#336 Case Closed.

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicki Gleiser Podcastni Glaser, here's Nikki. Hello here, I
am welcome to the show. It's a Nicki Glazer podcast.
How you feeling out there? Feeling pretty good here in
Saint Louis. My mom isn't here today. That was fun yesterday.

(00:22):
I hope you enjoyed that podcast of just all Taylor
Swift recap.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
I had to do it. Listen.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
I'm constantly holding back from saying way more stuff about
Taylor Swift, so let me indulge one episode.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Not that anyone complained about it, And things.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Are good here today, getting ready to go tomorrow to
Tucson show and Tucson Thursday night.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Noah will be there. She lives there, right.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
Noah, Yep, I'm gonna be there, available to you all day.
You just tell me, you just told me. One.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
I have to do a photo shoot. Unfortunately.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
If the guy that's doing it is listening, just know
that it's not ideal, but I'm doing it.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
Is this something you're doing under duress?

Speaker 2 (01:08):
Of course everything literally.

Speaker 4 (01:10):
Is this something you're doing undressed?

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Under this I am doing undressed.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
He pitched an idea where I'm naked holding a paper
and the paper says NICKI loses her virginity, and I'm
going ooh, and I go not doing that.

Speaker 4 (01:26):
Oh my.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
He was like, my wife came up with it, and
I was like, that's really sweet, and I understand the
impetus for coming up with that idea. And the other
one was like Nicky sleeps with one hundred and eighty
two men, or it was something like and then I'm
supposed to be like, oh, like shocked. So we're still
doing the newspaper idea, but we need a better headline
of what I'm shocked at.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
But I gets pigeonholed repeatedly.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
He was just like, you're gonna love this, and I
was like, that's so sweet.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
I hate it. I absolutely hate it. It's everything I
don't want to.

Speaker 5 (02:02):
Read Columbine book.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah, I mean, I wanted to say Trump dead, but
Griffin thing.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Yeah, But I'm supposed to be going like, oh, like
I'm over a great and Marilyn Monroe like surprise, Like
it's supposed to be like a shocking headline Dewey defeats Truman.
Wait isn't that the one that everyone I don't know? Yeah,
so we'll see, but I'm doing that photo shoot because
he has a book. I mean literally, if you want

(02:34):
private time with me, just find a way to ask me.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
Just make a book.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Uh that you're doing interviews with comedians for a book
and you get a private time with me, because anyone
who writes a book.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
I mean, I'm doing this week, I'm doing.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
I did an interview yesterday for two and a half
hours for a girl who's writing a book about kind
of eating disorders. Said yes to that. She flew here
from New York. She's a journalist who flew here, so
that was very nice. She flew in and out in
one day, so I mean yes. And then this guy
is doing a book of you know, photographs, and he
had like a good list of people he's photographed before.

(03:10):
I don't know in what way it could have been
from a distance. He could have been stalking them, but
he said he did. So I go, okay, I'll join
the ranks of people like Ali Wong and someone else.
I think I saw Ali Wong's name, and I go, sure,
I like beef.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
And then.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
In Tucson or in then in Vegas, I'm doing an
interview with a reputable director about Joan Rivers. So I
got to study Joan Rivers and then they asked me today,
do you want to talk about Ellen? And I was like, sure,
I love Ellen, and they were like, you did a
piece on her and the MTV Awards, and we want
you to comment. I'm like, then I'm not doing it

(03:47):
because I know the piece. I was just it was
like an immemoriam we did, you know, like when I
hosted those shows, and it was like all the things
that had died, and it was like Ellen's reputation and
it was like that was the year she came out
as like people were saying she was mean. So you go,
I'm not commenting on it. You can use that clip,
but I will not be in the documentary with that
clip because I like money. I like getting to work

(04:10):
in this business. And despite what people may or may
not say about Ellen, she's very beloved and I would
definitely go to a party if I was invited to
her house, and I would be friends with her, even
though everything that precedes her, because I feel like she's
nice to her friends and I want to be a friend.

Speaker 5 (04:28):
You can't burn bridges, you know, you gotta you gotta
take it. You gotta take it when you can you know.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Yeah, I mean, I mean it's it's decent, it's not
you know, keeps the conversation going.

Speaker 5 (04:39):
You loved it back? Hey, what do you think about this?
I just don't have I'm not going to comment on Allen.
What am I gonna do? Yeah, you're not commenting on Ellen.
I'm not gonna be like, you know what, she's a
dumpy hole or whatever. I'm gonna take the hard take here.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
And you have things you need. You don't.

Speaker 1 (04:59):
You nothing to lose, but you have you need to
gain things, and we want to be able to.

Speaker 5 (05:03):
Get have the loss of potential, and that is invaluable
because you have unlimited potential. They tell you. I don't
believe it, but you say, they say you have unlimited potential.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
Really they say that.

Speaker 5 (05:15):
They say that you're like.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
The telling kids they can do anything. I mean, I
know I've said, tell your kids you can do anything
if you have hard work within limits. I mean, sorry,
some people ain't gonna like, don't discourage kids if they
like something like, let them do anything they like, even
if they're bad.

Speaker 5 (05:31):
Right, Well for fun, Yeah, I mean people told me
I could potentially play basketball and I was only five.
I wound up being five eleven and a half. Not
tall enough, not tall enough to be to play basketball, not.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Even does a guy who's taller.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
I would have guessed six to two.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yes, yeah, his camera.

Speaker 4 (05:50):
I don't think of a man Brian in person. I
didn't realize you were that tall.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
He put well, in my mind, he is, but he's
five eleven and a half.

Speaker 5 (05:56):
Eleven and a half. Yeah, I never hit six than me.
You know, I'm an average, I'm above average. I don't
know what the average height of the mail is. I
think it's five to eight.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
Actually, I think it is.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
If from Vietnamese men, I think they bring down average.
So there's some you know in I think in Asia
they bring it down.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
In the US, the average male height in twenty seventeen
is five foot nine.

Speaker 5 (06:23):
Okay, some above average, but that's not enough to be
a basketball player.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
The scientists are even lying about their results, like, let's
pump this number up.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
This is just so discouraging. Okay, so practice nine.

Speaker 5 (06:36):
I practice basketball all my childhood, and I got good
at shooting hoops, and no one told me that you
have no chance at all of even getting a scholarship
in college with this O care how many camps you
go to.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Right, Okay, so what would you have preferred? Do you
wish that you wouldn't have wasted all that time and
you would have put it towards something that you could do, Like.

Speaker 5 (06:58):
I would have played piano. I would have They should
have said, sit your ass down at the piano and
play it as much as you play basketball.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
But you but let's go back to you being you
loved basketball, you didn't love piano at the time. It
would have you would have been bitching about your parents
making you play piano. And I'm guessing you wouldn't have
gotten in any camps for that either, or become a
You know, you probably had as much potential with piano
as you did basketball when in the real scheme of things,
or maybe not.

Speaker 5 (07:25):
If I have a child, which I probably won't, I
will lock them in a room and I will I
will have them up to sit at a piano and
learn Spanish until they come out proficious piano.

Speaker 4 (07:35):
Yeah, you have to play your songs.

Speaker 5 (07:37):
If they don't come out singing a Spanish song on
the piano, I'm not gonna let them out of it.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
It is I mean, bilingual. You gotta go bilingual. I'm
getting my kid, you know, Duo Lingo or whatever it is.
That's the first app going on their iPad. And yeah,
they're getting a Haitian nanny.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yes, they're going to learn Kreole.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
They're going to learn something some very rare French dialect
of Creole that only five people speak. I want my kid. Yeah,
you gotta have a bilingual kid. There's nothing cooler than
a bilingual person. Do you know that Anya knows Russian
and that Noah knows what is it?

Speaker 4 (08:16):
Hebrew?

Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (08:17):
Hebrew?

Speaker 4 (08:17):
Hebrew?

Speaker 3 (08:18):
And I understand a Romanian?

Speaker 2 (08:19):
But Anya has a song in the hands Romanian.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
Anya has a song in Portuguese. So did you have
to learn Portuguese for that?

Speaker 4 (08:27):
Did you do about better? Elfindomn that song?

Speaker 5 (08:34):
That song the Waters of March? Yeah, yeah, at the
Waters of March. That's a great song. I love that song.
I heard that song for the first time in Penn station.
A man was playing in on a guitar, and I
thought it was so beautiful. I walked up to him
and I said, what's the name of that song? Said?
I don't know what he said, I don't know, I
don't know.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
You were really so proud of yourself for being like interested,
and this guy finally gets to say what his song is,
and you're like, I'm doing this man a favor and
he's just bothered by you, like give me money.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
I don't want to tell you what this is.

Speaker 5 (09:08):
I gave him a dollar. I did. After that, he
was so upset.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Why is that song sound like it's being sung quietly
through a door?

Speaker 2 (09:17):
Like why does everyone.

Speaker 4 (09:20):
Because like why shoudn't we all know?

Speaker 1 (09:22):
Is it written in a concentration camp? Like why does
it have to be quiet? Like?

Speaker 2 (09:26):
Why what is that?

Speaker 4 (09:29):
I think it's just it's just there's another word in Portuguese, saudade,
which is a really cool word. I think it means
like happy, sad or like melancholy. But that's sort of
the maybe the culture, the Portuguese culture or Brazilian culture.
Are you just reminded me I had the weirdest deja

(09:49):
vou just now that I don't even know is real.
This is how I'm confused about my mind. As Brian
was telling that story, I remembered meeting a guitar player,
maybe not at Penn Station, but maybe at penns and
he was and I was like, can you accompany me
tonight on a show in New York City before I
lived in New York and he played that song with me,

(10:10):
and I swear to god I have his numbers still somewhere,
and I'm like, did that happen or am I just
inventing some weird memory? But I think it happened like
fifteen years ago to.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
Play and he goes, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (10:22):
I don't know what.

Speaker 4 (10:23):
I think he was Portuguese.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Did you feel really cool going up to a busker
and being like, hey, join me tonight, Like I'm going
to give this guy an opportunity. He's like homeless, and
he's like, actually, I live in green Point and I
do it quite well.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
And he wasn't homeless, but I remember he killed it
and we stayed in touch. That's so weird. I don't
know if I am Brian.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
But that's not DejaVu. Wait.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Dejahvu is not when you remember something that happened before.
Can I just pipe in with that? Dejehvu is when
you witness something and you're like, I've seen this before
in some weird way, and apparently it's like your brain
just slowing down too much or speeding up and so
you're rewitnessing the thing you are living right now, Like
it's like your brain skips about.

Speaker 5 (11:04):
Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
Dejah vou is.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
Not when you what you just said right like, it's
not remembering something.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
But you were just saying.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
An unlocked memory, which I'm not sure even happened.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
I gave deja vu to a kid last weekend.

Speaker 5 (11:20):
Oh yeah, they were back.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
It's back, baby, and so I gave Yeah, it was
the omicron version of David deja vu. And you don't
lose your sense of smell, but and taste, but you
do brain. Yeah, you get brain fog and then the
memory comes up again. So I was walking, I was
at one hundred thousand dollars Pyramid and filming that and okay,

(11:50):
so in the room in our green room, we had
like this gift bag and.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
It had the weirdest shit in it.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
It had like do rags in it from Snoop dog
Snoop Dogg's brand of Doregs. Snoop Dogg has no affiliation
with the show. Then it had dog toys. Snoop Dogg
Dog Toys one is like a giant joint that's like
a I have it right here.

Speaker 5 (12:10):
Oh, that's funny. I like the idea of giving a
dog a giant joint and having a chew on it.
I'm vamping the joints.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
It was just laying on the floor out there. Now
it's probably like put away somewhere, that makes sense. But anyway,
so it was like this giant joint and all these
like then candles and then like Michael Strahan's like beauty
products that he has like beard, you know, softeners or
I don't know what he has, but I just I
no offense. I left it there because I don't need
any I get men's products a lot, and I have

(12:42):
no men who like actually take care of their hair
and need like gels in it. So but anyway, I
was walking back to my setup or back to my
room after hair and makeup, and one of the PA's
was leading me and he was like can I get
you anything? And I was like, do you have like
a dog toy like that Snoop dogg themed?

Speaker 2 (12:57):
Like do you have like a giant stuff joint?

Speaker 1 (13:00):
And he was like what And I was like, just
like a squeaker toy that's like a joint, or like
do you have me like cool like you know neon
do Rags.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
I just and he was so confused.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
And then but and then I immediately was like, oh,
they're in the gift bag. Like I immediately like said
the joke in case he didn't No. And by the way,
Wayne Knight was the other guy on the show Newman,
you know from Seinfeld, and he laughed because he was
across the hallway and definitely had that same gift bag.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
He goes, what is with the do Rags? Why is
Snoop Dogg's merchandise in this bag?

Speaker 1 (13:29):
And the guy like kept having a look of confusion
even after I told him it's.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
Like that was a joke.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
And then he and I kind of looked back at
him and he goes, I just had the weirdest stage
of it. I go, you've had in the there's an
unlocked thing in your brain where I asked you about
this do rag Like it was so funny. But he
just couldn't stop looking at me, kind of like he
was like lost in it. He was like, I just
can't get over this has happened before. And I was

(13:57):
just like, all right, man, like shut my door. Second,
guess that it was cool to like give someone day
javoo because it means it just felt like it's like
when you're in someone's dream, you know, you're like, oh sweet.

Speaker 4 (14:09):
I can't talk about the end of Beef because it'll
be a spoiler. But there's a thing that happens there
that happened to me when I was on mushrooms, the
one and only time I've done mushrooms, which is like
time tripping and being unaware of where you end and
someone else begins, and it was so cool and I've
never seen it illustrated in a way that made me go,

(14:30):
that's exactly what has happened to me before when I
was like out of my mind on mushrooms, when I.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
Was Yeah, it's hard to capture that cinematically, that like
a drug experience, although I do feel like in The
Worst Person in the World that movie, when she does
mushrooms and like the weird shit that happens, I feel like,
I don't know, the only time I've done mushrooms, the
walls did start to move and things started to like

(14:55):
clock started to look like Dolly, you know, like just
melting things, and it was just starting. And then I
got kicked out of the apartment I was tripping in
and out stress of New York and I had to
like kind of cognitively fight the mushrooms, which I believe
you can do. Like you you might if you take
so much, you just might be forced into a trip.
But if you are like on the precipice of tripping
and you're not in the right space, you can kind

(15:17):
of like supersede it and go I'm not doing it,
and like fight it because I've tripped before with a
friend of mine who while she was we were both
took enough to like trip and she was like, my
tongue is like I'm a it's like I feel my
tongue more than normal, and she was kind of she
wasn't freaking out about it, but she kept talking about it,

(15:38):
and I was like, I can't let go, Like I'm
too worried that she's gonna think she's going into some
kind of like anaphylactic shock and I'm gonna have to
step in and be mom. And so I was like, sorry, trip,
Like you can cry at the sunset, but we're not
letting you go any further. Like that's all I cried
at a sunset listening to a song. And then I
was like, well, you gotta and then she was like,

(15:59):
I gotta go home and feed my dogs. I'm like,
you're leaving me, and so then I it's not fun
to trip alone. I don't think, but maybe it's spotter.

Speaker 5 (16:06):
I've never done shrooms, but I did it with I've
smoked a lot of weed. And remember the first time
I ever smoked. You remember that the first time.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
I ever tell us about your weed experience.

Speaker 5 (16:16):
So I'm pretty cool guy, I smoke marijuana.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
What's it like, dude?

Speaker 5 (16:21):
Yeah, So when you smoke, you get like, you like
get really tired, and you start thinking about your uncle.
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding you do, so you.

Speaker 1 (16:31):
Do start thinking about like there's little moments of death
creeping in.

Speaker 5 (16:35):
Oh god. Well, the first the first time I ever smoked,
I hated it and I wanted to not be high anymore.
And I was with my I was at I was
at my friend's house in high school, and I just
kept saying, how can I get rid of this? How
can I? Like if I what if I jump in
the pool? I kept saying, what if I jump in
the pool? And my friend were like, You're just gonna
be you were wet and high. If you jump in
the pool. And I did jump in the pool and

(16:56):
it didn't fix anything, and I just was It was
a freak out the first time I were smoked, total
freak out, and then I was wet in the pool.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
Bring on people's psychet, Like doctor aman am Ian Ahman,
maybe he goes by, he's justin Bieber's doctor, but he's
a brain doctor. He's fucking fascinating and has great stuff
to share. But he says that, you know, teenagers that
smoke weed have a higher incidence of like psychotic upbreaks,
and it's like can bring on psychotic breaks. I mean,

(17:23):
I have a friend who like became bipolar because of weed.
So watched out out there. Yeah, so what do you do?
What happens when you do weed?

Speaker 3 (17:30):
Now?

Speaker 1 (17:31):
Do we?

Speaker 5 (17:32):
I don't. I haven't smoked in a long time. The
last time I smoked was the first Thanksgiving that I
was actually in La. I was in La I just
moved because I just moved here to work on Not Safe.
And the way it worked was the show was was
ramping up like the week after Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
Right, so it's one last week and to get high.

Speaker 5 (17:54):
Yeah, and so I got it here to work, but
I had to move to la So I got here
like the week before Thanksgiving, so I couldn't go home
just for Thanksgiving. I needed to be So I was
alone in l A on Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Your rat friend, Yeah, I didn't have any friends.

Speaker 5 (18:11):
Friend.

Speaker 4 (18:12):
Your ankle heeled at this point?

Speaker 5 (18:14):
Oh yeah, I was completely healed. So I, Uh, Jason
signs a good comedian.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Uh he fell through a window.

Speaker 5 (18:27):
He fell through a window.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
Uh yeah, and he got He's like, he's like, he
got very very interesting.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
He still wheelchair through a skylight.

Speaker 5 (18:41):
I remember that actually partially inspiring bands. He fell through
a skylight with a girl he was dating, and they
both fell together and they both got grievously injured, and
now they're.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Married a second.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah that is the worst meet cute ever, but also
great story.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Okay, wait, let's find out what happened.

Speaker 1 (19:03):
To Brian when he got high before Thanksgiving, the week
before work started on his brand new job, his first
job in comedy.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
Right after this. All right, we're back.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
So Brian, it's before thanks it's during Thanksgiving, the week
before you're starting a job. You have no friends except
Jason Sciens, who later fell through a window grievously, and
we wish him. We're not making fun of that. It's
just the story that happened. Okay, tell us what happened
with the weed.

Speaker 5 (19:27):
Well, Jason got me wheed. I was like, can I need?
I need weed? He was like the only guy I
knew in town and he was so nice. He got
me weed. And then my whole plan was just so
I wouldn't be sad and alone on Thanksgiving. Was I
was going to get a bunch of snacks and food,
smoke a lot of weed, and then watch the Bourne series,
the Bourne movies all in a row.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Wait, but you hadn't done weed since or had you
experimented before with it? Since the weed jumping experience? Did
you know what you were in for to smoke?

Speaker 5 (19:57):
I had smoked a ton of weed. I smoked almost
every day in high school. I worked at at that deli.
Remember that deli I worked.

Speaker 2 (20:04):
Where the guy hit you in the butt with a broom.

Speaker 5 (20:07):
Yeah, he shoved the brew of my butt and I'd
smoke a joint and get and look at his porn stash.
That was my childhood.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Don't cut your.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
Hair, don't care, take care.

Speaker 5 (20:15):
Don't cut your hair, take care of brush your hair,
ringed in my brain forever.

Speaker 2 (20:19):
Yeah, okay, So so.

Speaker 5 (20:22):
I smoked weed all with it all the time, And.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
Why did you do that?

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Did it not give you sorry backtracking a little, but
did it not give you that effect later on where
you were like I hate this?

Speaker 5 (20:32):
You started to like it the very first time I
had a freak out, and then I and then the
second and third time, I got used to it, and
then I started really enjoying it. And then I smoked
weed every day works. Yeah, smoked weed every day. And
I got stupid. I did the thing that all the
parents told me was going to happen. Happen. I got stupid.
And I could tell because I was taking the PSATs

(20:54):
and then eventually the SATs and I wasn't smoking weed
when I took the PSAT and I got a high score.
And the second time I took the p SAT, I
was smoking weed and I got a light.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
You were smoking weed in your life, or like you
were high for the test.

Speaker 5 (21:08):
In my life, I was smoking every day and it
was and it was the residual effect was carrying over,
and my SAT score has kept going down and down
even though I kept taking it. You're supposed to get
better the more.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
You take instead of your tolerance levels.

Speaker 5 (21:21):
Yeah. Then I remember I was driving to the Delhi
one day and I was at a red light and
the light turned green and I didn't realize it turned green. Yes, yes,
I just sat there until it went back to red
and people were honking, and I got to stop smoking
so much weak.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
Yeah, that's what happens to me.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
Whenever I start again and I start doing it regularly,
there always reaches a point where I've told the story before,
but I think I was the last time I like
quit for a really long time.

Speaker 5 (21:52):
I was.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
It was you know, I wasn't like it was just
I was smoking a lot. Actually, it was just like
what I needed to get through the day. It was
just like at the time, what the crutch I needed
to get through. Because weed, for me, gives me a
burst of energy at first, like I do it. I'm
crave it before I go for a run, before I
go on stage. Like I think it's the creeping anxiety

(22:15):
of feeling like I'm not gonna have the energy to
do this thing. It's like instead of coffee, caffeine doesn't.
Caffeine has the same effect weed does, but to a
lesser degree.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
Weed just instantly.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Coffee gotta wait like an hour or whatever, and then
it keeps you up all night. Weed eventually puts you
to sleep, like you get through it and then you
get sleepy, probably an hour after for this is for me,
but you do start to realize it does make you dumber.
If I were a parent talking about being a parent,
and if I were to be a parent, I would
keep my kids' brains that are developing the fuck away

(22:49):
from weed. They can smoke as much as they want
when they become adults and they're past twenty five and
their brains are fully formed. Yes, it will make them
stupid after that, but at least their brain isn't not
formed right like it's I think it's very detrimental for
teens to smoke weed once in a while. Fine, Like
I'm gonna turn a blind eye and be like, if
you you kids do it here so I can watch
it and have some. But yeah, I remember one time

(23:12):
watching the Batchel I was filming The Bachelorette with my
phone and I was trying to make a joke on
my Instagram story and they used to be fifteen seconds.
Member stories were fifteen seconds, And I said, if you
can't think of something funny and fifteen seconds, no more
weed for you, because this is a it's a timing issue.

Speaker 2 (23:29):
It's a quickness issue.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
Yeah, like you said, lights will turn green and then
you will go wait after there's like when you're on weed,
there's a three second delay. If you're like constantly putting
your brain through that every single and.

Speaker 5 (23:41):
You're going on stage, you can't wait fifteen seconds to
come with funny no.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
And so that and I'm already a very quick person
or fast person, so I can take a little bit
of that and it like is I kind of it's
fine and you can't notice it. But and sometimes weed,
let me just say, does the opposite for me. It
makes me really it makes me think it hits me
in this perfect way that I've timed it right with
the caffeine. It reminds me of actually John mulaney talking

(24:08):
about balancing his adderall as xanax of that in this
interview he did on Theo's podcast where he's like he
has a perfect amount of like I have this much
adderall and this much panx and it gets me to
the perfect version of myself which used to be just
myself before I was doing drugs, but now I have
to do this perfect combination and yeah, so sometimes it's
like magical and it unlocks this great part of my

(24:29):
personality and everything's like firing. But it definitely that was
the moment and I go, it clocked down to fifteen seconds,
had nothing, and I go.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
I gotta stop.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
And then I stopped for months and then I, you know,
fucking start again, because you know, I want to feel something.
I want to like or I want to feel nothing,
whichever it is. I you know, it's it just seems
like why why wouldn't I? And then you kind of
start to think of like what is I'm never gonna
feel a little bit kooky ever again?

Speaker 2 (24:59):
Like the only thing that's gonna be me.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
Cookie is like if I have a like Annie, someone
gets cookie from sugar because she's so sober, she'll have
like a cookie and be like whoa like doing like
doing twirls and like triple sow cows and like, and
I'm just like, how innocent is that? Like we're like Anya,
like sugar is so it can make her get empty?

Speaker 2 (25:21):
But is that caffeine? Yes, dude, Okay.

Speaker 4 (25:24):
So I'm jealous of guys. Is a marijuana journey because
my only setting on weed is just super hypochondria depressed.
And then like major overeater, smoke through that like I
ate an entire you do care like cake ones, yeah,
like a ten inch cake. And then it was just

(25:46):
like what's gonna happen? You guys? I was in the
corner of a party, just like what's gonna happen in
my life?

Speaker 2 (25:52):
Except that what it is?

Speaker 1 (25:54):
I mean, I really do feel like weed has helped
me medicinally not want to fucking kill myself before.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
It's really like jolted me stuff.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Like yeah, honestly, like I'll tell you, weed has definitely
harmed my life in ways and like probably bad for
my brain, like it decreases blood flow, it's bad for
your brain. But sometimes it instantly zaps me out of
literal like you know, suicidal depression.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
So I don't know really what to make of that.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
If anyone has any science behind that to support me
or make me feel better about it, please send it
my way.

Speaker 2 (26:26):
But okay, Brian, but it can help.

Speaker 5 (26:28):
You with pain too. It can help you with pain too.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
And pacological pain.

Speaker 5 (26:32):
Honestly, yes, there was a hilarious study though that just
that came out last year that tested whether or not
you get more creative when you smoke weed, and that's
what it's. No people just think that they're more creative.
They're like, I have this great idea, and it's like
you're just high and you think that idea is good,
and then you wake up and you look at your

(26:52):
paper the next morning and you're like dogs, you can choose.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
Right, Well, can I just say this?

Speaker 1 (26:58):
I agree with that there's some times I write a
brilliant joke on weed, but it's like probably the exception
to it. But I will say that at least it
gets me writing. It gets me excited about ideas, and
that can turn into something because sometimes when I'm I'd
rather be excited about dumb ideas and just have that
feeling of like I like creating, I like writing things down.

(27:19):
I like jotting things down and have it be trash
because that can carry over. So I do think it
makes you the quality is worse, but it's sometimes I
just need to. I mean, Anya, we were even talking
yesterday about you just wrote a song and it was
hard for you at first because you were like I
hate this, and you were like, I realized have to
write four drafts. I just have to be ready to
write a bad song. Yeah, four times, and then the

(27:42):
fifth time it'll be good or somewhere around there.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
Like how true is that? Like I give up.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
So often on first try, and especially with songwriting. I'm like,
if this doesn't if this sounds fucking cheesy and the lame,
and like, oh, she's trying to write a song, I
will abandon it right away. I am not because I've
never gotten to the other side. So I have no
idea what it's like to write a good song. But
there's that's so true for the creative process of you
have to be on you to be comfortable with being uncomfortable,

(28:10):
Like you got to know that being uncomfortable equals you're
onto something good.

Speaker 4 (28:13):
Yeah. Anne Lama said that she said, write a shitty
first draft, and just that freed me up, Like, oh, okay,
the first draft is supposed to be shitty. It's the
perfectionism that will kill you. Truly successful people embrace failure
and they see it as part of the process and
that it's integral to part, like you cannot succeed unless

(28:35):
you have like a few failures before that, So they
welcome the failure and for me, like a failure is
a shitty photoscraft.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Yeah, failure is so Taylor Swift said it at the
iHeart Awards that I went to. It was like, you
don't see it, but I fail so often and we're like, no,
we's seen something. No, like, actually we haven't. She she
seems perfect. I mean everything she does there's never there's
never a flaw that I see. But I know, oh,
there's just no way she hasn't. And even you listen

(29:03):
to her first album and you go, okay, this was
she was thirteen at the time, so I think I'll
cut her some slack. But you've seen her improve and
you've seen you know it. I just I have to
follow my own advice, I think, and be be okay
with creating something shit. But it's so uncomfortable because to
get any feedback you have to show someone, and you

(29:25):
show someone your crap.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
I know that's embarrassing.

Speaker 4 (29:27):
Part. I'm writing this song with someone and he he's
talented in an area where I have not that much experience.
He makes movie trailers songs. So I have felt a
little bit like I'm sure you guys have felt this
way before. When you write like for a contract or
for an ad or something, or for a different writer.
I'm like, what do you think of this? And he's like,

(29:50):
not really, not that, not that, but I like that,
but I don't like that or that, or can you change?

Speaker 1 (29:54):
And it's just like, yeah, you've never had to realize.
If you're writing for yourself, you're just like I don't
like that. I like that, And it's not as hurtful so.

Speaker 5 (30:03):
Much harder you're writing for someone else because then you're
just you're it's up to them, you know. It's like
I'm going to write as much shit as I can,
and like they choose what they're going to go with
instead of me being responsible for what the right answer is.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
And that's the right attitude. Yeah, if I sometimes I
lose the passion for it though, I'm like, what am
I writing?

Speaker 5 (30:23):
Like?

Speaker 4 (30:24):
I don't you know, like I want to get I
want to write something I'm psyched about. But then I
do and then the other person's like, Okay, this is
about heartbreak and blah blah blah, we actually need to
write something more open minded about hope. I'm like, hope
I don't write about right, and so I have to
kind of like change my tack and be like, how
can I make this fun for myself?

Speaker 5 (30:46):
And then you know, then you smoke some weed. We
and that's fun.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
But it worked out.

Speaker 4 (30:52):
When it all worked out.

Speaker 5 (30:54):
I got through. I smoked a bunch of weed. But
the problem this is back to Thanksgiving. I you're gonna
ask me what happened? Yeah, I okay. So I smoked
a bowl and I packed this bowl tight. I don't
know if that's how you say it, but I packed
it real tight and I smoked. I packed it so tight,
and then I smoked the whole thing and I did
that stupid rookie move where I smoked a bunch and

(31:19):
I said, I'm not high yet, and then I smoked.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Some more edibles.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
You gotta wait like thirty seconds.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
That's what I broked the bowl.

Speaker 5 (31:30):
I held it up and I said, if I have
fifteen seconds, if I'm not high in fifteen seconds.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
Smoking, do that. Yeah, and you, yeah, you did.

Speaker 5 (31:39):
I got blitzed out of my mind. I made pancakes.
I made pumpkin pancakes and they weren't I made the
pancakes and they weren't even the pan wasn't even on.
So there was just like gooey batter in a pan,
and I ate all these snacks. And I watched the
Bourn movies and these are not complicated films. I could

(32:01):
not follow them at all. Who is this man?

Speaker 2 (32:04):
She's stupid?

Speaker 5 (32:05):
Why is this guy punching this guy? I don't know
what's happening? And then I will say this.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
Let comics describe their girlfriends who watch Born Identity movies
as doing like the classic of like wait, who is
that guy and why is he doing that?

Speaker 2 (32:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (32:18):
Yeah, enough, Okay. That's a whole nother thing is those
types of questions during movies where it's like my least
favorite question is when someone asks a question about a
movie that the movie just hasn't told us yet.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
Right, yes, just watch it.

Speaker 5 (32:32):
I'm watching it with you.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
That's why I love watching stuff with Chris, because we
keep the remote right between us, and I can feel
when he's about to be like hold on, we got
to talk about like his hand just goes over, and
I get excited because then we get to pause it
and like talk.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
About what just happened, what we think is going to
happen next.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
We're always on the same page about I'll go It's
always with Succession, I'll go, wait, what does it mean
cash on credit?

Speaker 2 (32:58):
What does it mean cash stocks? Whatever?

Speaker 1 (33:00):
The fucking line is that. I'm like, and why are
they trying to get Mattson to do that? And then
he'll explain it to me. We theorize. Yesterday we watched
Succession and John Mulaney's special and we pause so many
different times to assess and like analyze and so fun.
But yeah, and he and he puts up with my
questions that are like, well they haven't told us that, Nikki, Like,
he's very good about not getting frustrated, and I really

(33:22):
appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
But yes, you're right, it is annoying.

Speaker 5 (33:24):
Assessing and analyzing is fun, and it's so fun the
right show shit talking.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
I get bored.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
I can't just steadily. I need to switch up my
mediums in person, back to the screen, back to my phone,
researching something on my phone, like I want I'm like tiktoking.
I need it to like change. I can't just stare
at a screen for an hour without any kind of like,
you know, analysis. I like what that's what they do
in sports. They take a break, They cut to those
old men.

Speaker 5 (33:51):
That used to play football to sports yes, is the
analysis sports. They give you a chance to just let
it all settle and then you're your bro. It's gonna
be like so what do you think? Is it gonna
throw it or is it gonna is it gonna run?

Speaker 2 (34:04):
We need this in movies. We need intermissions.

Speaker 5 (34:08):
Yeah, they used to have intermissions in movies. They have
the fifteen minutes.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
You can go out now because they're longer than ever.

Speaker 5 (34:15):
It should you. Well. The thing I wanted to say
about the food is when I was eating and watching
the Bourne movies, I ate all the snacks in the world.
I got every snack in Trader Joe's. I got the
Swedish fish I got. I got the bunch of Swedish.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Fish pretzels filled with Swedish fish, like oh yeah.

Speaker 5 (34:33):
And the thing that tasted the best, without without question, okay,
was an apple. Oh my god, an apple.

Speaker 1 (34:43):
It was an explosion of h I think apples are
the greatest food because you're right, there is an explosion
of juiciness.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Is not too juicy.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
It's not like running down your hand and your wrist
and like making your shirt alls sticky.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
It's just a crunch.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
She a succinct, encapsulated flavor burst, but it's it also
is hydrating, yes, being too juicy, it's cool.

Speaker 4 (35:10):
Do you guys have this phenomenon when you were high
that I had? Where I know, I keep going back
to the overeating. I could not feel satiated. I mean
I really did eat a whole cake and I was like,
why am I not getting full? And I was asking
everyone at this party like do you guys have that?
I could not feel full? Do you?

Speaker 1 (35:28):
I think that's more an eating disorder than the weed, because.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
Because I think it makes food taste better.

Speaker 5 (35:39):
Maybe stimulates your apps. It stimulates your appetite. That's why
if you're if you're if you have cancer or something
like that, they might say smoke weed to get you
to eat.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
It doesn't stimulate mine, thank fucking god. I mean I
would stay far away from it if it did. But
it doesn't. It doesn't curb, but it doesn't do anything.
It just is like, Yeah, I don't I want to
just like pick up a guitar and play music. I
want to go for a run. I want to like
work on a project. It on a completely.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
I don't want to sit and watch a movie. Yes, yes,
I love it.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
What I've done before is I go downstairs and I
am walking on a treadmill and I hold the sides
of the treadmill and I close my eyes. At what
point in your life have you ever been walking with
your eyes closed.

Speaker 2 (36:22):
It's fucking awesome. It's really fun.

Speaker 1 (36:25):
But you can do that on a treadmill because you
know the pace, you know where you're not going, and
it you're not gonna hit anything.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
And it's the only time.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
In life that you can ever walk with your eyes
closed and you get to be kind of blind for
a little bit and it's really.

Speaker 4 (36:37):
I want to do that in my car.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, do it? Wait, hold on, I don't.

Speaker 5 (36:45):
I've done that before, walking without the treadmill, just to
see what happens. And I well, I assess, like, okay,
there's no like potholes or something. I could fall off
a cliff. But then I do close my eyes and
just start walking and see if I you know, out
side like and yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
One time, our friend Selina blindfolded herself when she moved
to New York when she was like seventeen because she
was like, I want to know what it's like to
be blind, and she blindfolded herself on I think Houston Street,
like in the Lower East Side, and was walking down
in a busy street and she started on like a
bike rack and was just along a fence like walking blindfolded, over.

Speaker 4 (37:25):
An hour, blindfolded, fifteen year old model.

Speaker 1 (37:29):
Yes, walking, And she really did it for a really
long time. It was like, that is one story about
her that I'm just like, she is so cool. Who
would ever do that? But she wanted to just feel
like what it was like to be blind. It was
a very empathetic thing to do. So, Brian, I hear
you have a story about a man in a shoe, which, honestly,

(37:50):
when you told us about this, it sounded like a
bedtime riddle.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
But yes, please be able.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
Yeah, yeah, tell us what are we going to learn
a lesson in this? Is there going to be there
take a lesson? There is a takeaway? Yes, So I
was playing.

Speaker 5 (38:05):
I was shooting hoops, which I you know now we
know historically I do, and I had my basketball shoes
on and I was I was done shooting hoops. I
was walking back recent this is this has just happened
a couple of days ago.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Wait, when you're going to shoot hoops just by yourself?

Speaker 5 (38:20):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (38:21):
What if you run into some people that are like
playing a game, do you go like, hey, guys, can
I Like? I never understand when guys just like will
walk up like what you do? What if your skill
levels don't match? Like what if you're white and they're
like black guys that are really good and you walk
like an idiot? Do you not care about looking like
an idiot? I would just go, I guess I'm not
playing basketball today because there's someone better playing.

Speaker 5 (38:40):
I go to a spot where that wouldn't happen, Like
there's no one ever there and there was. I feel
like I just get injured.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
So like, do you ever go into pick up games
like Chris will just like I hear like and Andrew
used to just go and just anyone who's playing, like,
hey can I get in? And it's like I wouldn't.
That is something I have no idea how I would
never do that. I could never join people doing something
that that they're skilled at that I might not be
up to snuff, but it would never go jam with

(39:09):
some go to like a jazz club and be like
can I just jam with you? Guys?

Speaker 2 (39:12):
Like I feel like I would just mess everything up
and they'd make fun of me.

Speaker 4 (39:14):
After my dad does that a lot. He's a trumpet player,
and we'll go around in Mexico when we're there and
he'll just like be like he'll have his trumpet out
and be watching a band and sitting so they can
see him, and then they like give him the nod
right exactly, Okay, cool, I'm going and he's nervous. It's cute.
I feel like guys have this in their male culture

(39:35):
a lot. Like Sam Merrill will do this in New
York a lot. He always talks about like just going
to the basketball place. And then I'm like, aren't you nervous.
He's like, no, people just invite you in on the game,
and he's yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
That's I want to know this culture.

Speaker 5 (39:46):
I don't understand it, dude culture. They just don't because
you guys don't.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
Yeah, you don't have friends. There's a risk of like
I have to stay friends with these guys. It all
stands a gay men like have sex. There's no like
strings attached to They just have sex all the time.
But the men are just like it's transactional. It's not
like there has to be anything after this. So gay
men like are having more sex than anyone because they're

(40:13):
both agreeing like this is just a fleeting thing, no
emotions involved, if we don't need it. I'm not saying
all gay men are like this. Please don't think that
I'm you know, blanket statementing. But I think for the
most part, yeah, men don't create four bonds.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
It's like in and out basketball experience.

Speaker 5 (40:31):
Gay. Yeah, So I go to the basketball courts and
I ask guys, do you want to fuck? And then
we fuck and then I never see them again, and
sometimes it's sad. But I think with dudes, it's like
you wouldn't go up to any guys and be like,
you want to hang out, you know, you want to
be my friend, but you will go you want a ball,

(40:51):
And I think that's the replacement where I don't know
what women do, but I'm assuming that women.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
Would be more likely to do you feel confident about
your skill because I guess maybe I need to talk
to a guy that like likes basketball but feels he
sucks the way I feel about, you know, guitar and singing,
Like I love it just as much as anyone who
probably plays for a living loves it, but I know
I suck, so I would never try to get in
on someone else's game.

Speaker 5 (41:17):
Yeah, I mean sucked. I would I wouldn't do.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
It unless they were my friends and they all understood
that I knew I suck. Like sometimes I'll play, I'll
sing and play with Anya, but I'm she knows that
I don't think I'm better than her or Matt, like,
but I just need everyone to know that I know
I'm shit.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
And then but I feel like inherently walking up to
me like can I play? Can I ball?

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Like they might go like, oh, this guy's probably good,
and then you suck, Like do you have to watch
them first?

Speaker 2 (41:42):
And kind of go like can I fit in here?

Speaker 5 (41:44):
I feel at least until you know, until I can't anymore.
I feel like, right now I could go ball with
most people who are just casually playing. Yeah, okay, if
they're like what confidence if they're on West Fourth Street
in New York City, there's a basketball court. You walk
by the comedy seller all the time. That's that's that
court right there. Those guys are too good. I mean,

(42:05):
you can't play with them, Okay, just watch that's for
that's for entertainment purposes. But for the most part, across
the world, and you know even outside, you know, you
can go up to any court and you could play
ball and you don't have to be that good. And
I feel like I.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Try trying to ball my skill set.

Speaker 5 (42:24):
You should try the ball.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
I mean, do they ever say no?

Speaker 5 (42:28):
I was always looking for Actually it's happened before. There
is a Comedians game every Saturday in La Yeah, where
you uh, there's like literally like sixty people go to
that game on Saturdays. And sometimes sometimes you get what
happens that's sad. Is like sometimes you get like you're
the worst one and you don't have to sit out,

(42:50):
and then you're just there and you know you're so
they picked teams and you know you don't get there.
They do it usually it's with you line up and
you shoot free throws and the last person they hit
of free throws out and that's really sad. Yeah, but anyway,
the old man in the shoe, I I was walking
back from playing basketball and my shoe was untied.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
How long did you play for? I'm sorry to keep well, when.

Speaker 5 (43:14):
I'm shooting around by myself, I'll play for like thirty
to forty minutes.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Wow, and you're just shooting We like, are you meditative?
And thinking about things like what is could you compare?

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Like is it ilaxing? I do my skill? Okay, you drill?

Speaker 5 (43:30):
I do my drills. I'll shoot, take a step back,
shoot and then and then I'll just pretend like I'm
a basketball player and I'll be like, oh, I'm you know,
three seconds left and I'll do that okay, And that's
pretty fun. And then sometimes maybe.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
People are watching you, and does that inspire you to
be better? Like if someone spy, do you sometimes like
get your act together a little bit, and depending on
their race, you try even harder.

Speaker 5 (43:55):
It's so delusional. Sometimes someone will be walking by, like
walk like with their and a stroller, and I'll be like,
I better hit this shot to impress this.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
I do anything better if I think someone's watching. If
I imagine, that's why I wanted a reality show. And
I was like, I will just have a better life
because I will always be yeah the security guard to
Taylor Swift watching me dance, I realized, I'm I'm having
some boot burst of energy too because this person is
witnessing it. I need a witness, can I get.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (44:26):
Sometimes it's a squirrel. I'll be a squirrel running around
like I better hit this before this.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
Yes, yeah, that's why practicing sucks because you don't have
an audience and I don't. I don't like I have
to pretend I have an audience in order to practice efficiently.

Speaker 4 (44:42):
I wish really, oh, I I would hate to practice
in front of an audience. I love being alone and
practicing alone, but like perform in front of an audience.
I don't want people to see my process.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Well, it's it's not fun for me to do anything
that isn't getting me attention, right, I guess I guess
I'm that's a narcissist thing, or maybe like it's not.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
It just doesn't.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
It's like what's the point And I do things by
myself constantly, but I just feel I don't know what.
I'm glad for it because it is what I realized
when I was at the Taylor Show show of like
how I I. It made me dance harder to see
that the security guard might see me and like laugh
at what I was doing. I realized, my whole life

(45:25):
is inspired. But all I want to do is perform.
That's like it life if even sex, like if I
pretend like I mean, there's someone there usually watching me.
But if masturbation, however, don't want anyone to see that.
That is the only time where I go. I could
sit this one out God, like, don't don't check in here.
But everything else in my life performing is what is that?

(45:49):
That's such a selfish and like, I just it's.

Speaker 2 (45:51):
The gross thing.

Speaker 5 (45:53):
There's a lack of shame because like, if you're practicing
and you're not good, you, I would not want people
to see me. But if you are, if you don't
have that part of you, that's like, I don't care
if people think I'm bad, then next.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Well I practice guitar on Instagram Live sometimes and I
am bad on there and I'm really fucking up. But
I'm like these people are I'm not forcing them to
stay here.

Speaker 5 (46:16):
I'm not.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
They can get they can go. So if you're watching this,
that's your fault. If you're not entertained, or if you're
like why is she doing this?

Speaker 2 (46:24):
This is so lame? What the fuck are you doing
watching me? That's even more lame.

Speaker 4 (46:29):
What are you?

Speaker 1 (46:29):
At least I'm getting something out of this, you're fucking
watching So unless people enjoy it, just leave. So it's
if I was just just be like mom, dad, watch
me practice which I've done before, or like, watch this
song I'm working on. I feel terrible because I'm forcing them.
They if they get up and walk away, I see them.
It's embarrassing. That is a force situation. But you know

(46:49):
when people are just voluntarily tuning in on an Instagram live,
I don't mind if they see the process, and I
feel like it's it's freeing to I think of it
as like this is inspiring other people to be bad
at things, and it's then it's okay to be bad.

Speaker 4 (47:05):
I think it makes you better too. I do think,
for if a song in front of people and it's
like the first time I've ever played it, if I look,
no matter how well I do it that time, I
always know that's the worst I'll ever play it. I'm
definitely gonna be better the next time because I had
to sell it a little bit and I had to
remember it on the spot. So it is a skill

(47:26):
set I think that you're developing.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
Yeah, I think it's practicing in front of an audience
or like in some way that keeps you accountable is
the best way to practice. I would think, uh, in
just even imagining that someone's watching you or that you're
gonna have to someone's gonna watch this back would be
a good mindset, but what do I know, I'm not
a or.

Speaker 5 (47:45):
You're gonna post it somewhere. I mean, how many times do.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
You to watch yourself later on?

Speaker 5 (47:51):
Oh yeah, all that stuff. It's it's the same thing
as like you're doing open mics and you do comedy
in front of other comedians, and then you do comedy
in a real uh, in front of a real audience,
and it's like, man, you really need to practice if
a real audience.

Speaker 2 (48:03):
Well, that's why I like.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
Comedy is because you are all. You can't practice without
an audience. There's no way to do it in front
of in front of a wall. You there's a part
of John mulaney special where they're shooting him up close.
You can tell because it's on a steady cam, which
it means a man is holding it strapped to his
back and he's moving right in front of John's face.
That part of the show had no audience there, and

(48:25):
you can tell. You can just tell. We watched it
twice because I'm probably gonna do the same thing for
my special because it's it's a great look. But comedians.
If you don't have an audience there and you're pretending
there's an audience there, something in your demeanor turns into
a little bit actory, like there's just a little switch,
no slight on John. That special, by the way, was
fucking incredible. I loved every second of it, and this

(48:48):
shot is worth it.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
But it's just the.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Tiniest thing that you can notice. It's in the setup
to you'll know the shot. It's it's very close up
and it pans around him and and you can tell
that there's just not an audio at least I can
because maybe I'm used to doing it and if I
were to tell my jokes to do audience, that's exactly
how it would sound to me. And with a camera

(49:11):
right in your face, which is never done stand up
like that before.

Speaker 5 (49:14):
So yeah, no doubt the general population was not noticing that. Like,
that's definitely your skill level and your experience.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
Also the general population, don't you guys sometimes go wow,
that shot is really close.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Obviously there was a cameraman right there.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
They have done that last night. We were like, why
did he do that? That was weird. We loved the special,
but both of us are like, hmm, I don't know
about why that shot had to happen.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
Okay, well, we're gonna take a break and we're gonna
come back and get the rest of the shoe an
old man story. Let's talk about John Malaney's special and
air pods. Oh yeah, and I have an update on
the air pods situation Grace's air pods. So we will
return right after this. Okay, Brian old Man the shoe.
You're walking back from the basketball court.

Speaker 5 (49:59):
All right, my shoe is untied, but I'm so close
to my apartment that I'm like, I'm just gonna let
it be untied.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
I don't care if you're one of those guys. Yeah yeah,
and this this are you watching it?

Speaker 1 (50:10):
Though?

Speaker 2 (50:11):
When my shoe is untied, I'm terrified of tripping, Like
I Andrew used to always have a shoe untied and
just walk around.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
I'm like, aren't you worried You're gonna just take too
short of a step, step on the shoelace and then
trip Like but he would not be He wouldn't care.
And I I envied that like kind of lack a
day's ago approach to the shoelaces.

Speaker 5 (50:30):
That the risk I assessed the risk because I was
close enough to my apartment flipped them. I couldn't have no.
I mean, I knew I was close enough to my
apartment that it really wasn't that big of a deal
to have the shoe on tiede for like thirty five
forty seconds. And it was annoying to bend over and
tie it is there. And so this old man was
walking in the other direction and and he saw I

(50:55):
saw him see my untied shoelace, and I was like,
oh god, there's.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Nothing more an old man likes than a young man
that his shoes are on tides. Because first of all,
he's angry at you. Like in his day, damn, no
one could walk around with shoes untied like that. Gener Yes,
so he's gonna looks at me, smokes.

Speaker 5 (51:16):
Pot and I have headphones in.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
He looks at me, and you're out of tune with
the world. You're at your phone.

Speaker 5 (51:24):
This guy, this guy is wringing his hands. He just
wants to say something to me. He can't wait, and
he goes, he he points down, he goes, he goes, look,
he points down at my shoe And I don't look
at first, and then he like he like goes he
like waves his hand and points down the shoe that
thing where he goes like take out your earphones. He's
like acting like he's gonna save my life. And I

(51:46):
just didn't want to tie it. And and then and
then I walked past him. I ignore him. This guy
taps me on the shoulder, taps. He taps me three times.
And then I'm not going to ignore that, you know.
He taps me on the shoulder. So I turn around,
I take out my headphone, and he goes, your shoe
is untied. And this is when this is the lesson

(52:10):
I had a decision to make. An old version of
me would be like, do I acquiesce to this old
man and do I tie the shoe even though I
don't want to tie it? Or do I do what
I want to do? And an old me would have
just tied the shoe and then had to have been like, oh,
thank you so much for saving my life and have
him telling me I didn't realize my shoe was untied. Instead,

(52:34):
I go, I don't want to tie it, and I
walk away.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Oh my god, I think there's a happy medium where
you go. My house is right there.

Speaker 5 (52:43):
I know. Thank you sir, I took out a gun
and I said, get the.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
I don't want to tie it.

Speaker 5 (52:50):
I don't want to tie it.

Speaker 2 (52:54):
Man, I finkure it's the same guy.

Speaker 5 (52:56):
I feel so proud of myself because now I don't
know that man. Shit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Well this, this to me reminds me a lot of
when I I have a backpack that zips zip.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
The soule zipper. The main zipper, let's say, is half
starts halfway up the backpack, right, so it doesn't go
all the way down.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
There's no way that it's all gonna come spilling out.

Speaker 1 (53:17):
It's a half zip, right, So I often leave it
unzipped because all I have in there is stuff that
I'm not going to like dump my like I'm not
going to do a cartwheel. So now that's gonna still
out of my backpack as I walk from terminal to terminal.
If you are a girl and want people to talk
to you, leave your backpack unzipped.

Speaker 5 (53:36):
I could not.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
You cannot get from Terminal B to Terminal C for
your connecting flight without at least five men stopping to
tell you and save the day.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
If I don't care.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
And sometimes it's a little pocket that's unzipped and people
go by the way, and my noise canceling headphones that
I stole from Grace by the way, I didn't. I
have still have not worn them. They're still in my
kitchen counter. I have to find a case for them
to give them to tailor, but they are you can't
hear fucking anything with those things. I bet there are

(54:08):
at least one hundred people out there that think I'm
the most rude woman because they either said hi, or
asked a question or did something very egregious and I
just walked right on by them because I.

Speaker 2 (54:16):
Can't hear anything with those nothing.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
Like someone could be screaming at you foot from your
head and if you don't see them, you would not
hear it.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
And so this is not your flight.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
Oh like that that one time when that happened, that
was the worst day of my life. So yeah, same thing.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
So it's but the backpack thing.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
I know that there are listeners right now who are
going yes, like and if you're someone who doesn't care
about your zippers being zipped tight, everyone needs to save
the day. It's like, stop it, just let me have
an unzipped backpack. What do you think is gonna happen.
And also everyone's so worried about everyone's stealing everything from
them all the time. No one wants you're shitty things

(54:57):
that are in your dumb back back.

Speaker 5 (54:58):
I bet your box of tissues.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
Well those were left. I did not steal them, like kidding.
Here's another thing about that.

Speaker 2 (55:06):
I will I dare you. I dare you to try this.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
If you are someone who travels a lot in airport,
don't and you get to your gate early, drop your
bags and go to the fucking bathroom. Drop your bags
and go get a bagel, Drop your bags and go
take a walk around. You don't need to stay with
your bags a gate.

Speaker 4 (55:25):
I just started doing this.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
Ever steal anything. Everyone in the airport has a ticket
to go somewhere. They're not there to thieve.

Speaker 5 (55:35):
And puts a bomb in your bag.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
Also, it will.

Speaker 1 (55:39):
Blow up on the plane that you're in, So it
doesn't matter, you're dead, You're not gonna be prosecuted.

Speaker 2 (55:44):
Nothing ever happens.

Speaker 1 (55:46):
Ever, I don't care about any of the announcements that
the woman saying, do not leave your bags unattended it.
I have been doing this, and I'm not joking joking
for ten years, every single time, and I fly twice
a week at least for ten years. I will to
the my gate, drop my guitar and my backpack and
my purse. I don't even give a shit, go to
the bathroom. Never once has anything ever been stolen from me.

(56:09):
I'm begging for it to be stolen because all my
zippers are unzipped.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
I'm like, all you gotta do is reach your hand
and you don't even have to fumble around.

Speaker 5 (56:15):
With something I will.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
I would never ever happen. They will never confiscate your luggage.
They will ever.

Speaker 5 (56:22):
I promise the thing you could tell me that would
ever make me leave my bags alone in the air,
But it's drilled into my brain. I'm not kidding. Announcer,
how many times has she said it to me?

Speaker 3 (56:34):
Like go up to a bag after someone left it
and confront the guy when he came back.

Speaker 1 (56:40):
It's happened to me in that bag must have been
left for a while. It's listen, I'm not leaving. I'm
leaving it, and I put it next to someone who's
already sitting there, and everyone always look. I love doing
it because people think I'm fucking crazy and they start
worrying for me, and I'm just like, fuck you all
for being a little worry warts, Like you're like losing
an energy in your life by thinking every My mom's

(57:02):
like this. She thinks everyone wants to steal everything from
her all the time. If you get stuff stolen, they're
gonna find a way to steal it. It's not because
you left it there. Anytime I've left a laptop at
a Starbucks, I've left a phone at a Starbucks, I'd
left to air, I always get it back because I'm
a lucky person and things work out for me. But also,
and maybe the thing is if you so if a

(57:24):
thief happens to come into the same Starbucks that you
left a laptop, you're fucked. That's just bad luck. But
most people don't thieve. They return things, unlike me with
Grace's AirPods. But let me just say, wait, Anya, so
you've tried this and now you do it because you
see me do it every single time.

Speaker 4 (57:40):
Yeah, I tried it the other day. I'm like, why
am I lugging this fucking guitar every time I have
to go to the bathroom. I was traveling all alone.
Usually Matt watches my stuff for me. But I had
a lot of stuff with me this one weekend. I
think I was meeting up with you, NICKI had the merch.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
That stop asking people to watch your stuff too. You
play hate if you leave something.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
And I'm not saying that's bad that you ask Matt
because you're with him. But people who ask strangers to
watch their stuff just leave it.

Speaker 2 (58:05):
They know you just say that.

Speaker 4 (58:07):
Terrorist is gonna pull that move.

Speaker 2 (58:08):
They'll use that move.

Speaker 5 (58:10):
What if a terrorist puts the drugs on your laptop
while you're in the bathroom?

Speaker 4 (58:15):
What is this when you've been watching the identity too much?

Speaker 2 (58:18):
By the way, TSA has never caught anyone.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
Does everyone know that that the TSA that was instated
in two thousand and one post nine to eleven has
never once caught any terrorists that was going to do something,
not once. The thousands and thousands of TSA agents that
have been working for the past twenty one years have
never caught one person.

Speaker 5 (58:42):
So it's all it's security theater. It's security theater, is exactly.
The man went to shoe you remember the shoe bomber.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
Yeah, they didn't catch him. They they was a guy through.

Speaker 5 (58:51):
They let him through. And a guy on the plane said,
you're trying to light your shoe on fire, and the
passenger stopped him.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
Exactly, they've never caught anyone. All they do is catch
you with sham pooh bottles and they.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
Go do you want to finish this? And like what
does that even mean?

Speaker 5 (59:03):
No?

Speaker 2 (59:03):
Keep it? I just had a twenty one.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
Dollar bottle of It's just like it's so annoying, like
you're already in trouble. They make you feel if you
beep going through the thing, They're like, okay, step aside.
It's like, I know, I'll step aside. You don't have
to yell at me about it. And it's just they
just have thank God for them because they are trying
to keep a safe. They're just doing their jobs, and

(59:25):
they are doing a job that is thankless. We all
like kind of hate them, and so they're constantly dealing
with people who are like disgruntled. So I have a
lot of love for teas agents. But you've never done
any You've literally never prevented anything. Can you imagine having
a job where you've never done your job?

Speaker 5 (59:42):
Twenty from toothpaste on my feet?

Speaker 1 (59:46):
Yeah, but it's so funny to me that we have
this thing that has never once stopped anything for twenty
one years pointless. But you know, one would say that
the them being there prevents things, like people don't try
things even because they're there. So yeah, so that that
is something okay. So then, so what happened with headphones?

(01:00:10):
I stayed at the same hotel, the Low's in Hollywood
the other day and I was in the same lobby
where I found Grace's air pods and I ordered Uber
Eats to my hotel and I love this. I love
the Lows. It's a great organization. It's whatever they're doing

(01:00:33):
to train their employees, bravo. It's not too over the top.
They're just helpful, nice, happier there. Even if you're not
a customer, they're just happy. And they have a great
spot where they leave the Uber eats. Usually every hotel's like,
but you got food delivered. It's like, yeah, this has
been around for ten years. Food delivery, like have a
place for it at the They're always confused, Well, maybe

(01:00:54):
they brought it up to your room. Maybe they never know.
Low's has a table for them where it's like that's
where the food goes. And yes, people could steal it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
But do they know. I'm sure it's happened a couple times,
but stop being like, we gotta go down right away.
They might steal their food.

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
No one wants to steal your food. Stop everyone's so
paranoid about things being stolen from them. I think this
is an American thing because I just don't think stealing
pickpockets happened, like if you go to Europe.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
But that's they're stealing off of your body.

Speaker 1 (01:01:24):
These aren't people like people aren't just waiting for you
to leave your laptop and go to the bathroom to
steal your laptop. I know I'm gonna get tons of
messages being like, actually my laptop did get stolen.

Speaker 5 (01:01:33):
Someone threw brick through my car window and stall five
thousand dollars worth them's look, listen.

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
To what they did.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
They stole, They threw a brick through your window. That
person was did something crazy. There's nothing you could have done,
so stop trying to have control over it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
I guess is what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (01:01:48):
I could have taken my stuff with me. That's the
that's the difference.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
I could think about all the times you would have
to take your stuff with you to everywhere you go
because you're so scared of it getting still, it's such
a fucking hassle. I would rather pay eleven hundred dollars
in a laptop then for the rest of my life
lug everything with me and check doors constantly. Think about
what time everyone wastes their life.

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
Of checking oh when I locked that door.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
People are constantly going around to each door and like
after they've locked it and like checking it. And I'm
always like, whenever I see that person, I go, what
what a life this person must like? They they lock
the door, then they check the lock, then they go.
And I know some of that's OCD and that is
beyond your control, and that's a whole different thing. But
I just wish everyone would kind of just calm down

(01:02:35):
a little bit about stuff. But I also just that's
my personality, is like, why is everyone so nervous about
things all the time? And I am therefore nervous about
people being nervous about things. So I'm doing the same thing.

Speaker 5 (01:02:48):
So I walk my dog three times a day and
I don't lock my door anytime I leave to walk him.
I don't even think my keys.

Speaker 4 (01:02:55):
Yeah, well that's how the night docker gets in Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
That is old man's coming back.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Yeah, I sometimes don't.

Speaker 1 (01:03:02):
I started locking my door because Chris like painted some
kind of scenario that could happen, and I was like,
oh god, that doesn't sound I don't want to be
raped today, so i've every day I just go I
don't feel like getting rape today, so I just give
it all a good locker room. But so anyway, I
ordered Uber Eats and I get I'm at the I'm
doing some sets, and so I ordered it to perfectly

(01:03:23):
arrive like right before I get there, and I walk in,
no food, and it said it had delivered and it
sent me a picture of it, but then the picture
I couldn't pull up. So I'm at the front desk
and I'm like and they're like, it's over there, and
I'm like, it's not over there on your perfect little
s Uber Eats table and I was like, thank you
for that table, but it's not there, and they are
so concerned and they're like, well, they don't bring it
up to the room.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
We don't allow them up to the room because this,
And I was like, it's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
I actually ordered from two places because I wanted like
a lot to choose from So I get a dinner tonight.

Speaker 2 (01:03:51):
It's on it's gonna be here in five minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
So that food arrives and as I'm sitting there, I'm like,
fucking Grace, man, Like, this is karma coming back, like
I ordered. Let's be honest, it wasn't air pods, but
it was a lot of food. And I was like,
in the same lobby that I stole Grace's headphones. It
all came back around. Karma does happen. It does come
back around. But then I went up to my hotel
room and it was sitting in front of my door.

(01:04:14):
Oh sorry, Grace. I really did have this moment of like,
I'm glad that someone stole my food, Like that makes
sense to happen in this scenario.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
I deserve that.

Speaker 4 (01:04:25):
Wait, so if Grace searches for you, now, like if
you were in LA and Grace was in LA and
she's like searching for her headphones, would she see they're
back in LA and would you have build Upah?

Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
But I would never have them with me because I
don't use them. They're like there, they caused me too much.
And I already have two pairs of my air pods,
which is the greatest thing to do for yourself because
they're always one in the case that are charging, and
when you're die, if they're just ready to go and
then you can charge the other.

Speaker 2 (01:04:48):
It's just the best plan. You can never go without AirPods.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
But no, I already final thought, Grace is not not
able to track them because they're dead on my counter
right now, and I'm waiting for to find a case
or like get a case and then I'm gonna put
them in them and give it to Taylor because she
doesn't have a problem owning things that are hot. But
I did put on my Instagram story, I posted the
clip of me talking about Grace's headphones and I said, Grace,

(01:05:13):
if you're out there, I will ship them to you.

Speaker 5 (01:05:15):
Oh, she has not heard this, has she vanished? I
mean she if she she was on on a toilet
and then ther AirPods just on the ground.

Speaker 2 (01:05:24):
That is the weirdest thing I have.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
I think Grace was actually in possession of two AirPods,
because I think when your air pods are in and
you drop your other AirPods, you're not hearing them hit
the ground because your your noise is canceled.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
So she did not hear that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
She's someone that also has two pairs of air pods,
because she had some in and didn't hear them hit
the ground. You wouldn't hear a piano crash from four
stories in front of you when you have your AirPods
in with the noise cancelation mode, So she definitely didn't
hear them scatter on the floor.

Speaker 2 (01:05:55):
And here's the case. Where was the case? I checked
for it?

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
Everywhere they were, they were dropped as if they were
dropped from a case. They were like one was over there,
one was over here, and there's what little cases I
have it?

Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
Okay, Grace was using the stall. She had her purse
and she didn't care about her zippers being zipped all
the way tilted as she was squatting.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
Where's the case? Noah, where's the fucking.

Speaker 4 (01:06:22):
In her blazer pocket? I know this because I accidentally
dropped an iPhone out of a cool oversized blazer into
the toilet because I was squatting over the toilet, not
sitting on it, and I just heard plunk, and there
was my phone in the toilet.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
But why would the the AirPods be out of the case.
Here's what I do?

Speaker 3 (01:06:43):
She figured up them in and just took them out
just to use the bathroom or something.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
But then she would know they were out of her ear,
and then she would hear them hit the ground, is
what I'm saying. They were on the ground right in
front of the bathroom stall, and the bathroom stall shut
all the way, like all the way to the ground,
Like these are maybe below so this is a nice bathroom.
Maybe they hit the ground as the shower stall as
the bathroom stall door was closing.

Speaker 5 (01:07:04):
Oh why, maybe she was puking and so she was
on her knees and so they didn't fall.

Speaker 1 (01:07:12):
They just slid out on because it goes all the
way to the ground. No, it goes all the way
to the ground, and they were outside the stall. The
door goes all the way.

Speaker 5 (01:07:20):
Took the pods out and put them on the ground
so that somebody would find them and feel bad.

Speaker 2 (01:07:27):
Maybe you can have her content for their podcast they want.

Speaker 5 (01:07:30):
She did this for us, well, say people who for
people who feel bad about Grace though, is that this
is a pretty nice hotel. It's not like you took
these off the ground with like a holiday and express
or something. So she's probably fine.

Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
And her name's Grace. That is some fucking that's an
expensive name.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
It is it is, that's a name where your daddy's
rich and he got you this air and and I'm
guaranteeing you she already had another pair in because you
would have heard it. So I think she's a two
AirPod lady anyway, and she deserves to listen returning them
to the front desk. I'm guaranteeing you the person at
the front desk would have just taken them and like
and it would she wouldn't have come back for them.

(01:08:10):
And also, here's what happened. Sometimes when you drop your AirPods,
they spill out of the case and then the case
closes and then you see the case and you think
they're still in there.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
That is probably what happened. So case closed on the
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (01:08:27):
Okay, So this weekend, I'm going to Tucson Tomorrow I'm
gonna do a photo shoot with a newspaper naked, Oh
my god.

Speaker 5 (01:08:36):
And then you're gonna be gasping in front of a
tragic event on the newspaper.

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
Yeah, like the Hindenburg, Like what could be like something
that I would be hilarious if she eats Jlo admits
plastic surgery. Like, what's something that I would be shocked by?
Taylor Swift?

Speaker 2 (01:08:58):
I mean the uh.

Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
Uh asks Nikki Glazer to become a backup singer on
er What about? Oh yeah, ozempic. I don't know my ozempic. Like, man,
everyone be on that ship man, And now there's other

(01:09:22):
companies making the same thing. Everyone's gonna be thin now
everyone get ready?

Speaker 4 (01:09:28):
Just wait for thin and bruised in the abdomen.

Speaker 1 (01:09:32):
Yeah, I mean I would take it. Who cares about
being bruised in the abdomen if you can be thin?

Speaker 5 (01:09:37):
Right? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:09:38):
And like people would shoot themselves. People would shoot themselves
in the head to mab athin body. They would literally
blow a hole in their head to Abathan. People would
do anything. Think of what people do to be thin.
They a little little shot in your stomach, that's nothing,
and you just but I the problem with ozempic is
it curbs your appetite.

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
Don't fat people like to eat?

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
Like, don't you if someone told you you were going
to lose the desire to hug your children? Wouldn't that
kind of bum you out? Like this thing you like doing,
wouldn't you be sad that you lose it. Like, that's
why I don't like add meds is because they make
me lose my appetite. And yeah, I'll lose some weight,
but I also will not have any desired this thing
I once loved to do.

Speaker 5 (01:10:20):
But if you desire to hug your children so much
that it's like affecting their lives and like you, they're
you're on top of them, they can't eat, I mean,
then you probably too hard, squeeze them too hard.

Speaker 2 (01:10:32):
They start to disassociate.

Speaker 5 (01:10:33):
They get bruises on their abdomen because you hug them
so hard. Yeah, wouldn't you then want to take a
pill to maybe hug a little less?

Speaker 1 (01:10:41):
Yes, yes, I think that, But I just I don't know.
As someone who used to starve myself to be thin,
I have no interest in not liking food. It just
would it bums me out anything that is like this
will curb your appetite. I'm like, ew, why would I
want that? I like liking food. I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:10:57):
It just that's like it doesn't make sense. Stooes about
like why he took the vaccine was not for his
own health or for your health. It was because he
heard like all Italians You're gonna lose your sense of
taste and smell. And he's like, oh, I do not
want to get this COVID thing, like I will get
vaccinated because I'm Italian. I love food.

Speaker 1 (01:11:18):
Losing a sense of smell was a huge threat. It
was like dying whatever. I'm not scared of that, but
losing my sense of smell or having things taste like
vomit for the rest of my life. Some people like
things tasted disgusting. I was like, I don't want that.
Let's talk about John mulaney Special real quick. Did you
watch it, Brian? Yeah, my god, we all this thing
is probably got He's it did well yesterday. I mean

(01:11:40):
it came out yesterday and three out of four did
you watch it? Noah, No, I haven't had a chance yet.

Speaker 2 (01:11:44):
Well three out of four people here. I don't blame you.

Speaker 4 (01:11:46):
I mean I haven't fished. I'm ten minutes from the end,
which is interesting because it was very follow was so deep, big,
and I was like, this is heavy, not heavy, like
oh it's hard, but it's like this, this is real shit.
And I could see why Matt and I both He
was like, we're an hour and ten minutes in or something.
It was long.

Speaker 2 (01:12:06):
It's an hour and twenty and he was like, I'm tired.

Speaker 4 (01:12:08):
Can we go to ben. I was like, yeah, we'll
look forward to it tomorrow. But it was a lot
to chew on.

Speaker 1 (01:12:13):
I exactly at that moment went to the bathroom, was like, Chris,
I'm hungry, Like I want to go get dinner. And
he was just like, there's ten minutes. He like screamed
to me while I was on the twenty's like this
ten minutes left. And I was like, okay, I can
do it. And I was glad that I finished it
in one thing because it was long.

Speaker 5 (01:12:27):
It's like an hour. Shit, I was taking minutes.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:12:29):
No, yeah, it was an hour twenty I believe, which
is very long for a special. But it it was
really well done. It looks amazing. He yeah. He just
tells the story of he starts with his intervention and
then it just walks you through his addiction and his
recovery and you know, embarrassing things he did along the

(01:12:51):
way when he was an addict. And it's my favorite
part was the little song he did at the beginning
of like everything changed, like bo burnhamore because he's not
problematic and he's like, you know, we all went through
the same thing, like masks down, keep them up. And
then he's like, you go through a divorce, you lose

(01:13:12):
your reputation, and it was just so is different. It's different.

Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
Yeah, that was really great.

Speaker 5 (01:13:19):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (01:13:20):
The thing with the eleven year old boy was genius.

Speaker 2 (01:13:23):
That was a plant, but that's cool.

Speaker 1 (01:13:25):
I'm just saying, don't ever think things that happened sporadically
are like, I can't believe that happened because Chris.

Speaker 5 (01:13:32):
I go.

Speaker 1 (01:13:33):
Chris was like, I wonder if they micd that kid,
and I was like, no, they don't need to because
his responses don't mean anything. Like he's gonna say with
all the places where he says fifth grader and you go,
oh my god, he's calling back to this crazy thing.
If the kid would have said sixth grade, he would
have said sixth grader. Like there's there's not taking away
from the genius of the bit, but it was pre
written and that interaction happens at all of his shows

(01:13:53):
with a kid that he finds there. So I just
want to I'm sorry to like pull back the curtain
on any thing that is seems magical, but that was funny,
and it is funny because there is always going to
be a young kid at his shows because.

Speaker 2 (01:14:06):
He's so great and appeals to all ages. But I loved,
I loved.

Speaker 1 (01:14:14):
My favorite part was him admitting that he wanted to
be recognized in rehab yeah, and that it was very
important to him and that he was very embarrassing him
for him not to be and that he left a
paper out and said John mulaney goes to rehab and
he left it out in that kind of vulnerability when
famous people admit that they like being famous and they
like attention, Like I was embarrassed yesterday after I said

(01:14:36):
that I was secretly hoping Taylor would like put to
take me up on stage or be like listen to.

Speaker 2 (01:14:40):
Your voice like that there was a part of me.
But then I was like, you know what, Like that's okay.

Speaker 1 (01:14:46):
I was a little bit, And then I saw John
laneyzing and I'm like him admitting that is just as
embarrassing that he actually wanted people to recognize him, and
that when he said, you know, I'm John m he
kind of waited for a blas break Like that generally
made me happy that you know, this guy that you
just I attribute a lot of like he's just funny.

Speaker 2 (01:15:06):
He just happens to be funny. He's not in this
for any other thing.

Speaker 1 (01:15:09):
And he also admits that everything he does is he
worries about what other people think about him constantly and chronically,
or at least he used to. I would guess that
he still does, but he apparent, he said he used to.
And I like that admission because I think sometimes celebrities
come off like I actually don't care what people think
about me, and or comedians especially like.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
I don't give a fuck fuck fuck if you don't
like what I do. I've said this before.

Speaker 1 (01:15:38):
Any comedian who pretends to be confident like that or
not care what people think, or that they that they
have high self esteem is lying and is not a
trustworthy comedian, and you shouldn't like them and you shouldn't
trust what they have to say because they're they're Charlatan's

(01:15:58):
and they're acting.

Speaker 5 (01:16:00):
That's people.

Speaker 1 (01:16:02):
But it's absolutely I think there are some people that
genuinely don't care what other people think about the much
comedians I think are And I'm not trying to be
like toot our own horn, because this is not a
toot too.

Speaker 2 (01:16:12):
This is a this is a shark in your pants.
This is embarrassing that that we desperately want people to
like us. And I really liked that. John mulaney the
king of comedians, the one that everyone wants.

Speaker 1 (01:16:25):
To be, and he's just he's the coolest guy. He's
friends with all the coolest people. He's the coolest comic
and arguably the best comic ever. And he admits that
he desperately wants everyone to like him. And that was
very soothing to my soul to see, like kind of
someone that I look up to so much, who I
think is so much better than me admitting the thing
that I'm essentially it's the same as me. H, Brian,

(01:16:45):
what was your favorite part?

Speaker 5 (01:16:48):
I'm there. One line that made me laugh out loud
for a long time was when he said people don't
know what to think about him. I just I don't
know why that line got I started laughing for like
ten minutes after he said that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:59):
I liked what he said.

Speaker 1 (01:17:02):
Ask your if you don't know who I am, ask
your daughter or certain sons.

Speaker 4 (01:17:07):
Yeah, non athletic sons.

Speaker 1 (01:17:10):
Non athletics, or your son if he's not a non athletic.
He was like certain sons love me, Like there's something
of the word certain was really funny to me. That's
why I love Joe Mullenius. Those little like throwaway lines
that you know, quote unquote throwaway that are just these
His word usage is just brilliant. And yeah, I just
learned so much from watching it. Like Chris at one

(01:17:31):
point stopped me and said, are you not enjoying this
or like what's going on with you? Because I wasn't laughing,
And it wasn't because it wasn't funny. I was just
observing the choices he made and how he you know,
would be the same as if you know the way
Anya you don't really like listen to music or like
like new artists and stuff. You're not like loving music

(01:17:53):
as much as like people who don't play music because
you're kind of being.

Speaker 4 (01:17:55):
More studying like what are they doing?

Speaker 1 (01:17:58):
Yeah, analyzing more. But I did laugh a lot, like
when I would let myself kind of like get out
of that brain.

Speaker 2 (01:18:04):
I had so much fun.

Speaker 1 (01:18:05):
It was it was I just think it was an
important special because it showed this person that had everything
really didn't have it going on that well and was
actually really struggling, and I like how he's still there's
still a part of me that feels like, well, it
just shows how smart he was because he was able
to be like a talented he was able to be
like a fucking horrible addict and really function perfectly and

(01:18:29):
like go on talk shows. And I thought his reading
the GQ interview he did was so funny. And I
will say that those questions that he the way he
reads them is funny. But if you were just to
read that, you wouldn't necessarily think that guy was Hi,
do you agree with me?

Speaker 5 (01:18:45):
Brian? Yeah, when he I mean, obviously when he does
it in that voice, and then if you think about
all he asked was what did you do today? And
then he go when they break it up, he's not
saying like and then as you do, he's just going,
oh like, and so he's he's just he's just streamlining

(01:19:05):
through all that. Yeah, there wasn't pauses there probably in
real life.

Speaker 1 (01:19:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:19:09):
Yeah, he just keeps the guy just and then even
the the best part for me, and I don't even
know that he was saying it as a joke, but
the reporter goes, I'm gonna let you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:20):
Go like, never has a reporter been like I'm good
on top him, Like usually you're like you gotta go,
but the reporters like, well, there's a lot here and
I don't want to take up any more of your time,
and then I won't ruin the last line. But it's
fucking great too. It was such a good special. I
recommend everyone watching it.

Speaker 4 (01:19:38):
Whoever designed that set. And the lighting was absolutely impeccable.
I mean it's a gorgeous theater, but the lighting work
was so fucking amazing and mind blowing and perfectly done.
I was completely awestruck by that. It was so perfect
in a suit.

Speaker 2 (01:19:55):
I have someone that would definitely disagree with you.

Speaker 4 (01:19:58):
Really, no, dude, I will go oh who Chris?

Speaker 2 (01:20:01):
The green the green color?

Speaker 4 (01:20:05):
There were so many different scenes and it was all
I did.

Speaker 1 (01:20:08):
Like the lighting change. But man, that was a lot
of the pausing for me and my guy. I mean
my guy works in production and so he was just
at first he was like this lighting this, He was
like nikky, we like he was blown away and I
was almost like easy, I know, I'll never be as
good as John Muliney's lighting, like I was getting And
then it started to change, and man did I was

(01:20:31):
like not happy, but I was like okay, I was
even like easy, we get it that the lighting is
letting you down, Chris, but it's very funny. I would
like to hear you two talk about that, because he
couldn't have had more of an opposite reaction.

Speaker 2 (01:20:44):
But I agree it was And the use of David Byrne,
what did you think of that?

Speaker 4 (01:20:49):
Matt was like eh, and I was like, this is genius.
So we had a little disagreement.

Speaker 1 (01:20:54):
Why is it genius to call your famous friend and say,
will you make a song for me?

Speaker 4 (01:20:57):
Because that is so cool? It was like one like
it wasn't words. Okay, I loved he s got such
a great voice.

Speaker 1 (01:21:07):
I think we just give too much credit to people
for having famous friends and going, hey, this cool famous person,
will you do a thing for me?

Speaker 2 (01:21:14):
And we all just go I can't believe it. It's like,
of course David Byrne is gonna be just we could
have David Byrne and do our special thing.

Speaker 4 (01:21:23):
It just made me I don't get to hear it.

Speaker 2 (01:21:25):
Yeah, okay, I'll I get that.

Speaker 1 (01:21:27):
I just I think we give too much credit sometimes
and I'll give all the credit to I mean, he
is a genius and brilliant, but sometimes things are cut
where you're just like you just found the kissed you like,
you know, like THEO you found the coolest person to
do something and you just asked them to do it,
and now.

Speaker 4 (01:21:46):
You're yeah, maybe we should give credit. He was, Okay, okay,
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (01:21:50):
Yeah. I just thought it was like, we get it,
you have famous friends.

Speaker 1 (01:21:54):
But also if I was friends with David Byrne, I
would do that in a heartbeat, so you know, I
honestly know people do work.

Speaker 4 (01:22:00):
Though, and I thought it was like inventive and strange,
Like I didn't think, oh, this is David Byrne. The
second I heard I was like, this sounds like a
talking Head song. This is such a cool song.

Speaker 5 (01:22:09):
What is this?

Speaker 2 (01:22:09):
And I'm like, it said David Byrne gigantically.

Speaker 4 (01:22:13):
But then maybe that was what I a few seconds
later it said that, But when it started, I'm like,
what is this song?

Speaker 2 (01:22:20):
All right? I'm just being a little bitch who's jealous
that I don't have famous friends.

Speaker 4 (01:22:25):
I thought him name checking some of the people at
the intervention was so cool. I'm like, I love that
he's name checking some of these people.

Speaker 2 (01:22:32):
Yeah, that was great and the good Dave Press story.

Speaker 1 (01:22:34):
And he's also still angry about the intervention, which is palpable.

Speaker 2 (01:22:39):
I mean he says it.

Speaker 1 (01:22:39):
He literally says that he's still angry about it. But
it was just it's great and he's one of the
best comedians ever and the special just shows that, and
it just shows a new side to what he does.
And it's just so self aware and honest, and it's
everything that comedy in my mind should be. It's like articulate,
it's it's well put together, it's thought out, it is
it's not sloppy, which I sometimes get to be sometimes

(01:23:03):
when I'm trying to keep it too real it gets sloppy.

Speaker 2 (01:23:05):
But there was not a sloppiness to it, but it
was still real. It was everything I aspire to be.

Speaker 1 (01:23:08):
So closing thoughts is like ten out of ten A
plus plus plus doesn't get better than John mulaney right now.

Speaker 5 (01:23:14):
And it was funny all he talked about that stuff
while being funny.

Speaker 1 (01:23:19):
Yeah the whole time there, I got like a thirty
second moment where there was just set up and no funny,
and I was like, yes, Like finally he has a
little exposition with no funny, but it was.

Speaker 5 (01:23:31):
It was.

Speaker 2 (01:23:32):
It was so funny.

Speaker 1 (01:23:33):
There's just no and the way he talks the wait,
he just he is who he is. And it was vulnerable,
but not too much in a way that you're like,
this is oversharing, and it was just it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:42):
Was just perfect.

Speaker 1 (01:23:43):
So I really recommend everyone watch it, not that you're
not already going to all right, thank you for listening
to the show this week. We will be back next week,
don't you even think we won't. And this weekend I'm
gonna be in Tucson and Vegas and then then a Europe.
Tons of dates and I hope to see all the
besties there. We'll see you this weekend out there on
the road, and we'll see you next week on the show.

Speaker 2 (01:24:01):
Don't be and just go Watchilon Millie John Lane's question

Speaker 5 (01:24:07):
H

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