#260 Horse Head w/ Ben Gleib

Nikki and Andrew have another dose of fun with Ben Gleib. He drops a huge truth bomb on his warming up theory that Nikki has been living by. It all leads to a story about doing drugs with a homeless man in Amsterdam. Nikki is excited to be on vocal rest because it will give her more of a reason to zone out in the elevator. Andrew tries to manifest a new penis. Nikki admits that women find it hard to ask guys to use condoms, Ben and Andrew admit that men want sex no matter what. In Fanthrax, Besties leave voicemails about rectal care, fighting rudeness with kindness and learning dirty words by accident.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nicky. Hello here, I am
welcome to the show. It's Nicki Glazer Podcast. It's Thursday.
I'm in studio in St. Louis. Just got back flew
in Landed about an hour and fifteen minutes ago. Um,

(00:20):
I am in studio with Andrew Colin here in my
apartment and joining us via zoom. Um is uh Noah
of course in Arizona. And then also um repeat guest
from yesterday's show. We're so glad to have him back.
He feels like just so much a part of the show.
The fabric of our show he has just woven in already.
It's on Ben Gleeb, who has a special out on

(00:42):
YouTube right now called The Mad King, and it's on
YouTube for free. Make sure you watch it. It might
be Shadow Band. We don't know any any updates, Ben.
All I know is after your podcast yesterday, the views
have gone up somewhat significantly. So whether I'm still shadow
Band or not, it is is working. You're Ben was

(01:04):
so funny yesterday. He was like, you know, on your
long flight, a great way to pass the time is
to finish a third of a special. Did you finish it?
You know, well, that was the point. It was. I'm
trying to be funny with that, trying to get you
to watch the last third. I'm going on. Honestly, I
can never watch my I never finished things, but I

(01:25):
have every intent to finish it. And um, I even
talked to my parents about it today and I was like,
you gotta watch Ben Special. You're gonna love it so
much so Nikki's defense, it's a short flight. I slept
the whole time it was this morning, and watching it
at one point seven speed, you could have finished it ninetyds. Instead,
I watched Sam Harris on this. Um, do you know
these guys the trigger nometry? Guys, it feels like guys

(01:49):
you would know, but it sounds like a tyler. You're
not supposed to say out loud or let this I know.
I got really nervous as I said it. You guys
listening to I was watching Sam Harris on that. I'm
gonna send it to you, Ben, because I really want
to hear your your your thoughts about well. Can I
tell you some of the words that I wrote down
that I heard that I loved that were so hard
for me to like, I want to use in my

(02:11):
in my daily speech a little bit more. Yes, even
though I feel like Sam talks way too slow and
it's a little self indulgent, but go ahead, he does.
But there's no arms and he's very so it feels
like he's trying to suck me the whole time he talks.
He's always like, I know, I kind of like it. Yeah,
I think you want to fuck him. I think he's
actually getting to you, and your dick gets a little
hard and you don't and you question yourself whether in

(02:32):
this video too, he thinks. So I gotta say it
looks hot. Could I refer to him in my own
mind as Sam hairless? Oh, he's hair full in this
he's got a good head that trigger on a try. Okay,
I was trying so hard to think of one for

(02:52):
geometry and I couldn't. Um No, okay, here's some words. Vitiate.
Vitiate that word. I don't think that's real. It means
to destroy. This is a game where words you say
are not real. No, these are real. VISI we don't

(03:14):
look like you're like if you're about to like be
like a lion judge in a tennis match. Oh to
spoil or impair the quality or efficiency of to vitiate. Okay,
invidious videos in a tennis match? And videos is a
new Russell brand movie? That's right? Mayor album? Are you

(03:36):
not lacking vocabulary? Invidious? It's a car. It's a kind
of car. It's a computer, computer brand um likely to
arouse or incur resentment or anger in others? Invidious, that's
a good word. It's is there a videos? Is there
a common there? Is it likely to arouse or cause anger?

(03:59):
Or arouse anger, likely to arouse or incur resentment or anger?
So arouse anger not? And then atomized atomized? What does
that mean? That means you vaporized, you get rid of atomized.
It's a guy named Adam looking through his eyes. New
special coming reduced, reduced. I got that one right, I

(04:21):
got that one right pretty much. Yeah, to like distill
something down to it's like smallest parts. Yeah, I don't know.
I'm just trying to. It's so hard to get new
vocab going in your life. I really want to be
better with words. It takes me back to what I
was saying yesterday, Like I feel like sometimes I'm just like,
but do you think that Sam Harris practices learning. No,

(04:43):
he's just well read. But also I think that the
general public is so stupid that it's I try to
not use big words very intentionally so that people know
what I'm saying. Like, there's so much disinformation in the
world now we need to make sure we say get
to everybody. So bigger words you use, you're just pleasing
yourself and maybe Google look it up, like we could

(05:05):
challenge people to do that. Well, then so we stooped
to their stoop. We break it down to its most
basic invidiousness. I don't think they don't understand. I'm just like, wow,
they're they they are so cool or like smarter than me.
I just I'm like, oh, that's a more interesting way

(05:27):
to present this. It's more it draws my focus more.
I don't know. I like when people I don't think
there's any part of Sam Harris who's like, look, how smarter.
He just uses these words like they are. You know,
some people will speak with quotes. I don't really understand that,
like learning a quote just to make any quote quote

(05:50):
single quote, or something you want to do something crazy.
I don't know one thing my dad. I don't have one.
Like my dad always said, really I don't have one
of those. My dad said, I'm not gonna be home
tonight for dinner. Okay he said that with a look Andrew,
or just with not being there, car phone off the line.

(06:12):
Can you do that? What did your dad always say? That?
Always said go to the dance with the girl who
brought you. But I think he's getting it wrong because
why is the girl bringing me to the dance. And
if you're already at the already at the dance with
the girl, you already did go there with her. So
what's the advice? I'm not really sure, Sadie, but it

(06:33):
was was that was the pitch. What does that mean?
I guess it means like, be happy with what you
have exactly. Don't try to change, don't change a lot,
don't try to what God gave you. Come shut up
about this, You're stop it. Just be happy with what
you got. Okay, that's a good quote. I hated it

(06:53):
because it's just, you know what it is. It's admitting yeah,
so you're ugly. Just just accept it. And I don't
like that. My mom's best quote was you really are
going to keep the beard? Yeah? Pass an aggressive way
of being like you look disgusted. Oh god, well just
can say that so much, so little my mom would

(07:14):
get from her Jewish mother and then it would just pass,
and then she'd complain about how our Jewish mothers too,
you know, like you know, breaking her down, you're wearing
that dress, you're doing your hair like that. Old old
people in general, and especially Jewish grandparents had this incredible
ability to just insult you straight up and like people
can't do it anymore. They'd be like, oh, you're gaining

(07:36):
some weight. You've gained a little weight. Huh. And it's like,
I mean, I suppose, but the fuck you. There's such
a judgment about gaining weight, like it shouldn't be this
huge thing when you're a huge thing. We have so
we have, so we have so much um shame around,

(07:59):
Like what it means if you've gained weight. It means
you're lazy, It means you don't care about yourself or
other people. It means you're just a glutton. Like there's
so many sins that are checked off if you've gained weight,
when really it's like, I don't know, there's something about
it that when I've gained weight, it means like I'm
so embarrassed, like everyone's going to think that I'm because
my biggest fear is being lazy. But the thing is,

(08:20):
people that gain weight are not lazy, and it's just
such a you know, misconception, I think. But that is
my biggest fear of being deemed lazy in some way,
and not just about gaining weight. But I mean, I
don't think gaining way as an indicator that you're like
particularly like on top of things or a go getter.
But it doesn't necessarily mean you're lazy. To me, it does, know.

(08:40):
I feel like most people that gain weight are stressed
out about the life that they have. That is so
I mean, there of course there are people that just
could that cause laziness. See I think that's where I
get hung up, because yes, the first part, but then
it causes them to be late, like need a lot
and you become your blood it's coagulated. You don't really

(09:01):
want to work out and move, and it begets laziness
because you can't move as much. But gaining weight is
just it's it's because food is the cheapest and most
affordable and accessible drug and unregulated drug. Everyone's in pain.
Everyone wants to escape their egos and their psyches and
feeling bad about themselves and the stress of life and
work and everything and money, and the only thing to

(09:24):
necessitize it is either get wasted, which is as much
quicker um consequences in your life than stuff in your face.
It's like when you stuff your face, you feel like ship,
but it doesn't show up for a while, Like it's
food is just this drug that we don't really track.
But when I see someone who's over, you know, morbidly overweight,
which I think, I don't think these people like that term.

(09:45):
I rarely go, oh, they have a thyroid condition. I
just go there in pain and they're just trying their
their drug addict. And I don't feel any kind of
like judgment of like that lazy pizza ship. I'm just like,
that's what I do with pot or you know whatever.
What does it mean to you that that you just
did that rand about how how food is this this

(10:07):
very destructive drug? And it just made me very hungry. Yeah,
I mean because I was not deterred at all. It's soothing.
Have you had breakfast? Yeah? Quick? Because we need That's
the only thing. You don't need heroin to survive. That's
The difficult thing about food is that it's hard to
put it. It can't quit cold turkey, no pun intended.
I think I would eat heroin if it was mayonnaise

(10:29):
was in its interesting Yeah, sandwich yeah, or salad, that's
not a bad idea, chop it up. I think they're
doing the whole needle thing. Just put some heroin on
a nice uh, doing like crack or heroin because I
think that people are it's it's it's out there more

(10:51):
than we think, or meth even in college or a
kind of a few kids that like, we get really
fucked up on every other drug. And then they were like, well,
what the the last thing to do is buy crack
off a guy in an alley. Yeah, there's always a
guy in an alley. Yeah, I don't dude, I did
crack last night. What was it like? I don't know,
the rest of my life also horrible. So it's it

(11:11):
tastes really bad, it smells and tastes disgusting. Interesting. Yeah,
I did close as I came. I did speed in
a in a park in Amsterdam with a homeless guy.
There's always a homeless man involved when there's these go back. Yeah,
but let's get us there when you were able to
finally speak. No, this was actually the same night that

(11:33):
that I figured out how to not be cold. I
don't not be cold? Is it really? It is the
same night. So this thing and with a homeless guy
on speed Benley has changed my life. With this little
life act where if you're ever cold, all you have
to do is think about the fact that your blood

(11:54):
is probably around point six degrees, where if you drew
a bath that was point six degrees would be fairly comfortable.
I mean, that's a war even if you were in
the snow, Even if you're outdoors in the snow and
that's just external and your blood is inside your body.
Think of that having like this piping of like this
hot liquid going through you. Instantly you get warmer. It

(12:15):
is a great life hack. It will keep you warm
in the winter months that are never coming because the
world is heating. But so you learned this from the
homeless man. No, No, I just I realized that separately.
I was tripping on mushrooms in Vonde Park in Amsterdam.
I was with my girlfriend the time, and during the
course of this very long night we ended up doing
we were we were smoking weed, and mushrooms. I did

(12:39):
a little speed with this homeless guy in the park.
We've befriended him. We'd like to do speed. What do
you smoke it or you no? No? I think we
just I think snorted it. I think we snorted it.
Did you go to him or did he come to you?
Or when he came over? And he came over into
this little playground we were playing in and he gave
me a gift of a crushed gold ring when we
first met him, and so I trusted him because he

(13:00):
gave me a gift, and normally homeless people ask her
stuff and don't give you stuff. And so I liked
him a lot. And then and then he invited us
to see his home in the park under a huge umbrella.
Then he invited us onto his house boat that he
was squatting illegally on and he had a brand new
bottle of Konyak and books, and we snuck into this
boat and that night ended up with him with my
girlfriend I inviting him back to our hotel room. There's

(13:22):
five star hotel room, and we and I got engaged
briefly that night as well. Well, he was in our
bathroom and then yeah, it was with the ring that
he gave you, the ring that he gave me. Yeah,
with the ring that he gave because I realized I
got a ring and it was this magical night and
I've been thinking about asking her to marry my god,
and he was in the bathroom, was like, I feel

(13:45):
how old were you? And then what happened with that engagement?
Like did you wake up the next day and you're like, oh, God,
like pretty much? Was she still psyched or we're going
to let that one pass? Well? She was? She was
like So the whole trip we stayed in in like
budget it was like fifty dollar a night, like terrible hotels.

(14:05):
But then she was pretty well off my ex girlfriend.
She was a TV host and like this model and
very successful exactly and I wasn't. But she treated us
for the last night of the trip to this like
five dollar a night hotel. And so we invited this
guy to come experience luxury because he'd been living in
the streets or whatever and he was afraid he was
gonna die. And when the when it started snowing in Amsterdam,

(14:27):
so I went went to an eight t M and
I gave him five dollars and like saved his life,
we could go to Spain and live in in Spain.
He end up sending me a postcard from Spain, so
I think we did say it was but sweet. But
then he came to our hotel room, and everybody in
the hotel thought we were about to fund this guy
for sure, because why why are we bringing him in there?
And I told him, like, go enjoy the bathroom for
like an hour, shower and shave and use the bathrobes

(14:49):
and hang out on some private time. Come out and
murder us if he want. Yeah, Well, I put a
coffee can on top of a chair under the door
knob so I would hear if he came out of
the bathroom. Oh that was a little bit of as trust,
thank you, thank you. And while he was in there,
I was like, oh my god, he gave and just
to collect change if he wanted to panhandle. Are you

(15:11):
hearing what's coming out? This makes a complete sense to
mere knowing. Ben Glee like makes friends everywhere he goes,
never met a stranger, like especially a younger Ben on
speed mean this is textbook. Yeah, and then okay, and
then to give the guy five Spain would do the

(15:32):
same thing. But that was a mistake. It was a
mistake because it paid off in this story. That's true.
But but but the part two of that, just to
flash forward quickly. We then we came back. We're having
lunch of my parents and I like, very proudly and
my girlfriend and I were at lunch, and I very
proudly told them them them the story of of of

(15:52):
giving this guy five hundred bucks. My parents jaw dropped.
They were like, I said it with pride, and they
were like, you're broke. You can't afford that. So you're
gonna go on a ten dollar a day budget from
now on for the next year. Jewish parents just being rude, Yeah,
ruining my vibe. And so I did it. And that
happens when you tell your parents something and then or
anyone something and you're like look at this thing and

(16:12):
they go, wait, what did you do? And it's like yeah, yeah, okay,
so keep it. So my girlfriend was actually cool because
like she lived in the house. She was just you know,
famous TV host, she had Aston Martin and she was
cool with living. Sure. Yeah, she's a wonderful human. Courtney Hanson,
Yeah remember dating her. Yeah, Yeah, while we were dating,

(16:35):
she was the she was one of the hundred sextiest
woman in the world on f h M. So that was,
oh my god, that was the thing. But so she
was like and she was a little older than me,
and I don't know if I should have said that.
And so she you know, she was cool with the
duck grape yesterday. Unfortunately she was and I want to

(16:58):
I want to get ahead of this. Well, I mean,
for also, she only has one vagina. Just for the record,
that you know about that guy that look pretty Oh,
but that brings up a thing, so back to back
to that. So then she's back in the room. Then

(17:21):
was at least he's not before my money and my
old eyes or whatever. O my god. So he's in
the bathroom and I realized he gave me this ring,
and I wanted to ask her marry me. So I
asked her to marry me, and she says yes. And
then the guy comes out and I have him talking together.
Four months. Oh that's pretty long. That's a good point.

(17:44):
And then and then he like hugs me to celebrate,
and they hugs her, and then the next morning the
blooms like totally off the road. She tells me, just
so you know when he hugged me, he kind of
rubbed his finger up my asshole and I was like,
oh oh my god, met him woman and you up correct.
I was like, well you're you're now no good to me.

(18:06):
And it comes back to your dad. Go to the
asshole with the finger that brought you there. And with that,
we gotta go to break. We'll be right back with
more ben Ley after that the bad Gang. All right,
that was fast, Well it was a fast P. I

(18:27):
just took a p on the break. We're back. Um,
I didn't wash my hands. I just want to be
clear about that, so no one hadn't didn't know because
I was just inspired by the homeless hand your hands, well,
my asshole, you can graze it. I'm Nicky Grazer. I'm
just picturing my picturing eating backs back. What actually is

(18:54):
turning me on? Oh my god? Oh no, what is back?
Is men telling just being creeps? Or maybe I'm just
like putting out a vibe or something. But you know,
I went to through the airport t s A the
other day with a mask on. Also, the guy that
was checking my I d had a mask on and
he goes smile to me. He does mean to smile,

(19:16):
and I go, you smile, Like after it took me
about three seconds to get the courage to be like,
I'm not going to have this asshole tell me to smile.
You're going through. So that's a t s a officer,
and maybe you shouldn't get an attitude with them, but
I'm also like fuck you. So I go through and
give my DNA. He goes smile and I go and
he's just a little twerp and I go, you smile

(19:37):
and he goes, I do. And I was like, that's
a good point, like I am or something. And I
was like, okay, that reminder. I told her girl one time,
like you have contacts in and she goes, you have
contacts and it was just like an ultimate response where
you didn't argue that back. Oh yeah, yeah, it was
like you do you do? That's how it feels. So wait,
so what? And then and then there's this guy in

(19:59):
our building that I can't stop seeing. I see no
one in I don't even see you. I don't see
anyone in our building. Who Yeah, well he's not like
it's just no. He's always holding the door open for me,
waiting for me to come through the door. My day

(20:20):
is hello, holding a package. I've got a big little girl.
I've got a big package for you, miss Glazers. Yeah.
I know, it's just it's and he's totally harmless and
he's probably sweet, but there's this thing that I really
don't like when men get like, um, the attitude with
you of like cheer up, like what's going on? Like

(20:42):
I was just in I just saw him for the
third I think it's been three times that I've encountered
this man. And he outside he said hey, neighbor. One
time to me and I was kind of like, oh ho, Hi.
Another time it was just a just a basic encounter,
and then this time he was just like, well, you're
really zoning out there. And I'm like, I'm in an elevator.
Am I supposed to look at you? I'm looking at

(21:02):
when you are in an elevator, do you look around? Yeah?
You try to end this as quick as possible and
you and he's like, well, there's a lot of luggage,
Like there's always these like negs of like how long
were you gone? Like this this new baggage? Uh yeah, yeah.
I hate elevator jokes. I get mad when I don't
get hit on? Is this what getting hit on? Ut?

(21:24):
Because I don't know, Well, you used a lot. I mean,
if you're gonna be so incredibly judgmental of any attempt
to talk to you, it's gonna discourage people from saying
that is a good point. Okay, but just friendly Hello's
not just this like let me figure something out to
make this girl feel bad about herself? Is that maybe
not the approach? Zoning out? It's not a nice thing

(21:46):
to say, Well, you're really zoning out there. It's like,
what do you I'm always supposed to be smiling and
like just happy about the world. It's like, I will
you're creeping me out? Why that is beating you down?
Would you like to fuck? Yes? Doesn't have a lot
of lines. You can tell that he's trying his best.

(22:07):
So maybe I shouldn't be so judgmental, but I just
don't want to. Can't we all just not talk to
each other? Yeah? I wonder if it's a forward preconceived
like I'm gonna neg this girl to get her attention.
Do you feel like it's more or is it just
like a friendly kind of hey neighbor listening that are

(22:28):
so like, what do I do. How do I talk
to a woman if it's not meeting on the apps?
Like what do you say at the grocery store? It's
like saying something nice is maybe a better approach than
saying something negative. Of Like if he could have been like,
where are you coming from? That would have been I
wouldn't be commenting on it right now. I really wouldn't be.
Like there's this creep that asked me where I was
coming from. I really don't think I would. It's this

(22:49):
like negative thing. I'm looking forward. I'm going on vocal rest,
like for three weeks, zero talking, not allowed to make
a fucking peep. I mean, you gotta film this. I
think I know I kind of want to document it.
You should definitely document this. I'm getting vocal cord surgery
on September eighth, and um, it will be three weeks

(23:10):
of no speech at all, not a peep, not a laugh,
not a clearing my throat, nothing. I've got a shirt
that says I'm on vocal rest. Can't don't talk to me?
That says don't talk to me? Can you sneeze? You know,
deaf people do not make a sound when they sneeze,
so sneezing and going is an affect that we take on. Yeah,

(23:32):
isn't that interesting while you're while you're on vocal rest,
can you go up to duck rape? Yep, I want
to make that. Didn't stop on that. Make sure people
do that. But when you're on vocal rest, it's also
my advice to women about avoiding rape. Duck rape, smart,
very smarty. That's a good campaign. That's a good that's

(23:53):
going to be my be best if I'm ever first
lady duck scrape. While you're on vocal restaur you're gonna
go up to people in the hand them pamphlets three
and ask for as for donations. Oh yeah, they do
that right that? No mute people that shirt, that shirt,
do not wear that shirt. I don't think you should
wear that shirt. Well, because it's like a reverse psychology thing.

(24:16):
Everyone's gonna come up. Do you go, Oh you can't
do no, no, no, no no no. It feels like
the problem. I was on vocal rest recently for a
week where I did not I tried my best. I
could talk, but I was trying my best not to
and it was such a struggle being like even being
with friends who I was like, will you talk for me?
Being with my mom, she would just talk too much.

(24:37):
She would start asking. We were checking into a hotel
so I could go to this E n T to
go get my you know, surgery preop meeting. And we're
checking in this hotel in Boston, and my mom is
checking us in. She can't understand the woman's accent. Already
we're having issues where the woman's like two keys. My
Mom's like what turkeys. It was just like, oh my god, yea,

(24:58):
the classic Boston accent, and it was just already struggle.
I like, if it were me, I would be like, okay,
there's already a language barrier here. I'm struggling. I feel
stupid that I don't know her language. I don't want
to make her feel bad. I'm going to try to
keep this as minimal as possible. But my mom, the
woman's talking about the amenities and she's like, unfortunately, our
restaurant is closed right now. And my mom goes, why

(25:19):
why why do you need to know that I love
a hotel restaurant? Why is it closed? And looked at her.
I shot daggers into her face because I can't talk,
and I'm just like you're talking for me, and you're
talking so I just want to go. We had a
long travel day. Why is it that parents need to know?

(25:42):
But now you know reason people ask questions like that,
do they expect to change the restaurant's mind? Like, you
know what, You're right, this is a mistake. We're reopening
it up asking you know, I'm gonna call the chef.
I'm gonna get in here. The purpose of it. Wife
died an hour ago, but gonna get him back. What
answer was going, what did you want from that? What's

(26:05):
the best case scenario for that? Answer from my mom?
And she was just like, I just was curious. Why
would a restaurant be close. It's like, I don't know
because you and dad don't tip en off and people
are walking out of these minimum wage jobs and you
guys treat them that, you yell at them. When did Yeah?

(26:26):
I looked at her, I started talking. I go, I
think we're done here. You don't need to know, and
she goes, I want to know, And then and then
my dad. You know, my flight got sucked up yesterday
because the people that were booking my flight misunderstood if
I wanted to come back tomorrow and if tomorrow meant
today or whatever, because it was around it was like
around twelve thirty at night, midnight past midnight when I

(26:48):
was booking it, and I said tomorrow, and they thought
tomorrow meant the dick day because we were already in
tomorrow whatever. And my dad the next day I told him, Hey,
I'm my parents stayed in l A till today as well,
and they were gonna stay an extra day. I was
gonna leave early. And I wrote to them and said, hey,
I'm actually staying. I'm gonna leave with you, guys. I'm
saying an extra day. And my dad goes and I said, oh,
you know, the flight's got sucked up. And he was

(27:09):
like why what? Who? Who? Who messed it up? And
I'm like, what, why does it matter to you that?
That is the thing that I can't stand, Like, I
love my parents so much, they are so desperate to
place blame. They want they want to find a scapegoat.
They need to know whose fault it was, because in
my family, and I think in a lot of families,

(27:31):
it's like everyone is so worried that they didn't do
anything wrong, it was because of something else. And I go,
I go what could I say that will make you?
What's what do you need to know here? Who that
who fucked up? Like I guess maybe I don't know
who's your flights? Nick I mean, what's going on there?
I heard you tell the girl last night that you
wanted to flight tomorrow, so you need to reconfirm with her.

(27:51):
Did she not do it right? And I go, so
you want to be mad at her? Do you want
me to put the blame on her? Secret? It's like
where maybe you're parents are secretly like like mob life
down low and they're like, really fucking up these people
that are mentioning with your life, and they're like, just
tell me your name, And all of a sudden, she's
gone looking out for a horse. As this is like,

(28:14):
this is like Dexter. Your dad is Dexter and he
kills anyone that wrongs you a little bit. But I'm
going on vocal rest and I'm looking forward to it.
I mean, that's three or three weeks is insane. Everyone's like, Nicky,
I'm so sorry, and I'm like, this is your burned
face moment. This you know how You're always like, oh
if I just burned my face, I don't have to

(28:36):
do anything. This is your moment to have you have
an ultimate excuse. This is the ultimate it is I am.
I'm so excited too for what it's going to bring
out in me, because it's going to be kind of
fucked up. Like I think you're you know these people
people go in silent retreats on you would go in
silent retreats for like five days and come out of

(28:56):
it and like have a go death or whatever it was,
you know. And so I do think that I'm going
to learn more about myself, about others. I'm going to
learn how to listen more and and observe more that
I think it's going to be a struggle for sure,
to not be able to communicate. But I found that
when I was just trying to be quiet the past
couple of weeks. It is so I had on my phone,

(29:18):
like on my you know, face plate on my phone
it said I'm on vocal rest, can't talk sorry. But
every time I tried to show it to people, there
would be an alert that pops up, so it would
be obscured and they go, what is going on? But
as soon as people saw that, I would show it
to so many people front desk of anything. Every time
show show me, Okay, you're ups front guests, Okay, what

(29:38):
can I do for me? Like they totally got it,
They totally respected it. No one was ever weird about it.
It was it was almost like beautiful how much people
wanted to help out as soon as they knew they understood.
So we have a disability at that point, like no
one's gonna go it really can't talk. And isn't it
ironic that I'm not even joking you? I think less
than a month ago, I said, I think I've been

(30:00):
interested in learning sign language recently because I think I'm
gonna need it. And this was before I ever dreamed
that I would need vocal court surgery. So is it
negative karma or positive karma? I don't know if that's
I don't know, but I think I kind of predicted
it because what the series of events that happened is
that my vocal teacher, I want my dick to get bigger. No,

(30:22):
you have to talk about a thing you might need
if your dick got bigger, like I'm learning how I
want to learn how to fill up a bigger hole?
Or what you said to what we were talking about,
I just thought it was a total non secretar I thought,
just mid vocal rest conversation, I want my dick to
get bigger. What I was trying to figure out a
way to get bigger? But yeah, I gotta fell I

(30:44):
gotta start feeling random. It's still a thing that you wish.
But aren't you don't? Aren't you happy you have the
girlfriend of your dreams? No one could, even your life
could not. How could it get better with a bigger dick?
Like these these things that we want and I have
them too, Where I'm like, if I really got that,
what's gonna fucking change for me? If you've got a
bigger Yeah, I think a lot would change. Everything would

(31:08):
change for you. Imagine your next special the things you
can talk about. Is there anything physically that you are
constantly like focused on, Ben, Like, there's men that like
are obsessed with people's hairlines, Like Andrew already commented on
your hairline. Because men are obsessed with the airlines, they're
sex with dick siye, I get it. Women are obsessed
with like, oh my god, her hair is so thick,

(31:29):
her legs are so long, she's so skinny, Like we
have our own things too. Is there anything that you
feel like, God, if you could snap your fingers and
and have about yourself, you would. Yeah. I mean, I'm
not trying to sound too shall I just wish I
had a more medium sized asshole, you know. Yeah, well
your assholes too big. Listen, I'm not gonna tell you
what end of the spectrum it is, but no, I

(31:54):
need you gotta adomize that asshole. I would like you
to officiate over my asshole. I think my my chest
is the thing that bothers me a lot. Like I
feel like I've got kind of a man boob situation
and I don't really work it out, and so I
have bad postures I think specifically kind of subconsciously because
when I lean over, like shirts come off on my

(32:14):
chest and it covers it. But then I look short
and weird, and so I should stand tall, but then
my boob stick out and it's not ideal. So that
gives me a lot of a lot of joy in
my life. Andrew has puffy nipples that he's insecure about,
and my posture similar similar stuff for my you tend
to co host had the same thing she used to
in high school. Be so insecure about her small breast

(32:35):
that she would wear baggy shirts and lean over, so
it gave the illusion that there might be big tits there.
So she has bad foster now because she was trying
at that point of stuff your bra and walk around
normal with a regular shirt or or do the classic Yeah,
that's kind of be so demoralizing at the end of
every day when you're like pulling out multiple tis and

(32:56):
you're like makeup off your face, yeah, I guess, and
seeing it all go down the training and pulling off
your eyelashes or taking out your hair extensions or just
like it's the same thing of like I'm this is
who I really am, And it was went home with
a guy and he just he stuffed his his boxers
with so much Like would you it's just multiple multiple

(33:20):
fake dicks down there, Like it's a bunch of like
padding dicks, you know, baseball donuts for when you're in
the batting. It wouldn't be okay because that would just
show it would just be like, listen, makeup isn't is
an active lie that we all kind of embrace as
a culture. Dyeing your hair, hair extensions, like these kinds
of things men know about. If it was like, no,

(33:41):
I would be very concerned about this guy's insecurities if
he was doing that, or if he had like lifts
in his shoes or something that was like come on, man,
just I took a viagrity the other day, and uh,
I had sex. I had an orgasm, and then my
penis was I had more blood in my penis than
I've ever had where I thought I needed a doctor.

(34:03):
But then I was like, wait, this is just what
happens to you know. I don't think I have that
great blood flow in my peanuts. I think that's where
the problem. Wise, I think, yeah, yeah, my blood prayer.
I actually took it the other day at the one
twenty over, Like whatever my dick gets one time, I'm happy.
I'm happy that you at least had sex. Would be

(34:23):
weird if you took my agg or just to see
it get bigger and then just walk around. I did
have done that. I jerk off in a condom first time,
that the first time you ever jerked off, or for
the first time first time just to try what a condom.
I did a test run for you before. Yeah, not
like a rubber smell in my hands. I'm not looking
for extra rubber exposure. I don't need. I don't need

(34:46):
my hand smelling like am a children's birthday party doing
balloon animals. You know what I mean. It's like a
speedway in like grease lightening, and I don't need sex
for me to sound like like I guess you'll never
I actually talked to a friend recently. Maybe you guys

(35:07):
can help me out with this. She said, she's in
her thirties and she's been hooking up a lot. She's
a single woman that just kind of got out of
a long term relationship and she's been hooking up and
men cannot get hard. They either lose it or they
just can't get hard. And she is a very beautiful girl.
And I told her, let me just see if this
is right. Is that it is not you? If anything,
it is you because you're so hot. They're nervous. And it's,

(35:28):
like I said, the same way that women, we we
sometimes get in our heads because we're so nervous that
the guy is gonna think we like taste weird or weird,
we're bad at sex, or they're gonna see her cellulate.
And sometimes I can't get wet because I'm so turned off.
I like this guy so much that I'm so in
my head and so worried that I can't get wet.
Can you imagine if you had to fill your dick

(35:49):
with blood and keep a beam supported. We just have
to get wet and you can spin on your hand
and slap it on guys. And I can't imagine it.
It's my life, I know. But it's like I think
women men get so offended when men can't get bonus.
But it's yeah, if not just get, it's keep keep
its sustainability. But and I said to her, men, is

(36:09):
this true that these are just stating men in their
thirties forties? Like these guys wouldn't be hooking up with her,
this beautiful girl if they weren't attracted to her in
the first place, right, Like the guys you're not trying
to just get. Sometimes you don't know. Sometimes you don't
know if you're attracted to somebody even though you think
that they're hot. Like I've had this issue, and I
don't know if it's true for you to Andrew. But
like when I was single, like I sometimes would have

(36:32):
that issue, but only if it was like somebody that
I like really actually wasn't that attracted to, and whenever
it was somebody I was like really attracted to, it
was never an issue ever. And so it is sometimes
just about chemistry. It's not them. They don't need to
feel bad. It's about chemistry. Sometimes it's a woman that
you are like obviously took them out, but like sometimes

(36:53):
something about the chemistry of the chemistry. Yeah, the way
that they think whatever they think is sexy just doesn't
match what you think it's sexy. Your dirty talk doesn't
match your vibes. And I'm all of a sudden, I'm like,
what you're saying and doing is not my favorite. And
you're saying she's a bad person and no one will
ever love her, right, Yeah, basically, it's just don't worry.
It's not just sexually, it's overall you're bad. Yeah you should.

(37:16):
Just there's a few things one alcohol, condom. Putting a
condom on can affect the No one's wearing those. Let's
skip that one. Going Really, everybody wears no, everyone should.
Everyone does, right, I always I don't always did. I
always did for you unless I was in a relationship,
I always did. I would not like I I look

(37:36):
back and how stupid I was and not demanding them
every single time. I really empower women to do that
and to not just let it slide. Literally, I mean
girls do it all the time. Noah, can you speak
to this of just like you just you wanted in
the moment, almost as much as men do. When you

(37:56):
are stupid enough to put your dick in something that
you don't know and you go, did I do that?
It's like you get so horny that you're just like,
I don't need a condom? Who cares, Noah, or you
just think that like, oh, well he knows best, so
he would know to put one on. Yeah, And then
it's like he doesn't feel awkward bringing it up. Yeah,
And I know myself doesn't have any diseases, and so
if he's not putting on a condom, he must not

(38:17):
have diseases, because otherwise he would protect me from that
because he cares so much about me, this guy who's drunken.
I just remember talking to a friend where I had
for a long time, I just had this idea of
women never would never choose to hurt you or like
would never lie to you. So like I remember this
woman was like, hey, you want to put your mother

(38:38):
look where'd you get that? She never told me to
put a condom on, so she couldn't get wet if
I had an hair on my face. I'm not talking
about her busy. I'm talking about the wine in her glass. Anyways,
so so so um the girl was like, hey, do

(39:01):
you have a condom? And I was like I was
telling someone this story and I was like, oh, she
must have thought I had a disease. And they were like, no,
she might be worried about giving you something. And it
was like the first time like I ever thought like, oh,
you're asking me to put a condom on because you
might have something to give me. I always saw it
as like, you don't want to get something from me.

(39:22):
I don't know, it's an interesting that I could give
to a guy. I would not just be like, we're
a condom. I would tell him what I had, or
I would just and that's when we stopped getting hard. Well.
I would not bring up I have herpes in the
heat of the moment as I'm about to take his
dick out, Like I would have that conversation probably prior,
but to say ken, I'd say do you have protection?

(39:46):
It's like it's like two and a half words. Yeah, protection,
you can say yeah, protection, it's like two words. It's
not that hard. Counts again because it feels better without it,
and you feel like there's something as a woman that
if you really like a guy and you feel like
you're asking him to do a thing that you've heard
over and over guys go condoms, he might like you

(40:08):
less because you're making him do this thing. It might
push him away because you're putting. You're saying I don't
trust you. And women we are operating from our own
perspectives of like if a guy told us to put
on I was like, I was like, I need a
condom to fuck you. We would take that as like
he doesn't like us. So so if we ask you
to wear a condom, we think you might think, oh,

(40:29):
I don't like him, and then you're like, no, but
I like you so much and I don't want him
to think that. Noah, Can you speak to any of this, Yes,
everything that Nikki says I think a lot of girls
think of. But the thing is when girls don't know,
and I need to make this clear, is that when
you have boundaries for yourself, men are so fucking horny
for it. And I wish we could just fucking drill

(40:49):
it into girls heads so much sooner that when you
say a no to things, guys will like it doesn't
ever fail to not write back to his text to
play it a little cool. It never else to actually
go actually, I'm not comfortable with that. I'd rather do
this like unfortunately it's it never doesn't work, It doesn't
ever not work. I can't. I can't think of one

(41:10):
example of a girl giving the guys what they want
and they like them more than a girl actually doing
what she wants. Also with condoms specifically, I mean you
want to guys want to get laid so badly. Literally
the only I guarantee every woman listening to this, the
only thought in any man's head if if a girl said,
do you have a condom? Literally, all our thought would
be like, oh if they don't have one, oh my god,
how can I get one right now? Immediately? Absolutely, like

(41:32):
they're never gonna think whoa, whoa hold on. I think
we're different, though, Ben, I'm not kidding you. I think
there's some like younger guys who would go like fuck
you bitch, like like like there's like some real there
could be making women feel bad. There could be a
thing too where you let a guy have sex with

(41:53):
you without a condom right then the next day he
goes man, she she let me just suck her raw dogs.
She he's gonna put He's going to project her being
at I'm telling you where you're right on it like
this is. But when you sleep with a guy too soon,
even if you're someone who doesn't sleep with guys too soon,
and this guy is different and you've you've only suched

(42:14):
with one guy in your whole life, and you're choosing
to sleep with this guy on the second date because
you feel something. There is a part of his brain
even if he were to know that that goes this
was pretty easy to get her to do this. I
don't know if I can trust her outside of me,
because I'm I don't. I can't believe I got this
girl to do this. I didn't even do anything. So
there's a part that he will respect you a little

(42:36):
bit less. And I know that's hard to hear, and
that's anti feminist. It's like, but you gotta sometimes you
gotta fake like you even if you know you trust
him and you feel like you're ready to do it,
there's a part of men's psyche that they cannot help
that make them go, well, that was easy, and so
she must give this away all the time. There's something
too also, like when you're in a relationship, you you know,

(42:57):
you start, you have sex with someone that might just
be a fling, and you wear a condom, and then
you have sex more and you work, and then after
like twenty times, you go, hey, you want to go
no cond Like there's it's almost like saying I love you.
The worst a big moment when you're like, let's just
leave the condom. The worst is when you've had sex
with someone or you've had sex without a condom, and
then you decide that you want to not have sex

(43:19):
with them. To go back. You can go back, you can,
you can change it up whenever you fucking want to.
But even my thirty eight year old woman brain still
has a part of me that goes, I can't I
can't not fuck him now because I already gave that away.
I can go back to just dry humping or making

(43:41):
out or you know, but you can, you can do
whatever you want. You can also just make up. You
can also just make up that at your period, and
that will buy you a whole handful of days. No,
because then they go, I don't care. Yeah, that's also true.
I will not care is on that that's true? But also,
can I ask you a question? It's about sex styles too.

(44:01):
I could use the blood in my penis like a straw,
like that vacuum thing we're talking the dentist. I will
tell you before you get to their question. But getting
having sex on your period when you've just started, there
is a plunger effect to it of like it gets

(44:21):
things going and it's like you're so crampy down there
that it feels so good to have something just like
get in there. So period sex for me a plaid, Yeah,
just like it plunges out, it gets out all this
like I'm here to remove the pen of the blood
has tissues. I probably have a plunger in my bad

(44:44):
I think I do. It was on my show a
pussy pump thing. Okay, Ben, what's your question? Well no,
I don't know if I can follow that. But we were,
we were, we were. My brain is in eight places
at the moment. But uh, we were talking about you know,
sexual styles and chemistry, like do you guys like like
some and it totally isn't an insult of someone's hotness,
like we said, because it's just about vibes. But like

(45:05):
one move I always hated was when like you're about
to go downtown of Chinatown and the girls like I'll
be right back, and like she'll come out of the
bathroom naked, like fully naked, or we'll just like take
off all of her clothes before I'm ready for that
level like a present. It's like seventies six. It's like
coming out of the bathroom, like, I don't want seventies sex.

(45:26):
I'd like to remove her clothes. Let me the two
I But here's the thing. They're probably going into bathroom
to freshen up. There your clothes bag on, no, but
then they're worried about probably putting on the dirty underwear
that they just sweated in. We'll keep it a little loose.
I don't know. Girls, they're not gonna care. They're not
like smelling your underwear, but they're just gonna take them off.

(45:48):
They don't care. They don't care. We gotta go to break.
We'll come back with more with Ben glee Raps. All right,
we're back with Ben Gleeb. Check out a special on
YouTube The Mad King, and it's been so fun with you.
We are now going to do our segment where we
get um our listeners voice memos that they send into
the show. Questions, concerns, comments, compliments. Uh, it runs the gamut.

(46:10):
So you're gonna you're gonna play a part in this.
It's time for fan trax. All right, let's here. Before
we get to the first voicemail, I just want to

(46:31):
let everyone know that Ben has other things besides The
Mad King. He has a Glebe Off the Top, which
is a virtual show at Nowhere Comedy and people can
buy tickets for that at ben Gleebe dot com and
that's on September three. Those are so fun. They are
Ben has a comedy club in his house and it's

(46:54):
virtual and you watch on zoom. And Ben does a
show completely off the top, meaning completely improv and does
all these characters and interact with people on zoom. If
you don't want to interact, you can totally opt out
of doing that, Like I don't want to discourage because
some people are like I don't want to be called out.
But it is so much fun to tune into if
you don't have anything going on. In September three. Absolutely
turn it, tune into that is so so fun and

(47:16):
just wear a shirt. Don't want to interact with bank. Yeah,
and it is. You know what I can recommend, It's
a really fun thing to tell your like family, if
you you know, have family like out of town that
you haven't seen a while, it's a good way to
like connect with them and watch something all at once
that is this unique experience. I think it's fun, like
if you have family out of town or like lonely,

(47:38):
you know, moms and dads that don't really know how
that world works, like it would blow their minds. They
can download its on Nowhere Comedy Club. Just check it out,
Zo and just one thought about it too. Just we
have a bunch of other shows still too, if you
go to Nowhere Comedy Club dot com. And even if
that's shows not for you, there's like Paul prevents his
green rooms coming back and we're doing things you see
stand up. It's really really fun and it really feels

(47:59):
like a night out at the club, but in your home,
so you don't need to get a babysitter, you don't
need to pay for parking, drink minimums. You can get
funked up in your own house and I have to
drive anywhere. It really is fun. We make it feel
like it's alive night out, one time experience, and it
just feels like you are a part of something that
only you are witnessing. It's really special and I really
can't recommend it enough, especially for people that just have

(48:20):
social anxiety scared about COVID want to like it's just
something to do inside, save money and buy tickets to
go Senior were comedy in the in the safety of
your own home. All right, let's get the fan tracks. Okay,
I got worried for a second that was in Ben's
hand when he scratched. Well he does. Oh the angle

(48:42):
of it really, so Andrew, this message just kind of
sort of for you. Oh hey, guys, this is one
of your best teas. Cash. I'm just going to your
podcast staring from one. I'm oh my god. And um.
Nikki's comments on Andrew's butthole about how it's a doggy

(49:05):
door is just cracking me up, especially as it as
the g I dock. Um um, I am happy to
give you a complimentary rectal inspection exam. Uh when I
see you guys. So um offers the love you guys. Uh,

(49:25):
Jack Randa, would would you do that? That's so nice?
You can meet me at the Nowhere Comedy Club door.
What does that even mean? Andrew is a lot of
asshole issues runs in his family and walks. It's bad.
It's the family. What it's a little hand whoa ben

(49:56):
doc that we'd be able to fit in there? Brown?
Would you let a fan investigate what's going on back there?
A g I duck? I mean his name was cash doctor.
Your doctor cannot be named cash that Jesus Christ. I'm

(50:17):
cash only when I go on the back door. Oh
my god, I said, I'm look at my asshole. Let
me know, Like, where is that credentials with a K? Huh?
The only the only worst name for a gi Dock
than Cash be Joe White? Why g I? Joe would
not be the best. I think we gotta put together everything. Okay,

(50:47):
I'm not saying that you should like the one yesterday.
I don't know if it was good enough to to
not be explained, but I like what you said. I
was crippling, Yeah, crippling stage right. I mean it was
a leap which I couldn't do back then. I would
have broken Like, okay, UM know that that's a part
of the autism. Remember the checklist of things? Oh, I

(51:08):
don't think you were on that episode. There's this book
I'm reading called The Divergent Mind about um autism that
isn't diagnosed in women and one of the things that
has a hard time understanding jokes. And I know that's
ironic for me, but I really do often go like
I don't get it. Like I feel like your brain
is one or the other, like either you're in joke
mode or you're in serious mode. And if you're in

(51:29):
serious mode, I can't. You can't. It's like there's like
a speaking of jokes. I'm so fucking excited this weekend
because I was supposed to be out of town and
l a still, but I'm going to be in town
in St. Charles at the Funny Bone. Uh. Dan Mints
is going to be there, and he's one of my
favorite joke writers ever and I get to go watch him.
I mean, I honestly it's like seeing head Burke. It's

(51:50):
like it really is. He's as good as head Burke
I think of writing jokes. It's he's the he's the best.
He's in my opinion is funny. He's so good and
he's the voice of Tina on Burgers. He's like the star.
But quick, quick thought, I have to share about being neurodivergent. Um,
this was a pretty weird moment to have the other day. So,
like a couple of months ago, a buddy of mine,

(52:12):
he's like the showrunner of a TV show had just
sold on like for an ABC sitcom about it and
one of the two lead characters is a neurodivergent character,
and he had me audition for it. I worked on
it for like four days. I like studied being neurowed divergent.
I've really figured I was great looked in the mirror divergent.
I just picture someone like having a venger like skills.

(52:33):
He's neurodivergent. Like it sounds very like bad act would
really like that analogy. I think it would. But my
point being is I did not get the part, even
though I felt like I embodied this thing because and
so I made a tape and I sent it in
and then he said to me it was really great.
It was amazing. But we realized we probably should hire
someone who actually is neurodivergent, which is great, and that's

(52:57):
really nice with them. But then I immediately realized, So
now there's just a tape floating around of me pretending
to be neurodiver. Yeah, your I Am Sam reject tape.
It's just floating around there. We did not hire it.
Here's the thing. You leanto it. You lean into it,
and then you get the next show about a neurodiver

(53:19):
and everyone will think, you have you watched that new
show on Amazon the way I am or the way
I see it, or it's it's a Rick Lassman show
who Rick Glassman is on the on the spectrum and
it's all the cast members are on the spectrum and
it's great. It's a great show about like adults living
with autism. It's really funny and heartwarming and I really
like it. Oh my god, he's so fucking weird in

(53:42):
the best way. His podcast is insane. Um. Yeah, he
that was a trip doing that podcast. It was there
was something I had to take. It's called take your
shoes off. You have to take your shoes off when
you go to his apartment. He has a lot of
things that he needs you to do organize. Yeah, Like,
but it's like he's he's special and he's so funny too,
Rick Lastman, check out his podcast and his show about

(54:03):
people on the Spectrum. Okay, let's get to the next
and Ben, I really hope to see you on something
on TV soon. You're a great actor. Thank you. I
would like to have a show on Disney Plus. You
can watch me act as an old as a ghost.
Uh nine twenties film star died in a fire. They
didn't want to cast actual ghosts. They didn't cast actual ghosts.
They tried, they tried very hard. The show is called

(54:24):
Just Beyond, and that's an anthology series Marl Stein. So
I'm I'm in episode. I'm on the poster too. I'm
like the main ghost in this thing, or one of them.
It was really fun to do, and it was it
was cool and you'll watch it. It'll you'll you'll, you'll
enjoy it and you're not texted back enough women that
you've had sex with it. They were like your ghost, Yeah, yeah,

(54:47):
I did the live research on that. Yeah. Alright, next
next fan trax. Okay, so last week we had Chris
on the show Nikki's Boyfriend, and we have some in
Chris and alright, so we have not feedback but something learned.

(55:10):
I think you're too are really cute together, and I
loved listening. Oh my god, I thought that. I thought.
I was like, oh my god, this person is so weird.
Al Right, here's Jamie. Oh my god, Hi, besties. UM,
I'm calling in because of Chris's story about the guy

(55:30):
at the Jim. He wanted to cut that out and
I loved it so much. Um Chris on the show
was also amazing. I love you guys, I love Chris.
I love it all. Anya. UM. I love the story
also because something happened to me similar to that. I
was parking my car and I was parallel parking, and
I guess I got really close to the car in

(55:51):
front of me, didn't hit it. The guy gets out
and yells at me for getting so close, and I
I realize I have one of two options, so I
decided to just say, oh, sorry about that. Didn't realize
it got so close. He proceeds to yell at me,
and I just said sorry about that, have a great night,
and walked away. And then the next day I see

(56:14):
him again and he came up to me and apologized
and thanked me for reacting the way that I did. Um,
and it just felt really really good. Um. I never
saw that guy. I can not like Andrew. I mean Chris,
he's the guy at the jim But it's such a
good feeling to meet that type of energy with kindness

(56:36):
or just what what The other person is not expecting.
They're expecting you to react and get a reaction from you. Um,
so it's it's nice to give them something else and
they might actually accept that anyway. I love you guys,
don't be And oh my god, I love that story. Yeah.
It was about Cris told a story about confronting someone.
That someone confronted him at the Jimmy spilt water and

(56:57):
was like, oh, I guess I'll just clean this up
for you. And Chris is like, okay, what the hell?
And then later on Chris in front of this guy
because he was like you know that he he was,
you know, enforcing all the rules of the gym, and
he saw that this guy had his jim bag out
and there's all these signs that say like no jim bag.
So Chris days later, so the same guy with his
jim bag out and he goes, oh, what does the
sign say? And the guy was like, man, I'm sorry,

(57:19):
and Chris is like, man, I am too. I don't
know why they both like hugged and now their friends
and it's just like I love that. The Other day, Um,
I was at Starbucks and I was waiting for my
order or something was up with it, and the guy
was clearly ignoring me. There was no one at the
this Starbucks. They were not busy. He was just socializing

(57:40):
and not even like doing anything. And I was I
had done my mobile order like ten minutes beforehand, and
there was no action happening, and so I was just
gonna go, oh, did you get it? You know? And
I go excuse me, and he ignores me, and I
say it a little bit luder. I'm like, excuse me,
and he just he literally goes like this, and I go,

(58:00):
I'm sorry, Did I was that rude? What I just did?
Or what's going on here? Because he was just and
he goes, what I go, you just rolled your eyes?
So obviously that was insane. I go, what's going on?
Did I Am I being rude? When I'm asking? I go,
I just ordered a mobile order. I'm just trying to
see where my drink is. I'm I know. This job
sucks I'm sorry, he was, and his coworker was laughing

(58:22):
so hard because this guy is obviously like such a
little like just tired of all these Karen's and really
gonna let us have it. And I just called I'm sorry,
and he was like, I'm really embarrassed that I did that.
I'm really sorry and like apologizing, and it was nice.
And then it was and then he was like, can
I get you anything else? And I was like, have
a good day. I know this job fucking sucks, and
I'm sure that I represented everyone that sucks coming up

(58:45):
to you. But it was just a nice moment. But
I've never had my eyes rolled at me so hard
and ignored twice. It was so rude. Did you ever
consider maybe it was a little bit your fault for
having ordered a coffee? I know, from a business that
make coffee, Think about it. I mean, it's like, this
guy's got his day and his own agenda and you're
sitting there popping an order in I consider that to

(59:08):
be on you almost a head raw. And he thought
I was not going to call it out, that's the thing,
Like he thought I was gonna be a little bit
and just take it and go I'm sorry, but I
just go, what did I do that warrants this? I
really needed to know because I was like, I don't
get it. Yeah, You've you waited before. I mean no,
I've just I've done that where someone's ignoring me, and

(59:31):
I will just not because I don't want that interaction.
I'll be like, oh, I guess I'll just go to
Dunkin Donuts and you're like, oh, it's been three days
later and we're just still standing here. Maybe they can't
see me, so you kind of turn and go can
they And they go, no, they can absolutely see you,
and listen. I know customer services aucking terrible job and

(59:52):
people treating like ship out there, um, but it's just
it's I would I wish that people who work in
customer service could. I wish that they could be rude
to the customer more like I don't. I know that
it is going against what it just said, but I
wasn't being rude, but when a customer, because there were

(01:00:13):
a lot of rude customers that he does have to
put up with, and but he has to, you know,
keep his mouth shut for those and he just had
it that day. It was during a lull and he
just had a bunch of traffic, a bunch of Karen's
coming up, being like, excuse me, I wanted soy and
he's like it is soy and she's like, okay, sorry,
it just tasted like different. But it's like, okay, well
can I have another just in case, like because I'm lactose,
And it's like, just don't explain it, bitch. Just so.

(01:00:37):
I wish though, that there was this new shift in
customer service where customers sometimes restaurants are so desperate to
stay afloat and they rely on customers so much they
have to just kiss their ass. It's just it's it's awful.
All all customer service should be the style of a
Philly cheese steak shop where they just are allowed to
be as rude to you as possible. Yeah, like and

(01:01:01):
it goes back to yes, but it insult you and
like hurry up, sir if you want to side salad
you a little bit. Like Dick's Last Resort is another
place that rude to you. Yeah, that's their theme. But
I think that, yeah, I um, I wish that more
people could just like talk back to the customers because

(01:01:23):
the customers always right is just a bad is it?
Is it called Dick's Last resort because being rude to
people is a Dick's last resort. Oh yeah, yeah, Gus
dick Is last movie is like, well, just be rude
to everybody then about that? But I bet you if
I was. Whenever I have a rude waiter, I always

(01:01:45):
tip them more because I want them to think. Because
I know that they think I'm not going to tip well,
I've actually proved them wrong. I've had the words haircuts
on my life and company, and I tip them so well,
yeah really why? Yeah, I don't know, because I want
them to like me because the waitress is rude to me.
I think it's that thing of the pretty woman thing

(01:02:06):
where they go, oh, she doesn't have a lot of money,
she's not even gonna tip me well, and I go,
this pitch is rude to me because she thinks that
I'm not going to tip well, I'm going to prove
her wrong by tipping so fucking well. And then it's
like what am I taking it? And then she's gonna
never have bad reinforcement for that. You should do. You
should find the waitress at the table next to you

(01:02:27):
and go, can I give you a hundred dollars right
now because I'm carry Jeffers with money to people who
seem to do really be good at their job and
to award it. Have you seen these people on TikTok
They'll give like a thousand dollar tip, but they'll film
it and be like, am I going to change? They
get off on it. It's all about them. It has
nothing to do with the tap support it though, still
anything that's getting money out there. I mean, I'm trying

(01:02:51):
for it back right when the cameras acutely that I'm
going to the money that I make off the TikTok?
So can I get at least more tattoos on my face?
Final thoughts? Next fan Rex Okay, this next one is
from Steep, Hi, Nikki, Andrew and Noah and Luigi. I

(01:03:17):
was just responding to I've heard you mentioned several times
on the podcast now how you like find out like
what come is and what all these like kind of
adult things are when you're a kid. And that story
specifically sticks out in my mind of Come. When I
was maybe a ten or twelve years old, cell phones
were just starting to be a thing, and like you know,

(01:03:37):
cost eighty dollars to send a text message and could
only be like a hundred characters, and and my girlfriend
had just gotten phones and we're texting each other. And
my mom was super overbearing and always like just really
religious growing up and always thought like I was always
doing these like nasty, horrible things as like a young kid,
and I was so naive. I had no idea what
like blow job parties were the bracelets or anything like that.

(01:04:00):
So my girlfriend texts me that this boy she was
supposed to go on a go out on a date
with didn't come, like he didn't show up to the date,
but she shortened it to see you M in the
text message. And my mom freaked out and was like
thinking me and my friend were having sex and all
this stuff, and I'm like, what are you talking about?
It's just like he didn't come and didn't show up.
And my mom realized something then explained to me what

(01:04:23):
come was as that just sticks out to me so
vividly as a memory. Sorry for this anyways, I love
you guys, And Jean did jacket if you seem Nope?
Oh that is so sweet? What is sweet? Misunderstanding when
kids say filthy things and they don't realize it he

(01:04:45):
didn't come, and her mom's like, well, we need to
talk about a lot of things. If he didn't, Yeah,
that reminds me of a horrible one that happened in
my childhood. So my mom's Israeli, and I don't speak Hebrew,
but I maybe know a few sentences says that I
should have remembered. And I had these two Israeli friends
in eighth grade, and so I was hanging with them
and I asked them to teach me how to say

(01:05:06):
so I could say to my mom, teach me how
to say, I want to speak Hebrew. And they made
me memorize a phrase, and I went to my mother
as a thirteen year old boy, and I said no,
I said, Aniro says zion, which means which means you
know what it means, Yes, you want to say, I
didn't hear the last word was what was the last word? Okay?

(01:05:29):
So he um, I want a dick in my butt? Hebrew? Hebrew.
They knew I would know the word hebrews threw that
on there and my mom because at the end you
go like razzl was like hebred And so I made
my mom translate it back to me because she was
laughing so heart I'm like, what did I just say?

(01:05:51):
And she's like, you said you want to dick And
I'm like, oh no, God, this was the most mortifying,
but maybe not as bad. I think that's how you
were coming out of a clock, like you've worked so
hard on like you know, he doesn't know a lot
of Hebrew, he's just studying, and yeah, this is really heartfelt. Yeah,

(01:06:14):
like Moses coming down. Oh my, God carved it. But
then also one time, one time I had a one
night stand with a girl and the next day she
texted me something very confusing. She wrote, I know I'll
never see you again, but if I do, I'll see
you then. And I just wanted to record not with me,

(01:06:41):
she was very poetic, yes and with me, and as
I just wanted to write back huh h u h huh,
and my phone auto corrected it to HIV and I
said it did you should have wrote back? I meant,

(01:07:04):
aids God, budding HIV is like the k of fucking
things to get, you know what I mean, Like it's
so short yet says so like okay, oh yeah, oh
my what did she right back to that? She was
like wtf with a million instamation points, which ye, and

(01:07:28):
I was like, I'm so sorry. I just meant huh.
She's like, are you sure you go? I'm positive? Al Right.
That's our show with Ben Gleeb You guys, thank you
so much for listening week. But you were such a
great guess you'll have to come back. It was too
much fun. Check out Ben Special please support him. Uh

(01:07:48):
check out his show off the top of the noword
Comedy cloud, follow him on social and check out his
But you have a podcast? Yeah, you've been on it
my podcast last week on last week on her cover
you have her in the last week and it just
came back in brand new season. So check awesome. God
busiest man one? I mean when does he sleep? Never? Yeah?
How much did it sleep? Did you get last night?

(01:08:08):
Three hours and forty minutes? Again? Did you nap at all? Yesterday?
I did. I napped two and a half hours. But
today I can't do that. I've like back. Okay, so
you're going on like six six hours a day. Okay,
that's not good. We got We're gonna work on that.
We'll check in with you later on. Thank you so much. Ben.
We love you so much. Guys have a great weekend.
Don't be king check