#258 A Ledge Headly w/ Chris Convy and Julie Glaser

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nils, here's Nicky. Hello here, I
am its Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. It is Thursday.
I made it through a Wheah, we really did, We
really did. That's the voice of my um. Recurring guests

(00:24):
this week and recurring boyfriend. And I gotta say, you're
looking very handsome. Thank you. You look lovely and so
does your mom. And my mom is also here. Everyone
wanting the show, Jolly Glazer and Chris Convey here. Chris
Convey on The Courtney Show, which is not only a

(00:45):
radio show but a in St. Louis said, you're here
one of six point five the Arch but you can
also listen on the Arch app. If you are not
in local you can listen live on the Arch app,
which I do every morning because I am not in
my car. Or you can listen to the court Show
podcast anywhere. It would be a long way to get through,
but we mentioned Nikki. Basically every day you do it

(01:09):
is a fabric of the sh It is fun to
be listening and to just like hear them get on,
get you you guys, like we'll get on a subject
that I'm like, I know. Chris has an anecdote like,
and then all of a sudden, my name comes up,
and it's like it's not even just you, like Brando
and Courtney, like I'm I'm in the theme song the
same time. It's awesome. And then we're gonna start talking
about you a lot, Mrs and Noah. Now now that

(01:31):
I know that all these new things about her, we're
gonna start talking about her we just learned. I mean it, fascinating, woman.
What did you just learn about my mom? I just
learned that that wasn't her first language? What isn't English? Yes?
So what is your first language? First language is Hebrew? Hebrew? Okay,

(01:52):
got it? What are you steen favorite things about Noah? No,
please don't do this to me. I don't you should know.
I hate being on the spot like this name fifteen
right now. But I'm not going to have to put
her on the spot. But no, I love Noah. Yes,
I've been to her home in Arizona. Yeah, they like
hung out my mom and dad. We're in Arizona for

(02:14):
a month. I'm not gonna say which one because my
mom doesn't want people to know when she's out of town. Exactly, NICKI,
if you let people know when I'm on to eat,
they're gonna come. They're gonna steal our artifacts. Your dad
has artifacts, They're worth a lot of He has arrowheads.
You guys do not even bother trying to rob my
parents if it takes takes the driftwood. My mom doesn't

(02:34):
even know where she's hidden things that are valuable. My
mom hides valuable things, and they're they're hidden for what
and well forever for like she doesn't she'll she'll hide
things and then won't remember where she put them. Sometimes
I'm so good at hiding. Do you ever find things
like years later and you're like, I've been looking for this?

(02:54):
Of course, of course you kid me. I don't know
why am I here because you could just you could
just see me, Nikki, that would be oh my god,
my poor mom. I was in such a two this
morning because I was like running around packing and I'm
also trying to stay on vocal rest, and so she's like,

(03:17):
don't talk, NICKI stop talking. And then she's like, are
you being good about talking and about not talking? And
I'm like, the truth is I haven't been great about it.
That's not what you said. No, well, I said, well,
I'm telling you. I said, it's none of your business,
because here's it is. But my answer to that was like,
do you ever have people ask you a question, and

(03:38):
especially like your mom or someone that cares about you,
and you know that the answer is not going to
be what they want, So you're only The answer that
I was going to give her, if I was being honest,
is no, I haven't been great. And then the answer
the thing that will proceed, that proceed that will be well, Nick,
you got it. There's not going to be like, oh,

(03:59):
it's only going to be a she thinks she does. Well.
What were you going to say if I said, no, Mom,
I haven't been good. No, well you gotta be good.
You're not contributing. You have no information to give me.
After that sentence, then just a shame or scold, which
I'm already doing to myself every time I talk. Here's
the thing, Okay, I have not We have not conversed

(04:21):
period since you've gotten these polyps. So I don't know
anything polyps for twenty years, honestly, and so you guys
haven't talked in a long time. So we even talked,
and this explains, it explains why we haven't talked but no,
all I was really looking for was I never heard
what the doctor said, what anyone has said, and we

(04:43):
just let's just run the conversation and what you would
have said if I gave you the right answer. We
asked me again, let's just do it. Let's just say
it's okay, okay. Have you been good with your voice? Honestly? No? Really?
What what have you been doing? I've been talking, yeah,
I mean as the doctor said that's allowed, or no,
they said it's not good. Oh, because I didn't know

(05:04):
what the doctor said. Okay, well they said it's not good,
and I love and not following the doctor's well, what
can I say? I'm I'm not gonna say anything. I'm
gonna I'm not allowed to say anything. You will never
know what you know. There's another example of it. Of Um,
what was the other thing we got into this morning
where I was rude to you? God, I mean it

(05:25):
just came right off the bat. Um. Remember the first
time that Nikki was rude to you? Remember when going
like it's too room me in here? You were like
what you do? You were crying right off the bat.
I was like, No, when did have become a bit
like when did Nikki Che's right off the bat, we're

(05:46):
gonna know when did it? Like I do, I do
want to know because I'm trying to. I'm kind of
become interested in the fact that I might be a
little bit autistic because one of the best he sent
me a book recommendation that And then yesterday after the podcast,
someone wrote me and said, you might have borderline person disorder,
and then I looked that up and I was like,
oh God, even though the only thing I don't have
for borderline, I pretty much do all the checklists. I don't.

(06:08):
I don't have fits of anger, and I don't even
though I want to A lot of times I don't,
like I do like get up set. But I think
it's a normal amount people with borderline like scream and
like we'll cut people off really brazenly and just be
like like shut people out of their life, like in
an instant, and it's really like you. That just didn't

(06:30):
resonate with me, and I sent it to Anya, who
knows me very well, and she was like, I know
people with borderline, you don't do this. And even though
I've wanted to cut people off and be like we're
done here, I don't normally follow through on that, but
I do have that desire. Does that make it? I
don't know. I have to get on you goes, you
have to get to I had noosed bike a psychiatrist,
and I was like, I do you think I think
a bestie is a doctor someone damning me? Of course

(06:52):
I know, but there are besties who you don't either
suffer with these things or no people and might have.
And there is something about you know, googling what you
have and like everything leads to cancer or whatever, but
like there are times where you can find out what
you are and then go consulted dr and be like, hey,
I read a checklist in some of these things. So anyway, anyway,

(07:16):
I've been reading this book about neurodie divergence and where
do I fit in this? I was wondering as my borderline,
like when I was a child, I had sensory issues
with socks. Yeah, you did, Like I remember just blankets,
certain blankets, certain socks, Like what would you but I
understand it kind yeah what would I do? Well, you

(07:37):
would go, no, I can't have that, Like I don't
like that. I just remember being on our in the
first house we lived in St. Louis and having to
put on those socks that I had to wear to
the Catholic school I went to and it's part of
my uniform, so like I have to and it's like
also we're new in town and my mom just doesn't
want her daughter to look unpresentable, and like I just

(07:58):
remember being like Nikki, you have to wear these and
it was like putting on a like because it's a canvas,
it's like sandpaper. No, they were just they're like they
were nice wool socks that were soft, like most people
like them. But it was just like hell, I think
they were cheaper sucks, like they were thinner sucks and

(08:18):
you were used to it. Just don't know, I don't
like it. It's like it was like it's not a chalkboard,
that's kind of your like it's in your mouth all
this stuff, like like I can feel that's like eating it.
It's like Kirsen used to put her socks in her
mouth when we go to gymnastics, just to torture me
and be liked fine to be like stop it, um,

(08:38):
But when did I become like a straight up like
when did I? Because I think a lot of people
have kepen a bitch. Who would ever say a child's
a bit anyway? No one would do that. Okay, maybe that,
oh boy, you said it a lot, But that's I
understand it, because I think I was. And it's like
so hard to deal with. Like everyone talks about this,

(08:59):
Like everyone I know that has kids that have made
it to teenage years they always say I thought I
was ready, but it's something happens around this age and
it becomes very like your kids go from sweet to
like they are like get away and like I hate you,
Like when did that happen? I mean I can remember

(09:21):
you throwing fits like when you were three too, I
mean you were we could tell that you were just
not you were. Did Lauren profits not like that you were?
I mean you were kids that were totally different children.
Was there any part of you that was like we

(09:42):
should get this looked at or was it it wasn't
like that extreme? No, Because I had a sister kind
of you reminded me of my sister Peggy, Yeah, growing up,
and I was like, I thought it was kind of normal.
I was like, well, that's what little kids do. And
me and Peggy are very similar kind of on our
adulthood as well. You definitely are right, I think, so

(10:02):
that's so weird, but you don't think so, But no,
I do think so, okay, good, she's very successful. Yeah,
she's driven. She one time we went to a spinning
class together. Spin not spinning, spinning class. I think it's
spinning class. Now it's called a spin class. Hate say

(10:30):
biking class, like recumbent not recumbent, but like stationary bike class.
Just say that. When it started seeing spinning, I was
just like I hate that. It was like kind of
a rapid to me. So but now I've accepted it's
part of the lexicon. But I remember we went to
a spin class once and she we were so we're
both competitive people, obviously, Like that's what makes us driven.

(10:52):
I think she's she you know, she started her own
graphic design company in San Francisco and became a Fortune
five hundred company shortly after. Like she's so impressive in
her field and as this like independent woman, like who
has just made her own money and like made her
own name for herself. She's like so impressive. So we
went to the spin glass and we there was just

(11:14):
this tacit like competition between you know, niece and aunt,
and I have never worked out so hard in my
life because I wanted to keep up with her because
she's very fit. Um, I threw up. I fell off
the bike and threw up because in I got to

(11:35):
the bathroom. But I've never like I've heard will Smith
be like, you didn't have a workout unless she throw up,
like next to each other, installs throwing up because you
made each other. I mean that was later after lunch.
But um, just kidding, just kidding, but wait, I want
to hear that. Yeah, yeah, so I'm just reading this book,

(12:01):
but it's just making me kind of look at things.
I was so mad at her when she when you
went out there, why because you threw up? You she
worked you so hard. She didn't do it. I know
what makes you do anything. We went to a spin glass.
I chose to be like those classes. You set your
own settings on the bike and they say, hey, if
you want to go to an eight, go but no

(12:21):
one's going like if you don't. She wasn't like holding
a gun to my head. I think you didn't hit
your had wine the night before too. Oh, probably that's
why you probably get sick. No, No, it was because
I was working out too hard. Well, I know, but
you had drinks the night before. But it was my
own fault. She I love when you go, I'm mad
at her. She did well. No, she's a very act.

(12:45):
When I visit her, She's like, We're going in a
seventeen mile hike up this mountain. I'm like, f you,
I'm not going up that mountain for you know. She
does that to you. She does, and then you feel guilty,
like a loser if you don't follow. She's so when
she comes to St. Louis, you should do the same
thing to her. You should be like, we're going to
seventeen goodwill exactly. She she'd be throwing up in the bathroom.

(13:16):
She speaking of like feats of endurance. I'm guess how
many miles Chris, because many hours. Chris rode his bike
last Friday Sunday. Okay, last Sunday, New York City, Chris
went to visit his friend Vaughn, who he's he's Chris
is going to Europe in not I'm not going to

(13:38):
say when, because his house will be abandoned. You might
go in there and get say it's in but um,
that's my mom's nick. Her posts when we're out of towns. Um,
so he's going out of town. He's going to Europe. Um,
what are the dates and what's your address? And uh
he is, Um, he's going on this bike trip to

(13:59):
explain what you're doing. So I've got I've got these
four friends and we go. We've gone like for several
years now in these big bike trips, and one of
our friends is just this he's just an amazing human person.
And he sets up these unreal bike trips where you're
doing like, you know, hundreds of miles in a few days.
And I made him already. No, it's actually it does

(14:21):
sound articulating. Just kid, I wish you did, Thank you,
thank you. Anyway, we go in these big elaborate trips
and we're going to Iceland, and he's got Iceland. He's
got like four and a half days of just beautiful cycling.
We're gonna go see the the lava. What there's lava
right now? I've I haven't told you yet what really? Yeah,

(14:41):
so there's there's like an active volcano right now. It's
not like erupting, but the but the lava is it
a rap because that's a rap? A to my ears
you're gonna be don't be in danger. I'm not going
to be. Chris is a little bit of a ledge head,
which is a thing that we coined. It's people like
to get close to the ledge when they're taking pictures

(15:03):
or when you're like at like Brenna Andrew coined it.
Brenna is a ledge head. Like she will they will
go to Castlewood Park and there's like a lookout and
she'll go to a place that's like if if by
any chance, there was some erosion that happened that day,
she would fall to her death. But you know it's
not unlikely. She's just she just takes it to the
next level where it's like, okay, if you if you

(15:24):
got dizzy right now and felt you would die, and
that's not going to happen. But like I always stand
from a distance that even if I like somehow got
you started having a seizure, I would not tumble off
the mountain. But like, ledgeheads just live on the edge.
And you say that she's going to die, but that's
just alleged, head Lee, it's not definitely gonna happen. And

(15:46):
you don't want to be a dad um that so
um yeah, you're a bit of alleged head in that way.
Like we when we were in keen Um up in
New York, there were just times where Chris was just
getting a little too close to the ledge and I
was just like, this guy's gonna die. And then he

(16:06):
was telling me about these bike trips and he's like,
I go, I like going fast down that I'm really
bad at going up the hills because I'm not as
strong as the other guys hard they're all a lot
stronger than I am, but going down the hills, you
like to fly smash them all. Well, And that what
he says, that he even goes faster down the hills
than the trainer that you guys are like the guy, Well, no,

(16:30):
I was following closely behind a pro who wasn't going
as fast as he could, but I was keeping up
with a guy who's who's been in like the Tour
de France, and I was it was like probably the
proudest I've ever been in my life. And he wasn't
even trying. He was just like letting gravity do It's
you know, it's it's job that tells me. That tells
me that guy it's reckless. Rick As he's Chris should

(16:51):
not be keeping up. Chris isn't a pro, so the
fact that you're going as fast as a pro makes
it me feel like, listen, I don't want to make
it sound like I was keeping up with a pro,
because I wasn't. I was going down without breaking as
much as my friends were there to break a lot down.
I talked about this before when we watched a dumb

(17:11):
movie not it's not dumb movie with that guy that
wanted to climb those thirteen peaks. You know, I don't
know why I keep going back to the well them,
so we claim that's what I want to do. I
would watch thirteen Fast and Furious is in No one's
ever done it in one year. Most times it takes

(17:33):
seven years to accomplish that. So I'm going to do
what that guy did. But anyway, watch the show, and
I got so mad at Chris because he was like,
there's this one hill or hill, this is one mountain
called K two, and they're like people that climbed Maybe
it was Anna Parner or Caju, but um, it was
like fifty of the people that attempt this die and
I go because Christ the all time, I was like God,

(17:55):
this looks so fun. I would love to do this stuff,
and I'm just like kind of keeping my mouth to
just you know, about the other mountains that aren't as treacherous.
And then we get to K two and I go,
would you do that one? And he's like yeah, And
I go, with the fifty percent chance of dying, you
would do that? And he goes yeah, I've wanted to
do all of that for a while. But it's just
casually the way people are just like, oh, I want
to be an astronaut, or like I want to do

(18:15):
these cool things. But I would have somebody would If
I could get somebody to fund the whole project, I
would be like, yeah, i'd be there tomorrow. I'd start training.
But with a chance of dying. Yes, the people don't
fifty chance going up K tom yes one and evert mom, Yes,
I swear to god. It was on the documentary that
is the stat fifty percent of people who attempt it.

(18:36):
Or maybe it's like, let's say it's why would you
do something where the people who trained to do this
of them done, Why would you do that? I don't
understand it. It was because they would be awesome, but
you have you only have one life in that is
like an accomplishment like that would make you. I think

(18:57):
that would that would change you fundamentally if you could have, yeah,
change you because you won't be existing anymore. There's but
I really don't understand that. There's nothing. There's no thing
in the world that I would do for the experience
that was chance of me dying. No, no thing you
really wouldn't like if you if like, what is a

(19:18):
big dream of yours? Like for me with Taylor Swift
in an arena show at Madison Square Garden and there
was never, Never in a million years would I do
that because I want to live and that is a
high percentage of dying. You gotta go to break well
to explore this more. When we get back right after this,
Andrew Andrew, Um, what would you say, Mom? Well, I

(19:45):
mean I felt bad Andrew's gone. Chris and I are
taking his place, Andrew's and Jackson Hole, Wyoming when he's
having he lives in an apartment. What what I'm worried
about Andrew's apartment. I don't know why. I even we

(20:07):
wouldn't want anyone stealing his Willie Nelson or you know,
his clubs that is precious clubs are probably locked up
no knowing Andrew. They he keeps them in his apartment
and do you think they closet? But I also think
he probably just keeps him in his trunk in his
car because he goes so often out so his cars

(20:29):
parked on the second left. They just slept in between.
And he does love them and their king size. He
does love them. They do have a king size bed,
and Babe, we gotta you have to, I have to.
I can't. I can't do it anymore either. Like we
were talking last night about like our relationship and like
things that we want to do to show each other

(20:50):
like we're in this and I was like, I was
on a run the other day and I was like,
getting a king size bed will be a message to Chris.
I care about him in his comfort. I haven't wanted
to say it because it's just like I'm not going
to pressure my sweet lady into like getting a king
size bed when she's got a bed that she really
is happy with. I'm not happy, But this is the
greatest news Jet. It is the best thing that we

(21:16):
ever did, getting a king's eyes bed. I'm not kidding
right now, Like I'm ordering it. You are sniping in
so quick. I think you should get the king size
and give me. But but you just said the best
thing you ever did was I have a queen. Why
do you want to go back because I need one
for the extra bed room? All right, just get chicken?

(21:40):
Say it with it, one to three chicken again, Just
skidding the whole episode that. Yeah, Mom, is there anything
you would do with the chance of dying? And I
know smoking is something you did for thirty three years
of your life? Said was kind of maybe you've got back.

(22:02):
How do you know thirty three? I just had to
actually go to the doctor yesterday and get all this
lung stuff done. And what do we see? Well, I
haven't told you all this, but my last time I
went to the doctor. I oh that's much better. Uh,
the last time, the last time I went to the doctor.

(22:25):
I mean I've had you know, I've had a collapse
alung before. And I haven't spoke for fourteen years. I know,
my mom quit, How do you quit? Called turkey? That's
not true. Yes it is. No it's not, yes it is.
You use the Alan Carr method, Mom, And I was
called turkey. No it's not yet. Yes, it's saying I'm

(22:46):
not smoking anymore. You can smoke the whole time you're
reading the book. Yeah, that book. At the end of
the book he stopped smoking. You do. But that's not
cold turkey. Cold turkey is not using any method. That's
a method. It's a good help people quit smoking. Because
pul turkey does not work, you will go back to it.
It's people that people have that success with the Algard

(23:08):
method is how you quit smoking. Okay, all right, well
I definitely have to give a credit. Yeah, okay. So anyway,
on my last report, I did had a whole um
physical and uh it came back like I'm reading the
bye lines underneath and said emphysema. And I called my doctor.
I said, oh my god, it says I have emphysemas.

(23:31):
She said, no, you don't. So she said, let me
call thee let me call the technician. So I was
like freaking out. I didn't want to tell you any
of this because I didn't know what was going on.
So yesterday I took six months to get into this
pulmonary doctor that I had to go through all these tests.
Yesterday and pulmonary pulmonary dr Menary Okay, Paul, Dr Pulmonary.

(23:55):
I hear he's good. He's so good, he's actually you
make fun of my dad care you know the other one.
I don't eve want to mention any It wouldn't have
killed on my show. It would have gotten a lot
of eye rolls. Anyway. So I went through all these
tests and then you get an X ray and I
went into this doctor all morning. So for six months

(24:19):
you thought you might have emphas ema. Yeah, and you
didn't tell me. Yeah, because because it was not my business.
Because it's not your business. Okay, well it is kind
of your business. You are my daughter. So I was
gonna after I found out the test, and we don't
talk that often. So, yeah, it's the polyps thing, and

(24:41):
we haven't talked. Okay. Anyway, it turns out she's like
you have. She said, I wouldn't have even seen this
on the x ray. You have great lung capacity all.
She said, you have so little emphysema that it's not
worth talking about. But you do have it. Oh yeah,
I mean I smect you. You You you just get emphasima.

(25:02):
You probably, but she said it's not going to get
any worse. Oh oh my god, she said it is
so faint, you can't she said, I couldn't have seen this.
And the other doctor looked at it. He couldn't see it.
Your lungs are so tiny you can't even see your
Emphazima is so skinny. Can't get secret. It's called green tea.

(25:27):
Green tea is great and vodka. Wait, that's so exciting.
I know it's a just he just for in my
whole story, but I just know you just said just
get him, had you know, emphasize anyway? It was all
good to me. I was like, oh my god, because

(25:48):
that is scary, like when you know people are like
I would you when you know what could happen. The
whole time I'm watching Casablanca, I'm like, one of my
questions for that movie was like everyone's smoking all the
time in that movie, literally every single scene is just smoke.
And that's just the way it was back then in
the forties, like fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties. I mean,

(26:12):
smoking indoors all the time. Didn't when did everyone realize didn't?
And everyone feels sick all the time, like I feel
so when I smoked, I felt sick all Like you're
constantly breathing in a smoke stack, like do you feel tired?
Like didn't people feel like this is killing us? Like
how do they not know? But the truth is, even

(26:34):
if you know something's killing you, it's not. If it
was disgusting lungs or if it worked to see like
to know surgeons general warning and have these graphic pictures
on cigarettes, it doesn't. That doesn't work. Like, that does
not deter people from doing it. There's a cognitive dissonance
there that you're going to be the exception, Like, um,
so it doesn't work that but um, my favorite Norman

(26:57):
Donald joke that I can remember off the top of
my head. It's like, hey, you ever see, uh, you
ever see a picture of a smokers long? Disgusting? Do
you ever see a picture of a healthy line? It's disgusting.
It is like the same thing. What's your favorite Norm joke? Oh?
My god, off the top of my head. Yeah, I mean, like,
I mean, do you want to go into the moth joke? No? No,

(27:19):
it's like that's like the moth storytelling show. Um, I
mean the one that I think just popped into my
I mean god, there's so many good ones. The one
that just popped into my head. Was the one about
oh man, I just want to do like a hundred
of them. I heard a good joke from Jesselyn yesterday.

(27:42):
Growing up, my family moved all the time, but now
they're all fat pieces. That's a norm joke. Usually as
jokes are very long and then the end it's like
someone's dead or molested. That one was just like one too,
and I really liked it. That's fine. Um, I'm trying

(28:04):
to think of like quick norm jokes, but there well
there's one that was like he's like, have you seen these?
I mean, I just there's so many of them that
I loved. This isn't the one that I love the most.
One I remembered first, but he's like, um, these Olympic
events they're getting crazy. I saw this guy run run
miles and then fish that was bad. Um. I yeah.

(28:33):
Chris and I were talking about like stand up jokes
are like just observations, and I really loved the one
like you said that, what was the one you had,
Chris that you were like about talking to people in
your car? Can you share it? Which is what like
when you're you're like, I don't always, but I like

(28:57):
this one those memes that are like, I'm looking at
my favorite norm jokes right now, but those memes that
are like, I don't always do blah blah blah, but
when I do, I do mine was I don't always
when I communicate? What did I say? It's like I
don't always uh communicate with cars on the road, but
when I do, I talk like this and make emotions

(29:19):
with my pants and let little bits of volume come
out of my crawl down your gas tank. Your gas
tank is open, but you're not even whispering. You're just
like it's even worse. It's like, it's such a weird.
Why are you sort of talking like I sound like
Marley Matlin. Here's what, here's a good normal one. You

(29:42):
know with Hitler. The more I learned about that guy,
the more I don't care for him. Any stand up
jokes that like, you're a big fan of Kathy Griffin.
I know, And you put me on this spot about
remembering my voice coach with her? Are you kidding? No?
I once walked in on my parents having sex. It

(30:02):
was the most embarrassing thirty minutes of my life. Now
I can't think of any isn't it funny? Like you
can consume stand up all the time, and you like,
even for me, I'll go to a whole entire show
and I'll laugh the whole time, and I won't remember
a single fucking joke, Like you can't re tell a

(30:24):
single joke, what you know. I've got a lot about this,
and it's and I've probably said this before, but bears
repeating that when you go to a stand up show.
That's why the opener is the most important joke, and
then the clothes the opener and the closer. The middle
does not matter, um, And if you're doing a special,
the end is actually the least important because people usually
don't even get to that anyway. The opener is always

(30:46):
the most important. People um in life understand the first
and last of something. And people usually remember jokes they
don't like versus the joke they liked the most, because evolutionarily,
it is more important for us to remember things that
cause us pain or cause us suffering so that we
don't eat that berry again, we don't travel down that

(31:07):
path that has a grizzly bear on it. That's going
to serve us more for survival than like remembering like
oh that made me feel like happy. What I'll remember
after this podcast is not remembering any norm joke exactly.
Here's another one. Here's another one. I love. It's um I.
D is a strange abbreviation. I is short for I

(31:28):
and D is short for identification. Oh god, it's is
it like for him? It's like delivery or the joke itself?
I can't really tell, because when you said that joke,
it's yeah. I loved his special, his latest quote unquote

(31:51):
special so much. I know that people that whole thing
where Spade and Letterman and Molly Shannon and Chappelle we're
all talking about it afterwards, and Sandler and Conan. That
was so uncomfortable, and I really did not like that.
But I liked the special so much, and I thought
it was so funny. I thought it did count as
a stand up special. I thought it was everything. It

(32:12):
was pretty much what bo Burnham did, like just without
an audience and just quietly in his room. Like I
thought it was just as satisfying as a stand up special.
I really was like, this could be the new model.
Like I would watch someone just at their computer telling
jokes to a screen. I don't need to see crowd shots.
I don't need to hear laughter to understand when I
should laugh. Like that stuff does help, and it even

(32:34):
helps me like laughter is contagious. Um. I think it
also helps that both of those guys like you could
do it and if there's a you know, like does
a few dozen comics that could do it, but you
kind of have to have the gravitas of a Bo
Burnham or a Norm McDonald like those guys. They're great,
incredible performers, so like, it can't just be anybody. The

(32:56):
stand up I hate is the stuff that is bolstered
by the audience, in the in the pauses and the
looks after they hit the punchline of yeah, and what's
essentially a laugh track. Yes, it's like those those comedians
that if you I'm someone who be able to know
I hate, if I get a big laugh, you will

(33:16):
notice I will step on the laughter because I just
feel so self indulgent, like writing it out and being like,
isn't that a gift I just gave you everyone, Because
as a comedian you are you can ride those waves
and you can abuse that if you I'm not trying
to brag, but if you watch my special and add
up the amount of words I say versus anyone else's hour.

(33:38):
I guarantee you it's not just because I talk fast.
It's because I'm not letting those moments like and probably
to my detriment, like some people like when things breathe
and like that, you don't you allow the audience to,
like the laughter to die down and then you take
a breath. I think it is so self indulgent. I
am someone I've never understood comedians who after a show

(33:59):
stand out wave and take it all in and walk
from the side of the stage Canada remember, yes, yes, yes,
But what I like what you do is you're out
of there. But I kind of assumed a lot of
this stuff is because it's just a natural part of
your personality to talk fast and get through things. But
I do like how you're not basking in it, like
like a bunch of other people do, and we know
who we know who they are. But what I do

(34:20):
like is you don't sit there and try to take
it all in in like that setting in front of everybody.
You go talk to people afterwards, So like that's what
that's what you like, kind of that one on one
interaction with people because you like a little bit more. Well,
I just don't. I feel like people know the But
I will say at the same time, when I went
to see Dave Matthews in the year two thousand and

(34:42):
I the best seats that I ever had, sixteen throw
at report he when he said good night, I wanted
him to stay out there so freaking long. So as
a fan I do. I just feel like I've already
done an hour and a half. These people are tired,
they want to get home. That's too much talking. Anyway,
I've overindulged in talking. I need to leave the stage.
These people need to get to their cars and get

(35:03):
the home and relieve the babysitter. And when you say
an hour and a half, you really mean two hours
and fifteen minutes, right, like me talking an hour and
a half for the whole show itself. Yeah, but yeah,
sometimes you know, I've been at shows where you're where
you go to like two hours and it's funny the
whole time. It's that's too much, and I feel bad
that I do that. And that is me without taking

(35:24):
these long these comedians, I don't understand. It is just
a different that's the stop it. As an audience member,
like all these things that you're pointing out. It makes
sense to me now listening to you dissect it. But
when I'm at a comedy show and I've and I

(35:46):
like all the different comedians, even the ones that you
don't like, I'm too stupid to know their techniques, and
I don't care. I'm just there to enjoy the jokes
and the lefts I know. But as someone who knows
the tricks, it bugs me. I guess it's just like
I don't if you were. It's like it's like anything

(36:07):
when you can see people within your profession not doing
it earnestly and not actually getting when you see that.
And I've used tricks before. I've admitted to this on
the podcast. There are definitely road hack tricks that like
every comedian does, laughing at your own joke, you know,
hitting your leg, acting like it's the first time you
say it. That's Chappelle thing of like, oh my god,

(36:27):
that's so funny, like everything. It's like it's it makes
everyone laugh, it makes me laugh. It tricks me, Like
there's these things that I utilize. I'm not a perfect person,
but I am. There is this thing in comedy that
I just I can't stand the gloating afterwards. And but
I will say that as a as a fan Dave Matthews.
When I lingered at that two thousand show, I got

(36:48):
on my seat and I everyone started going to their cars,
and Dave was still on the side of the stage
kind of still waving, and he saw me, and I
was one of the only ones still fucking jumping up
and down and waving, and he waved, he like waved
directly at me. And I had a moment with Dave
Matthews before the moment where I told him I was
in his fear, and also before the moment where I
told him that he should play a song that's fucky

(37:10):
and he did not like it. So this was my
the only good moment I've had with Dave Matthews was
in the year two thousand, like September night eleven, and Dave.
Dave definitely saw me in that matter to me that moment,
what's your what is like a favorite type of thing
the best he can do? Or does it a show?
Or like, what is what is the thing that you
like at the shows? After the shows right when you're

(37:30):
like when you are waving or whatever. I love and
I love you. I love when they cry. I love
when they shake. Some of them are very embarrassed because
they're like, I'm shaking. This is like I love all
that because it's real. Like whatever is real for you,
I don't care if what's real for you is like
I'm sorry, I kind of want to suck you. Like,
if that's real for you, say it like, don't touch me.
But like you can say whatever you want. I might go, well,

(37:51):
that's a weird thing to say. But like, you know,
as long as they're being honest, I don't want anyone
to try to beak. Just don't be just be yourself.
And that's what I Mrs Glaser. When your fans come
up to you, what are what are some of your
favorite sort of well, I do like when they don't
touch me, are hugged me. You don't like that. I
don't like hugs really from anybody, from strangers. No, you

(38:13):
don't like how back to my childhood. You've got a
lot of You've gotten a lot of attention from the
tv O. My god, No, not really, not really. No
people are I mean just a few people recognize me
and they're like, but if you were like actively online
and knew how to read your message requests and like

(38:34):
things like that. You would see you would be getting
flooded with stuff. That's where I get most of my
love is like d M S. And if you did
meet and greets after your grocery store it runs, you
would also be you should meet and do a little tour. Well,
I did get recognized the other day by this Kajari
old guy. I was like, oh god, he's like movie store.

(38:57):
I'm like, what I saw you on a commerce herschel
or something. I know they always have your daughter. Well
that's see, that's not nice this movie star because they're
jealous and so they have to do the thing of like, oh,
you think you're big time. It's like, no, you think
I'm big time. And that is why you're saying movie star.
You're jealous that you think that I think I'm better

(39:18):
than you when I don't think i'm better than you.
You are thinking that you that I think I'm better
than you because you were insecure that you could never
be on TV. And it is kind of your dream,
isn't it, you old cadream man, So you have to
say movie star. I don't think I'm a movie star.
You do, well, never been in a movie. I don't know.
Let's go to break, we'll be right back. Just get

(39:39):
I'll put you in one. Um, we'll be right back
with Van Brax. Welcome back to the show. No, my
mom during the break was like, I'm gonna go get
my coffee and no one goes. I think they're I
think they're actually Julie. I think there is a coffee
cup right now? Does she imitate everyone and has Chris?
What you do you gonna take? Chris? I don't, Yeah,

(40:04):
glaze now you're you're great? No, no, really you're great.
Do you have to have something right, some sort of impression.
That's what was my impression, like having perfect yet you're great.

(40:24):
People don't may not know. Do people know how great
you are at two second impressions? Have you talked about
two second impressions on the people get a sense of
it on the show a little bit because it will
drop into it. He really can know how good you've
been at all that stuff. The thing is, I realize
I'm not I'm so not as good at impressions as
Anya and cursing being around them and they're just cursory impressions.

(40:45):
They are so fucking good it's it's really insane how
good they are, Like I could be better. You are
really good in my vocal range. Do do Aniston? If
always well for you? I will say that, Um. I can. Oh.
The other day, by the way, Melissa via signor Um,

(41:06):
she like was writing me and was like, I just
want to let you know, like your special was amazing,
you know, like she was like, she wrote me about
my special. It was very nice. And then she was like,
and I'm working on an impression of you. She's like,
like guys like I don't know, like old souls, it's
not a thing like she did, and it was very
flattering and it was actually really good, and I was like,
thank you. It's the first time someone's not done an

(41:26):
impression of me. That's like, God, I hate that, Like
every time someone doesn't impress on me. It sounds like
the guy from Love on the Spectrum season two where
he's like I can't find my sword. This is not
I lost my japing car Dard. This is not good.
Oh god, Dad wears my cloak and jagger. Um. I exactly.

(41:50):
He's very me like, um, but so my impression. The
thing I will say is that I don't do an
impression of Chris, but Chris's mannerisms have worked their way
into my stand up, Like any time you hear me
go and you know that's what you like? Kind of
jackpot that like jack that is something I've picked up
from Chris. Okay, yeah, that's good. You know what. I

(42:12):
think we're gonna do it like that is something I mean,
this goes back to fourteen where because I don't even
know if I'm doing that anymore. I don't think you are,
but I got that from you initially. It's funny because
I'm like when I when you do that on stage,
I'm like, that's good. I like that. I like it. Yeah,
that's you. Have you have, Mr Glaser? Have you been
on the podcast before? I have no idea. Okay, so

(42:33):
people have like explored your relationship. Yes, wait, can I
just hold that button and do that? Yes? Um you can't. Yeah,
we've I wish we could explore it right now, but
we have to get the fan tracks, which is our
messages from besties about the show. And I'm really excited
for you guys to hear these. Actually, is there a

(42:54):
section for corrections and compliments? You know what? That's kind
of like a part of the voice messages, so they
can go onto our Instagram and they can send voice
memos to us through this link and like um and
and let and they let us know sometimes like hey,
you're talking about this and actually this was Yeah, So
like if you ever want to like write into the
show correction, but I can't do it on the show today. No,

(43:18):
you can do it right now. Okay, cool, you want
to start. I don't want to mess with fan fx
fan trax. You can. We can do a live fan trax. Um,
you can start. Let's get to fan Trax. Welcome to
fan Trax is the part of the show where we
hear from people, our listeners about the show, compliments, criticisms,

(43:38):
not really criticisms, but corrections. And we've got our first
one live here in studio. Let's do the other ones
because then I'll then I'll let's just hear the vibe
of them, and then i'll pepper mind I love that. Yeah, yeah,
let's get a sense of it. Let's do the first one. Okay,
let's start with India. Hi, Nikki, my name is India.
I'm a long time listener here Big Fanny, you guys,

(44:00):
I was listening to your segment on gibberish, and I'm
so excited. I've been speaking Gibberish with my mother since
I was five years old. She's the only other person
I knew who knew about it, so I'm starting to
think she made it up until I heard you guys
talking about it. Um, I did want to chime in
the way that I have. UM best taught people how
to speak it. You had it right when you said

(44:21):
bring it up into syllables, but the best way after
that is that you add the good to the vowel
in each syllable. So my name India, like the country
is it again? Did the gu it again? Did the
the guy andrew it again? To the goo? Nikki ni
nigo with a guy? So adding the other good to

(44:43):
the vowel vowels in each syllable has helped me teach people.
So you know, nobody picks it up except for me
my mom, which we use all the time. Anyway, big fan,
thank you guys to the gang, you the go with
the Gindi the guy and the guy with the guys
with the gunder, the girl, the gang, the gift you
the goo and again, but the or the gird You

(45:03):
think You've the gird, the ghost to the but the guy,
the little, the gain of the guests, of the God,
the gist of the get to the gang, the go
in that song, thank you India, thank you. Noah loved it. No.

(45:25):
I love when Noah has a bird. It's so cute
and it really is the best feel perfect. I can't
exactly how I feel when NICKI gets into these gibberish things,
because no matter how many times you explain it, my
brain just can't. Maybe now you can get it because
you add and no one knows several languages too, and

(45:48):
this could be your third Noah, Oh my god. No,
Nikki would never teach me that the guy with the
goods that's the gats that the guy with the to
the doctor, the gup, the gout green vass. Did you
did you make this up with Kirsten? No. This we
learned on spring break from some boys that we met
on the beach. Boy, it was before I met you, Chris,

(46:12):
before I met you. I didn't that boys, I promise
I didn't talk that to those boys and and anyone
I met in springbreak in high school. We know from
me having Daniel the bestie on the show a guy.
I met one of the Alabama boys. We met in
spring break. I was not hooking up with boys. There
was no hanky panky going on. If anything, there was

(46:33):
like the hokey pokey going on and we were dancing
to that. That was the most day I was not
grinding on anyone. I was like, maybe going to grind coffee.
Have you used that joke? That's good? We bring you
need to bring that to remind me of that you
should do all right? Are you ready for your one
or do you want to get I'll do a I'll
do a correction, and then later I'll do a correction
and a compliment. One correction yesterday I was I chose

(46:57):
accuracy over what I actually felt during something on the
that we talked about on the podcast, And you were like,
what do you You didn't say it was a great show,
and I was like, no, I saw. I said, this
is great television, and yes, your show f Boy Island
is a great television show. You're the best host of
any rally show I've ever seen. I've watched a lot

(47:18):
of reality TV. You were by far the best best host.
You do things that no host has ever done in
your in your funny, and you're saying things that people
at home would want, would be thinking or saying, or
like the funny version of those things. So I just
want to clarify. I could tell that it didn't sit
right with you, and it's true. It is a great

(47:39):
TV show and you're great at it. Thank you. First correction,
I appreciate that. No, are you still there because you
just want to blank on the screen. Oh yeah, I'm
still here. And on that note, and I play a
voicemail about F Boy Yes please, okay, yeah, thank you, Chris,
thank you baby. Hello, it's Besty bad boy re Re.

(48:04):
I love you, Noah, Nikki and Andrew so much. I
um started some F boy drama. I was stumbling upon
Nikki's stories and then I started watching that you know
that Q comedian on F Boy Island. Ever get his name,
but that guy and I clicked on me and I
was like, let's see what this gorgeous girl is doing.

(48:26):
And she was live. So I started watching the live
and I commented, Peter gives me small d energy and
she started uncontrollably laughing, and I was shocked, and everyone
was saying, you have to you know, you can't say
anything and alive, and she had also confirmed that she's

(48:46):
not with Peter. Girl, I'm just starting of trauma and
I sincerely apologized, but you know, I'm living my grandma
life here in the suburbs of Chicago and it was
an accident. Nikki, please get on live again. I just
to listen to you, sat Taylor Swift and not stirrup
f boy Island. But you know, tell that comedian Dan
need to hit me up if anything, Benedict, I think, Um, okay,

(49:11):
who is this bad boy reread? Is that what he said?
His name was? Yes, um, bad boy, you are so cute.
I fucking love you and I want to be friends
with you. Um did you say he gives you small
dick energy? Because Peter is an Asian man or is
it something else? Because not a fan of that stereotype.
I'm kind of not a fan of any of that

(49:33):
shaming sort of situation at all anywhere. This man seems
like he the way he's talking, he seems like he
might know about penises. Yeah, so I feel like he
has a right to kind of maybe say that stuff
more because he has one. I don't like when girls
do it, but for some reason, when gay guys do it.
It's not my favorite, but that's I'm not shaming you,

(49:55):
big boy. Really I appreciate it. I mean, let's be honest.
This guy's got his this guy has he's punching down,
which right, well, he also said he's a grandma on
the suburbs of Chicago. He's maybe he was having a
bad day and like needed like was maybe I get
it and listen and this he did not mean to

(50:16):
sturb drama. But what about Peter is like that though
I don't I don't. I don't think that necessarily that's
what I'm saying. I think it might just be. But
to me, the height he has total b d E
to me, um, Peter, what because could it be the
high thing? Because Peter and the cameras kind of blurred out,
like the high difference between me and is very tall.

(50:37):
Me is like five eleven and Peter's probably I'm hepe
blind as you know, thank God, I know. Um, but
I'm guessing Peter's like five nine ten. I don't know,
but he literally could be six too. I don't like
that's it's not gonna seems smaller than most of the
other guys out there. I would say that he's probably
five eight, but I actually maybe I don't know anything,

(50:59):
but as as a lady who's been with shorter guys
that has nothing to do with with just you know,
spiritually like been standing next to one thing that when
I feel they're penis scene, I didn't expect. I love
my fans, that's a nice, great nat come on. Um.

(51:25):
One thing I didn't expect was to like so many
of the guys on the show. I know, aren't they nice?
A few of them are just like these guys are great.
They're like funny, they're like so natural and so like
so much of themselves and you just don't expect. You
think they're all just going to be a bunch of
d bags, but so much of them are like cool Mercedes,
like Mercedes, who is the biggest f boy, and like

(51:46):
you watch him and you just go, God, this fucking snake,
you know what, There's something endearing about him. Remember when
Lukaj during the Man Splin comes out as bisexual and
announces that he has attracted to Mercedes. Mercedes is a
very straight man, and I was very scared during that
moment on the show that Mercedes was going to like
be like that's some gay ship. Don't fucking involve me
in that, and like lash out because I had heard

(52:08):
rumors that Mercedes had sort of a temper kind of thing,
which was addressed on the show and which we saw
on the show. So I was very nervous about that,
but I love there was something that made me love
Mercedes so much when he just goes, I like you,
I like you too, lukas well, thanks Lukaj, and then
he con just eat accepted it. He didn't have this
like a lot of and I know that in black
culture there is a lot of like anything gay is

(52:31):
like fuck you like it's it's it's different. I've I've
heard that. Maybe I'm totally off base, but I've heard that,
you know, that's why the downlow exists, like men are
not able to be openly gay or like you know,
even a little bit stigma. Yes, And so I even
and he was able to take that and handle that situation.

(52:52):
He seems like the the smoothest person alive alive for sure.
And you know what, as much as I'm like, I
don't like how he you know, talk to people, you know,
wh when he calls people a fucking idiot or calls
him goofy and like it's just like I'm you know,
I'm fifty point lead. I didn't like all that. There's
something about me that goes this gut. This kid has

(53:14):
been told he's a fucking I need a lot in
his life, and I feel sad for him, but that
doesn't excuse it. But there's something I can something hearing
things about the F boy. I think to be an
F boy, you have to be to be an F
boy at the at the level that those guys are,
there has to be something a little bit broken about you, right,
like you to to need all the stands for fragile.
Oh yeah, that's really good. Who music leaser? Who are

(53:36):
some of your favorite F boy Do you remember any
of their names? Like? Are there guys you're rooting for
that You're like, I already she loved the comedian Benedict, which,
by the way, Benedict, but I don't see the last one, Benedict.
If you come, I'm only keeping one toward date UM
because I'm getting vocal surgery UM in early September. I'm
only keeping one date. I'm kind of clearing my schedule,

(53:57):
so there's going to be rescheduling for a lot of shows. Um,
but September two in Vegas. I am keeping that. I
thought I thought I was. I didn't even realize it
was a date that anyway, September two in Vegas, if
you come to see me, you will see Benedict Pelosi
for me. So it's going to be an f boys show.
I'm very excited to have him on the show. I

(54:19):
think people are going to be so excited to watch
him because we you're so funny on the show, and
we wanted to get a chance to see but I
want to get a chance to see a stand up
I know from experience that the way you're portrayed on
reality TV isn't necessarily the way you are in real life.
But I think Benedict came off every I'm rooting for
him big time in all in every single situation. Yeah,

(54:39):
he seems like a really good guy. Picked him from
the get go, Well, I have a nice guy, honestly,
I liked him well that kind of A did a
Q and A the other day on Instagram and it
was something about like, you know, uh, tell some jokes
about the show or something, and he was like nicky
glazer Um gave the as the energy of um a

(55:01):
substitute teacher who would try to suck your dad or
something like that, and I was like, I was just
having a bad morning. I was like in a depressed mood,
and I was like, this guy's calling me old, like
I'm gonna suck your dad, Like why why wouldn't I
try to fund my students? Like I was offended that
he was like making like, you know, just and then
someone was like, but he said substitute teacher, that kind
of means younger. And I was like looking at as

(55:21):
I'm old, and I was just like, funck this, and
I was mad, and so I wrote underneath it, um, oh,
thanks for laughing after all of your punchlines, so we
know went to laugh otherwise we wouldn't know or something
like that because he has the comedian that he does
this really great laugh And honestly, I was just lashing out.
And then I took a shower and I was like

(55:42):
still kind of like fucking mad about it and being
like I'm old because I woke up on the wrong
side of the fucking bed, my craftmatic adjustable bed because
I'm old, and I was like, how do I do that? Oh?
My good and so I wrote to him and I said, Benedict,
that was so uncalled for. I just erased the comment.
He goes, why did you raise that? That was the
best thing ever that's ever happened to me. You roasted me.

(56:03):
I took so much events to it though, because I
was having a bad day and and the reason he's
opening for me now is because I was like, I'm
just mad at you for because of my own ship,
and I was like, come open for me, like, so
it was kind of beautiful that this thing where I got.
And I appreciate any of these guys anyone talking about me. Ever,
I swear to God, even if you say something bad

(56:24):
about me, I appreciate it because it's acknowledging I exist,
which is also is my what I want essentially, you know.
And it was it was a playful joke. I roasted
these guys so fucking hard every night when they like
had their these they were like everyone like, I posted
a joke last night that I did and people were like, oh,
the guys, their reaction to it wasn't that great. And

(56:45):
I'm like, they put up with so much ship. They
would come out for these elimination rounds and they were
like so tense and like they're worried about the show,
their in love with this girl. And I'm like, oh
my my period is tonight, and you guys look like
you're farting a lot. Like they were just like oh God,
like can we not? That's a good point. You are
kind of mean to them. So I'm going to take
back what I had to say. It's not a good show.

(57:09):
Final thought. Let's next, next man Fras. Okay, let's go
with Aaron. Hey, Nikki, Andrew and Noah. This is bestie
Aaron from Charleston, South Carolina. UM, I have a suggestion
maybe for uh, I don't know, maybe just like a

(57:30):
good game or short segment of like lies parents told
us as kids that you learned later on into adulthood,
We're just so not true. Um. One of what one
of mine is when I was younger, I desperately wanted
to try out for American Idol and I am a
terrible singer. Um, this memory just came back. I was

(57:53):
belt in the lyrics to You and I Both by
Jason raz And Yeah, that was one that I used
to record myself into my Pink Razor and my poor family. Um,
it got to the point where they told me that
it was impolite to sing indoors, so if I wanted
to practice my vocals, I had to do it in
the backyard. And to I mean, well, into my adulthood,

(58:17):
I thought that it was horribly rude to break into
song indoors. Anyways, Yeah, there's a lot, but I love
you guys so much, um, and I would love to
hear your versions of what your parents told you. Uh
signing off you and I both, Jason Mraz Um, I

(58:39):
love you so much. First of all, I sang you
and I both with Jason Miraz at that show in
San Diego, and I love it so much because you
and I. Yeah, but it starts. Was it you who
spoke the words that things would happen just so? To me, well,
things both. This is so rude. I'm singing indoors. Um.

(59:02):
I had a similar thing to this when I remember
singing in front of you and Dad at one point,
and you guys said, you know where you should sing
is the bathroom because the acoustics are better, And so
you sent me away to the bathroom and I was
in there, and I realized as I was in there,
I put it together that they wanted to watch the

(59:24):
TV show they were watching, and they wanted me to
get out of the red out of there because it
does have great acoustics. It's that's it's true. It's true.
I love this question. We've done we've done it on
our show before, and somebody texted in our show and
I love this one so much. So obviously, like the
you know, every summer, the ice Cream Man comes around
and it's like it's hell for parents apparently, I don't know,

(59:46):
you know, like brandowners. Yeah, it's just like but it's
also like disrupts the entire family. They do it at
dinner time and all this stuff. And somebody in like
you know, Columbia, Illinois or something, Breeze or something, said
that their parents told them that when they heard the
ice Cream Man song, it meant they were out of
ice cream. That is so so they only played this

(01:00:08):
song when they're Oh my god, that is brilliant. That's
pretty brilliant. I'm trying to think of one's stand for
me was a huge, huge, I mean we went to
to this day about it. Well, we wanted you were
so in love with Santa and the Easter Bunny and
it wasn't. It was just like I liked him, like, yeah,

(01:00:32):
you were in love with him. My favorite, one of
my favorite things that it's that I've ever witnessed was
at Nikki at Lauren's wedding. Nikki did a whole big
speech and part of her speech was, you know, Lauren
did everything before me, and like, obviously Lauren got married
before you, and Lauren does all these things before me.
She's doing this before me, but run because she's my
younger sister. Yeah, because she's my younger sister. And she

(01:00:54):
found out that Santa Claus wasn't real before me, which
is like embarrassing, but at what they were kids at
the wedding, so they found out I found out from
my fucking best woman's speech or whatever the funk it was.
Who cares they were crying in the bathroom. Honestly, it's
better than you know now because later on they're going
to feel so disappointed when they're in fifth grade and

(01:01:16):
they finally find out that Santa isn't real. It was
a tough revelation for you. What about you, Mrs Glazier,
because you would have had things that were from like, no,
she existed. She was one of ten. They didn't. They
there was some hard truth. If anything, they didn't lie
to her. They was they never told you remember anything
like something they told us that would have been. We

(01:01:37):
just gave several examples. Yeah, I know, not really. They
really never talked to you. They never really they didn't know.
My mom would just run around the neighborhood and like,
it is a miracle you weren't molested, And I think
maybe I was. It was like the seventies though, So
were there any like old times where they like it,
don't get don't get hig in your own supply. No.

(01:01:59):
When I was really young, I mean I was five
and six, my mother said, you never met a stranger.
And I'm like, well, god damn it, Mom, you let
me sit at the bus stop and go home with
strangers and go get a cookie. But what she meant
was you never met like everyone was your friend, and
that is what she meant. But what she should be

(01:02:20):
saying is don't talk to strangers. But it said she
was like, you love strangers, and we just let you
go off with any strangers. Did I knew everyone on
our street. I've been in their head intimately. The one
thing that and they've been in you intimately. I will say.
The one thing that I remember my mom telling me
as a young kid, and I've said this before, is
that if you go we lived on a river, Nikki,

(01:02:44):
if you go down to the river, had to I said,
you will die. So Miami, you go across that street,
you will fall down and you it wasn't you might die,
you will you will ever see us again. I had
to scare that. That's what she would say to me.
I had to do it. But I think that was

(01:03:05):
like like the undertone of your entire relationship with your mom,
like through your childhood. Because you're dangerous was your first word,
and like everything was out together. We moved on a
white water river and she could have died, but hey,
she's not wrong. Could have died. But then the Ira
way of my dad would come home from work and

(01:03:26):
want to go kayaking and go, Nick, come, let's go
in the canoe. Well that was fish and I would go, yes,
that's why you hate me wanting to climb out. That's
like there was this one time. There was this one
time that I was with Sabrina Julie's walking in Brooklyn

(01:03:47):
and we came across these little girls that were probably
like four years old, two little girls four years old,
and they were on Razor scooters, their little Razor scooters,
and they were going so fast and they were busy
busy roads, I mean, and these girls definitely shouldn't have
been out. They got out and they just like went
on a little adventure just you know, probably a couple
of blocks from their apartment. But I started chasing them

(01:04:08):
because they were going so fast, and I was like,
these girls don't have a chap around. There's no one inside.
What do you mean? I'm just kidding. So I went
and I and I and I chased them because I
was like I need to find out where they're going.
And these girls, no one's watching. So I chased them.
They went back to their house. I went up to
the door and I was like, were you or I

(01:04:31):
on the street. I was like, girls, are is anyone?
Are you with anyone? They were like our mom our
babysitters inside. And so I went up to the porch
and I was like, hey, these girls got out in there.
She was like ohsh and she seemed to be alarmed,
and um but I no, no, actually they said she's inside.
And the girls went inside and through the screen door.
I said, girls, if you ever do that again. And

(01:04:53):
Sabrina witnessed this, and this was before I put together
my mom's kind of like weird warnings for me. I said,
if you ever do that again, you will die. Didn't
these are very These were roads that were like I'm
not getting you, like Manchester Road, like four miles right
outside their door, and I go, you will die. And
I went back to the street after I said that.

(01:05:14):
These girls are looking at me through the screen door
that they've run inside because a woman was chasing them.
And they're in the screen door just like look at me,
like shaking like and I go, you will die. Do
not ever go out without an adult ever, ever? Ever?
And I went back to the street and Sabrina and
her wife Shawna, We're just like, Nikki, what was that?
That was really disturbing And they were both like that

(01:05:36):
was And I was like, what was wrong with Like
I had no idea what I had done. And they
were like, you told them they would die if they
go outside. And I was like, but yeah, because that's
going to scare them from going out and doing something
where they'll die. I mean, we've come full circle. You
cannot do K two, you will die twenty five percent chance.
All right, guys, we gotta go. Um, thank you so
much for watching the show listening to the show. Have

(01:05:57):
such a great weekend, don't, Pika and Jack you join
her Curtsey Andrews roots brother

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Nikki Glaser

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