December 30, 2024 • 35 mins
This year is your year for complete self trust, in all forms! The opposite of anxiety and doubt is self trust. This means we have confidence and clarity in our choices. we believe in our ability to overcome failure, we have a deep sense of self and we trust in our belief for our future.
Each year I like to set a theme for the 12 months to come. In today's episode I explain why a theme is essential and introduce this years theme: the theme of self trust. We will also break down what it means to build real self trust through three important practices, what erodes self trust and what a 2025 defined by self trust could bring. All of that and more, listen now!
PREORDER MY BOOK: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. I would like to extend
an official welcome to the final episode of twenty twenty four.
(00:24):
And honestly, what a year it has been, like, What
an insane, massive, phenomenal year for the podcast and for
me as well. So I just want to start by
expressing my gratitude and having a little quick chat about
what we have done. The biggest thing for me this
year was of course announcing my book, announcing that I
(00:47):
wrote a book basically based on this podcast called Person
in Progress. And it does not pass me by a
single day that there would be no way in this
world that I would have had the opportunity to write
that book without you guys, without the listeners and the
support that you have given me. And this year, so
(01:10):
much of twenty twenty four was focused on writing that book,
making it the best possible, most scientific, most researched, but
also personal, vulnerable story that I could make it. And
there were so many like long nights, you know, up
to one two am, waking up at eight am the
(01:31):
following morning, working the whole day to write this book
and make it good. And it was such an obsessive
passion project for me that there is no way that
it couldn't not define this year, and then next year
is probably going to be defined by the fact that
it's going to be released. It comes out in April
twenty twenty five, and I feel like that's just going
(01:52):
to be an equally surreal moment. But for now, I
am just planning my feet where I am and reminiscing
on what an insane journey that was. Honestly, I was
speaking to like my family about this today and I
was like, I can't believe I wrote almost one hundred
thousand words this year, plus all the other writing that
(02:12):
I did for the podcast, But it was just such
a mammoth exercise, like it's you know, there was just
so many opportunities in this life where we really get
to test ourselves and see how much we are capable
of and how hard we can work, and so, you know,
often we don't actually take those opportunities, like when was
the last time you really tested yourself and gave yourself
(02:34):
a real massive thing to work towards, and that was
like something that I did this year, so I'm very
very proud of that. I'm very very grateful for the opportunity.
Another insane, crazy, beautiful thing we did this year was
we held our first two meetups, our first two friendship
meetups for the podcast. We had one in July in Sydney,
(02:57):
which was the inur gural meetup, and it just went
so well, So if you attended, thank you for being
my guinea pigs. But I also feel like we all
had such an amazing time. And then we held our
second one in October. October, yeah, October, in Melbourne, and
that was just equally fulfilling. And actually that was where
I announced the book for the first time, so the
(03:20):
people in that room, all seventy five of them, were
the first ones to hear about it. My heart was
so full after each of those experiences. So many hours,
and I would say anxiety and stress went into creating
them because I wanted it to be like value for money,
but I also wanted to make sure that it was
fun and that people really wanted to be there and
(03:40):
got something out of it. And as soon as I
stepped into that room and you guys all started coming,
I was like, wow, like this community is just like
literally speechless to even trying to explain the memory, like
just beautiful, beyond beautiful, intelligent, kind, generous. Every single person
who came to those meetups was like the most impressive person,
(04:02):
the most interesting person, the most creative person I had
ever met. And that was just such a beautiful thing
to be able to witness and to be able to
bring everyone together. So if you were at one of
those two meetups, thank you so much for coming along,
even when there wasn't much like prior information about it.
You really were the test subjects. But that means that
(04:24):
next year we will be doing ten of those meetups,
not just in Australia but across the world. We're going
to be starting in Canberra, We're going to do another
one in Sydney, another one in Melbourne, We're going to
do one in Queensland, and then we're heading over to
the UK and to Europe and also to the US.
(04:45):
Hopefully we can bring it to more places later on
in the year, but we're going slow, we're taking baby
steps with this, but I'm just so excited for that,
and I'm so excited for what twenty twenty five is
going to bring. So with all of my op bewhelming
gratitude aside, I want to introduce you to our theme
(05:06):
for twenty twenty five, so long term listeners of the
podcast will know that each year, I'd like to choose
a theme, a theme for the year, a theme, an
attitude basically for what we're going to bring into twenty
twenty five. So twenty twenty four it was our year
for taking risks, and twenty twenty five it is our
(05:26):
year for fully trusting ourselves. Now, the opposite of anxiety
is trust, and so what this theme really means for
me this year is allowing ourselves to be scared, allowing
ourselves to be uncomfortable, allowing ourselves to feel anxiety about
the future, about our circumstances, and trusting ourselves anyway, almost
(05:49):
being delusional, and how much we trust ourselves and our path.
That is an amazing power to have, and we're going
to talk about it more in just a second. But
to explain the reason firstly as to why I like
to choose a theme instead of a goal or a
New Year's resolution, it's because a theme to me applies
(06:10):
to everything. So it's a mindset, it's an attitude, it's
an approach. It's a lens through which you can see
your whole life, not just one goal at a time.
So instead of having to set, you know, a goal
for every area of my life, a professional goal, a
relationship goal, a financial goal, a personal goal, a health goal,
whatever it is. Instead you prioritize one larger idea that
(06:34):
influences all of these elements at once, and by doing so,
you don't have to be a stretch thin trying to
accomplish five to ten individual things. You know all of
your attention is going to be focused on onligning your
behavior with the theme of trusting yourself, going after what
you want, deciding what is and what isn't for you,
(06:56):
and knowing that you can pursue that even when it
scares you. I think that's a really really powerful mindset
to have, and this idea works much better for me,
this perspective, this method, especially since our brains have such
finite cognitive resources and we really struggle with attention and
(07:18):
sometimes with motivation. So instead, when I say I am
someone who trusts myself, or I say I'm someone who
takes risks or whatever your theme is for the year,
it stretches a lot wider, it reaches new areas, and
I really do find that the transformation in my life
is deeper. So yes, that is my basic premise or
(07:40):
explanation for this way of going about things, and why
this is how I approach the new year. I think
obviously this is also a time when we can really
galvanize ourselves around something new and a fresh, purposeful philosophy
on life because of the emotional and mental significance of
new beginnings, especially for our brains. And there is this
(08:01):
theory in psychology called the fresh start effect, which basically
explains how when you think about it, rather arbitrary landmarks
like a new year or a birthday or a new job,
a new season, it really motivates us to break away
from past habits because it gives the impression of a
blank slate. And yes, the new year is really just
(08:21):
a one day, you know, It's just a day, and
another day and another day. It's just we have put
these you know, human human ideas around time passing. But
that is significant enough. And a twenty fifteen study that
really examined this and examined this across five laboratory experiments,
(08:42):
and it found consistently that when humans are given this
idea of a new beginning or a new time period,
it really increases our intentions to pursue our goals and
ultimately our success in achieving them. So this is your time,
This is when to start, This is when to take
(09:03):
up a new theme. So, without further ado, let's talk
about why this year is going to be your year
for fully trusting yourself. Firstly, let's start off by really
examining what self trust looks like. Self trust is firstly,
(09:27):
not having all the answers. Self trust is not arrogance
or ego. It is instead a deep belief in your
ability to encounter problems and get through them, but also
an equally deep belief that you know what your life
should look like. You know what you want from your life,
and you are so sure of it that you are
(09:49):
willing to go after it despite what other people might believe,
despite the naysayers. Essentially, self trust to me is the
opposite of self doubt. You know where self doubt call
you a fraud and might say you're not capable of this,
You're not ready you can't possibly handle this. Self trust
is something even greater than confidence. It's steadiness, it's self assurance.
(10:14):
You can look at a challenge, say, for example, an
uncertain future which a lot of us in our twenties
are dealing with, or a new job or a big move,
and you can confidently say, I actually don't know how
this is going to work out, but I trust the
future version of myself to do what's best and to
handle it. Therefore, that allows you to take the leap.
(10:38):
I think there's this incredible article by Psychology Today that
explains the roots of self trust, and they just put
it so well, and what they basically explain is that
when we look at examples of people who are self trusting,
we find that they have clarity and confidence in their choices.
They are healthily depend on other peoples while other people
(11:01):
whilst also independent, so they're not overly dependent on other people,
but they're also not hyperindependent. They speak with authority that
comes from a very deep place, but is not arrogant.
They are good observers, and they have also, and this
is critical, cultivated the ability to learn from their experiences,
both the successes and failures. And I think we can
(11:24):
acknowledge why that's so important. When we don't have self trust,
we feel very much pulled by other people's opinions and judgments,
or we feel very much dictated by failure, or we
rely too heavily on external validation. So what that means
is that what someone else thinks about me or thinks
(11:45):
is right for me must be the truth because my
internal validation system is damaged or it's left me. So
I see this a lot, actually, especially amongst those of
us in our twenties, because given our aid, which I
do feel like, we sometimes believe that we don't have
full authority over our lives because we're so young and
(12:06):
we're just getting started, and also we're so confused, so
we're looking for someone to say, actually, no, you're wrong,
let me show you how to do it. And we're like,
thank god, thank gosh, someone's going to tell me what
to do. And one way this manifests is when you
have to make a really important decision, and you may
ask every single person in your life what they think,
what do you think? Should I do this, Should I
(12:27):
not do this? Should I go? Should I stay? Please
give me the answers, And yet you are still confused,
or you still feel like despite all this additional information
that's coming from people's opinions, you still can't act because
at the end of the day, a decision is yours
to make. Even if other people are saying you have
(12:49):
to do this, you should do this, this is what
I think is best for you, you are still the
one who makes the decision, and you are still the
one that will have to carry the burden, the potential
burden of that being the wrong decision. So it's not
the decision that you fear. You fear change, and you
fear not being able to handle any unexpected consequences of
(13:10):
your choices. I also see it when we don't want
to step out of our comfort zone because we are
scared of not being able to manage it alone. I
honestly believe that a lack of self trust is why
so many of us stay in relationships, and that includes
friendships that aren't fulfilling, because we don't think that we
(13:33):
can trust ourselves to be happy alone. Think about you
know relationships in your life currently, Why you know that
the relationship isn't actually fulfilling. It's not a fun relationship,
It drains your energy, you feel like you let out
a huge sigh of relief every time the hangout ends,
or you feel anxious every time you see them. But
(13:55):
we hold onto those relationships because we don't trust ourselves
to be alone. We don't trust our selves to handle
the emotions of having to let the relationship go. It
all comes down to this sense of self doubt. Who
am I without other people dictating my character? A lack
of self trust is also why we don't take risks
(14:16):
like pursuing our passion, even if it's a side project
or solo traveling, because we don't feel like we can
trust ourselves to figure things out that we don't yet
know and be adaptable. So when it comes down to it,
we can see that this actually filters into every element
(14:36):
of our lives, and it might be why it might
be at the route actually of a lot of our indecisiveness,
our stagnation, our fear. Think about just for a second,
how many situations come up for us nearly every day
in our twenties and beyond really that require a baseline
of self trust to accomplish. And I mean give you
(14:57):
a little list here. Choosing a major at university or
college or a career asking for a promotion, setting boundaries,
standing up for yourself, making big purchases or saving or investing,
trusting that you know what's best for your body and
your health, making risky decisions, even deciding what's worth your energy.
(15:21):
That or all of those decisions require you to be
able to look in the mirror and say, hey, you
might not know all the answers, but I trust that
you're going to figure it out, so do what feels best.
I trust you. Fomo is another one actually that just
came to the top of my mind just then. Fomo
comes into this big time. If you don't have self trust,
you may be more easily convinced that you have to
(15:44):
be where everyone else is doing what they are, even
when that might not suit you, because you don't feel
confident or safe in your own choices or your own company.
So we say self trust, and we think it's a
small thing, but it really does touch our lives in
a much deeper way. And there's actually a theory in
psychology called trust theory, which says that trusting ourselves is
(16:08):
what allows us to trust others, our friends, our family,
our colleagues, and that is a prerequisite for so many
other things trust. I don't know. I really don't know
why it doesn't get more attention. It's so important to
be a well functioning human. And a really great study
that talks about this was published in twenty twelve from
(16:30):
Huntington University in the US, and it talks about the
correlation between self esteem, loneliness, and self trust, and they
found that when you are low on self trust, you
also experience loneliness more intensely, your self esteem is lower,
and you feel more anxious about your relationships. This was
(16:50):
totally me, maybe like six or seven years back. I
was in the pit of this. I had absolutely no
trusted myself. I was so doubtful of every single thing
I did, and I kind of approached relationships friendships in
particular kind of like a little injured bird, being like,
(17:11):
please like me, and if you don't like me, don't worry,
I'll change for you. Like I have no strong self
concept because I don't know who I am and I
don't trust myself to figure it out. So I was
very like bendable and easily manipulated by friendships because I
really did not believe that I knew what was best
for me, and I did not believe that I could
(17:32):
feel like I was okay without someone else telling me
that I was okay. So there's a little personal story
for you. However, you know, if our theme this year
is to reverse our lack of self trust, we probably
you know, you firstly really need to know what damage
is it in the first place, and then how to
really you know, undo those interactions, those emotional interactions, the
(17:58):
emotional trauma that has caused you to really have a
lot of self doubt. So I'm going to take a
quick pause, and then when we return, I want to
talk about the roots about lack of self trust and
how to rebuild it after this shortbreak. So, the theory
(18:19):
with self trust goes that we are all born with
an internal compass, and this internal emotional compass is really
what allows us to direct our life by following our north.
And our north is something that really develops as children
and then into our teenage years, and it's basically our purpose,
what we want from life, our values, our truth. Along
(18:42):
the way, though, the compass is really thrown off by
things like excessive criticism from family, from friends, from people
in general, overbearing parental pressure as well, especially you know
when our parents don't allow us to be individuals, and
they keep us emotionally and physically dependent on them by
making all our choices for us or shaming us for
(19:04):
doing something counter to what they want. Self trust is
also damaged by internal patterns like people pleasing a fear
of failure perfectionism, essentially meaning that we don't really feel
like we can meet our own standards, or that letting
ourselves be in control of our lives could mean that
we would make major mistakes. I also want to talk
(19:24):
about the influence of past relationship betrayal and you know,
separately ignoring our intuition, and how those two sometimes come together.
So past relationship trauma and betrayal can significantly harm our
sense of self trust because these experiences often disrupt our
ability to accurately interpret and rely on our judgments and instincts.
(19:49):
You know, gas lighting is a big component of this.
But when someone we trusted deceives or hurts us, it
creates a real deep sense of confusion and self blame,
and it leads us to really question our ability to
discern red flags, to make safe choices, to protect ourselves emotionally,
(20:09):
big caveat here, None of this is actually our fault,
literally not a single part, but this external erosion of
trust in others makes us believe that it is. It
makes us very hypervigilant, It makes us doubtful of our
own perceptions. You know. It's honestly, one of the craziest
things to me in my mind is that love is
such a beautiful thing that when it is used cruelly
(20:33):
and when it is turned sour, how much it can
hurt someone. And that is really what betrayal does. And
it doesn't just hurt our heart, it hurts our entire
perception of self, and that betrayal often triggers feelings of shame, worthlessness, inadequacy,
and that further distances us from the confidence we need
to trust our own decisions. Over time as well, repeated
(20:57):
relational trauma can really embed within us a belief that
we are incapable of navigating relationships effectively, and that perpetuates
the cycle of self doubt and a fear of vulnerability
as well. So, if you're really struggling to trust yourself,
sometimes the origin of that is really in a past
relationship where of course you were made to feel like
(21:20):
you know, of course I can't trust myself because look
at how this turned out. This person has just treated
me so poorly that I have no sense of self anymore.
It's a really big contributor. Ignoring our intuition is another
component of this. And that's not necessarily ignoring our intuition
in a relationship, but in everyday situations that also a
(21:41):
roade self trust. I read this really beautiful quote. Intuition
is our birthright as humans. It comes with our DNA,
it comes with our blueprint. And a twenty sixteen study
really showed that, and it showed that when you and
I have got instincts about something, it's actually because because
our brains are processing a lot more information subconsciously than
(22:04):
we can think about consciously. So when, for example, you
have a gut feeling you know, you meet someone, you're like,
I don't think you're a nice person. I think you're
a bad egg. Or you're in this situation, you get
that sudden feeling of like I shouldn't be here. I
shouldn't be here, something about this is wrong. I need
to go. That is something that oftentimes you really should trust. However,
(22:28):
when you continuously ignore that intuition, you tell your brain
that what it's doing isn't useful, and how you perceive
the world is wrong. Anxiety also comes into play here. Obviously,
anxiety is the opposite of trust, and so anxiety really
messes with our intuition. It says, Wit, you should be
scared right now. You should be scared right now, and
(22:49):
you know, the more rational part of your brain is like,
there's nothing to be scared of. I trust myself, like
this is so fine, but your brain's like no, no, no,
be anxious, be anxious, be anxious. It's messing with your intuition.
Anxiety opposite of self trust. Intuition huge important part of
self trust. So over time this can lead to self doubt,
second guessing, and an inability to really confidently make decisions.
(23:13):
So psychologically, this disconnection fosters a lot of confusion and
we become less attuned to our instincts but also our needs,
so repeatedly silencing our intuition. It can also diminish our
self efficacy, and that is our belief in our ability
to handle challenges or to create the outcome that we want,
(23:38):
and that's really critical for personal growth and resilience. You
need self efficacy if you want to do anything, if
you want to run a marathon, if you want to
finish a really huge personal project, anything any change in
your lifestyle, you actually have to believe that you are
able to do something and able to achieve what you
(23:58):
set your mind to. But if you lack self trust,
of course you're not going to be able to believe that.
And if your intuition is off, if you keep ignoring
the signs that you should be doing something, that this
is your calling or that you can do it, or
ignoring your intuition saying go this way, go that way,
(24:18):
all of this is really really connected. I hope that's
been persuasive for you, but and I hope you understand
that relationship better now. If you are struggling with self trust,
I really think that it's probably something that has been
diminished slowly over time until you are at a point
now where instinct, intuition, confidence, self efficacy, they have all
(24:41):
been replaced with doubt. So that being said, going into
twenty twenty five, how can we reverse some of these
processes and really reclaim our intuition and our self assurance.
If this is the year for trusting yourself, I think
that firstly, you really are going to have to prove
it to yourself, prove that you can, and that's going
(25:02):
to require some experimentation, some trial and error, and pushing
yourself into a place of discomfort, not into a place
of danger, but into a place where you can truly grow.
I really believe this self trust is actually a skill.
It's a muscle that can be built with practice and
commitment to almost a routine. And the routine I'm talking
(25:24):
about is an emotional routine, is a psychological routine. It
involves taking chances that feel big and important and showing
yourself that, like the outcome that you want is what
will come from this. So how do I want you
to practice proving to yourself that you can trust yourself?
I want you to start saying yes to things that
(25:45):
you might not quite feel ready to do instead of
waiting for the perfect time, because the perfect time is
a fallacy. It never actually comes. And what I still
want you to see is, you know, win or fail,
win or lose, success or failure, whatever it is, you
are still going to be okay. You will still survive
(26:06):
every single time, even if things aren't perfect. So let
me give you some examples of how we can practice this.
In twenty twenty five. How we can make self trust
part of our routine, so a big one and every
single one of us can do this is to go
to things alone, even if you're scared, or even if
it could be a disaster. So you get invited to
(26:28):
a party, go by yourself. You really want to go
to an event you don't know anyone, go by yourself.
There's a movie that no one else wants to see
with you, go by yourself. Go out for dinner by yourself.
There's a lot of fear around that sometimes, especially if
you're someone who is quite socially anxious, like myself, there's
a lot of fear. Am I going to be able
to handle this? What if someone looks at me the
(26:49):
wrong way? What if someone judges me? Doesn't matter? You
trust yourself. This is your year for trusting yourself, and
someone who trusts themselves would be okay with going into
that situation not knowing what other people are thinking, not
knowing how it's going to work out, knowing that they're
still going to have fun and get what they want
out of it by being alone. Another way that you
(27:12):
can really make self trust part of your routine is
to confront a big fear that you have this year.
It could be of public speaking, of traveling alone, going
on a blind date, of flying, of being embarrassed, of
going to the gym. What is the fear that you
have in your mind right now? Just think about it
really quickly. That is holding you back. So you really
(27:35):
don't know how you react and how brave and strong
you can be until you face a fear and you
see how your reaction will surprise you. The anxiety that
we feel in regards to a big fear is normally
actually anticipation, and then when you get there, when you
(27:57):
get into the moment of your fear, yes it might
be uncomfortable, yes it might not go your way, but
actually a lot of our anxiety tends to fade and
the adrenaline takes over and you get to see yourself adapt.
You get to see yourself in all of your glory,
face a fear and come out of it. And what
(28:19):
that really requires is also leaving room for the mess
of trusting yourself. Now, this is really this is a
really important component. And I have to thank an article
from Well and Good for this, and they interviewed a
really amazing author called Liz Moody who wrote the book
One Hundred Ways to Change Your Life. Really good book,
also amazing. It's on like probably one of my top
(28:39):
ten books. And she made this incredible point about self trust.
She said, doing what you think is right for you
isn't always going to be a clean process. In learning
to trust yourself, you will make painful mistakes. You will
have to give up on things, you will have to
let things go. But as you learn disappointing people, closing
(29:02):
certain chapters of your life, making mistakes, you realize that
those are all important parts of trusting yourself. And sometimes
that might feel like a really big loss to bear. Right.
Sometimes you might be like, ah, I really don't have
it in me right now to experience failure or to
lose a friendship or to stand up for myself. That's
a totally normal reaction. But you will never build self
(29:23):
trust if you don't just try, step by step, maybe
steps at a time, to encounter situations where you don't
know how things are going to go, where there is
fear there and choose trust over doubt. The more risks
you take in service of trusting yourself, the more reinforcement
you'll get as well, and the more that you'll realize
that this is an exercise that it's worthwhile. So even
(29:45):
when the decisions don't always work out, it's still actually
a really valuable exercise. It's basically building an internal sense
of like okayness, like this is going to be fine.
And this really brings me to my next point, which
is intuition, which is too really examine when your intuition
is that instinct and when it is anxiety, when is
(30:06):
it actually not intuition but it's just fear. So I
think that a really great way to think about intuition
is that intuition isn't just something that is in us
to avoid things. It's not just an avoidance technique. Intuition
is also something that guides us to abundance. So all
of us have this intuition somewherey on us that we
(30:28):
should be doing something, that there is something calling us,
that there is a purpose that we have, that we
should be volunteering more, we should be creating more, we
should be writing more, we should be saying yes to
more things. Intuition comes in that form as well. It's
guiding you to something that's important for who you are.
Don't ignore it, don't listen to the anxious thought that's
(30:51):
giving you a reason to doubt your positive intuition, And
with your negative intuition, test and see what times is
that just anxiety, and what times is it actually it
got instinct? When could I have pushed forward a little
bit and really got to the bottom of whether this
was my intuition telling me what to do or whether
(31:14):
it was just fear. That's a really important challenge, and
I would also challenge you to start reconsidering your need
for the approval of others or the validation of your choices.
So if you have a positive intuition or a positive
got instinct towards a decision telling you to do something,
telling you to make a big change, to move somewhere,
(31:34):
to create something, to dump someone, whatever it is, I
don't think that you need others to tell you that
you're right, because chances are that if you have that feeling,
you already know that this is what you should be doing.
And sometimes we bury ourselves again in getting as many
of the opinions of others and the advice from others.
(31:54):
We do that because we don't want to make a decision.
But if you're gout instinct to saying this is something
that's really calling me. You've got to do it. Also,
these people who give you their advice, right, they're not
the ones who have to encounter the decision right. They
don't actually have to pull the trigger the way that
you do. They also probably aren't as invested in this
as you are. They probably don't know you as well
(32:15):
as you know yourself. They might believe they know what's
best for you, but you actually know what's best for you.
That's part of self trust. So what that involves is, yes,
making decisions without getting a million pieces of advice from
everyone from your best friend to your neighbor to some stranger, like,
just do what feels best for you, but also just
(32:37):
slowly testing that by wearing outfits without you know, asking
if your friends like them, buying the things that you
want to buy without asking someone else whether it looks cute,
making career choices without first needing to ask everyone whether
it's a good idea. Obviously, we all love feedback, but
when you're going after excessive feedback, it can also be
a form of avoidance. Avoidance is not self trust, and
(33:01):
that is our year. Our year is for self trust.
So twenty twenty five In summary, your theme is your
year for trusting yourself, and what that really means is
releasing the need for external validation, tapping into your positive
intuition that is telling you this is where you need
to be, This is where you need to go, knowing
that you can survive being uncomfortable, knowing that you can
(33:24):
survive being uncertain and just seriously living for you. It's
a new year, it's a blank page, it's a fresh start.
And I know that's rather arbitrary, but sometimes we need
the arbitrary idea of a new chapter to really commit
to a new mindset and unnune lifestyle. And I hope
that this is one that really resonates with you. If
(33:44):
your year for fully trusting yourself is not the theme
that suits you, I really also employ you to come
up with your own. It could be your year for
self discipline. It could be your year for taking risks
if that wasn't the one that you took on last year.
It could be your year for gratitude. It could be
your ye for saying yes. It could be your year
for eliminating people pleasing. What is your theme and how
(34:06):
does it touch every area of your life? Write it
on a piece of paper, Write it real big, Have
it on your desk, have it in your car, have
it at your place of work, anywhere on your mirror
so that you can fully embrace how a theme will
touch every single part of your year. Thank you so
much for listening, and thank you so much for your
support in twenty twenty four. Twenty twenty five is about
(34:30):
to be a wild year. I can't wait to meet
more of you, speak to you, hear your journeys. I
just that's like my favorite part about this. You guys
just inspire me so much, So I can't wait for
more of that. I can't wait for you guys to
read my book, can't wait for more episodes. And also
next episode, I have a big surprise, huge surprise. So
(34:53):
if you have made it this far, I really want
you to tune in because it's it's just like the
craziest thing of ever. As always, if you enjoyed this episode,
make sure that you are following along on Spotify or
Apple podcasts, wherever you are listening. It's a new year,
so maybe think about leaving us a five star review
so more people can find us in twenty twenty five.
(35:14):
Of course, only if you feel cool to do so,
but we really do appreciate it. Share this episode on Instagram,
Share it with your friends, share it with your partner,
Share it with someone else who you think really needs
to begin trusting themselves, whoever that may be. And until
next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself,
and we will talk very very soon. Happy New Year,
Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in
the world, it is so great to have you here.
Back for another episode as we of course break down
the psychology of our twenties. I would like to extend
an official welcome to the final episode of twenty twenty four.
(00:24):
And honestly, what a year it has been, like, What
an insane, massive, phenomenal year for the podcast and for
me as well. So I just want to start by
expressing my gratitude and having a little quick chat about
what we have done. The biggest thing for me this
year was of course announcing my book, announcing that I
(00:47):
wrote a book basically based on this podcast called Person
in Progress. And it does not pass me by a
single day that there would be no way in this
world that I would have had the opportunity to write
that book without you guys, without the listeners and the
support that you have given me. And this year, so
(01:10):
much of twenty twenty four was focused on writing that book,
making it the best possible, most scientific, most researched, but
also personal, vulnerable story that I could make it. And
there were so many like long nights, you know, up
to one two am, waking up at eight am the
(01:31):
following morning, working the whole day to write this book
and make it good. And it was such an obsessive
passion project for me that there is no way that
it couldn't not define this year, and then next year
is probably going to be defined by the fact that
it's going to be released. It comes out in April
twenty twenty five, and I feel like that's just going
(01:52):
to be an equally surreal moment. But for now, I
am just planning my feet where I am and reminiscing
on what an insane journey that was. Honestly, I was
speaking to like my family about this today and I
was like, I can't believe I wrote almost one hundred
thousand words this year, plus all the other writing that
(02:12):
I did for the podcast, But it was just such
a mammoth exercise, like it's you know, there was just
so many opportunities in this life where we really get
to test ourselves and see how much we are capable
of and how hard we can work, and so, you know,
often we don't actually take those opportunities, like when was
the last time you really tested yourself and gave yourself
(02:34):
a real massive thing to work towards, and that was
like something that I did this year, so I'm very
very proud of that. I'm very very grateful for the opportunity.
Another insane, crazy, beautiful thing we did this year was
we held our first two meetups, our first two friendship
meetups for the podcast. We had one in July in Sydney,
(02:57):
which was the inur gural meetup, and it just went
so well, So if you attended, thank you for being
my guinea pigs. But I also feel like we all
had such an amazing time. And then we held our
second one in October. October, yeah, October, in Melbourne, and
that was just equally fulfilling. And actually that was where
I announced the book for the first time, so the
(03:20):
people in that room, all seventy five of them, were
the first ones to hear about it. My heart was
so full after each of those experiences. So many hours,
and I would say anxiety and stress went into creating
them because I wanted it to be like value for money,
but I also wanted to make sure that it was
fun and that people really wanted to be there and
(03:40):
got something out of it. And as soon as I
stepped into that room and you guys all started coming,
I was like, wow, like this community is just like
literally speechless to even trying to explain the memory, like
just beautiful, beyond beautiful, intelligent, kind, generous. Every single person
who came to those meetups was like the most impressive person,
(04:02):
the most interesting person, the most creative person I had
ever met. And that was just such a beautiful thing
to be able to witness and to be able to
bring everyone together. So if you were at one of
those two meetups, thank you so much for coming along,
even when there wasn't much like prior information about it.
You really were the test subjects. But that means that
(04:24):
next year we will be doing ten of those meetups,
not just in Australia but across the world. We're going
to be starting in Canberra, We're going to do another
one in Sydney, another one in Melbourne, We're going to
do one in Queensland, and then we're heading over to
the UK and to Europe and also to the US.
(04:45):
Hopefully we can bring it to more places later on
in the year, but we're going slow, we're taking baby
steps with this, but I'm just so excited for that,
and I'm so excited for what twenty twenty five is
going to bring. So with all of my op bewhelming
gratitude aside, I want to introduce you to our theme
(05:06):
for twenty twenty five, so long term listeners of the
podcast will know that each year, I'd like to choose
a theme, a theme for the year, a theme, an
attitude basically for what we're going to bring into twenty
twenty five. So twenty twenty four it was our year
for taking risks, and twenty twenty five it is our
(05:26):
year for fully trusting ourselves. Now, the opposite of anxiety
is trust, and so what this theme really means for
me this year is allowing ourselves to be scared, allowing
ourselves to be uncomfortable, allowing ourselves to feel anxiety about
the future, about our circumstances, and trusting ourselves anyway, almost
(05:49):
being delusional, and how much we trust ourselves and our path.
That is an amazing power to have, and we're going
to talk about it more in just a second. But
to explain the reason firstly as to why I like
to choose a theme instead of a goal or a
New Year's resolution, it's because a theme to me applies
(06:10):
to everything. So it's a mindset, it's an attitude, it's
an approach. It's a lens through which you can see
your whole life, not just one goal at a time.
So instead of having to set, you know, a goal
for every area of my life, a professional goal, a
relationship goal, a financial goal, a personal goal, a health goal,
whatever it is. Instead you prioritize one larger idea that
(06:34):
influences all of these elements at once, and by doing so,
you don't have to be a stretch thin trying to
accomplish five to ten individual things. You know all of
your attention is going to be focused on onligning your
behavior with the theme of trusting yourself, going after what
you want, deciding what is and what isn't for you,
(06:56):
and knowing that you can pursue that even when it
scares you. I think that's a really really powerful mindset
to have, and this idea works much better for me,
this perspective, this method, especially since our brains have such
finite cognitive resources and we really struggle with attention and
(07:18):
sometimes with motivation. So instead, when I say I am
someone who trusts myself, or I say I'm someone who
takes risks or whatever your theme is for the year,
it stretches a lot wider, it reaches new areas, and
I really do find that the transformation in my life
is deeper. So yes, that is my basic premise or
(07:40):
explanation for this way of going about things, and why
this is how I approach the new year. I think
obviously this is also a time when we can really
galvanize ourselves around something new and a fresh, purposeful philosophy
on life because of the emotional and mental significance of
new beginnings, especially for our brains. And there is this
(08:01):
theory in psychology called the fresh start effect, which basically
explains how when you think about it, rather arbitrary landmarks
like a new year or a birthday or a new job,
a new season, it really motivates us to break away
from past habits because it gives the impression of a
blank slate. And yes, the new year is really just
(08:21):
a one day, you know, It's just a day, and
another day and another day. It's just we have put
these you know, human human ideas around time passing. But
that is significant enough. And a twenty fifteen study that
really examined this and examined this across five laboratory experiments,
(08:42):
and it found consistently that when humans are given this
idea of a new beginning or a new time period,
it really increases our intentions to pursue our goals and
ultimately our success in achieving them. So this is your time,
This is when to start, This is when to take
(09:03):
up a new theme. So, without further ado, let's talk
about why this year is going to be your year
for fully trusting yourself. Firstly, let's start off by really
examining what self trust looks like. Self trust is firstly,
(09:27):
not having all the answers. Self trust is not arrogance
or ego. It is instead a deep belief in your
ability to encounter problems and get through them, but also
an equally deep belief that you know what your life
should look like. You know what you want from your life,
and you are so sure of it that you are
(09:49):
willing to go after it despite what other people might believe,
despite the naysayers. Essentially, self trust to me is the
opposite of self doubt. You know where self doubt call
you a fraud and might say you're not capable of this,
You're not ready you can't possibly handle this. Self trust
is something even greater than confidence. It's steadiness, it's self assurance.
(10:14):
You can look at a challenge, say, for example, an
uncertain future which a lot of us in our twenties
are dealing with, or a new job or a big move,
and you can confidently say, I actually don't know how
this is going to work out, but I trust the
future version of myself to do what's best and to
handle it. Therefore, that allows you to take the leap.
(10:38):
I think there's this incredible article by Psychology Today that
explains the roots of self trust, and they just put
it so well, and what they basically explain is that
when we look at examples of people who are self trusting,
we find that they have clarity and confidence in their choices.
They are healthily depend on other peoples while other people
(11:01):
whilst also independent, so they're not overly dependent on other people,
but they're also not hyperindependent. They speak with authority that
comes from a very deep place, but is not arrogant.
They are good observers, and they have also, and this
is critical, cultivated the ability to learn from their experiences,
both the successes and failures. And I think we can
(11:24):
acknowledge why that's so important. When we don't have self trust,
we feel very much pulled by other people's opinions and judgments,
or we feel very much dictated by failure, or we
rely too heavily on external validation. So what that means
is that what someone else thinks about me or thinks
(11:45):
is right for me must be the truth because my
internal validation system is damaged or it's left me. So
I see this a lot, actually, especially amongst those of
us in our twenties, because given our aid, which I
do feel like, we sometimes believe that we don't have
full authority over our lives because we're so young and
(12:06):
we're just getting started, and also we're so confused, so
we're looking for someone to say, actually, no, you're wrong,
let me show you how to do it. And we're like,
thank god, thank gosh, someone's going to tell me what
to do. And one way this manifests is when you
have to make a really important decision, and you may
ask every single person in your life what they think,
what do you think? Should I do this, Should I
(12:27):
not do this? Should I go? Should I stay? Please
give me the answers, And yet you are still confused,
or you still feel like despite all this additional information
that's coming from people's opinions, you still can't act because
at the end of the day, a decision is yours
to make. Even if other people are saying you have
(12:49):
to do this, you should do this, this is what
I think is best for you, you are still the
one who makes the decision, and you are still the
one that will have to carry the burden, the potential
burden of that being the wrong decision. So it's not
the decision that you fear. You fear change, and you
fear not being able to handle any unexpected consequences of
(13:10):
your choices. I also see it when we don't want
to step out of our comfort zone because we are
scared of not being able to manage it alone. I
honestly believe that a lack of self trust is why
so many of us stay in relationships, and that includes
friendships that aren't fulfilling, because we don't think that we
(13:33):
can trust ourselves to be happy alone. Think about you
know relationships in your life currently, Why you know that
the relationship isn't actually fulfilling. It's not a fun relationship,
It drains your energy, you feel like you let out
a huge sigh of relief every time the hangout ends,
or you feel anxious every time you see them. But
(13:55):
we hold onto those relationships because we don't trust ourselves
to be alone. We don't trust our selves to handle
the emotions of having to let the relationship go. It
all comes down to this sense of self doubt. Who
am I without other people dictating my character? A lack
of self trust is also why we don't take risks
(14:16):
like pursuing our passion, even if it's a side project
or solo traveling, because we don't feel like we can
trust ourselves to figure things out that we don't yet
know and be adaptable. So when it comes down to it,
we can see that this actually filters into every element
(14:36):
of our lives, and it might be why it might
be at the route actually of a lot of our indecisiveness,
our stagnation, our fear. Think about just for a second,
how many situations come up for us nearly every day
in our twenties and beyond really that require a baseline
of self trust to accomplish. And I mean give you
(14:57):
a little list here. Choosing a major at university or
college or a career asking for a promotion, setting boundaries,
standing up for yourself, making big purchases or saving or investing,
trusting that you know what's best for your body and
your health, making risky decisions, even deciding what's worth your energy.
(15:21):
That or all of those decisions require you to be
able to look in the mirror and say, hey, you
might not know all the answers, but I trust that
you're going to figure it out, so do what feels best.
I trust you. Fomo is another one actually that just
came to the top of my mind just then. Fomo
comes into this big time. If you don't have self trust,
you may be more easily convinced that you have to
(15:44):
be where everyone else is doing what they are, even
when that might not suit you, because you don't feel
confident or safe in your own choices or your own company.
So we say self trust, and we think it's a
small thing, but it really does touch our lives in
a much deeper way. And there's actually a theory in
psychology called trust theory, which says that trusting ourselves is
(16:08):
what allows us to trust others, our friends, our family,
our colleagues, and that is a prerequisite for so many
other things trust. I don't know. I really don't know
why it doesn't get more attention. It's so important to
be a well functioning human. And a really great study
that talks about this was published in twenty twelve from
(16:30):
Huntington University in the US, and it talks about the
correlation between self esteem, loneliness, and self trust, and they
found that when you are low on self trust, you
also experience loneliness more intensely, your self esteem is lower,
and you feel more anxious about your relationships. This was
(16:50):
totally me, maybe like six or seven years back. I
was in the pit of this. I had absolutely no
trusted myself. I was so doubtful of every single thing
I did, and I kind of approached relationships friendships in
particular kind of like a little injured bird, being like,
(17:11):
please like me, and if you don't like me, don't worry,
I'll change for you. Like I have no strong self
concept because I don't know who I am and I
don't trust myself to figure it out. So I was
very like bendable and easily manipulated by friendships because I
really did not believe that I knew what was best
for me, and I did not believe that I could
(17:32):
feel like I was okay without someone else telling me
that I was okay. So there's a little personal story
for you. However, you know, if our theme this year
is to reverse our lack of self trust, we probably
you know, you firstly really need to know what damage
is it in the first place, and then how to
really you know, undo those interactions, those emotional interactions, the
(17:58):
emotional trauma that has caused you to really have a
lot of self doubt. So I'm going to take a
quick pause, and then when we return, I want to
talk about the roots about lack of self trust and
how to rebuild it after this shortbreak. So, the theory
(18:19):
with self trust goes that we are all born with
an internal compass, and this internal emotional compass is really
what allows us to direct our life by following our north.
And our north is something that really develops as children
and then into our teenage years, and it's basically our purpose,
what we want from life, our values, our truth. Along
(18:42):
the way, though, the compass is really thrown off by
things like excessive criticism from family, from friends, from people
in general, overbearing parental pressure as well, especially you know
when our parents don't allow us to be individuals, and
they keep us emotionally and physically dependent on them by
making all our choices for us or shaming us for
(19:04):
doing something counter to what they want. Self trust is
also damaged by internal patterns like people pleasing a fear
of failure perfectionism, essentially meaning that we don't really feel
like we can meet our own standards, or that letting
ourselves be in control of our lives could mean that
we would make major mistakes. I also want to talk
(19:24):
about the influence of past relationship betrayal and you know,
separately ignoring our intuition, and how those two sometimes come together.
So past relationship trauma and betrayal can significantly harm our
sense of self trust because these experiences often disrupt our
ability to accurately interpret and rely on our judgments and instincts.
(19:49):
You know, gas lighting is a big component of this.
But when someone we trusted deceives or hurts us, it
creates a real deep sense of confusion and self blame,
and it leads us to really question our ability to
discern red flags, to make safe choices, to protect ourselves emotionally,
(20:09):
big caveat here, None of this is actually our fault,
literally not a single part, but this external erosion of
trust in others makes us believe that it is. It
makes us very hypervigilant, It makes us doubtful of our
own perceptions. You know. It's honestly, one of the craziest
things to me in my mind is that love is
such a beautiful thing that when it is used cruelly
(20:33):
and when it is turned sour, how much it can
hurt someone. And that is really what betrayal does. And
it doesn't just hurt our heart, it hurts our entire
perception of self, and that betrayal often triggers feelings of shame, worthlessness, inadequacy,
and that further distances us from the confidence we need
to trust our own decisions. Over time as well, repeated
(20:57):
relational trauma can really embed within us a belief that
we are incapable of navigating relationships effectively, and that perpetuates
the cycle of self doubt and a fear of vulnerability
as well. So, if you're really struggling to trust yourself,
sometimes the origin of that is really in a past
relationship where of course you were made to feel like
(21:20):
you know, of course I can't trust myself because look
at how this turned out. This person has just treated
me so poorly that I have no sense of self anymore.
It's a really big contributor. Ignoring our intuition is another
component of this. And that's not necessarily ignoring our intuition
in a relationship, but in everyday situations that also a
(21:41):
roade self trust. I read this really beautiful quote. Intuition
is our birthright as humans. It comes with our DNA,
it comes with our blueprint. And a twenty sixteen study
really showed that, and it showed that when you and
I have got instincts about something, it's actually because because
our brains are processing a lot more information subconsciously than
(22:04):
we can think about consciously. So when, for example, you
have a gut feeling you know, you meet someone, you're like,
I don't think you're a nice person. I think you're
a bad egg. Or you're in this situation, you get
that sudden feeling of like I shouldn't be here. I
shouldn't be here, something about this is wrong. I need
to go. That is something that oftentimes you really should trust. However,
(22:28):
when you continuously ignore that intuition, you tell your brain
that what it's doing isn't useful, and how you perceive
the world is wrong. Anxiety also comes into play here. Obviously,
anxiety is the opposite of trust, and so anxiety really
messes with our intuition. It says, Wit, you should be
scared right now. You should be scared right now, and
(22:49):
you know, the more rational part of your brain is like,
there's nothing to be scared of. I trust myself, like
this is so fine, but your brain's like no, no, no,
be anxious, be anxious, be anxious. It's messing with your intuition.
Anxiety opposite of self trust. Intuition huge important part of
self trust. So over time this can lead to self doubt,
second guessing, and an inability to really confidently make decisions.
(23:13):
So psychologically, this disconnection fosters a lot of confusion and
we become less attuned to our instincts but also our needs,
so repeatedly silencing our intuition. It can also diminish our
self efficacy, and that is our belief in our ability
to handle challenges or to create the outcome that we want,
(23:38):
and that's really critical for personal growth and resilience. You
need self efficacy if you want to do anything, if
you want to run a marathon, if you want to
finish a really huge personal project, anything any change in
your lifestyle, you actually have to believe that you are
able to do something and able to achieve what you
(23:58):
set your mind to. But if you lack self trust,
of course you're not going to be able to believe that.
And if your intuition is off, if you keep ignoring
the signs that you should be doing something, that this
is your calling or that you can do it, or
ignoring your intuition saying go this way, go that way,
(24:18):
all of this is really really connected. I hope that's
been persuasive for you, but and I hope you understand
that relationship better now. If you are struggling with self trust,
I really think that it's probably something that has been
diminished slowly over time until you are at a point
now where instinct, intuition, confidence, self efficacy, they have all
(24:41):
been replaced with doubt. So that being said, going into
twenty twenty five, how can we reverse some of these
processes and really reclaim our intuition and our self assurance.
If this is the year for trusting yourself, I think
that firstly, you really are going to have to prove
it to yourself, prove that you can, and that's going
(25:02):
to require some experimentation, some trial and error, and pushing
yourself into a place of discomfort, not into a place
of danger, but into a place where you can truly grow.
I really believe this self trust is actually a skill.
It's a muscle that can be built with practice and
commitment to almost a routine. And the routine I'm talking
(25:24):
about is an emotional routine, is a psychological routine. It
involves taking chances that feel big and important and showing
yourself that, like the outcome that you want is what
will come from this. So how do I want you
to practice proving to yourself that you can trust yourself?
I want you to start saying yes to things that
(25:45):
you might not quite feel ready to do instead of
waiting for the perfect time, because the perfect time is
a fallacy. It never actually comes. And what I still
want you to see is, you know, win or fail,
win or lose, success or failure, whatever it is, you
are still going to be okay. You will still survive
(26:06):
every single time, even if things aren't perfect. So let
me give you some examples of how we can practice this.
In twenty twenty five. How we can make self trust
part of our routine, so a big one and every
single one of us can do this is to go
to things alone, even if you're scared, or even if
it could be a disaster. So you get invited to
(26:28):
a party, go by yourself. You really want to go
to an event you don't know anyone, go by yourself.
There's a movie that no one else wants to see
with you, go by yourself. Go out for dinner by yourself.
There's a lot of fear around that sometimes, especially if
you're someone who is quite socially anxious, like myself, there's
a lot of fear. Am I going to be able
to handle this? What if someone looks at me the
(26:49):
wrong way? What if someone judges me? Doesn't matter? You
trust yourself. This is your year for trusting yourself, and
someone who trusts themselves would be okay with going into
that situation not knowing what other people are thinking, not
knowing how it's going to work out, knowing that they're
still going to have fun and get what they want
out of it by being alone. Another way that you
(27:12):
can really make self trust part of your routine is
to confront a big fear that you have this year.
It could be of public speaking, of traveling alone, going
on a blind date, of flying, of being embarrassed, of
going to the gym. What is the fear that you
have in your mind right now? Just think about it
really quickly. That is holding you back. So you really
(27:35):
don't know how you react and how brave and strong
you can be until you face a fear and you
see how your reaction will surprise you. The anxiety that
we feel in regards to a big fear is normally
actually anticipation, and then when you get there, when you
(27:57):
get into the moment of your fear, yes it might
be uncomfortable, yes it might not go your way, but
actually a lot of our anxiety tends to fade and
the adrenaline takes over and you get to see yourself adapt.
You get to see yourself in all of your glory,
face a fear and come out of it. And what
(28:19):
that really requires is also leaving room for the mess
of trusting yourself. Now, this is really this is a
really important component. And I have to thank an article
from Well and Good for this, and they interviewed a
really amazing author called Liz Moody who wrote the book
One Hundred Ways to Change Your Life. Really good book,
also amazing. It's on like probably one of my top
(28:39):
ten books. And she made this incredible point about self trust.
She said, doing what you think is right for you
isn't always going to be a clean process. In learning
to trust yourself, you will make painful mistakes. You will
have to give up on things, you will have to
let things go. But as you learn disappointing people, closing
(29:02):
certain chapters of your life, making mistakes, you realize that
those are all important parts of trusting yourself. And sometimes
that might feel like a really big loss to bear. Right.
Sometimes you might be like, ah, I really don't have
it in me right now to experience failure or to
lose a friendship or to stand up for myself. That's
a totally normal reaction. But you will never build self
(29:23):
trust if you don't just try, step by step, maybe
steps at a time, to encounter situations where you don't
know how things are going to go, where there is
fear there and choose trust over doubt. The more risks
you take in service of trusting yourself, the more reinforcement
you'll get as well, and the more that you'll realize
that this is an exercise that it's worthwhile. So even
(29:45):
when the decisions don't always work out, it's still actually
a really valuable exercise. It's basically building an internal sense
of like okayness, like this is going to be fine.
And this really brings me to my next point, which
is intuition, which is too really examine when your intuition
is that instinct and when it is anxiety, when is
(30:06):
it actually not intuition but it's just fear. So I
think that a really great way to think about intuition
is that intuition isn't just something that is in us
to avoid things. It's not just an avoidance technique. Intuition
is also something that guides us to abundance. So all
of us have this intuition somewherey on us that we
(30:28):
should be doing something, that there is something calling us,
that there is a purpose that we have, that we
should be volunteering more, we should be creating more, we
should be writing more, we should be saying yes to
more things. Intuition comes in that form as well. It's
guiding you to something that's important for who you are.
Don't ignore it, don't listen to the anxious thought that's
(30:51):
giving you a reason to doubt your positive intuition, And
with your negative intuition, test and see what times is
that just anxiety, and what times is it actually it
got instinct? When could I have pushed forward a little
bit and really got to the bottom of whether this
was my intuition telling me what to do or whether
(31:14):
it was just fear. That's a really important challenge, and
I would also challenge you to start reconsidering your need
for the approval of others or the validation of your choices.
So if you have a positive intuition or a positive
got instinct towards a decision telling you to do something,
telling you to make a big change, to move somewhere,
(31:34):
to create something, to dump someone, whatever it is, I
don't think that you need others to tell you that
you're right, because chances are that if you have that feeling,
you already know that this is what you should be doing.
And sometimes we bury ourselves again in getting as many
of the opinions of others and the advice from others.
(31:54):
We do that because we don't want to make a decision.
But if you're gout instinct to saying this is something
that's really calling me. You've got to do it. Also,
these people who give you their advice, right, they're not
the ones who have to encounter the decision right. They
don't actually have to pull the trigger the way that
you do. They also probably aren't as invested in this
as you are. They probably don't know you as well
(32:15):
as you know yourself. They might believe they know what's
best for you, but you actually know what's best for you.
That's part of self trust. So what that involves is, yes,
making decisions without getting a million pieces of advice from
everyone from your best friend to your neighbor to some stranger, like,
just do what feels best for you, but also just
(32:37):
slowly testing that by wearing outfits without you know, asking
if your friends like them, buying the things that you
want to buy without asking someone else whether it looks cute,
making career choices without first needing to ask everyone whether
it's a good idea. Obviously, we all love feedback, but
when you're going after excessive feedback, it can also be
a form of avoidance. Avoidance is not self trust, and
(33:01):
that is our year. Our year is for self trust.
So twenty twenty five In summary, your theme is your
year for trusting yourself, and what that really means is
releasing the need for external validation, tapping into your positive
intuition that is telling you this is where you need
to be, This is where you need to go, knowing
that you can survive being uncomfortable, knowing that you can
(33:24):
survive being uncertain and just seriously living for you. It's
a new year, it's a blank page, it's a fresh start.
And I know that's rather arbitrary, but sometimes we need
the arbitrary idea of a new chapter to really commit
to a new mindset and unnune lifestyle. And I hope
that this is one that really resonates with you. If
(33:44):
your year for fully trusting yourself is not the theme
that suits you, I really also employ you to come
up with your own. It could be your year for
self discipline. It could be your year for taking risks
if that wasn't the one that you took on last year.
It could be your year for gratitude. It could be
your ye for saying yes. It could be your year
for eliminating people pleasing. What is your theme and how
(34:06):
does it touch every area of your life? Write it
on a piece of paper, Write it real big, Have
it on your desk, have it in your car, have
it at your place of work, anywhere on your mirror
so that you can fully embrace how a theme will
touch every single part of your year. Thank you so
much for listening, and thank you so much for your
support in twenty twenty four. Twenty twenty five is about
(34:30):
to be a wild year. I can't wait to meet
more of you, speak to you, hear your journeys. I
just that's like my favorite part about this. You guys
just inspire me so much, So I can't wait for
more of that. I can't wait for you guys to
read my book, can't wait for more episodes. And also
next episode, I have a big surprise, huge surprise. So
(34:53):
if you have made it this far, I really want
you to tune in because it's it's just like the
craziest thing of ever. As always, if you enjoyed this episode,
make sure that you are following along on Spotify or
Apple podcasts, wherever you are listening. It's a new year,
so maybe think about leaving us a five star review
so more people can find us in twenty twenty five.
(35:14):
Of course, only if you feel cool to do so,
but we really do appreciate it. Share this episode on Instagram,
Share it with your friends, share it with your partner,
Share it with someone else who you think really needs
to begin trusting themselves, whoever that may be. And until
next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself,
and we will talk very very soon. Happy New Year,
Host
Jemma Sbeghen
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.