#296 Mega Newbie w/ Julie Glaser

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, it's Nikki. It's
Nicki Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. It's Thursday, babies. Um,
I am here in Santa Monica, California with my mother.

(00:22):
She is visiting. What's up, Julia Glazer and nothing kidding
so much? I just kidding, just kidding. You didn't even
mean it to do that, and you just you're just
just kidding. You have done this to me. No, you
did not kidding until I was just kidding, and then
it took off. It took off. I don't know what happened. Um.

(00:44):
So she's here sitting here with me. Um, we had
a little good morning. Uh. Andrew is in Austin, Texas?
Is that correct? Yes? I am. I saw you bringing
a Tobo Chico on on camera. I know that that
is the national beverage of Austin, Texas. Have Why are
top Chico so fucking good compared to any other sparkling water? Okay?

(01:05):
I really yeah. I don't think everybody's talking about Oh
my god. So I mean you take it down Topo.
They're expensive, Well that's price. There is a superior taste
to it. My mom's taste will be affected by the
price tag of something. Last night, Chris was in her
guest room is Chris's closet, and Chris had to go

(01:27):
in there after she was in bed. He was like,
I feel so bad. I gotta get a shirt for
tomorrow and come on in, Chris, And so I knocked.
I was like, can we come in? My mom's like
laying in bed like a corpse. I said, come on in,
come on and Chris, and she's sitting there in her
ned with rosebud coming in that's just how you get
ready for bed, that look. Yeah. And so he comes

(01:48):
in and he is going through the closet to find
a shirt and he pulls out a shirt and has
a tag on it like it's brand new, and she goes, oh, newby,
he got a newby And he starts laughing so hard.
We were saying newbie in bed after you we went
to bed for like twenty minutes. I just he just
goes to your mom is so funny. I doesn't want
to make him alive. He he laughs. It makes me

(02:11):
realize how much he doesn't laugh at me when he
surresds to him, like this guy is capable of like
cracking up everything. We know. He looks at me and
starts laughing. I don't know what I have done to him.
He really does. Honestly, you are. You are like the
funniest person to him. He just looks. I'm like, what now,
I don't do anything? He will. The one time that

(02:33):
really we can't get over it was when we went
to see my dad perform and he asked my mom,
you can get up there and sing tonight because sometimes
she will, and she goes, no, Chris, I'm a broken woman.
And I stamped by that. We were like, what does
that even mean? But it's because her neck was sucked
up the problem? Why are you a broken woman? When

(02:55):
did your body start breaking? Like? When when should we
get ready for it? Honestly, women me Andrew, it was yeah,
it wasn't a day. It was just like, uh, my
body hurts. I'm like, I didn't even do anything on you.

(03:15):
Was just said as this clip of Patton Oswalt where
he says turning fifty after fifty. Before fifty, he was like,
I could walk into propeller blades and just put some
back tea on it. And then after fifty, uh, my
spine implodes because a leaf falls near me. It's kind
of true. He said, I broke my ankle because I
was stepping off a curb. It was like like like

(03:38):
an aunt who like saw a bird like it was.
He just was talking about how frail you get and
on you was like, yeah, like she's feeling like her,
she's feeling age. I'm not really feeling it yet, but
I'm not. I get that, but I know it happens.
I started. I started to hear you guys complain about

(03:58):
your age. I feel like around my age, like thirty eight,
when you're just like you would just get up and
kind of go like those kinds of things, you know,
hang out. Andrew. We know Andrew feels it because he, uh,
what was the thing? All right? Follow that I can't
get down at standing and I'm standing and I can't

(04:19):
get down down there? Yeah he gets down. It's on
the floor. The beds on the floor. You pay hundreds
of dollars to sleep on the floor. I guess it's minimalists.
They where where you can get to the beds the
hotel or AIRPB hotel, hotel, and it has like a

(04:41):
like there's not really it's a platform bedably, it's a platform,
but it's so low though, I'm I hurt getting down
off get on all fours like almost like a crowd position.
You roll to all fours off the bed, and then
can you get up from there? I guess it needs
to have one of those McCanns thinks, aren't you doing
burpies in there? That like you got to get on

(05:02):
the ground and then get back up really quick, like
aren't those part of your wait? And you can't get
in the bed or out of the bed, which is it?
He can't get out out? Yeah? Out and up? Yeah,
that's hard. Like when he's playing with his cat on
the ground, he has trouble getting back up? Is that
a thing for you? Yeah, that's a definite thing getting

(05:24):
back A taller cat, well, that's why people go at
greyhounds when they're old boys. Needs to be like one
of those Halloween cats that like holds up its hand
like it squeezes together and arches his back like really
skinny and top of another cat. I need like, oh yeah,
that would be cool. Um, do you have a cat

(05:45):
power for your cat? One of those trump at the top,
but really, do you have one of those? I always
say his name on everything if I had a cat,
I'd get one of those town I know they're cute. No,
it's just that gives the cats something, right, instead of
your curtains or your leg at your couch that he's
going to tear. Well. Yeah, I think people don't not

(06:08):
get a tower because they're like, I want him to
rip my curtains up, because they just are lazy and cheap.
Now that's something I wouldn't be so cheap one right,
But much think sewer runs nowadays, I would say they nine.

(06:31):
You could find one for easily on like Facebook Marketplace.
People are trying to get one of those things and
to be a goodwill good Well, go on Facebook Marketplace that.
I loved Facebook Marketplace when I was furnishing my apartment.
That's so fun. I look at it every day. Yeah,
it's good, it's fun. It's just what people are trying.
I feel like that has more stuff on it than
like Craigslist that isn't even look at Craig's anymore. It's

(06:55):
it's a nightmare. Yeah, yeah, why because has any scan
too much crap? Too much crap and you get through
your marketplace search because are you going in there and
you're just seeing what happens or well, right now, I'm
looking for certain things because Matt and Lauren are looking
for a couch and they want a specific couch. They

(07:19):
want a joy bird. Well they would like a joy bird.
But yeah I did. I did find a joy bird.
Nice couches love sacks. That's what Chris and I are
going to get nice. They sound sexual, Well, we are couch.
We just talked about this like. There was something on
Redd and I saw that said if if you ever
go to someone's house, you just know that that couple

(07:42):
has had sex on that couch and you're sitting on
except you would have added that sexual. Yeah, that would
be very sexual. I've probably had sex something euch, just kidding.
I haven't just kidding. I haven't had sex coming in couch.
I would not. That was that was the old to me.
You guys ever replaced those couches since then? Those, Yeah,

(08:03):
we gotta at somebody else's used couch. Then that someone
else had sex on. I probably had sex on those
when they were at other people's house. I got around
at Saint Louis. God, I don't want a cat tower
that other cats have fucked on. Oh yeah, everyone sucks
on their on their cat powers. That's why I say
cat one cat thro that that's so u. So I'm

(08:27):
in Los Angeles with my mother. Oh wait, yeah, we
wanted to know how you were searched on Facebook. So
I'm kind of looking for a few things, and so
I have pinpoints that I can just go to. Okay,
couches and then I look at the couches for the day.
What else am I fascinating? So you type in couches, Yeah,
just type of Really No, I don't. I know, I

(08:50):
did too, it's already in there. I don't already and
I don't even have to type it. So when you
go to the cursor, it just comes up as one
of your things. Oh baby, Now what earth is a
things that normal people wouldn't know? Going on Facebook? Marketplace
that you know and you probably wouldn't even tell your
secrets if you had them, But I don't think you
have us. Here's the thing about that. It's all about

(09:10):
timing you if you I mean, it's I mean, you
gotta be on its. My mom, Yeah, my mom is
constantly on Facebook. Market big coin is a love sack chair, Yes,
no it is. This is my mom and my mom
uses both hands to look at her phone. My mom,

(09:31):
just can't. Have you ever just scrolled your phone with
one hand? I cannot. She does this and it's this
close to her face, and she's what's the one window
hold the phone and the other pointer finger to scroll,
and then she scrolls like this like she's just giving
out a flick. It can never be like the price
is right. It's kind of fun. It's like she's like

(09:55):
she always like gambling, fruit ninja or angry birds. I'm
gambling and it's just scrolling on Twitter or something. She'll
just go and it's like, do you know that you
can just go like this and like scroll it like
that without lifting up your finger. Because sometimes I'll go, Mom,
you know in your text where you search a word?
Because today she was trying to take a picture of
my um Starbucks order so she could remember, and I go,

(10:17):
there's no point in you taking a picture of this.
You're not gonna signed it in your photos. I've watched
you before. It's gonna get buried. I'm gonna send you photo,
they're gonna get send photos of the kids, and they're
gonna get you. I'm gonna see you doing this. Hold on,
I gotta find this. I gotta find this damn order
Nikki sent me. So then I taught her, I go,
I'm gonna text, and that way you can look in
your text. You know how to search in your text.

(10:38):
And I taught her how. And so I told her
to go back to her text and then you know how,
you pulled that, you scroll, pulled down and then a
search bark up. Now and she flicks. She's like she
can't just like and you know how sometimes you can flick,
like how to go to your mainstream? Like you do
this and all these options come up. What fact, my
mom uses her phone like a rotor, right, the flicking

(11:01):
of the figure. Still they need to make little hand
like little handles on the side, like when you play
slots at the mean those little things you could little
pull a little trick, a little handle for you. My
mom played she came to see me at a casino.
I didn't even play the slot. Would you play craps? Now?

(11:22):
I played roulette, but I played for like an hour
that He was like, you know, uh, there was some
sign about like no smoking weed. He's like, or there
was something about weed, and he was like, they benefit
from people smoking weed because they can't count cards, and
I go, you think people are counting cards? Shitty casino,

(11:43):
no offense to the casino in Iowa on the border.
There's no one counting cards there. If there is, there's
one person, maybe every and they look, no, that's the
only person. I go, Dad, there is no Gambling does
not take skill, and there's no skill to be and
he goes, there's skill, there's skill, and I'm like, there's not,

(12:05):
or or it wouldn't exist. Always it's always about luck. Dad,
there's a stoner mathematician that's figuring out at like airplanes
and yeah. He was like, they definitely want people smoking
weed around here so that they don't have to count
their cards. And I'm just like, okay, anyone who's counting
cards will know how to count cards. Stone to like, there, yes,

(12:26):
you can't go stoned or drunk. Yeah, but he goes,
that's why they get drunk, so that people get stupid,
and I go, no, they get them drunk so they
get stupid and they spend more money, not so that
they can't have My dad goes, it fos up people's
game and I'm like, no, if I don't know how
to play black shack, at all. I don't know the rules.
I don't know. I know it's like twenty one and
then you hit you with the past or whatever the
funk it is. I go up to a black jack table,

(12:48):
I used to feel so insecure, not knowing. If you
go there, the dealer will tell you what the best
odds are to do, and then it all comes down
to luck. There's sometimes you can split it or whatever.
But like other people at the table will always help
people at the table, there is no skill to it.
You do have to understand the game, but there's no
like you don't have an Maybe geniuses have advantages, but

(13:10):
the average Joe is not gonna have an advantage of blackack.
Or about rain Man, No, well he could probably count
some cards pretty well. Well, it depends if he's still
or not. But yeah, I do. I I played a
lot of blackjack, and it depends. There is some skill involved,
and there are a lot of rules. Tell me why,
because you've got to know whether to hit on something.

(13:33):
I mean, well, where is there is there a thing
where you can tell me, like I might make a
mistake and you would know what to do. Okay, there's
a lot of different things. When when to split certain numbers.
So if you get two eights right and then you're
going against a ten, you don't want to split them.
But if it's against the six, you want to split them.
Then you could double your best going to tell me
that maybe maybe maybe not. Sometimes sometimes you want to

(13:55):
stay on certain things. And then isn't there a rule
for everything? There's always like this is the better option
to make, and then everyone at the table knows that,
but a lot of people, because a lot of drunk,
fucking assholes, will just go, oh, I'm going to stay
on the thirteen against the ten because I just feel it,
and then it ruins the whole flow of the table,
and then everyone hates that person, and then everyone wants
to fight that person, and that person ends up winning somehow,

(14:17):
and now everyone hates them even more and the whole vibe.
I guess it's the same as like betting on one
of the green numbers on roulette, where it's like the
odds of that it's black or red. No, there's one zero? Yeah, yeah,
all right, well but if you if you're okay, wait,
oh sorry, just like black and black Jack, if if okay,

(14:38):
they have automatic shuffle, which is harder to count. But
if it's just a single deck shuffle, if you see
a lot of tens at the beginning, the more tens
in the deck, the better it is for you as
the player. That's all I know. So, so like let's
say you're playing a single deck, you see a lot
of tens up top, then you know not to bet
as much at the end because there's like you're going
to get lower numbers. Yeah, but there might see nines.

(15:00):
There's four nines in there, and eights are very close
to tend to let you have it because I don't
know what I'm talking about, but I do think that
if there there was a way to have an advantage
over casinos, people would figure it out and then casinos
wouldn't make money. But that's never gonna happen. Casinos makes
so much money because there is no way. The dealer

(15:21):
always has the advantage, the house has the advantage. Yeah,
but it's still doesn't mean it's not fun and that
you can't still win. So fun, Someone in Altadena out
here one two billion dollars and hasn't claimed it yet.
There's a there is a ticket out here for the
mega millions, the megabillions, at this point, are you sure
it's not maga? Oh my god. My mom said earlier

(15:42):
she was talking about Trump and she was like, I
think he's out because you know what, his people not
set all these people and the mega's and there, and
I go Mega's and she goes the magazin they're voting,
not the the mega's did not a lot of his
megas didn't. And I go, make elephants great again, that's
exactly what he is. Don't insult elephants like that. And

(16:07):
she goes and I go, it's make America great gun
and she goes, okay, so you've been saying mega do you?
And say Mega Mega? Um, well, someone want two billion dollars?
And my mom wrote to me and goes by chance
by a ticket now to Dina about what she thinks

(16:28):
about you, Like she like you would buy it and
not check it, like you would win two billion and
just yeah to disorganized Nick with two billion dollars like that,
your life isn't you towers at our half price? You
would still, yeah, your life really wouldn't change that much.
You would go. You would be able to cut off
all your family. I could cut them off, so you'd

(16:52):
have to you gotta you gotta go into obscurity. Yeah,
you would give them, would you say, Andrew, you call
your mom and do not just start it's like wrong numbers.
She's like, my mom said she would give it away,
and I just I don't believe you. Oh my god,
I would love to do that. Who needs even five

(17:14):
million dollars? I mean I could use five million, maybe
twenty I would who knows? But a billion billion dollars?
Do you know how many? Okay? Do you know how
many seconds are? In one millions? And I should have
paid attention. It's okay, Um, it's like twelve days is
a million seconds? Do you know how many seconds are?

(17:34):
How many? How long is a billion seconds? Thirty six years?
That's the difference between a million and a billion. People like,
people think it's insane. We gotta go to break. But
we'll be back with more interesting stats after this. Is
it so fun? Hey guys, it's your girl, Nick. I'm

(17:57):
in a car on my way to Santa Barbara. I
don't know why I'm telling you that, But tomorrow, on Friday,
I will be a thousand Oaks, California as part of
my tour. The next night, I will be in Valley Center,
California at Harrah's in San Diego. The next week, I'm
gonna be in Arlington, Vermont, in Providence, Rhode Island, Tulsa, Oklahoma,
Oklahoma City, and it just goes on and on, Atlantic City, Memphis.

(18:20):
These are all places I've never been before. So if
you or someone you know lives there, let them know
come to a show. It means so much to me.
Every ticket sale means something. And it's a really good
show and I'm really proud of it, and I think
you'll have a blast. So I hope to see besties
out at these shows again. If you want to go alone,
just DM meet going alone all caps after you buy

(18:40):
a ticket to go alone and then tell me your
name in the city and I will give you a
free meeting. Great and I hope to see you there.
I can't wait to meet you guys. And all my
tour dates, which are many more cities than I talked
about right now, are available on my website at Nicky
Glazer dot com Thanky Glazer dot com. And I'll see
you on the Good Girl tour. All right, we're back.

(19:00):
My mom is overheated. Get that sweater off your lap.
Oh wait, you're like, you're not on your stomachs on
camera or maybe it is. Yeah it is, okay, Well
hold on, let's hide it. Let's hide My mom is
freaking hilarious. Last night we went to yesterday we taped
a show that was why. Um, yeah, it's a show

(19:25):
for E where um we play. We're not gonna say
who's on it though, Okay, okay, okay, you want to
talk in the microphone instead of okay, it's sorry. I
um so it was a show for E and M.
They asked us back. He wanted us back in the

(19:46):
If you haven't heard my show, it is not coming back.
I haven't officially announced that. Maybe on the show. I
think I've mentioned it, but it's not coming back my
locom home, Nicki Glazer. Not enough people watched it. I
know Bestie's watched it, but you know, uh, it just didn't.
It's It's okay though, I'm totally fine about it. I was. Um,
I already knew it was going to get canceled before

(20:07):
it got picked up, because nothing last forever. Um, everything
will be canceled. You, your parents, your kids, your everything
will die. Everything dies someday. Yeah, I know, it down
or so like any time anything happens, don't get excited
about it because it will be taken from you. That's

(20:27):
the way I live my life. Um, your mom slowly
looked at you like a golden retriever, like finding out
it's going to get put down. That I know we're
going to take you to a farm you are probably
going to put me. Yeah, I want your pure bread
and I don't want your lineage to continue, and you
have sorry to be I kind of like that. I

(20:50):
do have a problem that everyone in this goddamn town
as a pure bread dog. Everyone has a golden kind.
I saw mutts really okay, good, they always due to
your bread like they're they're they're breeded, they're breeded, and
I love the dog itself, but like, but people just go,
I just wanted to hypoallergenic. It's like that doesn't even

(21:13):
mean anything. That was just a term that people came
up with. And I know, no, my dog actually does
prevented my allergies. I just want someone to think that
they could blow their nose on their dog. That's what
that means. They do look like they're people have snotted
all over them. I just I don't get why they're
so cute. Everyone thinks they're so cute. No offense to

(21:33):
everyone I know who has one of those Golden doodles.
I don't think they're that cute. I don't either. I'm
over that whole cuteness. I think. I think there are
so many more cute rescue animals that I see when
I post on my Instagram story. These little dogs with
sad eyes that have been through some ship. These gold
Dioders are just like from the get go and they're

(21:53):
just they all have too much energy. People who get
them go like, oh my life is hell. Like I
want a dog that's been through like scarred, like you've
seen what if you just lift your hand and then
they go to the corner and they shake, look like
look like toy dogs that were wound up and then
they took the wound off and they just went. They

(22:14):
look they don't look they don't look real to me,
you know what. They seem fake, like like like a
stuffed animal. Yes they do, and I think that's what
people like about them. But I I'm sorry, and I'm
gonna lose listeners on this. I'm sorry. You probably don't
think my dog is cute. I don't think they're cute.
There are some dogs, and I've said this before, dogs
with human eyes, dogs with um big bulldogs. I love

(22:36):
all animals. You guys know that I don't eat them,
but like, I don't think bulldogs are cute. I never
have where the start to droop and you can see
underneath their eyes. It drew so low that the lid
like it comes under and you can see like this,
like you know when you pull your eye down because
you have something caught in it. Their eyelids always have

(22:57):
these pockets underneath that are exposed. That was a human being,
it would be on hospice. Dogs are walking around looking
very This is controversial. I don't think bulldogs are cute.
I once there was this guy I was like kind
of seeing and he got a bulldog that had like
blue eyes, and I was like, I was like, I

(23:20):
remember being like, he's so cute, and his dog makes
me physically ill when I see it come up as
it looks like sometimes I have to see what this
guy's up to on Instagram and I'll see his ugly
dog and I'll go, oh good, I'm so glad. It's
just it's an ugly dog for an ugly person, Well
you just know that. But you know what, I would
probably get a bulldog and love it. So I just
want to say I don't need my dog to be

(23:42):
cute to own it. This is the thing. People think
that something not being cute means it doesn't deserve to
live or doesn't deserve love. Like it's some kind of
like like if someone thought my dog wasn't cute, I
really don't care. It doesn't mean that it's any less
lovable or sweet. It doesn't matter if I think your
dog is cute. But I don't think a lot of
dogs are cute. I think they're just as gross as

(24:02):
like a cockroach. But I still like, I don't kill cockroaches.
Does that make sense? You are there's dogs you don't
think you're cute. I I'm trying to kind of well,
and I'm in the same camp those cute over cute dogs.
It's like, Okay, we get it. They're cute. You know that.
It's like it's like, oh, look at me, I have
the cutest dog. People. You know, people, that's not why

(24:24):
you get a dog to have the crudest dog. You
get it started a dog. You're all like you're on
one side, like, so you need running the mill dog.
You don't want a bulldogs too ugly, a golden dudeles
take a coul dog. No, I'll take a hop Like
I'm just saying they're ugly, and don't tell me your dog.
I will not go your dog is so cute. It's
not cute. It has human eyes. But some people do

(24:46):
think they're cute. It's a matter of opinion. But just
because I think, I just want to tell people. If
you have a bulldog and I don't think your dog
is cute, it doesn't mean I don't think your dog
is awesome and that you don't think they're cute. Yeah,
and you are probably actually you're probably not too cute.
That doesn't mean that you don't deserve love and that
you aren't in school and like better than Like I'm
exploring this thing in my set right now where if

(25:08):
you say someone's ugly, like unequivlically, like this person is
not cute, this person is not attractive, you get like
that's so mean, and it's like, why is that a
judgment on there? It doesn't mean it's just a fact
some people are not attractive. But you can't say that.
It's just I didn't know how to end up sentence,

(25:29):
and then I looked at you and I knew exactly
where I was going. Some people get some people. But
but it's so funny because we live in a society
where if you're attractive, it means you're good, which it
doesn't mean that at all, as you know, many attractive
people are not good. But we live in a society
where if you're ugly it means you're bad. If you're attractive,
it means you're good. And it's like, where did where

(25:51):
did that get lined up? Because there's I should be
able to say that someone is ugly and not having
people go that's so mean. No, it's just a act.
It's like saying they're poor. It's like saying they're probably
why though, but that's what I'm saying. I would be
hurt too. But I'm saying we got to take away
the moral um, you know, the moral levity of of

(26:16):
of your looks, Like why does that mean? It doesn't
mean you're a bad person, it's just about people's feelings. Well,
because we because looks matter so much. I just read
this article that said hot girls get better grades across
the board, high school, college, they get better grades, but
during Zoom their grades stabilized to the same as everyone
else's because because the press fasters couldn't smell their pussies.

(26:42):
I don't know, their pheromones weren't coming out but the row.
But that's why I'm talking about. That's why we think.
That's why we think attractive is good because you get
rewarded for being attractive, you get good things, and so
when someone calls you ugly, you go, well, that means
I'm not going to get all these advantages, and there
there's just this you should be able to call someone ugly.

(27:02):
I hope we get to a place where someone can
go I'm ugly and everyone goes, no, you're not. It's like,
why is it bad that I'm ugly? Why I was
just born this way? I feel like with entertainment to
there's always like room for one ugly person and everyone's like, wow,
let's champion them, and it's like, what about the second
ugly person. They're like, well, that's too much ugly. Like
the same with fat and ugly. We have like one

(27:24):
ugly woman maybe who gets to work, and we have
like four fat women in entertainment, and that is it. Men.
There's probably like fifty that work because there's like character actors,
but there's and and there's maybe like four fat men
because and then a lot of them may just make
them wear fat suits. But you you're right, there's always

(27:45):
a threshold of like how a good looking guy gain
weight for the role and still you know what I mean, yeah,
IDs to play the role that this other for other
people about the Brendan Fraser is now like getting critical
acclaim for the whale playing a four gay man. And
it's like they could have found one of those. They're
all over the place. Give that guy a chance, give

(28:07):
that four inner pound chance. Got no chances in life,
and that would have been it. Well different. Sorry, I
have a question though, because isn't it different if I
call myself ugly versus someone else calling me ugly? Yeah,
but it's I'm saying that ugly shouldn't mean anything either way.

(28:28):
You should when I call myself ugly or I say, oh,
I'm I look old, people you know they want to
go no, you're not. But that tells me that there's
something wrong with being those things? What's wrong with being ugly?
What's wrong with being old. The problem is is that
there's nothing really inherently wrong with either of those things.
It doesn't change the person you are, doesn't change what

(28:49):
you're capable of, It doesn't change your intelligence, It doesn't
change any of these things. What it changes is how
people treat you. And if we lived in a society
where everyone was treated the same way. But we're not,
because biologically we're attracted to things that we want to fuck,
and we want to give things people things that we
want to fuck. But it doesn't. I think that we
just have looks and character mixed up and so something

(29:11):
there's something evil about being ugly, where it's really just
as subjective as your skin color or your hair color,
or your the coarseness of your hair. It's really just
that much of a different or saying that some people
are more intelligent than other people, it's just it we
both there's a there's a there's a high placed upon

(29:34):
a challenge is intelligence when really there shouldn't be. It's
either because you can't choose how intelligent you are. You
either are you aren't. It should just be black And
you know what I'm saying, doesn't any this makes sense? Intelligence?
You can make yourself more intelligent. No, you can't. You're
kind of born with I mean, you can learn more,
you can't change. There could be more. But if someone's

(29:55):
born with learning disabilities and a low que let's say,
it doesn't make them a worse person than someone who's
born really smart. But we as a society put that
meaning on it. It's just as different as like a
blonde person and a person with brown hair. That's the
difference there. But for some reason we don't put morality

(30:16):
on those things. We don't put morality on We pretty
much put morality on every People that are smarter make
more money. People are better looking, make more money. It
doesn't change if you're a good person or not, or
like the time of person you are. And that's what
we put on it is like that person is somehow
a bad person. You're bad. If you're fat, you're bad.
If you're ugly, you're bad. If you're not intelligent, those things,

(30:39):
it's not true. I mean, people with Down syndrome are
definitely less intelligent than the rest of us, and they
are probably a hundred times better than the rest of
us in terms of like actual morals. What would you
want to see what would you want to see a
world which it will never happen, where people are judged
for the character their character, and not the color of

(30:59):
there's what am I mart listening, not the color of
the kid, not how fat they are, not how intelligent
they are. We but like in the world you're talking about,
just be nicer to those people. Don't give girls that
are hotter better grades. I wish that, but these are
all things that are subconscious. You can't help. Don't hold
doors for people that you know you want to fuck

(31:20):
and not for people you don't want to fuck. Don't
treat homeless people different than you would a person with
a lot of money, don't you know? Like, but we
we can't stop doing that because it's all subconscious. I
think you're over exaggerating on the fucking people, know that
is what it's about. It's by a lot of Yeah,
it's like you, it's I mean, you're not being nicer

(31:41):
people because you want to, But you're nicer to beautiful people,
probably because nicer people get You know that nicer people
have more things in the world. You want access to
the things they might be able to give you, and
the reason they get more things in this world is
because they are fuckable and because you know, people who
generally have most of the power, men want to have
sex with them and so they get more things. I

(32:02):
know I'm nicer to people sometimes when without even knowing it,
subconsciously because they're a pretty girl and I'm intimidated, and
I'm like, oh, maybe if she likes me, people will
think I'm a pretty girl, and then I'll get more things.
It's like we're all driven to these things. No, um,
I don't know about that. I really don't. I mean,
I'm as nice to a person who isn't as beautiful

(32:23):
as the next person. I agree that you are, but
subconsciously I think it. I also think it's a difference,
the difference between like someone that's ugly and something that's
ugly that's also an ugly person, like I don't know,
like I'm I'm more drawn to even if you are ugly,
if you present yourself well and you're nice and you're whatever,

(32:45):
like you, you don't pay attention to the ugliness and
just as nice to that person, I feel, you know,
I don't know. I think it would look at the
studies for ugly people. I mean, there have been studies
done where they like. Like I said, girls that are
attractive get better grades across the board. And I bet
you anything, professors don't think that they favor girls that

(33:06):
are more attractive, but they do. It's subconscious. We reward
people in society that we think have more money, have
more power. In reward, Bigger men, like taller men, get rewarded.
You get a little bit more nervous. If you got
into an elevator with a bunch of guys that were
hot and tall and looked like basketball players, you would
get a little bit more You would start doing this
with your fingers and get a little bit more nervous

(33:28):
than if it was a bunch of guys that looked
like the bridge man that murdered those two girls, dressed
in like a weird cap, and like, you know, same
with me. If I get super hot models, I would
be a little bit more nervous and like, I hope
they like me, and like maybe stand up straighter than
I would if it was just a bunch of old women.
You know, Like it's we adjust. You don't think you do,

(33:48):
mom Um, maybe unconsciously maybe I do, But I see
you get more nervous if you had like you know,
you have people that coming over the house that have
a lot of money or like are like these like
hoity twity whom, and you get a little bit more
nervous about what they think of your house than just
an average person. Okay, so there we go. I rest
my case. My mom last night met speaking of rich

(34:09):
fantastic women. Uh, my mom last night we went to
So we did this show yesterday and um it was
so my mom was so funny on it. It was
on Zoom. It's called Celebrity Game Face, and it was
so fun We laughed all day long. It was a
long shoot, but we got to Yeah, Kevin Hart hosts

(34:32):
it and he was on with um and it was
like two other celebrities and then they're like friends or
like people that they brought. So it was like two
huge celebrities that we're not going to say but in
their friends and then my mom and me and and
then Kevin Hart and um it, I don't know what
it'll air, but it was so freaking funny. Anything you
want to say about it. I was crying, It was
embarrassed crying. She had tissues because she was laughing tissues, crying,

(34:57):
laughing so hard. We were just it was just it
was fun. It was so fun and you play a
bunch of games. It was like a show that was
created during COVID to just make entertainment while with celebrities
at their home. But now it's just continued on because
it's just so fun um and we just had the
best time. And then I went and did a photo
shoot that my guy that shoots for Wilco. I met

(35:21):
him at a Wilco music festival and then he was like, yeah,
I should shoot you sometime and I was like, it
would be awesome. And then he saw that it was
in l A and so we went over there. I
just brought a huge thing of clothes to this like
abandoned house was he rented. And then he was so good.
I didn't even know what he was capable of. I
got like shots, did you see the Jennifer Aniston shots

(35:43):
that came out yesterday? And like those it was like those.
I mean it's not like a sexy but he was
just really he was in touch with that camera and
he was so good. Like there's so many yes, they're
so photo shoots Andrew, and we've done stuff like that
where it's like they'll just start taking photos of you
and just expect you to know what to do, and
it's like, you're not. I'm not a model and I

(36:04):
don't know what my angles are. Most people don't. But
he was like, so there's one where yeah, and he's like,
you're not ugly, and like I should be allowed to be.
It's okay, it doesn't mean anything about myself. I had this, uh,
like sweater on. I didn't have many clothes because I'm
staying here, so I didn't have like a great wardrobe

(36:25):
to pick from. But I had this like really bulky
sweater that was almost like a robe, like a long sweater,
and I was like, I'll just wear like nothing underneath this,
and so it was kind of sexy and like kind
of and then I realized, because I'm so uncomfortable being sexy,
that I was making a sexy face to just try
to get me into feeling sexy. And he's like, the
thing about these photos is like when you take a

(36:45):
photo where you're wearing, like where it's a sexy photo
where you're wearing something sexual, make your face unsexy because
otherwise it looks pornographic because it's like it's sex on sex.
But if you just look bored or like just like
with full or listless is a cooler look because you're
already doing the sex with your body. And I would

(37:06):
have never known that because I was always trying to
like be in the mode that I'm trying to feel.
And he was like, you know, if you're comfortable with
your hands and everything, it's gonna look comfortable. And I've
never known that. Every time I did get photos, they're like,
raise your chin straight in your back, look up, and
I'm always like, this is never how I would stand,
and it's just always so he was just so good,

(37:27):
and you were so good. It was like watching a
professional model. Well that is nice of you, but honestly,
I was like, wow, what were you impressed by? I'm
really curious just the way you were moving and you
were like, so the camera. I'm not telegenic, but I'm
not photogenic. Photos are hard for me. I'm and did

(37:50):
you note Rhotus when you said I was photogenic? He
did not co sign on that who he did to
a photographer. He was like, Nicki's very beautiful. You said
all these nice things, and then my mom goes, she
is photogenic. She just his and he was just silent,
and I was like, I'm telegenic, and then my own goes,
what what the hell is that? I go, it's I'm
good on motion picture. I'm like, I look better than

(38:10):
I do in person when the cameras moving and I'm
on video but photogenic, I'm like, I'm like, I got
chance of looking good in a shot, whereas my friends
that are models dent chance of looking good when they're photographed.
Lauren is photogenic. Lauren my sister, she's fanning'st and pictures.
I feel like we're similar in photos where it's like

(38:32):
there's like a big window, like you think, like my sister,
I'm like this and I'm like a four, Like I
feel like there's photos of you look good, like you're
someone whose face just captures real well and still image
where I look like the cucumber from Veggie Tails and
like but drawn in most photos. The other day, um,

(38:57):
because I just hated these photos of me this past
weekend and I looked like the cucumber from Veggie Tails.
And it was one time in high school, Kirsten was like,
there was this picture of me, and I go, I
hated I look like a cucumber and she laughed so
hard that it confirmed that I did indeed look like
a cucumber. And so the other day I felt like
this picture looked like a cucumber. And I've put on

(39:17):
some weight recently, which I'm just struggling to be acquainted with.
And so I started just just drawing cucumber, like outlining
myself and writing cucumber and then sending it on our
group chat. And I was just cyber bullying myself for
like a good twenty minutes, and it felt so good
to just be like old, and I circled places on
my face. I was just really mean to myself. Um,

(39:37):
and why do you feel good? Because because I just
got to say what No, I hate that I said,
don't say anything to me about it. I just think
it ugly people. And then if you feel ugly, you're
so mean to yourself because I hate society. I hate

(39:58):
that society U values beautiful people. And I have to
because that's what tells me too. So I get I
get it, though I wish I valued the way I look.
I'm not saying up with a mother who says I'm
disgusting every day, Get out of here. What you said

(40:22):
disgusting about yourself three times yesterday talking She's like, I
look like, oh, I had Cleveland showing for the show.
And she was like, you've got some Clevland going and
I was like, I like it doing it and she
got I go, you got some boobs happening too, and
she was like, because I'm fat. When you look way,
they go right to your boobs right, And I go,
that's most people like having boob and she wants a

(40:47):
boob production. She just doesn't want that. And she goes
any woman who is post menopausal, you tell me if
they want more boobs. No, they do not know, they
do not. We did one good boobs. Now I used
to have good boobs. I mean like, but did you

(41:08):
like And it was like, yes, I liked that night.
And now they're just they're just fat boobs. So you know,
ask any woman who's gained weighting her sixties. Yeah, they'll
tell you the same thing. They'll go, just on the boobs.
It's not fun. I can't wait, missus doubt fire titties sagged,

(41:34):
but I guess it would be a lot of weight
up there is. Are they waited? I don't want to
talk about them? Okay, well, you know what we should
talk about is last night. You After my photo shoot,
we went home for like a couple of hours, and
then we were out all freaking day. Ten am, we
got picked up for the show. We taped that until
three at four o'clock. We had the photo shoot until six,

(41:55):
and then we got home and then I had to
go do sets last night at eight thirty, and we
went to the comedy Store and I go on stage
and my mom is already swept up in conversation with
Adam Ray at Andrew's Santino. She's in the New Besties,
and they were so cute as Santini, Santini and the

(42:17):
Great Santi, the Great Santini. Yeah. I love those islands
and the Greek islands. Yeah. No. He came in and
we walked in and he was like, oh, I'm like,
oh yeah. He was very excited to see it was
really cute. I'm like, uh, each other. No, I love
him so much. He's really yeah, and that's why he
was all over me, because he loves ni. You want

(42:38):
to see where it came from and uh. And then
the fortune Feamster was there, and then so I go.
He saw those big old sixties three year old three. Um.
So he then I go on stage and I come
off stage, and my mom is deep in a fun,
loving conversation with Tiffany Hattish, and then Chris text me like, hey,

(43:01):
I'm out front. He was at work. He's going to
pick us up and I had to go to another
set hecause I'm out front, and I go. My mom
is embroiled in a conversation with Tiffany Hattrish. I can't
pull her away, and so I let it go on
for another like ten minutes. She's got a lot going on,
and he started the conversation, you're Tiffany, Yeah, how did

(43:22):
it start? Well, we're talking about uh, We're sitting there talking.
I said hi, you know, and she's like, hi, hey girl,
and says she sits down next to me, and we
were talking about um. Somebody said to her. I think
it was Santini, the Great Santini and there Santino, the

(43:43):
Great Santino. I think he said to her. I actually
I think it was Harlan who said Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams.
So he went off. He was on stage, and then
I he brought me on stage, and so we switched
and he walked into the green room. So he says,
Tiffany is something about Oh, she said something about a garden,
that she has a garden, and he said, uh. He said,

(44:06):
are you a vegan? And she said no, And then
we started talking about it. She said, I said, that's
so funny. The whole way here, my daughter and I
were talking, Nikki. We're talking about veganism and how I
kind of want to do it. It's going to be
really difficult, and she said, girl, I wouldn't be vegan.
She said it's too hard. But I I said, what
about this garden? She said, oh. But anyway, she's opening

(44:29):
a grocery store in um l A and some desperate
place that is not doing well what do they call
those places that are desert food deserts And where her
parents met is an old bank, but she's turning it
into a grocery store where she's gonna have cooking lessons

(44:49):
for you know, people and that just have never learned
to cook, and you know, for the for her old
her folks in her neighborhood that she loved. And she said,
black people don't cook. She said black people don't cook.
She said, my friend, she takes her son to uh
burger king every day and that's their quality time. She said,
I think about it if you could teach him to cook,

(45:12):
and did sit down and cook a meal with him
and eat. But we went into all these different things
about um, she wants to do this for her community.
She wants to she bought all this property, she's working
with all these farms, and she's she bought a big,
huge plot that she's gonna get her look great. Yeah,
she's where. She's like cool white jumpsuit and like she's
all about he now died um bleached and she's got

(45:36):
you know how she shaved it so it's kind of
grown in a little bit and it looks so she
looks so freaking cute. She's so beautiful. I saw her
and after she was talking to my mom was like, oh,
we gotta get a picture you too. I go. My
mom was so excited to see you tonight. This is
a true dream for and they took a cute little
picture and then um, and then I was like we're
talking about I forgetten I go, do you own a

(45:57):
house here? Do you own? Which of course she does,
she's a rich person. And she was like, oh yeah,
I own houses, and I was like, Okay, how does
everyone have a fucking like? Everyone is so rich? Yesterday
we were on this thing with a celebrity and he
was you. I mean I knew he was like well
to do? He was just he had He was at

(46:17):
his bowling alley. That's what was the dinners drop. And
I'm staying at an airbnb that honestly is breaking my
bank to stay here for you know, six weeks. It's
costing me close to ten thousand dollars, which I think
is too much to span and Airbnb. And it's a small,
two bedroom, very small. And I'm like, I'm a celebrity,

(46:37):
I'm doing well. How is this not? How do I
not have these things? This guy is worth we looked
up as net worth as worth seventeen million dollars. But
still like, I just yes, how do people have this
much money? And like, my friend just bought a house
that was thirty eight million dollars two guys, it was
her seconds. That's a different story. I want those things,

(47:03):
But like where since when did how doses start costing
thirty eight million dollars? It used to be like that
house costs a million dollars. I think in the past
ten years, millions has become it doesn't even mean anything.
Having a million dollars means a million dollars nothing anymore.
How does that happen? It's just awful. It's so like
there's some people that the disparity between some people are

(47:27):
so fucking broken. Then there are other people there's I mean,
this is the problem with the nation. But I just
feel like you're either you have no money or you
have all money. I mean a laborate noodle. Yeah, I
mean a million dollars used to mean I know, and
I just sat by a place I think. I don't know.

(47:48):
I mean, you've got to jump in the real estate game.
I don't know. How do I have to do? I
just crawl into jump back to it. I was like,
you gotta get in, get in the mixt. I just
want to punch you in. Once you own something, it
just doubles in price. It's like it. And that's what
almost Andrew and here lost a lot of money on
a condo. But I and I was in realistic How

(48:11):
did you do well, Andrew? What did you do? So?
What I did is I bought at the top and
then I told at the bottom because I couldn't have
afford the payments, so that was cool, you know, But no,
everything doubles it basically does. I mean, if you a
certain period of time over like a little bit before

(48:34):
you I'm saying tanure, but some I'm much shorter than that,
you know. Noah, you bought a beautiful home, and I
think you bought at the right time. You're going to
rates went up. Yeah, but she's no, there's no. I've
never done anything at the right time in my life.

(48:54):
There's never been once where anyone goes through wow, you
really got in there. No. No. Now, when it comes
to financial like things, I've never once gotten a deal
on something. I do have one. He's probably listening right now.
I've never once made a sound financial decision that was like, Wow,

(49:16):
you got in at the There's I always get there
right if the sale has ended. I you know, on
a store, I you know, get a promo code and
it won't work, and so then I can't you like
I'll you never texted it goes say fift on your
first order from this Kashmir place any type in the
thing and that suits you a text and then you

(49:36):
copy the text and you put it in it goes
this code is not this is not working, Like what
did I do wrong? And then I end up just
going I'll pay the extra fifteen percent. I never I've
never done anything right financially. Are you listening? And I'm
scared of you? Like you guys got your house and
you won't leave it, you don't want to ever leave.

(49:57):
I'm scared that if I get a house minute, I
don't want I don't want to get married. I don't
want to get a house. I don't want to bidey.
I just don't want permanent. I don't want to sign
up for anything forever. I just don't get that you could.
You could rent, like if you bought in the hills
or something, you could. I gotta rent it out. I
gotta look nice. And every week I gotta have some

(50:19):
come in there and change out the sheets, and I
get a deal with the cabinet, the cabinet above the stove,
and then and then people go, no, you'd have some
guy fix that. Well, then I gotta call the guy
and I gotta go the cabinet's broken on the third stove.
And then I gotta make sure, Okay, someone's gonna be
there to let you in at this time. People, Nicky,
there's people that you can do that for you, Well,
then I gotta hire those people. So I'm at the

(50:42):
bottom of all of this. There, people go, NICKI, you
hire people to do that. I don't want to hire.
I don't even want to talk to That's the thing. No,
I get that. I'm just you don't want to commit
who It stresses me out. And this is someone you hired,
that one person to deal with thirty things. But then
I feel like I'm getting fucked because if I because
if I don't manage what they're doing, then they start channing.

(51:04):
They start charging me more because they go, oh, I'm
working hourly for her, and then they don't if I'm
not checking up on what are these hours really actually compute?
On the back end of that, I get fucked on everything.
I really because I don't look at my own books.
This is why I need a husband. But I'm scared
of marriage because I don't want to commit to that.
So I just need you can rent him out. I

(51:26):
want to. I want to rent all I would to
property manage my husband managed by your nut actually sounds
pretty sexy to me. Okay, we'll be right back right
after this. Alrighty, I don't know why I'm doing that voice. Wait,

(51:49):
I'm supposed to be talking up here? All right, we're back.
Are you supposed to talk up here? Yeah? This is
bad for my voice to talk like this, and this
is really good for my voice to talk like this
and likes you one thing, it's the opposite, But this
is better for my voice because my chords hit like flat,
they hit the whole chord hits together. And when I'm

(52:09):
talking like this, it's just the middle part goes like
So that's supposed to talk up here, not like I
know how to do it because I've been voice trained.
So it's like you are are you supposed to talk? No,
it's like loud and like clear, like you're The sound
is going like an arch out of your body as

(52:29):
opposed to like grow low grow um. All I hear everywhere.
By the way, is how fucked up people's voices are. Now,
I'm so obsessed with people's voices. Now, what about my name? Yours? No?
Yours is good? No, it's not. See this is what
my mom? Everything? Is there? Anything about you? I mean,

(52:52):
you got your voice fixed because it was No, my
voice is still gravelly. I still have a grit to it,
which I like. I think it's just hereditary and just
deal with it. That's what you used to when I
used to tell my mom I was ugly when I
was a kid and be like, I'm so ugly. She'd go,
you just deal with it. I said, what was here?

(53:14):
I go, I'm fat and I'm ugly, and I what
God gave you? You probably you're so beautiful. You're so beautiful,
and eventually just like, what the fun? I don't care
to fill my head with lies about being beautiful. What
I wasn't my dad did. My dad would be like,
you ever say beautiful? You're ugly. I wouldn't say it

(53:38):
was ugly, but you weren't. I would have been furious
if you would have gotten on the your beautiful bandwagon
when I was a buck tooth like, pimple frizzy haired
girl that no boys liked. I'm like, Dad, you're the
only person who finds me sexually attractive, and just hold
sexually well. He's like, you're so beautiful. I can't get
over it. I just God, you're beautiful. And I would
just be like, I'm eating tomatoes soup and trade eat

(53:59):
the scrilled cheese stuff, staring at me, gazing at me. Dad,
he was just like I just made the most beautiful
like because he really felt that way, because he loves me.
But my mom I used to say I'm ugly, and
my mom would go like, shut up, I'm tired of this.
And then I go, but Lauren's so hot? Why is
she so perfect? And I'm so ugly? And you'd go like,

(54:22):
you'd be happy with what you have? God, damn it,
I don't want to hear this anymore. Just I've never
said that ever in my life. I've never ever said that.
I never thought that. Honestly, I never thought that. I
never thought. I mean, I had friends that would just go, oh,

(54:44):
my daughter is going to be a model. I'm like,
shut up, don't put that ship in their heads right
off that. I always thought that was weird. Yes, like
encouraged kids never heard we were like, we heard we
were beautiful and like, but I would never say you
should be a model, you should get out there because
I like, you're so Yeah, No one said that, because

(55:06):
I think that's that. I think that's weird too, just
too much emphasis on their looks and which is going
to go away at some point for them. You know,
I just said, why would you put that pressure on,
like you should be a model? My friends used to
do this with their kids, and I still laugh about
It's like my kids were much more beautiful than your kids.

(55:26):
And I never like said, oh, we're going to put
them in modeling. I'm like, okay, every I wanted to
be put in modeling so fucking bad. I wanted to
be a child star. So I wish you would have.
Janette maccurdyed me. She did write a book that's called
I'm Glad my Mom is dead. But I would have
loved if you and dad like forced me into the biz.
You wouldn't have. You would have just been miserable. Yeah,

(55:48):
I mean I wasn't good at what. I wouldn't have
booked I definitely. If I can't book them now, I
wouldn't have booked them then it's for damn sure. I
was like to see model do you? And Lauren modeled
for limited To that was limited too? And how did
we get that gig? I don't even know how to
just signed you up because you said we could be models,

(56:11):
and we're like, we could do modeling at the all
We're like, okay, so your Dan and I took you
over there, you got you signed up, and we just
sat there and watched you guys. Mom. Yeah, we were
just out front and little Limited two outfits. They put
us head to toe and Limited two and then we
stood out front of Limited two and like people just
walked by and we got to be models for the day.
That was so the good thing they didn't sign you
for Amber Crombie, and you would have been like, yeah, yeah,

(56:35):
I wouldn't even hardly like going in that store with Yeah,
we would have had to be nude, out front nude.
I remember when you guys were interested in shopping there.
I was like, first of all, that's clothes are ridiculously expensive.
They were so I remember it was forty dollars for shirt.
That was the first time, and this was two thousand
one and a shirt was forty dollars, And I remember

(56:55):
it was saying, I get it was hard keeping up
with Kirstens. It really was. Family wasn't rich though, Why
was it? Why did we just they bought it Jay Crew,
They brought any sent their money on clothes, yes, and
we did not do that, but I mean you it's
not like we were deprived at all. You weren't like
you had clothes. Yeah, we had great clothes, but we

(57:17):
were we were going to Value City, but we got
good stuff there, and we were going to designer stuff.
You would sometimes let us go in a little spree
before before designer stuff on the cheap wasn't around. It's
TJ Max. Is that where you went shopping and TJ Max.
That's mom was like a big spender, not on you guys,

(57:39):
on herself. She'd buy me a shirt that was like
collared with a zipper in the and I'd be like,
who do you think I am? Like, you don't even
know me, mom, because it was I remember she bought
me and my brothers all denim vests recently and we're like,
who are who? Do you know? Did you wear them?

(58:03):
M No, I think I tried to sell them? Probably would.
She saw it on Facebook, Marketplace couch. I typed in.
That's another one of my search invest It just come.
I don't even have to type. It in comes right

(58:25):
up now. Well, you before school every year we did
a big shopping because it's the best. I loved remember
buying school supplies. That was felt so good too. The
smell of an office back and the smell of oh
new markers and like that new binder, and you'd get
a three ring because I was like, this is a
year I'm going to be organized. And you would get
the little dividers that you put the subjects in the

(58:46):
you write it on the white little slip of paper,
and then you'd slide it into that little tab and
you'd be all prepared, with all your classes lined up,
and then within day two it's all gone to ship.
I never once kept all my notes in a single
notebook or for a class. I was never I never
look like like hurricane hit them. Within some days I

(59:08):
have more paper that fit in them. And then a
defense attorney for like a man a mash show where
I'm just like it over my head every day. Yeah,
they're all falling out of the bag. Remember the metal.
The metal for some reason, and all my blind always
ended up crooked, slam it into our back backs. We're

(59:29):
the same person, and they would just get crunched, and
then they would get and then you have to bend
them back and yes, and then the paper would always
rip and get caught on them. Fuck that. But I
loved a three ring butter. The smell of that, like
whatever covered the plastic smell. And I love the sme
pencil break. I like playing pencil break. I missed Oh

(59:51):
where you like flick the pencil and someone else the pencil?
Oh yeah, I mean I feel bad for those pencil
I love a freshly sharpened pencil and writing on it.
The best feeling that goes like is when sharpened pencil perfectly,
not the kind where it's like half of it is
like the lead in half is the other part, the
wood part. Don't you hate when your tip of a

(01:00:13):
pencil is half wood? Do you want talk about where
they get kind of like oh yeah, bent and the
sharpener and then you're writing and it's like you're like,
what about when you don't have a sharpener? What about
you have a sharpener? So you bite the pencil to
get to the lead, but then you get the lead
in your mouth? Okayer really from trying to throw a

(01:00:35):
pencil out of a car and it stuck into my
finger and I just never took it out. And then
I was like, ten years later, I was like, I
lead poisoning. That's why I'm so fucked up. And then
they're like it's graphite. Remember, everyone's like Norah, it's like,
don't lie to me, you have graphite poisoning. All right,
let's go to final thought. Let's do some fan traxes.

(01:00:57):
Oh no, yeah, all right, what do you guys have
for us this week? Uh? So, I wanted to read
a quick comment from our YouTube page, the Nicky Glazer Podcast,
which you can go subscribe to you right now to
see all this on video. So as much as you're

(01:01:17):
hearing is Julie's voice, you can also see her on there.
Oh god, don't look. I love it. You think that
you're about anything about yourself, and I'm whatever anyone goes,
You're beautiful. It really hurts me to hear you talk
about yourself like this. Listen to where I came from. Okay,

(01:01:42):
I'm sorry, it's me. I'm talking about me. It's my problem.
It's my problem. Has that song? It's me, Hi, I'm
the problem with me. I'm the problem. Yeah alright, okay,
So this is from the Singing Sunflower, and the common

(01:02:03):
is about astronauts and space. Remember we talked about that.
That is all about perspective and you can get that
from just traveling to just seeing how other people live.
Just moving away from your hometown gives you a lot
of perspective. Have you ever compared your friends or relatives
that have lived in their hometown their entire lives with
those that have studied or worked someplace else or just moved.

(01:02:24):
It's all perspective, and it's very good to get more
of it. How did that person get allowed to write
a YouTube comment when they are so cogent and clear
and concise and sweet and smart. That should have been
blocked immediately on YouTube? Was it all in caps and dispelled?
Did you translate that from? How? Is there no hate

(01:02:46):
speech in that? Was there like eleven exclamation marks at
some point anywhere? Was? Yeah? What? How? I have never
heard something so articulate on YouTube? We're the best watchers,
including listeners. Yeah, that's true. I mean, don't don't you agree? Mom?
Traveling makes you? What have you learned in your travels? Well,

(01:03:07):
I mean moving to St. Louis. I mean traveling is
just looking since St. Louis, it's just such a culture shock.
I learned about different chilies, not at all, it's different.
And the restaurant and the food, oh my god, yeah,
they're all different. Getting married? Who knows to think about

(01:03:32):
Oh yeah, away different. Um, you've been a Hooters yeah
as a child, but mom, we didn't know what it was.
We read Florida and I remember the earliest memories. How
old do you think I was? You're probably remember, Okay,
it's not my earliest memory, but I was. We went

(01:03:53):
from We're going to the outlet malls all day and
it was so we were so hungry. At the end
of it. My mom was like, we'll just go here,
and we into this we my mom thought was like
an owl themed rust. I thought a family no. And
we go in and I remember knowing something was wrong,

(01:04:15):
like I remember clocking it and being like because it
would not stick in my memory otherwise, but there was something.
I remember all these men at the bar. We walked in,
they were on the left side. They all turned around
and like we didn't belong there. And then we get
sat and there was not any kid's menu at this
time at Hooters. I think, now there's a kid's menu,
and we were set and I remember the woman coming
up and she was very nice but like kind of

(01:04:36):
like worried, like are you guys okay? And I remember
you must have been When did you figure out well
immediately when we after we sat down and the waitress
came when and I was like, oh my god, this
is a gentleman's club or something. Yeah, And I had
no idea what, my god were your daddy had a

(01:05:03):
business trip. It was in Tennessee or he was at
another Hooter, or on the other side it was Nashville
or something I thought was Florida. In Florida. I grew
up in Florida. We'd go to Hooters with the dads,
like after games and it'd just be like four kids
and four dads and the dads are like, yeah, good,
Like it was like a like coming of age kids,

(01:05:27):
whereas my mom was like my mom and I were
just staring in front of the mirror picking out parts
of our body we hated, and she was like, this
is your coming up. This is how you become a woman.
And then guys are like, and here's how you become
a man. Go judge Nick. That was I just so

(01:05:47):
I don't know how we got to that. Because one
more fan trax, but thank you so much for that
comment from the sunflower Kiding or whatever whoever was so
nice singing the singing sunflower. Yes, um here okay, we
have to go out with this one. Here is one
from Laddie, Hi, Andrew, Nicki and Noah. It's Lofty from

(01:06:10):
the UK. I had a quick note about Pooh so
in one of your episodes we were talking about how
if you move your pelvis back and forward help get
the Pooh going and stand up, sit up straight. As
an eternally constipated person, this has changed my life. It
was last bits of poos that you just can't squeeze

(01:06:30):
out about it. And then the second though related thing
is when you were talking someone could feel the Pooh
with their penis when they were having set. And I
have to say that I'm actually at my most horny
when I need a Pooh, and I don't know if
it's because it makes the canals thinner, so it's more pressure,

(01:06:53):
really hard when I also need a Pooh. And Nikki,
as someone who likes you know what, I'm surprised you
don't like it too, because it kind of feels like
that with some cookney rhyming slying hopefully you know what
it means, but it's a Jack and Danny Jack and

(01:07:15):
Danny means funny. Um. Lottie, your voice is amazing for
stuff and I don't know, you gotta go. I'm gonna
make this fast. Um, I'm so glad that solution helps you. Mom.
This is the consta solution. You sit up straight and
then you rock back and forth, like right with the
angle at your pelvis and you rock back and forth,
and if you have a little bit of poo in there,
it like will squeeze it out and um, and it

(01:07:36):
really does work. Whenever that last bit where you're like,
oh God and you can't push anymore, it like really
helps it go up. And then um. Also, I do
think that I would get turned on if I had
full bows during sex, but I usually don't because I
want to not I want to use that space, and
so I'm usually like I hope he doesn't try to
go up there. So it just causes anxiety more than like, oh,

(01:07:56):
this will feel really great. And I bet you a
full colon or like slightly full coal and when you
have sex feels really good because I recently heard that
anal actually feels good to women because there is a
pressure point there that accesses the G spot almost better
sometimes on certain women than um, your vaginal canal. So
I bet you your full pooh. Your pooh is pressing

(01:08:17):
on that part, and that is why you're getting more
turned on. It's not because you're just like a dirty
ship whore, you know, like there's a reason why. Like
some people think that women that like anal are just
like disgusting, and it's like, no, it actually feels good.
We're not. We have different bodies than maybe people that
don't enjoy it as much. And also if someone's saying
you're disgusting, just tell them with a British accent and

(01:08:39):
if it sounds fantastic, Oh my god, that's she could
have said anything. She say anything. She's like, oh, we
kill everyone can calling it everyone. They're all bleeding right now,
and we're like, wow, that's so cute. I feel like
I support it. Con six remember that. Okay, we gotta go.

(01:09:03):
Thank you guys so much for list Thanks for everyone
coming in Austin. We had a lot of Bestis last night.
It means a lot and I really I went on
the live and someone said they had just gone to
it and had a lot of fun. Yeah, it was
a lot of fun. Thank you. That's great. Thank you
to Besties for all your support. You guys are the
freaking best. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Um, don't

(01:09:25):
be care And Mom, do you know any famous people
with the jack? Any famous people with the last the
first name is Jack Jack. Now okay,

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Nikki Glaser

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