#332 You Don't Know Grace! w/ Greg Warren

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Nicky, Hello here, I am welcome
to the show. It's the Nicki Glaser Podcast. It's Thursday
when you're listening to this. I didn't say this yesterday
upon our coming back from break, but our podcast will

(00:21):
be out now Wednesday and Thursday. Just so you know,
we'll be taping them the day before. But this is
so that we can kind of sync up the audio
release with the video release on YouTube a little bit,
a little bit close. Seemed closer, not perfectly close, but yeah. Um,
and I'll give us time to edit out all the
slurs that we say throughout the show and all the

(00:43):
rants I go on about chrystallia or whatever. Um. Oh wait,
we didn't take that one out, and there are separate
YouTube compilations about it online. Now, Um, welcome to the show.
It's um, it's a great day today. I'm surrounded by
friends both afar and near. It's Brian Franzie's here. He's
the new permanent sidekick. What's up, Brian? Yeah? Can I

(01:05):
just say that I thought of something funny that I
should have said yesterday during my Creed story. Yes, and
because I felt it was lacking about ten percent funny
all day I go, you know what? There was something missing?
What was it? I lost sleep over it? Okay, so
that Brian, I'm sorry I didn't. Greg's here. He hasn't

(01:27):
heard the story. So Greg Warren is here. Wait, hold on,
let's just bring Greg and let me just said. Okay, Brian,
Franzie's here on your Marina is here in New York,
Noah's here in Arizona. And then with me in studio
is Greg Warren, one of my dear friends from UM
I mean since two thousand three, I think is when
I met you two thousand and three. He is one
of the best comedians in the game, has been even

(01:49):
since two thousand and three. You were just one of
the ones we all looked up to and still look
up to. Just one of the best comics going. And
if you've never heard of him, what a treat for
you that you get to experience him for the first
time with his new special called The Salesman, which is
out April twenty first, that is next Friday, correct on YouTube,
but you can watch it for free. Directed by n

(02:10):
Nate Bargotzi hands selected Greg Warren because Nate you probably
know who Nate is he's blowing up, you know, and
one of the best comics out there as well. And
if you give you know, Nate gets Nats is choosing
now to produce and direct specials of his hero of
people that he's looked up to and thinks that more
people need to have eyes on. And he selected Greg Warren,

(02:32):
which I mean we've all known forever that Greg. Greg
is like the um Brian you know this too, like
as a Midwest comic that kind of came up in Bloomington, Illinois.
Like Greg Warren is a force. Greg Warren is one
of the nicest maybe v nicest, there's a couple in
the top. He can be a dick, he's he's generous,

(02:52):
he's generous, he is a guy. He's like a Yoda
of and then I've never seen I don't know that
reference entirely, but he's he's guided so much any comedians
that you know and love, like through the process of
being a comedian. And he's we'll get into like, um, Greg,
do you want to talk? Sorry, I just keeping about Yeah,
I promise, yeah, it's gonna be a big letdown after

(03:13):
I know. That's I've had about six meals with Greg
in my lifetime, and I have never paid for one
of them. That is so true. I was just telling Greg,
we so prior to the show, we'll get to Brian
Francie's Creed um bonus content. After that guy lost sleep,
I was like, I felt like I was going to
award today. I couldn't sleep at all. I'd dreamed He's

(03:35):
gonna lose even more sleep because he heard that Nikki
also lost sleep over the Creed story. No, I was
disappointed in my own not like pulling more out of
the Creed story, because I know that there was so
much there and I thought I had let the show
down as a host. It was. It was nothing to
do with you, Brian. Honestly, you brought a great story
with um tons of fodder to be had, and I

(03:55):
just did not dig enough. I don't know if this
had to do with the Creed story, but I did
shouting I sleep last night, Ali, who doesn't sleep in
the same bed of me, heard it through the wall.
But you woke up screaming scream because they sleep in
separate bedrooms. By the way, Greg, Oh really, yes, Wow,
Brian Franjie and his betrothed beautiful. Yeah, nice too, Nice

(04:17):
oh youth, have smart you went on any other adjectives,
fact that she is a stunners. She's so hot, she's
like she was hot, gorgeous, and she radiates warmth and
like understanding and kindness, like I want to get her pregnant.
I'm like, this woman should be a mother, Like she's
so she's just lovely. I really love Alie so much.

(04:40):
And um, but okay, we'll get to create in a second.
I just want to say, Um, Greg Warren has bought me.
He spent thousands of dollars on me, thousands, Greg, He
and and other people too, I know. I mean you
extend this to everyone in your friend space. Because we
were just talking on the way here, um goes we
He met me at Starbucks where they were running behind.

(05:02):
So then we went to call these which was a
couple blocks away, and we were walking and I was
talking about how I spend eight dollars and sixty cents
on a coffee twice a day and how it's like
that is so much money. How do people who like
don't have money justify getting a fun beverage for themselves,
Like the whole time you would just sip it and
have guilt and then I remembered I used to feel
that way all the time when I would get a

(05:23):
Starbucks me stove back in the day when I was broke,
and I said, I remember, like I couldn't even enjoy
it because I was just guilty that I spent three
dollars back then it was three dollars in my day.
It's crazy. I do remember you when you were broke,
and that's what you said. I was like that. I
remember you were too, because I needed you a warm meal.
These like kind of silly sketches for serious radio. Oh yeah,

(05:46):
and they played a bunch of them, and Nikki was
in a bunch and we would get money for it.
You still send me money from that, but like Greg
does not need to. I would never expect that, but
I could once every two years from that your money.
But I mean we divvied up the royalties and like,
you don't need it now, but I remember you were
like those checks, like when you were broke, you need

(06:07):
Oh you were so generous and wasn't generous. It was
everybody's money. You continue to be that way. You're Oh,
anytime I'm going to meet you for anything, you always
get my Starbucks. You always. Um, you're just you're just
a generous person. Can I ask you if you were
walking out of a bathroom stall in a public restroom,
and I guess you guys don't really use stalls, but
let's say you were using one and you walked out
and on the floor were two loose air pods, brand

(06:30):
new AirPods, not in the case, but loose. And you're
in a hotel lobby, a busy hotel lobby, but the
bathroom is completely You walked in, there was no one
in there, and you didn't see their pods on the ground.
Maybe they just fell from the sky out of nowhere.
But on the way out you see them and you
look for the case and there's no one. There's no
one in the bathroom. There was no one when you
came in. What would you do? Um, I think I'd

(06:52):
probably take him to whatever you or God. I mean,
I would leave them there because like, whoever lost him
is probably gonna come back, right. And I stopped picking
stuff up when the pandemic. That was like, my you're
a German person. Okay, let's say there's no germs in
this world, in the world that I'm living in. It's
a thing that you would like to have that you
have a case for at home. That could charge these

(07:13):
and they can't be yours. No, you can't do that. Well,
I stole something, No can. They can track them. I
know Grace is tracking me. You're gonna give you. I
can learn on my phone that says the owner of these.
So they are on my kitchen counter and they are dead.
Because I don't like to say, Grace is the name
of someone that will not murder you. Murder you. She's

(07:33):
gonna prosecute you, though. Don't underestimate Grace like she's tenacious.
But I think she'll grant me her name, you know,
and say, you know what, you were just in a
bad headspace that day. You were vindictive about something that
maybe had been taken from you figuratively or literally. I
don't know, but I will say that I'm feeling massive

(07:56):
guilt over me stealing because Chris the right away. I
said this on the podcast s. Chris, I, I just
got some air pods are on the floor, and he
goes taking the front hosks and I go, no, I
just start I lose air pods. I've given the world
you air pods. No one's ever returned them to the
front desk for me. Actually they have. I'm a very
lucky person and things always work out for me and
I always get things back that I lose because that

(08:16):
it does happen that way. So I should I am
set to lose something important to me? So can I ask?
Are these the air pods that are responsible for the
first my ear infection? Eight seconds of no those are no, no,
no, no no no, So my air pods. Now I have
like four pairs of air pods, and because I lose
them a lot make yeah, because I go, let's just

(08:38):
let's add it to their well, because mine are starting
to fail. They start to like get too much earwax
in them anyway, So um, well, that's just interesting because
you are a good person, and I always think that
you make the good decision. You're you're a good man.
I don't know, I hope so, but I'm also thinking, like,
let's say I wasn't okay. The main thing that everybody
knows about air pods is they're trackable, Like one't if

(09:02):
if they Yeah, if there was like one of those
ankle bracets that people that are to roll these happy
ire was laying on the floor would you pick that
up to no, because they know where tracking device people
on parole as they just give a pair of air
pods because you're not going to dump those anywhere. These
air pods are amazing. Yeah, even though you're confessing, you're
confessing on the podcast, So if she hears, at least

(09:24):
you're coming clean. But even if you weren't, she'd be
able to track you by your tour schedules. She'd be like,
the air pods are now in Grease rather into the Netherlands,
and then she'd be able to look it up and
cross check. Oh that's such a good point. Yeah, well
that would that would take a lot of Well, I'm
going to do something really good for the world because

(09:44):
I took these air pods from Grace, who probably already
left the premises, was never going to come back for
them anyway, and I you know, they would have just
sat at the front desk forever and someone at the
front desk would have stolen them. But I gotta put
some good out in the world. Okay. So but yeah, Greg,
you always used to hum. You always would buy me
dinner and stuff. You're just a generous person. But um
and and just yeah, Greg, was Greg and I have

(10:07):
been friends longer than any of us have been longer
than I've been friends with any of you guys. So
Greg's the best. So you guys can like suck it,
and um yeah, I was a baby comics starting up
and just very much looked up to Greg and he
taught me. You taught We were just talking in the
I don't I called these about like you taught me

(10:28):
many rules that I don't follow, but like that were that.
I you know that, God, you have a system. You
could teach a comedy class, and I know that it
seems like an insult, but you do. You give people.
You give comics hope, but you also dash their dreams.
Yeah at times as well if they're I'm not religious,

(10:49):
but if there's some sort of hell, it's gonna be
like me sitting in a room just watching me blaberon
about advice to young comedy, just watching footage, Nicky, I'll
tell you you need to be more clean. That's the
thing that's important. You're not going to make a billion
dollars of you. Well, you're not wrong. You just told
me that one of our friends can do twenty five

(11:11):
minutes clean, and I there was like this burning sensation
in the back of my skull of jealousy and like
I need to be more clean now you I just
want to challenge myself, you know, I just want to
prove that. I mean, I have done it. I've done yes,
whatever you put your mind to. Well, that's very nice,
I know, and I've said this a million times. Like
the thing that bothers me is that, like Nikki can act.

(11:35):
We do these dumb sketches and they haven't cast anything
huge yet in an acting role, which you may not
even want to do it because it's such a pain
and it's all those auditions. You got to live in
La all the time. But that's Nicky can act, And
I thank you for saying you can act. It's I
learned that I can act recently because I was pretending

(11:56):
to do something. What was the circumstance. I was totally
poking about something. But someone believes me so much, that
knows me really well, and I was like, I'm just
a really good actress because someone that you know, like,
but I have to be comfortable to act, like that's
the you. I can't just break it out of nowhere.
I'm not like um Man. I was watching Do you

(12:17):
watch Succession? I watched. I just got uncomfortable with it. Really,
they just do such horrible things. See, you're a good person.
When you can't take it, you can't even watch that's
not a good person. It's just like ad what do
you mean? Like that means that you will do something
bad then if you watch too much of it or
it's like you're, well, I don't think I'm going to
drive some dead body into the when they did that, oh,

(12:37):
when that happened the end of season one? Did you watch?
You watch them out? Did you watch for some reason
Game of Thrones? Fantasy? It was fantasy, it was a
little less real and uh a lot of sex. But
tell me about OCD relating to this. I just I
have like I know, I know, I know I have
like OCD with guilt stuff. Yeah, there's something just when

(12:59):
I'm around bad things, it's just for some reason, like
bothers me that that that like, well, that person is
capable of doing that. Maybe what do you do? Stand up?
How are you around comedian? I don't know, because well,
I mean I'm not saying I'm a great person. No, No,
I'm not, like I just yeah, I don't know there's
something about those things, and that's the trend in all

(13:19):
this TV now is like it's just horrible people doing
horrible things to other people and there's no redeeming like
Ozark I was. I watched it for, like, I don't know,
a couple of seasons. On the last one, I was like, No,
it's great acting, it's goods all. This is great, but
I'm not watching anymore. I can't do it. You can't.
That's interesting. I never have our point. TV didn't used

(13:40):
to be like this. I used to be I think
the two people live with a guy and it's crazy.
That's a good show. Love, that's such a show. This
is why I think this is the number one reason,
not the number one, number four reason why Ted Lasso
was so successful, because everybody on that show is good.

(14:03):
I say, lass, oh, no, what. I'm so annoyed by
his character. I know I'm the only person he is
so corny, and I know it's supposed to be that
way and it's like a feel good show, but so
it feels like we're making a TV show, Like I
can't get swept up in the reality of it. It
just and what I have. I can't wait to see you.

(14:27):
I love you, You're my best friend. Like this that's
always a little biby by this season, listen, one of
my good friends produces the show. I'm obsessed with Ted Lasso.
I have been since it came out during the pandemic
when we all really needed something feel good like that.
I mean, it just it just hit everything. And then

(14:49):
I thought second season was just as enjoyed. I mean,
I've loved it, and then I've only seen the first
two episodes of the third season. But I will say
that Ted to me, I'm not as invested in his
character as I am and all the other characters because
Ted to me seems like this sexless because the sexless
part of it is what gets on my nervous, Like

(15:09):
I know that he has sex with that one girl, Sassy, Sassy, Yes,
who was so cute. Oh god, oh my god, I
could have predicted that. That's amazing. Yes, yeah, um so
if Sassy's out there, Sassy and Grace, we have information
for you. Don't worry she's gonna burst. I want to say, like,

(15:33):
I think that shows awesome. And Mark Gross, my buddy
is a writer, told me like it's not such an accident.
That that show is as good as is because their
writing staff is like, it's insane twenty show runners that
it's like all these guys are like that, guys and girls,
and like the best writers in Hollywood are all on
that show. Yeah, it's why is Ted. I don't hate
the show, Ted Lasso, the character. We could clip it.

(15:59):
Let's dropping on you saying I hate Ted Lasso right now.
I hate the d sir. I want Ted to go
to I love the therapy episodes. I want to hear
more about the suicidal dad or whatever it was. I
want more edge Ted, what is with your mustache? Talk
to us? What where's the darkness? And I agree, I
just want to Yes, I want to see him getting

(16:20):
some kind of relationship. It just feels he's he's tried.
Last episode, he's he did try to try to get
a relationship with Sassy's point of yeah, I guess what
I really wanted and that I was so disappointed of
and I've already talked about this was Um Rebecca's character,
the older woman Um getting with the young soccer player

(16:40):
guy whoa who? I liked? That is it? Back on? Oh?
I can't wait to catch Okay good But Yeah, speaking
of acting succession, I watched um uh Jeremy Strong, who
played the um Kendall. I watched his like things of
things I can't live without. Anya, you said you watched it,

(17:00):
and I didn't want to watch it because I just
don't like separating Jeremy from Kendall. I don't want Kendall
to be Kendall. I'm like so obsessed with that character.
Turns out there is no separating the two. They are.
It's the same person and it's so good. You guys
gotta watch this Esquire YouTube video of Jeremy Strong talking
about his favorite things because generally people do this, you know,

(17:22):
ten favorite things or one of the things I can't
live without. And it's like face creams and like hair
gel or like a pair of shoes. And he has
just like knickknacks that he's taken from every you know
set he's or every movie he's done, like almost like
a serial killer. Like it just keeps little trinkets. Grace's
iPod play in the East Village and I have a

(17:47):
golden thread from one of my jackets from just like
what Yes, So he's so intense and fascinating. Okay, when
we get back. We are going to hear what Brian
left out of the story yesterday when he told us
he went to his first concert and it was a
Creed show at Jones Beach and he went there to
meet a crush that then that didn't show up, and
he was not only did his crush not show up,

(18:07):
but he had to watch Creed. So I hope that
wasn't the joke he was gonna make, but we're gonna
hear it when we get wasn't. We'll be right back,
all right, We're back before we get to Creed and
and Brian's rest of the story. I just want to
say this weekend, I will be in Pennsylvania, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania,

(18:29):
where Jesus was born, And uh, why do we Hampton,
New Hampshire. Why don't I ever remember that? Because it's
never It's a city I've never heard of before until
it showed up on my tour schedule. And it's a
city where a casino is in. So those are often
cities that you know, you never heard of before. But Hampton,
New Hampshire two shows that night Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Tickets still

(18:51):
available for that one. Um New Hampshire. The first show
is sold out, second one come on out, and then
next week a week off, the week after next week.
Next week I'm going to Taylor Swift in Houston and
I'm doing Family Feud with my parents and one hundred
thousand dollars Pyramid, so that'll be fun look for those.
And then the week after that, I will be in Tucson.
Noah will be there, not on stage but back in

(19:13):
the wings, which is very exciting because she lives in Tucson.
And then tickets still available to that, and then after that,
I will be in Vegas with David Spade at the Venetian.
Tickets are going fast for that, but there are still
some available. And that is our opening weekend for our
Vegas residency, and it's very exciting for you to be
there for that or to choose any of the dates
that we're going to be there. There's four different opportunities

(19:35):
to see me in Spade there and it's going to
be such a fun show and I can't wait for
all of them, so I hope you guys come out.
And then Europe, and I'm going to Europe, and I
just have to say any of the European besties we
do not have meet and greets, and I'm sorry. Maybe
there'll be some kind of way that I can do,
like a meet up with you guys after the show
at some kind of I don't know. I'm going to
try to make it happen. But if you can't meet me,

(19:56):
please don't hate me. It's not my fault. It's venues.
It's like, it's just legit. Sticks. Um, It's not because
I think I'm better than you or I'm just keeping
myself away from you. I'm not Taylor Swifting yet, not
that she thinks she's better. It's just like, I just
it's not legit. Ana, Can you explain it? Why can't? Okay? Yes,
so just blame the EU. Anyway, let's get to Brian's Um. Really,

(20:22):
that was the thing. I mean, I was thinking because
I was I told the same story to Ali afterwards,
and I was like, I told this story and then
I just said it in the story and I was
like I should have said that. I yeah, that's the
I My crush didn't show up, and then as a
reward I had to watch Creed. That's so yeah, that
was the joke. Did man, That's why that's why you No, no, no,

(20:47):
this comes up. I'm glad that you brought this up.
I'm glad that I did your joke, because not only
we don't really care about what your creed joke was,
what this is interesting. This is why this is interesting
to me. You were up all night regretting a tiny
thing that you missed out do it. Not up all night,
but you woke up, you know, screaming with a devil
on your chest or whatever was happening to you and
your bed alone, um because of this regret. I mean,

(21:10):
how relatable is that where you do some kind of
appearance or something and you have this one thing that
either shows up later or was there before, and you
knew you were going to do it, and it just
you forget and it's the best thing that you could
have done, and it's the thing that would have changed
the course of your life, you know. And I think

(21:30):
that's so relatable. And luckily, you know, this is the
podcast you can jump on the next day and say, hey,
I want to do this. But a lot of times
you can't. There was one time you can't. I mean,
I appreciate, I really appreciate you taking this with arms
wide open to oh he's back, he's back, baby. Yeah.

(21:50):
So the one time it happened to me was during
the roast of It was the last one I did.
It was ALC Baldwin, and so I had I had
already done my set and I was comp it was
it went well. There was a couple There was a
couple jokes I forgot. I've talked about this a lot
where I forgot to do two jokes which ended up
being see this thing. The whole time I'm sitting there

(22:10):
and I realized, you know, when I'm backstage copying and pasting,
like I'm in my trailer, it's last minute, they're giving
me extra jokes at the end that other people are
too scared to use. So I'm editing my set, and
you know, something would happen where I would I would
copy a bunch of text and then I would press
you know, apple X to cut it, which means it's

(22:31):
it's copied, but you got to place it somewhere or
it gets lost in the world. I would Yes, I
would cut it, and then I would someone would go, hey,
do you want to They'd come to my trailer do
you want a coffee? And be like, yeah, actually, can
I get it? And then I go back to it
and it's gone and it's not been pasted, and I'm
backed and then so but then that one goes to
prompter and then I do my set, and afterwards I'm like, oh,

(22:54):
someone does like a similar type joke and you can.
I mean, I'm sure there's a footage on my face
just going like, oh God, I forgot this joke because
there was this one joke I did about Caitlyn Jenner,
which I feel more good, more good, gooder. I think
the word's good er about doing it now because she's
like now, like you know, she's anti trans now, even
though she's like I don't even fucking understand what's going

(23:15):
on with Caitlyn Jenner. Chris last night told me it's
all about getting attention. Like whatever you can say to
just keep getting attention is get like what these not
trans people? But like what you know, celebrities, So yes,
so pretty much celebrities narcissists do. So anyway, the joke was, um,
oh it was, and I've done it on Stern, but

(23:37):
it was like Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin has a podcast
called Here's the Thing, which is also how he introduced
Caitlyn Jenner to me backstage God, which really made me laugh.
It's so inappropriate, I'm very and it's not even an
anti trans joke. It's just like what is going on
with you? So it could have been when when when

(23:58):
she was bruced, you know, you could have said that,
So it was so I I but I don't regret
doing that because it does strike me as pretty anti
trans and it could have been like a world of
issues for me. And then I got to do it
on the Howard Sterns Show as like jokes that I
didn't do that, we're too so it ends up being good.
But the one that I regret so much was at
one point, Jeff Ross is doing his set and he's

(24:21):
done a bunch of jokes about me already that of
like either I'm not attractive or not whatever it was,
and it's it's you know, that's just the rules of
the game, and so I'm like, ha ha. So it's
perfect because he's already insulted me. And then he kind
of gets parched at one point and he has no
water up there, so he I'm the closest thing, so
he reaches down and takes my water and takes a
sip and then he places him back down and just

(24:42):
three seconds too fast. I thought of the idea to
just pour it out behind me, just like he touched
it and just like like which it would have been
so funny, but I waited. It was just three seconds
too long. It would have been missed. So then I'm
kicking myself about that. There are just those moments where
you go that would have been the defining my career

(25:03):
um or just in't like you just have those moments
with people and arguments or like what you should have
said to someone to keep so they wouldn't break up
with I don't even know, like do you are you
haunted by regret? I mean smaller mostly just like yeah,
but it's tiny, dumb stuff. I mean I just got
creed stuff. Yeah, I just yeah that yeah, that kind

(25:25):
of thing. Yeah yeah, No, I mean I didn't do
anything horrible like steal somebody's eye, Like I just got
done editing a special and there's just these there's there's
this moment, it's this joke and it's the smallest thing,
and I know it's not gonna matter, but to me,
I'm like, what what were you thinking? Why? Wait? What
was can you tell us what it was? Because just
to show how Soto about so it was, I used

(25:49):
to sell pringles, yes and back and like when they
came out, Um, the government got clear about what you
mean when you said sell pringles. It wasn't like on
the sidewalk outside of door to door. I was big
accounts grocery worked for Procter and Gamble, and you would
sell princles to grocery stores. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny because

(26:10):
I remember when I first got that job. I was
talking to like this girl in the bar. It was
when I was just still in college or right after.
It was like, yeah, I just got a pretty big
job of him selling you know, she's like door to door.
It's so funny when you get so used to what
you do for a living that you kind of say
it in a way that does not convey the yeah
it actually is. So you worked for Proctor and Gamble,

(26:33):
which is an interesting facet of Greg's careers, which he
had a he was he didn't just have a day
job like walking dogs or working in the cafe. He
was you're an executive or like a sales exact. Yeah,
I was like mid management. I was doing well, but
you're I mean, Greg went to West Point, Greg was
a is a state champion, UM wrestler. I mean, he's
a hard worker. He's someone who achieves the you know,

(26:58):
the limits of He like pushes him helf and he's
just he's just an achiever. Um and so, but you
gave that all up to do comedy because saw you
did that. Yeah, you gave it all achieving, gave up achieving.
He said, you know what, I want to stop reaching
the highest levels of whatever I out to do, and

(27:19):
I'm gonna do a much more comfortable person with mediocrity.
There's no mediocre away. Greg does comedy. And you'll see
that in the Salesman April twenty first on YouTube. Make
sure mark your calendar is to check that out. Um. Okay, so,
so tell us what you said. So the joke was
like it was, it's true. And when they launched pringles

(27:40):
they were doing well, and then the government stepped in
and they were like, hey, you're not made up of
one hundred percent potatoes. You're made up of corn and
soy and wheat and potatoes. So you can't call yourselves
potato chips. You have to call yourselves potato crisps got
it and the joke should say, I should say, and

(28:01):
we did, and people were like, yeah, we still like them,
you know, like and the government was like, you know,
you know, they're not made hundred percent potatoes, and people like, yeah,
we kind of figured that when they were uniformly stacked
on top of each other in the perfect shape of
a horse saddle. You know, those gummy orange sliced candies
not real oranges. We figured that out. But this is

(28:22):
how small. It's because I didn't. I forgot to say
the thing. Yeah, okay, so I said, um, and we
did and and and people are like, yeah, we still
like them. You didn't say they didn't care. I didn't know.
I said. I didn't. I forgot to say, and we did.
I go did yeah, and I go And people were like, yeah,
we still like them. I forgot. I forgot to say,

(28:44):
and we did. And it just makes the joke a
little more specifically still clearer, yes, so that they understand
the punchline a little bit more. Clarity is such so
important that's crystallized. That's one of the biggest problems. I
think when I watch stand ups, is I go, the
joke you're telling is hilarious you are, and you're thinking
that it's not funny enough because you're not getting the response.

(29:05):
The audience doesn't understand. You're not help you're not holding
their hand to the finish line. You're kind of just
going like, come on, come on, and they're kind of
just they're figuring it out. They get there, but you
gotta be you gotta be so crystal clear. And that's
what leads to people sometimes over explaining things, whereas oh, yeah,
you don't. And my biggest pet feeve is like, you
guys know about this tender thing. Well, it's this thing

(29:26):
where like everyone knows what tender is shut off and
I know you have to fill twenty minutes and you're scared,
but we don't need to know. Like the one person
who doesn't know tinder, you don't need that person's laugh.
Everyone else is on board. You're you. You don't over explain,
and yeah, because I remember, I mean not only you,
but I just remember the one thing that really got

(29:47):
through to me Chris Porter one time at an open
mic and Stanford and Sons in Kansas City, who was
like kind of the Greg Warren of a comedy scene
there of like everyone's scared of him. He's had some
success and U and he was just the best Tom Yes,
so funny Chris Porter. Really yeah, I want a good friend.
That helped me out a lot in the beginning as well.
But he I remember at the time, we were not friends.
He was just this intimidating tall guy that would kind

(30:09):
of just you know, walk into the open mic and
watch from the back. He was like almost too funny
to like go up, you know. And so he called
me to the back and he's a Glazer and it
was the first time I've been summoned by Chris Porter.
And I walked back and he's like, tell the joke,
and I was just like what he goes, tell the joke.
And I couldn't understand what he was saying because I

(30:30):
was just so like scared of him even talking to me.
But what he meant was shut stop rambling. And I
still do it. I mean I still I watched myself.
I just posted a clip today and it's full of
likes and ums and it's like, you shouldn't be liking
and umming Special Glazer. I overliked on this, I was
saying right now, I liked so much on this Special

(30:51):
it is an affectation. Yeah, Luckily I don't think it
was ruined the whole thing. But you're not a woman,
so people aren't fine tuned to go to dismiss you.
It became it was just affectation. It was like part
of the character that I was, and I do have
a little bit of an awkward character. Um. I feel
like you are very much there is I was just
saying this to Greg. You know, I don't like stand

(31:13):
ups who completely transform on stage unless they acknowledge it.
Like I do a character Larry the camera. But when
you're talking to someone at the comedy cellar at the
table and then they go downstairs and you go watch
a set and they're doing a completely different voice, and
and they don't acknowledge it, That's where I go, what's
going on here? Yeah? This isn't I don't mind a
character if we're all aware that this is a character. Um.

(31:33):
But you I think are very true to um, more
so than ever to who you are now. But you, yeah,
you get amped up, you have there has to be here.
You're a little dopeier. You're a little dopier on stage. Yes, yeah, um, thanks, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you play into well you, and you've You've got done
a really good job, I think because I've seen your progression.

(31:56):
Even even when I first met you, you were like
the great I'm but now I realized like you were.
You were just like a type. Yeah, you were like
a new headliner. But to me, I had barely two minutes,
so to me it was like extraordinary. But you but
you were really good back then and your bits stand
the test of time. But um, from even back then,

(32:17):
I mean Greg just redid a Taylor swift and rerecorded
a lot of your bits from back in the day
to release and they still hold up. Yeah, I mean Chris,
like my boyfriend, Yeah, Chris went down and filmed these
things because I started, I was never doing social media
and I had a few clips. Yeah, and I ran
out of clips and I was like, why these clips
you can't even find? So Chris like smart went down

(32:39):
and just He's like, I'm like, we can't produce a special.
But he was like, yeah, yeah, let me figure it out.
So Chris just shot this thing. Oh. I remember when
he told me I can't hang out with you this week.
I'm going to Arkansas to shoot Greg's four. Really, I
think flute man is very accessible on YouTube. You can

(33:00):
probably just pull it from that. You're so right. But no, Greg, well, no,
Chris and I are such Greg fans. I mean we
quote your jokes to each other. Chris is the biggest
Greg Warre fan. It's it's so sweet and um, but
I want to just talk about um. I like some
of the stuff that you get into. You know when

(33:21):
you were first talking about you just have like vulnerable stuff.
The one that sticks out to me. And during the pandemic,
Greg and I would meet at Caldi's Coffee shopping Kirkwood,
Missouri constantly to like talk about bits and work on bits.
And I think it was there that you first told
me about. And I don't know if this ended up
in your special. I think it did where you're doing
sit ups in the park. Yeah, it didn't go in

(33:42):
and you just I just remember that I have that
joke still. You gotta do it. Well, you just to
say what happened here? I don't totally remember. I'm gonna
I don't help, but I'll tell you, but you just
tell us. It's so funny. It was an historia and
I was in the park. Oh yeah, that's right. And
I was doing sit ups in this group of like

(34:04):
middle school girls rode by on their bikes and one
of them started counting my situps and she was doing
it like not in a supportive way, like she was like, one,
you're fat. Two you're old. Free. No matter how many

(34:25):
sit ups you do, you're not gonna look as good
as you did when you were forty four. You didn't
even look that good when you were forty and the like.
And I don't remember all of it. It's it was
a something about me and Eminem's in the Walgreen parking lot. Yeah,
I mean, I'm always interested in like food stuff, body stuff,
and like as a man, when I see a grown

(34:47):
man who, by all accounts seems just like I mean,
you were a a wrestler, and like you just are.
You're like an athletic, like you're like a guys guy
into sports. But then you hear you talk about like
you know, shoveling oreos in your face and like the
parking lot in the car, it makes me really hell Yeah,
that so many people can relate man like, and I

(35:08):
don't think men really talk about like their like food
problems or whatever and like and there and so or
like the st or even like you going on walks
like that was a real when you started talking about
but you know exactly what. I don't know what you're
talking about. You have a problem with me walking. Greg

(35:28):
used to have a bit about like I just like
you know, I started walking like I have a walk now,
like a walk that and that's like a part of
your life when you can do a part of your
life where you have a walk. Like your neighbors said, hey,
are you going on your walk? I was like my walk,
my walk, like like no, and I'm not gonna go
watch my stories. Yeah that was so good that that,

(35:54):
Yeah that, I'm so glad you remind me yet because
you know how you do a special okay, and then
you're like you have to start over, and I am
don't you got no dying right now? And I'm like,
oh no, I have this other thing that hasn't been
out there yet that that's now I have a little
yeah material. I'm I'm starting to feel dry as well

(36:14):
with my I'm at this part with my special, like
well I talk about feeling dry and my stand up,
but I'm at this part of my stand up where
it's like the jokes have been working. They're kind of
like what they are, and I'm getting kind of bored
with them, and it's getting to this place of like
it's almost like in a relationship, like the honeymoon period
is over with my jokes of these of this new batch,
and I'm kind of just like I need something new

(36:37):
to come in there trying to open my success. I
want you are I wanted to feel like every time
I tell like I don't know if this is going
to work or like let's push the bounds, and when
it's yeah, you're right, when it's safe, I'm kind of
just like, what's what's next. So I'm excited to go
on the road this weekend because I do have some
new ideas that you know, give me life, give me hope, Like, well,

(37:00):
one joke can breathe life into an hour set. One
joke it can make you be like, oh that was
a good set. Yes, I did that thing. Did you
see that line? And I'm sure people like our friends
my new line. No, I didn't see the thing, man, Yeah,
did you see that thing where I did the thing
where it was like yes, Well, the one new line
I have that I'm obsessed to with that I don't

(37:20):
even want to share on this pisite will just ruin
it because it's just one little joke. It's maybe the
best joke I've ever had and it's just a one liner.
And fucking Chris wrote it, and I'm so and it's great.
He wrote one in my special. Yeah he has a
joke from it. He wrote we were in doing a
show and great. He's not a comic, hey man, um,

(37:43):
and you know crazy, He's like, I don't this thing
right there. I'm like, oh, you had to listen to
like thirty minutes of him going like, I know I'm
not a comic. I would never even to be able
to do what you do. And the thing is, you're
so programmed for it to not be a good idea
ninety percent of a time, it's just a call back
from comics. Just they just got comic so the worst.

(38:04):
Hey man, what if you said flute man again? I'm like, yeah, yeah,
like but Chris says this thing and I'm like yeah, wait, wait,
wait a minute, wait, wait say that. I'm gonna write
that down, this son of a bitch in paraphrase what
you just said. I just totally And the joke was
an eight and he made it at ten. That's whe

(38:24):
I'm like, you're not going to improve on this joke.
It took yeah, yeah, And I was like the one
he gave me he just said as a joke. He
was just you know, it's almost like a play on words.
I'll just say what it is. It's it's it's about
He was saying like, um, you know, I uh. He
made some joke about a trans sister radio and just
saying like you have a trans sister and it was

(38:45):
just trans sister radio and just trans and I was
like that is great, and he goes, I don't know
what you're gonna do with it, and I go and
then that's where the magic happens, where it's like how
do I make that into a joke? How? I mean,
it's no you And we've always said this, like Gross
talks about it like you work backwards better than anybody.
I know. Oh that's nice. Yeah, because like I'll be like,
I I'm such a like I have to be like, okay,

(39:07):
this is this thing that I happened or this thing
that I saw on these and then we just move
it to like now it's going to be absurd and
we're going to You're like, I hear that, I see
the end, So now I have to go I have
to write this thing to get to the thing that
I know is going to be a good joke. Yeah,
because I need the guarantee that there's something really good
to pay off at the end of this, whereas like
when I'm working with something that's just like I think
this could have legs, like there's not that promise of

(39:30):
the great ending. I need the I need the that reward,
and then I build backwards. I think that's also the
thing to a Franjie's story without the thing that, yeah,
you know the creature, Is there any sort of discernible
when it's like everybody knows there's this got to be
this ending, and then it doesn't happen. She didn't give

(39:51):
it to us, can I lost sleep west Side and
I didn't hear it felt something in Yeah, there was
a Chris Convey joke that made me laugh out loud.
I still think about it. It was, um, we were
in the parking lot of the Ludo shows in Saint
Louis and there was this person in the booth, the
parking attendant in the booth, and then we left and

(40:13):
then we came back and the parking attendant, uh like,
wasn't there anymore, And just as quick as he can go,
he said she just couldn't handle the booth. And I
thought that was so funny. I don't get it. You
don't get it. Oh to the truth, you can't handle
the couldn't handle. I was like, oh, I was like

(40:34):
the booth ladies gone. She just could handle the booth,
just like that. Okay, there there is a He does
great word play, which I you know, punt, some could
say dad joke puns, but the level he does the Matt,
I'm always tickled by. Last night we were doing this thing.
We were at the soccer game and my sister brought
her kids and so it was kind of like babysitting
the whole time and kind of corraling these little kids
running around, and he's so good with kids. I've never

(40:55):
seen a little girl love her aunt's boyfriend. Like it's
just just to me. I would have been like, oh,
who's this guy, Like my aunt's a boyfriend. I don't
even know what that is, like this weird guy. But
she was so obsessed with them she wouldn't say good
bye to me. She's four. She just would say she
would call me poopy, and then she would go like
buy Chris, and she kept like giving him hugs, and
I was just like, what's happening. So we started playing

(41:16):
telephone where I would whisper something and then she would
go whisper at him and tell him, and it was
It's a fun game with kids because it makes them
run back and forth, so it's less having to like
hold them and wrangle them. So at one point she
comes up to me and she can deliver some message
from Chris, and she goes, will you marry me? Just kidding,

(41:39):
I just hit me. Like. One of the reason I
think you guys are good is like because both of
you guys do that thing where you just play those
dumb games I used to do with you all the time.
I had this friend, my friend Carol from high school,
like one of my favorite people in the world, and
her daughter. We ran into her daughter at Starbucks and
this was a long time ago when you were there
with me, and she was talking about going to cheerleading camp,

(42:02):
and me and Nikki just immediately started doing this bit
where Nicky's like, well, I mean I want to go.
I'm like well he can't go, Nikki, She's like, well
I could go, I could go. Is there a age
got off? They say that I can't. Yeah, they're just
laughing sort and Nikki's playing it right. She's like, no,
I mean, do you want me to do a cheer?
I can remember too late. And then Chris. Chris did

(42:24):
this thing when a show we were doing I think
I told you about it, where he was like somehow
we got this thing going. We were just annoying everybody
where Chris was like speaking like fake Italian, yeah, yes,
and I was just I was interpreting for my friend
here thinks of that very very verio, very legs of
the pizza thigh, and I was like, what my friend

(42:45):
is trying to say is he wants he wants to
know if you'd like a piece of pizza. And I
love Chris one because he was He stayed with me
for half an hour and it was there was everybody
was when you guys are doing bits where I literally
just go, where where are kids that I can play with?

(43:07):
Because this is this is too immature from me. I
want to play telephone with Poppy because this is intolerable. There. Yeah,
there was one that he was doing on the phone
with me where he kept sending me jokes and I
couldn't get out of it. I'd go like ha ha
ha and then ask a normal question. He'd keep responding
with a joke. And it got to the point where
I just wrote him back and I said, this is
this is fun, but this is borderline not funny anymore,

(43:30):
and I don't want to be a part of it.
Like I had to get like stern with him, like
please stop this bit double down and then it gets funny.
I'm really excited on your new special about a particular
bit that I didn't even know you were going to do.
But I went to the I went to these tapings.
By the way of Greg doing it was so funny,
it's so good. I'm so excited for people to see it. Um.

(43:53):
But Chris and I went and uh, it was in Kentucky.
It was really fun. And as I watching the show,
all of a sudden, I start to hear a very
familiar story and I was like, wait, I was there
for the and then I was like, oh my god,
I am in a bit. It was totally it is
so flattering to be in your bit. Was this, Yeah,

(44:16):
you want to tell everyone, no, you tell it was
during the pandemic. Yeah. So during the pandemic, me and
Nikki drove to Bloomington, Indiana to do a show for
the comedy act there. And we're just like doing a
show to help raise money thatase clubs were about to
go out of business. And we were like we had
been writing during the pandemic. We didn't have anywhere to
do it, and like you had to wear masks on
stage or whatever. So we stopped with the Starbucks and

(44:40):
and I go to the bathroom and I come back
and Nicki's like, like it's Starbucks member during the pandemic.
They didn't want you to go in their bathroom. Yeah
you could go there, but there were signs up that
don't come in here. It's like skull and crossbones or
what like, you know, like there's probably COVID in here,
Like they didn't keep the can't go. Yeah, yeah, you
can't go in the bathroom. So I just learned, you know,

(45:01):
the staff has to go somewhere, so they're open, they're
not locked. Just go and when you go, commit act
like you know what you're doing and do not pause.
Just go. So I go, I just head down, go
come out. Nikki's like, I gotta go to I'm like,
we'll just go. She's like they're gonna say something. I'm like,
breaking the rules. Yeah, you're do you like they're gonna
say they're gonna say something. I'm like, I promise you.
They weren't cone in front of it. They didn't have

(45:24):
a go it was a cone. She's like, but I
watched Greg do it, and he's so confidently just walks
in and they're so busy at the bar, and like
with all the drinks they didn't notice, but also your
second going seconds dangerous. They already might have caught wind
of this. But I was like, I was like, Nikky,
just do it, just stop it. She's like they're gonna
say something, they're gonna yell at me and whatever, and

(45:46):
I'm like, Nicky, just just go. So she does. Finally,
like she goes and she walks, and I swear to
guide I did not have this idea until like literally
three steps from the bathroom, I go, ma'am, you're not
supposed to go in there, and Square the Starbucks goes,
He's right, man, you cannot go in, and she was

(46:08):
like on the verge of never speaking to me again.
I had to go, and oh I loved it. I
loved it, but I was so mad because I had
to go so bad, and you know, we have to
go so bad. And then you've decided that you're gonna go,
your body starts going like get ready. I'm at the
precipice of being like I'm ready exactly, and I'm so

(46:32):
embarrassed because now I've been like busted for trying. It
was like it brought back all these memories of getting
caught stealing, like it was just and so then I
was so and so then we have to wait for
a drink and I've just been called out in front
of the whole cafe. I try to be like he
just used it, you know, And then Greg is so
apologetic immediately he was like I'm so sorry and like

(46:52):
it's fine, but I'm kind of annoyed because I have
to pee so bad. So then we leave and Greg
is like, um, and you did double Oh god. Greg's like,
I don't worry, I've done this. There's another bathroom right
on the same exit at a Panera. You can go
in there. And I'm just like okay, good. So we
drive this Panera. I get in their same situation. Man,
you can't use I'm like hi, And then we went
to a great sweat trip. But it was it was

(47:12):
so funny, just just that moment where you there's all
that is. What's kind of thrilling about being a comedian
is that you risk a lot with with jokes or bits.
You do more than most. I mean, I don't enough,
but that like that one, and you have to be
I was like, I don't want to lose a friend
over this, right, she's going to kill me. Compulsive, it was,

(47:35):
it is compulsive because it's just that was worth it.
I mean, it's definitely worth it because it's like a
it's it's a great joke and it's in your special
and I'm I'm so proud to be a part of it.
It makes me feel so cool. In fact, you performed
at my um at my old high school, at your
old high We went to the same high school. Actually,
and my sister is a teacher there. Now, oh yeah,
she was there and was like, Greg doesn't joke about you.

(47:56):
It's just some side of the Noah watched your special,
I think last night. It was like, right, there's a
joke about you. I was like, I know I was there,
so it is it's just so cool to be name
checked in a joke. I think one other time Amy
Schumer said, um, I have a friend, um Nikki who
keeps losing weight, and I'm like, she's out of my phone,
out of my life. Like, so there was something about that.
I was like, oh my god, I'm skinny and Amy joke,
Like I love any kind of name check. It's it's

(48:17):
just so it's so nice. Um. Yeah. And I remember
telling like Tim Chris's brother, Yeah, Sean, Yeah, who opened
for you? And like, I'm older than you buy a
long shot and I was doing it before, but and
those guys are not there, you know, they're way like
you know they're openers. Yeah, And I like told him
they were like, oh god, did she kill you? They

(48:43):
were like they're like, man, you're like one of them.
Only if I would have done that, she would have
killed me. I would have been like you think you are.
I mean, I would have respected it, but I would
have gone a little bit like that's on the line.
I normally wouldn't do it. I was just like, it's perfect. Well,
I do that stuff a lot, like I feel like
even yesterday I was or two days ago, I got

(49:03):
to do like interviews with the US women's soccer team,
like the Cody they're like social media guy is a
fan of the podcast. Shout out to Cody, thank you
so much for this opportunity and for the tickets last
night to the game. But he asked me if I
wanted to do like a little bit with them, and
I just had like a tiny mic and was asking
them questions. And I had prepared so many funny questions,

(49:24):
most of which I couldn't use because they were just
like kind of two out of line. But there was
there's this thing why it didn't work the way I
wanted to is like I realized when I go into
these situations where these girls don't know who I am,
a lot of they didn't know, and I know people
are like, oh, they just didn't, you know, there's too
much media. I don't even get offended with people don't
know who I am at all. That there's not even

(49:46):
a part of me that's like, oh, don't you know so?
And I didn't really know who they were either, even
though everyone does apparently, so we were both kind of
in the dark about each other. But I when I
go into those situations you need. Even when I was
shopping with Paris and Kathy Hilton, which I talked about
on the podcast couple of weeks ago, I did a
bit on Paras Hilton's reality show. It's hard to be

(50:08):
funny when people don't know that you're funny without someone
else there to kind of like co sign on it.
Like if I would have just had a producer there
who you know, Cody was filming it, but he's behind
the camera and he's more on the soccer side of things,
so if I say something out of line, he's not
gonna laugh. If I would have just had you need
someone there, Because when you're a comedian out in the

(50:30):
world and people don't know you're a comic, and you
take chances like that most of the time, which it
happened to me until I became a comedian, like my
whole life saying in appropriate things and getting just like
why would you say that? You know, you get that
reaction more so, and so it's it's always this gamble
of saying something that just is a little bit over
the line and isn't people aren't ready for it. And

(50:51):
I feel like that happens a lot to me where
I think I learned a lesson in doing that, where
next time I will just bring a friend to be
able to laugh with me, maybe not even in the moment,
but later about it, because it will make me more
comfortable because at least I made Chris laugh, or at
least I made Brian laugh, or at least you know,
we could walk, we can talk about on the car
ride home. Whereas if I'm saying a joke that bombs

(51:13):
with these soccer players who are just like, who is
this girl, it just I feel so alone. Tree falls
like yeah, yeah, yeah, there has to be somebody, So
I just I think I just need someone else to coast.
You just kind of need to be known as a
comedian when you go into those situations, so people kind
of expected out of you. But at the same time,
sometimes they expect too much and they they laugh at
everything you say, and you're like, I haven't even said
anything funny yet you're giving me too much credit. Yeah, God,

(51:37):
that's um. It makes sense to me sort of that
they don't know who you are, because athletes at that
they're just it is laser focused on like yeah, they
probably watch and they do anything A comedian that's a
soccer comedian. Yeah, yeah, Like like I just because I
know wrestlers and they're just they're pretty um that I mean,
I guess the question I just kept wanting to ask

(51:58):
is like, what are you going to do after this?
Like this, I just worry about, like what are you
gonna do? I mean, they're gonna coach soccer or they're
gonna I know, but like is that the only path? No,
they don't. Yeah, I mean it's a sad question though.
It's like asking a stripper. A lot of players get
depressed after they after professionals. That's that's what I wanted

(52:19):
to get into. But imagine your whole life. You're you're
when you're a kid, you're practicing towards this goal your
entire life, and then you get to high school and
you're doing it. In college, you're doing it. You get
to talk about strippers or soccer. You know, you got
to start them young and then they get older and
then all of a sudden they can't do it anymore,
and what do they do after that? It's a coach

(52:41):
other strippers. Well, let's just take a quick break and
we'll come back with more about this because it isn't. Um, Yeah,
I mean you were an athlete, Greg, Yeah, I mean
you were a state wrestler. Is that what they call it?
A state champion? Champs? What do I mean if we're

(53:01):
going to get technical? Yeah, get technical? An All American?
Oh yeah, big deal? Right? Nice to people who know
what was the name of your album? Too? Right? What's that?
How many All Americans in that state that you were competing? Well?
I mean when I was in high school, I won
the state a couple of times, and then in college
I was an All American. And in wrestling there's there's

(53:23):
eight per weight class, so there's eighty a year. That
is it catch or as your weight class? What's that? Oh?
I was one fifty and then one fifty eight? What
did you ask? I asked if it was catch wrestling?
I don't know what that is. It's like when you
wear the singlet and you have to stay within the
circle and you have to like pin their shoulders. Because
I think sometimes when you say wrestling, people think of

(53:45):
like WWE. No, that wasn't what is your persona throwing chairs? Yeah,
you know, fringe is a good question. I kind of
went with a little more understated. I was the accountant,
the salesman. Um, yeah, so you mean you and there's

(54:08):
Anya was also a figure skater really for a while, yeah,
until an injury, until I was yeah, a girl cut
my leg open. And then I did go back after
I rehabbed, but I was never the same, you know.
Plus it was like during early adolescence and I was like,
I'm like turning fourteen, I kind of want to hang
out with my friends, and so I stopped. A girl
cut your leg open, like on purpose. Yeah. She looked

(54:34):
a lot like Tanya. I remember she came to the hospital.
I was in the ICU and she came to apologize,
and I remember, um or she just came to, you know,
check on me, and my mom was see what she did,
see her works. We were all in I know, I
was sitting there. The girl came and she was just
like I just wanted to say. She was like a tomboy,

(54:56):
really looked like Tanya Harding, had a brown mullet. I
was just like, I just wanted to say, you know,
like sorry, and my mom's like, we do not need
your apology and we do not accept it. And I
was like, whoa, it was an accident. Wow. Wow, Yeah,
you don't have to accept apologies. That's that's a lesson.

(55:19):
I feel like you just do you don't like, just
do if someone apologies and not like you don't have
to you don't have to like be friends with them again,
but like just yeah, let it go. Well you do.
Grace is going to be coming. Come on, Grace. I
feel bad about it. I've talked about it on two podcasts.

(55:40):
Can we just humor the idea that maybe Grace is
not a good person, like maybe you stole go you
stole EarPods from a bad person who keys people's cars.
She stole those. Maybe maybe they weren't even Grace, maybe
they were stolen from someone. Yeah, that's true. She could
be about She probably is. Most people are law so

(56:00):
I think I had that instinct when I install them.
I'm not saying this is the case at all because
I really like this guy, but that is the beginning.
That's like a quality of a sociopath. Like what you
just said. Yes, I'm just like, yes, Yes, it's good.
I like it. I mean, it's it's effective. Yeah, and
I do some of it. But I I do think,

(56:24):
like when I was talking to these soccer stars, though
I kept wanting to ask them, like, what are you
gonna do? Not like it? There was interesting to me
because I'm always thinking about what am I gonna do?
When's it gonna be taken from me? What am I
gonna greg? It's it gets taken from people, man, like
you should know you're old, like it's never had it.

(56:48):
So it's no, I never quite had it. So I'm
you're still I'm still trying to get it. But I'm
telling you you're at a level that it's not going
to be taken from you. But we've seen people at
levels get taken down like it does happen, like Meg.
I was watching to Sleep Us in Seattle last night.
Why aren't we seeing Meg Ryan and a ton of things?

(57:09):
Is it because she doesn't want to work? I don't
think so. I don't think so. Man. I think it's
because people don't like her face anymore because it's a
little bit older and we don't really want to see
it as much and so that. But that's not a comedian. Yeah,
Meg Ryan's not a comedian, Okay, but yeah, well there's thanks.
I don't think give an examples of waiting for people

(57:30):
to call them up to give them jobs comedians show
up at clubs that need them. They you know, you
have a career. You can go into lots of things, producing, directing,
being on game shows. You'll do it until you die, Yes,
you will. That's true. There's always a place that will

(57:51):
have me. I mean, I saw Carlos Mencia go for
I remember I was on the last tour with him
when he was doing clubs and then he went to
he made it to Arenas. Guess where he's back to clubs.
I don't want to go back to CLU Like I'm
not talking. I still want to do it, but I
don't want to go back to having to But but
it's not really up to you. It really isn't up
to you. Don't know what life has in store. And

(58:13):
for me, I think it's very brave to put all
of your chips into his eggs into a basket that
is syne a ball can. That is like there's just
no um. It's just even being being a model is

(58:34):
the same thing. I look at models and I'm like,
enjoy it well last because I mean, that's why I
do comedy, because it is less likely that I will
age out of it. I mean, I really do think
it was a conscious decision to choose something that can't
be taken by me so quickly. But um, I do
worry for people who who who because they do make
I mean, these girls are making millions of dollars endorsements

(58:55):
and then like they're they're getting paid now as much
as male soccer players because they fought for right. So
like they're making good money. But who's good at saving
and spent? Like when you're a star, you can spend
too much. I mean, it's some there are I want
to make one. I want to make one point though, Okay,
like this is important. Your mother is hot, like she

(59:17):
looks really your mother like your mother age is extremely
well yes, yeah, I mean it's just insane. She's a
good looking older woman. But that doesn't mean that people
still good looking older women are even not as valuable
as mediocre looking young people. So it's still there's still
a valued Uh. I don't know about with comedy though, detriment.

(59:40):
I want to hear from the young comics all that,
you know, like I don't have I that is nice
that when I come across a new female young comic,
most of the time they're not good because they haven't
been doing it long enough so they're kind of awkward.
On stage, they look amazing. So I just watched them
on mute and read the captions because I don't want
to hear their delivery. It's off, it's not come table,

(01:00:00):
but I do, and then I read the captions. I go,
there's no fucking joke here. But I like her middriff.
I like the top she's wearing. Her eye makeup is amazing.
I want to look like her. Um. But it is
nice that it is. There is something of it that
it feels like a meritocracy of like it. It is
something that you are rewarded if you're good. It's the
only thing that you continue to get better at. Really,

(01:00:21):
I think business until you get dementia and then it
gets funnier. I was. I was thinking about you know,
Rashaan Hershberg. Is that his name? Ron? Ronin ya Rashaan. Sorry,
that's me just like being racist, so um Ron and
he's so funny. But he has this joke about um,

(01:00:42):
like if you're racist, like get that shit figured out
like now, like I know you can like hide it
and just talk about it like amongst your friends or
even like keep it in your head of these racist
loss because when you get dementia, it's all kind of
good with it now. It's so funny. My god, damn,
I wish I wrote that because it's so funny, like,

(01:01:05):
oh God, because it is true when your mind starts
to go, you have no control and we all start
to go. No one is immune to dementia. It's not
like just Alzheimer's patients, like if you live long enough,
you will become demented. And um, it's just yeah, get
get right with God before like really become an ally,
before you get in a nursing home, because it's all

(01:01:27):
gonna come out on your nurse. From Trinidad, it's my
dad plays at nursing homes, you know, plays guitar. And yes,
the other day there was some woman that you know,
looked like ninety five white woman that was having a tantrum, like,
you know, just an episode and she had leaves black
nurses like helping her, and my dad was just getting
out of the room to get out just just because

(01:01:48):
it's just there's there's no way this woman doesn't have
that on the tip of her old tongue. Um. But
she didn't, And my dad was so proud that she
didn't when he was scared. I mean, they must hear
horrible things because and you can't. Really that's not like
who they are truly inside. I think it's also a
really ugly side of them comes up. Yesterday, my dad
was playing and this woman was like scooting up. He's

(01:02:08):
been like fondled by these women like he's and this
woman just uses her walker to scoot all the way
up and then kicked over his micst because it was
just you care for it. He's too loud. It maybe
too loud, maybe just like maybe and she's in a

(01:02:30):
fucking nursing home or family hasn't visited. Maybe it's a
song that made her feel something that like, you don't know,
these people are not in control of anything they're doing anymore.
So it was just a hilarious, kind of cute, sad story.
I did one of those. This girl that I knew
I was in town and she was like, hey, I
work at a nursing home and it was an erie, Pennsylvania,

(01:02:51):
and she was like, hey, would you do come to
like a show? You know, I was during the day.
I was like okay, you know, like she was hot
and okay, yeah, yeah, and so I I went to
do the show and I'm like, I'm doing a good thing,
right then doing a thing that you know, I don't
want to do, but I'm doing a thing. So I

(01:03:12):
do it, and I'm fighting so hard up there and
I'm doing what In my mind, I'm like, this is
the hardest thing is to do this gig? And I'm
what is the what is the gig? I'm just doing
a show in this like day room for a bunch
of old people. Okay, all the people are there, and
I'm like, I'm I'm working so hard and I'm like
to get a little bit. Yeah, but I'm like this
is going pretty good. Man, I'm and they're I'm getting

(01:03:33):
crowd work. And then one by one they just get
up and leave, and I was like, finally there's like
half I'm like, what's going on. The guy's like lunch.
You can't beat you can't in the next room. Yeah,
you can't. You left your That's so funny. I um

(01:03:54):
as you were saying that, what was I thinking about? Oh,
they are oftentimes on stage where you'll be bombing or
it's like one of those really hard rooms and I
will disassociate, like I will just go on autopilot. I
will just you have to leave your body because you
if you take it personally, which you start to at first,
it's hard not to, but you really learn to not
be there and to go on autopilot in a way

(01:04:16):
that's different than like, oh, I'm just thinking about what
I'm going to do tomorrow. I'm kind of bordering this
that it's like just for survival for your ego. Yeah,
you just I kind of go to like I start
even thinking about how it's going to feel in the
drive home. I start to go to the drive home
where it's already over. I'm living in another dimension where
it's over already, Which is actually some advice I've been

(01:04:36):
getting recently with things I've been dreading. I had to
confront someone recently about something and I was dreading it
so much, and my girlfriends, who I always talked to
and ask for advice on you included in it. We're
saying one of them gave me advice of like, think
how you're gonna feel when it's done, just and which
doesn't normally help me, but it is a little disassociated
which I've been seeing this new therapist who works with

(01:04:59):
like so matic therapy, which is all just like feeling
your emotions through how they manifest in your body. And
she was talking, this is very interesting. I just want
to share it in case you encounter a baby. She
was staring this thing about because she thinks that I
have disassociated qualities where I'll just like tap out something
traumatic happens and you just leave your body. It happens

(01:05:20):
a lot to like rape victims, in like molestation victims,
where they just are like this is too much and
they leave and they're just like not there. So she
thinks she thinks that I maybe something traumatic happened to me,
but I don't know, and she goes it doesn't even
have to be something that traumatic. There's a thing when
babies are little A lot of time it's their babies
are so overly s like sensitive that a lot of

(01:05:41):
times people will be like, look at this baby and
like get up in its face, and the baby will
look away because it's just too much, and the person
will just you know, you just want to follow the
baby's gaze, and so you go to where the baby
starts looking and you keep following whatever. Wherever the baby looks,
you kind of get in its face and if that
happens to you as a child, you a baby, just
go well, I can't escape this. I'm going to go

(01:06:02):
somewhere else. And they start to learn how to disassociate.
And so that blew my mind because I've done that
to babies before, where I'm like, I just want to
look in your eyes and you kind of follow it around.
Stop doing that to babies everywhere. If a baby looks
away from you, let it look away. Give And that
changed the way that I even yesterday was dealing with
my nephew because it made so much sense. But that's

(01:06:23):
we don't know we're doing these things. It's like Drew
Barrymore on her show has to be like right up
in everybody's face, like, oh my god, I love her too.
She's she's a real one. But she Please just go
to Drew Barrymore show Instagram and look at how she
interviews because she's on their laps or she's on the

(01:06:45):
ground with them. I was on zoom and even then
she showed up in my living room in Saint Louis
next to me, Jesus Christ, true, Hi, Nikki um, I'm here.
But you know what if if she was anyone else

(01:07:06):
I would be like, this is so annoying and gross
and like you're just trying to it's like faux sincerity,
but she is someone that seems extremely empathetic and like
and it it works. But it is funny to look
at every single clip of her. It's like she looks
like she's proposing to every per She's just like kneeling
by her chair. I'm like, why she's on the floor

(01:07:28):
next to them. It's really cute. And then there's this
one clip that um someone set me of her doing
machine Gun. Kelly and her were doing an interview and
they were painting each other's nails and it got really
intimate and people were sharing it like crazy a couple
months ago when it came out. But they're talking about
like their family trauma and they're they're they're like this,
but it was just the act of doing something that
wasn't just like paying attention to the lights and camera

(01:07:49):
that made them more comfortable. It was very interesting. But
final thought, um Greg Specials coming out Friday, uh next Friday,
April twenty first on YouTube. What is that going to
be like for you? Are you someone who's going to
be obsessively checking the numbers, checking the views, reading the comments.
Are you one of those people? Yeah? I guess yeah,

(01:08:13):
can you? How can we get you to not be?
Because you can't control it, and no amount of you
reading comments is going to make them more positive or negative,
you know what I mean? Like, I just recently looked
at some girls late night set a friend of mine
and I won't say who, but um, and the first
comment it was great, and the first comment was it
was pretty good, and it was like they just couldn't

(01:08:33):
give it to it and it was the most up
voted one. It was like, Oh, they just can't give
it to and I know she's seen it. That's the
problem with YouTube. I don't ever read a comment about
myself ever, ever, ever on any video. I don't and
I especially on my Instagram videos. If I posted, you
can write whatever the fuck you want underneath that, I'll
never fucking read it. I'll never read anything on Instagram
underneath pictures. I'll read those comments. I'll never read a

(01:08:54):
comment under the video. It just isn't helpful to me.
There's nothing you could say that will change what I
already did, or you like it or whether you don't
like it. It's already happened, so maybe think of it.
That was like you can do you can do what
I do, which is you post what do you do?
We post a video on YouTube and then no one
comments on it? Yeah, no one watches. It's worry about it?

(01:09:16):
Is your YouTube channel? Can we get people to watch stuff? Well,
this is all cartoons, there's yeah, you've been doing that
animated stuff. Yeah, it is great. Yeah, it's just Brian
Frangie YouTube is fr a g Yeah, check out Brian Franjie.
Give him a shoot him a couple comments to the psyche.
Yeah pretty good? Say pretty good? Yeah, pretty good? Yeah.

(01:09:38):
Uh It's it's like what pain And that was probably
the biggest compliment that idiot's ever given. Was pretty good? Yeah,
I mean you know it pain. Like we hate to
make it a female comic thing, but I got it.
Like if it were a male it would have been
like this is hilarious. It's like that's when a woman
is super good. It's like, Okay, I guess this one

(01:09:58):
was funny. That's what I get a lot out of, Like,
well that one was funny, but the rest of her stuff.
And then yesterday someone that I'm close with who doesn't
know my policy on this stuff. Of like most of
my friends and family, no, never anything negative they read
about me, don't don't tell me. I don't. It doesn't
help me. But this person didn't know and was like

(01:10:18):
a lot of people say, you know, you're very dirty
and you don't need to be that dirty. And I
was just like uh, And even when they were about
to start saying it, I was like, please, please just
get no. No no, no, no no no. They're like
a lot of people and I already felt it. Tommy,
I'm like, no, no no, no, no, And it's like I
know that stuff's being said, but um, it's really helped me.
So do you feel that there's any I mean, I'll

(01:10:41):
ask this to everyone. Do you feel like there's ever
anything good to be gleaned from reading comments? Like? Is
it ever going to steer you, whether it's a negative
or positive comment in the right direction or in a
better direction for you, or is it just cutting? No?
I mean it's there's probably you get that little jolt
of because they're I guarant whatever whoever's out there, if

(01:11:03):
you're good eighty percent and we're good. Yeah, so it's
you you get that you're not someone who just ignores
all the good ones and just only sees the bad one.
Um no, but I certainly probably focus more on the
bad one. If you write a bad comment, can you
just misspell something in it so I can Or if
you write a comment, it should be a deal. If

(01:11:24):
you write a bad comment, you need to have a
public profile so then we can go click on it
and look at who you are. Yeah, I know I
really want, Brian, I want to create a TV show
and I'm not going to do this. Have I talked
about this on the show? Where you find people that
have written negative comments and who have speculated about your
like celebrities, love lives, and especially anyone who is weighing

(01:11:44):
in on the vander Pump rules thing, and like you
can't believe Raquel would have cheated with her best friend
or whatever, And then we investigate your life and see
if you've ever done that, because I guarantee you have.
I guarantee you've had a crush on a guy with
a girlfriend and it might have been your friend. No
one is immune to having bad thoughts and wanting things
that aren't theirs and taking AirPods that aren't yours. Ever done,

(01:12:08):
we got we investigate and that we confront them. The
time you confront a commander, it's going to be a
twelve year old boy who was Yes, they're all not
the comments I read man. Man. No, the people that
are wighing in on the vander Pump stuff are all
women in their twenties who who are projecting because they've

(01:12:29):
all done the same thing and they're so disgusted with themselves.
I mean, I've talked about it before, but this whole
thing of like villainizing people who cheat. Do you know
most people I'm not saying, like you and your relationship.
It's a very common thing, and so it's people have
been a part of either a person who's been the
one that's um cheating or the other woman or the

(01:12:51):
other man. Most people have been one of those people
either have cheated or have been the other person that
is outside of relationship. So for their there's no way
that every single one of these thousands of Commoners have
never done anything like that in their life. It's just
hypocritical and I just want to like shove it in
their face and go like, look what you did too,
because you can't. When they're anonymous, like they'll comment negatively

(01:13:13):
about cheating because they hate themselves for having cheated because
they that's exactly what it is you because I know
that's what I do. Whenever I'm disgusted by anyone or
like feel the need to weigh in on something, it's
because I mean, even Taylor Swift stuff, like I'm like
a little bit devastated because there was a man seen

(01:13:33):
leaving her apartment this morning, I guess, and he like
is a guy that's like, he's a guy that I
remember being like who is this? And I like research
to be like, where's this guy hanging out you know
in the past when I've been single and um, and
I immediately I was just like, oh no, Like I
was mad, and I convinced myself. I was upset because
I want her to be with Joe, who she just

(01:13:54):
broke up with, and like I don't want her to
move on from Joe. But I was really like, I'm jealous.
She's like probably buying. Yeah, yeah, and I wanted him. Um,
but I do think that your own guy. Yeah, it's
he was on my you know, on my vision board. Um,
it's uh, the one I think the one thing that

(01:14:17):
is motivated. Do you ever get motivated by negative, negative comments,
like does anyone like weighing in on ya? Do you
ever feel like someone being like I don't really like
that she does this? And what if it's something that
you already don't like about yourself that they're calling out
and someone else notices something that you horrible? Horrible, just
go away. I just want to hide and go away.

(01:14:38):
And it makes me like not like that stuff at all. Yeah,
I don't want to know that, Like, I already know
what you guys are saying, you don't think I've like
replayed it in my mind a thousand times before someone
called it out. Yeah, if there's a law or if
there's a yeah, we've thought about it, Yeah, I've It
reminds me of my friend that this is a little bit.

(01:14:59):
I don't know this is a perfect comparison, but my
friend that owned a bar was like my friend Freddie
that owned bars. You like people would away. Everybody knows
how to run a bar. Hey, man, have you ever
thought about every every waking hour of my day? I
thought about what you're what if you got like two
hot girls in the back. Yeah, I spend my whole
life obsessing over what to do about this? So your

(01:15:23):
thing isn't helping. Well, that's why I like, like I
made fun of Chris for having the caveat of like,
I don't understand what it's like to do this, but
I do appreciate that he always has that start before
he gives me some advice of like, I don't know,
I can't imagine what it's likes to put yourself out
there in that way, but maybe you should try doing this.
So there's always that caveat because I think that it
is just so easy to judge other people. But the

(01:15:44):
one thing that I found to be highly motivating is
spending money frivolessly and knowing that you need buying Taylor
Swift tickets for as much as you would buy a
small car for and then going, well, I need to
make that. I want to make that up, not because
I need to, not because I'm gonna struggle without it,
but because I want to just I want to earn

(01:16:06):
that specifically, and I'm gonna do something where I can
have I can. I think that really motivates me. I'm learning,
so I think I just need to spend more money.
You got to figure it out by fans, like who
give you creative ideas. You know how fans do that
a lot, Like I would love to hear you talk
about Blank or yes you should do a collaboration with Blank.

(01:16:26):
I mean, I get that shit all the time, but
I guess people like t positions. I always appreciate it
and wish I were a more open mind to like
Matt is really open, Like he has a Patreon if
y'all to say, like, I love a few cover this
song and he'll do it, and I'm kind of like
a you know, seven percent of those people will get
my attention. I mean, I'll listen, but I'm always like, oh,

(01:16:48):
that's a good idea, and I do I enjoy it.
Most of the time, I don't do it. It's like
a tag, like with someone gives you a tag on
a joke. It's usually just not exactly your voice, and
even though it's fun and it would work for anyone else,
you just go, it's not gonna be me. But I
do appreciate those once in a long while, though. Yeah,
Like it's like that thing where sometimes they'll shout it out.

(01:17:10):
Oh yeah, they'll shout it out, and you'll be like, yeah,
wait a minute, oh one of my best one of
my closers was a guy just mumbling to himself and
I go, what'd you say? And he goes, it's Uber eats,
because I was talking about like getting in an uber
and like having them give you sectual favors, and he
goes Uber eats and I was like, wait, that's good.
I go, I'm gonna literally use that. There's been a
couple of times where I've taken suggestions. You know. Most

(01:17:33):
of the time, suggestions lead me to feel like I'm
not doing enough, and it makes me refocus on the
fact that like, oh, you're right, I should do that,
and it doesn't turn into me taking action, turns into
me beating myself up that I'm not a person that
does more stuff. I do love a suggestion, though, I
want to say that, like, I appreciate people that take
the time, like just Nicky and I just read this

(01:17:55):
Justine Bateman memoir and she talks about how, like, of
all your fans, really like two percent are going to
actually get to you, you know, or back in the
old days when people would write fan mail, but like
the ones that actually write you are probably like really
hardcore fans. So I do appreciate when people take the time,
and like, think about it'd be cool to hear you
do this type of song, or collaborate with this person,

(01:18:18):
or have you ever thought about covering X y Z.
I love that so many besties said me suggestions with
like videos, I'd like animal videos, I'd like I mean,
I feel like it happens all the time. Last night,
I turned on this Hulu show and I'm going as
I'm watching it, it's called like I forget what's called
some British funny woman. I forget the name of it,
but it showed up right on Hulu. I'm like, oh,

(01:18:39):
let me check the show out. And then I opened
up my DMS and as I'm watching the opening credits
to this, a girl goes, you should watch this new
Hulu show and I'm like, I'm watching it right now.
So there's there's moments like that where it really does
pay off. But most of the time, I'm like I
said yesterday with them when we announced Brian, and Brian
was like, I know you're gonna be upset with me,
and it's like, you, whatever you feel about me, I've

(01:19:01):
already feeled about myself. I have low self esteem, Like
I struggle with stuff, so You're not gonna do better
at hurting me than I am already doing. You're you're
you're saying, you're speaking, you're preaching to the choir, like
we have more in common than people who like me.
Probably you're most liked after you're dead. Ain't that the truth?

(01:19:22):
Wise words, Brian, It's true you're so celebrated after like
she lit up a room. Yeah, when people say at
your funeral they'll never say to you in real life, yes,
and they don't. They don't really say a lot of
the negative stuff. And weddings they say nice things about
you too, And yeah, they don't say that. But she
every room, she would light up a room. I want

(01:19:43):
you said a joke where I just wanted to start
walking into rooms and turning on all the lamps so
that it would be actually literal accurate. Okay, we have
to go. Um, I have to get to a voice lesson.
Greg Warren, thank you so much for being here. And um,
I can't wait to see your special. Even though I've
already seen it twice, I want to watch it again.
It's so good. You guys are gonna love it so much.
The Salesman, April twenty first, Friday. You have plans next

(01:20:05):
Friday night. Watch that on YouTube for free. Nate Bargatzi
directed it, and check out Greg Warren Comedy dot com
for all of Greg's tour dates. He's constantly on tour.
He is such just he's clean, he's just a he's
a guaranteed everyone will like him. That you bring. You
capture what everyone is dealing with. And you're just fucking great.

(01:20:26):
Thank you, thank you. Yeah, one of the best ever
to do it. And if you've just heard of him,
what what a how lucky you are to check out
his body of work, um and his body just go
check it out in the park. It's so nice to
see you again. I haven't seen him for everything looks great. Um,

(01:20:46):
yeah's there. I saw him at the wedding of the one.
Oh yeah, that's right. Well we uh, we will be
back next week with shows Wednesday and Thursday. Don't you
think we will? Don't? Um, thank you so much for
listening this week. Don't be cook and dig digit already
push

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Nikki Glaser

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