November 25, 2024 • 34 mins
The best things in life aren't always the easiest and it's often this exertion and extra effort that holds us back from diving in or fully committing. Whether it's a new routine, an ambitious study schedule or workout plan, knowing how we can use psychology and neuroscience to make hard tasks easier is incredibly valuable. In today's episode we discuss:
- The 5 minute rule
- The power of a persona
- Using mental imagery and visualisation to do hard things
- The power of learned industriousness
- The 3 forms of motivation to know and implement
This episode will make all the hard things you've been putting off infinitely easier. Listen now!
PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, you guys know the deal.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It is so great to have you here.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Back for another episode, as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. There is a very famous saying,
at least I think it's famous, that if it was easy, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Would be doing it.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And when I was in university, I used to have
that printed out on like a piece of paper. I
think I even wrote it out and I had it
blue tacked on my wall above my desk, and when
I was studying for exams, when I was working through assignments,
it was kind of like my go to phrase for motivation,
to like embrace the hard stuff, to appreciate that hard
(00:46):
things bring about the best rewards. That kind of gist. However,
as I have gotten older, and I was thinking about
that quote the other day, and this is what has
inspired that episode. As I've gotten older, I've sort of
revived there is my thinking around this. You know, yes, definitely,
some of the best things in life do demand a
lot of our effort, time, energy, attention, But does that
(01:10):
necessarily mean that they need to be unenjoyable or difficult.
Does it always have to be such like a mental slug?
I think those words and like concepts tend to get
or melted together when we talk about doing hard things,
we imagine that they have to be almost painful. I
(01:33):
also think, you know, with that quote, there is also
this underlying secondary sense that maybe you and I we
don't deserve success if we don't almost suffer for it,
if we don't strive for it, for it, if it
came to us easily today. I want to talk about that.
I want to talk about this idea of how we
(01:55):
can train our brain to do hard things by offering
you a different approach, a different formula or understanding, one
in which hard things become easier using some of these
principles of psychology that mean that we find difficult tasks
less mentally taxing, we find it less difficult to start,
(02:19):
We appreciate the rewards more. You know, all motivation, our
desire to do anything big or small, even the most
mundane of tasks, it all starts in the brain, and
it all starts with how we perceive how difficult the
thing in front of us is, and how we perceive
the outcome and the rewards of our hard effort. That
(02:41):
is actually something that we can influence. We can influence
how our brain kind of perceives all of these components
and mean that the hard, difficult things that all of
us have to do in our twenties, like the things
that are just so frustrating and annoying that we often
put off, become less of mature.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I will also.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Say our brain does like a challenge, even when it's
a bit physically mentally painful. That's something that I think
sometimes we forget when we just keep taking the easy route,
which I'm definitely guilty of. The New York Marathon. As
I'm recording this was I think a couple of weeks ago.
I love the New York Marathon, and every time I
(03:21):
watch it, I think, why does anyone want to do that?
And the answer is that the feeling of doing hard
things that exert us is something that we actually value
as humans. That is something that actually we do need
more of in our lives. It all comes down to
this thing known as the effort paradox. The more effort
(03:43):
we put into something, the more we value it. That's
why you know, you value the crappy mug that you
made at a pottery class over the perfect mug that
you got at ikea. The end of a hard project
is valued more than the outcome of an e one,
and it actually does make our life feel more fulfilling.
(04:03):
We feel proud of ourselves, and we just reap the rewards.
So today, let us break down exactly how we can
use the principles of behavioral psychology mainly but also neuroscience
to do the hard things, to start the hard routines,
especially in our twenties, when we can reap a lot
of lifelong rewards from getting into the habit, from biting
(04:25):
the bullets. So, without further ado, let's break down the
psychology of how you and I can train our brains
to do just that. The journey to completing or starting
anything hard all actually has the exact same start line,
and the start line is going from doing nothing to
(04:48):
doing something. And I think a lot of us know
that that transition, that jump from doing nothing to something
is the hardest and it stops a lot of us
from ever really beginning, even if we really really want
to see where something's going to take us. That is
why my first biggest tip for how we can train
our brain to do hard things is the five minute rule.
(05:12):
You know, after you begin, the first five minutes of
anything is going to be the hardest because you have
to dig deep and find the motivation to just begin
and to deal with that tension from going from doing
nothing to doing something. And a big part of why
that is so daunting is that it feels like when
(05:32):
we begin a new task, or we begin a new routine,
or we're like, Okay, I'm committed to going to the
gym every single morning, or I'm committed to in this
moment right now, finishing my assignment and I need to
work on it in this moment right now. Absolutely have
to do it, even though I don't want to do it.
It often is like, Okay, by telling myself that I
(05:53):
need to do that, I now am committing to a
lot more than just a couple of minutes. I'm committed
to a whole process, a whole period of time where
I have to be focused on this task. And it's
that huge mountain and the idea of climbing that mountain
knowing it's going to take a while. That means that
(06:14):
we put things off because of the time burden. Instead,
we want to overcome our brain's natural tendency to want
to avoid discomfort that comes with the beginning of the task.
By saying I will just do this for five minutes.
It's not actually a trick. You are only going to
(06:36):
do the thing for five minutes unless after you have,
you know, lasted that period of time, you feel better
about the thing. You feel better about doing it. If
you're five minutes into your run and you're like, okay,
I've done five minutes, I can stop. I am allowed
to stop because I've done better than doing nothing. But
(06:56):
you know, maybe I'll just do another minute. Maybe I'll
do another minute. After that, you see that you have
overcome the first mental barrier. You've overcome that first point
of tension. This is just such a simple, accessible, cognitive
behavioral strategy, and the reason that it works so much
is also because it essentially tricks us into not being
(07:19):
able to procrastinate. Now, one of the foundations of procrastination
A lot of people think assume that it's laziness. It's
actually not. Its perfectionism. If you are an overachiever, you
are a big thinker, you are a perfectionist. The beginning
of a task is always going to be the hardest
because it's in that moment that you realize how much
(07:40):
opportunity in space there is to fail, how much space
there is to do it wrong, how much space there
is to be criticized, to not live up to your expectations.
That is scary, and that is what's causing you to
procrastinate and causing you to put off this reality that
you're so fearful of. But the five minute rule that
(08:00):
cuts that because it looks at this perfection as part
of our brain and says, actually, like, you can clock
off for this because anything that I do in five
minutes is not going to be perfect. So great, I
know that that's amazing. I can just actually ignore my
perfectionism for this moment and just give it a go.
It doesn't have to be perfect, It definitely doesn't have
to be done. And by the time you have gotten
(08:23):
that momentum, suddenly your perfectionism is kind of like trying
to play catch up. It's like, hey, wait, you tricked me.
I thought that we were like not actually going to
do this today. I thought that we were going to
like give it a break, Like I thought that, you know,
I'd stopped you, it's like, actually, no, when you start
giving it a go, when you get on like the
(08:43):
fast train, you start seeing that it's easier, you start
seeing that actually you're doing better than you expected perhaps,
and you also start realizing that progress is it's just important.
You've already made a dint and now you have something
to work with. So the five minute rule. Anything that
(09:03):
you know is going to be hard, just say you
have to do it for five minutes. And like I
said before, you do only have to do it for
five minutes. So if you're at the end of that
period of time and you're like, okay, I want to stop,
that's fine. You're allowed to stop, but at least you
did it. My second tip, and this one is possibly
one of my favorite strategies. I use this all the time.
When I know I have to do something that is daunting,
(09:25):
that is challenging, that I don't want to do, I
picture the best person I know at that thing. I
picture them doing it. I think about them, I think
about how they hold themselves, I think about how they
would go about it.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
It's a really.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Powerful form of mental imagery, and when we concoct these
mental images in our brain, it serves as a form
of motivation. So, for example, anytime I need to do
public speaking, I always think about my mom, because my
mom is absolutely excellent at it. She's amazing, And I
(10:03):
think about like almost stepping into her shoes, stepping into
her outfit, believing that I am her. And it's that admiration,
but also the fact that she is set an example
that I can almost copy. That makes me feel a
lot more capable. It's almost like I actually, don't you know,
I don't have to do all of this myself. Someone
(10:24):
else that I know, who I respect, who is great
at this, has already done it for me. All I
need to do is emulate them. All I need to
do is copy them. I also, I will say, do
this at the gym all the time, like as a
way to stick to the hard parts of like my
gym workouts and my gym routine. But instead of thinking
(10:44):
about the best person I know at the gym, which
to be honest, would probably also be my mum, which
is crazy because she's just a legend. But instead of
thinking about someone I really admire and copying them and
thinking about what they would do, I actually also visualize
this person in my mind called Jim Gemma or Elite Gemma.
(11:06):
And Elite Gemma is like this really focused version of
myself that I've created, and I think about what she
would do. I think about how confident she would be.
I think about what moves she would do, what her
routine would look like, how she would go about it.
Would she care about those other people looking at her? Know?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
She wouldn't. And Elite Gemma is who I.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Step into in those moments where I'm like, I don't
really want to do this, but she would and I
have to listen to what she would do here, so
I need to go. So there is a great study
from twenty nineteen on this exact topic and it's titled
mental imagery as a motivational amplifier to promote activities. And
(11:47):
I love this amplifier. It doesn't give you all the
motivation to begin with, but it takes that tiny bit
of sensation in you that wants to do something and
says you are capable, you are able to do this.
So this study, it showed that when participants visualized themselves
doing hard activities or hard things and then being successful
(12:10):
or finishing the task, this was associated with higher activity
completion compared to those who were just given a task
and told to go about it. The other reason, and
I guess the other way in which I think mental
imagery is really important here is that it is a
great source of bravery, and it is a great way
(12:33):
to fake it till you make it. And I'm going
to give another example here of how I used a
very similar visualization technique when I was trying to get
over my fear of flying. I would imagine that I
was someone famous, and I would really picture being this
famous person who caught all these planes all the time.
(12:54):
This was like a part of my fast, luxurious life.
And just rehearsing that and thinking about that over and
over again, creating that mental loop and repetition, I am
this person, I am emulating this person. It made me
feel insanely powerful, insanely insanely capable, and it was a
(13:16):
complete game changer. So that is a way that you
can use your ability, your very amazing special human ability,
to create mental images in your mind. You can use
that to trick yourself into feeling more capable. You've got
to remember your mind is the source of all your
beliefs about how able you are, and how brave you
(13:40):
are and how courageous you are. So if you feed
it all of this like artificial confidence that is based
on how someone else does things, or how a future
or an amazing version of yourself does things, it's gonna
eat that up and it's not going to know the
difference between that and a negative or self doubting thought.
So it's an incredible technique. Let's move on from this
(14:03):
and talk about mood, talk about emotions. So if you
have got something on your to do list, then you
have been avoiding for a while because it is hard,
because it is boring, because you just simply don't want
to do it. You have got to choose the right
mood to start tackling that. You've got to choose the
(14:24):
right mood to implement your five minutes. A twenty sixteen
study found that when people are upset, they are less
likely to try and do hard things. Very common sense,
I understand. Sometimes we do just need like a good
old fashioned psychological study to prove what we already know.
And the explanation behind why this is the case is
(14:46):
also quite simple. When you're in a bad mood, all
of your mental resources are at a lower point, they're
all kind of plummeting, right, So you're not going to
feel as motivated, You're not going to feel like you
have any energy. You're also your mind is going to
look at this hard task and it's going to make
(15:08):
it feel a lot bigger and a lot more difficult,
a lot more challenging. As a way to convince you
to rest, convince you to get yourself back to a
positive mental state by not putting any more pressure on
yourself as it is during those times, that is not
the time when you want to start doing the hard thing.
(15:30):
That is not the time when you want to start
doing your chores. That is not the time when you
want to, you know, suddenly handle your taxes after you've
had like a really long day at work, you've missed
your train, you're having a fight with your friend, there's
not enough food in the fridge. No, because also another
element of that is that you will end up resenting
the activity even more when you have to do it
(15:52):
when you're in a bad mood, and if you're trying
to train yourself into a habit, but every time you
go about doing the habit or practicing the behavior that
is associated with it, every time you do that if
you are in a terrible mood, Guess what's going to
become associated the terrible mood and the behavior. And it's
(16:13):
going to become almost like this pattern or this link
or this relationship in your brain that when you think
about the task, when you think about the whatever it
is thing that you need to do, your brain's going
to be like, huh, every time we do that, we're
in a bad mood, and it doesn't see like the
correlation or the causation points. Sorry, it doesn't see like
the chicken or the egg problem, which one came first.
(16:34):
So it's really important to build positive associations when we
are doing hard things. I'm going to use the gym
example again and just think that it's like the easiest
because it's like a behavior where you go to the
same place, and it's like a something that a lot
of us are probably going to be focused on in
the new years. If you are in a really bad mood,
I'm going to tell you something that is probably counterintuitive.
(16:56):
If you are in a really bad mood and one
of your long time goals is to go to the
gym more often, actually don't go to the gym during
those times. Some people would argue that the endorphins are
going to make you feel better, YadA, YadA, YadA. In
some ways, I think that is the case. But if
you're going to go to the gym and just do
a really crappy workout and you're not going to feel
(17:17):
like you push yourself, you're not even going to get
to that place of an endorphin high. Actually, what you're
doing before you even get there is associating the bad mood.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
With the behavior.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
So when you are in the best mood, you've had
a great day, you're feeling motivated, that's when you've got
to almost like slide in the hard tasks. It's like
when parents like sneak vegetables into like meatballs or into
like cookies. That's what you're doing here. Someone said to
me when I first talk to them about this, like
that's such a waste of a good mood, Like why
(17:51):
would I do that? But actually completing a hard task
when you are already in a good mood has been
shown to elevate that mood even further, and there is
a continuation, So you feel really good in the moment,
but then you also continue to feel good in the minutes, hours,
even sometimes days afterwards, maybe in part because of relief,
(18:15):
like oh gosh, finally I did it. That's done, but
also in part because of a sense of pride. You know,
how often do we actually challenge ourselves? And seriously, when
was the last time you put a lot of effort
into something and it took a lot of commitment from you,
and there were times when you doubted yourself and you
(18:35):
didn't really want to do it. When was the last
time you did that? Because as an adult, I do
think that that's not as common anymore. It might be
in like a workplace environment, but when it comes to
your personal life, we very often are very We don't
tend to often you know, just jumping all over my
words there. We don't often tend to changing it up again,
(18:59):
We don't often tend to to actually push ourselves. So
I think that it's really important to actually give yourself
the opportunity to do that, to give yourself the confidence booster,
to give yourself that further amplifier to your mood. Already,
we're going to take a short little break because obviously
I need to have a drink of water since I
(19:19):
am just tumbling all over my words here, But when
we return, we're going to talk about how you can
fall in love with the process and the different kinds
of extrinsic, intrinsic and integrated motivation that you can use
to do hard things. Stay with us, we'll be right back.
(19:41):
There is a psychological theory that when we don't just
fall in love with the result, but we fall in
love with the process, we actually perform better and we
get further. And this theory is known as learned industriousness.
Here's the thing about doing everything for like the big
golden in finish line, right, anything hard. You are just
(20:03):
thinking about what it's going to be like when it's done,
when it's over, when you have the reward. It actually
takes a while to get there. And along that path,
along that route, there's probably not going to be a
lot of, you know, encouragement to spur you on. People
might not believe in you. The thing that you're doing
might just be very mundane. No one's going to be
(20:24):
celebrating you shouting like yay, you've got this. Maybe there's
not like any reward that you can even provide yourself
during that time. So if you are doing it all
for the final outcome you are going to unfortunately probably
lose steam. So what this theory says is that individuals
who are reinforced for exerting high effort on a task,
(20:46):
they don't just fall in love with the outcome. They actually,
in some ways get hooked or get addicted purely to
the sensation of performing highly, purely to the sensation of
exerting themselves. So we flip the whole narrative away from
the physical, tangible outcome and towards a love for like
(21:08):
the everyday hard actions that get us there. So how
do we do that? Well?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
A few ways.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Firstly is by really romanticizing the process, really falling in
love and getting quite sentimental about what it feels like
to perform a task day and day out, what it
feels like to be working towards your goals. Like, what
a privilege that is, how romantic it is. What's that
story going to look like? What's that going to feel like?
(21:35):
I did this a lot when I was writing my
book and I was staying up late and I felt
very stressed. But instead of being like, oh my god,
this just sucks and I'm just so tired, I would
like imagine that I was Ernest Hemingway or like a
famous author working into the night in Paris on my
book with a glass of wine. And I was like
(21:56):
this tortured author poet type, and I created this whole
image that made me really feel like it was like fun.
It was fun to not so much suffer, but it
was fun to strive. It was fun to work hard.
There was like this glamour associated with it. There was
this romanticism that made it special and fun, and like
(22:18):
I have actually like very fond memories of those times.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
You know, even when it was really really.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Late, it felt nice knowing that I could push myself.
Another way of doing this is by really noticing the
signs of progress and letting them serve as the reward
to kind of further fuel your fire. So the feeling
of sore muscles, the feeling of being really mentally tired
at the end of the day, but like super fulfilled
(22:45):
and super satisfied, and like falling falling asleep and just
feeling really great about yourself. The feeling of seeing I
don't know, your art get better, seeing your writing get better,
seeing your grades get better. That is a way of
bringing about learned industriousness. It's why I really One of
the things I really recommend and that I love when
(23:06):
people do this is when they set up Instagram pages
for their projects, like their marathons or an art project
or the like. When they're learning your language, or when
they're renovating their house, like setting up a progress page
or a project page. You can really see how things
(23:27):
get better and improve and get bigger and larger and
dreams come true.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
My god, I sound so.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Cliche, but you really can see that day in and
day out, it gets better every single day. Finally, the
best way to really promote learned industriousness, and the way
that really aligns best with the theory, is to just
simply reinforce your effort through physical reward. So what this
(23:53):
really relies on is something known as the hedonic principle.
As humans as creatures, as people with brains, so we
are wired towards things that make us feel good, and
we are wired to avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable.
Super simple principle, right, But an easy way to make
an uncomfortable thing feel good is by maximizing the pleasure
(24:18):
and the reward we get from it. So the more
candy I don't know, like, the more candy you offer
to a child, the more excited they're going to be
to go to the dentist, even if they hate the dentist.
The more treats you give a puppy, like, the more
obedient they become. Allegedly, that's always backfired and made my
puppies and dogs super fat. But you know what I mean.
(24:38):
You can also do this for yourself by providing like
physical rewards, artificial rewards that you give yourself in lieu
of the bigger reward. One way we see people do
this is by creating a schedule for positive reinforcement. That's
an incredible behavioral change strategy. So people do this for
(24:59):
savings goals lot. I see this a lot on like
TikTok and Instagram, and I love seeing these every like
one two hundred dollars, one thousand dollars, they save, twenty dollars,
fifty dollars, whatever it is goes into buying something that
they really really want, so that there is that reinforcement
that's going along with the hard work.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
We all kind of.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Do want a special little thing every now and again.
We want a break every now and again, We want
a sweet treat every now and again factor that into
how you are going about your goals, whatever it is,
especially if it's a goal that is really based on
a deficit of something, so having less saving money, having
(25:41):
less sweet treats, having less downtime because you're working really,
really hard, you can use that as a form of
motivation to make you want to work harder so that
you finally get the reward. We see like studies on
this with rats all the time. You know, the more
that they are reinforced in a structured way, so you know,
(26:04):
they finish a task, they get a treat, They finish
the next task that's a little bit harder, they get
a treat. The more that there is that structured reward,
they end up performing better. They're more efficient, they tire
less easily. And let's just say this that it's not
like a factor to do with energy, like the reward
is sometimes like they get to see their friend, or
(26:24):
the reward is like a pat like it's not always
food based, but they actually keep going for longer. The
reason this is the case and scientifically neurologically, the reason
this is the case all comes down to dopamine. I
think we all know like dopamine is the happy chemical.
Dopamine is also the motivational chemical. It is the chemical
(26:45):
that gets you to do things. So if you want
to increase the dopamine that you are accessing when doing
hard things, you've got to provide some form of catalyst
for the release of that, some form of trigger, some
of reward. It will make you happier, but it will
also make you more motivated.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
There you go, the more you know.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
So when we do this, it's actually what creates intrinsic motivation.
This is the first form of motivation we're going to
be talking about. Intrinsic motivation is when you do things
just because you love them and just because you find
them enjoyable. So you don't have to force yourself to
do things you love, right like I wouldn't have to
force you to go to the beach, or I wouldn't
have to force you to like have a wine with
(27:28):
your friends, or force you to read your favorite book
because you just like doing it. And one way that
we can make it so that we enjoy doing something,
which is the highest form of motivation for actually doing it,
is by associating positive experiences and reward with performance, determination,
(27:48):
commitment with you know, doing the thing with being persistent. Now,
I know what you're probably thinking, how do I fall
in love with doing something that is just actually so
frustrating and annoying and something that I.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Really don't want to do?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Like how do I enjoy my job that involves firing people?
How do I fall in love with the process there?
Or how do I fall in love with my painful
IVF treatment you know that just sucks? Or like how
do I become intrinsically motivated to enjoy cleaning my toilet?
There's just some things where this isn't possible, Like we
(28:29):
can't use this heroonic or pleasure principle. So the next
best thing that you can aim for is integrated motivation.
So this occurs when a behavior is performed to gain
both an external reward, but it also inlignes aligns with
your sense of identity, your sense of your internal sense
(28:52):
of value and interests, and who you are as a person.
We can make our motivation to complete a task attach
to our identity and it's super super powerful. You know,
I clean the toilet because I am someone who is conscientious,
and I'm someone who cares about cleanliness, and I care
about having a nice environment, and because I am someone
(29:14):
who cares about the details. Even though I don't enjoy this,
I'm going to do it because it reinforces something that
I find important about my identity. I go through IVF
treatment even when it's painful, even when it's hard, because
I want to be a parent. That is something I
have always felt is a deep part of my life purpose.
(29:35):
So I will endure the hard part of this journey
because the outcome is something that is significant for my identity.
The second best way that you can do hard things
is to get super clear on the why and make
a really really big picture, like give it a meaning
as big as life itself. Like I study because I
(29:57):
believe in creating a better life for myself. And I
someone who is a hard worker. So this behavior, although
it is hard, is something that reinforces what I believe
about myself. It reinforces myself concept, it reinforces my confidence.
This is who I am. So who would I be
if I didn't do this behavior? Who would I be
(30:17):
if I didn't do these hard things? This is just
so so powerful for taking something that is just you know,
a random thing on your to do list, or maybe
not taking something that you have, you know, mixed feelings towards.
It's uncomfortable, it's difficult, and it becomes this thing, this
(30:37):
gateway to being a more true, authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
And of course you.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Are going to want to do that hard thing over
the hard thing that is just bothersome, over the hard
thing that you have no meaning attached to. Finally, you know,
if that doesn't work, if the intrinsic motivation doesn't work,
and the like integrated motiv systems don't work, you can
always rely on extrinsic motivation, and that is basically doing
(31:07):
things publicly, doing things in a public setting in front
of others, promising others that you're going to do it
as a way to make you feel like you're accountable,
make you feel like their eyes on you. This is
all rooted in social psychology. When we think that people
are watching, we tend to behave better, We tend to
(31:28):
put on our best behavior. You can use those same
principles to force yourself to do hard things. One of
my friends does this in an excellent way. She studies
in very public places because it makes her feel almost
embarrassed to go on her phone, like the acknowledgment that
someone could be watching her and someone might be like,
(31:49):
oh god, she's going on her phone, Like that's not good.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I thought she was studying.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yes, sometimes it might not be the best for certain
goals or certain behaviors, but in terms of things where
you're like, I just need to get get this done,
and I need someone who you know, a stranger, doesn't
even know me. I just need their presence to make
me feel obligated to do this incredibly powerful. That was
my final tip for the day. We talked about intrinsic, integrated,
(32:16):
and external or extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic is the best actually
finding a way to enjoy or fall in love with
the process. Secondly, you can find a way to make
the activity a part or a reinforcer of an important
part of your identity. And then if all all that fails,
you know, the flood gates roll open. You can rely
(32:38):
on the judgment of others less and ideal, but sometimes important.
I really hope that this episode has given you some motivation.
You know, we've got one month left of this year.
We've got so much going on. We have a lot
of goals that we might want to achieve and we
also might be like preparing for next year. So I
think these strategies are really really doable, and they're not
(32:59):
about discipline. They're not about like working yourself to the bone,
They're not about burnout and exhaustion.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
They are small things.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
That you can do mentally psychologically to be more productive
and less busy and to reach your goals faster by
essentially like tricking how our brain works and tricking our psychology.
So if you did enjoy this episode, please make sure
that you have left a five star review. If you
leave a review on Apple as well, I'm looking at
(33:30):
all of them at the moment, I'm like grabbing some
out for a little post at the end.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Of the year.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I would really appreciate if you could leave some kind
words there. Also, make sure you have pre ordered the book.
I know I've been kind of not on the ball
with reminding you guys, but Yeah comes out next year,
and there will be a link in the podcast episode description.
Even if you just want to check out the cover,
that's totally fine. I just appreciate any support that you
(33:55):
are giving me this like crazy, amazing time in my life.
Make sure you were following us on Instagram, at that
Psychology podcast, And until next time, stay safe, stay kind,
be gentle to yourself, and we will talk very very soon.
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
the world, you guys know the deal.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It is so great to have you here.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Back for another episode, as we, of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. There is a very famous saying,
at least I think it's famous, that if it was easy, everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Would be doing it.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
And when I was in university, I used to have
that printed out on like a piece of paper. I
think I even wrote it out and I had it
blue tacked on my wall above my desk, and when
I was studying for exams, when I was working through assignments,
it was kind of like my go to phrase for motivation,
to like embrace the hard stuff, to appreciate that hard
(00:46):
things bring about the best rewards. That kind of gist. However,
as I have gotten older, and I was thinking about
that quote the other day, and this is what has
inspired that episode. As I've gotten older, I've sort of
revived there is my thinking around this. You know, yes, definitely,
some of the best things in life do demand a
lot of our effort, time, energy, attention, But does that
(01:10):
necessarily mean that they need to be unenjoyable or difficult.
Does it always have to be such like a mental slug?
I think those words and like concepts tend to get
or melted together when we talk about doing hard things,
we imagine that they have to be almost painful. I
(01:33):
also think, you know, with that quote, there is also
this underlying secondary sense that maybe you and I we
don't deserve success if we don't almost suffer for it,
if we don't strive for it, for it, if it
came to us easily today. I want to talk about that.
I want to talk about this idea of how we
(01:55):
can train our brain to do hard things by offering
you a different approach, a different formula or understanding, one
in which hard things become easier using some of these
principles of psychology that mean that we find difficult tasks
less mentally taxing, we find it less difficult to start,
(02:19):
We appreciate the rewards more. You know, all motivation, our
desire to do anything big or small, even the most
mundane of tasks, it all starts in the brain, and
it all starts with how we perceive how difficult the
thing in front of us is, and how we perceive
the outcome and the rewards of our hard effort. That
(02:41):
is actually something that we can influence. We can influence
how our brain kind of perceives all of these components
and mean that the hard, difficult things that all of
us have to do in our twenties, like the things
that are just so frustrating and annoying that we often
put off, become less of mature.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I will also.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Say our brain does like a challenge, even when it's
a bit physically mentally painful. That's something that I think
sometimes we forget when we just keep taking the easy route,
which I'm definitely guilty of. The New York Marathon. As
I'm recording this was I think a couple of weeks ago.
I love the New York Marathon, and every time I
(03:21):
watch it, I think, why does anyone want to do that?
And the answer is that the feeling of doing hard
things that exert us is something that we actually value
as humans. That is something that actually we do need
more of in our lives. It all comes down to
this thing known as the effort paradox. The more effort
(03:43):
we put into something, the more we value it. That's
why you know, you value the crappy mug that you
made at a pottery class over the perfect mug that
you got at ikea. The end of a hard project
is valued more than the outcome of an e one,
and it actually does make our life feel more fulfilling.
(04:03):
We feel proud of ourselves, and we just reap the rewards.
So today, let us break down exactly how we can
use the principles of behavioral psychology mainly but also neuroscience
to do the hard things, to start the hard routines,
especially in our twenties, when we can reap a lot
of lifelong rewards from getting into the habit, from biting
(04:25):
the bullets. So, without further ado, let's break down the
psychology of how you and I can train our brains
to do just that. The journey to completing or starting
anything hard all actually has the exact same start line,
and the start line is going from doing nothing to
(04:48):
doing something. And I think a lot of us know
that that transition, that jump from doing nothing to something
is the hardest and it stops a lot of us
from ever really beginning, even if we really really want
to see where something's going to take us. That is
why my first biggest tip for how we can train
our brain to do hard things is the five minute rule.
(05:12):
You know, after you begin, the first five minutes of
anything is going to be the hardest because you have
to dig deep and find the motivation to just begin
and to deal with that tension from going from doing
nothing to doing something. And a big part of why
that is so daunting is that it feels like when
(05:32):
we begin a new task, or we begin a new routine,
or we're like, Okay, I'm committed to going to the
gym every single morning, or I'm committed to in this
moment right now, finishing my assignment and I need to
work on it in this moment right now. Absolutely have
to do it, even though I don't want to do it.
It often is like, Okay, by telling myself that I
(05:53):
need to do that, I now am committing to a
lot more than just a couple of minutes. I'm committed
to a whole process, a whole period of time where
I have to be focused on this task. And it's
that huge mountain and the idea of climbing that mountain
knowing it's going to take a while. That means that
(06:14):
we put things off because of the time burden. Instead,
we want to overcome our brain's natural tendency to want
to avoid discomfort that comes with the beginning of the task.
By saying I will just do this for five minutes.
It's not actually a trick. You are only going to
(06:36):
do the thing for five minutes unless after you have,
you know, lasted that period of time, you feel better
about the thing. You feel better about doing it. If
you're five minutes into your run and you're like, okay,
I've done five minutes, I can stop. I am allowed
to stop because I've done better than doing nothing. But
(06:56):
you know, maybe I'll just do another minute. Maybe I'll
do another minute. After that, you see that you have
overcome the first mental barrier. You've overcome that first point
of tension. This is just such a simple, accessible, cognitive
behavioral strategy, and the reason that it works so much
is also because it essentially tricks us into not being
(07:19):
able to procrastinate. Now, one of the foundations of procrastination
A lot of people think assume that it's laziness. It's
actually not. Its perfectionism. If you are an overachiever, you
are a big thinker, you are a perfectionist. The beginning
of a task is always going to be the hardest
because it's in that moment that you realize how much
(07:40):
opportunity in space there is to fail, how much space
there is to do it wrong, how much space there
is to be criticized, to not live up to your expectations.
That is scary, and that is what's causing you to
procrastinate and causing you to put off this reality that
you're so fearful of. But the five minute rule that
(08:00):
cuts that because it looks at this perfection as part
of our brain and says, actually, like, you can clock
off for this because anything that I do in five
minutes is not going to be perfect. So great, I
know that that's amazing. I can just actually ignore my
perfectionism for this moment and just give it a go.
It doesn't have to be perfect, It definitely doesn't have
to be done. And by the time you have gotten
(08:23):
that momentum, suddenly your perfectionism is kind of like trying
to play catch up. It's like, hey, wait, you tricked me.
I thought that we were like not actually going to
do this today. I thought that we were going to
like give it a break, Like I thought that, you know,
I'd stopped you, it's like, actually, no, when you start
giving it a go, when you get on like the
(08:43):
fast train, you start seeing that it's easier, you start
seeing that actually you're doing better than you expected perhaps,
and you also start realizing that progress is it's just important.
You've already made a dint and now you have something
to work with. So the five minute rule. Anything that
(09:03):
you know is going to be hard, just say you
have to do it for five minutes. And like I
said before, you do only have to do it for
five minutes. So if you're at the end of that
period of time and you're like, okay, I want to stop,
that's fine. You're allowed to stop, but at least you
did it. My second tip, and this one is possibly
one of my favorite strategies. I use this all the time.
When I know I have to do something that is daunting,
(09:25):
that is challenging, that I don't want to do, I
picture the best person I know at that thing. I
picture them doing it. I think about them, I think
about how they hold themselves, I think about how they
would go about it.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
It's a really.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Powerful form of mental imagery, and when we concoct these
mental images in our brain, it serves as a form
of motivation. So, for example, anytime I need to do
public speaking, I always think about my mom, because my
mom is absolutely excellent at it. She's amazing, And I
(10:03):
think about like almost stepping into her shoes, stepping into
her outfit, believing that I am her. And it's that admiration,
but also the fact that she is set an example
that I can almost copy. That makes me feel a
lot more capable. It's almost like I actually, don't you know,
I don't have to do all of this myself. Someone
(10:24):
else that I know, who I respect, who is great
at this, has already done it for me. All I
need to do is emulate them. All I need to
do is copy them. I also, I will say, do
this at the gym all the time, like as a
way to stick to the hard parts of like my
gym workouts and my gym routine. But instead of thinking
(10:44):
about the best person I know at the gym, which
to be honest, would probably also be my mum, which
is crazy because she's just a legend. But instead of
thinking about someone I really admire and copying them and
thinking about what they would do, I actually also visualize
this person in my mind called Jim Gemma or Elite Gemma.
(11:06):
And Elite Gemma is like this really focused version of
myself that I've created, and I think about what she
would do. I think about how confident she would be.
I think about what moves she would do, what her
routine would look like, how she would go about it.
Would she care about those other people looking at her? Know?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
She wouldn't. And Elite Gemma is who I.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Step into in those moments where I'm like, I don't
really want to do this, but she would and I
have to listen to what she would do here, so
I need to go. So there is a great study
from twenty nineteen on this exact topic and it's titled
mental imagery as a motivational amplifier to promote activities. And
(11:47):
I love this amplifier. It doesn't give you all the
motivation to begin with, but it takes that tiny bit
of sensation in you that wants to do something and
says you are capable, you are able to do this.
So this study, it showed that when participants visualized themselves
doing hard activities or hard things and then being successful
(12:10):
or finishing the task, this was associated with higher activity
completion compared to those who were just given a task
and told to go about it. The other reason, and
I guess the other way in which I think mental
imagery is really important here is that it is a
great source of bravery, and it is a great way
(12:33):
to fake it till you make it. And I'm going
to give another example here of how I used a
very similar visualization technique when I was trying to get
over my fear of flying. I would imagine that I
was someone famous, and I would really picture being this
famous person who caught all these planes all the time.
(12:54):
This was like a part of my fast, luxurious life.
And just rehearsing that and thinking about that over and
over again, creating that mental loop and repetition, I am
this person, I am emulating this person. It made me
feel insanely powerful, insanely insanely capable, and it was a
(13:16):
complete game changer. So that is a way that you
can use your ability, your very amazing special human ability,
to create mental images in your mind. You can use
that to trick yourself into feeling more capable. You've got
to remember your mind is the source of all your
beliefs about how able you are, and how brave you
(13:40):
are and how courageous you are. So if you feed
it all of this like artificial confidence that is based
on how someone else does things, or how a future
or an amazing version of yourself does things, it's gonna
eat that up and it's not going to know the
difference between that and a negative or self doubting thought.
So it's an incredible technique. Let's move on from this
(14:03):
and talk about mood, talk about emotions. So if you
have got something on your to do list, then you
have been avoiding for a while because it is hard,
because it is boring, because you just simply don't want
to do it. You have got to choose the right
mood to start tackling that. You've got to choose the
(14:24):
right mood to implement your five minutes. A twenty sixteen
study found that when people are upset, they are less
likely to try and do hard things. Very common sense,
I understand. Sometimes we do just need like a good
old fashioned psychological study to prove what we already know.
And the explanation behind why this is the case is
(14:46):
also quite simple. When you're in a bad mood, all
of your mental resources are at a lower point, they're
all kind of plummeting, right, So you're not going to
feel as motivated, You're not going to feel like you
have any energy. You're also your mind is going to
look at this hard task and it's going to make
(15:08):
it feel a lot bigger and a lot more difficult,
a lot more challenging. As a way to convince you
to rest, convince you to get yourself back to a
positive mental state by not putting any more pressure on
yourself as it is during those times, that is not
the time when you want to start doing the hard thing.
(15:30):
That is not the time when you want to start
doing your chores. That is not the time when you
want to, you know, suddenly handle your taxes after you've
had like a really long day at work, you've missed
your train, you're having a fight with your friend, there's
not enough food in the fridge. No, because also another
element of that is that you will end up resenting
the activity even more when you have to do it
(15:52):
when you're in a bad mood, and if you're trying
to train yourself into a habit, but every time you
go about doing the habit or practicing the behavior that
is associated with it, every time you do that if
you are in a terrible mood, Guess what's going to
become associated the terrible mood and the behavior. And it's
(16:13):
going to become almost like this pattern or this link
or this relationship in your brain that when you think
about the task, when you think about the whatever it
is thing that you need to do, your brain's going
to be like, huh, every time we do that, we're
in a bad mood, and it doesn't see like the
correlation or the causation points. Sorry, it doesn't see like
the chicken or the egg problem, which one came first.
(16:34):
So it's really important to build positive associations when we
are doing hard things. I'm going to use the gym
example again and just think that it's like the easiest
because it's like a behavior where you go to the
same place, and it's like a something that a lot
of us are probably going to be focused on in
the new years. If you are in a really bad mood,
I'm going to tell you something that is probably counterintuitive.
(16:56):
If you are in a really bad mood and one
of your long time goals is to go to the
gym more often, actually don't go to the gym during
those times. Some people would argue that the endorphins are
going to make you feel better, YadA, YadA, YadA. In
some ways, I think that is the case. But if
you're going to go to the gym and just do
a really crappy workout and you're not going to feel
(17:17):
like you push yourself, you're not even going to get
to that place of an endorphin high. Actually, what you're
doing before you even get there is associating the bad mood.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
With the behavior.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
So when you are in the best mood, you've had
a great day, you're feeling motivated, that's when you've got
to almost like slide in the hard tasks. It's like
when parents like sneak vegetables into like meatballs or into
like cookies. That's what you're doing here. Someone said to
me when I first talk to them about this, like
that's such a waste of a good mood, Like why
(17:51):
would I do that? But actually completing a hard task
when you are already in a good mood has been
shown to elevate that mood even further, and there is
a continuation, So you feel really good in the moment,
but then you also continue to feel good in the minutes, hours,
even sometimes days afterwards, maybe in part because of relief,
(18:15):
like oh gosh, finally I did it. That's done, but
also in part because of a sense of pride. You know,
how often do we actually challenge ourselves? And seriously, when
was the last time you put a lot of effort
into something and it took a lot of commitment from you,
and there were times when you doubted yourself and you
(18:35):
didn't really want to do it. When was the last
time you did that? Because as an adult, I do
think that that's not as common anymore. It might be
in like a workplace environment, but when it comes to
your personal life, we very often are very We don't
tend to often you know, just jumping all over my
words there. We don't often tend to changing it up again,
(18:59):
We don't often tend to to actually push ourselves. So
I think that it's really important to actually give yourself
the opportunity to do that, to give yourself the confidence booster,
to give yourself that further amplifier to your mood. Already,
we're going to take a short little break because obviously
I need to have a drink of water since I
(19:19):
am just tumbling all over my words here, But when
we return, we're going to talk about how you can
fall in love with the process and the different kinds
of extrinsic, intrinsic and integrated motivation that you can use
to do hard things. Stay with us, we'll be right back.
(19:41):
There is a psychological theory that when we don't just
fall in love with the result, but we fall in
love with the process, we actually perform better and we
get further. And this theory is known as learned industriousness.
Here's the thing about doing everything for like the big
golden in finish line, right, anything hard. You are just
(20:03):
thinking about what it's going to be like when it's done,
when it's over, when you have the reward. It actually
takes a while to get there. And along that path,
along that route, there's probably not going to be a
lot of, you know, encouragement to spur you on. People
might not believe in you. The thing that you're doing
might just be very mundane. No one's going to be
(20:24):
celebrating you shouting like yay, you've got this. Maybe there's
not like any reward that you can even provide yourself
during that time. So if you are doing it all
for the final outcome you are going to unfortunately probably
lose steam. So what this theory says is that individuals
who are reinforced for exerting high effort on a task,
(20:46):
they don't just fall in love with the outcome. They actually,
in some ways get hooked or get addicted purely to
the sensation of performing highly, purely to the sensation of
exerting themselves. So we flip the whole narrative away from
the physical, tangible outcome and towards a love for like
(21:08):
the everyday hard actions that get us there. So how
do we do that? Well?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
A few ways.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Firstly is by really romanticizing the process, really falling in
love and getting quite sentimental about what it feels like
to perform a task day and day out, what it
feels like to be working towards your goals. Like, what
a privilege that is, how romantic it is. What's that
story going to look like? What's that going to feel like?
(21:35):
I did this a lot when I was writing my
book and I was staying up late and I felt
very stressed. But instead of being like, oh my god,
this just sucks and I'm just so tired, I would
like imagine that I was Ernest Hemingway or like a
famous author working into the night in Paris on my
book with a glass of wine. And I was like
(21:56):
this tortured author poet type, and I created this whole
image that made me really feel like it was like fun.
It was fun to not so much suffer, but it
was fun to strive. It was fun to work hard.
There was like this glamour associated with it. There was
this romanticism that made it special and fun, and like
(22:18):
I have actually like very fond memories of those times.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
You know, even when it was really really.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Late, it felt nice knowing that I could push myself.
Another way of doing this is by really noticing the
signs of progress and letting them serve as the reward
to kind of further fuel your fire. So the feeling
of sore muscles, the feeling of being really mentally tired
at the end of the day, but like super fulfilled
(22:45):
and super satisfied, and like falling falling asleep and just
feeling really great about yourself. The feeling of seeing I
don't know, your art get better, seeing your writing get better,
seeing your grades get better. That is a way of
bringing about learned industriousness. It's why I really One of
the things I really recommend and that I love when
(23:06):
people do this is when they set up Instagram pages
for their projects, like their marathons or an art project
or the like. When they're learning your language, or when
they're renovating their house, like setting up a progress page
or a project page. You can really see how things
(23:27):
get better and improve and get bigger and larger and
dreams come true.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
My god, I sound so.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Cliche, but you really can see that day in and
day out, it gets better every single day. Finally, the
best way to really promote learned industriousness, and the way
that really aligns best with the theory, is to just
simply reinforce your effort through physical reward. So what this
(23:53):
really relies on is something known as the hedonic principle.
As humans as creatures, as people with brains, so we
are wired towards things that make us feel good, and
we are wired to avoid things that make us feel uncomfortable.
Super simple principle, right, But an easy way to make
an uncomfortable thing feel good is by maximizing the pleasure
(24:18):
and the reward we get from it. So the more
candy I don't know, like, the more candy you offer
to a child, the more excited they're going to be
to go to the dentist, even if they hate the dentist.
The more treats you give a puppy, like, the more
obedient they become. Allegedly, that's always backfired and made my
puppies and dogs super fat. But you know what I mean.
(24:38):
You can also do this for yourself by providing like
physical rewards, artificial rewards that you give yourself in lieu
of the bigger reward. One way we see people do
this is by creating a schedule for positive reinforcement. That's
an incredible behavioral change strategy. So people do this for
(24:59):
savings goals lot. I see this a lot on like
TikTok and Instagram, and I love seeing these every like
one two hundred dollars, one thousand dollars, they save, twenty dollars,
fifty dollars, whatever it is goes into buying something that
they really really want, so that there is that reinforcement
that's going along with the hard work.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
We all kind of.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Do want a special little thing every now and again.
We want a break every now and again, We want
a sweet treat every now and again factor that into
how you are going about your goals, whatever it is,
especially if it's a goal that is really based on
a deficit of something, so having less saving money, having
(25:41):
less sweet treats, having less downtime because you're working really,
really hard, you can use that as a form of
motivation to make you want to work harder so that
you finally get the reward. We see like studies on
this with rats all the time. You know, the more
that they are reinforced in a structured way, so you know,
(26:04):
they finish a task, they get a treat, They finish
the next task that's a little bit harder, they get
a treat. The more that there is that structured reward,
they end up performing better. They're more efficient, they tire
less easily. And let's just say this that it's not
like a factor to do with energy, like the reward
is sometimes like they get to see their friend, or
(26:24):
the reward is like a pat like it's not always
food based, but they actually keep going for longer. The
reason this is the case and scientifically neurologically, the reason
this is the case all comes down to dopamine. I
think we all know like dopamine is the happy chemical.
Dopamine is also the motivational chemical. It is the chemical
(26:45):
that gets you to do things. So if you want
to increase the dopamine that you are accessing when doing
hard things, you've got to provide some form of catalyst
for the release of that, some form of trigger, some
of reward. It will make you happier, but it will
also make you more motivated.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
There you go, the more you know.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
So when we do this, it's actually what creates intrinsic motivation.
This is the first form of motivation we're going to
be talking about. Intrinsic motivation is when you do things
just because you love them and just because you find
them enjoyable. So you don't have to force yourself to
do things you love, right like I wouldn't have to
force you to go to the beach, or I wouldn't
have to force you to like have a wine with
(27:28):
your friends, or force you to read your favorite book
because you just like doing it. And one way that
we can make it so that we enjoy doing something,
which is the highest form of motivation for actually doing it,
is by associating positive experiences and reward with performance, determination,
(27:48):
commitment with you know, doing the thing with being persistent. Now,
I know what you're probably thinking, how do I fall
in love with doing something that is just actually so
frustrating and annoying and something that I.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Really don't want to do?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Like how do I enjoy my job that involves firing people?
How do I fall in love with the process there?
Or how do I fall in love with my painful
IVF treatment you know that just sucks? Or like how
do I become intrinsically motivated to enjoy cleaning my toilet?
There's just some things where this isn't possible, Like we
(28:29):
can't use this heroonic or pleasure principle. So the next
best thing that you can aim for is integrated motivation.
So this occurs when a behavior is performed to gain
both an external reward, but it also inlignes aligns with
your sense of identity, your sense of your internal sense
(28:52):
of value and interests, and who you are as a person.
We can make our motivation to complete a task attach
to our identity and it's super super powerful. You know,
I clean the toilet because I am someone who is conscientious,
and I'm someone who cares about cleanliness, and I care
about having a nice environment, and because I am someone
(29:14):
who cares about the details. Even though I don't enjoy this,
I'm going to do it because it reinforces something that
I find important about my identity. I go through IVF
treatment even when it's painful, even when it's hard, because
I want to be a parent. That is something I
have always felt is a deep part of my life purpose.
(29:35):
So I will endure the hard part of this journey
because the outcome is something that is significant for my identity.
The second best way that you can do hard things
is to get super clear on the why and make
a really really big picture, like give it a meaning
as big as life itself. Like I study because I
(29:57):
believe in creating a better life for myself. And I
someone who is a hard worker. So this behavior, although
it is hard, is something that reinforces what I believe
about myself. It reinforces myself concept, it reinforces my confidence.
This is who I am. So who would I be
if I didn't do this behavior? Who would I be
(30:17):
if I didn't do these hard things? This is just
so so powerful for taking something that is just you know,
a random thing on your to do list, or maybe
not taking something that you have, you know, mixed feelings towards.
It's uncomfortable, it's difficult, and it becomes this thing, this
(30:37):
gateway to being a more true, authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
And of course you.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Are going to want to do that hard thing over
the hard thing that is just bothersome, over the hard
thing that you have no meaning attached to. Finally, you know,
if that doesn't work, if the intrinsic motivation doesn't work,
and the like integrated motiv systems don't work, you can
always rely on extrinsic motivation, and that is basically doing
(31:07):
things publicly, doing things in a public setting in front
of others, promising others that you're going to do it
as a way to make you feel like you're accountable,
make you feel like their eyes on you. This is
all rooted in social psychology. When we think that people
are watching, we tend to behave better, We tend to
(31:28):
put on our best behavior. You can use those same
principles to force yourself to do hard things. One of
my friends does this in an excellent way. She studies
in very public places because it makes her feel almost
embarrassed to go on her phone, like the acknowledgment that
someone could be watching her and someone might be like,
(31:49):
oh god, she's going on her phone, Like that's not good.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I thought she was studying.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
Yes, sometimes it might not be the best for certain
goals or certain behaviors, but in terms of things where
you're like, I just need to get get this done,
and I need someone who you know, a stranger, doesn't
even know me. I just need their presence to make
me feel obligated to do this incredibly powerful. That was
my final tip for the day. We talked about intrinsic, integrated,
(32:16):
and external or extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic is the best actually
finding a way to enjoy or fall in love with
the process. Secondly, you can find a way to make
the activity a part or a reinforcer of an important
part of your identity. And then if all all that fails,
you know, the flood gates roll open. You can rely
(32:38):
on the judgment of others less and ideal, but sometimes important.
I really hope that this episode has given you some motivation.
You know, we've got one month left of this year.
We've got so much going on. We have a lot
of goals that we might want to achieve and we
also might be like preparing for next year. So I
think these strategies are really really doable, and they're not
(32:59):
about discipline. They're not about like working yourself to the bone,
They're not about burnout and exhaustion.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
They are small things.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
That you can do mentally psychologically to be more productive
and less busy and to reach your goals faster by
essentially like tricking how our brain works and tricking our psychology.
So if you did enjoy this episode, please make sure
that you have left a five star review. If you
leave a review on Apple as well, I'm looking at
(33:30):
all of them at the moment, I'm like grabbing some
out for a little post at the end.
Speaker 2 (33:34):
Of the year.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
I would really appreciate if you could leave some kind
words there. Also, make sure you have pre ordered the book.
I know I've been kind of not on the ball
with reminding you guys, but Yeah comes out next year,
and there will be a link in the podcast episode description.
Even if you just want to check out the cover,
that's totally fine. I just appreciate any support that you
(33:55):
are giving me this like crazy, amazing time in my life.
Make sure you were following us on Instagram, at that
Psychology podcast, And until next time, stay safe, stay kind,
be gentle to yourself, and we will talk very very soon.
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com