#422 Loving "I'm Just Ken", Nikki Look-A-Likes, The Enneagram Test & Toxic Shame

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Gliser Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Here's Nikki.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
Hello here, I am welcome to the podcast. This is
Nicki Glazer Podcast. Fresh week of shows coming right at
you on time, recorded the week of the So you
know we've been We've had to bank some the past
couple of weeks because I was in Australia and we
had other stuff going on. But now they're fresh, they're
up to date, you know, within a couple of days.

(00:32):
Let's be honest, we.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Won't find them the discount bin. Why did you say
you won't find them in the discount bin?

Speaker 2 (00:38):
What does that mean? Because in the discountan is all
like the stuff because.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Oh yes, a reference to what Julie Glazer likes to eat.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
Catch phrase too. She's been saying that.

Speaker 3 (00:51):
I'm like, where have I missed this reference? But yes
she did say it. Like Julie Glazer, who is here, says,
I know she's not getting the camp.

Speaker 5 (01:00):
Ben and then we don't want them, Yeah we don't.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
Then we don't want it. Julie Glazer is here.

Speaker 5 (01:07):
Hi, mom, thanks for having me.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
Yeah, we're twitting today. We're wearing the same sweatshirt. She
came in wearing a sweat shirt that I've got us
both for Christmas.

Speaker 5 (01:16):
She had to hurry up and put hers on.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
I put mine on as my mom was taking hers off,
being like it is hot in here, and I.

Speaker 5 (01:21):
Go but I'm I'm putting it on a look like
I'm hot.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
And so now she's hot and Brian Franzie's here. I
was with Brian all weekend. We were in port Chester,
New York on Sunday night, and then we were with
you Ben Salem at Parks Casino on Saturday night. Wow,
good shows, great crowds, let's besties.

Speaker 5 (01:45):
We had a good crowd turnout on Sunday night.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
Honestly, yeah, great, well done. You were in west Chester County,
New York during literally during as the Well the Oscar
started an hour before you have made the opening monologue
and then zip to the theater and seen it.

Speaker 6 (02:03):
But Ryan Gosling went to the Oscars and then Cam Snicky.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Oh, I'm so glad he didn't make a guitar show
because I had watch his performance of I'm Just Ken
and I want to watch it four and five and six.
But I'm trying to like taper it because i want
to maximize the joy that it gives me every time,
so I'm trying not to overdo it.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Would you like about it?

Speaker 3 (02:30):
What was happening? So good? Okay, first of all, this song,
the movie itself was great, but hit Ken's Arc. I
haven't even considered, like, there's so many times with a
song that I'll just hear it and it's just a
song and it's it's it's good. It sounds good, and
I like the way it sounds and it makes me
feel a certain way, but I don't really know why.

(02:51):
And then I'm listening to I'm watching it, you know,
at the Oscars, and I've watched it now two or
three times, and I'm like, oh, this song's fucking amazing.
This is a song about a guy who's overshadowed by Barbie,
doesn't feel seen by Barbie, is in a relationship where
he's not getting his needs met and he doesn't feel
like he has value, and so he inherently thinks he

(03:14):
doesn't have value in anywhere. And because the whole world
is built his world that he lives in Barbieland is
built to make him feel marginalized. So he's this man
with low self esteem that's constantly acting like it's not
a problem, right, like I'm okay because I watched Barbie
again last night, or I started watching it and I
kind of saw his struggle, which I already knew about,
but I wasn't in tuned with it. Of like, this

(03:34):
guy is just putting up with constantly being told that
his feelings don't matter and that Oh. He's like, Barbie,
you want to hang out tonight, and she's like, I'm
having a sleepover with the girls. Then we're gonna have
it forever, every night for eternity. And he's just like,
of course, well, I don't even want to stay okay, Yeah,
and then he like kind of SLINKs off dancing, says
it's like sad existence. And so the song is a

(03:54):
realization of that. The song comes out of the moment
where he realizes, like what am I? I'm just Ken?
Like she's Barbie and I'm just Ken, and it's like,
I'm just Ken anywhere else I'd be a ten. What'll
it take for her to, you know, to I'm just Ken?
Where she sees love, where I see love, she sees
a friend like she's never he's never gonna get seen.

(04:15):
And then the song shifts and it becomes by the
end of it it turns out to It starts out
the sad song of I'm just Ken anywhere else I
be a ten, and then it goes to like I'm
just Ken, and so and my put that manly hand
in mine, and it's like becomes this thing of like
we are just Ken, and it's triumphant. So it has

(04:38):
this it has this arc a story endo where it's
like listening to it the first through, you know, probably
twelve times I've heard it because I have it on
my on Spotify, I just am like, oh, it's like
a song about just being app like mediocre. But there's
a turn in it where he is really proud of
being Ken. And then this whole group of people are

(04:59):
singing and so I'm and then the oscars to have
Emma Stone say and so am I. It was just
like that we're all ken, you know that, and being
Ken isn't so bad, and that you are maybe not
as talented or shiny, or as perfect looking or as
like get as much attention as Barbie and you never
will you live in a.

Speaker 6 (05:20):
World well I prefer I prefer bono walking around holding
up where are my keys?

Speaker 4 (05:27):
Are my children safe?

Speaker 3 (05:29):
Don't get me started to make my house, Steve Jobs.

Speaker 4 (05:34):
That's a better performance. I think it was just.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
And he's so he he just does this thing where
you know, you want him to commit to the character hard,
which he absolutely does, but he's also not trying too hard.
There's like these the way he walks, he's just like smooth.
The way he like he kind of mails in some
of the dance moves that looks like he's not trying,

(05:57):
but it's like that's a part of his character. Is
this guy who's like doing the dance moves but doesn't
really care. So like there's just he's just so cool.
Ryan Gosling cool and people are like impressed by how
good of a dancer and singer he is. Dude, this
guy was in the Mickey Mouse Club. That's that's mk ultra.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
For I haven't heard that for talent.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Mk ultra is why that that's well, you heard about
mk ultra in the Kennedy Assassination podcast, and that is
what the CIA used to mind control people. And that's
he went through.

Speaker 6 (06:40):
Atlanta, I think to develop super soldiers to combat the
Russians in the Cold War and they were you know
the Bourne series, The Bourne that that's an mk ultra
movie born ut.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well the Mickey mouse Club is mk
ulting for just talent. Like, if you want someone to
till the present, mk ulter them to assassinate if you
want if you want someone to perform well the rest
of their lives flawlessly, Mickey mouse Club, get them in there.

Speaker 5 (07:10):
They will good advice.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
I mean that that's really I mean, that's that book,
The Talent Code that we read, Brian, Like, that's what
I remember from that. You were the one that recommended
that to me. I think like seven years ago.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
At this point.

Speaker 4 (07:23):
It was a long time ago.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
Yeah, seven years maybe, no eight, We're in twenty twenty four, baby,
that was twenty sixteen.

Speaker 6 (07:30):
In the amount of time that I recommended that you
could have developed the talent.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
Honestly, that is not I did. And like playing guitar,
like I definitely researched or I like reference the Talent
Code in it. It's like you're only gonna get or
singing and playing guitar, You're only going to get what
you put into it. And the only reason anyone's ever
bet better at you than anything is a little bit
of it of born talent, Like is an aptitude for something,

(07:55):
but it's.

Speaker 4 (07:56):
Mostly made them.

Speaker 5 (07:57):
Yeah, that ten thousand.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
It's mostly the hard work and the repetition and being
comfortable with sucking and being okay with sucking and making
those little improvements, and staying in a zone where you're
always working on something that's a little challenging, not too challenging.
Don't try to play, you know, something expert level when
you're a beginner, because you'll get discouraged real quick. But

(08:19):
it should be something that you could do. But it's
a little out of reach, and that.

Speaker 5 (08:23):
Will always keep you, I'll keep you interesting.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
Yeah, but when you The thing that I'll always remember
from that book is Beyonce did not come out Beyonce.
Beyonce didn't have a childhood. That's why she's Beyonce. We
didn't see the hard work. We didn't see all the
hours she put in before she came on the scene
when she was what sixteen seventeen, but that was sixteen years.
Let's take let's take away four years because she probably
started when she was four. That's twelve years of intense

(08:50):
Jackson five esque really boot camp working, really, you know
that for sure? Yeah, she worked her ass off. She
was in she was in like dance. She went to
like dance schools instead of school singing, like one.

Speaker 6 (09:03):
Of the examples they gave in the book with Jessica Simpson.
Also she was trained from like four years old to
become a good singer, and so when she was twelve,
she was an amazing singer because she had been singing
already for eight years. Yeah, same thing with Beethoven. Like
anybody who is like a phenom, a quote unquote prodigy.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
They started something like that, they just.

Speaker 6 (09:24):
Think the parents just took a whip and like started
and maybe they wanted to do it too. But what
kind of four year old they don't like wants to
put in that word without the parents.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Well they do if it means that it's going to
give their parents to love them. And so that's why people.
I'm an anyagram three, and that is that's what we're
the we're achievers. Now, I'm like a low end achieving three.
Like optimal threes are like beyonces okay and Taylor Swift's wait,
they go up to what No, it's like it's it's
nine different numbers. But if you if you're an any

(09:57):
agraam three, you're it's called you're the achiever and you
in your core, you feel like you don't have value
unless you are a success. And usually that success is
determined by what your parents are into. So if you
and dad were guitar players, yeah exactly, No, but you

(10:17):
dad is So that's not a good example. But if
your florists and like your big thing was like Matt, wow,
like uh, you know, aggri, what's it called when they
do like like landscaping, landscaping is our family's business was landscaping,
and you were so amazed by like yard architecture, I
would have made I would have probably gotten into that

(10:39):
field as a three.

Speaker 5 (10:40):
OK.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah, it only applies to yard architecture.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
You know, whatever your parents are into, whatever your peer
group and the people who you're trying to earn their
love are into. And that's not to say because you said,
I'm not going to love you unless you do this.
That's just the disposition I was born with as and
possibly I got that signaling, but no intent of theirs.
But because I've made this connection before, because Howard Stern

(11:04):
talks about how he didn't have his dad, he didn't
feel like his dad loved him, so he was like, oh,
but my dad loves the guys on the radio, so
I'll just become the best of that and he'll have
to love me because that's what he is. No, his
dad's like, he's still I can't speak for Howard, but
I would say his dad still doesn't acknowledge how fucking
great he is, even though he's father's His father's still

(11:27):
I think he just died.

Speaker 5 (11:29):
His father's mother still, yes, but his father just died.

Speaker 3 (11:31):
His dad was around for a while, and I don't
think he ever got the validation he wanted. I've got
that and I don't need it anymore. I could stop
doing this because you yeah, yeah, you guys are well.
I but it does make sense because I look back
at my life and as a three I'm like and

(11:51):
by the way, Aneya Graham is the fucking ship. Taylor's
been trying to get me into it forever. I'm so
on board now and she's like, yeah, of course, like
she was, like, I've been talking about this stuff. She
bought me a book for my birthday. I've just cracked
it open. It's so interesting because it nails you, dude.
We Brian this weekend. Brian's the Challenger. He exploded it. Now.

Speaker 6 (12:13):
I wasn't nailed when all those there was things that
I was like, that's not no.

Speaker 4 (12:17):
It was kind of because it's not.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
There's not all stuff that she it's there's gonna be
some things that you're like that doesn't resonate.

Speaker 5 (12:23):
But wow, I'm afraid.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
Don't be afraid because it really opens up yourself to
like it. It makes you feel I like it because
it makes me feel less uniquely weird. So the things
that make me weird, I'm like, oh, they're written in
this book, like everyone who has this number, who has
who is a three? Which is sixteen percent of people
or something like that, thirteen percent of people something are

(12:46):
in the ten percent range. Ten to thirteen percent have this, Okay,
and it's not that weird. We all want love in
this desperate way, and we all inherently don't really like
ourselves that much, and we think that if enough people
like us, that'll make us liked, and that it's not
that bad of a trait and that it actually makes
sense for you. It's not your fault that you're like saying.

Speaker 5 (13:06):
I'm totally into checking this out.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
Yeah, but I mean this weekend when Sonya from the
Desperate Housewives DMed me. I screenshoted it to serve to
you as like, mom, so you look people you love
love me.

Speaker 5 (13:19):
Wait, you didn't send that to.

Speaker 3 (13:20):
I know I forgot to send it. But son reached out, Sonya, Yeah,
I don't. She said she's on tour and she just
wanted to reach out. I don't know what the US
does that mean? Yes, Sonya, she looks like me.

Speaker 5 (13:33):
I know, it's like Barbaris streisand's who she looks.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
Who I think I look like sometimes?

Speaker 5 (13:37):
Oh maybe you do, just a prominent note.

Speaker 4 (13:38):
You look like so many people.

Speaker 6 (13:40):
There was someone at the meet and greet Ben Salem
who looked like you, and they were too nervous to
say that that was the case.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
But then you said it.

Speaker 6 (13:48):
You said you look like me, say every time, and
then the husband was like. The husband was like, yes,
of course, see I've been saying this guy I started.

Speaker 5 (13:58):
Because people would they're afraid to say it.

Speaker 3 (14:02):
Yeah, but I know they think it. And you don't
want to go to a girl like I think I
look like you, especially if you think she's like super pretty,
and like, I don't want to very if I am
not as pretty as her, So I'll just give it
to them because I know that they I see it too,
and so I have literally not said it once where
they haven't gone I told you John like and they've

(14:22):
had the couples had a moment, not once.

Speaker 5 (14:24):
They always have thought obvious.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
And by the way, girls really like girls who look
like them. Like the other night, Anya was freaking out
about Jodie Foster or no Sandra Holler from the Anatomy
of a Fall. She's like her, and I go, I go,
why she looks nothing like you? Because Annya's usually obsessed
with women who look like her like you will always

(14:48):
notice because it's every every girl, yeah, meg Ran, every
girl likes people that look like them everyone. I mean,
it's part of my Taylor Swift. If Taylor Swift had
black hair or a raven hair, I probably wouldn't. I
can't as much there, I would guess I can't imagine that.

(15:09):
I hope that's not true, but I think it's part
of it. And so when I see the girls that
look like me, I'm like, it's part of why you
like me because I kind of look like you, and
you like yourself. That's a good sign. Yeah, you like
people that look like you.

Speaker 5 (15:19):
Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with this.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
No, I love it. Yeah, Oh do you think you look.

Speaker 5 (15:23):
Like I don't think I look like anybody I've let.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
Jody Foster is who you look like? Dude, Jody Foster.
But Danya does love her too, and I was like,
you don't look like her either, but you look so
The other night at the Academy Awards, I was like,
there's my mom.

Speaker 5 (15:41):
Are you kidding?

Speaker 3 (15:43):
Identical? I thought she looked really cute the other night
she's so cute. Yeah, you look like her.

Speaker 5 (15:47):
But I didn't think she looked cute in the movie.

Speaker 4 (15:49):
That she was.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Well, I don't think she was trying to look cute.

Speaker 5 (15:52):
No, I get it.

Speaker 3 (15:52):
Yeah, I kind of see it. The Oscars triggered Anya,
but my people just look too hot. And yesterday we
both had a little bit of a dark day because
also Matt sent us all the photos from the weekend
that he took of us, and like, there's just some
hard truths learned about our aging heads.

Speaker 5 (16:13):
Jeez, it's just hard to see.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
I know that you're like, you're so young, what are
you talking about, But like when you were my age,
you were having the same problems we watched home video
the other night and you were like, h look at me.
I'm like, you are like fifteen different hairstyles. Yeah, and
trying some stuff out. I know.

Speaker 5 (16:33):
Weird.

Speaker 3 (16:35):
Well, we have lots to talk about on the show today.
There was a photo shoot. Last week, there was the oscars.
I want to talk more about that. We got triggered.
We had shows over the weekend, Noah's wedding. We're going
to go brilliant depth on Yes.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
Before Noah's wedding.

Speaker 6 (16:51):
So I want to have a question about any agrams
because there's nine times of any agreams. There's a thing
that I followed called the nine Fears, which is also
way break down like character types, and I want to
know if it's the same thing just in reverse.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
Well, there is a thing on anyagram that's like your
number one fear as this aneagram, So it's based around fears,
Like there's that's a way to learn about yourself. So
each anagram does have a base fear.

Speaker 6 (17:16):
Okay, because I belie because there's anyagram like your it's
you're driven by love.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Anagram's personality test.

Speaker 4 (17:24):
You want to be loved, though each one of them.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
Is I will.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
I think every person wants to be loved.

Speaker 4 (17:29):
But that's what the enneagram's breaking it down by No,
I have a.

Speaker 5 (17:32):
Degree of love.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
I don't think so, I don't. I don't know enough
Taylor should be here to answer to that, But I
do not think that. That's why what it's breaking it down. Okay,
it's based on just your disposition, what you were born
with and also nurture, so what your childhood was like
and your probably birth order plays into that. Just what
you experience as a childhood, your your sensitivity just based
on how you came out. So it's it constantly in

(17:54):
the margins of this book. It's like, this isn't your parents' fault.
It's it's we're not saying this is all your parents fault.
They keep reminding like this is just kind of how
you are as well, but it is your parents stuff too,
So it's like it's both of those things. It's really scientific.
It's not astrology, it's anyagram is the shit. Everyone should
take a test. Maybe we'll take give the test to you, mom,
and then everyone at home can take the test with us,

(18:16):
because it's really sure.

Speaker 5 (18:17):
That would be great.

Speaker 3 (18:18):
We get back, Okay, when we get back, we'll do
aning test and get out your pens and paper because
it you'll just you'll just remember two letters. So I
think everyone.

Speaker 6 (18:26):
Can do that.

Speaker 5 (18:26):
We'll be right back here.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
Okay, we're back. Here comes the Anya gram test that
I sent to my girls chat last week because I
wanted everyone to just redo theirs. So and then I
gave Brian this test this week. He was an eight.
Let's see what everyone else gets. I'll give you the
So you just have to let me just say before
this this select one paragraph in each of the following

(18:54):
two groups. So I'm going to go through two groups
of paragraphs or three paragraphs per group, and you got
to figure out which of the paragraphs best reflects your
general attitudes and behaviors as you have been most of
your life.

Speaker 5 (19:06):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (19:07):
You do not have to agree completely with every word
or statement in the paragraph you select. You may agree
with only nine eighty to ninety percent of a particular paragraph, okay,
and you could still select that paragraph over the other
two in the group. However, you should agree with the
general tone and overall philosophy of the paragraph you select.
You will probably disagree with some part of each of

(19:27):
the paragraphs, Okay, do not reject a paragraph because of
a single word or phrase. Again, look at the overall picture.
Don't overanalyze your choices. Select the paragraph that you have
a gut feeling about. Okay, all right, so you get
it all right. So this is the first group of paragraphs.
Three paragraphs. Pick which one. A. I have tended to

(19:47):
be fairly independent and assertive. I felt that life works
best when you meet it head on. I set my
own goals, get involved, and want to make things happen.
I don't like sitting around. I want to achieve something
big and have an impact. I don't necessarily seek confrontations,
but I don't let people push me around either. Most
of the time, I know what I want and I
go for it. I tend to work hard and to

(20:10):
play hard. B. I have tended to be quiet, and
I'm used to being on my own. I usually don't
draw much attention to myself socially, and it's generally unusual
for me to assert myself all that forcefully. I don't
feel comfortable taking the lead or being as competitive as others.
Many would probably say that I'm something of a dreamer.
A lot of my excitement goes on in my imagination,

(20:32):
I can be quite content without feeling I have to
be active all the time or see. I have tended
to be extremely responsible and dedicated. I feel terrible if
I don't keep my commitments and do what's expected of me.
I want people to know that I'm there for them
and that I'll do what is best I believe is
best for them. I've often made great personal sacrifices for
the sake of others, whether they know it or not.

(20:54):
I often don't take adequate care of myself. I do
the work that needs to be done and relax, and
I do what I really want if there's time left. See,
we got to see on our hands, we got a
live one.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Noah, Oh, I'm definitely the b.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Okay, Noah's a B and H. Brian, you're a right
as well? Okay. Group two. Okay, So this is either
X Y or z X. I am a person who
usually maintains a positive outlook and feels that things will
work out for the best. I can usually find something
to be enthusiastic about in differing different ways to occupy myself.

(21:29):
I like being around people and helping others to be happy.
I enjoy sharing my own well being with them. I
don't always feel great, but I try not to show
it to anyone. However, staying positive has sometimes meant that
I've put off dealing with my own problems for too long.
Why I am a person who has strong feelings about things.
Most people can tell when I'm unhappy about something. I

(21:50):
can be guarded with people, but I'm more sensitive than
I let on. I want to know where I stand
with others and who and what I can count on.
It's pretty clear to most people where they stand with me.
When I'm upset about something, I want others to respond
and to get as worked up as I am. I
know the rules, but I don't want to I don't
want people telling me what to do. I want to
decide for myself z I tend to be self controlled

(22:12):
and logical. I am uncomfortable dealing with feelings. I am efficient,
even perfectionistic, and prefer working on my own. When there
are problems or personal conflicts, I try not to bring
my feelings into the situation. Some say I'm too cool
and detached, but I don't want my emotional reactions to
distract me from what's really important to me. I usually
don't show my reactions when others get to me. Z.

(22:37):
All right, so we've got a c Z. Yeah she'z. Oh,
mom's a one. Oh the reformer, the reformer, rational, principled,
self controlled. That's what Chris is. A reformer. Uh oh,
you like things to be right? And just is that true?

Speaker 4 (22:59):
True?

Speaker 3 (23:00):
Sure? Charge to my mom and I worked out on
a reformer today at pilates. Oh yeah, that's what that's about.
I it was a Z. If you want to know
if you're playing along, uh and Noah, you were x
b X b X. You are the peacemaker, receptive, reassuring, complacent.

(23:22):
That's not nothing. The third one I know, victim, No,
the peacemaker is Obama is a peacemaker. So it's a
good thing to there's good there's good people in that one.
And then Brian a y the challenger, self confident, decisive, domineering.

(23:47):
One of the things that I liked about Brian's this
weekend when we were reading it is that he yeah,
unexpected that. One of it was that sometimes they shout
to get their point across, but it's not because they're angry.
That's just they get worked up. And both Anya's husband
Matt and Brian our challengers, and Annya was like, oh

(24:08):
my god, that's so helpful to hear, because when you
learn what your partner's thing is, you can learn like hey,
eights sometimes will shout to get their point across it,
but they don't. It's not because they're mad. And then
you can then hear that and go, Okay, maybe I'm
not going to take offense. Like I know, I shout
when I'm mad, but eights don't. So maybe when my
husband shout.

Speaker 4 (24:28):
It on stage, it on stage too.

Speaker 5 (24:31):
It's pretty true.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
I can't stop myself from shouting.

Speaker 5 (24:37):
Wait a minute, I want to know what a reformer
does again.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Like you, Yeah, okay, So let's go through Nyagram one.
Let's go through some of the things.

Speaker 6 (24:46):
So in my world, this is all about the fear,
which is that she's afraid of being evil.

Speaker 5 (24:52):
Oh that's very true.

Speaker 3 (24:54):
Well, you have a core desire. Your core desire is
to be perfect. You can struggle with you struggle with
your inner critic. You were very orderly. Shack you your fear.
Your biggest fear is imperfection. You want to you want
to be cozy. I don't know if you were organized

(25:15):
cozy like under and you can be control, Yes, cozy, totally.

Speaker 4 (25:24):
Cos thing called Oh yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
There's like a there's like a word for Norwegians.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
Yeah, I forgot it.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
You can be controlling to maintain perfection. Let's see, at
your best your ethical, reliable, productive, wise, idealistic, conscientious, honest, orderly,
and self disciplined. At your worst, you can your cunt
no at your judgmental, inflexible, dogmatic, critical of others, uptight, controlling, anxious, jealous,

(26:01):
fixated on imperfections. Does that all it resonates?

Speaker 5 (26:06):
Yeah, kind of close.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
It starts to hurt your feelings a little bit.

Speaker 5 (26:10):
Yeah, but I see some of that.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
Yeah, yeah, sure, it's but reading about it, like I
have a whole book, I can give you a whole
chapter on yourself because it's it shows you how to
like relieve these types of things. A healthy one can
like what you can do in your life to mitigate
some of those things, because at your best ones have
all of these things that other numbers don't have that

(26:33):
you can bring to others into the world that you
might be getting in the way of sharing those like
you have special things as you have things as one
that make you like worse off, but you have things
that you can bring to the table that no one
else can, that it's so important.

Speaker 6 (26:48):
And can you vacillate between like being good and being
bad or just like stuff?

Speaker 3 (26:53):
No, I think you can. I think it's like when
you're in halt, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, that's when you're
gonna go to these negative aspects of yourself. I just
made that up. Halt is a you know, twelve step
kind of thing. But that's whenever you're like acting out
or like, never make a decision when you're in halt, hungry, angry, lonely,

(27:14):
or tired, like always ask yourself, stop halt and say
what am I any of these things? Right now? And
then and then persu hungry, angry, lonely, tired?

Speaker 5 (27:24):
TI got it?

Speaker 3 (27:25):
Yeah? That that helps me. But not until after the
fact that I go, oh yeah, I was angry. Oh wait,
I was all I was at. I was hot, that
was hatay, I was hungry, angry, and tired.

Speaker 6 (27:39):
So are there certain Enegram types that get along better
with other types?

Speaker 4 (27:43):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (27:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (27:44):
And and like friends and relationships.

Speaker 3 (27:47):
Yeah, like if you go on a YouTube dive, like
it's for our listeners that took the quiz along with us,
go like, pull up what your number is? Oh, I
should go through the I'm so sorry I didn't go
through what everyone was. If you were If you got
A X, you're a seven, the enthusiast. You got a Y,
you're eight. The challenger. You got AC you're the three.

(28:07):
You're achiever. If you got B X, you're the peacemaker.
If you got B Y or sorry, if you've got
B X, you're nine. The peacemaker. If you got B Y,
you're four. The individualist. If you're BZ you got you're
a five. The investigator. If you got C X, you're two.
The helper. If you got C Y, you're six, the loyalist.
And if you've got CZ like my mom, you're number one,

(28:29):
the reformer. So what you go? Just go to YouTube,
type in enneagram and then your number, and there's tons
of experts. Some people that are like, you know, what's
it called armchair therapist? What's yeah, armchair therapists.

Speaker 4 (28:43):
Yeah, artists.

Speaker 3 (28:44):
But a lot of these people like have read enough.
They might not have a degree, but they've done their research.
I have to turn everyone onto my new favorite therapist
on YouTube. I'm not kidding you. This girl has cracked
me wide open, and it's not anyagram. I'm obs sessed
with her. And I know I told you all about
Hannah Uri Uri, the girl that does the Euri Hannah

(29:10):
Uri what you I are. I is the woman who
does the restorative yoga for people who've been through trauma.
And I just listen to them. I don't even do them,
and I should do them, but I listened to them
and they soothe me and they're they're amazing. Some besties
wrote to me to ask for the name again, So
I want to just give a shout out because she is. Truly,
she's a life saver to me. Her videos are just

(29:32):
wait name Hannah Uri. I'll send some to you. You
just put the phone next to your head or headphones in, yeah,
and listen to her tell you what to do yoga style.
And but the thing is, you don't have to do
any of it because because the whole thing is because
it's for trauma suffers, it's for people who've been like
sexually assaulted. It really is like that's it's trauma based yoga.

(29:53):
And so every time she tells you to do something,
she goes. If you want, you don't have to do
any of this, and I choose to not do any
of it. She's okay with that because it's like, it's
only if you want every literally everything you can and
now move, You're gonna peel your spine up off the
mat if that feels comfortable for you to do. And
it's like so nice to hear a class where everything

(30:18):
is like, if you don't do this, you fail, like
everything is optional. Thus you can opt out of the
whole thing and she still likes you.

Speaker 5 (30:24):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
It's really like the most comforting thing for someone who's
a three or I think a one to listen to
as someone who's an achiever and a perfectionist. It's just
so nice. But here's the new girl I'm onto that
I discovered this weekend. This this bitch has my number,
and she is she knows everything about me. She she

(30:46):
is just speaking to my soul and making so much sense.
And the way she talks she repeats herself enough that
and says it in different ways, and she talks so clearly.
But it's off the dome. She's not like reading notes,
she's not boring. She talks dynamically. She's incredible. I can'tnot
wait to tell you about her. Her name is Heidi
Preb p R I E B E Heidi Preb and

(31:10):
she's just amazing. I have not you know, I've listened
to so many different talks.

Speaker 5 (31:14):
How do you find someone like her? Well, how did
you fis?

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Dog?

Speaker 3 (31:18):
Was going through it this week, just like, what's wrong
with me? What's going on? Why can I commit to things?
What am I scared of? I got into the enneagram.
I'm like looking into myself. I want to, like, you know,
I want to just figure out what's going on here?
What are these blocks? And I think I typed in, Oh,
you know what, I listened to a thing this weekend

(31:39):
about shame. So there was this really boring guy and
I wanted to send you the video, Brian, because you
were talking about the topic of shame, and I said,
oh my god, I have a great video on that
and this guy I was feeling shame. I just have
always known that shames a part of who I am.
Like I if I get shamed, it's devastating. If someone
like tries to make me feel bad about something I
did it, they might as well punch me in the face,

(32:02):
Like it's the worst thing you can do to me.

Speaker 5 (32:03):
You hate the term shame on you.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
Yeah, I do, because it means like what you just
did is your fault. That's why I love no free will.
Nothing's my fault, right, I didn't mean to do that.
My brain just decided to do that. It's not me.
It's like, you know, I love it not being at
my because at my core I have toxic shame, which
Heidi taught me that I have. But before that, I
watched a video about shame by this guy. Let me

(32:27):
find it because I actually sent it to an You
last night because she was having she was having a
dark knight of the soul, as she called it, and
I said, you you should check out this guy's video. Well,
now I can't find it, but I'll find it in
a second. He he had this video about overcoming shame
by practicing self compassion, and I, oh, yes, doctor Chris

(32:52):
germer g E R M E R Shame and self compassion.
It is a hour long It's called self Compassion and
Antidote to Shame. That's the name of the video. If
you struggle with shame, this really helped me. So he
talks about how what shame is is feeling embarrassed about
something you did right, feeling like I'm a bad person

(33:15):
because I did this, I chose the wrong thing. I'm
making bad choices for myself. I'm embarrassed at the thing
I did. But what that really is, if you really
break it down, is that what you are just sad
that what you think you did is going to get
you less love. You're thinking when you've experienced shame, you're

(33:37):
mourning the loss of potential love. People aren't gonna love
me as much because I chose to do this thing.
I'm such a bad person. I fail at getting love.
And when you really break it down, it's all about
like you're just someone who wants love. The fact that
you feel shame is just you being someone who desperately
wants love. And if you start thinking about everyone in
the world besides psychopaths, probably all just really want love,

(34:00):
and I would even argue that they do as well.
You can feel more connected to other people. And if
you he asked you at the very end, if you're
willing to do it to go into He's like, okay,
now we're He talks for like forty five minutes about
shame and what it is and unlocks it, and then
he goes Okay, Now I want you to imagine like
a thing that you're like thirty percent like, it gets
you about thirty percent anxious even thinking about how embarrassed

(34:21):
you were and how shameful it is. Like for me,
I was like pictured my bedside table and like how
many cans of zba there are, and there might be
a vibrator and there might be like one earphone that
it didn't put back in its little case because I
was too lazy. And then I pictured the piece of
paper on the floor in my bedroom from my new

(34:41):
mattress that has been on the floor for two weeks
because I just don't have any reason to pick it up.
It's a piece of paper that came with it. That's like,
here's your new Strava mattress. I hope you like it.
And it's just I keep stepping over it. It's literally
on the way to my bed, I have to step
over it, and I just have it picked it up.
So I just pictured that. It's about thirty percent shame

(35:03):
of like if someone saw this and knew how long
this has been here, Yeah, which I'm now like talking about, which,
by the way, sharing about your shameful things is a
huge antidote to shame aka why I became a comedian.

Speaker 4 (35:15):
Really getting it off your chest telling someone about it.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yeah, Admitting the thing you're shamed about publicly, whether that's
to a friend or like to your husband, to a therapist,
is a way to get shame to lift. Yeah, so
like makes you go into it.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
Yeah, shame and embarrassment, Like are they the same then?

Speaker 3 (35:35):
Are they?

Speaker 6 (35:36):
Really?

Speaker 3 (35:36):
Don't know? I think they kind of are. I think
embarrassment is a type of shame because embarrassment level.

Speaker 6 (35:43):
In the moment, and shame is like deeply rooted. This
this struck the core of your being and you don't
even It's like you can get embarrassed by like doing like,
oh my god, I spilled a drink on my pants
and now looks like I pissed myself. Not embarrassed, But
you're not going to feel deep shame unless when you
were growing, Like shame and embarrassment is shame light, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:06):
It's shame. It's it's diet shame.

Speaker 4 (36:07):
Yeah, diet shame, but again the.

Speaker 5 (36:09):
Same prospect of shame.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
Yeah, like if you're still because when I'm really feeling confident,
I can follow over in a chair, I can trip
I can get food on my face and someone goes,
you have something on your face, and I don't care.
But if I'm coming from a place of shame, those
things are like, oh my god, oh I'm so sorry,
Oh god, no I ruined my pants and people think
like so it definitely is connected to how you're feeling.

(36:34):
But lots of people, including myself, have a thing called
toxic shame, which is what this Heidi girl opened me
up about. And that's like, at your core, something happened
to you early in your life, and it could have
been an event of abuse. It could have been literally,
like I've talked about on the show before, like, uh,
you were a baby and someone was in a bad

(36:55):
mood around you one day when you really needed them
to not be Like you could have been like watching
me one day and just like been in just a
bad mood and not met my needs and I'm like
and you're just kind of like not smiling at me,
And that literally can build in a baby, which who
is who could.

Speaker 5 (37:15):
Ever believe that?

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Who could ever imagine well not imagine it? Like, how
could you avoid being in a bad mood around your baby?
Of course you're like, but these are this is why
being a parent is so scary, because you do risk
and it's not your fault, by the way, if you
are a parent that does these things, because you're allowed
to be in a bad mood around your baby. But
I will say that things like that can lead to uh.

(37:39):
If that happens a couple of times and a baby's
needs aren't being met or it's it's happiness is getting
met with like you're too happy and I'm in a
bad mood and it's like not met, it can lead
to that baby feeling like I I am so there's
something wrong with me. It's a sensitive baby, and then
they have to hide it, especially if you have like

(38:00):
like I didn't have a depressed mom growing up, but
people who do have depressed moms, some of who have
been very close to me before. I've have many friends
that grew up with moms that were depressed and they
have to and I've been a depressed person. And when
people are happy around me, I fucking hate it, dude.
And I can only imagine if I had a little
kid around me being like, look at this is a
tree and I'm like, no, it's not like I would

(38:22):
just not when I'm at my worst depressed wise, I
would just be like, I don't it's a leaf, why
are you excited? Like I would. I know that it
might if I were, if I were twenty five as
a mom, I would have no way to hide that shit.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
So, like, I haven't watched all of Heidie's things, but
I watched the one that you sent the.

Speaker 3 (38:40):
Girl, Would you get out of it?

Speaker 1 (38:42):
I thought it was very interesting, but I just wanted
to touch on you know what you were just saying
that kind of puts the blame on one person. But
when I got from the video where she was talking
about the baby has to take responsibility. Yes, that's what
for to heal itself. Yeah, I didn't get to that yet.

Speaker 3 (39:05):
I'm just saying where it can come from.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Yes, So that's what I really liked about it. I
liked also what she was talking about how when you're
not really in touch with yourself, were working on healing
your emotional traumas and issues and all that stuff. Your
your partner or you know, whoever you're in a relationship with,
the people you surround yourself by are going to mirror

(39:27):
what is the internal struggle that you have. So I
really like what you said about mirroring.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
Yeah, well you talk more on that because I felt
like I got it, but I didn't get it like
whatever you oh yet, So if I feel like inherently
I am worthless unless I'm like so, that's that's what threes.
Threes feel like there their biggest fear is being worthless,
is being a nobody, and that truly, like, being perfect
is not my obsession.

Speaker 4 (39:54):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
I know I'm not perfect, okay, And I used to
think I was a perfectionist, but that ain't it. I
just I don't want to be a nobody. I want
to be someone that people go I remember her like
that's I just want to stand out and be extraordinary
not perfect, right, But yeah, but in my core, I
think I feel like I expect things to be perfect

(40:16):
or that I want for yourself.

Speaker 5 (40:18):
Do you think that I think you're a little bit
of that? Really?

Speaker 3 (40:20):
Okay, I screwed up this thing. No, the it's the
it's not good, like us eating a thing that you're
making and we're like, you're.

Speaker 5 (40:28):
Like, nah, you're right, it's not good.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
Yeah, but it's not bad that you're that way. That's
just the way you are. It's just your personality. And
it's like and it also, like I said before, it
makes you so great in so many ways. But but
you will if you're not working on yourself, you choose
people that will mirror back to you what you inherently
think about yourself, which is I'm not that good.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Or it's just like what you put out there. I
think what I liked about that is because I'm trying
to do like the hypnotherapy thing now and I'm talking
about like the mind body connection, and I think that
what she was saying kind of goes hand in hand
in it, which is like when your mind has these
negative thoughts about you, your mind has no way of implementing, right,

(41:12):
So what it does is it makes your body implement
So it like the negative thoughts turn out fit like
physical with your body and whatever. You know, like you
think of yourself, I'm not enough, I'm worthless, I'm unloved,
I'm always rejected. You're like making your body project that
to the world, and then therefore it attracts people who

(41:34):
will do that to you.

Speaker 3 (41:35):
Yes. Yes, she talks a lot about like the way
you physically look, and she's like, I want to be clear,
I'm not fat shaming. I don't think you should look
a certain way. I think you should not subscribe to
like perfectionist stereotypes that you see on TikTok. And but
she goes, if you don't feed your body good foods
and exercise your body and dress your body and things

(41:58):
that make it look good and feel good, you're not
respecting yourself. And if you're not respecting yourself, no one's
gonna respect you. So when you go out and you
when you are feeding your body trash, when you are
drinking diet cokes even though they you know they like
try Cox, no shame, you feel amazing.

Speaker 5 (42:14):
No shame.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
But like if I'm you know, smoking weed to the
point where my throat is burning, Yeah, that's I'm would
I do that to a baby? When I do that
to something that I loved? You have to respect yourself
and feed yourself good foods and things that will like
make you feel good in order. It's it's self respect.
And I used to always say, oh, wearing makeup is

(42:35):
so sad, and like getting lip filler and all these things,
like God, I'm such why I'm just trying to like
get people to like me that way. But I have
a new perception on it, which is I'm just trying
to look the way I feel. I'm trying to, like,
I feel pretty when I have lip fuller or whatever
it is. That's not that's a bad example because I

(42:56):
don't feel pretty with lip filler, But with a lip flip,
I do feel pretty if you but a little botoks
above my lip and it flips up, I feel prettier.
And that's not that bit of me to get. That's
me trying to put on the outside what I do
feel on the inside. Oka like I feel, I feel
like I'm someone who deserves to look pretty, so I'm
gonna and I and I think that that's not always

(43:18):
the case. There's times where people try to fix outward
things to feel something on the inside. But I do
think that dressing a nice way or like you know
women who always wear heels or they always wear makeup,
I'm like, god, that's so sad. But maybe it's because
they respect themselves and they want to look nice.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Well that's that thing.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Also, is like making sure that your mind is talking
and positive. So it's like, yeah, yeah, it's not. It's
not easy, but you know, you can say, I I
choose to take care of my skin, So I'm getting.

Speaker 3 (43:49):
The the liip flip.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
For me, it's self care as opposed to you know,
something negative like.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
No, what I judges you if you clean your car
or your house, or you get your kitchen remodel, you
get new you know, tires put on your car, but
you get lip filler, and people think it's you're like
one of the saddest people that could ever live, or
you know what I mean, Like judges me if I
do pilates three times a week, that's such a good thing. Well,
it's transforming my body. What if I did had a surgeon,

(44:16):
just do it quickly. It's the how is it different?

Speaker 6 (44:20):
I was for trying to upgrade my car because I
guess the man world, your car is like your body
is extension of your body, and it's view. I one
time tried to put a expensive stereo system into a
really shitty car because I worked at this deli and
I had all this extra money and I didn't have
anything to spend it.

Speaker 3 (44:41):
And that's what we used to do in the early
two thousands, is put nice stereo systems in shitty cars.

Speaker 4 (44:46):
Yeah it was yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 6 (44:51):
And you had that thing, the plate that could fold down,
and you could put a CD in it, like.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
It would tilt down, Yes, it would green down.

Speaker 6 (45:00):
You could put in it, and it had the uh
audio waveform thing popping, so it looked like your car
was like a disco you had.

Speaker 3 (45:10):
Like the it would like it was like a little
screen that would show the waves. There's nothing Crenny you
know about that because I was in high school in
the early two thousands and this is what people were
getting put in their cars, and it was you know,
Huffy had one. I got one put in the bastard.

Speaker 5 (45:28):
I remember, you did get it.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
Yeah. We were all to audio specialists and dropping our car, Yeah,
shotting them flip our cars. It was a thing I
read about recently, like why did we all decide to
do this? Because it came with shitty audio and simply
the audio was making bigger advancements than the car companies
could put in the cars. Okay, so Brian, you did this.

Speaker 6 (45:47):
I had a nineteen ninety Volvo seven forty Turbo, which
remember those Volvos that were like a box They were
like boxy cars.

Speaker 3 (45:55):
Yeah, and they had the backward seats in the back.

Speaker 6 (45:58):
No, they were regularly sorry a sedan. Yeah, it was
a sedan, but it just it was like a square.
You know how cars these days are smooth and like
there's like a They're very smooth and like they're circular.
There's no shot tangles. A Volvo a volt from the
nineties was like a bunch, like a like a couple

(46:18):
of rectangles on top of each other.

Speaker 3 (46:20):
They totally they were like a chill child's drawing of
a car.

Speaker 4 (46:24):
Yes, like his hands not formed enough to do smooth arcs.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
Yet, yes, yes.

Speaker 4 (46:30):
Or like an etches sketch.

Speaker 6 (46:32):
And so that car was like on its last legs.
And I put this thing in at Circuit City and
now defunct Circuit City. The people there were like, We're like,
you want us to put this in that? And I
was like yeah, because it was like a three thousand
dollars system putting it in a car like three thousand
dollars and I could. And I was putting it in

(46:53):
a car that I could probably sell for seven hundred dollars,
And they were like, you want us to put this?
And then I was like yeah, And then I could
see them in the back.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
You almost saved Circuit City.

Speaker 4 (47:04):
I did.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (47:05):
I was trying to single handly save it from bankrupt.
They were all laughing at me in the back behind
when they were like, he wants to put it in there,
and then the other guy would go, oh my god.
They start laughing, and then they'd see that I was
looking at them through the screen and then they go, oh,
he's looking at us, and then go laugh in private.

Speaker 3 (47:19):
And then you screamed at them, but they you go,
don't take offense. It's I'm an eight.

Speaker 4 (47:23):
I'm just that's right.

Speaker 6 (47:24):
I just started saying, but this is what I want.
I worked hard at the Deli, and that.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Is the way you talk.

Speaker 4 (47:31):
Yeah, I work very hard.

Speaker 5 (47:34):
At the Coming Ryan.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
A thing you do on stage that I love is
like if the audience doesn't like a joke or like
isn't on board, he'll be like, so you don't think
that that's weird that that happened. Like he'll check with
them and go like, I just want to make sure
you don't think that's comical. I just said that, and
he'll repeat it and then they have to like they're like, well,
actually you're right when you yeah, but he will check

(47:55):
with them. I'm just like, okay, I guess that wasn't funny,
But He's like, wait a second, So you don't think
that that is interesting that I just that I for
you pressed the emergency stop button, not an escalator. Was
just okay with that.

Speaker 6 (48:09):
Yes, Sometimes you say there's two things that happened. One
is sometimes you say something that almost that ninety five
percent of audiences thought was interesting, and for any reason,
this one audience decides it's not.

Speaker 4 (48:19):
They deserve to.

Speaker 3 (48:20):
Be yell that absolutely. Oh my gosh, I totally know
that feeling. Okay, we'll be right back after this final thought.
So Noah's wedding, I guess.

Speaker 5 (48:34):
Wait, wait, what's going on with Noah's wedding?

Speaker 3 (48:37):
Well, she got married? What, yes, was married when?

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Two years ago? About a month ago?

Speaker 5 (48:44):
Oh? Okaylation, I heard the wedding noise.

Speaker 6 (48:48):
But didn't you listen to the episode where we went
in depth into her wedding.

Speaker 5 (48:52):
No, we did it.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
It's a joke we keep forgetting to talk about it.
So I wanted to talk about some things. First of all,
leading up to the wedding. I've I've had three friends
get married in the past year, and something that upsets
so many brides and I wish we would all stop
doing it. Is like people giving advice when it's not

(49:14):
when they're asking for it and getting into And this
is for upcoming mothers as well, Like stay in your lane.
I don't care how many kids you have, their experience
is going to be different. You're bringing so much to
the table that that they aren't, or or vice versa,
like just share your share positive things. Yeah, stop projecting

(49:34):
all your negative bullshit just because you don't like your
husband and you had a bad time, like spraise it
from a positive place, like Noah, what did you go
through a lot of that?

Speaker 2 (49:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (49:46):
I think like if I took away anything and I
knew going into it that I was going to get
a lot of like opinions or statements or questions. And
I think like for anyone who's getting married, the that
you need is a backbone, and that could mean anything.
That could mean being aggressive in return or just like

(50:07):
letting shit roll off your back and just being like Okay, fine,
this is probably coming from a loving place.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
But I don't need to.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Absorb any of this.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
But it's just very interesting that like all these things
come out, all these like all of people's issues, and
like I wouldn't even say it was all opinions about
what we chose to do or anything like that, but
just a lot of comments and things that you hear
that are definitely like deeply rooted issues that people have

(50:36):
not addressed, and for some reason, a big event like
a wedding or some kind of like big celebration brings
that shit out. And I thought it was like very
interesting from like a psychological perspective.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
Can we get an example.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
Yeah, just that, okay, I mean without going too much,
but maybe like some family infighting that has nothing to
do with the people getting married, and not like expecting
a bride and groom to uh play chess with certain
people when it could just be like adults handling it

(51:11):
and staying away from each other.

Speaker 3 (51:14):
I forget about them.

Speaker 5 (51:15):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (51:16):
That's the thing that bugs me is like I see
that happen all the time of like brides or brides,
mostly brides talking about how they have to deal with well,
these people can't be sat with these people, and we're
worried that his mom is going to feel I have
to make sure his sister's brought into this thing. It's
like yeah, your day, Yeah, you know, like what what

(51:38):
why do we have to manage all these other people's
feelings right now.

Speaker 5 (51:42):
But I got a.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Lot and and my sister in law helped me through
a lot of stuff like you know that or maybe
people having certain like dietaria restrictions.

Speaker 4 (51:51):
I'm not going to.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
Add like chicken fingers to my wedding menu because this
and that, Like she's like, you know, for people adults, right,
So people are adults. They can your kidsring things, they
can bring their sweater, they food, yes, they can handle it.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
They can keep themselves busy.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
You don't have to figure out what they're doing for
dinner on a night that they're there that there's nothing
going on.

Speaker 2 (52:13):
Just like all these it's like, yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:16):
Bring a backup, Yeah, bring a bring a pocket of
protein bars, because you might not have something.

Speaker 6 (52:23):
A lot of time, even if you have the catering company,
like make sure there's vegan options. A lot of the
times they're just not good at the vegan options. And
then even if it is a wedding, not very good.

Speaker 3 (52:34):
Amazing for me, yeah I had a vegan it was.
But yeah, that's that's an interesting thing that comes up
as the just unsoledicited advice and and just people wanting
to like get involved in and when you're just going
to bring up drama when you're pregnant.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
And everyone tells you, oh, aren't you tired? You should
be sitting down, And I'm just like, uh, I've been
on this planet for forty years, and my legs and
my body better than you. I can tell when I
need to sit down there.

Speaker 3 (53:03):
That's another thing. Let's just stop doing that in general.
You must be so this like, yeah, can we all
just do you know why we do that is because
if you are someone that does that, it's because you
don't speak up for yourself when your legs are tired.
That's you. It's it's interesting other people do assume. Other
people do assume. You don't like to have your needs

(53:23):
met and you're scared to get the met. So that
is nice of you to consider other people's because I
do that a lot too. I know that I do
that because I'm always scared to speak up. So I'm
constantly modoring what other people might need to try to
get ahead of it because I know they won't speak up,
but they will because they're or you should leave them
to have to say something, don't try to And yeah,

(53:45):
that's so insulting. When someone's like you should sit down,
like well editing.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
It didn't even come from family or anything. Like A
quick story is one of the hotel staff people, the
cleaning lady. I passed her in the hallway and she's like, oh,
how many weeks are you this? And that's so I
told her, and she's like, my daughter just had a baby. Okay, great, awesome.
Then the next day I'm downstairs in the lobby waiting

(54:11):
and she passes by me and she looks at me
and she goes, how many weeks are you? And I'm like, oh, thirty,
I'm twenty seven weeks and she's like, twenty seven weeks.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
You should be sitting down, not standing. It's okay.

Speaker 3 (54:28):
Oh so see that's like putting making you feel bad
about like what are you doing to that baby?

Speaker 2 (54:33):
And standing is good, it's good. It's I'm building muscle,
it's good.

Speaker 4 (54:37):
Yeah, that's like almost seven months.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Yeah almost.

Speaker 4 (54:41):
Oh wow.

Speaker 3 (54:43):
She's she's just acting like she's being nice to you
and like thinking, yeah, I didn't think too.

Speaker 1 (54:49):
Much of it, to be honest, And I have to
say that, like, for the most part, I had a
wonderful time, even though my got me down abby. So
on our like our first dance or whatever it was
after everyone gave speeches and.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
He started to cry. He was so cute like during
the speed not during this speech.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
It was just like I think, like it all kind
of like hit him.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
Does he cry a lot like emotionally?

Speaker 2 (55:18):
Yeah, I mean he is. He's cried. He's cried. I
mean like he cries. I seen it, Yeah, I've seen it.

Speaker 4 (55:24):
But did tell him to sit down? He should sit down?

Speaker 3 (55:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (55:29):
Did you tell him?

Speaker 6 (55:29):
How?

Speaker 1 (55:29):
I was just like I was ashamed to another dance
move because we were just like like waiting, like like
back and forth.

Speaker 3 (55:35):
I was so awkward to dance in front of everyone.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Was honestly you know how I am with being center
of attention. I don't want yes, oh yeah tell me.
I didn't care. I was like, you know what f this?

Speaker 3 (55:47):
They can watch if they want, they don't have to
if they don't.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
I want to.

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Also, my my contact got stained from like my hairspray
or makeup or something, so I was only like with
one contact the whole time. So I was just like,
I don't give a shit, I only get this once.
I'm just gonna I'm gonna enjoy it. And I liked
our first dance and then we had a type of
negative song that it was really fun to dance too,

(56:12):
called I Don't Want to Be Me and we just
like thrashed around with our friends.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
And are like a health santal song I got some
family was like what's going on? Oh no, a pregnant
woman in a marsh bit. But it was not like that.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
It was just fun and I really understood what the
wedded bliss feeling was, like, I really felt it.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
It was really nice.

Speaker 5 (56:33):
That's cool.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
Are you still do you still have it? What does
life feel different now being married? Is there a change?

Speaker 2 (56:41):
Well, you know, like we did everything backwards.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
So yeah, like I guess being pregnant with his child
and living in a house to get Yes.

Speaker 2 (56:50):
We did, and yeah, but it feels nice.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
I definitely feel have you said husband yet? Yes?

Speaker 1 (56:59):
And that that feels good. I like it because I
feel like a sense of security and you know, like
like the seal of commitment that we both mean to
each other.

Speaker 4 (57:12):
And the baby didn't give that to you, like the
fact that you're gonna have a baby together.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
You know what, It was not the baby that sealed
the deal, It was the wedding.

Speaker 5 (57:25):
Well, congratulations that's so fun.

Speaker 3 (57:28):
The picture she looked so beautiful and her dress was
so good. But then she told she has Sara Lena
for advice on the dress, like how do I make
this better? And Sarah Lena told her to put a
slit in it, and all killed God.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
She didn't just put a slit. She was like, put
a slit and put it all the way up to here,
and she pointed to like where the femur meets the pelvis.

Speaker 3 (57:48):
It was such a good call. It was so really yeah.
But she's also pregnant, so she can't look would have
looked like a balloon. She can't look indecent. When you're pregnant.
You never pornographic, right, So like you could do the
sexiest thing and you still look like wholeome.

Speaker 5 (58:06):
You felt comfortable.

Speaker 1 (58:07):
It was so hot and my boobs grew three cups.
I was like, you know what, let's let's hump these
babies up.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Well. Christ and I went to a pregnant wedding in Australia.
She's she was seven and a half months maybe eight
months pregnant, and I was like, that's the hottest bride
I've ever seen in my fucking life. There is something
about a pregnant woman that is so hot, and I
went up to her afterwards and I go, listen, I
know everyone's telling you you look hot tonight. And I

(58:36):
was like, and that's just what they would say no
matter what, but we all mean it. This is really,
this is next level. I was like, I want to
get pregnant because this looks you make it look like
a hot access time. You said no because I just
want to look hot, but I really was like, you
make me want to be pregnant because it makes you
look so beautiful.

Speaker 5 (58:56):
I am to see your picture with you.

Speaker 3 (58:59):
They're really cute. And then they did this like, what's
the Jewish ritual where you like, he walks around you
a bunch.

Speaker 4 (59:06):
That's the nervous energy tradition.

Speaker 2 (59:09):
Yes, so so.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
In the Jewish wrote him, I have to walk around
him seven times. I don't give him a ring. During
the ceremony, I.

Speaker 3 (59:22):
Thought they were going to stop playing the music and
it was going to be like musical chairs and you're
gonna have to like both violently slit sit somewhere because
you're just like but you walk around to symbolize the ring.

Speaker 1 (59:33):
So yeah, like so that's like my my ring to him.
That's me symbolizing to him that you know, I'm accepting
him and all that.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
Stuff walk around him. He doesn't to wear anything to Oh. Actually, yeah,
he has a right, so.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
There's like okay.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
So basically, after the ceremony and Jewish tradition, you go
down to a private space for twelve minutes and you're
supposed to have sex for the first time. I've never
heard and that's what that's your a present. It's called
the room. And you go there and you give him
a ring or like a gift or anything like that.

(01:00:10):
You know, he he presents you with a gift or
anything like that, and you have sex sealed for the
first time for twelve minutes, at least twelve minutes. And
every then you come back and everyone knows you've just
banged yes.

Speaker 4 (01:00:22):
And I go, that was only six minutes. What's going on? Well, No, the.

Speaker 1 (01:00:28):
Rabbi stays outside the room and make sure you don't
come out before twelve minutes.

Speaker 3 (01:00:32):
Oh my god, did you actually go to a room.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
We didn't.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
I mean, I'm we've already had sex because I was pregnant,
so it wasn't like that. But that's that's where we
signed our marriage license and our friends came down and that's.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Why I gave his ring.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
We had an orgy with the rabbi. It was wonderful
in the stomping on the glass, Yes, stopped on the glass.
But the chairs of where they like lift you in
the in the party and ye shake you up and down.

Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
They just do it to the guy right now, they
lift you both.

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
Oh I only got raised halfway because you know of
the case.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
Oh that's fun.

Speaker 5 (01:01:13):
Yeah, oh wow.

Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
Well in Australia, after you get married and you say
I do, they step to the side, they sit down
at a table and then they call up witnesses and
then they sign the legal papers there and it takes
like ten minutes and everyone just kind of stands there
and waits, and Chris, I guess I just would go
what's I know? And everyone's like the signing and I'm like, oh,

(01:01:36):
I don't even know what they called it, but I
go what is this? And they're like, you guys, don't
do this, and we're like no, we just want to party,
we want some attention. We don't really want the documents.
Party don't even sign the documents afterwards. I have friends
who have gotten divorced and they go to get a
divorce and they realize they never even went and filed
the paperworld, so they're not even married. I have a

(01:01:57):
friend that happened, because it's just you could just say
that you are, no one's gonna question it. But in
Australia they make you sign the papers like proof want
prove ye.

Speaker 6 (01:02:11):
At my wedding, I opted not to do the chair
thing for the most Jewish reason possible, which is I
thought I'd get nauseousnous, and so it's like, it should
be the tradition that you decline the chair thing because
you're gonna get nauseous.

Speaker 4 (01:02:27):
That should be the Jewish tradition. It's not for me.
I don't want to put myself in that position.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
And then you you, they go, Okay, we're gonna stop
the glasses, but it's gonna make a mask that's gonna get.

Speaker 6 (01:02:45):
That's more Jewish. It's to be like, but what if
I cut my foot?

Speaker 1 (01:02:48):
Yeah, I warned us about oh, pick out thin glass.

Speaker 3 (01:02:56):
It reminds me of another night when Dad caught a
stink bug in the TV room. He's like, I hate
these damn things, and I'm just like God, just let
it out. And he goes, no, you gotta kill it.
And so he goes out in his socks and he
puts the stink bug in a paper towel and then
he stomps on the paper towel and he really stops it.
It's like this very dramatic thing. And I go, what
did that feel good? Really? Oh? You let him have

(01:03:18):
it? And he goes, no, you gotta kill him. I was
trying to make sure he was dead. I was like,
that was a little much. And he came back in
and he goes, God, he could smell that damn stink bug,
he expressed before I killed him. And then he goes, oh,
it's he smelled his foot and it's soaked into Who
stumps on a bug in their sock?

Speaker 5 (01:03:35):
That hart, you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:38):
Know, oozes out the worst smell.

Speaker 5 (01:03:41):
Yeah, well dad hates stink bugs. No one likes that.
I like him, I mean.

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
Kind of they are harmless. He's obsessed. He built a
special trap out of a leader bottles. Nikki Glazer pod means,
will you please do a meme about my dad and
stink bombs and how he is out to get them
and he wants them to suffer. Actually, hates them that much.
I'm like, I hate this thing because they fall into

(01:04:09):
this trap and they die. Dad.

Speaker 5 (01:04:10):
That's the type two and their biggest We're going to
I'm going to do a test on him.

Speaker 3 (01:04:16):
No, oh yeah, we should.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
I'll sign you that.

Speaker 3 (01:04:18):
You got to give it. You gotta tell me which
one is. I'm going to guess and I bet, I
bet I'll know. But all right, well I don't know
what that is yet. Okay, we gotta go. Thank you
guys so much for listening to the podcast. We will
be here tomorrow. Don't even think you we won't. This weekend,
I'm going to be in Grand Rapids and Columbus. So
excited about those shows. We are back on tour. It
is so fun. Bessie's have been coming up to shows.

(01:04:39):
It's like the best time meeting you guys afterwards. As always,
you can go to the merch booth after the show.
Tell Anya that you're a bestie. She'll give you a
free meet and greet. You know how it works, So
buy tickets to those shows Grand Rapids and Columbus this weekend, Yes,
this weekend, and then the following weekend. We're somewhere else,
Brian where are we Cincinnati, Gary, Gary, Indiana. Yeah, place

(01:05:00):
with Michael Jackson and then Cincinnati birthplace of Moir.

Speaker 5 (01:05:03):
We're gonna have a bunch of people coming.

Speaker 3 (01:05:05):
A bunch of people and also best easy. You got
to fill that up too, because I don't want to
all be my family, all right, Love you guys so much,
thank you for listening. Don't be good Bye.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Host

Nikki Glaser

Popular Podcasts

24/7 News: The Latest

Crime Junkie

The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#422 Loving "I'm Just Ken", Nikki Look-A-Likes, The Enneagram Test & Toxic Shame