January 7, 2025 • 69 mins
This week on The Professional Homegirl Podcast, Eboné is joined by a trailblazer who made history as the first non-binary elected official in Delaware. They share their personal journey of supporting their daughter through her transition, reflecting on the early signs of her identity, the emotional challenges of navigating systems like healthcare and education, and the profound joy of seeing her live authentically.
Alongside this powerful family story, we dive into their groundbreaking role in politics, exploring LGBTQIA+ representation, the fight for equality, and the evolving political landscape. Get ready for an insightful and emotional conversation with someone who is not only shaping their family’s future but also making a significant impact on the world of politics.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the host and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to
(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional Homegirls do
enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Happy New Year, Professional Homegirls. I hope all is cute now.
A lot of y'all been hitting me up asking me
about my holiday season, especially New Year's if I had
any New Year's resolutions, So thank you, and I will
be honest with y'all. I never thought that I would
bring in the New Year the way that I did.
Definitely didn't see it on my bingo car, not one bit.
(01:12):
So many of you know that I never met my
father before, and you know in the past we definitely
tried to connect several times via phone, but the timing
was definitely not right. And I think that we in
order for us to get to the space that we're
in now, I think that we both had to just
let go of a lot of things and meet each
(01:33):
other where we're at. And one of those things that
we had to let go of, especially for me, was
just expectations. And you know, we reconnected again on Christmas,
and I have to say this time feels different. It
really does, so regardless of what the outcome may be,
I am looking forward to building a relationship with him.
And plus I'm starting to see where I get my
(01:54):
personality from, because this nigga is mad for y'all, no filter,
no whatsoever. But like, we definitely be keen on the
phone and be cracking up, and I'd been like, all right,
I got fucks with this nigga. But on top of that,
you know his sister, which is my aunt, she came
to my house and we already had a good relationship
so far, but we never spent a lot of time
(02:14):
with each other. So she came over and she spent
a few days with me child, and you know, she
bought her the New Year's with me, and like I said,
definitely wasn't on my bigo car. But I feel so
close to that side of the family now just by
spending time with her and also just by you know,
speaking to my father every day since Christmas. So yeah,
(02:35):
I've really been enjoying this time, just really to get
to know that side of the family. So AnyWho, so
send me an email at Hello at thepog podcast dot
com and let me know how y'all's New Year's went.
I would love to hear about it. Now, we are
kicking off twenty twenty five with some amazing stories. And
I don't know if y'all notice this, but we are
(02:57):
almost at the end of season two. You know we're
going to go out with a bang.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Now, today's guest shares their journey as a parent navigating
their child's transition, opening up about the challenges, triumphs, and
profound lessons learned along the way. Beyond their personal story,
we explore their groundbreaking role in politics, discussing LGBTQYA plus representation,
(03:23):
the state of the political landscape, and the ongoing fight
for equality for all y'all. This conversation was just a
pure testament to resilience, advocacy, and the beauty of living
in your truth regardless of how old you are. So
get ready because my child is transgender. Stars now all right,
(03:47):
First of all, Happy New Year. You're my first guest
of twenty twenty five. So how was your New Year?
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Oh? It was beautiful that some weird stuff came home.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
What weird?
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Well, wasn't we It was actually a lot of fun.
Some really big supporters of mine asked me to earlier
this year, asked for last year, asked me to come
to what is known as the New Year's Eve furry Ball,
and I was kind of like, I mean, you know what,
(04:21):
I loved trying new things and it was actually a
lot of fun and everyone was really cool and I
couldn't stay for the whole thing because I wanted to
spend like bring in the New Year with my children.
So I was like, thank you providing me, and I
dressed up as a mouse. I had mouse of years
and a tail, and so it was a lot of fun.
(04:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I feel like my New Year's was very unexpected as well.
I shared this with my listeners. So I never met
my father before and since Christmas, my father and I
have been talking every single day. And in the midst
of that, I always had a great relationship with his sister,
who's my aunt, but she bought in a new year
with me. She came to my house and spent the
(05:02):
night with me.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Yeah awesome. Ah, I love that. Yeah, that's a great
way to bring in the new year.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Right, gotta be feeling all warm and shit inside. Well,
like I told you off the air, it is such
an honor to have you on a show because I
feel like I've been trying to get a hold of
you for like what six to eight months, and now
we're finally here. I was like, what is this?
Speaker 4 (05:28):
You know, I was like, oh my goodness. I was
campaigning for my re election when you first sent me
the email. So I was like, my head was like, WHOA.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I can imagine. I can imagine. So I feel like
there are so many different ways we can dive into
your story, but I feel like it's important to start
with you. So, how it does it feel to hold
the title of being the first non binary elected official
in Delaware?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
You know it, I'm just me, you know, and having
that title is, you know, the first non binary person
to be in the State of Delaware here, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
It just I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
I know, the representation is super important to see, but
for me, you know, I'm just going in and doing
my thing. I mean, granted, a lot of times I
think people don't necessarily understand what the non binary like
aspects can be, and there is this this belief that
I'm supposed to look a certain way. You know, most times,
(06:29):
I think the standard idea of what non binary might
mean is what we used to call adrogyny or adrogynist.
And I'm not that I'm very fem presenting. I'm very
you know. Yeah, so like you know, I'm like, but
it doesn't necessarily negate how I identify. And I'm you know,
I'm hoping that as I continue in this space, I
(06:51):
can show that being non binary can look a variety
of weights and it does not dismiss who we are.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, did you always see yourself in the office or
did this just unfold over time?
Speaker 4 (07:04):
New So I am not into politics, I will say, yeah,
I just didn't. I'm once say I didn't care. I
just didn't quite necessarily see what differences were being made for,
especially communities like mine. But then my advocacy in the
(07:28):
LGBTQ community for trans rights kind of started putting me
in spaces with political advocates and elect officials, and I guess,
in a weird way, it did unfold over time. I
had a lot of people who are like, you're already
making change to policy. You're already doing this, right, why
(07:54):
aren't you in office to make you know, bigger change?
And I was kind of like, I don't think I
will be a good and I'm it just kind of
everything fell into my lap in a weird way of serendipity.
You know. I challenged myself a lot. You know, I've
(08:14):
always been someone who challenges themselves, and I was kind
of like, okay, I'm I only run if I finished
my two year master's program in less than two years.
And then I finished it in fourteen months, and I
was like, darn it, why did I challenge myself? I'm
(08:35):
so good right? But that actually wasn't even what finally
was the straw that made me decide, yes, I'm doing this.
It was a conversation with my predecessor during my RD meeting.
And for those who don't know what r D is,
it's your residential district or representative district. I don't know
(08:58):
if they're called other things in other states, but here
at are called representative districts. And it was a discussion
about gun control, particularly surrounding permit to purchase, and I
just was like listening to the reasonings why he didn't
want to vote for it, and all I could think
(09:20):
of was, We've had so many mass shootings for our children.
I'm a mom, but on top of that, I am
the I'm the child of a veteran, I am I
know many police officers I know, and I'm part of
the LGBTQ community and I have a mental health background.
(09:42):
We don't find ways to keep guns out of the
hands of those who could use them to hurt themselves.
We're going to continue to see this rise in suicide rates,
which is what we've been seeing. And I was kind
of just like trying to have this conversation with him
as his constituent at the time, like, you know, if
(10:03):
we're talking about mass shootings, because it kept bringing up
mass shootings, and like, these are people who legally own
guns using them against children who have no ability to
fight back, and we need to do something about that.
And he's like, I don't believe that I need proof.
And I was like, so funny. I just did a
research paper before I graduated from my master's program. I
have all these peer review articles.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
You know, what proof do you need? It's in the news,
is everywhere?
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Is it real? Though? Right? And you know it was
after that discussion I and we got out of the
committee meeting. I just sat back and was like, Okay,
I can't trust someone to represent me if they can't
represent how to keep my community safe and alive. Right,
(10:54):
So then I was like, I guess I'm running. I
don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
And if I'm not mistaken, I feel like America is
the only country that has a large number of mass shootings. Right, yeah, yeah,
that is crazy.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
It's it's it's insane and it is a problem. And
I wasn't you know honest, I'd never run for anything
in my life, Like I never even tried to run
for like class president him. Never, you know, I run
for so little. I actually don't even job. I see
me the girl anytimes, see anyone jogging like you just
(11:34):
look unhappy.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And look at you. You've run it for a whole office.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
I was like, dang, I went straight from I'm not
going to do pilates today too. I'm going to run
for right, right right. And I mean, I just did
what I do best. I went to my talks to
people and I door knocked, and I always shared a
story with you, who are you know, getting to that
voting age, who are like, should I vote? And I'm like, yes,
(11:58):
if you want to see at least local change. From
the federal level, it can be tricky, but local is
where a lot of the change actually does happen. And
I always share had I not done this and had
people not believed in my message, I wouldn't have won,
because I literally won against him by twenty four votes.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Oh wow, yeah wow, And.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
He was a sixteen year incumbent.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
But that just lets you know that people are ready
for change.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
They were, they were, and you know I was. I
represented something that a lot of times, you know, if
you're not from Delaware, my district, District thirteen is Ellesmere,
and anyone if you talk to anyone from Delaware who's
driven through Delaware through Elsmere and say, hey, what is
your perception of Ellesmere? The perception is cops speed trap,
(12:53):
white races, And that is not even close. Yes, we
are a speed trap, do not speak through it and police.
My district is also twenty seven percent Hispanic. There's a
lot of LGBTQ people in my district. It's so diverse.
My district is so diverse, and people don't see that,
and I think I represented that diversity. You know, I'm disabled,
(13:17):
so I'm actually also the first visibly disabled elected official.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Oh I did not.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Yes, I'm an ambulatory wheel chair user. Sometimes I have
a walker. It depends, it depends on the day. But
seeing someone like that, so sometimes I was door knocking
in my wheelchair.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Oh wow.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
And you know I'm again I'm a mother and I
have children who are autistic and so being able to
connect with people there. And I also have the VA
Hospital in my district, so being the child of a
veteran really yeah. So it was a lot of reasons,
and I'm so grateful my district trusted in me, and
(14:03):
I do, strangely enough, love the work I do. I
still don't like politics, but I do love policy, and
that's how I usually explain it the people. I hate
the drama and the dramatics of politics, but I love
good policy that I know is going to impact people
that I care.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Like, I hate the politics and the politics.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Do you think there's a growing acceptance of lgbt QIA
plus leaders in politics or do you feel or do
you still feel there's a huge resistance there.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
I'm gonna be honest, I think there's still resistance. I
think when we are trying very hard to at least
get legislation that will protect our community as a whole,
we will see a little bit more pushback, a little
bit more doubt and questions. And that's a problem because
(14:57):
at this point, it's not like we don't know that
LGBTQIA people exist like right and have for a while, and.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I mean we're in twenty twenty five, Like, come on.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
Now, I mean when I someone coming in non binary,
my pronouns have been made fun of in my job,
you know, and I oftentimes just don't use them pronouns
at work. I just don't because I am willing to
(15:32):
hide that piece of myself or just keep it, you know,
to myself, in order to get good bills paths.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, you know, what's so funny that you mentioned that,
because when I when you fill out the form to
be a guest on the show, and one of the
questions in the form everyone it says, what should I
know about you? And you said that your pronouns is
she and them. And then when I was reading your story,
I read that you was not binary, and I'm like, oh,
I said, I've never met anybody who goes by it's
not binary, that she and them. So that's that's funny
(16:02):
that you said that, that you feel like you have
to hide that part of you.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Yeah, for a while I tried, you know, I was like,
say them, say them, but you know, no one's going
to use it. And look, I'll be honest, even I
slip up on my own pronoun you know that's real.
You know, I had no opportunities really to come out,
and that term didn't exist when I was younger, and so,
(16:27):
you know, I always knew I wasn't sis hetero, like
I knew I wasn't SIS, and I certainly know I
wasn't heterosexual. I just didn't have words yet for that.
And strangely enough, my fourteen year old is non binary
and strictly goes by dayam pronouns. And they helped me
(16:49):
really like, okay, I think this is this is okay. Yeah,
so there's spaces where I'm perfectly fine using bay them pronouns,
but I also recogniz eyes there are going to be
spaces where it's not going to be safe or it's
not going to be feasible for me, and I, you know,
you just kind of it sucks, but hopefully one day
(17:11):
it's not going to be a problem.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Now, before we get into your journey of you know,
embracing your true self, what were your thoughts on the
recent presidential election. I, you know, I have eggs.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
So I have my good friends, my very close friends
who have known me. I have one friend who's known
me over forty almost almost forty years. I have always
had this weird gift, if we want to call it that.
At the point now, I'm like, I think it's a curse.
Ever since I was a little kid, I could always
(17:47):
determine a presidential election.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
So my dad loved kind of betting on things, and
he would be like, Okay, we're here, now, what do
you think? And I have yet to be wrong, And
at this point I really wish I could. I knew
the first time when he won the first time in
twenty sixteen, I knew the moment he came down the
escalator to announce his run for president that he was
(18:12):
going to become a president. I knew it by that.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
What was it like? What gave it away?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
I want to say, I've always had this intuition of
human nature, which why I'm a therapist, as you know,
as a state rep. But I just understand human nature.
And when people feel very disenfranchised, when people are angry
(18:39):
and scared and bitter and hungry, they yeah, they will.
They will find the next the group that they can
oppress the most. I don't like feeling this way. I
don't like knowing I could be next. So I would
rather put someone else under the bus.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
M hm.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
You know when you know, I always believe this, and
that's where people were, and that's where people still are,
you know, between having a black man as a president,
there was still this idea. And I just finished listening
to this amazing book by George M. Johnson called Flamboyant.
(19:21):
It's amazing. It's about the Harlan Renaissance, but in the
queer community. So he touches on.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I heard that book. Is it like a boil on
the cover? Were like, So.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
That's his first book. All boys aren't blue. Yeah, And
he has one called Flamboyance, which like talks about Langston
Hughs and like all the queer people during the Harlan Renaissance.
And you know, he talks about how black people are
often pitted. We are already oppressed by white supremacy, and
(19:56):
then we ultimately pit ourselves against each other because we
have been taught that there can only be one Yeah,
and that's still a form of white supremacy, because that's
how we've been taught to believe. And I think after
seeing a black black man in office, you know, we
(20:18):
saw people like gross no and and my daughter and
I got to meet the Obama's there just.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Absolutely I heard Michelle first lady Michelle Obama says he
had daughter, that she's so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I was, I was like, yeah, she's like I was
like da. But then, you know, and then we had
four years of Trump, and I think people are like
some people finally were like, we can't do this again.
But we all still we still kind of stuck with
the status quo. He I always not poo pooing on Biden.
(20:55):
I always believe that as human beings, we tend to
go with what we're comfortable with because it's too scary
to try something different. That's just nature, that's just how
we've always been. Some of us are willing to step
outside of that box, but most of us are like,
but what happens if I make a mistake? What happens
if I'm wrong? And what ifs? Is what causes us
to stick to the status quo. And I think a
(21:16):
lot of times in politics they rely on that. Yeah,
and so I was not surprised by this election because
I already knew it was going to happen this way.
I think I had a sign too, you know. The
day the day Biden announced that he wasn't running again,
(21:39):
I was at the zoo with a client because I'm
a mobile outpatient therapist, so I get to take my
clients to places for therapeu to breathings. We went to
the zoo and what you see. There's a bald eagle
at the zoo and he was in the nest box
(21:59):
being picked on by a tiny raven. I think it
was a raven. This raven would bounce up peck inside
the box. The eagle would make that weird eagle sound,
and then the raven would tackle I kid you not,
this happened. And then my foam came. I looked down
and it was my friend from a National Guard showing
(22:22):
me the letter of resignation or like that he wasn't
running again. I was like, is this a signe wow?
I was like, yeah, so I'm not surprised, but truly
am not. I just I'm scared for the people who
truly believe that things are going to get better. I'm
(22:44):
scared for the people who are about to lose things
they didn't expect to lose. And I don't want it
to be a pointing finger situation. I don't want us
to be like, ha ha, we told you so, because
they're struggling now too, and if one person struggling, then
(23:05):
we're all struggling at this point. Yeah, and no one
gets to laugh about that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah. Do you think she's gonna run again?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
I don't think.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
I don't think. That was exhausting. And the way they
was such a consolation price, you know, it was such
a consolation price. It was kind of like, hey, here
you go, and you know, I get tired for black women. Yeah,
that have to be the consolation prize.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, I saw a picture of a drinking wine and
I said, yeah, she's not running again.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
I mean you I could tell just by the way
she walked off stage after. I was like, that's how
my mom would walk away from me after She's definitely
told me I'm grounded for a very long time.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, like you have forced her hand, like I'm done.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Yeah. No, I think she's just gonna enjoy her time
with her her family, and she deserves it. I wouldn't
put this on anyone. This was not easy. I have
to run every two years. It is hard, especially call
into multiple intersections.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Well, earlier, you mentioned how you always knew that you
wasn't heterosexual, So can you shure I've been about your
journey of discover discovering, and embracing your career identity.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
So I think I was like fourteen when I told
my mom that I was I liked women too. I
just knew I certainly probably didn't like men nearly as
much as I he heard women. But I don't mind men.
I just wish they wouldn't speak and I or breathing
(24:53):
my general vicinity. They have what I like, I just
don't like the other parts.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Yeah, the chemical make up amend Man. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
I'm like, but you just have just that and not
the other things. Yeah, yeah, I just I've always and
I've never been one for like monogamy. Like I never
understood that either. Oh no, even as a little little kid,
I would just I'd read like fairy tales. And I
(25:25):
know my mom and I've talked about this. When I
guess I was like eight, she read me Red Riding
Hood or something like that, and it didn't registered at
red Ridinghood. It was a little girl in my head.
I don't know. I just thought she was some woman
trying to get to her grandma. And I'm like, oh,
there's this wolf man person and there's a huntsman dude
(25:46):
over here. I'm like, I know, instead of going to
grandma's house, let's just all go to whoever's house and
be together whoever. I never actually, it never made sense
to me, and I'm still that way now. Look, honestly,
if if two gorgeous K drama dudes just wanted to
(26:08):
come and just wow, I would be fine. I'd be like, look,
I don't even need to know your name. There needs
be no language barrier here be for me all the time.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
But wait, you're married now right? Oh? Oh okay, okay,
because I've read that you was. I guess Trindley's father
is was your ex husband?
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay, okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Now we got divorced when my now ten year old
was two.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
So oh wow.
Speaker 4 (26:36):
I have been raising my babies on my own and
I we do very well. That is, speaking of ten
year old. That was my ten year old offering me candy. Hi,
he's my youngest.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
But no. So what was your family's reaction when when
you told them that you were attracted to women as well?
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Conversion therapy?
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Mm?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
I was raised in the church. I had to see
a religious counselor it didn't work.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah, well, it never works.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
But all it taught me how to do was hate
who I was m and hide who I was. So
I learned I knew that if I it was weird
because at that moment, I knew I didn't want children either.
And my reasoning was, if this is how we're supposed
(27:35):
to raise children, I don't want to do it mm hmm.
And so I was sure I'd never be all. But
when I became a mom, I also then was like,
if that's how we were supposed to raise children. I
will not do the same m and I didn't. I
(27:56):
haven't obviously.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Yeah, you know, you talk about conversion therapy, and I
was just thinking about other things that kids or young
adults may see they would make them hate themselves. So
what are your thoughts on how the media portrays young
transgender children.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
As someone who has watched the media portray my daughter
as a monster, I oftentimes believe that this is where
we come in as the ones who are supportive and
the ones who do have that representation for that community,
to show them that you are not a monster and
(28:34):
you are not a mistake. One of the one of
the quotes you know that trend is known for us.
I am not a mistake. I'm a masterpiece. And that's
how I, you know, always say like you are a masterpiece.
You have been put together in such a beautiful way
that you inspire adults to be better. Right, So, and
(28:58):
I think in a weird way versus how trans people
were portrayed on TV in the imediate when I was
younger to what it's looking like now, it's definitely gotten better.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Oh yeah, sure, you know.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
I often tell people I didn't know anything about trans people,
especially as Trinity, you know, was trying to tell me something.
All I had to go home was when we had
Jerry Springer is a manner as a woman, Like that
was all I had And that was like you think
back on that, that was absolutely offensive.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Well, Jerry, that was a wild show.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
I mean I would total audience for for real, like
I'm not gonna die, but I want to.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Do the Yeah, you know what's so funny. I had
a conversation with this woman, she's a trans woman, and
she was saying how that's when she finally saw herself
by watching the Jerry Springer show. Yes, as herful as
it was, she said, it kind of helped her find
her I didn'ty and she was able to articulate despite
(30:02):
all the chaos and stuff.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
Yeah yeah, I mean there's always way snatching somewhere. No,
but you know, it was it. I think we are
we are seeing a generation that recognizes it. We do
see it portrayed far better, especially in cartoons. We just
watching Squig Names too.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I've been watching it too. I'm almost almost.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
There's a trans character.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Yeah, and like we and I know some people are like,
why aren't I having assisman? But when you think about Koreata,
you're not going to really fine actors who are lgbt
Q and out like that.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:39):
And the actor who who who portrayed, who portrays this character,
he really did his research, he talked to trans people
and he's I think I think he did a fantastic job.
And so I think I think we're getting there. I think, however,
I do fear how policy and the way we talk
(31:02):
about trans kids, in particular these policies is what is
actually going to be the problem. Not the media.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Do you think that the media does enough to highlight
the challenges enjoys a parenting transgend the children.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
No. I mean maybe back when we first went public
with our story, there was probably a little bit more
about us. But it has shifted because I think it
changed strictly because we thought it was fine. You know,
we're like, oh, we don't need to do this anymore.
Look how accepting and open people are now, and I
feel like we're going backwards. In fact, I had posted
(31:39):
on Facebook and like when Trinity transition, the first thing
I had to create was a something called a safeholder.
Wasn't in this safe So back during that time in
order to protect you and your child from possible CPS
or removal for abuse, we created holders that had haper work, pictures,
(32:01):
any notes from doctors and therapists to have on hand. Mmmm.
And I said that, But for Hyperion, that's my fourteen
year old, I didn't. I haven't made one. I didn't
have to because I thought everything was fine. I'm like,
but I think I'm going to have to make one
for Hyperion now, Hyperion staring at me. Hyperion now, just
(32:22):
just in case, just in case. And I'm like, I'll
do a video.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
And if I'm not mistake of Hyperion is now transgender
as well, right.
Speaker 4 (32:29):
Yes, not binary, not very And so I was like,
if you want me to do a video explaining how
to create a safe bolder, I will, And so I
actually I will be doing that because because we are
at a place I think we're going to need them.
I think we're going to need them again. And that
breaks my heart because I feel like the work that
(32:50):
parents like me have done to create an accepting and loving,
an affirming world is completely being the part.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, like you took all these stuffs forward just to
get pushed all the way back.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah yeah, I mean from a legislative standpoint. Even for me,
it's not safe. You know, the death threats get really
out of hand sometimes and you have to add, you know,
the fact I'm black on top of that. So it's
like it's transphobia, homophobia and racism. Oh and and ablesm Yeah,
(33:31):
because they do attack my disability to so I sometimes
I have to like step back because they do get
really scary, and then I pop, we've been docks like
it was. It was dangerous for a while, And how
is it now? Currently? It's relatively okay. But we also
(33:54):
haven't gone back into session yet and I haven't reintroduced
my bill for protections for gender firming care.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Wow. Oh that's a lot.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, I just learned a little bit. You know. I'm like,
as long as I can keep my kids safe, and
I'm pretty tough. I look adorable, but now I know
I'm really a Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Now, when did you first notice that your daughter Trinity
was expressing that she identified differently to her assigned gender by.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
The time trend was three, Yeah, three years old.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
I thought that was eye opening.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Yeah, I didn't know what was gone. Trim was so
both Trent and Lucy and my order too, are seventeen
months apart. When Trinity started preschool, they she had a
speech delay, so they kind of they would do this
routine of they would ask her name, they would ask
(34:59):
how old she was, and then they would ask if
she was a boy or a girl, and she would
do the first two, but then she would say girl
for every like every single time. So they would send
me home like a letter, and you know things like
can you work on your you know, work with your
(35:19):
child to understand the differences, And I'm like, I'm trying,
and I'm at home. Toys were toys, clothes were closed
like it like whatever was a kid right right? And
like so I couldn't figure out actually what was going on.
Trim began withdrawing very quickly mm hmm and wasn't responding.
(35:43):
She was a thumbsucker for a while, so she would
just keep her thumb in her mouth. And she also
developed anxiety induced pika, so she was like eating her clothes,
destroying like anything she could put her that wasn't food.
And I just didn't understand what was happening to my
(36:05):
child at all. And so within I would say, maybe
two three months after they kept trying to work with
her she just stopped participating in life almost, and I'm thinking,
this is a three year old, what on earth could
be so terrible? And because she had an IEP, the
(36:28):
school psychologist would do the I guess. The teacher was
kind of like, can we look at the behavioral aspects
and emotional aspect of what's happening with this child? And
at three years old, the school psychologist had her at
the ninety eighth percentile for clinical depression. And I'm like,
she's free.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
What do you ad guess about?
Speaker 4 (36:49):
What is? Are you not eating enough? Plano is like
what's going on?
Speaker 1 (36:54):
You know?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
One thing when I was reading and doing researching your story,
and I was like, oh my god, Like some people
may think this is so like minew but she was
having nightmares that her voice was gonna sound like very
white yes, And I was like, yo, that would have
freaked me out too.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
I mean, I was kind of like I just didn't
know what was what was happening? And how did she
know about Barry White eight thirty? Well, grandma, grandmam. She
also knew Luther vandraw too, right, you better know those people, right, Because.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I'm like Arry White, I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
Honestly, was like she just saw herself becoming. She was like,
I'm gonna beat like daddy, I'm gonna She was just
not happy, and I was like, I don't know what's
going on, you know. Thankfully I found Laura's playground on Aol.
I always tell people's aol dot com. At the time,
(37:52):
it was the only start. Yeah, I was like I
had my Space so and and as you know I've shared,
there was only one therapist in the entire state of Delaware,
one MM and she never worked with children, and wow,
(38:13):
she on, you know, and we tried gender neutral clothing
and everything, but pronouns were still the same and so
was like her name, and we weren't seeing any progress.
And at three and a half, she were just she
would One night, I was like talking her in and
(38:35):
she's just like, maybe if I die in my sleep,
I'll wake up a girl. I don't think that's how
that works. And so of course I'm panicking, and you know,
I didn't. I just didn't know what to do. And
it ended up we had this emergency session while she
(38:56):
was at school at preschool, and I was like, I
don't know what else to do. Yeah, and the therapist.
That's when she the question, do you want a happy
little girl or a death little boy? Yeah? Well, I
mean obviously right, no, you know, and that's how we
(39:19):
got to where we are.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I can only imagine how you feel. But I wondered
how did the father feel when y'all discovered that at
the time when Trinity was in the process of transitioning,
she I think I read some word her she tried
to cash rate her privates with kitty scissors.
Speaker 4 (39:36):
When she right before transition. Yeah, we were alarmed. We
were scared. Yeah, didn't we just you know, for us,
we didn't want our children to ever feel they didn't
have us, right, they didn't. We didn't love them, and
we didn't hear them. And that's why, you know, I
would say, we have to stop listening with our ears
(39:57):
and started listening with her heart, and so you know,
it was a I know some people have gotten mad
at me online when I say I was watching my
child die because some people have actually lost children, and
I recognize that, but I truly believe have we not
(40:20):
just listened and accepted, I wouldn't have her.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah, especially with the suicide rate that's really had months. Yeah,
transgender children. So yeah, yeah, so when you bothered the
little girl clothes, what was her response?
Speaker 4 (40:39):
I actually have a picture I'll have to send to
the day she put that on and did not want
to take it off. She was so excited and we
were by that point we were like, okay, you want
to be Trinity, you know, and she was like yes,
And it was really the first time you had seen
her smile in almost a year. And Trinity was not
(41:02):
it was not hard. It was her middle name.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
And I thought that was even like an ae have
because I'm like, one of the moments, what was the
what are the eyes of her middle name being Trinity? Yeah,
that's a real middle name name. Yeah, I thought that
was just like oh wow, like you know, God works
some mysterious ways.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
Yeah, it was. It was already there. You know a
lot of people their middle names like and that's what
we were, like, people go by their middle names all
the time for some people, and so Trinity just made sense.
And she she's been Trinity since.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
So, yeah, that's so funny you said that, because as
I'm getting to know my father, he always wanted my
middle name, Tierra to be my first name. So he
actually caused me by Tierra sometimes so you're Tiera now.
Speaker 4 (41:48):
But no, yeah, she's she's she's a cool kid. She's grown.
She's not a kid anymore.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
But she's really she's a grown woman.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
Now.
Speaker 4 (41:55):
I know she can stop right now.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Reason While researching your story, I saw that you face
a battle with medicaid to cover the puberty blockers needed
to stop turning these sexual development So can you walk
us through that battle?
Speaker 4 (42:10):
Yeah? So actually around nine was you know, by this
point there was more information and so I kind of
was like, okay, guys, let's do this. We didn't have
an endochronologist to do it at first. The chief endocrinologists
(42:37):
at the time was not necessarily certain about trans kids okay,
and didn't want to actually work with us at first.
And then he went to a conference in Boston with
who we call the father of of pediatric undercarming care,
and that's doctor Speck. And he went to this conference
(42:58):
and he was he said, he himself is like it
changed his entire worldview. So he found us again and
we had to first start with a bone density scam
to get a baseline of her bone density, and then
after that, every six months that child had to go
(43:18):
through blood withdrawals see where her testofswrong locals were. And
by the time she was thirteen, that's when she started
showing signs of puberty. And so then we were like, okay,
let's get these puberty blockers on board. And I was
(43:40):
on Medicaid because I had to quit my job to
homeschool her and my oldest son. A year after she transitioned,
the public school actually denied her access to school unless
she came as a boy. But by that point she
had been living as herself for over a year, and
(44:00):
I was like, well, that's not going to happen, and
so I put my job and we went to poverty
with that decision. But it was a decision I'd make
over and over again. And so I'm on medicaid and
she they denied her, and so I was like, oh okay.
(44:23):
And the intercrenologist he was just kind of like, of
all the people who would fight this, I fail, You're
to one who would fight this. And I was like, yes,
I am, and so I started fight. I appealed and appealed,
and I ended up with a a patient advocate through
(44:44):
Medicaid and just kept appealing. And then but I kept
we kept getting denied. At this point, we put her
on a medication called Sperona lactone, which is also used
to suppress test off, but it's not like strong enough
and she was getting really worried. And we were part
(45:09):
of a UU church at the time, and so one
day I we would do this thing where you could
go up before the congregation you could talk about like successes, triumphs,
or like concerns or things that are worrying you. And
so I it just so happened this particular day was
really packed, like there are a lot of people, and
I just went up and I get I guess you
(45:30):
could say this was my first foray into public speaking.
Was that a true And so I kind of was
just like I shared my fears and like I don't
want to have come so far in affirming her and
lose her because of eurocoy, you know, like I don't
(45:50):
want to do that. I don't want red tape to
be the reason I lose my child. And in the
audience that particular day was my former colleague, presentative Paul
Bombok because that was his district, and he approached me
during fellowship afterwards and was like, I'm a state representative
here in Delaware. I want to help you and your child,
(46:13):
and he gave me his card and from that point forward,
I had did another appeal which was denied, so I
emailed him everything I had and then that's when he
connected me to Sarah McBride. So that's how I met
Sarah McBride. And then we just started like trying to
(46:35):
figure out what to do. And I ended up going
before the entire medical board for Medicaid and HIMRK and
I train wrote this letter about how happy she would
be to get puberty blockers, and I took it with me.
During all of this, we were also being followed by
national geographics. Oh wow, Like so these two things were
(47:00):
happening at once.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
I didn't even see that.
Speaker 4 (47:05):
Yeah, we she has a picture and they did an
issue on gender and she has a two page.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Oh wow, you gotta send me some pictures.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
That's when she was recognized as the girl with the
rainbow hair.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
So we are doing this and I am still fighting.
And I even took the UU church pastor, like the reverend.
He came with me and he's like, I'm gonna ware
my collar. So I either more like, do you really
want to say no with a reverend.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Here right right.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
We pulled out all the stops, and unfortunately they sent
this letter the next day, certifive mail, saying they were
denying her completely. That's what it actually said, because they
don't cover this kind of stuff. And I wanted to
just like, I didn't know how to tell her, so
I didn't because I did something I never thought I
(48:01):
would do. I wrote what is now it has been
deemed the letter, and I still have a template of
this letter for anyone who has wanted to use it,
where I wrote stating that the state of Delaware's denial
and Medicaid and high Marked denial of my child's gender
firming care was in violation of the Affordable Care Act
(48:24):
section fifteen fifty seven, that if we did not get
dis corrected, I would sue a state of Delaware. Wow,
within two days she was approved, I bet they. And
the weird part was the chief medical officer for a
(48:44):
High Marked at the time was like, well, we just
wanted them to go to Chopped Children's Hospital Philadelphia because
they had had an well established gender pediatric gender for
me care clinic for years. And he's like, he said
that my our endochnologists didn't have enough experience. She was
his only patient at the time, and I was like,
(49:07):
it's Delaware. Yeah, one in Delaware is like one thousand
in Phillies, right right, Fine. I'm like, fine, I will
go to CHOP if you need them to confirm my
childish trans if that's what we need to do. And
we got the Chop And the funny part was they
had been following our story, our fight for those eight months,
(49:30):
and so when they met her, they were like, this
child is thirteen years old, transitioned at four. We're pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (49:37):
Yeah, Like she knows exactly who she is at this point.
Speaker 4 (49:42):
And so we won, and she became Delaware's first transgender
minor to get Medicaid to cover gender firming care.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:53):
And then she also became the first miner to be
able to get the gender market change yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (50:00):
So I helped them reshape their policy to cover other
trans and non binary people and then we did a
YouTube video that went viral, So then we really became viral,
and that's when she got a pr agent. We met
(50:22):
Cross at the time from Post where actually we practiced
the same Buddhism, so kind of her Auntie we we
met so many trans elders, and I really wanted her
to meet these black trans elders. It's so important for
me to have her meet them because we did not
(50:44):
see black trans femininity portrayed ever in great light, and
I wanted Trinity to be that light of a black
family is capable of loving their black trans child.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:08):
I was reading some articles about how you were just
talking about navigating conversations about trending these transition with your
extended family, and that didn't really go to will.
Speaker 4 (51:19):
No, they stopped talking to me for three years.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Yeah, they were saying you had unfit parenting. It was
a mental illness.
Speaker 4 (51:26):
But luckily they're all very supportive now again. No, my
you know, my mom's the matriarch, and it was really
really difficult for her. It ended up being my late
stepfather who was like, this is your grandchild. So we
all got to figure it out, you know. And he
(51:47):
was everything. He was everything. He never slipped he I mean,
he came into our lives long after I was married,
so we were full of adults when he came into
our lives and married my mom. And he never wants
he never once doubted and you know, there are certain
(52:11):
parts of the story that a lot of people don't know.
But after we won, after I won that battle, one
of the concessions I had to make was to allow
a caseworker, a social worker, to do home visits for
(52:32):
a year. Why good question, Wow, it was. It was
a concession I was willing to make if it meant
no other family or trans person had to experience the
fight that we did.
Speaker 2 (52:51):
What did she wanted to see? Or what did the
person wanted to see? He kept coming to do wellness
checks and then I would have to leave the room
and she would ask the risk questions and it was
ultimately like having a case open.
Speaker 4 (53:06):
And it was. It was for a year, but we
ended up becoming friends. And she's like, your family is
so wonderful.
Speaker 2 (53:15):
I'm bed now my family is wonderful.
Speaker 4 (53:18):
But yeah, She's like, there's obviously no abuse here. But
and I recognized that, but it was it's something that
you know, I haven't started sharing until recently because it
was sometimes a little nerve wracking and traumatic, especially as
a low income you know parent, you know, is there
enough food in a fridge?
Speaker 2 (53:35):
Like?
Speaker 4 (53:35):
Or is my house clean enough? You know, it was
just a whole bunch of like it was a lot
of stress I didn't need because I loved my child.
But it was something that happened because I fought so
hard because I loved my child.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
Yeah, how did you navigate when it comes to your
mental health? Like I could just only imagine with that
journey alone, and then you know, having small kids and
you got this case like, oh want you to taking
care of yourself.
Speaker 4 (54:02):
I mean I had a therapist anyway, But I don't know.
Anytime anyone asks me how I do half of what
I do, I'm not really actually sure anymore. I just
I kind of just do it and then I don't
think about it. I mean, I was homeschooling at this point,
(54:23):
I was a stay at home mom.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (54:27):
I just kind of did what I had to do
because I had to do it. And there's no time
to be sad about that. I was never I never
grieved the loss of you know, Trinity prior to Trinity
being Trinity. That never happened, and I simply was just,
(54:48):
you know, I was like okay. And I know, like
some of your your listeners might go like, oh, the
other child is trans It must have been influenced I
will point out my younger two children had no no
idea Trinity was trans They had no idea.
Speaker 2 (55:03):
When did they When did they find out?
Speaker 4 (55:06):
So Hyperion found out when Hyperion came.
Speaker 2 (55:09):
Out, Oh wow, at nine, so that at that point,
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (55:17):
So Trinity is twenty one to Hyperion's fourteen. So yeah,
Trum was like, yeah, yeah, because there's an eleven year
age gap between Hyperion and my young Trinity and my youngest.
And he just learned that Trinity was translate last year.
Thank yeah, last year last year. Wow, Trinity's just been
(55:41):
their sister, right.
Speaker 2 (55:45):
I mean for the most part, Trinity has been a
girl his entire life.
Speaker 4 (55:48):
So yeah, for thing, Yeah, he's for both of them.
The person right, probably no would have been Lucian. But
when I recently asked him, he's nineteen. It'll be twenty
this year. When I asked him he's he actually realized
he does not remember.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
Yeah, because that's who she is. She's always been there.
Speaker 4 (56:09):
Yeah, because she was. He was just turning three when
she had transitioned, so he has no recollection of Trinity
prior to Trinity.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
Was he shot.
Speaker 4 (56:22):
So he found out what my youngest, Yeah, he found
out on I think it was transgendered Day of this ability,
which is March thirty. First, he was like trady Tramp.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
That was like, I know, he was like wait what,
I'm a complete mob blown, right, He's like.
Speaker 4 (56:49):
This whole time, like what she still your sister? And
he's like that, Yeah. Wow, they never knew. They never knew.
So there was no influence on anyone because there was
nothing to influence. But I don't even know if they
realized how famous she was.
Speaker 2 (57:09):
Trinity is pretty lit.
Speaker 4 (57:11):
But yeah, he's saying he didn't know. They didn't know.
You know. He was especially really teeny, you know, like
when all this went down, and like we got to
meet the former former governor, which was Governor Markel, and
I think Fane my youngest he was maybe nine months old,
(57:32):
ten months old when we met him, and he wanted
to like recognize Trinity. And that was a wild day too,
you know because I had to also leave for a
flight to Scotland that same day, so I was like,
can we like make this. I gotta get on a plane,
right right. So yeah, so yeah they didn't. They had
(57:53):
no clue.
Speaker 2 (57:54):
Now we're almost finished. But another thing that I loved
about your story is about how y'all shared your story
in a book that tore our rope. But I also
saw that it was banned in several places. So how
do you feel about the idea of books, especially those
that share diverse verses being banned, diverse voices being banned
or restricted, and what message do you think it sends
to the next generation.
Speaker 4 (58:16):
Banning books of lived experiences is a way for people
to try to make people disappear, and it won't happen.
There will always be people sharing their stories. Again, I'm
going to go back to plamboyants. There are some people
I learned about I had never heard of, and it's
because their stories were literally hidden as queer black people
(58:37):
in the Harlem Renaissance. And so when we banned stories,
we are telling generations that their story shouldn't exist. It
was an honor to have over book, Like we were like,
oh my goodness, I know y'all made it.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
Oh yeah, I know, but ban.
Speaker 4 (59:00):
It harder because that means more royalty. So I was like, yes, translation,
but at the same time, I was kind of like,
you can't ban truth. And it was so funny seeing
Reddit stories, like Reddit posts on this particular thing because
(59:21):
some people there, I guess there was a review someone
gave and they were like, this is a very great
story of fiction. And then I guess a friend or
a fan was like, no, I've met these people. They
are real because there's also this confusion of their being.
(59:42):
She's black, she's trans, and she's on alt to them
spectrum and those intersections being very rare to see not
only written but written in such a positive way the
way we wrote it. You know, again, I've never had issues.
I've never grieved. I've never been upset about the different
intersections that my children have. I don't have issues with
(01:00:05):
them being I have three of my four children on
the autism spectrum. Okay, you know right, and so that's
never ever been an issue for me. And so you know,
I just I love that I had a lot of
say with my book. I got to determine. I got
to tell them I wanted the illustrator to be a
(01:00:25):
trans person of color, and they were That was very
important to me. I got to like pick who the
voice for the audiobook was. I knew it wanted to
be a black woman because it wouldn't make any sense
for me as a black person to be voiced by
a white person.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Oh no, no, no, that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
And you know it was just very important. And you
see a lot of themes even at that time, we
used them pronouns for hype prior to us really being
told from Hype to use them pronouns like specifically speaking.
And you know, thing is so he's a cute ptuty
in the book, he's so a cute putuity. But you know, my,
(01:01:06):
when I describe my family now, like if I the
message I always want to say is like one, we
do not get to have expectations on who our children
will be and who they will love. That is that
is not what we should be doing as parents. We
are here to guide them. I don't raise my children.
(01:01:26):
I love and uplift my children. And it took a
lot for me to get to this place as a
parent as a mother, and my children are thriving because
of it. And I'm queer, I'm non binary, and I
have two trans kids, a gay son, and then my
(01:01:47):
baby boy is a leo and that right there about
him for sure.
Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
Yeah, do you looking back, because I can just only
imagine a lot of things that you've been through that
you haven't shared publicly. Do you think everything that you
have been through leading up to now help prepare you
to raise Trinity?
Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:02:09):
There are a lot of people who who got me
there well too, in particular my grandfather and my great grandmother.
Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:02:17):
They you know, they taught me the value of respecting
people and seeing people. And I've always been someone who
I don't want to judge you unless you give me
a reason.
Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:02:36):
I knew that I would not lift the hand in
my children. I knew I wouldn't yell at my children,
and I actually don't. We talk about it all the time.
Actually we laugh about that. I just don't yell.
Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
Actually, you have a lot of patience.
Speaker 4 (01:02:50):
I don't. I don't yet. I try very hard. I mean,
if I'm calling for you, I'm yelling. But when it
comes to my rage levels are very, very very low.
It takes now to you hurt my children. I'm an
entirely different human being. But I don't. I don't. I
knew that my goal was to ensure that my children
(01:03:11):
knew I had their back, but they could be secure
without me. And you know, just I know we're going
to go soon. But this is just a proof that
I managed to do it, and I still don't know
what I've done. But my oldest son last year was
for the year before he was at Westchester University for
his first year of college for a far different major
(01:03:33):
than he's doing that, and he was in an early
childhood development class and they were talking about the three
attachment styles for parenting. There's avoidant attachment, there's an anxious attachment,
and then the one you want to try to achieve,
the secure attachment. And his professor was explaining each attachment
(01:03:55):
style with case studies that are peer in peer review articles,
and when she got to this cure attachment, he was
looking at the case study and he thought it was familiar.
And so then at the end, you know, she was
asking if any of the students had questions, and he
raised his hand and asked her if the case study
(01:04:15):
used for secure attachment style was based off of a
Delaware family. He was like, yes, we've been using it
for several years now for secure attachment style. And he's like,
just throwing it out, is the name of the mother
represented in this? And she's like I believe so yes,
And she's like why He's like, that's my mom. Wow.
(01:04:39):
He told me this as I was bringing him home
for the weekend, and I'm just like, why are you sure?
And she like Afterwards they talked, and then the next
day they were given a quit like a survey to
see what attachment style they fit under with their family,
and he was only want to get one hundred percent secure.
(01:05:03):
And we just chuckle about this because I'm like, one,
I didn't know it was a case study at this point,
but two, I never necessarily see myself as a great mom.
I think I do the best I can, but obviously
I've done something right, and I do mama as tired
(01:05:25):
as I am. Right, you know, I take what I
know and then I learned from them and I get
to turn that into policy. But I also get to
be a therapist for at risk youth too, and I
help them find their purpose. And that's kind of why
I do everything.
Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Out to Yeah, yeah, what are your hosts for transgender
youth growing up in today's world.
Speaker 4 (01:05:53):
That they recognize they are far worthy and far loved
than they even know. Yeah, and to cleaner room, cleaner
rooms please please clean room trend no actually training rooms
very clean?
Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
Yeah, yeah, you know. Trinity expressed at just four years
old that she was a girl. Now she's in her
early twenties. So what message do you hope your story
sends to young people, especially those who may be questioning
their own identities.
Speaker 4 (01:06:21):
You know who you are? Yeah, there will always be
someone there who will listen with their heart. And if
you have a family, that can't be the ones I'm
your mom now.
Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:06:34):
Yeah, a lot of babies.
Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
Yeah, furry babies to y'all. Furry babies too.
Speaker 4 (01:06:40):
Yeah, one's whimpering because he's like, I dropped my food
outside my cree.
Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
And last, but not least, how can we shift the
conversation to help others see transgender youth for who they are,
beyond misconceptions.
Speaker 4 (01:06:54):
Talk to them and talk to the people who love them.
Because when you hurt or say something hurtful about a
trans youth, you are ultimately hurting your future. You were
hurting someone in your life where you may find out
it's trands that you've come to really care about. Yeah.
The video that went viral for us was called meet
(01:07:16):
my Child. I want people to meet Trinity. I want
people to meet me. I am a mom in the
end of the day, regardless of her being trans. She's
my child. Yeah, And when you say the things you say,
you are hurting me too and those who love her.
Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
Yeah, you know, I am so happy that we were
able to make this happen. This was definitely worth the way.
So I really appreciate you for coming on to the
show and just starting the new A're off with love
like I feel. Really, I'm really thankful for our conversation.
Speaker 4 (01:07:48):
Same and I hope you continue to build such a
wonderful relationship with your dad and you know it is
it changes the world when we do everything with love first.
Speaker 2 (01:08:01):
Yeah, even though he a wow boy man.
Speaker 4 (01:08:04):
I mean, honestly, just spram with the water.
Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
He needs more than water, shall he need alcohol?
Speaker 4 (01:08:13):
Calm down?
Speaker 2 (01:08:14):
Count hell, he needs everything because that niggas Wow.
Speaker 4 (01:08:17):
I'm sure my kids feel the same about me most days,
like my mom dressed up as a mouse. I'm going
to this.
Speaker 2 (01:08:24):
Thing right right well to the listeners. If you have
any questions, please make sure to email me at hello
at the PSG podcast dot com. And if you are
interested in supporting our guest book, please make sure to
hit me up and I will send you the direct
link so we can support them and get it unbanned.
Can you unband a book. Is that possible. I know,
it's a process, right.
Speaker 4 (01:08:43):
It would have to be the state, okay, okay, yeah,
and unfortunately, book fans are quite a thing. You can
put laws in that will keep book fans from happy.
We are working on that here nowhere, so.
Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Okay, well just email me and I see y'all a link.
Thank you to my guest, Thank you so much. It
was such a pleasure. Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, and until next time, everyone Later heys. The
Professional Homegirl podcast is a production of the Black Effect
(01:09:19):
podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you
can connect with me on social media at the PHG
podcast
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the host and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to
(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional Homegirls do
enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Happy New Year, Professional Homegirls. I hope all is cute now.
A lot of y'all been hitting me up asking me
about my holiday season, especially New Year's if I had
any New Year's resolutions, So thank you, and I will
be honest with y'all. I never thought that I would
bring in the New Year the way that I did.
Definitely didn't see it on my bingo car, not one bit.
(01:12):
So many of you know that I never met my
father before, and you know in the past we definitely
tried to connect several times via phone, but the timing
was definitely not right. And I think that we in
order for us to get to the space that we're
in now, I think that we both had to just
let go of a lot of things and meet each
(01:33):
other where we're at. And one of those things that
we had to let go of, especially for me, was
just expectations. And you know, we reconnected again on Christmas,
and I have to say this time feels different. It
really does, so regardless of what the outcome may be,
I am looking forward to building a relationship with him.
And plus I'm starting to see where I get my
(01:54):
personality from, because this nigga is mad for y'all, no filter,
no whatsoever. But like, we definitely be keen on the
phone and be cracking up, and I'd been like, all right,
I got fucks with this nigga. But on top of that,
you know his sister, which is my aunt, she came
to my house and we already had a good relationship
so far, but we never spent a lot of time
(02:14):
with each other. So she came over and she spent
a few days with me child, and you know, she
bought her the New Year's with me, and like I said,
definitely wasn't on my bigo car. But I feel so
close to that side of the family now just by
spending time with her and also just by you know,
speaking to my father every day since Christmas. So yeah,
(02:35):
I've really been enjoying this time, just really to get
to know that side of the family. So AnyWho, so
send me an email at Hello at thepog podcast dot
com and let me know how y'all's New Year's went.
I would love to hear about it. Now, we are
kicking off twenty twenty five with some amazing stories. And
I don't know if y'all notice this, but we are
(02:57):
almost at the end of season two. You know we're
going to go out with a bang.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Now, today's guest shares their journey as a parent navigating
their child's transition, opening up about the challenges, triumphs, and
profound lessons learned along the way. Beyond their personal story,
we explore their groundbreaking role in politics, discussing LGBTQYA plus representation,
(03:23):
the state of the political landscape, and the ongoing fight
for equality for all y'all. This conversation was just a
pure testament to resilience, advocacy, and the beauty of living
in your truth regardless of how old you are. So
get ready because my child is transgender. Stars now all right,
(03:47):
First of all, Happy New Year. You're my first guest
of twenty twenty five. So how was your New Year?
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Oh? It was beautiful that some weird stuff came home.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
What weird?
Speaker 4 (03:59):
Well, wasn't we It was actually a lot of fun.
Some really big supporters of mine asked me to earlier
this year, asked for last year, asked me to come
to what is known as the New Year's Eve furry Ball,
and I was kind of like, I mean, you know what,
(04:21):
I loved trying new things and it was actually a
lot of fun and everyone was really cool and I
couldn't stay for the whole thing because I wanted to
spend like bring in the New Year with my children.
So I was like, thank you providing me, and I
dressed up as a mouse. I had mouse of years
and a tail, and so it was a lot of fun.
(04:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I feel like my New Year's was very unexpected as well.
I shared this with my listeners. So I never met
my father before and since Christmas, my father and I
have been talking every single day. And in the midst
of that, I always had a great relationship with his sister,
who's my aunt, but she bought in a new year
with me. She came to my house and spent the
(05:02):
night with me.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Yeah awesome. Ah, I love that. Yeah, that's a great
way to bring in the new year.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Right, gotta be feeling all warm and shit inside. Well,
like I told you off the air, it is such
an honor to have you on a show because I
feel like I've been trying to get a hold of
you for like what six to eight months, and now
we're finally here. I was like, what is this?
Speaker 4 (05:28):
You know, I was like, oh my goodness. I was
campaigning for my re election when you first sent me
the email. So I was like, my head was like, WHOA.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I can imagine. I can imagine. So I feel like
there are so many different ways we can dive into
your story, but I feel like it's important to start
with you. So, how it does it feel to hold
the title of being the first non binary elected official
in Delaware?
Speaker 4 (05:51):
You know it, I'm just me, you know, and having
that title is, you know, the first non binary person
to be in the State of Delaware here, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
It just I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
I know, the representation is super important to see, but
for me, you know, I'm just going in and doing
my thing. I mean, granted, a lot of times I
think people don't necessarily understand what the non binary like
aspects can be, and there is this this belief that
I'm supposed to look a certain way. You know, most times,
(06:29):
I think the standard idea of what non binary might
mean is what we used to call adrogyny or adrogynist.
And I'm not that I'm very fem presenting. I'm very
you know. Yeah, so like you know, I'm like, but
it doesn't necessarily negate how I identify. And I'm you know,
I'm hoping that as I continue in this space, I
(06:51):
can show that being non binary can look a variety
of weights and it does not dismiss who we are.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, did you always see yourself in the office or
did this just unfold over time?
Speaker 4 (07:04):
New So I am not into politics, I will say, yeah,
I just didn't. I'm once say I didn't care. I
just didn't quite necessarily see what differences were being made for,
especially communities like mine. But then my advocacy in the
(07:28):
LGBTQ community for trans rights kind of started putting me
in spaces with political advocates and elect officials, and I guess,
in a weird way, it did unfold over time. I
had a lot of people who are like, you're already
making change to policy. You're already doing this, right, why
(07:54):
aren't you in office to make you know, bigger change?
And I was kind of like, I don't think I
will be a good and I'm it just kind of
everything fell into my lap in a weird way of serendipity.
You know. I challenged myself a lot. You know, I've
(08:14):
always been someone who challenges themselves, and I was kind
of like, okay, I'm I only run if I finished
my two year master's program in less than two years.
And then I finished it in fourteen months, and I
was like, darn it, why did I challenge myself? I'm
(08:35):
so good right? But that actually wasn't even what finally
was the straw that made me decide, yes, I'm doing this.
It was a conversation with my predecessor during my RD meeting.
And for those who don't know what r D is,
it's your residential district or representative district. I don't know
(08:58):
if they're called other things in other states, but here
at are called representative districts. And it was a discussion
about gun control, particularly surrounding permit to purchase, and I
just was like listening to the reasonings why he didn't
want to vote for it, and all I could think
(09:20):
of was, We've had so many mass shootings for our children.
I'm a mom, but on top of that, I am
the I'm the child of a veteran, I am I
know many police officers I know, and I'm part of
the LGBTQ community and I have a mental health background.
(09:42):
We don't find ways to keep guns out of the
hands of those who could use them to hurt themselves.
We're going to continue to see this rise in suicide rates,
which is what we've been seeing. And I was kind
of just like trying to have this conversation with him
as his constituent at the time, like, you know, if
(10:03):
we're talking about mass shootings, because it kept bringing up
mass shootings, and like, these are people who legally own
guns using them against children who have no ability to
fight back, and we need to do something about that.
And he's like, I don't believe that I need proof.
And I was like, so funny. I just did a
research paper before I graduated from my master's program. I
have all these peer review articles.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
You know, what proof do you need? It's in the news,
is everywhere?
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Is it real? Though? Right? And you know it was
after that discussion I and we got out of the
committee meeting. I just sat back and was like, Okay,
I can't trust someone to represent me if they can't
represent how to keep my community safe and alive. Right,
(10:54):
So then I was like, I guess I'm running. I
don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
And if I'm not mistaken, I feel like America is
the only country that has a large number of mass shootings. Right, yeah, yeah,
that is crazy.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
It's it's it's insane and it is a problem. And
I wasn't you know honest, I'd never run for anything
in my life, Like I never even tried to run
for like class president him. Never, you know, I run
for so little. I actually don't even job. I see
me the girl anytimes, see anyone jogging like you just
(11:34):
look unhappy.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And look at you. You've run it for a whole office.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
I was like, dang, I went straight from I'm not
going to do pilates today too. I'm going to run
for right, right right. And I mean, I just did
what I do best. I went to my talks to
people and I door knocked, and I always shared a
story with you, who are you know, getting to that
voting age, who are like, should I vote? And I'm like, yes,
(11:58):
if you want to see at least local change. From
the federal level, it can be tricky, but local is
where a lot of the change actually does happen. And
I always share had I not done this and had
people not believed in my message, I wouldn't have won,
because I literally won against him by twenty four votes.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Oh wow, yeah wow, And.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
He was a sixteen year incumbent.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
But that just lets you know that people are ready
for change.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
They were, they were, and you know I was. I
represented something that a lot of times, you know, if
you're not from Delaware, my district, District thirteen is Ellesmere,
and anyone if you talk to anyone from Delaware who's
driven through Delaware through Elsmere and say, hey, what is
your perception of Ellesmere? The perception is cops speed trap,
(12:53):
white races, And that is not even close. Yes, we
are a speed trap, do not speak through it and police.
My district is also twenty seven percent Hispanic. There's a
lot of LGBTQ people in my district. It's so diverse.
My district is so diverse, and people don't see that,
and I think I represented that diversity. You know, I'm disabled,
(13:17):
so I'm actually also the first visibly disabled elected official.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Oh I did not.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
Yes, I'm an ambulatory wheel chair user. Sometimes I have
a walker. It depends, it depends on the day. But
seeing someone like that, so sometimes I was door knocking
in my wheelchair.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Oh wow.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
And you know I'm again I'm a mother and I
have children who are autistic and so being able to
connect with people there. And I also have the VA
Hospital in my district, so being the child of a
veteran really yeah. So it was a lot of reasons,
and I'm so grateful my district trusted in me, and
(14:03):
I do, strangely enough, love the work I do. I
still don't like politics, but I do love policy, and
that's how I usually explain it the people. I hate
the drama and the dramatics of politics, but I love
good policy that I know is going to impact people
that I care.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Like, I hate the politics and the politics.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Do you think there's a growing acceptance of lgbt QIA
plus leaders in politics or do you feel or do
you still feel there's a huge resistance there.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
I'm gonna be honest, I think there's still resistance. I
think when we are trying very hard to at least
get legislation that will protect our community as a whole,
we will see a little bit more pushback, a little
bit more doubt and questions. And that's a problem because
(14:57):
at this point, it's not like we don't know that
LGBTQIA people exist like right and have for a while, and.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I mean we're in twenty twenty five, Like, come on.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
Now, I mean when I someone coming in non binary,
my pronouns have been made fun of in my job,
you know, and I oftentimes just don't use them pronouns
at work. I just don't because I am willing to
(15:32):
hide that piece of myself or just keep it, you know,
to myself, in order to get good bills paths.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, you know, what's so funny that you mentioned that,
because when I when you fill out the form to
be a guest on the show, and one of the
questions in the form everyone it says, what should I
know about you? And you said that your pronouns is
she and them. And then when I was reading your story,
I read that you was not binary, and I'm like, oh,
I said, I've never met anybody who goes by it's
not binary, that she and them. So that's that's funny
(16:02):
that you said that, that you feel like you have
to hide that part of you.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Yeah, for a while I tried, you know, I was like,
say them, say them, but you know, no one's going
to use it. And look, I'll be honest, even I
slip up on my own pronoun you know that's real.
You know, I had no opportunities really to come out,
and that term didn't exist when I was younger, and so,
(16:27):
you know, I always knew I wasn't sis hetero, like
I knew I wasn't SIS, and I certainly know I
wasn't heterosexual. I just didn't have words yet for that.
And strangely enough, my fourteen year old is non binary
and strictly goes by dayam pronouns. And they helped me
(16:49):
really like, okay, I think this is this is okay. Yeah,
so there's spaces where I'm perfectly fine using bay them pronouns,
but I also recogniz eyes there are going to be
spaces where it's not going to be safe or it's
not going to be feasible for me, and I, you know,
you just kind of it sucks, but hopefully one day
(17:11):
it's not going to be a problem.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Now, before we get into your journey of you know,
embracing your true self, what were your thoughts on the
recent presidential election. I, you know, I have eggs.
Speaker 4 (17:26):
So I have my good friends, my very close friends
who have known me. I have one friend who's known
me over forty almost almost forty years. I have always
had this weird gift, if we want to call it that.
At the point now, I'm like, I think it's a curse.
Ever since I was a little kid, I could always
(17:47):
determine a presidential election.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
So my dad loved kind of betting on things, and
he would be like, Okay, we're here, now, what do
you think? And I have yet to be wrong, And
at this point I really wish I could. I knew
the first time when he won the first time in
twenty sixteen, I knew the moment he came down the
escalator to announce his run for president that he was
(18:12):
going to become a president. I knew it by that.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
What was it like? What gave it away?
Speaker 4 (18:19):
I want to say, I've always had this intuition of
human nature, which why I'm a therapist, as you know,
as a state rep. But I just understand human nature.
And when people feel very disenfranchised, when people are angry
(18:39):
and scared and bitter and hungry, they yeah, they will.
They will find the next the group that they can
oppress the most. I don't like feeling this way. I
don't like knowing I could be next. So I would
rather put someone else under the bus.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
M hm.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
You know when you know, I always believe this, and
that's where people were, and that's where people still are,
you know, between having a black man as a president,
there was still this idea. And I just finished listening
to this amazing book by George M. Johnson called Flamboyant.
(19:21):
It's amazing. It's about the Harlan Renaissance, but in the
queer community. So he touches on.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
I heard that book. Is it like a boil on
the cover? Were like, So.
Speaker 4 (19:34):
That's his first book. All boys aren't blue. Yeah, And
he has one called Flamboyance, which like talks about Langston
Hughs and like all the queer people during the Harlan Renaissance.
And you know, he talks about how black people are
often pitted. We are already oppressed by white supremacy, and
(19:56):
then we ultimately pit ourselves against each other because we
have been taught that there can only be one Yeah,
and that's still a form of white supremacy, because that's
how we've been taught to believe. And I think after
seeing a black black man in office, you know, we
(20:18):
saw people like gross no and and my daughter and
I got to meet the Obama's there just.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Absolutely I heard Michelle first lady Michelle Obama says he
had daughter, that she's so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
I was, I was like, yeah, she's like I was
like da. But then, you know, and then we had
four years of Trump, and I think people are like
some people finally were like, we can't do this again.
But we all still we still kind of stuck with
the status quo. He I always not poo pooing on Biden.
(20:55):
I always believe that as human beings, we tend to
go with what we're comfortable with because it's too scary
to try something different. That's just nature, that's just how
we've always been. Some of us are willing to step
outside of that box, but most of us are like,
but what happens if I make a mistake? What happens
if I'm wrong? And what ifs? Is what causes us
to stick to the status quo. And I think a
(21:16):
lot of times in politics they rely on that. Yeah,
and so I was not surprised by this election because
I already knew it was going to happen this way.
I think I had a sign too, you know. The
day the day Biden announced that he wasn't running again,
(21:39):
I was at the zoo with a client because I'm
a mobile outpatient therapist, so I get to take my
clients to places for therapeu to breathings. We went to
the zoo and what you see. There's a bald eagle
at the zoo and he was in the nest box
(21:59):
being picked on by a tiny raven. I think it
was a raven. This raven would bounce up peck inside
the box. The eagle would make that weird eagle sound,
and then the raven would tackle I kid you not,
this happened. And then my foam came. I looked down
and it was my friend from a National Guard showing
(22:22):
me the letter of resignation or like that he wasn't
running again. I was like, is this a signe wow?
I was like, yeah, so I'm not surprised, but truly
am not. I just I'm scared for the people who
truly believe that things are going to get better. I'm
(22:44):
scared for the people who are about to lose things
they didn't expect to lose. And I don't want it
to be a pointing finger situation. I don't want us
to be like, ha ha, we told you so, because
they're struggling now too, and if one person struggling, then
(23:05):
we're all struggling at this point. Yeah, and no one
gets to laugh about that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah. Do you think she's gonna run again?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
I don't think.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
I don't think. That was exhausting. And the way they
was such a consolation price, you know, it was such
a consolation price. It was kind of like, hey, here
you go, and you know, I get tired for black women. Yeah,
that have to be the consolation prize.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, I saw a picture of a drinking wine and
I said, yeah, she's not running again.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
I mean you I could tell just by the way
she walked off stage after. I was like, that's how
my mom would walk away from me after She's definitely
told me I'm grounded for a very long time.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, like you have forced her hand, like I'm done.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
Yeah. No, I think she's just gonna enjoy her time
with her her family, and she deserves it. I wouldn't
put this on anyone. This was not easy. I have
to run every two years. It is hard, especially call
into multiple intersections.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Well, earlier, you mentioned how you always knew that you
wasn't heterosexual, So can you shure I've been about your
journey of discover discovering, and embracing your career identity.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
So I think I was like fourteen when I told
my mom that I was I liked women too. I
just knew I certainly probably didn't like men nearly as
much as I he heard women. But I don't mind men.
I just wish they wouldn't speak and I or breathing
(24:53):
my general vicinity. They have what I like, I just
don't like the other parts.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Yeah, the chemical make up amend Man. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 4 (25:04):
I'm like, but you just have just that and not
the other things. Yeah, yeah, I just I've always and
I've never been one for like monogamy. Like I never
understood that either. Oh no, even as a little little kid,
I would just I'd read like fairy tales. And I
(25:25):
know my mom and I've talked about this. When I
guess I was like eight, she read me Red Riding
Hood or something like that, and it didn't registered at
red Ridinghood. It was a little girl in my head.
I don't know. I just thought she was some woman
trying to get to her grandma. And I'm like, oh,
there's this wolf man person and there's a huntsman dude
(25:46):
over here. I'm like, I know, instead of going to
grandma's house, let's just all go to whoever's house and
be together whoever. I never actually, it never made sense
to me, and I'm still that way now. Look, honestly,
if if two gorgeous K drama dudes just wanted to
(26:08):
come and just wow, I would be fine. I'd be like, look,
I don't even need to know your name. There needs
be no language barrier here be for me all the time.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
But wait, you're married now right? Oh? Oh okay, okay,
because I've read that you was. I guess Trindley's father
is was your ex husband?
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Okay, okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 4 (26:30):
Now we got divorced when my now ten year old
was two.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
So oh wow.
Speaker 4 (26:36):
I have been raising my babies on my own and
I we do very well. That is, speaking of ten
year old. That was my ten year old offering me candy. Hi,
he's my youngest.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
But no. So what was your family's reaction when when
you told them that you were attracted to women as well?
Speaker 4 (26:58):
Conversion therapy?
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Mm?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
I was raised in the church. I had to see
a religious counselor it didn't work.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah, well, it never works.
Speaker 4 (27:12):
But all it taught me how to do was hate
who I was m and hide who I was. So
I learned I knew that if I it was weird
because at that moment, I knew I didn't want children either.
And my reasoning was, if this is how we're supposed
(27:35):
to raise children, I don't want to do it mm hmm.
And so I was sure I'd never be all. But
when I became a mom, I also then was like,
if that's how we were supposed to raise children. I
will not do the same m and I didn't. I
(27:56):
haven't obviously.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Yeah, you know, you talk about conversion therapy, and I
was just thinking about other things that kids or young
adults may see they would make them hate themselves. So
what are your thoughts on how the media portrays young
transgender children.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
As someone who has watched the media portray my daughter
as a monster, I oftentimes believe that this is where
we come in as the ones who are supportive and
the ones who do have that representation for that community,
to show them that you are not a monster and
(28:34):
you are not a mistake. One of the one of
the quotes you know that trend is known for us.
I am not a mistake. I'm a masterpiece. And that's
how I, you know, always say like you are a masterpiece.
You have been put together in such a beautiful way
that you inspire adults to be better. Right, So, and
(28:58):
I think in a weird way versus how trans people
were portrayed on TV in the imediate when I was
younger to what it's looking like now, it's definitely gotten better.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Oh yeah, sure, you know.
Speaker 4 (29:12):
I often tell people I didn't know anything about trans people,
especially as Trinity, you know, was trying to tell me something.
All I had to go home was when we had
Jerry Springer is a manner as a woman, Like that
was all I had And that was like you think
back on that, that was absolutely offensive.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Well, Jerry, that was a wild show.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
I mean I would total audience for for real, like
I'm not gonna die, but I want to.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Do the Yeah, you know what's so funny. I had
a conversation with this woman, she's a trans woman, and
she was saying how that's when she finally saw herself
by watching the Jerry Springer show. Yes, as herful as
it was, she said, it kind of helped her find
her I didn'ty and she was able to articulate despite
(30:02):
all the chaos and stuff.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
Yeah yeah, I mean there's always way snatching somewhere. No,
but you know, it was it. I think we are
we are seeing a generation that recognizes it. We do
see it portrayed far better, especially in cartoons. We just
watching Squig Names too.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
I've been watching it too. I'm almost almost.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
There's a trans character.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Yeah, and like we and I know some people are like,
why aren't I having assisman? But when you think about Koreata,
you're not going to really fine actors who are lgbt
Q and out like that.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:39):
And the actor who who who portrayed, who portrays this character,
he really did his research, he talked to trans people
and he's I think I think he did a fantastic job.
And so I think I think we're getting there. I think, however,
I do fear how policy and the way we talk
(31:02):
about trans kids, in particular these policies is what is
actually going to be the problem. Not the media.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Do you think that the media does enough to highlight
the challenges enjoys a parenting transgend the children.
Speaker 4 (31:16):
No. I mean maybe back when we first went public
with our story, there was probably a little bit more
about us. But it has shifted because I think it
changed strictly because we thought it was fine. You know,
we're like, oh, we don't need to do this anymore.
Look how accepting and open people are now, and I
feel like we're going backwards. In fact, I had posted
(31:39):
on Facebook and like when Trinity transition, the first thing
I had to create was a something called a safeholder.
Wasn't in this safe So back during that time in
order to protect you and your child from possible CPS
or removal for abuse, we created holders that had haper work, pictures,
(32:01):
any notes from doctors and therapists to have on hand. Mmmm.
And I said that, But for Hyperion, that's my fourteen
year old, I didn't. I haven't made one. I didn't
have to because I thought everything was fine. I'm like,
but I think I'm going to have to make one
for Hyperion now, Hyperion staring at me. Hyperion now, just
(32:22):
just in case, just in case. And I'm like, I'll
do a video.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
And if I'm not mistake of Hyperion is now transgender
as well, right.
Speaker 4 (32:29):
Yes, not binary, not very And so I was like,
if you want me to do a video explaining how
to create a safe bolder, I will, And so I
actually I will be doing that because because we are
at a place I think we're going to need them.
I think we're going to need them again. And that
breaks my heart because I feel like the work that
(32:50):
parents like me have done to create an accepting and loving,
an affirming world is completely being the part.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Yeah, like you took all these stuffs forward just to
get pushed all the way back.
Speaker 4 (33:04):
Yeah yeah, I mean from a legislative standpoint. Even for me,
it's not safe. You know, the death threats get really
out of hand sometimes and you have to add, you know,
the fact I'm black on top of that. So it's
like it's transphobia, homophobia and racism. Oh and and ablesm Yeah,
(33:31):
because they do attack my disability to so I sometimes
I have to like step back because they do get
really scary, and then I pop, we've been docks like
it was. It was dangerous for a while, And how
is it now? Currently? It's relatively okay. But we also
(33:54):
haven't gone back into session yet and I haven't reintroduced
my bill for protections for gender firming care.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
Wow. Oh that's a lot.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
Yeah, I just learned a little bit. You know. I'm like,
as long as I can keep my kids safe, and
I'm pretty tough. I look adorable, but now I know
I'm really a Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Now, when did you first notice that your daughter Trinity
was expressing that she identified differently to her assigned gender by.
Speaker 4 (34:30):
The time trend was three, Yeah, three years old.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
I thought that was eye opening.
Speaker 4 (34:36):
Yeah, I didn't know what was gone. Trim was so
both Trent and Lucy and my order too, are seventeen
months apart. When Trinity started preschool, they she had a
speech delay, so they kind of they would do this
routine of they would ask her name, they would ask
(34:59):
how old she was, and then they would ask if
she was a boy or a girl, and she would
do the first two, but then she would say girl
for every like every single time. So they would send
me home like a letter, and you know things like
can you work on your you know, work with your
(35:19):
child to understand the differences, And I'm like, I'm trying,
and I'm at home. Toys were toys, clothes were closed
like it like whatever was a kid right right? And
like so I couldn't figure out actually what was going on.
Trim began withdrawing very quickly mm hmm and wasn't responding.
(35:43):
She was a thumbsucker for a while, so she would
just keep her thumb in her mouth. And she also
developed anxiety induced pika, so she was like eating her clothes,
destroying like anything she could put her that wasn't food.
And I just didn't understand what was happening to my
(36:05):
child at all. And so within I would say, maybe
two three months after they kept trying to work with
her she just stopped participating in life almost, and I'm thinking,
this is a three year old, what on earth could
be so terrible? And because she had an IEP, the
(36:28):
school psychologist would do the I guess. The teacher was
kind of like, can we look at the behavioral aspects
and emotional aspect of what's happening with this child? And
at three years old, the school psychologist had her at
the ninety eighth percentile for clinical depression. And I'm like,
she's free.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
What do you ad guess about?
Speaker 4 (36:49):
What is? Are you not eating enough? Plano is like
what's going on?
Speaker 1 (36:54):
You know?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
One thing when I was reading and doing researching your story,
and I was like, oh my god, Like some people
may think this is so like minew but she was
having nightmares that her voice was gonna sound like very
white yes, And I was like, yo, that would have
freaked me out too.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
I mean, I was kind of like I just didn't
know what was what was happening? And how did she
know about Barry White eight thirty? Well, grandma, grandmam. She
also knew Luther vandraw too, right, you better know those people, right, Because.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I'm like Arry White, I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
Honestly, was like she just saw herself becoming. She was like,
I'm gonna beat like daddy, I'm gonna She was just
not happy, and I was like, I don't know what's
going on, you know. Thankfully I found Laura's playground on Aol.
I always tell people's aol dot com. At the time,
(37:52):
it was the only start. Yeah, I was like I
had my Space so and and as you know I've shared,
there was only one therapist in the entire state of Delaware,
one MM and she never worked with children, and wow,
(38:13):
she on, you know, and we tried gender neutral clothing
and everything, but pronouns were still the same and so
was like her name, and we weren't seeing any progress.
And at three and a half, she were just she
would One night, I was like talking her in and
(38:35):
she's just like, maybe if I die in my sleep,
I'll wake up a girl. I don't think that's how
that works. And so of course I'm panicking, and you know,
I didn't. I just didn't know what to do. And
it ended up we had this emergency session while she
(38:56):
was at school at preschool, and I was like, I
don't know what else to do. Yeah, and the therapist.
That's when she the question, do you want a happy
little girl or a death little boy? Yeah? Well, I
mean obviously right, no, you know, and that's how we
(39:19):
got to where we are.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
I can only imagine how you feel. But I wondered
how did the father feel when y'all discovered that at
the time when Trinity was in the process of transitioning,
she I think I read some word her she tried
to cash rate her privates with kitty scissors.
Speaker 4 (39:36):
When she right before transition. Yeah, we were alarmed. We
were scared. Yeah, didn't we just you know, for us,
we didn't want our children to ever feel they didn't
have us, right, they didn't. We didn't love them, and
we didn't hear them. And that's why, you know, I
would say, we have to stop listening with our ears
(39:57):
and started listening with her heart, and so you know,
it was a I know some people have gotten mad
at me online when I say I was watching my
child die because some people have actually lost children, and
I recognize that, but I truly believe have we not
(40:20):
just listened and accepted, I wouldn't have her.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah, especially with the suicide rate that's really had months. Yeah,
transgender children. So yeah, yeah, so when you bothered the
little girl clothes, what was her response?
Speaker 4 (40:39):
I actually have a picture I'll have to send to
the day she put that on and did not want
to take it off. She was so excited and we
were by that point we were like, okay, you want
to be Trinity, you know, and she was like yes,
And it was really the first time you had seen
her smile in almost a year. And Trinity was not
(41:02):
it was not hard. It was her middle name.
Speaker 2 (41:05):
And I thought that was even like an ae have
because I'm like, one of the moments, what was the
what are the eyes of her middle name being Trinity? Yeah,
that's a real middle name name. Yeah, I thought that
was just like oh wow, like you know, God works
some mysterious ways.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
Yeah, it was. It was already there. You know a
lot of people their middle names like and that's what
we were, like, people go by their middle names all
the time for some people, and so Trinity just made sense.
And she she's been Trinity since.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
So, yeah, that's so funny you said that, because as
I'm getting to know my father, he always wanted my
middle name, Tierra to be my first name. So he
actually caused me by Tierra sometimes so you're Tiera now.
Speaker 4 (41:48):
But no, yeah, she's she's she's a cool kid. She's grown.
She's not a kid anymore.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
But she's really she's a grown woman.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
Now.
Speaker 4 (41:55):
I know she can stop right now.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Reason While researching your story, I saw that you face
a battle with medicaid to cover the puberty blockers needed
to stop turning these sexual development So can you walk
us through that battle?
Speaker 4 (42:10):
Yeah? So actually around nine was you know, by this
point there was more information and so I kind of
was like, okay, guys, let's do this. We didn't have
an endochronologist to do it at first. The chief endocrinologists
(42:37):
at the time was not necessarily certain about trans kids okay,
and didn't want to actually work with us at first.
And then he went to a conference in Boston with
who we call the father of of pediatric undercarming care,
and that's doctor Speck. And he went to this conference
(42:58):
and he was he said, he himself is like it
changed his entire worldview. So he found us again and
we had to first start with a bone density scam
to get a baseline of her bone density, and then
after that, every six months that child had to go
(43:18):
through blood withdrawals see where her testofswrong locals were. And
by the time she was thirteen, that's when she started
showing signs of puberty. And so then we were like, okay,
let's get these puberty blockers on board. And I was
(43:40):
on Medicaid because I had to quit my job to
homeschool her and my oldest son. A year after she transitioned,
the public school actually denied her access to school unless
she came as a boy. But by that point she
had been living as herself for over a year, and
(44:00):
I was like, well, that's not going to happen, and
so I put my job and we went to poverty
with that decision. But it was a decision I'd make
over and over again. And so I'm on medicaid and
she they denied her, and so I was like, oh okay.
(44:23):
And the intercrenologist he was just kind of like, of
all the people who would fight this, I fail, You're
to one who would fight this. And I was like, yes,
I am, and so I started fight. I appealed and appealed,
and I ended up with a a patient advocate through
(44:44):
Medicaid and just kept appealing. And then but I kept
we kept getting denied. At this point, we put her
on a medication called Sperona lactone, which is also used
to suppress test off, but it's not like strong enough
and she was getting really worried. And we were part
(45:09):
of a UU church at the time, and so one
day I we would do this thing where you could
go up before the congregation you could talk about like successes, triumphs,
or like concerns or things that are worrying you. And
so I it just so happened this particular day was
really packed, like there are a lot of people, and
I just went up and I get I guess you
(45:30):
could say this was my first foray into public speaking.
Was that a true And so I kind of was
just like I shared my fears and like I don't
want to have come so far in affirming her and
lose her because of eurocoy, you know, like I don't
(45:50):
want to do that. I don't want red tape to
be the reason I lose my child. And in the
audience that particular day was my former colleague, presentative Paul
Bombok because that was his district, and he approached me
during fellowship afterwards and was like, I'm a state representative
here in Delaware. I want to help you and your child,
(46:13):
and he gave me his card and from that point forward,
I had did another appeal which was denied, so I
emailed him everything I had and then that's when he
connected me to Sarah McBride. So that's how I met
Sarah McBride. And then we just started like trying to
(46:35):
figure out what to do. And I ended up going
before the entire medical board for Medicaid and HIMRK and
I train wrote this letter about how happy she would
be to get puberty blockers, and I took it with me.
During all of this, we were also being followed by
national geographics. Oh wow, Like so these two things were
(47:00):
happening at once.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
I didn't even see that.
Speaker 4 (47:05):
Yeah, we she has a picture and they did an
issue on gender and she has a two page.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
Oh wow, you gotta send me some pictures.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
That's when she was recognized as the girl with the
rainbow hair.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
So we are doing this and I am still fighting.
And I even took the UU church pastor, like the reverend.
He came with me and he's like, I'm gonna ware
my collar. So I either more like, do you really
want to say no with a reverend.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
Here right right.
Speaker 4 (47:40):
We pulled out all the stops, and unfortunately they sent
this letter the next day, certifive mail, saying they were
denying her completely. That's what it actually said, because they
don't cover this kind of stuff. And I wanted to
just like, I didn't know how to tell her, so
I didn't because I did something I never thought I
(48:01):
would do. I wrote what is now it has been
deemed the letter, and I still have a template of
this letter for anyone who has wanted to use it,
where I wrote stating that the state of Delaware's denial
and Medicaid and high Marked denial of my child's gender
firming care was in violation of the Affordable Care Act
(48:24):
section fifteen fifty seven, that if we did not get
dis corrected, I would sue a state of Delaware. Wow,
within two days she was approved, I bet they. And
the weird part was the chief medical officer for a
(48:44):
High Marked at the time was like, well, we just
wanted them to go to Chopped Children's Hospital Philadelphia because
they had had an well established gender pediatric gender for
me care clinic for years. And he's like, he said
that my our endochnologists didn't have enough experience. She was
his only patient at the time, and I was like,
(49:07):
it's Delaware. Yeah, one in Delaware is like one thousand
in Phillies, right right, Fine. I'm like, fine, I will
go to CHOP if you need them to confirm my
childish trans if that's what we need to do. And
we got the Chop And the funny part was they
had been following our story, our fight for those eight months,
(49:30):
and so when they met her, they were like, this
child is thirteen years old, transitioned at four. We're pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (49:37):
Yeah, Like she knows exactly who she is at this point.
Speaker 4 (49:42):
And so we won, and she became Delaware's first transgender
minor to get Medicaid to cover gender firming care.
Speaker 3 (49:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (49:53):
And then she also became the first miner to be
able to get the gender market change yes, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (50:00):
So I helped them reshape their policy to cover other
trans and non binary people and then we did a
YouTube video that went viral, So then we really became viral,
and that's when she got a pr agent. We met
(50:22):
Cross at the time from Post where actually we practiced
the same Buddhism, so kind of her Auntie we we
met so many trans elders, and I really wanted her
to meet these black trans elders. It's so important for
me to have her meet them because we did not
(50:44):
see black trans femininity portrayed ever in great light, and
I wanted Trinity to be that light of a black
family is capable of loving their black trans child.
Speaker 3 (50:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (51:08):
I was reading some articles about how you were just
talking about navigating conversations about trending these transition with your
extended family, and that didn't really go to will.
Speaker 4 (51:19):
No, they stopped talking to me for three years.
Speaker 2 (51:21):
Yeah, they were saying you had unfit parenting. It was
a mental illness.
Speaker 4 (51:26):
But luckily they're all very supportive now again. No, my
you know, my mom's the matriarch, and it was really
really difficult for her. It ended up being my late
stepfather who was like, this is your grandchild. So we
all got to figure it out, you know. And he
(51:47):
was everything. He was everything. He never slipped he I mean,
he came into our lives long after I was married,
so we were full of adults when he came into
our lives and married my mom. And he never wants
he never once doubted and you know, there are certain
(52:11):
parts of the story that a lot of people don't know.
But after we won, after I won that battle, one
of the concessions I had to make was to allow
a caseworker, a social worker, to do home visits for
(52:32):
a year. Why good question, Wow, it was. It was
a concession I was willing to make if it meant
no other family or trans person had to experience the
fight that we did.
Speaker 2 (52:51):
What did she wanted to see? Or what did the
person wanted to see? He kept coming to do wellness
checks and then I would have to leave the room
and she would ask the risk questions and it was
ultimately like having a case open.
Speaker 4 (53:06):
And it was. It was for a year, but we
ended up becoming friends. And she's like, your family is
so wonderful.
Speaker 2 (53:15):
I'm bed now my family is wonderful.
Speaker 4 (53:18):
But yeah, She's like, there's obviously no abuse here. But
and I recognized that, but it was it's something that
you know, I haven't started sharing until recently because it
was sometimes a little nerve wracking and traumatic, especially as
a low income you know parent, you know, is there
enough food in a fridge?
Speaker 2 (53:35):
Like?
Speaker 4 (53:35):
Or is my house clean enough? You know, it was
just a whole bunch of like it was a lot
of stress I didn't need because I loved my child.
But it was something that happened because I fought so
hard because I loved my child.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
Yeah, how did you navigate when it comes to your
mental health? Like I could just only imagine with that
journey alone, and then you know, having small kids and
you got this case like, oh want you to taking
care of yourself.
Speaker 4 (54:02):
I mean I had a therapist anyway, But I don't know.
Anytime anyone asks me how I do half of what
I do, I'm not really actually sure anymore. I just
I kind of just do it and then I don't
think about it. I mean, I was homeschooling at this point,
(54:23):
I was a stay at home mom.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (54:27):
I just kind of did what I had to do
because I had to do it. And there's no time
to be sad about that. I was never I never
grieved the loss of you know, Trinity prior to Trinity
being Trinity. That never happened, and I simply was just,
(54:48):
you know, I was like okay. And I know, like
some of your your listeners might go like, oh, the
other child is trans It must have been influenced I
will point out my younger two children had no no
idea Trinity was trans They had no idea.
Speaker 2 (55:03):
When did they When did they find out?
Speaker 4 (55:06):
So Hyperion found out when Hyperion came.
Speaker 2 (55:09):
Out, Oh wow, at nine, so that at that point,
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (55:17):
So Trinity is twenty one to Hyperion's fourteen. So yeah,
Trum was like, yeah, yeah, because there's an eleven year
age gap between Hyperion and my young Trinity and my youngest.
And he just learned that Trinity was translate last year.
Thank yeah, last year last year. Wow, Trinity's just been
(55:41):
their sister, right.
Speaker 2 (55:45):
I mean for the most part, Trinity has been a
girl his entire life.
Speaker 4 (55:48):
So yeah, for thing, Yeah, he's for both of them.
The person right, probably no would have been Lucian. But
when I recently asked him, he's nineteen. It'll be twenty
this year. When I asked him he's he actually realized
he does not remember.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
Yeah, because that's who she is. She's always been there.
Speaker 4 (56:09):
Yeah, because she was. He was just turning three when
she had transitioned, so he has no recollection of Trinity
prior to Trinity.
Speaker 2 (56:22):
Was he shot.
Speaker 4 (56:22):
So he found out what my youngest, Yeah, he found
out on I think it was transgendered Day of this ability,
which is March thirty. First, he was like trady Tramp.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
That was like, I know, he was like wait what,
I'm a complete mob blown, right, He's like.
Speaker 4 (56:49):
This whole time, like what she still your sister? And
he's like that, Yeah. Wow, they never knew. They never knew.
So there was no influence on anyone because there was
nothing to influence. But I don't even know if they
realized how famous she was.
Speaker 2 (57:09):
Trinity is pretty lit.
Speaker 4 (57:11):
But yeah, he's saying he didn't know. They didn't know.
You know. He was especially really teeny, you know, like
when all this went down, and like we got to
meet the former former governor, which was Governor Markel, and
I think Fane my youngest he was maybe nine months old,
(57:32):
ten months old when we met him, and he wanted
to like recognize Trinity. And that was a wild day too,
you know because I had to also leave for a
flight to Scotland that same day, so I was like,
can we like make this. I gotta get on a plane,
right right. So yeah, so yeah they didn't. They had
(57:53):
no clue.
Speaker 2 (57:54):
Now we're almost finished. But another thing that I loved
about your story is about how y'all shared your story
in a book that tore our rope. But I also
saw that it was banned in several places. So how
do you feel about the idea of books, especially those
that share diverse verses being banned, diverse voices being banned
or restricted, and what message do you think it sends
to the next generation.
Speaker 4 (58:16):
Banning books of lived experiences is a way for people
to try to make people disappear, and it won't happen.
There will always be people sharing their stories. Again, I'm
going to go back to plamboyants. There are some people
I learned about I had never heard of, and it's
because their stories were literally hidden as queer black people
(58:37):
in the Harlem Renaissance. And so when we banned stories,
we are telling generations that their story shouldn't exist. It
was an honor to have over book, Like we were like,
oh my goodness, I know y'all made it.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
Oh yeah, I know, but ban.
Speaker 4 (59:00):
It harder because that means more royalty. So I was like, yes, translation,
but at the same time, I was kind of like,
you can't ban truth. And it was so funny seeing
Reddit stories, like Reddit posts on this particular thing because
(59:21):
some people there, I guess there was a review someone
gave and they were like, this is a very great
story of fiction. And then I guess a friend or
a fan was like, no, I've met these people. They
are real because there's also this confusion of their being.
(59:42):
She's black, she's trans, and she's on alt to them
spectrum and those intersections being very rare to see not
only written but written in such a positive way the
way we wrote it. You know, again, I've never had issues.
I've never grieved. I've never been upset about the different
intersections that my children have. I don't have issues with
(01:00:05):
them being I have three of my four children on
the autism spectrum. Okay, you know right, and so that's
never ever been an issue for me. And so you know,
I just I love that I had a lot of
say with my book. I got to determine. I got
to tell them I wanted the illustrator to be a
(01:00:25):
trans person of color, and they were That was very
important to me. I got to like pick who the
voice for the audiobook was. I knew it wanted to
be a black woman because it wouldn't make any sense
for me as a black person to be voiced by
a white person.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Oh no, no, no, that's crazy.
Speaker 4 (01:00:43):
And you know it was just very important. And you
see a lot of themes even at that time, we
used them pronouns for hype prior to us really being
told from Hype to use them pronouns like specifically speaking.
And you know, thing is so he's a cute ptuty
in the book, he's so a cute putuity. But you know, my,
(01:01:06):
when I describe my family now, like if I the
message I always want to say is like one, we
do not get to have expectations on who our children
will be and who they will love. That is that
is not what we should be doing as parents. We
are here to guide them. I don't raise my children.
(01:01:26):
I love and uplift my children. And it took a
lot for me to get to this place as a
parent as a mother, and my children are thriving because
of it. And I'm queer, I'm non binary, and I
have two trans kids, a gay son, and then my
(01:01:47):
baby boy is a leo and that right there about
him for sure.
Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
Yeah, do you looking back, because I can just only
imagine a lot of things that you've been through that
you haven't shared publicly. Do you think everything that you
have been through leading up to now help prepare you
to raise Trinity?
Speaker 3 (01:02:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:02:09):
There are a lot of people who who got me
there well too, in particular my grandfather and my great grandmother.
Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:02:17):
They you know, they taught me the value of respecting
people and seeing people. And I've always been someone who
I don't want to judge you unless you give me
a reason.
Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:02:36):
I knew that I would not lift the hand in
my children. I knew I wouldn't yell at my children,
and I actually don't. We talk about it all the time.
Actually we laugh about that. I just don't yell.
Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
Actually, you have a lot of patience.
Speaker 4 (01:02:50):
I don't. I don't yet. I try very hard. I mean,
if I'm calling for you, I'm yelling. But when it
comes to my rage levels are very, very very low.
It takes now to you hurt my children. I'm an
entirely different human being. But I don't. I don't. I
knew that my goal was to ensure that my children
(01:03:11):
knew I had their back, but they could be secure
without me. And you know, just I know we're going
to go soon. But this is just a proof that
I managed to do it, and I still don't know
what I've done. But my oldest son last year was
for the year before he was at Westchester University for
his first year of college for a far different major
(01:03:33):
than he's doing that, and he was in an early
childhood development class and they were talking about the three
attachment styles for parenting. There's avoidant attachment, there's an anxious attachment,
and then the one you want to try to achieve,
the secure attachment. And his professor was explaining each attachment
(01:03:55):
style with case studies that are peer in peer review articles,
and when she got to this cure attachment, he was
looking at the case study and he thought it was familiar.
And so then at the end, you know, she was
asking if any of the students had questions, and he
raised his hand and asked her if the case study
(01:04:15):
used for secure attachment style was based off of a
Delaware family. He was like, yes, we've been using it
for several years now for secure attachment style. And he's like,
just throwing it out, is the name of the mother
represented in this? And she's like I believe so yes,
And she's like why He's like, that's my mom. Wow.
(01:04:39):
He told me this as I was bringing him home
for the weekend, and I'm just like, why are you sure?
And she like Afterwards they talked, and then the next
day they were given a quit like a survey to
see what attachment style they fit under with their family,
and he was only want to get one hundred percent secure.
(01:05:03):
And we just chuckle about this because I'm like, one,
I didn't know it was a case study at this point,
but two, I never necessarily see myself as a great mom.
I think I do the best I can, but obviously
I've done something right, and I do mama as tired
(01:05:25):
as I am. Right, you know, I take what I
know and then I learned from them and I get
to turn that into policy. But I also get to
be a therapist for at risk youth too, and I
help them find their purpose. And that's kind of why
I do everything.
Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Out to Yeah, yeah, what are your hosts for transgender
youth growing up in today's world.
Speaker 4 (01:05:53):
That they recognize they are far worthy and far loved
than they even know. Yeah, and to cleaner room, cleaner
rooms please please clean room trend no actually training rooms
very clean?
Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
Yeah, yeah, you know. Trinity expressed at just four years
old that she was a girl. Now she's in her
early twenties. So what message do you hope your story
sends to young people, especially those who may be questioning
their own identities.
Speaker 4 (01:06:21):
You know who you are? Yeah, there will always be
someone there who will listen with their heart. And if
you have a family, that can't be the ones I'm
your mom now.
Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (01:06:34):
Yeah, a lot of babies.
Speaker 2 (01:06:36):
Yeah, furry babies to y'all. Furry babies too.
Speaker 4 (01:06:40):
Yeah, one's whimpering because he's like, I dropped my food
outside my cree.
Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
And last, but not least, how can we shift the
conversation to help others see transgender youth for who they are,
beyond misconceptions.
Speaker 4 (01:06:54):
Talk to them and talk to the people who love them.
Because when you hurt or say something hurtful about a
trans youth, you are ultimately hurting your future. You were
hurting someone in your life where you may find out
it's trands that you've come to really care about. Yeah.
The video that went viral for us was called meet
(01:07:16):
my Child. I want people to meet Trinity. I want
people to meet me. I am a mom in the
end of the day, regardless of her being trans. She's
my child. Yeah, And when you say the things you say,
you are hurting me too and those who love her.
Speaker 2 (01:07:34):
Yeah, you know, I am so happy that we were
able to make this happen. This was definitely worth the way.
So I really appreciate you for coming on to the
show and just starting the new A're off with love
like I feel. Really, I'm really thankful for our conversation.
Speaker 4 (01:07:48):
Same and I hope you continue to build such a
wonderful relationship with your dad and you know it is
it changes the world when we do everything with love first.
Speaker 2 (01:08:01):
Yeah, even though he a wow boy man.
Speaker 4 (01:08:04):
I mean, honestly, just spram with the water.
Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
He needs more than water, shall he need alcohol?
Speaker 4 (01:08:13):
Calm down?
Speaker 2 (01:08:14):
Count hell, he needs everything because that niggas Wow.
Speaker 4 (01:08:17):
I'm sure my kids feel the same about me most days,
like my mom dressed up as a mouse. I'm going
to this.
Speaker 2 (01:08:24):
Thing right right well to the listeners. If you have
any questions, please make sure to email me at hello
at the PSG podcast dot com. And if you are
interested in supporting our guest book, please make sure to
hit me up and I will send you the direct
link so we can support them and get it unbanned.
Can you unband a book. Is that possible. I know,
it's a process, right.
Speaker 4 (01:08:43):
It would have to be the state, okay, okay, yeah,
and unfortunately, book fans are quite a thing. You can
put laws in that will keep book fans from happy.
We are working on that here nowhere, so.
Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
Okay, well just email me and I see y'all a link.
Thank you to my guest, Thank you so much. It
was such a pleasure. Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, and until next time, everyone Later heys. The
Professional Homegirl podcast is a production of the Black Effect
(01:09:19):
podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you
can connect with me on social media at the PHG
podcast
Host
Eboné Almon
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