#340 Lowering The Hoop

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nick Aglizer Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
O Nick Glaser, here's Nikki.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
Hello, it's me Nikki. Welcome to the show. It's Nick
Glaser Podcast. I'm doing pretty good. It's Thursday when you're
listening to this. If you downloaded it right away, it's
actually Tuesday in our world. Just want to be totally
honest with ye. I can't lie. I can't be like,

(00:31):
because what IF's only a mass shooting happens. I mean,
like eighteen mass shootings will happen between now and Thursday, regardless,
But what if like a big one? You know? I
saw some meme that said, like, I went to a
support group for people bereaved parents and there was a
woman that said, I lost my son five school shootings
ago and it was Friday, And it was like, why

(00:54):
would she say it like that? I just don't believe
that she said it, Like, you know what I mean
when people try to be super and you go, I
don't know that this brief parent who lost our kid
two days ago is going to make some like political
statement with her grief, right something. Yeah. Yeah, I always
love to meme when I'm crying, when I'm thinking that's

(01:14):
the stage of grief.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yes, that's the seventh stage. How many stages are the
stages of grief?

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Okay? Anya's here, Brian is here, no one's in studio
with me, no one's in Arizona. I just want to
set the stage for y'all. Yeah. The stages of grief
are denial, anger, yep, depression.

Speaker 4 (01:37):
Depression, uh, memes.

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Elevation, mushroom. No, that's rice. No, it's I was thinking
of where you.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yeah, rice, is it like the brad Dia been.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
That's the rice thing. Is what you do if you
like injure your leg. It's like rest, compression and elevation.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Yeah, we could be doctors, you guys.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
Yea, I mean what don't we know?

Speaker 1 (02:06):
No?

Speaker 3 (02:07):
What's the final stage? Is acceptance? Yes? And what are
the other ones? Noah, it says bargaining.

Speaker 4 (02:12):
Never heard, that's my favorite one. Does it have to
be this way? Maybe I can do something to fix it?
And then finally they always say no, They never say.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
The other night, Anya and I were texting about something
that we were either she was upset about or I
was upset about, and I said, I just said, you
just got to accept something, and she was like, acceptance
is the answer to all of your problems, and that
really struck with me. It's like it really is the
answer to all of it.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
And then I said it in the What about Bob
Voyce have you guys seen?

Speaker 3 (02:48):
Oh, I don't know that. I mean, yes, I do
remember that movie, but I remember him just like tied
to a mass of a ship. I remember like certain
things about movies.

Speaker 2 (02:59):
Dreyfus, Bill Murray. Yes, he gives him my prescription because
he's so fed up with him at this point, he
keeps stalking the family and then he's like here and
he writes a prescription says take a vacation from your problems.
Then Bil Murray goes take a vacation.

Speaker 3 (03:13):
And then heads vacations.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, well he's already there at like Winnipesake. I don't
remember a lot of my life or who I was
friends with in high school, but I remember weird snippets
of What About.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
You probably watched that movie a lot though. What about Anya?

Speaker 4 (03:29):
What is she going to this time?

Speaker 3 (03:32):
A break up for two? Yeah? Yeah, Acceptance is it?
I mean, it's like, uh, you just want to get
to that stage of grief. Though I don't know that
I've I've grieved that much in my life. I think
I just like skip to like skip it all. I
just go I just don't even want to.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
Oh, I grieve every day. I agree. I haven't happened yet.
I grieve. I agreeve for the death of the future,
deaths of all things that I love. And I feel
like if that's not good because all day I'm just
I'm just sad and anxious and I wonder why, Yes,

(04:10):
at some point, and I've never learned to accept anything.
I will fight against the reality of the universe until
my dying breath. I will never accept it.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
Are you always disappointed in yourself? Like that's how that's
for me? Acceptance is about more myself than others, or
like the idea of death, like I kind of every
or so often I turned to Chris on the couch
and I just go, God, we have to fucking die someday.
Does that suck? Like wait a second, we really like
we are gonna die, We're gonna be dead, and like

(04:42):
it just seems like, oh, it's just a lot of
work to even like heat him dying is going to
be a lot of work for me. I have to
like go find an outfit of all black that like
shows that I'm respectful, but that I'm gonna like, maybe
I'll meet someone there.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
You know how much he's putting you out by potentially dying.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I mean, he he promised me he was gonna thirty three.
That was always what he said, or maybe it was
in thirty three thirty seven, and I see him at two. Yeah,
he was thirty two when I met him, and I said,
stop saying that.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
But now, that is the worst part about death, is
how inconvenient it is for everybody.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Yeah, I mean it really is. That's what keeps me
from killing myself quite often. I mean, it's one of
my jokes is that anytime I've even really thought about
taking that step off the building or whatever, it is
like the next step that would lead to the step
to I just go, I can't do this to people,
and not that it's gonna make everyone so sad. I
really don't want my mom to have to clean my room.

(05:37):
She did that for thirty years of my life. I
mean she my mom is cleaned my room my whole life,
and I just don't she's already grieving. Don't put her
through that. And there's no way I'm gonna do it beforehand.
So I keep living.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
You have anything hidden that you wouldn't want discovered.

Speaker 3 (05:52):
I am kind of an open book. Unfortunately I don't
know secrets. My journal is literally an open book that
I leave out in the highlight section so my mom
will read it and she'll understand my pain.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
The Vegas Statement of twenty twenty three. I am what
kind of an open book I am?

Speaker 3 (06:11):
And some you should have some secret.

Speaker 4 (06:14):
You got to have a secret. You should, okay, get one,
because then when your mom's planning your room and be like,
oh my god, Nikki was a scuba diver.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Instructor, like a separate life, like a thing, a skill.
I have no if I have any skill, I'm letting
people know. That's how I have value, is that I
have things that I can do that other people can't,
and that's how I esteem myself. But okay, so you
get sad about I get sad about people like having
to die. Do you ever get do you ever have

(06:44):
to accept like, well, this is as far as I'm
gonna make it in life, Like I'm never gonna be that.
Like Chris and I were recently talking about this idea
of like I really I've talked about in therapy so
much Taylor Swift, Like as much as I love Taylor Swift,
to see her and finding out that she's coming out
with a book probably in July, that's gonna be like

(07:05):
five hundred pages, I'm just like, I can't imagine. I
just will never live up to what she is. And
most people don't need to have the idea that they
can live up to the artists they love the most.
But I do, like, I want to be in that
ballpark and I'm just not, and I get further away
every accomplishment she has, and I struggle with it. And

(07:27):
I was telling Chris this that you know, there's like
letting a go of things in life you'll never get
to do. And he said that he had to let
go recently of dunking he'll never done, and like he
could have dunked. I mean, there are guys that have
like a strong enough vertical at the at his height
that could dunk. At five nine, Chris could dunk if

(07:48):
he trained correctly. Yeah, but he forty one year old body,
Yeah he can't. He'll never dunk probably, and he's to
let go of that. He lower there was a lowered
hoop at this gym. He was at and it was
for kids, and he dunked on it. And he did
dunk that, but he said it was so embarrassingly low.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
But I said that that analogy.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
That's analogic analogy to fertility. I will never dunk. If
I let this go until I'm forty three, Mama, no dunk,
dunk like I'm not gonna ever donk like men have.

Speaker 4 (08:23):
No can't say that.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
Prince, Oh, yeah, she's gonna be. I'm going to be
a daughter's not duncan and America runs on duncan. Well,
it's it was a funny. It was funny to me
the comparison, because dunking is I think a kind of

(08:47):
symbol of masculinity or strength that men kind of. I mean,
it's to you, Brian, is was dunking a thing that
you wanted to do?

Speaker 4 (08:55):
No, But I think you know you have a lesson
to learn here, which is that maybe you need to
lower the hoop because you could have a baby and
just immediately give it up for adoption. There's a lot
of things you can do to lower the hoop on this.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
I'm talking about fertility. I want to still be fertile.
I don't want a baby, though, and that will be
taken from me. My ability to house a child in
a womb is going to be stolen from me soon,
and that bothers me because I want to be able
to do anything I want to do at any time.
Even though I don't want to do it, I still
want to be able to do it.

Speaker 4 (09:26):
Oh yeah, I don't understand that. I can't understand you do.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
Because you'll never be able to can you dunk?

Speaker 4 (09:31):
No? No, I can't dunk. I'll never be able to dunk.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
Is there something you've let go of of? Like I
wish I could do this and I'll never get to
do this. No, I want to be I want to
maybe be able to train to do that someday, but
not right now. But then you're like, wait, I'm too
old to even trained.

Speaker 4 (09:46):
To do it. I haven't experienced that yet. I think
for two reasons. One is I just never I never
give up, and number two like I always And number
two is I have very low expectations. So it's a
lot like Tailor Swift where she's on stage and people
are cheering for her and she's like, oh my god, guys,
thank you. I feel like that sometimes where it's like

(10:09):
I can't even believe I can. Like I'm trying to
play piano, and it's like sometimes I'm like, I can't
even believe I can play a scale, And so I feel.

Speaker 3 (10:16):
Good about it yourself, Yes, because you're lowering the hoop.

Speaker 4 (10:20):
I lowered the hoop. I lower the hoop on all things.

Speaker 3 (10:22):
Well, Brian. One of the most endearing stories of Brian
to ever be told was his quest to learn how
to dance. Have we talked about this on the podcast
No No, Oh my God. Brian Franngie realized at the
age of I'm going to say twenty seven, how old
were you back then? This was when we were starting
not Safe. You were living with Tim Convey, my boyfriend's brother,

(10:46):
And why did you want to learn how to dance?
You didn't know how to dance at a party, or
like if you were to encounter music at a concert,
you had no clue what to do with it.

Speaker 5 (10:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (10:55):
I really was pathetic. I wouldn't look embarrassing. And it
all happened one day I went to my friend's wedding
and a one of my friend's wives saw me dancing
and laugh at me, and I was so embarrassed.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
I'll do it.

Speaker 4 (11:11):
Yeah, I was so embarrassed, and I was like.

Speaker 3 (11:13):
What was she making fun of? What were you up
to when you were dancing out there?

Speaker 4 (11:18):
Did?

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Were you free? And then she ruined your freedom? Like
were you already self conscious?

Speaker 4 (11:23):
You know what? If I was free, I would be
fine with me, But instead I was trying and I
was bad.

Speaker 3 (11:31):
And so you're probably already looking for people to make
fun of you. So when she caught you, you probably
looked guilty, and then she took that as a sign of, oh,
I'm gonna mock this.

Speaker 4 (11:41):
She actually has apologized since then, even though I don't
even think it's that person. She remembered laughing at me
at a wedding, and then she came many years later.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
It wasn't even assassination. She was over on the grassy knoll.

Speaker 4 (11:57):
She was somebody in the depository laughing at me.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
Okay, so but he goes further.

Speaker 4 (12:05):
YEA, when I was when I was in high school,
I used to even younger, I used to do this
thing called the punch dance, which, yeah, which is basically
I was bazzing out, punching as fast as I can,
out of control.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
And then would you do that as a comic release
type thing. People would laugh obviously or were you yeah, But.

Speaker 4 (12:30):
It came like you ever see like I think it's
from the Goonies where there's that one kid, Chunk and
they all go like, do the chunk thing, chunk thing,
and then yes, so like he would do it and
he would get laughs, but it was like, you know,
laughing at him. Yeah. And so I had my friends
who knew about the punch dance and they were laughing
with me. But it got to the point where you know,
everybody you knew, yeah, And so like at my prom

(12:53):
or at my prom.

Speaker 3 (12:55):
God, I bet you have a great story surrounding your
prom too, and the date you picked and the one
that said no.

Speaker 4 (13:00):
I actually do. But I'm going to focus in on
the punch dance. I was at the prom and a
chant began do the punch dance, and I had a
decision to make a circle formed. They said do the
punch dance, and I was like, this is like, you know,
dance prostitution, this is like I am going to sell

(13:21):
my dignity. Yeah, And I chose to do the punch dance.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
Yeah, Brian Punch.

Speaker 4 (13:31):
And they're all laughing at me and they're all pointing,
and all the popular kids are like, I don't even
know what this is. That was the most embarrassing.

Speaker 5 (13:38):
God.

Speaker 4 (13:39):
I'm just like, I have this little circle halfway down
the popularity chain that's like punch dance, and.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah, they're all in on it, like yeah, confused, left out,
and so they judge it and mock it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (13:52):
Yeah. So many years later I was then I was
laughing at the wedding and I wanted I decided this
was before I went on my year of dating. I decided,
I just want to be able to learn how to
casual dance, visual dance.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
That's the word.

Speaker 4 (14:06):
I'm not talking like salsa. I'm not talking like you know,
hip hop choreography. I just want to be able to
be at a party or a bar, or a wedding
and not get laughed at.

Speaker 3 (14:19):
Yeah. I think this is something that people struggle with.
I know that I have before. I never danced before
I started drinking, and then that freed up a lot
of my insecurity, and then I would I would dance
freely when I drink, and then when I stopped drinking,
I couldn't really get that back. And then I did
dancing with the stars and kind of realized it doesn't matter.
And now I realize no one's watching you. It's kind

(14:41):
of like when you go to the gym, you think
everyone's looking at you, but everyone's kind of focused on themselves.
That wasn't true for you at that wedding. But I
do think that there's something about dancing. It's hard for
some people, especially me, Like how do you do it right?
I saw? I remember going to a concert with Kirsten
in eighth grade in Hill. We went to maybe ninth grade.

(15:02):
It was, you know, during her first tour off that album,
The Miseducation, and we went to it and it was
our first concert alone. And there was this girl in
front of us who was dancing and she just put
her hand behind her back and was just kind of
like sliding with her hand like just her fist like
resting on her butt like, and it looked so cool
that I danced like that so lot, like my hand
gently behind my back because it just looked so cool.

(15:26):
But I had no other idea of how to dance.
And even when I see pictures of my or video
of myself dancing now, it's it's embarrassing because it's just
doesn't look like someone who has grace, you know, And
I have Grace's AirPods. But do I have grace?

Speaker 6 (15:42):
No?

Speaker 3 (15:43):
That was my attempt to get grace, but it's but
now I guess I just don't care that much. So
I'm free, and I feel like when I love a song,
my love for a song is so apparent in the
way that I dance that it doesn't Someone could be
a better dancer than me, and it doesn't matter because
I'm connected to what I'm like. Whatever comes out of
me is perfect, and I don't feel encumbered by it.

(16:06):
But you went on a mission to learn how to
casual dance and you found an instructor.

Speaker 4 (16:12):
Yes. So one day I put on my best dancing
shoes and I walked to the Third Street dance studio.
I walked right in, no appointment, and I stumbled upon this.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Kill fropkins welcome lips. You can't just walk into a
dance studio. Amazing.

Speaker 4 (16:30):
I started knocking on doors. There was like, what do
you what? And I found this guy who an instructor
who wasn't teaching at the moment, named Darian hip Hop Henning,
and he is the man. And I said to him
excuse me. I want to learn had a casual dance.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
That's not even a top, that's not even a dance.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
No, it's not. And it makes sense because we all
know what that means.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
Is not for that.

Speaker 4 (16:58):
Yeah, And he said, what do you what are you
talking about? And I said, I just want to learn
how to dance at a party, like I said, and
and he said, well, you know I can do that
for you because there's no classes. Go on the internet,
Google casual dance. Google.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
Well, there's YouTube videos. I don't need you found them.

Speaker 4 (17:17):
I found before I found Darian hip Hop Henning. I
found YouTube videos.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Because Tim walked home one morning and walked in one
day and you were dancing in front of your computer
to a dance instruction video.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
Right, yeah, can I see this?

Speaker 3 (17:32):
Looks like I really want to see. So so, how
many classes did you take with Darren hip Hop Hennings.

Speaker 4 (17:37):
I took a weekly one on one lessons with him
for two years? What here?

Speaker 3 (17:44):
Two years? Because you get a degree ins.

Speaker 4 (17:48):
We became well, we became friends and I would go
and hang out with him and we would you know,
there was times when I would go to the park
with him and I would film on his phone or
his camera his I do dances, you would do dances
for his for his instagram. So, like, you know, I
enjoyed just going and talking to him about stuff and dancing,
and he came just so much getting good.

Speaker 3 (18:09):
Did you feel like the way you feel at piano
where you're like, wow, I saw improvements?

Speaker 4 (18:14):
Yeah? I was. I did feel pretty good about where
I was, And I'm certainly not good at dancing. I
don't claim to be good at piano either, but I
am not, mark my words, going to be laughed at
at my wedding.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
Or anything at your wedding. Yeah, are you guys going
to do some sort of special dance? What have you
already picked out? Like your song? Don't you got a
dance to a song that's like your songs?

Speaker 4 (18:37):
We do have a song. It's a slow dance, though, So.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
What's the song?

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Do you?

Speaker 3 (18:40):
Can you reveal it?

Speaker 4 (18:41):
Or is that I am? I do not know if
I'm allowed to reveal it. So I got it?

Speaker 3 (18:46):
Yes, Okay, what's her dress look like? Just kidding? Okay,
so you're going to be able to casually keep up
with everyone dancing at your wedding. I'm so excited to
dance at your wedding. It's like very soon.

Speaker 4 (18:57):
Yeah, it fifty days forty nine day. And you know
what you said before about dancing is what is most important,
and that is as long as you are enjoying yourself
and having fun connecting to the music, there is nobody
that can laugh at you.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
So what's the biggest difference between Brian pre hip hop
pennings and Brian post dance lessons.

Speaker 4 (19:24):
Probably my my knees, so they're supposed to be bent
at all times, right. He taught me how to isn't
what you learned keep the beat beat down in your knees,
not not like hodown knees, but it's like comes from
your hip and make sure you keep that beat. And
then you start doing other stuff. And he's taught me steps.
He taught me different moves I can do. I said,

(19:45):
what do I do with my hands?

Speaker 1 (19:47):
Though?

Speaker 4 (19:47):
Yeah, he taught me what to do with my hands
That wasn't just like you know, you know, white guy stuff. Yeah,
and he said, if all else fails, put one hand
in one of your pockets. It'll look so cool. Yeah,
the glazer. Yeah, So he talked about moves and then
over the course of time, I knew like ten moves
that I could do smoothly and that's enough.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
That's enough. Yeah, okay, so you do you grab your crotch.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
That's a big thing you should be doing.

Speaker 4 (20:14):
Yeah, spin around in a circle and left to right
with my finger.

Speaker 3 (20:22):
Well, maybe we'll get a little demo from you at
some point. But this sounds really good. I want to
talk about other times where we've just taken a chance
and like tried to It's you know, what's remarkable about
this is not that you learned to dance like who cares?
Or that you felt intecre about dancing. You sought out
someone to teach you, because that's really hard to in
front of someone who's a good dancer to be terrible.
It's so novice. But you didn't have a problem with that.

(20:44):
I want to I want to look into this a
bit more. We have lots to talk about on the show.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
We'll be right back.

Speaker 3 (20:50):
When you first met.

Speaker 7 (20:53):
Derek hip Hop Jerry Darien hip hop Hennings, Yeah, I
can't believe his parents knew that he was going to
be a dancer and named him that.

Speaker 4 (21:05):
Were you?

Speaker 3 (21:06):
And because I remember, I can only think about myself
all the time, but when you.

Speaker 4 (21:14):
Well, you know, Darien's brother's name was Steven math teacher Headings.

Speaker 3 (21:20):
And he's a mechanic, so what uh, it's so embarrassing
the first time you have to Like That's why I
don't like taking guitar lessons because I know the person
teaching me is so advanced that they're going to be
like disgusted by what I do. Like and and of
course I don't feel this way when someone asked me

(21:42):
to help them write a joke or something and they're
so bad at it. I'm not like you should kill yourself,
you know, like, but I feel that way when people
witness I mean, honestly, the honest truth is, yeah, maybe
I do think that sometimes, like how could you be
so bad at this? And I'm so mean about people
being bad at something I'm good at that I think

(22:03):
everyone's going to be mean to me about something that
I'm bad at and they are. I mean, is there's
some Sachenko was devastated when he saw my moves.

Speaker 4 (22:12):
Sometimes when you if you see a comedian and you know,
I'm not like some great comedian or anything, but sometimes
you see a comedian and you're like, that person should
definitely quit yeah, don't you ever get that?

Speaker 3 (22:22):
Oh? Yeah, One time I was doing a Sarah Schaeffer
and I we had our MTV show and we were
doing some kind of like Google chat live where you know,
our fans could ask us questions, and they were asking
for advice about stand up and this one person was
struggling with it and like how do you make it?
And I was just like, she gave all this great

(22:45):
advice which I would normally give as well. And then
I said, and just also know that, like, if that
all doesn't work out and it's not happening for you,
feel free to like quit, like you don't like no.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
One's telling you you have to do this.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
Honestly, when I have to say when people ask like
how did you make it? Or like what do you
do to be a comedian? I've said this before, but
it bears repeating, I think you don't have what it takes,
because I think this is probably the same for music.
Anya You just do it. You like the process of it,

(23:23):
like we're talking about so much that it doesn't matter
the practice and all the hard work don't feel like work.
They don't feel like things you need to like figure out.
They're just the natural progression of you exploring this thing
you love and that you enjoy. So when people are like,
what what do I do? How do I get on stage?

(23:44):
I'm just like you. I never once was like what
do I do? I'm just like I just all I
have to do is just do it a bunch. And
it wasn't hard to do it a bunch because I
fucking loved it.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
And I wish at you that you pursue that you
just felt like swimming upstream and like you quit. Yes,
like what.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
Guitar in the past, guitar, saxophone.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
See this saxophone.

Speaker 3 (24:13):
I was great. When everyone has to like play an instrument,
I had no clue how it worked. I had no cool.
It was not. I just faked it every day. And
I cried so much because my dad really wanted me
to be musical, and I he always kind of like
he always talks about this note I wrote him because
I remember writing it and because I couldn't tell it
to his face that I was going to quit an instrument.

(24:33):
But I wrote him a note and I was like, Dad,
I'm so so sorry because I know all the money
you spent at mel Bay on this saxophone and I
just hate it and I don't want to do it,
and I'm quitting and you can't talk me out of it.
And I wrote this whole letter. I wish he would
have kept it because I remember it being very sweet
and him being like, Nick, I don't care, and I
was like, I promise I'll play another instrument. This is

(24:54):
just isn't the one. It's the same way I still
talk when I like write emails to people like I
can't do your podcast right now, but down the road,
I promp, like I always like give I need to
down the road, give you something of myself that I
can't even give you down the road because it's not
enough for me to just have a clear boundary of
like this is where the this is where it ends.
Pop us. I'm not gonna be in any like brass

(25:17):
bands anytime soon. He didn't care at all. I did
the same thing when I quit guitar. I had to
like have like a like cause he spent some I
always felt bad about the money they spent on lessons
and I was a failure. But you know, even writing
songs I feel that way about it's just so difficult
for me, and it's not I don't enjoy the process.
I'm not like, I don't even care that that song's bad.

(25:37):
It's like that song's bad. Taylor Swiss would never write
a bad song. Your trash. Stop doing this, You're a joke.
And it's like none of it's fun. And I'm waiting
for a way to figure out how to do it
because it's something I really want to do. I'm waiting
to find a way to enjoy the process. I'm trying
different ways of doing it so that I can tap
into that. But you know what I'm not doing is

(25:58):
asking musicians over and over like secrets for how they
like did a bee line to success? Like I'm realizing
that it's going to be a hard road to hoe.

Speaker 4 (26:07):
Yeah, it just next time someone gave.

Speaker 3 (26:10):
Me a record deal right now because they heard me
sing on that's my Jam last night on NBC at
ten ninth Central and That's my Jam but hosted by
Jimmy Fallon. I would. I was even thinking today, like
my little dream in my head is that someone goes, Wow,
she's really great. I'm gonna give her a record deal.
She already has a name. I would turn it down
because I don't want a fast track I want to
grind it out and be good and accomplished through my

(26:33):
own like I just want to do. I want to
I want to fail a lot, and which is ironic
because I just said when I fail, I compare myself
to Taylor Swift and I quit. So I don't know
what the solution is.

Speaker 4 (26:42):
But you did it with stand up. I mean you
did when you first start out. You're failing.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
Ever, it felt bad when I failed because I knew
I was really good at it. I knew I was
naturally better at this than most people. I could kind
of take a census of the room and go, I
have a knack for this more than anyone who's at
a beginner love. I just do. And you know, that's
just that's with everything's people have natural inclinations to things.

(27:07):
But do you ever watch a child like Savant play
piano on Instagram or Reddit and you just go, what
is the point of me doing any Like? Why even
show for a lesson today?

Speaker 4 (27:18):
What I think I'll.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
Just throw this keyboard at the possum cage in the
backyard and call it a day, Like I just I
think it all the time when I see these little
virtuoso kids video of these North Korean kids just like zombies,
Like these four year olds playing like perfect guitar, like
just shredding on guitar all in like you know, in

(27:40):
sync with each other, and they're like smiling like robots.
And I was just so jealous of these North Korean
children of that there's a fucking gun, there's a fucking
you know, laser dot on their head. If they screw
up one note, their lives, you know, that can't be
good over there. But I was still like, what's the

(28:01):
point of you doing this? But I guess the point
is is that I could have some emotion in my
shitty guitar playing that they are devoid of because they
aren't allowed to have any lives. So it just sounds like,
you know, just a AI machine playing.

Speaker 5 (28:14):
And they don't cross too like you never hear stories
of them growing up to be successful in the entertainment industry.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
Yeah, you're right. It's really cool that you that I
would sweep us.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
You had the awareness to be able to assess yourself,
which is very rare and I think very rare in
life that you have a clear enough perspective about yourself
to be able to give yourself objective, real feedback, like
you saying, I know I'm good at this and I
have a knack for this. Like most of the time,
we're way too hard on ourselves and we can't properly

(28:47):
assess ourselves. So the fact that you had that is
really cool. And I always tell people when they ask
me advice, go where things are flowing, you know, like
you're saying, you're getting the laughs, it's easy.

Speaker 3 (28:58):
It's co to my vagina. Four Days of the Bottle.

Speaker 4 (29:04):
Yeah, you know, I took you more seriously there because
you were waving a panorama when you're talking, you're pontificating
with the sharpie, and I was like, wow, she's making
one of go.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
To where it's easy, go to where it's But I
like things that are hard.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
Well it can't be hard, but it's like you said,
enjoy the hard. Yeah, And like I remember stressing out
so hard. At one point in my life, I had
been a DJ on the radio for nearly ten years
and I was just hating it toward the end, just
absolutely hating it. And I had a job that so
many people would have killed for in San Diego Midday

(29:42):
Did you hate it?

Speaker 3 (29:43):
I was Diego Drive Time DJ.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
I was dying to be a singer songwriter. I had
all these songs I'd written, I had made a record
by myself. I was dying to be on tour and
playing my music. And I just felt like it was
soul crushing every day. And this used to be my
dream being on the radio, you know. I grew up
listening to Lord Stern and I finally got in there,
and I'm like mid Days in San Diego Market fourteen

(30:07):
or whatever. It was great job, like benefits everything. And
I'm just playing smashing Pumpkins and wanting to kill myself
every day. And I mean not I'm exaggerating, but I
was not happy. And and I remember getting my first
song miss halfway in Gray's Anatomy, and it was like,
whoa I got in Gray's Anatomy. It's in the season.

(30:29):
It's like finishing the show. I got a big check.
I couldn't believe it. And I was just like, how
big was that check?

Speaker 3 (30:35):
What are we talking?

Speaker 2 (30:37):
Two thousand dollars? This doesn't happen anymore.

Speaker 3 (30:40):
But you can almost go to a one Taylor Swift
concert with that.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
This doesn't it well? That for me was like probably,
I don't know a third of my income.

Speaker 3 (30:49):
No, so I mean, that's an insane amount's car.

Speaker 4 (30:53):
And I had a.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Car assume it it was like had been hit in
the middle of the night and hit and run. But
I could still barely drive it. And so I bought
a used car with that check, I remember, and it
completely changed my life. And then I started getting more
and more sinks, like they would put another song in
Grayson out of me.

Speaker 3 (31:11):
And then I was like, that's what it's called, is
a sink?

Speaker 4 (31:13):
Oh yeah, yeah, I was confused, but well.

Speaker 3 (31:16):
She also didn't own a sink, and so she would
go to lows. She would, Yeah, I don't know, they
let it sink.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
Synchoranize the music's to the picture. I think that's where
I come. I don't know, but yeah, that's when I
started going, maybe the universe is kind of trying to
show me there's like a flow happening here. I'm getting
paid for this.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
That's why it's a sink.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
Yes, And then I got a record just was easy.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
It was easy and something was happening, you know, like
I could feel the momentum. Yeah, and my.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
Universe was telling you it was this. You were on
the right track.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
And a friend of mine who I loved and trusted
was hang like my friend oh who passed away a
few months ago. He was always on my ass like
you're such a chicken shit, just quit now. You should
at the radio now and go on tour. And I'm like, dude,
I love you and your faith in me. I got nothing.
I got a record on a bookshelf that nobody bought,
and I'm playing a coffee shop twice a week, like
I have no following, I have no money saved, and

(32:15):
you know, but he was like, just do it quit now.
I'm like, I'm gonna quit when there's a lily pad
I can jump onto. And then I got the lily
pad and I was like, okay, now I can quit
my job. And that's just how I think this takes.

Speaker 4 (32:28):
That.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
It takes someone, take someone believing in you for sure.
And that's why it's like so important to give compliments
very freely when you notice people are talented. And that's
what sucks about so many people are so jealous of
people's talent that they withhold compliments. Not no like so
many people I bet have been you know, just sidelined

(32:50):
from like where just you know, what's the word for it.
When you're driving and then you fear off the road
whatever that is you you get discourage because no one
encourages you, and most of the time it's out of jealousy.
So I mean, yeah, you can probably really suck sometimes
and no one's saying anything, and you should maybe listen
to the silence.

Speaker 4 (33:09):
You know, sometimes you just need a Korean military person
with a sniper rifle telling you to continue.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
You need someone you know, promising you a bag of
rice if that your family will be able to survive
the winter. There, I think about you execute this perfect solo.

Speaker 4 (33:25):
Those North Korean children playing guitar actually is not so
bad because I think, like there could be at least
they're playing guitar. There could be people who are like
you have to be you know, uh do you have
to dig ditches And they're still holding the gun.

Speaker 3 (33:39):
To your your tiny little hands were playing regular size guitars.
By the way, and I'm looking at my niece Poppy,
who is just all over the place naked constantly, can't
really you can't even hold on to her for two
seconds to focus. And the idea that she could like
just way like InSync to other four like how they do.

(34:02):
That is really scary to me how they can control
kids that much, like what the abuses those kids must face,
because it's just impossible to imagine a child behaving that
way with six other children perfectly and doing things on
guitar that you can, in your wildest dreams, could not do.

(34:22):
And therefore it was just it was so so upsetting
in so many ways, but mostly because of my ego.
But yeah, I think that you need to I think that, yeah,
you need to encourage people to when they are good
at something, especially, but you should also look for when.
But what about when you love something so much and

(34:43):
you suck at it, and but you love it it's flowing,
but money is not flowing or opportunities aren't flowing, but
it's still your dream.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
Enjoy it?

Speaker 3 (34:52):
Do you keep doing it? Yeah? But what if part
of it is performing like these are when people have
been auditioned for American Idol and they're like so off key, terrible,
and you go, who could have ever convinced this person
that they were good?

Speaker 1 (35:08):
Like?

Speaker 5 (35:09):
Who lied?

Speaker 4 (35:10):
Who lied to them and told them that they could
do this and put them this embarrassing situation?

Speaker 3 (35:15):
There should be an offshoot, so called who did this
to you? And we find who encouraged these people and
like where what kind of families they come from that
make them think that this is okay. I honestly believe
like there's something for everyone in this world, and what
we find to be like, really, that's not really talent.
There's going to be one person at the end of

(35:36):
the world who is going to love it. Who likes
someone singing totally off key?

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Really, Yeah, there's a Greek restaurant on the Upper West
Side that's going to hire you to play an hour's
worth of why Greek?

Speaker 3 (35:49):
That's so I don't know, Okay, I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
I've played a Greek restaurant before and I was not great. No,
I think Noah's right. You can probably find a place.
But if you can't find a place after months of searching,
just enjoy it in your own home. Why do you
have to earn a living at this because you really
Or go on the street or on YouTube.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
YouTube, yes, and start a YouTube channels.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
There's many of talentless hacks who have succeeded on TikTok
and YouTube and they don't Yes, there shit, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
There's so much garbage on YouTube. And you could probably
be way more successful than any of us.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
At a craft fair this weekend in Nashville, my mom
and I saw that and the amount of crap that
these people devote their lives to making it was. It
really depressed me because it just maybe it didn't depress me.
Maybe it was sweet. Maybe there's something sweet about it
that this man makes brooms out of like old guitar

(36:53):
necks or whatever, like or this one guy was making
like an ant eater out of an old Harley Davidson
body plus a gas tank and then like a gas
nozzle for its Like shit that you wouldn't It's just
the ugliest stuff you've ever seen. And it's and people
care so much and they put up a booth and

(37:14):
they get a card, and they get you know, a sign,
and they hire someone to make a graphic for them
for their It's so crazy to me and to me,
I just guess it's something to keep them busy so
that their husband doesn't have to talk to them.

Speaker 2 (37:29):
Yeah, it's amazing how much bad art there is. My
dad's always sending me emails with the subject adding incredible
and then I open it.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
It's like always like the most bizarre.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
He likes art that's like really really realistic, Like okay, it's.

Speaker 3 (37:47):
It looks like a photograph.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
Yeah, And I'm like, why do you like this? Or
he's into like weird cats dressed up as Harlequin's. I'm like,
you like this?

Speaker 3 (37:56):
Like that's where I go there is something for everyone
where the Noah kind of like art, like just graphic art,
visual art. There is something for everyone because you see
you see clothing people make, and you go, who would
ever want to wear this bedazzled vest that says like
that has like a skull smoking a cigar on the

(38:19):
back of it, like just ugly shit, And there's someone
out there that will like it, And it's it's so
funny to me and why you wouldn't want to make
something that But maybe the person making it likes it.
I guess I can't judge. There is something for this.

Speaker 4 (38:33):
Theory is if you like it, if you love it,
then someone else, well I was someone else might love it.
Then because you're one person and you love it, chances
are the billions of people in the world, there's gonna
be one other person who loves the thing too that
you're making. Yeah, not that it's worth a career, and
I don't think it's worth You know, if you love it,
then that's fine, but I don't think you know, you

(38:54):
should risk your family's dinner on it.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
I guess I just really get scared that maybe I'm
so unself aware that people could be mocking me without
me knowing it and being like she thinks she's fucking talented,
like the way that I mock them. Again, it comes
back to me, I'm judging these people. I'm worried that
someone's gonna think of me that way. Like Anya, you
were having this stress about your teeth, right, will you

(39:18):
explain some of that.

Speaker 2 (39:19):
I've had a rough forty eight hours. I've gone it's
been a dark night of the soul, two nights in
a row. But I'm better now I'm on the other
side of it.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
That's a funny way to say sorry.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
I stole that from Kate. My friend Kate always says it. Yeah,
I was, I'm in my veneers. It's a journey. I
thought I was done, and then I just kept looking
at them and I was just like, they're too long.
They're just still too long. I still don't how much.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Time are you spending looking at them in the mirror.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Like I'll be on a zoom and I'll just be like, God,
my teeth look like chimpmunk teeth. Anyway, then I went
to get I went to see my dermatologist in New
York yesterday, and I'm like, can I ask you something?
You're like a beauty expert, and I just want to know.
I'm going a little crazy with these teeth, and I
just want to ask you about my veneers, my forefront veneers.

(40:08):
I don't even finish my question, which was gonna be
do you think they're a little too long? And I
should have them shaved down just a hair And she goes, yes,
the forefront teeth are much darker than the rest of
your teeth.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Oh, I wasn't.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
Oh no, I.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
Can ask about the shade. And then I start obsessing
about them. Are they I just had some tea, so
that might be it. She goes, They're definitely darker than
the rest. I'm like, fuck me, and then she goes,
but yeah, they are too long, I would say, and
I'm like, okay, okay, thank you, And then I thought
I had another thing.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
What man also through the dangerous game asking and I've
never once asked. I don't know if you've ever noticed this.
I've never once asked is if I have an insecurity?
I never ask you is this is my nose? Big?
Is my forehead? Two long? Is my Do I look
fat in this? Because I will I think it. I

(41:06):
will never ever ask, because you're either lying to me
or you confirm the thing. I'm scared of more than
anything in the world, asking someone do I look fat
in this? Which is like this classic Oh.

Speaker 4 (41:19):
My wife asked me? Do I look like?

Speaker 3 (41:23):
No one ever? Ever? I'm telling you women, protect yourselves,
protect yourselves, and do not ask people for feedback on
your looks ever. Stop this game.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
They could also be wrong. They could also be dead wrong, of.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
Course, of course. And guess who serves to make money
off you by telling you you don't look good enough?
A dermatologist. Sorry, they're in the I'm not this one
in particular. I like her a lot. I've seen her
before too, But I would never ever ask my dermatologist
about my face, even though that's their job to assess

(41:57):
it and give you recommendations. No, thank you, because you
are it's it does not behoove you to tell me
that my face is perfect. The way it is doesn't.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
Give you any different from I have an insecurity and
I want you to uh like it's different from do
I look fat in this? Because that's a pointless You
can't change your fat like immediately, you know. And I
was wanting to shave these down, and I just wanted
someone else to be like, I kind of see what

(42:29):
you're talking about.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
What she did.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
So I was relieved, and I did have them shaved
down a little because a lot of people were like,
I think they look fine. My mom was like, yes,
too big, shaved down? So I did.

Speaker 3 (42:40):
And I don't eat ask a immigrant for anyone from
Eastern Europe about your looks. If you're looking to feel
good about yourself, don't ask because they're gonna give you
an honest answer that it's going to be heartbreaking and.

Speaker 4 (42:59):
You can't judge looks. They can't show you music.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
Do you ask your girl? Do you ask your fiance
Brian like things about your looks? Do you ever like
do the kind of like do you ever do the
because I guess my question is a lot of times
I read memes where girls will be like, would you
love me if I was a worm with no with
a blue Worm, and all I could do was yodel,
and the guy's like, I don't think so She's like,

(43:24):
fuck you. It's like, who would girls actually do this?
I would never want to know what my boyfriend truly
thinks about me. One time, one time, and I will
never forget it because it was well one time Chris
wad in on my looks in a way that might
have been I could take as bad. He one time
said because I was crying about feeling too big in

(43:45):
my body, and he said, I like you at this size.
I like you in a size where you feel like
maybe you're too thin. I like you. I liked you
even at the size when you were doing Nicky and
Sarah Live, which was like seven years prior to this conversation.
And I don't know what the fuck that meant. That
could have meant I was really skinny, or it could
have meant I was a big lady. I don't know,

(44:07):
but I will never forget it ever. And there's something
about there was something wrong with my body back then
that he was like, I even liked you then, And
it wasn't he was just he was saying the best
thing I could have heard then. But of course, my
crazy mind has tattooed that on my amigdala.

Speaker 4 (44:28):
Well, implying that other people did it.

Speaker 3 (44:31):
Even yeah, and I don't know. I still I didn't
ask for clarification. I didn't go, wait, what was with
my body back then? I didn't want to know.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
I don't want to know. It was radically different from
what's that.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
I don't read comments. I don't read comments. I don't
read I don't want any feedback because it's only going
to make me feel worse.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
Agree, I got, don't open the door to something that's done.
I remember my friend saying years ago, she was like, God,
I made a mistake. I was pregnant, and I promised
myself I was never going to ask my husband do
I look fat, or ever like open the door to
commenting on my body. That's just not going to be
a thing. And then I had an insecure day around

(45:11):
my fourth or fifth month, and I said to him
do you think I look fat? And I wish I
had never made that an okay topic because then ever,
periodically throughout my pregnancy, he would make little jokes or whatever,
or like comment on my body, and I hate it.
This is a person with no eating disorder or any
body dysmorphia either. She's like the most normal girl and

(45:32):
she was like it was so annoying and it was
my own fault. So I remembered that, and I've tried
to always kind of keep that a rule for myself,
like don't open the door to like like giving Matt
permission to comment on my looks or anything. It's like
that's not a topic for you.

Speaker 3 (45:50):
Or maybe it's not. Yeah, Chris says I'm hot, and
he'll say stuff like recently, I've been feeling bad and
about my you know, just feeling uncomfortable with my skin.
The other day he was just like, I'm sorry. I
was like naked, and he just goes, I'm sorry, what
could what could you want to change? I don't even know.
It was very nice. He was just like, what, you're perfect,

(46:10):
And I was like, it's the morning. I'm very thin
in the morning. I was like wait. And then yesterday
he was like, and you know, you're right, like you
said yesterday, like in the morning, you're always in thinner.
And he was like, I feel that way for myself,
and I was like, wait, are you confirming that I
am thinner in the morning? And then I like it.
I spun it. He wasn't saying that at all. He
was just saying, oh, it's like you said yesterday about

(46:31):
like you look like more shit throughout the day, meaning
you the general you, not you Nikki Glazer, but it
just like, yeah, you can't win. Do you get into
those with with Ali Brian.

Speaker 4 (46:42):
I don't know if it's a men women thing, because
like when I like, I gained twenty pounds and I've
been working that off leading up to the wedding, and
rather than asking Ali how I look, I would just
walk around the house going I'm a fat piece of
shit and then I would I have my belly. I

(47:03):
would hit my belly. You know how big my fucking
belly is. I'm a fat piece of shit. And she'd
go like, stop saying that, Stop saying that about yourself, Like, no,
but I am. I'm a fat piece of shit. And
now I've lost some of the weight, so I don't
say it anymore. But right that's what I would do.
I don't know if that's because I'm a man.

Speaker 3 (47:21):
Chris also, I mean, I can't speak for how he
experiences this, but I'll try he I'll try to speak
for exactly how he feels. He loves when I do that.
He when he has gained weight, which he will admit to,
he doesn't care. He's just like, it's just an amazing
difference between I think, and this is not all men.
First of all, I know men suffer with eating disorders

(47:43):
almost as much as women do now, so it's I
don't think that I'm blanket statement ing this. But he
looks at when he's gained weight. He's just like, I
just got to like be better and just like change it,
and like it's just like and his stomach can be
like like if my stomach is folding over anything like ever,
if my pants are too tight, I will want to

(48:05):
rip off my skit, like if I'm on co I
need things to fit properly so that they don't feel
like anything's like like if I feel the band of
my underwear like pulling in And this is all my
own obsession. But he just I will be mad at
myself in the present, whereas he will say to himself.
What I imagine he says to himself is like, yeah,
I need to fix this. I'm gonna I'm gonna tighten

(48:26):
things up pretty soon, and I'm gonna like take care
of it. And it's not a moral issue, Like it's
not like he's a bad person. He's a lazy piece
of shit. He you know, he can have a little
thing of like, oh god, I went too hard and
there's a little bit of disappointment maybe in himself for
how he's been eating. But it's not like the end
of the fucking world, and there is a future in

(48:48):
which he gets it together, whereas I think it just
stops with the present. For me, this is what in
the past doesn't even matter of when I when I've
gotten it together in the past, it's like this is
what I am now, and I'm in this and there's
no there's no like and I'm trying to do that
more of like I just need to, you know, tighten
things up, Like oh I just need to like start,

(49:10):
you know, doing a little bit better instead of like
you are bad right now, you're a piece of shit,
Like that's that do you do? You you're talking about
talking about like I'm a fat piece of ship. I've
never done that of like look at this, like that's
almost like jovial and fun, like that's having fun with it.
I mean, you're saying a piece of shit, and I
don't like that. But you're at least like you're just

(49:31):
like you have a good time.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
I'm not getting judged.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
It's not heavy.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
I'm not getting judged like you are. I'm not getting
judged on how I look and different. It's just my shirt.
I'm really upset because my shirt doesn't fit right. But
that's about where it ends. Like no one's telling me
I can't have a job because I'm I'm like twenty
pounds heavier.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
Yes, no one's telling us that either, but it's simply
they're not. They won't say it specifically unless you're a model,
but it isn't. That's even n I have to say.
It's even more annoying. You wish they would just say
it because you know it's true, but they you don't,
you know.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
Be nice if they just said it. They said, listen,
you're too for this job.

Speaker 3 (50:10):
So they used to tell actresses you gotta lose twenty
pounds to play this role in the Avengers and then
what happens. But the truth is, sorry, this Avenger wouldn't
be twenty pounds overweight. Like is that that should be
okay for them to say, But it's it's not. I mean,
I'm not saying it's okay to body shame women and
make them go be anorexic to you know, look like
Storm or whoever she's trying to portray. But I think

(50:34):
it's gone too much the other way too of Like,
I don't know, it's sometimes you there is an aesthetic
that you want for your fashion show or whatever, and like,
if you want all aniroxic models, that's your prerogative. You're
the artist, like, and we.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Can if we want to.

Speaker 3 (50:48):
And we, yeah, we don't have to. Well we can't
wear you because we're not size zeros, but like we
we can hate you for it, and you can hate
us for being fat or whatever it is. Like, but
at the same time, I also love, like, you know,
fat people included in fashion shows and stuff like that.
That always makes me feel really good and happy. And
so I don't know, I'm kind of stuck between. I'm

(51:13):
all over the place, But I see what you're saying
with me is.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
You want to have more of an attitude that Chris
has toward himself when he's going through something, you know,
like a little wake in. You want to have that
kind of forgiveness and extend it to yourself or some
some jovial elements.

Speaker 3 (51:29):
Like a lightness about it. Of like because he'll even
say to me because he knows that I get into
eating the sort of brain. And when I hear him
say I gotta be better about my food, I hear
that as I'm going to start starving myself and I'm
going to be a dick to be around because I
think about myself when I'm starving, and I'm a bitch.
So I think, oh great, my boyfriend is going to
be in a bad mood. He's going to be hungry

(51:51):
and tired all the time because he has to go
on a diet to fix what he's fucked up. But
for him it's like, no, I just have to like
eat more vegetables and go to the g and more.
It's like it's not this like.

Speaker 4 (52:02):
This is all eyes together, this is all this makes
sense with everything you've been talking about. Really, yeah, because
when you talk about.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
A therapist, will you guys get.

Speaker 4 (52:12):
An email frequently already email? No? Because you talk about
playing the guitar and how if it's not good enough
then you just want to quit. It's the same thing
as your body. It's a perfectionist tendency, and you would
rather quit, You would rather rip off your skin than
be seen not good in the eyes of other people. Yes,

(52:34):
And also what does that mean?

Speaker 3 (52:36):
What does it mean if I'm overweight? What does that?
What does that mean to me? What does that mean
to other people? For some reason, I like to piece
that apart, because what's the harm people think? I think
that people will see my depression for me, It's like
they'll see that I'm like I equate when I gain weight.
It's because I'm out of control. I'm depressed. I'm my

(52:58):
emotions are fucking rampant, and I'm probably kind of suicidal
because not because I'm fat, but because I'm eating too much.
I'm regulating my emotions with food, and they can see
through that, even though I'm telling you it most of
the time that I'm feeling depressed or whatever. For some reason,
me having controlled the narrative that way, as opposed to
you looking at me and secretly going like that's what
I was getting to Anya was worried that people were

(53:21):
talking about her behind her back, about her teeth. Her
biggest fear was people. I want I want to be
able to control the narrative about like, guys, I've gained
weight recently. Guys, I'm depressed. I don't want you to
go Like, have you guys noticed that Nikki's arms are
looking a little like that is my biggest fear. Why
who gives a fuck? You know, but that is our
biggest fear.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
Yeah, I was fearing that. Matt was like, her teeth
are kind of beaverbuctus, but I'm not gonna tell her
because I love her and she probably can't change it,
you know, That's what I ask or some sort of
good They are kind of big, but it's fine. It's
too late. She can't get her old ones back. I'll
just be honest.

Speaker 3 (53:59):
Oh, I was like, they look like Taylor Swifts and
I'm jealous.

Speaker 2 (54:02):
I was worrying my dentist, like was going to be annoyed,
Like Jesus Christ, here comes a time and it's bitch
that's been in four times this last year.

Speaker 4 (54:12):
I got really Oh yeah, if my dentist has me
on a list, she says. She has written in her
notes that no other person at her practice is allowed
to talk to me. What because I've been there so often,
because I'm full of problems and they can't explain it.
And I have psycho issues. You and I keep getting

(54:33):
surgical of interventions that don't work.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
And they talk to him, they might say something that
will set that he needs to fix. Yeah, and she
told you that.

Speaker 4 (54:42):
She wrote it down in the notes, and then I went.
I went one time to the dentist and she just.

Speaker 3 (54:46):
Where the bathroom was to someone and they wouldn't even
look at him. And he has started to suspect things.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
So he looked in the online portal and it's like, patient, is.

Speaker 4 (54:56):
My dentist that can talk to me. Was on a
trip to Italy and I and I made an appointment
and I went in with teeth pain and the dentist
UH came in. She looked at me and I was like, well,
can you help me with this? And then she and
she said sure, I can help you with this. She
went out of the room, looked at the notes, came
back in and she said, I'm sorry, I cannot help you.

(55:17):
And she left the room and then she sent in
a receptionist to play interference.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
That is, so you.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
Were in pain, so no one helped you? Not No,
it's in his head. And they knew that this woman
is correct, she's protecting Brian his own self. She's like, yes, maybe, yeah,
And you know what your doctor should have said is
I'm not weighing in on your teeth. It is not
in my jurisdiction. And I'm not to give you advice.
They should know their lane. And yes, it's like, Okay,

(55:48):
take a break. We're gonna come back. We're gonna help
some people because I think we have some advice to
give in our fan thrust and we're gonna get some
fan threats today. Don't even think we won't. We'll be
right back with your call after this. All right, we're
back and we're talking to Brian because we're not at
his dentist's office. To Brian.

Speaker 4 (56:11):
E after this episode, I can't believe it's up to disclaimer.
It's up to you whether or not to take our advice.

Speaker 3 (56:19):
I mean, yeah, I think I think we're set to
give some We just I yeah, I go to you
guys for advice. Noah's been quiet. She's the best advice giver. Yes,
I don't know if I'm the best, but you are
one of the best. Empathetic, understanding. You do the thing
where you like say you repeat back to the person
what they're worried about, and like confirm like you're not

(56:41):
crazy for feeling this way, and then you offer advice
in a gentle way that always makes me feel seen
and hopeful. You're very good at it, very good.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
Sometimes she's very lucky to have had a mess.

Speaker 4 (56:57):
Excellent, excellent, specific, honest compliment. Sometimes people are shitty at compliments.
I read a book about this. That's a good compliment.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
I think I'm very good compliment myself in that way.
Oh yeah, Brian, thank you. Actually, yeah, I'm sorry. I
took that away from you and gave it to myself
from you. Thank you for that compliment. All right, let's
get to fan thrax. Thank you, ab All right, Well,

(57:28):
who do we have?

Speaker 5 (57:31):
Well, I wanted to read a quick fan thrax that
we got on Instagram from Caitlin. So she listened to
Not Horseworthy when Julie was on the pod talking about
her concussions, and she goes and Nicky's okay. So I
just listened to the recent episode with Nicki's mom and
couldn't believe she was called pig woman. My dad is

(57:53):
one of eight and his sister was also called pig
woman by her siblings. Whoa kirie If that's a generational thing.
My dad and his siblings were born in the fifties
through sixties.

Speaker 3 (58:05):
Yes, same, my mom's born in fifty nine. Wow, pig woman,
they need to meet It must have been like some
kind of comic book character or something.

Speaker 4 (58:15):
Pig woman. They I think they should have a little
they should meet up, and all the pig women of
America should have a meeting.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
I believe my mom made it out alive. And I
am as normal as I am, and she is as
normal as she is to be. Well, Chris is like,
I even loved you when you were a pig. I
mean when you when you're whatever size you are.

Speaker 4 (58:36):
Okay, So I have some information about pig woman. Apparently, yes, apparently.
In New Jersey in nineteen twenty two, a man and
a woman were murdered next to a and their bodies
were found next to a tree, and the prosecutions star
witness was named the pig Woman.

Speaker 3 (58:59):
Oh my god.

Speaker 4 (59:00):
Yes, her real name was Jane Gibson. She who lived
in the neighborhood.

Speaker 3 (59:04):
And why was she nicknamed the ping woman?

Speaker 4 (59:06):
Do we have any Well, I haven't read that's this.
I haven't read the whole thing. But the prosecution told
the jury the big woman was dying and wished to
get the real story off her conscience. Why is she
a pig woman? It doesn't say. It just says she
was known as the pig woman.

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Okay, all this sounds like an episode of Perry Mason.

Speaker 4 (59:25):
She was a witness to a murder.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
Okay, I'm guessing she took care of pigs. No one
would call someone actually in the twenties, who knows. Okay,
let's get to.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Let's get to some voicemails. Here's the first one from Molly.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Do you have advice on what to do when you
developed feelings for a friend and they're like a best
friend and you hang out all the time, and I
did just have anse feelings that have built and you
just like they're just like boiling, you know, you just

(01:00:00):
want to tell them, but you're also so scared of
It's like if it doesn't last in or end up
in like a relationship, there's always that weird layer added
to your friendship and you can't go back. And I
don't know, man, advice, help help, just just please help.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
Yeah, girl, sweet?

Speaker 3 (01:00:28):
Oh man, so sweet. I bet he has a crush
on you too. I mean most of the time it
is reciprocal.

Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
I was getting turned on just listening to her voicemail
for some reason.

Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
Voice. Yeah, you know why, because it's so awesome having
a crush, yes, especially when that you get to be
around all the time and they don't know it, Molly.
As much as this is hard, something's either gonna happen
with this guy or not gonna happen. Nothing will ever
feel as good as having a crush. Else it will

(01:01:01):
Nothing will light you up inside. Not eternal love, not fine,
not your wedding day, not casually dancing on the dance
floor with your betrothed. Nothing will ever feel as good.
Not heroin, no drug can ever make you feel this way.
It is. I'm jealous. I'm honestly jealous because I will

(01:01:23):
never have this again if I win with Chris the
rest of my life, I'll never have this like unrequited
or like seemingly hope, hope that it could be requited. Crush.
It's exactly so they could like you back. It's so good,
it's it's and once you find out if they like you,
it's fine. It's not as good as not knowing Yes,

(01:01:47):
and then you get bored, and then you both like
each other. It's this mystery that feels so good, so
as uncomfortable it is, know that it is just a
great feeling and really fun and you will someday hear
someone talk about it and feel the same way I do,
which is like I'm just making a face like I am, Yeah,
you were kind of looking making a face like I
don't think I remember liking that feeling so much.

Speaker 1 (01:02:09):
Crushes.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
I always remember being like, I know why.

Speaker 3 (01:02:12):
This is called their crush because.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
It's just like, oh, there's so much tension there.

Speaker 3 (01:02:20):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:24):
It's like I want to let myself have it. I'm
going to enjoy the hunger.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
And I'm always like having a crush as being in
an eternal state of anticipation.

Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
Yes, yes, it's Christmas Eve forever, and that's what I like.
I don't like Christmas. I like Christmas Eve. I don't
like June first, my birthday. I like May thirty first,
it's better than my birthday. I don't like June second.
It's the worst. I don't know, Like, I love being
in my relationship, but I love when we miss each
other and we're like about to see each other first time.
That's all the good stuff. And then and I'm not
wrong because studies have been done, and your dopamine levels rise, rise, rise, rise.

(01:03:00):
If you're going out to eat and you ordered food
that you're really excited about, it's rising, rising, rising. Oh,
you see it coming, the waiters bringing it, peak, peaking, peaking.
You take your first bite, plummet That's when it starts
to go down and you think, you're like, no, this
is the most enjoyable part. It's not plummeting, but it's
it's descending from that first bite on. But you right
before the first bite.

Speaker 4 (01:03:21):
I have two suggests. I have pitches. I have two
pitches of what she could try to do. One thing
she could try to do is say that she is
looking to go date, she's getting on the apps or whatever,
and she wants to get his advice, and then she
can kind of feel out how he feels about giving
her advice.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
Because chessing, Molly has already tried to try this. I
mean that isn't that the first in your toolbox of
like mentioning another guy you think is cute or something.
I feel like there is some sort of I could
be wrong but I think that is great advice. You
you you test the waters to see if they get
a little jealous.

Speaker 4 (01:03:57):
Yeah, test the waters.

Speaker 2 (01:03:58):
It's the worst one. They don't.

Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
Oh godd Anya has a whole song about it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
I have a whole life about it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:07):
Notice Me. Anya's song Notice Me is a really good
song to listen to, Molly, because it's even though she
was sleeping with that person who didn't who she was
just friends with. That's the worst is when you're hooking
up with a friend casually and you love them and
they don't feel the same way.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
Any day it's been five years, any day he's gonna
want to be my boyfriend?

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
What are some pitches?

Speaker 4 (01:04:30):
What about doing that thing where you say if we're
both single and ten years, we'll get married and see
how he reacts to that.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
Okay, I'm not crazy about that one because it's too forward.
I think what I've done because I've been this girl
many times and I Molly, I think you probably know
he likes you back, but he's just you're like waiting
for the next shoe to drop, because I don't think
you would even call in and have hope if you
didn't kind of know he liked you, right, but maybe not.

(01:05:04):
Maybe he totally sees you as a friend. I think
that no guy hangs out with a girl constantly as
a best friend unless there's some kind of vibe there. Yeah,
unless they have a girlfriend already. And then you guys
are like, have this because I've had best friends that
are guys and like, is.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
It a guy?

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
Is it a girl? We don't know, it's just her friend.

Speaker 3 (01:05:23):
Okay, yeah, I think it's a guy. But I could
be wrong. Maybe I'm just injecting that into it. But okay, whatever,
so the person is probably probably.

Speaker 4 (01:05:34):
I have the answer. I know what to do. Great, okay, Okay,
so first thing what we all know not to do.
Do not do this. Do not get this person a
gift or something like that.

Speaker 3 (01:05:45):
Don't take anything.

Speaker 4 (01:05:46):
What you should do is for the next month, start
acting aloof yep, don't just maybe you can't hang out
so often, maybe you're just a little bit busy. Don't
bring anything.

Speaker 3 (01:05:59):
Specific of what you want to do.

Speaker 4 (01:06:01):
Yes, And then over time you might see him start pursuing.
He'll start to get a little nervous, he'll start pulling
his collar.

Speaker 3 (01:06:07):
Go on dates, go on dates, startling dates and don't
even no, do tell him, but be casual about it,
but schedule dates just for the like, because I know
when I really am in love with someone, I don't
want to go on dates with other guys, Like I
know who I like, and but you just just do
it for him. Here's you like doing.

Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
Dress up, look cute, look hot every time you see.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
Them, skin, touch your hair a lot, and.

Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
Don't dying to hang out, like, don't be desperate, and.

Speaker 3 (01:06:42):
If you want to, just like cut to the chase.
And this is what I've done every single time with
guys that in this I've I think every single guy
I've ever had anything with I was friends with first.
Maybe not every one of them, but ninety percent. And
this doesn't work because I never ended up with any
of them, but I did end up dating some of them.

(01:07:02):
I've told this before. You'll be hanging out as friends
just casually and you go, oh my god, I forgot
to tell you, and they go what, and you go,
I like you? And you just make it seem so
casual and you go, I like you, and they're like
they'll start to like laugh and you're like, yeah, oh
my god, I forgot, like I like you I think
we should like make out, Like you just say it

(01:07:23):
like it's nothing, it's funny. Should we then it's funny? Yeah?
You just go, oh my god. You know, I was
just thinking and they're like, wait, what, like you don't
see a movie like you'll think you have like an idea.
You just go, we should make out, and they're like,
take it will be funny, and so they laugh first,
and then that kind of cuts the tension.

Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
I will know about that, But that can work with
a very passive guy. I think who needs who cannot
make the first move, but I I have had experience. Well,
let me say one thinkers, here's the good news. You
cannot have, according to all these big thinkers and philosophers,
cannot have attraction.

Speaker 3 (01:08:02):
Tout who doesn't have attraction to you?

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Is that right?

Speaker 3 (01:08:07):
Yes, it has to go both ways. But what about
all the times that you've like longed for someone and
they didn't like it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:12):
Right, It doesn't mean they're going to do anything about it,
or they're serious or they're a great partner. But if
you're feeling an attraction, you're not crazy. There's a vibe
and maybe that person's trying out to people.

Speaker 4 (01:08:24):
Definitely weren't attracted to me.

Speaker 3 (01:08:26):
I think it's more than like wanting to fuck them. Okay,
like feeling a sparkle.

Speaker 4 (01:08:33):
I want people and they don't want to fuck me
at all.

Speaker 2 (01:08:36):
When you're feeling like is there something here? There probably is,
but it doesn't mean they're great for you. I had
it happen once with a friend who I never ever
ever thought of as attractive, and I couldn't believe it
when it happened. And but I did want to hang
out with them all the time, and we were hanging
out a lot, and we were very good friends. And

(01:08:56):
then one night I was like, not even crushing on
them at all, and they were like, let's go to
a speakeasy and we were hanging out and just talking,
and I don't know what happened. I was like, cud
him cold, cold in this place it's freezing.

Speaker 6 (01:09:09):
Oh I'm a little cold a little dress, and he's like,
you're always cold to his skin. Yep, it's something happened
where I had some vulnerability. And I'm usually the alpha
with this relationship, but I wasn't that night. I had
my period, I hadn't showered in two days, I had
greasy hair, I was throwing out.

Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
Some kind of weird hormone pheromone. I didn't care about
them at all, and he was.

Speaker 4 (01:09:32):
All alpha moves right there. Described it is, Yeah, you're
like a total alpha. You're giving off your hormones. You
don't give me.

Speaker 3 (01:09:39):
He was like, this person that you're talking about likes
alpha women, so I think that. And he was like,
it's not far off.

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
Let's go for a drink. And I'm like, no, I'm tired.
I want to watch Real housewives. And he's like, get
out of your house. Let's go for a drink. Meet me.
I'm bored, Let's go for a drink. I'm like fine.
I was just like so cranky. I mean, this is
the way you want to be. I wish I liked
this person at the time. And then we go I'm cold.
Next thing, I know, he puts his jacket on me

(01:10:08):
or I like somehow we're like closer together than usual,
and then I don't know what the fuck happened, and
he he looked at me weird, and I looked at
him weird, and then I think he said should we kiss?
And I was like ew no, I was like no way.

(01:10:29):
And then he's like I think we should and I
was like, you do we're like friends, and he's like,
I think we should kiss, and then we kiss and
it was like twenty minutes of I looked up when
we were done with the kiss, I came up for
air and the entire bar that was full was empty
and they were closing down. I'm like, how did I
lose at least twenty minutes of my life? And it

(01:10:50):
was like an amazing kiss and a disaster of the
next few months of my life. But it was so
fun to just like have this weird thing happened with a.

Speaker 4 (01:11:01):
Friend and are you friends now?

Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Yeah, we're friends now. We came out of it. It
had to happen. We were hanging out too much, too often,
and you know, we're not that close anymore, but like
I consider them, you know, an acquaintance. And it was
it's sort of like it's like you're really gonna have
a ZiT on your face for three weeks. It's like
a white head and you're never gonna pop it. That's
how I look at it, Like it's got to blow

(01:11:26):
at some point.

Speaker 4 (01:11:27):
But try incremental.

Speaker 3 (01:11:29):
I remember the whole thing of like what if we
ruin the friendship I'm like, fuck the friendship. We got
a situation down here. I'm uncomfortable every time we hang out.
I remember that you were like piece, so mohabo, you
don't care about our dumb friendship. I remember he looked

(01:11:51):
so sad when I said that to ye, he really
seemed bumped. And to tell you the truth, we don't
have a friendship anymore because I got my heart broken
and I was a bit of about it, and so
he will never trust me or really be my friend again.
And I did ruin the friendship because I because you
can't really go back, Anya, You'll never be as close
as that person as you were. You can't go back,

(01:12:13):
so that you are running that risk, Molly, But it
doesn't sound like there's any other option. You gotta pop
that ZiT.

Speaker 4 (01:12:19):
Steps first, Take the steps before you get to the
thing where you just come out and say it. Take
the steps.

Speaker 3 (01:12:26):
I want to hear. I want to hear an update.
I'm sure this voicemail is old because we haven't done
these a while. Can you tell us an update of
what has happened since? Because I know that you didn't
wait for us to give you advice. Something has happened
you were chomping at the big girl and everyone else fails.
Play him this podcast and go do you want to
hear a podcast? And then that's how you can tell him,
even though I don't think that works in scept on TikTok.

(01:12:46):
You see people be like, tell your point to your
crush in the car, and they'll like point to the guy,
and the guy's like really, and then they start making
out and they live happily ever after. Have you seen those? Okay,
let's get to the next stuff. Fanther Rex.

Speaker 5 (01:12:58):
Okay, here's a very very cute voicemail from Catherine Nikki.

Speaker 8 (01:13:02):
I have been a bestie since You're Not Safe days.
Oh my god, and it has been so interesting to
grow with you. I love the Not Safe podcast so
much that I even listened to Brian's Alien podcast. Brian,
and in that time, I had just graduated high school,
and I loved during Chris's relationship, and I would often

(01:13:25):
compare it to my own. And now years later, the
guy that I was seeing then and I are back together.
You and Chris are back together. And here I am
again listening to your podcast with Brian as I'm again
about to graduate, this time.

Speaker 2 (01:13:42):
With my masters Yeah, it just.

Speaker 8 (01:13:44):
Feels like I've been zipped back to the summer of
twenty sixteen. And I love this weird parallel cycle that
we're on and I can't wait to see where it
takes us.

Speaker 2 (01:13:53):
Oh, I love Bestie.

Speaker 3 (01:13:56):
I love you so much. Holy fuck, God really touched me.
It's true. What about thank you so much? I'm sure
where's our journey?

Speaker 2 (01:14:10):
I want to talk about our relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:14:13):
I'm sure it's just off with you guys right now,
just like it's something, it's off and on. No that
it's so freaking sweet, and it means so much to
me because I have been around long enough now that
I have fans from so many different stages and they'll
be like, I know you from Nicken Saturdays, I know
you from Not Safe Days, I know you from you know,

(01:14:33):
Last Comic Standing days. Like I had a fan, Charlie
Fields come to my show last in Vegas. No it
was the Phoenix or no, sorry Tucson, and he was
my first fan ever. He found me from Last Comic
Standing season four two thousand. It was two thousand and six.

(01:14:53):
And I have another fan from that time, to Matt
who we text still, and it's just like so cool,
cool to like grow up with people. And I really
I it's so cute to me when people say, like
I watched Nicky and Sarah in high school and now
they're like adult children, you know, adult people. It's just
it's really special. And I love that you're off and
on again with your person, and yeah, and there's no

(01:15:17):
shame in being off and on again. I think it's
I say a joke in my act that Chris and
I have been off and on for ten years, and
it always gets a laugh, and I'm like, that's a setup,
you guys, that's just the facts. It always gets a laugh,
And I'm like, what is so funny about that? What
is wrong with people that like stay together or like
that not that stay together the whole time? Nothing wrong
with that. Good for you that break up and never

(01:15:39):
get back together. I don't understand it. I don't get it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:44):
Final thought, it's like you have a lot of resilience
to you. I think it's cool that you guys, obviously.

Speaker 3 (01:15:51):
You all can break up and not get back together.
I don't get it. You once spent every waking Let's
say you lived with the person, once lived with this person,
they were your everything. You said I love you. You
had hopes and dreams of spending your whole future together.
Then one day you break up and you don't talk
at all anymore. And the best key scenario, you're like

(01:16:12):
trying to be friends, and we all know how that goes.
It doesn't really work, you're co parenting or whatever it's.
I don't. I don't have the strength for it. I
am so in awe of people that can seemingly do
the thing that everyone does, which is break up forever.
I don't. I I just don't. I don't understand how
you could do that. Every time Chris and I break
up and I do think, okay, this could be forever.

(01:16:35):
I don't even let myself entertain that I could only
break up because I know we have the ability to
get back together at some point. That's the only reason
I can break up, if that makes sense. Have you
guys gotten back together with people you've broken up with?

Speaker 1 (01:16:49):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (01:16:51):
Oh yes, Oh my god, I mean I didn't. In
high school, I my first ever girlfriend, uh uh. She
was two years older than me and and she kind
of like scooped me up out of obscurity.

Speaker 3 (01:17:06):
To date, is that her dance move that was her
dance move. You had the punch and she had the scoop.

Speaker 4 (01:17:11):
This is like. And then she one day I found
out that she had given a blow job to her
ex boyfriend because she felt like the The explanation was,
she felt like she owed him one because of all
the time high school.

Speaker 3 (01:17:31):
That makes sense somehow, you know, like that that was
probably enough to make you go, I guess you're right. Yeah,
you know, like, I'm sure you accepted that on some
and I was.

Speaker 4 (01:17:41):
High school broken hearted, and I was playing music as
so loud that you know. My dad was like, can you.

Speaker 3 (01:17:48):
What was your song back then? To help you?

Speaker 4 (01:17:51):
Oh I was. I was listening to red Hot Chili Peppers. Okay,
sometimes I feel don't have a partner, Okay, yes, uh
so literal, yes, I was. I only listen to the literal songs.
I'm single. Now, you know, she sucked his dick and

(01:18:12):
she was his ex like stuff like that. Uh. And
then I was very distraught. And then like six months later,
I I just was like, you want to get back together?
And then for some reason I was fine with it
and we did, and then we did it for like
a whole other year.

Speaker 3 (01:18:29):
Okay, yeah, I don't think that. I think, I think
it's the cool thing to do. And I also am
someone who's terrified of committing to anything for the rest
of my life, and so breaking up forever is just
not ever. Like the song we are never ever getting
back together. Could never say that to someone because it's
just too It's I would have to start the grieving

(01:18:50):
process and I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:52):
The level of like yuck with someone, that's what happens
to me. I'm like, you're giving me the yucks, Like
I can't ever picture us, yes, ever being physical again.
I'm done goodbye for it?

Speaker 3 (01:19:05):
Yes, but yeah, yeah, but I'm I don't know. I
just there's a part of me that says, like maybe,
like even when I move out of apartments that I'll
never move into again, there's a part of me that's like,
I could go back if I want it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:20):
Oh, I could definitely go back to every apartment I've
ever seen.

Speaker 3 (01:19:22):
This is the point. That's the point I want to make.
It's not that I want them back. I at least
want the option. And so I don't know. It's like
I always knew. I always felt with Chris, like if
I really want to make this work, and not that
he's just like someone that will just take me back whenever,
because it certainly was not that way. I just always
knew if I wanted it, we could make it happen.

(01:19:45):
And that's another thing. Like Chris and I have not
been easy. It's not been easy. And all you hear
from couples about how they knew when they knew, is
that it was easy. It was finally easy, Shut the
fuck up. I don't relate to that at all. It
doesn't make me feel good, it doesn't make me feel hopeful.

(01:20:05):
My relationship has been a struggle. There are times when
it's easy, and that's fucking great, but it was not easy.
And you know what, Neither was my career that I
love so much. Neither was having nothing I've ever Neither
was like getting into shape or learning a guitar. None
of it's been easy. All these things that brought me
a men's joy, none of it's easy, I've enjoyed. But
I've enjoyed the pain because it makes me appreciate Taylor

(01:20:29):
swift songs more. It makes me so much happier. Because
Chris has even said before when we've been breaking up
and I've been like please, let's just like go to
therapy and like we can work through this, like we've
worked through harder. There's been times where he has said, like,
do you ever just think like we're just trying to
make something work that isn't working, and that it's just

(01:20:49):
time to maybe give up. He said that before, and
like you know, times where there was no really hope
and that we had to overcome a lot of stuff
and a lot of stuff was said. We pulled a
real shive and Tom wom last episode if you know
what I'm talking about, where we cleared the air and
things are said and there's no resolution. We're just had
all this dirty stuff out there, and it's felt like
and I go, look at all this. We can now

(01:21:10):
clean this up because we see it right, And He's gone, no,
this is too much. And I've always said, but if
when we overcome a really hard time where we both
want to like call it quits, and we make it
past that, I feel so much cooler and better about
my relationship because we can withstand anything. If we were

(01:21:32):
able to get through this, and it makes me feel
not that it's like that's what I should wish for
everyone to have, like just hard times in a relationship.
But now when stuff comes up with Chris, I'm like, well,
that's nothing, Like We've already dealt with way harder than that.
And I think that, you know, every relationship is going
to face those hurdles, whether it happens within your relationship

(01:21:53):
or circumstantial things outside of it. But it's for me.
I don't like when people say it's gonna be easy.
You'll know because it's easy. It just has never been
easy with him and I and unless unless it is,
when it is, it's great when we're on the couch
and we're like, but but now I think we could

(01:22:13):
handle anything.

Speaker 2 (01:22:14):
Because we feel like all the fights that I've been through,
like the big ones with Matt, they've all really made
us closer and were committed. Of course, in the moment,
it sucks, but I don't think we would have been
as solid if we hadn't seen those dark times. I
wonder what's gonna happen with Tom and Ship. Oh my god,
I can't take it.

Speaker 3 (01:22:35):
It's not good. Watched it last night with Anya, watched
it the night or I'm going to watch it again twice.
I want to have twice because they're masterpieces. And yeah,
I could watch it again tonight and analyze it because
there's things you catch.

Speaker 2 (01:22:49):
Brian, But Noah, what we're talking about the names of
the characters, and I know the relationship from season one.

Speaker 3 (01:22:58):
Oh yeah, well, let's just say no one on the
show is a good person. They're all self serving, they're
all just but you root for some of them because
you know what, none of us are good people. Humans.
Who just said it?

Speaker 2 (01:23:14):
I was just listening to Kendal.

Speaker 3 (01:23:18):
No, it wasn't Kendall. I was listening to something. God, No, no, no,
this was a really good quote. Where was it an
y'all caring it with you guys?

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
Humans are gonna.

Speaker 3 (01:23:31):
Humans? People are the worst humans? Or humans are the
worst people? Was that was that succession? I thought it
was something I just said, Yeah, humans are the I've
always said humans are the worst people. No, it was
some podcast I was listening to, and oh it was.
I think it was The Last Days of August, this
suicide podcast I've been listening to. But humans are the

(01:23:53):
worst people and it's true, like, and this is why
I'm so upset. Final thought on this, Taylor Swift, Matt
Thealy thing. If you are someone out there who's like
Matt heally's problematic, and we don't want our girl a
dating him. Blondie deserves better because a number of things.
He once made out with one of his audience members

(01:24:14):
who had a sign that said will you be my
first kiss? And he didn't check to see if she
was legal. Turns out she was, but he didn't check. Problematic.
Another one was he was on a podcast and someone
did an impression of an Asian voice and he laughed. Problematic.
Another time was he used the R word and then
when he apologized, he used the R word again to say,
I'm sorry for saying the R word. Problematic. You know what,

(01:24:38):
any one of you swifties out there who are so
up in arms about our girl, our blondie dating this
problematic dude, look at who you date. Think about the
guys you date. Do you think none of them have
drunkenly said something racist to their friends? Not that I
think that's okay, but do you think they've never you know,

(01:25:00):
bed in a school zone, or called their mom a
cunt to her face, or or maybe done some maybe
fingered a girl in a dance wor when she didn't
really want it. Of course, your drunken idiot boyfriends have
done that.

Speaker 4 (01:25:12):
You think none of them ever held a sniper rifle
up to a North Korean child.

Speaker 3 (01:25:17):
I'm just saying, no one's perfect. And even if you
your boyfriends your perfect Mormon perfect like pristine boyfriends never
did any of that shit, they've at least thought some
fucked up shit. No one is perfect. Leave her alone.
She's allowed to date whoever the fuck she wants. Did
it ever occur to you that she doesn't owe you
or me anything? It doesn't matter who she dates, It

(01:25:41):
doesn't matter what you think the person you think she
should date. That she's letting her fans down by associating
with someone who once liked a tweet from JK Rowling
or whatever the fuck you have it in your head
that she's now associated with a problematic person. And by
the way, problematic is the most problematic term I've ever
heard in my fucking life. Stop using problematic because it's

(01:26:02):
this tenth term that you can use that can expand
between liking someone's tweet of someone that once said the
N word jokingly and that you're problematic because you like
to tweet of theirs three years later and you don't
know that three years prior they use the N word
in a joke, or they sang along to a rap
song once and said the N word. You're problematic for
liking their tweet. So that can mean problematic that you

(01:26:22):
like to tweet of someone who is problematic, or it
can mean that you like career. You know, firebombed a
uh a cynical marathon right Like, it's that's what problematic
can be. So you can just make this blanket statement
about Matt Heally being problematic. You don't know any of
the facts, and when you do, they all list out
like like you're just what, who do you want her

(01:26:43):
to date? You know, because the Dalai Lama just made
out with a kid, So anyone who seems to be
so pious and pure for our dear Taylor Swift, she's
allowed to date whoever she wants. You're never gonna like
whoever she dates. You know why, only you know why.
You're never gonna like who she dates because you want
to date her because you are in love with her
just like I am, and you want her to all

(01:27:05):
to yourself. You know, Joe wasn't good enough for her
at the beginning either, You're jealous and you're jealous, not
only of the person that she's dating, because you can't
have her, and you want to be Matt Heally and
you can't be. No, I'm not gay, Yes you are.
You're gay for Taylor. You know you are. Anyone who's
getting on Reddit and going he's problematic. Here's why. Oh
my god, Joe please come back and save her. Oh

(01:27:27):
my god, a third plane hit the Swifty Towers. Matt
Healey's at her concert. Whatever you're saying, these are the
things I'm reading. You're obsessed with her. You think she
owes you something. She doesn't owe you fucking anything anything.
And also you're jealous because she's having fun and you're
in a loveless marriage. You're in a relationship that's boring
or it's love. You have lots of love. Let's say

(01:27:48):
you I love my partner, Nikki. You don't know what
you're talking about, okay, but it's not as exciting as
the sex Taylor's having right now, and you fucking know it.
And you'll never have that again because you can only
have that sex in the beginning of relationship. So you
see your girl out there having so much fun, and
you're jealous you're jealous she's with someone else that isn't you,
and you're jealous she's having fun and that in your
life is miserable. And you know the person that you're

(01:28:11):
with has done way more problematic things if you've comed
through everything he ever tweeted, or ever said, or ever thought,
just as much as Matt Heally did. Matt Healey's not
a bad person. He's a guy who drank a lot
and does dumb shit. He's a rock star who's been
enabled by fans who love him. You would do the
same shit if you were him. He's and he's apologized
for everything he's done. So shut up, shut up, and

(01:28:33):
just remember Taylor Swift owes you nothing. Nothing. She doesn't
owe you doing a three hour concert in the rain,
but she gave you that. We think that she I
get under the impression that she owes me something, but
she owes you nothing. She can date whoever she wants.
She can date Kanye if she wants. It doesn't matter,
it's not connected to her music. Chill the fuck out.

(01:28:54):
And you know what, Nikki, you should chill the fuck
out too. I know I'm about to stop. Okay, So
thank you for listening. To the podcast. That is my
final thought on Matt Healing and Taylor Swift, and that
is it. Leave her alone, let her have fun. Stop
being jealous. That's all for now. Thank you for this
on EPI Shoe. I need to catch my fun. Have
a cigarette, and uh, and don't be kiss and di

(01:29:15):
di digit Just leave her alone and let her have fun.

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Nikki Glaser

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