February 14, 2025 • 58 mins
Our Love Stories series continues with actors Kevin McHale and Austin McKenzie. You probably know Kevin from his starring role in Glee and Austin is a singer and actor best known for his Broadway performance in Spring Awakening. After 8 years together, this couple has no plans to get married, but say they’ve never been happier. Amy and T.J. talk to the duo about everything from why it took them 6 years to move in together, to why Austin has a separate bedroom, to what makes their relationship keep getting better. This couple blew us away with their openness, their insight and their love for one another. They even said they were more in love after this conversation than before it… and we hope you’re inspired by their story as well!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey, folks.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
In this episode, our Love Stories series continues today a
couple that's been together eight years, but marriage hasn't been
on the table. Well at least it wasn't before they
did this interview with us. And with that, welcome to
this Cuffing season edition of Amy and TJ. Rose. When
you agree that as we've been going through this and
it's been a blast, some of the couples like have
(00:25):
a little you see a little light bulb go off,
or they start to consider or think about things in
the interview with us that maybe they hadn't been thinking about.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
It's been fun to watch.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
It has been fun to watch. Look, all of the
couples who we've been interviewing are happy couples. They're all
in different stages of their relationships, but all of them
have been tried and tested. I think it's fair to say.
And I love that we heard from Kevin and Austin saying, Hey,
if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But then I
started to see them realize how much they love each
(00:56):
other and are committed to each other through answering the
questions we've been asking all of the couples, and it
was cool to see that that at the end they
were happier than they were at the beginning of the conversation,
which is a good sign as they were talking about
their relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Well, I think we were too after this conversation with them,
and that I'm not being dramatic. After every single conversation
with a couple, it's been encouraging. There's been something that
has been comforting about knowing somebody else is going through
the exact same thing, even though you know it in
your mind that other couples are dealing with it, to
hear them openly talk about it, it's just it's been nice.
(01:30):
And I think no couple would agree to come on
here with us, would they if they weren't solid, Because
if a couple wasn't solid and we were asking some
of these questions, that they could get asty.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
It's true, and that's a good point. And you'll notice,
and I'm not saying that celebrity couples aren't good, but
a lot of celebrity couples won't do interviews together for
those reasons. And if you think about it, you don't
see married celebrity couples oftentimes sitting down for an interview.
(02:03):
And so we feel really honored. Yeah, that we were
able to secure this many amazing celebrity couples to actually
let us ask them anything. There were no rules, No
one said, hey, don't go there, don't ask us about this.
They just trusted us with discussing fully their relationship, the ups,
(02:24):
the downs, the highs, the lows. And that's not easy
to talk about in a public setting.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
No, I didn't think about it.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I was thinking that some of our couples that we
did later, I said, well, they had the option, they
could cheat because they could go back and listen to
the early ones. Actually, no, most of these we got
recorded and in the can before they started any of
them airing. So none of these couples knew what was
coming at them, and they trusted us to ask whatever.
And they trusted their own relationship enough to know we
(02:50):
can handle what comes at us.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
That's the bigger point point, right, that they trusted one
another to have each other's backs, because you know, you
can go even talked about this with Austin and Kevin.
You can go and take your relationship even to a
party and come back in a fight because someone said
something that the other person didn't like or wish they
hadn't said, so imagine doing that recorded for a podcast
(03:13):
for anyone to listen to.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Do I have it right?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
That's trust?
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I think I have it right.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Not a single edit has been made to any of
these We let it ride, and not a single couple
has come to us and said, hey, can you pluck
that part out or nothing? Not once, So that's been awesome.
I mean, we talked about Kevin and Austin. You all
know these names. Kevin McHale and Austin McKenzie. Two they
met through their careers. It's fair to say both of
them in entertaining.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Yes, they met on the job, which so often happens.
You know, we might have had that same experience. But yes,
Kevin McHale or my daughters love him. They actually were
upset that I didn't tell him in the interview how
much they love him. But he, of course is from Glee.
Anyone who loved that show, as my daughters did, knows
he played Artie Abrams and then Austin McKenzie, who had
(04:02):
a lot of a claim from his role in the
Broadway performance of Spring Awakening. He's a singer, he's an actor,
so it's just it's a cool story. They're both in
the business that creates a lot of stress as well,
but they seem to be handling it with such grace
and getting stronger by the day. So they really did
blow us away with openness. And what we love about
(04:24):
the series is we talk to couples, as we mentioned,
from all different stages of life. But there are in
some our age differences. There is race differences, there are
ethnic differences, there are sexual preference differences, and yet there's
something relatable about all of them to our relationship and
I'm hoping to your relationship as well. So please take
a listen to the love story of Kevin McHale and
(04:47):
Austin McKenzie. Kevin and Austin join us now. Thank you
both for being with us. How you doing pretty good?
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Thank you for having us?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Well? You look adorable to together? Uh you do? You
just look so sweet? I love it. I love love.
So we start off by asking everyone the same first question,
each of you, if you would give us three words
to describe your relationship right now. Kevin will start with you, Oh, right.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Now, Okay, exciting, communicative, Wow, settled in a good way
like that, or he settles for me, but like we're content.
Maybe I'm living to change the content the truth comes out.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
Yeah, I would say, uh, funny, honest, And.
Speaker 7 (05:50):
I don't know. I think it's sexual, like yeah, yeah, sexual,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
And a ho tell you all and all the conversation
we've had with couples, you all hit about three or
even four words that we've heard for the first time. Yeah,
and what you all said, so that is that's kind
of cool.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Next question here though, when you all first met, was
their immediate chemistry.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
No, I would.
Speaker 8 (06:17):
Actually say yes, but not, but not at all the
way we have chemistry now, okay, fair like we both
both definitely we both definitely saw something and had a
goal in mind when we first met.
Speaker 7 (06:29):
I think the goals were different. The goals were very different.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Do explain.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
We met when we worked together.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
We filmed this mini series nine eight and a half
years ago, almost nine years ago, and all of my
scenes were with Austin and so I came into it
being like, who is my scene partner? He's the lead
of the show. Tried to do some recon about him
and heard that he didn't come off as the friendliest person.
Speaker 7 (06:54):
I am. Let me just preface, I am I just.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Didn't come yes, okay, that's why I put that in.
Speaker 7 (07:00):
I didn't come off me either.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
No, just a little cold, cold, little cold.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I get that a lot too often.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
It's okay, okay, okay, introspective, you know it's not okay.
I can get along, like I'll adapt to any situation,
and I'm like, I'm not going to be in this
in every scene with this guy and he's not going
to not like me or like we're not going to
have a good report. So my goal going into it
was to sort of puzzle piece figure out what was
(07:26):
going on with him so we could at least have
some even if it was light friendship, so this experience
could be enjoyable.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
And then immediately I saw the.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Hesitance, coldness maybe, and I was like, oh, challenge, okay,
challenge accepted. I'm going to figure you out, and and
I sort of did. I just there wasn't any ulterior
motives in terms of like I want to be with
him or I want to hook up with him. It
wasn't like that. It was simply started from how can
we make this working relationship really good? Into maybe we
(08:02):
should be friends, maybe we need each other as friends, and.
Speaker 7 (08:05):
That's how yeah, we had.
Speaker 8 (08:06):
We had very different goals there because I saw I
remember seeing you and thinking, well, because at the time
I was, I was the early twenties. I was a
total mess and you know, like like we all were, and.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
Think for yourself, that's true. Actually you were fine.
Speaker 8 (08:21):
And I saw him and my first thought was next,
there's another one. I found one, and so I just
you know, what is it? Hook, hook and sink. Isn't
that what it's It's not a hook and sinker, Hook and.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Sink, hook line and sinker on.
Speaker 7 (08:36):
Yes, like easy catch and then we'll be done. It'll
be great.
Speaker 8 (08:41):
That's I saw you saw it as like a you know,
a friendship, friendship, and I saw it.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
As a temporary uh huh.
Speaker 7 (08:50):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 5 (08:50):
It would be amazing though, if I had a radar
at some point in my life to know when people
thought of me in that way, because the amount of
time I've just been to be like, no, they're not
into me, now this is I would have been great
to know.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, a little late, eventually it worked out. So you
played the long game without even realizing you were. Who
said I love you first?
Speaker 8 (09:11):
Who said I love you first? Austin did, which is
funny because yeah, I mean we started. I feel like
our roles in our in this relationship have have like
over the years changed a lot like he used to.
I don't know, just like the fact that I came
into it being like thinking it was just going to
be a hookup of fun show mance and then I
(09:34):
ended up saying I love you.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
First tricked you?
Speaker 7 (09:36):
You did?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Okay, Kevin, you've playing worked dell us Here we ask
everybody this, what is the age difference? You've kind of
alluded to it, but what is the age difference? And
it has it had an impact at all on your
relationship one way or another?
Speaker 7 (09:51):
Massive?
Speaker 8 (09:52):
It's a huge age difference. How dare you I had
to change the stuper before okay.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Depends it is almost five years or not a little
over five years? Yeah, five years ish.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
He's my senior.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
And I would say, like the any sort of differences
it has caused this like in social references and like
stories like oh yeah, when I was growing up, it
really makes me feel elderly. Oh, like like when you
don't understand their Robbie Williams, Robbie, that movie Better Man
came out this year and he was asking me about
Robbie Williams was like I grew up obsessed with Robbi Williams.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
And he didn't know.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Oh you know what, I interviewed him when he came
out that I love him. It was the biggest deal.
I felt so special getting to know him and hearing
his story and what it took for him to come out.
That's so cool. He's one of my favorites.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (10:50):
Yeah, but I don't think there's ever been known.
Speaker 8 (10:52):
I mean in the beginning, like in the beginning, when
I was a mess, when I was in my you know,
early mid twenties, total mess. He was not norm Have
you ever really been a mess? I mean that that
was like a I guess a big difference. I was
going through a lot that you'd already learned or experienced.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
You were going through a lot of personal things that
I had never experienced or witnessed, and so it was
like a even though we are different places sort of
in our lives, I was learning.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
I learned.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
I feel like I've learned so much about like the
human condition through Austin and like think personal things he's
overcome in his past and things which has been.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Pretty remarkable.
Speaker 8 (11:30):
You also had like just finished your party phase, I
feel like, and mine was.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Had just ended, so it was a different time.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
You know, I personally don't think the party phase should
ever end. There shouldlways be an element, up right.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
I think I had mine recently, Like I feel like
I just came out of my part like your party phase.
Speaker 6 (11:50):
I feel like I didn't party in college or high
school or anything, but I feel like we've both sort
of gotten back into it in a way.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
It's like the hell you know, when you're younger and
you like going to party all the time and there's
no limit on it, and then now I feel like
there's the conscious decisions like do I need to do
that this weekend?
Speaker 7 (12:06):
That might also be.
Speaker 8 (12:07):
That might also be a gay culture thing, I feel like,
because I feel like a lot of gay culture is
centered around partying, so it does come in ways maybe true,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Yeah, I mean we party together. We continued our party
phase with each other, like not going out to hook
up or whatever that other people go do, but you
go out to enjoy it together, which is kind of
a fun new party phase an old person's party phase,
right exactly.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
I think that's sort of I think that's sort of
where we are as well.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, yeah, I call it a mature party phase. But whatever.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Wait, So the next question we ask everybody, but I'll
figure out how you guys want to handle this is
we ask people, because everyone has been married so far,
how long did you date before you got engaged? How
long were you engaged before you got married? So how
long have you all been together? And what are your
plans for the future.
Speaker 5 (12:56):
We've been together a little over eight years and I
was visiting a really good friend of mine this past
weekend in Colorado and her and her husband had have
been together two months shorter than we have, and they
have two kids. They have like multi homes, and I'm
sitting there watching with their kids, like what are we doing?
(13:17):
It feels like we are living such different lives and
we've technically been together a little longer, which feels so silly,
And I think it's like breaking down that the like
my friend wanted to have kids, and they both wanted
to have kids and wanted to get married, and so
they're fufilling that checklist. I don't think we've ever really
(13:38):
had sort of that checklist. For me, it's like if
it's good, yeah, Like I'm really it's I'm really happy
with this right now and it's working how it is.
So if I wake up to morrow, we should get married.
How do you feel about that? Then maybe that's a discussion.
Speaker 8 (13:52):
One of our strong strongest suits in this relationship is
just going with the flow of it.
Speaker 7 (13:58):
We didn't how long was it telling.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
We've in five years, eight years?
Speaker 8 (14:02):
And and like the way that that came about was
one day I made a joke about moving in, and
he joked back about it, and then we just kept
joking about it, and then it became more serious, and
then one day I was like, wait, am.
Speaker 7 (14:16):
I moving in?
Speaker 8 (14:17):
And then I moved in, and it something like we
never even really thought we would move in together. I
valued my space so much and so does he, and
that just happened completely organically. And we are talking about
a ceremony of sorts maybe or a ring of sorts maybe,
(14:41):
but like we also have no desire to get married, but.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Guess in the traditional scene for.
Speaker 8 (14:47):
Some reason, it's sort of I don't want to say
it's heading that way, but it's like it's going into
some world that's yeah, I don't know, so like we're it's.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Just it's very going has happened.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
We're like, we're obsessed with each other and it's been
eight year and I'm like, I just want us to
have some jewelry.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
I totally get that. I totally get that.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Your answer is really interesting because so many people think, Okay,
marriage is the next step.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You'll are taking things.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Just as it comes, and it seems to be working
for you, even with something as monumental as moving in together.
It just kind of happened. It almost happens to havece.
So the next question we had for folks, and most
of them been married, why did you want to get married?
And how do you think your relationship would be different
if you were just a couple and not married. So
I'll ask you all in this way, how do you
(15:35):
all think? I mean, it's working great now? Do you
all worry about what might happen to your relationship or
might change in some way if you put that piece
of paper with its.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
On?
Speaker 7 (15:48):
One hand?
Speaker 4 (15:49):
Do you worried?
Speaker 8 (15:49):
I think that's just because I come from a family
with a ton of divorce and from experiencing that secondhand,
I do worry, And of course I do worry of
like putting press Shawn us but for the most part,
I mean, I really just look at how we moved
in together and like how.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
Easy it was.
Speaker 8 (16:08):
The way we talk about it, or at least the
way I say is it's like living with Kevin is
like living alone but better, like we have our own space.
Speaker 6 (16:17):
Romantic, you know, but you know what I mean, Like
it's living alone is easy because there's no one bothering you,
and living with you, I never feel bothered, except for
when you're bothering me, right, I don't know, I don't
I don't know. I don't know if the answer the
question you go.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
I know I have the same concerns, like if it
ain't broke, it's sort of it works really well as
it is right now, and so I think if we're
we don't have the responsibilities of kids or not behold
you know, I think that would be a very different
situation for us if we were coming into this. And
there's something about maybe having marriage or that certificate that
(16:59):
changed thing that makes something more stable. But like it's
just us where we have some animals, and it feels
like if we can just for me keep it like this,
so it works until like I said before, like we
wake up one day, I feel like I want to
do this, and we both feel.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
Like we want to do it.
Speaker 5 (17:17):
Then the overwhelming need, like we moved in together. It
got to the point where like, this makes no sense
that we don't live together. Like you've been at my
house six out of seven days a week through the pandemic.
It works incredibly well, Like just move over here for
the seventh day. And so you know, I think it's
(17:37):
sort of that same model where like you said, it's
like trending in a certain direction, and.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
You know, I guess it works really well right now.
So yeah, yeah, I'm scared to mess with the balance.
Speaker 8 (17:50):
There is also I feel like for me, there is
also a little bit of like, because of the political climate,
there is a bit of like should we get married.
Not that there's like just in case can not that
there's like a huge, massive, real threat that it's getting away,
but there is it is a hossibility that marriage equality
will get taken away. So there have been times where
I'm like, should we just do it before before we can?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Well, yeah, I hadn't even thought about that, but that
does make total sense. And there are certain rights afforded
to you if you're married, and certain rights that are.
Speaker 7 (18:21):
Not exactly.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
You've made a commitment to one another, correct, I mean,
do you? I mean, what is your relationship commitment level? Like,
have you articulated it? We haven't asked anyone else that
because they've been married, So I'm just curious if you're
not married, and what has been said between the two
of you.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Good question.
Speaker 8 (18:50):
I actually don't know if we've ever really talked about
like what our commitment looks like, because I don't. It's
not commitment in the same way of like marriage.
Speaker 7 (18:59):
But I mean, I.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
Know from my perspective, this is only my second relationship ever,
I am it's my first. Yeah, I don't know why.
To me, it feels like when you are in a relationship,
it's really important to me that we maintain our independence,
(19:23):
Like you are your own person, this is your life first,
and I want you to be with me as long
as that feels like it's serving you in a positive way. Still, So,
like I think, to me, it seems like a really huge,
sometimes unachievable goal that people can be together for their
(19:45):
entire lives. I think, to me, that's like a crazy
amount of pressure to put on a relationship, where if
you take that away there's I feel like when there's
no pressure, there's so much you can explore and be spontaneous.
Maybe it's the same thing I've never been married.
Speaker 6 (19:59):
I don't know, but.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
It's I think the level comment I've talked about, at
least with you, is like check in with yourself as
often as possible and be present in it, because I
it's hard for me to like plan the future, but
I don't know how I'm gonna feel about you in
a week. I just know right now it feels really good,
and I'm going to be honest with you every single
(20:23):
day about how I feel in the relationship, and so
it's I think it's my commitment is just to be
completely communicative about where I am and to make sure
that he feels like he can be the exact same
way with me, because I wouldn't want him to. You know,
if he meets somebody out at a coffee shop all
of a sudden, it's like I just fell in love
(20:44):
at first sight. Sure, break my heart, but I don't
want to hold you back from living your life.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
I always figure it out.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Wow, I don't think that that would ever come out
of my mouth.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
At a coffee shop. It's in theory you know is good.
No would be that cool about it.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Think of it this very a very very similar way.
Speaker 8 (21:10):
Like I I think that if you are truly, deeply,
madly in love with someone, your number one goal with
them is for them to be as happy as possible.
And if Kevin finds someone that he is happier with,
then I want him to to take that opportunity. I
(21:31):
want him to be happy. Yeah, I would absolutely suck.
I would be devastated. It would change my entire life.
But like, that's that's what I want for him. I
think maybe another way to word what you're saying is like,
I think we're both committed to being fully present with
each other and being present in the moment. And you know, luckily,
(21:52):
for the past eight years, every moment has been that
we are.
Speaker 7 (21:55):
Deeply in love with each other. I always go back
to too that.
Speaker 8 (22:00):
Uh, you know, after a certain amount of years, it
became super clear that Kevin is my person more than
I would call my husband or a boyfriend or a partner.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
He's my person.
Speaker 8 (22:10):
And so I guess, in a bit of a marriage way,
I see that as a as a I take that
commitment seriously. As you know, when things get really hard,
when we argue or you know, whatever comes up, I
am committed to No, this is my person and I'm
gonna we're gonna work through this and get stronger and
better after it, and not and not just thinking, oh,
(22:32):
something came up. This is too serious. Clearly we're not
He's not my person anymore. It's trusting that, trusting the
best moments, you know, trusting how I feel. Then when
it's not the best moments.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
That that was one. I'm not kidding you all.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That might be the most insightful answer we've had to
that question.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Hey, I just learned between the no.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
But I'm saying both of you all there because people
view it differently. Talk about that was a great answer
the other day about you know what, there's something significant
about standing in front of the people you love and
declaring to them that this is the person you love.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
All that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And then other people have practical reasons for getting married
and what it means legally and all these things.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
But you all gave just it was the.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Most romantic and unromantic answer.
Speaker 7 (23:18):
Yeah, we're great, but yeah, it's cool today, we'll see.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
What It's an honest answer, and I don't know how
much you all know about us, but we both between us,
we have four divorces, so we've both been divorced twice, and.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
We shall not lead with that.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Yeah, but we've been contemplating whether or not we should
get married or not, you know, and we haven't moved
in together either, but we spend every single night and
day together, so it's we're at that point now. But
it's cool to hear you say, because we've also struggled
with what we call each other. I like, he's my person.
That's a really really cool way to talk about it. Austin,
(23:52):
you alluded to this, and we've asked everybody this, but
how often do you have sex? And has it changed
over the years.
Speaker 8 (24:00):
Honestly, it only really changes if usually when both of
us are super busy. If just one person is busy,
it doesn't really change it. If we're both super busy,
or if I've been very open about like mental health
that I struggle with, so like, if I'm going through something,
(24:22):
usually well that'll take a back seat.
Speaker 7 (24:24):
But other than that, honestly, I mean, I feel like.
Speaker 8 (24:28):
It's like every other day, every two days, every year,
every other day, every two days.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
It's probably right.
Speaker 8 (24:34):
I mean when I've talked, Yeah, I can. I can
consider that's one of the words I use.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
Sexual.
Speaker 7 (24:39):
I think that we're both very Yeah, you.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Know, here's what I'll follow up. I don't think we've
asked this follow up before. But is it a matter
of your because you all said it, ah, yeah once
every couple of days, is this something you make sure
you schedule or it naturally happens? Because I will speak
for Robes and I a couple of days go about
you know what, we're not quite right?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
What's been going on with us?
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Or you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
So is that a matter if it just kind of
naturally occurs organically it happens, or do you all make
a conscious effort to all right, there's been a couple
of days.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Here to prioritize it.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah, prioritize good work.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
I would say a little of both, but mostly of
the time organically.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
Yeah, because what I've also learned, because I think we
tried to do that a couple of times, schedule it
and that just kills it.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Yeah, I can't handle it.
Speaker 7 (25:34):
You can handle it?
Speaker 4 (25:35):
Now we have to plan this. I'm out. Yeah, it
took it it's like the biggest deflator.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
I don't I've had this discussion with other people too,
Like I just I don't know what it is. I
wish we could. It would be a lot easier if
we could. I know, you can just fit it into
the schedule and then fit it in, But no, I
I feel like scheduling really doesn't work for me, and
I do have to say because I think it would
work for you, And we try to do that a
(26:01):
little bit. And Austin has been even very good about
adapting in recognizing that it does not work for me,
and so he tries to make it look organic even
though he may be planning on it in his head.
Speaker 7 (26:14):
Well, I get that.
Speaker 8 (26:17):
Not to get too into detail, but for gay men
there is preparation involved, and so there does have to
be like a little bit of like planning of like
making sure the feelers are out there and making sure
that like, Okay, I think we're going to get into
this mood now we have.
Speaker 7 (26:36):
I think I think I can speak for both of
us that we both have have How do I say this?
Speaker 8 (26:44):
We both have have played around in the playing field
of sexual experiences with other men, and we're each other's
best sex.
Speaker 7 (26:55):
I hope you agree, but yeah, the best sex of
my life.
Speaker 6 (26:58):
So he's the best sex in my life, and so
I want to have sex with him all the time.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Truly, I'm glad we didn't add that to our Can
you imagine if we asked all the couples, Hey, has
your spouse been the best sex of your life?
Speaker 1 (27:11):
I know, yeah, that would.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
No no, no, no, no no, I don't want what I was.
Speaker 5 (27:17):
This recently came up with We were we were around
a couple friend of mine last week and they were
very open. Were our whole friend group, for the record,
is very open about talking about these intimate sexual details,
especially like no judgment. We asked questions like straight, gay,
(27:38):
whatever it is. I don't know why, but that's sort
of like the friend group we've curated I've always had
and this they're straight, they're married, and and it was
the first time they were admitting to each other that
it was like the best they were each other's best sex.
Speaker 7 (27:52):
They've ever had.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
And I was like, are you lying?
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Are you trying to make the other person feel And
they were going above and beyond to like prove that
they meant to and I was like, this is great,
It's like, yeah, so like who's next?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Who else?
Speaker 5 (28:05):
Who was weirdly quiet in the room right now and
not answering this?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
Oh no, no, oh no? So how you also mentioned
this a little bit. Everybody fights? How often would you
say you fight? And what do you fight? Is there
something you fight the most about?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
I'm not a fighter.
Speaker 7 (28:28):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you know you're not a fighter.
I'm not a fighter. I just I'm very passionate.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I will say this.
Speaker 5 (28:38):
Because I'm not really a fighter. I think that leads
to maybe more unintended avoidance of situations where my objective
is to be super overly communicative. But Austin has been
really good, like you mentioned earlier about like protecting or
(28:59):
like the happiness or the happiness or the relationship at
all times when there have been disagreements where I've been like, ugh,
this is I don't want to talk, this is dumb.
Do we even need to do this, He'll be like, no,
we need to. We really need to figure this out.
It's one of those things like we're not going to
bed angry, like, let's talk through it. And before we
(29:19):
were even technically together, there were a couple of times
where I think you know, I didn't know what we
were and I was frustrated, and I would pick a
fight without realizing it always, you know, not imagining I
was ever someone that would do that. And he's one
of my favorite things about him is that he's so
smart and the way he could break down. He's like, Okay,
(29:40):
so I think what you're doing right now as like
you're picking a fight because of X, Y and Z,
and just like sort of read me and I can
be objective about myself and I was like, oh, yeah,
you're you're right, And every single time and it's come
up and it may be.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
I don't think there's one thing that.
Speaker 5 (30:03):
We necessarily disagree about or fight about, but regardless of
what it is, it's always handled in a similar way
where we sort of have to keep each other in check,
keep each other honest. And he's very good at making
sure I don't just sweep it under the rug or
shut it down, because I'm pretty good at that. And
it's taught me to also think about how I want
(30:27):
to approach those situations beforehand, which has been great because
it's great to be able to like learn things about
yourself and have the person you love the most teach
those things, and it's not a judgmental thing. It's you know,
I'm thirty six and I'm still learning things every time.
We do have an uncomfortable communication, and we respect each
(30:50):
other enough to be able to be honest. Yeah, but
like there's no low blows. You know, we don't like
I'm not trying to just piss you off to like
get my job in.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
We don't do that. It's like I don't need to
do that. I don't want to make you upset. But
let's be very clear about what we're saying.
Speaker 7 (31:07):
Yeah, we're also like.
Speaker 6 (31:08):
So unfiltered with each other that, Uh, I don't think
we have that many fights because we always dress things
in a moment like dude, you're really pissing me off today,
can you please stop?
Speaker 7 (31:20):
Or like why the hell did you say that at
that party?
Speaker 8 (31:23):
Like, well, we'll just like we're super honest and we
know that like we can say anything in front of
each other, there'll be no judgment.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Kevin, next question here, we asked everybody this. You mentioned
it in your answer there, But it sounds like you
all make a point not to go to bed angry,
do you.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
Yeah, as Austin is very good at that. There have
definitely been times where I've wanted to pull the eject
button and I'm like, I'm done with this conversation. Here's
the dovet good night.
Speaker 7 (31:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (31:59):
I try to me, I'm like, I know the answer
to this, Like how you know? It's like one of
those things you get frustrated or annoyed. I'm like, how
are you not getting this? But that's no reason, you know, now,
in this moment of peace, that's no reason too. If
the partner is not getting it, or does not feel
(32:21):
one percent heard or understood, or doesn't feel like we're
one D linked and SYNCD in that moment, then that's
my moment as a partner to step up and be like, Okay,
how do we how do we get there? How do
we communicate this? What do we need to what do
you need to hear from me?
Speaker 4 (32:41):
What am I not?
Speaker 5 (32:42):
What do you think I'm not getting from you? And
so he's good at reminding because there's been several times
in bed where he's like, we're not going to bed angry.
Speaker 8 (32:50):
I just take I take cliches very seriously. I think
there's a reason that cliches are cliche, Like I've heard
every wedding ceremony, you know, don't go to bout angry,
and they must say it for a reason.
Speaker 7 (33:03):
It's always stuck with me, So I just take that
very seriously.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
That's very cool. I love I love the Why the
hell did you say that at that party? That is
such a like classic you come back from something you've
been drinking. Oh my god, that just that was hilarious.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
To the flip side of that is awesome. It'll be like,
why the hell did I say that at that party?
And I'm like, no, no, it's fine, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
No, that's cute.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
What do you each love the most about the others?
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Really hard? There's a lot.
Speaker 7 (33:35):
I want to guess what you're gonna say about me.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Now, Cam you mentioned earlier you love that he was
so smart? He is and favorite thing.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
I think his intelligence.
Speaker 6 (33:44):
I was gonna say, can you clarify that? I think
I like books smart you are. You're an idiot, like
right now that you're stupid, but you're so smart. I
think the umbrella is probably his intelligence, which includes his talent,
which I think is super hot. He's so good at
(34:05):
so many things, and like the passion for that is
one of my absolutely favorite things about him. But something
I have found and I think we both found that
I never even imagine necessarily looking for in a relationship
that has really come to the forefront to maybe be
the number one most important thing is our shared sense
(34:29):
of humor.
Speaker 7 (34:30):
Yeah, that's like he can be.
Speaker 5 (34:32):
It's so similar and it's punchy, real and like really quick.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
He's so quick. It's infuriating, but I love it well
that he's so quick.
Speaker 8 (34:42):
We're holding back a lot of a banter right now
because we actually say this a lot where we'll be
out in public around friends and maybe there's people that
know us that well, and we'll be in the car
on the way home being like people might think that
we're mad at each other or something because our banter
is so constant.
Speaker 7 (34:58):
Yeah, people might misinterpret it's like we're funny.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
We say, like we're like we're like mentally boxing each other. Yeah,
like we like just like, yeah, we're completely that's that's
the word.
Speaker 7 (35:12):
Sorry.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
And I like to be pushed and like that was
a better joke than I.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
Got in Like, oh that was good, Okay, Like I
and it's and I love that it's the same, you know,
it's I don't know, constantly think about if we did
not have that, like how would this work, would it
work at all? And I'm and I honestly think that's
probably like the secret ingredient to all of this is
(35:43):
that shared I don't know if it's a sense of
humor or sense of taste and things like that, because
it also applies to music and all these things.
Speaker 8 (35:51):
But I have to say two things. It's really hard
to me to humor is a huge one. But here
he said that if I'm being totally honest, and I
know I keep talking about it, like the sex that we.
Speaker 6 (36:03):
Have, you're really making me No, I mean like, no, well, yes,
it can't be that good.
Speaker 8 (36:09):
No, But like, if we're just being honest, if we're
being if.
Speaker 7 (36:14):
We're being honest in this relationship.
Speaker 8 (36:17):
I like, I have a lot of sexual needs and
desires and it's amazing that I'm with someone that can
completely fulfill those.
Speaker 7 (36:26):
So that is a big thing, damn.
Speaker 8 (36:27):
But then also just your groundedness, because I'm so I'm
never on the ground, I'm never on the planet, and
he's he's the one who in a great way balances me.
Speaker 7 (36:39):
So that way I'm at least hovering above the ground.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
And every time you're trying to run up against it,
I'm like, cut it out.
Speaker 7 (36:48):
This is where we are.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
This is now not this is the most difficult transition
we've had from that question to this next question. Because
you all gave such a fun answer to that one,
we have to talk about finance is now how how
do you all it's a big one for couples. How
do you handle finances? Do you have separate accounts? Do
you have joint everything together it's half and how do
(37:11):
you all do it?
Speaker 8 (37:12):
I was actually just thinking about this the other day.
I really like how it's funny, like we've never.
Speaker 6 (37:20):
Even really talked about this logistically. But I think he
knows me so well that he knows to respect my
independence in the sense that.
Speaker 8 (37:33):
We're always going to be making our own money, you know,
our own money. And at the same time though, as
far as helping each other out, I mean, when I
need help, he'll help vice versa in the sense of
like if you you know, we want to we want
to help each other, so why not do it, you know,
financially speaking. But no, I think that he just really
(37:55):
we respect each other's independence financially and have never felt
like there's a need to join any of that together. Yeah,
we never even talked about it, and that's the way
I want it.
Speaker 5 (38:06):
Now that you've brought this up, we'll be back in
thirty God, if you ask for a joint bank account
after this.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
You can fight about it tonight, right before you go
to bed under that duvet.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
Sound deep and he'll be fuming.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
How do you guys handle just household stuff? Because this
also causes fights from the dishes, to the laundry to
all of the thing cooking, clean everything. How do you
guys handle it? How do you split it up?
Speaker 4 (38:43):
Well?
Speaker 8 (38:43):
I well, like I said, I'm another word to say
is like spacey.
Speaker 7 (38:46):
I'm a very spacey person. So I'll have parts of
the house.
Speaker 8 (38:52):
Or moments in a week where like everything's very clean,
but then two days go by and I like neglect
that I've laundry on the counter, or like I don't know, cups.
Speaker 7 (39:04):
In the sink or something like that.
Speaker 8 (39:06):
I always get to it eventually, but he doesn't care.
Speaker 5 (39:10):
I don't think the advantage of him of us not
living together for six years was the amount of time
we've spent at each other's respective homes and when you
see I think other people interact with Like we both
had roommates and things like that, where he fully picked
(39:32):
up on the things that bother me and I picked
up the things that bother him just from observation.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
So when it came to.
Speaker 5 (39:40):
Moving in with one another, he would automatically start He's like,
I know there's dishes in the sink because he witnessed that.
I didn't love when dishes get left in the sink,
and I didn't say anything. And to me, it's like
the fact that you're even acknowledging that I know you're
paying attention, and that means a lot, and so I'm
not worried about it because I know you will get
(40:00):
to it and you always do. And so there's a
difference between you know, when it's like college days and
you're leaving a pile of bowls and the sink and
the laundries everywhere and gets gross like it's that's It's
never like that with us, And I think it's because
we've been able to find those things out from one
another beforehand.
Speaker 8 (40:19):
We also have like we have two dogs, we have
a cat. I like, we don't have kids. I feel
like we kind of live in like a in some
ways a bit of like a bachelor house where it's
like it's chill, like if there's you know, a couple
of things on the counter, who cares, Like, we've.
Speaker 7 (40:33):
Never ever thought about it.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
We're both pretty clean.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Like, yeah, we both we don't care about But am
I hearing it right that it sounds like you all
divvy up in terms of you clean your shit, I'll
clean mine. You wash your clothes and dishes, I'll wash
my clothes and dishes.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
Yes, it's fully that.
Speaker 5 (40:49):
It's I think it's sort of the same as finances,
like we take care of ourselves. We take care of
our stuff. Yeah, and there's never an issue. To be honest,
I want like I'll have a clean your come every
two weeks, you know, like that sort of thing. He's like,
we don't need that, we can do that ourselves. I'm like, no, no, no, no,
I want that. I need that.
Speaker 4 (41:07):
There's a little deeper clean there. Yeah, I get to
that would take us let me just yeah, never, that's
on me. I want that. So I got that.
Speaker 7 (41:16):
We've never got heads on that think.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
But who cooks?
Speaker 7 (41:21):
Uh, he's never cooked a day.
Speaker 8 (41:24):
I'm not like a huge cook, Like I used to
be a pastry chef and so like I do quite
a bit of baking. But like, I'm not a huge cook.
But of the two of us, I am. He doesn't
know where anything. Yeah, he's not a cook. He can
hardly make cereal.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
I'm good at eggs.
Speaker 7 (41:40):
That's true. You make a good French omelet.
Speaker 4 (41:42):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (41:43):
That's literally it. That's it.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
Have you all?
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Oh goo, you mentioned this? How much alone time do
you all need from one another?
Speaker 7 (41:53):
It's definitely changed a lot because I feel like.
Speaker 6 (41:57):
My alone time is time with my friends, my best friends,
Like I don't I don't need to.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
I'm not your best friend, your best.
Speaker 8 (42:03):
Friend, but I don't have to like be alone alone
from like I just that being hanging out with my
friends is enough, like to keep the balance of like
not spending all my time with him.
Speaker 7 (42:15):
But I don't know.
Speaker 5 (42:16):
We were very intentional about when we seriously talked about
moving in with one another, creating a space, because after
a year being together, Austin did say, do you think
we should move in together?
Speaker 4 (42:29):
And it was a quick no.
Speaker 5 (42:31):
I know how much you need your loan space and
I don't want you to resent me after a couple
of months of living in here and being around me
all the time. In same for me, like, let's not
force it. So when it did come time to move
in with one another, there's a guest bedroom, and so
to me, it was sort of like, why don't you
set up.
Speaker 4 (42:50):
Like that's your room.
Speaker 5 (42:52):
We have our shared bedroom and all that, but you
can set up use it as your office, use it
as your recording studio. If you want to seep in
there some nights just because you're up late, you're working late,
that can be your space. And I'm not going to
take it personally. That is, that is whatever you want
to do in there. He took it a little too seriously.
He still do not disturb thing from a hotel and
(43:14):
puts it on the handle and locks the door. So
that was not pre negotiated.
Speaker 8 (43:21):
It's funny, actually, like I really need my space. But
the way that's manifested some really well know. The way
that's manifested is I will fall I'll sleep on the
couch sometimes, which seems like so dramatic, but it's just
like I feel like sleeping somewhere else tonight, I'm going
to sleep on the cat well.
Speaker 5 (43:40):
When I met him, he was sleeping on the couch
in his apartment because he prefers sleeping.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
I love the couch, so really.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
You are just you are describing t J. Helps like
I see a couch, it's his favorite place to sleep.
Speaker 7 (43:53):
Yeah. Yeah, I struggle to get off the couch at
night to.
Speaker 5 (43:58):
Every night he's like, why don't you just leap down
with him? No, I'm not doing this. I'm not playing
this game because I don't want to fall a seat
for forty five minutes and wake up more tired and
then have to go downstairs to the bed. I'm not
playing this game with you. You can stay up here, but
I'm going down.
Speaker 7 (44:12):
I almost pricked them into it last night.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
Oh my god. This is the negotiation we have all
the time too.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
It's so funny. We look forward to having a double
date with you guys. I would love that Robot and
Kevin are going to.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Stay at the table.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Me and you also can go out of having cigarette
and talk about what the hell these two?
Speaker 4 (44:30):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (44:31):
Okay, wait, you had men a cigarette.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
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Speaker 9 (44:43):
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I do Part two.
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Speaker 1 (45:15):
Couples counseling. Have you all ever done it? In it?
Speaker 3 (45:19):
Now?
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Keep it up? Interested in it?
Speaker 7 (45:20):
What we haven't we haven't.
Speaker 8 (45:23):
I'm not opposed to it, never opposed to it, never
ever opposed to it. I just think that our communication
is so crystal clear and so consistent that not that
that's like what we'll fix everything, but we just have
always squashed issues right as they happen.
Speaker 4 (45:37):
Yeah, I think if there was ever a moment that
would arise that we would need.
Speaker 7 (45:41):
It, Yeah, we would. I'd be way more open to
it than he would.
Speaker 8 (45:45):
And one hundred percent we've talked about it in the past,
like there was one time where I was like, maybe
we should and you were like, we don't need to
do that.
Speaker 5 (45:52):
I fully turned into the person I don't like. It
was very weird to your parents.
Speaker 4 (45:57):
I don't know if that's ever happened to you, but
I thought all the time.
Speaker 5 (46:00):
My initial reaction was like, wait a minute, yeah, like,
who is that?
Speaker 10 (46:07):
We don't you going to do for us? That's exactly
how not. I don't even have to an accent. But
I did have my oh no, I think we're fine.
And then I had a moment with myself. I was like, wait,
why is that my initial reaction too?
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Yeah, that's cool though, that self reflection is important. I
love that what it oh in the middle when you
do fight, have either one of you ever gotten so
angry that you've threatened to break up, walk out, leave
the relationship?
Speaker 7 (46:37):
Not vocally.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Wait a minute, you text it?
Speaker 7 (46:44):
Oh no, just I just I just wow thought it. Yeah,
I justaborate. Well, I told you I'm very passionate.
Speaker 8 (46:51):
I get very emotional, and so sometimes in my head
I'm just like, well, then I guess I guess I'll
just leave him.
Speaker 7 (46:56):
Then I'll teach him a lesson.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
But you never threw it in his face and threaten no.
Speaker 7 (47:01):
But the but the.
Speaker 8 (47:02):
Idea of punishing him by saying we can't be digger anymore,
like is so appealing sometimes, Oh my god, like that
that's what's so annoying about being in like a really
beautiful relationship.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Is that why you have to stay in? It is
not in my face?
Speaker 7 (47:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (47:17):
Like, sometimes I just want to get back at you, like, fine,
you're never going to see me again, you know, Like,
how dare you say that stupid thing at the party?
Speaker 5 (47:24):
Okay, So I read some my Twitter thread last week
about this person was saying I'm a couple's counselor I've
been doing it for a couple of years. Here like
the top ten things I've learned that make a successful couple.
Speaker 4 (47:35):
And I read it.
Speaker 5 (47:37):
I was like, oh, we have all these And the
one I found really interesting was like the ethical fighting.
And we alluded to this earlier, but that's the exact
same thing. There's never been a community, there's never been
a an intentional conversation about this is how we're going
to argue, and this is how we're going to fight.
But we inherently, I think, know that about each other,
like We're not going to just throw things in each
(48:00):
other's face just so you can get the reaction and satisfaction.
Speaker 7 (48:03):
But I keep it locked and loaded. I have a
list of things I would love to throw in his face,
but okay, because we are respectful fighters.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Okay, next question though, and we're going to get out
of Austin's head to do this one. What is the
closest you all have actually come to breaking up or
ending the relationship?
Speaker 7 (48:23):
Oh? Definitely, early on, many.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
Times, many times.
Speaker 8 (48:27):
Yeah, we were a mess in the beginning. Yeah I wasn't, no,
but I just feel like we like I.
Speaker 5 (48:32):
Was going through it, and okay, we got together. This
is probably not the healthiest thing. We got together. And
I had just gotten out of a long term relationship
almost immediately into this. He was going through all kinds
of things, and I think that adage of like, if
you can't love yourself, how you going to you know,
ru Paul, how are you going to love somebody else where?
(48:53):
He was working on himself and so how can you
be the partner you should be in a relationship if
you're not operating at your fullest capacity? And so at
the beginning, I was like, well, I'm obsessed with him.
I'm crazy about him and in love with him. But
I think this is gonna be like six months.
Speaker 4 (49:12):
Like I just I don't know how this is going
to work.
Speaker 7 (49:15):
I still don't. We got to eight half years.
Speaker 4 (49:17):
No, it's like it's like we've blinked and we've got
we got to eight.
Speaker 8 (49:19):
But the fact that we made it through that first
year I think is crazy. And all of her a
lot of her friends say the same expencers stuff that.
Speaker 5 (49:25):
I think it was because personality wise were very different,
but we overlap and this took time to find almost
in every other way where our interests are the same.
Clearly esses of humor is the same. And I think, yeah,
that first year, I don't know if there's like one point,
(49:47):
but no, there was a lot of up and down.
Awesome was going through well, I think I think.
Speaker 6 (49:51):
I think to Saw, Kevin had been in a relationship
for seven years, he knew he at least had a
foundation of how relationship worked. I not only had no
found of how a relationship worked, but I also didn't
want to be in a relationship. I didn't want to
commit myself to anyone. I was afraid of being in
love with someone so shouldn't, well, you love me.
Speaker 8 (50:10):
I think it's more like, it's amazing that, like I
stayed in it because I just I wasn't ready for
a relationship.
Speaker 7 (50:15):
I just happened to meet my person.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
Well that's awesome. But it sounds like any of the
bigger fights happened early on, and that once you got
through that, then you guys figured out the dynamic and
what worked in how not to upset the other person
as much. But I see a lot of respect between
the two of you and humor, and those two things
to me are so so important, and I see both
of those alive and well in you. It's very cool. Right,
(50:41):
we're going to wrap this up. You guys have been
so much fun. So you've made lots of references to
how great your sex life is. How do you keep
the romance alive? Like for couples who want to know
it's been eight years, it's been ten years. Maybe it's
only been a few years, but you're trying to figure out,
what would you say is the secret to keeping your
romance alive.
Speaker 5 (51:01):
I don't know if there's just a secret. I look
at him and I'm like, I'm still just as attracted
to you as I was, if not more. Yeah, the
first time I like met you, I guess and I.
Speaker 6 (51:15):
I've always said this, I think the sexiest part of
sex is everything that happens before sex and the foreplay,
but not even in the bedroom foreplay, but like flirting.
Speaker 8 (51:29):
And syntactually the things that you're saying. So I think
that for me, another thing I love about Kevin, Like
that I love most about Kevin is that he always
says things that surprise me, and whether it's sexual or not,
like the conversation being fresh and him challenging me.
Speaker 7 (51:52):
That to me, that for me, that's what keeps the
romance alive.
Speaker 5 (51:56):
Damn, you really just big up my ego. I don't
I have no idea what you're talking about, but you're welcome.
I don't know what I say that's surprising, but I
got to keep doing it.
Speaker 8 (52:18):
No, but it's it's not even I mean, it is
a compliment, but it's not even saying like you're intentional.
Speaker 7 (52:23):
About or anything.
Speaker 6 (52:23):
But just like I don't know, just the honesty in
our conversation. That's what keeps it hot to me, is like.
Speaker 8 (52:32):
That like confidence in like I'm going to say whatever
I want to say to you and if it's stupid
or if it's wrong or whatever, if it comes across
me or whatever, like that to me is sexy.
Speaker 5 (52:44):
And I think receiving that too, of someone that you
can feel is still so into you and vice versa,
like the confidence of like I can tell he it's
shocking to me that he's still into me sexually after
eight years, and that's exciting. And you know, like, oh
my god, you feel the same way I do, Like, yeah,
that's that's good.
Speaker 4 (53:04):
It's nice.
Speaker 5 (53:05):
It feels like high school on it, like in a way,
it feels like it's fresh and new. And obviously there
are you know, peaks and valleys, because there's things happen
in life and that's not top of mind, but generally
and even if there's times when you know it is
more of a valley where you know, life happens. We
(53:27):
that's so important to both of us that we definitely
know how to like ignite it in one another and
make it a.
Speaker 7 (53:32):
Focus and priority and travel traveling. We're both we're both
sluts for true.
Speaker 4 (53:36):
I mean, what's better than a hotel room?
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Yeah, we agree, we're in one right now.
Speaker 4 (53:41):
I mean, yeah, you're gonna log off and I know
what's gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
We're in Vegas, baby, so yes, oh god, we love it.
Speaker 8 (53:50):
Oh we love Vegas. Oh that's that's also a great one.
Vegas will bring the Roman.
Speaker 7 (53:53):
Yeads, will it?
Speaker 5 (53:54):
Actually, I don't know something the sweet oxygen being pumped
into a smoke filled so good.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
Let the memories begin.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
But the last one here, guys, is I guess it's
obvious and as Austin you might say cliche, but it
has to be asked. Anytime somebody's around someone who is
in a successful and certainly long term relationship, they asked
this question, so we'll ask it of you answered, however,
you like, what.
Speaker 1 (54:22):
Is the secret to relationship success?
Speaker 7 (54:26):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (54:27):
I hate when people say this.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
Oh yeah, they always ask.
Speaker 4 (54:31):
The question. Is good.
Speaker 5 (54:34):
To me, it's like purely communication, but I mean it's
in it's setting a standard of communication. Though I think
it's not just like, yeah, we have to speak to
one another. It's the type and style of communication, what
you expect to hear from the other person and from yourself,
(54:57):
all the things you know that encapsulates everything we've just
talked about, where there's no judgment. It's like better out
than in like, let's not harbor any resentments towards one another,
and it's not necessarily like, oh, it's so much work.
If you set that precedent for yourselves, then it's a
(55:17):
habit and it's not something you have to think about.
Speaker 4 (55:20):
And I think pretty early on we establish that.
Speaker 5 (55:25):
And it's also really rewarding when you realize there's like
new levels to communication, Like, oh, I thought we were
being really open with each other, but we just unlocked
the next level of this somehow. And that only happens
through embracing that and like charging right through it when
you get into those sticky situations.
Speaker 4 (55:44):
But yeah, I think just communication.
Speaker 8 (55:46):
Yeah, I think that goes hand in hand with openness.
I feel like I look at all the people I
know that are in relationships or have been in relationships,
and when I see relationships that are in really rough
spots and are at risk, I think it's because one
or both partners aren't open to a new perspective to
(56:09):
a different person, right, because we all we only we
only perceive people to act the same way that we act.
You know, like if I if I think, if I
have a certain mechanism in my head, I'm going to
assume that everyone else thinks that same way too, and
that's going to clash unless.
Speaker 7 (56:25):
You're open to other perspectives. And to me, that is
what works.
Speaker 6 (56:28):
Yeah, because I think not too on what you're saying,
but like, I think communication is vital to a relationship,
but communication also can lead to honesty as far as
maybe that you shouldn't stay together, and I think that's
important to communicate about.
Speaker 7 (56:43):
But I think when we're talking about like keeping.
Speaker 6 (56:46):
A relationship going, I think you just have to be
open to changing and being open to someone that's different
than you, because there's never going to be a perfect relationship.
Speaker 7 (56:57):
It doesn't exist.
Speaker 5 (56:58):
I do think I co signed that because there's been
I can't take the amount of times I've learned that
over and over again in this relationship where it's like, oh,
I don't need an apology, but he needs an apology for.
Speaker 4 (57:13):
Example, and.
Speaker 5 (57:15):
Unlearning that everything needs to be from just my strict
point of view and being open to the compromise and
making sure he's getting what he needs from me.
Speaker 4 (57:27):
Yeah, you taught me that.
Speaker 3 (57:30):
That's awesome. And I think so many people are focused
on getting what they need. They're not they're not actually
doing what relationships will require, which is for you to
figure out what the other person needs.
Speaker 5 (57:38):
Yeah, because you want the other person to be happy
and fulfilled, and that means that you are a part
of that and accomplishing that for that person, and that
should be fulfilling for you.
Speaker 4 (57:50):
It is for me, I know it is for both
of us. So it's yeah, very.
Speaker 3 (57:54):
Oh, Kevin and Austin, you guys have been amazing. We
have learned so much from you. I know our listeners
have to. It's so cool to hear your love story
and to see your relationship and you have a deep
friendship too on top of it. But I love the
fun you have, I love the humor you have, and
just thank you for sharing it with us. We appreciate you.
Speaker 4 (58:16):
Thank you so much, lovely, I fully expect a double date.
Speaker 8 (58:21):
Yes, it was not kidding, yea honestly, And I feel
like significantly more in love than I did when I
woke up.
Speaker 7 (58:30):
So not that I wasn't in love when.
Speaker 5 (58:32):
I woke up, but we needed. I'll send you a venmo.
Thank you so much for this.
Speaker 3 (58:39):
Well, Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, folks.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
In this episode, our Love Stories series continues today a
couple that's been together eight years, but marriage hasn't been
on the table. Well at least it wasn't before they
did this interview with us. And with that, welcome to
this Cuffing season edition of Amy and TJ. Rose. When
you agree that as we've been going through this and
it's been a blast, some of the couples like have
(00:25):
a little you see a little light bulb go off,
or they start to consider or think about things in
the interview with us that maybe they hadn't been thinking about.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
It's been fun to watch.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
It has been fun to watch. Look, all of the
couples who we've been interviewing are happy couples. They're all
in different stages of their relationships, but all of them
have been tried and tested. I think it's fair to say.
And I love that we heard from Kevin and Austin saying, Hey,
if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But then I
started to see them realize how much they love each
(00:56):
other and are committed to each other through answering the
questions we've been asking all of the couples, and it
was cool to see that that at the end they
were happier than they were at the beginning of the conversation,
which is a good sign as they were talking about
their relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Well, I think we were too after this conversation with them,
and that I'm not being dramatic. After every single conversation
with a couple, it's been encouraging. There's been something that
has been comforting about knowing somebody else is going through
the exact same thing, even though you know it in
your mind that other couples are dealing with it, to
hear them openly talk about it, it's just it's been nice.
(01:30):
And I think no couple would agree to come on
here with us, would they if they weren't solid, Because
if a couple wasn't solid and we were asking some
of these questions, that they could get asty.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
It's true, and that's a good point. And you'll notice,
and I'm not saying that celebrity couples aren't good, but
a lot of celebrity couples won't do interviews together for
those reasons. And if you think about it, you don't
see married celebrity couples oftentimes sitting down for an interview.
(02:03):
And so we feel really honored. Yeah, that we were
able to secure this many amazing celebrity couples to actually
let us ask them anything. There were no rules, No
one said, hey, don't go there, don't ask us about this.
They just trusted us with discussing fully their relationship, the ups,
(02:24):
the downs, the highs, the lows. And that's not easy
to talk about in a public setting.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
No, I didn't think about it.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I was thinking that some of our couples that we
did later, I said, well, they had the option, they
could cheat because they could go back and listen to
the early ones. Actually, no, most of these we got
recorded and in the can before they started any of
them airing. So none of these couples knew what was
coming at them, and they trusted us to ask whatever.
And they trusted their own relationship enough to know we
(02:50):
can handle what comes at us.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
That's the bigger point point, right, that they trusted one
another to have each other's backs, because you know, you
can go even talked about this with Austin and Kevin.
You can go and take your relationship even to a
party and come back in a fight because someone said
something that the other person didn't like or wish they
hadn't said, so imagine doing that recorded for a podcast
(03:13):
for anyone to listen to.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Do I have it right?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
That's trust?
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I think I have it right.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Not a single edit has been made to any of
these We let it ride, and not a single couple
has come to us and said, hey, can you pluck
that part out or nothing? Not once, So that's been awesome.
I mean, we talked about Kevin and Austin. You all
know these names. Kevin McHale and Austin McKenzie. Two they
met through their careers. It's fair to say both of
them in entertaining.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Yes, they met on the job, which so often happens.
You know, we might have had that same experience. But yes,
Kevin McHale or my daughters love him. They actually were
upset that I didn't tell him in the interview how
much they love him. But he, of course is from Glee.
Anyone who loved that show, as my daughters did, knows
he played Artie Abrams and then Austin McKenzie, who had
(04:02):
a lot of a claim from his role in the
Broadway performance of Spring Awakening. He's a singer, he's an actor,
so it's just it's a cool story. They're both in
the business that creates a lot of stress as well,
but they seem to be handling it with such grace
and getting stronger by the day. So they really did
blow us away with openness. And what we love about
(04:24):
the series is we talk to couples, as we mentioned,
from all different stages of life. But there are in
some our age differences. There is race differences, there are
ethnic differences, there are sexual preference differences, and yet there's
something relatable about all of them to our relationship and
I'm hoping to your relationship as well. So please take
a listen to the love story of Kevin McHale and
(04:47):
Austin McKenzie. Kevin and Austin join us now. Thank you
both for being with us. How you doing pretty good?
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Thank you for having us?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Well? You look adorable to together? Uh you do? You
just look so sweet? I love it. I love love.
So we start off by asking everyone the same first question,
each of you, if you would give us three words
to describe your relationship right now. Kevin will start with you, Oh, right.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Now, Okay, exciting, communicative, Wow, settled in a good way
like that, or he settles for me, but like we're content.
Maybe I'm living to change the content the truth comes out.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
Yeah, I would say, uh, funny, honest, And.
Speaker 7 (05:50):
I don't know. I think it's sexual, like yeah, yeah, sexual,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
And a ho tell you all and all the conversation
we've had with couples, you all hit about three or
even four words that we've heard for the first time. Yeah,
and what you all said, so that is that's kind
of cool.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Next question here though, when you all first met, was
their immediate chemistry.
Speaker 4 (06:16):
No, I would.
Speaker 8 (06:17):
Actually say yes, but not, but not at all the
way we have chemistry now, okay, fair like we both
both definitely we both definitely saw something and had a
goal in mind when we first met.
Speaker 7 (06:29):
I think the goals were different. The goals were very different.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Do explain.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
We met when we worked together.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
We filmed this mini series nine eight and a half
years ago, almost nine years ago, and all of my
scenes were with Austin and so I came into it
being like, who is my scene partner? He's the lead
of the show. Tried to do some recon about him
and heard that he didn't come off as the friendliest person.
Speaker 7 (06:54):
I am. Let me just preface, I am I just.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
Didn't come yes, okay, that's why I put that in.
Speaker 7 (07:00):
I didn't come off me either.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
No, just a little cold, cold, little cold.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I get that a lot too often.
Speaker 5 (07:04):
It's okay, okay, okay, introspective, you know it's not okay.
I can get along, like I'll adapt to any situation,
and I'm like, I'm not going to be in this
in every scene with this guy and he's not going
to not like me or like we're not going to
have a good report. So my goal going into it
was to sort of puzzle piece figure out what was
(07:26):
going on with him so we could at least have
some even if it was light friendship, so this experience
could be enjoyable.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
And then immediately I saw the.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Hesitance, coldness maybe, and I was like, oh, challenge, okay,
challenge accepted. I'm going to figure you out, and and
I sort of did. I just there wasn't any ulterior
motives in terms of like I want to be with
him or I want to hook up with him. It
wasn't like that. It was simply started from how can
we make this working relationship really good? Into maybe we
(08:02):
should be friends, maybe we need each other as friends, and.
Speaker 7 (08:05):
That's how yeah, we had.
Speaker 8 (08:06):
We had very different goals there because I saw I
remember seeing you and thinking, well, because at the time
I was, I was the early twenties. I was a
total mess and you know, like like we all were, and.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
Think for yourself, that's true. Actually you were fine.
Speaker 8 (08:21):
And I saw him and my first thought was next,
there's another one. I found one, and so I just
you know, what is it? Hook, hook and sink. Isn't
that what it's It's not a hook and sinker, Hook and.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Sink, hook line and sinker on.
Speaker 7 (08:36):
Yes, like easy catch and then we'll be done. It'll
be great.
Speaker 8 (08:41):
That's I saw you saw it as like a you know,
a friendship, friendship, and I saw it.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
As a temporary uh huh.
Speaker 7 (08:50):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 5 (08:50):
It would be amazing though, if I had a radar
at some point in my life to know when people
thought of me in that way, because the amount of
time I've just been to be like, no, they're not
into me, now this is I would have been great
to know.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Yeah, a little late, eventually it worked out. So you
played the long game without even realizing you were. Who
said I love you first?
Speaker 8 (09:11):
Who said I love you first? Austin did, which is
funny because yeah, I mean we started. I feel like
our roles in our in this relationship have have like
over the years changed a lot like he used to.
I don't know, just like the fact that I came
into it being like thinking it was just going to
be a hookup of fun show mance and then I
(09:34):
ended up saying I love you.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
First tricked you?
Speaker 7 (09:36):
You did?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Okay, Kevin, you've playing worked dell us Here we ask
everybody this, what is the age difference? You've kind of
alluded to it, but what is the age difference? And
it has it had an impact at all on your
relationship one way or another?
Speaker 7 (09:51):
Massive?
Speaker 8 (09:52):
It's a huge age difference. How dare you I had
to change the stuper before okay.
Speaker 5 (09:59):
Depends it is almost five years or not a little
over five years? Yeah, five years ish.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
He's my senior.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
And I would say, like the any sort of differences
it has caused this like in social references and like
stories like oh yeah, when I was growing up, it
really makes me feel elderly. Oh, like like when you
don't understand their Robbie Williams, Robbie, that movie Better Man
came out this year and he was asking me about
Robbie Williams was like I grew up obsessed with Robbi Williams.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
And he didn't know.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Oh you know what, I interviewed him when he came
out that I love him. It was the biggest deal.
I felt so special getting to know him and hearing
his story and what it took for him to come out.
That's so cool. He's one of my favorites.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (10:50):
Yeah, but I don't think there's ever been known.
Speaker 8 (10:52):
I mean in the beginning, like in the beginning, when
I was a mess, when I was in my you know,
early mid twenties, total mess. He was not norm Have
you ever really been a mess? I mean that that
was like a I guess a big difference. I was
going through a lot that you'd already learned or experienced.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
You were going through a lot of personal things that
I had never experienced or witnessed, and so it was
like a even though we are different places sort of
in our lives, I was learning.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
I learned.
Speaker 5 (11:19):
I feel like I've learned so much about like the
human condition through Austin and like think personal things he's
overcome in his past and things which has been.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Pretty remarkable.
Speaker 8 (11:30):
You also had like just finished your party phase, I
feel like, and mine was.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Had just ended, so it was a different time.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
You know, I personally don't think the party phase should
ever end. There shouldlways be an element, up right.
Speaker 7 (11:45):
I think I had mine recently, Like I feel like
I just came out of my part like your party phase.
Speaker 6 (11:50):
I feel like I didn't party in college or high
school or anything, but I feel like we've both sort
of gotten back into it in a way.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
It's like the hell you know, when you're younger and
you like going to party all the time and there's
no limit on it, and then now I feel like
there's the conscious decisions like do I need to do
that this weekend?
Speaker 7 (12:06):
That might also be.
Speaker 8 (12:07):
That might also be a gay culture thing, I feel like,
because I feel like a lot of gay culture is
centered around partying, so it does come in ways maybe true,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Yeah, I mean we party together. We continued our party
phase with each other, like not going out to hook
up or whatever that other people go do, but you
go out to enjoy it together, which is kind of
a fun new party phase an old person's party phase,
right exactly.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
I think that's sort of I think that's sort of
where we are as well.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, yeah, I call it a mature party phase. But whatever.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Wait, So the next question we ask everybody, but I'll
figure out how you guys want to handle this is
we ask people, because everyone has been married so far,
how long did you date before you got engaged? How
long were you engaged before you got married? So how
long have you all been together? And what are your
plans for the future.
Speaker 5 (12:56):
We've been together a little over eight years and I
was visiting a really good friend of mine this past
weekend in Colorado and her and her husband had have
been together two months shorter than we have, and they
have two kids. They have like multi homes, and I'm
sitting there watching with their kids, like what are we doing?
(13:17):
It feels like we are living such different lives and
we've technically been together a little longer, which feels so silly,
And I think it's like breaking down that the like
my friend wanted to have kids, and they both wanted
to have kids and wanted to get married, and so
they're fufilling that checklist. I don't think we've ever really
(13:38):
had sort of that checklist. For me, it's like if
it's good, yeah, Like I'm really it's I'm really happy
with this right now and it's working how it is.
So if I wake up to morrow, we should get married.
How do you feel about that? Then maybe that's a discussion.
Speaker 8 (13:52):
One of our strong strongest suits in this relationship is
just going with the flow of it.
Speaker 7 (13:58):
We didn't how long was it telling.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
We've in five years, eight years?
Speaker 8 (14:02):
And and like the way that that came about was
one day I made a joke about moving in, and
he joked back about it, and then we just kept
joking about it, and then it became more serious, and
then one day I was like, wait, am.
Speaker 7 (14:16):
I moving in?
Speaker 8 (14:17):
And then I moved in, and it something like we
never even really thought we would move in together. I
valued my space so much and so does he, and
that just happened completely organically. And we are talking about
a ceremony of sorts maybe or a ring of sorts maybe,
(14:41):
but like we also have no desire to get married, but.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Guess in the traditional scene for.
Speaker 8 (14:47):
Some reason, it's sort of I don't want to say
it's heading that way, but it's like it's going into
some world that's yeah, I don't know, so like we're it's.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Just it's very going has happened.
Speaker 5 (14:56):
We're like, we're obsessed with each other and it's been
eight year and I'm like, I just want us to
have some jewelry.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
I totally get that. I totally get that.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
Your answer is really interesting because so many people think, Okay,
marriage is the next step.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You'll are taking things.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Just as it comes, and it seems to be working
for you, even with something as monumental as moving in together.
It just kind of happened. It almost happens to havece.
So the next question we had for folks, and most
of them been married, why did you want to get married?
And how do you think your relationship would be different
if you were just a couple and not married. So
I'll ask you all in this way, how do you
(15:35):
all think? I mean, it's working great now? Do you
all worry about what might happen to your relationship or
might change in some way if you put that piece
of paper with its.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
On?
Speaker 7 (15:48):
One hand?
Speaker 4 (15:49):
Do you worried?
Speaker 8 (15:49):
I think that's just because I come from a family
with a ton of divorce and from experiencing that secondhand,
I do worry, And of course I do worry of
like putting press Shawn us but for the most part,
I mean, I really just look at how we moved
in together and like how.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
Easy it was.
Speaker 8 (16:08):
The way we talk about it, or at least the
way I say is it's like living with Kevin is
like living alone but better, like we have our own space.
Speaker 6 (16:17):
Romantic, you know, but you know what I mean, Like
it's living alone is easy because there's no one bothering you,
and living with you, I never feel bothered, except for
when you're bothering me, right, I don't know, I don't
I don't know. I don't know if the answer the
question you go.
Speaker 5 (16:33):
I know I have the same concerns, like if it
ain't broke, it's sort of it works really well as
it is right now, and so I think if we're
we don't have the responsibilities of kids or not behold
you know, I think that would be a very different
situation for us if we were coming into this. And
there's something about maybe having marriage or that certificate that
(16:59):
changed thing that makes something more stable. But like it's
just us where we have some animals, and it feels
like if we can just for me keep it like this,
so it works until like I said before, like we
wake up one day, I feel like I want to
do this, and we both feel.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
Like we want to do it.
Speaker 5 (17:17):
Then the overwhelming need, like we moved in together. It
got to the point where like, this makes no sense
that we don't live together. Like you've been at my
house six out of seven days a week through the pandemic.
It works incredibly well, Like just move over here for
the seventh day. And so you know, I think it's
(17:37):
sort of that same model where like you said, it's
like trending in a certain direction, and.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
You know, I guess it works really well right now.
So yeah, yeah, I'm scared to mess with the balance.
Speaker 8 (17:50):
There is also I feel like for me, there is
also a little bit of like, because of the political climate,
there is a bit of like should we get married.
Not that there's like just in case can not that
there's like a huge, massive, real threat that it's getting away,
but there is it is a hossibility that marriage equality
will get taken away. So there have been times where
I'm like, should we just do it before before we can?
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Well, yeah, I hadn't even thought about that, but that
does make total sense. And there are certain rights afforded
to you if you're married, and certain rights that are.
Speaker 7 (18:21):
Not exactly.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
You've made a commitment to one another, correct, I mean,
do you? I mean, what is your relationship commitment level? Like,
have you articulated it? We haven't asked anyone else that
because they've been married, So I'm just curious if you're
not married, and what has been said between the two
of you.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Good question.
Speaker 8 (18:50):
I actually don't know if we've ever really talked about
like what our commitment looks like, because I don't. It's
not commitment in the same way of like marriage.
Speaker 7 (18:59):
But I mean, I.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
Know from my perspective, this is only my second relationship ever,
I am it's my first. Yeah, I don't know why.
To me, it feels like when you are in a relationship,
it's really important to me that we maintain our independence,
(19:23):
Like you are your own person, this is your life first,
and I want you to be with me as long
as that feels like it's serving you in a positive way. Still, So,
like I think, to me, it seems like a really huge,
sometimes unachievable goal that people can be together for their
(19:45):
entire lives. I think, to me, that's like a crazy
amount of pressure to put on a relationship, where if
you take that away there's I feel like when there's
no pressure, there's so much you can explore and be spontaneous.
Maybe it's the same thing I've never been married.
Speaker 6 (19:59):
I don't know, but.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
It's I think the level comment I've talked about, at
least with you, is like check in with yourself as
often as possible and be present in it, because I
it's hard for me to like plan the future, but
I don't know how I'm gonna feel about you in
a week. I just know right now it feels really good,
and I'm going to be honest with you every single
(20:23):
day about how I feel in the relationship, and so
it's I think it's my commitment is just to be
completely communicative about where I am and to make sure
that he feels like he can be the exact same
way with me, because I wouldn't want him to. You know,
if he meets somebody out at a coffee shop all
of a sudden, it's like I just fell in love
(20:44):
at first sight. Sure, break my heart, but I don't
want to hold you back from living your life.
Speaker 4 (20:51):
I always figure it out.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
Wow, I don't think that that would ever come out
of my mouth.
Speaker 4 (20:58):
At a coffee shop. It's in theory you know is good.
No would be that cool about it.
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Think of it this very a very very similar way.
Speaker 8 (21:10):
Like I I think that if you are truly, deeply,
madly in love with someone, your number one goal with
them is for them to be as happy as possible.
And if Kevin finds someone that he is happier with,
then I want him to to take that opportunity. I
(21:31):
want him to be happy. Yeah, I would absolutely suck.
I would be devastated. It would change my entire life.
But like, that's that's what I want for him. I
think maybe another way to word what you're saying is like,
I think we're both committed to being fully present with
each other and being present in the moment. And you know, luckily,
(21:52):
for the past eight years, every moment has been that
we are.
Speaker 7 (21:55):
Deeply in love with each other. I always go back
to too that.
Speaker 8 (22:00):
Uh, you know, after a certain amount of years, it
became super clear that Kevin is my person more than
I would call my husband or a boyfriend or a partner.
Speaker 7 (22:07):
He's my person.
Speaker 8 (22:10):
And so I guess, in a bit of a marriage way,
I see that as a as a I take that
commitment seriously. As you know, when things get really hard,
when we argue or you know, whatever comes up, I
am committed to No, this is my person and I'm
gonna we're gonna work through this and get stronger and
better after it, and not and not just thinking, oh,
(22:32):
something came up. This is too serious. Clearly we're not
He's not my person anymore. It's trusting that, trusting the
best moments, you know, trusting how I feel. Then when
it's not the best moments.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
That that was one. I'm not kidding you all.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
That might be the most insightful answer we've had to
that question.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Hey, I just learned between the no.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
But I'm saying both of you all there because people
view it differently. Talk about that was a great answer
the other day about you know what, there's something significant
about standing in front of the people you love and
declaring to them that this is the person you love.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
All that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And then other people have practical reasons for getting married
and what it means legally and all these things.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
But you all gave just it was the.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Most romantic and unromantic answer.
Speaker 7 (23:18):
Yeah, we're great, but yeah, it's cool today, we'll see.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
What It's an honest answer, and I don't know how
much you all know about us, but we both between us,
we have four divorces, so we've both been divorced twice, and.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
We shall not lead with that.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Yeah, but we've been contemplating whether or not we should
get married or not, you know, and we haven't moved
in together either, but we spend every single night and
day together, so it's we're at that point now. But
it's cool to hear you say, because we've also struggled
with what we call each other. I like, he's my person.
That's a really really cool way to talk about it. Austin,
(23:52):
you alluded to this, and we've asked everybody this, but
how often do you have sex? And has it changed
over the years.
Speaker 8 (24:00):
Honestly, it only really changes if usually when both of
us are super busy. If just one person is busy,
it doesn't really change it. If we're both super busy,
or if I've been very open about like mental health
that I struggle with, so like, if I'm going through something,
(24:22):
usually well that'll take a back seat.
Speaker 7 (24:24):
But other than that, honestly, I mean, I feel like.
Speaker 8 (24:28):
It's like every other day, every two days, every year,
every other day, every two days.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
It's probably right.
Speaker 8 (24:34):
I mean when I've talked, Yeah, I can. I can
consider that's one of the words I use.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
Sexual.
Speaker 7 (24:39):
I think that we're both very Yeah, you.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Know, here's what I'll follow up. I don't think we've
asked this follow up before. But is it a matter
of your because you all said it, ah, yeah once
every couple of days, is this something you make sure
you schedule or it naturally happens? Because I will speak
for Robes and I a couple of days go about
you know what, we're not quite right?
Speaker 1 (25:03):
What's been going on with us?
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (25:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Or you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
So is that a matter if it just kind of
naturally occurs organically it happens, or do you all make
a conscious effort to all right, there's been a couple
of days.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Here to prioritize it.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Yeah, prioritize good work.
Speaker 4 (25:19):
I would say a little of both, but mostly of
the time organically.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
Yeah, because what I've also learned, because I think we
tried to do that a couple of times, schedule it
and that just kills it.
Speaker 4 (25:32):
Yeah, I can't handle it.
Speaker 7 (25:34):
You can handle it?
Speaker 4 (25:35):
Now we have to plan this. I'm out. Yeah, it
took it it's like the biggest deflator.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
I don't I've had this discussion with other people too,
Like I just I don't know what it is. I
wish we could. It would be a lot easier if
we could. I know, you can just fit it into
the schedule and then fit it in, But no, I
I feel like scheduling really doesn't work for me, and
I do have to say because I think it would
work for you, And we try to do that a
(26:01):
little bit. And Austin has been even very good about
adapting in recognizing that it does not work for me,
and so he tries to make it look organic even
though he may be planning on it in his head.
Speaker 7 (26:14):
Well, I get that.
Speaker 8 (26:17):
Not to get too into detail, but for gay men
there is preparation involved, and so there does have to
be like a little bit of like planning of like
making sure the feelers are out there and making sure
that like, Okay, I think we're going to get into
this mood now we have.
Speaker 7 (26:36):
I think I think I can speak for both of
us that we both have have How do I say this?
Speaker 8 (26:44):
We both have have played around in the playing field
of sexual experiences with other men, and we're each other's
best sex.
Speaker 7 (26:55):
I hope you agree, but yeah, the best sex of
my life.
Speaker 6 (26:58):
So he's the best sex in my life, and so
I want to have sex with him all the time.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Truly, I'm glad we didn't add that to our Can
you imagine if we asked all the couples, Hey, has
your spouse been the best sex of your life?
Speaker 1 (27:11):
I know, yeah, that would.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
No no, no, no, no no, I don't want what I was.
Speaker 5 (27:17):
This recently came up with We were we were around
a couple friend of mine last week and they were
very open. Were our whole friend group, for the record,
is very open about talking about these intimate sexual details,
especially like no judgment. We asked questions like straight, gay,
(27:38):
whatever it is. I don't know why, but that's sort
of like the friend group we've curated I've always had
and this they're straight, they're married, and and it was
the first time they were admitting to each other that
it was like the best they were each other's best sex.
Speaker 7 (27:52):
They've ever had.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
And I was like, are you lying?
Speaker 5 (27:55):
Are you trying to make the other person feel And
they were going above and beyond to like prove that
they meant to and I was like, this is great,
It's like, yeah, so like who's next?
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Who else?
Speaker 5 (28:05):
Who was weirdly quiet in the room right now and
not answering this?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
Oh no, no, oh no? So how you also mentioned
this a little bit. Everybody fights? How often would you
say you fight? And what do you fight? Is there
something you fight the most about?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
I'm not a fighter.
Speaker 7 (28:28):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you know you're not a fighter.
I'm not a fighter. I just I'm very passionate.
Speaker 4 (28:35):
I will say this.
Speaker 5 (28:38):
Because I'm not really a fighter. I think that leads
to maybe more unintended avoidance of situations where my objective
is to be super overly communicative. But Austin has been
really good, like you mentioned earlier about like protecting or
(28:59):
like the happiness or the happiness or the relationship at
all times when there have been disagreements where I've been like, ugh,
this is I don't want to talk, this is dumb.
Do we even need to do this, He'll be like, no,
we need to. We really need to figure this out.
It's one of those things like we're not going to
bed angry, like, let's talk through it. And before we
(29:19):
were even technically together, there were a couple of times
where I think you know, I didn't know what we
were and I was frustrated, and I would pick a
fight without realizing it always, you know, not imagining I
was ever someone that would do that. And he's one
of my favorite things about him is that he's so
smart and the way he could break down. He's like, Okay,
(29:40):
so I think what you're doing right now as like
you're picking a fight because of X, Y and Z,
and just like sort of read me and I can
be objective about myself and I was like, oh, yeah,
you're you're right, And every single time and it's come
up and it may be.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
I don't think there's one thing that.
Speaker 5 (30:03):
We necessarily disagree about or fight about, but regardless of
what it is, it's always handled in a similar way
where we sort of have to keep each other in check,
keep each other honest. And he's very good at making
sure I don't just sweep it under the rug or
shut it down, because I'm pretty good at that. And
it's taught me to also think about how I want
(30:27):
to approach those situations beforehand, which has been great because
it's great to be able to like learn things about
yourself and have the person you love the most teach
those things, and it's not a judgmental thing. It's you know,
I'm thirty six and I'm still learning things every time.
We do have an uncomfortable communication, and we respect each
(30:50):
other enough to be able to be honest. Yeah, but
like there's no low blows. You know, we don't like
I'm not trying to just piss you off to like
get my job in.
Speaker 4 (31:00):
We don't do that. It's like I don't need to
do that. I don't want to make you upset. But
let's be very clear about what we're saying.
Speaker 7 (31:07):
Yeah, we're also like.
Speaker 6 (31:08):
So unfiltered with each other that, Uh, I don't think
we have that many fights because we always dress things
in a moment like dude, you're really pissing me off today,
can you please stop?
Speaker 7 (31:20):
Or like why the hell did you say that at
that party?
Speaker 8 (31:23):
Like, well, we'll just like we're super honest and we
know that like we can say anything in front of
each other, there'll be no judgment.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Kevin, next question here, we asked everybody this. You mentioned
it in your answer there, But it sounds like you
all make a point not to go to bed angry,
do you.
Speaker 5 (31:48):
Yeah, as Austin is very good at that. There have
definitely been times where I've wanted to pull the eject
button and I'm like, I'm done with this conversation. Here's
the dovet good night.
Speaker 7 (31:58):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (31:59):
I try to me, I'm like, I know the answer
to this, Like how you know? It's like one of
those things you get frustrated or annoyed. I'm like, how
are you not getting this? But that's no reason, you know, now,
in this moment of peace, that's no reason too. If
the partner is not getting it, or does not feel
(32:21):
one percent heard or understood, or doesn't feel like we're
one D linked and SYNCD in that moment, then that's
my moment as a partner to step up and be like, Okay,
how do we how do we get there? How do
we communicate this? What do we need to what do
you need to hear from me?
Speaker 4 (32:41):
What am I not?
Speaker 5 (32:42):
What do you think I'm not getting from you? And
so he's good at reminding because there's been several times
in bed where he's like, we're not going to bed angry.
Speaker 8 (32:50):
I just take I take cliches very seriously. I think
there's a reason that cliches are cliche, Like I've heard
every wedding ceremony, you know, don't go to bout angry,
and they must say it for a reason.
Speaker 7 (33:03):
It's always stuck with me, So I just take that
very seriously.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
That's very cool. I love I love the Why the
hell did you say that at that party? That is
such a like classic you come back from something you've
been drinking. Oh my god, that just that was hilarious.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
To the flip side of that is awesome. It'll be like,
why the hell did I say that at that party?
And I'm like, no, no, it's fine, don't worry.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
No, that's cute.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
What do you each love the most about the others?
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Really hard? There's a lot.
Speaker 7 (33:35):
I want to guess what you're gonna say about me.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Now, Cam you mentioned earlier you love that he was
so smart? He is and favorite thing.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
I think his intelligence.
Speaker 6 (33:44):
I was gonna say, can you clarify that? I think
I like books smart you are. You're an idiot, like
right now that you're stupid, but you're so smart. I
think the umbrella is probably his intelligence, which includes his talent,
which I think is super hot. He's so good at
(34:05):
so many things, and like the passion for that is
one of my absolutely favorite things about him. But something
I have found and I think we both found that
I never even imagine necessarily looking for in a relationship
that has really come to the forefront to maybe be
the number one most important thing is our shared sense
(34:29):
of humor.
Speaker 7 (34:30):
Yeah, that's like he can be.
Speaker 5 (34:32):
It's so similar and it's punchy, real and like really quick.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
He's so quick. It's infuriating, but I love it well
that he's so quick.
Speaker 8 (34:42):
We're holding back a lot of a banter right now
because we actually say this a lot where we'll be
out in public around friends and maybe there's people that
know us that well, and we'll be in the car
on the way home being like people might think that
we're mad at each other or something because our banter
is so constant.
Speaker 7 (34:58):
Yeah, people might misinterpret it's like we're funny.
Speaker 5 (35:01):
We say, like we're like we're like mentally boxing each other. Yeah,
like we like just like, yeah, we're completely that's that's
the word.
Speaker 7 (35:12):
Sorry.
Speaker 4 (35:13):
And I like to be pushed and like that was
a better joke than I.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
Got in Like, oh that was good, Okay, Like I
and it's and I love that it's the same, you know,
it's I don't know, constantly think about if we did
not have that, like how would this work, would it
work at all? And I'm and I honestly think that's
probably like the secret ingredient to all of this is
(35:43):
that shared I don't know if it's a sense of
humor or sense of taste and things like that, because
it also applies to music and all these things.
Speaker 8 (35:51):
But I have to say two things. It's really hard
to me to humor is a huge one. But here
he said that if I'm being totally honest, and I
know I keep talking about it, like the sex that we.
Speaker 6 (36:03):
Have, you're really making me No, I mean like, no, well, yes,
it can't be that good.
Speaker 8 (36:09):
No, But like, if we're just being honest, if we're
being if.
Speaker 7 (36:14):
We're being honest in this relationship.
Speaker 8 (36:17):
I like, I have a lot of sexual needs and
desires and it's amazing that I'm with someone that can
completely fulfill those.
Speaker 7 (36:26):
So that is a big thing, damn.
Speaker 8 (36:27):
But then also just your groundedness, because I'm so I'm
never on the ground, I'm never on the planet, and
he's he's the one who in a great way balances me.
Speaker 7 (36:39):
So that way I'm at least hovering above the ground.
Speaker 4 (36:42):
And every time you're trying to run up against it,
I'm like, cut it out.
Speaker 7 (36:48):
This is where we are.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
This is now not this is the most difficult transition
we've had from that question to this next question. Because
you all gave such a fun answer to that one,
we have to talk about finance is now how how
do you all it's a big one for couples. How
do you handle finances? Do you have separate accounts? Do
you have joint everything together it's half and how do
(37:11):
you all do it?
Speaker 8 (37:12):
I was actually just thinking about this the other day.
I really like how it's funny, like we've never.
Speaker 6 (37:20):
Even really talked about this logistically. But I think he
knows me so well that he knows to respect my
independence in the sense that.
Speaker 8 (37:33):
We're always going to be making our own money, you know,
our own money. And at the same time though, as
far as helping each other out, I mean, when I
need help, he'll help vice versa in the sense of
like if you you know, we want to we want
to help each other, so why not do it, you know,
financially speaking. But no, I think that he just really
(37:55):
we respect each other's independence financially and have never felt
like there's a need to join any of that together. Yeah,
we never even talked about it, and that's the way
I want it.
Speaker 5 (38:06):
Now that you've brought this up, we'll be back in
thirty God, if you ask for a joint bank account
after this.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
You can fight about it tonight, right before you go
to bed under that duvet.
Speaker 4 (38:26):
Sound deep and he'll be fuming.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
How do you guys handle just household stuff? Because this
also causes fights from the dishes, to the laundry to
all of the thing cooking, clean everything. How do you
guys handle it? How do you split it up?
Speaker 4 (38:43):
Well?
Speaker 8 (38:43):
I well, like I said, I'm another word to say
is like spacey.
Speaker 7 (38:46):
I'm a very spacey person. So I'll have parts of
the house.
Speaker 8 (38:52):
Or moments in a week where like everything's very clean,
but then two days go by and I like neglect
that I've laundry on the counter, or like I don't know, cups.
Speaker 7 (39:04):
In the sink or something like that.
Speaker 8 (39:06):
I always get to it eventually, but he doesn't care.
Speaker 5 (39:10):
I don't think the advantage of him of us not
living together for six years was the amount of time
we've spent at each other's respective homes and when you
see I think other people interact with Like we both
had roommates and things like that, where he fully picked
(39:32):
up on the things that bother me and I picked
up the things that bother him just from observation.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
So when it came to.
Speaker 5 (39:40):
Moving in with one another, he would automatically start He's like,
I know there's dishes in the sink because he witnessed that.
I didn't love when dishes get left in the sink,
and I didn't say anything. And to me, it's like
the fact that you're even acknowledging that I know you're
paying attention, and that means a lot, and so I'm
not worried about it because I know you will get
(40:00):
to it and you always do. And so there's a
difference between you know, when it's like college days and
you're leaving a pile of bowls and the sink and
the laundries everywhere and gets gross like it's that's It's
never like that with us, And I think it's because
we've been able to find those things out from one
another beforehand.
Speaker 8 (40:19):
We also have like we have two dogs, we have
a cat. I like, we don't have kids. I feel
like we kind of live in like a in some
ways a bit of like a bachelor house where it's
like it's chill, like if there's you know, a couple
of things on the counter, who cares, Like, we've.
Speaker 7 (40:33):
Never ever thought about it.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
We're both pretty clean.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Like, yeah, we both we don't care about But am
I hearing it right that it sounds like you all
divvy up in terms of you clean your shit, I'll
clean mine. You wash your clothes and dishes, I'll wash
my clothes and dishes.
Speaker 4 (40:47):
Yes, it's fully that.
Speaker 5 (40:49):
It's I think it's sort of the same as finances,
like we take care of ourselves. We take care of
our stuff. Yeah, and there's never an issue. To be honest,
I want like I'll have a clean your come every
two weeks, you know, like that sort of thing. He's like,
we don't need that, we can do that ourselves. I'm like, no, no, no, no,
I want that. I need that.
Speaker 4 (41:07):
There's a little deeper clean there. Yeah, I get to
that would take us let me just yeah, never, that's
on me. I want that. So I got that.
Speaker 7 (41:16):
We've never got heads on that think.
Speaker 3 (41:19):
But who cooks?
Speaker 7 (41:21):
Uh, he's never cooked a day.
Speaker 8 (41:24):
I'm not like a huge cook, Like I used to
be a pastry chef and so like I do quite
a bit of baking. But like, I'm not a huge cook.
But of the two of us, I am. He doesn't
know where anything. Yeah, he's not a cook. He can
hardly make cereal.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
I'm good at eggs.
Speaker 7 (41:40):
That's true. You make a good French omelet.
Speaker 4 (41:42):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (41:43):
That's literally it. That's it.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (41:49):
Have you all?
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Oh goo, you mentioned this? How much alone time do
you all need from one another?
Speaker 7 (41:53):
It's definitely changed a lot because I feel like.
Speaker 6 (41:57):
My alone time is time with my friends, my best friends,
Like I don't I don't need to.
Speaker 4 (42:01):
I'm not your best friend, your best.
Speaker 8 (42:03):
Friend, but I don't have to like be alone alone
from like I just that being hanging out with my
friends is enough, like to keep the balance of like
not spending all my time with him.
Speaker 7 (42:15):
But I don't know.
Speaker 5 (42:16):
We were very intentional about when we seriously talked about
moving in with one another, creating a space, because after
a year being together, Austin did say, do you think
we should move in together?
Speaker 4 (42:29):
And it was a quick no.
Speaker 5 (42:31):
I know how much you need your loan space and
I don't want you to resent me after a couple
of months of living in here and being around me
all the time. In same for me, like, let's not
force it. So when it did come time to move
in with one another, there's a guest bedroom, and so
to me, it was sort of like, why don't you
set up.
Speaker 4 (42:50):
Like that's your room.
Speaker 5 (42:52):
We have our shared bedroom and all that, but you
can set up use it as your office, use it
as your recording studio. If you want to seep in
there some nights just because you're up late, you're working late,
that can be your space. And I'm not going to
take it personally. That is, that is whatever you want
to do in there. He took it a little too seriously.
He still do not disturb thing from a hotel and
(43:14):
puts it on the handle and locks the door. So
that was not pre negotiated.
Speaker 8 (43:21):
It's funny, actually, like I really need my space. But
the way that's manifested some really well know. The way
that's manifested is I will fall I'll sleep on the
couch sometimes, which seems like so dramatic, but it's just
like I feel like sleeping somewhere else tonight, I'm going
to sleep on the cat well.
Speaker 5 (43:40):
When I met him, he was sleeping on the couch
in his apartment because he prefers sleeping.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
I love the couch, so really.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
You are just you are describing t J. Helps like
I see a couch, it's his favorite place to sleep.
Speaker 7 (43:53):
Yeah. Yeah, I struggle to get off the couch at
night to.
Speaker 5 (43:58):
Every night he's like, why don't you just leap down
with him? No, I'm not doing this. I'm not playing
this game because I don't want to fall a seat
for forty five minutes and wake up more tired and
then have to go downstairs to the bed. I'm not
playing this game with you. You can stay up here, but
I'm going down.
Speaker 7 (44:12):
I almost pricked them into it last night.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
Oh my god. This is the negotiation we have all
the time too.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
It's so funny. We look forward to having a double
date with you guys. I would love that Robot and
Kevin are going to.
Speaker 1 (44:26):
Stay at the table.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Me and you also can go out of having cigarette
and talk about what the hell these two?
Speaker 4 (44:30):
Wow?
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (44:31):
Okay, wait, you had men a cigarette.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
It's that time of year.
Speaker 9 (44:43):
Valentine's Day is coming up soon. Listen to I Do
Part two. If you want to Find Love by February fourteenth.
Our talented and wise celebrity experts know a lot about
love because they've screwed it up a couple of times.
But now they're learning from each other and getting it right.
Speaker 7 (44:57):
You can too.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
I do Part two.
Speaker 9 (44:59):
It's the lesson love you need. If you're alone on
Valentine's and you haven't been listening, that's on you listen to.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
I do Part two on America's number one podcast network,
I Heeart, open the free i Heeart app and search.
I do Part two and start listening.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Couples counseling. Have you all ever done it? In it?
Speaker 3 (45:19):
Now?
Speaker 1 (45:19):
Keep it up? Interested in it?
Speaker 7 (45:20):
What we haven't we haven't.
Speaker 8 (45:23):
I'm not opposed to it, never opposed to it, never
ever opposed to it. I just think that our communication
is so crystal clear and so consistent that not that
that's like what we'll fix everything, but we just have
always squashed issues right as they happen.
Speaker 4 (45:37):
Yeah, I think if there was ever a moment that
would arise that we would need.
Speaker 7 (45:41):
It, Yeah, we would. I'd be way more open to
it than he would.
Speaker 8 (45:45):
And one hundred percent we've talked about it in the past,
like there was one time where I was like, maybe
we should and you were like, we don't need to
do that.
Speaker 5 (45:52):
I fully turned into the person I don't like. It
was very weird to your parents.
Speaker 4 (45:57):
I don't know if that's ever happened to you, but
I thought all the time.
Speaker 5 (46:00):
My initial reaction was like, wait a minute, yeah, like,
who is that?
Speaker 10 (46:07):
We don't you going to do for us? That's exactly
how not. I don't even have to an accent. But
I did have my oh no, I think we're fine.
And then I had a moment with myself. I was like, wait,
why is that my initial reaction too?
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Yeah, that's cool though, that self reflection is important. I
love that what it oh in the middle when you
do fight, have either one of you ever gotten so
angry that you've threatened to break up, walk out, leave
the relationship?
Speaker 7 (46:37):
Not vocally.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Wait a minute, you text it?
Speaker 7 (46:44):
Oh no, just I just I just wow thought it. Yeah,
I justaborate. Well, I told you I'm very passionate.
Speaker 8 (46:51):
I get very emotional, and so sometimes in my head
I'm just like, well, then I guess I guess I'll
just leave him.
Speaker 7 (46:56):
Then I'll teach him a lesson.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
But you never threw it in his face and threaten no.
Speaker 7 (47:01):
But the but the.
Speaker 8 (47:02):
Idea of punishing him by saying we can't be digger anymore,
like is so appealing sometimes, Oh my god, like that
that's what's so annoying about being in like a really
beautiful relationship.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
Is that why you have to stay in? It is
not in my face?
Speaker 7 (47:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (47:17):
Like, sometimes I just want to get back at you, like, fine,
you're never going to see me again, you know, Like,
how dare you say that stupid thing at the party?
Speaker 5 (47:24):
Okay, So I read some my Twitter thread last week
about this person was saying I'm a couple's counselor I've
been doing it for a couple of years. Here like
the top ten things I've learned that make a successful couple.
Speaker 4 (47:35):
And I read it.
Speaker 5 (47:37):
I was like, oh, we have all these And the
one I found really interesting was like the ethical fighting.
And we alluded to this earlier, but that's the exact
same thing. There's never been a community, there's never been
a an intentional conversation about this is how we're going
to argue, and this is how we're going to fight.
But we inherently, I think, know that about each other,
like We're not going to just throw things in each
(48:00):
other's face just so you can get the reaction and satisfaction.
Speaker 7 (48:03):
But I keep it locked and loaded. I have a
list of things I would love to throw in his face,
but okay, because we are respectful fighters.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Okay, next question though, and we're going to get out
of Austin's head to do this one. What is the
closest you all have actually come to breaking up or
ending the relationship?
Speaker 7 (48:23):
Oh? Definitely, early on, many.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
Times, many times.
Speaker 8 (48:27):
Yeah, we were a mess in the beginning. Yeah I wasn't, no,
but I just feel like we like I.
Speaker 5 (48:32):
Was going through it, and okay, we got together. This
is probably not the healthiest thing. We got together. And
I had just gotten out of a long term relationship
almost immediately into this. He was going through all kinds
of things, and I think that adage of like, if
you can't love yourself, how you going to you know,
ru Paul, how are you going to love somebody else where?
(48:53):
He was working on himself and so how can you
be the partner you should be in a relationship if
you're not operating at your fullest capacity? And so at
the beginning, I was like, well, I'm obsessed with him.
I'm crazy about him and in love with him. But
I think this is gonna be like six months.
Speaker 4 (49:12):
Like I just I don't know how this is going
to work.
Speaker 7 (49:15):
I still don't. We got to eight half years.
Speaker 4 (49:17):
No, it's like it's like we've blinked and we've got
we got to eight.
Speaker 8 (49:19):
But the fact that we made it through that first
year I think is crazy. And all of her a
lot of her friends say the same expencers stuff that.
Speaker 5 (49:25):
I think it was because personality wise were very different,
but we overlap and this took time to find almost
in every other way where our interests are the same.
Clearly esses of humor is the same. And I think, yeah,
that first year, I don't know if there's like one point,
(49:47):
but no, there was a lot of up and down.
Awesome was going through well, I think I think.
Speaker 6 (49:51):
I think to Saw, Kevin had been in a relationship
for seven years, he knew he at least had a
foundation of how relationship worked. I not only had no
found of how a relationship worked, but I also didn't
want to be in a relationship. I didn't want to
commit myself to anyone. I was afraid of being in
love with someone so shouldn't, well, you love me.
Speaker 8 (50:10):
I think it's more like, it's amazing that, like I
stayed in it because I just I wasn't ready for
a relationship.
Speaker 7 (50:15):
I just happened to meet my person.
Speaker 3 (50:19):
Well that's awesome. But it sounds like any of the
bigger fights happened early on, and that once you got
through that, then you guys figured out the dynamic and
what worked in how not to upset the other person
as much. But I see a lot of respect between
the two of you and humor, and those two things
to me are so so important, and I see both
of those alive and well in you. It's very cool. Right,
(50:41):
we're going to wrap this up. You guys have been
so much fun. So you've made lots of references to
how great your sex life is. How do you keep
the romance alive? Like for couples who want to know
it's been eight years, it's been ten years. Maybe it's
only been a few years, but you're trying to figure out,
what would you say is the secret to keeping your
romance alive.
Speaker 5 (51:01):
I don't know if there's just a secret. I look
at him and I'm like, I'm still just as attracted
to you as I was, if not more. Yeah, the
first time I like met you, I guess and I.
Speaker 6 (51:15):
I've always said this, I think the sexiest part of
sex is everything that happens before sex and the foreplay,
but not even in the bedroom foreplay, but like flirting.
Speaker 8 (51:29):
And syntactually the things that you're saying. So I think
that for me, another thing I love about Kevin, Like
that I love most about Kevin is that he always
says things that surprise me, and whether it's sexual or not,
like the conversation being fresh and him challenging me.
Speaker 7 (51:52):
That to me, that for me, that's what keeps the
romance alive.
Speaker 5 (51:56):
Damn, you really just big up my ego. I don't
I have no idea what you're talking about, but you're welcome.
I don't know what I say that's surprising, but I
got to keep doing it.
Speaker 8 (52:18):
No, but it's it's not even I mean, it is
a compliment, but it's not even saying like you're intentional.
Speaker 7 (52:23):
About or anything.
Speaker 6 (52:23):
But just like I don't know, just the honesty in
our conversation. That's what keeps it hot to me, is like.
Speaker 8 (52:32):
That like confidence in like I'm going to say whatever
I want to say to you and if it's stupid
or if it's wrong or whatever, if it comes across
me or whatever, like that to me is sexy.
Speaker 5 (52:44):
And I think receiving that too, of someone that you
can feel is still so into you and vice versa,
like the confidence of like I can tell he it's
shocking to me that he's still into me sexually after
eight years, and that's exciting. And you know, like, oh
my god, you feel the same way I do, Like, yeah,
that's that's good.
Speaker 4 (53:04):
It's nice.
Speaker 5 (53:05):
It feels like high school on it, like in a way,
it feels like it's fresh and new. And obviously there
are you know, peaks and valleys, because there's things happen
in life and that's not top of mind, but generally
and even if there's times when you know it is
more of a valley where you know, life happens. We
(53:27):
that's so important to both of us that we definitely
know how to like ignite it in one another and
make it a.
Speaker 7 (53:32):
Focus and priority and travel traveling. We're both we're both
sluts for true.
Speaker 4 (53:36):
I mean, what's better than a hotel room?
Speaker 3 (53:38):
Yeah, we agree, we're in one right now.
Speaker 4 (53:41):
I mean, yeah, you're gonna log off and I know
what's gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (53:45):
We're in Vegas, baby, so yes, oh god, we love it.
Speaker 8 (53:50):
Oh we love Vegas. Oh that's that's also a great one.
Vegas will bring the Roman.
Speaker 7 (53:53):
Yeads, will it?
Speaker 5 (53:54):
Actually, I don't know something the sweet oxygen being pumped
into a smoke filled so good.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
Let the memories begin.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
But the last one here, guys, is I guess it's
obvious and as Austin you might say cliche, but it
has to be asked. Anytime somebody's around someone who is
in a successful and certainly long term relationship, they asked
this question, so we'll ask it of you answered, however,
you like, what.
Speaker 1 (54:22):
Is the secret to relationship success?
Speaker 7 (54:26):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (54:27):
I hate when people say this.
Speaker 1 (54:28):
Oh yeah, they always ask.
Speaker 4 (54:31):
The question. Is good.
Speaker 5 (54:34):
To me, it's like purely communication, but I mean it's
in it's setting a standard of communication. Though I think
it's not just like, yeah, we have to speak to
one another. It's the type and style of communication, what
you expect to hear from the other person and from yourself,
(54:57):
all the things you know that encapsulates everything we've just
talked about, where there's no judgment. It's like better out
than in like, let's not harbor any resentments towards one another,
and it's not necessarily like, oh, it's so much work.
If you set that precedent for yourselves, then it's a
(55:17):
habit and it's not something you have to think about.
Speaker 4 (55:20):
And I think pretty early on we establish that.
Speaker 5 (55:25):
And it's also really rewarding when you realize there's like
new levels to communication, Like, oh, I thought we were
being really open with each other, but we just unlocked
the next level of this somehow. And that only happens
through embracing that and like charging right through it when
you get into those sticky situations.
Speaker 4 (55:44):
But yeah, I think just communication.
Speaker 8 (55:46):
Yeah, I think that goes hand in hand with openness.
I feel like I look at all the people I
know that are in relationships or have been in relationships,
and when I see relationships that are in really rough
spots and are at risk, I think it's because one
or both partners aren't open to a new perspective to
(56:09):
a different person, right, because we all we only we
only perceive people to act the same way that we act.
You know, like if I if I think, if I
have a certain mechanism in my head, I'm going to
assume that everyone else thinks that same way too, and
that's going to clash unless.
Speaker 7 (56:25):
You're open to other perspectives. And to me, that is
what works.
Speaker 6 (56:28):
Yeah, because I think not too on what you're saying,
but like, I think communication is vital to a relationship,
but communication also can lead to honesty as far as
maybe that you shouldn't stay together, and I think that's
important to communicate about.
Speaker 7 (56:43):
But I think when we're talking about like keeping.
Speaker 6 (56:46):
A relationship going, I think you just have to be
open to changing and being open to someone that's different
than you, because there's never going to be a perfect relationship.
Speaker 7 (56:57):
It doesn't exist.
Speaker 5 (56:58):
I do think I co signed that because there's been
I can't take the amount of times I've learned that
over and over again in this relationship where it's like, oh,
I don't need an apology, but he needs an apology for.
Speaker 4 (57:13):
Example, and.
Speaker 5 (57:15):
Unlearning that everything needs to be from just my strict
point of view and being open to the compromise and
making sure he's getting what he needs from me.
Speaker 4 (57:27):
Yeah, you taught me that.
Speaker 3 (57:30):
That's awesome. And I think so many people are focused
on getting what they need. They're not they're not actually
doing what relationships will require, which is for you to
figure out what the other person needs.
Speaker 5 (57:38):
Yeah, because you want the other person to be happy
and fulfilled, and that means that you are a part
of that and accomplishing that for that person, and that
should be fulfilling for you.
Speaker 4 (57:50):
It is for me, I know it is for both
of us. So it's yeah, very.
Speaker 3 (57:54):
Oh, Kevin and Austin, you guys have been amazing. We
have learned so much from you. I know our listeners
have to. It's so cool to hear your love story
and to see your relationship and you have a deep
friendship too on top of it. But I love the
fun you have, I love the humor you have, and
just thank you for sharing it with us. We appreciate you.
Speaker 4 (58:16):
Thank you so much, lovely, I fully expect a double date.
Speaker 8 (58:21):
Yes, it was not kidding, yea honestly, And I feel
like significantly more in love than I did when I
woke up.
Speaker 7 (58:30):
So not that I wasn't in love when.
Speaker 5 (58:32):
I woke up, but we needed. I'll send you a venmo.
Thank you so much for this.
Speaker 3 (58:39):
Well, Happy Valentine's Day.
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Lauren Zima
Chris Harrison
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