#426 Mark Twain Prize for Kevin Hart and a Difficult Red Carpet

It's a little bit surprising that Brian has custom hello tones for different people. Nikki has her version of goodbyes called the Glaser Exit. It's perfect for people who want to dodge an emotional interaction. The latest Max series, "Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV," has Nikki's blood boiling. Over the weekend, Nikki had one of the worst moments of her career at a red carpet event for The Mark Twain Prize honoring Kevin Hart. In the Final Thought, Brian is shocked to learn the story of Nikki fainting on stage early in her career. And everyone agrees on natural talent.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nicky Glizer Podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Glaser.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show.
It's Nicki Glazer Podcast. How you guys feeling out there today?
I hope you're doing well. Thanks for listening to the show.
I'm here in Saint Louis alone. Brian Frangie is here
with us from La Noah is in Arizona. What's up, guys?
How are you?

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Yo? I'm to say yo again. I don't know what
do you think?

Speaker 1 (00:29):
I notice that you're bringing it back and like against
your will. It's one of those where you're like, why
am I saying this so much? More like you're cognitive
cut Wait what you're doing it on purpose?

Speaker 2 (00:38):
I am cognizant. I am not. I think it's just
coming out of my mouth. I do not know why.
I think it's from like the nineties, and I don't
think it's coming back. Yo.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Now I say, I say yo when I answer the
phone every time? Oh you do yeah pretty much every time? Yo.
If it's a friend, always yo.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
I have a different Hello for all musbody, my.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Friend yoom and then I say yo yo yo. Well
you have to pretty much you have a different thing
for every person that calls you.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Different people call me and I give them a hello
that's requisite to their personality.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Okay, I.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
Get nervous, really nervous Hello for you, Hello Hello, I
think yeah, maybe that's for you.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
That's your hello to everyone.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
No, for some people, I go, I go, sup, dude.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
Wait, guys, I'll go sup dude, really yeah? Is this real?

Speaker 2 (01:41):
This is real? This is real.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
Wait, I've never heard you even do that voice.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
I mean, that's just because it's for certain people, for guys,
for certain guys. For other guys, I'll go hey, For
like Rob Stern, my really good friend Rob Stern, I'll
go I'll go like hi, or like hey, or like
what you know, something like really sure, like like it's
one of those East Coast I'm I'm acting like I

(02:06):
don't like you on purpose, but that means I'm really
I really like you. Uh huh. That's that classic bit.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
I have a problem with exiting off the phone, Like
I just I you know, I classically have the Glazer exit,
which is the thing my boyfriend coined ten years ago,
eleven years ago when we started dating, where I if
I'm ready to go, I just say it and then
I get up and go I don't need to like
talked about this before. I don't need to talk. I
don't need to announce it and then say I'm leaving

(02:32):
and like we're gonna go pretty soon. I just I
just know what I want and then I do it.
And it's Enneagram three. It's just I don't waste time.
I don't that is wasting time to me to be like,
I'm gonna building this buffer so people are more comfortable
with me leaving. Leaving like that doesn't save anyone time
in life. It's I guess it's courteous, but why, like,
why is it so discourteous? Is that the anti curteous?

(02:56):
Why is it so discognizant to say that you're gonna
lead like leaving. I think people have a hard time
with goodbyes because you know, the Irish exit is something
to do because you're People say it's because they're they're
tired and they just don't want to go say goodbye
to everyone. But really, my old therapist, my abusive therapist,

(03:17):
doctor abusive, she used to tell me that people are
scared of goodbyes, so she would make people go to
three sessions to say goodbye to her. If you were
like I'm done seeing you should be like, okay, we
have to go do three sistans to say goodbye because
everyone's scared of goodbyes and you have to lean into
them and actually like you know, tease them out, which
really she was maybe wanting to make more money, but
I think that she had somewhat of a point, is

(03:38):
that we're scared. I don't like that I even was
thinking about. I think with goodbyes, you start to say,
even if it's just going saying goodbye for the night,
like i'll see tomorrow, there's some kind of summary and
there's some kind of like emotion that has to come
out of it, of like it meant so much to
me that you came, Oh, it's so good to see,
Like there's too much emotion in it, and I want

(03:59):
to slee from that. I think that's probably why I
don't like goodbyes. It's too like there's too many feelings
involved and entirely could be the last time you see someone.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
And also it just takes forever to say goodbye to someone.
As an enneagram nine, yes, who feels the need to
make sure that everyone's at peace with me leaving the room,
which nobody gives a flying fuck.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
It just takes for accresent of the fact that no
one cares, but it doesn't change the fact. So you
say goodbye to everyone when you leave a party.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
Well, actually, after meeting you and learning the Glazier exit,
which is like the best thing ever, because you've always taught.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Me that nobody cares.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
No one's gonna remember that you left, especially at the
end of the night where everyone's like have socialized, if
they're drunk or whatever, like they're not thinking about you,
so just go.

Speaker 1 (04:48):
So that has helped me a lot. But do you
if you're someone that would like to be said goodbye
to at a party you're throwing, and then like if
you found out someone left and they didn't say goodbye,
if that would offend you, then I can see how
you might want say goodbye to people. But if if
you put yourself in the shoes of someone who's hosting
party and has to say not only hello to every
person that arrives because they're the host, but then you

(05:08):
have to say goodbye to like, do your host a
solid and say, don't say goodbye, send a text the
next day that they can thumbs up. Less less energy.
You only have so much energy, and I do think
there is something to goodbyes and we should lean into
them a bit more. And you know, you shouldn't ghost people.
You should give them if you've dated them for a
long enough time, you do owe them some kind of explanation.

(05:29):
But even I was thinking about my birthday party coming up,
like I'm having girls trip in Saint Louis. I'm pretty
much just doing, you know, with all all the girls
that can make it from girls Chat converging in Saint Louis.
Over my birthday weekend, we're gonna do karaoke, and I
told Anya this weekend, I was like, I need to
announce it on the girls Chat. I don't want any

(05:49):
speeches about how much you love me, and like I
don't want any toasts to me. I don't want any
emotion about what I mean to you. I can't handle it.
I already know, I really do. Like I know that
my friends love me, I know that my family loves me.
I don't. I don't. I really am uncomfortable, and it's
just I should probably allow it because it's nice for

(06:12):
people to express themselves and it's something that they want
to do. It's not always about me. And what I want.
It's something that people are like, no, I want to
give you this compliment or whatever the birthday. I just
want them to write a card.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
I'll read it, oh at card pointe or like.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
My niece will read it when she's cleaning up my stuff.
When I die someday, you know, like someone will read
how much you loved me, and possibly it will be me.
But I don't want to. I don't really like toast
and I don't think I'm alone and not enjoying sincere
moments of like, and everyone in my group of girlfriends
is pregnant, and so I just don't There's going to
be too many tears that I won't even be able

(06:47):
to like accept because I'm like, oh, it's just their hormones.
This isn't even about me, It's about like a baby
inside them. And so then I won't even be able
to take it personally, and and then I will have
to meet it. If I don't cry, then I'll feel
like I don't do it, that I don't care enough
or something. So I'm just like, I want to just
treat it like a normal's girl's weekend, and it's we're
not talking about my birthday at all, And it's not
because I'm scared I'm turning forty. I don't mind. Like

(07:09):
we can celebrate the number. We can celebrate. We can
have signs and candles and cake and everything. But just know,
like Nikki, like you means I just in besties. I
love when you write cards too, because that's that's where
I get all that. And I like the meet and
greet girls that cry and guys that say how much
I mean to them and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
They're one chance because it's quick and it has to.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
Be quick because there's a line, not because I want
it to be quick. But for some reason that doesn't
I They're strangers to me, you know, just because I
I've never usually seen them before. So I don't think
I'm required as much except to just like listen and
accept it. And I just sypricate. Really, I don't know
why I can't handle it. I just have been like
dreading birthday speeches. But they don't have to happen, right, Noah,

(07:54):
Like everyone can not do one.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
Of course, not as long as we can sing happy
birthday to you, and by we I'll be there in spirit,
because I won't be able to be there.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Oh, yeah, that's right, because you're in third trimest. Okay,
so yeah, you won't be there, so you won't it's so,
and you wouldn't. You wouldn't do it anyway because you're
not a very like ting ding ding Everyone listened to
me kind of person, right, Not that the other girls
I would do it in the making it about them
or something. But yes they can sing happy birthday, even
though that's excruciating as well, and we can all agree
with that.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
What about out your funeral? What do you want people
to say nice things about you?

Speaker 1 (08:26):
Yeah? I'm not there, yes, oh absolutely, that's where that's when,
that's when she wants it. Yeah, I'll be there watching from.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
Some If you're a ghost and you're watching, you would
be happy that people are saying nice things about you.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
And if I don't like it, I can just duck
out and go hang out with.

Speaker 2 (08:40):
Go hang out Van, Brittany Murphy Man.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
Go and Britney Murphy. Yeah. I just feel like, yes,
funeral is where I want to be appreciated and all
those things. But I it's so funny because I don't
I don't know why I want other people to hear
how great I am. But I don't want I don't
want to hear it.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Hmmm. That why is that you're unwilling to accept anything
positive because that's how you feel about yourself exactly because I.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Don't really believe it, and it feel it feels like
I'm just like you're pouring water onto a rock when
you give me compliments. Yes, but other people are grass
and if and they can absorb the things that about
me much easier and and believe that they're true than
I can. And so it just feels like, yeah, crying
on a rock.

Speaker 2 (09:29):
There was an early date I had with Alley. We
went to the gene Autry Museum, which is a West
museum of the West and in Los Angeles, and they
had an exhibit there that was like a little rock garden,
and one of the things that they let you do
was take a little bit of water and brush the rock,
which I thought was so stupid. It was just like the.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Rock. Oh, it's so bad.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
I couldn't stop laughing. It was like the It was
like the only time in my entire life I laughed.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
But that happens that museums all the time. Where like
I went to the aquarium with my niece and nephew
last week, and there's just so much stupid stuff that
you're just like they just needed to have something for
someone to do. Here there is a This isn't stupid
because it's actually kind of cool, but it is annoying
you put your hand. It's like those Japanese foot spots

(10:23):
where the fish eat your cuticles. Oh yeah, yeah, and
that's a that's a station at the Saint Louis Aquarium. No,
it's not. No one needs that. First of all, they
starve the fish. In order for them to do it.
The fish are not fed properly, so they're starving. Why
do you think they attack your fucking like they start
gnawing on any extremity that goes in is because they're

(10:45):
so hungry with same with Japanese wip, like the dead
skin and the salt and whatever is like the dirt
on your fingers, on your hands. They like love eating
it because they're hungry. But guess what that is not
only inhumane to deprive them of actual food to feed
them human skin, but human skin is not their food, Like,

(11:06):
that's not what they eat in the wild. It's like
we're just having these kids put in their hands and
these and it's.

Speaker 2 (11:12):
So gross the way it makes it worse.

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Oh, it's so disgusting.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
Kids hands are covered in sticky fruit fruit roll up.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
Oh yeah, they love. Oh those fish are so lucky
to get that. But they're not because they actually should
be eating actual fish food and not human So it
was a weird part to have in this exhibit. It
just felt like it felt like it was a Pita
should have been up in there. There is Pita hates
Japanese foot. There is.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
To being a good curator of a museum, and sometimes
are really stupid and bad, and sometimes they're good, Like
there are parts of the Holocaust Museum that I liked,
or the Holocaust Exhibit that I liked. The parts of
the stupid we went, yes, that's right, we went together.
We did a deep dive and.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
You and at the Holocaust Museum, you can't be skipping apart,
even though you go, this is lame and this is
for babies and it's for people. It's just, you know,
there were some cool things.

Speaker 3 (12:05):
Let me just have sensory activities for kids at the
Holocaust Museum.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, you can stick your hand in a gas chamber.

Speaker 1 (12:11):
And you can build a Oh god, it was brutal.
I do recommend going to that one. I don't think
it's open anymore though, right.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
Yeah, that's why we went. That's why we went. It
was like the last weekend, big billboards, big billboards going
across the four oh five all summer long, just said
Auschwitz ending May twenty ninth or whatever, and that's when
I knew I gotta go. It was it was really moving, yeah,
except for the guard.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
It happened in November. Yeah, the guards.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, I remember the guards were like move it along,
people when we were in the train, turned into they
turned into Auschwitz guards. That's a great episode of the
Nicki Glazer podcast. You should listen to it. Go into
the archives.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yeah, go back and listen to through the Auschwitz Museum.
Know that the aquarium also had a lot of touching things,
which kids love to touch things, and if I was
a kid, I would love to touch jellyfish and sting rays.
But I'm so sorry these animals. It's they're trapped in
this like a huge aquarium. It's a big box. It's

(13:18):
so it's so depressing. Zoos and aquariums are fucking depressing, dude.
I can't even believe people are.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
There's only one. So in Arizona there's one. It's called
Out of Africa, And I just want to say it's
more of an animal sanctuary because the it's a privately
run sanctuary and all all the animals there are saved
by the owners. So basically they have this like huge
playground of animals that they get to save and play with,
and then the ticket sales help keep that place running.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah. I don't think these otters were saved. I don't
think they're being rehabilitated. I think they were bread in
captivity or stolen from the wild, which is how a
lot of zoos populate their things, is they're stolen from
the wild. Dude, Like, uh, I just watched David Tell
Special and he goes I went to Sea World or
dos I call it aquatic Houschwitz speaking up.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, and then the aquarium for these fish is the ocean.
I mean the ocean. You're just constantly being attacked.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
And each can you imagine though these fucking jellyfish are
You can't touch them below. You're supposed to like touch
them with the two finger touch on top, just graze
them gently, which how many kids abide by that? Half maybe?
And then the others are just palming these things, and
there's like a person who's been working there for eight
hours watching over it. So they're not catching everyone who's
man handling these Yeah, but they're they're so tired of

(14:37):
being there. And the jellyfish flip over. All of them
are flipped over, and I go, I wonder why, because
they don't want to fucking be touched anymore, because you
can't touch them one that'll flipped over. So I go,
interesting that all of these jellyfish are flipping over, all
of them because they have been being touched. They're touched
for sixteen hours a day, however long how twelve hours
a day? These things are just being poked at by kids.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
It's like the kids on the seat of Nickelodeon.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
Oh I didn't watch that yet.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
It was only got touched when the cameras went off.
That is so disturbing. I cried last night, and I
rarely cried. I I taken a lot of brutal things,
and I rarely get like emotional and so angry watching something.
But Quiet on Set on Max is so good and
is all about Dan Schneider, this producer of Nickelodeon, shows

(15:29):
that was like, you know, the Chuck Lory of Nickelodeon,
pretty much like just hit maker for TV shows in
the two thousands, and he's a fucking creep, always having
women massage. I'm on set, constantly making two women who
worked for him, Uh, take one man's salary split a salary,

(15:51):
split a salary, because there were women just always making
them do sexual things, just making disgusting jokes, just this.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
It was.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
It's just that's horrifying. And you watch a couple of
episodes of that ship going down and then him being
kind of inappropriate with on the shows, just like doing
you know, cumshots pretty much for jokes where a girl
will get you escorted with goo in her face, zooming
on their feet, zooming on them, sucking things. There's always
jokes about sausages hitting get your face zoe one on one,

(16:24):
all that making. There's a guy called Pickle Boy that
I remember from all that. I wasn't watching all that
at the time, but Pickle Boy was this guy that
would always show up with a huge thing of pickles
and he was like ever present on all that throughout
the two thousands. Turns out he was a massive pedophile,
massive wow and uh, his victim. He eventually got caught

(16:47):
because his victim was Drake Bell from Drake and Josh.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
Was Drake.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
Could have been him too, I mean he was on Degrassi.
He was probably a kid during then. But Drake Bell
from Drake and Jsh which was a humongously popular show
prior to that. Stop making jokes. We're talking about child molestation.
He hasn't watched it. You can't, like, I literally can't
make jokes about it because I'm so incensed about it.

(17:15):
This guy just tricked Drake Mill had an amazing father
who would be on set watching closely, making sure that
nothing was happening that was inappropriate. And then he started
seeing this guy just paying way too much to pick
a boy. The guy who played pick a boy named
Brian Pack, not to be confused with Josh Pack, who
has played Josh on Draken or in Josh or Draken. Yeah,

(17:38):
Brian Pack pickle boy would just touch him too much,
help him with wardrobe, where he's like, he doesn't need
your helpinging that on, and the dad alerted other parents
started talking about it, like have you noticed this? All
the parents were just like no, it's fine. Then he
went to I think he went to the heads. Did
you watch it? No one? He went like, I saw
the first episode.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Oh god.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
The third is where it gets so fucking grizzly with
this with Drake Bell talking about it for the first time.
It's so sad. This fifteen year old kid gets preyed
upon by this guy and there's nothing he can do
about it. He doesn't have a license, he can't leave
the house. That's happening in This guy by this time
is like his best friend, a forty year old man
who's inserted himself in his life, who's made him turn

(18:20):
against his father. I mean, these pedophiles are so fucking.

Speaker 3 (18:23):
There's also Amanda Bines.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah it Dan, It's like, oh yeah, that was gross,
and we don't really get details of what happens because
she's not talking and he certainly isn't, but he is
just disgusting. Dude, I can't even anyone. He literally said.
They have footage of him saying, you know, the cast
all comes out and he's talking to the studio audience
before taping and he's like, after the show, you can

(18:47):
meet the cast, you can touch them anyway you want,
You could ask them questions, you can ask them any
inappropriate question you want, really get personal, make them feel awkward,
like and he loved doing this thing on all that
where he would make the kids do this like is
called like a live dare or something. I forget what
it's called, but all the kids that are cast members
come back and talk about it and they're like this
that the live the live dares were the worst part

(19:10):
of the show because he would make kids do fear
Factor stuff and they couldn't say no. They're not adults
and any any saying no on set would just make
it so that you wouldn't get put on sketches. And
he also he also did an interview where he says,
I love that these kids. Sometimes these kids try to
rasp me and they get a little attitude and I go,
I'm right the show. If you want to do that,
I'll write you doing something really bad next week. He

(19:32):
said that kids on it's so insane that this is
allowed to happen. But because it's allowed to happen, because
he made hits and Nickelodeon didn't give a fuck, and
no one from Nickelodeon ever reached out to Drake Bell
after he went took this guy to court and had
him arrested and he would later This guy who got
arrested and is a child sex offender registered went on

(19:55):
to work on other sets with children on the Disney Channel.
Oh my god, Hollywood is discussed keep your kids the
fuck out of there. I'm serious, Like it's either they're
getting fucked by the people making the shows or they're
not getting roles. Like some of these kids were like, oh,
you know, I was the favorite until an Amanda came along,
and then she got all the attention, and then it

(20:15):
quickly zooms into like Amanda becoming probably of slightly a
victim of some inappropriate behavior. We're not sure of Dan Seinder's,
but it was really like, oh, I stopped getting I
stopped getting like good parts because he wanted to molest
someone else, yeah, or like whatever. It was like that's
the vibe. Like, if you're a child actor who's working
and getting a lot of work, it's because some man

(20:36):
wants to fuck you. It's disgusting. Keep your kids out
of it. Let them decide to get into it when
they're adults and they can ruin their lives on their own,
because it is a life ruiner. It's not a good
business Brian, would you let your kids be in Hollywood
if they wanted to? How would you handle it? Because
I kind of think I might kids, even though I
just said that, because I think I'd be vigilant. I
wouldn't let shit go down.

Speaker 2 (20:56):
I think it's different nowadays than it was back in
the nineties.

Speaker 1 (20:59):
At think or two eleven.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
I mean this wasn't even then. I mean I think
things have changed, and hopefully that change sustains. If my
kid came up to me and said I want to
be an actor, then yeah, I would allow them to.
I would. I would help them pursue it, for sure,
but they'd have to say I want I don't want
to be one of those parents who is like, you've
got to be a star, You've got to go out

(21:23):
there if you're not in Sestantme Street by six and
you've nothing to do.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
But the thing is, kids don't. If you like to act,
it doesn't mean you'll like Hollywood. You know what I'm saying.
Like it's a different thing. But I don't know. Let's
talk about it more when we get back from break
all right, we're back. I do think that if I
had a talented child, that that loved performing. I would
let them do that, but that would mean I would
have to be watching them on set. You just have

(21:48):
to be on set all the time.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
You have experienced, like on actual sets, so you know
how it kind of works, and I feel like you
would probably be vigilant of this stuff.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
But the truth is, like so many of these parents
that were like, hey, my kids, let's just not even
talk about sexual abuse. My kid is working too long
of hours. My kid shouldn't be in this leotard because
you can see his penis through it, and he's forced
to be in this penis costume all the time with penis.
These things on his shoulder that are supposed to be noses,
but they look like penises because every these fucking sick fucks.

(22:20):
Remember when it was happening with Disney, Remember one like Disney,
there would be hidden like penises on the Little Mermaid
Castle and in the clouds on the Lion King it
said sex. They love to like these sick fucks. If
you're talented at making children's entertainment. Dan Snyder, who prides
himself on like, I know how kids think. Why do
you know how kids think? That's gross? Stop and stop

(22:43):
saying that people shouldn't. People should maybe study child psychology
and have some sort of like be like, I'm an
adult who has learned what children like, but don't admit
that you know somehow because that's weird. I don't know.
I just don't like. I don't like it at all.
And I think, yeah, the if you're a parent that

(23:07):
notices those things, even me, I would feel like if
my daughter was on a sketch show on Nickelodeon, and
because I said, hey, she's working too long of hours,
then she doesn't get in the next the show the
next day or the next the next episode, she gets
cut from a lot of stuff because she needs to
work less and all the other kids are working way
harder like I would, and she would probably be mad

(23:29):
at me. I know I would be mad at my mom,
like just shut up, mom, let me work, like I
don't know that I'd be strong enough to put my
foot down like that. If all the other parents who
are so desperate for their kids to be famous put
up with so many abuses happening. And this isn't all
the parents. A lot of the parents on the the
show were good. That's the problem. Is like it's just
a tricky business, and it's all about power. And if

(23:50):
you have power in the business and you're making these
businesses money, they don't care what you do. It's just
that's the way it is. The Me Too movement is
the reason Dan Snyder ever got fired is because suddenly
these women who had watched him getting demanding massages from
these wardrobe from the women in the wardrobe department who
were outfitting three shows with tons of kids, so busy.

(24:12):
They would get texts from him being like, come downstairs
and massage me. And she's like, if she doesn't do it,
she'll get fired. It won't be about that, but that
will be the result of it. So she has to
go with massage guy. They were putting up with it
for years. There was not a day or she was
like usually it was daily, but there was not a
week that went by that too. He wasn't being massaged
by some woman whose job it was not to massage him.
And they for years until twenty seventeen eighteen when Me

(24:35):
Too happened, and then they all got the balls to go, actually,
this isn't cool, and what a cool movement. I know
everyone like jokes about it, but that really was like
such a churning point. People just suddenly had the guts
to stand up and like call stuff out. And it's
still stuff is still happening all the time. I mean,
the Diddy thing is insane. Diddy's on a jet right

(24:57):
now to an island where he can't be arrested, Like
he had a plan to get out of the country
as soon as they caught him for trafficking charges. I think.
And someone made the point that by the time your
home is raided by the Feds, they have a lot
of evidence on you. That's not just like we're just
gonna see what's in there. That's like, we know what's

(25:17):
in there.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
Did he has been around for decades? Do you think
he just started doing this stuff in the past couple
of years. No, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
It's not just Hollywood. It's all businesses, all operation, it's
all power politicians, Epstein Island, it's all it's all a
part of any power structure. It feels like, how though.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
If you're one power structure, yeah, yeah, or one at
the top. But it's just such a weird thing. If
you're into little kids, it's so powerful. How do you
bring that up with someone and see if they are too,
like how do you even I don't even want to
I'm just floating that as like how do these people
find each other? Because it is like, is the most

(26:00):
insane thing. And by the way, if you want to
fuck kids, I'm not mad at you because you didn't
choose to want to fuck kids, but you got to
get help for it so that you don't. You know, like,
I'm mad at you if you fuck kids and you
touch them and you abuse kids. But if you want to,
you can't help that, and that is a sickness in
your brain that you need to treat and make sure
that you don't touch kids. So it's not it's not
a bad thing to be attracted to kids, because that

(26:21):
is a something a disorder in your brain that you
didn't choose, but you gotta do something about it.

Speaker 3 (26:26):
And it isn't connecting with stuff. I think you're like
in the right line when you're seeing it's like a
power thing. I think it's more about that than like
kid attraction.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
It's just like a oh yeah, just doing the weirdest
thing and like the most fucked up thing, and like.

Speaker 3 (26:39):
We yn't I have the past because he also did
it to the grown women in the writer's room.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
I mean, you know, like all the stories that they tell,
so I think that might not be a pedophile, but
they're the guy. They's definitely sick. I don't. I do
know that people that watch child born a lot of
them based on this podcast I listened to from Sam Harris,
and I've said this a million times, A big percentage
of people who watch child pornography and trade it and
consume it are not pedophiles. They're not attracted to children.

(27:08):
It's just where porn ends. If you follow porn to
its conclusion of brutality and extremity, it ends with kids.
So those are people on like that have a porn
addiction that just went too far, if that makes sense.
So it's not always about being attracted to kids. Sometimes
it's just because you're so fucking sick. That's like you
need the next sick thing. And that's It's fun Hollywood. Yeah,

(27:32):
what's going on in fun Hollywood? Is there fun on
your weekend? Oh? Yeah, that was a fun, fun Hollywood weekend.
I went to the Mark Twain Prize on Sunday night
after our shows. We did shows this weekend and Gary,
Indiana on Friday Saturday. We're in Cincinnati. Those are so
fun Brian was there. We'll talk about those. But yes,

(27:53):
Sunday night, I went to the Mark Twain Prize in DC,
which my brain was your second one produces. Yes, was
my second in a row, and it was so star studded.
It was so funny. It'll air on in May. I
don't want to say the date because it kind of
coincides with another date that's coming up that's a bigger
deal for me. So watch it eventually, but don't watch

(28:14):
it premiere night because I think something else premiere Night
is happening that.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Is just the same day. Yeah, oh, get out of here,
I said.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
Oh, Chris Convey producing two things, the two things you
produce in a year, both airing the same night. So anyway,
watch the other thing that's coming out that date. But
I'm not going to say the date yet because I
can't announce anything. But anyway, it was Jerry Seinfeld, it
was Chris Rock, it was Dave Chappelle, it was Chelsea Handler,
it was Jimmy Fallon, it was a little Dicky, It

(28:47):
was Robin Thick, it was Nelly, Nick Cannon, and I
don't know who else. It was just so many and
obviously Kevin Hart. They were honoring Kevin Hart, and it
was so star studded and it was incredible. And Keith
Robinson the Rock was not there, but you didn't miss him. Yeah,

(29:10):
I gotta be honest, what, guys, what's your favorite Kevin
Hart movie?

Speaker 2 (29:17):
I don't even I couldn't even tell you. I don't
I've ever seen one.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
Okay, well, let's talk about this, because that is a
question that got asked me on the Red carpet and
I realized I have never seen a Kevin Hart movie.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Yeah, I just know. I just like and people.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
And I go, well, so I should say a movie
I've not seen and lie on the Red carpet because
it's just to be nice and just say whatever movie
I can think of. I didn't want to do that,
like I they I didn't. I planned for the Red Carpet.
Here's my things I'm gonna say about Kevin Hart, Here's
what I admire about him. I did not think that
they would ask me for a specific movie. What's your

(29:55):
favorite Kevin Hart movie? And I literally froze and was like, uh,
and I'm literally trying to think of a favorite one,
you know, like, Okay, let me think of the ones
I've seen and then let me pick the favorite. But
it looks like I'm just like should I lie? And
there's a part of me that was like should I lie?
And then I was like, I don't even know if
I could, because I can't even come up with the
name of a movie because I don't really watch movies

(30:15):
that much. I don't know if you've noticed. I watched
the Oscar Best Pictures this year, but that was the
most movies I've ever seen in my life in a
time period since eighth grade. I just I would definitely
have seen a Kevin Hart movie if he was around
in nineteen ninety eight to two thousand and two. But
I don't watch movies anymore. And they andally, I just
go ah. And there's literally three microphones in my face,

(30:38):
four video cameras pointing at me, and I'm like, oh
my god, this is gonna be so embarrassing, Like this
is going to end up on Reddit. This girl is
on the red carpet pretending to be a huge Kevin
Hart fan, which I wasn't, by the way, And I
am a huge Kevin Hart fan in my own way,
but I wasn't pretending to be. I was like, I
just go, I'm here because my boyfriend produces this. Okay,
I'm not trying to be anything. I'm not. I've never
seen a Kevin Hart movie. I think I'm realizing I've

(30:59):
never seen a Kevin Hart movie. And yeah, they all laughed,
and I go, I don't like. It was almost like
a gotcha moment, and and I felt so I started
having a panic attack because I was like, this is
going to be so embarrassing. I look like a dumb
white girl who like doesn't like I don't know. I

(31:20):
just felt like it was like a I don't know.
I was just in my head about it. And so
I don't know, if you've ever been on a red carpet, no,
but if you, but if you, it's already so much pressure.
I already was feeling not that cute, Like my hair
extensions were too blunt, and so it was like my
hair was like natural, and then there were like these chunky,
blunt extensions that were just poorly cut, and I looked

(31:41):
it looked like I remember John Travolta in that movie
where he has like ten yrols coming out of his head.
He's like a action star. It almost looked like dreadlocks.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
Yes, actually what I looked like a scientology movie. Really yeah,
that movie was like scientology propaganda.

Speaker 1 (31:59):
Oh my god. But the and they go. Well, before
that happened, I was interviewed by a comedian who I know,
Reese Waters, and he goes, what's your favorite Kevin Hart bit?
And I blanked again, and I don't know. I've seen
Kevin Hart stand up a lot, but I don't remember bits.
I just watched Dave's David Tell special and I couldn't
tell you. I can tell you maybe one joke, and

(32:20):
I would butcher the Auschwitz one. I kind of butchered it.
I'm not And I don't know what Kevin Hart bit?
And so I go, Reese, I go, I don't. And
then I felt like he thought I'd never seen Kevin
Hart's stand up or something, or that I was. I
don't know, it just felt I go Reese. As a comedian,
you know, we see, first of all, we don't like

(32:41):
watching stand up comedy. I don't like watching comedy, and
I certainly don't like watching Kevin Hart, who is like, uh,
seems so he's too good, you know, like he's too
natural and good of a storyteller, and like it just
comes too naturally to him, and it bothers me. So
I don't I really don't like to watch people who
I think are are talented in ways that I'm not
drawn to that. And so I already was stressed out

(33:03):
about answering that and saying and not being able to
come up with the Kevin Hartbitt that I loved, and
then I go a couple more interviews later and I'm
coming down from that. So that's in the back of
my head, like, oh my god, you're such an idiot.
That's gonna come out. You're gonna look like such a fraud.
All the say sweating.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
This is hyperventilating extensive questioning on a red carpet that
I've seen. Usually they ask like silly questions.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
Like I was furious, Noah, I there was. I had
no publicists there because I just didn't and so you
were just you are on the red carpet by yourself. Usually,
if you've watched red carpet footage, there's someone like ushering
someone through and they go, sorry, she can't talk. There's
someone else telling the person for them, And I'm usually
down to talk to everyone, but I was I hadn't
eaten enough that day, so I was feeling low blood sugar.

(33:49):
I had rushed to get ready. I was coming from
hair and makeup that I was feeling. The hair part,
I was just my extensions were good. The rest was amazing,
but I was just feeling blotchy with my spray tand
was Zara, and it like didn't fit properly. I just
felt like not put together in the way I wanted,
and so I was feeling stressed out. I did the
pictures and that was stressful enough because I just was like,

(34:10):
didn't know what poses to do. I was just not
in a good headspace at this thing. I was tired
and I was underfed. And then the question started, and
I'm not kidding you. I did fifteen interviews. Fifteen there
was a microphone after microphone after microphone, and you talk
to each person for three three minutes at least, and
then so I am the first interview I did. I

(34:30):
couldn't come up with a bit of his and I
feel like an idiot. I feel like a fraud. I
feel like just my mind goes to You're gonna get
canceled because this seems like you are like lying about
liking someone that you're here to support and this is
a night to honor him, and you are just you
got caught trying to compare it to like a moment
where someone gets caught being fake. But I just felt busted,

(34:53):
like you're not a real Kevin Hart fan because I
don't know it's he was, He's I like him, Okay,
you know I think he's I think he deserves this award?
Do I have to be a fan of every fucking thing?

Speaker 2 (35:04):
And so?

Speaker 1 (35:05):
And everyone's talking like he's Obama, you know, like he
changed the world, and every interview is like why does
he deserve this? Why has he been such an influence
to you? And I'm like, he hasn't been. No, I
mean he he has in terms of his work ethic,
And so I was able to summon why I really
love Kevin Hart. And you can listen to those interviews
because I figured out a line of logic that worked

(35:26):
for me after failing so much. But then I get
to the one where they go with your favorite Kevin
Hart movie and I blanked, and there's all these cameras
look at me, and I rarely can't don't say anything
and I then jump to right to defensiveness because I
see that they're all like, you don't even know Kevin
Hart movie? Oh my god, what are you doing here?
And I'm like, I'm not gonna lie. I've never seen

(35:46):
I don't think i've ever seen one. And then I'm like,
but I don't really watch movies. I forget why I said.
I was like, I don't need to defend this. I'm
allowed to be here and to have not seen a
Kevin Hart movie. I didn't say all this, but I
was right, like, isn't a crime to not have seen
a Kevin Hart movie?

Speaker 2 (36:01):
I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (36:04):
Someone Chris was telling me all the Kevin Hart movies,
and I go, I don't. I don't really care about
seeing any of those. I don't feel like I'm sad
that I've never seen Raiders of the Lost Arc. I'm
sad that I've never seen Wedding Crashers. I should see
The Godfather. I should see The Godfather Part too. I
know there's certain movies that I should see. Get hard.
I don't think I need That's like I need to

(36:24):
see it, or do you?

Speaker 2 (36:25):
Okay, let's play a game. It's called It's it's called
is this a Kevin Hart movie? Or is this a
random word generator title? Okay, here's the first one, still Pavement.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
Well, that's random.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
Okay, that is random. Yes, okay, here's another one, The
ghost Writer.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Random.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
That's correct, that is random. All right, here's another one.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Uh, night School, Night School is Kevin Hart. Okay, now
I know, but this is not going to be delete
me is random. The reason I know these now is
because I went through a whole night of celebrating Kevin Hart,
so I am very familiar with his filmography at this point.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Are you what about the Man from Toronto?

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Random?

Speaker 2 (37:21):
Read? That is a Kevin Hart movie? What from twenty
twenty two? That's right, it is a Kevin Hart movie.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
I should have just said any fucking thing and they
would have believed it. I'd be like, it's this obscure
thing he did try to make. It's an indie project
he did in twenty seventeen. No, I can't do that.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
You know, time me?

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Time was that one? No, that's that sounds like it was.
I'm having a response again to this. I'm getting like
hives and I feel like my throat closing because I
seriously couldn't handle how I answered, and then I you know,
like when you trip or follow something and then you
get angry instead of like because you're so embarrassed. So

(38:05):
I was so embarrassed. Yeah that I was like so
fucking mad that these people tried to that asked me
that question. And it's a normal question. I mean, he's
done a lot of movies. They weren't trying to get.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
Me, But the question should have been, you know, if
if Kevin sees this interview, what do you want to
tell him? Or like, what's your favorite thing about Kevin?

Speaker 1 (38:23):
Would have been nice to keep it broad because I
actually had really interesting things to say about Kevin. I
was the only one that was talking about his plant
based burger chain that I fucking love because he's making
fast food for plant based people, which is a really
fucking political hearthouse. There are four locations now in the
southern California area.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
More wow. Uh.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
He also, I just I had a lot of stories
to tell about him. He was really nice to me
when I did his celeb game face show, and he
was really nice to my mom, and I had a
story about that and everything, Like I had moments to
talk about, but I kept getting these specific questions and okay,
so then I am I've never felt well, i haven't
felt this level of panic, and I'm going to faint

(39:04):
because I'm so upset and I want to cry and
I want to faint because I chugged a coke before.
I never I only drink diet coke. I've literally never
had a coke since I was five year fifth grade.
And I chugged a coke right before I went on
the red carpt because I was already feeling so out
of it and like low blood sugar faint. And then
that happened and I was about to pass out on
the red carpet, I'm not kidding you. And then I

(39:27):
so I get done with the There's a whole row
of people with video cameras and microphones, all the press.
There was so much press here. It was like the
fucking Oscars. It was insane. I've never done this much
press for anything, and I had no publicist to be like, hey,
she only can do a couple like oh, just oh,
just every single person just next down the line, and
they're not even gonna use it, you know, like I'm
the least famous person there. And so after we get

(39:49):
done with all the After I get done with all
the interviews with the camera people with cameras, there's a
line of people that with just you know, handheld recorders
that are just reporters for publications, and that was just
there was like a cleave in the line of people
right there was like a little space between them and
I because before then it had been like one microphone
and then you just you turn to maybe go away

(40:10):
or go you know, skip someone, and there's another microphone
in your face. You can't. You have no moment to go, Hey,
can I not do this? So I'm just like stuck.
I felt like I was stuck in a uh in
a river like rapids, and I'm just hitting different rocks.
And then now I'm feeling like I'm gonna pass out,
puke and faint all at once because I'm so embarrassed
and I'm just thinking my careers over because I just

(40:30):
got outed as lying about liking Kevin Hart when I
really don't, when I really actually do, and I felt
like they're gonna make fun of me, and I don't know.
I was just really going to some dark places all
while trying to look beautiful and suck in and be
really eloquent and funny, and then with no help, no
one next to me, no one getting me out of this,
no assistance, no one running the red carpets even look

(40:53):
to And it's a really well run event, but this
was a fucking blind spot. And next year, if I
do this, I will not I will have someone with me,
even if they're pretending to be my publicist, which is
all you really need to do. You just need to
have someone, Yes, thank you, Noah, please please be there
for that. So there's a little space and I go,
I said to the next reporter who's holding a recorder.

(41:15):
I just go, hey, I can't do anymore. I'm so sorry.
I just do not feel well. And they go, oh, okay.
So when the camera's not on, you don't want to partake,
Oh for the newspapers, you don't care for print journalism.
You think, oh, who gives a fuck, And it's like Jesus, oh,
so now you're making They didn't all say that, but
there was this overall grown and I understand they're at

(41:36):
the end of the line and they probably do get
passed over by people who are just like, if it's
not on camera, I don't care because it's you know,
print journalism is going away, and I feel like they
already feel, you know, disenfranchised. So it looked like I
was just saying, if my face isn't involved, I don't
want to be and part of it. So they kind
of go like, oh, come on, I go, no, it's

(41:58):
not that. It's because I don't feel good and I
have anxiety right now and I'm like literally starting to
almost start to cry. And I go and they go, well,
you could just answer a couple and we'll all record
at the same time, and I was like, okay, good.
So then they did that, and I answered some questions
about to cry, like on the verge of tears, like
it is literally you know when your cry is right here?

(42:20):
I would have been better at answering that that could
have been a number of that number like seven pounds
could have been the name of a show he did
or a movie he did, So you know when your
cry is right here?

Speaker 2 (42:33):
Yeah? Like, and you are a gobbler, Like what is that?

Speaker 1 (42:38):
I hate not having control over my body. That's why
I don't like orgasms. That's why I don't like going
on roller coasters. I like, that's why I don't like
watching scary movies. I don't like. I don't like being
like any jump scare. I want control and I was
losing control. And also Curran Chris's brother is watching me.

(42:58):
He's behind the report, so I see him watching me,
and I see him see the moment where I go
like searching for a Kevin Hart movie in my head
but actually one that I've seen and I can't come up,
and I see him kind of look like oh no,
and he looks scared for me. So I'm just like,
it's all of this pressure, and yeah, he's just like wow,

(43:23):
she looks like she's struggling. And then so I get
done with the interviews with the publications and I just
and then I walk away, and I'm about ready to
burst into tears, like I am I'm like, I can't
great now, I can't even enjoy this fucking show because
I'm gonna be in my head the whole time being
like what did I say? Why did I say that?
Why am I such a failure? Why did I Why

(43:43):
am I even here? Like I should have never done
the Red carpet, like this is embarrassing, Like I'm not
a huge Kevin Hart fan. Why am I pretending to
be one, and I was like freaking out. And I'm
only sharing this because I think people can relate, and
I just want people to know that, like it is
all a act a lot of times for people to
seem entertaining and like confident, because even though you probably

(44:04):
know that from this podcast that I'm not all of
those things. But that's ended up what I said to
the prin journalists people, I go, you want to know
why I love Kevin Hart because he is pure. I
admire his confidence. And that sounds like a dig because
it sounds like you're just saying someone's not talented, they're
just confident or something. I'm like, no, he's already has talent.
But no one believes in Kevin Hart more than Kevin Hart.

(44:25):
And he's a testament to if you love yourself enough,
what you can do, if you don't question yourself, if
you really love yourself, and you are never going to
abandon yourself and you're always gonna be there for yourself
no matter how much you fuck up. Kevin Hart has
his own back, you know. And I said, have your
own back. He's going back. So they're like nodding along

(44:48):
like yes, girl, yes, and I'm like, finally sticking the
landing from my fucking talking point, and I go, I
am not a confident person. I'm not feeling I was like,
I as someone who really struggles with my confident and
I know that looking at me, it seems like I am.
But you if you talk to my girlfriends, you would
all they would all say that I'm probably the least
confident of all of them. And I know that shocking.

(45:11):
But most comedians are not confident. And the ones that
are most successful are the ones that figure out a
way to fucking like themselves. Those are the ones that
their talent matches their amount, that they believe in themselves.
And I really struggle with that, and that's what I
admire in him. And they go, thank you, okay, and
then they put the you know on to the next person.
And then I stepped off and I was about to
go cry. And then I saw her in and he

(45:32):
was like what happened because he was a little bit worried,
but he was like, oh, it'll be fine, and I go,
I need to go talk to them. So I went
back to the print journalists and I said, and they
weren't recording me. I go, hey, guys, I just want
to let you know. I totally was not trying to
pass you over because I don't admire what you do
or like for any other reason than the fact that
I was on the verge of a panic attack because
of some questions that got asked before that I fucked up,

(45:55):
So I had nothing to do with you, guys. I
just want to let you know I love you, thank you,
and good night. Then I've walked off, and I felt
good about that, but then I was like still panicking
about my answer to like not knowing his movies, and
then I was talking to I went to go talk
to So I haven't seen Chris in like two or

(46:15):
three weeks, right, and I'm seeing him for the first time,
and he is about to produce this live show. So
he's taking a minute from his night before it begins
to go say hi to me and Karin, and I'm like,
I fucking I was like, babe, I know you're busy.
I was like, I just have to say, I'm just
I can you just like make me feel calm about

(46:35):
what just happened? And I told him what happened. He goes, oh,
they won't use it, and I go, wait, why wouldn't
they use that? It's so funny that I didn't know
any Kevin Hart movies and I'm out of Kevin Hart
Awards ceremony. And he was like, because they only want
to make Kevin Hart look good, and I was like, oh,
and then he walked away and I just all of
a sudden relaxed in my whole body. And Kern was like,

(46:57):
Kerin had been talking me off the ledge for an
hour prior to that, right before we got to see Chris.
And Kerr goes, why couldn't I do what Chris just
gave to you? And I was like, dude, you did
so well, you said everything you possibly could. But I
forgot that aspect of it that Hollywood is a star
maker machine, right. Everything is going towards making celebrities look perfect,

(47:19):
and they aren't really the ones that ever try to
embarrass celebrities. Like some of that happens, but it's usually
when they've already picked a victim, where we're like, this
person's to be made fun of, and we're always going
to find things to make fun of them. Even TMZ
is uplifting celebrities, they're only making fun of the ones.
We've all decided we should trash them now. So no
one's like trying to generate new celebrities to trash or

(47:40):
make fun of art right or me. You know, like,
no one's trying to have a get you a moment
with me. And I'm coming from this place of like
I'm on Reddit so much, and so I see all
these gaffes of certain celebrities and I'm picturing myself becoming
one of them, and I was like, oh, that's right.
Like everyone press, it's like the Royal well, you know,

(48:00):
like the Royal family and the British Press are like
in bed together. Even though they seem at odds because
the press comes after them, they really work together to
build up the royal family and they both need each
other and without each other, neither could exist. That's what
celebrities and press are. Press is never trying to like
make a celebrity look bad unless we all agree. Everyone's
just trying to make everyone look good. So when he

(48:21):
said that, I was like, oh my god, it's so logical,
like yeah, they would never use that. No One's like
it might resurface in like ten years of like look
at this embarrassing moment on a red carpet, but it's
not gonna be now, and so I was able to
relax and actually have fun. But it was the worst
moment of my career. I think honestly, the way it
felt in my body, it was worse than fainting on stage. Yes,

(48:46):
because this the scale of this was larger. Yes, fainting
on stage was probably the uh No, dancing with stars
being eliminated first was the worst. Yeah, And being said
that I was awkward and that I'm not a good dancer,
and being laughed at by like goodman, rest in peace,
you bastard. Actually, we'll talk more about this when we
get back, because we have to take a break. Nain, Okay,

(49:08):
we're back.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
Why did you faint on stage?

Speaker 1 (49:10):
In two thousand and seven, when I was performing at
Hennessy's in Dana Point, it was like a restaurant and
I was on stage and I hadn't eaten enough that day,
and I smoked a little weed and I ran before
the show. That was also what was going on. I
had not eaten enough, I had run on a treadmill before, Like,

(49:32):
I just set myself up to be anxious. And then
the second I was doing well on stage too, and
I just started blacking out and I had never blacked
out before. And I go, I think I'm gonna faint
because I wasn't I couldn't remember my jokes, like my
brain was failing me. And then it started getting tunnel
vision and I didn't know what was happening, but I
just go, I think I'm gonna faint. And then I

(49:53):
looked at the woman in the front row and I go,
is that awkward? And she said yes, and I said
it is. And that's the last thing I said. I know, well,
it was before awkward was like a catchphrase.

Speaker 2 (50:04):
I have to say.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
This was two thousand and seven. Awkward wasn't like. I
just was like, is that I don't know what My
brain wasn't working. I don't know if anyone here has
ever fainted. But you aren't cognitively with it. No, you're
not cognizant. And she goes yeah, and I and I go,
it is, like I questioned, it, like it is. And
then when I fainted, I kept the microphone next to
my mouth and I was mumbling things all the way down.

(50:27):
It was really embarrassing. It was the most embarrassing moment
in my life. And I came to I can't ever
heard this, dude. I fainted in front of a room
of probably three hundred people. Wow, and it went dead silent.
The MC came up and rescued me. I don't know
exactly how it went down because I fainted, but I
nearly fell off the stage because it was just a
stage that was built up in the middle of this room,

(50:48):
like there was no back to it, there's no wall.
So I almost fell off the back of this platua.
But these guys came up and caught me, and I
just kind of crumpled. And then I kept talking, and
I'm like, and I had a dream while I was
fainted that I fainted on stage, and I was like,
and then I was also in the ocean, like rolling
around in waves. And then I woke up from a dream. Yeah,

(51:10):
I woke up from a dream that I had fainted
on stage. And I've told this story before, but you
know when you wake up from a dream that's really bad,
like a nightmare, and you go, oh my god, thank god,
Oh my god, I'm so glad that didn't happen. That's
how I woke up. I go, oh, oh my god,
that would have been the worst embarrassing thing ever, the
god that was a dream, Oh my god, it wasn't.

(51:30):
And I all of a sudden look around and I'm like,
this is real. And because I was so embarrassed, the
anger came through like it did on the Red Carpet
when I snapped at them and go, I'm not supposed
to know Keevin art movie or whatever I said. The
anger came through and I stood up in the adrenaline
and I go and I ran. I ran out of
the room right and then I'm and I went right

(51:50):
to the bathroom, final thought. So I fainted, I stood up,
I ran. The room is dead quiet, like I woke
up because of the quiet. Right, I ran to the bathroom.
I'm in the bathroom, alone in the women's room, and
no one's coming in to like help me or check
in on me. But I'm in the stall and I'm
really thinking my career is over. My career is not
even begone. This is two thousand and seven. I'm going

(52:11):
to New Faces very soon. This was planning to go
to Montreal, New Faces, Big Opportunity. Rest in peace, Rest
and peace as well, Len Goodman, and New Faces.

Speaker 2 (52:21):
Yes are everything that embarrassed you is now going to hell.
Watch how Hennessy's fell into the ocean.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
I think it's still around. I would love to go
back to the scene of this crime. But it was
so Someone's written to me. They heard me telling this
on another podcast, and I was like, oh my god,
I know Hennessey's and Dana point. So I am in
that stall and I'm just like, oh my God, like
this is gonna get out. It just felt it felt
the same way I felt in that Kevin Hart moment, actually,
because I'm like, you, dumb bitch, you didn't eat enough today.

(52:55):
This is what I feeling when I fainted. You didn't
eat enough. You're kind of anorexic right now, and you're
not admitted to yours. It's the thing you're hiding from people.
You're not telling people you're not eating, but you're trying
to lose weight so you can have some sort of
control when you're in Montreal, because you know you're not
funny enough to go, so you have to be thin
because then that'll be some kind of achievement. I don't
know what was going on in my head, but I
felt like I had I had been doing sneaky things

(53:16):
and I was busted, like I fainted. I had been
anarexic at that point for you know, five years, and
I had never fainted. And as an anirexic, you're constantly
getting up and like losing kind of getting stars and
like almost passing out. But then you catch yourself and
you're like, Okay, still got it. And I had. It
just felt like a moment of such weakness and what
an idiot. You're an adult woman who's fainting on stage.

(53:37):
And I felt like, I don't know, you know, in
that moment where you're not thinking rationally, You're like, my
life is over. This is gonna get out. People are
gonna find out. I don't I can't even play out
how it ever could have gone that way, because who
gives a fuck? Right, you know, even if I was
famous and fainted, like who everyone just has computishit for someone.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
Who faces empathy, like the person in the front row
was totally wrong, and it was sent you into this headspace.
You it's not awkward to faint on stage. It's frightening,
and it's you're concerned about the awkward. It depends how
you fall. I guess if you like hit your head.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
Yeah, it was probably awkward that I was asking, well,
she was just felt like put on the spot. She
didn't thought it was a part of your act. A
lot of people did. They were like, was that a bit?
And I'm like, why would that ever? I guess if
I was like cofmanesque but like that, I would never
do that. And not that anyone knew my style then
I was literally unknown. But I was in that stall

(54:33):
just thinking like, my life is over. This is going
to get back up to LA. They're going to kick
me out of the festival. I'm a liability. I think
that's where a lot of it comes from. A lot
of shame comes from, like your liability. And even on
that red carpet, I'm like, oh, you dumb bitch. Like
you could have on the way over in the car,
instead of talking to Current about whatever fun thing you

(54:54):
wanted to talk about, you could have said, Hey, what's
just some things I could talk about with the Kevin
Hart thing? Can we go over some Kevin Hart movies?
Like I could have been, you know, practicing and getting ready,
But instead I was like, Hey, what's been going on
in your life? And blah blah blah and just wanting
to have fun and it's like it I started beating
up on myself for not doing enough hard work and
for like not eating enough. And why did I go

(55:15):
on the treadmill for an extra ten minutes that probably
depleted me in a way that I couldn't come up
with Kevin Hart movie to lie about? Why would I
even lie? Why haven't I seen a Kevin Hart movie?
I'm a bad person. Kevin Hart is a national treasure.
What's wrong with me? Why do I Why am I
in entertainment if I've never seen a Kevin Hart movie?
Why do I expect to be in movies if I
haven't like all these things?

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Oh? Boy?

Speaker 1 (55:33):
So I'm in that stall in two thousand and seven though,
and I'm like it's over for me. And then I
was like so embarrassed that I got angry and I
just ran out of the bathroom and to a room
of people that is waiting for me to emerge from
the bathroom, trying to collect themselves figure out what's going on,
what's going on with the show. No one's in the
bathroom because there's no women on the show that are
running the show to come checking on me. They're all men.

(55:55):
So they're like, there's no one coming in, right, so
I'm probably in there for a minute. I burst out
of the doors, burst out onto this room of three
hundred people. It's literally the bathroom's right next to the stage,
so they're all facing me, and I go, is anyone
gonna fucking help me?

Speaker 2 (56:10):
Then?

Speaker 1 (56:11):
And I look at them all just like rabbit right,
and then I beline it right right into the kitchen,
right off to the right. I see the kitchen doors
and I bang through the double doors, and I was like,
give me a piece of bread, like I just needed
some kind of you know, obviously my blood sugar had failed,
so I was like, I need some food, and they
give me food, and I'm then I'm embarrassed that I
yelled because that was so not cool and it's no

(56:31):
one's fault except my own. And then I'm in the
kitchen hiding, trying not to ever have to go back
out there, and I'm crying, and I'm asking for my
friend Taylor Williamson, who was there. I was like, I
need Taylor, where's Taylor? And then he comes in. He's
so shooken up. I was so embarrassing to see how
scared he was felt. I felt so bad and then I, oh,
I eventually had to walk out into the room to

(56:53):
like leave, and like everyone started applauding, and that was
made me.

Speaker 3 (56:59):
That's why you don't want birthday speeches because it brings
up that trauma.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
It's just too much attention and it's too sincere and
it's like sweet and they were all happy I was alive,
but so yeah, it kind of was the same vibe. No,
it's a good connection.

Speaker 2 (57:12):
What was your exit strategy after that? Which is a
Kevin Hart movie? It is right, that's yes. So I.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
I just ate dinner because I had planned on I
was broke at the time, right this two thousand and seven.
So when you would get these gigs, you would get
to eat one meal at the place and you can
get whatever you wanted. So I got this badass salad
that was filled with stuff and I was so excited
to eat it. But when I got there, they were like,
can you go at first? And I was like, I
really need to eat. I knew that I was suffering
because I hadn't eaten all day. It was my one
meal a day because I was really you know, dieting,

(57:46):
and and they go, don't you can just eat your
food will be ready as soon as you get off stage,
and I go, yeah, okay, fine, big mistake. So I
ate my food and then everyone was like, she can't
drive back on her own. I'm like, I swear to
God I can. I am fine, And so it was
a big fight with everyone to let me drive back
on my own, and they eventually did, and then nothing
happened to I just went to Montreal and bombed my

(58:07):
face off. And that brings us to my conclusion on
Kevin Hart, which is I bombed at Montreal. Bombed for me.
It wasn't bombing, but like at Montreal, you want to
stand out, and I just didn't. I was beat blow
mediocre right, and I was too thin, and it was
like I didn't even look good. I looked sick. I
had bags under my eyes. I was I had a

(58:27):
crush on this guy and I kind of got too
drunk and threw myself at him and got rejected and
felt really embarrassed by that. I was also on the
same dance floor where I threw myself at that guy
while we were slow dancing. Later on, we were fast
dancing and I slipped and fell and like sprained my wrists.
So I had like a I had to have my
wrist bandage. So I was like drunk and dry and

(58:49):
hungry and not funny this entire special or this entire time,
and I was just I just felt like such a fraud,
like what are you doing here? And I was drinking
too much. It was my life was just in shambles, right,
and my bones were so brittle. That's probably why it broke,
because I wasn't feeding myself. But then I went to

(59:09):
go see this comic that was the talk of the
fest and he was having like he was doing his
first like big theater shows, and he was the show
to go see. There's always like for every year, it
just for laughs, there's like one guy who's like, this
guy's taking over the world. He's the next big thing.
Kevin Hart. I'd never heard of him, went to go
see him in two thousand and seven, which was confirmed
later on by people at the party I go. I

(59:30):
saw Kevin Hart for the first in two thousand and seven.
They were like, that's the year he broke. That was
the year that like, that was that summer and I
goes Montreal, they were like, that was the festival, that
was the moment, and I went to go see him,
and I had to leave because I was so depressed
at how good he was and how young he was,
because he's not that much older than me. He's like,

(59:51):
I think he's like forty five. He's like six years
older than me. That's crazy five years older than me,
and he was just crushing it away. I could never
even is he it's get the fuck out. He's forty four. Yeah,
he's been around for so long. He's so fucking good
and and and so that was my whole story, was like,
I Kevin Hart, I the reason I can't watch him

(01:00:12):
is because he's too good and I spun it right.
But that is actually if we're getting at the root
of why I haven't seen Kevin Hart movies. Yes, they
don't always appeal to me because they're like, you know, uh,
they're just like broad comedies that I'm not even watching
specific comedies. I don't really and comedians don't really always
like comedy. But he also is just too naturally talented
and it bugs me. Yeah, And that was kind of

(01:00:34):
the vibe of the night, was everyone was just like,
you're just so naturally talented, and you believe in yourself
too much. And we all don't. We don't. We don't
know why.

Speaker 2 (01:00:44):
Commercials he's also great in commercials.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
Yeah, I mean DraftKings is the kind of the only
thing that I see him in. What commercial would i've
seen him in? I don't watch commercials sports right now.
I just see it on like the Reddit one where
it's a still image of him and he looks good
at that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
And he's hilarious in like subway and State, State Farm,
sometimes various he just pops up in various places.

Speaker 1 (01:01:07):
What what was the best part about it for me?
Which I haven't seen someone else do at the Mark
Twain Prize is like heckle the people who are insulting
him in a way that was so fucking on point.
So someone would make a joke about Kevin Hart and
he'd go like, come on, Chelsea, come on like he
would he would like come at her, back at her
in a way that was really fun and like the

(01:01:28):
banter at it was so fun. And there is a
moment that happens at the Mark Twain Prize. Keith Robinson
did something impromptu. Keith Robinson, who has had two strokes
and had to walk out on stage with his cane
and talk slower, and it's very hard to understand. Now
even though you know he's he's his mind is still
sharp as fuck, but he's just talking slower, and he's

(01:01:48):
it's a little slurred, and he has a cane and
he's just slow. But there's a moment with him that
is one of the funniest things I will ever witness
in my life. And you must watch it at some
point when the Mark Twain Prize comes out on Netflix.
It was not planned and it was so hilarious. And
then also there was another moment that Kevin Hart had
later in the evening that just solidified how extraordinary he

(01:02:10):
was because it was another unplanned moment that was just
top notch. But there was it was it was savage.
He was so good, and like God, Chappelle, Chappelle goes.
Chappella goes out and does this amazing monologue that has
a point, it's poignant, it's funny, it has a beginning, middle,
and end. It callbacks to things, and the guy doesn't
even have notes in the prompter for it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
Wow, he's probably riffing, He's.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
What the fuck, dude.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Yeah, it's just.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
I was very curious to hear what they each had
in the prompter, and some had the whole script and
some had just bullet points. This is based on, you know,
my connections with the production team. I had to suck
some dick to get these answers, you guys. But I
was like, did Chris Rock have notes? He's like, get
down on your knees. I'll tell you after Uh yeah,

(01:03:01):
for ten years I've been doing this all to get
the answers to Chris Rock has anything in the prompter
when he gives a speech about Kevin mart But Chapelle
had nothing, and that really, uh you know what that means, Brian.
I mean, I think a lot of people do think
comedians just riff, but that is extraordinary, extraordinary.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
He probably thought about it for a little while, but
then I bet you he went up there and that's
what he does. That's what he does on stage.

Speaker 1 (01:03:25):
That's what we were debating. Do you think he was backstage?
Do you think he had a moment of like piecing
it together in his head and kind of going over it.
And I think, without question he did this. Isn't he
could do it off the dome without any problem. But
I definitely don't think he's someone who doesn't prepare. He
prepares in his own way. He just doesn't need to
rely on notes. There was no moment everyone else which
I would need this so much, So there's no judgment.

(01:03:46):
Every brilliant the brilliance that was on that night, Like
I'm not speaking ill of their talent, but they would
say something sincere and turn to Kevin Hart and then
they'd have to go back to the prompter to like
finish what they were, like to get back on track
and have to like look down the barrel. Chappelle was
just all about Kevin. The whole thing was to Kevin.
He wasn't worried about anyone else, even though he's giving
a performance that was to the whole room. We all

(01:04:07):
felt included. It just felt so sincere and down the barrel.
And then Chappelle goes off and he's you know, he
goes to sit next to Seinfeld and Rock and there's
like a song playing because it's during commercial break or
whatever it's you do it. They're doing a change up
and the camera's on him and it's like, you know,
we're all just like kind of waiting for the next
thing to happen, and he's just like dancing and like

(01:04:28):
not even dancing for like to be entertaining, but just
like having a good time and not so self aware,
and I just I just fucking love him so much.
And I know this is gonna sound I'm not even
gonna say what I was gonna say, because I want
I'm gonna say to you off air and then you
can I can. I'll say it on our next episode
of The Diamond Players Club that has being on a paywall,

(01:04:50):
because I don't want to get canceled for what I'm
gonna say. But there's something he reminds me of someone
so much, and I don't want it to be uh,
to come off the wrong way when I say it,
so I'll say it too off air, but ken our
next interesting episode.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
Chase Freedom Commercials. Those are the ones season that I
couldn't think of.

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
Okay, yeah, well he's I'm glad that you said that
you had also never seen a Kevin Hort.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Movie of you Jumanji. I would have just said Jumanji instinctually,
because I know that he was in Jumanji.

Speaker 1 (01:05:19):
See I forgot that he was in that because did
you see Top Five?

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
That was Chris Rocky movie movie?

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
See Top Five?

Speaker 3 (01:05:26):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
Okay, no, I have seen Kevin Hart movies because you
can't miss them.

Speaker 2 (01:05:31):
But I still Chris rock movie, but Kevin Hart's in it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
Yeah, that was a good movie. I actually really really
like see that again. All right, Well, we we talked
about something that I thought I was never going to
talk about again. I literally thought it was the end
of my career, and now I'm here I am talking
about on my podcast. Thank you guys for listening. We
will talk about our weekend of shows tomorrow on the show,
because we have. We were in Cincinnati, we were in Gary, Indiana.
That was so much fun.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
Best what was that I did? Ride along? You did
a ride along that this is not recover right along too?

Speaker 1 (01:06:01):
All right, we shall talk about that tomorrow. Thank you
for listening, Adobe Ka Bye.