My Journey with Promiscuity

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the host and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to

(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional Homegirls do
enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is a viz
Hey Professional Homegirls ishagarra Ebine here and I hope all
is cute now. On this week's episode of the Professional

(01:02):
Homegirl Podcast, my guest opens up about her journey with
being promiscuous at a very young age. She opens up
about how her upbringing shaped her choices, including a pivotal
incident that changed her life. We also dive into the
important conversations about sexual health, the impact of STDs, and
HIV within our community, and how her experiences inspire her

(01:26):
to become a therapist, helping others whose stories are similar
to her own. So her story is rall, y'all, it
is inspiring. I really had such an amazing time kee
king with her. But most importantly, her story is a
reminder that growth is possible no matter where you start.
So get ready because my journey where promiscuity starts now.

(01:48):
But to my guests, thank you so much for being
on the show. How you doing, How you feeling. I'm good,
I'm excited. I am excited to me.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
Too, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
I well, I haven't met my guy, but I was
introduced to my guests by a really informative series. I
think it's called Risky Dinners Conversations, and it's a platform
and I'm paraphrasing, but it's a platform where women of
color come together and they talk about how HIV is
affecting our community, especially Black women. And the reason why
I want you to be on the show because for

(02:20):
one year story really resonated with me because I feel
like we're from similar backgrounds, but I also feel like
we're not having a lot of candid conversations about our
sexual health and our sexual.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
Options, you know, the things of that nature.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
So was this your first time like sharing your story
so openly, And if it's so, what made you want
to share it?

Speaker 4 (02:39):
Then?

Speaker 5 (02:40):
You know what, It's not my first time being candid about,
you know, my upbringing, the things I've done as a
young woman, and just all the things I've learned from
not just experiences, but from you know, failures, and just
some of the things that I did without the right guidance,

(03:01):
and just some of the things that I didn't listen
to when it came to my elders and I just
wanted to run with a different crowd, and I, you know,
just didn't. I didn't have the good sense that God
had given me. So I really just thought I knew
it all. And unfortunately I see it so much now
with you know a lot of our young people, just

(03:24):
how they are moving. It's even worse times ten compared
to when I was coming up. But I really didn't
listen to the things that my mother, you know, the
women of wisdom in my life gave to me, and
I learned the hard way, right and so and I'm
recognizing that, you know, when we speak and we share

(03:48):
some of our struggles and some of the things that
we've experienced and some of the things that we fail
that when we share that with younger women, it opens
the doors because we really want you to be able
to navigate passes things that we bad.

Speaker 4 (04:01):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
And so when we share, like, yeah, I fucked up
in that area, right, a whole lot of mistakes, and
I don't want you guys to make the same mistakes.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
So I always share, you know, as much as I can,
and try to be as.

Speaker 5 (04:17):
Vulnerable and transparent as possible because it's important, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
And I also feel like when you're being real and
raw about like real shit, I feel like people gravitate
towards that type of truth, like you can feel when
energy is real.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
Yeah, for real, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
And I think that's the reason why certain people are
able to connect with different generations because of how they
you know, they dish it out like this is this
is real life. Like I'm not gonna shugarcoat anything because
this we'l ain't gonna.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
Shoot coat shit. So I'm gonna give it to you
straight up.

Speaker 4 (04:50):
We'll drag you through the mud. Babes snatch your edges.

Speaker 5 (04:54):
Off, and you know, and that's the whole thing that
I learned the worst from trialing Era.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
Instead of listening.

Speaker 5 (05:04):
I literally made a lot of mistakes through trialing Era,
just not listening, like I said, and just doing a
lot of things that my family.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Had told me was stupid as hell, you know, And
I literally, you know, just I'm talking about across a
gamut from not going right away to college, from you know,
dating the wrong me, and from not listening.

Speaker 5 (05:30):
Well, my mother told me to go to HBCU. The
first year I went, I went away to Western.

Speaker 4 (05:36):
That was a disaster. Wow, what happened?

Speaker 5 (05:40):
It was just I didn't visit coming from Chicago going
to Western at that time, of course was so many
years ago, but it was literally in the middle of
a cornfield, and so it just didn't resonate with me
to get what I'm saying, and so it was just
way too slow. It just wasn't my cup of teeth.

(06:02):
So I failed, you know what I'm saying. I really
like my first year I did horrible. So like I
remember meeting a woman about my age at that time
who told me she was a alumni of Howard and
she's like, you know, you should check that out.

Speaker 4 (06:17):
You should just apply. But no one had ever talked
to me like that. Girl.

Speaker 5 (06:22):
I applied and got accepted, and I was out of
here on the first thing.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Smoking you know, I had Howard was my first choice,
but I'm way too late because I had to, like,
you know, you have to write like a big, long
ast essay, and I'm like, I ain't got time for that.
So I ended up going to Tennessee State, which I'm
so proud and so thankful to be a part of it.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Yeah, of that community.

Speaker 4 (06:46):
It's all love. It's all love. All of it is
all love.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
Just so somewhere exactly somewhere HBCU. But how was your
experience at Howard amazing?

Speaker 5 (06:56):
Yeah, it was, I you know, yeah, it was one
of my better experiences in life, and that was one
of my top five.

Speaker 4 (07:05):
Same.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
I mean, we're gonna get back on subject, but I
always tell people that they should definitely support HBCUs.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
Like it has been heavy right hands down, one of
the best experience of my life as well.

Speaker 4 (07:18):
When you say that.

Speaker 2 (07:19):
It prepared you for just kind of the things that
are everything, Yeah, it made me stronger as a black woman.

Speaker 5 (07:25):
Not just as a woman, but as a black woman.
I feel very confident when.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
I sit in room, look like me.

Speaker 5 (07:31):
You know what I'm saying, I'm not afraid to be
who I am. And I'm noticing, you know a lot
of our women unfortunately.

Speaker 4 (07:40):
Try to fit in, and we don't have to. We
are We're.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
To see right, we are who we are, So we
bring the vibe, we bring the energy.

Speaker 5 (07:48):
We're different. You know, we're just so multi faceted that
you know, we don't have to try to fit in.
We are at the table.

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know that's so fun because I
did a panel about my experience at HBCUs and that's
the exact same thing I said. I'm like, going to
Tennessee State gave me my confidence. It is also taught
me about womanhood.

Speaker 4 (08:10):
Yes, girl, thess thing.

Speaker 5 (08:12):
It just taught me so many different things about life.
It's about unity, stive, you know, love just you know, the.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Love of black unity. That's the culture of who we are.

Speaker 5 (08:29):
And it just made me really respected on so many levels.

Speaker 4 (08:33):
And it was just it was just it was just girl,
it was a vibe. It was it was yes, ma'am.
And I'm sure it was the same thing for you.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
Oh yeah, listen, I can talk about my love for
Tennessee State all day and every day, like I'm actually
in the works of doing something with them. But like
his down, like I said, that has been the best
decision I have ever made, and toil this day.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
I have a really good relationship with all my college.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Like I'm actually going home to support one of my
college's best friends because she's getting recognized forty on the forty.

Speaker 4 (09:05):
So oh that's what's up so high.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
I'm all about HBCU. So however, I can support somebody
that's going to HBCU.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
I'm all in.

Speaker 4 (09:16):
You got to, you got to.

Speaker 2 (09:18):
Yeah, Now, when was the first time you heard the
word promiscuous and what did you think about it then?
Because I feel like when I was growing up, like
everybody thought I was going to be the fast one
that's the neck because I was talk to all the
boys and stuff, and.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
I felt like it was kind of like pushed on
me in a sense.

Speaker 5 (09:35):
I can't honestly say I didn't really recognize what it
was until I.

Speaker 4 (09:39):
Was maybe eighteen.

Speaker 5 (09:43):
But prior to that, I was already that you see
what I'm saying, Like I was already you know, having sex.

Speaker 4 (09:52):
I was already like going with different mean you lose
your virginity when I was thirteen.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
Wow, okay, okay, you're like, oh.

Speaker 5 (10:03):
Wow, girl, I was thirteen years old.

Speaker 4 (10:07):
The love of my life. His name was Rico, girl,
Rico baby. Yes, girl.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
I thought he was just the best thing smoking and
he was in.

Speaker 4 (10:19):
My eyes you know.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
They always all right, girl, that was my first love.

Speaker 4 (10:24):
That was my ride that I just thought that I
just I was going just I couldn't make it without him. Girl.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
This was crazy that my first love, yuy g, I.

Speaker 4 (10:32):
Just he just nothing.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Nobody could tell me nothing about him, right, And and
so sixteen, So thirteen through sixteen, I hide.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
It was just kind of him and I like at
that time.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
And so at fifteen, yeah, right, girl, listen, I had
a friend that but I'm gonna I'm really share this
because this is I just really recognized this therapy myself
that I at fifteen trusted a friend who was the

(11:06):
best friend who lived on my block, got in a
car with her and two guys and we ended up
going to his house or one of his friend's house
homes or something of that sort.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
Got raped.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
Oh my god, how old were.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
You sixteen, fifteen and a half going into sixteen girls?

Speaker 4 (11:31):
Slip? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah?

Speaker 3 (11:34):
Wait? Was this was this your homegirls? People?

Speaker 4 (11:38):
This was her people, Okay?

Speaker 5 (11:40):
And she laid in the next room with the guy
she was with like she didn't hear anything.

Speaker 4 (11:50):
Yeah, man, And.

Speaker 2 (11:51):
You know what's so crazy, like for real, for real,
I'll be telling people like you be thinking to be niggas,
but it be these bitches out here.

Speaker 5 (11:57):
They said she was a friend that I well, I
thought was a friend, but was really an enemy girl.
She laid in that room like she didn't hear shit
while I went through that situation, and it took me
when I say fifteen years, like I'm just at thirty

(12:21):
thirty five, like those years is when it hit me
because I got married and treated him like she didn't
didn't recognize that, like all of those things were coming up,
like you know, of my triggers and just.

Speaker 4 (12:36):
You know, it was because from that from then on.

Speaker 5 (12:40):
Sixteen all the way up until I got pregnant, which
was at nineteen, is when.

Speaker 4 (12:46):
I changed my life when I had my daughter.

Speaker 5 (12:49):
So I didn't recognize that I was promiscuous until my
aunt and my you know, my mother and I were like,
what's going.

Speaker 3 (12:57):
On, elders right.

Speaker 4 (12:59):
The eldest was like, you just running, rapping and crazy, gir.
I had lost my mind.

Speaker 5 (13:03):
I was going with whoever I thought had the most money,
whoever I felt was.

Speaker 4 (13:08):
Doing the best. I just lost it.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
I just thought that that was I was just kind
of selling my soul for it the highest bidder.

Speaker 4 (13:15):
That's how have us.

Speaker 5 (13:16):
That's that's what I did, and I did that for years.
So girl, when I tell you, listen, the things.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
That people are doing now is every It's just a
repeated cycle, that's all it is.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
And that's why you know when I elder say, you
ain't doing.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Nothing no different than what we were doing, it's the truth.
It is honest, to God's true.

Speaker 5 (13:36):
There is a fat and a consistent thing that's the
same that we were doing years ago.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
Literally what happened afterwards when y'all did you ever confront
her like how did that situation? Because I just completely
I was so traumatized by that situation, so devastated, so hurt,
hated women, hated.

Speaker 4 (14:00):
Friendship, eighty people that I just.

Speaker 5 (14:04):
Wanted to shell and then I only the only thing
that made me happy was feeling like I was taking
from somebody's So when I would get with me and
it was like, you gotta pay for this, you gotta
do this, you got to you gotta buy.

Speaker 4 (14:16):
Me that right, And that was the only thing that
fulfilled me. That was the sad part about it.

Speaker 5 (14:22):
And I recognized that now twenty thirty years later, that
the enemy did that to me because who would have
known that I would be doing what I'm doing there
right right.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
And I think that's why it's so important for us
to have these conversations, because I think that when I
was going to do a lot of ship, especially when
I was growing up, I'm thinking I'm the only one
that was going through it.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
Yeah, not even knowing that when you happy, but it'll
make you feel like you isolate you too.

Speaker 5 (14:52):
So that's the part of the enemy. So the girl,
did you lose your mind? You don't tell anybody about it.

Speaker 4 (14:58):
You feel isolated, you for rejecting.

Speaker 5 (14:59):
You of shame, You don't want to share anything with anybody.
You feel like nobody has ever.

Speaker 4 (15:04):
Experienced since you've experienced you know, the enemy will do
that to your mind. And he did that to me.

Speaker 5 (15:09):
He made you feel like I was on this island
alone and that nobody could understand.

Speaker 4 (15:13):
I didn't even talk.

Speaker 5 (15:14):
To my mommb about it until I ended up going
After I graduated from Howard, I have my first undergrad
degree in social work, so I got hired at this
great crisis center. Now, you don't people, we delve into
this work thinking, Okay, shiz, I'm gonna do this because

(15:35):
I'm supposed to help somebody, But you got to get
to help yourself.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
You see what I'm saying. And I didn't.

Speaker 5 (15:40):
I just thinking, you know, I didn't went to school,
I didn't got these degrees.

Speaker 4 (15:43):
I know what I'm doing. The girl I didn't know shit.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
You know what I mean? But also you, I would say,
also during that time, you probably don't even have the
knowledge in the verbus to even articulate the things that
you was experienced.

Speaker 5 (15:54):
Right, And this is why I share with people to
this day the importance of things therapy and how and
the importance of recognizing that every therapist that you meet
is not gonna be the cookie cutter fit for you.

Speaker 4 (16:08):
It's like you have to find your right hairstylace. Oh
that is I feel all with this one. You see
what I'm saying. You know we could go to you know,
we like a girl to do breaks.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
We like a girl to do you know, late fronts,
we like a girl to do.

Speaker 4 (16:21):
You know what I'm saying, ponytails, We like a girl
to do this. And it's the exact same way.

Speaker 5 (16:25):
You have to have somebody that you know will understand.
It has to be the correct fit for you. And
I don't hear if you have to go to two, three,
four people, you have to make sure you get the
right fit, you know.

Speaker 4 (16:35):
What I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
I mean, that's how it was when I was looking
for my therapists because the first time I had therapist,
she was a white woman.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
And me and her just was not.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
I was like, all ain't Molly, we ain't seeing now
that hour a lot of things. But then you end
up finding my own current therapist, Dina. Dina looked like us,
she from our neighborhood, like you know what I'm saying, like,
and she was able to understand what I was talking about.
And she also spoke my language, so she has tell
me a lot. So I definitely agree. Like I feel

(17:05):
like when you look for a therapist, it's like looking
for bra.

Speaker 4 (17:09):
Real shit, right, It really is and people don't understand
the importance of it.

Speaker 5 (17:13):
And see, here's the thing that I think that people
get mixed with therapy is that there's this thought that
like it's supposed to just fix you.

Speaker 4 (17:22):
No, it's not.

Speaker 2 (17:24):
It's really like a resources that's all it is.

Speaker 4 (17:28):
It just helps you with that support system for people
like you or I that can't share certain things with people.

Speaker 5 (17:37):
Right, there's certain things that when you're a public figure,
or if you are a principle, or if you are
you know, like in my field, like you know, being
the fact that I'm a therapist, I can't just share
with anybody, you know, some of my deepest, darkest things.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
Right, because after a while, if it gets out, Oh
she'm professional, Oh she you know, she likes this.

Speaker 4 (18:00):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
So, even in the midst of me being transparent, there's
certain things you just can't just.

Speaker 4 (18:07):
Devote, you know what I mean. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
Now, you also mentioned in your story that you had
sex with a lot of men. So were there any
moments that when you look.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
Back and think, like, damn, like that shit could have
been a lot worse than what it was.

Speaker 2 (18:19):
Hell, yeah, girl, Listen, I had because here's the thing.

Speaker 5 (18:29):
When I look at women, you know, on Instagram or
just for social media, and you can tell people just
when you don't know better, you do the worse, but
when no better, you do better.

Speaker 4 (18:41):
So I, you slept with multiple.

Speaker 5 (18:44):
Men, had no sense of you know, worth about myself,
about my body, about who I was as.

Speaker 4 (18:51):
A woman, about my mental about where I was going
in life.

Speaker 5 (18:55):
And so that's why I was able to deal with
the type of men that I dealt with, you know,
and a lot of times that we deal with who
you are.

Speaker 4 (19:03):
You don't think that you don't, but you do. You
deal with how you feel about yourself. So all the
little hood negroes that I had and who I thought
I was.

Speaker 5 (19:11):
Doing some shit, girl, it was simply because I didn't
have a sense.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
Of myself, you know.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
Yeah, so yeah, I thank God.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
Girl.

Speaker 5 (19:22):
Listen when I tell you, I'm grateful that they say
at that he covers babies and foods.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
I was for sure food this thing.

Speaker 5 (19:33):
I was sleeping with all of these men with no protection, yeah,
no sense.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
Of direction, just doing it and you know, and gaining nothing.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
You know.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
What's so crazy because when I was working on our
conversation like, have you ever had a situation where nigga
didn't want to sleep with you because he knew he
had something, but he didn't want to give it to you.
And the reason why I asked that because I don't
know if I read said this with my listeners. But
I had a homeboy who I was so cool with, right,
I want to give too much information away because I
don't want to be like, oh shit, and we was like,

(20:17):
that was my nigga, right, but that nigga would not
sleep with me.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
And when I tell y'all, I was like trying to throw.

Speaker 4 (20:23):
It at him.

Speaker 3 (20:24):
I was like, damn, like and I knew.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
The nigga wasn't it was come to find out that
Nigga had herpes and yo once so we ran into
each other years later, maybe like me for what I'm
talking about.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
We used to get drunk listen to old school music.

Speaker 4 (20:40):
And he knew he had it, and he knew he had.

Speaker 3 (20:43):
It and I was the aggressive guy.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
And so years a couple of years later, maybe like
a year or two ago, I saw him and he
was just like Yo, Like I wish I could tell
you at the time what I was going through and
I was like, no, I said, you're good this and that,
because I would never disclose somebody situation.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
But I was like, you know what, thank you.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Lord, And I'm so glad that Nigga stopped me to
the point that he didn't do that to me. Man,
that's that's you know, and that's such a blessing.

Speaker 5 (21:09):
Because they said I did not have that experience.

Speaker 4 (21:14):
I had an experience.

Speaker 5 (21:15):
Where I contracted the STD, you know, not anything like that.
But I did contracted STD from a male who had
not shared with me. You know what I'm saying, They
thank god, girl, I started itching a day later, what
the hell?

Speaker 4 (21:37):
But you know, by the grace of God, like.

Speaker 5 (21:41):
You know, in the midst of all of that, just
think like when I was sitting at that table talking
about those risky conversations and the risky experiences and the
different things that I've experienced, I.

Speaker 4 (21:55):
Was just it just it was just it was full circle.

Speaker 5 (21:58):
Like damn was really protected not knowing any better. People
can say because we see it on reality TV all
the time, and you.

Speaker 4 (22:08):
Know, and all these different stars, you know, pretending like
this is the life. No it's not. When no better,
you do better.

Speaker 5 (22:14):
And that's just whether it being just any aspect of
your life.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
This is you know a lot of people be lying,
which is already starting to come out. That's why I
be telling these my little young girls. I'm like, listen, stop,
what you see is not real.

Speaker 4 (22:29):
And you don't know what these people doing behind the scenes.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
Well what is selling ass?

Speaker 4 (22:34):
Do you hear me?

Speaker 3 (22:37):
Every people aren't selling ass out here?

Speaker 5 (22:39):
Say ah, And you don't know, you know what these
people are doing behind the scenes where they are you
don't know, you know, you don't know what abuse they're
taking from behind us.

Speaker 4 (22:51):
You don't know how many dicks they doing. Because of that.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
You don't know what people are doing to appear like
they got it together. I'd be telling my little young
host stop looking at these people now. I'm serious, because
I just feel like in this day is like when
I was growing up. Because I'm a few years younger
than you. So when I was growing up, like we
didn't have social media. Social media came out when I
was starting there in college and stuff. So the pressure
that these kids feel they need to like fit in

(23:19):
or do certain things, we didn't look like this going
to prompt like.

Speaker 4 (23:23):
No, we didn't.

Speaker 3 (23:23):
These little bits just look grown.

Speaker 4 (23:27):
And your mother pay for that shit.

Speaker 3 (23:30):
I couldn't even get color in my hair.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
I couldn't even were weave when I was growing up,
Like critics, it's just times are different, huge.

Speaker 4 (23:40):
Do you hear me? And it's almost sad because it's like.

Speaker 5 (23:43):
Damn, getting those babies the opportunity to grow up, you
know what I'm saying, to be you know, young girls,
and to be okay with that, Like they look so grown.
I'm looking at some of them when they prompt and
just like this little girl like thirty, she looked.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
Like our age and they don't even me started with
peberty because the food that that the kids are eating
out is completely different than what we eat.

Speaker 4 (24:06):
Scary, they look like grown people. They walked past. You
said that ain't the titties and the booty that these
babies got on on the food?

Speaker 3 (24:17):
Listen something you trying to pull up on me? And
I have no makeup on, so I look even more younger.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
Yeah he was.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
That's I said, hold of you because he said something
and he was like, oh, I'm seventeen, nah, bro, I said, no.

Speaker 4 (24:28):
He did, But that's the blessing because you do like y'all.

Speaker 2 (24:33):
I mean, I look young now, but I haven't seen nah, baby,
like nah, we doing that.

Speaker 4 (24:38):
We rabbed Nobody Cradle. But but that's a blessing that
you do look young. That a young guy would even think.

Speaker 5 (24:45):
That he thought he was around his ass maybe a
few years older, but he thought he was in his age, Ricky.

Speaker 3 (24:51):
We're not doing that, baby, But why?

Speaker 2 (24:54):
But why do you think people often struggle with having
open conversations about STD tests and their status.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
It's in sexual health because I feel like till this day,
like even when.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
I have conversation with my homegirls, like cause I would
celebrate for four years and I just started backdating and stuff,
and like I'm always asking niggas, okay, so like what
you like to do.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
With you into?

Speaker 4 (25:15):
You got to ask those candy conversations?

Speaker 5 (25:17):
Yeah, you know, I think nowadays, you know, women are
so open with sharing their bodies on TV and on
I mean not on TV, but just on social media,
and I think people are really comfortable with.

Speaker 4 (25:31):
Really having those candy conversations.

Speaker 5 (25:34):
And I honestly think because they're not doing it at home,
so they don't feel comfortable with.

Speaker 4 (25:39):
Sharing it with anybody.

Speaker 5 (25:40):
It's like table, you know what I'm saying, and now
everything is kind of secretive where everybody's high and everything
is they're smoking mirrors with everything. Everybody is rich and
everybody is this, so people don't really the transparency is
no longer there you get what I'm saying. And I'm

(26:00):
gonna tell you another thing, since like even when we're
out in public, like people are so awkward in person.

Speaker 3 (26:08):
Because yeah, the pandemic did something.

Speaker 4 (26:12):
Man guarded people.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
They can't have conversations and here they can't go two
seconds without being on that phone.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
It's like damn, you know, and.

Speaker 5 (26:22):
I think just the in person relationships have like really fizzle.
So having a candid conversation nowadays about something that's considered
taboo or you know, something people may feel ashamed about,
it's not as easy as it even would be with
all these other caveats on top of it, you know

(26:43):
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
So looking back, where were some questions that you wish
you had asked men before becoming intimate with them?

Speaker 5 (26:50):
Now the huge one that was a hot topic from
the conversation that we had I nowadays, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (27:00):
I need to you know, because.

Speaker 5 (27:04):
What made me really recognize it is because there's so
many men in my.

Speaker 4 (27:09):
Circle, men that I.

Speaker 5 (27:11):
Have counsel professionally personally, men that I'm friends with, men
that i've met in passing, men that I've worked with
that don't consider having sex with the man as.

Speaker 4 (27:26):
Gay or bisexual. They don't identify it at all.

Speaker 5 (27:31):
It's just a sexual appetite they want in the forefront
there with women, but on behind closed doors, it's something
totally different. And I've had so many women that I've
and even male friends that have found out that the

(27:51):
guy was either married or you know what I mean,
or had a long term girlfriend or you know, or.

Speaker 4 (27:57):
Just whatever the case may be.

Speaker 5 (27:59):
These men aren't being truthful about what they're doing behind
the scenes. So with that being said, and nobody cares
about what you're doing, but you gotta give me that.

Speaker 3 (28:09):
Yeah, don't make that choice for me.

Speaker 4 (28:11):
Yes, you can't do that. This is my life.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
If you like me and take your asshole over that,
that's fine. But you know what, I like that show,
If that show sexual preference, that's fine. But my sexual preference,
you can't take that away from me.

Speaker 4 (28:25):
You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
And even sitting at a table with women having a discussion,
some women got offended by that.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
Yeah, I noticed that, and.

Speaker 5 (28:38):
This isn't no dagger to anybody. At the end of
the day, we if we're gonna.

Speaker 2 (28:44):
Have conversations, we gotta be candid about every aspect of it.
And that's a major aspects.

Speaker 5 (28:51):
Me and this on a day on law and you,
And that's something that and I didn't want to get
into the space because that's not the first space that
we've had this converse fation where people get offended by that,
And I think a lot of it has to do
with people thinking that you're like labeling somebody.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Or judging them, and that's not the case. I'm not
judging anybody, but.

Speaker 5 (29:12):
I have every fucking right to say whoever that I'm
having sex with it, that you need to be kidded
with me about what you're doing on the other side
when it affects me.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Have you ever been in situations where people when you
notice people felt uncomfortable and you just pulled them to
the side and be like yo, like that wasn't for you.
Like I'm just telling you my experiences and what I
think we should do to promote transparency when it comes
to these conversations, because I feel like when you have
these conversations, especially when it comes to black men, and
you know the correlation between them might be on the

(29:44):
down low, Like it's people getting very sensitive.

Speaker 5 (29:48):
I'm noticing, and it's women too, you know what I'm noticing.
And I love how you said that. What I've you know,
you live and you learn from situations that I don't
ever want to come across is though I am attacking
anybody or trying to intentionally offend anyone, you get what
I'm saying. So what I learned in that situation and

(30:10):
in another situation that when this topic comes up, I
will say, hey, this is no disrespect to anybody, just
kind of preface it with maybe a disclaimer, like, you know,
there's some things that I would like to bring to
the forefront from not only my personal experience but professionally.

(30:31):
And I don't know how you guys may feel about it,
but this is something that is also affecting our communities
and I would love for us to talk about it
and being kind of introduce it because I'm noticing, because
I'm so upfront, it's so transparent that it may come
off a little too abrasive, you.

Speaker 4 (30:50):
Know what I'm saying. And so, but the reason why.

Speaker 5 (30:55):
Is because I've had so many women and people coacted
to me personally and professionally that have been affected by it.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
So I have to find a way to navigate it
where it's not offensive and that it's more.

Speaker 5 (31:10):
This is all education, right and making sure that people
are just informed that this is a heavy thing in
our community with me and coming home from jail with me,
and that's what they needed to be given condoms out
in jail.

Speaker 4 (31:25):
It's real, says, It's real.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
Like the fact that they don't pass out condoms in jail,
and I'm not I don't know for every jail, but
for the most part, they.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
Don't give out condoms.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
I'm like, y'all, like, y'all know what these niggas be
doing in here, like, and then you send them out
in the streets and then it's just so crazy.

Speaker 5 (31:41):
It's scary, and I'm girl, and it's such a taboo
topic even with that, you know, you.

Speaker 4 (31:48):
Know, cause I got a bunch of.

Speaker 5 (31:49):
Men I can't even say because they're so closely connected
to me. But girl, they come home, they don't even
discuss like what they've seen in jail because it's so prevalent,
it's so this.

Speaker 4 (32:01):
The shit is prevalent. Like that's something.

Speaker 5 (32:06):
Listen, I have this quick story, right. I got this
girl that is a family member of mine. She kept
talking about her guy was coming home from jail. We
ended up meeting him at a party July fourth weekend party.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
And it shot town. I know it was live, baby, it.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
Was lit by the time he got there. Of course,
we had already had been drinking. Everybody's a little sipsy, right, and.

Speaker 5 (32:32):
Honey, one of the guys that my brother had invited.

Speaker 4 (32:38):
Kept staying, I know him, I know him from somewhere.

Speaker 5 (32:43):
And then like maybe thirty minutes into the party, girl,
he was like, oh, I know what I know you're from.

Speaker 4 (32:49):
He asked him, like, did you spend time at wool
Wool And the guy was like yeah. He was like,
oh okay, girl.

Speaker 5 (32:55):
He walked away and he told my He told my sister.
He was like, you know, he was bunking with they
called him Geechee's. He was like, he was bunking with achi.

Speaker 4 (33:08):
Girl.

Speaker 5 (33:09):
When I tell you this guy had no you you
there would be no way that you would know that.
It would be no way that you would know that
he was in a full blown relationship with the man
in jail.

Speaker 3 (33:21):
And what is what happened next?

Speaker 5 (33:24):
Girl, she would she didn't believe it. She stayed with
him and ended up finding out some kind of way.
The guy wrote a letter to him home or something,
and that's how she found out.

Speaker 3 (33:37):
But she's not even coming to him, coming to her
as a woman.

Speaker 4 (33:40):
Girl, You hear me, ye, girl that said she wouldn't
have never believed it, said she didn't believe that what
that guy says, like he had no reason to.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Lie to her, then she didn't believe him.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
I thoroughly believe that as women, we put people before us.

Speaker 4 (34:03):
You Sometimes we love people so hard that you don't
believe it. Nobody say whether it's something that's severe as that.

Speaker 5 (34:09):
And I've been in shoes not like that, But I've
been in a situation where I ain't believe nothing.

Speaker 4 (34:13):
No, but it just told me about my man.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
I was just in a situation like that far.

Speaker 4 (34:19):
I just didn't want to believe it.

Speaker 5 (34:22):
You know, we see the red flags and we don't
want to you know you, it's just like I love
this togg okay, fuck that.

Speaker 4 (34:27):
And then you'd be so gone.

Speaker 2 (34:30):
You went down this road and been with them all
this time you like shit, and we just accept certain
things that we know we should not be with and
we know we shouldn't be pushing on.

Speaker 4 (34:41):
And that's what I believe. I believe that. I believe
she was just she loved him so much that she
just did not believe that he did that.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
Damn.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
She believed that he you know, he was like he
lying and she believed him.

Speaker 5 (34:54):
And girl, it came out not even two or three
months later, Oh my, because that guy he was upset
because I guess he wasn't sending him any money or
he wasn't connected to him because he was here all
the time.

Speaker 4 (35:09):
So he saw him and her off right.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
He wrote him, but I didn't told him like and
then she read that shit. She ended up getting it
some kind of way and found it, girl, and was
like she was out, No, a devastated girl. Devastated.

Speaker 3 (35:25):
Yeah, I mean, that's a hard pill of swallow, you know.

Speaker 5 (35:29):
And so here that's the whole thing. Whatever you were
doing in jail, that's your business. You don't necessarily have
to tell anybody that, but you do have to devote
that to the person that you came home to.

Speaker 4 (35:42):
And you're in a full blown relationship with her.

Speaker 3 (35:45):
Yeah, listen, that's why I keep this kiddy so tight.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
Child, I don't so sick. I'm sitting here, what the
fuck is going on?

Speaker 5 (35:53):
Listen, that's the the me and you know this, you
know on a download, not just that's it's the whole
thing about me and not being truthful even about the
multiple parts.

Speaker 4 (36:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
Yo, literally, I was gonna say, I think that sometimes
we over focused on download men, but we're not even
talking about the community.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
They just as worse for everybody.

Speaker 5 (36:18):
Listen when I tell you that says all of it
is just and it always affects us as me always
the bottom of the bureau. And then listen, and we
deserve so much more.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
I wasn't to an event, so I don't know if
I share this with my listeners either. So HIV and
A's is very near and dear to me because I
recently reconnected with my father and I'm starting to learn
more about his side of the family. And everybody always
say how my father, my father's mother and I look
so much alike.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
I'll show you a picture of her so you can
just see. Oh my god, y'all do exactly. So the
story was my beautiful that's like you thank you. So
when I was younger, I used to always have.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
This this uh like what's the word, like a connection
with those who were either affected, who had either been
affected by drugs or those who was affected by HIV
and drugs came from my father because my father is
a drug addict. And come to find out, my grandma Rose,
she was with her husband for many many years, her
second husband for many many years, and he was addicted

(37:26):
to drugs, and come to find out, he got affected
with a's and he gave my grandma Rose.

Speaker 3 (37:31):
A's and she ended up dying.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
So these conversations are very important to me because I
went to an event and it was about just bringing
more awareness to HIV and AIDS and things like that
within our community.

Speaker 4 (37:41):
I experienced that though, you know, yeah.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
And the thing is I never met her before, but
you know.

Speaker 4 (37:46):
You can still have part of your bloodline, you know, exactly.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
So when I went to the event and they was
like nothing but black women in her from youngest probably
somebody's child shood as old as our grandmother, right, And
they asked a question like how many women in here
have been affected or know somebody that's affected by those
and that has HIV. When I tell you sis, almost
every woman almost raise her damn hands.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
And I was just like, yo, this is fun.

Speaker 4 (38:14):
Crazy, No, it's real. It's so real.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
And here's the thing, right, and this is why love
when we educate each other, talk about it and we
express like just our experiences because just because we may
not be promiscuous, but the what do we know about
the person that you're with?

Speaker 4 (38:36):
What are they doing?

Speaker 5 (38:38):
And just because you may not be, but the person
that you are with, if they.

Speaker 4 (38:43):
Are living a lifestyle that's just free willing, then guess
what you are affected. And some of these women think, oh,
I don't go outside and I don't do this. It
be them guys, if you listen, it does not.

Speaker 5 (38:58):
And that's the thing that I'm gathering in these different
spaces is that this is why some women get so offended,
because you need to be aware of what's happiness is
when it comes to your body.

Speaker 4 (39:12):
We are the controller of that. We control you know.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Yeah, so you spoke about you changing once you had
your daughter, So some us about that, like what made
you change?

Speaker 4 (39:24):
I wanted to.

Speaker 5 (39:28):
I just really wanted to give her a different lifestyle.
I wanted her to have the ability to see that.
You know that there's so much more, is so much
better out here, you know, And I wanted to I
just wanted to start that process before I had her,

(39:48):
you know what I'm saying, Like, I just wanted to
be greater and the best version of the woman that
I could be, and which would make me the best
version of a version of a mother, you know what
I'm saying. And that's really what it was. That's what
made me change just being I wanted to be the
best mother I could be, the best woman I could be.

(40:09):
I wanted to represent just being a full lady for her,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (40:15):
I wanted to do things right.

Speaker 5 (40:16):
I wanted to break that generational kurds of you know,
just being defiant to my parents. I just I made
a three sixty because I wanted to do things right,
like to how my mother had did by me. I
was just defying in crazy saying.

Speaker 4 (40:30):
Not just saying, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (40:33):
But my mother was an amazing mother to me, and
the choices I made had nothing to do with her.

Speaker 4 (40:38):
It was just my sense of.

Speaker 5 (40:40):
Being defiant and just oppositional when I didn't have to be,
and you know, wanted to be accepted.

Speaker 4 (40:47):
From a crowd.

Speaker 5 (40:48):
That girl right now to this day not even alive,
you know what I mean, you know, so just making
the wrong decisions, but I wanted to do the right
thing by her.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
And did you ever have a conversation with your husban
or your ex husband?

Speaker 4 (41:01):
Yeah? Yeah, he.

Speaker 5 (41:04):
One thing I can say is that I am so
glad that I was just transparent with him from the gate,
And honestly that's how we connected because I'm talking him
flat out like these you know, I had multiple partners
and that I you know, I was a whole and I.

Speaker 4 (41:22):
Did a whole lot of up ship and.

Speaker 5 (41:24):
I made a lot of you know, like really bad
decisions and you know, and.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
He he was truthful about sted.

Speaker 4 (41:32):
He was the same way he had been with multiple
women and all.

Speaker 5 (41:35):
These different things. But we got tested and you know,
everything was we both had a clean bill of health
and we were able to move forward. And that was
the blessing. He was the first guy that I actually
ever did that with.

Speaker 4 (41:47):
He was like because he was you know about him
the girl. He's serious about his health.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Because he's an athlete, so for him, he wasn't Yeah,
you know, niggas who played sports.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
They're not playing games.

Speaker 4 (41:58):
Money maker fight. I gotta say, I'm straight. I can't.
You know.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
He need took better care of his body. He was
very into his health and his physical authorship like that.

Speaker 4 (42:08):
So he was like, you know, let's go get a test.
Let's go together.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
We did.

Speaker 4 (42:12):
Girl, I was friended. I was okay. I was like, girl,
I'm gonna fuck.

Speaker 5 (42:16):
This up because I had not did that with anybody.

Speaker 4 (42:22):
You see what I'm saying. So I didn't know you.
That's some real shit, y'all.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
But you like, come on, God, please, have you ever
gonna come through? I need you to come through now.
I don't want to lose this nigga.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
Saying this man gonna marry me and take on my
daughter because he is.

Speaker 4 (42:41):
Not my daughter's father.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
Yeah, that's a good man. So man, y'all.

Speaker 4 (42:46):
I was like, okay, I found me a good man.
This is it, and me and God just worked that
thing out because I really did have a clean bill
of health. He did too, and it just worked itself
out by the grace of God. Girl, God, you got
to work this without.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yeah. So when it came to because I know you
said earlier that you used to treat him really bad
because of your experience with experience and sexual assault. So
how did that conversation go that, Like did he already
know about that or.

Speaker 5 (43:17):
You know, he he knew about it, and he recognized
like my triggers working there at the sexual Sauce what
sex abuse center, and he said right away, he was like, girl,
you something going on.

Speaker 4 (43:32):
You listen. Let me tell you how crazy I had gotten.

Speaker 5 (43:35):
Says I had gotten to the point where I was
triggered by that was my first time experiencing being triggered
to that level of it was affecting my life. Like
I literally started going to church every every day, like
going a Bible stating, which was all good, but I
turned into.

Speaker 4 (43:55):
Like a Bible something nut right.

Speaker 5 (44:00):
So somewhere from you know, being like in the street
to like now I'm this devout Christian right, And then
I told him like, you know, we're not having sex
until we get married, and girl, I just totally flipped out.

Speaker 4 (44:15):
And he was like I did. I did.

Speaker 5 (44:23):
I was going from one extreme to the next, and
I started mistreating him because I felt like God had
told me, and girl, I just had lost my mind.
And don't get me wrong, I have the best relationship
that I do with Christ now, But at that time,
I literally was using it as a way as I
was weaponizing my relationship with God. Yeah yeah, against my mate,

(44:47):
Like you're not going to church, you're not doing this
and I'm changing my life and you not and I'm
of God you're not, and you know, and that's that.
Ain't that shit ain't cool either. At the end of
the day, people that are of God don't have to
make you feel like you ain't shit because they're not
walking the lane.

Speaker 4 (45:04):
That you are.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
Fast.

Speaker 4 (45:05):
It's not that. Ain't how you do it.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
The fact, you know, one of my favorite people, my
hero Oprah, you know, she's always been very vocal about
it too. She's always been very vocal about, you know,

(45:27):
being promiscuous and the things that she had to do
in order to set boundaries in order for her to heal.
So what was your experience like with your boundaries setting,
because like, did you ever have a time when you
almost like slipped back to how you used to be? Girl? Listen, something,
my boundaries picked in And I hate to say this,

(45:48):
it didn't kick in.

Speaker 4 (45:49):
Until I got married. Are you married now? No, I'm
not married now. Okay, but him and.

Speaker 5 (45:55):
I we have been married for eight years. So I
ended up getting divorced.

Speaker 4 (45:59):
But it was the best.

Speaker 5 (46:00):
I don't regret anything. It was the best experience. I
can't say.

Speaker 4 (46:04):
So when I get married again, I'll know.

Speaker 5 (46:07):
I was young, you know what I mean, We were
really young we got married, and I can honestly say
I know the difference in that now.

Speaker 4 (46:15):
But my boundaries didn't kick in until I met him.

Speaker 5 (46:18):
He came from a family that was really you know,
into property and like credit and you know, yeah, so
he you know, my family, everybody were good people, but
everybody you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (46:36):
So they were.

Speaker 5 (46:37):
More family oriented, and so I didn't know what the
fuck that looked like. So girl with him, and he
was like, come on, you know, for Thanksgiving week, everybody
come to the table, and girl, I'm used to people come,
getting to play, going on the right.

Speaker 4 (46:53):
Sit around at the table. Ship. I didn't know anything
about that.

Speaker 5 (46:57):
That was to me, And so that's when I learned
boundaries that, Okay, this is family time, this is you know,
me and you time, this is my time. This is
when we come together we sit and talk about bills.
And that's when I learned, you know, boundaries and how
to be more you know, self sufficient when it came

(47:18):
to you know, just the different things that we needed
to do. And it makes me a better woman even
to this day doing that certain things that I put
as a priority, you know.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
So how do you as you should? Though?

Speaker 3 (47:32):
As you should? So how do you view intimacy and
relationships now?

Speaker 4 (47:37):
You know what?

Speaker 5 (47:38):
It's so funny that you ask that because I'm even
redefining that even now, like you know, really making sure
that I'm putting myself first. Like women like right now
when you get to a different space in your life
and you are winning not just a the outer but

(48:01):
the inn and like I'm you know, being I'm in
a different space, you know, financially, I'm in a different space. Emotionally,
I'm in a different space, you know, mentally and physically.
So I'm not looking to attract what's beneath that you
understand what I'm saying, Like, I don't want anything that's
not vibing or vibrational on a higher level that's like

(48:26):
really into God. I don't want a man that's just
like connected to everybody and wants to have sex with everybody.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
Is just like move by everything that's moving.

Speaker 5 (48:36):
I need a man that's more into who he is
and so he's not attracted to everything that's easy press.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
You get what I'm saying, Like you're seeing impressed by anything.
I need you to at least have some sense of
word for yourself.

Speaker 5 (48:50):
But for me, you know what I'm saying, I don't
need you to be attracted to every fucking thing this moving.

Speaker 4 (48:57):
I don't want to feel like.

Speaker 5 (49:01):
When I'm with my man and I gotta feel like
I'm intimidated by every woman at wall Pass because he
can't even hold hisself together.

Speaker 3 (49:09):
You get what I'm saying, the worst man, you have
some sense.

Speaker 4 (49:15):
Of like respect for yourself, and then that'll respect me.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
What the older say, they have some of the core
about yourself.

Speaker 4 (49:25):
So yeah, that that is that's huge.

Speaker 5 (49:28):
So now so as me, you know, working on that
within itself. I'm recognizing that I don't want anybody and everybody.
I want to start a man now and I'm and
I'm okay with at this age that I'm okay well
waiting on that ship like I'm cool with that.

Speaker 4 (49:48):
I'm cool with being at home. I'm cool with you
know what I mean. I'm having a ball with this
with you, I'm in a very.

Speaker 5 (49:55):
Good space, So I don't want to come into my
life that we're inter rupt that that's not of God,
that's not connected to God, that doesn't have a sense.

Speaker 4 (50:05):
Of where they're going in life, and our.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Bad Yeah, no facts, because you know, the devil loves
lonely women like yes, And that's why I was like,
cause I was in a situation. I'm like, you know what,
Ebna like this, Ain't it like you came too far
to allow a nigga to trick you about your spot?

Speaker 5 (50:24):
Like and all says like some of these men, girl,
it's a whole another topic. We'll have to do it
another tide. But says some of these men are really
jealous of women. You know what I mean when I
tell you when it because they're not in their rifle space.
So the enemy will literally like fuck they brain up

(50:44):
to a point where now you, me and you were
not opponents.

Speaker 3 (50:48):
Yeah, well the same.

Speaker 4 (50:49):
Fucking team like you. Hey men, I'm your girl.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
Yeah, I'm telling you. But I've been saying niggas are
the new bitches.

Speaker 5 (50:56):
So I'm talking about feminine Yeah, no argumentative and you
know a girl, it says says. I mean, I'm talking
about even on the phone, you got them popping their lips.

Speaker 4 (51:11):
And you you.

Speaker 3 (51:13):
And I'm not talking about like gay men. I'm talking about.

Speaker 5 (51:17):
Straight men exactly what we talk about. Are we not
bashing anybody? Get yeah, anybody.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
We love all folks, right, but I'm talking about men.
But who want to be the bad bitch Like, no, nigga,
set your ass down somewhere.

Speaker 4 (51:32):
I'll princess your ass. Nigga, I'm the pointing around his
motherfucker exactly.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Now, what role they forgiveness play in your healing and
forgiveness for yourself?

Speaker 5 (51:44):
You know, I had to at some point look at
myself and say, Okay, you did this, you did that,
You made a lot of mistakes, you failed a lot,
you want a lot, It's all good, and I have
to at some point.

Speaker 4 (52:02):
It took me a long time since to forgive myself.

Speaker 5 (52:05):
Because everybody's talking about yeah, yeah, yeah, you got to
forgive people that wronged you and all that shit. But
when do you forgive yourself for you know, like making
some mistakes or whatever, you know, being homeless, or you know,
some of the things, some of the bad mistakes that
we made or the bad choices and the bad decisions
that we made doesn't.

Speaker 4 (52:26):
Make you less of a person. And so I had
to work on that first.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
And once you.

Speaker 5 (52:33):
Start to recognize that I am who I am, and
I love everything that I've been through, not to say
that rape situation, but everything that I've endorsed.

Speaker 4 (52:45):
This put me where I am now, and I don't
regret any of it, you know, fact, even my worst shit,
I know that it was all aligned to where I
am now.

Speaker 5 (52:58):
Even the worst situations that under the and me tried
to do to throw me off track and make you feel,
you know, degrading and lessing and all of that. There's
no way that I can pour into a woman if
I had not understood what that felt like to be
at your lowest of the lowes, to not really be
able to see your work and all that other shit.

Speaker 4 (53:17):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
Facts. I was just having this conversation with my best friend.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
I was like, Yo, I've been through a lot of shit,
but I'm just so thankful that I'm me, Like, yeah,
I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

Speaker 4 (53:29):
You know, I love if you said that, because this
is this is so powerful.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Sis when women copy other women, when women are intimidated
by other women, when we are haters of other women.

Speaker 4 (53:46):
Do you know that tells guy that.

Speaker 5 (53:50):
You know, I don't know what he's doing. Facts, it's
a slap in the face to him. It's like, you know,
you made a mistake with me.

Speaker 2 (54:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (54:01):
And do you know how insulting is that?

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (54:06):
You know what I'm saying. How insulting is that to God?
That like I want to copy what she doing? I
want to you know what I mean? Like I want
to be just like her.

Speaker 5 (54:16):
Like people, you know everything that God got for you,
sus and your podcast and your speaking engagements, and how
beauty and how peaceful your homie is, and how much
I've enjoyed this conversation. That's something all that God has
for you. And I'm happy about that, and because I was.

Speaker 4 (54:36):
Excited in my heart to do this for you.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
But this is what I want women to understand that
when you're happy for the goodness on somebody's else life
from God, can you only imagine the things that He'll
do for you, Because in your heart, you genuinely want
to see that person. When you genuinely are celebrating what

(55:03):
God is doing on that side of the track.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
So there's no way that he would ignore that. For you,
there's no way.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
And I always say when God is blessing my homegirls
or people that I know, like yourself. For other people,
I'm like, shit, he in the neighborhood, So I know
I gotta be next. You know what I'm saying, Like,
I'm just gonna wait my turn.

Speaker 4 (55:23):
He blesses the cheerful heart says, yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:28):
He's connected to positive, he's connected to those that you
know what I mean, to celebrate those that are joyful.
It always says, be a joyful giver, be a you
know what I'm saying, Like he's connected to.

Speaker 5 (55:43):
And so, you know, seeing you do well, seeing you flurrised,
seeing how smooth this went with you, I'm happy about that.

Speaker 4 (55:53):
You know what I'm meaning.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Same Now, how did your personal experience to shape your
decision to become a private practitioner?

Speaker 1 (56:01):
Cool?

Speaker 4 (56:02):
You know what I wanted.

Speaker 5 (56:04):
I met this girl at at this church, and this
is how it started therapy. I met a girl at
the church, never knowing that she was a therapist. She
was in her thirties in I was in my twenties,
and I started with her and she was amazing, and
I recognized.

Speaker 4 (56:23):
That I wanted to do the same thing. Pay it forward,
give somebody the.

Speaker 5 (56:28):
Opportunity to sit with me with feels like a conversation
and not full blown therapy, and then we started moving
into that and that's what we did. I did that
with her for six months and it was the best
decision I made in my entire life. And so since then,
I've been on that track to not only be a
private practitioner, but make sure that I sit on the

(56:48):
other side of the desk with things that I struggled
with as well too, Because the only way that you
could be great at what you're doing is making sure
that you understand what that looks like from every aspect, right, Yeah,
And so with that, I wanted to pay it for it.
I want other people to feel like, Yeah, this is
something that can be done and it's.

Speaker 4 (57:08):
The greatest thing you can do for your life.

Speaker 5 (57:10):
We have to incorporate things that better us, not just
from the outer Like we are quick to go get
our hair.

Speaker 4 (57:16):
Done, we are quick to go do it with girl
with goal spending five hundred dollars weave. Why weren't we
pour into our mental health?

Speaker 2 (57:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (57:26):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
Yeah, So have there ever been times when a client
experience hit close to home for you?

Speaker 5 (57:34):
Yeah, definitely when we're talking about sexual violence that you know,
whenever we address that, I always have to prepare myself
for that. I always have to be transparent, not just
going into my experiences, but just making sure that they're
aware that I understand way more than they know, and

(57:55):
that I to have experienced that, but not you know,
divulging that every single tign, but just making sure that
I'm present so that people can know that you're not
alone and that you.

Speaker 4 (58:07):
Know, I get it, and that I've experienced some form
of violence and.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
You know, I imagine how triggering that can be for you.

Speaker 5 (58:16):
Though, girl, Thankfully, I can't honestly say that. As a
private practitioner, I'm.

Speaker 4 (58:23):
Able to select what my expertise arery.

Speaker 5 (58:29):
So I don't really deal with sexual violence a lot
because I know that is a direct trigger for me.
So if it comes up, I deal with it or whatever.
But I don't have clients that specifically deal with those
particular things, you know what I mean, because I know
that that's something that I struggle with, and so you

(58:50):
can't help anybody if you struggling.

Speaker 3 (58:54):
Like, girl, listen, I'm me too.

Speaker 4 (58:55):
Shit, So you know I can't be said. You know,
now your client is you know, maybe therapy. You know
what I'm saying, like, what's wrong with you?

Speaker 1 (59:07):
Shit?

Speaker 4 (59:09):
Girl, that's not healthy. So I always make sure that
I remain in my lane.

Speaker 5 (59:14):
I made sure that I focused on that area that's
really you know, something that I can haunt in because
the ultimate goals you want your clients to be better.

Speaker 4 (59:24):
Shit, I don't want them walking away being like now
I'm both fucked up. Aff she crying, I'm crying like hell.

Speaker 5 (59:34):
Or even more, because you can do People don't understand
that you can do damage. Yeah, oh by you know,
not being trained and not having a sense of you know, boundaries,
and not being professional and all of those things.

Speaker 4 (59:48):
Like the sister girl, conversation.

Speaker 5 (59:50):
I'm having with you is completely different from my professional hack,
you know what I mean? Different because shit, I don't
want to get.

Speaker 4 (59:59):
Schooled either, right right right right.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
But you know, but I can only imagine how many
times cause I think about stuff like this for myself,
like when I be like, damn, like I really do
believe that either God would show you glimpses of your
life or how things could have been or how things
will be. So I can only imagine how many times
you have that when you hear stories and you be
like God, damn, like that could have been.

Speaker 4 (01:00:19):
Me, you know.

Speaker 5 (01:00:21):
And God will forever remind you of his grace and
his mercy. That's no matter what, he will always remind
you about fact. Damn, I'm complaining And this could have been,
this could be different, you know what I'm saying, my ending,
we all have a book that's within us that from

(01:00:43):
one chapter to the next that you know, the.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
Beginning may be gray, the middle baby juicy, that end
may be the like the ultrigate plot.

Speaker 4 (01:00:51):
But we all have a book within us, and so
it's just how are you building your chapters? You know
what I'm saying. Sometimes it be paid for page or
paragraph to paragraph, but as long as you continue to
keep fucking.

Speaker 3 (01:01:06):
Going, yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
Yeah? Now, how do you guy clients who are struggling
with shame or stigma when it comes to their sexual health?
Because you share the story about how I think one
of your clients was a married man and he disclose
to you that he's been married for like thirty something
years to his wife, but he's also been secretly dating
or having sex with men for a majority of their marriage.

Speaker 4 (01:01:29):
You know what I try to do is I try
to you know, of course, you can't tell a client
what to do, you know what I mean. Of course
you can't.

Speaker 5 (01:01:40):
You know, it's very you have to be very careful
with like not judging. So in certain situations, if it
gets to a point where I feel like this isn't
going in a direction that's helpful to the client or
to their future mental health, then I'll just say, hey,
I'll refer you out because if you see that that relationship,

(01:02:06):
any professional therapeutic relationship should always have a sense of
a goal, right, and if that goal is not reaching
somewhere something to the benefit of that patient, then you're
just taking a money.

Speaker 4 (01:02:23):
You get what I'm saying. It should always be to
the benefit of a patient. I don't give a damn.

Speaker 5 (01:02:28):
Like if after a couple months you're seeing that this
is not going anywhere and it's not something where you
can see them being successful and really thriving in a
better direction, then it makes no sense. So in those cases,
are always make sure that we you know, stay on
track with the goal, like how you've like how you're

(01:02:49):
doing here.

Speaker 4 (01:02:50):
You're like, well, wait, let me ask you this. You
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (01:02:52):
It's just how you're guiding the direction of a situation
and make sure that you're staying on You gotta always
have an ultimate goal, right, Yeah, and that's your goal
is to stay on track. Make sure that we stay
off you know, we got constraints and so that's basically
what I do.

Speaker 2 (01:03:11):
But when you hear shit like that because you're from Chicago,
like we're from the hood, moments like you be like nyah, good,
you can't be free that.

Speaker 4 (01:03:19):
You know, it's a way that you you know, you
know how we have to do it. I got a
frame it in a professional way where it's like no,
you know that sh it ain't cool? What the fuck?
Like you know what I mean because at the end
of the day, you know, like it's a few times
I had to say, like what that want killed you?

Speaker 3 (01:03:36):
Yeah, no, that's a fact, like.

Speaker 4 (01:03:39):
It did not it did not register because that was
never a thought.

Speaker 2 (01:03:44):
And that's why I always make sure I watch the
full episodes of Snap because it's the reason why that
bitch went off.

Speaker 3 (01:03:51):
It's the reason why.

Speaker 5 (01:03:52):
People don't understand any one of us can have that
moment any one of anybody. Anybody can break, anybody can break,
and people fail to realize that. Yeah, you can have
all the emotional intelligence that you want anything any one
of us a moment.

Speaker 2 (01:04:11):
Yes, that's why I'd be nice to everybody because you
don't know. No, I'm seriah, because you do not know
what people deal with. Yeah, everybody is dealing with nowadays.

Speaker 4 (01:04:18):
Girl, you don't know what the hell is going on
these people nowadays. You girl, listen, you have to be careful.

Speaker 5 (01:04:27):
It's just too much going on right now with the
economy and you know, people are dealing with so many
different things. Family, friends, funny shit, lost a job, unapploytment.

Speaker 4 (01:04:37):
Girl, you can't say. And everybody is licensed to carry.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
Yeah, that's a fact. I always telling myself. I'm like,
I need to learn how to go.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
I got to go to a gun rage and like,
you know, just practice and stuff because like, times are different.

Speaker 4 (01:04:52):
It's difference.

Speaker 2 (01:04:53):
It's and I'm telling you, I really you know, I
pray to God that's not the end times. But baby, yeah, yeah,
so we almost finished. But if you could speak to
your younger self, what would you say to.

Speaker 4 (01:05:05):
Her that it's all good, that it is well.

Speaker 5 (01:05:10):
Says it is well, And it took me a long
time to get here to say it is well, like.

Speaker 4 (01:05:16):
I I really feel comfortable in my skin.

Speaker 5 (01:05:21):
No matter to wait, no matter, like you know, and
then too, I worked so hard to get here, and
I think that I didn't take the time to smell
the roses along the way, Like it's okay to take
your time, Like you don't have to be a certain
age to have a certain degree, or you don't have
to be a certain age to be married or or

(01:05:42):
to have kids, or to have a certain amount of money,
or a certain type.

Speaker 4 (01:05:46):
Of house or a certain type of car, Like I
was like rushing to get certain things that I had
to prove.

Speaker 2 (01:05:53):
I had to have this kind of degree, and I
had like okay, Like like in my world of therapy,
you have to be licensed or.

Speaker 5 (01:06:03):
You're not respected or you have to like even with doctors,
you know you got mds who like you, ain't no doctor,
even though you know that not paying my PhD.

Speaker 4 (01:06:12):
That in our world is certain fastest.

Speaker 5 (01:06:16):
Even when you get a degree, it's still like you're
still fighting to prove that you're whatever. And it took
what I just got comfortable in the last few years
after I hit forty that I don't have to prove shit.

Speaker 4 (01:06:31):
I who I am.

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
You know what I'm saying, And regardless of a degree
or certifications and all of that.

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
Shit, I'm before I was anything.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Fact, you understand what I'm saying, that this is who
the fuck I was before I got I got right saying,
so you know, it was already me. I don't like,
don't get it twisted, right.

Speaker 4 (01:06:52):
I was already me.

Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
And that's what I can resonate in, Like I feel
like my be yourself now because like.

Speaker 3 (01:07:02):
You look you glowing?

Speaker 4 (01:07:04):
Yeah you do.

Speaker 5 (01:07:06):
I appreciate that because that that's I'm really working on
myself daily sys just to be a better woman and
to bring as much light to any situation that I can.

Speaker 4 (01:07:19):
You know what I mean. I want you to feel like, damn,
it was like pulling teath talking to her ass. You
know yo, Yeah, like, damn girl, what the fuck? You know?
So you know, I want I just to be truthful.

Speaker 5 (01:07:34):
I really want to give as much positive energy out here.
I want to walk away with you being like damn,
I really enjoyed that I really enjoyed her, you know
what I mean, even not even just on things like
this that's huge, but just even in your personal life,
like what do you.

Speaker 4 (01:07:52):
Bring in to your friendships? What do you bring it
to your family, to your jobs?

Speaker 5 (01:07:57):
Like what you know people should be like, damn she
she cool as hell and that's for all of us.
And it's such a horrible thing when people come across
you and you're just draining your negative.

Speaker 4 (01:08:09):
So so yeah, since that's my goal to just be
a better woman by day.

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
Yes, yes, And last, but not the least, what conversations
do you encourage people to have with their partners to
protect themselves and others, to just be as transparent as possible,
ask those hard questions that you know, it doesn't have
to be just about like who they having sex with?

Speaker 4 (01:08:31):
But what are your goals? You know, what do you
want to do in life? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (01:08:35):
Like what do you really get to know?

Speaker 4 (01:08:38):
Yeah, you got to like you know what, and then
those other hard questions will come. But you gotta feel
comfortable enough to even ask, you know what, who are you?
Where did you come from? What are the things that
you like? What are the things that you don't like, do.

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
You foresee yourself you know what I mean, always being
you know, monogamous.

Speaker 5 (01:08:56):
Do you foresee yourself like potentially being in all relationship?

Speaker 2 (01:09:01):
Like yeah, for real, like with you forever and then
you know, ten years from that, do you think you'll
still be in love with me?

Speaker 4 (01:09:10):
Do you still think you'll love me?

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
Like those questions I didn't even ask my ex husband.
I did ten years from now, you think you and
I still.

Speaker 4 (01:09:18):
Be together and we aren't?

Speaker 5 (01:09:21):
You get what I'm saying, Like, I don't questions I
never asked, you know what I mean. So it's so
it's really like everything is microwavable now, so instead of
really taking time to really get to know people, everything
is like okay, boom, now we're in a relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:09:38):
Oh now we didn't talk to each other a couple
of times on DM, Now we go together. You know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:09:42):
I'm like, no, you don't really have those hard conversations
to really get to know people, you know. Yeah, Yeah,
I'm so excited we did this, like y'all were trying
to like we I think we sedul this like twice.

Speaker 3 (01:09:56):
We was like listen, we having this conversation.

Speaker 4 (01:09:59):
Grin and this was so light.

Speaker 5 (01:10:01):
You are appreciated. Let me tell you you are needed.
You know, everything that you're doing, you know what I'm
saying is huge. It's women need to be able to
feel comfortable, and you know you are able to utilize
your platform to build one that and provide people the
opportunity for them to share their story.

Speaker 4 (01:10:21):
That's huge and I appreciate you so much.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
Oh, thank you, sus, thank you thinking.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
I'm telling you.

Speaker 3 (01:10:26):
When I saw you and I heard your story, I
was like, I gotta have her on the show.

Speaker 4 (01:10:30):
I have to.

Speaker 3 (01:10:31):
And I feel like me and you can talk for days.
So we're gonna definitely keep it cuttack.

Speaker 2 (01:10:35):
Yes, girl, I enjoyed you so anytime, anytime, anytime.

Speaker 4 (01:10:41):
Yes, for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
And to the listeners, if you have any comments, if
you have any questions or anything, please make sure to
email me and hello at the PSG podcast dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:10:49):
If you want to know more about my guests, just
hit me up.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
And until next time, every one later, later, Thank you love.
The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black
Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

(01:11:14):
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows, don't forget to subscribe and rate the show,
and you can connect with me on social media at
the PG podcast

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Episode Transcript

Host

Eboné Almon

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My Journey with Promiscuity