I think that's something everyone should be picky and moving
slow that whether you're twenty thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, that
(26:11):
should be a mantra for everyone, which is like, it's
not about speed here, it's about it's a it's a marathon.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
It's a marathon.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
This is not a spread like if you have someone
who super connected to you, it's going to work out,
Like you don't have to worry, like you've like there's
no rush like, you found this person, it's going to
work out. Your connection is amazing. So so you know,
rushing it or going slow is not what determines success.
It's finding that right person that determines the success. So
(26:39):
it's like, yeah, for me, it's not about timeline or strategy.
It's about getting the right person in front of you,
and that takes a little time.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
I totally agree when I see people, you know, things
out start fast typically end fast.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
So I'm watching a friend right now who just starting
dating somebody on an app and and I tell you,
like they've met the kids, and it's like it's like
the love bombing. And by the way, both of them,
it's like they've literally fused on some sort of a
wound where they're like imprinted on each other. And I'm
sitting there and I'm like whoa. And I'm you know,
(27:15):
no judgment to each his own. I hope it goes
the distance.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
For sure.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
And there are those, you know, fairy tale situations, but
I'm watching this thinking that would terrify me.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 5 (27:26):
And I could say I had I've been in that
situation where you you've been in kind of an accelerated
relationship like you said, love bombing and things are happening
too fast, and it's a it's an addictive it's a
high that that merging and that kind of love bombing
and moving too fast can be really it can be
really attractive and a toxic. It's intoxicating. It's like a drug.
(27:50):
But just like drinking too much, it is not the
recipe for success. It feels pretty good. I mean, it's
very intoxicating, but I don't it is not is a
little bit. It's a little bit of you, you know,
kind of pushing your own dopamine button versus just relax,
let it happen.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
That's that's my two cents.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Well, I have to tell you this has been so informative,
and I'm sure our listeners agree, and I'm hoping that
we can do this again because as we're all continuing
to navigate this new situations, new questions, and to have
the ability to you know, kind of dial into you
and actually get the you know, we all sit there
(28:31):
and we're like, well, what do you think this means?
And let's analyze this and why is why does he
goes to me?
Speaker 3 (28:36):
And why didn't he call me? And why did he
say this? It's you're not going to call the guy, right,
You're not like, oh, why didn't you call me?
Speaker 1 (28:42):
Or like it's better for us to call you and
say hey, like try to you know, dissect for me
what was what happened here? Or what's going on in
this guy's head? Right, and so I don't make the
same mistake or or we understand where did I go wrong?
Speaker 5 (28:58):
Well, now it's super fun to me for me and
I love being a part of the conversation giving the
guys perspective. It actually shouldn't be that complicated, but unfortunately
it is. So I'm very happy to be part of it.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
So thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Thanks for It's all kind of fun, right, I mean,
you think about it like, it's it's all opportunities, the
people we meet. It's never a waste of our time.
Our time is just you know, it's we have time
to meet good people and have interesting conversations.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
We never know why.
Speaker 4 (29:27):
We meet somebody.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
You know, maybe all of a sudden you meet somebody
and they're not for you, but all of a sudden,
you know your child was looking for a job in
that field and there's an introduction there, or.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
You know, it's yeah, I agree I think, uh, I agree,
getting just getting out there and trying things, learning from them,
trying new things. Just the only, the only, the only
mistake you can make is just is not not putting
it out there and not trying like, don't don't you know,
hol up and read a book every day.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
You got to get out there and make it happen if.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
It's important to you.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Right, A lot of people, I have a lot of friends,
they just been burned and they just feel safer at
home and they're just not looking, you know, to kind
of put their out there.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
But my dad once taught me better to have loved
a little than never to have loved.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
It at all.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 5 (30:12):
Look, there's bad people out there in the world, but
they're equally as many kind, generous, beautiful people out there.
So getting burned is no reason to stay out of
the game. You've got to there's tons of beautiful people
out there that are super kind and supportive, and go
out there and find them.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
On that note, you will definitely attract one of those
people because you are a really special, really special guy.
So JD, I want to thank you for coming back
on again to give our listeners some more insight and
tidbits on how men think super cool to hear very informative.
Do you have a question or need some advice from
(30:53):
a single man, Email us or call us. All of
the information is in the show notes. Follow us on socials.
Make sure to rate and review the podcast. I do
part two in iHeartRadio podcasts where falling in love is
the main objective
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Lauren Zima
Chris Harrison
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