#315 My Brother's Husband w/ Matt Green

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glaser podcast. Here's Nicky. Hello. Here I am
its Nicky plays the podcast coming at you, first one
of the week. I hope you had a good weekend everyone, Um,
I sure did. We have the best show for you today.

(00:20):
I'm so excited about it. I can't even stand it.
I was excited all weekend after we came up with
this plan. Um. Here in studio with me, I'm joined
by Onion and Noah of course on your Marina avor avior.
Still not ever sure. Even if you tell me it's
like the rules of football, I'll never it doesn't stick,

(00:40):
but it should. It's a viewer, you know what. Sometimes
it is and sometimes it's okay. That's I always forget that.
That's your policy on it. It's so freeing to me
that you don't expect me to ever get your last
name right. It's very nice of you and very um.
That's the That's why I love no She's very forgiving friend.
UM in studio with me, though, is my brother in law,

(01:01):
one of the funniest people I know. And I'm not
setting you up. I know that's setting you up to
like fail like or like you can't live up to that,
But you just naturally are. Everyone knows it about you.
One of the best people I know, my brother's husband,
the father of my nephew, and my sister's husband. You
don't know what she was before she met you, for
something else you met her after that. Um, it's Matt Green. Everyone.

(01:29):
Welcome to the show. Hello everybody. Matt. Oh look that
does that feel good? It feels great? Matt, Welcome to
the show. So I had you came in with a
beverage and and you were like, have you tried this?
It's the new Lacroix. Yeah, it's a Lacroix cherry blossom.
Do you like to try a new Lacroix because I'm

(01:51):
into it ever since lemon Cello kind of blew my
mind and I was like, whoa Lacroix could taste this good?
Some people hate it. It's very diversive or dividing. What's
the word when it's like two things this divisive to maybe?
I don't know, I don't know anything. Um, but lemon cello,
how do you feel about that? One? Lemon cell is good? Okay?

(02:12):
Also I'm not concerning. I will drink them all. What
about coconut coconuts? Great? Really? How do you guys feel
about coconut, Kori, is that comble moose or is that great? No,
pomple moose is great fruit. It's that's the orange can. Okay, well,
so I can't really have an honest discussion. But coconut
is widely known is the most disgusting one. It tastes

(02:34):
of suntan lotion smell, but I like it. It's just water,
but I like I used to compare it to come
because that's no, it's not I mean no, but that's
what I'm saying. Look, I will see pomble mouse, raspberry, plain,
even lime orange. You're gonna get the same kind of
it doesn't matter. But then there are the standout ones

(02:54):
lemon cello, coconut, and I guess cherry blossom that you
can't not good, stand out bad. That's what I'm saying.
They stand. People don't like them. So can I take
a sip and see what I feel? It's like I
won't because I hated coconut first, grew into it, always
loved lemon cello. Okay, here we go. What is the
difference between lemon cello and lemon It has like it

(03:15):
tastes like a cake, almost not this. Sorry, lemon cello,
it tastes like it tastes like cake batter and lemon.
You're just like, which is like kind of gross for
like a sparkly drink, But it works. I that would
have grossed me out prior to trying it. Hold on,
alcoholic about lemon cello, like it doesn't alcohol drink? Right? Yeah,
I thought, I don't hate this. This is in this

(03:38):
is in the rest for me. You know, it's weird.
It's water, but to me it tastes watered down water
down water. Well can I can I offer you a
different drink? Because I had the only beverages I had
to offer you in my fridge were a beer, which
I thought, no, you can't. You're working today, thank you
for taking time out of your work schedule. But I
have um a Liquid Death mango chainsaw. Okay, wait, hold on,

(04:00):
you're not done with my options Mango chains Okay. So
it's like a hint. These are not ads, by the way,
these are drinks I have to offer, and I'm just
describing them. I did get these from Liquid Chains or
Liquid Death, but if they are not associated with the
show in any way. But they did send me a
case just of their new product. And I have to say,
and it has only three grams of sugar for this
whole can, so there is sugar in it. So it

(04:21):
feels better than like sip and Ziva's all day, you know.
So I do like it. But we also have I'm
not selling these in anyway. I don't care if you
buy them. I don't care what happens. So I'm just
telling you Barry it alive. B r R I b
r r Y, Barry it alive. So Barry. But I
like Mango chains out such a great name. And then um,
I also have a new I like that from my front. Yeah. No,

(04:44):
no's seen them live like nineteen times. She has the
T shirt. Um, they're like they're like a Jamaican death
metal band. There's like the the Mango part or Mangoes
in Jamaica. I just picked up fucking Island where they
might be something. Okay. Um. And then we have a
system which is a new energy drink like a hard Seltzer,

(05:07):
but it's the zero it's the zero percent alcohol one.
And these are made by the man. He did his company.
He sent me that I know he sent me them
Anthony Spena and he's an old friend from high school.
He's the first penis I ever saw. He dated Kursten
and one day I was like, I've never seen a
penis and Kursten him were in my bedroom. We were
just hanging out. It was her first boyfriend and I

(05:28):
was like, god, I've never even seen what I don't
even know what they are. And he was like, do
you want to see one? And I was like I
don't know, and then he was just like look here
it is and I was just like oh, and I
just got to see like it was like flaccid too,
like he just pulled. He was just like we called
him badah bah because he was just like blaa, like
it's gonna happen. We're gonna happen. So now he is,
um the he started this and he's a great guy.
And it's called Assist. It's an energy drink too. I'm

(05:50):
gonna have one there I have to do you want
to try? So that was the drink test portion of
our show. Um wait, I think besties are gonna wonder
why there's a b are in your fridge. There's a beer. Oh,
there's just like a sick third guess in case there's
someone that comes over and goes it's literally a single beer.
It's in the corner, just like kind of like the

(06:11):
wallflower at the party in my fridge. I don't know what,
don't really here. Then they're so long, I'm trying to
think of anything else with my friend that friends. It's
been there as long because I keep some ginger from Iowa,
an old root in the back. Yeah, some old root
in the back of my drawer that I never used. Yeah,

(06:34):
it's good. It's not bad. Right, Energy drinks, so I
gotta watch it because they sometimes make my tongue. Please, dude,
I was so into Monster Energy. Remember that waits it's
the blue one. It would be the black can with
like the blue to font. Dude, I'm not kidding you.
I would be like I would talk about them like alcohol,

(06:55):
like I'm back on them, like I can't and it
and they disintegrat your tongue tissue because like, did you
ever have that? I had tried and tropical twist. I
was addicted, and my both sides of my tongue were
like falling apart, and I was like, I gotta get more.
My teeth had surgery on my tongue from too much

(07:17):
gum use and that's why quick gum. I haven't had
gum since August two thousand twenty. Bitches, din, you have
like a bull frog thing in there? Yes, ranula, they'll
most it. Look up a ranula. I had a ranula
from overuse of like my my duct. No, my duct
got clogged because I chew too much gum like calloused over.
Oh my gosh. Yeah. So I don't do gum anymore

(07:38):
because I like, well, just I can't stop. What a
dumb thing to love. But I do think gum is stupid.
You just like put this piece of trash in your
mouth and you chew it. You don't swallow it. You
it's it literally is not supposed to be ingested. What
are we doing? Sometimes I really need the pocket pack,
But that's what I say. I will do gum. I
just let it softly dissolve in my mouth and then

(08:01):
I spit it out as like I treat it like
a mint. I can't chew it and be like this
is fair, like no, wait, just let it sit there.
What ye need to Like, if my breath is rank
and I'm about to meet someone, I need to have
good breath in front of out like in an emergency,
only people in the car have gone. I will go

(08:21):
just suck on the gum because it's an emergency, you
know what I mean, whoa that doesn't want to I
need fresh in your mouth and not chewing it. But
I just treat it like a MIT. It's like, just go,
this is a MIT. And then I literally I thought
it would be hard. It's not, I promise. I mean
I need it for breath purposes obviously, but to keep busy.

(08:44):
It's like an A D D thing. Yes, So I
like the gum for that purpose. So I'll chew it
always when I'm working out or when I'm running to
it like keeps me motivately, like, and then my mouth
stays hydrated. Yeah, But then Dave sings with gut performs
with gum the entire time that these cinnamon toothpicks give

(09:05):
of those, They're amazing. I'm so scared of tripping and
then falling and having the toothpicks like go into my
like fucking nose or or someone hitting me in the
face or something. I literally think about that. So you're
exactly right. So I would do the gum running, Okay.
Then I started doing toothpicks and gum while running running,

(09:30):
and sometimes a toothpick would go into my mouth, like
what am I doing? But it's simply like to take
my mind off of Okay, yeah, no, I get that
that's what I do. I mean, it's just but you do.
It's interesting because I understand Gum as like it's something
to do, Like it literally is like it's something to
occupy my mind so that I don't do something worse

(09:52):
or I mean, what am I? What am I running
from in that? In that scenario? What? But then I
also think you think of it as maybe a more
Dave Growl way of like it just I'm a d
D like a fidget spinner, whereas I'm like, I don't
want to be alone with my thoughts? Is it like
that for you? Though? I love my thoughts? Anya Gum
how I just sent her my thoughts first on this show,

(10:15):
said I love my thoughts. Wow? Do I like my
thoughts too? Wait a second, I will say, like my
my thoughts cannatrain me. But I did some great fantasizing
this week like my thoughts. I let my thoughts go
this weekend, and I did a really good job. I'm
not someone who could ever like achieve an orgasm through

(10:35):
my imagination, like one of those special ladies can do
like conjure it. I just could never just like think
of something and jerk off. I know boys can. I
know boys can and like refer to things in their life.
I need this weekend. Someone was giving me advice about
it and they were like, Anya, we weren't sport and
I was like, I need to drink off tonight and
I forgot my sex toy. I'm sorry, Matt, is this

(10:57):
an uncomfortable No, it's not you, my friend so, and
I'm not. I literally nothing about this. I'm going to
be grotesque about but if you are uncomfortable, feel free
to talk, but to see if you can get a
word in. Um. So we go to Florida, I realized
I need. I forgot my toy for the whole weekend.
And it's just something I like to do on the road.
It calms me, it's fun. It's my toothpick jogging and

(11:20):
it's a toothpick. I would say that it's a huge. No,
it's not too big. It's just one thing. When I'm
home I really let loose and it's a whole smorgas board.
But I bring one thing on the road and it's
it's contained. Um, but I forgot it. I don't have
another option. Do you hear what I'm saying. I cannot

(11:41):
achieve what I need to achieve if I don't bring
that thing. It is contingent on the thing and on
you goes. Just use your hand and watch some porn.
I go. Porn's gonna be there no matter what. Because again,
if the Internet were down and I didn't have a toy,
I would never Again, I don't think I'd ever have
an orgasm in terms of like, you know, without another person,
bog By myself, if you needed to have an orgasm

(12:06):
and you couldn't have your toy, I was like, there's
no bath. I was thinking maybe bath faucet, but I'm
not getting up in that sink and the water pressure
wasn't good enough. I know what I need. You go
down to the lined room at the hotel and just
like sit on the dryer. No, no, I don't think
I've ever been into like that kind of like when
I saw that in movies and stuff. I think remember

(12:27):
the movie where the girl has sex on the dryer
and it's like so much better. She's like Varsity Blues.
It's like, it's not a hot idea, but this toothpack
is fun. But I don't think I don't not get
enough cinnamon out of it. Just put on your lips.
Your lips will burn them. Okay, I'm not really selling it. No,

(12:49):
I don't know how to I don't know how to
use it, but I do like it. I wonder if
it's distracting to listen to um. Alright, so we had
a lot to cover on the show and I got
distracted interject real quick. You can't say I'm jerking off
the whole time, but yes, I would love to tie
it in a little bow. The most ironic part of this, Matt,
is that we're in our Orlando right next to an

(13:10):
amusement park, and Nikki looks up at a roller coaster.
After the show, we're getting in the car and she goes,
I came on a roller coaster ones. It was not
that quick that I said it. We were talking about
roller coasters and I was Matt and I were sharing
our favorites, and he was like, I don't really like them.
I like the smooth ones. And I was like, oh,
I realized I like like certain, like, let's talk six
Flags right now. I'm talking to someone right now because

(13:30):
I couldn't this weekend who knows the exact same roller coasters.
I know what kind of roller coaster guy are you?
And this is just a six Flags thing and this
is niche Are you a screaming Eagle guy? Are you
a Ninja guy? Or are you Mr? Freeze? Like because
those are three different No, are you Screaming Eagle, Ninja,
Batman or Mr Freeze because those are all different types
of roller coasters? Don't you agree? Batman? All the way?

(13:51):
It's a smooth this is what I'm talking about. It
was a smooth nineties roller coaster, the steel smooth nineties
ones that you hang you are not your head isn't
in a thing that's going back and forth. A lot
that happened a lot that's that is the Ninja, And
I like Ninja's second place out of those Ninja's garbage
that really yeah, lopty lips no the Ninja, Like literally

(14:14):
I think I have CTE from Ninja. You know, no, No,
the football industry where the injury where you murder your
family from it's not funny at all, like T M
I t B. I haven't been in years. There's no

(14:34):
way it's still there or really I don't know that
of course is okay, go look up The Ninja and
if you've been on The Ninja, please right into the
show and let us know what you think. But no,
there's one roller coaster called the X Factor at Magic
Mountain six Flags, and I had my first orgasm on it,
like might no, my second ever, And I swear to
god it happened, and I've looked it up and it

(14:56):
happens to people because it's the g forces. It's not
like I was like, oh yeah, Like it wasn't like
using me. There wasn't for play. It just all of
a sudden when it flipped, it was just like four storyasm.
It was crazy. And then I got off the right.
I mean, I don't know if it happens to everyone
on it, but I have googled it. I forget what
I found in the past. But moving on, Um, where

(15:20):
did I want to go from here? Oh? I guess
we have time for the Bachelor thing real quick? No,
I think that would be fun. Um, I on you
you're still watching The Bachelor? Right? Yes? I can't watch it.
I've tapped out. I saw him on Kimmel, which note
was about to play a clip clip from it. Are
you watching the Bachelor, Matt? I know you're not. You
don't have time your kids that that's not why I'm

(15:40):
not watching it. Really, No, I can't watch the Bachelor ever.
You've never been into it. No. I think I said
this to you the other day. I like f Boy
Island because it's like funny. Yeah, like that's funny. That
is like they're on the to me, the Bachelor and Bachelorette.
They're actually trying hard to look hot and cool and

(16:02):
find it. Well, so is everyone on that white island.
The difference, I know what you're saying, the difference, because
now I can't watch Bachelor anymore. Stop acting like this
is like they're really looking for love, that these twenty
four year old idiots are actually like I don't, I
don't care anymore. Maybe, And also it's always been this
way and they are truly finding love. That's the thing.

(16:23):
They are falling in love on you. You You would agree,
but you're still watching it. I can't. So your problem
is that they're too young believe that. I don't believe
in their love. But you said, the love is real.
The love is real, but I just don't think it's lasting,
and I think it's um. I think they're all fake,
and I think they just want to be famous. I'm
just like the things that I've always been there. I'm

(16:45):
just seeing more clearly and I can't tolerate. I remember
when Sarah Shaffer dropped out of The Bachelor, my old
podcast co host. She was obsessed. I mean I could
have written books about The Bachelor, and one day she
realized that it was all manipulated. Because of this, she
found out a producer in this prank like on Twitter,
and she was like, you know what, I don't trust
anything the show is doing anymore. And she was gone

(17:05):
in a day. And I felt that way the other night.
I was I told you this the other day, but
Chris and I were watching The Bachelorette and he said,
I just don't relate to any of these people and
they're so young. He was like, that girl is closer
being friends with Poppy than you. I gotta get out
of this show, right. Poppy would be like more their

(17:27):
age than me. So now, um, But anyway, I saw
this clip of him, and this is what it made
me want to watch the show initially because I thought
he was so cute on Kimmel Um. But this clip
on you. I want you to see this because it
combines two things you love, The Bachelor and cults. Yes,
the theory, Laura that a cult. And she printed out

(17:54):
a list for me of the characteristics of a call
and I want you to tell me if if any
of these apply. Sleep deprivation members must stay away for
extended periods of time. Correct check. Charismatic leader that would
be you. Members are zealous, protective, and unquestionably committed to
a living charismatic leader. Sure check. Cohabitation members are encouraged

(18:20):
or acquired to live and social life other group members
absolutely checked. Isolation members experienced physical spation from their friends
and society isn't just games. Games with obscure rules are introduced.

(18:42):
Love bombing, creating a sense of belonging through hugging, kissing,
and flattery. That's like a little bit. And finally, common goal.
The group claims to pursue a common goal, which in
this case is a ring from him the right reasons.
This is the cold it is? How old did you know?

(19:08):
That's it? And I didn't even watch that part but
that shocked me. He wasn't skipping requirements. Did they have
to get your take as someone who was obsessed with cults,
cults documentaries and also the Bachelor? We need to get
your take right after this? All right, we're back. Anya

(19:34):
is a Bachelor cult? And how do you feel about that?
It raises a great point. They do manipulate them. They
sleep deprived them, they give them a lot of alcohol,
they make them. I think it was a checklist that
like is literally in the d s M. And it
like checked all the boxes and it makes me concerned.
The main one that they didn't ask is can you

(19:58):
leave at any time without percussion? I don't think that verbatim.
You can't leave, Yes you can, but you will be
ostracized from the show, like you will become a suppressive person.
We don't have a connection here, right, but you will
be kicked off the show. So what you can leave?

(20:21):
You can't leave a cult like you couldn't leave teals
You can, Yes you can. She was always like, you
can leave, you can leave, but you're what what will
happen is you'll become what in scientology is suppressive person,
where like they won't talk to you again, you know
what I mean. And in Nexium they would stalk you,
harass you leave crazy things in your mail to threats

(20:42):
or you know, please, I'm I'm scared of those fucking people.
It's a real Did I tell it on here that
I one time made a joke about scientology at a
meeting in the Hollywood where there's a lot of scientologists.
I was so naive and I made like a really,
Did I say this on the podcast? Then I can
skip it? Um so um, Grandpa over here, Sharon story

(21:06):
Like Jesus Christ, I talked too much for a living,
and I forget where I say the things I say
because I also talked like this to all my friends too,
So it's honestly happening all the time. Um. Speaking of
Grandpa's you sent the cutest picture today of Arlow. Matt
sent me that sent the group family group chat. It
was their hundredth day of school, so they dressed like

(21:27):
a hundred year old. How cute is that idea? It
was pretty bab no r les in kindergarten and it
was the hundredth day of school, so that I mean
dress girl. Yes, yeah, he looked like the little man
from up Yeah. He put an old man tweed hat
on and he my mom brought over my dad's reading

(21:47):
glasses and he popped the lenses out. He was he
was like shaking his body and like walking into character.
Just get into character. He was super excited to be
as cool and he kept talking like this Daniel day
care Lewis and then he got school and um, He's like,
I don't want to do this, Dad, I don't want to.

(22:08):
I don't want to. I don't want to be an
old guy. I was like, you got to. I was like,
that's what it is. This in the car on the way,
this is when we were walking in. And I think
it's because he was looking at the other kids and
he and they weren't nobody else, like fully committed to
be a character. And then I said, no, look at
that guy. Look at that kid. He's got a weird
hat too. And he's like, fine, I'll do it. And

(22:30):
he walked to the front door and the teachers like, Harlow,
you look so old, and I was like, yes, Nail,
that's so cute. And that is still school sounds like
a cult, right games to be No, it is not.
But the best sleep might be a sleep deprived. Um, no,

(22:50):
they have naptime, Are you kidding me? He does not.
He does not well, he doesn't need naptime. But I
was listening to Lauren was telling me about poppy schedule,
and I was just like, oh God, Like I was like,
just tell me more. So what does she do then?
So she gets up when and then she watches like
cartoons and then she like then they go to school
and they like do they like listen to someone reading
them a book and then they take a nap. It

(23:12):
was just like, God, that was the fucking life. I
just want to tell Poppy, like, you're on vacation right now.
She has, you know, like it's about it's like you
truly no one expects anything of you, no, and then
when she comes home she expects everything from us. She's
retiring and at night, Pop, I know you're listening to

(23:33):
this in the future when you're older, but you are.
She is a cult leader, dude. She Lauren told me
that she asked Poppy for like fashion advice because if
she's like deciding between something, she'll be like popular because
Poppy is so decisive and just knows what she wants
to be, like those for what she for the record
Poppies three everyone. There's no reason why, but she knows exactly.

(23:58):
I was doing her hair the other day of gymnastics,
and she just knew exactly, like where the clips she wanted.
And I was like, Lauren, does she always know? Like
she goes, she knows exactly how she wants her hair done.
I go, does she changed her mind? She was like nope,
But I'm like this little bit, it's gonna be Taylor Swift,
Like this is Taylor Swift levels of decisiveness of like
I know I want this and when it doesn't work out, yes,

(24:19):
and yeah. And I feel bad for Lauren. You know,
she's a mama's girl, and so is just you know,
forced forced me out of the room. I feel ostracized
by my own daughter most days. But she'll force me
out of the room. She'll make Lauren. She'll she has
like a whole routine. Lauren has to read her all
these books. She picks out the books and then she

(24:39):
has mommy scratch my neck, scratch my back, scratch my legs. Okay,
now it's just like a whole and she tricks every night. Yeah,
it's just crazy. She's she uh, the most interesting thing
about her to me because she is different than any
other kid I've ever seen, and that she really um.

(25:00):
People ask her question and she'll just look at you
like what the fund are even talking to before? Like
like a teacher would say good I said this, mord
A teacher would say goodbye to her at gymnastics and
be like bye Poppy, and she would be like doing
something she did. You know, She'd run over to me
and she's like looking through my purse and the teacher
goes like Poppy and like taps on the shoulders like
bye Poppy, and she'll just look over and go like

(25:23):
like she's disgusted, and just like looks back as her
teacher and she's why would you be interrupting me going
through my aunt's purse right now? Like I don't have
time to even acknowledge you. I was just like I wonder.
I mean, I can't no one can remember what they
were like when they were three. But I don't know
that many kids are like her. You see a lot

(25:44):
of kids like that. I do too. She get that, Matt,
you or Lauren, um, I don't know what I'd say
both of us probably, I mean, we're both pretty decisive
with what we want to do, um, and then change
their mind a hundred times and back out sometimes. I

(26:06):
mean that's what we're all like. I'm going my sister's
in Aquarius and Poppy is May five? What sign is she? Oh? No,
we're getting into astrology on the show, and this is
not what we wanted. Now we're starting to like lead
with that went thereh my god, she's decisive. She's not
a Libra. If she's a Libra, that would disprove astrology.
So what is she? Oh? May, that's not Libra Taurus.

(26:31):
It depends where in May? I think. Yeah. I mean
someone could google it, but I don't have a phone
with me. Um. Or we could just keep guessing when
no one must know for sure. There we can play
this football. Um yeah. So I just yeah. She's so
special and and so funny and so um emotional and

(26:51):
I love that she loves Taylor Swift. That's my dream
for her. It's to be a Swift ee and and
go to concert tour. Yep, such a tourist, dude, such
a great, such a great. What car do you just
get because your car all of your cars were stolen.
We don't even need it that she could take the

(27:12):
whole podcast if i'd bring out the car, give me
a brief brief, I do the quick. The quick version
of the story is that Lauren opens the door to
go outside and said, where did you put the cars?

(27:32):
And I said, what do you mean that? Where did
I put the cars? She said where are they? And
I said, no idea. And then she looked at me
and said, did you take my purse out of the car?
And I said no, I didn't, and so I'll take
some of the blame for it. I was clear in
the car. I'm yeah, no blame on her. Um, but yeah,

(27:53):
we left h both sets of keys in the car
on her. Both sets of keys were left in the car.
So woke up with no cars. Uh. The Subaru we
could track and we recovered it had some damage. Did
you see it like cruising? Oh yeah on the app Yeah,
I see where they were going everywhere, and you wanted
to go like, don't they turn it over the cops

(28:15):
so you can't see it anymore once they find it,
because they don't want you to go like be a
vigilante and try to get it exactly. Yeah, So we
were I was very close to with some neighbors to
and and co workers to go and grab the vehicle
when I knew where it was. But then Um, I
told Subar. I was like, hey, can you do anything,
like can you shut this bad boy off? After after?

(28:36):
You know, can you whatever? And they said yeah, but
it's only after they stopped the car. They won't be
able to turn it back on. It's stolen vehicle recovery mode.
And I said, okay, let's activate that. And it was
over in Illinois and I said, let's wait until it
comes back to Missouri. Um, because I just didn't want
to deal with that. Came back to Missouri and they
shut it off and then I was on the phone
with Suber and I was like, hey, I don't where's

(28:57):
where's the car? It's it's not on the app anymore.
And they're like, oh yeah, once we shut it off,
you can't see where it is. And I was like okay,
So I did I just have to do what? And
like you gotta call the police, tell the police then number,
give them your special pin and then we'll tell them
where it is. I was like okay, And so I
called the police department. I was like, hey, Suber told
me to call you my car was stolen up and
they go, yeah, we don't do that. I was like,

(29:19):
and so I had to find a friend who knew
another cop, and that cop handled it for me. And
so then the car was recovered and then towed and
all that. The other car uh not afford tours, but
a wonderful Ford Focus. That car was stolen seven days later.
You know that one wasn't tracked. Seven days later, when

(29:40):
I was driving home, I saw it just down the street.
So they had gotten into that car, which was the
car Lauren was driving. I think they saw the keys
to the Subaru stash that car, got in the Subaru
and left and then took that car. So then we
got it back and we had all the vehicles and
didn't what didn't have much heroin math us inside of it. Okay,
so fast ward, three weeks later, they still had the

(30:02):
key that came back. I got the Focus and I
was like, okay, it's officially gone this time. Yeah. We
had changed the locks to our house and everything too,
and we were waiting to get the keys to the
car changed. But there was like a big backlog of
you know, the locksmith couldn't get to it, and I
had bought in I had bought one uh club. I

(30:26):
bought a club for the suber up, but then I
didn't buy a club for the Forward because I guess
I was kind of hoping that. And then seven days
later I got a call from the police department, like,
we found your vehicle. I was like, all right, let's
do it again, let's pick up and wait, wasn't LaRence
person in the car the first time he found it? Yeah,

(30:48):
but the keys were gone, but but her personal her
wallet and everything, Like, thank god, the first time they
had already canceled the cards. But whatever's that headache? So
the so then like got the car. I was like,
what happened? And they're like, well, there were two. There
were two suspects inside. They had stolen guns. They tried
to run away. We tasted them and I was like, hell, yeah,

(31:09):
what was that? Good? They got what's coming to them?
And then um, They're like, your car's up at the
toe lot and you can go get it. So I
have my coworker drive me. I went up there and
it was wrecked, like the outside was damaged, dented, but
the inside was just it reeked of like smoke and
there was just bags of new clothing, new shoes, old clothing,

(31:33):
tupper wares of food and canned food, like all sorts
of stuff. And I was like, hey man, how many
did they have? They had it for seven days. They
drove three thousand miles. They tinted the windows in the back,
the self tinted. Okay, but this is this is the
best guy, so you know. My My chief concern was
that the key was gone. The key fob was gone.

(31:53):
And so I staid of the toe guy like wait,
when don't your rival. I was like, where is my key?
And they're like the keys in the vehicle. I was
like in the vehicle. I was like okay. And so
there was all this stuff in the vehicle and I
said to the guy at the toe lot outside letting
me out the gate, I said, what do I do
with this stuff? And he just said, keep what you want,

(32:13):
throw the rest away. I was like, okay. I pulled
it over. I pulled what did you get? Did you
get any cool new stuff? Brand names? I I gave
gifts away. I'd gifts. What what was in there? Anything cool? Anything?
Actually good? Well? In there was I was looking for
the keys and I found a bunch of needles and
a spoon and a time whatever. So they were just

(32:36):
shooting a narcan. So they were just squeakers. They were
just shooting up, stealing and getting high in the car.
So then you know, then the company was gonna the intervention.
Music just started playing in the back man that day,
Dan Ding Ding Ding Dan. But they the insurance company,
it was a whole ordeal. They were gonna like have
us clean the car and they were going to keep it.

(32:57):
And I said, look, I don't want fenting al in there.
I don't want hair went in there, like, it's got
to be totally clean, and they finally totaled it. So
then I bought Honda Pilot and I have that bad boy.
Now it's great. Yeah. I don't know if you heard
this part though, Dicky. Last week, a week ago, I
got out, I got out of my office and I
started my car up and it sounded like a jet engine.

(33:19):
Someone stole my catalst Tuesday. So I'm now driving your
dad's car. That's nuts, man. So it's just like NonStop
come to St. Luc listener. Let me emphasize that this
guy never stopped smiling, and it's truly happy. Who Yes,

(33:40):
I'm happy with my thoughts. Yeah, Czar, you are a
happy guy, Like this would break me one car? But
break what are you gonna do? What I mean, what
happened when you when you heard it and you knew
that they had still like when did it? When did
you realize that your catalytic converter which, by the way,
Andrew had never heard of that term, because you don't

(34:00):
hear about the term. Two you move to St. Louis
and they're all getting stolen all the time. Um, what
did I do? Like I fired it up and I
heard it and I just said, let's do it again, Like, yeah,
I knew it was an another deductible, another trip to
another call to the insurance company, to the police, and
the police shamed me. They shamed me, and I was like, hey,

(34:23):
by the way, I just want to let you know
my cadle converter was stolen. And they're like, okay, where
was it? And I told him the address where I
work and they're like okay, Um, you're gonna wait there
for the cops. And I was like, no, I'm going
home and they're like okay. And the cop called me
and he's like, hey, yeah, I'm here and I was like,
all right, uh, I don't see you. And he's like, yeah,

(34:44):
I'm at the address where it was stolen. I was like, okay,
I'm at home. He's like, why are you at home? Jesus?
Because I had to go home. He's like, why didn't
you wait around? I was like, because my car got
this kind of a conversion one. I had two other
cars stolen. I'm going home. I have three kids, like day,
I had a shitty day. And he was like okay.

(35:06):
And so he came and I did the whole report
and stuff, and I again said to him like, hey man,
sorry I didn't stick around, but like I've had a
lot of car ship happened and I just didn't want
to deal with it. And he was like, you're really
supposed to stay there. I was like, okay, he didn't.
He didn't say I'm so sorry to hear that stuffy
fucking empathy. Yeah, okay, cool, thanks man. Yeah you can't

(35:28):
sometimes you just can't get it. Yeah, And but there's
there are good there are. Have you ever you've had
run ins with Have you had good cop experiences? Yeah?
I've cop friends, you do? Yeah, Well, who's called what
cop friends? Do you have a lot, probably acquaintances, i'd
say acquaintances. No, I don't have you know, I'm always

(35:52):
scared of cops, no matter what I mean. Have you
been arrested, um arrested like in handcuffs? Yeah, m hm yes, yes,
sorry I didn't If you don't want to talk about it, No,
it's okay. What let me guess it was like weed
in I don't know, okay, high school? Sorry, drunk in public?

(36:13):
Oh wow, maybe it was fight. I say it was
a fight. I guess We're all over the map. No,
just rent, I guess. No, Actually, you don't know what. No,
the handcuffs did not happen. It was at wakarusa festival.
It's like a weoth with the kids. It's like a lake. Yes,

(36:38):
it was a festival, Okay, it was. Yeah, it's a
good he was he was nude in public at a festival. No, no, okay,
so what was it? No, it's it's various alcohol stuff
in college like right, yeah I knew it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,

(37:02):
got no fight stuff like that. Whoa, we were all right,
we just gotta do a fight. He shook his head over.
You gotta do a fight. You were a little well,
I was more victimized. I didn't do fighting. What you
do there was We're at a house party and there
was some townies. Lawrence had some townies. Oh I thought

(37:22):
he said Lawrence had Lauren has no Lawrence Kansas head
some times that would show up at parties. And these
townies were at a party and they were given this
girl trouble mutual friend and um my one friend. Keith
was like, let's get these jerks out of here. And

(37:44):
he pushed this guy and swung and hit another guy
and then he got jumped. And then I went into
like save him. And then this dude shanked me and
stabbed me, stabbed in my hand. I got stitched. Oh
my god, that's so scary. But I feel like I'd
rather get shot then stabbed. Yeah, it was just it.

(38:05):
You can stabbing can fuck you up? Man? Sure No,
I got lucky. But he was going to stab Keith
in the chest, Oh my god. And he hit my hand.
She said, God, Matt, this is making my vagina hurt
so bad. I know Anya's vagina hurts when she hears
things that, like if someone gets too close to a
ledge or something like hurt. But it's like those roller

(38:26):
pickles that just drop you really fast and you just fall.
It feels like that about getting the X factor, about
about getting hurt, even if you were to be like
Poppy she fell and skinned her nose, be like, but
it's so in vagina that feeling. But I do get

(38:46):
that feeling a lot. Do you ever get the feeling
when you're watching Like you can see a video on
your phone of like someone doing something with heights and
you your stomach drops, like you can get that's such
a cool thing that like watching a screen and can
make your body have a feeling like it's falling and
might die and that likely don't like feeling in it. Yeah,

(39:08):
you know when dogs are like if they are having seizures. Yeah,
and and athletes to like if you're dreaming you're running
a marathon, you're actually burning a ship ton of calories
and your brain thinks you are. That's interesting. Oh yeah,
because it's so the minded body are so connected that
it can trigger that. That's interesting. I should that'd be

(39:29):
awesome to be able to train more in your dreams
and like get workouts in a little bit. Yeah. I
don't know how many calories you burned, but they do
say that body thinks it's doing it. That's interesting. I
don't like being I don't like nightmares, but I kind
of like they feel so good when you know they're over,
they're not real that it's almost worth it. Um, have
you been watching the Last of Us? Um? I think

(39:52):
you and Lauren were the ones. Chris was like, you
can skip it, you know, because this was after episode one.
I think he was like, you don't need to, like,
it's probably not for you because it's gory, and I'm like,
I don't know. It seems like I want to get
in on one of these fucking zombie apocalyptic shows that
aren't like all I only watched like comedies. Chris was
like no, and then you and Lauren were like check

(40:13):
it out. And then the third episode, Chris is like,
you need to watch this show, and so I watched
up until the third Did you watch the fourth episode? Yet? Um?
What did you? What do you think about about the show? Like?
Do you love it? Because I think everyone is going
to end up watching it? Noah, An you have you
guys heard about the show or interested in episode one

(40:35):
last night? So you're on board on HBO and it's
huge zombie Apocalypse. It's about Yeah, it's pretty much about um,
mushrooms that you know, like you have you ever seen
video of like a cricket that has like a parasite
living in it and the cricket is just a shell
and this is this like thing that's just so that

(40:56):
happens to humans eventually, but it's with like mold and
fun fun with mushrooms. So it's really given mushrooms a
bat like mushrooms kind of gross me out now kind
of they always have and now it's like this isn't helping.
But um, the third but then the third episode was
like this Broke Back Mountain movie. I'm not even getting

(41:17):
in the middle of this zombie show. It's so good,
it's so touching. But but even that show, that episode
was like an outlier. And then but I think that's
that's what the show is going to be, like a
lot of flashbacks and stead I think they've done. You know,
I don't I'm not a huge sci fi guy. Or
I didn't and I didn't get into what was the

(41:38):
other zombie show, Walking Dead either I tried did get
into it. I did, but then I fell off it
just I need, like these things need to end, and
I felt like the Walking Dead, and then they had
the one fear of the Walking Dead, which was like
it was just too much, need too much, they need

(41:59):
to and I like an ending to give mess. Don't
go more than three. I'd be fine with one, like
why movies being an hour and a half and we go.
That was And of course there's sequels, but a lot
of times it's just like that's it. But for some
reason the show goes a whole season and people are like,
we need more. It's like that is, but that was

(42:20):
twelve episodes of I mean the Last of Us third
episode was an hour and twenty minutes. That's a movie
in the eighties. The only show we need more of
is Alone. I need more alone. More can watch alone alone,
So I have to watch alone with someone so I
can't get it done, and I haven't. Chris and I

(42:41):
have not had a lot of TV time lately. But
I did watch the Pam doc. Loved it. Did you
watch Pam Pamela Love Love Pamela? Hold on? I can
I can do her voice kind of. I'm gonna work
on it, but I have to watch. Yeah, I wanted
to face my fears and I don't know. We'll see you.
I fell in love with my dad. What can I say?

(43:01):
Oh my god, dude, I saw that from the gid
go I go, Chris, look at these pictures of her dad.
It is Tommy. It's Tommy boy. Um, but it's a
great it's a great documentary. I really recommend it. And then, um,
what else have I've been watching? And then just shoot me.
I've been watching and it's like my new comfort show
that I just put on, and it reminds me of

(43:22):
the nineties and my friends Spade, isn't it. So I'm
just watching him like my friend be so funny. Just
shoot me, I know, because you had like PBS wee,
we just got not even no likely is very academic
watch so they only like anime nax. It's only what

(43:44):
he got. No. I like the animax too. No, Shane there,
it's a good show. But you had, like, you know,
a little dog Detective Icon is good? Wait the guy
know what's what's what? Like slime? No, it's just it

(44:08):
just is. But I know what you mean, like is
it a thing? Like in what context is slime? But
it's just getting dropped on people in different shows. That's
kind of what it was. But wait again, can I
ask about some pech did you like? I don't know why.
It makes me laugh so much to make fun of
you for not having cable. But this was as a kid.
I had cable out They ask because my dad worked

(44:30):
for cable obviously, so it would be funny to me
when people were so clueless. But um, did you ever
did you? Were you into that one where the dog
was the detective? That little I definitely had to watch.

(44:51):
I definitely watched it. I don't recall it. Oh you
know you don't recall Like, no, I'm enjoying it regularly. No,
not regularly. What were your shows that you watch as
a kid. I mean I think I got all this,
like the garbage shows that were put on, you know,
like what about t G? I f yeah, t G.
I was probably get to watch that Full House sounds

(45:14):
like ABC or something. Okay, you watched those shows when
you were a kid. Did boys watch Full House? And
Step by Step? Really Family Family Matters? Okay, boys watch
that too? Did you ever watch I guess you never
had snick. I don't even know what that is. I
don't know what that is either, those who do. I promised.

(45:35):
You are laughing right now, because Nick was like Snick
was like Saturday Night Live for Nickelodeon, and it was
for like tweens who just like kind of got it
and there was all that Keenan and kel Alex Mackett
was like a whole. It was a lot. It was
like t G I F but for um cable, Yes,
and it was cool the round House where you can

(45:56):
be yourself. I mean that was a sketch show they
did downe at the round House where that can be
massive down at the round House and then it would
just be what the teens doing, like sketches. But none
of it was funny or sticky to me at all.
Um Matt had on Sunday Mornings. Is there nothing else
to really? I mean it it was kind of depressing,

(46:19):
did you Yeah, I watched a lot of TV growing up,
clearly on did you watch a lot of TV? I'm like, Matt,
we didn't have cable. I was just like Sally, just
Raphael and company after school. But you know what, this
actually all leads us into the next thing that we're
going to do on the show. Because Um, I watched
too much TV and didn't read enough books. And you guys,

(46:40):
clearly we're reading lots of books that you're probably going
to be great at what we do next on the show.
You'll see when you get back. We're back. Um, okay,
so let's play. I'm so nervous about this. You're looking
at nervous too. Let's hit this. This is all started
because we were talking, you know, a couple of weeks ago,

(47:01):
a secretary of state or Nancy the house. That's what
speaking of the losses, what I meant, No, I know
that the thing is, I know that I just said
the wrong one. It's like when I was on Celebrity
Celebrity whatever, um millionaire and I said the wrong the
wrong Yeah, please can we make this be the Roundhouse

(47:23):
where I can be got at the round No, but
I know I know what she is. I said the
wrong one, much like I will tell a story tomorrow
on the show where I said Chase the Rapper instead
of Chance the Rapper, and I got vilified for it,
even though I knew it was I knew it was
a fifty chance because I knew I didn't know it,

(47:46):
so I picked one and it was wrong, and God forbid,
I don't know Chance the rapper's name. He doesn't know
my fucking name, Like it doesn't like you can mess
up names. I don't listen to his music all I
listened to his Taylor Swift. It's not like I was
like people. The way people got on me about that
was so insane. So anyway, that story for another time.
I still clearly have not gotten over it. Um, it's

(48:07):
just white people, exactly. No one black their care that
I didn't fucking know who chance the rapper was. Um, okay,
but let's play a game called we know nothing. We
know nothing, we know nothing, we know nothing, we know nothing,
we know nothing. That doesn't fit let me and it's

(48:42):
too funny. That has to be it, because it doesn't
mean okay, we are repurposing a First of all, that
song was our old podcast We Know Nothing that Audion
I did. Then we ten years again in another way,
but it was always based. It was always used for advice,
and then this time we were like, we can use
that song. And because this segment is about how we
don't know anything, but there is this is not an

(49:04):
advice segment. Do not give us a call. We're not
going to give it our all. Actually we will give
it all the call parts. The only part that was
not correct anymore. But that's the theme song. Um. Last
week we talked about football and we got it really
really wrong. We tried to just describe football the with
the four of us. Taylor was over and today we're

(49:26):
gonna do We talked on the phone yesterday because and
I did not research it, and boy did I want
to google it and cheat because the my level of
not knowing anything about this is so embarrassing. But our
subject today to talk about is World War One. Okay,

(49:51):
so let's start with years, like and this is a
collective thing where we try to all put together all
the ships we don't know and and land on the
best answer. It's like an escape room for forgetting right. Okay,
who's going to tell us the truth? Well, who thinks

(50:12):
they have Let's just say, who thinks they have the
best idea of the years. If you're the most confident
out of the four of us, before any of us,
because then this will minimize the embarrassment if someone like you,
know what I mean? So who who's pretty confident about
the years? Matt, I would say you probably would be.
I'm comfortable. Okay, can you give us the can you
give us what you think the years are? Starting? Yeah, starting?

(50:34):
What shouldn't we guess? First of all, we think the
years are I'm trying to minimize how dull Okay, I'm trying.
I literally if this is an escape, I'm not going
to change my hand for for like trying. Let's say,
like we had to submit at the end of this report,
and like money was on the line of like how

(50:55):
right we got it. Let's try to actually get it right,
you know, based on us four dodos like they do
in prices, right, where like the number has to come
closest to what's on the stage. Like let's say there's
some there's someone outside the door here waiting for me
to fill out a little like a trivia game, and
if we get right, we get a lot of fucking money. Okay,
this is the game show. This is actually a good

(51:17):
idea for a game show. Just before idiots trying to
come up with like the most Wikipedia and like the
most correct Wikipedia entry for a subject. Okay, don't steal that,
um copyrighted. That's how you copyright something. You just say nothing. Okay, years,
let's go. I think it's okay, Yeah, I was I

(51:39):
was not I was gonna but I I probably and
if I was way off, I would just say it
was Okay. I know there was a break between that
in the World War Two, so I'm gonna take the
and I know there's the depression, so I'm going to
take thirties off. The thirties definitely did not have World
War One in it because that was depression twenties. They

(52:01):
were roaring. I'm thinking they're coming back from the war.
So I'm placing it in the late teens based on
that stuff. That's what I would think. And also why
when I think of World War One do I think
of Winston Churchill? But I don't know. I know he
was like did he have something to do with World

(52:22):
War One? Yeah? Yeah, right, and he was. He's the
president of England or whatever what's it called, the yes,
prime minister, so okay, so he's the prime minister and
but he why I'm just listen, I'm just shouting out stuff.
I'm sure who was it between World War One? Germans? Yeah,

(52:47):
Germany started it. I know that, Okay, Wow, I did
not know that. France, France, no doubt. In Austria, I know,
I think like Prussian existed at this time, was assassinated. Yes,
the shot heard around the world. Yeah, yeah, that's a band,

(53:13):
but it's um, yeah the art. For some reason, an
a p Ero maybe Atorian is listening to this. I'm
probably not, though. Anyone who cares about history is probably
so disgusted at this point they've they've turned it off.
But my a Pero teacher, Mr Harry, the one thing
I remember, he told us a story about an assassination

(53:36):
where the guy was stabbed with a needle through the
heart and so he didn't even know on the street.
Someone bumped into them on the street and stabbed a
needle into his heart, and so it was such a
small stabbing that he just felt like he got hit,
you know, and then he slowly bled to death. And
that was someone's assassination. And I want someone to clarify
who that might be. So that was maybe World War

(53:58):
one stuff on, okay, um, other other things that we
know about World War One, anyone, I still don't know
the years. I was going to guess the ninth early
nineteen twenties, which is okay, right, well that's not that
far off, And how many years was it? I'm going
to say what I thought you were four years. Oh,

(54:21):
I'm gonna say it was. I would have I guess
I said four to six years. I would think I'm
saying I think like six years like a long time
because back then there were like no computers or anyways
to communicate, so stuff took much longer. It took longer. Okay,
what were some of the battles that took place? Any
battle names come to mindlind was bombed a lot. Mm hmm.

(54:45):
I think there were some bombing Okay, Um, are boys
were shipped away? When did we get involved? I'll tell
you well, Matt will tell you. Yeah it was. I
think that. I literally know nothing about that. I think
there was a U boat that hit a really. Yeah,

(55:07):
there was the sinking of Lusitania. Yes, really, I think
that was. Okay, Okay, I know key words and then
like a word search, the Allies were formed, Yeah, you boats.
The Allies were a bunch of countries that were England,

(55:31):
United States, France. I don't know that Russia, yeah, um
from World War Two. I don't know about that being
a part of world if they had like the official
name also, it wasn't this is the greatest generation or

(55:53):
is that world War two. I think that's World War two. Okay,
we have this question who was the greatest until they
showed up? They were the greatest for a while. What
was the US president when World War One was happening?
Great question, Eisenhower? No, I was going to say that,
But is it Fdr No? He had the New Deal? Yeah?

(56:16):
You like? Okay, God damn that. This is embarrassing. Sorry,
Mr Platt A p us. I don't even think I
took history. Really, Yes, rows of social studies? Were you
in it? Did you have a p U S, a
p euro those kind of things? Okay, so you had
basic but you you you were gained a lot. Okay.

(56:40):
They had submarines, they had biplanes, they had ummers. Okay, yes,
that's a good key word. Remember the helmets they looked
like they were like sergeants or anything named. They're rounded.
And what president are we deciding? Oh? Now, you said

(57:00):
Fdr Eisenhower. Are there any other guests? Fry who was
f was? So Eisenhower feels too late for this? No?
I think you're right. No, I think it's before eisen
I wish I could an animaniac song for the presidents

(57:20):
that Washington and deficit that I could just do it.
It is a good song, that one. I almost I
think it's okay, So let's settle night. So nineteen thirteen
to nineteen eighteen, okay, nine Eisenhower was in office for

(57:41):
some of it. We got involved because of a U
boat and the Lusitania. The shot Heard around the World
started it? The shot? Oh who's who offered that? I
don't remember that. UM remember, yes, yes, oh gotcha, yes,
the shot. But I did know it was called the
shot Heard around the world, wasn't I think? I mean,

(58:02):
I remember that we went to offer them because we
get points for anything we get right on this, like
if there's any that was the JFK. I don't know
how I know that. I thought he was stabbed. Okay,
so maybe it is the needle story, because that's kind
of what I'm conflating this with the needle shot heard
around Okay, So are ready to look up the answers

(58:26):
because I really need to know now, because we clearly
this was not the best category for me to pick
because we knew so fucking little that it is not.
Are you guys horrified by how little year? Very embarrassed.
I've always thought that World War One didn't get it. Yeah,
World War two it's okay, okay. July to November, yes,

(58:54):
um okay. It was fought between two coalitions, the first
being the Allies. Members included France, the UK, Russia, Italy, Japan,
and their respective colonial empires, with the United States joining
as an association power Associated power in what year nineteen seventeen,

(59:14):
because we're less correct. They faced the Central Powers, primarily Germany, Austria, Hungary,
and the Ottoman Empire, with fighting occurring throughout Europe, the
Middle East, Africa, the Pacific and parts of Asia. Nine
million soldiers were killed. Dude, we should have guessed that's
next time we do a war. How many died plus
another twenty three million wounded, while five million civilians died

(59:38):
as a result of million military action, hunger and disease.
Millions more died as a result of genocide. While the
nineteen eighteen Spanish flu pandemic was exacerbated by the movements
of combatants during the war, so it triggered the fucking
Spanish flu started. What started the war the assassination of

(59:58):
Austrian Archduke France Ferdinand holy Shum. Yes, that was the
catalyst for the start of the Great War World War one,
after the the needle stabbed with needle World War this
one typing into needle World War One. I mean, it's

(01:00:20):
got to be Nope, it's nothing's coming up, all right? Well,
Mr Harry Owes me an explanation. Okay, I'm kind of
proud of us. I just learned a lot just by
reading that little bit though, Like I didn't know anything. Um,
and the the shot heard around the world is not
from uh, it's from the American Revolutionary War. Okay, well

(01:00:46):
that will cover that most time and his wife Sophie
were shot? Were shot? Who shot them? Did you guys
hear about? Is archd Ferdinand's name actually friends Ferdinand? Yeah?

(01:01:06):
Moving on? Wait, have you ever seen France Ferdinand concert? No,
that's modest mouse. What are they saying? Franz Ferdinand sings? Um?
Like God, what do I think of when I think
of friends Fernand? What's what's their style? I don't even
know name the song? What's their song? It's kind of
like what the modest Mouse song is? But what's their song?

(01:01:27):
Come on? Oh? Damn it? Um? Anyway, what have you
have you been any concerts recently? Matt you. Matt used
to have a radio show take Sandwich taking Me Thank you. No,
I needed it, and it is exactly like like it's
like the modest mouse song. But I love that did

(01:01:49):
he dances too with his sons in those masks. Um,
oh my god, that video. I forgot about how happy
that makes me. I need to start referring to it
more often. Um, have you been to see any music
lam At? No, I haven't seen the show for a
couple of months. But you get to listen to a
lot of music in your home with kids. I honestly

(01:02:10):
try to always put on music, and I think it's
because I have to drown out stuff. Yeah, it's a
toothpick for your sucking ears. How was it that the
Orlando hard rock over the weekend? Oh? Wow, Yeah, that
was so fun. This weekend was um, yeah Florida. Two
shows on in Tampa and then one show in Orlando. Yeah.

(01:02:32):
The hard rock is cool. The coolest part was I
was going to the bathroom at one point and I
was kind of buying myself on You was on stage.
I was like, on I introduced on You. She goes
on stage and then I just like to kind of
like pace around and like think about what I'm gonna
say and kind of use that time and then I
get to watch usually the last two songs on You does.
So I was just kind of pacing the hallway and
they have all pictures of the people who have performed there,

(01:02:53):
Like I was taking pictures like Lisa Lamp and now
he was there, but like zz Top and Michelle Branch
and uh Maroon five, and like it's pretty cool. It's
like people coming up. And then I round a corner
and I'm going to this bathroom in the back, like
the whole like takes a little like detour, but it's
not the main hallway. Fucking Taylor Swift up in the
in the bath and in this is the bathroom hallway.

(01:03:14):
I would not have seen had I not been like
just kind of sauntering around. And I was like, oh
my god. I was so excited to perform in the
same places are Immediately I was like skip in my step,
like ready to go, because it's only happened twice. It's
um there and or to my knowledge, and uh, the
Riemann in Nashville, but it was she did in two

(01:03:34):
thousand and eight, so fourteen years behind her. I'm watched
out bit I'm coming in. I can't believe they hit
her in an ancillary hallway. I know. I was like,
you guys, it made me want to steal it because
I was like, you don't even care about it. You know,
I wouldn't curity guard a heart attack. Yeah, I like.

(01:03:58):
And then the security like looked over at me like,
oh my god, like was kind of scared. I was
so excited. Um, but yeah, everyone was really nice and
the shows were really fun. I'm trying to think of
anything of note that happened in for It's just nice
to be in like balmy weather. It just feels were
so kind. Everyone was like kind of tipsy at the end.
They came out to say hi at the merch table

(01:04:19):
and I got some cool backhanded compliments I can add
to my list. But they were so nice. One guy
got so drunk he just started buying T shirts for everybody.
I was like, I'm into it. He was like, at
first I thought you were going to be like this
knockoff Jewel, but then you fucking won me over. You
were so good. You don't even sound like Jewel at all.

(01:04:41):
You don't look like Jewel, Like, what does he why
because you your girl blonde. I mean, it just doesn't
even make sense to me that that compliment or whatever
he said. But yeah, people always they don't always have
to do it, but that is a common thing where
they have to, like maybe thought you were from Alaska. Yeah,

(01:05:02):
I did have a carcass on my back. I had
my favorite insult this weekend. Um, that was the people
in front of me, like fucking didn't get you and
didn't like you. But I was dying and I never
get that anymore. Like I used to get that all
the time at clubs because no one came to see
me and so they were just random people and like

(01:05:25):
you would often get tables that were just like, this
is not what we signed up for. So those five
it was. But now like my own shows, I'm just
like I never hear that. So this weekend that stood out.
I was just like, fuck you. But also, some people
don't show their laughter the same way other people do.
That's what I have to tell myself. Finally, how would
you know that people in front of you are not

(01:05:47):
enjoying themselves because their shoulders aren't moving up and down
a lot like what You're not like people even themselves
that they get it. This is for me, I get
it more than you and other people like this is
my like she's mine, which I feel that way to
being like wanting to be the best, swifty or whatever

(01:06:07):
one compliment I get constantly. And I'm shocked that people
can't wrap their mind around why this wouldn't feel great
to hear? Is this? Oh my god, I have something
so embarrassing to tell you. I'm so embarrassed. I this
is so embarrassing. I loved I loved the Twilight soundtrack
you were on. I'm so embarrassed. I'm sorry. I just
you know, like I was on it. I'm like, why

(01:06:29):
are you embarrassed? That bought me at home? I was
pleased to be in the company as people. People do
that to me for f Waight Island and I have
to say I like it. I like it, and you're
just like, yeah, a lot of people do. It's popular.
This is what I the little thing of, like being
embarrassed liking something that's like culturally like a huge mega

(01:06:54):
thing means or this is the thing. Teenage girls like it.
So it's inherently dumb. It's people like are like sometimes
someone sent me a Taylor Swift. Something defending liking Taylor Swifter.
It was defending some liking things that are girling. It
would just kind of paid attention to the fact that
people shopped on things that like teenage girls like. It

(01:07:15):
must be inherently vapid and stupid and bubbly and dumb
and just empty and that's what. Yeah, that's what, like
reality shows or like that things that women like are
just like dumb. But she's so they're not saying like,
it's so embarrassing I liked your song. It's like, I'm

(01:07:36):
so embarrassed that I liked the franchise that you were
associated with, which is for teenage girls. I'm smarter than that.
I don't like. Yeah, I don't like Twilight, like I
don't read those books that didn't I don't like Taylor Swift.
It's just like, well, then you don't also Taylor Swift. Now,
I'm just like, it's so being someone who was a

(01:07:56):
Swifty before it became so overwhelming mely culturally apparent that
she is one of the best artists of our generation
and no one can deny it. Now everyone's kind of
on board because it's so undeniable. But even before it
was just like like arguing with my dad about it
and being like, she's as good as she's as prolific
as the Beatles, and him just being like I loved

(01:08:19):
fighting about it. But I have to say I was
right the whole time. And when someone I kind of
go with this bad Bunny thing, I'm like, I don't
know who bad Bunny is. I am so confused by
bad It's because it's a different language, right, it's Latin,
So I need to listen to bad Bunny. I need
to listen to Chance the Rapper, Um the Bonnie writes
song that one. But um, where was I going with this?

(01:08:40):
Taylor Swift funk I had a really good point. Bad
Bunny wraps in Latin? Yeah wait what bad Bunny was
so confused? Like ancient language, like it like using. I guess, yeah,

(01:09:01):
he's bringing it back. It's a dead language, but it
is back bad Bunny of all people. Um, but yeah,
I didn't watch the Grammy's other night. I did. Was
obsessed with all of Taylor Swift's like the pictures. Her
look was so good. Um yeah, her outfit was awesome.
I love like just showing the waste part. It's such

(01:09:22):
a good look, there was so much footage of her
like dancing dirt like from people in the audience taking
pictures of her during it. They caught a moment where
she talked to Harry Styles, who was her ex boyfriend
who she has written many songs about, and that was
a great, cool little thing to see. There's a lip
reading moment that I wanted to put you on. Matt,
j Lo and Ben Affleck had a moment where everyone's

(01:09:46):
trying to rip lip read what they said. And I
think it's been figured out what they say, but I
want to just see if you can guess lip read.
J Lo lip Reader reveals what Jennifer Blips said to
Ben Affleck. Yeah. Literally, they're putting lip readers on this thing.
She's saying, no more drinking. I mean, I guess that's

(01:10:06):
what we're gonna have to decide. What do you think
she's saying? Here? Watch it over and over. He's watching,
he's watching the footage, he's studying it. A reader. She's
so good at lip reading. He's just one of his talents.
Were you maybe, why are you so good at it?
What are you getting from this video? So let me

(01:10:28):
just say, when I did the People's Choice Awards. There
was the camera cut to me while I was talking
about esther about David Spade and Adam Sandler on stage,
and I said to her, that's a pre tape, and
all of a sudden, the camera cut to me, and
I go, fuck. Everyone goes, oh my god, Nicky, what
did you say I posted on my thing? I go,
who can figure out what I what I'm saying? No

(01:10:50):
one wrote me, no one. Everyone guess no one figured
it out. Guess who figured out what I said? He
Matt goes, I just saw you say. Um uh, he
wrote maybe he wrote me in my d MS to
the clip. But you said that's a pre tape And
I was like, I don't even know the word pre tape.
That's like an industry term, you know, like that's how
good you were. So you're the only one. So what

(01:11:11):
what do you think? She said, Well, this one's hard
because you can't really see what he's she's turning and
can't see her lips from this camera angle. So the
only thing the second part, it could be it's no
more drinking. But I also got motrin out of it. Yeah,

(01:11:31):
something like that. But then he did look a little
bashful after he looked bashful. But I think he looked
bashful because they I don't think it was a really
tense moment between them. I think it was just like
I don't think. I don't. First of all, if I
were her, I would hate for anyone to comment on
my relationship. So I'm maybe just going to plead the
fifth on this one because I'm kind of tired of

(01:11:52):
commenting on it. Everyone knows how I feel. I much
like the Bachelor this. I feel the same way about
jay Loo and Ben as I do what I watched
The Bachelor and Bachelorette. This isn't gonna last. Why do
I care? Like? But I guess that is why I care?
And I don't mean that in a mean way. Nothing,
nothing else has lasted for either of them. Why would

(01:12:12):
I Why would this one work? First of all, based
on previous evidence, I'm not crazy to think this one
won't work. But also most things don't work. You know
you and Lauren work though? All right? Yeah you knew
you knew she was the one. When I'm convincing stop
soon soon, you're going to really feel it in your bones.

(01:12:36):
Was there a moment where you just knew? I knew?
That we would date. No, knew that she was like
the one where you were like, I'm going to marry her. Yeah,
when I needed a visa to go to Spain. Oh yeah,
that's why you guys got married, so she would Yeah
she was going to Spain to teach and you to
go live there with her. Yeah. I didn't. I didn't
have a job I needed. You knew you were going
to marry her before then, right, like you knew she

(01:12:56):
was the one, but um, that's bedded along. It had to, yeah,
because I would have literally been kicked out of the
country after three minutes. How long would you have waited?
You think probably a year? Maybe O was here longer. Yeah, okay,
all right. It was kind of a yeah shotgun. No,
but we were wedding, which is the new j Low
picture that you should check out with us too, shotgun wedding.

(01:13:18):
But what I didn't get to go to your first wedding, Yeah,
because it was so shot guy. Our first wedding, Um,
I don't even know where I was gone. You go
in Spain, fall asleep? Wait, you got married twice. They
had a wedding, wedding, and then a party after the
first wedding was on a Wednesday. Everybody does a hump

(01:13:39):
day wedding, don't they. Yeah. And it was in the
park and it was just my parents and his parents
and them, and it was a hundred eight degrees yeah
kidding you in a hundred eight dollars manco guitarist. Yeah,
And it was in the States or in Spain, nous fur.
We kind of had like a visa like time crunch,

(01:13:59):
so we had we had to do it because we
need a thirty day processing time for the UH Consulate Chicago.
But then they when they got back from Spain, then
they had a party. Like a year or so later
they had a party. So that's the reason why it
wasn't a bigger wedding with more people invited, because you
had to get going right the first time. I think

(01:14:21):
you were invited, Yeah, definitely. I just wasn't able to
do it because I was working probably Hilarities in Cleveland
or something. But you know, it's prioritizing, you know, it
was important at the time. Um. But then your wedding
was where I gave the wedding speech and I told
the I said that Lauren was more like a big
sister to me growing up and I gave all these examples,
and I was like, like, she knew Santa wasn't real

(01:14:41):
before I did. She had tell me, like Nikki, Santa's
not real. And at the reception there were children who
didn't know Santa wasn't real, and they all learned from
my speech. And that is why I don't. I'm not
good at sincere speeches. I always sucked them up. I
said I was barren at Catherine to make a joke
and everyone it didn't go over. Well, um, it was

(01:15:04):
just I'm get so awkward. So look forward to that
Anya when the priest I'm marrying on young men. Yeah,
the priest, so your kids away supposed to stay on
script as the priest. Yeah, yeah, I'll have her script,
but you gotta make it funny anetations. Yeah, she gets

(01:15:25):
to spit ball whatever she wants. That's the thing. She
loves such a high bar like the comedians, the priest
or whatever. And it's just like, oh god, it's it's
a lot. But I'm not feeling that way at all,
because I know in the past that I would have
felt that way. I'm low pressuring myself because that's what
Matt and Nya are in disguise fat suit. Just then

(01:15:47):
no one will know who you are, and then you
can I'll mask singer it. Yes, oh my god, we
purpose the ASP role. Aw is your time? Yeah? You can.
Let me just say you two are like bro sis

(01:16:08):
in law goals like I love this relationship. The fact
that he's so lucky, it's so stupid. Yeah, I gotta
we both got an extra sibling out of it, for sure,
because I feel the same way about you. I always
refer to you as my brother and people are like, wait, what,
Like I always forget to say in in visa, Yeah,

(01:16:29):
my brother's husband is here. Everyone. Um, yeah, thank you
brother's husband for being here and taking time off work.
We'll get back to work. Um, come back on the
show whenever you want. You were great. He does for work?
Oh stop this, I'm just curious. I do I do
know what he He is the manpower, the brains, a
creative force behind Big Muddy Adventures. I don't know your

(01:16:52):
exact title, Like what uh? Yeah? He I mean he
does everything he doesn't like. He's involved in every aspect
of it, from like sales and marketing to the actual
actual expeditions to planning the expeditions. To going and picking
up the boats to going on them and like yeah,
so he he runs a river sports adventure company and

(01:17:17):
a retail shop as well. He's a manager there. I'm
the general manager GM. Yeah, um, big money. Check it
out if you're in St. Louis. But also make sure
your car doesn't get stolen while you go check out
my store. If your car gets stolen, you can always
Can I say this before we leave because it's related

(01:17:38):
to it. We um we put up this picture for
the work um telling people like, oh, come on this
this twice a week trip that we have called the
stel River Front Adventure. And it was this picture of
this family from San Diego, like a husband, wife and
three kids and it was them smiling so happy in
front of the arch. And he put it up and
downtown has their own Instagram out like for just downtown St. Louis,

(01:18:01):
and they put it up and shared it and it
went viral of people like shipping all over our business,
not because of the business, but because of the concept
the idea of going on the river on the Mississippi River. Um.
But people were like putting up all these gifts of
like they're like people would be like in St. Louis

(01:18:23):
would be like it'd be like a canoe on cender blocks.
You're the only thing you can do is get on
the water to get away from the gunshots, rapping on
crime in St. Louis and saying that you you know
you can see floating dead bodies. And I promise you
if you go on a trip with us, we will

(01:18:44):
not put your canoe on blocks. Your car will not
get there will be no dead bodies. No, it's actually
really awesome if you like that stuff, and if you
love that stuff, then it's the greatest thing to do.
And you got Chris got an adventure for Christmas from
my parents and me and him are supposed to go
on one, so we gotta pick one out. So that'll

(01:19:05):
be something i'll talk about on Yeah, I've done two trips.
What Old Man? Well another time. Thank you guys for listening.
We have to tell that story once. It's too good,
So okay, so now you'll get the wet old man story.
Thank you guys for listening to the podcast. We'll be
here tomorrow, Matt, thank you so much for being here. Uh,
Dobie can John Bars

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Nikki Glaser

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#315 My Brother's Husband w/ Matt Green