January 4, 2024 • 37 mins
Alcohol is a drug, highly addictive, has proven to do damage to our minds and our bodies and yet makes up a huge part of our 20s, especially how we socialise and connect with others.
In today's episode we are going to talk about the psychology of alcohol, the impact of alcohol on our brains, the influence our social circles and friendships have on our drinking habits, hangiexty, binge drinking and all the conversations about alcohol we should be having in our 20s, that maybe we are not. As part of this, we want to answer or at least explore the question: should we quit drinking in our 20s? We discuss the reasons for quitting or at least being 'sober curious' and tips for how to moderate our drinking habits. Listen now!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is so great to
have you here. Back for another episode. Today, we're going
to talk about alcohol, the impact of alcohol on our minds,
the influence our social circles and friendships have on our
drinking habits, anxiety, binge drinking, all the conversations about alcohol
(00:50):
that we should be having in our twenties that maybe
we are not. Obviously, as we are talking, we have
just entered into a new year, and a lot of
us probably considering the ways that we can be healthier, happier,
more fulfilled, whether that's eating more vegetables, exercising more journaling,
turning off our screens, or perhaps rethinking our drinking habits.
(01:16):
I think this generation is a lot more educated and
aware of the role that alcohol plays in our lives,
both good and bad, and just genuinely more sober, curious,
more willing to question the relationship with drinking or abstain entirely.
It's really interesting because when I was researching this episode,
(01:38):
I came across this series of economic papers of financial
reports about Japan and how in Japan at the moment,
they're actually running a series of commercials to promote drinking
amongst younger people, because so many people in this generation
are really questioning the pervasiveness of alcohol in our lives,
(02:02):
the fact that we drink without thinking twice whether it
is worth it, and this question of should I quit
drinking or at least limit my alcohol intake has been
on my mind a lot recently, especially since quite a
few of my friends have started cutting out alcohol from
their lives and I'm really seeing some insane benefits to
(02:26):
their mental well being, the quality of their relationships, their fitness,
even their skin. One of my best friends, Sarah, was
really the inspiration for this episode because she is in
that very boat at the moment. She quit drinking for
a few months and when she told me, my first
reaction was like, how how is this possible? And my
(02:50):
second thought was I could never do that. That would
be way too hard for me, that would be impossible,
no chance. I literally have a tattoo of a glas
of wine on my wrist. Alcohol it's such a deeply
ingrained part of my life. But at what cost? Is
that coming out? At what cost? And it was these
(03:10):
kind of knee jerk thoughts that really caused me to
pause for a second and reconsider whether my drinking habits
were actually healthy or it would actually be that hard
for me to quit, and if it would be that
hard for me to quit impossible, even as I'd initially thought,
what was to distinguish between me and someone addicted to alcohol?
(03:35):
Clinically addicted? You know, maybe my drinking habits are a
bit more socially acceptable. I don't drink at inappropriate times,
I'm not drinking to the point of being hungover every day.
But just because it's more socially acceptable doesn't mean it's
not a problem or there isn't still kind of an
underlying emotional or physical dependence occurring there. So it was
(03:59):
here that I really began to look back at the
past few months and ask myself, you know, when was
the last time I didn't drink at least every second
day of the week. And I really I could not
answer the question. I genuinely couldn't remember my life. The
way I socialize, the way I unwind, the way I celebrate,
even just relax, it is all centered on the presence
(04:21):
of alcohol. And I think that that is the case
for many of us in our twenties, especially as we
enter into full time work or those around us also
start working full time. Most of the time that we
reserve to see each other, to hang out is during
the evenings. And what do we do when we want
(04:44):
to socialize in the evenings We go out for a drink,
or we go out for dinner and we get a
bottle of wine or we get a beer. And then
on the weekends it's the same thing. We want to unwind.
Alcohol naturally does that for us. It's this temporary stress release,
and I think that has been really contributing to a
(05:05):
lot of drinking habits that are quite second nature that
we don't actually really consider. There's also just this whole
culture of drinking, especially where I live. I live in Australia, obviously,
and when notorious for this, you know, Australians drink so much.
Alcohol is part of the social fabric. To have a
(05:27):
beer after work, to have a beer with dinner, to
have a beer with friends, and so the question just
kept coming up. Could I stop? Not do I want
to stop? But could I? And that right there is
actually what we call being sober curious, thinking about your
decisions to drink, rather than just going along with social pressures,
(05:49):
slowly finding ways to cut back, exploring what life could
be without alcohol, because even though alcohol is very omnipresent
in our society and the way we interact with our friends,
at the end of the day, it is still a drug.
I saw this quote and it really changed my perspective
on this. Alcohol is the only drug that causes generational
(06:13):
trauma that is still culturally tolerated and celebrated. And I
believe that many of us perhaps just go along with
drinking culture because we don't really know any differently, because
alcohol makes us feel good, because we are worried what
we would have to give up in our social life
(06:34):
if we chose to stop. So let's explore that today.
Let's explore the question of should I quit drinking in
my twenties. If you are sober curious like me, this
is definitely the episode for you, because I'm exploring the
same time that you are so without further ado, I say,
we jump into all of the psychology, the biology, the
(06:56):
physiology behind why we drink, what alcohol does to our
minds and our bodies, and some of the reasons for
quitting alcohol is, like we said, a drug and why
it makes us feel so good and more relaxed and
(07:19):
more sociable comes down to its impact on our central
nervous system. So drugs come in to forms depressants and stimulants.
So stimulants are things like ecstasy or cocaine. They make
us more active and energetic and focused, whereas alcohol is
a depressant. It slows down our brain activity, our movements.
(07:43):
It makes us less anxious because it impacts the ways
that messages travel between our body and our brain. So
when we have a glass of wine, for example, contained
in that glass of wine is ethanol. Ethanol is a
psychoactive substance that is metabolized by our body and goes
(08:03):
through a series of processes in our body. So the
reason we get drunk and happy and carefree specifically comes
down to what ethanol does to our neurotransmitter systems. It
stimulates the release of dopamine, it stimulates the release of endorphins, serotonin,
all mood boosters all associated with pleasure, and then it
(08:23):
also enhances the activity of this one neurotransmitter known as GABBA.
Now Gabba is an inhibitor. An inhibitor means that it
has a really calming effect on the nervous system. That
is what leads to the feelings of relaxation, reduced response times,
(08:44):
and a confused state the more drunk we get. So
the reason we like to drink is because biologically, psychologically,
it makes us happy. It's really as simple as that,
and psychology tells us, through very simple pre conditioning and
learned association, that when something makes us happy, we want
(09:05):
to do it even more so if it also removes
a negative feeling at the same time, that makes it
even more I don't know, not addictive, but even more
probable that we will continue to consume an amount that
creates the same feeling again and again. It's interesting because
(09:26):
a lot of things make us happy and aren't part
of our daily lives. I like to use kind of
like heroine as an example. Obviously it's a very drastic example,
but we don't go and do heroine at a party
or at a casual dinner. Maybe you do.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
That is your prerogative. I don't think alcohol is your
main concern. But the reason we don't go and do
these drugs that make us feel just as good, if
not better, is because it's not socially acceptable. Alcohol is
not only socially acceptable, it is commonplace, it's celebrated, it's
(10:06):
really positively viewed. So for centuries and centuries, humans have
been using alcohol to change elevate their mood. Even before
we made it into a liquid form, people used to
eat fermented fruits as a way to essentially get drunk,
because when things ferment or they rot, they produce that ethanol.
So we can see really early signs of alcoholic beverages
(10:27):
being used in that way across.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
The world, in Rome, in the Middle Ages, in ancient China,
in Japan. Even beer back in the day was as
commonplace as water, and nowadays it's associated more so with
celebration because if you're feeling really great about something, why
(10:51):
not feel even better? Why not let alcohol amplify the mood.
And then, of course we can use it in the
inverse situation when our mood is low, when anxious board
that's a really big one. When we're depressed, when lonely.
Alcohol is a substance which can distract us from those
feelings or put us temporarily in a better mood by
(11:11):
creating artificial euphoria. So they conducted this review in twenty
twenty two and they found that alcohol is used in
this way to suppress negative feelings more commonly than any
other substance, and it's known as self medicating. So self
medicating is when you use some kind of substance activity behavior,
(11:35):
normally a drug of some sort, to almost minimize negative
emotions and try and shift your mood back to a
positive point. And the reason alcohol is used so commonly
is because it's so widely available. However, whilst it may
spike your mood for a while, the problem is that
if you want to keep up those lively spirits, you
(11:58):
have to keep drinking. And if you stop, those emotions
and feelings come back stronger than ever, and they also
come back in the form of a hangover, anxiety, a
depressed mood. So what do we do in response, Well,
we start drinking again, and we drink more in order
to cope when that is prolonged. I don't think I
(12:20):
need to say it, but it results in a huge
cost to our personal lives, our relationships, poor fitness, health problems,
reduce concentration. Obviously, self medication and an addiction are very
different things. That's incredibly important to remember, but it can
quickly become addiction if we're not able to find more sustainable,
healthy mechanisms for coping. So there was a one study
(12:44):
published in twenty nineteen. It found that replacing alcohol in
a self medicating format with something healthier that doesn't rely
on a substance is incredibly hard to do, mainly because
a lot of people don't even really that they are
self medicating.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
We don't even know that. The reason we have a
glass of wine is because we're bored. The reason that
we're drinking beer is because we're socially anxious. The reason
that we're doing shots is because we want to get
over our ex. That is all self medicating, and it's
so second nature. We are so in denial of what
we're really trying to achieve by drinking. Obviously that is
(13:23):
not always the case, but it is another explanation for
why alcohol is used so widely. It's also the case,
and I've mentioned this a few times, alcohol increases our
sociability as well. It's a social lubricant, as people call it,
it's the elixir of confidence. It makes you feel powerful,
it makes you feel less insecure. So similar to this
(13:43):
suppression of some of those darker thoughts, it also elevates
the part of you that you think others are going
to find more enjoyable. There is this amazing creator on
TikTok and I cannot remember their name, but I'll leave
it in the description, and they talk a lot about
this as a neurodivergent, whereby they use alcohol to feel
(14:04):
more comfortable in social situations. It has become somewhat of
a crutch for them as a way to fit in
because it minimizes all of that social anxiety that would
normally keep them very much in their shell. So, when
we break it down, the reason we often don't question
our drinking habits is because alcohol makes us feel good.
It's socially acceptable, it's prolific, So even if we're not
(14:26):
consciously aware of it, there is some subliminal cultural peer
pressure involved. And then, of course alcohol can be used
as a coping strategy for so many internal problems or feelings,
a way to feel better about who we are. So
what are some of the reasons to stop in the
face of all of these quote unquote benefits. Firstly, I
(14:48):
really think that we should consider quitting or at least
minimizing our drinking if you just want to see if
you can. There doesn't need to be a deeper reason
than that. Other than that is a per personal challenge
for you, and you want to actually evaluate whether you're
able to do it or whether this is a deeper problem.
You want to test the nature of your reliance, even
(15:10):
if it's just for a month. I think you'll see
some really huge changes. You will sleep better, you will
have less brain fog, you'll feel fitter, your skin will improve.
You'll definitely save money, that is for sure. Alcohol is
such an expense for a lot of people in their twenties.
Some estimates even suggest that you could save at least
(15:31):
eight thousand dollars a year if you are having three
drinks four days a week. That is like a free
vacation right there, like hiding in your sobriety. And additionally,
perhaps the biggest non health related reason, you'll just prove
to yourself that you can. You get to trial a
life without alcohol. You can set yourself a short term goal,
(15:54):
one that requires discipline and temporary lifestyle changes and be
committed to it. And I think that demons that proves
to yourself real mental strength, especially in the face of
a lot of social pressure. It gives you a reason
to feel proud of yourself, but it also demonstrates that
you do have conscious control over these sometimes automatic behaviors
like having a glass of wine with dinner or drinking
(16:16):
every weekend. And the longer that you abstain or just
reduce your consumption, the greater the benefits become. I cannot
even begin to list the amount of studies and health
articles showing us that those of us who drink less
than five drinks a week, so not even completely abstaining,
reduce their risk of cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease,
(16:40):
liver damage, all of which are really long term side
effects of excessive alcohol consumption. Let's also talk about this
short term downsides of drinking excessively or at least consistently,
that you're gonna avoid if you start rethinking your relationship
with alcohol. The biggest one to me is hangovers and anxiety,
(17:02):
essentially such a universal experience of our twenties when we
drink to the point of excess of being really drunk.
What we are basically doing is poisoning our body by
putting in more of a psychoactive substance, ethanol than our
bodies can process. This is why when we feel really drunk,
(17:22):
we often feel the need to vomit. This is literally
our body saying I am being poisoned. I cannot process
all of this without it doing harm. I need to
expel this or else. Throwing up Vomiting after drinking alcohol
is the body's natural way of removing what is actually
a harmful material, and the next morning we're going to
(17:42):
feel the impact of that. When our body metabolizes alcohol,
it releases this substance that contributes to feelings of nausea, headaches,
overall discomfort. It also spikes our blood sugar levels, it
causes us to be dehydrated, interferes with our sleep. That's
when we start to encounter some of those psychological and
mental side effects as well. Part of that is anxiety.
(18:07):
I know that we've all experienced this, waking up the
next morning feeling like you were in a mental spiral,
worrying about what you've said or done, having this seemingly
unspecified anxious pattern of thoughts, feeling paranoid, and impending sense
of doom. This is so commonplace for me, and one
(18:27):
of the major factors that really contributed to my sober
curiosity was I didn't want to wake up and think
about everything that I regretted saying the night before. I
didn't kind of want that chaos in my life. When
we look at the science, particularly the brain science, anxiety
is directly related to that neurotransmitter gabba that we were
(18:48):
speaking about before. It might make us feel more relaxed,
but as you continue drinking, your brain also starts to
shut off this hormone, this neurochemical called glutamate. So that
is why we feel really calm, we feel free, we
feel more natural, but they're short lived because as the
alcohol wears off, your brain needs to restore that normal
(19:12):
chemical balance, and it does this by reducing gabber, so
reducing the calm feelings and spiking that glutamat again, making
you more anxious as it tries to get you back
to that point of balance. So I think both an
increasing level of hangovers and anxiety, those are some of
(19:32):
the biggest arguments for considering a limit or reduction to
your drinking, especially if you are someone who has one
glass one beer and can't stop. The next day is
always disrupted. You can't get as much done, You have
to do the apology tour, make sure you haven't embarrassed yourself.
Your body just doesn't feel quite right. And if you
are someone who wants to make changes in your life
(19:55):
and has some big goals wants to prioritize being physically
active and getting shit done, an early riser, or just
a good friend, sometimes we come to realize that alcohol
and those broader values and goals they don't align. They
are in direct opposition. And it's at this point that
you really need to consider how you can build a
(20:16):
healthier relationship with this substance. What would your life look
like without alcohol in it? What would it look like
with less alcohol? If there would be an improvement, I
think it's somewhat irrational that you don't make that change,
because you are showing to yourself that, despite all the benefits,
you're still very much under the thumb of this substance.
(20:38):
For some reason, whatever that may be, You're essentially using
alcohol as a way to self sabotage. You are standing
in your own way of a better quality of life,
and it could be possible that you actually have less
control over this behavior than you initially believed. Another reason
to quit drinking is that you're going to be able
to discover who you truly are without using alcohol as
(20:58):
a social lubricant. It will show you that you can
have fun even if you're not drunk. It will show
you who wants to be around you, even if you're
not buzzed and funny and saying which shit. It will
show you that sobriety isn't a buzzkill, that people are
quite accepting. And it also means that you have to
be more creative and how you choose to have fun
(21:20):
instead of just choosing the easiest option of going out
for a drink. You can go to an art class,
a movie. You can go rock climbing, and you can
drive there. You can be the designated driver. Everyone loves
a designated driver. Obviously, this is a limited number of reasons,
and some of them may not really motivate you as
much as the others do. Whether it's for mental benefits,
(21:43):
physical benefits, social benefits, just a personal value benefit of
showing yourself that you can do it. There are so
many reasons that are so persuasive, but these are the
ones that really stick out. I also think that obviously
you're discussing quitting drinking, the decision to moderate your drinking
is just as valid and important, just as powerful, even
(22:06):
though it might not be as much of a drastic change.
Any change is good change when it comes to your health,
even if you are just sober curious. I think it's
important that with any automatically or socially conditioned behavior, we
actually evaluate how much control we have, our reasons for partaking,
(22:30):
and whether we are still okay with the consequences of that,
whether there is a better option for us, even if
it's not the status quo. I think contained in that
decision making process though a number of barriers, especially around
what we would be giving up, abstaining, deciding to limit.
(22:50):
I think we understand that it will be difficult, and
it's that difficulty. It's that fear of that discomfort and
that difficulty that keeps us stuck in this behavior or
in the contemplation stage. We fear what a change will
cost us. We fear the friends we may lose, that
life might be boring, that will miss the taste, the
feeling So what I want to discuss next as some
(23:12):
of the challenges, but also how to overcome them, my
tips for kind of integrating sober curiosity into your life
if that's something that you're interested in. So all of
that and more. After this short break, what I've realized
(23:33):
is that all the reasons why we choose to drink
are the reasons why it's so hard to stop. Alcohol
tastes good, everyone else is drinking. It makes me feel better,
it's an important part of celebrating with friends and family.
It makes me more confident. Those are just a few,
and maybe that's an obvious statement, but ironically, the reason
(23:53):
it's so hard to quit drinking is because it makes
us feel so good. Because it is, as we've spoken about,
a drug. It produces a lot of the chemistry in
our brain that is associated with pleasure. When we drink regularly,
as well, our brains get used to elevated dopamine levels,
and that is where our tolerance comes from. So when
(24:14):
we make the decision to reduce or stop entirely, we
are going to experience a drop in a lot of
that artificially induced euphoria and happiness that we're experiencing. That
we've come to rely on the thing I always will.
Have been questioning a lot recently, though, is is that
actually real happiness? Is that a genuine feeling of happiness?
(24:38):
Or is it just a chemical reaction produced by alcohol?
So one of the biggest reasons I had for not
quitting was alcohol is just so much fun. What if
I'm boring without it? What if my life is just
less enjoyable? What am I going to do on those
nights when a drink would unfortunately make me happier. A
(25:01):
lot of this is tied up in emotion, but equally
in a fear of change. Change is really scary, especially
if you are someone like me, for whom alcohol is
such a normal part of everyday life. It has been
since I was eighteen, maybe even younger. So imagining life
without it comes with a lot of unknowns. It comes
with a lot of fear, and humans naturally fear uncertainty
(25:23):
or any sense of change, anything that disrupts what they're
used to. It also requires a lifestyle adjustment that maybe
we don't feel prepared to make because the effort required
or the secondary impacts on other areas or domains of
our lives. Seeing too large there's this really valuable psychological
(25:46):
theory that we really should discuss here actually, and it's
called the theory of behavior change, or the stages of
behavior change. When we are in the process of making
a decision like abstaining from alcohol, we go through a
series of like chapters, a series of stages. Firstly, we
have pre contemplation. This is where we are not even
(26:07):
thinking about it. We're not thinking about changing, we don't
see any problem. We're happy to continue. Then we might
get to the contemplation stage. We're thinking about the pros
and cons of quitting. We're not quite ready to do it,
but it's definitely on our mind, it's definitely something that
we're considering. Then we move to preparation. We know it's
(26:28):
time to make a choice, to make a change, to
make a shift. We begin to plan, We begin to
make contingencies like Okay, I'm gonna go sober next month,
this is how I'm going to do it. And then
we have action. This is where we actually do it.
This is the fourth stage. And finally, after that maintenance,
we've quit. We're not going back. Sometimes we cycle through
(26:51):
these stages again and again, either because we're not committed
to full sobriety, or because we're still trying to find
the will power to adjust and go through with it,
switching between contemplation and preparation, contemplation and preparation again and
again and again. That's totally okay. This theory shows us
this is part of the cycle. At that moment when
(27:13):
we're really considering maybe some of the downsides of quitting,
like what we're going to miss out on, we are
in the contemplation stage. We know that it might be
good for us, we know the benefits, but once again
there is either a fear or something else holding us back.
And aside from the pure happiness factor, the second biggest
(27:35):
contributor is social acceptance. I was speaking about this on
Instagram the other day and I asked you guys, would
you be able to quit drinking?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:47):
No, maybe if you were, If you answered no, sorry,
if you said you couldn't quit drinking? Why is that
every single one of you said this. There was probably
two out of like two hundred responses that didn't say.
Alcohol is so socially ingrained in my life. It is
so omnipresent. What am I going to miss out on
(28:10):
if I don't drink. What are my friends going to think?
Am I going to feel left out or miss out
on like those drunk memories? Here's my response to that. Firstly,
the memories you make when you're drunk are not actually
great memories, mainly because alcohol interrupts our ability to consolidate
the things that we're experiencing and turn them into memories.
(28:32):
So a lot of the time what we think we
remember is not even what we remember. There's really a
lot of points of confusion or blackout in that. Secondly,
the people you lose if it comes to that, I
don't think it will. They were not around you for
the right reasons. And there are so many substitutions these
days for alcohol, like mocked oles and like alcohol free
(28:53):
liquors and soft drink. The mere fact that your beverage
is not alcoholic is not going to dramatically shift your relationships,
at least not the ones that matter, at least, not
the ones with the people who are really important. If anything,
I think you'll find that your relationships will actually deepen
because you will be more alert, a better listener, you
(29:15):
won't say things you regret, You'll find other ways to
hang out with your friends without alcohol being at the center.
Just because alcohol and drinking are convenient and socially acceptable
options doesn't mean they are the best options, especially when
we focus on the positives and the upsides of limiting
our intake and you can still have fun. I think
(29:37):
the mere fact that you're worried you won't be able
to is another reason to actually rethink your alliance on alcohol,
because if you are relying it on it as a
crutch in order to socialize or be funnier, more charismatic,
is it actually you and those moments or is it
the alcohol that people like? Once again, who would you
(29:58):
be without alcohol? Would you be healthier, happier, fitter, more confident?
These reasons all sound really worth it. I want to
clarify here, I am in no ways completely sober. I
still drink, but since reflecting on the role that this
plays in my life, I've massively reduced how much I
consume and more conscious of my decisions towards drinking. I've
(30:20):
gone from drinking maybe every night to just weekends or
special occasions holidays, and definitely not to the same level
as before where it was like alcohol was just such
a fixture in my life, right like it was just
such a huge part of who I chose to be,
and it was scary seeing who that version of me
would be without it. I want to discuss some tips
(30:43):
for my sober curious listeners out there who are maybe
in the contemplation preparation stage. First of all, get clear
on the why. Everyone is going to have unique reasons,
whether it is for physical health, mental well being, to
save money, to test mental strength. Make sure you are
certain of your motivations because they are what will keep
(31:05):
you committed, and start doing your own research on the benefits.
Follow people on a similar journey who maybe are also
sober curious, who are also just dead sober, who are
not kind of participating in the alcohol culture the same
way that you would like to not participate. Surround yourself
(31:27):
with people who may be willing to try as well,
who are already in the action phase. Keep those incentives
and motives front and center at all times. Set short
term goals first as well. One of the biggest mistakes
people make when they set out to change their lives,
or at least some component of it, is that they
go all in all at once. They adopt an all
(31:50):
or nothing approach, which research as therapists, psychologists, They all
say that is one of the easiest ways to ensure
that you fail, because if we only accept perfection and
complete adherence to our goals, we are neglecting reality, specifically
the reality that behavior change is hard because it requires
(32:12):
us to revise a lot of what is automatic for
us instead of going cold turkey. If you can try
not to drink every second day, then try not to
drink during the week, and then every second week, then
challenge yourself to a month month long sobriety challenges like
drive July, they're a really good trial. In this case,
(32:33):
where it's only thirty days, it's superdoable. You don't have
to give up everything in your life. You have the
promise of a finished date, and that can be something
that really helps you sometimes. What we actually see though
with some of those, like thirty day new alcohol challenges,
is what psychologists call rebound behaviors, where when we are
(32:54):
allowed to drink again, we actually end up drinking more.
But if we see this as part of a broader
long term shift to drinking less, and we keep our
motives up, we can normally avoid this. And if complete
sobriety is not for you, or not medically necessary. Try
to keep drinkings to just the weekends or big events,
stick to just one or two drinks. It might be
(33:16):
less scary if you have a limit. You know, less
scary if you're not completely cutting something out of your life,
but more so integrating non alcoholic versions into how you socialize,
integrating sobriety into how you see your life. Small change
once again, better then no change. Additionally, don't forget to
(33:39):
reward yourself here. You are really challenging yourself with this.
You should feel proud of your efforts. A lot of
people in their twenties of all ages are not considering this.
With each kind of milestone you hit each week that
you stay sober each I don't know fortnite that you
choose to not drink, reward yourself with a little treat,
with a little amiz on purchase. You really want a
(34:01):
little snack from the grocery store to keep up that
positive reinforcement. I think also consistent reward can be helpful
in counteracting some of the natural declines we're going to
see in the pleasure that we may have been used
to getting from alcohol instead of getting that dopamine hit
and then immediate regret from overdrinking, you can receive that pleasure,
(34:26):
that sense of satisfaction, that happiness from a more positive
and meaningful personal reward. Finally, plan ahead when it comes
to big social situations. We all know what it's like
to feel fomo, to feel pressure from those around us,
maybe even anxiety because we're doing something a little bit different,
(34:49):
and that can really cause us to give up. Because
there is nothing as significant and influential as someone really
trying to get you to have a drink, to have
a cocktail with them. So if you have a plan,
you bring your own non alcoholic beverages, you know that
you're going to have one drink, then only have like
diet coke or lemonade. From there, you're going to feel
(35:12):
more certain, You're going to feel more committed, You're going
to feel more strong in the fact that you have
made a decision for you and you're willing to see
it through. I think beyond that, whether you are ready
to quit drinking or just thinking about it, it's so
important to think about how our behaviors may have consequences
for our well being that we haven't been taught to consider,
(35:34):
especially in societies where heavy excessive drinking is so normalized.
Your health is the most important thing, period, and so
maybe you might not have a problem at this point.
You might never have a problem with alcohol, but it
is worth questioning whether your life could be improved without it.
It's not always about life just being pretty good. Could
(35:55):
it be better? I'm also in this phase of really
exploring this as well. You know, I'm still not sure
I could ever go sober, and I think that that
in itself requires its own unpacking. But I'm glad that
I just stopped going along with what I'd begun to
feel was normal. I'm glad that I actually, you know,
(36:18):
took a step back and was like, is this actually
hurting me or benefiting me? Which one of these is stronger?
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Here?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
How come it is so hard for me to even
consider stopping? What does that say about my own mental
strength and the power that this substance may have over me?
What am I going to see in terms of my
health and my well being if I made this what
could be a very small, arbitrary decision, And it really
hasn't like influenced my life as much as I thought
(36:46):
it would. I really thought that, like my social life
would would you know, would end, it would cease, I
would never see certain friends again. But it hasn't been
like that, and hopefully it's a decision that I continue
to make and continue to explore. So I really hope
that you enjoyed this episode. I hope that it provided
you with just something to think about or some motivation
for something that you have been thinking about. As always,
(37:09):
if you enjoyed this episode, if you think that there
is a friend, family member, work mate, maybe not work mate,
anybody though, who needs to hear this episode, please feel
free to share it with them hopefully it will help
them out as well, and leave a five star review.
If you've got something from this episode. Make sure that
you're following us to know when new episodes will come out,
(37:30):
and if you have an episode suggestion, if maybe you
want to follow up, if you are getting sober this year,
if you're trying to drink less, congratulations, I would love
to hear from you, and maybe other things that you're
doing on this kind of like journey on this path,
And congratulations as well. I think I already said that,
but that is like amazing. So thank you again for
tuning in, and we will be back next week with
(37:52):
another episode
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
the podcast where we talk through some of the big
life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show.
(00:26):
Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever
you are in the world, it is so great to
have you here. Back for another episode. Today, we're going
to talk about alcohol, the impact of alcohol on our minds,
the influence our social circles and friendships have on our
drinking habits, anxiety, binge drinking, all the conversations about alcohol
(00:50):
that we should be having in our twenties that maybe
we are not. Obviously, as we are talking, we have
just entered into a new year, and a lot of
us probably considering the ways that we can be healthier, happier,
more fulfilled, whether that's eating more vegetables, exercising more journaling,
turning off our screens, or perhaps rethinking our drinking habits.
(01:16):
I think this generation is a lot more educated and
aware of the role that alcohol plays in our lives,
both good and bad, and just genuinely more sober, curious,
more willing to question the relationship with drinking or abstain entirely.
It's really interesting because when I was researching this episode,
(01:38):
I came across this series of economic papers of financial
reports about Japan and how in Japan at the moment,
they're actually running a series of commercials to promote drinking
amongst younger people, because so many people in this generation
are really questioning the pervasiveness of alcohol in our lives,
(02:02):
the fact that we drink without thinking twice whether it
is worth it, and this question of should I quit
drinking or at least limit my alcohol intake has been
on my mind a lot recently, especially since quite a
few of my friends have started cutting out alcohol from
their lives and I'm really seeing some insane benefits to
(02:26):
their mental well being, the quality of their relationships, their fitness,
even their skin. One of my best friends, Sarah, was
really the inspiration for this episode because she is in
that very boat at the moment. She quit drinking for
a few months and when she told me, my first
reaction was like, how how is this possible? And my
(02:50):
second thought was I could never do that. That would
be way too hard for me, that would be impossible,
no chance. I literally have a tattoo of a glas
of wine on my wrist. Alcohol it's such a deeply
ingrained part of my life. But at what cost? Is
that coming out? At what cost? And it was these
(03:10):
kind of knee jerk thoughts that really caused me to
pause for a second and reconsider whether my drinking habits
were actually healthy or it would actually be that hard
for me to quit, and if it would be that
hard for me to quit impossible, even as I'd initially thought,
what was to distinguish between me and someone addicted to alcohol?
(03:35):
Clinically addicted? You know, maybe my drinking habits are a
bit more socially acceptable. I don't drink at inappropriate times,
I'm not drinking to the point of being hungover every day.
But just because it's more socially acceptable doesn't mean it's
not a problem or there isn't still kind of an
underlying emotional or physical dependence occurring there. So it was
(03:59):
here that I really began to look back at the
past few months and ask myself, you know, when was
the last time I didn't drink at least every second
day of the week. And I really I could not
answer the question. I genuinely couldn't remember my life. The
way I socialize, the way I unwind, the way I celebrate,
even just relax, it is all centered on the presence
(04:21):
of alcohol. And I think that that is the case
for many of us in our twenties, especially as we
enter into full time work or those around us also
start working full time. Most of the time that we
reserve to see each other, to hang out is during
the evenings. And what do we do when we want
(04:44):
to socialize in the evenings We go out for a drink,
or we go out for dinner and we get a
bottle of wine or we get a beer. And then
on the weekends it's the same thing. We want to unwind.
Alcohol naturally does that for us. It's this temporary stress release,
and I think that has been really contributing to a
(05:05):
lot of drinking habits that are quite second nature that
we don't actually really consider. There's also just this whole
culture of drinking, especially where I live. I live in Australia, obviously,
and when notorious for this, you know, Australians drink so much.
Alcohol is part of the social fabric. To have a
(05:27):
beer after work, to have a beer with dinner, to
have a beer with friends, and so the question just
kept coming up. Could I stop? Not do I want
to stop? But could I? And that right there is
actually what we call being sober curious, thinking about your
decisions to drink, rather than just going along with social pressures,
(05:49):
slowly finding ways to cut back, exploring what life could
be without alcohol, because even though alcohol is very omnipresent
in our society and the way we interact with our friends,
at the end of the day, it is still a drug.
I saw this quote and it really changed my perspective
on this. Alcohol is the only drug that causes generational
(06:13):
trauma that is still culturally tolerated and celebrated. And I
believe that many of us perhaps just go along with
drinking culture because we don't really know any differently, because
alcohol makes us feel good, because we are worried what
we would have to give up in our social life
(06:34):
if we chose to stop. So let's explore that today.
Let's explore the question of should I quit drinking in
my twenties. If you are sober curious like me, this
is definitely the episode for you, because I'm exploring the
same time that you are so without further ado, I say,
we jump into all of the psychology, the biology, the
(06:56):
physiology behind why we drink, what alcohol does to our
minds and our bodies, and some of the reasons for
quitting alcohol is, like we said, a drug and why
it makes us feel so good and more relaxed and
(07:19):
more sociable comes down to its impact on our central
nervous system. So drugs come in to forms depressants and stimulants.
So stimulants are things like ecstasy or cocaine. They make
us more active and energetic and focused, whereas alcohol is
a depressant. It slows down our brain activity, our movements.
(07:43):
It makes us less anxious because it impacts the ways
that messages travel between our body and our brain. So
when we have a glass of wine, for example, contained
in that glass of wine is ethanol. Ethanol is a
psychoactive substance that is metabolized by our body and goes
(08:03):
through a series of processes in our body. So the
reason we get drunk and happy and carefree specifically comes
down to what ethanol does to our neurotransmitter systems. It
stimulates the release of dopamine, it stimulates the release of endorphins, serotonin,
all mood boosters all associated with pleasure, and then it
(08:23):
also enhances the activity of this one neurotransmitter known as GABBA.
Now Gabba is an inhibitor. An inhibitor means that it
has a really calming effect on the nervous system. That
is what leads to the feelings of relaxation, reduced response times,
(08:44):
and a confused state the more drunk we get. So
the reason we like to drink is because biologically, psychologically,
it makes us happy. It's really as simple as that,
and psychology tells us, through very simple pre conditioning and
learned association, that when something makes us happy, we want
(09:05):
to do it even more so if it also removes
a negative feeling at the same time, that makes it
even more I don't know, not addictive, but even more
probable that we will continue to consume an amount that
creates the same feeling again and again. It's interesting because
(09:26):
a lot of things make us happy and aren't part
of our daily lives. I like to use kind of
like heroine as an example. Obviously it's a very drastic example,
but we don't go and do heroine at a party
or at a casual dinner. Maybe you do.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
That is your prerogative. I don't think alcohol is your
main concern. But the reason we don't go and do
these drugs that make us feel just as good, if
not better, is because it's not socially acceptable. Alcohol is
not only socially acceptable, it is commonplace, it's celebrated, it's
(10:06):
really positively viewed. So for centuries and centuries, humans have
been using alcohol to change elevate their mood. Even before
we made it into a liquid form, people used to
eat fermented fruits as a way to essentially get drunk,
because when things ferment or they rot, they produce that ethanol.
So we can see really early signs of alcoholic beverages
(10:27):
being used in that way across.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
The world, in Rome, in the Middle Ages, in ancient China,
in Japan. Even beer back in the day was as
commonplace as water, and nowadays it's associated more so with
celebration because if you're feeling really great about something, why
(10:51):
not feel even better? Why not let alcohol amplify the mood.
And then, of course we can use it in the
inverse situation when our mood is low, when anxious board
that's a really big one. When we're depressed, when lonely.
Alcohol is a substance which can distract us from those
feelings or put us temporarily in a better mood by
(11:11):
creating artificial euphoria. So they conducted this review in twenty
twenty two and they found that alcohol is used in
this way to suppress negative feelings more commonly than any
other substance, and it's known as self medicating. So self
medicating is when you use some kind of substance activity behavior,
(11:35):
normally a drug of some sort, to almost minimize negative
emotions and try and shift your mood back to a
positive point. And the reason alcohol is used so commonly
is because it's so widely available. However, whilst it may
spike your mood for a while, the problem is that
if you want to keep up those lively spirits, you
(11:58):
have to keep drinking. And if you stop, those emotions
and feelings come back stronger than ever, and they also
come back in the form of a hangover, anxiety, a
depressed mood. So what do we do in response, Well,
we start drinking again, and we drink more in order
to cope when that is prolonged. I don't think I
(12:20):
need to say it, but it results in a huge
cost to our personal lives, our relationships, poor fitness, health problems,
reduce concentration. Obviously, self medication and an addiction are very
different things. That's incredibly important to remember, but it can
quickly become addiction if we're not able to find more sustainable,
healthy mechanisms for coping. So there was a one study
(12:44):
published in twenty nineteen. It found that replacing alcohol in
a self medicating format with something healthier that doesn't rely
on a substance is incredibly hard to do, mainly because
a lot of people don't even really that they are
self medicating.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
We don't even know that. The reason we have a
glass of wine is because we're bored. The reason that
we're drinking beer is because we're socially anxious. The reason
that we're doing shots is because we want to get
over our ex. That is all self medicating, and it's
so second nature. We are so in denial of what
we're really trying to achieve by drinking. Obviously that is
(13:23):
not always the case, but it is another explanation for
why alcohol is used so widely. It's also the case,
and I've mentioned this a few times, alcohol increases our
sociability as well. It's a social lubricant, as people call it,
it's the elixir of confidence. It makes you feel powerful,
it makes you feel less insecure. So similar to this
(13:43):
suppression of some of those darker thoughts, it also elevates
the part of you that you think others are going
to find more enjoyable. There is this amazing creator on
TikTok and I cannot remember their name, but I'll leave
it in the description, and they talk a lot about
this as a neurodivergent, whereby they use alcohol to feel
(14:04):
more comfortable in social situations. It has become somewhat of
a crutch for them as a way to fit in
because it minimizes all of that social anxiety that would
normally keep them very much in their shell. So, when
we break it down, the reason we often don't question
our drinking habits is because alcohol makes us feel good.
It's socially acceptable, it's prolific, So even if we're not
(14:26):
consciously aware of it, there is some subliminal cultural peer
pressure involved. And then, of course alcohol can be used
as a coping strategy for so many internal problems or feelings,
a way to feel better about who we are. So
what are some of the reasons to stop in the
face of all of these quote unquote benefits. Firstly, I
(14:48):
really think that we should consider quitting or at least
minimizing our drinking if you just want to see if
you can. There doesn't need to be a deeper reason
than that. Other than that is a per personal challenge
for you, and you want to actually evaluate whether you're
able to do it or whether this is a deeper problem.
You want to test the nature of your reliance, even
(15:10):
if it's just for a month. I think you'll see
some really huge changes. You will sleep better, you will
have less brain fog, you'll feel fitter, your skin will improve.
You'll definitely save money, that is for sure. Alcohol is
such an expense for a lot of people in their twenties.
Some estimates even suggest that you could save at least
(15:31):
eight thousand dollars a year if you are having three
drinks four days a week. That is like a free
vacation right there, like hiding in your sobriety. And additionally,
perhaps the biggest non health related reason, you'll just prove
to yourself that you can. You get to trial a
life without alcohol. You can set yourself a short term goal,
(15:54):
one that requires discipline and temporary lifestyle changes and be
committed to it. And I think that demons that proves
to yourself real mental strength, especially in the face of
a lot of social pressure. It gives you a reason
to feel proud of yourself, but it also demonstrates that
you do have conscious control over these sometimes automatic behaviors
like having a glass of wine with dinner or drinking
(16:16):
every weekend. And the longer that you abstain or just
reduce your consumption, the greater the benefits become. I cannot
even begin to list the amount of studies and health
articles showing us that those of us who drink less
than five drinks a week, so not even completely abstaining,
reduce their risk of cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease,
(16:40):
liver damage, all of which are really long term side
effects of excessive alcohol consumption. Let's also talk about this
short term downsides of drinking excessively or at least consistently,
that you're gonna avoid if you start rethinking your relationship
with alcohol. The biggest one to me is hangovers and anxiety,
(17:02):
essentially such a universal experience of our twenties when we
drink to the point of excess of being really drunk.
What we are basically doing is poisoning our body by
putting in more of a psychoactive substance, ethanol than our
bodies can process. This is why when we feel really drunk,
(17:22):
we often feel the need to vomit. This is literally
our body saying I am being poisoned. I cannot process
all of this without it doing harm. I need to
expel this or else. Throwing up Vomiting after drinking alcohol
is the body's natural way of removing what is actually
a harmful material, and the next morning we're going to
(17:42):
feel the impact of that. When our body metabolizes alcohol,
it releases this substance that contributes to feelings of nausea, headaches,
overall discomfort. It also spikes our blood sugar levels, it
causes us to be dehydrated, interferes with our sleep. That's
when we start to encounter some of those psychological and
mental side effects as well. Part of that is anxiety.
(18:07):
I know that we've all experienced this, waking up the
next morning feeling like you were in a mental spiral,
worrying about what you've said or done, having this seemingly
unspecified anxious pattern of thoughts, feeling paranoid, and impending sense
of doom. This is so commonplace for me, and one
(18:27):
of the major factors that really contributed to my sober
curiosity was I didn't want to wake up and think
about everything that I regretted saying the night before. I
didn't kind of want that chaos in my life. When
we look at the science, particularly the brain science, anxiety
is directly related to that neurotransmitter gabba that we were
(18:48):
speaking about before. It might make us feel more relaxed,
but as you continue drinking, your brain also starts to
shut off this hormone, this neurochemical called glutamate. So that
is why we feel really calm, we feel free, we
feel more natural, but they're short lived because as the
alcohol wears off, your brain needs to restore that normal
(19:12):
chemical balance, and it does this by reducing gabber, so
reducing the calm feelings and spiking that glutamat again, making
you more anxious as it tries to get you back
to that point of balance. So I think both an
increasing level of hangovers and anxiety, those are some of
(19:32):
the biggest arguments for considering a limit or reduction to
your drinking, especially if you are someone who has one
glass one beer and can't stop. The next day is
always disrupted. You can't get as much done, You have
to do the apology tour, make sure you haven't embarrassed yourself.
Your body just doesn't feel quite right. And if you
are someone who wants to make changes in your life
(19:55):
and has some big goals wants to prioritize being physically
active and getting shit done, an early riser, or just
a good friend, sometimes we come to realize that alcohol
and those broader values and goals they don't align. They
are in direct opposition. And it's at this point that
you really need to consider how you can build a
(20:16):
healthier relationship with this substance. What would your life look
like without alcohol in it? What would it look like
with less alcohol? If there would be an improvement, I
think it's somewhat irrational that you don't make that change,
because you are showing to yourself that, despite all the benefits,
you're still very much under the thumb of this substance.
(20:38):
For some reason, whatever that may be, You're essentially using
alcohol as a way to self sabotage. You are standing
in your own way of a better quality of life,
and it could be possible that you actually have less
control over this behavior than you initially believed. Another reason
to quit drinking is that you're going to be able
to discover who you truly are without using alcohol as
(20:58):
a social lubricant. It will show you that you can
have fun even if you're not drunk. It will show
you who wants to be around you, even if you're
not buzzed and funny and saying which shit. It will
show you that sobriety isn't a buzzkill, that people are
quite accepting. And it also means that you have to
be more creative and how you choose to have fun
(21:20):
instead of just choosing the easiest option of going out
for a drink. You can go to an art class,
a movie. You can go rock climbing, and you can
drive there. You can be the designated driver. Everyone loves
a designated driver. Obviously, this is a limited number of reasons,
and some of them may not really motivate you as
much as the others do. Whether it's for mental benefits,
(21:43):
physical benefits, social benefits, just a personal value benefit of
showing yourself that you can do it. There are so
many reasons that are so persuasive, but these are the
ones that really stick out. I also think that obviously
you're discussing quitting drinking, the decision to moderate your drinking
is just as valid and important, just as powerful, even
(22:06):
though it might not be as much of a drastic change.
Any change is good change when it comes to your health,
even if you are just sober curious. I think it's
important that with any automatically or socially conditioned behavior, we
actually evaluate how much control we have, our reasons for partaking,
(22:30):
and whether we are still okay with the consequences of that,
whether there is a better option for us, even if
it's not the status quo. I think contained in that
decision making process though a number of barriers, especially around
what we would be giving up, abstaining, deciding to limit.
(22:50):
I think we understand that it will be difficult, and
it's that difficulty. It's that fear of that discomfort and
that difficulty that keeps us stuck in this behavior or
in the contemplation stage. We fear what a change will
cost us. We fear the friends we may lose, that
life might be boring, that will miss the taste, the
feeling So what I want to discuss next as some
(23:12):
of the challenges, but also how to overcome them, my
tips for kind of integrating sober curiosity into your life
if that's something that you're interested in. So all of
that and more. After this short break, what I've realized
(23:33):
is that all the reasons why we choose to drink
are the reasons why it's so hard to stop. Alcohol
tastes good, everyone else is drinking. It makes me feel better,
it's an important part of celebrating with friends and family.
It makes me more confident. Those are just a few,
and maybe that's an obvious statement, but ironically, the reason
(23:53):
it's so hard to quit drinking is because it makes
us feel so good. Because it is, as we've spoken about,
a drug. It produces a lot of the chemistry in
our brain that is associated with pleasure. When we drink regularly,
as well, our brains get used to elevated dopamine levels,
and that is where our tolerance comes from. So when
(24:14):
we make the decision to reduce or stop entirely, we
are going to experience a drop in a lot of
that artificially induced euphoria and happiness that we're experiencing. That
we've come to rely on the thing I always will.
Have been questioning a lot recently, though, is is that
actually real happiness? Is that a genuine feeling of happiness?
(24:38):
Or is it just a chemical reaction produced by alcohol?
So one of the biggest reasons I had for not
quitting was alcohol is just so much fun. What if
I'm boring without it? What if my life is just
less enjoyable? What am I going to do on those
nights when a drink would unfortunately make me happier. A
(25:01):
lot of this is tied up in emotion, but equally
in a fear of change. Change is really scary, especially
if you are someone like me, for whom alcohol is
such a normal part of everyday life. It has been
since I was eighteen, maybe even younger. So imagining life
without it comes with a lot of unknowns. It comes
with a lot of fear, and humans naturally fear uncertainty
(25:23):
or any sense of change, anything that disrupts what they're
used to. It also requires a lifestyle adjustment that maybe
we don't feel prepared to make because the effort required
or the secondary impacts on other areas or domains of
our lives. Seeing too large there's this really valuable psychological
(25:46):
theory that we really should discuss here actually, and it's
called the theory of behavior change, or the stages of
behavior change. When we are in the process of making
a decision like abstaining from alcohol, we go through a
series of like chapters, a series of stages. Firstly, we
have pre contemplation. This is where we are not even
(26:07):
thinking about it. We're not thinking about changing, we don't
see any problem. We're happy to continue. Then we might
get to the contemplation stage. We're thinking about the pros
and cons of quitting. We're not quite ready to do it,
but it's definitely on our mind, it's definitely something that
we're considering. Then we move to preparation. We know it's
(26:28):
time to make a choice, to make a change, to
make a shift. We begin to plan, We begin to
make contingencies like Okay, I'm gonna go sober next month,
this is how I'm going to do it. And then
we have action. This is where we actually do it.
This is the fourth stage. And finally, after that maintenance,
we've quit. We're not going back. Sometimes we cycle through
(26:51):
these stages again and again, either because we're not committed
to full sobriety, or because we're still trying to find
the will power to adjust and go through with it,
switching between contemplation and preparation, contemplation and preparation again and
again and again. That's totally okay. This theory shows us
this is part of the cycle. At that moment when
(27:13):
we're really considering maybe some of the downsides of quitting,
like what we're going to miss out on, we are
in the contemplation stage. We know that it might be
good for us, we know the benefits, but once again
there is either a fear or something else holding us back.
And aside from the pure happiness factor, the second biggest
(27:35):
contributor is social acceptance. I was speaking about this on
Instagram the other day and I asked you guys, would
you be able to quit drinking?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:47):
No, maybe if you were, If you answered no, sorry,
if you said you couldn't quit drinking? Why is that
every single one of you said this. There was probably
two out of like two hundred responses that didn't say.
Alcohol is so socially ingrained in my life. It is
so omnipresent. What am I going to miss out on
(28:10):
if I don't drink. What are my friends going to think?
Am I going to feel left out or miss out
on like those drunk memories? Here's my response to that. Firstly,
the memories you make when you're drunk are not actually
great memories, mainly because alcohol interrupts our ability to consolidate
the things that we're experiencing and turn them into memories.
(28:32):
So a lot of the time what we think we
remember is not even what we remember. There's really a
lot of points of confusion or blackout in that. Secondly,
the people you lose if it comes to that, I
don't think it will. They were not around you for
the right reasons. And there are so many substitutions these
days for alcohol, like mocked oles and like alcohol free
(28:53):
liquors and soft drink. The mere fact that your beverage
is not alcoholic is not going to dramatically shift your relationships,
at least not the ones that matter, at least, not
the ones with the people who are really important. If anything,
I think you'll find that your relationships will actually deepen
because you will be more alert, a better listener, you
(29:15):
won't say things you regret, You'll find other ways to
hang out with your friends without alcohol being at the center.
Just because alcohol and drinking are convenient and socially acceptable
options doesn't mean they are the best options, especially when
we focus on the positives and the upsides of limiting
our intake and you can still have fun. I think
(29:37):
the mere fact that you're worried you won't be able
to is another reason to actually rethink your alliance on alcohol,
because if you are relying it on it as a
crutch in order to socialize or be funnier, more charismatic,
is it actually you and those moments or is it
the alcohol that people like? Once again, who would you
(29:58):
be without alcohol? Would you be healthier, happier, fitter, more confident?
These reasons all sound really worth it. I want to
clarify here, I am in no ways completely sober. I
still drink, but since reflecting on the role that this
plays in my life, I've massively reduced how much I
consume and more conscious of my decisions towards drinking. I've
(30:20):
gone from drinking maybe every night to just weekends or
special occasions holidays, and definitely not to the same level
as before where it was like alcohol was just such
a fixture in my life, right like it was just
such a huge part of who I chose to be,
and it was scary seeing who that version of me
would be without it. I want to discuss some tips
(30:43):
for my sober curious listeners out there who are maybe
in the contemplation preparation stage. First of all, get clear
on the why. Everyone is going to have unique reasons,
whether it is for physical health, mental well being, to
save money, to test mental strength. Make sure you are
certain of your motivations because they are what will keep
(31:05):
you committed, and start doing your own research on the benefits.
Follow people on a similar journey who maybe are also
sober curious, who are also just dead sober, who are
not kind of participating in the alcohol culture the same
way that you would like to not participate. Surround yourself
(31:27):
with people who may be willing to try as well,
who are already in the action phase. Keep those incentives
and motives front and center at all times. Set short
term goals first as well. One of the biggest mistakes
people make when they set out to change their lives,
or at least some component of it, is that they
go all in all at once. They adopt an all
(31:50):
or nothing approach, which research as therapists, psychologists, They all
say that is one of the easiest ways to ensure
that you fail, because if we only accept perfection and
complete adherence to our goals, we are neglecting reality, specifically
the reality that behavior change is hard because it requires
(32:12):
us to revise a lot of what is automatic for
us instead of going cold turkey. If you can try
not to drink every second day, then try not to
drink during the week, and then every second week, then
challenge yourself to a month month long sobriety challenges like
drive July, they're a really good trial. In this case,
(32:33):
where it's only thirty days, it's superdoable. You don't have
to give up everything in your life. You have the
promise of a finished date, and that can be something
that really helps you sometimes. What we actually see though
with some of those, like thirty day new alcohol challenges,
is what psychologists call rebound behaviors, where when we are
(32:54):
allowed to drink again, we actually end up drinking more.
But if we see this as part of a broader
long term shift to drinking less, and we keep our
motives up, we can normally avoid this. And if complete
sobriety is not for you, or not medically necessary. Try
to keep drinkings to just the weekends or big events,
stick to just one or two drinks. It might be
(33:16):
less scary if you have a limit. You know, less
scary if you're not completely cutting something out of your life,
but more so integrating non alcoholic versions into how you socialize,
integrating sobriety into how you see your life. Small change
once again, better then no change. Additionally, don't forget to
(33:39):
reward yourself here. You are really challenging yourself with this.
You should feel proud of your efforts. A lot of
people in their twenties of all ages are not considering this.
With each kind of milestone you hit each week that
you stay sober each I don't know fortnite that you
choose to not drink, reward yourself with a little treat,
with a little amiz on purchase. You really want a
(34:01):
little snack from the grocery store to keep up that
positive reinforcement. I think also consistent reward can be helpful
in counteracting some of the natural declines we're going to
see in the pleasure that we may have been used
to getting from alcohol instead of getting that dopamine hit
and then immediate regret from overdrinking, you can receive that pleasure,
(34:26):
that sense of satisfaction, that happiness from a more positive
and meaningful personal reward. Finally, plan ahead when it comes
to big social situations. We all know what it's like
to feel fomo, to feel pressure from those around us,
maybe even anxiety because we're doing something a little bit different,
(34:49):
and that can really cause us to give up. Because
there is nothing as significant and influential as someone really
trying to get you to have a drink, to have
a cocktail with them. So if you have a plan,
you bring your own non alcoholic beverages, you know that
you're going to have one drink, then only have like
diet coke or lemonade. From there, you're going to feel
(35:12):
more certain, You're going to feel more committed, You're going
to feel more strong in the fact that you have
made a decision for you and you're willing to see
it through. I think beyond that, whether you are ready
to quit drinking or just thinking about it, it's so
important to think about how our behaviors may have consequences
for our well being that we haven't been taught to consider,
(35:34):
especially in societies where heavy excessive drinking is so normalized.
Your health is the most important thing, period, and so
maybe you might not have a problem at this point.
You might never have a problem with alcohol, but it
is worth questioning whether your life could be improved without it.
It's not always about life just being pretty good. Could
(35:55):
it be better? I'm also in this phase of really
exploring this as well. You know, I'm still not sure
I could ever go sober, and I think that that
in itself requires its own unpacking. But I'm glad that
I just stopped going along with what I'd begun to
feel was normal. I'm glad that I actually, you know,
(36:18):
took a step back and was like, is this actually
hurting me or benefiting me? Which one of these is stronger?
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Here?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
How come it is so hard for me to even
consider stopping? What does that say about my own mental
strength and the power that this substance may have over me?
What am I going to see in terms of my
health and my well being if I made this what
could be a very small, arbitrary decision, And it really
hasn't like influenced my life as much as I thought
(36:46):
it would. I really thought that, like my social life
would would you know, would end, it would cease, I
would never see certain friends again. But it hasn't been
like that, and hopefully it's a decision that I continue
to make and continue to explore. So I really hope
that you enjoyed this episode. I hope that it provided
you with just something to think about or some motivation
for something that you have been thinking about. As always,
(37:09):
if you enjoyed this episode, if you think that there
is a friend, family member, work mate, maybe not work mate,
anybody though, who needs to hear this episode, please feel
free to share it with them hopefully it will help
them out as well, and leave a five star review.
If you've got something from this episode. Make sure that
you're following us to know when new episodes will come out,
(37:30):
and if you have an episode suggestion, if maybe you
want to follow up, if you are getting sober this year,
if you're trying to drink less, congratulations, I would love
to hear from you, and maybe other things that you're
doing on this kind of like journey on this path,
And congratulations as well. I think I already said that,
but that is like amazing. So thank you again for
tuning in, and we will be back next week with
(37:52):
another episode
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
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Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.