#297 Why We Can’t Talk About Steve?

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, welcome to the show.
It's Niki Laser Podcast. Here. I am, UM, it's me. Hi,
I'm the problem. It's me. UM, trying to remember to

(00:20):
say that every day. It's really fitting for my life recently,
I'm just keep going, Oh my god, how is not
more people written songs with this in it? Oh? Wait
they have. Matt Pond wrote a song called The Problem
is Me, but I talked about on this podcast, UM
back in September, long before Antihero by Taylor Swift came out.
So check that song out today on this show. I

(00:41):
am in Los Angeles still because my boyfriend is working
on Beauty and the Beast. Check it out on ABC
December nuts. UM, not quite sure what I think it's
December fift but he played me. I guess. He told
me I should say about some of the musical performances
that are happening, and they are amazing. And I forgot

(01:03):
how much I loved that movie. UM. Andrew is in
Indianapolis tonight, so he is not here, but um on
your Marina is filling in. She is here. She is
live from Kubertino, which is where your iPhone was not
made because we know that's China. It was created intellectually

(01:26):
nearby and she's up in the hills of Cupertino where
her parents live. Is that just specific? Are people going
to find them? Yeah, they're gonna find him. Please please
come over. Uh no, that's fine. But you're a little
logo of the maps on your iPhone that is Kubertino
right there when you could find maps on your iPhone.

(01:47):
The little picture that is the on your app is
Cupertino is like where your parents house is? Yeah, that guy,
so you like you can go to that intersect. How
far are you from that intersection that is on the
app picture? Like, right there is where I went to
Starbucks today? No way? Oh yeah, there's a Starbucks there.
I bet if you could take any tiny square picture

(02:10):
of a quarter mile of America, there would be a
Starbucks in it. So I guess that's not that crazy,
especially in Coubertino. Oh yeah, I was at the one
today and the guy was like, I'm so sorry someone
took your drink. It's just been that kind of morning.
It was so nice. It made me a new one.
And then the lady behind me was like, it's my cappuccino. Right,
and he's like, oh my god, let me check. I

(02:32):
think someone went, wait, did you put your order? Hold on? Man,
I'm going to see your phone. And it's like, ah,
you pick the Starbucks two blocks down, and he was
so nice and well, yes, he goes in. These people
are dealing with this all day long. There was a
meme going around the other day that I posted where
it was like a Starbucks employee like kind of crouched

(02:53):
down in almost the fetal position, like looked like he
was really sad, like on the floor, and then there
was another employee that was comforting him. And the meme
was when she says, I'm never coming back to the
store again. So it's just like they don't care. Like
it was just like making fun of when people say
that at Starbucks. These employees that you were going to say,

(03:13):
it's like a pipe comforting another pipe. Oh yeah, it
was exactly like the pipe shot. Noah is an Arizona
She's here. Um yeah, that pipe shot. I didn't get
to look at the comments on that, but I hope
that people saw what I was talking about. There are
some people that see these things that I see too often.
My friend Taylor, Um, the train jump in Hobo sees

(03:35):
him a lot and um but uh yeah, so, um,
what I was gonna say about Starbucks, Oh there, it's
it's it's such a vast um difference between the kind
of employee you'll get at a Starbucks. You might go
to a Starbucks where they're just like not having it,
don't have anything to do with you. And there's some

(03:56):
that are so nice that they've recently maybe had a
meeting about um being kinder to you know, you can
tell that they just had a team meeting about like
you need to start asking people like how's your day?
What are you getting into today? Like yesterday when in
the Starbucks and I don't talk to any of employees
there because I do mobile orders, so you just grow
up and grab them so they don't have to have

(04:16):
these like partner interactions, which is what they call them.
I think because I'm on the Starbucks sub credit, so
I read all about what it's like to work at Starbucks,
and I think they call it part like maybe the
people they work with our partners. But there's something that
they really drive home, like you've got to talk to
people that come up to the counter and be like,
how's your day and really connect with them, which to

(04:38):
me seems like bullshit. And I'm sorry that you have
to do that as an important Why do they anywhere
there's like courtesy, but why do you have to like
connect with someone for three minutes because it creates a
connection that you know, makes you feel like this this
place cares about me. I'm home, you know, this place
where I buy an eight dollar latte is home. These

(05:01):
people get me. This is like Cheers totally. I walked
in yesterday and the guy goes on and I'm like,
I feel so, how do you know? Because I've only
been in town a couple of days and he was,
I know your order, and I miss I genuinely missed
the Starbucks people at my I have had so many
different Starbucks in my life, but there's one that I

(05:23):
used to go to during the pandemic. That was the
cafe was the first to open and when I was
living with my parents and didn't really have a lot
going on. I think it was before the podcast, even
like it was just I would go there every single
day and write. And there was this girl there whose
name I now forget, but I run into her around
town sometimes and she and I like struck up a friendship.
She didn't realize I was like semi famous or whatever

(05:46):
I am. I hate saying famous, but you know, she
didn't know I was somebody until after we had already
been friends, and then she was like shocked. It was
like a fun thing for her to go like wait,
what what, like her freak out and then I see,
see she goes now to the beauty school that is
by the Starbucks that I live at, and so I
run into her. There there's like this beauty like, um

(06:07):
a vida mabe, it's not even a vada like. There's
some beauty school that is right next to my Starbucks
apartment building Starbucks that I live next to, and right
before class there's like seriously probably seventy people dressed head
to toe in black because I guess that's the uniform,
and they all line up to get their drinks. I'm
dying to know why these people don't will order. People

(06:28):
love a line. But I really do miss the people
that I see every single day at Starbucks, um in
my neighborhood, who are always like here's a lot day
and like and I go, I'll see I'll be back
in two hours. Like they know that I'll be back.
They don't give me shit about drinking too much caffeine, which,
by the way, I'm off. And yesterday I actually did
a um an interview with a friend of mine. So

(06:51):
a friend of mine I met through I'm not going
to give any specifics because I don't know if I'm
not supposed to say, but he interviewed me for this thing,
and then we struck up a friendship. And while we
were interviewing, we got into a lot of other subjects
and I was like, you know, what you should do
an article on, like people quit in caffeine and how
caffeine is like such a more you know, problematic and uh, really,

(07:16):
what's the word I'm looking for. I want to say
systemic because that makes me sound smart, but it's so
not that word. So it's like a bigger issue than
we think. And it's like, you know, insous. I guess
maybe the word of pervasis pervasive. Yeah, what's what are
other words that make me sound like a political analyst? Um,
it's just a bigger problem than you think. And then

(07:38):
I said that, um oh, malef Lewis. Now that's how
you describe my name. When I used to talk about it.
Um so uh. I told him that, and I said,
and there's this whole community, a subreddit about it called
decaff where people are talking about how hard it is
to quit. And I've talked about this on the podcast
before and he was like, YEO, check it out. And

(07:58):
so then he writes to me, I was like, my
editor really likes the idea, so I think I'm going
through with it. And I was like fun, yeah, like
I had, it's going to get out there. And then
I saw him post on the decaff subrunnit like hey,
I'm a journalist writing an article about quitting caffeine if
anyone wants to talk to me, and I was like, go, dude, go.
And so then yesterday he was like, do you want
to talk to me about it at all? And I

(08:18):
was like sure. So I said that I don't think
I'm addicted to caffeine. I'm addicted to Starbucks because it
is not me. Quitting caffeine has not changed the magnitude
and the frequency with which I at all. I was
at l A X the other day. I was at
Gate fifty two. I was supposed to be a Gate
fifty two E and I was like, where is the Starbucks.

(08:41):
I gotta get my whatever breakfast sandwich and tea, and
I'm carrying a very heavy guitar a heavy backpack and
that was like a toebag or something, and I'm like, oh,
it's sixty this should be easy. And then I quickly
realized it's in a slightly different terminal and I'm like, yeah,
buck it, I'll do it. I had to go. I'm

(09:01):
asking people and like lugging this ship around my knees hurting.
I'm like, where is it? And they're like, it's just
down the stairs, and then it's kind of a hike,
and then it was just like an endless tunnel and
I'm in the middle of the tunnel, sweating because I'm
trying to wear lots of layers so I don't have
to pack them in my bag. And I'm just thinking, bitch,
you are a fucking addict, like so addicted to this dumb,

(09:24):
greasy sand rich Like what is it? And I had
the same thought. I'm like, it's not even the caffeine.
It's something about the place I hiked for the same yeah.
And then I almost missed my flight. He almost missed
your because it was like you have to take a
shuttle to fifty two eight, like you're I'm walking around.

(09:44):
I'm like, here's fifty two A. And then it says
like this is so serious. I do the same thing.
When my plane lands, the first thing I do is
look up what terminal the Starbucks is in, and it's
worth me going to a different terminal. How many times
have I met you a baggage name? When you guys
get off the plane a little bit before me and
I go, I'll see a bad guy exclaim and I

(10:04):
come like fifteen minutes later because I've gone to another
terminal to get Starbucks because I can't wait. It's such
an addiction. We know what you have this? Every time
I get Starbucks, I always crave it like and I
have to get another time. Avi does not like Starbucks.
So I'm just like, okay, we go to Starbucks. Can
we go to Starbucks? And he has like he has
to tell me no for me to not go back.

(10:25):
But it's never just like one cup because I think
about it, like three days after, I was just like Starbucks, Starbucks, Starbucks,
they do give. Yeah. I always get a trend to cocaine.
I don't know what it is, but it's like I

(10:47):
it's there is a couple of things that could get
me to quit. Okay, if they ran out of almond milk,
I'm not going oat milk. I'm not going sewing milk
too much sugar. It would get me to I would
just have to find another thing that I would beak into.
I really would um if they got rid of the
sugar free vanilla, which a lot of times, you know
because on mobile orders, welcome to Starbucks. Talk everyone, um,

(11:12):
like this Starbucks cast almost done? We need that update
on Steve by the way, Well, let me just finish
my diet dry. Because I think this is maybe relatable,
like if anyone has any like insight into their own
Starbucks addiction, because that's the two things that could get

(11:34):
me to quit. Because sometimes on the mobile order they
will say, you know, we're out of almond milk, or
we're out of the sugar free of vanilla, and there's
no alternative. There's no other sugar free syrup. I need
a syrup in my coffee. There's no other milks that
have no animal products and low sugar. So if those
two things go, my addiction will be broken. It will
jump onto something else. I will find something else to

(11:55):
like suck down every day in you know, gallons folds. Um,
and it might be Steve transition. Um okay, so Steve
wrote on Saturday, I was in the car headed down
to um San Diego Valley Center at Harrah's and I

(12:15):
was in the car with um On. Yeah, I don't
know I'm doing Australia thinks it, but um, so he wrote,
And I gasped, if you remember correctly, on you was
driving Radu, my opener was in the front seat with Anya,
and I was like, it's Steve, he wrote. So he
wrote Glaze Dog, Anya, puddle Boy, and Noah. I'd like

(12:36):
to come forward as no friend Steve on the Steve
Cast because you went alone. Thank you for all the compliments,
most of all that I pick up on social cues.
So Anya said that he seemed to pick up on
I didn't remember that comment. Yeah, I said that social cues. Yeah,
he knows when to leave and I actually but yeah,

(13:00):
hair like fixing your I know you were totally like
you were like blushing. I'm like touching my arm all
the cues. Um. My impulse is to post that podcast
on my LinkedIn profile, but not sure it would further
my apple picking career all that much. Someone's funny someone,

(13:23):
This guy's amiable. Quick? What is I mean? God, Anya,
I'm enjoying the extra large show, but not as much
as the New World inside joke. But you and Steve
have Yeah, we have to. But he had sparkly eyes?
Did you tell him that? Not? In first? I told
him he looked like a medium, not an excel. Oh right,

(13:46):
he was. I don't tell me that. So that's our
little inside joke. And then also, oh my god, you
have a thing with Steve. I'm so jealous. I well,
I did catch I have a thing with Steve too,
but I'm not even gonna talk about because it was
so like sacred to me. We share Tell me, no,
it's you can't know, Steve. You know exactly what I'm

(14:07):
talking about. It involved a camera phone and you're taking
a picture of a sign. I saw it. I don't
even know what it was about, but I saw it.
I okay, So I can't keep it to myself anymore. Okay,
there's actually nothing and I had to take my jacket off.
Why can't we talk about Steve? This is isn't it

(14:30):
the name of like a movie? About lesbians. Why can't
we talk about Steve? Okay? Um? So when we when
Matt was escorting me back to the theater from the
meet and greet, I was following Matt, and then I
ran into Steve on the way out, because Steve had
just been the last person, so he was just a
kind of like ahead of us in the same direction.

(14:52):
And he was taking a picture of the name of
the place, which was the Lutheran snow their Burbank Center,
and I farted to do my Luther Burbank joke. I
wrote a whole fucking joke about being at the Luther
Burbank Um Center, which was the name of the place
we played in Santa Rosa, and it was about Luther

(15:12):
Burbank was a famous horticulturist, and I was like two
famous horse in one. I was going to do something
like I'm a horn culture as well. Um So anyway, uh,
I ran Steve. He was taking picture of the sign,
and Steve, if you could send us a picture of
that sign, because you did you took it? I go,
I go, got it all. I said something because I

(15:34):
was like nervous around why why I like I got
in line for his meeting great. After that, I was
like picture with you, where I want to get a
picture with people that take pictures with me because they're
either such cuties or like they just and oftentimes I

(15:57):
do get the picture because they post it later and
I go, oh, I remember, um um. There's one guy
that comes to all my shows. He went to on
the Improv the other night. He was front row wearing
my Nikki Glazer shirt and he went to two shows.
He was like, I see you every November, and I go,
I'll see you next November. And then he was at
the next night too. So shout out to that guy
with long hair. I forget his name. I want to say,
like oh or something, you know what that in Valley Center.

(16:20):
He's gorgeous. Yes, he's like a beautiful man. He looks
almost like um, he looks like a medium, like literally
like a person who could see your future. Wait does
he wit long long hair? Longer hair? Um? No? He um? Okay,
here's white guy from San Diego that had long hair
and maybe a goatee. Anyway, I have an amazing picture

(16:42):
of that. Becky the photographer took of him, and I
know I've like d mned with him. Before, and I
wanted to send him this amazing picture of you two
because it's like, Okay, we're a white guy with long
brown hair and a go to reach out to the picture. Okay. So,
wrapping up Steve's note, he says, Um goes so an. Yeah,
I'm enjoying the extra large shirt, but not as much

(17:03):
as the new workout tunes. After party at Jimmy's is
my jam. I don't even know that song. He is like,
going deep in your collection, Nikki. It was only after
I realized, after looking, I'm sure is it you wrote
it now? I wrote it with Um Jason and Brian
from Louis the Fourteenth's It's a true rocker. You'll love
it fun um Nikki. It was only after looking at

(17:26):
the picture we took I realized I am the unfunny
tall guy from your act. I'm the unfunny tall guy.
It's me. Oh my god. He made a tailor so
oh that he goes, I'm the unfunny tall guy from
your act. Because I talked about how tall guys aren't
funny because they don't need to be because everyone likes
him already, he said, I'm the I'm the unfunny tall guy.

(17:46):
It's me. You nailed it on the pod when you
said people depend on you guys to brighten their day.
I could ramble on expressing my appreciation for what you.
I'll do Monday through Thursday and beyond. But think I
better sign off here, And that was how he worked
a in. He's like, if you are just listening for
the first time, it's Monday through Thursday, he said, but
I think I better. You know he totally did. Thank

(18:07):
you Steve that, he said, but I think I better
sign off here, like any bestie would. Di, did you
join me with a career apple picking in Santa Rosa.
Waitches are competitive with full benefits and lots of upward mobility.
Now a hiring, he said. Ps. The sweater is from
Old Navy too, thanksgivings Ago. Those guys can really pump
out a quality garment. I mean, girls, if you are

(18:28):
a single woman and you don't have much time, you're
down to wherever you live, move to Santa Rosa. Find
this guy. He's funny, he's charming, he's cute. He wears
Old Navy. He makes it looks good. He doesn't he's
not trying too hard, wearing like you know, expensive clothes
that are you know, he doesn't care too much about
his look. He just he'd already looked like that's the

(18:49):
thing you want a guy. You don't want a guy
that like cares too much about his clothing but still
looks good in it. Agreed, Yeah on this when we
get back. Sorry you, that wasn't it? Don't okay? But okay,
man to throw your hat and Steve's ring throw go out? Okay,

(19:09):
I mean, Anya, you're devastating me with this, this possibility
that Steve might not be a resexual. I want to
have I just made the comment I just made is
equivalent to my innocent comments saying Steve, you look more
like a medium, not an excel. I'm sure he's listening
right now, Like Anya, I am straight. I'm sorry, but

(19:30):
he's so good lucky he could be gay. Yeah, he
could be. That's a good point. Okay, Well we'll like
this and much more after we get back from break.
All right, welcome back to the Starbucks Steve cast. Um.
Now we've covered we've covered both those things. Um, wait,
what did you say about Steve right when we got
back on Because you're like ladies and I'm like or

(19:53):
maybe he's gay, but sorry, that is that didn't I
didn't mean that as a nag. Same thing with the comments.
Steve is not the type of straight man if he
is straight, that would be offended at anyone thinking he's gay,
because you know what I mean and secure, confident man.
Yeah he is. God, how is he single? We gotta

(20:15):
get Steve on the on the podcast and interview Steve
if you'd be down to come on the podcast. We
want to learn more about you. I did write him
back and I said, like, what do you do for
a living? And I forgot he works, like I think,
in construction. And then he said something about something gets
bloody and I was like, why are you bleeding? And
he said it was because he has to clear mulberry

(20:37):
trees and he said there's many thorns on them, something
like that. I love rugged hands. So now I'm totally
sold on Steve. Okay, so you're sold, I mean everyone
out on the Instagram. No. I just was like, why
did I know you were looking at working in some bushes?
I had no idea, But you know Santa Rosas like

(20:57):
wine country, there's lots of orchards or like vineyards, there's
lots of burds. Um there so um, but okay, so
your sexual orientation, Steve, Yeah, please Steve, let us know
if you would be down, even though we're not down
because we have partners, but we just want to know

(21:18):
if you if like, if you would be down, if
you're just down for vaginas or we're not gonna judge
you either or both, like we don't care either way.
I don't really want to know because I feel like
I need to convince myself even if you do only
like men, that I could persuade you. Why continuing to
talk about this? I need to Starbucks? Okay? So I

(21:41):
um recently went to the voice doctor and got a
check up again, and it was a couple of weeks ago.
I didn't talk about it on here because it was
like too traumatic, but I got an update that my
like some of the trauma on my vocal cords is
back and it's very setting because I spent so much

(22:01):
money and so much time and so much silence on
making them better and it's back. So I am deciding
to take a break, and especially with my tour amping
up and just with UM just trying to be more
easy easy on my voice and also be able to
sing because I got this done because I like singing

(22:24):
and I want to sing, and it's good for my
mental health, and I'm putting singing above work. I want
to be like with the podcast every day and with
my tour, I had to cut out all my social interactions.
No more phone calls with friends, um, and no more singing.
And I used to sing every single day and play
guitar and I had to take it out and I
realized I was getting depressed. And so I'm taking the

(22:45):
podcast down to one day a week until the end
of the year to see where I am with my
abrasions on my chords, my perfect chords that are all
fucked up again now and um. But during that time,
I just and I feel guilty because I want still
I was crying about it to Chris last night because
I'm like, I want to still sing, but like, and
I want to socialize, but it feels like how can

(23:07):
I get away with that? If I'm not people are
gonna be like, oh, you're singing on now, but you're
not working, so like, how can you do? But why?
It's like, because I want to Sometimes I feel like
work always has to come first and and in some
ways it does if you, like are contractually obligated to
do something. My heart has been so cool and they

(23:28):
have allowed me to take a break from the podcast.
Doing it four days a week. Four days a week
was something that I originally conceived of because it was
during the pandemic. It was when I wasn't doing stand
up as much, and it just made sense for my life.
But things change, and it just doesn't make as much
sense for my life right now, especially with this damage,
to do it um every single day. It's just too

(23:50):
taxing on my voice, and it makes it so I
can't hang out with friends, I can't do anything else
those days are sing. So just doing it one day
a week until the end of the year and then
we'll reassess. But I hope you understand, and I understand
that it's frustrating to some of you who depend on
this every single day. And then there are others of you,
because I mentioned this on Instagram Live the other night,

(24:11):
others of you that were like I stopped listening to
the podcast because it was every day and I couldn't
keep up. So it's going to benefit some people, and
it's going to annoy some people, and I hope that
you those who it annoys will understand final thoughts that
you feel guilty about doing things that are not making

(24:32):
you money with your energy. When you complain about work
taking so much of your energy, and then as soon
as you get free energy, you're like, I should be
putting this towards work, but instead you want to do
something else. Do you ever feel that way? Oh? Yeah, absolutely.
You have a little time off and you wanna watch
some stupid show or go for a walk, and you're like,

(24:53):
I should be doing data entry or figuring I I
there's a million endless things on my to do list
I haven't finished. But we always forget that self care
stuff will pay off. It just doesn't seem like it
in the moment. But a nap massage, uh most the
fourth Columbine book. Yeah, I'm now really yeah, I'm at

(25:20):
the end of the last Combine book I can find,
and I love it so much, and I'm gonna miss um.
You could probably write the Black Adventures I've been on
with these boys. Wait, I was kidding when I said that.
What did you say? No, you could probably write a book?
At this point, I know, I was thinking that, like,
I could do a Columbine podcast at least, Guys, what
if I took off this podcast and I didn't? It

(25:41):
was like, so now I'm doing three supplemental Columbine podcasts
a week. I honestly could because I could have on.
I mean, no one wants to relive that except me
every day. But I, um, yeah, about about like what
it is I don't know, like spiritually or like why,

(26:02):
like what it is that attracts you to It's so much.
I don't think people are going to want to hear
this though I know the answer. Okay, like the newly
wed game, I'm going to think of it. But then
who tells it first? Me? Are you what I think?
Nikki will answer, yeah, please tell me what you think,
and I'll tell you if you're in or wrong, and
that if we're going a date tonight. Okay. Nicky's fascinated

(26:23):
with psychopaths and sociopaths. She's also fascinated with wondering if
her brain is at all like the brain of a
psychopath or a sociopath or even someone on the spectrum.
So she's always taking these quizzes to be like, to
try and figure out where she falls on this spectrum
or like if she's normal or not. And she relates
a lot to the darkness of some of these guys

(26:44):
that have suicidal ideations and like, you know, want to
take people out. She would never want to take someone
out or be violent, but she's fascinated with the darkness
of wanting to check out of this lifetime and um
that they had the courage. That's the wrong ing ing
Nick Nick Ni Ning Ning. I didn't have to. I

(27:06):
didn't realize, you know, there is a morbid curiosity. I
want to just go back. I just really don't want
people to think I'm yeah, I want to go I
wouldn't like to go back to this team. I would
like to go back to Santa Barbara. That was so
fucking fun. Anya and me and my mom last Thursday
after we recorded the podcast, UM, my mom and I

(27:29):
went up to um Santa Barbara and met Anya and
we say, at this hotel called the California and that
is so nice. And if you saw my Instagram, my
mom created a new sensation that I want to do
with her on TikTok or something, and it's just her
going to hotels and going look at this, look at
the Wisconsins. I mean Look at the detail on this

(27:50):
bad curtains. Look at this just yes, Oh my god,
Oh my god, look at this. Look at the rock
and tiles. Oh my god, look at look at this
lap of marvel. Nicky, you don't understand they could do tile.
They didn't. These are slabs of tile. Oh that massage.

(28:12):
She did things. She woke up some things I didn't
even know I need to be woken up that we're asleep.
She I don't even know if it was good for me,
to be honest, because I know about things now that
she said she woke up. She's a part of her
woke up that had been born for a while. And

(28:32):
Nicki and I were like, I don't even know what
that is. And then she's like, I don't think that
was good for me. I think that should have stayed.
I'm like, no, Julie, it's good to remember you're alive. No,
my mom is a broken woman. Don't forget that. The
night that we were at my dad's show and Chris
asked my mom she was gonna get up and saying,
and she goes, no, I'm a broken woman. Chris and
he could not stop laughing. And she goes, and then

(28:53):
and then the other last night, we were watching Love
Is Blind, and after one of the girls gets broken
up with at the altar, her mom keeps going, I
am broken, I am broken, And I called my mom's
gonna pair up with this woman. Do a lit's fair
of broken women. A broken woman is a perfect name
for the memoir of Julie Glazer. Let me just stay

(29:23):
what let me just say that. So I'm doing a
show in Santa Barbara and NICKI introduced me, which made
me cry. It was the nicest introduction ever, trying to
up girl I wanted. I didn't want you to sound
too good. I was like, I'm going to get her
clept as shit. It was weird. I cannot sing. What
did I say? That? Just you were like doing like

(29:45):
a hybrid of what I usually do on stage, was
like how we met, but it was so genuine. Never
gets me emotional. I'm just I don't remember. You're just like, no,
you say the nicest things about me every night because
I can't hear them because it's too nice. Reminded me
like Amy introduced us, like uh, and then we just

(30:09):
got on like wildfire right away. That make you cry anymore?
I just just like read to introduced you guys. Yeah,
Amy was how did Amy was a fan of Anya's
and Amy as you know good Amy fashion was just
like open for me to Anya, right or like do
my show? Like she just reached it. You just need

(30:31):
to do a comedy to do a set on them.
But how did you guys know each other? Anyway? She
reached Kate Walsh was coming to my show in l
A once and she was like, my friend Amy Schumer
wants to come. Is that cool? Put her on the
list and I was like the comic this is in
like two thousand nine or some or two thousand ten,
two thou and I was like, yeah, she goes, can
I give you the sum boom before the shumor boom?

(30:54):
I remember she was doing that comedy remember Bridgetown? Does
that still and important? Yeah? Oh yeah. She she called
me and she was like, sorry, I couldn't make it
to your l A show, but I'm obsessed with you.
And she's like you'll never guess where I am. I'm
on a couple's cruise with my sister. We accidentally bought

(31:15):
tickets on a couple's cruise. She was like a romantic
cruise with her sister, which we're laughing so hard and um,
and then she's like, I want to keep in touch
with you, so we did. We hung out in Portland
once with my sister, which was fun and like we're
all going through breakups at the time, and we had
this very emotional, kind of fun conversation about that. And
then when I came to New York on tour, I

(31:36):
was like, Amy, will you do a set with me?
Todd Berry was going to do something and gave Liedman
and Max Silvestry and I don't read any book books
We love this joke videos. It's like, um, I don't
read any books talking. It's just sorry. But she was like,

(32:00):
I can't, I'm not in town. You should check out
Nikky Glazer. And then I was like, Nicky Glazer. I
started listening to your podcast you had with Sarah Schaeffer,
and I got like three episodes deep, and I was
just like, this girl is really honest and really cool,
and I just and then I reached out to you
and we met and I did your podcast and then

(32:20):
we started having dinner every night, and then you were like,
moved to New York and then I moved to New
York and we moved in together. I remember talking down
to you, like, welcome to the city, honey, I'm going
to show you run because I thought you were younger
than me. I thought you were so much younger than me.
You can't like tan, you were so tann. I remember

(32:40):
like this long blonde hair and you're just like, hey, girl,
how are you? Just Like I was like, she's busy,
this lady. She's a busy lady. What is her alive?
So I was probably up on the before I learned
how to manage. Oh I hadn't. I'm just running around
town where you were doing. That's right, because we moved
in together right after that, it got picked up. Yeah

(33:03):
that's true. Um, yeah, I was. That was God, you
were such I needed to get out of my apartment
so fucking bad. At the time, I was living with
this girl who was so depressed and we didn't talk
to each other, and I would just come in and like,
do you ever live with a roommate where you just
don't want to talk to them or like ever runing them?
So you both like kind of creep around the apartment,
like you hear one door shut and then you're like, Okay,
I'm good to go and then they then they do

(33:26):
the same thing for you where it's like that you
guys never cross paths. That's what it was like living
with this girl. And I was blieming at the time,
and so I was like she I knew she hated
me because I was like throwing up every day and
like I was trying to clean the toilet, but I
also had to clean up her mess in the toilet
because like that's the worst part about being bulimed, because
you have to like clean so many toilets, and like
it's so disgusting. It's just it's better if you live

(33:46):
on your own. So like only try to believe me
on your own now, I'm just kidding. It's discussing either way,
and not disgusting like judgmental. It's just like gross. You
have to deal with a lot of vomit. So I
was living with her, she hated me. I was trying
to like eat normally, but every day I would go
to this disgusting bodega about my house and get like
the same. Like sometimes I walk into like you know,
there's some bodegos or grocery stores in New York and
they just you go to like a bad grocery store,

(34:07):
like a cheap grocery shore, and it just smells like
that cold rotted meat, Like it just smells like that
deli section has that it's like rotted meat, but they're
refrigerating it like it just so it's like it doesn't
smell like hot. It's just disgusting that smell. And I
still smell it sometimes and it reminds me of when
I used to come home from sets late at night
and just go and get and the guys knew me.

(34:29):
Talk about everyone knowing your name. I would go in
there and they would always just like laugh at me
because I would get the same like binge foods that
were like easy to puke, and it was just so gross,
Like I can't even tell you what I ate, because
it was such a weird, like amalgamation of just if
you have eaten disorders, you know how weird the foods
can get. So it was just I need to get
out of that so bad, and I didn't know how,

(34:50):
and I just I think gotten started going to my
my abusive doctor, my abusive and so I was kind
of getting out of the therapist. Yeah, my therapist. Yeah,
thank you for reminding people UM. I called her my
abusive therapist so many times that no one noted that
it sounded like her name was Maya my abusive and

(35:12):
so dr abuse if I started seeing her. So it's
kind of like climbing out of feeling better. And then
all of a sudden, this angel landed into my life
and I was like, please, let's get a place, and
then we moved in together right after Sandy. I think,
UM Hurricane Sandy was like right, it had hit, and
then that I think the January I remember I got
a migraine that night. It was October I think was

(35:34):
Halloween two World and I was supposed to have my
show was starting in in two thousand thirteen. I didn't
want to have an eating disorder during the show. I
didn't want to drink anymore during the show. I had
quit drinking the week year before because I had gotten
a pilot. UM and MTV had picked up a pilot
that we were going to shoot in January, and it
was like October when they picked it up, and UM.

(35:58):
I quit December eleven during King and so I was
sober by the time I started working in television, but
I then it just got so anyway, it was just
perfect timing. And then we moved into that place and
I could afford it because I got this TV show
and and then it was just bliss. Living with you
was so fun. It was such a fun roommate situation.
But yeah, so we went to Santa Barbara and I
made on Your Cry, Yeah, and then I played a

(36:21):
set and I like got my ship together after Nicki's
amazing intro, and then I brought Nikki up and speaking
of vocal rest and the surgery and everything, I was,
I mean, I hear you saying all the time, but
when we did AUNTI here, I was just like zoned
out at one point and just watching, like holy hell. Like,
by the way, we have played really nice theaters with

(36:41):
amazing sound systems. This was a tiny bar in a
beautiful hotel, and the p A was like a tiny
box that the DJ plugged me into. And it sounded
so good. You're like hitting every note perfect key, and
it was just so fun, and I don't know, there
was so fun. You were so good. It was like

(37:02):
I get to watch on you every night open for me,
but it's like I watched it from the side of
the stage. I'm usually like still doing my makeup and
changing and stuff and getting ready for the show, so
I don't get to fully absorb. But it was just
one of those moments of like, oh my god, my
friend is as talented as Taylor Swift, Like, but she
doesn't really have to try that hard because you don't.
Like I really had the realization of like, she's just

(37:23):
as good as Taylor Swift, which is you know, I
told Nya this this past weekend and she was like,
that is such high praise. And I would not say
that if I didn't mean it. I don't doll that out.
I don't expect anyone to be as talented as Taylor Swift.
No one. You can be have as talented Taylor as
Taylor Swift and still be one of my favorite artists.
But Anya is as talented as Taylor Swift in terms

(37:43):
of songwriting. Sorry, Taylor, I know that you want to
be the only one, and I would be the same
way if I were you, But there's other people you
were right there As a regular listener, she's at home,
like funk this bit, going from four days a week
to one. She be like, I'm just seventy two dates
to my Era store and by the way, thank you do. Um.

(38:05):
Some besties wrote to me yesterday and I'm getting hooked
up with tickets from besties who have who have got
you know, they signed up for two different I don't
even know how the thing works, but I guess there's
a couple of besties that got to waiting lists things
and they're like, you can have my tickets. Um, not
have them, but like buy them from me. So I'm
buying some tickets from one bestie. I'm gonna go see

(38:26):
her on I think August eighth in Los Angeles. So
I have guaranteed tickets August eighth. And then I did
right to my agent and said, please, please please help me,
and he said he would. So I'm very excited about that.
But I'm going to spend so much money on Taylor
Swift tickets in the new year. I'm not getting them
all for free. I'm not using my privilege. I'm using
a little bit. But I'm gonna spend some money. And

(38:48):
I'm very excited. But it was a clusterfix yesterday. I'm
making three for one. Um, okay, but that's not bad,
which that's not great. I mean, that's that's because she's done.
Because I'm gonna go travel to see her, and I'm

(39:09):
going to see her ten times. So that's three thousand
dollars at least on tickets plus travel, plus hotels plus
I'm definitely going to spend more than three on the
ticket because those tickets aren't the closest tickets and I'm
going to get close up at some point. And right
now on stubbub they're going for ten tho dollars tickets. Yeah,
I think the cheapest one is like four hundred. It's

(39:31):
it's gotten so bad. Yesterday that Congress is like starting
to talk about how ticket Master and Live Nation needs
to be broken up. Yeah, someone was saying that Taylor
should start her own ticketing company, Taylor Tickes and interesting,
I bet you she will. Um and then yeah, so

(39:52):
Santa Barbara was so freaking fun and we hung up
with my mom and after the show, after an amazing oh,
we went and by the way, this girl came up
to me after the show. I hate this kind of
fan interaction. She was like, hi, um, okay, I like
don't know who you are at all, but apparently you're

(40:13):
like a big deal. But like my friend over there
is like obsessed with you. And like, you need to
and I go, I, actually, it's a loud bar. I'm
not supposed to be talking at all. Like my voice
coach said to me, Nikki, I don't go to anywhere
loud like I don't go to parties. I don't go
to loud places like you don't. That's if you are
mindful of your voice. You just don't talk in loud

(40:33):
of places. You don't do it. And so I'm at
this place and all of a sudden, as soon as
I was done, they crank up the DJ, cranks up
the music again. People are drunk and like screaming in
my ear, and I'm like, I gotta get out of here.
And this woman right when I'm making my exit, she's like,
you need to talk to my friend, and I go,
I can't really talk. I just had vocal chord surgery.

(40:53):
And of course she's probably thinking, well, I just heard
you saying of course you can talk. Can I tell
you the number of people? And I'm not kidding you.
It's literally everyone in my life that I tell. Yeah,
I just got back from the doctor. They say I
shouldn't talk as much anymore. Having to take a break
from that. Oh tell me more about that. Let's talk
more about that. Take a fucking hint. I'm not supposed

(41:16):
to talk. Stop talking to me. If someone said to
me I have to talk to stop talking and my
doctor's notice to stop talking, I would say, then don't
talk anymore. Okay, we're done with this conversation. It's not
that I don't want to talk to any of these people,
but I've had so many conversations about the fact that
I can't talk that keep going with more and more

(41:37):
questions after I've said it, and I feel like I'm
using my fucking mind, Like I don't know how to
tell these people. You know, the other day, I didn't
get a phone call and I go, again, I can't.
I have to just go I've talked too much. My
voice hurts by and I like I just had to
hang up because it was there was no getting off,
because they just want to talk more. People don't take
hints anyway. This woman goes, you have to come talk

(41:59):
to my friends, and again like I don't know who
you are. I don't really care who you are, like
that kind of thing of like maybe she didn't say
I don't care, but she was like, I don't know
who you are. I guess you're a big deal, but like,
I have no clue, which I don't give a funk
if you don't know who I am. I don't think
anyone knows. I don't walk around thinking people know who
I am. It literally does not cross my mind most
times that I'm someone that anyone would know. UM, and

(42:22):
I go, I can't really talk. I can take a
picture with him, though, And so I go over and
she goes, sit down down, talk to him, Sit down
and talk to him. Someone tells me, and I look
at her. I was like no, and she goes, she
pulls up the stool, she goes, sit down, sit down,
and I go, I'm not I just told you. I
can't talk. I can take a picture, list take a picture.
And he's like, I'm a big fan. I've been listening
since this time. And I'm like, oh my god, that's

(42:43):
so nice. Thank you. Um and he's like holding my
hand a little too long kind of thing, you know.
And then and then he I go, you have a
good friend here, she you know, keep and I'm like,
why don't you come over, sir if you want to
meet me? So bid I do like when people go
friends embarrassed. She really likes you. This guy like wanted
me to come to him, you know that kind of thing.

(43:05):
He was like, I'm not going to her, and he
was kind of like flirty in a way, so he
thought maybe this move would get like And so I
took a picture with him, and she kept trying to
get me around. But this whole thing, I'm like, I
don't know who you are. It's the same people as
like I don't know the TV. Okay, it's like assuming
that you don't have feelings. So then we went to

(43:26):
dinner afterwards, and I just got to say, my mom
is so fucking funny. You guys already know that. All
my fans already know that, Like everyone around me knows that.
I've always known it too. It's why I've put her
on my TV show and had her on my podcast
so many times. She is so delightfully funny. And we
just had such a great time we you know, she
visited l A and did the show with me, and

(43:46):
then she did the podcast, and I just love how
much my boyfriend loves her, and it just laughs at
everything she says and everything she does, like my mom goes.
He just looks at me and he laughs, I don't
even get it, like, but he just I think that's
one of the reasons I love my boyfriend so much
was how much he loves my mom, and like, I
am turning into my mom. There's no doubt about it.

(44:08):
It is happening. It is like it's all that. It
just seems like I'm like transitioning into my mother. Like
I just see things. I'll be like sitting in a
certain way, or I'll be tapping on my phone with
both my fingers, or I'll be like I don't get it,
you know, I'll just say things where I go. You know,
we all have those moments of like, I'm turning into
my mother. But it's nice that my boyfriend is like, yeah,

(44:29):
I keep going. It's start like, don't turn into your mother.
But he loves my mom. But she was cracking us
up at dinner, was dying she see my favorite moment
of the year, yeah, having when she was getting mad
about something in the past and she was just like

(44:52):
and then I told them you fuck off, I'll funk
or whatever. I was like, oh, I see Nikki, like
when she gets really mad about something, and he did,
and she's like going back in the past and thinking
about this moment she and she was like I couldn't
believe it. I was just like, this is out of control,
absolutely not. And I'm like, oh, she's infuriated, And I
was a man. I would slow them all down with

(45:12):
my sod off shot what mom And my mom is
in the colum mine too, By the way, I don't
think for the same reasons, what is wrong with me
that I have these? I just want to be normal?
Does anyone else just ever want to be normal? And
I think that's the thing I struggle with most of
my life, is like I just want to be like

(45:32):
everyone else. And I know that's like my differences are
what sets me apart. But I really struggle with why
can't I just be like everyone else? And gets to
define what normal is? Though I do. I do. I'm
special and I know like I might not be good.
I don't like who I am, but I damn well
know who I want to be, Like I have great

(45:54):
taste in who I want to be and I want
to be Like if I could make a collage of
who I was, it would be it would just be
Reese Witherspoon. That girl can get away with anything. I
saw rumors yesterday and Demi about her being a like
not nice person on set, and for some reason, everyone's like,
but her job's really hard, Like that's why she's not nice,
Like the amount of pressure she's under. It's like it

(46:16):
makes sense. I'm like, why does this bitch get a pass?
But when I'm a little bit bitchy? It's like Nikki
as a personality disorder and she like, but Reese Witherspoon,
do I have to have a book club so people
let me be a little bit aggressive sometimes? Like why
does why does some people in entertainment get a get
a pass to be a little bit more like alpha,

(46:38):
a little bit more like bitchy sometimes or whatever, and
then others like you'll get canceled for it. I just
don't understand, but I do wish I was more like
Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston on Your Marina, Kirsten Floorman, Noah,
I wish I were, like I wish I were like
all of it. I just want to be like just
like talk like this and like I'm like, yeah, that

(46:58):
sounds like a good idea, Like I'm I'm not making
fun of you. I really wish and I talked like
this and we're just like yeah, and it just like
really felt good. And I don't know, I'm just I
really I watched up a leaf today and it was
just block so beautiful, and then I and the person,

(47:20):
ye dark, But I want to know there are none
of you that are like, okay, we like you just
didn't remember Noah's favorite music to make love too. Yeah,
but that's like cute and endearing. She's not like Anthrax.
Yeah I should that's nothing. That's not it's weird, but

(47:45):
it doesn't say anything. It's not her doing it right.
But I can't speak to much, but I know when
I'm in an argument with someone, I'm definitely not like.
And then a leaf was falling delicately from the tree. No,
I feel like you're like very much like that's it's
really hard, okay, like like that's I wish I got

(48:06):
no fight over the last couple of days, and I
was like, I wish I had not reacted. I wish
I had just been like, M, thank you for sharing
that and agree to disagree, but I have a great day. Instead,
I wasted two hours being like, why don't you go
fuck yourself and stay out of my busin. Yeah, okay,
so maybe I'm normal. That's good to know. Okay, let's go,

(48:28):
let's go to come back with Reddit dump. It is
time for Reddit Dumb karaoke mode. This is your Reddit
dumb all right. This one comes from anti natalism, which
is people that are the subredit for people who um

(48:50):
don't like people having kids. They think the world is
full of kids enough, and that all they do is
like they're kind of troll, like they're not nice people
like the subredit. I don't post in. I'm not supporting
that these people. These people hate people who are putting
more people in this world. And all they posted stuff
about like bad parents and they're like, yeah, these people
are the people that are having kids. Great more of us.

(49:11):
So this is an interesting one, it said, and it
was a screenshot of a question that someone had as
a parent. So the title was these breeders are insane.
They call them breeders. Just thought to drop this here.
And then this question is from a person a person
with kids? Am I weird for having sex while a woman?
Am I? Am I weird for having sex with a
woman in a studio apartment while her kids sleep? I

(49:34):
told her, what are you doing. She said, they are
heavy sleepers and there are no rooms. L O, L
let me clarify. One was like eight months, the other
was too. What do you guys think two year old
and an eight months? What? What was that? Okay, we
have a different opinions here. Noah says, no, not good. Gross?
What really like that they don't remember anything? I think

(49:59):
it probably still lives like at that age, kids are
like sponges. They just absorb so much more information because
they can't really communicate that much with their voice, so
they have to be hyper aware of their surrounding that
I think it just will seep in somewhere and traumatize
them in some shape or form. I I'm torn too.

(50:22):
Is if they're sleep and you're being really quiet, then
I'm okay with it, But it's still kind of kills
the mood that same studio, studio, get out, find it,
find another time. Maybe if there's like a curtain or

(50:45):
like some kind of you know how often this kind
of thing is happening all the fucking time that kids
are the privileged point of view to be like, go
into another room. Some people don't have another room. Yeah,
they don't have other rooms and they need to make
some kids because clear their lives are going great because
they have two kids in a studio apartment and they
need more. Um. But that's that's judgmental to people. Does

(51:07):
that you know, deserve sexual pleasure even if you have
kids and you're not trying to procreate. Um. Yeah, I
I think when do kids start remembering? Though? Like when when?
I mean that woman the other night came out to
me until shared her molestation with me, and she was like,
I was a baby and my dad molested me, So
like how did she remember that? Like repressed memories get

(51:28):
brought up. We need to have like a psychologist on
here to talk to us about this because I don't
know when memories start. But I think at two you're
probably safe to not remember anything. But no, you're not
wrong that like just the air of if your parents,
like even waking up and hearing your mom going like
might just confuse you as a baby, you know what
I mean, Like that might create a little bit of

(51:51):
like why is mom? Is mom dying? Like even though
babies can't really you know, intellectualize is she dying? It
would just cause alarm. So mom grew up in one
room with her whole family in Russia, so I'm sure
she heard some stuff. I asked her once. I was like,
did you ever hear your parents having sex? She's like,
I don't know. I'm sure they did it. I don't know.

(52:12):
I don't think about it. So that's a yes. Sounds
like yes out and clear. I don't think about it.
I just put they put the baby outside in the snowdrift,
and then they went inside and had fucking. They sucked
each other. You cut your breast and put the energy

(52:32):
into it. These are all different things that his mom
has said over the years. Okay, so here's one. This
is just good to know. You should know. This is
from you should Know y s K. You should know.
Women experiencing domestic abuse who are choked by their partners
are eight times more likely to be subsequently murdered by
those partners. So this is just a good rule of

(52:55):
thumb for anyone out there. If your boyfriend's thumb print
is on your neck, you were times more likely to
be murdered by him. And I just thought this was interesting.
It's like, being strangled is such a sign that you
want to you have no respect for someone's life, and
you want to like get the life out of them,
that it is a future indicator that if you've been

(53:15):
strangled in a domestic violent situation where even once like
your boyfriend just was like shut up and like grabbed
your throat and not in a sexual way where you
were like agreeing upon it, because otherwise I should have
had the honey hills. But like, um, if it was
you know, if it's a passionate like you know, like
anger thing, um, watch out, and even if he's never

(53:36):
hit you before. And then there's a checklist of like
if you are likely to get murdered by your husband. Um,
and it's really disturbing, but I just thought it was
an interesting thing. Like I wouldn't think that that was
the number one indicator that you're most more than likely
to die if a guy strangled you. I know. Um okay, Uh,
this one was shitty life pro tips. This is um

(53:58):
just like a kind of there's you know, life hacks,
life pro tips, but this one's like a shitty one
and they're just always like jokey ones, but I think
this one was funny. Um, shitty life pro tip. If
someone corrects your grammar online, apologize and say you're English.
Is not very good. It's technically not a lie, but
they will feel bad and likely compliment your English, like

(54:19):
if you just really funk up, like most people on
YouTube comments are writing just unintelligible things that you just
are like, and you could insult them and say like
it's actually your with an apostrophe, and they're like, well, English,
I'm not very good at English, and then you automatically
think that this second language. But it's just true. So
I thought that would be a good tip. Br Andrew. Okay,

(54:39):
so psychology is the next one. Um, oh, this one
was interesting. Psychology Dressing up and begging a panhandler earns
twice as much money wearing a suit versus T shirt
and jeans. What do you guys think make of this?
Twice as much money? If a panhandler is wearing a
suit and I kind of pictured myself walking down the
street and see being someone panhandling and then pictured like

(55:05):
them wearing a suit, and how I would feel And
it almost looks like, man, this guy just got laid off,
his wife kicked him out. This guy is like just
broken down on the side of the road, like his
life just changed. This isn't someone that's made a serious
bad decisions. It was like something happened just today. Maybe
that is it, but it just seems like almost counterintuitive
that it wouldn't work that way. You know, right, you're

(55:28):
right because you're thinking you have money, you have a suit,
like why should I give you money? But I can
have to say the opposing like oh, let's help this
guy get him get on his feed again, or girl,
you got dressed for work today, but you just lost
your jobs, so here you are at the corner instead
as an alternative, whereas if someone drags were like, this

(55:48):
is too far gone, My dollar is not going to
help much. M The simple but effective field experiment showed
that people donated more than twice as much money to
the scientists when he was wearing a high status suit
compared to when he was drabbed in a lower status outfit.
UM While we expected that the displaying high status symbols
would lead to an increase in giving, I was still
surprised by the size of the sufference. Why would they

(56:09):
expect it to be more? I feel like I hear
so often you know that homeless guy had a cell phone,
I'm not giving anything to him, Like you would think
that the more sad someone looks and I just thought
that was interesting and I don't know what they concluded.
The results confirmed that people perceived the suit wearing researcher
as having higher status than the same person wearing simple attire.
They also rated the researcher in the suit as having

(56:30):
higher competence, warmth, similarity to the self, and humanity. So
I guess we give to situations that we more closely
see ourselves in. So if we can empathize with the
situation closer, we are more likely to give to that
and be like that. That could be me and we
A guy in a suit is more like us than something.
So it's so funny that even giving in the end

(56:51):
turns out to be just a selfish endeavor. I'll add
this to my diet tribe of reasons to to my
journal of scribblings and drawings. Final thought, No, you have
a video that I sent to you from Reddit. Okay, yes,
this comes from pop culture chat the people reaching for something,

(57:13):
which is why I hate paid meet and greets. You've
paid for the album, you've paid for the ticket, you
get him in the room, and somebody's gone. How do
we monetize that? I hate tell you what you do
paid me and greets do them? I stand by it,
But you take the money. If you're an artist and
you do paid meet and greets, do it and you

(57:34):
take the money off, oh I take the money. I
challenge it. It's fucking gross. It's absolutely fuck yourself. Guy
from the you know what, paid meet and greet, then
I would meet no one. It's either I do it
paid or I meet no one. And it's not because
I want to make money off of it. I could
give two ships about the money. It's it's I like

(57:56):
the money. I'm appreciate that people pay the money to
meet me, but I can't meet everyone, and I'm guarantee
you this motherfucker does not. He does v I p
meet and greets with like record labels and like their
kids that get hooked up with meeting greets. But this
guy isn't waiting after shows and you can't meet Matt
Heally from the if you go to his show, guess what,

(58:16):
you don't get a chill. You don't get a chance
to meet him because he doesn't have paid meet and
greets and he doesn't have an unpaid meet and greets.
So this guy is acting like he meets everyone after
the show. If you want to meet me, let's have
a really interaction. No, you don't. You don't mean anyone.
You stay backstage, You don't mean anyone. I after shows
spend a fucking hour meeting people, and I love doing it.
It's part of my it's one of my favorite things.

(58:37):
So don't make me feel bad about monetizing it when
I wouldn't. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it
if I didn't monetize it because it would be too
many people. So it's either you don't do a meet
and greet at all, or you do a paid one.
And this made me so mad that they're like, it's
fucking gross. It's fucking gross. It's like, no, you you're
not telling the whole story. Wash your hair, Matt Heally,

(59:01):
This made me so mad. I saw it a couple
of weeks ago. I wanted to send it to you.
It's privileged for to two reasons. One, he's a very
wealthy musician doing well. He doesn't probably need to do
paid meet and greets because his ticket sales are high.
Second and greets. There's no way he does meet and greets.
Do you think that guy meets. How could be How
could he weed out the people to meet thousands of

(59:23):
people at their show? What is he what to hear?
What he does for meet and greets? Then there is
no meet and great Also, it's such virtue signaling like
I'm so k I'm not going to do that. I'm
going to just meet people freely, which he's not going
to do. Secondly, he's not doing really there are guess what,
you're a guy. For a woman who's out there, like
Nikki or any woman who's famous, you need to separate

(59:47):
people who just any old person who could potentially hurt
you from people who are serious. You know what one
deterrent is is to pay to kill paid meet and greet. Yeah,
you gotta pay, and there's security guards, there's a all
kinds of precautionary measures. So it's really easy for him
to say that he's a guy, it's not too worried
about his safety, and he's wealthy. Um. Can you imagine

(01:00:09):
how long do you think I would be after? Uh? Literally,
I would have no time to do even one podcast
a week. I would stop touring if I had to
do meet and greets after shows for everyone who wanted
to do it unpaid and I had no paywall up.
And by the way, I give away free meet and
greets constantly have to meet and greets I do are
freak because someone comes up to the merch booth and
says I can't afford it. We give him a free one.

(01:00:31):
Someone writes me and goes I can't afford it, or
someone goes alone. That's why I've done the free meet
and greet alone. I'm not trying to make money off
of people. I'm just trying to cut down on the
number because the problem is if everyone, if everyone's allowed
to get a meet and greet, then they do. Then
they do it. And these people don't really care about
meeting me. They just want to fucking picture because they
see other people doing it. So if you really want one,
I'll give you a free meet and greet right to me.

(01:00:53):
Just try it out. I'll give you a free one.
But this really made me mad because I if youre
have you ever met met Matt healely? Have you ever
tried to meet him? Has it been easy? Did you?
I know you didn't have to pay, but what did
was there a little thing after the show where you
get to line up? Because if there was. I'll take
back everything I said. If this guy waits after shows

(01:01:13):
and does a meet and greet with everyone that wants
to meet him, that is, and there's no paywall or
no like, no kind of v I P pass you need, which,
by the way, is a paywall. I don't care if
your dad knows a guy that works at um, you know,
uh fucking you know Live Nation, that's that is a
that's a paywall of some kind that your rich dad

(01:01:36):
knew some other rich guy that got you a meet
and greet backstage. So UM, I like the nine and
UM but I just thought this was just so good.
By the way, meet and greets are available, And like you,
I said, if you write me and say you can't
afford it, I will give you a free one. I'm
never and I really will. And that's the only time

(01:01:56):
I'm going to say that. So if you hear it, good.
I don't think that, but I don't get the shaming
around it. It's where we live in a capitalist society.
If you want to meet the artist, there's an opportunity
you get like a few minutes with them, you can
get something signed, you have an interaction, and you can
either choose to buy it or not. It's not forced
upon you. So what's the country but my time and

(01:02:19):
my attention and fans they deserve They deserve my time
and they just like I want it, and she's a person,
she has it. That's a good that goes back to
me like I'm not I'm cutting back on podcast, but
I want to spend my time singing on Instagram where
I'm not making any money. And it's like, why is
she doing that? If she could be doing this like
we we want to do we want her in the
way that we And this is not any of the

(01:02:42):
fans listening right now. This is on falling on deaf
ears because you guys are not the people that I'm
talking to. But um yeah, there is that thing of like,
but I want it, and if you don't get like
just do you know how many times people are like,
get over here, take a picture with my friend, came here.
We want to do this now, we want to do
a video, Barbara, Well come over here, just wait, stand

(01:03:04):
on this side. Wait and I just hold and yelling
at at Matt who's taking pictures and being like, um no,
take another one. Oh my god, this is so blurry
and just being such cunts about it, like this is
still someone, this is still my time. I'm happy to
give it. And I really do love meet and greets.
When people come up and say, I know you hate this,
I'm so sorry. I don't hate it. I don't. I

(01:03:25):
promise you I don't. It is more fun for me
than the show a lot of times. Truly. I love
meeting fans and I didn't used to like it, and
I genuinely like it now. I'm so glad I can
say that. But when you boss around the people that
are taking pictures, when you don't say thank you, when
you hand your phone too or he hands your phone
back to you, when you don't say like, it's really bothers.

(01:03:47):
Some you don't. You're too entitled. I don't care what
you paid, you still say thank you. And that's not
what I'm talking to here, because you guys are all
cool and nice. Um. I'm in Burlington for month. This
week I am in um Providence, Rhode Island. Next week
i'll be um the Grand Marshal of the Thanksgiving Day
Parade there in St. Louis. To come see me seeing
the National Anthem downtown. If you want to do that
and then um uh, and then the following week, I'm

(01:04:10):
in Memphis, and then there's Atlantic City. There's Hershey, Pennsylvania.
There is Waterloo and New York, and then um St.
Louis for New Year's Eve and many many more dates
all at Nikki Glazer dot com. I would love to
meet you. Meet and greets available at Meet and Greet,
And if you go alone, you can write me going alone,
the name, your name, and the city, and I will
give you a free meet and greet. And because you

(01:04:30):
listen to the special episode, if you just can't afford
to meet and greet and you go in a group,
I'll grant you one of those two. Just write me
and just tell me in your situation. I'm appreciative that
you even go to my show. I love you guys,
thank you for listening. And uhbeka gee

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Host

Nikki Glaser

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#297 Why We Can’t Talk About Steve?