My Therapist Reacts to My Top 5 Season 2 Episodes

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the host and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to

(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do
enjoy the show.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Hello, professional Homegirls, issue your ebine here, and I hope
all is cute now. In this special episode of the
Professional Homegirl Podcast, I am joined by one of my
favorite people in the whole wide world, my very own therapist,
as we revisit my top five episodes from season two. Now,
these aren't just your favorite episodes, but these are episodes

(01:10):
that also made me really think deeper and reflect on
my own journey as a podcaster. So from raw conversations
to life altering moments, my therapist brings her professional lens
to the table, offering thoughtful reflections on some of the
biggest themes that we tackle on this podcast, such as grief,
boundaries and of course, mental health. So, whether you're tuning

(01:33):
in for the first time, hey girl, hey, or have
you been rocking with me since day one? Okay, hold
me down, don't hold me up. This episode peels back
the layers and gives you a behind the scenes look
at the emotional weight and purpose behind the podcast. So
get ready because my therapist reacts. My top five episodes
from season two starts now. All right, to my guests,

(01:57):
thank you so much for coming back on the show. Oh,
how are you doing, How are you feeling?

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Thank you for having me. I feel like I'm like
the big og of the show and I've just been
doing great. Just moved into a new home, just doing
more business, healing more hearts. Okay, just all of that
all the time.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Well, if you are new to the show, my guest
who is also my therapist, Dina, she's been on the show.
I think this is your third time now, right, yes, yes, okay, cool, cool, cool,
So telling people what you've been up to. Congratulations on
your new home. She's up healing hearts everyone. She definitely
healed my little little, tiny black heart.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
What have I been up to while I'm in a
doctoral program now, because I feel like that's the next
step in my life. I'm always trying to learn, So
it's been amazing. It's also been a bit stressful, but
also in my private practice, just still taking on clients
and you know, working with people through some of the
traumatic experiences childhood trauma, relationship trauma, which is something major

(03:04):
and also something that I'm probably gonna do my dissertation on,
and just kind up trying to have a good work
life balance.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm super excited that we
did that, we are doing this. I'm surprised we haven't
thought about this sooner because I think this will be
so cool, especially with the type of episodes or the
type of conversations that I have, for a licensed therapist
to come on and to provide insight on how to navigate,
because there are a lot of people who can relate
to these stories, hence the reason why the show is

(03:33):
so popular. So I really appreciate you for coming on
and sharing your expectise for us.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
Thank you, Thank you. It was so much fun, just
kind of getting the opportunity to listen to each episode
but also use my therapist's brain because I'm always like
yelling at the TV when I'm watching TVs, I'm like trauma,
you know. And when I was able to actually do
that as I listened to the episodes and like shot

(04:00):
down some notes too. So if you see me looking
down it, because I was definitely trying to take some
notes to be like, this was out of this world? Right.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
So, as a therapist, when you hear stories like this,
how do you process it?

Speaker 3 (04:13):
Like?

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Because I can only imagine, like you constantly hearing about
trauma over and over and over again. So what does
that processing look like for you?

Speaker 3 (04:23):
It looks different now than what it looked like ten
years ago. So I've been at private practice now over
twelve thirteen years, and I remember in the beginning having
stories like this where I would be like is this real?
Like is this person you know being boozling me? Like?
And do I not know enough to be able to
read between the lines. But the more I became more

(04:45):
experienced and just read more and you know, had more
of these stories. They're absolutely true and I don't get
the like, oh, you know factor when it happens. Oftentimes
I feel more empathy. Sometimes I've feel much, you know,
like a great deal of sadness, you know, for my
clients when it's happening, and I'm able to like help

(05:07):
them because I've had so many of these stories at
this point.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I feel like I'm pretty good.
Like it takes a lot to me to be like,
oh my god, but with the stories we picked today,
I was just like, oh my goodnessness, Like I just
could not believe some of the things that I was hearing.
We're gonna start with the first episode was my father
mistress killed my mother. And I don't know if I
shared this with you, but that was one of my

(05:32):
most difficult conversations I ever had since I started the podcast. Like,
I was gonna put this episode out.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
Okay, what made that difficult for you? Was it more
of the kind of childhood experience she had, or like,
because there was so many layers to this story.

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Right, I think for me is when she started to
tell us more about what happened to her mother her
to me, it's like her voice change. It sounds like
she reverted back to talking as if she was a
child because she was reliving that moment as she was
sharing the story.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
Did you catch that in some ways I kind of
felt like she reverted to that. But I think in
some ways, and with all due respect to her, I
think she's never actually got out of that childhood face, right.
And whenever, you know, we go through trauma, whatever year
that is, right, whatever age you are, oftentimes the mind

(06:26):
stops growing, right, and you can continue to have these
childlike behaviors, right. Well, It's why in some of her instances,
you know, it may have seemed like she went into
this childhood place, but I think in totality, she has
not really grown mentally, you know, to be a full adult. Right.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
It's like she stopped at a certain age. Yes, Because
I was just like, I don't know, it was so hard,
and I remember having a conversation with my network and
I was like, I don't think I'm gonna put this
episode out because it was just a lot on. It
was just so many different las when it came to
her story, and just beyond the title of it, with
her mom being a focal post, but her just going

(07:06):
through abuse and stuff, and then her being who she
is now as a fifty year old woman, I was
just like girl. So as a therapist, how do you
hold space for a story that's so layered with grief,
trauma and betrayal.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
I mean, for me, I definitely try to meet a
client where they are in that moment and sometimes to
think about being in a therapeutic relationship with clients or
starting their therapy journey, I would say more so they
may start with like talking about this one story, but
because it's so layered, you really can't get to like

(07:42):
the meat of it or like the deeper part of it.
So you know, and you've experienced this with me. Sometimes
we'll have you know, and I call myself sort of
therapyist conversational style, Like we'll have these conversations and then
something will come up and then I'll start to say, Okay,
tell me a little bit more about that because that's
standing out to me. Which will you know, unpeel another layer.

(08:04):
So for me, I try to definitely create a safe
space for them, but I'm also not trying to push
them and say, you know, well, next week we're going
to start right here again. They may not be there
next week, right, but if we have that therapeutic relationship.
We're going to get to it at some point. And sometimes,
just as crazy as this may sound, sometimes a lot

(08:24):
of it may not be mattering in their life at
that point until like in her situation, you know, maybe
she's talking about like the sexual side. She can't really
be intimate, right, So that's when we'll go into like
more of your childhood stuff. What has happened in your
childhood that has created this avoidance or you know, this
feeling that you don't have the desire for sex. But

(08:46):
let's say two sessions before that, we were just talking about,
you know, her having a bad day at work. I'm
not going to relate that to that, so calling space, Yeah,
I'm trying to be there with her in that moment,
not force her and not push her, you know, talk
about things that's relatable to where she is that in
that time.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
I was just thinking, like, girl, what was me having
a bust of nut got to do with me? I
want to be at work exactly right.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
But you have some therapists and I think, you know,
in the style of therapy where they just want to
kind of continue on, right. So we talked about this,
and I've been in therapeutic situations like that too, because
I'm a big advocate for therapy and have been in
therapy so long in my life and if things come
up today, I'm like calling my old therapists, like, hey,
we need to have a session, right because this is

(09:33):
fact in my life. And some therapists will like continue
on right the next time you meet them. So let's
pick up where we left off at more psychoanalytical, but
mine is a combinational style.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
Yeah, So what were some key moments for you when
you were listening to this episode and then when you
when once you got done with the episode, maybe when
you saw the title, Like what were your thoughts about,
Like were you shocked or were you like girl, like.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
To be very honest, the episode was heavy for me,
Like I was just and I think more of it
was her childhood trauma. I really relate to a childhood
trauma because I've experienced my own. You know, most of
my clients that I work with in therapy have experienced
childhood trauma. It is my love, Like I really love

(10:16):
helping people to like dive deep into that trauma so
that their lives can be fulfilled today. So when she
started talking about like the sexual abuse. Also, like no
one even told her that her mom died like that.
You know, that is insane to me, and it is
one of the reasons why right people don't heal, because

(10:36):
you don't sit down and have that age appropriate conversation
that this person has left their you know, they've moved on,
they've died, they whatever, they've moved to a different place.
You know, families don't know how to do that, especially
in the black and brown community. I think we oftentimes,
and we're much better at that, I think in some
ways now today, But in the past, I think it

(10:57):
was so much easier to just let this child like
roam around the house and just feel like her mom
is coming back, as they had crazy and I was
just like, hello, can someone just tell her sit down
with her? Right? Hey, this is her mom, This is
her mom, This is an influential person in her life,
and she's never coming back, Like did anybody ever think

(11:19):
about But I also thought about the layers of the
grandfather being abused, right, and him being too afraid, you know,
the aunt being abusive, and the brother being abusing. I
was just like, this is so much like it was
very happy and.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know, normally for obviously because I have I experienced
my own childhood trauma, so certain episodes that revolve around
that it is a little triggering for me. But that
one took the cake. I was like, yeah, this is
a lot. Like I was trying my best during that
episode not to like, you know, not to show too
much emotion and get too invested in the story because

(11:55):
I don't want to trigger myself. But man, once I
got done with that recording, I think I started it
was just two yeah much.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
Yeah, yeah. I definitely had to go off and like
do some meditation, some releasing because and it was weird
because at first I was like, why do I feel
so heavy? Like I listened to it early in the day,
and then I was like going about my day, you know,
listening to it in a car, and by the end
of the day I really felt like this deep sadness.
And then I had to sit down and kind of

(12:23):
do a meditation. I was like, oh, it's this episode.
It is the things that are coming up from this episode.
Damn my bad, Dina, That's okay, that is totally okay.
You know. One of the things I also felt really
sad about for her is no one protected her right,
no one listened to her, And that is so prevalent
in children's lives, not even just the Black community, but

(12:46):
in the Latin community, right, and a child's life all
over this world, children are being abused and no one's listening,
no one's hearing, no one's protecting.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
So what would you say are some coping strategies for
survivors of family related trump?

Speaker 3 (13:01):
I think my main hoping strategy is therapy always, like
I feel like, you know, and and finding the right one.
Like in my own therapeutic journey, I've done EMDR, I've
done psychoanalytical right, and I think, you know, going into
that deeper childhood trauma to be able to one validate
that I'm feeling this way, right, validate that that person

(13:23):
is feeling that way, and that these things happened a way,
you know, the way they believe they happened. Now, of course,
as a therapist, you know sometimes you're not only just
taking things as face value, you're digging deeper. But you
want to feel validated that I'm not crazy, that I
was afused that no one protected me. The other thing,
I think us they're going along in their therapeutic journal

(13:45):
is you know, journaling their own feelings and you know,
really getting their feelings out, whether it's an audio journal,
whether it's writing it down. Also, right, investing in nurturing
trusting friendships, right, people that are different from what you
experienced as a child. Oftentimes we grow up and we
continue these toxic relationships that just continue to make us

(14:09):
feel unheard, right, make us feel like invalidated. But as
you go through your therapeutic journey and healing through this trauma,
you want to start nurturing some better relationships, some better
friendships that can be loving. Because I can probably in
my mind guarantee that she married a man that was
not listening, not nurturing any of these things. Yes, she
has the beautiful childs out of this.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
She married what she knew from her past.

Speaker 3 (14:33):
She married what she knew, which just perpetuates, you know,
all of those feelings of abuse.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Now, before we move on to our next episode, I
know grief is grief, right, But how does grief do
to valient laws show up differently than any other types
of grief? Because I feel like when the laws is
like very intense and valid, I feel like it may
show up and to pack the person way differently than
how like with my grief would losing my grandmother?

Speaker 3 (14:58):
Yeah, yeah, is you know, because it's like violent and
it's unexpected, right. I think the grief is so much
more deeper because it is unexpected, and it does affect
people so much more because they're thinking like what could
I have done different that day? You know, how could
I have changed that situation? There's so much anger towards

(15:20):
the perpetrator, right, that person. So it's so many layers
to it. It's not like losing your grandmother. You're not
like the nurses, you know, the nurses they did this,
unless it was a situation like that, if it's from
old age or like, you know, she's lived a full life.
At some point we knew this was going to happen, right,
the expectation. But when it's expected, there's all of this.

(15:41):
There's anger, there's shame, there's you know, all of this
guilt that's also in it, that's involved in that, which
creates a different type of grieving process. Right.

Speaker 2 (15:51):
Yeah. So next up, my ex was a serial killer.
So what was going through your mind as you heard
this story? Thought, God, I.

Speaker 3 (16:03):
Have to start with I love her personality. I think
that she definitely isn't a place in her life where
she understands that it's not her fault. Right. There were
all of these reasons why she got into it, but
as I was listening to it, you know, at one
point she definitely said, you know, I came from a
I believe, a two parent household, like a Christian household,

(16:23):
things like that. I always tell people, don't believe the hype, right,
coming from a two parent household, right, a Christian household.
They have trauma too, right, they got abuse, they got
all of that. The dynamics and relationships right where you
sometimes see the dad comes home, we don't talk to nobody,
the dad, you know, the mom and the dad don't talk.
And maybe I have a great relationship with my dad,

(16:45):
but my dad doesn't show anybody else love in the house.
And again, we attracted what we know. We tolerate what
we know, right, So I think some of that in
that relationship was tolerance based on her own ability to
handle certain dynamics of relationships. You know. The other thing
I think she mentioned earlier on is like everybody was

(17:07):
saying to her, like when are you getting married? When
you get married, you know, society precious women especially, and
we have this biological clock that's always ticking right, and
we want these things, children, in marriage, all of that
where sometimes you get to the point in your life
where you're like, I have to make this work right.
He has, you know, some of the qualities, but I

(17:27):
have to make this work right. And you know, when
I talk to clients, I'm like, no, no, no, you need
your list of non negotiables. What's your ideal person? Because
how do you know if this person is even someone
that you can remotely date if you don't even know
what you're looking for, right, And when we don't know
what we're looking for, it's how we get into these relationships,

(17:50):
right with someone that's just good enough?

Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, because that was crazy.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
I was like, girls, insane.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
It looked like nothing, she said. The sense is horrible.
I'm like, what are we doing here?

Speaker 3 (18:04):
And at some point you gotta ask you so? And
I've been there, done that. At some point you got
to ask you, so, why why am I doing this?
Why am I doing it? What am I really getting
out of this? And do I not love myself an
inkling of enough to continue to put myself in these situations?
Like at some point we got to have those conversations

(18:25):
where we're getting that ick in the middle of our
stomach that's saying, you know, he ain't about not saying
the sex ain't good. I don't feel like he's really
dating me, courting me. Like what am I doing this for? Like?

Speaker 2 (18:36):
What is right? But I feel like a lot of times,
like for me, disappointment is a really hard pill for
me to swallow. So what would be your advice to that?
Because I feel like with her it wasn't more so him,
It was more so her decision on allowing him to
be in this space with her, and then she had
a kid with him.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
I was like, yeah, for him, So what was this.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
Kind of betrayal due to someone's ability to trust themselves?

Speaker 3 (19:00):
Again, the major thing I tell people is reflect on
where you were when you started, right, Because if I
started with this person five years ago, and five years ago,
I was desperate, right. One of the episodes was like
I was desperate, you know, I was desperate. I really
wanted something to work. You know. I was just you know,

(19:22):
in a place where I was holding on for dear life.
But let's say five years four, where I am today?
I love myself I know I'm not going to do that.
I can't judge myself where I am today twenty twenty
five from what I did in twenty twenty, because in
twenty twenty, I didn't have the knowledge right right, or
that experience to actually say I could have made the

(19:43):
same decision. So you know, people always like hindsight is
twenty twenty. Yeah it is, But also looking back then,
I didn't have the knowledge to make that better decision
twenty twenty, right, So one look at where you were
in that time and really reflect on, well, of course
I would have made that decision because this is all
the thoughts that I was thinking, because everything that I

(20:04):
was going through. Then when you do that, you allow
yourself to race, right, you allow yourself to say, you know,
you allow yourself to be like, I'm not going to
blame me, right, I know where I was, and it
was inevitable if I didn't attract him, I was going
to attract another hymn that was very similar to him. Right,
But today I know that I would never be in

(20:27):
a situation like that because I know too much. I've
done too much. So one really starting to validate right
where you were back then, can really really support you
in trusting who you are today and moving forward.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
But is there a thin line between not knowing and
ignoring your intuition?

Speaker 3 (20:47):
Absolutely absolutely right, not knowing as I actually just didn't
know right that I could that this person could be
like this, Right, they weren't showing me any signs. Right,
Maybe he was going to work, can come at home
and doing all these things and to hear of the
household and loving and kind. Right, And you have situations
like that too, right, Will people really keep up the

(21:08):
front the whole time until everything explodes? But when you
get those little, you know, proms along the way of
this person kind of doing things, then this is you
really not wanting to addhere that the mouse is coming
right eating up the cross. You don't want to adhere
to that, right And oftentimes because I'm afraid of what

(21:30):
is to come, right, maybe I'm afraid of that conflict
with that person and I don't have enough support. The
other thing about that is, you know, you have to
be able or willing to let someone in the system, right,
the police department, which some of those things she did,
family members, right, But some of it is also just
getting yourself out and just being safe. And I always

(21:50):
say it's better to ask for forgiveness than you know,
say i'm sorry in the beginning, right, or whatever it is,
Get away as far as you can, and then you
talk about it later, right, because family members will adhere
to you being gone. Right, they're like, Oh, she's so
afraid she had to leave, versus sometimes you're talking to
them and they're like, oh, I don't believe that because
he's such a nice guy.

Speaker 2 (22:12):
Yeah, So how would you help someone unpack and release
the guilt they feel for not seeing the danger because
I can only imagine how this can affect somebody's psyche
for being in love with somebody as dangerous as he was,
and then also taking his son's life, which was also
her son.

Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah. Yeah, one, we are going to talk about where
were you when you started? Like what was some of
the thoughts, right, some of the beliefs that you had
when you started. We are going to go into childhood trauma, right,
we are going to go into family dynamics. What was
your family dynamics? Like right, like you you know, we
saw that she was like my father was really supportive,

(22:48):
you know, blah blah blah. But I have to say
this and with all due respect, where was your father
in the beginning? Right? How was your relationship with your
father super good? And then this is the type of
situation that came in your life, right, Like I personally
can and this is no judgment to her or anyone.

(23:09):
I can't imagine having this loving, kind relationship with your dad, right,
very open and warm and all of these things with
your dad and your mom. And then you have a
situation like this and you either can't talk to them,
they don't believe you. They're not telling you, yo, let's
get your stuff, like I've seen parents, right, and I've
had my own parents come and pack my stuff up,

(23:30):
like we going. You're not living anymore. I don't care
what you say. You're not talking to me not living here, right,
because they know the dangers. So I have to question
a little bit of that too. What was the dynamics
of those relationships? And I would do that with a client.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah, And in the fact that he rapes her sister,
I was like this nigga was wildent.

Speaker 3 (23:49):
Yes, he was just on his own a rampage and
your family, but I'm also thinking, like where where was everybody? Right,
it's happening.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
I'm not gonna lie. With that particular episode, I was
thinking about a lot of different things. One like how
you mentioned how society really put a crazy amount of
pressure on women to feel the need to either get
married or to have babies and all this other stuff,
and kind of like, I feel like she it really
forces her hand and this is how she got into
this unfortunate situation. But then I also feel like this

(24:32):
episode made me realize that we have a really unhealthy
relationship with trauma porn. And the reason why I say
that is because obviously in her book she is very
details about detail about every single thing. But for me,
I feel like I've been in a shift where like
I don't want to always talk about or display trauma.

(24:53):
Like I understand that the nature of the conversation, but
like I don't think that I need to ask somebody
who lost her child, how did her child die? Yes,
that is something that a lot of people like you
didn't go into that park with details, And I'm like,
why do I need to go into details a child
is did yes?

Speaker 3 (25:07):
Yes, right, And that's the same thing that I would
do in therapy too, Like there's some things I don't
need to know and I will say to a client,
is that something that you want to talk about? Right?
And if they say no, I'm leaving it like that,
right because I don't need I can get my answers
to help you heal in other ways, I don't have

(25:28):
to go into that day and all of those things
that happen that day, right, I can take it for
face value. Also, you know, am emotionally intelligent enough to
know the emotions that come with you losing a child
would probably led up to it. But some people are
really quick to just be like, well, tell me what
happened that day? Yeah, you know how right?

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Right?

Speaker 3 (25:48):
Like that.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
I just thought that was just so crazy because I
can't you cannot even imagine how many people hit me up.
And it was like, hey, like why you never asked
her like what happened? And I'm like, so by her book,
support her.

Speaker 3 (25:59):
Read the book, you know, fake the book up and
then you'll be able.

Speaker 2 (26:03):
To know, right, Okay, next conversation. This was part of
the Men series, which I absolutely love the fact that
we have the Men's series. Now. I was sexually abused
by a woman. What were your thoughts on that one?

Speaker 3 (26:18):
I was a little I don't know, if he had
a lot of nervous energy because it was it didn't
feel to me as serious as it really is. And
maybe because he was younger and all of this, you know,
had happened when he was young, when he was younger.
No judgment to him, but it just felt like it

(26:40):
was kind of a matter of fact, which led me
to believe it's because society treats it as it's a
matter of fact. Right, a man is assaulted by a woman,
So how could this man really grieve this and really
feel the intricacies and you know, shame and guilt and
all of that that a woman often sometimes can't feel either,

(27:01):
but it's more accepted when she gets raped or sexually assaulted.
It's because society didn't accept it, right, so he has
to see it more lighthearted, you know, than what we
would see it if we were being interviewed.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
Like, yeah, so, what are some misconceptions people have about
male survivors? Because I do feel like when a man
is sexually abused by a woman, it is not taken seriously.
And I do feel like now a lot of men
are starting to come out and share their stories, which
is forcing society to reshape the narrative around survivors and
what it looks like.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
I mean, aud, I mean, I still don't feel like
society is reshaping it. I think we have a group
of people that's yelling right that this is happening, but
I don't think we have enough people to actually say
this is serious, right. And some of the misconceptions is
that you know, men overpower women. So how did you
let that happen? Right now? Let that happen? And I

(27:55):
found myself, honestly too, in one moment, I'm like, why
you just didn't like push to to door? And then
I had to think to myself, One, he sounds like
he was really raised well by a mother who was like,
don't hit women, right, don't you know, get into those situations.
He was also in the military, so I know he
was like, I'm not trying to lose my military, you know,

(28:16):
career right by putting hands on this woman and it's
her word against mind. You know. I also had to
think of his childhood trauma too. But you know, I
feel like, one we think that men should overpow women.
I think one we think, and this was mentioned in
your episode, that you know men always want sex, right,
They're always gonna want sex and this is going to happen.

(28:38):
The other thing is, I don't think people understand when
you're being sexually assaulted, rapes or whatever. Your body sometimes
gives into this thing. It doesn't mean this act, It
doesn't mean you want it, but the body is going
to do what it does. Right, So sometimes people bere like,
well they gave in, right, they must have wanted it. No, no, no,

(28:58):
you're respond to it.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
Right.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
Your body still responds to being touched. Right, Physically touched
in certain places doesn't mean when you're done you don't
get a feeling disgusting and horrible, right, So I think
those are some of the misconceptions. Of course, society feels
like men always want sex. Their mind is always on sex.
You know.

Speaker 2 (29:19):
That's why I love law and order.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
Me.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
So, my girl Olivia, she taught me that, Like she
was talking to one of the rape victims, and she
was pretty much telling her, like, your body was responding
to it. That doesn't mean that you want it. It's
just that's just how the body operates.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
Yeah, And I didn't know me neither. I never knew that.
And then I started researching more, especially doing more trauma research.
And I was like, wow, it's so true. Even with women,
like they'll feel like, well, you know, I got aroused,
but I didn't want it. You know, your body is
going to respond and react. But again, you know, because
society feels like men always want sex, they're always thinking

(29:58):
about sex, and we don't have to even really take
this that serious. It's so funny. My husband and his friends,
I used to always think the same way. I'm like,
men always talking about sects, and they together, they're talking
about women, they bodies, whatever. And I remember being around
him and his friends one day and I go down
to like peak like in the basement to see what
they doing. You yes, I'm always nosy, asking questions, doing things,

(30:24):
and they down there like playing their video games. They
haven't like rat battles, right, They all in their forties now,
and they're having a rat battles and they're drinking their
beers and they're talking, and I text my girlfriend. I'm like,
you know, men they always talking about sex and they together.
I'm like, these mother folks down here having rat battles
like in my base, you know. And from then I realized, like,

(30:46):
you know, men enjoy each other's company, especially when they're
you know, healthy men together. You do have that group
of men that is talking about women and bodies and stuff,
but you have the most of you know, a majority
of men that are healthy and really just enjoyed the
camaraderie of friendships, right and talking about other things. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
So waite, So before we started recording, y'all, she was
we was going to keep keep it. I was like, no,
let's just save it for the episode. Is this the
episode that you listen to with your husband?

Speaker 3 (31:13):
I listened to the next one? Woman?

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Oh okay, okay, okay, okay okay. So, how can we
or even therapists or friends or partners, like, how can
we minimize male trauma? Because I like, I think you
make a good point and especial with society, Like we
always say when men want sex, are you sure that's
what men do? That's what boys do? And it's like, no,
you were sexually abused. You was taking advantage of So
how can we encourage more men to like speak up

(31:35):
for themselves and to share their stories?

Speaker 3 (31:39):
Number one, being a mother of a thirty year old
male and I'm a male cousin he's thirty, I have
a ton of male cousins and my family, and I
truly love to create a safe environment for them where
they understand that their feelings are valid. You know, they
can talk and I'll get a text from my little

(31:59):
cousin at like eight point thirty like when you get up,
you need to text me, you call me, and they'll
tell me about situations with them and a female and
what should they do and blah blah blah. And I
first let them know, like, your feelings are valid, right,
and don't feel like you're being a punk or you
know anything, because you have these emotions like they're real,
they're valid. So I think first creating those relationships where

(32:22):
men actually feel comfortable talking to you, whether you're their
sister or their friend, you know, their colleague, whatever, and
not having the wow factor like you know sometimes And
I got to do this too. I be like Dina,
watch your face, watch your face right when people say thanks,
you know me, making sure that you're not like, you

(32:43):
know when they tell you this happened to me, because
that face right just really shuts people down to or
that body language. So really helping them to know that
whatever experiences, whether they're sad they had a break up,
you know whether they felt rejected or abandoned. All of
that right is valid the same way you would do

(33:04):
for your female counterparts, do the same for your male counterparts.
So I let them know that all of this is
normal feelings to have, and I think we have to
start there. Once they start there, then they feel open
coming to us having these conversations. The other thing is
not believing, you know, going into it with you know,
these preconceived notions that we have about the world. Well,

(33:26):
you sure you didn't go over there one and that right, right,
You wouldn't say that to your friend, You wouldn't say
that to your girlfriend, so you wouldn't want anybody to
say that to you. So asking questions right like, well,
you know, did it feel like you were being overpowered?
Did this feel like this was happening? Like give me
your words right of what happened that day? And then

(33:47):
also asking people how can I support you? Right? What
would you like me to do? I always say to
my little cousins and my son, I'm like, Okay, now
that you've told me all of this, what do you
feel like you need? And they'll say, well, I just
needed to talk about it, or sometimes they're like well,
I need someone to help me do something about this.
And then I'm like, okay, how can we do that?

(34:07):
So the biggest thing too, is asking people how can
I support you? What would you need from me? What
is your goal after all of this? Sometimes we just
jump in and we want to help, right, We're like, oh,
you need to call the police, so you need to
do this, or you need to tell somebody. They may
not want to do any of that, right, And you
don't know that because you're just trying to create solutions.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yeah, because one of my solutions was I was like,
you ain't got.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
No female cousins. I did hear you say that?

Speaker 2 (34:32):
Put the shorty up?

Speaker 3 (34:34):
Like I know that is crazy? Yeah? Yeah? And I also,
you know, when I think of that too, I wonder
with his relationship with his mom too, Like, you know,
my son is thirty and he was in a relationship
that was kind of tumultuous too, And I was being
very honest with him. I'm like, that relationship is not healthy.

(34:55):
I'm like, it's not healthy. This is what it is
doing to you, right, this is who you or before that,
this is who you are today. And I can't tell
you what to do. But I can tell you how
this is gonna turn out. And I wasn't condoning that.
I'm like, don't I don't want them at my house.
I don't want you guys together and pretending like everything

(35:16):
is okay, and this is a toxic relationship. Someone's gonna
get hurt. I also involved the mother of that person.
I'm like, we need to be involved as a family,
Like what's going on in this relationship? You know? Now
fast forward, they've both gotten therapy, they moved out from
each other, they worked on themselves, and they're now in
a place where they're both really good. But we had

(35:36):
to all as a family get involved. You guys love
each other, but you got some toxic behaviors that are
going on, and we together as the family, need to
support If you feel like you want this to work.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Out, right, you play no games now.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
I'm just having meetings with them. I was like, Okay,
we're going to dinner, you know, we let's sit down.
And I was being honest with her, I'm like, so,
whin are you going to therapy? Like, so you talk
about your family and it thinks that you see in
your family. This is some of the reasons why these
behaviors are happening. I also am very clear with my son.
I have my son at nineteen, and at nineteen I
wasn't who I am today, right, So I'm sure I

(36:11):
always tell him, I'm sure I fucked you up in
some ways. So I'll say to him, too, right, some
of these behaviors that you're doing, I think it's because
of my own childhood experiences that you had, you know,
at one years old, two years old was around, And
I'll say to him too, we need to get you
in therapy too, right. I can be your only loss
of conversation. You need to be with someone that can

(36:32):
actually unpack these things right that you're feeling. Yeah?

Speaker 2 (36:36):
Yeah. And last, not at least for this for this episode.
How can survivors reclaim their identity and masculinity after an
experience like this?

Speaker 3 (36:46):
I think one again reflecting on like where was I
during this time and what happened, but also like being
able to forgive right, forgive yourself and work on yourself.
I noticed he said they did like mandatory therapy, but
they didn't really continue it, right, He himself should want
to continue it because what happens. He also talked about

(37:08):
he still was having these types of relationships as he
moved forward. So, you know, a major thing is having
the courage to put a holt in your dating life,
right in your life and saying, Okay, something's off. And
if I'm continuously in these relationships that are abusive and
toxic and you know, being sexually assaulted, maybe somewhere inside

(37:31):
of me I'm attracting or entertaining. And I'm not going
to say attract, because I think we all attract certain
types of people. It's who we actually entertain that affects
our lives so much deeper. You know, you have to
put a holt in your life and say, I need
to figure out what's going on. I need to figure
out why I'm entertaining these situations and continuously, you know,
being in some of these situations, even though I don't

(37:52):
ask for it, is what is leading to. And I
think once you start doing that, then you start to
reflect on what's going on. Where's the breakdown right in
my life? What is the emotional damage that has happened?
And you start to heal through that. And I'll go
back to an earlier comment I made. Starting to nurture
better relationships with your self Number one and the people

(38:14):
around you.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
Right, yeah, listen, y'all get some free therapy advice.

Speaker 3 (38:19):
Yeah, Dianamlina dot com.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
Okay, make sure you give my girl a donation. Leave
me a five star review, baby, because Dina and not
cheap chat.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
All right.

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Next episode, one of my favorites. It just came out,
I accidentally took someone's life. This is the one that
you and your husband was listening to. What were your thoughts?
Did anything surprise you on this one?

Speaker 3 (38:44):
My heart went outside from the beginning, you know. One
of the reasons. And this was later in the episode
when she got arrested and you were like, you know, dang,
you could have beat that. You couldn't have taken to trial,
And she's like, I don't have no more money. Right.
The system like our system. This woman who was involved

(39:04):
in this accident, right, No, one couldn't even give her
the financial assistance to be able to support that. Because
I also remember Brandy, remember back in the days, was
in a very similar situation where she was in a
car accident and someone died. She did zero time, right,
she did zero time. And that's because of who she

(39:26):
is and the amount of money she has. So this
woman could have definitely done zero time too, right, because
you know, if she would have had the finances, But
she just seemed like the homegirl that you want to
be with, Like her spirit was so you know, just
jove you. But my heart went out to her, you know,
and when she first got into the accident and was

(39:48):
like flipped out of the car right the adrenaline where
she got up and she was walking and then again
found herself in a helicopter and had to go through
that year time of being in the hospital. That number
one one. My husband also went through a very similar
situation where he was in the hospital for a year
and lost his leg, and some of the conversations we
have you know today, he was just like, you know,

(40:11):
I was just in a place where I was just
so depressed, like you know, things like that, and I
had to you know, people were coming to see me
to try to lift my spirits and then having to
come home and now go to she had to go
to jail. Like he was able to come home and
start to heal from that place, but then she had
to go to jail as a disabled person.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, did this episode trigger him or like didn't make
him reflect?

Speaker 3 (40:35):
No? No, he's like, you know, that happened when he
was young, young, and now I mean he's also married
to a therapist, so we talk about a lot of
his trauma often a lot of both of our traumas.
Often we've created that space in our household, were able
to do that. But when he was listening to it,
he was just like one. He was like Ebeney definitely

(40:58):
answered all the questions. You know, he first came in,
he was like, that's up in the head. I was like,
this is this and he was like, oh my god.
So he started that. He said she had all the questions.
That was just one point. I loved the interview so much.
But he was also like, you know, that's so sad
that she had to go do that and be in
a place where you know, disabilities weren't even really you know, respected,

(41:19):
like not being able to get to some of the
programs and things like that she wanted. But also people
don't get that when you kill someone right, and so
many people in this world are like, I would have
just killed him, okay, but then how do you think
your life changes that emotional exactly, that you took a
life right and someone's blaming you. But taking a life.

(41:51):
I ain't gonna lie.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
This was one of those episodes because I was doing
my research whatever, and I was like, wait a minute,
something just not adding up. Like I hate when I
have to pull in the race card, but I was
just something just not adding up. But the other platforms
that she was a part of, for the most part,
that I saw were all white men. So I was like,
I gotta ask the question. And when I asked her

(42:13):
about this person's race, that person's race, and the person
who passed away, I was like, damn, that was it was.
It was really heartbreaking because this was a citizen who
works for the law, which was crazy to me.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
And the man who originally created the whole accident. You know,
I can imagine he just lied to the police officers, right,
and probably was like I just I just seen it,
you know, I just seen the accident happening. I know
he also, I feel like I wanted to feel like
he also is living with some guilt because you could

(42:49):
lie all day long, unless at the end of the day, right,
unless you're a demon, or you're a sociopath or a psychopath, right,
you you you have to look yourself in the mirror.
Every day. You have to lay down with yourself at night,
and that accident replays and replays, right, and you have
to know at some point, I mean, God is gonna
let you know at some point you are a part

(43:11):
of that situation and you created that. So he may
have bypassed jail and things like that, but I'm sure
emotionally mentally he also have gone through some trauma. Again,
unless he's a psychopath.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Or a demon. Oh, you know, you bring up a
good point about how unfortunately these situations are so common,
because we did hear by Brandy and so many other
people who have been in these unfortunate situations. So how
do you help someone forgive themselves after unintentionally causing harm?

Speaker 3 (43:41):
Well, we'll talk about the entire situation. Right, what was
that day? Like? Right, what was the decision that they made?
Why did they make that decision? Right? Like, her decision
to veer out of her lane into another lane was impulsive, right,
and she couldn't have thought of you know, we do

(44:01):
that every day. Right. If you're on the highway and
someone you know, you New York traffic, Jersey traffic, things
like that, Right, you're driving, someone pressed the brake, you
decide to jump out. If you would have known that
things would have been different and it would have turned
out to be different, you would have made a different choice. However,
you didn't have that ability to do that. Right, maybe

(44:23):
moving forward, but also we might always make that same
choice because we're thinking of our own lives, right, because
I was mashed into the back of a car. So
I try to go through detail by detail of what
created that opportunity right to make that decision in that moment,
And in clients seeing that, right or working through that,

(44:44):
they realize, you know, it wasn't a fault of mine, right,
this was it was just what happened in that day, right, Like,
she wasn't the person that thought because many times when
you're going to cut someone off, you think about let
me cut let me turn here. His thought was to
do that. Her thought was to save a life, right,
which was her own. So I try to help them

(45:06):
to like go through those details, to go through those
stories to see how this was instinctual for her right
to move and not something that she chose. And and
people realizing that it wasn't a choice, forgiveness starts to happen.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
Yeah, yeah, and not to only imagine a role that
guilt and forgiveness played in the process of.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Feeling absolutely and then we'll definitely do like, you know,
some daily activities when you wake up in the morning,
because for some reason, mornings are the hardest when people
deal with grief, they deal with trauma, you know, when
they deal with unforgiveness. It's like when you first wake
up in the morning, everything hits you and given clients

(45:48):
some types of like, you know activity. So when you
wake up in the mornings, you know, you'll sit with
yourself in some quiet time, reminding yourself of decisions that
you've made, things like that, reframing you know, some of
the negative talk that's in your mind that will create
a long day of you just belitting yourself or you know,
talking down to yourself, suicidal thoughts. Right to be intentional

(46:13):
with their days until this becomes like natural for them,
So really reframing those narratives that they've been told to
because I'm sure her being in court, you know, reading
the newspapers, reading the media, things like that, people like
she's such a monster, right, this is what she did.
They make it sound like she intended to create this
entire you know situation when she was really just like

(46:36):
a pawn in like the entire you know, game that
was played that.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Day, and the fact that she was on her way
to work. Child, it's a CEO.

Speaker 3 (46:44):
It's crazy, It's absolutely crazy. The other thing I was
thinking is, you know, as the CEO, she should have
had legal you know, they should have given her some
type of legal support in that, you know, like.

Speaker 2 (46:57):
Thinking they're like, why did they not support you?

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Yeah? Yeah, And sometimes we don't know that we even
have some of those supports, you know, even when I
talk to clients, I'm like, you know, your insurance comas
blah blah blah, And I'm like, no, no, one never
told me. I'm like, yeah, they're not gonna put that
on the website. You got to call and ask questions.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I definitely think that therapy would
definitely help somebody separate their identity from this incident, because
I think that once somebody loses their life, I can
see how it can be so easy for somebody to
just get so swallowed up by the unfortunate circumstances instead
of realizing like it was truly an accident.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah, that's so that is so important that you say
that like we when we get into these incidents, in
these situations serial killer, you know, husband, boyfriend, our identity
to become that, right, I married a serial killer, our
identity to become I was sexually assaulted by a woman, right,
as opposed to you know, I, you know, didn't really

(47:54):
have a choice in this situation sometimes, Right, this happened
to me. So when we do, you know, separate ourselves
from those incidences, we do actually realize, you know, that
we're not that right. I'm not just this this actually
happened to me. Right. I had a you know, situation
with someone that was talking about someone who you know,

(48:16):
betrayed them and lied to them and stole from them
and all of these things. And they just kept saying,
I'm just so stupid, and I'm like, you're not right
that person did that thing to you. Don't ever forget that, Right,
I'm a person here being trusting and someone hurt me.
That's not who I am, right, That's what happened to me.

(48:37):
And I'm trying to help clients, you know, and I
do help clients to understand this thing happened to me.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
Yeah, But I think you make a good point about
just how how we speak to ourselves. Is very important
because I know when I before I started with therapy,
I used to say I was a part er. I
did this a while and I'm like, no, girl, that's
not the case. Like you do not have a choice
in this.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
Yeah, and people do it to us. We get these
you know, think about when we're born into this world
where like this white sheet, right, we're born, we're innocent,
we don't have any of these things. And as we
continue yet we're like a white sheet, right, And as
we continue to walk through life, people are penning these
little labels on us, right, penning just a bunch of

(49:18):
little labels before you know it, but just filled with posts, right,
with labels on us, beliefs on us. And it's really
up to us to start taking off those posters and
say this is not me, right, this is what happened
to me, This is what someone said about me, but
it is not who I am.

Speaker 2 (49:34):
Yeah, and last but not least, this is hands down
one of my favorite series, my.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
Skaaky series, my favorite right.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
I love the spooky series. Oh and my producer, shouts Taylor,
He's just does an amazing job with the sound effects
and stuff like so good so from the spooky series
My Journey with My Grandfather's Ghost. What were your thoughts
about this episode?

Speaker 3 (49:59):
First, I love the guests. He was just so like
fool and you know, yes, this one really also resonated
with me a lot because he's biracial and I'm biracial too,
and you know something like that, Yes I am. I
mean my mother be like, your dad is black. My
dad is Puerto Rican, My mother is black. My mother
be like we all black, right, you know I'd be like, ma, okay,

(50:24):
like I know, but he is Puerto Rican and you're
black and growing up in the hood. I grew up
in Brooklyn Best Star and I was one in the seventy. Yes,
I grew up writ in Roosevelt Projects. I was like
one of the very few biracial kids in my area.
And it was so hard to be accepted by people.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
Right, you're not so resonated with you for real.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
Yes, you're not black enough right to be one of us.
You're very different. You look different. The other thing was
I wasn't Puerto Rican enough. I didn't know Spanish right,
and if I did speak a little bit of Spanish,
I didn't have the accent. So It's weird being in
my father's family because they didn't see me as Puerto Rican, right.

(51:07):
I was the black kid in their family, And then
in my own family, I was the life skinned kid,
and now my family loved me. I was still different
from most people in my family just by complexion and
things like that, and in my neighborhood it was horriboy.
I was boyed terribly in my schools and things like that.
My mom tried really hard to like transfer me out

(51:29):
and put me into different schools, but you just don't
fit in. There's no way to put you right.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
Yeah, I really enjoyed this conversation. And I don't know
if I showed this on the episode afterwards or whatever
or just to my listeners, but I was low key
nervous to have this conversation with him because of who
he is, because he is a I always say, a
world renowned seeing and journalist, so I was like, I
got to make sure my questions is on point all
this other stuff. So I'm really happy that you enjoyed

(51:55):
this conversation. I really enjoyed this. Like I think that
his story was just so so so amazing on so
many different levels. When it came to race, when it
came to me, to health, when it came to just
the times, like I love having a conversation that involves history.
And then also like he's I think he said he's
friends with him and Kamala Harris have mutual friends.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
And I was like, yeah, yeah, right, he really enjoyed
talking to you. You were like definitely. I was like, yes,
get a girl, because you definitely showed that you read
the book, but you didn't just come with like basic questions,
like you really had him thinking about like how these
things affected him and felt for him. And he played
that out a couple of times like oh yeah, you

(52:37):
really read the book.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Yeah, And you know what, his book actually had me
crying and it actually made you want to. I think
his book because we I think after the conversation we had,
we was talking like an hour and some changed later,
and I would say that he's probably one of the
main people who encouraged me to start having that relationship
with my father.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
Oh wow, Yeah, we was talking about amazing.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
Yeah, we was talking about that, and he was like,
you know, buy tape, record and record everything. Because I
was just sharing with him about my goals and stuff
and It's so funny because the podcasting has really changed
my life and the different type of people that I've
been so fortunate to me because of the podcast and
has just been like like sometimes it really makes me
appreciative and emotional because it's like wow, like who would

(53:20):
have thought just talking to people would be so influential,
But yeah, he was. I love talking to him and
to this day we still keep in contact.

Speaker 3 (53:30):
I like, I like that. I like that. Yeah, his
whole story. I mean, he he really didn't share time
because I think because of the book, right, I noticed
when you have people with the book, they kind of
like give you a little bit, but they like buy
the book right for the book. But you got so
much from his story about like his dad and you
know also how his dad doesn't date black women now,

(53:53):
like his dad was definitely like you don't date black women.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
That was crazy.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
It's been hard for him and then his mom having schizophrenia. Yeah, yeah,
he had a lot of a lot of layers there.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Ghosts. You see your white racist granddaddy's ghosts.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
Exactly coming back, you know, And and what's his grandfather
like sitting with him or or talking to him, like
because ghost could be in so many things. You know,
when I talk to clients sometimes they do talk about
like dreams and ghosts and things like that, and you know,
we'll talk about like, you know, have you seen them?
Are they talking to you? I love that side of therapy.

(54:35):
But I tell you, don't let my clients show I'm
talking about they had a dream. I'm like, oh, let's
talk about this dream research, yes, because I also have
a lot of like dreams and stuff like that, which
I think is weird. I dated some well. My son's
father was big into like visions and dreams when he

(54:55):
was younger, and I feel like from being around him,
I came more in tune with like my visions and
my dreams. So throughout life, I always know when I'm
like not in my spirituality because I don't have any
dreams that I remember. But I try to stay like
in my spirituality. I try to stay prayed up and
things like that because I love to remember my dreams

(55:16):
in the morning. And my family is always like, girl,
please don't tell me your dreams. I'm like, no, You're
gonna know, and I'll have dreams of like I had
a dream years ago. One of my friend's husbands was cheating,
and I told her, told her, I, in my visions
at times, I can see everything. I can see me
what they're doing, what they're wearing, you know where they're at,

(55:39):
you know, things like that. So I told her and
she didn't believe me. Two years later, the entire incident
happened the same way I told her. It happened. Yes,
And I've had like visions of things that happened in
my life like before time. Now I know how to
control it. Before I would just be like, oh, it's
like a de ja vou. But now I'll say, you know, God,

(56:00):
just give me the strength whenever that you know, whenever
that situation is going to happen, let me know how
to handle that. And then when it comes, I exactly
know how to handle it. But I still get that
flash of like you've been here before, you knew what
this was.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Going to be.

Speaker 2 (56:14):
Same, I have the same thing. Like a lot of times,
like I feel like God has shown me so much,
Like sometimes it just feels like a lot of downloads
and I'm like, I know it's going to happen, I
just don't know when it's going to happen. One of
the things that I think I told you about this,
like I had dreams about you know, I knew when
my grandmother was going to pass, Like I remember that dream.
I had dreams with me joining this network, like I

(56:34):
have such vivid dreams. And I'm like, and I think
that's sometimes the reason why I don't get excited about
a lot of things, because I'm like, I already saw
it before.

Speaker 3 (56:42):
Mm hmmmmmm. But you got to still get excited about
it even even though you saw it before, because the
vision that you're getting is just that this thing is
going to happen, but the journey is then actually happening,
which is where the excitement comes from.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
Oh maybe I get it, you know it is it's
a delayed excitement, like I should be excited when it happens,
but it probably don't hit me into like a week later,
like oh shit, bit you really did it?

Speaker 3 (57:06):
Yeah for you, like me knowing you, I think because
you worked so hard to get to these places and
you truly manifest these things. Like I remember first talking
to you our first couple of meetings. She was like,
I'm gonna be on her network. I'll be doing right,
And I was like, what, you know, I was like, Okay,
I'm gonna be in this journey with her. And when

(57:26):
it happened, I think because you manifest this it like
the first happen Like the first happenings of it, you're
not super excited, but as you're on the journey, you're
excited about it because you knew it was gonna happen,
like you created this thing.

Speaker 2 (57:42):
And yes, I never get excited until a year later
I'm like, oh shit.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
Huh, or somebody remind you, like, oh my god, you're
doing this. You're like, yes, I actually am right.

Speaker 2 (57:53):
That's a fact.

Speaker 1 (57:53):
Did it did?

Speaker 2 (57:54):
We've been doing this for a long time.

Speaker 3 (57:56):
Yes we have, Yes, we have.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
So how do you distinguish between spiritual encounters and mental
health concerns without judgment?

Speaker 3 (58:06):
So mental health is different, like you know from what
we know about mental health, Like if someone is the
envisions and things like that, it's gonna come with a
ton of other things like erratic behavior, right, manic behavior.
So if someone comes to me and i'd like to
say that, you know, I have really good relationships with
all of my clients unless you're new and we just

(58:27):
didn't really start yet, so I usually know their behaviors. Right,
Like when a client gets on a call with me,
and most of mine is on zoom. Unless a client
is doing something, I can already tell their mood when
they get on the fall. Sometimes I can even feel
very though I believe I am too, and I feel

(58:48):
like I can feel their anxiety sometimes through a zoom call. Right,
I'm like, oh, I feel your anxiety. What's happening?

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Right?

Speaker 3 (58:55):
And they're like, hey, okay, let's just get into it.
So I think when it comes to mental illness, you're
gonna get all these other signs, right, manic behavior, you're
gonna get depression, you're gonna get anxiety, You're gonna get
erratic behaviors, right, decisions, that's erratic, right, people, that's impulsive
things like that. When it's spiritual, it's much more calm, right,

(59:16):
Like a person can come to you and say I
had this dream and you know, I really don't know
how to decipher it, and we'll talk about it. There's
no erratic behavior, there's no haste in it, right, it's
just really really calm working with the client that has,
you know, more spiritual spirituality, I would say, like a
deeper spirituality. They're more open to talk about like the

(59:40):
unseen right. And this is a part of my therapeutic
journey that I wanted as a therapist, want to incorporate
and have been incorporated in more just religion and you know,
faith because I feel like, you know, a lot of
clients that I've worked with, it is very hard for
me to say to you, Okay, so we can't see

(01:00:03):
that there's a possibility that things can get better, right
if you don't believe that there's a higher being, a
higher power in this world of this world. Right. So
that has been hard in my journey as a therapist.
And I'm now I'm feeling like just much more comfortable
talking about that. Like I'm not going to say to you, girl,

(01:00:23):
believe in Christ, right, because that's what I do. But
I will say Christ right. I will say, well, what's
your spirituality, Like, what's your spiritual belief? Do you believe
that there's a higher power that is, you know, above
and beyond us? And when they say yes, my mind
is like yes, you know, because now we can really say, okay,

(01:00:44):
let's talk about faith. And you know, when you can't
do something, when you can't forgive, when you can't it's
so deep in your soul and heal right, how do
we get this to happen with God? Right? How do
we get this to happen with faith? And it just
feels so much more like me, like my world, and

(01:01:06):
I enjoy clients that can do that. Of course, I
still have some clients that's like I don't believe in nothing.
I'm like, okay, I'm going to meet you where you're
at too. But I think that's you know, how I
tell the difference to based on your spirituality and our
spiritual connection that we can have.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
That's why I love your former therapy in a way
you approach it because you you include so many different techniques,
Like I feel like you got the obviously from Brooklyn,
so you got the around the way energy, but then
you got the obviously you are professionals. We went to
school for this, so you have the therapy and the
tools and the things that you learned in school, but

(01:01:44):
then you also have like a Your approach just always
made me feel comfortable, and I feel like you do
a really good job with combining them but also navigating
to alter how it would feel for that particular client.
I think that's really dope because I feel like some
people just have one type of technique, but that one
technique may not always be the best for every single
client that you encounter with.

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
Yeah, yeah, thank you for saying that. You know. One
of the things I always joke about is like I
was a therapist since I was like seven, you know,
I was. You know, it was my way of finding
peace with friendships. Like you know, I trauma bonded with
a lot of people, but in a way where we
talked about like our trauma. But I always had solutions

(01:02:25):
for people. I was like, well did you try this?
And I try this? And you know, my mother and
my grandmother used to always be like I was very
wise for my age, and you know I would I
would also sit down and talk to my mother about
things like, you know, things that hurt, and you know,
all of those kind of aspects. So I feel like
a lot of my experience came from just life, even

(01:02:46):
though I have the education behind it, because you know,
you can't walk in the door trying to do nothing
if you ain't got this education right, right. But a
lot of it too is like you having spirituality, you know,
you being able to see people where they are, you
having experiences you know, I've also studied in different countries
and done you know a lot of volunteer experience in

(01:03:07):
other countries around other races and cultures. And that also supports,
you know, being able to help a regular client from Brooklyn, right,
because I can see things in a very much different way.
So I think that also supports me being able to
have like all these different forms and techniques and things
like that. I'm also not afraid to get outside of
the box, like I may not look like your normal therapists,

(01:03:29):
you know. Like a client and I were talking yesterday.
She was saying it was her birthday. I was like,
you know, I really want to be that therapist that
sends people a postcard. It's just like, well, what do
you think do you think people would feel like that's,
you know, acrossing their bounties. I'm like, I don't know.
The clients that I have, they would be like, oh
my gosh, you remembers my birthday, right, And I'm like,
I mean your dental office will send you one, right,

(01:03:50):
your doctor's office will send you on Why not the
person who knows your inner deeper secret, right, that is
one of your biggest cheerleaders in life. Why not them
saying happy birthday. I've witnessed your journey over this year.
I think to me, that would be so much more
amazing than getting a damn car from your dental office. Right.
You know, somebody doesn't know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
You like, it's that you care.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
It shows that you care. And I always want clients
to know that I care. I'm a human and you're
a human, And though you're sitting here, you know, telling
me all your deepest secrets, I don't want you to
ever feel like, well, I don't know her, right, I don't.
I don't know this person. I'm just talking to her.
She's just giving me solutions. I want us to know
each other, and that's how healing happens, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
To wrap up this episode, you know, I really enjoy
my Spooky series. So Spooky series come out every October
because you know, I love scary shit. But I also
think that with this series, you know, it adds such
a more of a deep emotional layer when it comes
to the storytelling. So what message do you think listeners
should really take away from the Spooky series when it
comes to stories like these, Because the forgiveness with the

(01:05:04):
whole racism, with his grandfather's goals Like that was just
so crazy to me. Like that, hands down, that was
like one of my favorite episodes from Spooky series.

Speaker 3 (01:05:13):
Yeah. I think when it comes to like you know,
family members, ancestors, you know, things like that showing up
or you constantly thinking about them, you really reflecting on
why do I think this might be coming up in
my life? You know, Like sometimes when clients talk about
a dream, I'm like, okay, Like, so, what's going on

(01:05:34):
in your awake life that might be bringing up you know,
these things in your your when you're sleep and your
most vulnerable. So I would definitely say to clients like, really,
question why is this coming up? Right? Why am I
dreaming about this? Why am I Why am I possibly
seeing this person? Is there some unresolved issues there? Right?
Am I not getting something in certain relationships that I

(01:05:57):
that I'm in? And it's why I'm dreaming about these things? Like,
you know, don't feel embarrassed about it, right, sit down
with yourself and ask yourself these questions, because these things
show up for a reason, these spirits, right ghost quote unquote, right,
you know, these things show up for a reason in
your life, and it's usually to tell you something and

(01:06:17):
don't be afraid of that, Like because of society and
movies and stuff, we get so embarrassed like oh my god,
I'm seeing this spirit right or I'm having these dreams,
and then we don't want to We don't really want
to think about it, we don't want to process it.
But that's what keep it coming back, right, or that's
what keeps unresolved issues like don't be afraid to have
these things come up in your life. They're happening for

(01:06:39):
a reason.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Right right. Okay, So we almost finished a couple more questions,
So what advice would you give to listeners who might
be triggered by these episodes? And the reason why I
ask is because, as you know, I've been having five
point stars on Apple podcasts. Please make surely with five
points star review and I dropped down to four point
nine because this girl gave me I think she even

(01:07:03):
gonna wanted to start review. And she was pretty much
saying how she feels as if the question why why
are you looking like that?

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
Right?

Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:07:11):
And she feels that's the way I ask questions can
be very insensitive. So she's referring to a conversation that
had with my guests. Who who who got herpies from
her stepfather?

Speaker 3 (01:07:23):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
So that was a really amazing conversation. But you know,
like we I feel like I have a really good
relationship with my guests where you know, we can have
these kinds of conversations and it may come off as
being direct, but that's not the case. And I was
just like, wow, like I really felt a way that
Shorty gave me a one star. But then when I
was talking to my guests, because I was like, hey, that, like,
did I make you feel uncomfortable or anything? And she

(01:07:44):
was like, girl, no, Like this was hands down one
of the best interviews. But she was like, now you
have to understand you probably trigger her when you asked
that question. So what is your advice to listeners who
may listen to these episodes but it's like it may
be triggering for them, and they don't give me no
one star?

Speaker 3 (01:08:01):
I mean, don't listen. The thing about podcast and I
hate to be insensitive, but we live in a world
where there's so much information around us, right, and we
we don't understand that we have a choice, right, So
if this triggers me the way this person is asking
questions there's another Homegirls situation podcasts out there that you

(01:08:22):
could listen to that's right for you. There are millions
of podcasts out there, right, Or if that episode triggered,
you don't listen to that episode. Right. The other thing
I would say, more clinical side, is sit back and
ask yourself wise trigger me? Right? So did I go
through situations in my life where I felt like people
were being insensitive you know, to me, or no one

(01:08:44):
was hearing me or invalidating me. Does it feel like
something that I've had, you know, in a situation in
my life that I've had before, And if it is,
I need to work through that, Like, it ain't your fault,
It ain't this woman's for why you are being triggered.
Your triggers are yours because you've had situations. That's one
thing we don't get either. It's like when we're triggered, right,

(01:09:07):
that person might be triggering us, but that that wound
is our own, right, It is our own wound that
needs to be healed, you know. The last thing I'll
say is sometimes we have to think about like when
these situations happen. You know, it's not meant for you
to be joking, like what I'm trying to say is

(01:09:29):
like when when you're listening to a podcast like this,
and let's say you're, you know, having jokes and ki
ki and and things like that, it doesn't mean you're
being disrespectful. It's your style of interviewing, right. And that
person who came on your show has listened to all
of your interviews before that some of them, and have
chosen to be on your show, so they already know

(01:09:52):
how you're going to interact with them, right, and they've
accepted that by coming on your show. So I can't
get mad at you saying you key can with the
this person being insensitive. These people do their work before
they get on your show. Hopefully they do right right, right,
They know your style. Like if Barbara Walter is someone
back in the days, we're gonna interview somebody, they know
she getting your business or she used to, right, So

(01:10:14):
they had to listen to that and think about that
before they accepted that time Oprah Oprah ask you all
kind of questions. She don't care. Oprah gets in it right.
And before a person goes on an Oprah show, they
better be ready and their PR team better say you
better be ready for her style of interviewing. But I
think you know, what I go back to is her

(01:10:35):
original responsibility to self. If you got on here and
you felt like this podcast does not take people's you
know stuff, seriously, stop listening.

Speaker 2 (01:10:44):
Right, right, and then go work on your trauma, because
to me, they listen, you feel they lets me know
that your trauma has been on process.

Speaker 3 (01:10:51):
Yeah. That's like when I see people give a one
star review on Amazon or something, and then you read
the review, They're like, I never got my product. You didn't.
This is a review of the product you if anything,
DM you and say, hey, this is what I've been thinking.
I chose not to leave a review because I feel

(01:11:13):
this way about the situation.

Speaker 2 (01:11:16):
That's what I'm saying. I really felt the way I
was like, girl, I could have five point oh stars
for six years.

Speaker 3 (01:11:21):
Yeah yeah, yeah, what do I know? I mean, you're
gonna give ones, you know, at one time or another,
but you have to take those with the fives, you know,
as you move along, and also remind yourself, right or
you I think also reflect on why she said this, right,
This is her responsibility to take care of herself too,

(01:11:43):
right If this was not her type of episode, or
type of podcast. It's her responsibility. She really you know,
I mean, it's not your responsibility, because you already say
in the beginning, this is this type of podcast. We kiki,
we laugh, we cry, we do all of this. You
say that in that's all I say.

Speaker 2 (01:12:02):
So, for someone who doesn't have access to a therapist,
what tools or practices would you recommend? I feel like
therapy is so affordable now, like you should. People shouldn't
be able to have access to therapy right.

Speaker 3 (01:12:12):
Me too. Even if you want to work with that
favorite therapist and their price is way too high for you,
ask them, can they refer you to someone else? You know?
For someone who don't have they're not in therapy, it's
really hard for you to heal through things unless you
are super diligent about reading right, reading books, doing research

(01:12:34):
about trauma, like the web has a blesor of information.
You know, do the work, read research right, find follow
things on social media that give you information, also being
aware that not all of that that you read and
you you know the people you follow are always going
to be effective. The reason why therapy is so effective

(01:12:54):
is because of conversations right now you're having with someone
you know, when you're just reading and you're taking and
you don't have anybody that's really being accountable to you,
but you so you want to also have the therapy
side of things. But if you can't, I don't want
to say it can't afford it, because you can get
therapy for twenty five dollars nowadays on different sites. You know,
if you can't insurance many insurances, therapy is free. If

(01:13:17):
you can't do that research, you know, look online, follow
people on social media that's talking about the thing that
really resonates with you, the healing that you need to
be doing, and then also do the damn work. Like
you know, people want to take it things and have
conversations like yes, I was triggered and I have trauma
and all of that, But are you really doing the

(01:13:39):
work right when you get triggered? Are you just lashing
out right or are you sitting back and saying, wow,
it's triggered. I wonder really where that's coming from. How
do I work that? Maybe let me journal, maybe let
me pray, and let me talk to someone. Right, it's
not just about the talk, it's about also doing the work.

Speaker 2 (01:13:59):
Yeah, I know who therapy therapy they can get for
twenty five dollars.

Speaker 3 (01:14:04):
No no, no, I used to. I remember I started.
I started with twenty five dollars an hour.

Speaker 2 (01:14:14):
Yeah that's so funny.

Speaker 3 (01:14:16):
You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no more.

Speaker 2 (01:14:20):
What makes you hopeful about listening to these stories or
just the podcast it stuff? Because I feel like you
have definitely been one of my biggest supporters since the
Yes I started the podcast when I was with you, Yes.

Speaker 3 (01:14:32):
You did.

Speaker 2 (01:14:33):
I did.

Speaker 3 (01:14:34):
When I met you it was doing your last Yes
we were at that We was at that like event together,
like a women's event, and I met you. Yeah. You know,
one thing I'll say is you never changed, like you
never not that you you haven't grown, but your personality
have never changed. Some people, when you see them in
the beginning and then where they are, where they're you know,

(01:14:55):
quote unquote successful and doing all lads being seen by people,
they change. They don't remember you, they don't talk to you,
they don't talk about their you know, the things that
they've done their journey. They're just a different person. You
have been ebanated from day one, right, the same person
that I've seen in my office, that I met at event.
You know, things like that, You've been the same person

(01:15:17):
and the same positive person even in the midst of
some of the things that you dealt with. You've always
seen things through a glast half full. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like when I listen to your podcast, it
gives people a space that is not always one hundred
percent heavy and tearful and er feel Yes, I think

(01:15:41):
your space is needed for people who have worked through
their trauma. It's still working through it, but don't see
themselves as victims, right, And you have those podcasts where
people are still victims, right, and you know they see
themselves in that victim state, and you know they don't
trust and life has not moved forward for them. But

(01:16:03):
your podcast is different because people have gone through it,
they've worked through it, they're working through it, and they
moved forward in their lives. They're getting married, they're engaged,
they have children, you know, all of these things and
they're working through it. And that's why I really really
love your podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:16:20):
Me too, And I feel like the podcast is just
a testament of the things I went through of just
being in some really fucked up situations and thinking that
it was going to never end, but it always ends.
Tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do. So I
really love the stories that I showcase on the podcast
because I really feel like this is like the peak
print to black womanhood.

Speaker 3 (01:16:42):
Yes, yes, it is right, Yes it is. Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:16:46):
Now, last, but not least, Which story impacted you the
most of all the episodes that we discussed and why.

Speaker 3 (01:16:52):
The one that impacted me the most, I would say
is the first one. Again, I'll go to the first
because of the childhood trauma, and you know, it's so
representative of the black community, you know, like people not
listening to you, validating your trauma, not even helping you

(01:17:13):
to feel like trauma exists. You know, we sweep it
under the rug and we just think that it's going
to go away. However, years later it shows up in
all your relationships in your life. And I think that
resonated with me so much because it's still happening today.
You know, even though this woman has moved forward through
all of this, I think that therapy could really really

(01:17:34):
help her to have some of the most fulfilling relationships
in her life, you know, to feel loved again, to
experience intimacy, sexual intimacy, all of these different things that
was stripped away from her so young, and when I
you know, she the reason why I do this work, right,
because when we were children, right, someone told us we

(01:17:56):
were not enough. Someone showed us that we were not enough.
You know, we were abuse and neglected and all of
these things that make us feel like adults that have
no choices in their lives. And that resonated for me,
and it is the reason why I do the work
on myself and others every single day.

Speaker 2 (01:18:14):
Yeah, and that's so funny because she that episode, everything
that you said, that was the reason why I put
it out because she reminded me of my why when
it came to the professional homegirl and I was like, yeah,
I have to put this out.

Speaker 3 (01:18:25):
Yes, yes, I love too that you always stay to them. Therapy, Yeah,
you know, get therapy. Therapy's got out because even though
people you don't get through some of these situations, you know,
I think still just having someone to talk to, whether
it's once a month, whether it's once every two months, right,
like to be able to continue this growth and it's

(01:18:46):
healing because though we healed through childhood trauma, it's always
going to show up at some place in your life, right,
some little part of it always lies dormant at some
place in your life, and you could be the person
who's been in therapy for years and it takes one
thing sometimes to happen with that situation comes back up.
So I love that you make that, you know, just

(01:19:08):
key in your conversations with people, but also like you're
so free about it, right, especially with black people. You're like, listen, therapy,
go to therapy because you're respected in this community and
people need to hear that. The most respected people like
Charlemagne and people like that have done therapy are doing
therapy and it is so freeing.

Speaker 2 (01:19:28):
Don therapy change my life. I'll always give you your credit,
like Dina has definitely changed my life. Dina has been
a therapist, a sister sometimes a mother, Like I know
I ain't gonna to get that one time, I just
knew we was going to have a good session. He
was like, what the hell are you doing?

Speaker 3 (01:19:45):
I was like sometimes with clients, I'm like, okay, I
got to put the clinical side of me on the
side right now and say to you what are you doing?
They just like, oh my god, you know what? They
start crying. I'm like, girl, like, how are you not
seeing that? This person is trashed.

Speaker 2 (01:20:07):
Yeah, she helped me get out of a relationship like
DNA has been so instrumental in my growth. So I
am super excited that we were able to do this. Like,
I think this is definitely gonna bless a lot of
people and encourage people to start therapy.

Speaker 3 (01:20:22):
To start therapy. There's so many ways to get into therapy.
And you don't have to do it every single week, right,
do it twice a month, you know, get in there.
Give somebody all of those you know, intricate things that
have happened to you. Give it to someone else that
can support you through that, that can hold back for you.
I'm one percent sure people are tied and carrying around

(01:20:45):
this load, you know of heavyweight. Yeah, it's time to
give it to someone else. Second handler, Well, Dan, thank
you so.

Speaker 2 (01:20:52):
Much for coming on the show. Tell you well, I
can follow you out how they can support you, maybe
book a consultation with you or book a service like information.

Speaker 3 (01:21:01):
Well, first, thank you for having me. I love spending
time with you and being on here. We have our
little joke that we have sisters. I definitely love that
and I love being able to talk about these stories
from a therapeutic standpoint, because even though people you know,
tell their stories, I think it's you know, it's so
much more. I don't know, like it just helps people

(01:21:23):
to understand that people have trauma right. They didn't just
not see something right, They didn't just willingly walk into
these situations. Our trauma makes decisions for us when we
haven't worked through it. And how you can find me
is so simple. Dinamlina dot com my website. Though I'm married,
I kept my name because I know that people just

(01:21:44):
be like, go to our website dinamline dot com and
you can request the consultation. My consultations are free and
we'll just kind of get in there and talk a
little bit about what is bringing you to therapy. People
usually too, are afraid of consultations because they think that
when we get in there, I'm going to be like, well,
tell me your first experience as a kid. I just
really want to know what's bringing you to therapy. You

(01:22:05):
could even be like, I don't really know, right, I
just need somebody to talk to let me figure out
what that's gonna look like when you get in here.
But I think, you know, get a consultation going and
then let's chat about what are some goals in your
life and what what spaces do you feel like you're
stuck in?

Speaker 2 (01:22:22):
Yes, yes, thank you so much. Man, we gotta do
this every season like this was so I love that.

Speaker 3 (01:22:28):
I love doing a recap. We could do a recap
of all of your stuff. We can talk about Yes,
traumatic events. Yes, thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (01:22:36):
And to the listeners, if you have any questions, comments
and concerns, please make sure to email me a hello
at thephgpodcast dot com and until next time, you all
later later. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of

(01:22:58):
the Black Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, app a podcasts, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and
rate the show, and you can connect with me on
social media at the PHG Podcast

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Episode Transcript

Host

Eboné Almon

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