February 4, 2025 • 40 mins
In this week's episode of The Professional Homegirl Podcast, Eboné's guest returns to share the latest chapter in her marriage. Four years ago, after discovering that her husband is HIV-positive and living a double life on the down-low, Eboné's guest opens up about navigating the emotional, physical, and mental toll of betrayal. She also shares her journey toward healing, the difficult choices she faced, and what life looks like now.
Listen to Part 1 here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-professional-homegirl-podcast/id1448909256?i=1000533808105
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the host and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to
(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do
enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome back to this week's episode of the Professional Homegirl Podcast.
Ishagarra Ebine here and I hope all is cute now.
I am super excited about this week's episode because because
we have an update now. Four years ago, my guest
shared her raw and emotional journey of discovering that her
husband was living a double life yes on the down
(01:12):
load in HIV positive. Now she's back with an update
on her marriage, her healing journey, and the lessons she
learned since our last conversation, so get ready because my
husband was on a down low. Part two starts now,
Oh my god, y'all, this is one of my favorite
guests from like four years ago, and we was just
(01:32):
keep king and saying how we can't believe it's been
four years. So thank you so much for coming back
on the show. How you feeling, how you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I'm well, how have you been? I know, it's been
four years so long. I know it seemed so long.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I know, I know because I want to start doing
a follow up series, and so when I came across
your story, I'm like, damn, I can't believe four years
went by. Like I remember when we did the first conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I remember when, Oh my god, that's seemed so long ago.
We had a great conversation then too. It was so wonderful.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah, what did you think about a conversation? Like when
you listen back to it, like, how did it make
you feel?
Speaker 3 (02:12):
I remember being in that stage and knowing what I
was going through and getting the word out. You helped
me so much get the word out. I did another
podcast with some affection di these doctors because of your podcast,
and it just so happened. One of the doctors was
my cousin. So she was like, I didn't even know
(02:35):
anything about what was going on until I heard the
podcast on PAG. I was like, oh, okay, okay, so
it was very interesting. She's like, I didn't realize how
close to home it was. And like I said, she's
an affectious disease doctor. Her her father, which was my
(02:55):
second cousin, passed away actually from HIV, and that's been
when I her passion to figure out why and how
we can prevent this from happening to so many people.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Did y'all know he had HIV?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
We did, my cousin. He he robbed the bank so
he could be in prison for the rest of his
life because he did not want us to see him
die from HIV. Eight Oh wow, And that was her
father and my cousin. Now she's doing really good. She
(03:29):
got a beautiful family. But that has always been a
passion in her of hers to know what it is,
how we can prevent it and try to help other people.
So yeah, she does really well. She's here in Georgia
as well, so yeah, damn.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
How long ago did he rob the bank? Because HIV
is so common now, like long time ago. Oh so
the time was different.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Okay, Yes, this was around probably right after the Vietnam
War because he was in the military. Damn god.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah. So when we first had our conversation, you questioned
whether or not all men like men? So do you
still believe in that?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yes? And y'all better question it. I'm just saying, Look,
I was getting Okay, So my first video went viral. Yeah,
I got I don't know how many thousands upon thousands
of views on that video, and two other content creators
(04:29):
have sense recreated or redone episodes about my video, and
they got four hundred and something thousand plus views on
the video. They went viral just off my video. Resa
Tisa thing happened where she was doing the series on TikTok. Yes,
they came back on my page. Oh well I thought
(04:51):
she copied her. She didn't copy her. It happened four
years ago on her story. Right. The difference is that's
what this was four years in the making. That when
I was like, yeah, because me and my baby did
a podcast together about this a long time ago, right,
we know, like this happens, and it was so funny
(05:13):
because I was like, none of them did any research
on me. You points, baby.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I remember I listened back to our conversation because you
were one of my first guests, and I was like,
I was not playing no games. Like I was even
shocked at the point that you wrote a book and
I was like, wait, you wrote a book about this.
I think it was my real estate or something. You
was like yeah, And I'm like, how did I miss that?
Because I researched you so thoroughly. Yep, So yeah, I
remember that. And also to those who want to listen
to the first episode, it will be listened in the
(05:43):
show notes, just because if you want to get some
insight into how we got to where we're at now.
But that was Yeah, I remember Tea because she went
viral and it was going like crazy. But that just
shows you how many people, how many people go through this.
It's very common.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Yeah, exactly exactly and women.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Fact, so you were processing a lot of emotions about
your husband's secret life. Looking back, do you feel like
you miss any signs or was this something you never
could predict it?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
No, I was just being naive. I'm not even gonna lie.
I wouldn't say that I did not miss any signs.
Most of the time, you do miss signs because you
got them blinders on. However, no, there was signs that
I definitely should have picked up on. I'm gonna let
you know if you have a man, if he's been
(06:36):
in and out of jail and then out of a prison,
you definitely need to have him checked. They're not gonna
tell you everything. And if so, I've also noticed that
the live phone calls. We're grown, we're adult. You shouldn't
have to hide your phone for me, and I shouldn't
have to hide my phone for you in a marriage.
(06:58):
So anytime that is happening before you even get married
or anything like that, that's a big old red flag.
I still do believe, like I said, most men are
rather bisexual by curious, are straight just homosexual. If given
a chance, they will definitely take the chance. Don't let
(07:20):
them lie to you. Now that I'm living abroad in
Thailand and the country, they have lady boys and that
is actually I mean they were worshiped at one point
over there, So it's not a stigmatic type thing. That's normal.
That is normal. And I'd rather than be like that
(07:42):
and out in the open, than to sit there and
be on the down low or something crazy like that
and hurting other people.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yeah, you know, I've been to Thailand a couple of
years ago and we went to like some strip club
and they had like a lot of lady boys in there,
and I was like, oh, okay, it's very accepting, very
out in the open, like and a lot of people
really do like fuck with it.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, yeah, you'd be surprised, like it's very common. It's
not exactly exactly, it's more common than most people think.
And it's nothing wrong with a man being bisexual or
by curious or even homosexual. However, it is something wrong
when you're lying about you know, your status, or that
(08:29):
you're or you're with somebody and you don't tell them
your sexual preferences.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
And I agree with that. Yeah, what's something you feel
like people get completely wrong about women who stay with
download men? Because I feel like, even though you may
have feel like you was naive, I feel like you
really tried to make this marriage work.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Of course, anybody who's ever been in a relationship, any
type of relationship, you make it work. It's not easy
even make a relationship work. Even if you find out
your husband is I don't know, has cancer, you don't
just leave your husband because he has cancer, you know.
I mean there's things that happen. Okay, For example, since
(09:14):
I'll last talked to you, I had a friend and
she worked for a gastrologist and you know they do
coolinosates and things of that. She literally told me how
many men come into her office don't tell their wives
that they've been messing with other men, and then come
(09:35):
to find out they have all kind of anal cancers
and stuff going on or diseases, and their wife and
their children are sitting in the lobby and they're not
telling them anything. So I mean, don't think it one
can't happen to you. To ask questions, don't be stupid,
(09:55):
go to the doctors. Talk to these doctors and stuff
they'll tell you like it happens more often than not.
And being judgmental and saying, oh, well, it's never going
to happen to me, or I you better men or
better quality of men, just said in our first don't
(10:15):
lie to yourself. Look at R. Kelly, look at P. Diddy.
These are high quality, very rich, very to do men,
and they all sleep with little boys or they all
do such stuff behind people's back that you'll never know
if you don't ask or you don't do your own research.
So judging it's going to be a part of it.
(10:39):
But that doesn't have anything to do what people think
about you and your relationship has nothing to do with
your relationship. If you want to be with this person,
if you're trying to make it work, make it work.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Right, just be honest with yourself. Yeah, yeah, so you
don't work. Move on, right. So we have a lot
of new people that are new to your story. So
how did you first suspect something was off in your marriage.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Phone?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Mm?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Hm because he was texting a transgender right.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yes, And I have never understood this. You know, I'm
not saying my age. Back when I was crying out,
we didn't have cell phone, So hiding it from somebody
calling the house phone you're not going to do. I mean,
because they had to call your house phone. Being able
(11:29):
to call your house phone is one thing. You know,
your lover can't just call a housephone and your wife's
pick up. But the cell phone. He would never let
me touch his cell phone. He would never let me
see his cell phone. And I was like, you know,
something's not writing that We're Mary You acting like it's
(11:49):
a secret on your phone. Let me see what's going on.
I found out he was talking to a transgender female,
and she's like, I knew something was going on with
him because he was acting like he was going to downlow.
I was like, well, did he tell you he's married?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Like, no, how long? How long have y'all were married for.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
At that time? Jesus? Maybe a year? Maybe a year?
Speaker 5 (12:15):
Oh wow, but I have we were dating almost god
maybe seven years off and more between the time we got.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Actually married and the time we actually first met.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
So yeah, right, So do you believe it he's your
ex husband?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Now? Right? Right?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
So do you believe that X husband was struggling with
his identity?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
No? Absolutely not. And that's another thing. These men are
not struggling with their identity. I'm not because they're not.
They're not. They're not struggling with their identity. It's no
pity party. Woe is me? My mom treated me like
this set of third or I was raped, this said
(13:01):
and another. Women are too all the time, and they
don't sit there and lie about their status and sleeping
with different partners and this, that and a third. Right,
it's a shame that men have to be so masculine
in this society. However, that pity party stuff with immediately,
Oh yeah, I'm not going forward none at all.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
And the thing about your relationship was because I remember
you saying that you were open to him being gay
or being bisexual. He should have just been honest with you, right,
So why do you think what stopped him from telling
you the truth.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Society? I can honestly say that embarrassments. They don't want
the truth to get out. Also that he's probably already
knew he was HIV positive and just didn't want to
tell me because the stigma behind being HIV positive. Right,
But to be honest with you, if you're dating in
(14:03):
this day and age, especially in that city of Atlanta, oh,
you definitely should be open to somebody being HIV positive
because the statistics here in this city, letting one, in
this country and around the world, one out of every
three people you meet will hi.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
You know, me and my homegirl we would just keeping
the other day and she was telling me how one
of her friends disclosed to her that he was HIV positive,
and I was like, girl, it's a lot of people
who are HIV positive like you. Forget herpes and all
the other stuff. HIV positive is like very common these days.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Oh yes, oh yes, especially in Atlanta, like I know, Houston, Atlanta, Charlotte,
New York, San Francisco. They just came out with a
study saying that seventy five thousand people was diagnosed with
HIV in the Dominican Republic just last year. Seventy five thousand.
(15:09):
I's a lot of people. And Thailand has a big
problem with that too. They just let fifty four hundred
sailors DOT for vacation over in Thailand, and one of
the first things they say about before they even let
them off the ship what they were talking about bernarial
diseases and things that they can get and how to
(15:29):
wrap it up and make sure you use condoms to
you know, protect yourself because you're going to a whole
other country. You don't know these people, and over and there,
you know, prostitution is legal, so you need to be
aware of what you're getting yourself into. And I'm moving
from Atlanta, which is the strip club capital of the world,
(15:50):
to over there, I'm a little bit more aware. Yeah,
you know that scene because we have a strip club
in every part of this city. Yeah, two or three
of them. It's not something that I'm not used to.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yeah, you know, looking back, because I feel like who
you are now compared to who you are when we
first spoke, I see a difference when you look back
on your relationship with your ex. Why do you think
you chose to stay with him despite everything, and not
even just with the deception, but like with him being
HIV positive, having herpees siphilists and just putting you through
(16:23):
what he puts you through.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I've been married three times and I can tell you
what the marriage it takes work. Yeah, they say the
first five years it's the hardest. It is that you're
getting to know each other, y'all, getting over that honeymoon face.
You're learning things about one another that you may like
or may not like. So and like I said, it's works.
(16:49):
You don't just give up on your marriage. That's I
will never You will never hear me say oh girl
leaves him, Oh girl do this. I will never speak
that on anybody's marriage, because you don't want nobody to
seek that on your word. Yeah, So staying with him
was a decision because I didn't want to lose my marriage.
Like I said, I've been married three times. I already
(17:11):
know how hard it is to keep the marriage. The
first was ten years, the second one was barely a
year and a half. But I mean he went to prison.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
So yeah, do you think this husband ever truly love you?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
No? Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
M you need the Americans will come up.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
More than likely.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
Yes, Oh wow?
Speaker 2 (17:34):
And how does that make you feel?
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I don't care, well, okay, to be honest with you, Okay,
to be honest, to be honest, because I would that
that would hurt my feelings, like nigga, Oh I don't care.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
No, no, no, I mean not right now till my
back then.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Oh no, not even back then, No, no, no, with them
much hurt and and stressed that I was going through
Yeah yeah, no, now I was. What really hurt me
the most out of that whole relationship was the fact
that his family knew about the whole situation, and nobody
(18:12):
came to me and said anything.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Have you spoken to them or have they apologized?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Oh of course not.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
Mmm.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Yeah, they don't care. And I and and that's fine,
you know you read with you. So I wish them
nothing but the best. Pray for you know, I pray
for people every day, So I don't. I don't have that.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Issue, right, And when was the last time you spoke
to him? Because if I'm not mistaken, he left you right.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
No, I actually dropped him off to his mama house
and told him not they ever called me again. Oh girl, wait,
you ain't even caught up.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, so what happened?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I tell you what happened? Oh yeah, so let's okay.
So I do have a second book coming out, I'm
married in Atlanta, and in the book, look, I'm gonna
give y'all a little titbit of what's gonna happen in
the book. So, oh yes, girl. After I dropped him
off to his mama house, my identical twin sister, who's
(19:14):
so loving and caring, decides that she was gonna allow
him to stay with her. You no, I'm not her,
her husband, my ex husband, and a mutual friend of
me and her, which is her best friend, was staying
at a house together. Well, he ended up sleeping with
(19:34):
one of my best friends at my sister's house. And
I'm gonna leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
No, no, no, keep going, come on, And then what happened?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Right, So of course I found out, because I mean,
people are stupid. They're gonna talk, they're gonna say stuff.
Nothing actually happened. They still live together. I don't know
if they continued to sleep with each other or not. Eventually,
my sister did move. He ended up going back to
(20:08):
prison exactly for several years, two or three years. Actually
what I have no idea. Actually I think it was
drug related in the prison. He actually contacted me because
the other creator who was making money off of the
(20:29):
video I had made just so happened to went viral
enough to where it was inside the prison, and then
he was calling me to tell me to take all
the videos down because of fact, they were threatening to
kill him and be prisons.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But he knew you was making the videos. So why
all of a sudden now is a problem.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Oh, because other people truly care about other people, and
you were wrong for doing somebody you supposedly cared about,
letting know your wife like that. Maybe some men actually
have some integrity and care I had. I haven't talked
to him in about a month and a half now
(21:13):
because he did get out of prison. Okay, so he
is walking the streets of Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Oh he's homeless. Oh, I don't know, I don't Oh
he just outside, that's what you mean?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
So when he was sleeping with your one of your
close friends, what does your sister say? Because are y'all,
I know y'all had a pretty rocky relationship, So what's
your relationship like too?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
She's identical points of srap. She ain't going nowhere?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
R gonna go right?
Speaker 3 (21:42):
She didn't say anything. She continued to allow it to happen. Yeah.
Really at that point I was done and over it anyway,
So I just didn't care.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Right, So, are y'all divorce?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Yes? Was he? No?
Speaker 4 (22:03):
Mmm?
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Yeah that is crazy? So how did your like, because
I know you have kids, not with him, but like,
how does your family, your kids feel about everything? And
just to finally see you on the other side, Oh.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Well, you know, my baby. I really never exposed them
to a lot of what was really going on, right,
So they were kind of in the gist, but they're there.
They weren't even expecting nothing like that. They were more
of Honestly, I wasn't focused on that with them. I
(22:39):
made them focus on school, made them make sure that
they were going to work, getting their driver's license. I
mean they were fourteen fifteen when it was happening. So,
I mean, my son was focused on graduating high school,
getting his driver's license, going to work. My daughter, he
(23:00):
was just going into high school, so she was more
focused on, you know, her friends. You know how girls
are and socializing, so they really weren't focusing on me
on when it was when all that was happening. So
I didn't worry about them as far as my mom
because my father's been passed. My mom's never been the
(23:23):
type of person to be in my relationship, so her more,
her thing is the longest I'm happy, she's happy, right,
So the moment she could see that my shoulders draw,
I felt better about myself. I was more confident I
was making you know, better moves and choices. She was happy,
(23:45):
So yeah, that's pretty much.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
You know.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I saw a video of yours, and that's the reason
why I asked he leave you, because you were seeing
how he left and then like you was like like
so upset, but like very sad at the point where
you were crying, and it felt like you was questioning yourself.
Well because of his own action, doesn't blaming yourself for it.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
I was to be honest with you, and I don't
know what video you're talking about. Yeah, I was confused
more than anything, because like, I'm the one struggling to
keep this marriage together and stuff like that, but then
you leave me. We did get back together after that video, actually,
(24:23):
and then I want to say, COVID happened. We got
back together, and I remember this was October, I want
to say, maybe even September of twenty twenty. He was
working and I begged him that day. I was like that,
(24:46):
you know, COVID's out here. We finally got your viral
levels down. You're doing good. Wear a mask. And I
remember he had a shit about wearing this mask that day,
and I was done. I was like, you know, this
is not for my sake or somebody else's sake. This
is for your sake. You're the one with an immune
(25:06):
compromise who needs to be careful about getting COVID, and
it clicks. You don't care about yourself. But what makes
me have to care about you? I shouldn't have to
care about you. And you're an adult and you don't
care enough about yourself to make sure you don't get
COVID because you know you're am comper. Mind.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
That day, I.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Packed his shirt up and I took him to his
mum house and I wasn't as there and I ain't
seen him since we have talt course we had to
because that's how you know, you get divorced. You have
to communicate your just you know, up in the windspe
stuff you actually have to communicate. But other than that,
(25:49):
like no kind of real, no kind of communications between
me and him.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yeah, do you feel like you're fully healed from the situation?
Are you still working on it?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Definitely still working on it. As far as hell wise,
stars are always gonna remain. I'm always gonna think that
men are who they are. You're not going to change
that about me. I have been in a fearish relationship
(26:20):
for now almost four years.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Oh wow, right now, yes, baby, you waste no time child.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
I had a lady ask me one time, She said,
how do you keep getting these men to marry you?
I can't even get one to ask me to marry them,
and you got three husbands already. I don't know. To
be honest with you, I'm a strong person. I work hard,
I try hard. I take care of my own I
(26:49):
take care of my kids. So most men see that potential.
Let me see that driving me, and the first thing
they do is want to wipe you up. Say no, ladies,
you married right now? Oh? Absolutely not? Okay, no, no, no, no,
no no.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
So is he gonna go to Thailand with you?
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Uh no, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
So y'all gonna do a long distance relationship?
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Yes, ma'am until it don't work.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Do you want it to work? We'll see, child, Yo,
you're a joke. So was there a point Was there
(27:37):
a time in your like throughout this whole entire situation,
that you feel like you have to forgive yourself for
what you put yourself through?
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Oh? Yeah, yeah. That was one of the first parts
of healing is taking self accountability. If some of us
in this world will take self accountability of our own actions,
we wouldn't hear all these complaints about our new president.
But I digress, right.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Right, So if he would have stayed, do you think
that y'all would have still been together?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
If he would have asked, like he had some sense
and cared about himself, of course. Yeah. Like I said,
I don't. I mean, you don't marry somebody because you
don't care about him or you don't love them, like
that's a bow that you take in front of God
and in court. That's a document that you signed your
life over to and you just don't. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
No, yeah, absolutely So looking back since you last time
you spoke to him was like almost two months ago,
do you feel like he ever felt like remorseful or
just guilty about all the shit that he did?
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Of course, of course have you said that.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
In more ways than one? Guess? Yeah. Even while he
was in prison, he would send me money and call
the check up on me and the kids, and he
would say how sorry he was. And that went on
for the first at least year year and a half
he was in prison. And then when the other stories
(29:07):
from the other creators came out, it was more or
less can you stop all this stuff on the you know, Internet?
Like you can't once it's out there. It's out there
right now because these people are trying to beat me
up or they're gonna kill me in here or whatever whatever,
And it's like, well, I mean, sir, sir, I didn't
(29:30):
say nothing that wasn't facts. I mean, you knew I
was putting these videos out then.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I mean, I feel like he was in some of
your videos.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Yes, at least one, at least one.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Right, So do you believe him when he was apologizing
the shit?
Speaker 3 (29:48):
No? Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
You didn't believe him?
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Ah wow, no no, no, no, no, no, I don't believe nothing,
not here m hm. You gotta show me right and
seek through action. They don't speak through words.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
That's a fact, a fact. So if you can go
back and tell your younger self anything before this marriage,
what would it be?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Can I go back further? Yeah? Oh that I could
tell my younger self some stuff. Don't have no kids,
never get married. Make sure you do what you have
to do for yourself. Finish school. If you don't get
an education, guys, you will be sat here looking crazy
like the rest of these folks. Get in education. Please
(30:34):
get an education, y'all be surprised. I've traveled a lot
since the last time I seen you. Actually. Yeah, my
son he works for Delta and is becoming a pilot.
So I travel for free. And I've been to Paris, Argentina, Japan.
I've been all I've only been to. I have not
(30:57):
been on Africa and Antarchcard two continents I've never actually
got to go through. Ye. So, and if you know
anything about traveling and seeing other countries, you know how
important it is for us to be able to have education. Yeah,
it's a big thing because other countries they don't have
the opportunity for education like we have.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, you know, I definitely see a different glow about you.
I really do. I feel like the last time we talked,
we didn't have a visual component to it, but obviously
the tony your voice back then was very like heavy
and like I felt the anger. But I feel like, yeah,
I feel like you're cool. Like I feel like you're
doing a damn thing.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Yeah, girl, you know, you can't hold a real black
woman down, you know, right, we might get down for
a little bit, but we always stand back up away.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
So what's one thing you can said that you learned
about yourself?
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Trust my intuition.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah yeah, we put our intuition and our and sent
which is not very common anymore, all the way in.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
The back burner. Stop doing that, lady, Stop doing that.
Then if you have an inklean that something is wrong
your spirit, right, listen to yourself. Yeah, I would definitely
listen to myself from now on.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Oh yeah, yeah, you know. One of the questions that
came up when we had our first conversation, where were
you ever afraid for your own health knowing his history?
Speaker 3 (32:29):
No, and I could be honest with that. My mom
is a retired respiratory therapist forty five years and has
also been in captain in an air force for over
forty years. She's always told me and my sister, you know,
get your check up, do your gentle, your hygiene. I'm
(32:50):
one of those. I'm a proactive person about my health.
I make sure to go get my check up. I
get my blood work. Then, before me and him even
started dating, the first, second or third time, or even
getting married, I made sure to go get my HIV
test done faithfully, just because the fact that I believe
(33:13):
in prevention. You don't want to sit there and wait
until it's too late. So my health lies. I take
care of me. I try to very much, so because
I know I only got one of me.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah right. So four years ago you
were HIV negative. So what's your status now? Are you
still negative?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I am still negative? Good? Good? I really don't be
I'm not. I've never been out there like that anyway.
I don't be in these streets. No, no, no, y'all
be careful, be careful, you kind of go get checked regularly,
I mean, know your health statist. Guys. Yeah, I'm still negative.
(34:00):
I was on PREP at one point when I was
with him, and my pharmacist was like, look, if you
stop this prep and you're still with your husband, you
are going to get HIV. I didn't stop taking the
PREP until after me and him separated, and it was
at least a year and a half maybe a little
(34:23):
more a year an eight months or so before me
and my current relationship even started having sex with each other.
And he knows everything about what happened about the ex husbands.
I'm not that type of person. I'm going to let
you know up front, so that way we all protect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
So I feel like, also, I feel like you're very
confident now too, Like, did you have to rebuild your confidence.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Let me know? I didn't self? Yes, yes, yes, I've
always been confident. I've always been told I sell myself
very well. I have a very good educational background as
well as you know, you know, so for me the confidence, no,
but self, yes, I had to remind myself who I am, facts,
(35:19):
where I come from, the people who care about me
and love me, and learn how to love myself over again. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
And last but not least, if a woman is listening
in on and she's in the same situation that was
similar to yours, what would be your advice? So what
would you tell her? Right now?
Speaker 3 (35:39):
I'm gonna tell her the same thing my twin told me.
As much as you sitting here trying to figure out
what's going on with this man, if you put in
that much effort instead of trying to figure out what
he got going on, if you put in that much
effort to yourself, you'll be a billionaire.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Yeah, don't don't sit there and throw your life away
to sit there and try to figure out whitest man
doesn't want to act right our widest man is out
here with these other men, or widest man didn't tell
you about his status. Don't don't stress yourself over it.
Stress to kill you and causes wrinkles. You don't want that.
You want to sit down and put Yeah, you want
(36:20):
to put that effort, that same energy, that same effort
into yourself. Go with Ben and I promise you, like
I said, if nothing else, you'll be a billionaire before
you even know it, because it'll give you that much
more dry to live. Yeah, I was. I hate to
be like this, but I was very blessed and truly,
(36:41):
truly blessed that I did not get HIV. I don't
wish that on.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Nobody, because paying with fire a little bit.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
Yeah, however, I'm going to let you know that if
if you're in that situation and you are negative, then definitely,
I mean, if you want to be with your husband
or yourself, I'm not saying to leave them, but if not,
protect yourself or I mean period, just protect yourself and
(37:11):
do what you need to do to make sure your
health and for that matter, their health is good because
you don't want to sit there and compromise your health
or there, especially if you care about them. Yeah, just
protect yourself and go within if you have them.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
And also you make a good point about just pouring
all that energy into yourself because in the next couple
of weeks you will be moving to talent.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
Yep, I sure am y yeah girl, i'man counting down.
I got twenty six babes.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Yes, Tailan is a vibe. The food is good, It's
also very very affordable. The places are just beautiful, just
a whole atmosphere and ambiance and the people, like, the
people are just amazing. So I'm super excited for you
and your business to take off in talent.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Thank you so much, Like I'm so excited, like I
can't believe it's finally hearing happening. Yeah, everybody has been
very supportive. All my clients have been supportive. I got, y'all,
there are black people in Thailand. There's actually a lot
of us. And they just sat there and open up
nine more African nations to Thailand, including Ghana and Nigeria.
(38:21):
There's gonna be more of us going to Thailand. And
if you don't know about Southeast Asia, they're brownskin guys.
There are complexions. They're really good people. You'll have great
like you said, great food there. I go down the
street walk and pick the mango off the tree.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I know, it's such a vibe. Like when I went
to Thailand, I was like, damn, I think I only
spentd like three hundred dollars and I was there for
a week and like the massages and I'm not talking
about know how to hand this, but the massages are
like super affordable and it's so good. So next thing
I know, they I'm gonna finitely hit you.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Up of course, of course, I'll have us some good
eat them up spots to go.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Yes, yes, yes, Well I'm super proud of you, sous.
I have to be a part of your journey, and
to see where you come from and see where you
at is very inspiring. So I'm super happy for you,
and I'm just so happy that you came back to yourself.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Yeah, and I'm super happy for you. Chuse girl, you're
doing that. I see it, okay, I mean coming from
where we was back till now.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Yeah, that's is awesome.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Like I've been listening, I've been down, like, thank you
so much for continuing your great work. We need people
like you.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate you.
But I feel like your story is the epitome of
what Professional Homegirls stand for, which is share your storyline
because you never know how it can be somebody else's lifeline.
So I really appreciate you for coming back on the
show and sharing an update with us.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
Of course, of course, anytime, anytime.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yes, and to the listeners, if you have any questions, comings,
or concerns, please make sure to email me a hello
at the PSG podcast dot com and until next time,
everyone later.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black
Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show,
and you can connect with me on social media at
the PHG podcast
Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before
we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that
the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those
of the host and guests and are intended for educational
and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is
off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can
be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to
(00:22):
celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,
providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will
be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a
reminder that tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do
enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome back to this week's episode of the Professional Homegirl Podcast.
Ishagarra Ebine here and I hope all is cute now.
I am super excited about this week's episode because because
we have an update now. Four years ago, my guest
shared her raw and emotional journey of discovering that her
husband was living a double life yes on the down
(01:12):
load in HIV positive. Now she's back with an update
on her marriage, her healing journey, and the lessons she
learned since our last conversation, so get ready because my
husband was on a down low. Part two starts now,
Oh my god, y'all, this is one of my favorite
guests from like four years ago, and we was just
(01:32):
keep king and saying how we can't believe it's been
four years. So thank you so much for coming back
on the show. How you feeling, how you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:39):
I'm well, how have you been? I know, it's been
four years so long. I know it seemed so long.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I know, I know because I want to start doing
a follow up series, and so when I came across
your story, I'm like, damn, I can't believe four years
went by. Like I remember when we did the first conversation.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I remember when, Oh my god, that's seemed so long ago.
We had a great conversation then too. It was so wonderful.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah, what did you think about a conversation? Like when
you listen back to it, like, how did it make
you feel?
Speaker 3 (02:12):
I remember being in that stage and knowing what I
was going through and getting the word out. You helped
me so much get the word out. I did another
podcast with some affection di these doctors because of your podcast,
and it just so happened. One of the doctors was
my cousin. So she was like, I didn't even know
(02:35):
anything about what was going on until I heard the
podcast on PAG. I was like, oh, okay, okay, so
it was very interesting. She's like, I didn't realize how
close to home it was. And like I said, she's
an affectious disease doctor. Her her father, which was my
(02:55):
second cousin, passed away actually from HIV, and that's been
when I her passion to figure out why and how
we can prevent this from happening to so many people.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Did y'all know he had HIV?
Speaker 3 (03:08):
We did, my cousin. He he robbed the bank so
he could be in prison for the rest of his
life because he did not want us to see him
die from HIV. Eight Oh wow, And that was her
father and my cousin. Now she's doing really good. She
(03:29):
got a beautiful family. But that has always been a
passion in her of hers to know what it is,
how we can prevent it and try to help other people.
So yeah, she does really well. She's here in Georgia
as well, so yeah, damn.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
How long ago did he rob the bank? Because HIV
is so common now, like long time ago. Oh so
the time was different.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
Okay, Yes, this was around probably right after the Vietnam
War because he was in the military. Damn god.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah. So when we first had our conversation, you questioned
whether or not all men like men? So do you
still believe in that?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yes? And y'all better question it. I'm just saying, Look,
I was getting Okay, So my first video went viral. Yeah,
I got I don't know how many thousands upon thousands
of views on that video, and two other content creators
(04:29):
have sense recreated or redone episodes about my video, and
they got four hundred and something thousand plus views on
the video. They went viral just off my video. Resa
Tisa thing happened where she was doing the series on TikTok. Yes,
they came back on my page. Oh well I thought
(04:51):
she copied her. She didn't copy her. It happened four
years ago on her story. Right. The difference is that's
what this was four years in the making. That when
I was like, yeah, because me and my baby did
a podcast together about this a long time ago, right,
we know, like this happens, and it was so funny
(05:13):
because I was like, none of them did any research
on me. You points, baby.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I remember I listened back to our conversation because you
were one of my first guests, and I was like,
I was not playing no games. Like I was even
shocked at the point that you wrote a book and
I was like, wait, you wrote a book about this.
I think it was my real estate or something. You
was like yeah, And I'm like, how did I miss that?
Because I researched you so thoroughly. Yep, So yeah, I
remember that. And also to those who want to listen
to the first episode, it will be listened in the
(05:43):
show notes, just because if you want to get some
insight into how we got to where we're at now.
But that was Yeah, I remember Tea because she went
viral and it was going like crazy. But that just
shows you how many people, how many people go through this.
It's very common.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Yeah, exactly exactly and women.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Fact, so you were processing a lot of emotions about
your husband's secret life. Looking back, do you feel like
you miss any signs or was this something you never
could predict it?
Speaker 3 (06:14):
No, I was just being naive. I'm not even gonna lie.
I wouldn't say that I did not miss any signs.
Most of the time, you do miss signs because you
got them blinders on. However, no, there was signs that
I definitely should have picked up on. I'm gonna let
you know if you have a man, if he's been
(06:36):
in and out of jail and then out of a prison,
you definitely need to have him checked. They're not gonna
tell you everything. And if so, I've also noticed that
the live phone calls. We're grown, we're adult. You shouldn't
have to hide your phone for me, and I shouldn't
have to hide my phone for you in a marriage.
(06:58):
So anytime that is happening before you even get married
or anything like that, that's a big old red flag.
I still do believe, like I said, most men are
rather bisexual by curious, are straight just homosexual. If given
a chance, they will definitely take the chance. Don't let
(07:20):
them lie to you. Now that I'm living abroad in
Thailand and the country, they have lady boys and that
is actually I mean they were worshiped at one point
over there, So it's not a stigmatic type thing. That's normal.
That is normal. And I'd rather than be like that
(07:42):
and out in the open, than to sit there and
be on the down low or something crazy like that
and hurting other people.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yeah, you know, I've been to Thailand a couple of
years ago and we went to like some strip club
and they had like a lot of lady boys in there,
and I was like, oh, okay, it's very accepting, very
out in the open, like and a lot of people
really do like fuck with it.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
Yeah, yeah, you'd be surprised, like it's very common. It's
not exactly exactly, it's more common than most people think.
And it's nothing wrong with a man being bisexual or
by curious or even homosexual. However, it is something wrong
when you're lying about you know, your status, or that
(08:29):
you're or you're with somebody and you don't tell them
your sexual preferences.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
And I agree with that. Yeah, what's something you feel
like people get completely wrong about women who stay with
download men? Because I feel like, even though you may
have feel like you was naive, I feel like you
really tried to make this marriage work.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Of course, anybody who's ever been in a relationship, any
type of relationship, you make it work. It's not easy
even make a relationship work. Even if you find out
your husband is I don't know, has cancer, you don't
just leave your husband because he has cancer, you know.
I mean there's things that happen. Okay, For example, since
(09:14):
I'll last talked to you, I had a friend and
she worked for a gastrologist and you know they do
coolinosates and things of that. She literally told me how
many men come into her office don't tell their wives
that they've been messing with other men, and then come
(09:35):
to find out they have all kind of anal cancers
and stuff going on or diseases, and their wife and
their children are sitting in the lobby and they're not
telling them anything. So I mean, don't think it one
can't happen to you. To ask questions, don't be stupid,
(09:55):
go to the doctors. Talk to these doctors and stuff
they'll tell you like it happens more often than not.
And being judgmental and saying, oh, well, it's never going
to happen to me, or I you better men or
better quality of men, just said in our first don't
(10:15):
lie to yourself. Look at R. Kelly, look at P. Diddy.
These are high quality, very rich, very to do men,
and they all sleep with little boys or they all
do such stuff behind people's back that you'll never know
if you don't ask or you don't do your own research.
So judging it's going to be a part of it.
(10:39):
But that doesn't have anything to do what people think
about you and your relationship has nothing to do with
your relationship. If you want to be with this person,
if you're trying to make it work, make it work.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Right, just be honest with yourself. Yeah, yeah, so you
don't work. Move on, right. So we have a lot
of new people that are new to your story. So
how did you first suspect something was off in your marriage.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Phone?
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Mm?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Hm because he was texting a transgender right.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
Yes, And I have never understood this. You know, I'm
not saying my age. Back when I was crying out,
we didn't have cell phone, So hiding it from somebody
calling the house phone you're not going to do. I mean,
because they had to call your house phone. Being able
(11:29):
to call your house phone is one thing. You know,
your lover can't just call a housephone and your wife's
pick up. But the cell phone. He would never let
me touch his cell phone. He would never let me
see his cell phone. And I was like, you know,
something's not writing that We're Mary You acting like it's
(11:49):
a secret on your phone. Let me see what's going on.
I found out he was talking to a transgender female,
and she's like, I knew something was going on with
him because he was acting like he was going to downlow.
I was like, well, did he tell you he's married?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Like, no, how long? How long have y'all were married for.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
At that time? Jesus? Maybe a year? Maybe a year?
Speaker 5 (12:15):
Oh wow, but I have we were dating almost god
maybe seven years off and more between the time we got.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Actually married and the time we actually first met.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
So yeah, right, So do you believe it he's your
ex husband?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Now? Right? Right?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
So do you believe that X husband was struggling with
his identity?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
No? Absolutely not. And that's another thing. These men are
not struggling with their identity. I'm not because they're not.
They're not. They're not struggling with their identity. It's no
pity party. Woe is me? My mom treated me like
this set of third or I was raped, this said
(13:01):
and another. Women are too all the time, and they
don't sit there and lie about their status and sleeping
with different partners and this, that and a third. Right,
it's a shame that men have to be so masculine
in this society. However, that pity party stuff with immediately,
Oh yeah, I'm not going forward none at all.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
And the thing about your relationship was because I remember
you saying that you were open to him being gay
or being bisexual. He should have just been honest with you, right,
So why do you think what stopped him from telling
you the truth.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Society? I can honestly say that embarrassments. They don't want
the truth to get out. Also that he's probably already
knew he was HIV positive and just didn't want to
tell me because the stigma behind being HIV positive. Right,
But to be honest with you, if you're dating in
(14:03):
this day and age, especially in that city of Atlanta, oh,
you definitely should be open to somebody being HIV positive
because the statistics here in this city, letting one, in
this country and around the world, one out of every
three people you meet will hi.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
You know, me and my homegirl we would just keeping
the other day and she was telling me how one
of her friends disclosed to her that he was HIV positive,
and I was like, girl, it's a lot of people
who are HIV positive like you. Forget herpes and all
the other stuff. HIV positive is like very common these days.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Oh yes, oh yes, especially in Atlanta, like I know, Houston, Atlanta, Charlotte,
New York, San Francisco. They just came out with a
study saying that seventy five thousand people was diagnosed with
HIV in the Dominican Republic just last year. Seventy five thousand.
(15:09):
I's a lot of people. And Thailand has a big
problem with that too. They just let fifty four hundred
sailors DOT for vacation over in Thailand, and one of
the first things they say about before they even let
them off the ship what they were talking about bernarial
diseases and things that they can get and how to
(15:29):
wrap it up and make sure you use condoms to
you know, protect yourself because you're going to a whole
other country. You don't know these people, and over and there,
you know, prostitution is legal, so you need to be
aware of what you're getting yourself into. And I'm moving
from Atlanta, which is the strip club capital of the world,
(15:50):
to over there, I'm a little bit more aware. Yeah,
you know that scene because we have a strip club
in every part of this city. Yeah, two or three
of them. It's not something that I'm not used to.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yeah, you know, looking back, because I feel like who
you are now compared to who you are when we
first spoke, I see a difference when you look back
on your relationship with your ex. Why do you think
you chose to stay with him despite everything, and not
even just with the deception, but like with him being
HIV positive, having herpees siphilists and just putting you through
(16:23):
what he puts you through.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
I've been married three times and I can tell you
what the marriage it takes work. Yeah, they say the
first five years it's the hardest. It is that you're
getting to know each other, y'all, getting over that honeymoon face.
You're learning things about one another that you may like
or may not like. So and like I said, it's works.
(16:49):
You don't just give up on your marriage. That's I
will never You will never hear me say oh girl
leaves him, Oh girl do this. I will never speak
that on anybody's marriage, because you don't want nobody to
seek that on your word. Yeah, So staying with him
was a decision because I didn't want to lose my marriage.
Like I said, I've been married three times. I already
(17:11):
know how hard it is to keep the marriage. The
first was ten years, the second one was barely a
year and a half. But I mean he went to prison.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
So yeah, do you think this husband ever truly love you?
Speaker 3 (17:25):
No? Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
M you need the Americans will come up.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
More than likely.
Speaker 5 (17:31):
Yes, Oh wow?
Speaker 2 (17:34):
And how does that make you feel?
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I don't care, well, okay, to be honest with you, Okay,
to be honest, to be honest, because I would that
that would hurt my feelings, like nigga, Oh I don't care.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
No, no, no, I mean not right now till my
back then.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
Oh no, not even back then, No, no, no, with them
much hurt and and stressed that I was going through
Yeah yeah, no, now I was. What really hurt me
the most out of that whole relationship was the fact
that his family knew about the whole situation, and nobody
(18:12):
came to me and said anything.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Have you spoken to them or have they apologized?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Oh of course not.
Speaker 4 (18:21):
Mmm.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Yeah, they don't care. And I and and that's fine,
you know you read with you. So I wish them
nothing but the best. Pray for you know, I pray
for people every day, So I don't. I don't have that.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
Issue, right, And when was the last time you spoke
to him? Because if I'm not mistaken, he left you right.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
No, I actually dropped him off to his mama house
and told him not they ever called me again. Oh girl, wait,
you ain't even caught up.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, so what happened?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I tell you what happened? Oh yeah, so let's okay.
So I do have a second book coming out, I'm
married in Atlanta, and in the book, look, I'm gonna
give y'all a little titbit of what's gonna happen in
the book. So, oh yes, girl. After I dropped him
off to his mama house, my identical twin sister, who's
(19:14):
so loving and caring, decides that she was gonna allow
him to stay with her. You no, I'm not her,
her husband, my ex husband, and a mutual friend of
me and her, which is her best friend, was staying
at a house together. Well, he ended up sleeping with
(19:34):
one of my best friends at my sister's house. And
I'm gonna leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
No, no, no, keep going, come on, And then what happened?
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Right, So of course I found out, because I mean,
people are stupid. They're gonna talk, they're gonna say stuff.
Nothing actually happened. They still live together. I don't know
if they continued to sleep with each other or not. Eventually,
my sister did move. He ended up going back to
(20:08):
prison exactly for several years, two or three years. Actually
what I have no idea. Actually I think it was
drug related in the prison. He actually contacted me because
the other creator who was making money off of the
(20:29):
video I had made just so happened to went viral
enough to where it was inside the prison, and then
he was calling me to tell me to take all
the videos down because of fact, they were threatening to
kill him and be prisons.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But he knew you was making the videos. So why
all of a sudden now is a problem.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Oh, because other people truly care about other people, and
you were wrong for doing somebody you supposedly cared about,
letting know your wife like that. Maybe some men actually
have some integrity and care I had. I haven't talked
to him in about a month and a half now
(21:13):
because he did get out of prison. Okay, so he
is walking the streets of Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Oh he's homeless. Oh, I don't know, I don't Oh
he just outside, that's what you mean?
Speaker 3 (21:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
So when he was sleeping with your one of your
close friends, what does your sister say? Because are y'all,
I know y'all had a pretty rocky relationship, So what's
your relationship like too?
Speaker 3 (21:36):
She's identical points of srap. She ain't going nowhere?
Speaker 2 (21:39):
R gonna go right?
Speaker 3 (21:42):
She didn't say anything. She continued to allow it to happen. Yeah.
Really at that point I was done and over it anyway,
So I just didn't care.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Right, So, are y'all divorce?
Speaker 3 (21:58):
Yes? Was he? No?
Speaker 4 (22:03):
Mmm?
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Yeah that is crazy? So how did your like, because
I know you have kids, not with him, but like,
how does your family, your kids feel about everything? And
just to finally see you on the other side, Oh.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Well, you know, my baby. I really never exposed them
to a lot of what was really going on, right,
So they were kind of in the gist, but they're there.
They weren't even expecting nothing like that. They were more
of Honestly, I wasn't focused on that with them. I
(22:39):
made them focus on school, made them make sure that
they were going to work, getting their driver's license. I
mean they were fourteen fifteen when it was happening. So,
I mean, my son was focused on graduating high school,
getting his driver's license, going to work. My daughter, he
(23:00):
was just going into high school, so she was more
focused on, you know, her friends. You know how girls
are and socializing, so they really weren't focusing on me
on when it was when all that was happening. So
I didn't worry about them as far as my mom
because my father's been passed. My mom's never been the
(23:23):
type of person to be in my relationship, so her more,
her thing is the longest I'm happy, she's happy, right,
So the moment she could see that my shoulders draw,
I felt better about myself. I was more confident I
was making you know, better moves and choices. She was happy,
(23:45):
So yeah, that's pretty much.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
You know.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
I saw a video of yours, and that's the reason
why I asked he leave you, because you were seeing
how he left and then like you was like like
so upset, but like very sad at the point where
you were crying, and it felt like you was questioning yourself.
Well because of his own action, doesn't blaming yourself for it.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
I was to be honest with you, and I don't
know what video you're talking about. Yeah, I was confused
more than anything, because like, I'm the one struggling to
keep this marriage together and stuff like that, but then
you leave me. We did get back together after that video, actually,
(24:23):
and then I want to say, COVID happened. We got
back together, and I remember this was October, I want
to say, maybe even September of twenty twenty. He was
working and I begged him that day. I was like that,
(24:46):
you know, COVID's out here. We finally got your viral
levels down. You're doing good. Wear a mask. And I
remember he had a shit about wearing this mask that day,
and I was done. I was like, you know, this
is not for my sake or somebody else's sake. This
is for your sake. You're the one with an immune
(25:06):
compromise who needs to be careful about getting COVID, and
it clicks. You don't care about yourself. But what makes
me have to care about you? I shouldn't have to
care about you. And you're an adult and you don't
care enough about yourself to make sure you don't get
COVID because you know you're am comper. Mind.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
That day, I.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Packed his shirt up and I took him to his
mum house and I wasn't as there and I ain't
seen him since we have talt course we had to
because that's how you know, you get divorced. You have
to communicate your just you know, up in the windspe
stuff you actually have to communicate. But other than that,
(25:49):
like no kind of real, no kind of communications between
me and him.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yeah, do you feel like you're fully healed from the situation?
Are you still working on it?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Definitely still working on it. As far as hell wise,
stars are always gonna remain. I'm always gonna think that
men are who they are. You're not going to change
that about me. I have been in a fearish relationship
(26:20):
for now almost four years.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Oh wow, right now, yes, baby, you waste no time child.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
I had a lady ask me one time, She said,
how do you keep getting these men to marry you?
I can't even get one to ask me to marry them,
and you got three husbands already. I don't know. To
be honest with you, I'm a strong person. I work hard,
I try hard. I take care of my own I
(26:49):
take care of my kids. So most men see that potential.
Let me see that driving me, and the first thing
they do is want to wipe you up. Say no, ladies,
you married right now? Oh? Absolutely not? Okay, no, no, no, no,
no no.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
So is he gonna go to Thailand with you?
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Uh no, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
So y'all gonna do a long distance relationship?
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Yes, ma'am until it don't work.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Do you want it to work? We'll see, child, Yo,
you're a joke. So was there a point Was there
(27:37):
a time in your like throughout this whole entire situation,
that you feel like you have to forgive yourself for
what you put yourself through?
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Oh? Yeah, yeah. That was one of the first parts
of healing is taking self accountability. If some of us
in this world will take self accountability of our own actions,
we wouldn't hear all these complaints about our new president.
But I digress, right.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Right, So if he would have stayed, do you think
that y'all would have still been together?
Speaker 1 (28:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (28:09):
If he would have asked, like he had some sense
and cared about himself, of course. Yeah. Like I said,
I don't. I mean, you don't marry somebody because you
don't care about him or you don't love them, like
that's a bow that you take in front of God
and in court. That's a document that you signed your
life over to and you just don't. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
No, yeah, absolutely So looking back since you last time
you spoke to him was like almost two months ago,
do you feel like he ever felt like remorseful or
just guilty about all the shit that he did?
Speaker 3 (28:41):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Of course, of course have you said that.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
In more ways than one? Guess? Yeah. Even while he
was in prison, he would send me money and call
the check up on me and the kids, and he
would say how sorry he was. And that went on
for the first at least year year and a half
he was in prison. And then when the other stories
(29:07):
from the other creators came out, it was more or
less can you stop all this stuff on the you know, Internet?
Like you can't once it's out there. It's out there
right now because these people are trying to beat me
up or they're gonna kill me in here or whatever whatever,
And it's like, well, I mean, sir, sir, I didn't
(29:30):
say nothing that wasn't facts. I mean, you knew I
was putting these videos out then.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
I mean, I feel like he was in some of
your videos.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Yes, at least one, at least one.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Right, So do you believe him when he was apologizing
the shit?
Speaker 3 (29:48):
No? Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
You didn't believe him?
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Ah wow, no no, no, no, no, no, I don't believe nothing,
not here m hm. You gotta show me right and
seek through action. They don't speak through words.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
That's a fact, a fact. So if you can go
back and tell your younger self anything before this marriage,
what would it be?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Can I go back further? Yeah? Oh that I could
tell my younger self some stuff. Don't have no kids,
never get married. Make sure you do what you have
to do for yourself. Finish school. If you don't get
an education, guys, you will be sat here looking crazy
like the rest of these folks. Get in education. Please
(30:34):
get an education, y'all be surprised. I've traveled a lot
since the last time I seen you. Actually. Yeah, my
son he works for Delta and is becoming a pilot.
So I travel for free. And I've been to Paris, Argentina, Japan.
I've been all I've only been to. I have not
(30:57):
been on Africa and Antarchcard two continents I've never actually
got to go through. Ye. So, and if you know
anything about traveling and seeing other countries, you know how
important it is for us to be able to have education. Yeah,
it's a big thing because other countries they don't have
the opportunity for education like we have.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah, you know, I definitely see a different glow about you.
I really do. I feel like the last time we talked,
we didn't have a visual component to it, but obviously
the tony your voice back then was very like heavy
and like I felt the anger. But I feel like, yeah,
I feel like you're cool. Like I feel like you're
doing a damn thing.
Speaker 3 (31:38):
Yeah, girl, you know, you can't hold a real black
woman down, you know, right, we might get down for
a little bit, but we always stand back up away.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Right.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
So what's one thing you can said that you learned
about yourself?
Speaker 3 (31:51):
Trust my intuition.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah yeah, we put our intuition and our and sent
which is not very common anymore, all the way in.
Speaker 3 (32:03):
The back burner. Stop doing that, lady, Stop doing that.
Then if you have an inklean that something is wrong
your spirit, right, listen to yourself. Yeah, I would definitely
listen to myself from now on.
Speaker 2 (32:17):
Oh yeah, yeah, you know. One of the questions that
came up when we had our first conversation, where were
you ever afraid for your own health knowing his history?
Speaker 3 (32:29):
No, and I could be honest with that. My mom
is a retired respiratory therapist forty five years and has
also been in captain in an air force for over
forty years. She's always told me and my sister, you know,
get your check up, do your gentle, your hygiene. I'm
(32:50):
one of those. I'm a proactive person about my health.
I make sure to go get my check up. I
get my blood work. Then, before me and him even
started dating, the first, second or third time, or even
getting married, I made sure to go get my HIV
test done faithfully, just because the fact that I believe
(33:13):
in prevention. You don't want to sit there and wait
until it's too late. So my health lies. I take
care of me. I try to very much, so because
I know I only got one of me.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah right. So four years ago you
were HIV negative. So what's your status now? Are you
still negative?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I am still negative? Good? Good? I really don't be
I'm not. I've never been out there like that anyway.
I don't be in these streets. No, no, no, y'all
be careful, be careful, you kind of go get checked regularly,
I mean, know your health statist. Guys. Yeah, I'm still negative.
(34:00):
I was on PREP at one point when I was
with him, and my pharmacist was like, look, if you
stop this prep and you're still with your husband, you
are going to get HIV. I didn't stop taking the
PREP until after me and him separated, and it was
at least a year and a half maybe a little
(34:23):
more a year an eight months or so before me
and my current relationship even started having sex with each other.
And he knows everything about what happened about the ex husbands.
I'm not that type of person. I'm going to let
you know up front, so that way we all protect ourselves.
Speaker 2 (34:45):
So I feel like, also, I feel like you're very
confident now too, Like, did you have to rebuild your confidence.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
Let me know? I didn't self? Yes, yes, yes, I've
always been confident. I've always been told I sell myself
very well. I have a very good educational background as
well as you know, you know, so for me the confidence, no,
but self, yes, I had to remind myself who I am, facts,
(35:19):
where I come from, the people who care about me
and love me, and learn how to love myself over again. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
And last but not least, if a woman is listening
in on and she's in the same situation that was
similar to yours, what would be your advice? So what
would you tell her? Right now?
Speaker 3 (35:39):
I'm gonna tell her the same thing my twin told me.
As much as you sitting here trying to figure out
what's going on with this man, if you put in
that much effort instead of trying to figure out what
he got going on, if you put in that much
effort to yourself, you'll be a billionaire.
Speaker 5 (35:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Yeah, don't don't sit there and throw your life away
to sit there and try to figure out whitest man
doesn't want to act right our widest man is out
here with these other men, or widest man didn't tell
you about his status. Don't don't stress yourself over it.
Stress to kill you and causes wrinkles. You don't want that.
You want to sit down and put Yeah, you want
(36:20):
to put that effort, that same energy, that same effort
into yourself. Go with Ben and I promise you, like
I said, if nothing else, you'll be a billionaire before
you even know it, because it'll give you that much
more dry to live. Yeah, I was. I hate to
be like this, but I was very blessed and truly,
(36:41):
truly blessed that I did not get HIV. I don't
wish that on.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Nobody, because paying with fire a little bit.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
Yeah, however, I'm going to let you know that if
if you're in that situation and you are negative, then definitely,
I mean, if you want to be with your husband
or yourself, I'm not saying to leave them, but if not,
protect yourself or I mean period, just protect yourself and
(37:11):
do what you need to do to make sure your
health and for that matter, their health is good because
you don't want to sit there and compromise your health
or there, especially if you care about them. Yeah, just
protect yourself and go within if you have them.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
And also you make a good point about just pouring
all that energy into yourself because in the next couple
of weeks you will be moving to talent.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
Yep, I sure am y yeah girl, i'man counting down.
I got twenty six babes.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Yes, Tailan is a vibe. The food is good, It's
also very very affordable. The places are just beautiful, just
a whole atmosphere and ambiance and the people, like, the
people are just amazing. So I'm super excited for you
and your business to take off in talent.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Thank you so much, Like I'm so excited, like I
can't believe it's finally hearing happening. Yeah, everybody has been
very supportive. All my clients have been supportive. I got, y'all,
there are black people in Thailand. There's actually a lot
of us. And they just sat there and open up
nine more African nations to Thailand, including Ghana and Nigeria.
(38:21):
There's gonna be more of us going to Thailand. And
if you don't know about Southeast Asia, they're brownskin guys.
There are complexions. They're really good people. You'll have great
like you said, great food there. I go down the
street walk and pick the mango off the tree.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I know, it's such a vibe. Like when I went
to Thailand, I was like, damn, I think I only
spentd like three hundred dollars and I was there for
a week and like the massages and I'm not talking
about know how to hand this, but the massages are
like super affordable and it's so good. So next thing
I know, they I'm gonna finitely hit you.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Up of course, of course, I'll have us some good
eat them up spots to go.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Yes, yes, yes, Well I'm super proud of you, sous.
I have to be a part of your journey, and
to see where you come from and see where you
at is very inspiring. So I'm super happy for you,
and I'm just so happy that you came back to yourself.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
Yeah, and I'm super happy for you. Chuse girl, you're
doing that. I see it, okay, I mean coming from
where we was back till now.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Yeah, that's is awesome.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
Like I've been listening, I've been down, like, thank you
so much for continuing your great work. We need people
like you.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate you.
But I feel like your story is the epitome of
what Professional Homegirls stand for, which is share your storyline
because you never know how it can be somebody else's lifeline.
So I really appreciate you for coming back on the
show and sharing an update with us.
Speaker 3 (39:44):
Of course, of course, anytime, anytime.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yes, and to the listeners, if you have any questions, comings,
or concerns, please make sure to email me a hello
at the PSG podcast dot com and until next time,
everyone later.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black
Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show,
and you can connect with me on social media at
the PHG podcast
Host
Eboné Almon
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