December 21, 2022 • 53 mins
Nikki is joined by one of her favorite comedians and friend Rachel Feinstein. They talk about Rachel's camel toe being spotlighted on stage, how to tell someone they have something in their teeth and how Nikki tried to use one of Rachel's bits to send her boyfriend a message about nicknames. They discuss scenes and takes of Netflix's Harry & Meghan, gossip page Deux Moi and how to exit social situations. Rachel talks about being a trouble maker in High School and finding certain pranks funny. Nikki wonders about how Rachel deals with her daughter growing up and learns how a kid can be a good hang. In the Final Thought they both relate to not being germaphobes.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Nick Here's Nicky. Hello here, I
am Cynicki Laser Podcast. Welcome to the show. Um, let's
just get right into it. Um, I'm feeling a little
stuffy in the head. I have like an ear infection
(00:21):
right now. Guys, So if I seem um just kind
of like gross sounding, that's what's going on. But I'm
feeling fine, especially because I'm so excited about our guest today.
You know, um, how I feel about this person because
I talk about her all the time. She's like the
funniest person I know. And she's also just getting prettier
and prettier every week and it's bothersome. But I'm also
happy about it. And she probably won't take that compliment
(00:43):
because she never does. It's the funniest person I know.
Rachel find Seine, thank you. Hi. Oh my god, you
look so good. We both have layered necklaces on, like
we're trying like, how is your layered necklace journey been?
Because it I know you and this is not an
easy thing for us to do. No, it's always how
do they I feel like there's always a delicate type
of woman, just some woman that sucking Maine with the
(01:05):
father that was protective and she and she doesn't have
these strings, like the back comes from the front and
people and people clean me throughout the day. I usually
have like a sticker. I had like a Reformation tag
on my drone. I had a tag on my shirt.
The other day, I was I was doing a show
and I think it was Burlington Vermont, and I just
(01:26):
bought a new outfit at Urban Outfitters that day, like
half price, Like it was like the whole off. It
was fifteen. I was very proud of myself. And then
I I was wearing a shirt for the first part
and I took it off at the very beginning of
my set, Like I took out this T shirt and
I had on this like cute top underneath, and it
had a tag on it, and the whole crap. Like
I could just feel the like they were off, you know,
(01:47):
like sometimes you feel the crowds off and you're like
it's something on my face and they're like, no, you're
just not funny. But I could just tell something was off.
And then finally I just kind of like was like
feeling behind my head and I was like, oh, this
tag is still on, and then they all were like, oh,
the relief And this is twenty minutes later, and I go,
how many of you already saw the tag? And they
all cheered so loud and I go, And then later
(02:09):
on they go, we thought it was part of the bit,
like that is not a bit. Well, I was going
to that would be a constructed jokes. These people think
that you made up like that, like some writers came
up with this wacky idea. Is it happens a lot?
I mean, you've been on stage that the your camel
toe story is one of my favorites. Yes, I was
(02:29):
on Thank You Niggy. I was on stage UM in
Alabama and this guy stood up in the middle of
my show and he was like, you have a camel toe.
That was a moment in my life that I was
expected to just live through and keep living after that.
And then these other women stood up across the room
and she was like, no, she doesn't have a camel tipe.
You know the same thing at first. So then it
(02:50):
was like a town hall meeting about my crotch. And
they all were disagreeing, and it's saying that one woman
goes it's the way the lad is smacking on her trail.
I still thinking on how she called my pants trousers?
But yeah, do you prefer someone telling you, like, there's
no delicate way to tell someone Like let's say we're
at the seller and we're in one of the booths
(03:12):
and we're all like, you're you're telling a story, and
we're all engaged, and you're like feeling like on and
you're like feeling in the moment, and someone there's no
comfortable way for me to tell you you have to
bully in your teeth without making you feel so insecure.
Like I've been trying to perfect a way to tell
people they have something without making them feel without making
them lose their spark because it takes. But at the
(03:33):
same time, their spark is going to be lost as
people stare at that thing in their teeth the entire story.
If there's a smear of broccoli and you're already gone,
it's not went. No, I'll take it anyway, and people
I rely on that service of people cleaning and picking
things off me. So at this point I barely hear
like the voice or how it said. I'm just like
(03:55):
very grateful for a team of people cleaning me. You know,
I was in a pool with Mark Norman and Shane Gillis,
which doesn't sound like the start of a good story,
but we were, we were about to do a show together.
We stuck into this hotel pool um and like you
know how when you go swimming, like a booger can
dislodge and like come down your face, Like a giant
(04:16):
booger was down my face And I'll never like it
still haunts me that Shane gills is, like, you have
a huge booker. It was just like, for some reason
it just made which is not Bookers are not inherently
everyone has them. It's just you're collecting. You're collecting dust.
It's not even like necessarily your own mucus. It's just
like the world's crap floating around you when you're sniffing
(04:36):
it in. But it is so embarrassing to have a
booger situation. But I guess there are some people in
the world that just don't have that, Like there are
certain girls. You and I both have this like fantasy
of these women that have perfect lives and just always
smell good, like I recently I've been saying on stage
and no one's ever told me I've smell good because
(04:57):
that's true. No one, it's ever. I really wies this.
No one's ever been like like when they hug you
and be like you's fell like every I always try
to imitate, like like a couple of girls that I
was very jealous of in high school. They just had
a natural delicateness to them and like those fathers that
would go you know, I always talk about how my
husband never puts his hand on my back like nobody's ever,
(05:17):
just like you know, carried me through a room like
nobody's ever, put me in a cab and referred to
me as like precious cargo. Everyone's like, see you over there.
Your stuff with your husband is so I mean it.
It really resonates with me because I have a boyfriend
who is very similar in the way that Like this weekend,
actually Rachel I was there was a victory moment for
(05:38):
me because I've been obsessed. If you weren't following Rachel
on Instagram, she puts up the funniest stuff. She's so
every single clip of yours is always funny. And it's
I tell this to people all the time, you know,
when I see someone and I go, oh, I watch
your clips. I need to let them know, because we're
just flooded with just stand up clips and podcast clips,
(05:58):
and it's rare that I find someone. I watch all
of their stuff, but I look so forward to anything
you put out because it's always just so cutting and
honest and so funny. But you had this bit, and
I think if you go back on our Instagram, it's
because I've shown it to so many people, I know
how to find it. It's the one where the guy
charges the stage. So if you look up the one
(06:18):
where it says like drunk guy charges the stage, it's
the bit before he even that's that's not even the
best part of the clip, even though that was funny
as fun how you handled that, but and how scary
that was, by the way, But even before then, the
bit before it is all about Rachel and her husband
Um calling her big Guy and Chris and I that's
his nickname. He calls me fucking big guy, and he
(06:41):
acts like I'm weirdly insecure because I don't like, I'm
not into that nickname. He's like, I can get out
of your head about it. If I was. No woman
wants me called big guy like a union trucker. What
the fuck? I like I showed Chris that as a
kind of way to be like, hey, like don't do
things like that, Like, hey, like, isn't this funny? Like
(07:03):
you wouldn't want to be like her husband calling her
big guy right like it was me. Do you ever
show Pete something to like get him to maybe wake up?
Like that? Stoods uh? Netflix documentary. I've tried to make
Chris watch that the other night, and I kept being like, wait,
pay attention, there's this part that you need to say,
and he's like, or why we do you even want
to see this? Or is it just for me? No? Never,
(07:24):
I choose all of my um everything we watched just
to change his mind about different things. That's how I
decided our entire netflixing. Because he goes to the firehouse
every day and gets dumber because he's like, just imagine
having like man sleepovers for half your life. So I've
put all kinds of idiot horseship in his head. And
then I'm like, all right, I'm gonna have to watch
(07:44):
that documentary so I can explain that you have like
a list of Ted talks just lined up. He's like
like they're all obsessed with privacy, like extreme paranoid like libertarians,
So like during COVID just to funk with him, I
told him that. Um, I was like, listen it, just
so you know. Cuomo wants us to put a siren
on our door when we and they drop it off
and they pick it up later, and he's like, I'm
(08:06):
not putting a fucking siren my fucking door. That fucking
asshole could. I'm sorry, but the contractors they just dropped
and just says, this is a COVID home. It's just
a small, rotating green and red siren. I was like,
we have to do. I think we get arrested just
to piss him off. That day, he was ranting about
(08:28):
it all afternoon, but I'm not putting a goddamn this
is a COVID home sign on. This asshole could go
fund himself. Well, like, I love the part of the
joke too, where because you like funk with him, and
you like, I love that part of your set is
that you have so many like little pranks and like
things you do, like you funk with you share the
(08:49):
things that he does that aren't intentional to hurt you,
but that hurt you or hurt your feelings, and then
you also share things that you do to like get
One of my favorite parts of you is that you
are honest about being desperate for like compliments and like
affection and all these things. Like I was even the
other day I was telling Ryan Hamilton about your vows
and I think he was at your wedding, but I
(09:11):
was recounting your vows when you were saying, um to
Pete that like you thought he was gonna be dazzled
by you when you brought him to like a movie set,
you were shooting some show or commercial or something. You
brought him and he was just like and you thought
he was just gonna be like, wow, my girlfriend or
is like a big star and I get to be
understand and he's like yeah. I was like I was
(09:31):
just seeing him across the room, like I was shooting
this commercial, and I was like, I thought, like he's
looking over at me thinking like that's her, like that's
what she does. It was such a humiliating thought, like
sometimes I'll have a documentary of my life playing with
thoughts nobody's having about me, Like he was always hanging
with the guys, but still like she was a woman's one.
It's like no one cares, you know, Like I'll be
(09:54):
at the cellar like really rasing the guys and I'll
be like imagining how he would see this. It's and
then the guy never sees me that way there, like
there's a booker on your cheek. So he was like,
really across the room, I'm I'm shooting this commercial. In
my head, I was like, what does he see when
I'm like doing this? And he walks over and he's like,
can we get back to the room. This is fucking
(10:14):
Weird's take it forever. He's like, are there there's good
snacks there? Like didn't give a fuck, you know, like
didn't he ask where craft he was? And you go,
how do you know what Crafty has? He goes on
a set before Babe, I played a goat. He says
the weirdest ship to comedians too. He'll be like he
knows certain phrases, but he doesn't understand it. So like
(10:35):
in the green room and would be like, you know,
there's somebody opening for me and be like, hey, how
much time do you have? And I'm like, don't have
comedians like how much time they have. It's actually weirdly
insulting the thing with him that's fascinating is that like
he never he really doesn't give a funk because emotionally
he's a desert like and he doesn't think about what
people think about him, which would be so often do
(10:56):
you ever think about what your life would be if
you didn't have that, because you're already like you already
have a piece of that to be able to go
on stage and talk about yourself so vulnerably, Like a
lot of people look at you and go, wow, she
doesn't care what people think because you're just saying well,
which is a compliment. I love when people say that
to me, like you're so brave, you you have so
much on confidence. I'm always like, oh my god, it's
(11:17):
the opposite of that, but I'm happy they think of
it that way. What what next level thing could you
be capable of if you didn't care what people think?
Like do you study him and like get to like
kind of see what that would be? Like I do
watch him, um, because like I mean, oftentimes he's doing
something that's like humiliating to me, like like home meets
somebody for the weekend on the road, and I'll be like,
(11:38):
he's a thing where he says people's names a lot
to them um like method because he doesn't know how
to like socialize normally, so he'll be like, you know,
he'll be like, Craig, great weekend, Good to meet you, Craig.
You're a solid guy, and I want to say thank
you for all you've done for us this weekend, Craig.
And I'm like, his name is Jeff. You did, doesn't
(11:59):
give a fuck, Like like do you want to say something?
He's like yeah, comes out in the wash like like
that's not the proper use of It's funny. He cares
enough to be to do like a Dale Carnegie method,
like how to get when friends and influence people say
their name a lot, but then he folks up the name,
doesn't care. Yeah, that's how he communicates. It's all like
based on like the books he saw how he was
(12:21):
supposed to interact because the rest of the time he's
just thinking of like fires and like building codes. Like
the titles are like exhausting. They're like how did you
get to the top of every mountain? They're all about winning,
like how to manipulate parties, like oh my god, I
saw Rachel's our um last month in l A and
like She's probably one of the only comedians that I
would take time out of my life when I don't
(12:43):
have a set to like. I ended up picking up
a set that night, but I was already gonna be there,
and so I was like, oh, I guess I'll go
next door. But I was already gonna be there to
see you. I was like, I'm just gonna go enjoy
comedy and Chris and I laughed so fucking hard, and
I was hoping that he would kind of here the
big guy think, except that now we say big guy, like,
I know that so lame to like take someone else's joke,
but like and make it your own as a couple.
(13:03):
It's not even lame. It's cute. I think. I'm always
so flattered when people do that with anything, when they
reference a joke I made like four specials ago, and
I'm like, oh my god, I forgot about that. But
we always now when he comes in the door, is
that big guy is like that just like it's so funny, right,
and um, but this weekend I kind of stole out
(13:24):
of your playbook because what I like about that joke
is that you actually add on a part where you
said you were so happy when he first saw you
do that joke on stage and why was that excited?
Because I was like, oh, now he's gonna get it
because it really did well. And I was talking about
how I walk in the door and he's like he
always says it with this like wacky confusion, like it's
anyone's guests with me. So I talked about how insulting
(13:47):
it is. The crowd laughs. I walk right over to
him and I'm like, well, he goes what they loved it.
I'm like you, it's at you. They're laughing at how
sad it is that my husband calls me bang I
and how unfortunate that situation is for me. But he
thinks it's like that was because this weekend I was like,
I was doing this bit that I wrote years ago
(14:09):
about trying to get my boyfriend to compliment me, and
I would like, you know, prance around naked in front
of him, trying to get his attention to say anything
about my body, and he one time looked up from
his phone and he just goes body and then he
looks back at his phone like he just said. But
like that's all he could give me. But to get
into it, I said something that has been like a
little bit annoying me, but like not big but because
(14:30):
I do it too. But I think it's something that
like prevents us from being closer, is that we don't
say I love you, or like what are you doing tonight?
Or like I can't wait to see you? We talk
in third person, he goes, I miss a gal. A
guy misses a gal, A guy loves a gal, Like
it's always like telling a story of like a Jack
and Jill went up the hill, like it's always. But
(14:52):
the audience laughed so hard. I was like, thank you
for understanding how this is a problem for me. Like
when the audience gets it and you or something like
that and they respond to it, you're like, oh good,
Like I'm not crazy to be a little bit like
disappointed that we both can't say I and you satisfying
to have them agree with you. It's like our final
(15:14):
arguments to the world stand up. It's just like and
we rest our case. But then Petle' see me talk
about him, and he's just like, what they loved it?
All he knows is that they liked the bit. He
doesn't it doesn't know what that exactly, Like what he
thinks you're welcome, babe. I'm like no, but he doesn't
understand the irony, so it's he only gets worse and
(15:34):
I keep sending Rachel. Rachel and I have both expressed
to each other in private conversations of like how we
like that tenderness, like that that that slip back, like
lower back leading you into a room, just that protective
gentleness that we've really never gotten from any guy, not
you know, not just our person we're with now. But
I will just send Rachel pictures of like people in
(15:55):
public that I see that are getting that, like women.
I've really said, you like five or six different iterations
of that gentleness, just to be like, because I feel
so alone in like really wanting that so badly that
I feel so good when I'm like, have someone to
send it to of like I know she will feel
the same yearning that I feel for this. I want
to talk about it when we get back from break.
(16:16):
But have you seen the Harry and Megan doc I
was about to say, They always say he was very
protective over her. He was always concerned in his safe
like no one's ever been wondering, like what I'm doing
over there? How I know, no, man, they're always like
she's good. Well that's because his mom died and so
he's like scared she's going to die in like some
kind of free like. I think that's probably part of it,
but I want to get into that a little bit
more when we get back from this break here with
(16:38):
Rachel Feinstein, I'm gonna this podcast will be right back
after this. Besties in the midwestias. Um. I am imploring
you that if you don't have New Year's Eve plans,
why don't you come to St. Louis, Missouri and come
see me at the Steeples Center. It's probably one of
the biggest shows I've ever done in terms of like
(16:58):
capacity for him and I really want to sell this
bitch out and I want you there. So if you
don't have plans, or you need a last minute Christmas
gift or like a fun trip for yourself, even alone,
you know, I do um free meet and greets. Uh
if you are coming alone, um, and if you're bestie
and you just write me and you buy a ticket,
I'll give you a meeting. Great anyway, even if you're
going with someone, so um. St. Louis New Year's Eve
(17:21):
days away, go get your tickets now. It would mean
so much to me and I hope to see you
there and happy holidays and all that. Jazzz Alright, we're back. Okay,
So did you watch the Noah as well? Did have
you seen any the Harry and Megan Netflix docuseries. I
just saw the controversial clip one where she's doing the curtsy. Yes, Oh,
(17:45):
it's so good, Rachel. Have you seen that every frame?
Oh my god, how good is his face? And that
I put it on my story yesterday, you guys if
you want to check it out or actually it'll be
gone by now. But I saw that when he was
doing that when she didn't, and he was furious. Oh
he looks to the side like is this almost over? Which,
by the way, I know that men have made that
face next to me a million times as I'm acting
(18:07):
out something that I know. By the way, she knew
that pisces him off, like that was such a perfect
interaction of a couple. So if you don't know, she's
doing an impression of how she curtsy the first time
she met the queen, because she thought she was like,
she's making fun of the royal family and how dumb
all of the stuff is and she is right, by
the way, it is all dumb, all this pageantry bullshit,
(18:27):
it's dumb, and she's making fun of like how they
taught her to curtsy, and then she meets the queen
and she's like and I literally went like this, and
she bends down to be like, oh, you know, like
and curtsies and it's so slow and awkward. And he's
sitting next to her in this interview and he looks
over to the right to kind of look at a
producer like and then he looks down like his face
(18:48):
goes through so many different emotions than he tries to
smile to get out of it. But you know she
was doing that because she knows that pisses him off.
Do you agree, Like, I know, yeah, now that you
say it, that makes a lot of sense. Why do
you think that it was passive aggressive because she because listen,
she's she knows she's right. This is how I feel
whenever I just mouthed off about being a vegan. I
(19:08):
know I'm right and no one can fucking really prove
me wrong about it, but I know it upsets people still.
So it's like there's a thing, there's a part of
me when I'm in like a certain kind of mood
where I'll go off about something that I know that
someone you know what I'm it's passive aggressive, like perfectly,
and she knows that he grew up with that, and
(19:28):
so he's deep in his core he does feel like
that's the right thing to do to curtsy, and there's
nothing wrong with it. But he knows logically, because he's
a smart man, that it is stupid that she is.
She knows he's he knows she's right. It's almost like
if you were to make fun of religion, like someone
who kind of like was raised Catholic and you're making
front of like Catholicism. They know now like it's all bullshit,
(19:49):
but there's a core of them that was like, well,
this is my family that you're talking about, and I
think and my mom like who's dead. Like there's a
part of him that was annoyed. But I just love
I love that seen so much. But I really couldn't
watch documentary because I was so like jealous of her,
and then I liked her a lot that way about me,
nobody's ever had eyes like fluttering towards me, like it's
(20:12):
I've never gone through that period of falling for somebody
where I always because the thing is, I'm not able
to keep that voice up, like that delicate voice when
you have to kind of hold onto when someone's falling
in love. My voice gets real gangernous and low, real fast,
So I'm not able to keep it up, like I can't.
I can do that for like half an hour and
then lovingly and pirate, Like remember the first night she
(20:35):
met him, she goes out and she kept like even
though she met him and they kind of both knew instantly,
like there's a spark here, she kept her engagement for
later that evening, so she had to leave. Like whereas
me I would have been like, I'll cancel everything for you,
like I'm going to move here, she like still went
out and was like I can't hang out that long
with the fucking Yes. This girl masterful and I am
(21:01):
wrapping up Megan. I used to be I used to
not be a fan of hers, and I know it's
because of what the press put out there, Like I
am now such a huge fan of hers. She is
so smart. She if you if you watch the documentary,
this girl was already do like she was Princess Diana
like she's already doing humanitarian work when she was just
on Suits. She and she kind of brags for a
(21:21):
minute about being like, you know, when my off season
for Suits, I wasn't the show she was on in Canada.
She was like, you know, I I wasn't looking for
the next indie project that was gonna win me awards.
I was, you know, flying to Rwanda to like do
And this was before she met Harry, Like she was
already she was always thinking that scarf and like and
(21:42):
just playing. She's a good person. I like her a
lot and she's smart. Remember did you hear the poem
she wrote as a kid. She memorized that whole thing.
It was like really good station about like women's equality
and the soap commercial and ship that was crazy. I
mean she got a soap commercial changed because it said
(22:03):
like women across the country hate doing dishes and she
wrote into like Dawn soap and was like as a
little girl and was like why you say all women
across the country. Why can't it be all people men
do dishes too? You're making it And she got it changed.
They changed the commercial like this is she's a little
tenacious girl and she I loved Tim Dillon I posted
this yesterday, had a bit where he's like he was
(22:24):
talking about how she was like I was the smart one.
I wasn't the hot one. He was like, yeah, because
you weren't hot, but now you are so drop it,
Like He's like, you had to be. But I like
that she was kind of awkward looking and like I
like her. Yes, I I definitely felt like I felt
like her old outfits. I was like, Okay, she was
hot when she was like, she started being hot when
(22:45):
she as soon as she was in high school, where
like maybe yeah, when she was really little, she was
like yeah, she just looked like a normal kid. And
so it's kind of satisfying to see like that she
became like insanely, when did you figure it? Outrage? Because
you keep getting better looking? Um, and I'm wondering, and
you really do. And I knew that face was going
to follow this, but I'm serious, Like every time I
(23:05):
like see you on Instagram, I'm just like, oh my god.
And you know, me and my boyfriend are big fans
of Rachel fine Stein's looks and we share like like
clips and be like she looks so good. You're just
so pretty, but like it takes so long to figure
this stuff out, like to figure out gangerdnus acne in
high school, like I needed operation for my act. I
(23:27):
needed to be like I had zits that were just
like I mean, appalling, Like I don't know how I
was just I was hurling my body around it being outside.
I've always had the kind of skin where like it
can't survive many different temperature changes. That's why I'm always
fascinating to see people like outside on dates, like we
went for a hike, like Megan, seems like that sleep
outside and intent with a fucking guy like that. I
(23:49):
could never do that. That would one He'd see me
one day in some fucking bold light, some African sunlight,
and he'd be like, this girl's gotta go. She's jacked up.
Also has skin sensitivity to the sun. No, you're you
have like, uh, you have have skin malasma and my
my pores are huge. I'm this. I hear what you're saying. Reach.
(24:12):
I gotta say though, that I think that there is
some runoff PTSD from when you had terrible skin in
high school rage because I think now you there's body
dysmorphia going on, which I'm sure you have to like
acknowledge a little bit because I know that sometimes like
someone will say something like a makeup artist or something.
Nowadays we'll say something that will trigger you to be
(24:34):
back in that moment, but it's like it just isn't
that way anymore. Do you feel like haunted by that
when it was such an issue for you? And do
you still feel like because even um, who was I
someone was talking about, I'm still that person that was
like with someone who loses weight is still a fat
but they still feel fat. You know, like, do you
feel haunted by it? I mean, right now, I could
like I feel like my skin is okay right now.
(24:55):
But just like last week, I was doing Billy Burr's
podcast and I was like actively peeling, like I was
just like my whole I have to use retin it.
So there's always a lot going on. It's a it's
a cocktail of things I have to do to like
sort of patch my face up. Everybody stopped beating off
at home and focus on, um, it's just cool your erections.
It is tough, but it's not as bad as it
(25:18):
was in high school. And I'm sure, I mean, you know,
I don't know. Sometimes I tell myself, I go, you know,
you see it, other people don't see it. And then
I walked into the comedy seller and ZiT. And then
Keith Robinson goes, why is Rachel z It winking at me?
So so media, It's like that are always real healthfully,
like Rachel Zick keeps flirting with me right at all?
Why would you go outside with that? So that's the thing. Also,
(25:40):
when you're around comedians, like even if you're starting to
get more confident, not comedians like Nicky, because Nikki will
take care of me and be lovely and say encouraging things.
But like, if you're around these animals, all the male
comics are, I mean, they'll just Keith was like, I
got dressed. I thought I was freaking taking a few
good risks. He was like, why does ChIL dressed like
(26:00):
she shops and suburban outfitters like that? It's so funny
because and it is. I will say though that if
you had a terrible acne situation, no one would comment
on it, do you know what I'm saying, Like, unless
you were doing a roast or something. Unless that's when
someone calls out something that is egregious, but no one's
(26:23):
gonna make a comment about your zi if you're someone
that they think like you think they struggle with zits
or no one's gonna make fun of someone who is obese.
It's called them fat unless they like but maybe if
they were a little pudgy, you know what I mean. Like,
if it's a huge issue, you're not going to call
it out. But I do know how you feel. Like
I will feel probably feeling so good about myself, and
then you know, for me, it'll be like I'll be
(26:46):
around another girl who I know is already prettier than me,
but I'm like, hey, I'm kind of in the same league,
or like i feel like I feel like I'm I
feel good about myself. It doesn't even matter if I'm
in the same league. And then that girl will get
up from the table or like go to another some thing,
and then the people at the table with me and
will go, god, she's so pretty, Like it's so insane,
Like the keeping praise that other people get will then,
(27:09):
you know, really hurt me as opposed to something that
maybe so I think people know I'm so insecure that
they don't make fun of me, and I don't hang
out with male comics really ever that are that comfortable
to make fun of me physically, umure, just trying. It's
I have my dad's legs. Like this, I realized the
(27:31):
stuff that I get complimented for where people are like,
oh my god, what do you do with your legs?
And I go, I just was born, Like so many things,
you're just born with. You're not doing anything like I
do want to know, like what people are doing to
their faces when they do really change radically, like what
kind of face clips. I'm up studying all these things.
But the things that people go, Nikki, you have the
best legs, I won't take the compliment because I didn't
(27:52):
do anything to get them. I just I have my
dad's legs, like I was just born with them. So
I can't even take the compliment, which is dumb, because
if I worked for it, I'd go, well, I just
worked out that's all I had to do. It's not
even really me, you know, like I can't some way
I'd figure out not to to deflect it. But um yeah,
it's just I feel like every day is uh, it
(28:12):
just it changes of my It's more consistent now of
like since I'm doing these mantras of like I approve
of myself. I approve of myself, Like I've been saying
that a lot. Whatever you also say about like the
girls that you think look really good, Um, they can
never hear it enough because they all work so hard
on it. Not that it's good to keep, you know,
(28:33):
feeding that, but I'm just saying, like, you know, the
the girl that you think like because people look at
you and they're like, she's like absurdly or rationally hot.
But you always point out that the girls that look
like that, they're putting a lot of work in so
they do in fact need the compliment, or they'd welcome
it at least. So yes, you know, because they're always
just like caring, so caring more. It's my prettiest friends
(28:54):
are so desperate for compliments, and I'm always just like,
but it's a given, and so I sometimes just have
to convince myself, oh yeah, that's why people are complimenting you.
It's just a given, Nikki. But there are times though
that I would like to like be able to not
be like. We also live in a culture where if
I'm like, I look gross today, people are like no,
(29:15):
and it's like, but sometimes I do, and that should
be okay, you know what I mean, Like the idea
that it's like, no, you don't, don't say that. It's
like I'm not saying I don't deserve love. I'm just
saying I look haggard and that's just a fact, and
that it's it's okay, but people go, no, you're beautiful
on the inside or whatever. You know, it's just like
(29:35):
now I can just be gross one day it's okay,
but it's you know, you still struggle with it. I um,
I was on dem MOI the other day or a
couple of weeks ago. Do you know what is okay?
So it's like this Instagram account where they just do
gossip about celebrities. I'm sure you've heard of it or
like maybe been sent something of it, but it's all
(29:55):
like people just right in um about celebrities, either like
they're friends with someone who's sleeping with a lister or
like it's just all gossip and it's all blind items
where it's like they sometimes they'll say the person's name,
but it's just all users submitted from piddling. You know something, Yes,
I only think I would never do those things, like
(30:16):
so I'm like, I, God, I should start going to
Magnolia so people know there's like there's really are five
restaurants you can go to and you will see someone
or like, you know, just like cackling like some sort
of day day drinking at like some perfectly impeccable place. Yes, well, Rachel,
you and I could absolutely submit to Dunma Noah, you
as well. Like the things we know about celebrities like
(30:38):
this is who submitting is like friends of celebrities who
have inside scoop and so they I mean they'll report
about affairs happening, choking on her water and his soul. Yes, yes,
that is literally what happens, coughing up flamin of filings. Amount. Well,
(31:02):
I've only been on it a couple of times, and
when you get on it, you're kind of like, oh man,
I'm someone like the fact that my name, well, one
of them I won't even say. It was like ages
ago and it was um, it was I was like whatever.
And that that one I'll skip and maybe talk about
it another time when I have more distance. But then
there was one the other day where so it's dem
(31:22):
d e U x m O I and on their
their Instagram stories where everything goes down. Their page itself
is nothing but the Instagram story. And she posted like,
tell me about celebrities weird foods you've seen them eat like,
and so people are just submitting, like every single they've
saw Sean Penn eating a hot dog without the bond
(31:44):
or what like, they'll just like say, and someone wrote, no,
what you have the exact phrasing. Saw Nicky Glazer dump
an entire pepper shaker on her seemingly dry salad. Okay,
So I got a lot of people writing me about
this and screenshoting it and being like, oh busted, there's
so much truth to this. I love pepper, always have.
(32:06):
I as a kid, I hated the taste of scrambled eggs,
so I would dump all the pepper on it. Would
you couldn't even see egg. I love pepper. I can
handle it's not too spicy. I used to do this
on salads a lot. I think that's probably around two eighteens.
Someone saw this and the but the dry salad thing
really bothers me because this sounds like an anorexic person,
which I definitely do have anorexic food tendencies, no question,
(32:28):
because I was for a very long time, and some
of them have carried over to just things I actually like.
But a dry salad. I do not have dry salads.
That is something that is a deprivation thing. I think
anyone who says they like dry s out is lying.
They're just trying to avoid calories. You don't You're doing
that is not something I do anymore. If it was
a dry salad is because they didn't have vegan dressing
(32:49):
or any dressing that I liked, Like they only had
like ranch or something. But I would never and so
I would never do that. I just want to clear
the air on that because but it just upset me
because I was like, it just sounded like an like
if I read Scarlett Johanson to that, I'd be like,
fuck diet. I'm like, yeah, I get it because like
the person that does that, it makes them sound like
(33:10):
a little bit. It's not it's not a good lot.
It's crazy. But you I feel like, um, I've never
seen you eat a dry salad. You you have the
most specific orders and and I feel like you, Nikki,
A lot of her friends are all very hot blondes
um that I eat like a lot of tubuli and
grains and eat certain sauces on the side and oils
(33:31):
on the sun. Whenever I'm with you guys and I
try to imitate your orders something we all well, we
all have histories of eating disorders, so we all have
like these very specific like things that But I love sauces,
I love dressings, and you have dressings on your salad.
But I definitely don't like it. Like it's like it's
it's very cute. It's like the way Meg Ryan would
(33:52):
order and when Harry met s it's obnoxious. And I'm
sure it is like a talk of the seller, like
of like Nikki's fucking order because the whole table was
filled with different sides of things. I tip very well
whenever I'm this demanding. I've got more lax in my
older life of like, okay, so they put on the salad,
who cares Like it's going to be more than I want,
(34:13):
but like just eat it, like just get eat what
they give you. But um, yeah, it was just it
made me realize very well and take care of everybody
and are very lovely. I am also so annoying in
stories and restaurants, people can tell immediately I'm from New York.
When I'm in l A. It takes them fucking seconds
to be like, oh, you're here from New York, I'm
(34:34):
wearing like a black cape, and what what are some
of your demands? Where do you like shine? When you're
like in that way of being rush and I try
to act like that, I am, and I can't. I
never really fall in sync with that l A way
of speaking that kind of like hey, like the conversation
before the conversation, you know, like I feel like there's
(34:55):
there's a fucking little just I just sound impatient, I
sound like a twat, and then I try to overdo
it after with the compliments and the tip, but I'm
apologizing for how the whole time. Yes, I feel the
same way about this conversation before the conversation. I my
boyfriend early on in a relationship coined glazer exits, which
is like as soon as I want to leave, I
(35:16):
just go. I don't do a whole thing of like
I don't think I'm probably gonna take off. I don't
even know how that works. When people just kind of
put their bag on their shoulder and kind of like
signal to people they are gonna leave or they need
to like announce they're gonna leave and then talk about
leaving or like a fairy godmother Nikki's out like a like,
I just go and it's it's not because I'm like
I got offended and I need to leave on a time.
(35:38):
It's just like when I want to. Everyone has a
moment where they go, I want to go, and I
think most people go, I'm gonna be like socially more
acceptable and ease into the going. I just go, and
it's not an insult to anyone. I just want to go,
and it's it is hasty, and I do know that
people get like triggered by it because abandonment issues and
(35:59):
it's probably a little bit of my own thing of
like I don't like goodbyes, so I just kind of
want to vanish and then I don't have to. It's
a good fucking Irish exit. I respect it. I like,
thank you, thank you so much. It's a fucking rap.
I I always call an uber to get out because
I don't know how to say good bye to people.
And I show the uber screen and I go, oh,
he's here. We'll speaking up. We gotta take a break
(36:22):
and we'll be right back after this all right, We're
back with Rachel Feinstein. You can see her on New
Year's Eve at the punch Line, Philly punch Line, is
that right? Helium Helium and helium Helium, don't go to
the punch line. Please don't um Helium and Philly. That's
a good club. I love Helium. I do too. As
I'm trying to figure out where to shoot my special,
(36:43):
I've gotta find a theater with like lower lower. Yes,
that's my next special too. I want it to be
more intimate and small like low like that is absolutely
I can't wait for your next special, Rachel. It's when
I play in like an auditorium like type of I
always it reminds me of school. When I even smell
a school, I I'm just like, oh, I never want
to go back because I stuck it up so bad. Yeah,
(37:03):
I'm gonna have to with my daughter. But yeah, I
had like I was in detention so much. I had
like a detention dance. I just like the head of
thing everybody. When I walked into detention, I was like attention.
You weren't a bad kid, you were just a d
d yes, but I was also bad, like I brought whippets,
tanks to school a lot. Wait, because I'm guessing you
(37:25):
were trying to make friends and be popular. Yeah, I
loved whippets too. I was, um, and uh, what do
they feel like? You just laugh a lot. It's like
I can't smoke pot because it accentuates every quality I've
been trying to erase, you know. So I like whippets.
I want to laugh and have a fun, loving time
if like, if I smoke pot, you know, I just
like think people want me to to leave and don't
(37:47):
care for me. But um, I was pretty into But
I would get in trouble for you know, for talking,
for running my goddamn mouth. I've always been that for
mocking ship and um I had the teacher, Miss Volo,
and I would do an impression of her. She would
sort of lunge and do this kind of lunge action phrases.
She was always trying to make history fun and using
her body with histories. She knew I had impression of her,
(38:08):
so I'd get like a lot of time outs and stuff.
So you were like the class clown like they talked
about like you had. I was in trouble a lot.
I mean, we my my first high school. Um, I
was just getting DC and after and it was like
an emergency. There was like nightly meetings about me. And
then they took me to this other school called Thornton Friends,
which I didn't realize was like a school where they
(38:29):
sent the bad kids. Everybody called it snorton fiends. And
so then they sent me to warn Fiends because I
wasn't going to graduate. And all of your friends from
high school you went to a new what what what great?
Did you transfer? Junior year of high school transferred? And then, um,
I would miss my old friends. Yeah. I would pass
by my friend Lisa Kaplan, I remember, and when I
(38:50):
would see her, we both drive to high school. I
was driving my mom's Pontiac Glamans. Saw Lisa try to
make her laugh. Had to get a laugh, so I
tried to do a like impression of someone driving or
something at the ups truck um and totaled my mom's Lamons.
And then it was such a tiny school that the
police officer picked me up. I was weeping. He was
(39:11):
kind of holding me, and um, kind of weeping on
his arm. I was hit on hand, hit on me
and and he dropped me off in school but there
was only, like, you know, fifteen kids in this school,
like so, so everybody saw me come in in the
cop car, and I remember calling my mom another example
where somebody's not protected, being like I was in an
accident but I'm okay, and she's like, well, how's the
(39:32):
damn Lamon's ship Lamon's. She was always like, shit, Rachel,
you know I need that Lamon's. I knew this was
gonna happen. I think everyone got into an accident in
high school, like you, Yeah, I got into well, I
hit a garbage man with my car when I was sixteen,
(39:53):
like just ran over a garbage man and almost killed him.
He sued me four years later. It was like a
whole fucking thing. But my sister got into an accident.
I think it's insane that we let kids on the
road with no actual formal driving instruction. I mean, you
could just learn from your dad in a parking lot
for an hour and then go ace the test because
you have a good day, and then you're just out
on the road. I mean it would be I would
(40:15):
be terrified. I was driving wildly, just like assuming the night.
It's amazing we didn't die. Going rogue like that. It
was a terrible idea. Do you are you your daughter?
How old is she now about to be four? Frankie
is two and a half. Yeah, she's she's it's weird.
That's like she's coming to life. Yeah, Like she calls
(40:37):
me sweetie. She goes, go ahead, sweetie, Like when I
leave the like she just missed, I'm gonna go to
the cellar. I'll be back in the morning. She goes,
I'll go ahead, sweetie. I'm like, don't talk to me
like you're like an older waitress. I just wiped your ass.
She's like, and she listens like that. She listens like
just not She's like, how stand has retirement, you know,
(41:01):
it's an adjustment, adjustment that's actually listens like she's been there.
She's just hilarious. Do you see do you see her
being like intentionally funny yet or is it all just unintentionally?
She does both. I mean she has a lot of
like voices, she has a lot of faces that she
makes in the mirror, and she's definitely like she's a ham.
She also speaks Spanish fluently, and we don't speak Spanish.
(41:23):
She goes to his Spanish daycare, so she a lot.
So that's kind of funny, like she's always happy with me.
In Spanish, she's like and she says yeah yeah, which
I'm like, no Spanish speaking person said a racist impression
of a Spanish Yeah. Yeah, she's always she's had it
with me because she just errands around the room and
she's like up to things. You know, I've become like
(41:45):
an impediment. She's like, come on, like I'm trying to
do this thing. I'm trying to put all your jewelry
in this cart and push it down the stairs. Bitch,
get off my dick, you know. Working. Yeah, she's always
doing some weird matter. Yet she sounds incredible. Are you
having this like morning period, like she's not a baby anymore?
Like are you having is it? Do you get sad
at different stages that they go into? Are you excited
(42:06):
for the next one? I am definitely glad that she's
not like a little because it's just like so exhausting.
And then you're always like, oh, she could die, she
could die. Every second you're just like, she almost died,
she's about to die, she almost died. It's just she
almost side, she's about to die. So I wasn't good
with that, and then Pete has no instincts with that,
so like he would. He took her to the park
one day. He was trying to put her on the
big swing. He was like, I'm teaching her. I'm like,
(42:27):
she's six months. She would have immediately died. What the fuck.
He's like, I'll just teach, you know, we can't teach
her anything. No teaching, she's six months, Like, you'll do
stuff where I'm like, oh my god. One day I
walked in, he was trying to give her a carrot.
He's like, I'm teaching her about carrots. Some fucking carrot,
you moron. Let me teach her a ship. What are
you doing? And he's like, I know. He goes relix,
(42:49):
I know infant CPR because she's he's a fireman on
the kid. He's like, she choked. I would know how
to help her. I'm like, no, you just don't give
her a carrot, you deep asshole. And then do you
Whenever I leave, he like he always puts her in
a black turtleneck and like these same jeans. I don't
even know where he gets this stuff. He dresses her
like Steve Jobs, Like whenever I'm not there, but it's
(43:13):
always when she's a baby because I'm like always afraid
of different things, um so, and and there's been like
active construction. So I'm glad that she's running around now.
And you know, like I'm I like to talk. Ship.
Pete's like more of a doer. He gets, you know,
he's like we did that Languages of Love thing, and
he's like he's like, you know, acts of service, an
active service. Who gives I want ship? So she when
(43:37):
he was little, it was like he was good at
the change in the diper, like all that kind of stuff.
I like to talk so she can hang. Now she
like says some funny stuff. It's more fun. It's not
all this. It's less like just manual and like I
had to take her to parks. I hate parks. Yes,
a woman like pushing a swing. I assume she needs
to be rescued. It's just such a bottomized activity, like
(43:58):
the pushing. It's like you should be wearing some sort
of medical gown while you're doing it, you know. So
he would take her to parks and things like that,
and now there's more like I can talk to her
and hang with her, and I'm better at that. Yes,
that's where I want to come in as a mom.
It's like I love that now that my sister's kids are,
Like I like talking to them. I like like like
when they sit down to draw and I get to
(44:18):
like hear what they're drawing and ask them about it
and like that is like my favorite time. But like
doing things, that's such an interesting thing, Like the love
language is like I don't and I like buying gifts
for them. I like buying gifts and I like talking
to them, but I don't. Yeah, that's the fun part.
But um, I was actually like you talking about like
the CPR thing like do you are you haunted by
(44:40):
things of like this could happen? And then what would
I do? Like do you run a million? Is constant
stress like that because even last night I was like
I live alone, Like what if I start choking? Like
what would I do when I was like running through
Like what I would do alone? I think I would
survive because I would came when came up with several
scenarios of like you know, hurling myself over a chair
or just like thudding into the ground just chest first.
(45:02):
But like I if I start doing that, like you
can there's a thousand scenarios where you're like, what would
I do? Do you do you find? And that's what
makes me kind of worried about being a mom is
like over worrying um or becoming somebody ever worries he's
gonna hurt herself. But UM, for myself, I don't really worry.
I don't think about death too much. I just worry
if people are mad at me, you know, like you
(45:24):
think much more about that. Like I've never think about
death because yeah, again, it's just I'm too vain in
other ways to death. How might help you with being
people being mad at you? Because everyone's gonna die. The
other day, my friend was worried someone's gonna be mad
at her and go just know that their thoughts about
you will be vapor someday, just like everything else. And
she was like, oh, that helps, And I was like,
(45:45):
that does help me. When someone's mad at me, I'm like,
they're just their brain is going to shut off someday
and every thought they have about me will go with
them too. But I know what you mean to merge
those two because I feel like when I like when
people were really worked up about in the beginning, when
COVID was much more dangerous and stuff and everybody was.
I was so annoyed because I was like, I don't
care about germs. I don't want the germ people to
(46:06):
be right, Like, oh god, you're so right. Let it
be a genre I enjoy, like true crime or something
movie like pandemic films like don't yes, final thought, yes,
but I don't care either. You and I are so
on the same page about this, like I when people go, yo,
(46:26):
you gotta wash your hands after, Like I'll do a
meet and greet and then I'll just go right for
my food after shaking literally two D fifty hands and
having people like kiss my face and I'll forget to
wash my hands. It's just if I but if I
touch a dog, I can feel the damneder on my hand.
If I feel something actively on my hand, I will
wash my hand. But if I don't feel it, if
I can't see it, I don't care. And it's probably
(46:47):
why I'm sick right now. But I rarely do get sick.
But yeah, I totally relate to that of like COVID
made me. You know, everyone was washing their groceries and
like wipings down things and that was a real struggle
for me to pretend like I was doing that ship. Yeah,
I can't. I don't give a fun I don't do
any gross one. I apologize if anything, but I'll stip
(47:07):
off anybody's drink. I remember my brother was like that too.
I remember one time I was at this pizza place
visiting him in Boston where he went to school for college,
and drunk guy came up, just like some drunk drunk
like frat funk, look like he just like graduated from
like rape Tech or some ship. And he walked, we're
eating pizza, and this guy walks up to the window
like he and my brothers has a holding a piece
(47:29):
of pizza and he walks up like this. My brother
instinctively knew that the guy wanted to pretend like he
was licking my brother's pizza. They gave like a quick,
like blumbs up pizza up to the window, and the
guy was like, and he just licked all the way
up the window just to ironically eat my brother's dub slice.
And they both were like, and I actually related to
that moment. I was like, that is a funny thing
(47:50):
to do, and I wouldn't even wouldn't even consider to me,
like how Ran said that was to look away when
something drops on the floor, Like we're at a show,
and I think I've said this on the pud guess before.
But I dropped my invisiline on the floor and I
picked it up, and I was about to go on stage,
so I took them out. They fell on the floor,
and then I just put them back in my pocket,
and Chris looked at me like, no, you gotta wash them,
(48:12):
and I go, I'll wash them later. And then later
on I put him back in and he goes, not
not and I go, it doesn't. It doesn't. I can't
see it. And they didn't fall into a pile of vomit,
so it's gonna be okay. I just don't care. Um.
I remember one time I was on a trip with
my sister, like five day trip or something, and I
forgot my toothbrush, so I was just using hers when
she wasn't like to brush my like every day and
(48:35):
night and morning, because I kept forgetting to get one
when we would stop at a gas station or whatever.
And by the end of the week, I remember, at
one point we were both brushing our teeth together and
so she caught me not having a tooth. She was like,
you don't have a Toothbruson. I go, oh, I forgot mine,
and she goes, what have you been doing? Oh? And
so I had this like weird moment where do I
tell her I've been using hers or does she just
think I'm gross and haven't brush my teeth for a week?
(48:56):
And I had to tell her. She was horrified. Yeah,
I don't care though, Like it's first of all, it's
I mean, that's a little bit girl. I get it,
like I get what people. He wants me not. He
wants me to stop I use his and I'm like,
you do, Yeah, I with him, but I but I
exactly he did exactly. But I've always been like that.
Nobody wants me to mix my stuff with the alwa
put your pile over there, because they know it's ransom stuff.
(49:21):
Like I'm always as soon as I touch people's things,
they become there's a certain vulgar to them. I remember
this lady one saying one of the things that hurt
most when I was on stage. I'm not name dropping,
but I was playing at like the Hebrew Home for
the Aging and the bronx Um. I could hear this
woman talking about me, and two things that always stay
with me. One woman goes, something must have gone wrong
in the early years. I was like, oh my god,
(49:42):
that's so fucking acting right. She had a pin on her.
I'll never forget that. She had a pin on her.
And she was violently shaking and so disgusted with me.
And I think about how much energy it must have taken,
with fucking shaking like that to get that fucking prince
on her stupid lapel and just only to become downstair
to be so enraged by me. She had fucking a
perfect like aquanette sculpture, peach sculpture on her head, and
(50:05):
she's just sitting there like something must have gone wrong
in the early like just disgusting. And she also said,
I'll never forget this lady. Um she she's probably died
during my show. But she goes, I in the middle
of my set and she goes, there's a vulgarity, not
just in the language, it's just there's a general not
(50:26):
just in the language, like a general just statue. She
had me down. I'm like, fuck, she's right, goddamn it.
The worst. Whenever someone asked me like what's your worst heckle?
The only thing that ever has stuck in my cross
is one girl, a hot girl in the front row,
going you just any kind of like that's just an
(50:46):
e from an attractive person, more than anything, Like more
than you're not funny, you're not talented, you're whatever. It's
just an ew of like no one needs to know that,
Like you're kind of oversharing. Like you know, if I'm
eating dinner and like part of my food falls onto
the table, I'm a clean plate club person. Like I
(51:07):
eat everything that I like and it will all get
eaten no matter what I don't. I've never had like
to go containers in my life of like I've never
taken home anything. It all gets consumed. I will, but
if depending on who I'm eating with, because I know
people are so grossed out by like it touched the table,
I like, wait till you look away and sneak the
piece of food back on the plate so that I
(51:28):
can eat it, because but I will not. I'm so
I respect people so much who like if something falls
off onto the table, They're like not gonna eat that,
and they like put it on the side. I could
never do It's like a bite of food that I
would want. I could never do that. I want to
eat the way preserve that little Jesus cracker that they
give Catholics, a little Jesus cheeseus thing. I loved where
they lower it Jesus. I love the way they like
(51:52):
lower it into your face. That's how I want all
my snacks served to me, just like kind of like
laid back gently like that and just had things plopped
on my tongue. I don't know, God someday will accept ourselves. Rachel.
I swear to God, I love you so much. Thank
you for being here on this podcast. Lightful, You're the best.
You make me so happy. I'll continue sending pictures of
men comforting their girlfriends and wives and just different animals
(52:15):
caressing each other. What was that right? I just wanted
to say that that girl that said like you, it
reminded me of those couples that are on date nights
and there's always like I always feel so judged by
that couple, Like again, the guy's got his hand on
her lower back and she's like, like, I feel like
I bring those couples closer together, Like yes, they're gonna
bond in the car on the way home. It's fun,
(52:36):
you know, to laugh at that fucking you know, it's
just at that raunch, fucking broad for an evening, but
not a hard life she must have, and they just
kind of talk about how, oh god, I feel like
they they see me, and then they just hold onto
their wives a little more. Lady, I should appreciate her
like together. Uh you guys, go see Rachel on tour
(52:57):
anywhere you can see her. Follow her on in Instagram.
She is one of the best accounts out there. Support
her in every way. She's my favorite comic, one of
my favorite people too. I love you so much, Rage,
thank you for being here much. Thank you, thank you both.
Thank you my girl. Don'teka aunt Jack Patt
The Nicky Glaser Podcast. Nick Here's Nicky. Hello here, I
am Cynicki Laser Podcast. Welcome to the show. Um, let's
just get right into it. Um, I'm feeling a little
stuffy in the head. I have like an ear infection
(00:21):
right now. Guys, So if I seem um just kind
of like gross sounding, that's what's going on. But I'm
feeling fine, especially because I'm so excited about our guest today.
You know, um, how I feel about this person because
I talk about her all the time. She's like the
funniest person I know. And she's also just getting prettier
and prettier every week and it's bothersome. But I'm also
happy about it. And she probably won't take that compliment
(00:43):
because she never does. It's the funniest person I know.
Rachel find Seine, thank you. Hi. Oh my god, you
look so good. We both have layered necklaces on, like
we're trying like, how is your layered necklace journey been?
Because it I know you and this is not an
easy thing for us to do. No, it's always how
do they I feel like there's always a delicate type
of woman, just some woman that sucking Maine with the
(01:05):
father that was protective and she and she doesn't have
these strings, like the back comes from the front and
people and people clean me throughout the day. I usually
have like a sticker. I had like a Reformation tag
on my drone. I had a tag on my shirt.
The other day, I was I was doing a show
and I think it was Burlington Vermont, and I just
(01:26):
bought a new outfit at Urban Outfitters that day, like
half price, Like it was like the whole off. It
was fifteen. I was very proud of myself. And then
I I was wearing a shirt for the first part
and I took it off at the very beginning of
my set, Like I took out this T shirt and
I had on this like cute top underneath, and it
had a tag on it, and the whole crap. Like
I could just feel the like they were off, you know,
(01:47):
like sometimes you feel the crowds off and you're like
it's something on my face and they're like, no, you're
just not funny. But I could just tell something was off.
And then finally I just kind of like was like
feeling behind my head and I was like, oh, this
tag is still on, and then they all were like, oh,
the relief And this is twenty minutes later, and I go,
how many of you already saw the tag? And they
all cheered so loud and I go, And then later
(02:09):
on they go, we thought it was part of the bit,
like that is not a bit. Well, I was going
to that would be a constructed jokes. These people think
that you made up like that, like some writers came
up with this wacky idea. Is it happens a lot?
I mean, you've been on stage that the your camel
toe story is one of my favorites. Yes, I was
(02:29):
on Thank You Niggy. I was on stage UM in
Alabama and this guy stood up in the middle of
my show and he was like, you have a camel toe.
That was a moment in my life that I was
expected to just live through and keep living after that.
And then these other women stood up across the room
and she was like, no, she doesn't have a camel tipe.
You know the same thing at first. So then it
(02:50):
was like a town hall meeting about my crotch. And
they all were disagreeing, and it's saying that one woman
goes it's the way the lad is smacking on her trail.
I still thinking on how she called my pants trousers?
But yeah, do you prefer someone telling you, like, there's
no delicate way to tell someone Like let's say we're
at the seller and we're in one of the booths
(03:12):
and we're all like, you're you're telling a story, and
we're all engaged, and you're like feeling like on and
you're like feeling in the moment, and someone there's no
comfortable way for me to tell you you have to
bully in your teeth without making you feel so insecure.
Like I've been trying to perfect a way to tell
people they have something without making them feel without making
them lose their spark because it takes. But at the
(03:33):
same time, their spark is going to be lost as
people stare at that thing in their teeth the entire story.
If there's a smear of broccoli and you're already gone,
it's not went. No, I'll take it anyway, and people
I rely on that service of people cleaning and picking
things off me. So at this point I barely hear
like the voice or how it said. I'm just like
(03:55):
very grateful for a team of people cleaning me. You know,
I was in a pool with Mark Norman and Shane Gillis,
which doesn't sound like the start of a good story,
but we were, we were about to do a show together.
We stuck into this hotel pool um and like you
know how when you go swimming, like a booger can
dislodge and like come down your face, Like a giant
(04:16):
booger was down my face And I'll never like it
still haunts me that Shane gills is, like, you have
a huge booker. It was just like, for some reason
it just made which is not Bookers are not inherently
everyone has them. It's just you're collecting. You're collecting dust.
It's not even like necessarily your own mucus. It's just
like the world's crap floating around you when you're sniffing
(04:36):
it in. But it is so embarrassing to have a
booger situation. But I guess there are some people in
the world that just don't have that, Like there are
certain girls. You and I both have this like fantasy
of these women that have perfect lives and just always
smell good, like I recently I've been saying on stage
and no one's ever told me I've smell good because
(04:57):
that's true. No one, it's ever. I really wies this.
No one's ever been like like when they hug you
and be like you's fell like every I always try
to imitate, like like a couple of girls that I
was very jealous of in high school. They just had
a natural delicateness to them and like those fathers that
would go you know, I always talk about how my
husband never puts his hand on my back like nobody's ever,
(05:17):
just like you know, carried me through a room like
nobody's ever, put me in a cab and referred to
me as like precious cargo. Everyone's like, see you over there.
Your stuff with your husband is so I mean it.
It really resonates with me because I have a boyfriend
who is very similar in the way that Like this weekend,
actually Rachel I was there was a victory moment for
(05:38):
me because I've been obsessed. If you weren't following Rachel
on Instagram, she puts up the funniest stuff. She's so
every single clip of yours is always funny. And it's
I tell this to people all the time, you know,
when I see someone and I go, oh, I watch
your clips. I need to let them know, because we're
just flooded with just stand up clips and podcast clips,
(05:58):
and it's rare that I find someone. I watch all
of their stuff, but I look so forward to anything
you put out because it's always just so cutting and
honest and so funny. But you had this bit, and
I think if you go back on our Instagram, it's
because I've shown it to so many people, I know
how to find it. It's the one where the guy
charges the stage. So if you look up the one
(06:18):
where it says like drunk guy charges the stage, it's
the bit before he even that's that's not even the
best part of the clip, even though that was funny
as fun how you handled that, but and how scary
that was, by the way, But even before then, the
bit before it is all about Rachel and her husband
Um calling her big Guy and Chris and I that's
his nickname. He calls me fucking big guy, and he
(06:41):
acts like I'm weirdly insecure because I don't like, I'm
not into that nickname. He's like, I can get out
of your head about it. If I was. No woman
wants me called big guy like a union trucker. What
the fuck? I like I showed Chris that as a
kind of way to be like, hey, like don't do
things like that, Like, hey, like, isn't this funny? Like
(07:03):
you wouldn't want to be like her husband calling her
big guy right like it was me. Do you ever
show Pete something to like get him to maybe wake up?
Like that? Stoods uh? Netflix documentary. I've tried to make
Chris watch that the other night, and I kept being like, wait,
pay attention, there's this part that you need to say,
and he's like, or why we do you even want
to see this? Or is it just for me? No? Never,
(07:24):
I choose all of my um everything we watched just
to change his mind about different things. That's how I
decided our entire netflixing. Because he goes to the firehouse
every day and gets dumber because he's like, just imagine
having like man sleepovers for half your life. So I've
put all kinds of idiot horseship in his head. And
then I'm like, all right, I'm gonna have to watch
(07:44):
that documentary so I can explain that you have like
a list of Ted talks just lined up. He's like
like they're all obsessed with privacy, like extreme paranoid like libertarians,
So like during COVID just to funk with him, I
told him that. Um, I was like, listen it, just
so you know. Cuomo wants us to put a siren
on our door when we and they drop it off
and they pick it up later, and he's like, I'm
(08:06):
not putting a fucking siren my fucking door. That fucking
asshole could. I'm sorry, but the contractors they just dropped
and just says, this is a COVID home. It's just
a small, rotating green and red siren. I was like,
we have to do. I think we get arrested just
to piss him off. That day, he was ranting about
(08:28):
it all afternoon, but I'm not putting a goddamn this
is a COVID home sign on. This asshole could go
fund himself. Well, like, I love the part of the
joke too, where because you like funk with him, and
you like, I love that part of your set is
that you have so many like little pranks and like
things you do, like you funk with you share the
(08:49):
things that he does that aren't intentional to hurt you,
but that hurt you or hurt your feelings, and then
you also share things that you do to like get
One of my favorite parts of you is that you
are honest about being desperate for like compliments and like
affection and all these things. Like I was even the
other day I was telling Ryan Hamilton about your vows
and I think he was at your wedding, but I
(09:11):
was recounting your vows when you were saying, um to
Pete that like you thought he was gonna be dazzled
by you when you brought him to like a movie set,
you were shooting some show or commercial or something. You
brought him and he was just like and you thought
he was just gonna be like, wow, my girlfriend or
is like a big star and I get to be
understand and he's like yeah. I was like I was
(09:31):
just seeing him across the room, like I was shooting
this commercial, and I was like, I thought, like he's
looking over at me thinking like that's her, like that's
what she does. It was such a humiliating thought, like
sometimes I'll have a documentary of my life playing with
thoughts nobody's having about me, Like he was always hanging
with the guys, but still like she was a woman's one.
It's like no one cares, you know, Like I'll be
(09:54):
at the cellar like really rasing the guys and I'll
be like imagining how he would see this. It's and
then the guy never sees me that way there, like
there's a booker on your cheek. So he was like,
really across the room, I'm I'm shooting this commercial. In
my head, I was like, what does he see when
I'm like doing this? And he walks over and he's like,
can we get back to the room. This is fucking
(10:14):
Weird's take it forever. He's like, are there there's good
snacks there? Like didn't give a fuck, you know, like
didn't he ask where craft he was? And you go,
how do you know what Crafty has? He goes on
a set before Babe, I played a goat. He says
the weirdest ship to comedians too. He'll be like he
knows certain phrases, but he doesn't understand it. So like
(10:35):
in the green room and would be like, you know,
there's somebody opening for me and be like, hey, how
much time do you have? And I'm like, don't have
comedians like how much time they have. It's actually weirdly
insulting the thing with him that's fascinating is that like
he never he really doesn't give a funk because emotionally
he's a desert like and he doesn't think about what
people think about him, which would be so often do
(10:56):
you ever think about what your life would be if
you didn't have that, because you're already like you already
have a piece of that to be able to go
on stage and talk about yourself so vulnerably, Like a
lot of people look at you and go, wow, she
doesn't care what people think because you're just saying well,
which is a compliment. I love when people say that
to me, like you're so brave, you you have so
much on confidence. I'm always like, oh my god, it's
(11:17):
the opposite of that, but I'm happy they think of
it that way. What what next level thing could you
be capable of if you didn't care what people think?
Like do you study him and like get to like
kind of see what that would be? Like I do
watch him, um, because like I mean, oftentimes he's doing
something that's like humiliating to me, like like home meets
somebody for the weekend on the road, and I'll be like,
(11:38):
he's a thing where he says people's names a lot
to them um like method because he doesn't know how
to like socialize normally, so he'll be like, you know,
he'll be like, Craig, great weekend, Good to meet you, Craig.
You're a solid guy, and I want to say thank
you for all you've done for us this weekend, Craig.
And I'm like, his name is Jeff. You did, doesn't
(11:59):
give a fuck, Like like do you want to say something?
He's like yeah, comes out in the wash like like
that's not the proper use of It's funny. He cares
enough to be to do like a Dale Carnegie method,
like how to get when friends and influence people say
their name a lot, but then he folks up the name,
doesn't care. Yeah, that's how he communicates. It's all like
based on like the books he saw how he was
(12:21):
supposed to interact because the rest of the time he's
just thinking of like fires and like building codes. Like
the titles are like exhausting. They're like how did you
get to the top of every mountain? They're all about winning,
like how to manipulate parties, like oh my god, I
saw Rachel's our um last month in l A and
like She's probably one of the only comedians that I
would take time out of my life when I don't
(12:43):
have a set to like. I ended up picking up
a set that night, but I was already gonna be there,
and so I was like, oh, I guess I'll go
next door. But I was already gonna be there to
see you. I was like, I'm just gonna go enjoy
comedy and Chris and I laughed so fucking hard, and
I was hoping that he would kind of here the
big guy think, except that now we say big guy, like,
I know that so lame to like take someone else's joke,
but like and make it your own as a couple.
(13:03):
It's not even lame. It's cute. I think. I'm always
so flattered when people do that with anything, when they
reference a joke I made like four specials ago, and
I'm like, oh my god, I forgot about that. But
we always now when he comes in the door, is
that big guy is like that just like it's so funny, right,
and um, but this weekend I kind of stole out
(13:24):
of your playbook because what I like about that joke
is that you actually add on a part where you
said you were so happy when he first saw you
do that joke on stage and why was that excited?
Because I was like, oh, now he's gonna get it
because it really did well. And I was talking about
how I walk in the door and he's like he
always says it with this like wacky confusion, like it's
anyone's guests with me. So I talked about how insulting
(13:47):
it is. The crowd laughs. I walk right over to
him and I'm like, well, he goes what they loved it.
I'm like you, it's at you. They're laughing at how
sad it is that my husband calls me bang I
and how unfortunate that situation is for me. But he
thinks it's like that was because this weekend I was like,
I was doing this bit that I wrote years ago
(14:09):
about trying to get my boyfriend to compliment me, and
I would like, you know, prance around naked in front
of him, trying to get his attention to say anything
about my body, and he one time looked up from
his phone and he just goes body and then he
looks back at his phone like he just said. But
like that's all he could give me. But to get
into it, I said something that has been like a
little bit annoying me, but like not big but because
(14:30):
I do it too. But I think it's something that
like prevents us from being closer, is that we don't
say I love you, or like what are you doing tonight?
Or like I can't wait to see you? We talk
in third person, he goes, I miss a gal. A
guy misses a gal, A guy loves a gal, Like
it's always like telling a story of like a Jack
and Jill went up the hill, like it's always. But
(14:52):
the audience laughed so hard. I was like, thank you
for understanding how this is a problem for me. Like
when the audience gets it and you or something like
that and they respond to it, you're like, oh good,
Like I'm not crazy to be a little bit like
disappointed that we both can't say I and you satisfying
to have them agree with you. It's like our final
(15:14):
arguments to the world stand up. It's just like and
we rest our case. But then Petle' see me talk
about him, and he's just like, what they loved it?
All he knows is that they liked the bit. He
doesn't it doesn't know what that exactly, Like what he
thinks you're welcome, babe. I'm like no, but he doesn't
understand the irony, so it's he only gets worse and
(15:34):
I keep sending Rachel. Rachel and I have both expressed
to each other in private conversations of like how we
like that tenderness, like that that that slip back, like
lower back leading you into a room, just that protective
gentleness that we've really never gotten from any guy, not
you know, not just our person we're with now. But
I will just send Rachel pictures of like people in
(15:55):
public that I see that are getting that, like women.
I've really said, you like five or six different iterations
of that gentleness, just to be like, because I feel
so alone in like really wanting that so badly that
I feel so good when I'm like, have someone to
send it to of like I know she will feel
the same yearning that I feel for this. I want
to talk about it when we get back from break.
(16:16):
But have you seen the Harry and Megan doc I
was about to say, They always say he was very
protective over her. He was always concerned in his safe
like no one's ever been wondering, like what I'm doing
over there? How I know, no, man, they're always like
she's good. Well that's because his mom died and so
he's like scared she's going to die in like some
kind of free like. I think that's probably part of it,
but I want to get into that a little bit
more when we get back from this break here with
(16:38):
Rachel Feinstein, I'm gonna this podcast will be right back
after this. Besties in the midwestias. Um. I am imploring
you that if you don't have New Year's Eve plans,
why don't you come to St. Louis, Missouri and come
see me at the Steeples Center. It's probably one of
the biggest shows I've ever done in terms of like
(16:58):
capacity for him and I really want to sell this
bitch out and I want you there. So if you
don't have plans, or you need a last minute Christmas
gift or like a fun trip for yourself, even alone,
you know, I do um free meet and greets. Uh
if you are coming alone, um, and if you're bestie
and you just write me and you buy a ticket,
I'll give you a meeting. Great anyway, even if you're
going with someone, so um. St. Louis New Year's Eve
(17:21):
days away, go get your tickets now. It would mean
so much to me and I hope to see you
there and happy holidays and all that. Jazzz Alright, we're back. Okay,
So did you watch the Noah as well? Did have
you seen any the Harry and Megan Netflix docuseries. I
just saw the controversial clip one where she's doing the curtsy. Yes, Oh,
(17:45):
it's so good, Rachel. Have you seen that every frame?
Oh my god, how good is his face? And that
I put it on my story yesterday, you guys if
you want to check it out or actually it'll be
gone by now. But I saw that when he was
doing that when she didn't, and he was furious. Oh
he looks to the side like is this almost over? Which,
by the way, I know that men have made that
face next to me a million times as I'm acting
(18:07):
out something that I know. By the way, she knew
that pisces him off, like that was such a perfect
interaction of a couple. So if you don't know, she's
doing an impression of how she curtsy the first time
she met the queen, because she thought she was like,
she's making fun of the royal family and how dumb
all of the stuff is and she is right, by
the way, it is all dumb, all this pageantry bullshit,
(18:27):
it's dumb, and she's making fun of like how they
taught her to curtsy, and then she meets the queen
and she's like and I literally went like this, and
she bends down to be like, oh, you know, like
and curtsies and it's so slow and awkward. And he's
sitting next to her in this interview and he looks
over to the right to kind of look at a
producer like and then he looks down like his face
(18:48):
goes through so many different emotions than he tries to
smile to get out of it. But you know she
was doing that because she knows that pisses him off.
Do you agree, Like, I know, yeah, now that you
say it, that makes a lot of sense. Why do
you think that it was passive aggressive because she because listen,
she's she knows she's right. This is how I feel
whenever I just mouthed off about being a vegan. I
(19:08):
know I'm right and no one can fucking really prove
me wrong about it, but I know it upsets people still.
So it's like there's a thing, there's a part of
me when I'm in like a certain kind of mood
where I'll go off about something that I know that
someone you know what I'm it's passive aggressive, like perfectly,
and she knows that he grew up with that, and
(19:28):
so he's deep in his core he does feel like
that's the right thing to do to curtsy, and there's
nothing wrong with it. But he knows logically, because he's
a smart man, that it is stupid that she is.
She knows he's he knows she's right. It's almost like
if you were to make fun of religion, like someone
who kind of like was raised Catholic and you're making
front of like Catholicism. They know now like it's all bullshit,
(19:49):
but there's a core of them that was like, well,
this is my family that you're talking about, and I
think and my mom like who's dead. Like there's a
part of him that was annoyed. But I just love
I love that seen so much. But I really couldn't
watch documentary because I was so like jealous of her,
and then I liked her a lot that way about me,
nobody's ever had eyes like fluttering towards me, like it's
(20:12):
I've never gone through that period of falling for somebody
where I always because the thing is, I'm not able
to keep that voice up, like that delicate voice when
you have to kind of hold onto when someone's falling
in love. My voice gets real gangernous and low, real fast,
So I'm not able to keep it up, like I can't.
I can do that for like half an hour and
then lovingly and pirate, Like remember the first night she
(20:35):
met him, she goes out and she kept like even
though she met him and they kind of both knew instantly,
like there's a spark here, she kept her engagement for
later that evening, so she had to leave. Like whereas
me I would have been like, I'll cancel everything for you,
like I'm going to move here, she like still went
out and was like I can't hang out that long
with the fucking Yes. This girl masterful and I am
(21:01):
wrapping up Megan. I used to be I used to
not be a fan of hers, and I know it's
because of what the press put out there, Like I
am now such a huge fan of hers. She is
so smart. She if you if you watch the documentary,
this girl was already do like she was Princess Diana
like she's already doing humanitarian work when she was just
on Suits. She and she kind of brags for a
(21:21):
minute about being like, you know, when my off season
for Suits, I wasn't the show she was on in Canada.
She was like, you know, I I wasn't looking for
the next indie project that was gonna win me awards.
I was, you know, flying to Rwanda to like do
And this was before she met Harry, Like she was
already she was always thinking that scarf and like and
(21:42):
just playing. She's a good person. I like her a
lot and she's smart. Remember did you hear the poem
she wrote as a kid. She memorized that whole thing.
It was like really good station about like women's equality
and the soap commercial and ship that was crazy. I
mean she got a soap commercial changed because it said
(22:03):
like women across the country hate doing dishes and she
wrote into like Dawn soap and was like as a
little girl and was like why you say all women
across the country. Why can't it be all people men
do dishes too? You're making it And she got it changed.
They changed the commercial like this is she's a little
tenacious girl and she I loved Tim Dillon I posted
this yesterday, had a bit where he's like he was
(22:24):
talking about how she was like I was the smart one.
I wasn't the hot one. He was like, yeah, because
you weren't hot, but now you are so drop it,
Like He's like, you had to be. But I like
that she was kind of awkward looking and like I
like her. Yes, I I definitely felt like I felt
like her old outfits. I was like, Okay, she was
hot when she was like, she started being hot when
(22:45):
she as soon as she was in high school, where
like maybe yeah, when she was really little, she was
like yeah, she just looked like a normal kid. And
so it's kind of satisfying to see like that she
became like insanely, when did you figure it? Outrage? Because
you keep getting better looking? Um, and I'm wondering, and
you really do. And I knew that face was going
to follow this, but I'm serious, Like every time I
(23:05):
like see you on Instagram, I'm just like, oh my god.
And you know, me and my boyfriend are big fans
of Rachel fine Stein's looks and we share like like
clips and be like she looks so good. You're just
so pretty, but like it takes so long to figure
this stuff out, like to figure out gangerdnus acne in
high school, like I needed operation for my act. I
(23:27):
needed to be like I had zits that were just
like I mean, appalling, Like I don't know how I
was just I was hurling my body around it being outside.
I've always had the kind of skin where like it
can't survive many different temperature changes. That's why I'm always
fascinating to see people like outside on dates, like we
went for a hike, like Megan, seems like that sleep
outside and intent with a fucking guy like that. I
(23:49):
could never do that. That would one He'd see me
one day in some fucking bold light, some African sunlight,
and he'd be like, this girl's gotta go. She's jacked up.
Also has skin sensitivity to the sun. No, you're you
have like, uh, you have have skin malasma and my
my pores are huge. I'm this. I hear what you're saying. Reach.
(24:12):
I gotta say though, that I think that there is
some runoff PTSD from when you had terrible skin in
high school rage because I think now you there's body
dysmorphia going on, which I'm sure you have to like
acknowledge a little bit because I know that sometimes like
someone will say something like a makeup artist or something.
Nowadays we'll say something that will trigger you to be
(24:34):
back in that moment, but it's like it just isn't
that way anymore. Do you feel like haunted by that
when it was such an issue for you? And do
you still feel like because even um, who was I
someone was talking about, I'm still that person that was
like with someone who loses weight is still a fat
but they still feel fat. You know, like, do you
feel haunted by it? I mean, right now, I could
like I feel like my skin is okay right now.
(24:55):
But just like last week, I was doing Billy Burr's
podcast and I was like actively peeling, like I was
just like my whole I have to use retin it.
So there's always a lot going on. It's a it's
a cocktail of things I have to do to like
sort of patch my face up. Everybody stopped beating off
at home and focus on, um, it's just cool your erections.
It is tough, but it's not as bad as it
(25:18):
was in high school. And I'm sure, I mean, you know,
I don't know. Sometimes I tell myself, I go, you know,
you see it, other people don't see it. And then
I walked into the comedy seller and ZiT. And then
Keith Robinson goes, why is Rachel z It winking at me?
So so media, It's like that are always real healthfully,
like Rachel Zick keeps flirting with me right at all?
Why would you go outside with that? So that's the thing. Also,
(25:40):
when you're around comedians, like even if you're starting to
get more confident, not comedians like Nicky, because Nikki will
take care of me and be lovely and say encouraging things.
But like, if you're around these animals, all the male
comics are, I mean, they'll just Keith was like, I
got dressed. I thought I was freaking taking a few
good risks. He was like, why does ChIL dressed like
(26:00):
she shops and suburban outfitters like that? It's so funny
because and it is. I will say though that if
you had a terrible acne situation, no one would comment
on it, do you know what I'm saying, Like, unless
you were doing a roast or something. Unless that's when
someone calls out something that is egregious, but no one's
(26:23):
gonna make a comment about your zi if you're someone
that they think like you think they struggle with zits
or no one's gonna make fun of someone who is obese.
It's called them fat unless they like but maybe if
they were a little pudgy, you know what I mean. Like,
if it's a huge issue, you're not going to call
it out. But I do know how you feel. Like
I will feel probably feeling so good about myself, and
then you know, for me, it'll be like I'll be
(26:46):
around another girl who I know is already prettier than me,
but I'm like, hey, I'm kind of in the same league,
or like i feel like I feel like I'm I
feel good about myself. It doesn't even matter if I'm
in the same league. And then that girl will get
up from the table or like go to another some thing,
and then the people at the table with me and
will go, god, she's so pretty, Like it's so insane,
Like the keeping praise that other people get will then,
(27:09):
you know, really hurt me as opposed to something that
maybe so I think people know I'm so insecure that
they don't make fun of me, and I don't hang
out with male comics really ever that are that comfortable
to make fun of me physically, umure, just trying. It's
I have my dad's legs. Like this, I realized the
(27:31):
stuff that I get complimented for where people are like,
oh my god, what do you do with your legs?
And I go, I just was born, Like so many things,
you're just born with. You're not doing anything like I
do want to know, like what people are doing to
their faces when they do really change radically, like what
kind of face clips. I'm up studying all these things.
But the things that people go, Nikki, you have the
best legs, I won't take the compliment because I didn't
(27:52):
do anything to get them. I just I have my
dad's legs, like I was just born with them. So
I can't even take the compliment, which is dumb, because
if I worked for it, I'd go, well, I just
worked out that's all I had to do. It's not
even really me, you know, like I can't some way
I'd figure out not to to deflect it. But um yeah,
it's just I feel like every day is uh, it
(28:12):
just it changes of my It's more consistent now of
like since I'm doing these mantras of like I approve
of myself. I approve of myself, Like I've been saying
that a lot. Whatever you also say about like the
girls that you think look really good, Um, they can
never hear it enough because they all work so hard
on it. Not that it's good to keep, you know,
(28:33):
feeding that, but I'm just saying, like, you know, the
the girl that you think like because people look at
you and they're like, she's like absurdly or rationally hot.
But you always point out that the girls that look
like that, they're putting a lot of work in so
they do in fact need the compliment, or they'd welcome
it at least. So yes, you know, because they're always
just like caring, so caring more. It's my prettiest friends
(28:54):
are so desperate for compliments, and I'm always just like,
but it's a given, and so I sometimes just have
to convince myself, oh yeah, that's why people are complimenting you.
It's just a given, Nikki. But there are times though
that I would like to like be able to not
be like. We also live in a culture where if
I'm like, I look gross today, people are like no,
(29:15):
and it's like, but sometimes I do, and that should
be okay, you know what I mean, Like the idea
that it's like, no, you don't, don't say that. It's
like I'm not saying I don't deserve love. I'm just
saying I look haggard and that's just a fact, and
that it's it's okay, but people go, no, you're beautiful
on the inside or whatever. You know, it's just like
(29:35):
now I can just be gross one day it's okay,
but it's you know, you still struggle with it. I um,
I was on dem MOI the other day or a
couple of weeks ago. Do you know what is okay?
So it's like this Instagram account where they just do
gossip about celebrities. I'm sure you've heard of it or
like maybe been sent something of it, but it's all
(29:55):
like people just right in um about celebrities, either like
they're friends with someone who's sleeping with a lister or
like it's just all gossip and it's all blind items
where it's like they sometimes they'll say the person's name,
but it's just all users submitted from piddling. You know something, Yes,
I only think I would never do those things, like
(30:16):
so I'm like, I, God, I should start going to
Magnolia so people know there's like there's really are five
restaurants you can go to and you will see someone
or like, you know, just like cackling like some sort
of day day drinking at like some perfectly impeccable place. Yes, well, Rachel,
you and I could absolutely submit to Dunma Noah, you
as well. Like the things we know about celebrities like
(30:38):
this is who submitting is like friends of celebrities who
have inside scoop and so they I mean they'll report
about affairs happening, choking on her water and his soul. Yes, yes,
that is literally what happens, coughing up flamin of filings. Amount. Well,
(31:02):
I've only been on it a couple of times, and
when you get on it, you're kind of like, oh man,
I'm someone like the fact that my name, well, one
of them I won't even say. It was like ages
ago and it was um, it was I was like whatever.
And that that one I'll skip and maybe talk about
it another time when I have more distance. But then
there was one the other day where so it's dem
(31:22):
d e U x m O I and on their
their Instagram stories where everything goes down. Their page itself
is nothing but the Instagram story. And she posted like,
tell me about celebrities weird foods you've seen them eat like,
and so people are just submitting, like every single they've
saw Sean Penn eating a hot dog without the bond
(31:44):
or what like, they'll just like say, and someone wrote, no,
what you have the exact phrasing. Saw Nicky Glazer dump
an entire pepper shaker on her seemingly dry salad. Okay,
So I got a lot of people writing me about
this and screenshoting it and being like, oh busted, there's
so much truth to this. I love pepper, always have.
(32:06):
I as a kid, I hated the taste of scrambled eggs,
so I would dump all the pepper on it. Would
you couldn't even see egg. I love pepper. I can
handle it's not too spicy. I used to do this
on salads a lot. I think that's probably around two eighteens.
Someone saw this and the but the dry salad thing
really bothers me because this sounds like an anorexic person,
which I definitely do have anorexic food tendencies, no question,
(32:28):
because I was for a very long time, and some
of them have carried over to just things I actually like.
But a dry salad. I do not have dry salads.
That is something that is a deprivation thing. I think
anyone who says they like dry s out is lying.
They're just trying to avoid calories. You don't You're doing
that is not something I do anymore. If it was
a dry salad is because they didn't have vegan dressing
(32:49):
or any dressing that I liked, Like they only had
like ranch or something. But I would never and so
I would never do that. I just want to clear
the air on that because but it just upset me
because I was like, it just sounded like an like
if I read Scarlett Johanson to that, I'd be like,
fuck diet. I'm like, yeah, I get it because like
the person that does that, it makes them sound like
(33:10):
a little bit. It's not it's not a good lot.
It's crazy. But you I feel like, um, I've never
seen you eat a dry salad. You you have the
most specific orders and and I feel like you, Nikki,
A lot of her friends are all very hot blondes
um that I eat like a lot of tubuli and
grains and eat certain sauces on the side and oils
(33:31):
on the sun. Whenever I'm with you guys and I
try to imitate your orders something we all well, we
all have histories of eating disorders, so we all have
like these very specific like things that But I love sauces,
I love dressings, and you have dressings on your salad.
But I definitely don't like it. Like it's like it's
it's very cute. It's like the way Meg Ryan would
(33:52):
order and when Harry met s it's obnoxious. And I'm
sure it is like a talk of the seller, like
of like Nikki's fucking order because the whole table was
filled with different sides of things. I tip very well
whenever I'm this demanding. I've got more lax in my
older life of like, okay, so they put on the salad,
who cares Like it's going to be more than I want,
(34:13):
but like just eat it, like just get eat what
they give you. But um, yeah, it was just it
made me realize very well and take care of everybody
and are very lovely. I am also so annoying in
stories and restaurants, people can tell immediately I'm from New York.
When I'm in l A. It takes them fucking seconds
to be like, oh, you're here from New York, I'm
(34:34):
wearing like a black cape, and what what are some
of your demands? Where do you like shine? When you're
like in that way of being rush and I try
to act like that, I am, and I can't. I
never really fall in sync with that l A way
of speaking that kind of like hey, like the conversation
before the conversation, you know, like I feel like there's
(34:55):
there's a fucking little just I just sound impatient, I
sound like a twat, and then I try to overdo
it after with the compliments and the tip, but I'm
apologizing for how the whole time. Yes, I feel the
same way about this conversation before the conversation. I my
boyfriend early on in a relationship coined glazer exits, which
is like as soon as I want to leave, I
(35:16):
just go. I don't do a whole thing of like
I don't think I'm probably gonna take off. I don't
even know how that works. When people just kind of
put their bag on their shoulder and kind of like
signal to people they are gonna leave or they need
to like announce they're gonna leave and then talk about
leaving or like a fairy godmother Nikki's out like a like,
I just go and it's it's not because I'm like
I got offended and I need to leave on a time.
(35:38):
It's just like when I want to. Everyone has a
moment where they go, I want to go, and I
think most people go, I'm gonna be like socially more
acceptable and ease into the going. I just go, and
it's not an insult to anyone. I just want to go,
and it's it is hasty, and I do know that
people get like triggered by it because abandonment issues and
(35:59):
it's probably a little bit of my own thing of
like I don't like goodbyes, so I just kind of
want to vanish and then I don't have to. It's
a good fucking Irish exit. I respect it. I like,
thank you, thank you so much. It's a fucking rap.
I I always call an uber to get out because
I don't know how to say good bye to people.
And I show the uber screen and I go, oh,
he's here. We'll speaking up. We gotta take a break
(36:22):
and we'll be right back after this all right, We're
back with Rachel Feinstein. You can see her on New
Year's Eve at the punch Line, Philly punch Line, is
that right? Helium Helium and helium Helium, don't go to
the punch line. Please don't um Helium and Philly. That's
a good club. I love Helium. I do too. As
I'm trying to figure out where to shoot my special,
(36:43):
I've gotta find a theater with like lower lower. Yes,
that's my next special too. I want it to be
more intimate and small like low like that is absolutely
I can't wait for your next special, Rachel. It's when
I play in like an auditorium like type of I
always it reminds me of school. When I even smell
a school, I I'm just like, oh, I never want
to go back because I stuck it up so bad. Yeah,
(37:03):
I'm gonna have to with my daughter. But yeah, I
had like I was in detention so much. I had
like a detention dance. I just like the head of
thing everybody. When I walked into detention, I was like attention.
You weren't a bad kid, you were just a d
d yes, but I was also bad, like I brought whippets,
tanks to school a lot. Wait, because I'm guessing you
(37:25):
were trying to make friends and be popular. Yeah, I
loved whippets too. I was, um, and uh, what do
they feel like? You just laugh a lot. It's like
I can't smoke pot because it accentuates every quality I've
been trying to erase, you know. So I like whippets.
I want to laugh and have a fun, loving time
if like, if I smoke pot, you know, I just
like think people want me to to leave and don't
(37:47):
care for me. But um, I was pretty into But
I would get in trouble for you know, for talking,
for running my goddamn mouth. I've always been that for
mocking ship and um I had the teacher, Miss Volo,
and I would do an impression of her. She would
sort of lunge and do this kind of lunge action phrases.
She was always trying to make history fun and using
her body with histories. She knew I had impression of her,
(38:08):
so I'd get like a lot of time outs and stuff.
So you were like the class clown like they talked
about like you had. I was in trouble a lot.
I mean, we my my first high school. Um, I
was just getting DC and after and it was like
an emergency. There was like nightly meetings about me. And
then they took me to this other school called Thornton Friends,
which I didn't realize was like a school where they
(38:29):
sent the bad kids. Everybody called it snorton fiends. And
so then they sent me to warn Fiends because I
wasn't going to graduate. And all of your friends from
high school you went to a new what what what great?
Did you transfer? Junior year of high school transferred? And then, um,
I would miss my old friends. Yeah. I would pass
by my friend Lisa Kaplan, I remember, and when I
(38:50):
would see her, we both drive to high school. I
was driving my mom's Pontiac Glamans. Saw Lisa try to
make her laugh. Had to get a laugh, so I
tried to do a like impression of someone driving or
something at the ups truck um and totaled my mom's Lamons.
And then it was such a tiny school that the
police officer picked me up. I was weeping. He was
(39:11):
kind of holding me, and um, kind of weeping on
his arm. I was hit on hand, hit on me
and and he dropped me off in school but there
was only, like, you know, fifteen kids in this school,
like so, so everybody saw me come in in the
cop car, and I remember calling my mom another example
where somebody's not protected, being like I was in an
accident but I'm okay, and she's like, well, how's the
(39:32):
damn Lamon's ship Lamon's. She was always like, shit, Rachel,
you know I need that Lamon's. I knew this was
gonna happen. I think everyone got into an accident in
high school, like you, Yeah, I got into well, I
hit a garbage man with my car when I was sixteen,
(39:53):
like just ran over a garbage man and almost killed him.
He sued me four years later. It was like a
whole fucking thing. But my sister got into an accident.
I think it's insane that we let kids on the
road with no actual formal driving instruction. I mean, you
could just learn from your dad in a parking lot
for an hour and then go ace the test because
you have a good day, and then you're just out
on the road. I mean it would be I would
(40:15):
be terrified. I was driving wildly, just like assuming the night.
It's amazing we didn't die. Going rogue like that. It
was a terrible idea. Do you are you your daughter?
How old is she now about to be four? Frankie
is two and a half. Yeah, she's she's it's weird.
That's like she's coming to life. Yeah, Like she calls
(40:37):
me sweetie. She goes, go ahead, sweetie, Like when I
leave the like she just missed, I'm gonna go to
the cellar. I'll be back in the morning. She goes,
I'll go ahead, sweetie. I'm like, don't talk to me
like you're like an older waitress. I just wiped your ass.
She's like, and she listens like that. She listens like
just not She's like, how stand has retirement, you know,
(41:01):
it's an adjustment, adjustment that's actually listens like she's been there.
She's just hilarious. Do you see do you see her
being like intentionally funny yet or is it all just unintentionally?
She does both. I mean she has a lot of
like voices, she has a lot of faces that she
makes in the mirror, and she's definitely like she's a ham.
She also speaks Spanish fluently, and we don't speak Spanish.
(41:23):
She goes to his Spanish daycare, so she a lot.
So that's kind of funny, like she's always happy with me.
In Spanish, she's like and she says yeah yeah, which
I'm like, no Spanish speaking person said a racist impression
of a Spanish Yeah. Yeah, she's always she's had it
with me because she just errands around the room and
she's like up to things. You know, I've become like
(41:45):
an impediment. She's like, come on, like I'm trying to
do this thing. I'm trying to put all your jewelry
in this cart and push it down the stairs. Bitch,
get off my dick, you know. Working. Yeah, she's always
doing some weird matter. Yet she sounds incredible. Are you
having this like morning period, like she's not a baby anymore?
Like are you having is it? Do you get sad
at different stages that they go into? Are you excited
(42:06):
for the next one? I am definitely glad that she's
not like a little because it's just like so exhausting.
And then you're always like, oh, she could die, she
could die. Every second you're just like, she almost died,
she's about to die, she almost died. It's just she
almost side, she's about to die. So I wasn't good
with that, and then Pete has no instincts with that,
so like he would. He took her to the park
one day. He was trying to put her on the
big swing. He was like, I'm teaching her. I'm like,
(42:27):
she's six months. She would have immediately died. What the fuck.
He's like, I'll just teach, you know, we can't teach
her anything. No teaching, she's six months, Like, you'll do
stuff where I'm like, oh my god. One day I
walked in, he was trying to give her a carrot.
He's like, I'm teaching her about carrots. Some fucking carrot,
you moron. Let me teach her a ship. What are
you doing? And he's like, I know. He goes relix,
(42:49):
I know infant CPR because she's he's a fireman on
the kid. He's like, she choked. I would know how
to help her. I'm like, no, you just don't give
her a carrot, you deep asshole. And then do you
Whenever I leave, he like he always puts her in
a black turtleneck and like these same jeans. I don't
even know where he gets this stuff. He dresses her
like Steve Jobs, Like whenever I'm not there, but it's
(43:13):
always when she's a baby because I'm like always afraid
of different things, um so, and and there's been like
active construction. So I'm glad that she's running around now.
And you know, like I'm I like to talk. Ship.
Pete's like more of a doer. He gets, you know,
he's like we did that Languages of Love thing, and
he's like he's like, you know, acts of service, an
active service. Who gives I want ship? So she when
(43:37):
he was little, it was like he was good at
the change in the diper, like all that kind of stuff.
I like to talk so she can hang. Now she
like says some funny stuff. It's more fun. It's not
all this. It's less like just manual and like I
had to take her to parks. I hate parks. Yes,
a woman like pushing a swing. I assume she needs
to be rescued. It's just such a bottomized activity, like
(43:58):
the pushing. It's like you should be wearing some sort
of medical gown while you're doing it, you know. So
he would take her to parks and things like that,
and now there's more like I can talk to her
and hang with her, and I'm better at that. Yes,
that's where I want to come in as a mom.
It's like I love that now that my sister's kids are,
Like I like talking to them. I like like like
when they sit down to draw and I get to
(44:18):
like hear what they're drawing and ask them about it
and like that is like my favorite time. But like
doing things, that's such an interesting thing, Like the love
language is like I don't and I like buying gifts
for them. I like buying gifts and I like talking
to them, but I don't. Yeah, that's the fun part.
But um, I was actually like you talking about like
the CPR thing like do you are you haunted by
(44:40):
things of like this could happen? And then what would
I do? Like do you run a million? Is constant
stress like that because even last night I was like
I live alone, Like what if I start choking? Like
what would I do when I was like running through
Like what I would do alone? I think I would
survive because I would came when came up with several
scenarios of like you know, hurling myself over a chair
or just like thudding into the ground just chest first.
(45:02):
But like I if I start doing that, like you
can there's a thousand scenarios where you're like, what would
I do? Do you do you find? And that's what
makes me kind of worried about being a mom is
like over worrying um or becoming somebody ever worries he's
gonna hurt herself. But UM, for myself, I don't really worry.
I don't think about death too much. I just worry
if people are mad at me, you know, like you
(45:24):
think much more about that. Like I've never think about
death because yeah, again, it's just I'm too vain in
other ways to death. How might help you with being
people being mad at you? Because everyone's gonna die. The
other day, my friend was worried someone's gonna be mad
at her and go just know that their thoughts about
you will be vapor someday, just like everything else. And
she was like, oh, that helps, And I was like,
(45:45):
that does help me. When someone's mad at me, I'm like,
they're just their brain is going to shut off someday
and every thought they have about me will go with
them too. But I know what you mean to merge
those two because I feel like when I like when
people were really worked up about in the beginning, when
COVID was much more dangerous and stuff and everybody was.
I was so annoyed because I was like, I don't
care about germs. I don't want the germ people to
(46:06):
be right, Like, oh god, you're so right. Let it
be a genre I enjoy, like true crime or something
movie like pandemic films like don't yes, final thought, yes,
but I don't care either. You and I are so
on the same page about this, like I when people go, yo,
(46:26):
you gotta wash your hands after, Like I'll do a
meet and greet and then I'll just go right for
my food after shaking literally two D fifty hands and
having people like kiss my face and I'll forget to
wash my hands. It's just if I but if I
touch a dog, I can feel the damneder on my hand.
If I feel something actively on my hand, I will
wash my hand. But if I don't feel it, if
I can't see it, I don't care. And it's probably
(46:47):
why I'm sick right now. But I rarely do get sick.
But yeah, I totally relate to that of like COVID
made me. You know, everyone was washing their groceries and
like wipings down things and that was a real struggle
for me to pretend like I was doing that ship. Yeah,
I can't. I don't give a fun I don't do
any gross one. I apologize if anything, but I'll stip
(47:07):
off anybody's drink. I remember my brother was like that too.
I remember one time I was at this pizza place
visiting him in Boston where he went to school for college,
and drunk guy came up, just like some drunk drunk
like frat funk, look like he just like graduated from
like rape Tech or some ship. And he walked, we're
eating pizza, and this guy walks up to the window
like he and my brothers has a holding a piece
(47:29):
of pizza and he walks up like this. My brother
instinctively knew that the guy wanted to pretend like he
was licking my brother's pizza. They gave like a quick,
like blumbs up pizza up to the window, and the
guy was like, and he just licked all the way
up the window just to ironically eat my brother's dub slice.
And they both were like, and I actually related to
that moment. I was like, that is a funny thing
(47:50):
to do, and I wouldn't even wouldn't even consider to me,
like how Ran said that was to look away when
something drops on the floor, Like we're at a show,
and I think I've said this on the pud guess before.
But I dropped my invisiline on the floor and I
picked it up, and I was about to go on stage,
so I took them out. They fell on the floor,
and then I just put them back in my pocket,
and Chris looked at me like, no, you gotta wash them,
(48:12):
and I go, I'll wash them later. And then later
on I put him back in and he goes, not
not and I go, it doesn't. It doesn't. I can't
see it. And they didn't fall into a pile of vomit,
so it's gonna be okay. I just don't care. Um.
I remember one time I was on a trip with
my sister, like five day trip or something, and I
forgot my toothbrush, so I was just using hers when
she wasn't like to brush my like every day and
(48:35):
night and morning, because I kept forgetting to get one
when we would stop at a gas station or whatever.
And by the end of the week, I remember, at
one point we were both brushing our teeth together and
so she caught me not having a tooth. She was like,
you don't have a Toothbruson. I go, oh, I forgot mine,
and she goes, what have you been doing? Oh? And
so I had this like weird moment where do I
tell her I've been using hers or does she just
think I'm gross and haven't brush my teeth for a week?
(48:56):
And I had to tell her. She was horrified. Yeah,
I don't care though, Like it's first of all, it's
I mean, that's a little bit girl. I get it,
like I get what people. He wants me not. He
wants me to stop I use his and I'm like,
you do, Yeah, I with him, but I but I
exactly he did exactly. But I've always been like that.
Nobody wants me to mix my stuff with the alwa
put your pile over there, because they know it's ransom stuff.
(49:21):
Like I'm always as soon as I touch people's things,
they become there's a certain vulgar to them. I remember
this lady one saying one of the things that hurt
most when I was on stage. I'm not name dropping,
but I was playing at like the Hebrew Home for
the Aging and the bronx Um. I could hear this
woman talking about me, and two things that always stay
with me. One woman goes, something must have gone wrong
in the early years. I was like, oh my god,
(49:42):
that's so fucking acting right. She had a pin on her.
I'll never forget that. She had a pin on her.
And she was violently shaking and so disgusted with me.
And I think about how much energy it must have taken,
with fucking shaking like that to get that fucking prince
on her stupid lapel and just only to become downstair
to be so enraged by me. She had fucking a
perfect like aquanette sculpture, peach sculpture on her head, and
(50:05):
she's just sitting there like something must have gone wrong
in the early like just disgusting. And she also said,
I'll never forget this lady. Um she she's probably died
during my show. But she goes, I in the middle
of my set and she goes, there's a vulgarity, not
just in the language, it's just there's a general not
(50:26):
just in the language, like a general just statue. She
had me down. I'm like, fuck, she's right, goddamn it.
The worst. Whenever someone asked me like what's your worst heckle?
The only thing that ever has stuck in my cross
is one girl, a hot girl in the front row,
going you just any kind of like that's just an
(50:46):
e from an attractive person, more than anything, Like more
than you're not funny, you're not talented, you're whatever. It's
just an ew of like no one needs to know that,
Like you're kind of oversharing. Like you know, if I'm
eating dinner and like part of my food falls onto
the table, I'm a clean plate club person. Like I
(51:07):
eat everything that I like and it will all get
eaten no matter what I don't. I've never had like
to go containers in my life of like I've never
taken home anything. It all gets consumed. I will, but
if depending on who I'm eating with, because I know
people are so grossed out by like it touched the table,
I like, wait till you look away and sneak the
piece of food back on the plate so that I
(51:28):
can eat it, because but I will not. I'm so
I respect people so much who like if something falls
off onto the table, They're like not gonna eat that,
and they like put it on the side. I could
never do It's like a bite of food that I
would want. I could never do that. I want to
eat the way preserve that little Jesus cracker that they
give Catholics, a little Jesus cheeseus thing. I loved where
they lower it Jesus. I love the way they like
(51:52):
lower it into your face. That's how I want all
my snacks served to me, just like kind of like
laid back gently like that and just had things plopped
on my tongue. I don't know, God someday will accept ourselves. Rachel.
I swear to God, I love you so much. Thank
you for being here on this podcast. Lightful, You're the best.
You make me so happy. I'll continue sending pictures of
men comforting their girlfriends and wives and just different animals
(52:15):
caressing each other. What was that right? I just wanted
to say that that girl that said like you, it
reminded me of those couples that are on date nights
and there's always like I always feel so judged by
that couple, Like again, the guy's got his hand on
her lower back and she's like, like, I feel like
I bring those couples closer together, Like yes, they're gonna
bond in the car on the way home. It's fun,
(52:36):
you know, to laugh at that fucking you know, it's
just at that raunch, fucking broad for an evening, but
not a hard life she must have, and they just
kind of talk about how, oh god, I feel like
they they see me, and then they just hold onto
their wives a little more. Lady, I should appreciate her
like together. Uh you guys, go see Rachel on tour
(52:57):
anywhere you can see her. Follow her on in Instagram.
She is one of the best accounts out there. Support
her in every way. She's my favorite comic, one of
my favorite people too. I love you so much, Rage,
thank you for being here much. Thank you, thank you both.
Thank you my girl. Don'teka aunt Jack Patt
Host
Nikki Glaser
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