#499 Golden Globes Ready, Reverse Resolutions & It's 2025, Size Doesn't Matter!

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Nikki Glazer Podcast. Glaser, Hello here, I am welcome
to the show. It's Sticky Glazer Podcast. Here in amazing.
What is that? What? What? What is? You're already shaking
your head. Did I did I just appoint you with somebody? No?

Speaker 2 (00:22):
And no, it's just about you know, life is key
is rolling along.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Doesn't it just game going? It just never ends the
holidays are over, you know.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
For Christians, it's like you have that like it's gonna
be like the Golden Globes. The Golden Globes are January fifth,
and your entire life for the last month is the
Golden Globes. Then on January fifth, the Golden Globes are
going to happen, and then the next day you're gonna
wake up and your life is just going to continue on.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Yeah. Well, the next day I have to do Stern
and then the next day after that I go to
Hawaiian and then the next day then I have to
come back for the Critics' Choice Awards, and then and
then there I have a special to start preparing for it.
Like it's just there's never going to be an end
to working.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
Yep. And that's good.

Speaker 1 (01:00):
Yeah, that's yeah. That's good.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
I guess yeah, I think I'm I think I'm having
a existential crisis with the repetitive nature of the intro
to this podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
Every time you do it, I go like, a right, right, right, yes, yeah,
it just keeps going.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Actually keep it.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
You need sleep every day. You need to eat every day,
like you're never like some people are bothered by eating.
I remember like someone was like, I hate that I
have to eat, Like it's like I think it was.
I think Andrew Schultz one night at the cellar was like,
I don't really like to eat. It like interferes with
my productivity, Like I have to remember to eat. I'm like, whoa, wild,
It's the only good part of my Life's amazing. I

(01:40):
feel that it gets in the way.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
I feel that way about showering. I every if I
don't shower in the morning and I have to shower
at night, and I'm like, it's just like weighing on
me and it takes like twenty five minutes me.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
About Sorry, we have to blow dryer hair, Yeah that
is all or you just look gross.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Yeah I blow dry my hair too, but I've been
doing this thing lately. I don't know if women are
onto this, but I'm sure you, uh, you don't blow
dry and then you just have wet hair for a
while and then like maybe an hour later you blow

(02:17):
dry and takes like two seconds.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yeah, but its yeah, but it can it can take
a shape when it's longer. Ya, that's harder to get out, yeah,
with the blow dry, But it really does make all
the difference to blow dry your hair. Like I find
as a woman, like if I just let air dry,
which I do, I would say eighty percent of the time,
it like you just have to wash it the next
day sooner because it gets scraggly and like it just

(02:40):
looks like shit and it's like thin frizzy. Like even
I got a fucking ad yesterday on my Instagram that
was like, do you have curly kind of frizzy hair
that when you air dry it it looks like shit?

Speaker 2 (02:53):
How do you know?

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Like I don't even post pictures of myself when it
looks like that that that often, but it like new
it is like does it get tangled on the bottoms
and then you can't get the hair tie out because
it's tangled around And it was like it was so
targeted just based on some of the pictures, it's like
scammed about me.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
Well wait till ads get a real handle on AI,
because then the ads will be like, hey, NICKI, I've
noticed that your hair has been tangled lately in your pictures,
and we have this product that actually would fix that
exact thing. And I'll be like and it'll be like
Taylor Swift's voice.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, you'll talk back to it too and be like, oh,
thank you so much for letting me know no one
else is paying attention to me.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, I feel so alone. And there'll be a bunch
of comments on the ad like Nicky should really get this,
and then your fail will be making their own comments
and your phone will dry your hair for you people.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
I was thinking yesterday I got a DM from TMZ,
like this girl that works at TMZ that's always just
sent me like nice thing, Like she's just like, hey,
you want to comment on this or like whatever. TMZ
is like they're nice people, and a lot of them
are like comics and stuff that you like wait outside,
So I'm always just like nice to them if they
ever want to, Like, they're always asking me inflammatory things.
I think in New York they asked me about Luigi

(04:02):
and I was like, I don't want to talk about
that guy. Like I was just like I'm going to
say something that's gonna be weird. I was just like, no,
like why am I no commenting about Luigi? It made
me feel like I had like I fucked him or something,
you know, like no comment about But I was just like,
it's my dog's name that disappoints me, you know, like
my dog used to be the hottest Luigi or whatever.
I said something, and but then yesterday I get a

(04:23):
DM that was like, hey, there, we just got a
tip about you, and we're wondering if you would want
to comment before we run it, and that I'm not
kidding you.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
Like I almost had a heart attack.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
I was. I was down in like the lot, like
working on the script. I was like about to go
into a writer's meeting upstairs, and I was getting the
script ready, and then I'm like I truly felt what
maybe might feel like a panic attack because I and
then I'm texting Emily showing her. I texted Chris and
they're like, call this number if you want to like
talk to us about it before we run it. So

(04:57):
I sent it to Chris and Chris is like, I'll call.
So he calls the number and I'm just like, but
he's up in the apartment. I'm downstairs. I'm like waiting
for the bubbles to come up and like show me
what is it. And he's like, they're calling me back.
I got sent to a different guy. I'm like, oh God.
And then they finally call back and it's it's about
a show that taped. They were like, we got a

(05:20):
hot tip that Nikki talked a lot of shit about
this celebrity at this show taping and I wasn't on
the show taping and I didn't talk shit about that person,
and no one even did on the show. And it
was a total It was literally the most nothing. I
hate when people say nothing Burger, but like this is, yeah,
it was. It was truly nothing. My heart great. I

(05:40):
just was like I was so I was so calm immediately,
but I wrote to Chris. I was like, that was
not worth what I just went through, Like I just
got a cardio exercise, but like I just aged like
that was so stressful, thinking that like I was gonna
have to like put out some statement or like really
ultimately it was about like someone might be mad at me,

(06:02):
or someone might that I'm performing for at the Golden
Globes might have heard that I said something about a
dress they wore once or whatever. The even no jokes
I could stand by because I'd just be like, they're jokes. Yeah,
But if it was like something I had told a
friend backstage about some celebrity that was rude to me,
and like cause I talked shit about celebrities that are
pieces of shit. But I'm not famous enough to like

(06:23):
be out with that. I will someday, And I think
that's relatable, Like.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
But I always do that. It is relatable. Like if
you go and you fly and you're going over customs,
you always think you might have drugs in your bag
or you think, oh yeah, like of like the most
negative like I must have I must be doing something wrong.
I've done that all the time. And I haven't done cocaine.
And when I quit twenty years and I'm like, I
have so much coke in my bag. But if you're
going to like Singapore or something and you had just

(06:49):
like some.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
Like a scumambient on your coaster, yeah you get your decapitad. No.
I was just terrified. I was just like that was
really unnecessary to put my nervous system through, Like, yes,
really shook it up. I felt it, the facts of
it all day long, and it was just five minutes
like really like oh my god. And you know, it's
like anything if you lose your purse, if you're like
kid you kind of struck them at the mall for

(07:10):
thirty seconds or whatever, Like it was just that kind
of thing of like everything's about to be taken from you.
But also I was kind of like, okay, fine take it,
like I'll just I'll be okay.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
I was like TMZ, now I need an e m
T which is Trevor Wallace style joke. Oh yeah, listening,
I just wrote a good Yeah, that's a good joke.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah that is a good yeah. And then I'm gonna
and then I'll have to do that d MT to
get my life.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Back, and I'm gonna have to go to the DMV
and get a new license because I just lost it.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
And then I'll be straddling my lives, of my my
sides of my world like I'm on the DMZ.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
And then I like yeah, like you like if you can't,
you can put your foot over it, I think. And
then I've looked over it. I think.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
So you've been to in Korea.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
Korea, Yeah, I went, yeah, yeah, but I looked into
North but it was still like two thousand and eight.
We were performing for the American troops that were stationed over.
Oh yeah, it wasn't us. It was called Tessa's Funny
Ladies or something.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
Wow, that's a lot more official soundings. Yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
I bombed so bad, Like, yeah, I bombed the troops heavily.
It was. It was so because I had to follow
the first show. I followed April Macy because I had
like recently gotten it was two thousand nine, summer of
two thousand and nine, had gotten a Tonight Show credit.
So like I guess they were, you know, the woman

(08:39):
organizing the show was like, Nikki should close, she has
a Tonight Show credit, and April had been doing it
a little bit longer than me. April's just like a
fucking it's a different closer, like she's I wouldn't want
to follow her now, like I just it's she's just
so good. So April Macy and she had just done
the last comic standing, but they put me after her
on the first show. They switched that real quick. I

(09:00):
bombed rs than I've ever bombed, Like I couldn't.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
We got to.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
He's pointing out my set to his daughter on that
little tour. We yeah, we, but then we had to
do a meet and greet afterwards. Like if I bomb,
I don't want to see anyone, like I always, I
don't want to see anyone, even if I kill after
the show, I'm always like scared one person is going
to be like ruin the moment. I didn't like it,
and they have to pretend because their husband wants to
meet me, and like it happens. I see it happen.

(09:32):
They're never really blatantly rude about it. But I see
when people don't want to meet me where they go.
I'm good, I don't need a picture. And it's not
even about like I don't like pictures. I don't you know.
It's like, literally, I don't like you, and I'm trying
to let you know that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
That's terrible, But this it was.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
I cried in the bathroom after and then they switched
it so I went before her and I ended up
having a better time. But that trip was really fun
and Soul is so clean. Yeah, no, trash cans anywhere and.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Thread in Southeast Asia. Of all of those, it can
be done in Singapore. Yeah, it can not have trash.
The heavy penalty, Well, there's two things. I think this
is my one is heavy penalty is for littering. So
if you in Singapore, if you put trash on the ground,
the cut off your hands. Literally, no, not literally, but
figure take the hands and figuratively no, it's pretty hard.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, no trash with so many hands.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
And then second, it's just cultural. It's there's a thing
that they have in Southeast Asia. It's close to respect.
There's a thing they have in Southeast Asia that we've
totally lost in America, and it's called shame. And if
you litter, you might be culturally shamed for doing that,
where in America no one has any shame anymore. And
it's I am filled with it.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
If I if there was a wrapper that fell out
of my pocket and someone saw it fall out and
I didn't get it, I would then and if I
like found later like oh my god, it's all out
of my pocket, someone might have seen that and thought
I did that on purpose. Deep shame for a person
that I don't even know.

Speaker 2 (11:03):
Then you should feel shame.

Speaker 1 (11:05):
If you litter. If people who if you are someone
who listens to this podcast and you were someone who
puts their fucking cup outside of your car, you clean
your car out on the parking lot, and you think
putting your cup and everything sitting upright isn't litter and
you just sit there on the yellow line in between
the cars. Stop listening to this podcast. I don't want
I do not want you to listen to this. I
don't I think you're a bad person. I think you

(11:26):
don't think about anyone but yourself. Someone has to fucking
pick that up and also or.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
Not or it just blows around forever.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yeah, and I know, like the like it's gonna end
up in a landfill anyway. Well, let's just buy the
time until the landfills start creeping into society. Can we
just keep it a little tidy?

Speaker 2 (11:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
And also, if you're in a bathroom, and I've said
this before, and this is something that I have stuck
to since I realized it one day. I have never
once literally in the past I would say ten years,
and this is pretty impressive. Never once have I been
in the bathroom and you know, pull the toilet paper,
which have to do every single time you have to
utilize toilet paper, and you sometimes get the strands, which

(12:05):
I always think the Ellen degenerous joke where she's like,
this isn't a time to be celebrating, Like it looks
like party.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
Like she's like, this is.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
No time to be celebrating. I always say that. But
if a little piece of toilet paper falls onto the
floor from me pulling it out, any any piece of anything,
I will always pick it up. Never once have I
been like, it's already a shitty bathroom, it's all over,
not if it's in a urin like a ten years
running ten years. And if I go to if I
wash my hands and I use a paper towel and

(12:31):
it misses the bin and it falls on the floor.
And I used to be someone who was just like,
there's a bunch of paper towels on the floor anyway,
who gives a shit? I have never once in ten
years since I said, Nikki, if you ever do this again,
your career will not go the way you wanted to.
I made one of those fucking OCD things. Yeah, but
it really wasn't about that. It was like that was
to get me to do it. But it's really about
I realized someone has to bend down and pick that up.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, And I know.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
It's like they're already down there and there's one more thing.
It's still one more little lean.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
And why am I good doing that to that woman's
back who's cleaning up this bathroom? Why is that her
job to clean up my fucking mess? Her job is
empty the bins. Her job isn't to pick up my
slot because I can't get it in the hole. Yeah,
because I'm like, it's gross. I don't want to touch
the bathroom floor. Neither does she, bitch, like clean up.
Stop leaving paper towels everywhere in these bathrooms. Stop leaving

(13:20):
your piss al over the toilet seat, Stop leaving little
credit pieces. If you don't want to touch the ground
to pick up a tweet of toiletper get more toilet
paper and pick it up with it like you're picking
up dog shit. There's a way to do it sanitarily.
Just start being and for men nicer. Stop spitting your
gum in the urinal. That's maybe one of the worst things.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
Look at any look at any urinal. Go to a
football stadium and look at a urinal and men will
spit gum in the urinal, and that I've heard from
people on interviews or something when they interview the cleaning people. Sure, yeah,
post yeah, they say that the worst possible thing is
when someone spits gum in the urinal because it's like
impossible to get out and it just ruins everything. If

(13:59):
it gets into the drain, forget about it, then they
have to replace the entire urine.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
I think gum is probably a scourge on this planet.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
Gum.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
Yeah, yeah, it's just like you know, it's all over
the sidewalks. It just like creates this little black mass cigarettes.
It's like at least you can pick them up. Gum.
It's just like you just keep it there until it
wears away, and.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
It's just like you gets stuck on your shoe. It's
that's like one of the worst things that can happen
to a human being.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
It's just it's so bad. I quit. I quit chewing gum.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Just just you suck, just your cough trot.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
But it's really it's good for people who are trying
to avoid eating. People love gut, Like I used to
eat gum, try to like to instead of Yeah, and
I was addicted to it and I quit I think
five years ago. And it the one thing about quitting gum.
First of all, it's like you just have to learn
to just figure something out to do with your body
when you're not chewing gum all the time, because some

(14:51):
people are are addicted to gum.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
For sure.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
It's like a cigarette, you know, it's like, yeah, the
meal's over, I'm putting in gum.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
It's like resetting better than a cigarette.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:00):
Again, that's what when science needs to do. You need
to invent gum that you can chew and then when
it's done, you can just eat it. You can swallow it. Yeah,
people people do.

Speaker 1 (15:08):
People do do that. But also you would just like
it would have to change, like.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
The way that gum you just want to swallow it.
If there's got to be a switch, you can pray
you what you can do? You can it comes a
little powder packet and you undo the powder packet and
then you drink.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Think is anything worse than undoing a powder packet? But
like when you jump those in your waters, like it
gets everywhere you look, there's coke.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
On the table.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
Yeah, we gotta go to break we have so much.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
We're back so it's the new year, and you know,
we did this last year, and I think we should
do it again. What are the things not not resolutions
per se? But last time we did? What are the
things we want to not do? That way, you can't
fail unless you do it. Well, yeah, that's they're like
the reverse resolutions we talked about. Remember this reverse resolutions

(16:01):
from last year? I don't remember now, Yeah, I barely
remember it. Can't even articulate it. Yeah, but it was like,
here are the thing, here are five things I will
not do in the year twenty twenty five.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Oh interesting, Okay, I like this.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
And like, obviously like smoking cigarettes or something's impossible, but
like you can say, like I am definitely not going
to binge watch an entire season of a show in
one day, Okay, something like that, it's easier to accomplish.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
Okay, I think I've got one.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Yeah, do you have one? No? Okay, I haven't thought
about this at all.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
After the TMZ thing, I was like, you know, what
would we make this? What would have made my heart
not sink? And I've talked about this a million times.
Gossip is just such a great way to connect if
you don't have anything else to connect with someone over
and you are lacking in creativity. If you're lacking in
a real connection, it's like a fake connection based on
needing to shit on someone else in it. Like and

(17:00):
it also creates the I know, people who I talk
shit with talk shit about me. There's no question in
my mind it makes me feel a little unsafe to
ever be truly authentic with them, even though I'm not
like very cognizant, Like I'm not like it's subconscious, but
I just I would like to be a person that,
you know, like my friend, like my friend Rick Lastman,

(17:21):
if one time I tried to talk shit about someone
we both mutually knew that was just like it was
a friendly talking shit of like to do this, Yeah,
boy that was rough or something like that. And he's like, yeah,
I don't I'm not gonna. I don't really, I don't
want to. That's my friend, and I'm just like, what, like,
i'd like to do be that person. I don't want
to make people feel weird because about it, like you're

(17:42):
a bad person, but like it's just just a way
to do it and be like, well, I like that person.
I don't want to.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
That's good because he's purely honest too, so if he
was talking shit, it would we'd know it was like
so true. Yeah, and so him having like policy of
talking is very good.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
I utilized it the other day. Someone wanted to talk
about someone doing bad poorly on something and or liked
said that they weren't good or something, and I was
just like, I actually loved that person, Like I just
had to throw I didn't want to like make everyone
feel weird, but I'm just like, no, I like I
like them, like yeah they and or empathize like yeah,
I've had a I've had I've bombed on something too,

(18:19):
or I've really cringe on something. Just be like, yeah,
that's happened to me too.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
That's that's easier to do, the more successful you get,
because you have not they're not hurting you by being
shitty at their thing. I have a lot of trouble
not talking shit about other writers who are shit right,
and I'm just like why, like just get out of here.
I have as a one. I also have trouble with
like lack of perfectionism. I'm a perfectionist, and when someone

(18:47):
is unskilled at something and it's just wrong, I get
I can't it hurts me in my being.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
Yeah, and that's the people I talked shit about, like
I I and I'm bitter.

Speaker 1 (18:57):
But if you're willing to say that to those people faces,
I have no problem with this difference.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Well I would. I would be willing to do that
if many of them didn't have power over me or
something like me talking like talking shit about somebody like
like that's powerful. Will only hurt me if if I
said it to their face, whereas.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
Right, but then you're still not being authentic.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
Yeah, and well that's why I have all these probably pains. Yeah, yeah,
I'm just filled with bitterness. But I was watching Timothy
Shallomy this morning. It was part of it. There was
a text chain that I don't know why you weren't
included on it, but it was like everyone was on
and except you. I guess we didn't want to bother
you or something nice, but it was, but it was

(19:38):
bother with it. So I think Bob maybe sent.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Out because Tim Brian's been obsessed with Timothy shall since
he saw him on Theovonn's podcast.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
Well, I was, I was on the edge. I was like,
I think I loved this guy. And then I watched
him on theov theovon was Yeah, I think that was
the tipping point. That was because you put it.

Speaker 1 (19:56):
On the big screen just to like do the dishes
and have it on the background and maybe listen to
for like ten minutes. And he left on the whole
thing and said he was completely charmed with Timothy Chalmy.
He ran a huge campaign during one of our writer's
meetings like be on board with Timothy Shame. You're like,
we are not as much as you. And then he
knew he knows everything about him and he's not wrong.
Timothy shal May is awesome.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
No, Timothy Shallam is amazing. I think my favorite performance
of Timothy shallow May is the press tour he's doing
for Bob Dylan, because every single thing is must watch
as hell. Yeah, I love him. Yeah. So he was
on Nard War this morning, and Ard War is.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
This like kind of kooky guy that.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yeah, it's always Nard War versus because the interviews can
be a little bit antagonistic because he asks really invasive
questions that you don't even remember about yourself, like where
did you grow Like like your third grade teacher said
this about you? Somehow. He investigated journalism and figures out
these things about your past that you have no idea,

(20:53):
don't even remember whoa. And then he asks you things
about the stuff you probably should know about, Like he
asked him a lot of questions about Bob Dylan and
Timothy s was on it. But Timothy was on Nardwar.
This was being texted this morning, and he was unbelievable
on it. And so one thing he did, this is
why I brought this up. One thing he did on it.
He didn't talk shit about anybody, obviously, but what he

(21:13):
did do is he continuously, throughout the interview gave shout
outs to people that he admired or respected. So all
he does is do shout outs. One time he it
was even gotten to be like a joke. One time
Nardwar was like, hey, you your your grandma grew up
in Canada, and Timothy Shalmy goes, yes, she did shout

(21:34):
out Canada, shout out North America.

Speaker 1 (21:37):
Okay, I'm sorry, it's it was a joke.

Speaker 2 (21:42):
It was, yeah, it was joking, shout out in North America.
But no, most most of the time he's like Johnny,
Like when he's talking about how Johnny Cash was played
by a different guy in the Bob Dylan movie, he
makes sure to say and all the respect to Joaquin Phoenix.
He was amazing in his yeah and shout out, and
so he just kind of like always pays homage, and

(22:03):
he does it, I think because he actually is very
self conscious about being judged about being a bad personah
about not respecting. And I think this might be true
of gen Z overall, is they are very aware that
shit will be talked about them on the internet if
they're mean, if they say something wrong.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Yeah, there was a video that Emily I wanted her
to edit of my mom and I both dressed for
the last Eras tour in the Taylor Swift Tortured Poets
like Military Jacket, which is the scene where she is
marching to the Smallest Man who Ever Lived Bridge is
my favorite part of the show. And so before the show,

(22:41):
I asked my mom to, like, let's do this thing
where we marched on the hallway and like you lip
saying it, So I'm like teaching her how to lipstick it.
So I'm like, oh, well, like marry the two of
us marching. It'll be kind of a fun TikTok, And
I sent Emily the footage and I was like, actually,
I think you should just like edit the Bluebirds because
it's kind of funny. And so she put together this
whole blooper reel of me like telling my mom how
to do this and directing my mom, and there's not
one point where I'm like, good job, because like I cut.

(23:02):
Every time I cut, I would be like good okay,
like because I was like trying to keep the energy up.
I was, but I just seem abusive the whole time
because I'm now marked legs higher like like and I'm
and I can't put it out because it's like the
gen z will see this and be like your mean,
like because there's no part where I'm like good job,
even though I did say that. Throughout it's like and
it is so funny because there's so many moments they're funny,

(23:23):
but I literally can't release it because I'm like, I
just they'll get the wrong idea about who I am
and like because I'm like, no, look a little bit
more sad, no mom, like like like there's like a
little bit of like a brattiness in my voice at
some points, but yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Praise just constant, like do it this way.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
Do it this way way, but I cut I like,
next time, I know, like just put that in, like
leave it in. I was just trying to make editing
easier for her, but I'm like, next time add in.
Don't do it, man, you don't, don't do it just insincerely,
but like leave it in because otherwise you can't use it.
Because gen Z is very fine, like they're intelligious.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
Acts probably make the next tailor swift right now, what
do you mean? Oh yeah, like that's how you make
it tailor swift.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
No tailor swits did not get made by her parents,
yeah at all?

Speaker 2 (24:07):
But who was it her? She abused herself?

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Yeah, she bullies herself because she puts her weight. What's
the eminem line? I bully myself because it make me
do what I put my mind to A million leads
above you ill, when I speak in tongues, I'm almost memorized.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Rap God, Rap God? Are you gonna? When are you
going to debut? Rap God? I bet you shallow me.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
You don't even understand how hard Like when I started
this journey to memorize rap God, the first couple of days,
I was like, I'm never gonna It's literally impossible, Like
it found kind of like Dancing with the Stars, where
I'm like, I can't do that dance, Like there's no
fucking way even though it's like not that, but Rap
God truly is so fast, so hard, and I'm like

(24:49):
eighty percent of the way there. Chris walks in all
the time on me practicing, which is kind of embarrassing
because he's like, shouldn't you be practicing the globes? But
I feel like it's helping me to practice same words
fast activity.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
I mean, yeah, you are like nailing these are all
new jokes that you're and you are nailing the lines.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
And it helps me memorize and get cadence down and
like rhythm like it's and it's just like a different
it's just switching up something like I got to mix
up my goals.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
Yeah, well it's that's probably good for your mental acuity
as you age. Yeah, you were speaking rap God. How
long do you think it would be?

Speaker 3 (25:24):
Rap God is like if you're just talking just talking
rap over an hour?

Speaker 1 (25:29):
No? No, no, no, it's I would say I would
say it's probably twenty five minutes.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Twenty five minutes. Wow, Yeah, yeah, I would say it's
even longer. I mean it's so many fucking words.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
It's so many it is so many words. I think
it's the song is like six minutes long, six minutes,
six minutes. Yeah, that's the topic.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, yeah, it's six minutes song.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
If you haven't heard rap God, someone go, you gotta
go listen to it because it's just just know that
I've almost memorized it all. I can do each part,
but I can't do like, there's one part that I'm
little star and it's not the part you think I've got. Yeah,
I've been doing it in the shower a lot. Like
once you start listening to it enough, it like gets
into your brain. But I'm I think i'll debut it.
I'll probably put it on TikTok at some point. But

(26:11):
it does say the F word a lot, other F word.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
This is amazing progress. I remember a few years ago
you were talking about having trouble memorizing the Star Spangled Banner.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah that was hard, Yeah, yeah, yeah, because that there's
a lot of pressure on that. This one's this is
the new Star Spangled Banner.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Bright the way at the end of every year you
memorize a new song.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
But back to like jet like being worried about like
people thinking you're nice like that is that that is
interesting that gen Z is like aware or like the
famous people coming up are aware of that. Not reading
the comments really freese me. But it's kind of it
kind of does make you. Yeah, you know, it's like

(26:56):
I don't get to see any of the good stuff.
I don't get to.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
Interact with people hearing the good stuff.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
You know, yes, you know it's nice. It was like
Emily writes me, like j Loo said the slighs or whatever,
you know.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
Like a lot like famous people commented on the Empire
State building.

Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, and I think Demiley told me about a couple
of them. I don't think. I can't remember.

Speaker 2 (27:15):
Though.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
It doesn't land. I don't think it really lands.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
Well I did. I shared a link to everyone except you.
This is a very common thing.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
Now because we that's okay, you don't want to bother me.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
But well, this wasn't I don't want to bother you.
This was I know that you don't like reading comments,
so I'm not going to share it with you. Oh okay.
But I shared it with Chris and Bob and Ian
and Sean, and I was like somebody random on YouTube
posted your Thursday Night football from last week. It got
one hundred and forty thousand views. This is like a
random YouTube channel with eight thousand subscribers, so it's not

(27:44):
like a big deal. And all of the comments are
so positive. Really, everyone's like someone said, I don't watch
the game. I only watched Nikki.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
Oh my god, it's so nice.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
Yeah, And I was just everyone was so overwhelmingly positive.
I was like, this is so nice.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
I hope we get to do it again. Like they
were really fun, Like that was this is the kind
of thing that I'm like, I just I just, you know,
I hope there's time in my schedule do that in
the fall. I think there were I'll be gearing up
to tape something in the fall, I think. So it'll
be tough, but like they're not. The beauty is we
don't have to write until we get like we have
to write a little bit until we get Monday.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Well you just kind of send out an assignment on Monday. Yeah,
Wednesday night the night before, and then Thursday.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
It's like memorizing wrap. God, it takes you out of
whatever you're doing. It's just like a one night thing
that takes you out of it and then you get
back to what you have to do. It's like a
different It's yeah, it's it's.

Speaker 2 (28:35):
A well oiled machine at this point.

Speaker 1 (28:37):
It's great.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
Do you rather have known about the globes?

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Like less time?

Speaker 2 (28:42):
Less time? It didn't affect me too much time.

Speaker 1 (28:45):
I think no, because I didn't start working on it until,
like until Chris was done with the two projects he
was working on, because he was really going to run it,
and I know that he would never let me not
start early enough, and so like I just went by,
like when Chris was like it's time to go, and yeah,
I feel like there's just no I feel like in

(29:06):
really good shape for it right now, and like I don't.
There's not a part of me that's like we need
one more week. Like I think there's been there. There's
been that for me in specials where I'm like, God,
one more week. I could just fine tune some stuff,
and then I just asked for another week. And it's
always one more week for a special because it feels
like it's just an hour of material. The Golden Lilbes
is like ten minutes. So it feels like I'm okay

(29:28):
with being like this, this is what it is, and
I shouldn't have done more and I couldn't have done more.
And also the nominees didn't come out until the ninth
I think, yeah later, Yeah, no, it was the ninth.
It was the day after the last RAS and then.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
That's how I know. Uh, this was actually four hundred
and seventy eight days after the last errors.

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah uh. And also yeah, it's like I just feel
like you just don't what was the other thing I
was gonna say about taking Oh, and I think about
like I remember, I've sure it's been said a million
times about SNL, but Bo and Yang was saying about
SNL that like the most frustrating part is like you
you can't perfect it. Like you write these sketches on

(30:08):
a Wednesday night and you run them on Saturday, and like,
oh man, if you had another two weeks to rewrite
and punch up and to think different things about what production,
more time to produce it and put it on camera,
what could it be? But you just don't get that.
That's what it is, and that's what this is. Like,
you don't get that like this.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
Is I don't think we would have benefited from an
extra week. I think we maybe would have suffered from
an extra week.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
Yeah, yeah, I mean you can. I do that every
every time I have too much time to do my makeup.
It starts to looking it goes from looking perfect disgusting,
like it can ruin makeup just by like one more
little thing, let me just say, and then it's.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
Oh God for life too.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
Yeah. So it's like I think it's a perfect amount
of time because I'm getting to the point where I'm like,
we're starting to take out jokes from the practice because
I'm tired of saying them, and it's like they're diminishing returns.
And the best thing is is like we had an
I thought, like you know, based on you know, on
and Matt's reaction on the road, like three weeks ago,
like an A plus set, like, oh my god, this
is going to kill. We've beat all of those jokes,

(31:07):
pretty much, all of them. All the jokes that were
like our A plus of our original and maybe second
and third fourth drafts, yeah, are now like R d's
because the rest has it's on a curve, it's great.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
I don't think if it's on a curve it's a D.
I don't think we have lower than a B. Plus.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
I agree, there's maybe one or two B plus jokes
in the rest of a's and then one or two
A pluses, which is like what you want, you can't
have all A plus.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
The scary thing about the monologue for the globes is,
unlike the roast, where you have a better picture, you
don't really know how the audience is going to respond
in the room. And so no matter how good we
do in these.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Well that's why I'm going Jets game the first TNF
where they were screaming at me, Oh yeah, you want
to see I think it's somewhere online. It's me at
the first game is the Jets and.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
Well, yeah, Eagles the Jets one. Yeah, that's why it
was such a big deal. We were in New York.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Yeah, it was Jets and Patriots. Patriots, yeah, and the
Jets one. And I had to do my first Thursday
night football like roast, and the crowd was screaming, not
listening to me at all, like literally ten feet away.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
From me, chanting Jets, Jets, Jets because they.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Wonts Gardner sauce like sauces behind either trying to get
an autograph, not paying attention that there's a broadcast on the.

Speaker 2 (32:25):
Second time and someone's yell sauce that you.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
Do ye exactly when I was spilled a one all
over me.

Speaker 2 (32:31):
No, it was.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
It was it was chaotic, and I just had to
like look down the barrel of the thing and just
deliver it. That's that's slightly different than the Globes. I
think the Globes. The worst case scenario is I'll go
back to Cabo when I the story I told her
Jimmy Kettle where I bombed in front of billionaires. That's
gonna be more the vibe because it was well lit.
They felt uncomfortable to laugh in front of like people

(32:55):
that they were like trying to be cool in front of.
And it was Joe at their expense a kind of,
and they were worried about each other. It was more
that vibe, and that that is where I'll go to
in my mind, because I just plowed through that like
they didn't know.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
I knew I was being different from Cabo, though. These
people at the Globes are going to be expecting a comedian, yeah,
and they you know, and there's there's a precedent, especially
you're not You're going you're not going to be as
offensive as Ricky Gervais. So it's like, you know, I
think that they'll be I think they'll be pretty pleased.
It's just a matter of like are they listening? Are

(33:29):
they talking to people at their tables? That's the tough part.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
I actually got a DM this morning from someone who's
going to be at the Globes okay, and asked me,
I can't probably say who it is because it would
give away a presenter, even though I don't think, like,
who really cares if I give away a persenter?

Speaker 2 (33:47):
But I can't Luigi, But it.

Speaker 1 (33:49):
Was it's I think the nicest person. I think it's
probably one of the nicest celebrity reach outs I've ever
had in my life of someone who is checking to
set me their script that they're going to write for
their to present, to run by to make sure it
doesn't step over any of the jokes I'm doing, because
if it does, they will just rewrite jokes.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
That's Is it a comedian or an actor comedy writer?

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Comedy actor comedy writer? That is amazing, Like the mention
of all mentiones.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
Okay, now I know who it is.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
It's the Yeah, I mean it is a mention can
be anyone, but it does. It's very fit. Yes, but
I could call a boy a mens Yeah, so that's Williams.
But it was so so nice. I read it to
Chris this morning because it was like the first thing

(34:44):
I saw when I woke up, and we were just
like wow. He's like, can I just email you my jokes?
I'm like yes, and also i'll rewrite mine. You are
on the hierarchy, like but what a what a kind thing?
And this person is like you would just you would
already think that this person is as good as they are.
So it's just.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
Malcolm.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Yeah, he's present.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
I mean I already know who it is.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
Wait, could go like that, see if you got it? Yeah,
good job.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
Do you want me to tell you?

Speaker 1 (35:16):
Oh you did?

Speaker 2 (35:17):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Yeah I think I saw yeah, Yeah, it's it was
such a nice thing though, and I really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
You think any part of it. He doesn't want you
to step on his jokes.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
Yeah, I mean I think that's a good both. But
he literally negative write new jokes.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Right well, I know, right well to be fair to.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
Im, Like I got a joke for you, oh ship,
remember the joke that kind of we had referencing him defying.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Yes, of course.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
Yeah, I'm like, I'm I might throw it to him,
We're not you know, or maybe if I'm introing him,
we might use it.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Is it, Well, we'll talk about it after I think
I remember it. Yeah. But for to support Colin's point here,
like when you call me Golland, he is going after you, right,
so any joke me, oh yeah, that person man or
woman who may or may not be Jewish is going
after you.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
Yeah, he's checking his jokes.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
Yeah, so like if you are doing a joke that
similar is it actually hurts him more than it hurts you.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
But also like he he could he could through the
production he's dealing with, get it to me that I
need to change my joke because he's yeah, I mean
he he probably could do that, like he's more famous
than I am, but it wouldn't seem.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
Like I mean, yeah, he's got so.

Speaker 1 (36:33):
The fact that he reached out, like yeah, it is
checking his jokes, but like, yeah, it's not all just
about me. But he literally goes all right, new ones.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
It was like that he sounds it sounds pure, sounds nice.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Really, which I've never heard that you a million dollars.
I was already following this perpose. It sucks so much
with c M because they definitely see like it's his follow.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
It doesn't say follow, follow back, and then they were
following you or they just start following you.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
I think they I don't know. I didn't check.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Okay, I didn't check. I don't need to. It's petty bullshit.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
There's another thing that when I come across like comedians,
like new comedians, who I'm like, this guy's really funny.
He's like, you know, in his late twenties early thirties,
and they're not following me. I truly get offended. Yeah,
And it's not even like I'm like, what the fuck
you think you're better than me? It's like, oh, this
guy doesn't like look up to me in any way,
not that anyone should, like I don't think I'm hot shit,

(37:22):
but it's like you don't think like you don't even
want to be friends with me. It's more that like
you haven't heard him a nice person that you maybe
want to shoot a follow to.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
Just to like, I'll try to to back these people up,
lead at their level.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
I mean I do the same thing. I didn't follow
this guy, so I guess it Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
At their level, it's really important to have a good ratio,
so you know, you might they might check in on you.
But like, if you can't just follow every famous comedian
because then you you look like a loser.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
That's a really good point.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Once you have one hundred thousand followers, and then you
can have three thousands follow me like him more.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
Yeah, I was like this guy, this kid, I kind
of want his approval. What's he's really funny. I'll give
him a shout out. You're not following me, but I
just discovered you today, and I think he's friends with
like a meal. I've heard people tell me about this kid. Fuck,
where is he?

Speaker 2 (38:09):
I just.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
No, Oh some kid Tommy, Oh, Tommy, Tommy Brennan.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
He's great, he's so funny, he's very nice.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
I just saw it, like one of his clips came
up for me, and then I just went and watched
like a bunch, Like I was just like, Okay, that
one was hilarious. Let's see if he can do it again.
That's fucking hilarious. Like I haven't missed with him. He's great,
he's so he's a cutie too.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yeah, he's in New York or he's New York always
got that jacket. You've met really really Yeah. He used
to work for Cameo back in the day. We were
doing Yeah. Yeah. There was the outdoor show in l
A and he came up. He was very compliment Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:50):
Yeah. I've been on calls with him for Gimmy.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
Yeah. And he doesn't even follow you.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
No, but that's okay.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Do you ever do Cameo in earnest?

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (38:58):
And then are you still on it? Well?

Speaker 1 (39:01):
It might be because I just like got tired of
doing them.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
How many were you doing during pandemic?

Speaker 1 (39:06):
I was doing a lot, but it was like I
would say, probably like the height of it was for
a couple of weeks. I was doing like I would say,
like twenty a week, like he was adding up, and
it was like it was just too much because I
would I would make them personalized, and I would like
write songs for people. No I raised I put my
net like ten thousand dollars just so, or maybe a

(39:27):
thousand just so people would stop ordering because I couldn't.
I couldn't take myself off. I didn't know how it's
all making sense. He's from He was a cute boy
from Chicago with the girl who was blonde hair too.
She was also. They were both so nice.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
He lived out here and he didn't get that much traction.

Speaker 3 (39:43):
Then he went to New York kid Tommy following him
cele many followers?

Speaker 2 (39:47):
How many following.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
Seventy six point eight thousand followers following two four four four.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
Two thousand four four. Yeah, yeah, okay, so he should
be following you with those numbers.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
But the fuck Tommy?

Speaker 2 (39:59):
Yeah, you know me, it's very weird that following twenty
five hundred people.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
No, because I followed him this morning for the first
time and it didn't say follow back.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
He's following twenty five hundred people and you're not one
of them. How could they go follow? How is there's not?

Speaker 1 (40:13):
It's okay, he probably is now is not come.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Through once he hears this clip, He's going to follow you,
But how could you follow twenty five text him right now?

Speaker 1 (40:21):
No, no, no, he'll he'll eventually hear about this, but
he think of following you. But this is new, dude,
this is new. I don't I swear I swear it's new.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
So I'm very surprised by that because he's not he was.

Speaker 1 (40:34):
But I definitely thought that he wasn't and I definitely
noted it as like, man, I wish this kid's like
thought it was funny because he's really funny.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
For Kelsey he has and he opens for like Becky
Kelsey Cook. Yeah, I think, Yeah, I was thinking about
it was like Becky Robinson, I'll.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Bring this skin on the road.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
He's really Yes, twice as many followers as me, but
I only followed three hundred and seventy five people. If
I had his following out, probably.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
I would never have blessed. Why don't Why don't I
because people look at it who know?

Speaker 2 (41:01):
They don't, yes they do. They don't look at it
for you. They don't look at it for you.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
You've never been like, oh my fault. Like even when
I didn't have that many followers.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
If I had who you like, if I had forty
thousand followers and ten thousand following, no one would book me.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
But dude, you don't need to follow ten thousand people
you can follow.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
I'm not a thousand more following. I'm following eighty thousand
people and have one follower. No, but I know a
lot of the immediate say yourself that see I can
write for literally anybody. This is what I say. This
is my quote. I can write for anybody's voice except
one person, yourself, myself.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
That's a really that's really interesting. I disagree with you
on that though. I think that like your stand up
is very in your voice well, and I feel like
you write for people like like I I just watched
something that you had a hand in writing, and I
could pick out each thing that you wrote because I
know your voice.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
I can write for your voice. That's the thing.

Speaker 1 (41:55):
Dog shit.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
I love that bit.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
Wait, I was I was gonna do it. We have
to bring I'll come back with my impression of Brian
when I'm gonna try to do an impression of you.
Last night to Chris because I was like and I
was like, I go, what do you think a Brian
Frangie impression? What word would it start with? And I
can't remember it now, but it was like, there's only
one word possibly that Brian Frangie would if impression of

(42:22):
him would start with. And now I can't remember what
it was, percentage wise like it.

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Was something like that.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
It was like some kind of like like uh, just
a little like a I don't know, like fact not
fact toy.

Speaker 2 (42:37):
But that would be like Adam Conover.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
Yeah, I mean yeah, but it's not like I don't
know like that. No, I love the way you talk.
I can, but I can, I can pick it out now.
It's it's nice when you have that kind of stamp.
Sure how you operate.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Now, When I say, just to be clear, when I
said I don't know if I like that about being
compared to Adam Connover, it's not because I don't like
Adam Conover. I love that.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Yeah, you want to be original.

Speaker 2 (43:01):
It's because Adam Connover is Adam Conover and I'm not
Adam Connall.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
That's a really, really good boy.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
I do hate when.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
People follow zero zero oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
The only way I give it that.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
Means we know you have a fake account, you loser.
It's not like you aren't doing anything. What do you
mean like we know that the person has a if
you if you're following zero people, you have an account
where you're following everyone you want to follow and you're
literally just doing It's like that doesn't make you look cool.
It makes you looking like you're trying to look cool.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
The only way I empathize is I do know someone
that does it, and it's because they're in their head
about comparing themselves to other people. Okay, well that comes
from a place. No, there are others that are losers
that they can't not well sorry.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
But they really losers, but.

Speaker 1 (43:51):
Loser on percise, you're a loser. But what do they
really not look at Instagram at all? Like nothing comes
up on their feet?

Speaker 2 (44:00):
I get, I mean, I guess you get suggest Well
I did that for Apple rankings Instagram. I only follow
five people on that, just like five. I think you're
one of them. That's funny, and then Hamish and Andy
and then like the Sweet Tango Apple Company or whatever. Okay,
it's the Milt.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
There are other people that follow like two people and
it's like a random like building and then there that's
their mom, you know, like something like that's even.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
It me funny about it. But I just think that
if you're I just don't like this, like trying to
curate the way that you like, like not being able
to enjoy content or support your friends because you're trying
to look cool, like you're not trying.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
To Like, I really do think it makes a difference.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
But I mean, yeah, if it does, it does at.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
Your early stages, once you don't see one hundred or
two hundred thousand followers you can easily have. You can
be following two thousand about it, three thousand people, and
it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
How many people. I literally don't know how many people
one following it might.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
Probably three thousand, really, I think, yeah, I don't yeah,
thirty one fifty one, yeah, And so that's probably everybody
you want to follow. You're not holding back on anybody
except the.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
Guy today that I started like, I wish I would
have been following him. There's a lot of people that
I'm you know, what I learned about myself though, because
I went back to try to find a video that
I couldn't find that I'm like, that's the most annoying
thing about Instagram is you cannot search memes like it's
popping up on your feed. You can't type in, you know,
chart about dogs looking at you and dreaming like, there's

(45:25):
no way to find that little fucking lie that you saw.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
That exists, so.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
Why can't you? I just hate it. So I went
back to go, oh, maybe, final thought, I go, maybe
I liked it. I probably did, and that'll be the
way to find it.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
So I went to my likes, whoa you can do that.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
Yeah. First of all, I say Instagram, Yeah, there's like
you can see your history of your likes. Maybe this
is something for people over ten thousand followers. I don't,
but you have VET over that, right, Yeah, okay, so
I don't. I don't know, but you can look at
your likes. I don't be like a lot of shit,
Like I liked like five things in two weeks, and
I'm like, am I being like stingy with my likes?

(46:06):
Like I almost felt cool? I'm like, am I like
a cool person? That's like, no I like from me
means something to.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
Timmy shall May would be liking a lot of things.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
Truly.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
I don't think the more famous you get, probably less
likes go.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Now, but I don't even I didn't know that I
was not giving out likes. I like stuff. I don't.
It takes me two seconds to go, I like that.
I thought I was doing it. So now I'm being
more liberal with my legs because I assumed that I
was liking these. It's in the same way that I
assumed I would be following this person that I bring
a family.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
You think about it this way. You have a unique
power as a famous person to bring joy to people's.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
Lives and to like the algorithm and like help them
get more views, like I need to comment more on things,
Like I'm trying to comment more stuff and like and
share it and uh, like I wanted to post one
of Tommy's clips on my Instagram, but I haven't posted
on my story like in a day, so it would
have just been his alone, Like I just felt like,
I don't even it would have just said and he's
not following me, and I'm like never. I felt like

(47:00):
I'd never met him before, so I was just like,
I can't. I'll do this later once we're friends.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
I'll share stuff.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
But I also, you know I talked about on the
podcast today, so.

Speaker 2 (47:07):
I'm all about comment thing now. I comment all the
time on things, even if it's an argument, I'm I'm
over it. I'm over being like I don't want to
say my opinion. I don't want to get into an
argument the ttrol. I'll just say my piece and it's
like it's been great. I love getting on comments sometimes fun.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
I like leave one and then I'll have like two
thousand likes like what yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:27):
But then I'll go I'll do I'll leave a funny
comment on like a bigger comedians thing and it crushes.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
I got one comment as like thirty four hundred, but
it gets more likes than i'd get on mine.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
Yeah, and I'm like, this is how big this comedian was.
Shane Gillis.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
He had a photo with Donald Trump, and I was like,
this is like Trevor Noah posing with Barack Obama. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
something like that. I got like thirty four hundred. I'm like,
this got more.

Speaker 1 (47:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
I was very proud of a comment that I made
on there was on Twitter. I mean doing this on Twitter. Damn.
I don't have Twitter. I don't tweet at all, but
I I'll comment.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
There was uh.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
Kirk Kirbstreet who does the Okay, so you know this,
can you explain it because I'm kind of forgetting.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Well, he just he was talking about what I did
countdown right or Ohio States like yeah, and Shannon Sharp
got varying or one of the Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
I didn't do a good job explaining because I actually
don't know much about this, Okay, I just know.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
That well he was he was like kind of critical
of some football team that has a huge fan base
in college football and then, and we also may remember
that Kirk Kirbstreet has a famous dog that he bring
to all the games and it recently died. So one
of the fans of the team that he was criticizing
tweeted out, why don't you go pet your dog? Which

(48:51):
I found to be one of the most obscene, offensive
things I've ever read on doesn't have a new dog
on the road with him. Yeah, but he's that's what when.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
You're saying, like kill yourself, like go to heaven.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
No, he's saying he's just trying to hurt him by saying,
like your dog Kert Street.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
Yeah, I kind of took it as like you should
go die because that's the only way you could put
your dog.

Speaker 2 (49:11):
I guess it could be that too, But I just
don't tolerate someone bringing up someone good for you. So
I tweeted, it's just pureless straightforward. I just said, you're
an asshole. Great, and man, it's just I'm every single
person that likes it, I'm like.

Speaker 1 (49:26):
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
I used to not do that. I used to be
I'm not going to engage with people like this. I'm
not going to say my true opinion. But this guy
you're an asshole.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
I do it on TikTok sometimes because I'm just like,
no one's gonna I just feel anonymous on TikTok a
little bit. So I'll write comments sometimes and I'm like
right out of Reddit, like I.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
Feel I feel bad doing like I just feel weird.
But Redd, it's really personal.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
Chest Nuts the other day on an US Weekly post
which listen US Weekly, we're not looking to them as
the forefront of like, you know, celebrity even celebrity journalism,
like we know that they're like no, but they're not
as trashy as like to me, they're not as trashy.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
For international Yeah, yeah, they're.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
Not for me. They're not as trashy as like A,
I don't know like some of the other tabloids. I
can't think of the names of them, but I just like,
you know, i've been in AS Weekly, like I think
they're they're uplifting celebrities. They're giving you like a very
like watered down like we love Hollywood and everything's great.
I mean, it's not like you're not getting truth bombs there.
But they had like the the whole thing of justin

(50:33):
Timberlake in the Harness where it looked like his penis
was small or whatever. Did you see that?

Speaker 2 (50:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (50:39):
And then he had a new T shirt. He got
a new shirt to cover his penis. Okay, and then
they call that out.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
I'm sorry, it's so fucking rude.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
It is.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
And then the comments because of the Britney Spears and
everyone and and the Janna Jackson of it all, like
everyone feels like it's okay to just pile on Justin
Timberlake and not like him and and body shame him
like it's as nothing what I did to Britain and
Janet or whatever you think about that has nothing to
do with his penis size, but making fun of someone
who might look like that. First of all, every I

(51:11):
think that penises look small when they're not hard, Like
that's just a thing that happens, especially when it's tucked
up in a harness. And who first of all, if
he has a small penis, who gives a fuck?

Speaker 2 (51:20):
That might be the reason why he was being to
Janet and brit News, because well, he has a small
penis and he feels bad about.

Speaker 1 (51:26):
It, And why does he feel bad about himself? Because
we have a culture that constantly makes fun of guys
for having small penises and feels that it's like acceptable
to do that when really it doesn't matter at all.
It doesn't say anything about your manhood that you have
a big dick. It literally any woman.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
But it's good to have a big hulk and dong.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Well some women like it, but guess what, like it's
it's absolutely not necessary for to be a real man
in bed and to really pleasure a woman. Like I'm sorry,
I used to have a bit about it, but I
took it out of my act because I just felt
like it wasn't worked out enough. But my point it
wasn't even funny. My point is that lesbians have satisfying
sex salzes and they don't have penises at all, and

(52:05):
they like penetration. Yea, if you have a penis size
that you don't like, just use toys and your woman
will if she needs a big dick, like, just use toys.
But also you don't really need a big dick. And
also it is not okay to shame. I don't care
who he is to make it about it. I don't
even like when people are like Trump has a small dick,
because it's like that is not something that we should
judge people's character by at all or shame them for

(52:27):
it's they can't help them, it's bullshit, and it creates
this is where in cells come from, because they see
women are very outspoken about dick size because they know
they can be because if any guy goes that's me,
oh you have a small dick, And so they men
can't even defend themselves because they'll seem like they have
a small dick if they do. It's this like perfect
thing that women feel like they can just attack men on.

(52:48):
And I know it comes from a place of women
feeling totally attacked on their bodies and feeling like men
judge us for our tit size and how much we weigh.
But guess what, we've all culturally kind of come together
and gone, that's so, and it's not okay to do us.
Weekly would totally never put up a post about some
woman's boobs being.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
Too small vaginal or someone being fat.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
Yeah yeah, but for some reason it's totally fine to
just like like put this out there. And they didn't
say he had a small dick, but they just put
it out there so that that the vultures could just
swing in and just start tearing him to shreds, and
I'm just like I just thought it was, and so
I put this whole thing of like, I can't wait
for this to come back around in ten years when

(53:29):
we say how did men survive the uh, you know,
twenty twenties, you know how Like all the memes are about,
like how did women survive the body negativity in the
early two thousands, And there's clips of Britney Spears being
asked about her boobs. There's clips of Jessica Simpson being
called fat when she was in size four, and it's
like all this evidence to be like we all should
have eating disorders? How did we survive? We're so strong,
We're gonna do that for men, but it's gonna be

(53:50):
about right now because we're not. This is making men
hate us. Yeah, And I would fucking hate women too
if they were found it totally culturally acceptable to talk
about my dick's size and make it seem like that
is an indication of who I am or my worth
as a human. I would really implore women to not
partake in these conversations about small dicks. Not laugh about it,

(54:11):
not giggle about it. Talk if you're disappointed by a
dick with your friends. Talk about it in a closed,
closed environment, but don't talk about it in front of
other men because they can't defend themselves because then that
feels like they're outing themselves as having a small dick,
which is somehow shameful because of this whole thing, let's
like change the vibe about it.

Speaker 2 (54:27):
Yeah, it's not nice. I mean, to be fair, there's
there's a lot of men who would pay good money
to have a hot girl say their dick is small.
On the air, that's true.

Speaker 1 (54:34):
But if that's what you're into, like great going. But
for the most part, it is like really har harness.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Dick is tough. We don't know if he's got a
small dick or not. He might have a perfectly huge and.

Speaker 1 (54:47):
I'm sorry, Yeah, who cares. I justin Timberlake is hot,
he's talented, like he no one's gonna kick him out
of bed for whatever he has in there, Like I'm sorry,
we don't, I don't, I don't. I don't even care
if he has a dick. I would still have dated.
Like it doesn't matter to me as a woman that, Like,
I don't know, it just doesn't matter that much. You

(55:08):
could have a guy a husband with a huge dick,
and he could be in an accent and get it
chopped off. Okay, so is he worth like a you're
not gonna marry it, say, but it can happen. Like
it's like there could be leanest cancer you that have
it removed. Like it's not every it's not your whole
worth as a man. It absolutely would never matter to
me if my boyfriend had whatever.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
He had, or maybe he has. Maybe there's a guy
who you discounted as a small dick and then he
gets a disease where his dick grows three sides, three
times the size, and does that make him now worth
more to some?

Speaker 1 (55:37):
It's culturally it would seem so, but guess what, it
wouldn't ultimately at all. And even women who are like,
I'm a size queen, I need a big dick. Okay, cool,
you're letting a lot of good men go cook, really cook. Wow, Wow,
you're so different than other women. You need a big dick?

Speaker 2 (55:53):
Like shut up, Like, oh no, it's it's the motion
rather than the ocean or whatever. Right in the motion.

Speaker 1 (55:59):
It's go buy a sex toy.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
No, I agree, but I'm just saying I hear all
these times where like girls are like you thinker, it's
not about the size, it's not about the size. And
then I'll see like a TikTok of some guy that
throws his cock in some white shorts and it's like
bouncing around, and then the videos are all like.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Tongues a big good But if you don't have one, I'm.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
Sorry, just well, dick can be too big, right, yeah,
it can be too.

Speaker 1 (56:21):
Yeah, but it does feel I'm not denying that. It's
an interesting feeling and it does feel good, but it's
also it can be too big. And also I don't
think guys should be ashamed of using toys to supplement
once in a while if they're if you want it,
like I'm sorry, Like sometimes I don't want My boyfriend
doesn't have two dicks, and sometimes I want to, So
do I only have one? I'm good enough for her.

(56:42):
We just get another one in the mix.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
And here's the thing about the toys. It's like, you know,
it just saves energy, Like it's hard to make, it's
hard to keep going, oh my god, I'm sorry, Like use.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
A toy using your hand is a lot easier than
your hips. Also for like it's.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
Like using a microwave instead of like boiling water totally.
It's like you can use the microwave totally. I think
bring in as many toys as you want.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
I don't men need to be more accepting of women
using toys and bed if they want and not feeling
like it means that they're not enough. And I would
say the same for women in terms of like if
you're catch a man watching porn and it's like about
huge tits and you don't have huge tits, like allow
some flexibility of his desire to be outside the bounds
of what you bring to the table, but don't take

(57:25):
it personally. And women stop, just stop the small dick stuff.
Just please stop. It's like bad for society.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
That's that's the resolution for the society.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
For society. I would really think, feel.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
Bad if your boyfriend or husband uses dig pills, because
it's not about you, it's just.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
You should feel bad that they're bad. I guess you're
talking about like those things you shouldn't take. I think
like the pills, the supplement bigger, no, that's filled with
chemical that's not real.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
And if there's a female, they're calling it female viagirl.
But it's not really because it doesn't make you like
get what's chemically makes you get wet. It just like
I think, makes your hormones change so that you're more horny.
And it's been on the mom it's called ade or something.
I'm like, I want it so bad, but until then,
go see Baby Girl. Go see Baby Girl if you

(58:23):
want to be a little bit horned up at least
I was. I felt deeply uncomfortable with how horny I
felt during that movie. But it was good.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Like what parts were you horny at? Though?

Speaker 1 (58:34):
Like when she is getting fingered.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
Yeah, fingered without yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
And there's like a pillow over her head.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Apparently she had a real orgasm. No wet. That's what
a gay guy told me cutting my hair yesterday. He
read his famous favorite comedian.

Speaker 1 (58:48):
Is he following me?

Speaker 2 (58:49):
No? I followed him.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
We gotta go see Baby Girl though, if you want
to get horned up ladies, And uh, all right, that's
the podcast. We'll be back next week and New Year.
What was that? No, watch the Golden Globes.

Speaker 2 (59:03):
Watch the Golden Globes. Support your girls. Felt for all
the men listening, I guess, and women too. I don't
know why I said that. Let's just say, for anybody listening.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
I can't wait to hear what you were just going
to be directing only to men.

Speaker 2 (59:17):
This is going to be right after an NFL wild
Card playoff game, So just keep the TV on.

Speaker 1 (59:23):
Yeah that's easy. Yeah, yeah, who is it going to
be against?

Speaker 2 (59:26):
We don't know, Yeah, you don't know. Yeah, we don't
know until the playoffs.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
The Chiefs possibility.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
No, but they're gonna have a buye. They just they
just clinched first seed. Oh really yeah, they're gonna have
a buye.

Speaker 1 (59:35):
Is it going to be another Chiefs Super Bowl?

Speaker 2 (59:37):
It's looking like it's harness with a little penis.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
At the gold globe. At the globe. Yeah, if you
got lower down for a propos of nothing like literally
no one, and don't even mention it. It's gonna may.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
Maybe a bigger dick you want to.

Speaker 1 (59:58):
I bet it. I bet he's It doesn't even matter,
but I bet he is a grower. Like I'm like,
I wouldn't put that, and who gives a shit if
he's not, Like it has nothing to do with how
you feel about justin Timberlany. It's literally it's just you're
being mean and you're making an excising about some Be
more creative with your insults about like, make it really
about what you're mad at him about. Not that. All right,

(01:00:19):
gotta go, Thank you for listening. I'll be good bye.

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