#251 Let's Talk About It!

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicks. Here's Nicky. Hello here, I am Mucky Glazer Podcast.
Welcome to the show. Everyone. It's there. Is it Thursday? Somewhere?
Jesus somewhere? Um? Yeah, it's Thursday. It's the last day

(00:24):
of the show for the week. Um, it's been a
good one. I I think I got it all off.
I got poop on my hands, dog poop from UM.
I know every day we're starting with poop smells, but
I got it off my hand. I did the mulch
technique that I did on UM my reality show. It
might be the mulch, not the poop. It was poop.

(00:47):
I didn't use enough mulch. I was in a hurry.
You didn't pick up mulch with poop. Yeah, manure, mulch
is poop. I love the word manure, mannerism, manus umneu
is a good word. Do you know what word I
love that? I learned yes then learned yesterday, but I

(01:09):
used yesterday and I was like, as soon as I
learned used it, I go, you think you're kind of
cool for using that word, Like it's kind of I
just love it. Modality. I love that. What does that mean? Again? Well?
I used in this, I don't really know. I have
a struggle I can use it in a sentence. I
like to find different modalities of improving my singing voice.

(01:33):
So I went to an Alexander techniquelus and yesterday and
I was um texting Chris about it and I was like,
I just found this new modality, and I was like,
who are you just say a new thing? I just
love the confidence and where you don't know the exact definition,
but you're just going it's like a means to what
do you have? It? Well, it does apply in music,

(01:56):
so um modal quality, which is like, all right, what
is at mean? A particular mode in which something exists
or is experienced or expressed. Okay, I always hear it
on a SMR videos of like this modality of you know,
lengthening the spine. It's always like massage techniques, like different
modalities of like lymphatic drenage or massage or uh, there's

(02:20):
different just like a different modality of If youse it wrong,
most likely the person also doesn't know, so he's not
going to call you out on it because then you
call it out and then you go, well that's not
used right, and you're like well, yeah, my favorite. Um.
One of my favorite clips is when Jennifer Garner is
on Conan Show and he's like, and then you snuck

(02:42):
past the person. She goes, Conan snucks and not a word. Sorry,
you should know that you went to Harvard and he
goes and he looks like flabbergasted, and then they bring
out a dictionary and he goes snuck the past tense
of sneak, and she just like looks. So she's gorgeous
in the clip. It's one of the best times she's
I mean, she's so pretty in it, so I guess
it's worth it. But she looks a little stupid. But

(03:04):
there's nothing worse than like being like, excuse me, going
someone out and then being wrong. It's a grammar Nazi.
It's like when they lose. It's the best feeling. I
love it. Yeah, I love when someone's wrong, when they're snooty.
Oh my god, it's the best. It happens to me
all the time, all the time. I've I've almost learned

(03:24):
to like not have it affect me. You know. Want
another word that I love is my friend just told
me one time that I was parapatetic, like parapate, I
mean paralyzed I'm using I'm going off of that and
then tetic well like what okay, so, but but para

(03:46):
can be used in other words, yeah, pair of legs.
It's not going to help you find it means like
you you jump from, you travel from place to place
all the time. You're constantly in a different So the
opposite of parasailing, you're tethered when you parasult. Yeah, what
did you feel? Partic um? A little scared but also

(04:11):
kind of like fun but also not worth it because
I feel like these ropes might not work in this
company we've hired. We just found these guys on a beach, like,
is this all Sonny? I trust by Amien who has
red eyes, he's definitely stoned. And he was just like yeah,
and I swear to gotten. I didn't have a clip,

(04:32):
like like I had a clip, but it wasn't like
it was like a bag of chips. Clip wasn't like
a Cara peanuts. Yeah, and I don't know, but you
trust them. It's like, have you ever done that rope?
What don't you? I mean, there's not that many deaths
of para selling death like you would water. I guess
with a parachute. I guess you'll be fine. Yeah, you

(04:55):
know what I mean a parachutes? Is that why there
are two? Right? They're like a little one up in there,
or there's a second one. Would you ever go sky
I think you haven't. You did go side stupid or
the guy looked a lot like he had this whole
vibe going on right now, paying shorts and yeah, like
you're like a cool like you could be a skydiver
and this look what up? Man? Yeah, come dand them

(05:18):
with me? Safe up there? Man, I don't know, had
four hundred falls in the past twelve months. I'm ready
to do this. Yeah, seem addicted? What are you running?
It's the best feeling. What are you falling from? But
he had your vibe, Chad support can't get you in

(05:39):
the sky man, He's like, shot, maybe there's not shoots
and ladders. I was like what, Yeah? They are always
like what's his name? Remember the Elaine's boyfriend on Seinfeld
the climber and he has a beautiful face and he
falls George. George becomes in love with him too because
he's just so cool, and George develops a crush and

(05:59):
so then George goes rock climbing with him, and then
the guy falls because of some negligence on George's part.
I'm sure. And Eline is just like, but tell me
about his face. Is his face okay? Because he's so handsome,
and she's just like, is his face okay? George has
his face and he's like, he'll never walk again. And
she goes and it's all bandage up, and she's just like,
it just shows how shallow she is, you know, like

(06:20):
the Juju the Juju Fruits episode where she's going to
meet her date at the movie theater and she's in
line to get juju fruit um before the movie, and
she's informed that her boyfriend who's meeting her gotten a
car accident, and she decides to wait in line for
the juju fruit. When he goes, he goes, when did
you buy those? She's like, I came as soon as
I and she's stuffing her face with him. This is

(06:43):
now just turning into a yeah, I mean when you
you wouldn't go you don't want to go skydiving? No?
I like, there's some things that I'll just go, you know,
I never I can die without doing that, you know,
Like there's I didn't give him much thought. It was
a very like I drove you. I planned it all.

(07:05):
You should have seen the books I wrote on it before.
But you like do you? We both are very similar
and that we're very just impulsive and kind of just
go like, oh'll do that, Yes, I'll do that, I'll
go do that here. It was literally three what's the
most you've ever planned for something? Like? I feel like
when you get married, this is what's going to happen.
I have a prediction you're gonna get married Vegas, but
then you're going to do a real wedding later. But

(07:27):
you're going to do it impulsively, like um your tattoos.
You're going to do it first, insane, like you're just
going to get the certificate and just do it and
then you'll have a ceremony and the real thing later.
But you're going to do it. You're gonna show up
one day and just be and be kind of like
if I'm marrying myself, I would agree with you. I
think Brenna has changed what I'm saying. You're gonna actually

(07:48):
have a ceremony later. Yeah, but I think I don't
know if she would go with vague like I would
do Vega. I I get I've noticed when you have
a partner, you these impulses. You can't just It's my
biggest issue in my relationship there. It is kind of tough.
It is tough sometimes because sometimes I just want to like,
all right, I'm going to Nashville tomorrow, and you're like, well,
why are you going? I'm like, I'm just I just

(08:11):
had the impulse I want to go, you know. And
then it's like it becomes a conversation and then you're like,
but I shouldn't have to give Chris looked at as
my schedule recently it was like, when did this all happen?
I'm like, I'm gone until December every single weekend. He's like,
were you gonna Maybe nothing, I'm gonna say you can't go,
but were you WEAKNNA? Maybe just run this by me?

(08:31):
And I'm like, you know, no, it didn't even occur
to me, And you're so right, Like that's something that
in a partnership you need to do, Like you you
should check with your partner. Like we have been living
single for our whole lives. We never had to check
out anyone else. That's why we chose comedy that's like,
we chose this path. We don't have to account for
anyone else. Everyone, Chris, did Chris take care of your

(08:54):
apartment while you were in New York with those organizing ladies?
Well while I was in l A actually, so two
weeks ago. Yeah, he completely. I mean my place. I'm
looking at my podcast room right now, which is a mess,
but my apartment I do not recognize it. These two women, um,

(09:14):
he found these two women to um who are like,
you know, like the women on Netflix is the home edit.
I haven't seen that, but they just go in and
they look at like horder spaces and they make them
organized and stuff and for celebrities as well. Um, and
they It was awesome because he had them come and
I met them and we kind of walked through everything,

(09:34):
and I was kind of embarrassed because women are like
organized women my age with like a lot jot like
a business. And I know I have a business, but
do I And it's not your business, it's and I
don't even know if it's fine. But they I really
had to like swallow my pride and not clean up
for them, just like let him in and go this
is this is the way my life is there for

(09:56):
Lacroix cases where they have a business, Yes, And there
was no judgment the worst case nowhere near even if
you are, it's fine, Like they don't care. They're used
to it. That's their job, that is their job. And
so they came in and like kind of talked about
what I could want, but we didn't really get into
It was probably like a twenty minute meeting with them,

(10:18):
like walking through my apartment and and then Chris was like,
you know, I think it would be best if they
came by at some point, you know, when you're in
town and you worked with them for like three hours
on like where to put things. And I was like,
uh huh, and he was like and then and then
they can kind of just go at it, and like
and I don't want to be here when I have

(10:38):
a housekeeper here. I don't want to be here when
I have an electrician doing anything, when there's someone's fixing
the dryer, when someone's fixing my shower, I don't like
to be here. I would rather them rob me blind
and go through my things and smell my panties, whatever
they'd want to do. I'd rather risk that then be
there while they're there because I feel bad that they're doing.

(10:59):
They're like, you know, snaking my drain while I'm like
on my couch on Instagram, you know, like I just
I don't I don't like I just like to leave
and so and Chris was so nice to even get
these women to come and and organize this organization that
I was like, yeah, okay, um, so I just I
think maybe I can work with them for like two

(11:21):
hours and he's like, yeah, I'm two or three, like
whatever it takes. And I was like, um, and then
I just started kind of freaking out, and I was like,
maybe I'll hire my friend Taylor to do it. She's
really good at organ Yeah, like, not even hire her
to do my work, but hire her to do their work.
And I knew that I could, or I wouldn't be

(11:41):
embarrassed if Taylor were here working for some reason that
wouldn't bother me as much as like someone I don't know,
because I feel like I have to offer them beverages
and I don't have iced tea and like a nice
picture that's like sweaty with like lemons at the top.
Like I'm not a woman that like can have guests.
I don't have enough Zva for you. I only have
enough for me, again, only thinking of myself. And so

(12:02):
Chris was like, yeah, I mean, but I think you
should be here for a little bit, just to like
tell them where things go. And I was like, I
think I'm just gonna have Taylor to it. And he
was like, wait, what's going on here? And I was like,
I just I don't want to talk to anyone. I
don't want to have to interact, and he was like okay,
and then we had like kind of a you know,
a moment of like what's going on here? Like why

(12:23):
are you trying to weasel out of this? This was
like something you wanted to do. And I was like,
I just I don't know, because I have to like
talk to them and like make small talk. Even though
I am a small talk master. I love talking to
people and they're great, they were so nice, but I
just didn't want to, like and because I have to
be funny and entertaining. I feel like I have to

(12:44):
like make and I have to shoot on myself the
entire time because there's no way I can go through
the mess that is my apartment without constantly making fun
of myself and and doing that piling on myself about
how disgusting I am and like making myself feel better
because these women I know have like organized lives and
like cabinets with like they have all their like oats

(13:05):
in one, like you know, tupper working dinner container and
says oats on it, you know, like that ship. I can't,
And so I knew I was just gonna and I
freaked out and I was like, and Chris was like, Okay,
let's just I'll let me see if they can just
do it without you, without involving you at all. So
he I didn't even know what was gonna even still happen,
because it was like months before that we hired them.
We picked a date, and then the date, I was like,

(13:27):
are we even gonna do this? Because I think Chris
and I broke up like sixteen times between then and
that date, and then I think and then to our
breakup and then and then I I got back in
town one day and it was done. They were at
my apartment for hours and hours and hours. It cost

(13:49):
and I don't even say it out loud. It doesn't
matter the cost, It doesn't matter what I would have done.
It wouldn't it would look worse. But but is it?
I mean, I don't give a funk how much it costs.
You know what, that is a lot of money, and
I know that that is me maybe like bragging that
I have that kind of money to toss around. I'm

(14:10):
sorry that it's true, but I I don't I don't
spend a lot in other places in my life, and man,
was it worth it? I came home. I have a
place for everything. Nothing in my life is disorganized. There's
a couple of piles that we still need to like
finish off, but like, by and large, like I don't recognize.
I don't know what happens when everything that you have

(14:31):
a reason to be stressed about is no longer. You
did that once in New York where you organize everything,
and I don't even think you had a storage unit,
like I still have a storage unit that kind of
sits in the back of my head of like there's
a bunch of trash. It changes everything. It changed, it
really does. It's so like Jordan Peters and you make
your bed first and then you'll feel it's it's kind

(14:51):
of true. Yeah, it's kind of true. Like downstairs, like
I we clear, like things are up to date, like
my laundry. I divided my laundry recently. I did darks.
I know what the soil means now in the washer,
you know, the soil level depends on like what you're
washing where what the soil should be. I mean that's

(15:12):
like heavy delicates or whites or towels, like it has
those settings. Right, Yeah, we have the same wash or dryer.
I'm guessing I think so. But I'm just saying, like
I'm I'm taking these steps that I never and they're
little steps that we just ignored our whole lot, I know.
And I almost don't like it because I go when
I'm not complaining about I have to clean a room
or that I have to do laundry, what can I

(15:32):
do at that time? It's too clean? And then I
have to do something with the time. I have to
fucking do the work that I'm putting off by saying
I have too much to do. I see. So, yeah,
you can use it as a scapegoat to not write
a book. Man, it is fucking good to wake up
and know where everything is and have a bin for
your oats and a bin for your cords. And I
will say the other day I asked Chris. I was like,

(15:52):
because he knows where everything is and I'm still learning,
and I go, where are my cords? And he was like,
in your guitar book? And I really liked a joke
even though it's a dumb dad joke made me Oh god,
it made me laugh. Um, yeah, it was. So it
was just like and it was sweet because you know,
we we've had something we like have had some rough

(16:15):
We've had some rough train in our relationship recently, but
now we're like so much better for it. I really,
I know. It's so embarrassing that we break up and
get back together so often, and it's like and there
were parts of me breaking up recently and being like, oh,
I don't want to tell anyone, and he felt the
same way of like do I tell anyone because we'll
probably get back together and that's embarrassing. But I'm like, no,
I have nothing to be embarrassed about. Like anyone who's like, oh,

(16:37):
they get backed together and break up all the time,
Like who cares what you think? Like, I'm so tired
of like managing what other people think or like worrying
that someone else thinks my relationship is not as strong like,
I honestly think we are a better couple after nine
years of breaking up and game back together so much.
We're so much stronger and can do almost anything that

(17:00):
other couples that have just stayed together and not really
dealt with their issues are able to do. Like, I
think that, um, we're in a better place than most
couples that are just like we've never broken up. I
honestly think that we are. Um not everyone. We've never
had a conversation. I don't even know what his middle
name is. Yes, we just don't talk about those. There's
grandfather with an alcoholic who committed suicide. I found that

(17:22):
out through a website that my god, Yes, I found
it out when his dad his uncle got drunk at
fourth of July last year and I was like, what
that happened? And he's like who are you? And he's like,
and I molested your husband. And it's like, wait what
So this explains a lot. We don't go back to Texas. Yeah,
it's I think that. Uh. I've just been like paranoid

(17:42):
about like, oh, people are going to think this, and
like I we recently broke up, and I told the
A lot of people in my life including like my
um my like reps, because it was factoring into something
that was going on, and I was like, you know,
we're not together anymore, and we were not too other
for like five six I think it was like a

(18:02):
week and um and then last night and I'm so
worried that like they're gonna judge me because I'm just
like I don't ever want people that I'm working. Essentially,
my my reps are working for me, but I forget
that sometimes I always feel like I have to keep them,
even though like sorry, but they they need me as
much as I need, you know, it's a but I

(18:24):
always forget. I feel like I have to like earn them,
so I let I'm going to Montreal on Saturday this
or tomorrow. Actually, there's this this taping that came up
on Saturday and they had a big name for um
this thing and apparently that person got COVID, so they're
like desperately trying to find someone and they called me.
It was so funny. They called me yesterday and they're like,

(18:45):
whenever two of my reps called me at the same time,
either I've lost something or I'm about to get something
huge and there's nothing for me to lose really, so
like I knew it was a good sign. And they
gave me this amazing offer, and I was just like,
I kind of don't want to go, Like I just
don't feel like going to Canada. Every time I go,
I feel like I'm smuggling drugs into the country. And

(19:07):
and the show I'm doing is all crowd work, and
so that scared me too. And so I was like,
and the money is a lot of apartment organizations, like
it's really nice, and but I was just like I
was expecting this week off. I was going to go
to the naked bike ride in St. Louis, which you
and Brentish totally go to. There's a naked bike ride
on Saturday. No one has to be naked. Yeah, you
can win, you the poet. But I said to them

(19:30):
the first time I used my bike, but yeah, yeah,
I was just like, I don't want to do it.
And they both were like like, this is maybe the
best offer you've ever gotten in your life for ten
minutes of no material, just crowd work. And I was like,
I just in. My manager goes, Nicky Glazer. I never
thought we'd reached the point where you would turn down
burper amount of money for ten minutes of no material

(19:54):
and I was like, who am I Kevin Hart like,
But it's it's about me prioritizing that amount of money
will not change my life that drastically, except I'm going
to don't. I realized I took the gig because I'm
going to donate a big part of it because we
just had a lot of flooding in St. Louis and
I'm going to donate it to different charities. I'm gonna
take some of it and you know, spend it all myself,
but I'm gonna donate to Rolex and to Tesla and

(20:17):
then also Straight Animal Rescue needs a couple of new
uh you know, a package of red solo cups for
a fundraiser they're doing, um event in a little bit,
So I'm gonna throw a ten buck thing at them.
But we'll talk about more about all of this after
we get back from this break Andrew silence every road

(20:39):
as I don't know, and we're back. Um. Yeah, So
when I'm going to Montreal to do ten minutes of
crowd work, do you do more time than they cut it?
Or that's what I asked. I think they said I
can go like to fifteen and I'm like, you're not
going to get ten minutes of There's a bunch of

(21:01):
people on the show that I love. And that's the
thing about Montreal is like it's the it's the just
for last festival. A meal is there, um the people,
like some of the people on the show with me
are like Natasha and Pete Holt like people I know,
and there's I think there's a lot of people there
that I know. I think Hannah Burners there, and it's
that sounds good when you go, oh, there's so many

(21:21):
people there, But I'm telling you, I don't like. Yeah,
I don't. I'm not gonna be in my room. I
force myself to go out at these things, but I
don't want to be out at these things. And I
always have a good time. But I don't like festivals
because they're so social and they're so like you have
to look cute every time you go to the lobby
because you don't know who you'll run into. There's especially
just for laughs, there's people constantly doing interviews in the lobby.

(21:43):
It's just a lot. But Chris is gonna go with me,
so that'll be nice. And then the crowd work thing,
like I kind of like I agreed to it because
I go, Okay, I can donate the money some of it,
not all of it, but a lot of it. And
um no, I'm gonna give a lot. It's gonna be
nice because we just had flash floods and so many
animal rescues got fucking taken out. Yeah, I can't even

(22:04):
handle it. So um and and maybe some bird rescues too.
But I decided I was kind of nervous about crowd work.
What about when you were in New York? Did you
go out? Because I mean, like for when you were
in New York, you were at the comedy cellar, like
every night you had your table um, Yes, you would

(22:24):
have you stand, Yeah, exactly. It was the nightlife was
like your social life. Did you create during the day.
It wasn't like that. It was like we did you
up in the morning, eleven o'clock, done by no at ten,
done by noon. Maybe go up to lunch or coffee afterwards,
get Starbucks afterwards, and then I was back in bed

(22:44):
or like hanging you and maybe you you you tend
to not sit at the main you do have you
make your own space. Yes, you make your environment what
you wanted to be. Even if and that's what you
would do, that's what you're going to do in Montreal,
You'll stay with Chris, you have a couple of people
come up. Yes, no need to overthink. It's gonna be great.
Every time I overthink these things, do you get nervous

(23:05):
about that kind of like? But it never has ever
thought about whenever. Even if I'm playing in Cleveland and
there's like another comedian in town and they're like, hey,
let's get launched, I'm just like, oh God, even if
it's someone I want to see. Why is that? Why
do we do that? I don't know. I think we
just CrowdWork though that would stress me out a little bit,

(23:29):
but you know, it's not stressful about it is that
I don't do CrowdWork ever. Okay, so if I do poorly,
I have an excuse. I never do it. Literally. People
always think I'm such a CrowdWork people who haven't seen
me live, but like you're gonna roast me. I've never
once ventured into the crowd unless I've been, you know, heckled,
which I do not ever want people to do. I

(23:49):
don't like it. I feel out of control. I feel
like I'm at a I'm feel like I'm at a
comedy festival with a bunch of people I know, and
I'm like, God, I'm I can't control this. It would
be funny if you just wrote like like a bunch
of bits and be like paper and I realized Crowdworkyah.
I was running by any scenario, like I was kind

(24:11):
of waking my dog last night, just running through like
what would I say if somebody said this? And I'm like,
I have a line for I can just if I
brainstorm for thirty minutes, I can have a line for anything.
And I've already come up with some that I'm like
so excited to use. If you went in the crowd
off to cuff, there's probably things that I could imagine

(24:31):
that in the round. The people that are there really
already want to be talked to. Of course, because they
signed up for this taping that is a CrowdWork show.
They're gonna does it go out to them like hey,
what do you want to hear about? And then they
don't really know. I think that they're they've taped some
of these before. It's for um, it's for meta on Facebook,
so people with people can only watch it on Facebook

(24:52):
or Oculus. I'll be promoting it all my socials, you know,
after I do it. But um, I just feel like
the reason ultimately that I didn't to do it was
that it was crowd work, and it's like I can't
control it is ultimately the reason I did do it,
because if I fail, there's a reason I never do it.
The audience could suck, I could just be off. It's
not because I am inherently untalented. It's like I am

(25:13):
not good at this thing that I never do. It's
like asking someone to play like I don't know. It's
someone who is great at ping pong might not be
good at tennis, and it seems like it would be
the same thing, but it's a different skill set. Well,
I think when you when you think of crowd work,
you think I have to be as witty and as
quick as possible. But but your stand up you right
from stage. Usually yes, your crowd work can be similar

(25:37):
to your stand up in the sense of you don't
need to fucking be like and like this like quick.
It could be more like, oh, I'm going to dive
into this subject that you're talking about, and there will
be jokes involved. Can I but can you? Can you?
I think you'd be really good at a crowd work show.
Can we like do yeah? Like seeing what I'll see
what happened? I mean, I don't even I asked you.

(25:58):
I was gonna put myself on the spot, but I'm like,
I'm too nervous, Tea, I'm a little nervous about it
because I don't. I just think it's like watching TV
with you. It's so much fun watching TV with you, Nikki,
because you do crowd work at the TV like whatever
watching and that is the most fun thing about That's
why I don't watch TV without people there, because I
like to comment and and you think about crowd work,

(26:21):
it's like the bar is so low, like no one
expects it to be great. And then I realized, like
stand up comedy, because it's not off the cuff, there
is no excuse not to for everyone to not be
as good as milany like I am like or just
have a joke every second. The only reason comedians aren't

(26:41):
as good as like a Milanny or like whoever you
put at your top. I look at those people and
sometimes they go, oh, that's kind of untouchable, like that's
just he's just so rapid fire funny. Everything is the funniest.
It's like all he did was actually sit down and
figure out what's the funniest thing by writing it and
thinking about it in it or how he writes however
many hours that took, and then he memorized it. That's

(27:05):
that's how you get that good. And I don't do
that because I don't like to memorize because it takes
too much time, and I don't like to write because
it takes too much time. So I am getting by
not even doing like state up comedy. I literally had
an epiphany last night. I was like, the only reason
I'm not as good as I really want to be,
which I'm definitely good, but as good as I want

(27:27):
to be, is because I just don't want to memorize things.
Because I'm capable of writing as funny stuff as anyone.
I just know that my brain, Like I trust that
I am a good writer, comedy writer. I just don't
make myself memorize. Know it's memorization because if I write
a paragraph of like jokes, and it could be it

(27:49):
just joke, jokeokeoke, but memorizing all of that is a
little bit difficult. It's sometimes I can do it, but
it's just harder. For It's easier for me to memorize
the wording of one joke than it is for me
to memorize uh you know obviously like a paragraph and
how to say each line exactly. Story is very easy
to memorize when it's a bit like a bit, then yeah,

(28:11):
I'm in the shower like literally. St. Louis is like Ukraine,
like like I'm constantly memorizing, constantly, and that's just for
ten Then the second you sound memorized on stage, you
lose them. So it is there. I'm not saying it's
not of a huge talent. Like my friends all went
and saw Milaney the other night and they're like, it's

(28:31):
it's almost you don't even want to hear about it
because they just are like, it's next level. It's just
it's next level. He was at the Enterprise Center and
a hockey rink. He's his first arena toward. It was
the second night of his arena towards St. Louis, and
they were like, it's insane how good he is. And
it's like god damn it, like it just and I

(28:52):
go and I looked at it though from like a musician,
like the perspective of how musicians do it, where there's
something about being in the moment. They know the songs,
they play the songs all the time, the same you know,
like the same chords and structure, but there's an element
of being in the moment that makes it special. And
that's what I'm able to do that I'm good at,

(29:12):
is memorizing things and making it seem in the moment
because it is in the moment, because I'm throwing in
new things. But there is there has been with me
a laziness about my writing because I can write on stage,
and so it's like that It's like, um, how can
I compare this to something else? It's like whatever you
do for I think everyone listening could knows that they

(29:34):
could do their job better. Right, I don't know that
there's anyone, even Mulaney, if he is listening, it's probably
like I could do it better than I'm doing it.
You know, I could work, you know he I don't
know why it sounds like Kennedy, but um, even for
he probably has some room to improve. But I am
leaving so much room because you know, the classic fear

(29:55):
of if I do try and then I fail, then
what what excuse do I have? Because I always have
the excuse if I'm not trying hard enough. That's always
my excuse. It's always like, oh, well, I gotta clean
my room now. I don't if you eliminate that excuse
and actually try so um I last night. This is
all very tan gentle, and we'll get to you doing
crowd work at some point, but we don't have to

(30:16):
know you're like, can we I'm just thinking about different
subjects of what I've written so far. But really, but
I would have riffs, organized riffs. You know. You go
up and you're like like, but meanwhile, you just like
start writing a joke for every color shirt there could
be at Charlie Brown over here, look at Barks again

(30:41):
your shirt. I don't even even know what I would say.
Yeah that see that's funny, but oh I can't be
look at nurse. Can I tell you the three things
that they say I can't do? Not r rated, which,
how the hell do you do that? Why? But that's
my other excuse for if I'm not good. You're taking
away my paint, like that's how I paint with my

(31:02):
period blood and so they take away that. Also, this
is the order no jokes about suicide, no jokes about meta,
meta world piece, no jokes about suicide, no jokes about meta,
and no jokes about and and no R rated material.
It's like, I love that they gave suicide first, but
then they're like metas a close second. Don't you dare

(31:22):
make fun of Yeah? Yeah, they you know, they wanted
to start with meta, and someone goes, we can't go meta.
Then like the orders, you know what about Zuckerberg? Can
you go after that? Probably not, because it's all meta.
I can go after I don't even know what meta is.
That's another thing I would like to go after, like
the I'm going to go after the concept. No one's

(31:48):
calling it that. No one In the email, they're like,
don't make fun of meta. By the way, this will
only be viewable on Facebook. I'm like, well, now you're
already Yeah, so I think it's for Zuckerberg. No, but
I read this thing. I've been reading some because I
have a special out and because um people are I'm
like in people's faces. There's more critique going on than ever.
And there's been like a couple of things have come

(32:09):
across that are just like, I don't even read the article.
I don't go into reading the subreddit, like I won't
give it my time. But sometimes you just get hit
by the headline or like the subreddit title and you're
you just see your name and you read the sentence
and you're like, funk, why did I read that? And
then you see there's a hundred and twenty one comments,
and you're like, wow, this is a lot of people

(32:31):
feelings about whether or not i'm comments. It's like this
this guy, and none of it has to do with
the video that they're watching. This wasn't This was just
someone posting on a subreddit like they go, am, I
I can't I don't even want to give it any anyway.
It was an opinion someone had about me, and then

(32:53):
comments about that opinion, and the opinion was a backhanded compliment,
which is all I get now. And um, someone was
viewing another female stand ups thing recently, and so I
get Google alerts because my name is showing up in
their reviews. Because they can't possibly compare her to a
male comic, they gotta throw me under the bus. So
they're like, much like Nikki Glazer is great at this

(33:15):
and terrible at this. I'm like, why do we even
need to throw me into this making about her? Why
is it about me? And why don't you mention any
other male stand ups in this review? It's only female
stand ups? So I was kind of getting in like
I was. I sent it to like I send all
this stuff to Anya into Chris because they love me,
and I know they're never like looking for reasons to
like not like me, so I'm always like giving giving

(33:38):
them the stuff because maybe they'll get in there and
like mix things up and defend me, even though I
don't really need that, even though part of me once
that and I was feeling like, oh god, damn it.
And for the first time ever, I wasn't. I didn't
get sad and like want to cry or like cut
myself because of these mean things being said. Even though
I didn't read him. I only read like the top headline.

(33:59):
I got like, oh, you think I'm not good at
this thing. You don't even know. I haven't been trying, honey,
Like I've been doing what I want to do and
what feels good to me, but I haven't really sprinted yet.
And I'm gonna whoop your fucking ass Like, so my
next special is going to be so fucking good. Now,
talk about I have this new like Taylor Swift, it's

(34:22):
all about meta suicide and r. Yeah, I'm only using
words that start with arts. Um, it's I'm already doing that,
but rape and so I uh yeah, no, you're motive.
It's good if but I've never thought that way before.
Usually it just depresses me, which is what they want
you to do, because all these people writing these things

(34:44):
have zero talent for the talent they're judging. They're not
stand up comedians. Even if they are, they're much worse
than I am. No one's on a Reddit post as
a stand up comedian writing like I've never posed. Yeah,
you know, he could do everything. He does everything right.
He could even write comments that make the other comedians

(35:04):
feel terrible. I mean, I get it. I think I
think there's certain people that love mulaney that he he
fits there there. Look subjectively, he's great, but there's some
people that just love him because they remind them of them,
you know, like there's like this love for him that's
like I feel sometimes it's like okay, but the thing is,

(35:27):
I believe that about him like I think he is.
He is chagre for his special taping and it's infuriating.
But again, like there's these things that I think we
know his comics where it's like, if you see this
guy one time in the most amazing setting ever one

(35:50):
time every four years, the guys, you're probably gonna think
he could do a lot of wrong. And he's I've
seen him experimental. I mean, the guy. Some people are
just flawless. It's some people are just bolts, you know.
Some people are lebrons, like and you need other people
on the team. When you brought up the same boat,

(36:12):
did you see that? When the guy questions we get
into oh my god, I loved did you see that?
I started, I'm like one and half happenode God, it
hurts me. She sucks so much, and I feel like
she's one of those women like if her hair was
not all on one side of her head, it would
fall off or something like what is it about her

(36:32):
putting all her hair on the side of her fucking head.
It's it's it's creepy, right, And I feel so sad
for her because obviously she's the way she is because
terrible things happened to because of her eyebrows. They don't
go far enough in that's the problem. Did Brenna say
that too, No, I actually I noticed it and Brennan

(36:53):
goes guys noticed eyebrows way more than I thought they didn't.
And I was like, just when they're when they're not complete. Um, yeah,
it's uh. I but I felt last night. I was,
like I said, because Chris was like talking me off
the ledge about these things and not really he was
just like listen, I And it's that's why it's nice

(37:13):
to have a partner who's um opinion you respect and
who's like it's a part of the respects industry, like
he he gets it, yes, and like and every I
like everything he watches. Like I think that he has
the best taste in comedy and TV and film like
I just we have in best taste, meaning like very

(37:35):
close to mine. Like I I put him, I can't
see myself objectively, even though I think I can, and
I think I do a pretty good job of it,
but I I don't um and a lot of times
I'm shooting on myself way more than I need to,
and I put im much more harsh on myself. But
then you read these critiques where you go see this
person sees it, this person knows exactly what I'm talking about.

(37:57):
I'm not as good as they say I am, or
whatever it is. And the thing is, yes, I'm maybe
not the best stand up comedian, but I'm definitely better
at being myself than most people are, and that's something.
And I'm better at resonating with people that maybe I
feel like they aren't being heard, like I'm I contain
multitudes that aren't just me being a proficient joke writer,
which I also am. But you can't get mad at

(38:20):
yourself because you you haven't done the thing that you
can't judge you if you're judging yourself, if you wrote,
like look at some of your late night sets, right,
they're the tightest jokes you've ever seen in your life,
the most some of the most well written jokes. If
that was an hour of your material, it could be
I just haven't worked that hard work is roast sets tonight.

(38:42):
So you can't be hard on yourself until you do that.
In fail But it's like, why didn't not? Why don't
I do that? Because the thing is, it's not like
I'm being lazy. I don't want Netflix or HBO to
be like, oh, we gave her a special and she
just phoned it in Like it's it's because I've been
doing what I want to do, and I want to
do what makes me happy, and what makes me happy
is being a little bit loose there, a little bit
more free form, a little bit more and and not

(39:03):
being so and I don't I'm not on like copious
amounts of adderall. That's also a thing that prevents me
from working as hard as other people. This is gonna
sound corny. Remember when we had um I think her
name is like Heather Moyna Hannon and she goes, she's
like a motivational coach and she goes, the secret to

(39:26):
being successful is not working harder, it's working smarter. And
it sounds like that's what you're doing. Yes, And that's
why I'm starting to say no to certain things because
it's like I need to be I if I say
yes to everything, I'm just like I end up being
so tired that and I can't really see it as

(39:47):
tired because it's like all I've done is podcast today,
Like how is that hard work? But it just drained mind.
My mind is constantly running like I don't think people's
minds are running as much as mine is, and I
don't know that they aren't, because like can't be in
anyone else's mind. But I have a feeling my mind
is going a lot more than other people. Some this

(40:07):
some bestie just wrote to me and was like, you
need to read The Divergent Mind. And it's about women
who might be autistic who are not diagnosed with it.
Because she was like, I think you might be autistic,
and I was like, yeah, And so I'm starting to
read this book. But like, I do feel exhausted by
my mind sometimes, but I do want to say I

(40:28):
am so inspired. My next special is going to be
the answer to everything anything that any stand up critic
can say about me, which I say about myself, because
I know what I'm lacking in and if I could
do it, I would. I just wasn't able to work
as hard in that way. I wasn't able to work
as smart in that way before, and I'm grateful for it,
because my jokes in my stand up were loose and

(40:50):
in approachable in a way that maybe other more polish
stand ups aren't. But my next special is going to
close the argue is going to islands. Anyone who says
I'm not one of the best stand ups, and here's
the thing, You're still going to get critics. They won't
be able to honestly they won't. But it's not messy enough,

(41:11):
she's not loose enough. And you know what, I won't
care at all because I'll go, well, then look at
my other specials where I was loose, like, I can
do it all. I'm just saying. My point being is that,
like and if it motivates you, fucking feel the motivation.
I'm not here to ruin. I'm just saying people on
the internet will always find a negative and try to
bring you down. You know who gets brought down Jesus Christ.

(41:34):
You know, my buddy had a joke. He's like, he's
like the Dolly Llama. I saw a video on him
where he's saying, spread love and peace. It has eight
million thumbs down. Yeah, abate it, so you're never But
if it motivates you, fu Yeah. But I also those
people that are saying these things about me, if they
the girl that wrote the thing about me, but she

(41:56):
said her stand up special wasn't messy enough, I'm like,
well that's I don't really care about your assessment because
I you're wrong. It was in my mind too messy,
but in a great way. But like um, but the
person that says she's overrated and her stand she's great
on roast, but her stand ups like whatever they say,
I'm like, yeah, you're kind of right. Like I could,
I could work as But if I worked as hard

(42:17):
on my stand up as in the past that I
do on roast, I would die. If I because Ross
or a ten minutes set, I would I would have died. Now,
with my life becoming more clear, I'm meditating. I'm working
on myself. I can have space to work harder, and
I'm losing I'm losing that fear I have of working
harder and than not being able to achieve it. Like

(42:38):
I let go of that. So I'm not scared to
work harder. And so my next special is going to
be my version of Taylor Swift singing the song Mean
that she wrote about a critic who said she can't
sing at the Grammys when she sang with Stevie nicks
Um in like two thousand whatever. When she first appeared
at the Grammy, She's saying, with Stevie Nicks and her
voice was not where this critic thought it needed to be,

(43:00):
and she said they said that she was a bad singer,
and so she wrote the song mean, and then she
goes to the Grammys and wins a Grammy for that
out when multiple Grammys for that album sings the song
mean written about this critic who wrote about her at
a previous Emmy's Our Grammys, and then in the middle
of it, so one of the lines is I'll be someday,
I'll be living in a big old city and all

(43:21):
you're ever gonna be is mein. And so last night
I sent it to Chris. I was like, I'm gonna
have this moment someday with all these people and it's
something like I really care, like getting revenge at three people.
It's like he was like, this is like why Michael
Jordan went on to win six championships, Like people doubted him,
and he was like, I'm gonna prove you wrong. Yeah,
when his his varsity coach didn't start him, but he
was also in ninth grade and I'm nine about to

(43:45):
be but that little thing. It's so funny when you're
so good at something, you have to find something that
gets you out of bed. If you don't, then you're
just gonna go. I am great motivated by proving my
haters wrong because it's three three or four or comments
of haters that I don't know because I didn't read it.

(44:05):
And please don't go into that subredd and look Andrew,
please do not do it because I don't need which
one you're talking about. I'll tell you about. Don't, please don't,
please don't research these things. I know you're going to
stuff but on other people. I know, for yourself, but
on myself, don't look it up because I can see
how that would be interesting on some days when you
hate me to go, I want to read about people hating.

(44:26):
Please don't do it. It will not because tomorrow. But
this is what she did. She's at the Grammy. She
was like, um, She's like, you're a liar and pathetic
and in loane in life and mean and mean and
mean and meat. And she goes, some day I'll be
singing this at the Grammys and all you're ever gonna

(44:47):
be is mean. Yeah, And it's like this guy was
really watching it at home, and how good did he
have to feel that I inspired all of this? Yes?
So thank you haters. Mr. Basically, I know, and but
she is funny to be so like you're gonna in
a liar and you're pathetic and you're alone in life.

(45:09):
Hand mean, Dave seven, you smell like shit and print
journalism is going away. You're gonna be broke, find a
new job you alright, So, but I'm like not like
motivated by that, No, not at all. Let's take a
break and come back with fan brag. All right, it's

(45:31):
time for fan tracks. Let's do it. Oh my god,
that's scared both. That's too loud. Sorry, Oh baby dog?
Maybe maybe? Oh my god. I had the most absurd

(45:51):
Were you here for the fire alarm yesterday? I heard
that I got an email about it. Dude. It was
literally like when it was like what's it called? Uh?
Those and then those old school black and white videos
where it's like damn and Dan. That was me trying
to get my cat to get out of the fire.

(46:12):
I couldn't get the cat. It took me seven minutes
to get the cat. Just leave the cat. No, I
was gonna die in that building. Yeah, I was gonna die.
And he would die for your cat. No, I would
have jumped out at the last second. I'm on the
third floor. But that's sweet on you. So there's a
ps here's a p s A. If you go to
your local fire department, you can get a sticker and

(46:32):
you could put it on your window or your door
that says there's a pet in here, so they know too.
I was not going to kill another cat. I couldn't
cat in the fire fire chasing his cat went under
the bed. I'm sweating, you don't even understand. And the

(46:53):
cat can't run on wood, so he's just going. It's
like a car and he's going and then he speeds
up when he gets on the kitchen rug and then
it was like a four thirty. I was I couldn't
get the cat. It took me like seven minute, and
then everyone else had a perfect little bag for their cat.
And I'm holding Mango, no bat and he's clawing my

(47:18):
It was wild. Anyways, go ahead, fan, He finally got
Mango out and you took up Mango outside. Yeah, yeah,
he took me outside. So I'm outside just holding him
while everyone else has a nice little kid. You realize
that was it still going off, and that's why he
didn't go back in because it's loud, annoying. How out
there I was out there for like a half hour. God,
was everyone like hanging out and chilling? Was it like?
Did you get to know people in the building. If

(47:39):
you're a guy, go buy a kitten. It is so
much better than a puppy because no one expects you
to be holding a kitten and everyone's coming up to you.
Oh yeah, it's just a wild again. It's so funny.
I never see like, I don't know anyone in our building.
I knew one couple. I know one couple and that's it.
I met another guy that had orange cats out there.
Cats all right, they're called Tabby's when you're in the biz.

(48:09):
Let's um, let's start with Alyssa Kay besties. Uh, so
you guys were talking about bailing the other day on
the podcast. Um, I was just thinking about how my
best friend failed on my wedding because she couldn't find
a hotel. But she told my other best friend that

(48:32):
I was because you wanted to see Dr Strange the
Friday night before instead of driving up. So I mean,
sometimes it's okay to get really really angry at somebody
for bailing, at least in this exception. It is totally
I still don't want to talk to her hang out
with her. I think that's a shady. But Jad and Jamie, Jamie, um,

(49:02):
I love that. I got a question for you. If
the friend goes, hey, you know, I'm obsessed with doctor Strange.
Is the only time I could ever. I don't even
know what doctor stranger. I don't even like doctor who.
I don't know what it is. If they're honest with you,
and look, I would love to go to your wedding,
then it should be okay. Then that's okay, but it
should be lying. I don't think it should be okay.

(49:23):
It should be like really, But if it's it's only
a movie, maybe it was like one time it was playing,
or maybe it was it was probably opening night and
they wanted to go with all the other that's the
best friend. That's bullshit. Yeah did she say best friend
or like friends? And also the friend lied and said
it was about a hotel, which that's always so fucking

(49:46):
squirreling when people lie, Just be honest, and then it
would be much better if the person was honest. And
I wonder if Jamie is a confronted this person yet
it sounds like she hasn't. It sounds like she said,
I'm still not talking. Oh I hate liars. I hate
this is such a yes, God just just also it

(50:06):
was the next day and it didn't sound like it was.
She was flying, she didn't want to drive the next day,
so what is she gonna get funked up? At dr
Thinking if I ever get married, like how I was
even thinking last night, I'm like, Okay, if I do,
who will I invite? Like how deep will I go
with my friends? And I'm like, I really have a
paranoia about and making people go to things because even

(50:30):
though weddings that I go to I always love them
and I have a good time and I look forward
to them. I just know culturally we all kind of
roll our eyes at weddings and they all seem to
be kind of be like, oh God, I have won.
I have five weekends this summer that I get to
like have a time, and now one of them is
devoted to this fucking thing. Would you do destination or no?

(50:50):
I really I know Chris would want a really big one.
I don't think I'd want one because I would feel
so bad about making my friends go to my wedding.
I wish, I wish people would would tell us. So
I'm going to use this time to tell you, Nikki,
I want to be invited to your wedding, and if
you don't, my wedding would want to go and you know,
I want to go to yours, but I do have

(51:10):
the Father of the bride Ye six is coming out.
Yeah yeah, and I just will never be if you don't,
except yeah right, I would like that's like small wedding
will include both of you no matter what. But it's
like you just think those like you know, third tier,

(51:33):
like like ones that you go. I know that they're
not going to want to go to this because most
of my friends are comedians and they we travel every
fucking weekend, and I don't want to take one of
their weekends where they don't have to travel away. I
think comedians should be nicer and not have big weddings
so that they're Unless I heard something, Mark Norman's having

(51:54):
his wedding not on a weekend because of that. Yes,
well he's just like I gotta go to you know
all the more yeah something, Yeah, that's such a good joke. Yeah,
he's Um, what is that club that I was trying

(52:15):
to reference I can't remember the name the one in Baltimore.
It's so bad, and that the name is bad and
I couldn't even think of it. God fucking my brain
is not working. Um yeah, I think that. And there
are times where people have weddings and I go, why
wasn't I that's kind of shitty. I was invited and
I always go, oh good. I wasn't like, but that's
I really. I was like, I kind of don't want
to get married because I don't want to have to

(52:36):
invite people and make them feel like they have to
go to even feel that way about like my specials
are like when I'm in town for something and like
everyone has to go, and I'm like, oh my god,
these people don't want to go. They feel like they
have to. Yes, it's not something I just want to
I just want to lope. I get that. I gotta.

(52:57):
I got a wedding invitation, and then I had a
second invitation. I responded to the first one, thinking I
did enough. I didn't respond to a second one. Then
I have another family member reaching out to me, going,
why don't you respond to the second one? Why did
this send too? I don't know, and my mom goes, hey,
your aunt said, you never responded, Why is this becoming?

(53:19):
If you're getting married in your twenties. I'm not interested. Yeah, honestly,
I can't make it to this one because there's gonna
be another one. I'll come to the second one because
this one I just don't. I don't have any interest
in people getting married in their twenties. I just don't
think you're it's gonna like. I don't believe it. I don't.
But you haven't been together long enough. People always go, oh,
you have to You and your boyfriend have been together

(53:41):
on and off for nine years. How does he not
put a ring on it? Because we're smart and we
wanted to wait until we were sure. Most people need
to wait a little bit longer. I have no interest
in twenties. Something's weddings. None, not gonna go, not not coming.
That's my new thing. That's my doctor strange. I know
there's so many listeners that are like, I got married
in my twenties and we're great. Okay, fine, I know that.

(54:05):
I know there are exceptions, but most of my best
friends all got married in their twenties and their marriages
are great, and um, but there's just something I just
don't And if you haven't been together at least four
years before you get married, that's where you count me out.
I just there's a lot of people that say, like
the Indian culture married, well, if you're if you married

(54:27):
at first sight, I'm in that's you're gonna lift your
bride for the first time. But I think four years
if you haven't been together four years by the time
you say I do, not by the time you're engaged,
but by the time you say I do, so you
I don't. I don't trust this is gonna work. Is that?
Is that a weird? Know? How long have you been

(54:51):
with NAVI since? So we're looking good. You're looking good.
If you live through two Olympics, I'm I'm on board summer, winter,
summer and winter, just to just a full season of
winters every four years. But the y if you live
with them, I think it expedites things. But other than that, no,

(55:13):
it does not. It doesn't. No, it doesn't. Know what
are you saying, you have you have three more years
before you can I'm saying I'm not even talking about
me per se. I do think you are, But I
think it expedites things. It doesn't. What are you talk
I'm living with someone I know more about her than
if I didn't live with her. Yes, but I just
don't think that it's still you need four years of

(55:35):
everything from the second you meet them until you get married.
Four years. Why is this a college thing for you?
Why the summer programs? Some people that can be expedited
through this. For sure, if you are like older, if
you have been around longer, like you, maybe get to
get I'm in dog years of how long? Yes, and

(55:59):
if they're fertila the things involved short, you can. You
can fucking jump the gun because you want to be
married before you have a get whatever it is. But
I just don't. I'll go to your wedding, but I
don't think you're gonna make it. And maybe that's a
second wedding. I'm like, I'm not gonna pay for another
suit that I'm gonna wear one time for a second wedding.

(56:20):
You can get me on the first. I'll do it
on the first. No, I love second weddings. That's the
one that will stick or the third. I don't believe
in first weddings. If you are getting buried under four
years together into your first wedding. Maybe that's where you
can go less than four years if it's your second wedding,
because you know more and you know what you want more.

(56:44):
And I do, I do think that by the time,
like it has to be, it has to be for
a presidential term. Okay, okay, ready for the next Yes,
all right, I think I let's see there's a lot
of asterisks here. I mean watched me like, I mean,

(57:05):
they're but yet I'm on the People's Love and they
meet for two weeks. I'd love to see you do
like a debate show where you debate, you have a
strong opinion, and then you break it down why you
were wrong, Like by the end of it. That would
be I mean, that's all I do all day is
you have strong opinions and then someone goes, Actually, me

(57:25):
and my boyfriend I've been together, and I'm actually I
believe in your love. Okay, I'm wrong. I mean, it's
it's sucking modality. It's like I don't didn't work there,
modal sports models. Here's Katie. Hi, guys, quick story for you.

(57:46):
So yesterday and at the gynecologist for my annual exam,
and I'm sitting in the room waiting for the doctor
to come in. They have all the supplies ready to go,
and I noticed there are two speculums. One is a
size small and the other is a media. So of
course I'm wondering which one are they going to use?
Now I have a huge vagina, big gaping lips hanging

(58:06):
down to the knees. Honestly, I thought they would probably
have to call for a large. So the doctor comes in,
he does his saying, he leaves the room the appointments over.
I was absolutely shocked to see that he used a
small speculum on me. I even told my boyfriend the
story and he guessed that he used the medium. So
I'm calling in as a p s A to all
the vagina insecure besties that you could be a small

(58:28):
speculum girl too. Don't give up. I have a renewed
sense of confidence. I'm on such a bye. Life is amazing,
so much love being a bestie. Love you all, Bye bye,
love you. That's so exciting because it doesn't matter what's
on the outside. Well, I have a friend who was
one of the tiniest people I've ever met in my life,

(58:48):
and she claims that her vagina is cavernous in a
way that anytime she doesn't inversion pose in yoga, her
vagina sucks in all the air because she not contain that,
it will open wide and like like a whale that
is feeding on krill that just opens its mouth and
just catches something. That's how we're vagina. And then she

(59:10):
when she comes out of the inversion pose like whatever, headstand,
it goes like Queef's for so long, all the air
comes out, blow hole in the sky. And she's the
tiniest person I know, and it makes me so happy
that she has a gaping plus. I love it. I

(59:32):
don't know what I am and I'm so excited to
hear that. Um. That is funny though, that you looked
at those and you're like, in my medium or small,
like what's what are they going to use? And is what?
And what will my worth be after? Honestly, maybe the
doctor is just a nice guy, you know. Maybe it's

(59:53):
my hands hurt. It's like, it's so funny that women
have no concept of other woman's pussies, so we don't
know what we are comparatively. I only know what mine
is and I have no idea. I can't do like
you know, stick my finger up my vagina. It's not
like I can play operation where like I don't touch
the sides of it like they're you stick a finger

(01:00:14):
and I'm touching everything. It's well, you could have I've
noticed this about the vaginas and my expertise whatever, Like
the wet you could have starting vagina can be tighter
than later on. Yeah, you get more relaxed, you open up,
so it really all ends up opening up and and
it's really about the doctor is holding a cat that

(01:00:39):
is wet machine. But I'm just like all vaginas end
up being cavernous once you get in there, you know.
I mean that's why I porn, Like every time they're
doing anal or like fisting in porn, which I only
know because I've heard they Whenever guy's trying to get
his whole hand up a woman, I'm always like fucking

(01:01:00):
vibe put hsachi wand on her clip like she needs
to like calm a lot to open up. Like you
don't I think that I will be able to give
birth if there's adachi one there with no issue. Baby,
you'll just slide on out, because these you gotta be
like horned up and then your body loosens to accommodate
a dick. The doctor being like, Z almost coming uh.

(01:01:27):
When I just left that, He's like he's like playing
Barry Manilow or whatever, trying to get you all horned
up so you can fuck have a kid. It's so funny. Alright,
just four more guys fucking her, she'll be ready to
have this baby. Like that's the problem. There's no you

(01:01:48):
know what I mean, Yeah, there isn't. I mean, I
really do think that. There's so many times I'm watching
porn and I'm just like, God, even these guys who
funk women for a living don't know how to funk women.
It's so it's so funny because women know how women
know would know how to funk women better than men,
Yet we're not the ones fucking women generally. Final thought, Next,

(01:02:09):
fan Traxa, let's get doctors turn your patients on before bird.
Do not do that unless you're filming a porn that
I'm gonna watch pervy doc. All right, This one is
from j I God, I have such an itch in
my mouth. In your mouth? Yeah, I keep doing this thing.
You know, tel Swan did that thing. We're just did

(01:02:31):
you see that I've been doing that recently to itch
something in my mouth, Like I just go like this,
can you hear it? Yeah? Oh wow? Where's it itchy
on top? Like on the roof of my mouth? Did
you eat something? I know it's just been doing it
the past couple of days, Like it's just been this
and it's turning into like a tick for man, I'm like, okay, well,
it's take Okay, here's Jay. Hey, no jerky j the

(01:02:54):
bestie here. Let's have some real talk. Okay, we need
to talk about Taylor Swift. I am starting to date someone.
He seems nice. We might be happy, and my biggest
concern about being happy in a relationship is not enjoying
Taylor Swift anymore. Okay, her best songs are about heartbreak
and breakups. So if I'm happy, am I gonna like
relate to her anymore? I mean, even you, Nikki said

(01:03:15):
that you haven't been listening to her as much and
you're in a relationship seemingly happy relationship, Like that's a
huge concern. But on another note of Taylor on the
song all too Well, let's talk about you know how
like I'm gonna talking about misunderstanding lyrics or um hearing
them differently. So when I hear the lyric your sweet Disposition,

(01:03:37):
my wide eyed gays, I always just think of like
her gay fans better with wide eyes on stage, like
my wide eyed gay. And I am one of your
wide eyed gays, Taylor. But yeah, I don't know why
I always think of that. That's all I wanted to say.
Jay the bestie, Oh my god, I love these besties
signing off on their names. Um, Jay love you would

(01:04:00):
listen to a podcast from you because you are quick
and you are just like to the point, and you
talk about a great name for a Oh my god,
so good. Okay, let's talk about it. Yes, that is
a big concern of mine when Um, I went through
one of my eighteen breakups recently, Man, I was back
in the Taylor swift. But I do feel like there
are great songs that even if you're in a happy relationship,

(01:04:23):
you're gonna have ups and downs that it will never
be perfect, and you're going to get into songs like
this is Me Trying, Like that's a song you can
listen to well in a relationship. If you're like fighting, Um,
you can also appreciate songs like lover or daylight or um,
you know what I think would be amazing because that
has nothing to do with it might be a little
homework put together like a playlist of happy So yeah,

(01:04:48):
I mean I could go through them right now. But um,
I think that there are so many songs within her
catalog that you just and you know what it does, Jay,
It gives you a chance to a appreciate songs of
hers that you haven't in the past, because a lot
of times I just love what I love of hers,
because I've fallen in love with those songs because I
relate to them so much. But now you're about to

(01:05:09):
relate to so many songs that you would have overlooked
in the past, and you might even think you don't
like those songs, and you could go back and have
new appreciation for them. Um, And they're just you know,
I but I agree with you. It's um it is tough.
It's tough too. If you play this song like I
found this guy on tiktoki called stick Season, it's the

(01:05:32):
name of the song and it's about a breakup. I
think you'd like it. It's pretty basic, but I enjoyed it.
I played it for Brenna and it's just about a breakup.
She like, what are you trying to tell me? Yea,
what is this? And I was like, but it made
me want to play it. It's just so funny to
the person you love. Oh my god, you know what.

(01:05:52):
I did the same thing with Chris. I was like
sharing him all these songs because we broke up last
week for a couple of days and I was listening
to Harry's House, Harry's Sile's new album, and oh my god,
it's so good. But there's this song that I think, Jay,
you can even listen to even in a healthy relationship,
and it's called Um Little Freak, Let's talk about it,
and it's I love the chorus because it goes, um,

(01:06:15):
I'm just thinking about who you are a delicate point
of view, just thinking about you, and it's like just
thinking about an ex boyfriend or an ex girlfriend. It's like,
I'm not worried about where you are or who you
will go home to. I'm just thinking about you. And
you can sing that about anyone in your past because

(01:06:37):
it's not talking about I'm not like jealous of who
you're with. I'm not you know, longing to be with
you romantically. I'm just thinking about you and I hope
you're happy out there. So that's like a song that
I was listening to and kind of like thinking about
Chris when we were broken up, and I was just
like so sad and almost looking forward to when I
could think about him in that way and not long
for him. But now I'm like, oh wait, now that

(01:06:58):
we're back together, I get to still have that song
for all the other other men in my life who
I still do have affection for but I don't want
to be with. It's just the sweetest song. I love
that song. It's called Little Freak by Harry Styles. Check
it out. It's on repeat for me constantly. I love
it so much. Are you into Harry Styles? Probably too much.
I'm like when you sing it, it's not like the

(01:07:21):
one from the album that I remember mostly, but Daylight
is the one you remember the most. Yeah, and I awesome.
I'm just so bad at name too songs, but Harry
in general, I just I really do just kind of
obsessed with him in a weird way. Keep on Driving
is another great song. Love of my Life off that
album is also really good. Daylight of course, um Matilda

(01:07:45):
those are my faves. I just love that he he
went from one direction and now he's at another one. No,
but like he he went from the most like cheesiest
kind of and he really has explored into like bow.
We heard story of my life by one Direction. That's
actually yeah, it's so. But do you know that one

(01:08:07):
direction was like created by Nicole Scherzinger from the Pussycat Dolls.
She was the one that actually picked all the people out.
There's some video that's circulating right now of her and
Simon cow looking at all their pictures and like organizing them.
And she was the one that really fought for one
direction to be what one direction is. I mean, I'm
sure coming from a band that Pussycat Doll and where

(01:08:27):
you pick a blonde, you pick a brunette, you pick this,
that's kind of what. Yeah, she knew what she was doing.
I met one direction once. Did you know that all
of them at the same time you saw the one
guy Liam? I remember and maybe yeah it's serious one
time through like a window, But no, I met one
direction once and you'll have to stay tuned for that
story next week. Uh, have such a good weekend. This

(01:08:51):
Uh everyone, this weekend. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. UM,
thank you for listening to the pod this week. We
will be back on Monday with new episodes. I will
be spending some of my UM time next week in
Los Angeles. I think that will be on. I think
I'm gonna do Wednesday and Thursday show from Los Angeles.
But we'll do with that when we get to it.
But listen next week. I love you guys so much.
Thank you for your fan Trex and Opeka Engeman, Damien Jay,

(01:09:18):
Di Di Do, Damien Jay

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