August 20, 2025 • 16 mins
Amy and T.J. are floored by some of the advice their listeners and readers had for Brenda. She reached out to Amy and T.J. for help dealing with her husband's ex-wife, who's always around and always touching, and even kissing, on Brenda's husband.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
One of our readers to our yachte column, Brenda. She
wrote in, and she needs a little relationship advice.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Look, if you want to check out on Monday, we
go through all of our advice what we thought about
what Brenda should do dealing with a flirty, handsy ex
wife who's also the grandma of her step grandchildren. So
she doesn't have a problem with the kids, she has
a problem with the ex wife, and so we gave
(00:29):
our advice if you want to check out that podcast
if you hadn't heard that episode. But this one is
fun because this is what the readers, This is what
you the listeners wrote in to comment on Brenda's situation
and give her advice, and.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
I'll remind her what the situation was. Brenda did write
into us Amy and TJ. My husband has grandchildren from
a previous marriage, which isn't a problem. However, their grandmother, Betty,
the ex wife, is always around. I've told him I
can't teller her being there for things like their grandkids graduations.
I can tolerate that, but not every time we get
invited somewhere. For example, last weekend, we were at a
(01:06):
birthday party for someone on his side of the family,
her ex in laws. Why is she there? And every
time they meet, Betty is hugging and kissing on my husband.
She can't just say hi and move along. I've asked
him over and over to set boundaries, but he acts
like he doesn't know what that means. I told him,
I'm not comfortable going to our next event if she'll
(01:27):
be there, and he said, okay, I'm going anyway. Really,
what do I do? Signed Brenda? Our advice was, Brenda,
you got to have a conversation. This is a respect issue.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, it's a respect issue. And so William C said this,
if Betty is being invited by his family to parties
and events, you can't dictate to the host who they
can and cannot invite unless you're willing to accept the fallout.
You can set boundaries with your husband, William C. That
is exactly what you and I told Brenda.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Why did you start with that one? Like that's the
best advice?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Right? I thought that was good, it was sensible, It
was very true, and William C, we completely agree with you.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
But you know, what's something key in there is that
if the family is inviting her, they want her around.
That was a big part of everything we discussed. She's
probably been in that family decades, right, so if they
invite her, okay, then I always told you there were
two separate issues the X. Her being there is one thing.
Her touchy fee lee kissy is another thing.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Right, and that's where the husband can set a boundary
one hundred percent all right. Veronica wrote in and said this,
Some people are just very hands on, no matter who
it is, and some women can be deliberately trouble making
and enjoying the thought that they are causing anxiety in
other women. Veronica, I said the same thing. Those two
facts seem to be apparent in this situation. Unfortunately, the
(02:47):
guy sounds as though he enjoys the attention and probably
tells himself his ex still fancies him, which is very
good for his ego, so he will not easily give
that up. Veronica, we said the exact same thing. I'm
really with your girl then too, when it annoys the
other half enough to cause the ask to stop this behavior,
he then feels a little guilty because he knows what
(03:07):
he's doing is questionable, so then he gets defensive, a
nasty state of affairs for the wife. A strong woman
might be able to counter this with some targeted barbes
that put miss Nasty in her place, which is what
she really needs. But we are not all so good
at that. Things like this happen, and if it's occasional,
it's tolerable, but if it turns into something weekly or
(03:29):
even worse, then maybe removing the potential is the best fix.
Stop going to places miss Nasty will be. Cultivate new
friend groups, hobbies, or whatever takes you away from that environment.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Okay, I had a lot to say with the last part.
Stop going to places where the ex will be. Can
you do that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, then you want to make where right, and then
you miss out. If you love his grandchildren and they
feel like family to you as well, then you're now
you're missing out on your family. So that's kind of
a tough that's a tough situation to be in where
you then take the back seat because you can't handle
being in the same room as the ex.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I would like to know how old Veronica is. Veronica
hit it all. She did, like because I told you
I didn't really understand where a woman's perspective, you immediately
went to she's probably toying with the current wife correct,
I do it. I never would have thought about it. Correct,
But then my mind went to, yeah, the guy's probably
enjoying the bag of forth Veronica hit it.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
All some stuff in a lite, Veronica, Veronica, thank you
for that. All right, We'll move on now to Jason.
Jason wrote in with this comment, I am friendly with
my ex wife. We were together twenty years, divorced for fifteen.
She is invited to all my family functions and I
to hers. We greet with a hug and a peck,
same as I greet my kids and my female friends.
(04:44):
My ex and I have never been intimate since divorcing.
It is clear we will never be back together. She
has brought partners to these gatherings, as have I. New
wife is insecure. While I respect her initial feelings, she
is not respectful of the established family dynamic. This is
her issue. So he's telling Brenda, it's your problem, it's
(05:05):
your fault, your insecure.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Okay. What I didn't hear from him in his scenario
was that he was married, and that his ex is
married and they're bringing their spouses to these events. They
say that we've brought dates like, I don't care.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I'm not dates are different.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
That's totally different mindset. That's a good point was bringing
a date so I get what he's trying to stay there.
And you can have a great relationship with your ex
and you could hug a kiss and be friendly when
you meet and move on. But when you have a
spouse who has a problem with seeing that or you
doing that, then your priority is that how do you
(05:42):
want to You know, it's so important to me kiss
my ex, and I'm willing to upset my current spouse.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, and I think you know we've said this before,
but this is about respect because different people feel differently,
like maybe a different spouse wouldn't care, but she does,
and so you have to give her at least that acknowledgment.
She can work on feeling less insecure, she can work
on tolerating more, but he also needs to work on
understanding where her feelings are coming from. And honestly, it's
(06:10):
a sign of love if you if you don't really
like somebody or love somebody, you don't really care what
they're doing, the fact that she feels that strongly means
she has strong feelings for her husband too.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
I hate to sign this as a matter of her
being insecure. I don't care how strong and secure you
are and who you are what you do. Nobody wants
to watch their spouse be intimate to a certain degree
with the person they used to be married to. That
is not just insecurity. Well you can't handle No, I
(06:40):
can't handle my current wife watching her over there kiss
her ex husband.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
No, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Call me in.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I think it's a problem for most people. I think
it would be for sure. Yes, people are putting their
own perspectives and their own feelings into it. But yes,
I'm trying to step into Brenda's shoes and imagine what
that would be like. Okay, next, we have Coco Mike
thirty five years Oh, Coco Mile, sorry, thirty five years
into a marriage. Here, this is what Coco Miles says
(07:12):
to Brenda. You married a man with grandchildren. Asking him
to stop seeing them is ridiculously immature and selfish, and
for you not to go, you will become Grandpa's crazy
new wife, and the whole family will resent you if
you start needing a separate event for the two of you.
I see it happen all the time. The ex still
hugs and fusses over him, does she hug and fuss
(07:33):
over you. Maybe that's just how she is. Brenda didn't
say she did so. I feel like she would have
included that if that were the case, he says, so,
Coco Miles says the I don't see it as the
man liking the attention. If that's so, he is as
immature as the ex is. I think it is totally
the ex showing she still has some kind of dominance.
(07:53):
I agree with you. I would lay down some ground
rules for sure, and if he continues to ignore you,
I would consider leave.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
This is from a woman, right, I can't.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Tell Coco Mile, it seems like it's a woman because
she picked up too that the ex is trying to
show some kind of dominance.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
You said something there at the bottom that got my
attention ground rules. Doesn't see it as him liking at
tension this I does. She also hug and fuss over you.
Maybe that's just how she is. We're trying to break down.
We don't know enough about this. It's one thing if
(08:35):
you see two people greet and they hug.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
But she said he doesn't move on. She doesn't move on,
she's lingers, she stays kiss. That's fine.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I would even say, for his sake, cut that out
in front of your wife. Yeah, not the end of
the world, but even something that minor, that's not necessary.
Even a little hug, a half hug.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
You can do a side hug.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
The side hug in front of your wife.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yes, And I think you could lay down that ground
rule and say, hey, can we try this. It's going
to make me feel better, it's going to make me
more comfortable, and see if he would accept that boundary.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
That ground rule with the relationship is that the woman
is going to feel Why in God's name do I
have to give you ground rules about how to behave
in front of me with someone you were once married.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
And that is why At the end, our reader tells
Brenda that she should consider leaving. Oh my goodness, all right,
So this one made me laugh so hard. Matt wrote
this in Yeah, I don't get this thing. My wife
and I are both from good old fashioned, destroyed marriages,
and our parents still can't be in the same room
together forty years later. Then there are our fellow millennials
(09:49):
who are all still friends, hanging out with their exes,
sitting together at kids' sporting events. I know divorce people
who babysit each other's kids from the new marriages. It's
just utterly buzz are I like the old way better?
This modern divorce leaves me feeling like these people didn't
try hard enough to make it work.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Thank you for that, Matt. I like that, Like it's
not it was a little funny, but it was. I
think he nailed the way. A lot of people think
it's okay to look at this and say that it's
not okay, it's not how.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, he prefers it when people who are divorce can't
stand to be in the same room as each other,
because that's what's familiar to him. He knows how that
works when it should be.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
We've seen some scenarios like that before, where the exes
and things and people get along. I don't think that's
what we're talking about here, is that we're not just
talking about getting along and being a part of a family.
This is specific to not just her being there, but
the behavior when she's there.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Correct, yes, it's and it's how she acts when she's there,
and the fact that she's always there, like she doesn't
miss one of her ex ex's family's gatherings, and so
it's annoying to her that every time his family has anything,
the ex is there.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Okay, we got a couple more to give you here.
From one was from a guy who said that Brenda,
you should only be taking advice from men on this one,
and then another from a lady who told me and
Roebock that we gave Brenda some bad advice.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Welcome back to this edition of Amy and TJ, where
we are reading our reader's comments, their advice, Your advice
to Brenda, who wants to know what she's supposed to
do with her husband's ex wife, whose flirty, clingy kisses him,
hugged all over him, and is always at every single event,
(11:41):
even though it's not even her family anymore. So Nina
two point zero came at us when she left her comment,
and we'll read it because she told us, Wow, bad advice.
The advice should have been grow up. They are divorced
and he married you. They were a family once. Get
over it. I have a great relationship with X, and
(12:03):
yes I'm at family parties and he's at mine. We
have kids. That means we all get along and act
like a large family instead of a single unit. So
Nina thinks that Brenda needs to grow up and get
over it.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I like, and this is where and I'm no, I
always appreciate everybody writing in and this is where we
try to do better with our discussions and in us
giving people advice. The first thing you have to start
with is not judge. Don't judge her for the how
she feels and what she's going through. And this one
just feels judgy. To tell somebody just grow up. It
(12:38):
sounds so simple, and I've had to back off sometimes
on these things. And I've had specifically women tell me
this because sometimes I ask for advice and I'm saying, well,
you have to have the confidence to just go it's
okay to just da da da, And you say, you
say it like it's so simple, but just some people
are different and I don't have that confidence. And I'm
working to do that. Yes, what the solution is simple,
doing it is still hard. And to tell tell somebody
(13:00):
in this position, who's I don't know what this woman
has gone through, Brenda, with this marriage and even accepting
the whole family, and it's been a lot, and tell
her just grow up seems a little dismissed, seems.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
A little judging, and just because you have a great
relationship with your ex, that doesn't mean that that's the
same for everybody. There are so many unique specific things
to each relationship and how each relationship ends and how
you figure it out going forward. I do think that
you have to honor how you feel, and maybe you
sit with yourself and you ask yourself, why am I
feeling this way, and really really ask yourself, Could I
(13:34):
do something different? Can I make some sort of place
or space in my heart for what their relationship was
and is and not feel threatened by it? But if
the answer is no, every time I see it, this
is happening, like also understand that that might be a
reasonable reaction. You know, we don't know what she's seen
and what she's witnessed, so I just think, yeah, it's
(13:55):
she can check herself and ask herself and really sit
with it. But then at the end of the day,
you kind of have to honor how you feel.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I just wanted to make sure we're now I've seen
X situations be good before. Our guy, doctor Gardier, he
talked about his family situation and how all the exes
and everybody's hanging out. That's great, that is great, great, great,
this is something else. This is something else when you're
talking about not just the family mingling together. The ex
(14:23):
sounds like she is doing too much physically and the
husband is allowing it.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Agree.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
So that's what I'm trying to keep the focus on
what we should be solving it.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
All right, Paul writes in this is our last comment,
and Paul is very confident in his response. He says,
this is an instance where you need a guy's advice, Brenda.
The solution here is risky, brutal, but simple. Without saying anything.
Start inviting one of your ex boyfriends to gatherings. Make
(14:53):
sure he knows it's an ex. Gauge his reaction the
second time it happens, not the first time. If he's Nonchalantabou,
I hate to break it to you, but very likely
he has something on the side, or he may even
be dealing with his X on the side. Either that
or he is socially inept. Neither case is a win
for you. Any man worth staying with is also able
to tolerate direct confrontation on deal breaker issues. This is
(15:16):
not high school, this is your life, So confront him
directly when your heart feels stilled enough to take a hit.
If that scares you, you've already answered your own question.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Like it, you like it. I wouldn't have is that
some of that are at the top. I wasn't necessarily
on board with.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
What I inviting one of your ex boyfriends.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
That's hilarious, that's kind of funny. But it's very difficult
to put somebody in that scenario. To you, how often
folks said in an argument, reverse the roles.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Oftentimes the best response is a direct question with and
then you just have to be prepared for the answer.
You might not like it, but at least you'll have one.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Don't force them, don't scold them, don't ultimate it. Just
ask a question, we get an answer, and then we'll
have something to go on.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I like that, But I liked our readers' comments were very,
very colorful, and we always appreciate reading them. We always
appreciate you listening, so please check out the column Yahoo
Life section ask Amy and TJ. But in the meantime,
we want to thank you for listening to us. I'm
Amy Robach alongside my partner TJ. Holmes. Have a great day, everybody,
One of our readers to our yachte column, Brenda. She
wrote in, and she needs a little relationship advice.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Look, if you want to check out on Monday, we
go through all of our advice what we thought about
what Brenda should do dealing with a flirty, handsy ex
wife who's also the grandma of her step grandchildren. So
she doesn't have a problem with the kids, she has
a problem with the ex wife, and so we gave
(00:29):
our advice if you want to check out that podcast
if you hadn't heard that episode. But this one is
fun because this is what the readers, This is what
you the listeners wrote in to comment on Brenda's situation
and give her advice, and.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
I'll remind her what the situation was. Brenda did write
into us Amy and TJ. My husband has grandchildren from
a previous marriage, which isn't a problem. However, their grandmother, Betty,
the ex wife, is always around. I've told him I
can't teller her being there for things like their grandkids graduations.
I can tolerate that, but not every time we get
invited somewhere. For example, last weekend, we were at a
(01:06):
birthday party for someone on his side of the family,
her ex in laws. Why is she there? And every
time they meet, Betty is hugging and kissing on my husband.
She can't just say hi and move along. I've asked
him over and over to set boundaries, but he acts
like he doesn't know what that means. I told him,
I'm not comfortable going to our next event if she'll
(01:27):
be there, and he said, okay, I'm going anyway. Really,
what do I do? Signed Brenda? Our advice was, Brenda,
you got to have a conversation. This is a respect issue.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, it's a respect issue. And so William C said this,
if Betty is being invited by his family to parties
and events, you can't dictate to the host who they
can and cannot invite unless you're willing to accept the fallout.
You can set boundaries with your husband, William C. That
is exactly what you and I told Brenda.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Why did you start with that one? Like that's the
best advice?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Right? I thought that was good, it was sensible, It
was very true, and William C, we completely agree with you.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
But you know, what's something key in there is that
if the family is inviting her, they want her around.
That was a big part of everything we discussed. She's
probably been in that family decades, right, so if they
invite her, okay, then I always told you there were
two separate issues the X. Her being there is one thing.
Her touchy fee lee kissy is another thing.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Right, and that's where the husband can set a boundary
one hundred percent all right. Veronica wrote in and said this,
Some people are just very hands on, no matter who
it is, and some women can be deliberately trouble making
and enjoying the thought that they are causing anxiety in
other women. Veronica, I said the same thing. Those two
facts seem to be apparent in this situation. Unfortunately, the
(02:47):
guy sounds as though he enjoys the attention and probably
tells himself his ex still fancies him, which is very
good for his ego, so he will not easily give
that up. Veronica, we said the exact same thing. I'm
really with your girl then too, when it annoys the
other half enough to cause the ask to stop this behavior,
he then feels a little guilty because he knows what
(03:07):
he's doing is questionable, so then he gets defensive, a
nasty state of affairs for the wife. A strong woman
might be able to counter this with some targeted barbes
that put miss Nasty in her place, which is what
she really needs. But we are not all so good
at that. Things like this happen, and if it's occasional,
it's tolerable, but if it turns into something weekly or
(03:29):
even worse, then maybe removing the potential is the best fix.
Stop going to places miss Nasty will be. Cultivate new
friend groups, hobbies, or whatever takes you away from that environment.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Okay, I had a lot to say with the last part.
Stop going to places where the ex will be. Can
you do that? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, then you want to make where right, and then
you miss out. If you love his grandchildren and they
feel like family to you as well, then you're now
you're missing out on your family. So that's kind of
a tough that's a tough situation to be in where
you then take the back seat because you can't handle
being in the same room as the ex.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I would like to know how old Veronica is. Veronica
hit it all. She did, like because I told you
I didn't really understand where a woman's perspective, you immediately
went to she's probably toying with the current wife correct,
I do it. I never would have thought about it. Correct,
But then my mind went to, yeah, the guy's probably
enjoying the bag of forth Veronica hit it.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
All some stuff in a lite, Veronica, Veronica, thank you
for that. All right, We'll move on now to Jason.
Jason wrote in with this comment, I am friendly with
my ex wife. We were together twenty years, divorced for fifteen.
She is invited to all my family functions and I
to hers. We greet with a hug and a peck,
same as I greet my kids and my female friends.
(04:44):
My ex and I have never been intimate since divorcing.
It is clear we will never be back together. She
has brought partners to these gatherings, as have I. New
wife is insecure. While I respect her initial feelings, she
is not respectful of the established family dynamic. This is
her issue. So he's telling Brenda, it's your problem, it's
(05:05):
your fault, your insecure.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Okay. What I didn't hear from him in his scenario
was that he was married, and that his ex is
married and they're bringing their spouses to these events. They
say that we've brought dates like, I don't care.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
I'm not dates are different.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
That's totally different mindset. That's a good point was bringing
a date so I get what he's trying to stay there.
And you can have a great relationship with your ex
and you could hug a kiss and be friendly when
you meet and move on. But when you have a
spouse who has a problem with seeing that or you
doing that, then your priority is that how do you
(05:42):
want to You know, it's so important to me kiss
my ex, and I'm willing to upset my current spouse.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, and I think you know we've said this before,
but this is about respect because different people feel differently,
like maybe a different spouse wouldn't care, but she does,
and so you have to give her at least that acknowledgment.
She can work on feeling less insecure, she can work
on tolerating more, but he also needs to work on
understanding where her feelings are coming from. And honestly, it's
(06:10):
a sign of love if you if you don't really
like somebody or love somebody, you don't really care what
they're doing, the fact that she feels that strongly means
she has strong feelings for her husband too.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
I hate to sign this as a matter of her
being insecure. I don't care how strong and secure you
are and who you are what you do. Nobody wants
to watch their spouse be intimate to a certain degree
with the person they used to be married to. That
is not just insecurity. Well you can't handle No, I
(06:40):
can't handle my current wife watching her over there kiss
her ex husband.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
No, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Call me in.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I think it's a problem for most people. I think
it would be for sure. Yes, people are putting their
own perspectives and their own feelings into it. But yes,
I'm trying to step into Brenda's shoes and imagine what
that would be like. Okay, next, we have Coco Mike
thirty five years Oh, Coco Mile, sorry, thirty five years
into a marriage. Here, this is what Coco Miles says
(07:12):
to Brenda. You married a man with grandchildren. Asking him
to stop seeing them is ridiculously immature and selfish, and
for you not to go, you will become Grandpa's crazy
new wife, and the whole family will resent you if
you start needing a separate event for the two of you.
I see it happen all the time. The ex still
hugs and fusses over him, does she hug and fuss
(07:33):
over you. Maybe that's just how she is. Brenda didn't
say she did so. I feel like she would have
included that if that were the case, he says, so,
Coco Miles says the I don't see it as the
man liking the attention. If that's so, he is as
immature as the ex is. I think it is totally
the ex showing she still has some kind of dominance.
(07:53):
I agree with you. I would lay down some ground
rules for sure, and if he continues to ignore you,
I would consider leave.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
This is from a woman, right, I can't.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Tell Coco Mile, it seems like it's a woman because
she picked up too that the ex is trying to
show some kind of dominance.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
You said something there at the bottom that got my
attention ground rules. Doesn't see it as him liking at
tension this I does. She also hug and fuss over you.
Maybe that's just how she is. We're trying to break down.
We don't know enough about this. It's one thing if
(08:35):
you see two people greet and they hug.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
But she said he doesn't move on. She doesn't move on,
she's lingers, she stays kiss. That's fine.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
I would even say, for his sake, cut that out
in front of your wife. Yeah, not the end of
the world, but even something that minor, that's not necessary.
Even a little hug, a half hug.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
You can do a side hug.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
The side hug in front of your wife.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yes, And I think you could lay down that ground
rule and say, hey, can we try this. It's going
to make me feel better, it's going to make me
more comfortable, and see if he would accept that boundary.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
That ground rule with the relationship is that the woman
is going to feel Why in God's name do I
have to give you ground rules about how to behave
in front of me with someone you were once married.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
And that is why At the end, our reader tells
Brenda that she should consider leaving. Oh my goodness, all right,
So this one made me laugh so hard. Matt wrote
this in Yeah, I don't get this thing. My wife
and I are both from good old fashioned, destroyed marriages,
and our parents still can't be in the same room
together forty years later. Then there are our fellow millennials
(09:49):
who are all still friends, hanging out with their exes,
sitting together at kids' sporting events. I know divorce people
who babysit each other's kids from the new marriages. It's
just utterly buzz are I like the old way better?
This modern divorce leaves me feeling like these people didn't
try hard enough to make it work.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Thank you for that, Matt. I like that, Like it's
not it was a little funny, but it was. I
think he nailed the way. A lot of people think
it's okay to look at this and say that it's
not okay, it's not how.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, he prefers it when people who are divorce can't
stand to be in the same room as each other,
because that's what's familiar to him. He knows how that
works when it should be.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
We've seen some scenarios like that before, where the exes
and things and people get along. I don't think that's
what we're talking about here, is that we're not just
talking about getting along and being a part of a family.
This is specific to not just her being there, but
the behavior when she's there.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
Correct, yes, it's and it's how she acts when she's there,
and the fact that she's always there, like she doesn't
miss one of her ex ex's family's gatherings, and so
it's annoying to her that every time his family has anything,
the ex is there.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Okay, we got a couple more to give you here.
From one was from a guy who said that Brenda,
you should only be taking advice from men on this one,
and then another from a lady who told me and
Roebock that we gave Brenda some bad advice.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Welcome back to this edition of Amy and TJ, where
we are reading our reader's comments, their advice, Your advice
to Brenda, who wants to know what she's supposed to
do with her husband's ex wife, whose flirty, clingy kisses him,
hugged all over him, and is always at every single event,
(11:41):
even though it's not even her family anymore. So Nina
two point zero came at us when she left her comment,
and we'll read it because she told us, Wow, bad advice.
The advice should have been grow up. They are divorced
and he married you. They were a family once. Get
over it. I have a great relationship with X, and
(12:03):
yes I'm at family parties and he's at mine. We
have kids. That means we all get along and act
like a large family instead of a single unit. So
Nina thinks that Brenda needs to grow up and get
over it.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I like, and this is where and I'm no, I
always appreciate everybody writing in and this is where we
try to do better with our discussions and in us
giving people advice. The first thing you have to start
with is not judge. Don't judge her for the how
she feels and what she's going through. And this one
just feels judgy. To tell somebody just grow up. It
(12:38):
sounds so simple, and I've had to back off sometimes
on these things. And I've had specifically women tell me
this because sometimes I ask for advice and I'm saying, well,
you have to have the confidence to just go it's
okay to just da da da, And you say, you
say it like it's so simple, but just some people
are different and I don't have that confidence. And I'm
working to do that. Yes, what the solution is simple,
doing it is still hard. And to tell tell somebody
(13:00):
in this position, who's I don't know what this woman
has gone through, Brenda, with this marriage and even accepting
the whole family, and it's been a lot, and tell
her just grow up seems a little dismissed, seems.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
A little judging, and just because you have a great
relationship with your ex, that doesn't mean that that's the
same for everybody. There are so many unique specific things
to each relationship and how each relationship ends and how
you figure it out going forward. I do think that
you have to honor how you feel, and maybe you
sit with yourself and you ask yourself, why am I
feeling this way, and really really ask yourself, Could I
(13:34):
do something different? Can I make some sort of place
or space in my heart for what their relationship was
and is and not feel threatened by it? But if
the answer is no, every time I see it, this
is happening, like also understand that that might be a
reasonable reaction. You know, we don't know what she's seen
and what she's witnessed, so I just think, yeah, it's
(13:55):
she can check herself and ask herself and really sit
with it. But then at the end of the day,
you kind of have to honor how you feel.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
I just wanted to make sure we're now I've seen
X situations be good before. Our guy, doctor Gardier, he
talked about his family situation and how all the exes
and everybody's hanging out. That's great, that is great, great, great,
this is something else. This is something else when you're
talking about not just the family mingling together. The ex
(14:23):
sounds like she is doing too much physically and the
husband is allowing it.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Agree.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
So that's what I'm trying to keep the focus on
what we should be solving it.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
All right, Paul writes in this is our last comment,
and Paul is very confident in his response. He says,
this is an instance where you need a guy's advice, Brenda.
The solution here is risky, brutal, but simple. Without saying anything.
Start inviting one of your ex boyfriends to gatherings. Make
(14:53):
sure he knows it's an ex. Gauge his reaction the
second time it happens, not the first time. If he's Nonchalantabou,
I hate to break it to you, but very likely
he has something on the side, or he may even
be dealing with his X on the side. Either that
or he is socially inept. Neither case is a win
for you. Any man worth staying with is also able
to tolerate direct confrontation on deal breaker issues. This is
(15:16):
not high school, this is your life, So confront him
directly when your heart feels stilled enough to take a hit.
If that scares you, you've already answered your own question.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Like it, you like it. I wouldn't have is that
some of that are at the top. I wasn't necessarily
on board with.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
What I inviting one of your ex boyfriends.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
That's hilarious, that's kind of funny. But it's very difficult
to put somebody in that scenario. To you, how often
folks said in an argument, reverse the roles.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Oftentimes the best response is a direct question with and
then you just have to be prepared for the answer.
You might not like it, but at least you'll have one.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Don't force them, don't scold them, don't ultimate it. Just
ask a question, we get an answer, and then we'll
have something to go on.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I like that, But I liked our readers' comments were very,
very colorful, and we always appreciate reading them. We always
appreciate you listening, so please check out the column Yahoo
Life section ask Amy and TJ. But in the meantime,
we want to thank you for listening to us. I'm
Amy Robach alongside my partner TJ. Holmes. Have a great day, everybody,
Hosts And Creators
Lauren Zima
Chris Harrison
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