October 6, 2023 • 21 mins
Meet Kendra. She had three girls. She wanted a boy.
Kendra broke down in tears when she found out she has having another girl and it is a video that will live in infamy.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the
home office in Austin, Texas. Opening up the playbook today
on a very interesting and very specific topic, and it's
a topic neither one of us have really ever discussed,
but it came to us via social media and we
(00:21):
have a special guest joining us a little later. But
it is gender disappointment, and on its face, when you
hear that, LZ, it has such a negative connotation, such
a guilty negative connotation. We are here to dispel that.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So I didn't even know this was a phrase, but
because of this video, I was kind of googling it.
Gender disappointment even has a Wikipedia entry, and yeah, it's
just a really interesting concept because this woman posted a
gender reveal and people have a lot to say about it,
and her caption of her video was gender disappointment is real.
(00:58):
So I start looking into that, and I do think
people have strong opinions right away. A lot of people say,
whatever your baby's going to be, you should just hope
for a healthy baby, and of course we all hope
for a healthy baby, but I also think we have
to acknowledge what's real. I thought a lot about your kids,
About Josh and Taylor, you have a boy and a girl,
and let's even let's take parents and siblings and kids
(01:21):
into it. Taylor has often said, oh, you know, it
would have been great to have a sister, or Josh
probably wishes he would have had a brother. I know
my own brother has two sisters and has always said
he wished he had a brother. So of course, in
any family, you're going to kind of have feelings of, oh,
you know, what if we'd had boys and girls, and
you just think about your dynamic. Right.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Can we all just come at this with an open heart,
in an open mind, and an understanding that we all
agree on a couple of principles. It's a blessing to
have a child. Not everybody can. It's difficult. When you can,
it is a blessing, and what you're really praying for
as a healthy baby. We all can agree that is true.
(02:03):
But at the same time, what you were just saying,
LZ can also be true, and that is you can
kind of hope for a boy or hope for a girl.
In my family, it had been I think I've gone back.
It's been it was like forty five or fifty years
of all boys in my family, what all boys like
from I had a cousin. I'm the youngest of seven cousins,
(02:27):
so what two or three cousins ahead of me was
a girl? That was the last girl through all the
rest of the cousins, including myself, and then I want
to say, nine great grandchildren over forty eight or fifty years.
So when I had, my brother had.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Two boys and it's just you and your brother.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
You have no trus me and my brother. And then
my brother had two boys ahead of me. And then
I had, I got pregnant and it was a boy.
It was Joshua. Then we got pregnant again, and I'll
be honest, I was kind of hoping it was going
to be the first girl born in our family in
fifty years. And I was excited to have a baby.
(03:06):
And if I had another boy, my god, I would
have been blessed and happy. But when I found out
it was a girl, I cried. I was so happy
to tell my grandmother, We're going to have a girl finally.
So you know, you and I talk about this a lot,
and it comes up a lot two things and even
multiple things can be true at once totally.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And you know, I know with my little brother, he
was my dad. He was gonna be my parents' last baby.
They knew that my dad had had girls, and then
he got a boy, and he was so happy. I
distinctly remember I was like eight, and I remember going
to toys Rs With my dad and him picking out
like a football and a baseball bat when my mom
had just given birth, and I remember saying him, Dad,
(03:48):
I think he's too small for this stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
By the way, I can totally relate to your dad. Yeah,
I bought Joshua like Cowboys Dallas Cowboys gear, like all
this stuff that anyways.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Eight pounds, right.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
But you know, I often think that when people are projecting,
like putting negative or critical comments online, first of all,
a lot of the time it's bots. Everyone just be
aware of that, trying to cause controversy and get comments
going on on websites, so the engagement looks high.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I witnessed a lot of that.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
And we sure did and we felt it.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
But I do think when people are truly being harsh,
it's coming from their own pain a lot of the time,
and that doesn't make it okay. But I just try
to remember it. And I think that you know, listen,
we live in a time where I think we've made
some really great strides about gender not being such a
strong identifier and it not defining you so much. But
(04:46):
at the same time, gender also like unites us in
a lot of ways. And I know, I love my girlfriends,
and guys need their guy friends and that kind of thing.
So it totally makes sense that people could be excited
about having boys or girls. And then it also makes
sense that people might say, oh, you know, I was
really hoping to have a boy.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
I was hoping for a girl.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And if this doesn't resonate with you because you feel
the way LS was just talking, that's great too. Like
nobody is saying all things need to be true for
all people. It's just there are moms and dads out
there that really do feel this from time to time,
and siblings. And the whole point of this and the
whole point of all of our podcasts is to just
(05:24):
make you okay with the fact that you've had those feelings,
make you realize you're not alone.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
You know, I have a question about when you had kids, Yeah,
because you then got a boy and a girl. Is
that part of why you didn't have more kids? Like,
say you'd gotten two boys, do you think you would
have had a third child?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
We I will be very revealing and honest here. We
had what's called the king's choice, older boy, younger girl.
Someone told me another phrase, I haven't someone explained that
to me that way, that it's it's the king's choice,
because I guess you know air And so I was
so happy that I had one of each. I have
(06:02):
one sibling, so two kids. My brother had two kids.
It just felt symbiotic and.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Right, it makes sense your ex is a child of
two also, so you guys were familiar with two kids situations.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
We thought we were pregnant with a third and technically
we were and it didn't turn out, and so clearly
we didn't have a third child, and it was unfortunate,
but it also kind of gave us the feeling of
if it had happened, we would have been so happy
and had a third baby. But we realized, you know what,
(06:33):
we're good, and that's when we decided we weren't going
to have any more kids. So, yeah, it was something
that kind of just happened to us and with us.
But that was definitely part of it of having I
got my boy, got my girl, I'm good like I'm good.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Interesting. Yeah you've never shared that with me before.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Well, and I'm sorry, but I mean it's no matter what,
it's a loss. And as you're saying that, I'm sitting
here thinking, I get how two things can be true,
because what's interesting is well, like, for example, my little
brother was an accident. He knows this a blessing. Well
(07:13):
at the time, my mom told me later when she
found out she was pregnant, she cried out of sadness.
Oh wow, because she was so ready to get back
to her career. Yeah, and that was her plan.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
She had you and your sister.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
And so it's just really interesting. How like I say
this from a place of zero judgment whatsoever, Like we
all have to be empathetic to each other and know that,
you know, just because someone's having feelings in a certain way,
that's their life and it doesn't discount your feelings and
it isn't them trying to say that your pain isn't real.
But how these different, You know, we can all have
(07:47):
different takeaways from these situations.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
And even for your mom again, so many things can
be true at once.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, and now she loves my brother.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Well, and we all love John, but all you know,
so many things can be true at once. And that's
why I think this black and white world we live
in these days where social media you have to jump
on this side or this side, and if you jump
on this side, it means everything, and if you jump
on this side, it means everything in totality, and that's
never the case in anything in life. There are so
(08:16):
many layers. Take your mom for example. She could be
upset in that moment, she could have those genuine feelings
and at the same time feel so excited and blessed
that she's having another baby. That is so important and
for some reason in our lives we realize this and
feel these things, but then when we're on social media,
(08:38):
it's like, well, you have to feel all of this
or you're wrong. And so I think this is one
of those topics. And again, this is why I wanted
to dive into it, because people are going to have,
I think, very visceral reactions to this.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Do you know what I think part of the reaction
to this video, this viral video with Kendrick, who we're
going to bring on is is also people have very
big reactions to gender reveals.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah, that's true. Thing, Yeah do you We never did one, by.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
The way, I don't think it was a thing years ago,
and I don't know when it became a thing.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Eighteen years ago we had Taylor, it was it's not
a thing.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Well, and they've been problematic, they've caused chaos, they've gone
viral for bad reasons. But I'm not a Again, it's
sort of interesting in this time when we're like gender's fluid,
and that is really a movement. We also have made
very popular this gender reveal thing, which really is is
it a boy or girl?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
And pick one?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
And I'm not against gender reveals. I'm against them being
done in ways where they can har others, hurt harm others. Yes,
some have gotten really stupid. Can we just cut a
cake and keep it easy? Some get out of control?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Like I think it's cute if you know the guy
hits a golf ball and it explodes pink or blue?
You pop a balloon and it's either pink or blue inside?
Or what this woman we're about to bring on Kendra.
They lit a smoke bomb and a jack of lantern
because clearly it's Halloween and the pink smoke or the
blue smoke comes out, so and that point that is
(10:02):
what drove this whole concept in this idea. Today was
this viral video that came out on I saw it
on TikTok of this woman, Kendra, who's already a mother
of three, and her and her husband and her three
girls are all dressed up and they're fall colors and
they're in the woods and they have a jackal lantern
and immediately the pink smoke starts billowing out of the
(10:26):
jack lantern. And her reaction is so genuine and so
honest because it was spur of the moment. And remember,
she has all the emotions of being pregnant, and she
starts to cry. She bends over, doubles over, and starts
to cry, and the older sister is kind of upset.
She wanted a little brother. Nobody really knew what to
do in the moment because everything was just so real
(10:48):
and so raw. And she posted this and I thought,
what a vulnerable, honest thing to post, because it's really
easy to be especially in this day and age. Trust me,
I know afraid of being canceled. So she could have
easily hid this, but she felt that this gender disappointment
is a real thing and it's something she felt, and
(11:08):
so we chased her down and we we have her
on the podcast today. So let's bring her on. So, Kendra,
first of all, thank you so much for joining us.
(11:29):
It's good to meet you. Nice too, And just so
everybody knows the timeline you actually have post posted this.
So your daughter has been born. She's beautiful, healthy, happy,
congratulations on being a mother of four beautiful girls, very blessed.
But you posted this about a year later after your
(11:51):
daughter was born. What prompted you to kind of open
up and be vulnerable and show that you actually were
in the moment anyway, you're not disappointed that you have
a beautiful girl, but in the moment you were disappointed.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
It wasn't even like it wasn't even that I was
unhappy with the fact that it was a girl. It
was more of the fact that, like, for a split second,
I had a very big moment obviously of sadness that
I will never experience, like having a boy, having a son,
having a mommy's boy. You know, I have a lot
(12:25):
of nephews, so I see the bonds and I just
had a moment where I was upset that, you know,
I'm never going to experience having a son because.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
You knew this was going to be your last pregnancy.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
You just said, yes, yes, it was going to be
my last pregnancy. It was very different actually could have
been in my head, but it was very different from
my other three pregnancies. So I saw it was a boy.
My husband was like, it's a girl, like for sure,
and I was like, no, mom knows. So I just
I just going in thought it was going to be
a boy. And just I mean, I wasn't even sad
(12:57):
that it was a girl. It was just like just
that it of like sadness that I was never gonna get.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
That's so so much sense to me. I think that's
so beautifully put.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You're not sad about what's happening, but you are sad
about something you know won't happen.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Yeah, And I mean I definitely like a lot of
friends and family that I shared with the pictures. You know,
I posted the pictures to Instagram, and so I mean
the pictures are on that video as well, and you
could see I obviously was upset, but all my friends
and family, like, you know, we're very supportive, and I
mean it was obviously once that initial were off, I
was like, how freaking awesome, I'm gonna have four girls.
(13:33):
Like I am just like happy that it's a healthy baby.
I'm like thriving.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
You know what, what I think is interesting. And Lauren
and I bring up topics all the time, you know
that really strike a chord, And I think it's just
because we don't talk about a lot of this stuff. Yeah,
like Laura and I dove into miscarriages one day and
just little just topics like this that are taboo and
they just we whisper them in corners, but we don't
(13:57):
really admit that we have these feelings. And that's why
I wanted to have you on. That's why I wanted
to talk about this today. When you posted this, was
the response overwhelming of oh my gosh, thank you, because yeah,
I felt this too.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Yeah, to be honest, I had an overwhelming amount of
positive comments. I had like a handful of negative. It
definitely was way more overpowered by positive and a lot
of people that like resided in like my the way
I felt, and they're like, oh my gosh, like I
experienced that as well, Like thank you for like I
don't feel like a monster anymore.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Like I you know, I had the same thing.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
People made me feel horrible about it, and you know,
like so many, like so many positive comments.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
I was overwhelmed.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
I think even one of my comments are on there
was like, I'm so overwhelmed with the amount of like
positivity and feedback I got because I never really thought
when I posted it it was gonna blow up.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Like I just.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Everyone was sharing their pumpkin trend photos and.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
I know more about about Halloween.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yeah, I was like excited, like feeling October, you know,
all fall feels, and I was like, I'm going to
post my gender reveal, like, you know, maybe somebody will
you know, reside with it.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
I was also wondering, Kendra, if you were It's I
love hearing that you got positivity and that people related,
because that's the best possible outcome of social media. But
I was wondering if you were apprehensive or nervous at
all that people would attack you for having a feeling
that you wished for a certain gender.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Yes, definitely why I waited like almost two years to post,
you know, post it. I mean obviously everyone knew already that,
you know, I was, you know, at least close friends
and family that I was disappointed. But the Internet opens
you up to a lot more, you know, comments on
your life and stuff, So I mean I definitely was hesitant,
And you know, I definitely don't want people to ever
(15:57):
think that I don't love my baby or I just
didn't want a healthy baby. I am so grateful that
I got a healthy baby. I'm so grateful for all
of my girls.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
I love them.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
I wouldn't change my life for anything. I'm meant to
be a girl mom, that's for sure. Clearly, I enjoy
my nephews a lot, so I get all the boy
love through my nephews. And I mean, yes, I was
definitely scared to speak out about my feelings and clearly,
you know a lot of people were upset with it.
So but it is not I'm not trying to disregard
(16:27):
anyone's feelings by any means. I just, you know, I
was hoping to reach an audience of people that could
reside with how I was feeling as well.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
There's always, you know, no shortage of people that are
willing to tell you how to live your life because
they know they know best.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
After all, I also thought it was interesting, Kendra, like
watching your Well, what makes this video stick out so much,
I think is that you, as a mom are having
this reaction about not having a boy. So many I've
seen a lot of other videos where the dad's upset
he's not getting a boy, and then people kind of comment, oh,
typical guy.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
But do you think that's part of why it stuck
out to people?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
And what did people say to you in the comments
about you being a mom wishing you were getting among.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Yeah, you know, a lot of comments.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Did you know note to the fact that like, oh,
if the husband were to react like that, people would
have like a heyday, right. And I mean I think
my husband going in, you know, knew it was a girl,
so you know. And also he loves his daddy's girls.
They take care of him, you know, so he gets
you know, he's got that and he loves it. I mean,
it's it's hard because, you know, I think what stuck
(17:28):
out a lot was my older daughter.
Speaker 5 (17:30):
You know, Yeah, she has.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
A stronger action.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
You can clearly see she wants to be an older
sister to a brother.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Second, I gave her the second I was pregnant with
my second baby. She was like I want a brother,
Like I want a brother, I want somebody to play,
you know, in the dirt. She was definitely more like
you know, forty, she's you know, more into like getting
down in the dirt and biking and stuff. So she's like,
I want a brother, you know. So then it was
like a sister, and it was another sister. Of course,
(18:06):
you know, everyone said, you know, I put it in
her head, but she was very you know, yeah, she
wanted brother.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
You know. That's and I feel like that was natural
for her.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
You know, I would never put that in my kid's
head to like want a certain gender. But I feel
like all of my kids' reactions. I mean, obviously my
three year old at the time, she was more scared
of the smoke, but you know, my second daughter, she's
like jomping up for joy.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
So I'm just like pop pop. So I think all
of our reactions all over the board is what really
made the video.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I just liked how genuine the reactions were. I mean,
your your reaction was immediate, instantaneous, so it was just
so real to me. I loved and I could relate
to your husband who immediately kind of had that thousand
yard stare of I don't know what to do, which
often we as husbands have that moment of oh god,
I'm just gonna rub her back and I'm going to
stay silent. And I loved it. I don't know if
(18:56):
it was a friend, a photographer, or family. Someone tried
to be a hype and in the moment of like
girl gang, yeah, like trying to like pump everybody up.
It was really like everything was so natural and so genuine.
That's what I really loved about it.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Yeah, and it was it was just a small moment,
like I we weren't going to do a photo shoot,
but you know, I was reminded it was my last pregnancy.
They're like, you know, do a gender reveal. And I
was scared to do a gender reveal for that, but
you know, it was my last pregnancy and I wanted
to do a cute thing, and so it was it
was just like family and that's it. It wasn't a party.
(19:35):
We didn't like throw a whole thing. No, I know.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
That's another thing.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
People are so critical of the gender reveals because of
like which I mean, it's not totally without me.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Like one gender burned down forests in California.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
But and it was it was very simple. We actually
told our kids that day that we were pregnant.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Would you would you what was that like?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So they found out you were pregnant and the gender
all in one day.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
What was that like? And would you recommend that method
to other?
Speaker 4 (20:01):
I mean, I feel kind of bad because you know,
I guess I did kind of bombard them with like, hey,
you're getting a sibling. Oh and then here it is
boy or girl. But in the other video, you know,
my oldest was is it a boy or girl? Immediately
when I told her, you know, that I was pregnant,
and I told all my family by videoing them and
saying like one, two, three moments pregnant And so you know,
(20:22):
that's why we wanted to photograph them and their reaction.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
To news so well, you all looked so cute. You
were coordinated for the moment. It was so the fall
vibes were on point. And then I love how this
video has blown up.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Well, the reason we wanted to have you on was
just that just to relate to other people, other parents
who have had these feelings, who either held them in,
swallowed them, or you know, felt guilty about expressing them.
These are all natural things and it's you know, I
find it very ironic when people try to shout you
down for expressing the feelings you have because they want
(20:57):
you to feel how they think you should feel, which
is very interesting because the whole point is to be
able to express how you're feeling and not feel guilty
about it. And I know a lot of parents have
been in your shoes before, and I think you just
really brought to light something that we have all felt before.
So thank you so much, Kender And by the way,
belatedly congratulations you have such a beautiful family. And by
(21:21):
the way, the whole point of this was, Hey, we're
going to do a gender reveal because it's the last one.
It's one you're never going to forget.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Ever, I'll never forget it. I'm very happy, so lucky. Honestly,
I'd love my girls. Wouldn't change the world.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
God bless you and your family.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Thank you so much. You have a great day.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most
dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a
review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you
next time.
This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the
home office in Austin, Texas. Opening up the playbook today
on a very interesting and very specific topic, and it's
a topic neither one of us have really ever discussed,
but it came to us via social media and we
(00:21):
have a special guest joining us a little later. But
it is gender disappointment, and on its face, when you
hear that, LZ, it has such a negative connotation, such
a guilty negative connotation. We are here to dispel that.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
So I didn't even know this was a phrase, but
because of this video, I was kind of googling it.
Gender disappointment even has a Wikipedia entry, and yeah, it's
just a really interesting concept because this woman posted a
gender reveal and people have a lot to say about it,
and her caption of her video was gender disappointment is real.
(00:58):
So I start looking into that, and I do think
people have strong opinions right away. A lot of people say,
whatever your baby's going to be, you should just hope
for a healthy baby, and of course we all hope
for a healthy baby, but I also think we have
to acknowledge what's real. I thought a lot about your kids,
About Josh and Taylor, you have a boy and a girl,
and let's even let's take parents and siblings and kids
(01:21):
into it. Taylor has often said, oh, you know, it
would have been great to have a sister, or Josh
probably wishes he would have had a brother. I know
my own brother has two sisters and has always said
he wished he had a brother. So of course, in
any family, you're going to kind of have feelings of, oh,
you know, what if we'd had boys and girls, and
you just think about your dynamic. Right.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Can we all just come at this with an open heart,
in an open mind, and an understanding that we all
agree on a couple of principles. It's a blessing to
have a child. Not everybody can. It's difficult. When you can,
it is a blessing, and what you're really praying for
as a healthy baby. We all can agree that is true.
(02:03):
But at the same time, what you were just saying,
LZ can also be true, and that is you can
kind of hope for a boy or hope for a girl.
In my family, it had been I think I've gone back.
It's been it was like forty five or fifty years
of all boys in my family, what all boys like
from I had a cousin. I'm the youngest of seven cousins,
(02:27):
so what two or three cousins ahead of me was
a girl? That was the last girl through all the
rest of the cousins, including myself, and then I want
to say, nine great grandchildren over forty eight or fifty years.
So when I had, my brother had.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Two boys and it's just you and your brother.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
You have no trus me and my brother. And then
my brother had two boys ahead of me. And then
I had, I got pregnant and it was a boy.
It was Joshua. Then we got pregnant again, and I'll
be honest, I was kind of hoping it was going
to be the first girl born in our family in
fifty years. And I was excited to have a baby.
(03:06):
And if I had another boy, my god, I would
have been blessed and happy. But when I found out
it was a girl, I cried. I was so happy
to tell my grandmother, We're going to have a girl finally.
So you know, you and I talk about this a lot,
and it comes up a lot two things and even
multiple things can be true at once totally.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
And you know, I know with my little brother, he
was my dad. He was gonna be my parents' last baby.
They knew that my dad had had girls, and then
he got a boy, and he was so happy. I
distinctly remember I was like eight, and I remember going
to toys Rs With my dad and him picking out
like a football and a baseball bat when my mom
had just given birth, and I remember saying him, Dad,
(03:48):
I think he's too small for this stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
By the way, I can totally relate to your dad. Yeah,
I bought Joshua like Cowboys Dallas Cowboys gear, like all
this stuff that anyways.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Eight pounds, right.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
But you know, I often think that when people are projecting,
like putting negative or critical comments online, first of all,
a lot of the time it's bots. Everyone just be
aware of that, trying to cause controversy and get comments
going on on websites, so the engagement looks high.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I witnessed a lot of that.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
And we sure did and we felt it.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
But I do think when people are truly being harsh,
it's coming from their own pain a lot of the time,
and that doesn't make it okay. But I just try
to remember it. And I think that you know, listen,
we live in a time where I think we've made
some really great strides about gender not being such a
strong identifier and it not defining you so much. But
(04:46):
at the same time, gender also like unites us in
a lot of ways. And I know, I love my girlfriends,
and guys need their guy friends and that kind of thing.
So it totally makes sense that people could be excited
about having boys or girls. And then it also makes
sense that people might say, oh, you know, I was
really hoping to have a boy.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
I was hoping for a girl.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And if this doesn't resonate with you because you feel
the way LS was just talking, that's great too. Like
nobody is saying all things need to be true for
all people. It's just there are moms and dads out
there that really do feel this from time to time,
and siblings. And the whole point of this and the
whole point of all of our podcasts is to just
(05:24):
make you okay with the fact that you've had those feelings,
make you realize you're not alone.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
You know, I have a question about when you had kids, Yeah,
because you then got a boy and a girl. Is
that part of why you didn't have more kids? Like,
say you'd gotten two boys, do you think you would
have had a third child?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
We I will be very revealing and honest here. We
had what's called the king's choice, older boy, younger girl.
Someone told me another phrase, I haven't someone explained that
to me that way, that it's it's the king's choice,
because I guess you know air And so I was
so happy that I had one of each. I have
(06:02):
one sibling, so two kids. My brother had two kids.
It just felt symbiotic and.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Right, it makes sense your ex is a child of
two also, so you guys were familiar with two kids situations.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
We thought we were pregnant with a third and technically
we were and it didn't turn out, and so clearly
we didn't have a third child, and it was unfortunate,
but it also kind of gave us the feeling of
if it had happened, we would have been so happy
and had a third baby. But we realized, you know what,
(06:33):
we're good, and that's when we decided we weren't going
to have any more kids. So, yeah, it was something
that kind of just happened to us and with us.
But that was definitely part of it of having I
got my boy, got my girl, I'm good like I'm good.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Interesting. Yeah you've never shared that with me before.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
Well, and I'm sorry, but I mean it's no matter what,
it's a loss. And as you're saying that, I'm sitting
here thinking, I get how two things can be true,
because what's interesting is well, like, for example, my little
brother was an accident. He knows this a blessing. Well
(07:13):
at the time, my mom told me later when she
found out she was pregnant, she cried out of sadness.
Oh wow, because she was so ready to get back
to her career. Yeah, and that was her plan.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
She had you and your sister.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
And so it's just really interesting. How like I say
this from a place of zero judgment whatsoever, Like we
all have to be empathetic to each other and know that,
you know, just because someone's having feelings in a certain way,
that's their life and it doesn't discount your feelings and
it isn't them trying to say that your pain isn't real.
But how these different, You know, we can all have
(07:47):
different takeaways from these situations.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
And even for your mom again, so many things can
be true at once.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Yeah, and now she loves my brother.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Well, and we all love John, but all you know,
so many things can be true at once. And that's
why I think this black and white world we live
in these days where social media you have to jump
on this side or this side, and if you jump
on this side, it means everything, and if you jump
on this side, it means everything in totality, and that's
never the case in anything in life. There are so
(08:16):
many layers. Take your mom for example. She could be
upset in that moment, she could have those genuine feelings
and at the same time feel so excited and blessed
that she's having another baby. That is so important and
for some reason in our lives we realize this and
feel these things, but then when we're on social media,
(08:38):
it's like, well, you have to feel all of this
or you're wrong. And so I think this is one
of those topics. And again, this is why I wanted
to dive into it, because people are going to have,
I think, very visceral reactions to this.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Do you know what I think part of the reaction
to this video, this viral video with Kendrick, who we're
going to bring on is is also people have very
big reactions to gender reveals.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah, that's true. Thing, Yeah do you We never did one, by.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
The way, I don't think it was a thing years ago,
and I don't know when it became a thing.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Eighteen years ago we had Taylor, it was it's not
a thing.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Well, and they've been problematic, they've caused chaos, they've gone
viral for bad reasons. But I'm not a Again, it's
sort of interesting in this time when we're like gender's fluid,
and that is really a movement. We also have made
very popular this gender reveal thing, which really is is
it a boy or girl?
Speaker 3 (09:28):
And pick one?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
And I'm not against gender reveals. I'm against them being
done in ways where they can har others, hurt harm others. Yes,
some have gotten really stupid. Can we just cut a
cake and keep it easy? Some get out of control?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Like I think it's cute if you know the guy
hits a golf ball and it explodes pink or blue?
You pop a balloon and it's either pink or blue inside?
Or what this woman we're about to bring on Kendra.
They lit a smoke bomb and a jack of lantern
because clearly it's Halloween and the pink smoke or the
blue smoke comes out, so and that point that is
(10:02):
what drove this whole concept in this idea. Today was
this viral video that came out on I saw it
on TikTok of this woman, Kendra, who's already a mother
of three, and her and her husband and her three
girls are all dressed up and they're fall colors and
they're in the woods and they have a jackal lantern
and immediately the pink smoke starts billowing out of the
(10:26):
jack lantern. And her reaction is so genuine and so
honest because it was spur of the moment. And remember,
she has all the emotions of being pregnant, and she
starts to cry. She bends over, doubles over, and starts
to cry, and the older sister is kind of upset.
She wanted a little brother. Nobody really knew what to
do in the moment because everything was just so real
(10:48):
and so raw. And she posted this and I thought,
what a vulnerable, honest thing to post, because it's really
easy to be especially in this day and age. Trust me,
I know afraid of being canceled. So she could have
easily hid this, but she felt that this gender disappointment
is a real thing and it's something she felt, and
(11:08):
so we chased her down and we we have her
on the podcast today. So let's bring her on. So, Kendra,
first of all, thank you so much for joining us.
(11:29):
It's good to meet you. Nice too, And just so
everybody knows the timeline you actually have post posted this.
So your daughter has been born. She's beautiful, healthy, happy,
congratulations on being a mother of four beautiful girls, very blessed.
But you posted this about a year later after your
(11:51):
daughter was born. What prompted you to kind of open
up and be vulnerable and show that you actually were
in the moment anyway, you're not disappointed that you have
a beautiful girl, but in the moment you were disappointed.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
It wasn't even like it wasn't even that I was
unhappy with the fact that it was a girl. It
was more of the fact that, like, for a split second,
I had a very big moment obviously of sadness that
I will never experience, like having a boy, having a son,
having a mommy's boy. You know, I have a lot
(12:25):
of nephews, so I see the bonds and I just
had a moment where I was upset that, you know,
I'm never going to experience having a son because.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
You knew this was going to be your last pregnancy.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
You just said, yes, yes, it was going to be
my last pregnancy. It was very different actually could have
been in my head, but it was very different from
my other three pregnancies. So I saw it was a boy.
My husband was like, it's a girl, like for sure,
and I was like, no, mom knows. So I just
I just going in thought it was going to be
a boy. And just I mean, I wasn't even sad
(12:57):
that it was a girl. It was just like just
that it of like sadness that I was never gonna get.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
That's so so much sense to me. I think that's
so beautifully put.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
You're not sad about what's happening, but you are sad
about something you know won't happen.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Yeah, And I mean I definitely like a lot of
friends and family that I shared with the pictures. You know,
I posted the pictures to Instagram, and so I mean
the pictures are on that video as well, and you
could see I obviously was upset, but all my friends
and family, like, you know, we're very supportive, and I
mean it was obviously once that initial were off, I
was like, how freaking awesome, I'm gonna have four girls.
(13:33):
Like I am just like happy that it's a healthy baby.
I'm like thriving.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
You know what, what I think is interesting. And Lauren
and I bring up topics all the time, you know
that really strike a chord, And I think it's just
because we don't talk about a lot of this stuff. Yeah,
like Laura and I dove into miscarriages one day and
just little just topics like this that are taboo and
they just we whisper them in corners, but we don't
(13:57):
really admit that we have these feelings. And that's why
I wanted to have you on. That's why I wanted
to talk about this today. When you posted this, was
the response overwhelming of oh my gosh, thank you, because yeah,
I felt this too.
Speaker 4 (14:11):
Yeah, to be honest, I had an overwhelming amount of
positive comments. I had like a handful of negative. It
definitely was way more overpowered by positive and a lot
of people that like resided in like my the way
I felt, and they're like, oh my gosh, like I
experienced that as well, Like thank you for like I
don't feel like a monster anymore.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Like I you know, I had the same thing.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
People made me feel horrible about it, and you know,
like so many, like so many positive comments.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
I was overwhelmed.
Speaker 4 (14:41):
I think even one of my comments are on there
was like, I'm so overwhelmed with the amount of like
positivity and feedback I got because I never really thought
when I posted it it was gonna blow up.
Speaker 5 (14:50):
Like I just.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Everyone was sharing their pumpkin trend photos and.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
I know more about about Halloween.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Yeah, I was like excited, like feeling October, you know,
all fall feels, and I was like, I'm going to
post my gender reveal, like, you know, maybe somebody will
you know, reside with it.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
I was also wondering, Kendra, if you were It's I
love hearing that you got positivity and that people related,
because that's the best possible outcome of social media. But
I was wondering if you were apprehensive or nervous at
all that people would attack you for having a feeling
that you wished for a certain gender.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Yes, definitely why I waited like almost two years to post,
you know, post it. I mean obviously everyone knew already that,
you know, I was, you know, at least close friends
and family that I was disappointed. But the Internet opens
you up to a lot more, you know, comments on
your life and stuff, So I mean I definitely was hesitant,
And you know, I definitely don't want people to ever
(15:57):
think that I don't love my baby or I just
didn't want a healthy baby. I am so grateful that
I got a healthy baby. I'm so grateful for all
of my girls.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
I love them.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
I wouldn't change my life for anything. I'm meant to
be a girl mom, that's for sure. Clearly, I enjoy
my nephews a lot, so I get all the boy
love through my nephews. And I mean, yes, I was
definitely scared to speak out about my feelings and clearly,
you know a lot of people were upset with it.
So but it is not I'm not trying to disregard
(16:27):
anyone's feelings by any means. I just, you know, I
was hoping to reach an audience of people that could
reside with how I was feeling as well.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
There's always, you know, no shortage of people that are
willing to tell you how to live your life because
they know they know best.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
After all, I also thought it was interesting, Kendra, like
watching your Well, what makes this video stick out so much,
I think is that you, as a mom are having
this reaction about not having a boy. So many I've
seen a lot of other videos where the dad's upset
he's not getting a boy, and then people kind of comment, oh,
typical guy.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
But do you think that's part of why it stuck
out to people?
Speaker 2 (17:00):
And what did people say to you in the comments
about you being a mom wishing you were getting among.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Yeah, you know, a lot of comments.
Speaker 4 (17:05):
Did you know note to the fact that like, oh,
if the husband were to react like that, people would
have like a heyday, right. And I mean I think
my husband going in, you know, knew it was a girl,
so you know. And also he loves his daddy's girls.
They take care of him, you know, so he gets
you know, he's got that and he loves it. I mean,
it's it's hard because, you know, I think what stuck
(17:28):
out a lot was my older daughter.
Speaker 5 (17:30):
You know, Yeah, she has.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
A stronger action.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
You can clearly see she wants to be an older
sister to a brother.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Second, I gave her the second I was pregnant with
my second baby. She was like I want a brother,
Like I want a brother, I want somebody to play,
you know, in the dirt. She was definitely more like
you know, forty, she's you know, more into like getting
down in the dirt and biking and stuff. So she's like,
I want a brother, you know. So then it was
like a sister, and it was another sister. Of course,
(18:06):
you know, everyone said, you know, I put it in
her head, but she was very you know, yeah, she
wanted brother.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
You know. That's and I feel like that was natural
for her.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
You know, I would never put that in my kid's
head to like want a certain gender. But I feel
like all of my kids' reactions. I mean, obviously my
three year old at the time, she was more scared
of the smoke, but you know, my second daughter, she's
like jomping up for joy.
Speaker 5 (18:28):
So I'm just like pop pop. So I think all
of our reactions all over the board is what really
made the video.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I just liked how genuine the reactions were. I mean,
your your reaction was immediate, instantaneous, so it was just
so real to me. I loved and I could relate
to your husband who immediately kind of had that thousand
yard stare of I don't know what to do, which
often we as husbands have that moment of oh god,
I'm just gonna rub her back and I'm going to
stay silent. And I loved it. I don't know if
(18:56):
it was a friend, a photographer, or family. Someone tried
to be a hype and in the moment of like
girl gang, yeah, like trying to like pump everybody up.
It was really like everything was so natural and so genuine.
That's what I really loved about it.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Yeah, and it was it was just a small moment,
like I we weren't going to do a photo shoot,
but you know, I was reminded it was my last pregnancy.
They're like, you know, do a gender reveal. And I
was scared to do a gender reveal for that, but
you know, it was my last pregnancy and I wanted
to do a cute thing, and so it was it
was just like family and that's it. It wasn't a party.
(19:35):
We didn't like throw a whole thing. No, I know.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
That's another thing.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
People are so critical of the gender reveals because of
like which I mean, it's not totally without me.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Like one gender burned down forests in California.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
But and it was it was very simple. We actually
told our kids that day that we were pregnant.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Would you would you what was that like?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So they found out you were pregnant and the gender
all in one day.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
What was that like? And would you recommend that method
to other?
Speaker 4 (20:01):
I mean, I feel kind of bad because you know,
I guess I did kind of bombard them with like, hey,
you're getting a sibling. Oh and then here it is
boy or girl. But in the other video, you know,
my oldest was is it a boy or girl? Immediately
when I told her, you know, that I was pregnant,
and I told all my family by videoing them and
saying like one, two, three moments pregnant And so you know,
(20:22):
that's why we wanted to photograph them and their reaction.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
To news so well, you all looked so cute. You
were coordinated for the moment. It was so the fall
vibes were on point. And then I love how this
video has blown up.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
Well, the reason we wanted to have you on was
just that just to relate to other people, other parents
who have had these feelings, who either held them in,
swallowed them, or you know, felt guilty about expressing them.
These are all natural things and it's you know, I
find it very ironic when people try to shout you
down for expressing the feelings you have because they want
(20:57):
you to feel how they think you should feel, which
is very interesting because the whole point is to be
able to express how you're feeling and not feel guilty
about it. And I know a lot of parents have
been in your shoes before, and I think you just
really brought to light something that we have all felt before.
So thank you so much, Kender And by the way,
belatedly congratulations you have such a beautiful family. And by
(21:21):
the way, the whole point of this was, Hey, we're
going to do a gender reveal because it's the last one.
It's one you're never going to forget.
Speaker 4 (21:28):
Ever, I'll never forget it. I'm very happy, so lucky. Honestly,
I'd love my girls. Wouldn't change the world.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
God bless you and your family.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Thank you so much. You have a great day.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most
dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a
review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you
next time.
Hosts And Creators
Lauren Zima
Chris Harrison
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